Watch What Crappens - Welcome to Crappie Lake: Going Down in the Mud

Episode Date: July 21, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Welcome to Crappie Lake puts Lu and Sonja in the mud, but all they can think about is rolling around in the hay. This week's bonus is a shopping field trip on Amazon Prime Day. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've been so much for being here. Hello everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens. A podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Yale bros. I'm Ronnie, thanks so much for being here. Good to be here everybody. Please welcome the gorgeous, the talented, the thin, the rich, the, um, hard, hard muscular, Ben Mandelker. Hi Ben. I wish. Oh god, I want to be a hard muscular.

I'm working at it. I'm working at it. Going back to the gym, trying to be, I try to just get to the, get nice, nice body like Mr. Billy Rechard. Oh yeah, little Billy. I just want someone to look at me like Billy looks at monster trucks. Everybody, welcome to the show. So glad to be here. Today is a recap of episode three of Crapid Lake. Okay. With Sonia and Luan. As usual, you can watch this on video.

If you want, we're doing it. We're on video right now. Go to Crapids on demand at Patreon. Just go to Patreon. Look for us. Okay. Google us there. Google, right there.

Crapids. We're there. Videos, same day as the audio goes up, same up same second otherwise you can watch these all free on YouTube We're also both on social media tick-tock Instagram, etc. As well as watch what's what crap ins follow us everywhere I just came out with a new thing. I'm doing called what is it called oh? It's called gay of judgment and it's where I go to stores and judge things and today is a Oh, it's called Gay of Judgment. And it's where I go to stores and judge things.

And today is a consignment store. And I did home goods last week or the week before something. And then I'm doing these judgment of magazine racks as well. I'm going through magazines and I'm gonna do a special shark week one next week that SuperFinds a good show on my TikTok. Gay of Judgment, I love that. Nice wordplay.

Isn't that cute? I thought you would like that. Yeah. I also would have accepted T2 What was it T2 Oh was it T2 judgment gay no T2 a day of judgment Oh, T2's that's funny. It would have been funny if I actually remember T2's thing beforehand You know judgment and then I have one called Nice Rack, and that's the magazines. And then, you know, could all cook and with Nancy.

Okay, so anyway, join us on those. We're having fun. I mean, I'm having fun. Yeah. Why do you do anything serious in life? Okay, just play around on the TikTok. I've done four TikToks. There's four TikToks.

Yeah, I've done four TikToks. Great. I've done four TikToks. I've done four TikToks. Great, I mean, three of them have like about 500 views, really killing it. One of them is, slowly, it's approaching 4,000 views. So that's my version of viral on TikTok because I have no TikTok presence, but I don't go viral on there either.

I think you have to work at it for a long time. And then today I posted one on Instagram as well as TikTok. And it's, you know, of course, there's more people over there that know me. So that's going a lot better. But I'm still going to keep drawing TikTok only because it bothers my niece. Who's a teenager.

And it's like, really? Do I need my parents and my uncle and everybody on TikTok now? Yeah, I need to find my TikTok groove. I have to start trying to find it because I've only done four of them, but I don't know, I'm not gonna be putting up like food things, I'm just gonna put up random things.

And the funny thing is that since Ron and I are such like, we're connected at this point by the brain, that like there've been a few times where I thought like, you know, it'd be fun if I like, I had a moment last week when I was like, I was walking through Target and I was like, I should do a Target thing where I go through and I do this or that, whatever. And then you posted a thing where you were in Marshalls or whatever.

And I was like, well, I don't want to do what Ronnie just did. But I was like, that's so funny that our brains just go to the same place. I did a cooking thing less than 24 hours after you did not know that you did a cooking thing. So you know what, that's just how good. What do you only do? We're briefed. We're briefed. I was literally just going to go through Target and be like, it's giving, like, it's giving,

I don't know, I'm not even going to say what the pitch was. The point is I abandoned it and I have to figure out what my tech talk's going to be and I don't know what they're going to be, but you know, working progress, I'm just going to work it seriously. Just go have fun. It's just fine, guys. It's not serious. Yeah. I'm just gonna have fun. It's just fine guys. It's not serious. Yeah.

Coming us any money. The fun. We just, yeah, I will have fun. You know, I think I'm gonna do another, maybe I'll do another thing with a shoe filter when I acted like a shoe. I don't even remember why did I act like a shoe on the watcher crap and TikTok? You were a shoe that somebody threw an assistant through a shoe at somebody's head and you were the shoe. I was the shoe. Someone talked about an assistant

to bring the shoe down and you played the shoe. I was the shoe. My name was Elizabeth. Anyway, we're here to talk about crappy lake today. As you mentioned, episode three, loving the show now. Full convert. I'm cracking up. I'm deeply amused by it. I'm so into it. Yeah, I'm really enjoying it too. It's a real fun one to recap. I am so sad we're not recapping project runway not to bring it down, but that is really good. And I encourage anybody who needs a good show to watch Project Runway. We're not recapping, we're still not recapping it, but it is so good. Go watch it.

Okay, so now, crappy lake, here we are, time to put your money where your mouth is and get these jobs done. Okay, so this is episode 103, and it's just a bunch of random stuff that is being thrown at them by Mayor. The Mayor, I assume you call it, Sam. Mayor Bill.

Yeah. Mayor Fred, actually. I'm sure there's a mayor bill at the next town over who also has a few things for them to take care of. County Commissioner Fred or something. Yeah, so they're at the Motel, the Shits Creek Motel, and the way I knocked on the song, he was like, good morning.

Oh, look at you, you look like a million dollars. How's your night with Billy? She's like, oh, I gotta tell you this guy. Oh, she gets to do you have sex and she says, did I ever? He even left even money on the ground, look at that. And there's four quarters on the ground. And when he goes, oh my God, well, for four quarters,

I'm sure he was happy to give you a tip. Uh, and they're cackling and that's not that, Lou Ann. Oh my god, well before a quarter is I'm sure he was happy to give you a tip And they're cackling and that's not that Luan And so Sunni is like I can't even talk usually I'm tapping for more about this guy was just again again, again, again, again, again. She's like, I got all my pots cleaned. I don't know what that means. No pipes. Oh pipes. Okay, but I can also imagine her saying

she eats her pots clean too. Listen. So if she got her pots cleaned, I would be like, that is hot. Cause this I was like, this isn't hot. This is just like, I don't know. It's not, I'm glad she got laid and everything. I'm proud of her.

I'm happy for her, but it wasn't hot. You know what I mean? It was weird. Odd choice. It was odd all around. But if he cleaned her pots, I'd be like, yeah, I forgot about one hour. You found a pot cleaner?

That's my kind of porn right there. Well, I could see you were all in, Tim. So I was like, I'm gonna let you have this one. So I was like, oh yeah, okay, thanks, Luke. That's why he was stuck to me all night, like, why don't I? I didn't see him as Luanne. Like, hey, do you want to ride home? No, he just took my arm.

And he was like, I'll give you a ride back. And then we see a flashback if I'm just standing there. Or grabbing him and be like, okay, you're coming home with me. Come on, Richard. And that is Luanne's thing. She has no girl code. She still doesn't. All these years later She's not learned her lesson about girl code despite having a song about it. Yeah, so

Luanne the little hand finds his card his card is still there. She's re-shard. Is it re-shard or Richard? Richard's who the hell is Richard? Oh re-shard re-shard services. Oh, see the keyword here is service. Ha! We the smile. And you're looking like you're smiling from ear to ear. I love that you got laid. I mean, I'm not jealous at all. I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous at all that that young fireman chose to fabricate an emergency to get away from me. Not jealous at all.

You have Billy, the crawfish digger-upper from Louisiana. Great. I'm so happy for you. And so, son, you jump on her on the bed and start dumping her and we just hear So then we see tractors traffic the motel traffic circle which apparently some people call around about okay We've learned last time I said the words traffic circles. Sorry everybody

That was a very roundabout way of apologizing. Yeah. So getting my roundabout apology, y'all can suck my roundabout. Yeah, how about that? Some people would even call it a rotary. How about that? Rotary traffic circle roundabout.

So, Lohann and Sonia are standing on, there's a grassy patch, it's like a lawn, and they're planning something, and I'm just laughing because we just come into the middle. We just, they've already been doing this, they're hatching some plan, and you just can tell it's ridiculous, because Louanne has her arms out,

like she's making like a V-shape with her arms, like, over here, we could do something over here. I'm like, I don't know what Louanne is planning, she's never like a V shape with her arms. Like, over here, we could do something over here. I'm like, I don't know what Luanne is planning. She's never planned anything in her life, but she's decided to start now with a scratchy patch. She's like a couple of outdoors rugs to make it homey. A couple of couches on each side, a bar here. So everything focuses around the bar,

maybe even planters like Sandro Pay. We can make it like Sandro pay here by the roundabout of Bantinoa and Sonia is just writing with like a little, she has like a little notebook, she's writing things down. What are you saying? It's in French. Did you catch what it is? I saw that it said something, but I didn't write it down.

I forgot to. I was counting on you. I don't know from... Sorry. Like and go back and look. So she's telling us, well, where we come from? Sonia and I. You don't know from sorry. Like and go back and look. So she's telling us, well, where we come from. Sonia and I you both come from lower class, if I can upstate some place. Okay. What are you pretending that you were born in a

Chanel store in Paris? Being bored in the south of France next to Central Bay, we understand how to turn any sort of lawn into Nikki Beach. Huh! So yeah, she's like, well, where Sonia and I come from? A civilized place with wealthy people who have other teeth. In a happy hour, people generally go home and take a shower and get dressed, maybe write a cap or a song, and then go out. But here they get together after work and they hang out and drink beer and grill whatever meats they have in the back of their truck. meets they have in the back of their truck. Never meet them in the back of their truck. What?

And she's like, well, it's certainly not that happy hour we're used to. But, you know, one of the things on the mayor's list is to get more tourism so we can elevate this. We'll call it crappy hour. Listen, this show needs to back the fuck off of our brand. I know. Like, first it was cute. I'll talk about it so cute, because there is a town called, you know, with crappy lake and everything.

I get it, but you're encroaching at this point, you know? And if you have a crap by crap west, I'm suing you. And if you give crappy awards or throw some kind of award show called The Golden Crappies, I will sue you, Okay, that is intellectual property But that being said if anyone were to steal our our brand

I would be so honored if it were Sonia and the wind no they need to pay for something those two are fucking free loaders and everybody knows it Okay, I'd rather I'd rather it be them then to residue dies or like, I don't know, Kenya. I'd be like, you stole from us, but at least we got stolen by some icons. Although, yeah, we can't do that because we never searched crappy before. You know, so we lost the first time I did search it was like, what the fuck is this? Because I actually searched, I was doing something for the crappy awards.

And I was like, I'm just gonna search golden crappy and see if there is a golden poop emoji or something. And guess what popped up? Fucking fish from this crappy lake called the golden crappy. Well, I think it'd be outrageous. If someone stole the branded content of Watch what crap ends. I mean watch what crap. You imagine could you imagine if someone stole the watch what crap ends original content name original name sounds like nothing else. No, we would ever get it confused with anything else a wholly original concept. Yeah, so

So they're still planning this Santa Pay experience on the traffic median. And so he's like, oh, and here we could do a fire pit. We could do a fire pit right here. Oh, wait, hold on one second. I'm getting a phone call, hold on one second. So she gets this phone call, she puts on speaker, and she's like, this guy's like, hi, is this, is this Sonia?

This is Craig Miles on the public works director for the city of Benton. The wind just comes over and goes, hi! Well, Sonia's doing this weird thing, like she's trying to piss him off on purpose because Craig is the one that hates him. Like he's the one that's really negative about them. He's like, oh, two girls from New York City,

what the hell, they're gonna be stupid. And so she knows, so she's trying to trigger him. So he's like, this is Craig Miles, just say it again. Lou didn't listen. He's like, well, I'm Craig Miles from public city. I'll let him talk for a minute, Lou. Could you say that again, person on the phone? He's like, the mayor asked me to call you.

Hi, Craig, I'm Lou Ann. Hi, hi, Lou Ann here. I Craig, I'm Luanne. Hi, hi Luanne here. I can't sign autographs through the phone, but if you come to a patch of grass at one, two, three main street, we'll be right here for you. Let him talk, Lou. Are you talking about the mayor? That's, he's not the mayor.

He's a V mayor. Ha ha ha. Sorry, I can't hear you. Were you trying to pitch a cabaret song or you trying to be in cabaret in friends? I'm sorry, what's your name again? Craig. Hi, Craig.

So he's like, well, we're doing a park and a playground here in town. Oh, we heard that. We're so ready for that. We are ready. Yeah, and by the way, I loved your work on emptiness. It's not park overall. Okay, you got to listen to the man.

He's saying he wants us to build a park. So he's like, you know, I'm just basically down here at the side. If you want to calm down, Craig, don't pretend like making plans in advance isn't a thing invented. What do you call when you're already there? Maybe call them the day before. Let's get it in the eye, Cal Craig. Okay. He's like, he's like, now I don't know much about you, ladies, but from what I've seen on TV I just kind of imagine you're probably standing around a patch of grass pretending at Santa Pay So if you're doing that just munch come down to this park instead. No, we're absolutely not doing that. We're Okay, we'll be there. We'll be there. So I'm just like, okay, well, we're actually gonna finish measuring our own little park here

Okay, Lute is f fence is 37 Dildos long. Did you write that down? And then the way I look at the tree is like, you know what? Maybe some string lights. String lights would be good here. Fabulous in the tree. It's a great tree for string lights. Oh, Sandra Bay all night long. I know it's also a good tree for sing lights. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. So, Sonia is like, well, the mayor gave us all these ideas, but I didn't know as an actual list of things that we had to do, like, these are commandments.

I mean, jeez, we've already got one talking bush around here. Am I right? Be quiet, girl. You've been fed More like burning son you're Rita so Technically, okay, that was in your chapter too, so you should know So they get into the truck and when I was like do your phone and she's like well, of course Why would I not have my phone? Oh because I don't have mine. I don't need it I mean why do I need my phone at the park is ridiculous. I'll just be sitting there answering phone call after phone call of

Fan just trying to get in touch with me just trying to hear my voice Says every person who's gone missing ever to like wait a minute Why would that be their phone at home when they were about to go on a hike? It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So then they're driving around and Sonny wants to stop at the dairy queen and lose like more like salon bliss. I was thinking am I right? Hey, wait. Greg had a sexy voice, didn't he? Maybe we're going to be building more than a playground. I'm about. What does that even mean? I get the're trying to give us like totally horny at all times, but she's like doing she's

doing her like worth some anthem impersonation like it literally like doesn't make any sense. We're gonna build more than a playground. We're gonna build a playground that parking lot. Yeah, she's just so horny that literally any man's voice is like getting her going at this point. So they turned down this dirt road and Sony was like, Oh, is this the park here? And she's like, Oh, it's nice and hidden. So this neighborhood needs a park and a paint job and maybe some garbage pickups. And he's a lot. It's made red means a lot of life.

They're starting with a slide. Yeah, so there's trash everywhere and they meet Craig Miles and this is where we see a flashback of Craig saying, Spooled Rich Girls from New York City, it's gonna be a long five weeks. So there's this horrific lot and Craig's like,

well, there's a lot of kids around here and the man goes, oh, that's awesome, which is the man. It's just like, I'm down. I love children. I have a very maternal instinct. Like the time I would have Taco Tuesday and my son, Noel, would show up

from his breakdancing lessons and eat a taco and then I wouldn't see him for three more weeks. I love kids. Oh, we love children until they sue you for your home. All right. Until they try to block hate you from buying a roundhouse. God, I'm horny. So son, you're like, um,

we're gonna monkey bars and one of those round spinny things. One of those and docs and chickens to go like that. Yes. She starts like pumping the air. Pumping the air. Yes, we've done black runs for our own kids. You know, my playgrounds, I mean, I threw $50 at the maid and told her to take no lot to Central Park, but that's a playground basically.

Does he still be my playground? With that in the show. Both shows, both the Follies and Cabaret and friends. Follies and Borei. We're calling it. So she's like, wow, while I hear that we need to keep this part going, eh? So Craig's like, well, the mayor is kind of coming on you guys to pick something out for us. She goes, yeah, but I hear it's been a long time coming. Guess who hasn't been a long time coming? Me. Well, don't you worry, little man. We have some friends and we have some connections and we can help you out with a playground. Now, let me ask you this. Are you open to some

monkey bars that are made out of skinny girl margarita bottles? Because I think we can arrange for that. Listen, we've got friends, money, and we can help with the cost. I was given a yacht once, you know, to have an engagement party. Would you be averse to marrying a bald man named Tom for a few months? Would you be okay with having some Zaryn Fabric stretched in the shape of a slide? You got connections. So, some of these things like, we're good at getting money. That's how we roll. And she goes, Craig made it clear, this is about money.

Okay, so you're not asking them to build you a park. You're just asking them to pay for a bunch of shit and put a park in a place. You don't even, you didn't even move the lawn in the place. Prepare to park, Craig. And Craig acts like he's all professional and bitchy about everything. You're not professional just because you're wearing

30 logos of the community, whatever center that you are. What does he work for the pipe center or whether he's like, he's got a hat that says pipes. He's got another thing down here that says pipes. There's a lot of branding going on in Benton. He is, um, he's like bringing logo mania to Illinois. So, um, well, So something is doing it.

I, you know who I think is doing their logos over there? The girl that we meet later, who owns the Bliss Cafe or whatever it's called. The lady in the 50s dress, the Polkadot dress. Yeah. I think she learned something on Photoshop or she got Canva or something because there's branding ever.

Did you notice that Benton has its own branding? It's like this beat with a circle around it, like an oval around it. Wow. Everywhere. Yeah, they, yeah, exactly the United color of Benton. So, it's all about stealing branding. Hello.

So, Sonia's like, you know, Craig has let us know upfront that this is about money Okay, so we just have to call in all our chips. Okay, hold on one second. Hello. Hi, Durinda I think I left my pringles at your place. Yeah, I'm just calling it back in to Ventant. Thanks You should say who like fucking this time to get what I need but now everyone's married here So we have to reach out a little further Listen, I always say your legs can always spread one inch farther. So Craig is like, all right, we'll want you to clear some vines out.

I'm going to show you how to use a backhoe. And then while he's saying this, so I'm just like, oh, wait, wait, we're doing a show. I want you to. So maybe you have, we're doing sort of like a variety show. And we're going to go, follies. The man loves the follies brand. He keeps on insisting that's never saved variety show. It's the Fall is, the Benton Fall is.

So she lifts her skirt and starts shaking it around. He's like, oh my god, Jesus Christ. Well, it doesn't have to be Lewand on off Broadway or me on off Broadway, am I right? I'm not sure why you're saying on and off at the same time. It says switch. What is this? You talking about?

I mean, well, we're on it. We're on off. We're on off. Yeah. Yeah. And the way I'm so disinterested in finding out what Craig's talent is that she just picks up some sort of, it's like a pole with a little motor on it, whatever they're using.

And she starts doing like devil sticks with it or whatever with her hands. She just like walks away and it'sitting in her hands like, oh look at this, I think we found our act two 11 o'clock number right here. So Craig's like, oh I don't got no talents, maybe it's rodeo clan or talent, and he's like, excuse me, is like you actually put a hat on? And he goes, yeah, like a hat and makeup on my rodeo clan on the weekends. Or a bullfighter's what we call him, really.

And then we see him in a pen, okay, surrounded by men and cowboy hats, the dirt, with a bull attacking him. You know, like, you know, he's the real deal. I grew up with this shit. This guy's for real. And it says, ding arrow pointing Craig on the weekends, you know. Yeah.

And he shows off a fresh hole in his stomach where he was gouged by the bowl. Wow. You know, that's not only a talent. It's also on my bucket list, the fuck a radio clown. You're in. Although I do also have a hole in my stomach, but not to compete with you or anything, but Billy stole one of the forks from the bar. Making out.

So I figured it was just his kink. So she goes, so, okay. or anything, but Billy stole one of the forks from the bar. We're making out. I figured it was just his kink. So she goes, okay, let me think about this. If you do the bullfight, then we can do that on stage, right? And Luanne now is like finished with her devil's take. She's been devil's taking away. She dropped it, and then she was like horrified that she dropped it. Well, I can't believe I just dropped it.

That doesn't normally happen. So now she's like all of a sudden back and she goes wait a second on stage A bullfight on stage. Just no no we're talking about this we're talking about the stage and he said he can't do a stage Wait you want to put a live bull into the follies into the follies Well, where does that go after the tribute to Saul or before the boy on the unicycle? Hey, such a mouth and listen for the boy on the unicycle. Pays, shut your mouth and listen. So shake a rodeo cloud, sounds like a challenge to me,

and we're looking for talent. So she's, then Sonia starts like rolling around on the grass and doing cartwheels and crying. She's like, what? He's being one over though. And I also noticed that Craig might have penciled in eyebrows. There's something a little set. There's something a little like weekend rodeo clown boys town to me going on here. And I'm starting to like I think that's why Craig was like resisting,

you know, he's being pulled towards the light. The millions of light of the disco bar. And he says, well, he's definitely, Craig is definitely the guy in person like me, the desert, who like falls for a turn stamp. So, he just pulled slowly towards the light. Yeah, so Craig is like, I think they're going to be clueless about what it takes to build a playground, especially where they're from. Don't act like everyone knows how to build a playground. Like it's just a neat thing. And then if you're like from the city,

it's just like you're out of touch with your, well, your what should be part of the American experience of knowing how to build a playground. I guarantee that like, I would say 80% of people in the world do not know how to build a playground. I think that's a fair statement. Yeah, I've lived in big cities. My go to playgrounds, planning to buy drugs, okay. Okay, this is my back drop for all of us.

It's not just your part of the country, Craig. And he's like, speaking of Clueless, I'm never gonna watch that movie no matter how much it comes up on my recommended Q1. No. Yes. Despite the fact that I may have bought Alicia Silverstone's autobiography.

Still, I will never watch that. It was just on project runway. Isn't that crazy? You guys are talking to a full project runway circle. By the way, you know who must be still on the Cloud 9, Jenny Carth. Jenny Carth getting a call to be on project runway out of nowhere. Jenny Carth was probably in Sherman Oaks,

was waiting in line at Sweet Butter, and then all of a sudden was like, what, they want me to be on Project Runway? I mean, that, and she was great, and she looked great. Yeah, well, she's beautiful, and she was so sweet, nice. Also, to be like on a show where they're just gonna, it's like your Jenny Garth has been a while, you know, and everyone's like, oh my God, everyone,

Icon, Jenny Garth has been a while, you know, and everyone's like, oh my god everyone icon Jenny Garth. Yeah, you just welcome the iconic Jenny Garth. Yeah, like that's major like I was actually genuinely happy for her, you know So yeah, I didn't care. I was like wow, that's a busy day in Jenny's life. So Then we go later in the car. So I'm just like, I'm taking off my makeup. I wanna look natural, because this guy's a little younger, so I wanna look younger for this guy. Wait, but before, before she takes off her makeup, Luean's like, oh my god, you have shit on your sneaker.

What the, that's, is that, is that what smells in here? You got, you got poop on your shoe, and she's like, oh yeah, yeah, I got poop on my shoe because apparently when she rolled around on the grass, she rolled around and poop. And she not only got it on her shoes, she got it all over her socks. So now it's on the seats. It's on her. It's on her butt. It's everywhere.

She rolled around and poop. It's like you just hugged Ramona. So, what are you? Yes, she's taking off her makeup in the car and the wind's like, oh, well, you've got a little toy while you're here, huh? So, is he going to bring a friend for me? And she goes, oh, yeah, he said he's got a friend.

And she tells us, Billy invited us to go, money, and at this point, whatever Billy wants me to do, I'm going to do because I'm hooked on Billy like, dwinded with Chubby Dry Cleaner with Cut Stras and free tights. So they're driving on the way to go mudding and they drive by this lemonade stand. A very posh lemonade stand I want to say. You know, like to me, a lemonade stand is like a little table, like a fold-out table you get a target and like some cups and like one of those like, aren't coolers at best, okay?

Not Kristen. No, Kristen is not some casual ass lemonade stand thrower. Listen, Kristen went to UCLA and she met the lover of her life, Aala, the pioneer woman, and now she's in Benton and she's like, they can take the girl out of the city, but they can't take the city out of the girl. We are doing a professional lemonade sand. A Christian is living her best life. I don't know where she's shopping.

I don't know what the hell she's doing, but she is like in a different movie than everybody else. No, she is trapped. She's fabulous. She's got fabulous hair, perfectly tailored, beautiful clothes. I mean, I'm not sure she's like dressed from the 50s. Not sure where they got this lady, but I really like her. Yeah, she has been on a seven year request to make avocado toast, a thing in Benton. She's like, I'm almost

there. Just trying to win over Craig. But you know that there, you part of us knows that she's not doing it right. You know what I mean? You get there, you know, there's not a lot of, like there's some brown parts on it. And she's like, that's just, listen. I bought a two kids. I bought a avocado's a day for this restaurant and they've never been ordered before. What do you want from me?

Or she puts like, you order the avocado toast, but there's like a strange like strawberry medley on the side of it on the plate. I was like, no, those don't go together right. Guys, don't try to change avocado toast. There's no, we don't need a million variations. Put some fucking avocado in salt and a little lime, maybe. And some olive oil.

You know, like that's all you have to do, Kristen. Don't try to like, you're not gonna like start a new avocado toast trend, okay? Just, she might have though. Kristen could have, could have been like, you know what, we're out of mayo, but I have avocado. So here's a piece of toast with some avocado on it. And some tourists was like, hmm, writing it down into notebook.

Go to Harrison's sister. I was like, I mean, look, I mean, Caesar salad had similar humble beginnings to you want to really tell me the Caesar salad story, daddy. So a lot of people think Caesar salad is like an Italian thing, and that's not what you have to do with the Julius Caesar. No. It's a salad that a restaurant tour made in Tijuana, and his name is Caesar. And that is the Caesar salad. So it's not a Caesar salad. It's a sassar salad. It's a sassar salad. I love it! That is exactly a people really don't realize a seizure salad is like born into a wana. Ah, that is amazing.

It's not the coolest thing in like the 20s. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapence commercial. Okay, so they get to this lemonade stand and I can see why people aren't stopping, okay? And I'm not, you know, I'm not knocking anyone's kids. I mean, I would try to hit them if I were in that traffic circle. But by the way, you know that lemonade stand has been up for a week, you know? Everyone's like, we've had our lemonade.

We've had it, Kristen. Kristen, please, you need a new gig. Yeah, but they've got to, I can see when I was stopping because the kids are just, oh, their voices, right? LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I'll never tell Lemonade lemonade all good children deserve lemonade So Luang gets out and like short short shorts and spike teals. I'm like, oh, what are we doing here? We love children. We love lemonade try and take my roundhouse now you little bitch Ride me temple with the spiked heel. Are you familiar with Taco Tuesday? No. So, okay, all right. We'll have some lemonade and they're like, how much does it cost? Because we're on a limited budget. And they're like

donations only. Well, what are you donating to? Because, you know, this townhouse in New York City that needs some upkeep, if you know what I'm saying, it's for a homeless shelter. Okay, that's basically the same thing. I'll donate towards that. Could you donate maybe to an almost homeless shelter? I really use hot water for a month. So this was where me, Kristen Drew. She's like, hi, I'm Kristen.

And these are my children. And if you want to take any of them to the big city, please, you have my blessing. Yeah. And so I mean, it's like all of these are yours. Billy banged me in F and one night to make these kids 10 times over. Archie blessed. Archie blessed. So it's really so sweet in this town. I wonder how many times they had to like cut and say, guys, don't be mean. Or like, that could be considered mean, you know? Because they're really so nice. I actually agree.

I was gonna say that before though. What's surprising about the show is, like, especially with Sonya, I actually am not registering too much condescension. Like maybe Luan, because Luan's Luan, but even Luan, I think they're, they are, they're not, there's not a vibe of like, oh, look at you small little people necessarily.

There is some, obviously, but it's not like the simple life where it was like literally parasitic laughing in people's faces, you know? Yeah. And I think it's because these people come from humble beginnings too, you know, and I make fun of them for that on here just because it's funny, because they keep pretending like, what, we've never eaten anything but caviar. But I think it's because they come from humble beginnings too, whereas the Hilton's have always been

little rich assholes. Like they've literally never seen how these people live. Whereas Luanne and Sonia are like going back home, you know what I mean? And Sonia's always been so great at connecting with people whoever they are. Like remember the time she went to LIA's,

like, Shlia had a party and it was like downtown or something like that. It was like lots of like young people and she went up to like two young hipsters were hanging out by the doorway. She's like, oh hi, you wanna do me or something like that? She just has no problem. Just like talking to people in a way

that I think is like amazing. Yeah. So the kids are like, wait a minute, they're taking her signs and Christians are giving the signs. They have to stop traffic. Go give it to them. Don't do it. So she knows a good thing when she sees it, right?

So Luan just goes out there in her spiked heels and she's like, hey, stop her all. Stop and I'll show you my boobs and people just keep going. Stop her off saying, I'll sing a 20 river. All right. So I also hear all the cars just playing on their brakes. Stop it. Alright, give me a dollar. It's like the reverse jukebox. Like, well, may you do not make music. So yeah, she, Luanne's out there like a, like she's the signs, you know? And people are stopping and Kristen's telling everyone, like, now remember donations only kids,

whatever they can afford, don't make anyone feel bad. And so he goes, no, pressure them. Pressure them to get that money. Make them feel bad and some late is she's standing in front of a car that's parked and she's like come on in and she's like oh hey you want to come to eliminate San and all these like actually I'm just trying to park can I park there and she's oh go ahead and over there park parking that handicap spot no one cares I mean if they do what are they gonna do chase you just park over there. Oh, yeah the handicap spot. I just go right over there

So then Luan still just kind of like love it love it and Then one lady's like I'm sorry. I'm just trying to back out of my parking spot. Can you just sort of get out of the way? Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, and can I get a not a graph too?

Well, I mean, this is the best day of my life, absolutely. So they raise $185 and then Kristen's like, oh, it's so good with lemonade. I mean, that's really good. That's pretty good. I mean, it doesn't sound like a ton of money by anyone who's ever had to oversee eliminate stamps and do the books on those bitches.

That's a lot. That's good. So, Kristen's like, yeah, we're gonna have a royalty and you ladies are the closest thing to royalty that have ever been in Benton. I was surprised when I wasn't like, oh, well, you know, I am a Countess and it's more of an honorific at this point,

but truth was, I was married to someone who created a canal somewhere So you know if you want to bow down I'm I'm all all all years for that Yeah, it's because she didn't understand her because she said you guys We need to have you guys are the closest thing to royalty Oh, it was wait hold on she goes. I'm the owner of cafe bloom over there We're having a royalty is what she was saying and then the man over there. We're having a royalty. Is what she was saying. And then the man's like, Royal, you're having a royalty. Did you already say this? I was sort of trying to say I was muddling through it sort of messing

it up. Sorry, I was, I don't know what I was thinking about. You know when that happens, or you're just like, I've been done that path before, yes. Really? With me, I'm shot. So, she's like, she misunderstood her. So she's like, she misunderstood her. So she's like, royalty and she's like, yeah, you're the closest thing to what we've got. Oh, okay. So what? This is like what we love. Why are we making this 10 hours?

We love to get dressed up for tea. And by tea, I mean, centropay, which you can find on the back lawn of the motel over there. Is there anyone to fuck at your tea shop? Really morning. Oh, Prince Harry be there. So, Kristen's like, oh my god, they just have such unique personalities. They really breathe life into this town like I've never seen.

Get out of here. I just can't wait to take a photo of them eating my avocado toast and pre-instagram. It's gonna happen. Avocado toast will happen in Benton. Uh-huh. So, Luan and Sonia now drive up to two guys on a dirt road. And Luan's like, oh, who's that Billy? I'm gonna get my sonia in his face. It's like, no. Maybe it's his friend.

I mean, God, at least I remember what Billy looks like. And it's not it's a guy named Jared. He's like, I'm Jared and that's diesel over there. Like the fuel or the bin. Either way, fill me up. Where is he? He's actually a fucking teenager. He's right there. All right. Well, even I won't go there. Well, we do a lot of mudden on our ranch and we just, you know,

we just thrash on them, thrash on those, those, those trucks, you know, it's just like, so you married? He's like, no, he's like, oh, he's not married, Luke, just, I'm just saying, just saying, Luke, go get him, okay? Open up those legs for him. Luke, I'm like, oh, well, I mean, Jared is kind of handsome in a just crawled out of a literal patch of mud kind of way. I'm into it.

He's probably thinking the exact same thing about you, which is fun. So an old limo from the 80s drives up and some goes wow must be nice to be Billy. Oh this reminds me of my current car so Billy is like come on ladies let's go in and ride to some trucks so they get into this limo and Billy is like well this was supposed to be just a mean Jared Haring hanging out weekend and these two girls come up and they're saying they'd never been mudden before and I really want to put on I'll put them on edge and see what we get into He's wearing a shirt that says pay up cashed out

So Sony's like wow, I haven't seen a lemon like this since I dated Richard Lewis and that was in the 80s Like the Richard Lewis flex, I was not expecting. He was a big, effing star, and there were lights on the, there were lights on the inside in champagne, and there's no koochimons in this wreck. Good dick only goes so far, just saying. Oh my God.

So it's gets, they're driving over, you know, the rough land in this old limo. And Luma's like, oh my God, here we are, the limo ride from hell. Don't laugh, already one of you has been covered in poop in this episode. I know. I know. I know. I wouldn't put it past you, too.

I'm not used to a guy where his idea of fun is going through the mud and truck. My idea of fun is going shopping, I'm Madison Avenue with a guy with a big credit card. You know what, I think I might get back together with Tom after all this. It wasn't so bad. It wasn't so bad after all.

And so they see these big monster trucks and they are, Nuance taught how it works. Like she, you go through the mud and you stand on this thing and then it's like power lift, your power lifted up to the truck. It's crazy. It's like an elevator.

It's like a little elevator. She's like, oh my God. Oh God, that was so scary. I almost hit a correct note So Now they get into these big giant things and Billy's like I never been a rance of liberties. I'm a boy from the swamps You're smiling Sonya. She's like, I am smiling. What are we doing in the water? Why are there wheels? Why is the truck rising? Why are the wheels, why is the truck rising? Why are we going up?

What's going on? So they get stuck. Cause she's like, I'm not sure if I'm a mutter, but I want to know if I'm getting laid by Billy. That's my goal. I just want to know if I'm gonna get, I just want to get fucked in a truck, stuck in mud. Well, I almost had like a sondheim song.

So, Dr. Seuss. So black smoke starts coming out of the truck and Billy's immediately stuck in the mud, which Billy, come on, man, this is your flex. This is your flex day. And you can do anything, you're stuck. So then Luanne and her guy have to come rope them out of the mud with their big monster truck and then they're done. That's all they do. Was that it? Yeah.

I guess. I guess so. My end by this mudden trip, guys. I need more from this. I needed some Sunday Sunday Sunday. Sunday Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she's having camel flashbacks to Morocco. So then Sony is like, I don't care about the mad. I just want to know if I'm going to get fucked by Billy tonight. Okay, my God, you two cheese. Someone just complicit these ladies for crying out loud. I know. So they go and they tell Sonia out of it, everything,

out of the mud and everything. And they're like, well, Sonia and the way, they're a little on the outside of Fidim, but they're working on it, they're working on it. And so they get the rescue Sonia from the car. And then they're like, okay, next thing, I think we have a little bit of a tug of war. And so they've tied a pickup truck to the limousine.

No, it's not the both rear fenders. Some other weird little car. Oh, what really matters? No, it's okay. Some other like smaller car. And I was like, well, obviously, the pickup truck is going to win. And so they do the, they're, they start in the new and I'm like, what's the prize? Let me tell you, it rhymes with flauntis. So Billy is like, well whoever loses got to jump in the pond. So so Lewand's like, well, you know, Jared is available and he's single, I'm going to cheer for him. Two cheers from my future fuckbuddy, Jared. So Billy actually wins in the small car called that one wrong call down

So then Sonia gives him a kiss and then the way I was like what was that? Sonia Rita. I can do better than that get over Billy and he turns so she gets this cheek It's just no not your cheek and she kisses him right on the lips And son is like oh my god I've been with Billy for one night. Everyone goes after my man after me. I'm like, good housekeeping seal of approval. I'm like the cop curator.

Yeah, people would know once then with the man that he's worth going after, just wait until I'm done, please. So, so then, Luans was like walking through the mud, she's like, oh, there's like a cement mixer. And Billy's like, oh, there's like a cement mixer. And Billy's like, well, you got to help her.

So Sonia goes up the way and I just shoves her down into the mud. Just pull out, I was like, okay, hey Luke, take this. Just knocks her over. She's like, revenge is best served in the mud. Three hellmaries and we move on from it. So they're cracking up and we, you know, Louis is doing her weasel laughing thing as a mud wrestle.

And Jared's like, they probably got mud so far up there. Bokinis, they don't know what to do with it. So then they take a sexy shower for the boys and some hanging hoses or whatever. Let me take my shirt off to get all this mud off me. Oh, whoopsops my breasts are showing So then we find out that Billy is leaving he just came in for a couple days to go wet and Sony is like oh my god I've still got to find someone to fuck for the next five weeks

picked the wrong guy so now we're back at the motel they've now showered post-money post-poppuping, post-playground, post-liminate sand. And now Sonny is going to lose room. And Sonny is wearing black, Llan's wearing white, and Llan's like, well, you know, if you want to be important, we got to look important. You know what I'm saying? So they have to go to the mayor's office today, okay?

That is branded with a big B in an oval. And thank you, Kristen. I know that was here. That was Kristen's choice. Yeah, she definitely went to a city council meeting. It was like, hello, since my avocado toast agenda seems to have been shot down by this council,

I would like to still have some valuable contributions to the city. So I'm gonna propose that we do a B with the big O around it. So they get there and the mayor is in a suit, you know, and he's all dressed up for this and the man sees his cardboard cut out. So she slaps it in front of his open door and she's like, Oh, mayor and they both get on either side of the cardboard and they're rubbing his chest and he's like,

Oh, thanks for petting me, okay ladies. Thanks for that. Leweins basically like, well I'm at a point now, I'm so horny, I'll even do a cut out of a man. So Leweins like, well thanks for making time for us. I mean, you are a very busy man who somehow made time for celebrities. I don't know, pretty wild.

You have to make time for us, but instead of fussing, I'm for you. But I guess that's the way it goes. It's like, oh yeah, I heard you guys were busy. Yeah, they talk about how they were, they went to the park to do some prep work for it. And they show them doing like some gardening stuff. And so are you going, no wonder these guys

have such muscular asses. And Sony is like, wow, look what we found for our friends to get for the park. she shows her phone and he's like whoa This is nice. This is the nicest playground. I've ever seen she's like that's right. It's like Rockefeller Center It's a Rockefeller Center playgrounds Which doesn't even make sense because there's no playground at Rockefeller Center And I was like, yes, don't you love that was I'm playground at Rockefeller Center. And I was like,

yeah, don't you love that one. I was like, what is she? It's like a Rockefeller center playground. Look, there's our rooker. And the man's like, don't you just love the colors? Look how chic, salavie this playground is. The best playground,

better than Illinois we'll ever see. She's like, wow, everything's going our way. We got a playground. I had sex. I love it here. I love it. Is it this easy here? Oh, so Louis, I was like, can we take this cut out?

So I was like, putting your room, which I'm fucking this thing. So, that was 24 hours later. So 24 hours later ends pouring rain. And Sonia is like, Sonia is, she goes to Louis and she goes, come on, let's go and sit down, let's sit down. So she's very serious.

And I was like, oh, there was a leak in the motel and all of the Sonya's things got ruined and she has to tell the Wands, that's what I thought this was. Like now, the Wands are like, what, you're scaring me. Am I pregnant? She's like, no, we're not getting the playground. Why?

There's an invitoit problem. Also, we never had a way to. Why? There's an inventory problem Also, we never had a way to get that playground in the first place. You never had that playground What the fuck you talking about you a playground school image search You're on a liba ba with that and they couldn't get it to you in time Well, how are we gonna tell the mayor that we can't provide a playground? I mean this literally used to be our playground. And so I'm just like, well, that's why I brought him here. I brought flat mayor here. Because I just, I want to feel the heat.

I want to know what it's like to have him see be so angry at us. I'm like, mayor Fred has been nothing but jolly to you guys. Even when you complained to do his face about his car. Yeah. They do role-playing with the cardboard cannot. And so, Lewand's like, you have to tell him, I can't do it. You do it. She goes, okay, you just stand there, I'll be the mayor.

So she goes find the cutout. And she's like, he looked very beautiful today, the man. And then when I was like, oh my God, you're so handsome, I love the red tie. It looks so presidential. You know, you have to start with compliments. That's how it works. You know, we're having some issues with a little playground thing. Oh my God.

Is that a playground in your body? You're just happy to see me. Happy birthday to you, Mr. Mayor. Happy birthday. But like while she's doing this, soa starts like moving the cut out like towards it. She's like, would you stop moving him? Try to get into character slash fantasy real play. So now they switch places and Sonya's like, okay, I'm going to try him out. And so she's like, hi, man. Hi, that's right, Sonya Rita. Situ, do it, Sonya. Can't express

that bad we feel. And I feel, you know, actually, Lu, Sonya. I can't express that bad we feel. And I feel, you know, actually, Louis and left town. I can't even face what gets just me alone in this much algorithm naked, waiting for someone from the administration to have their way with me. She goes, we need to, we need to back our bags now. They're going to hang us in this town. They're going to be hung. Well, if we find someone that's hung, I'm fucking them. I'm telling you that right now. I'm like, round or not. That's when you start twerking on the mayor's cut out. Put him in bed with a pillow.

Oh, I was cracking up. This is the perfect example of how like this is such a contrive little scene, but then they're just so funny with it. This show is so stupid and funny. I love it. Yeah. Alright everybody, well that brings us to the end of crappy lake. We love you guys. Thanks for being here with us. Thanks for being on Patreon with us. We will talk to you guys next time. Watch what crap ends. Would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l- She has no less name. Alvin Aguila Weber Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch.

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