Watch What Crappens - Welcome To Crappie Lake: Standing The Testicle of Time

Episode Date: July 28, 2023

This week's Luann and Sonja: Welcome to Crappie Lake episode (S01E04) takes us to a testicle festival. Plus, a happy hour and more auditions for the Follies. Hope for Benton after al!Watch the recap here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/86801375See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens What happens What happens What happens Watch what What happens

What happens when there's so much that crap is Who cares what What happens Kids, what happens when they're so wild and rabbits? You're a crap. It's for when you don't run around. Kids, what happens when they're so much that's rabbits? Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. Ben Mandelker joining me today,

the wonderful and hilarious Mr. Ronny Karam. Hi, Ronny, how's it going? Hi! How you doing today? Hi Ronnie. How's it going? How you doing today? So well always love to be here. Crowd a little crappy lake day. That's always fun. Yeah, we love a crappy lake day It's a big exciting episode because they went to a testicle festival So that's what you have behind you on your pictures fried nuts Turkey testicles I do doing your pictures, fried nuts. Turkey testicles, I do.

I say just a quick little turkey nuggets. It's okay, it's okay. Masty. I was like, why does he have weird dirty meatball spoon behind him? And it is testicle festival. Is the only testicle festival photo I could find that was worthwhile.

So anyway, this is on video. Go check it out on patreon.com slash watch for crappins. Get access to this video a week before it goes on to YouTube. With crappins on demand over there, you can also access our bonus episode. This week we're talking about the below Dexailing Yacht reunion. So if you're wondering where our coverage of that is, there it is. So go check that out.

And without further ado, let's dive into this episode. So it opens up with Sonia kind of pushing a box along the ground. She's like rolling it in a weird way. It's like, does the new grill do? Is the new grill? She's like, oh, well, I'm excited for a real grill. Our dream is coming true here at Crabi Lake. The mayor really wants us to promote tourism in Benton, so we're going to have a happy

hour every Friday for people to stop in, share ideas, find out what's going on in Benton, possibly stick a penis inside of me, who knows what could happen. So many wild potentials. So LeWand is holding a giant stack of boxes. Go, get on me out here? I'm gonna drop it. Okay, cap race start going down, going down. You know, it's a nice setting here,

but it's by the road or a crappy hour that is. So we decide we go shopping and found some nice stuff, make it really look like Santa's Repay. There's some carpets, some teak furniture, to add some warmth to, otherwise, those patches are grass. And we see this, they had some warmth to, otherwise, they'll pass your grass. And we see this, they started working on this last week.

And we see the final execution in an attempt to look like Santa Pei at just like plastic chairs in a few area rugs and like a plastic swimming pool. Because I think sometimes these people don't really even notice what's around them or their settings at all They just all they notice is like who's there, you know right because that's all they're looking at

It's like who's there or in their own phone at themselves So it's plastic chairs guys. It's plastic chairs and a fire on the ground and that's it Yeah, so um so Akash and Haral check in on them to be like how's's it going out here? And Luan's like, oh well, we just wanted to sit up our cocktail hour here. I think it looks pretty santero-bedo me. And he's like, okay, well, can you come in the office? I got some stuff for you.

I'm just like, sure, sure. Don't you worry, this place will look gorgeous when it's done. So let's go into your office. We're absolutely nothing disgusting. It will possibly happen. And he steps his toe and his whole nail comes off and so they start screaming and yelling and she's like, your whole nail, oh my God,

it's the whole entire nail. And Sonia's like, I can't look at blood, I will not do this. So Sonia's like, this blood all over his carpet, it's like 30 years old, it's gushing like one of those crime television shows. I love Sonya's references are all so old. But I know, like crack me up,

like you can't come up with like, I don't know, like a relatively old one, like saw or something. Yeah. I don't know, something new, but then I remembered that we reference sisters, empty nasty and golden girls every other day. And I'm like, you know, I get it. There's something about a good 35 or 40 year old reference.

Yeah. So, oh god, that made me feel very sad. So, yeah, Lewinsky, oh my god, the nail came off completely. Oh, okay, all right, come on, all right, sit down, honey. All right, so, notice that I used the word honey to actually show some sort of maternal warmth in this emergency moment. Don't get used to it.

All right, we need some self, do we have any self? Self, anyone? Cab raised our needs some self. Well, I would personally put some neospor in on it, but let's Google it. I was like, that's your nerd's advice. How long were you a nurse? I know

So he was like, okay, just cover the nail cover the nail with tapered adhesive bandage Okay, and you can trim the nail if you want that's what the website says Whoa, I mean the nail is pretty much trimmed now. There is no nail. Oh Sorry to gosh for your pain There's blood on your carpet. Sorry to be the one to tell you and sending us just leave it It looks like deer blood. They're used to that around here. So then Becky Lewis Garden Club president in a gardening hat, of course, because nobody has a title here

that they don't dress for 24 hours a day. Yeah. Becky is from the garden club and every time they show her, she will be in a garden hat. God damn it Yeah, and she's like well, we've enjoyed having the ladies in town I mean, it's create a lot of excitement. I mean they have been so pleasant and not hoity-toity like I think that we were afraid celebrities might be Is she in a Sigourney Weaver t-shirt?

I got a whole lot they blur out the woman on her shirt, but I think it's Sigourney Weaver and like a power suit just looking what Sigourney Weaver. I don't know I just I don't know what it is, but I hope someone from production can tell me whether I'm right or wrong because I just I felt Sigourney Weaver energy coming to me. I love blur. I love the idea that Becky Loas would be afraid of these celebrities being hoity-toity, but then at the same time wearing a Sigourney Weaver t-shirt. She's like, I want a suitcase.

I want a support. What if Sigourney Weaver is watching this? She's a celebrity. Maybe she's like watching celebrities. I'm going to mass the Gourney chart. I don't like Hoity-Toy-Toy-Toy-Sleeberties, but I like when celebrities play Hoity-Toy-Toy-Ti-Rolls. Okay, that's my kink. I'll tell you what, if they were Hoity-Toy toy toy, I'd sure nip that in the bud. I go, God, banking.

Becky, you're already in the gardening hat, all right? You don't need to whip out the gardening foot. Are they? What do you call on tendras? The gardening. I don't know. Okay, so the buttons, the fatels are doing all of the work outside. And her all's like, I fatels are doing all of the work outside. And her all's like, I mean, I guess they did kind of help us, but this is a lot of work we're having to do. And Augusta Sonia in bed with the salad. And she says, oh, I think this is like a Rougala. Yeah, not helping at all. And then there's like some teaky torches and Sonia's like, so I was like, oh, oh hold on before we go to happy hour. I just supposed my liposuction

I'm not gonna get paid okay. All right. There we go influencer So Luanne goes out there. She's like hello. Hi. I'm Luanne. Who are you? Debi? So nice to meet you and you also Debi Wow two debies and you let me guess Debi wonderful to meet you and you also Debbie wow two Debbie's and you let me guess Debbie wonderful to meet you Debbie number three. They're like my name's Emily my name's Joanne and my name's Rita Debbie Debbie and Debbie got it Wow, that was easier than Sonia and a truck stop my right So then some more people arrive and there are two girls in different versions of Flintstones print lingerie like Fred Flintstone print lingerie I don't know where you guys are shopping but stop. Okay. I'm no city slicker. Okay from one small town person to another

Stop please. So then Sonia's like hello ladies and lose like he's like, we got a crowd. A crowd you happy with a crowd? Oh, I heard there might be shrimp, but here's some shrimp. Who are you, big boy? So he got to this big guy named Casey Clepple. Yeah, he's like a guest staying there at the motel. And I'm so he's like, so why are you here, big man?

He's like, oh, for the Tactical Festival. Just, what, what Tactical Festival festival, just what testicle festival, is that what's happening in my bedroom later tonight? It's like, no, it's a, it's a competitive eating festival where you have to eat cow testicles. Yeah, well I guess my reputation precedes me. Oh, who's your friend?

Don't get fresh with me, John. You're gonna need to double that first name to get any free ass off me. Oh, and go back my liposuction post on Instagram. The engagement's important. So, Sonia's like, you know what I like? No, Akash, I like eating a man's balls, but not about eating some cows' balls, okay? Do you shave your balls?

You know what I'll ask your wife. So, they say, hey, do you guys want to come to the testicle festival? And then goes, how can I resist? And then she laughs like the inside of a tornado and slow motion. Like I don't even know how to explain what's coming out of her when she laughs, but it's tear. It's just.

Or is like the flying cow from Twister going slow most. And Helen Hunt wondering if she could make up with Paul Reiser. There's so much happening in that. Yeah, truly. Heeeey! Heeeey! Heeeey! Heeeey!

Heeeey! Little Pepsi cans flying about. So, something that was like, I don't even know what Tesco's look like when they're cooked. Will it just be the meat? Will it just be like a box of popcorn? I mean, how many balls can get off an animal anyway? There's two, right? Two on the butt. Two, two, two Francis McDormand loves our rural Americana role,

so here she is as the mayor's wife. She's not about billboards. She does not like them. So the man's like, oh, wow, hello there mayor wife, I'm having a great, you know, people are so, so nice, simple but nice. Okay, we got good news and we got bad news. And he's like, oh, well, I love good news

and I hate bad news. And let me tell you who else hates bad news. Kay, Kay's like, it better not be about fucking billboards I'm doing here right now. To the case, get the right. So I'll start with the good news. No, I'll start with the bad news. No, I'll start with both. You. Now, I'll start with both.

You're fucking Francis McDormand. So that can go either way. It's a personal taste. Some people want to fuck Francis McDormand. Cohen, brother, possibly. Other people not so much. There's your mixed news. Okay.

So the good news is we have Brush being pulled out of the playground. It's cleaning up nicely. We can't found Craig fucking another guy back there, but don't tell anybody. I told him I wouldn't add him Yeah, buddy though, but unfortunately, you know lumber shortages and everything, you know We're not getting the playground. That's the news. I know take a moment take it all in Fred Are you okay? Okay, can you catch him if you fancy? Are you are you strong? I know you've been working out. Listen, the picnic tables are there, or as I like to call them, the dinner theater stages. Now listen, I've already done half a number from Funny Girl. Don't tell me not to live, just sit. Lying. So Fred's like, mayors aren't

supposed to cry, but you're gonna make me cry I've been lobbying for that for this county for eight years. I really got me excited that really got me happy What are the late term limits in this town? What's wrong with all you idiot voters? He ran on a platform of a plate. That's been eight years for crying out loud Can't you hire anyone else? What about the crazy lady who's the high teeth at the cafe until well we were thinking of bringing her a friend Ramona here she's all bones in me caps the kids can just climb her you know it's just a speed bump okay we can get it well it'll all be fixed so don't worry about it because well you want to hear the good news you are talking to the most patient man in America right now.

Oh, good. You know, good things come to those who ain't Fred. Mm. And K's like, bullshit, I've been married to this guy for 20 years. And what do I have to show for it? Still, no, slide. You've angered K. You've angered K.

Well, it's been fun, but we're going to gonna say good night. You know, when I married Fred, I told him I was into, you know, the swing scene and he took that the whole wrong way. I mean, I really just wanted a swing set. So I've been waiting eight years. I mean, I literally dated a guy named Jim who came from the jungle. How much clearer could I be? So Sonya does not want to let the people down and, uh, the way I was like, good night, good night, well, we choose Liberty, we have to go, have some celebrity sleep now, so we've been around the normals for way too long, we're gonna go take a siliquid shower and climb into those beds, so good night everyone. Thanks for coming, Deb, other Deb, lady not named Deb, Flintstone Office Girls, goodbye. Thank you. All right. One more.

Don't go insane! So, and I mean, Sonia's like, well, you know, now they have no reason to believe we're gonna get any of this done. And like, now here's the proof of the print putting that they're right. Like, we can't do shy-y-it. Which I was like like that was an interesting way to get around the sensors If you just go it's I'm saying shit. You think that's how they say it? Shia eat they say shia eat or something because they they say it in this town I think she's saying it the local way because later someone's like oh really no shia eat I think Sony is picking up the lingo so the next day Sonya they're both in dresses

Sony's been a long white dress and losing like a little short white dress. Man, Luce's like, well, at least there's gonna be guys there. The testicle festival. How come they not be testicles, am I right? Luean's like, oh well, look at you, Sonia. You look like the bell of the ball. Get it! One ball. So I love it. It's perfect. Are you ready, rock and roll? Let's do this Lou. Oh, okay. Let's climb into our air condition Jeep and get over there.

Yeah, I keep going at the testicle, fasticle, testicle, fasticle, fasticle, fasticle, but cabaret, I don't know. We're going 100% on the follies, so I'm making t-shirts and that's what everyone wears here. So they'll be walking sandwich shop boards for the follies. For free. Like my interns. People complain I don't pay my interns, but they don't want to be paid. Yeah, so Sonia's, she's like, she's like, I can't. She walks up to, we see a flashback of

Luann and Sonia at the print shop to get these t-shirts made. Cause, okay, could you make some t-shirts for the Benton Follies? Yeah, cause we're putting together a variety store. Variety show! Oh my god, we're never gonna get any talent if you call it a variety store for growing your love. So they arrive at this testicle festival, we see balls, cows, and then an axe chopping into balls. Okay. Yeah, that was too much.

That was too visceral right there. And a line of tractors. And a lady's wearing this tie-dye t-shirt that says, peace, love, balls. Yeah, this is real, real rural over here. Slam. Slam. So this is the testiest, fastiest, huh?

Do they have a microwave microphone for a meta-sing? No. This is a singing engagement correct. So Sonny's like, this is my kind of play. So many good looking guys, so many nice butts, and then they cut to like a big guy just BVDs. And then we see the main guy, George Moore, the main balls guy, and he's holding up balls, yelling fresh balls

And it says George Moore testicle enthusiast yeah, and This is apparently the twelfth 12th iteration of the testicle festival. He's like yeah, the 12th one and we usually have a ball That's like this thing. This makes a lot of ball puns. He's like He's like hey, hey, we got you guys some hot balls. And then guys like, yeah, those are the turkey balls. And who is like, turkeys? Turkeys are balls.

Turkey justicles. Huh, it's wild. So then we see Sarah Lisa Dawson, who's got a side braid. She's an older lady and she's wearing a tie-dye shirt too. And she says, testis connoisseur. And she's like older lady and she's wearing a tie-dodge shirt too and she says, testy's connoisseur. And she's like, my husband and I celebrate our anniversary here every single year. And we cut back to George going, everybody comes here, they just go nuts. You do a stand up for the Benton follies.

Sarah's like, yeah, we just stay here one week, just a ball. I'm like, what's a one week festival? Wow. I love this. They've just these four animals, my God. That's a lot of balls over the year. How do you have that many balls for a week? This is Benton. How many balls are there? How long does they hold in the fridge? Well, you gotta imagine there are, I mean, in some ways this is actually a testament to sustainability because otherwise they just get thrown out. There's all those animals that get killed every single day for meat. So maybe they just save the balls and send

them to Benton. Yeah, I guess. You know, so, um, then we cut to James Webb, Goenad Gobbler. And he's like, it's just a lean piece of meat. If you don't know what it is, you'll love it. And he's holding a little pig that has his own chiroit. And it says like, it's just a lean piece of meat. If you don't know what it is, you'll love it. And he's holding a little pig that has his own chiroin and it says Wilson, pig. Future testicle provider. So George is like the women love him. And then Sarah's like, I love the balls.

So George goes, the women love him. You gotta be nuts to eat him. That's all I gotta say. I gotta say. I gotta say. Sorry. You said nuts twice. Like, you're right in the nuts pun. You've used fat worm, yeah.

So, the man now is holding like a testicle in her hand. And she's like, well, I guess it's time for me to take a bite. So, she bites into it. And she's like, it's delicious. Do we think Padma will be visiting this festival for her taste of the Nation experience. Who did we steal Bulbas from? Check that bowl.

Well, I, you know, it all, everything sort of tastes like, tastes the chick, tastes the nation. I almost had taste the... Everything tastes like chicken, okay? And you know, certain slime factor to the balls. That chicken doesn't really have, you know what I'm saying? Sort of like a Tom Dagestino equality. So, Sony goes up to the two ladies working behind the ball counter

and they are wearing shirts that say, has a cow that's cross-eyed, first of all. So it looks like he's just had his balls taken. And then his, it has like a thought bubble above him and it said, he'd be nuts to miss it. Like really? You're making the balls sound,

you're making the cow sound excited about this festival. Come on you guys. I don't think the cow would be. I guess technically it's a bull really. Unless it's a cow who's really relishing what happened to the bull, it's like finally. So I get my utters pinched all the time. Finally that bowl gets what's coming to them. Now they know. So um, Sonia is talking to these ladies and she's like,

so you guys doing a wet t-shirt contest or what? And the ladies like, this is my niece. I would never. I'm a shoes here comes one right now So then now there's beef balls coming and Sony is like George the only balls I'm interested in I retouched to a man Well, I'd already tried the turkey testicles so in for a panion for a pound You know what they say so George is like well these are beef and she's like, and so Luanne tries the beef testicle. And so on you, it's just watching and saying, you know, I feel bad for Lou. I mean, six weeks with no D is not something she's used to. And so at this point, I think,

Luanne will, you know, she'll be happy with any ball she meets. I don't know. Can we not mix like the balls of the man in with the balls that you're eating off the animal? Like the fucking and the cow balls are just like, I don't like the mixture there. I don't like that. It's just a pretty intense visceral feeling for us then

to think of someone gnawing on our balls. And LeWans like, yeah, well, I have to, I get to ring the bell because I ate a ball. I ate a ball, everybody, dong dong. And then she has like special, special breath spray because she doesn't wanna have testicle breath. It's a very large like, binocular carrier, right? That thing look like a, that was,

it was like a huge device. I just, I've never seen one so big before. Mm, well it's not her first time at that rodeo. So Sun you was like, uh, guys, I have to announce what we're doing, the Benton Follies and it's at the Betten Civic Center. Michael. Oh my God.

That's also where we hold all our court cases. It's like, wow. So Sonia's like, yeah, we've got to promote, because there's a lot of people here spending money to eat balls, and that means they can spend money to buy tickets. They're like swallowing balls more than theater people. Exactly.

Come to the Follies.dy goes to the food pantry. So then they're going to throw the t-shirts into the crowd. So they sort of have like a sling shot, but it doesn't really work out so well and it sort of flops all over the place. So then the next thing is that they find a guy putting underwear on over his shorts. So the man's like, oh, well, looks like there's another eligible bachelor here with a certain fashion sense. That's peculiar, but I appreciate it, Narnis. So hello, sir, what's going on with this underwear around your shorts? Today we're having the Undy 300. That's where you have to wear underwear.

And that's where the Undy comes from, the name. People bounce around on big balls. Undy Fondy 500. Now, is that a play on some sort of words? Yeah, like, you know, the Indy 500. Oh, when you watch 500 independent films in a row, got it. Oh, so they watch a guy with a farmer's tan and only his underwear bounced on a ball 500 independent films in a row got it So they watch a guy with a farmer's tan and only his underwear bounce on a ball and win and so Louis I'm like oh he wins that was epic bro you had no competition you blew through there like Sonya to plan it fitness good for you

Hey, let's do it too. So Ha ha ha. Hey, let's do it too. So Lewin Sonia put on some underwear, and they said on these big bouncy blue balls. And Sonia was like, wow, the last underwear left at my house were Harry Dupin's boxers. I haven't seen tidy wide.

He's in about 25 years, not since I was dating John-John. Mm, just saying. So then they do the race, and Lewin's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, she's got the Ramona like a dolphin, but spirit of a dolphin creek laugh. And she's like, well, well, here's where the exercise

in the morning comes in handy, kids, but she's going really slowly and she's like, fuck this and she just pulls a head and beats her. But yeah, and they really exhaust themselves too. Like when it's over, they just like flop out on the grass, like they just pulls the head and beats her. Yeah, and they really exhaust themselves too. Like when it's over, they just like flop out on the grass, like they just done a marathon. I was like, weren't you guys just bouncing? That looks hard as fuck to me.

I wouldn't do that. I guess it's like, I guess it's like a surprise, like plan metrics, where it's like, you know, when you haven't gone swimming in a long time and then you actually like swim and you're like, oh my god, I'm going to die. I can't get out of this pool. Yeah. So now they're done. So some of these like, it wants to be on the way. So then we go to

Bloom, the ever so classy restaurants in town, Kristen's restaurant. Bloom. And they're playing classical music and it's time for royalty and Christian Drew is like today's very special. It's our royal high tea We do it once a month and since we have actual royalty in town We need to celebrate and also we're gonna follow them around and say slightly racist things about them behind their back And just basically try and ruin their lives and hide in their bushes. It's part of being a fan of royalty I get what you're doing there. I was very excited for this because we saw Kristen last week, and we saw her glimpse of her in the first episode, and she was like, she sort of has a look.

She's sort of like well put together, and she has, I think we sort of felt like she had gone to a big city and like studied there in college and had come back here and was trapped and it was like trying to bring some like big city feeling to this town. So I was really excited for her high tea to see what she would do with it. And it was a little good. If you're about to, you're about to diss the royalty. I am just well, because it was much more disney than I was expecting. I was a little surprised, I have to say.

I was so impressed with how nice this G was. I was like, this is the nicest thing I've ever had. I thought it was gonna be like sitting around and like literally just drinking some tea and having some cheapo like cucumber sandwiches on one to bread, because I didn't, you know who I didn't believe in, Kristen. And then look what happened.

She'd like found the only gay in town. She got some press with them on people. She had multi-tiered plates and beautiful little things on them. I was like, all right, all right, Kristen. It was very cute. I just wasn't expecting it to be so Disney. I thought that she was going to do kind of like a,

I don't know what I thought, but I was surprised. I was, you know what, I just didn't think I would see, you know, powdered wigs and, you know, outfits from the 1800s or 1700s. So I was just surprised. I was surprised with the thematic directions you went in. Oh wow. Um, so Sonya's like, by the way, this keeps distresses going into my butt. So pull it down when you see it, Lou. It's a big crack. Okay, get your glasses, your phone, and your keys, and your teeth.

Don't forget your teeth. And I was like, I've got it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh her, she's just in her bra. I just like, her Jack is just flopping out. So he was like, Luan, your boobs are all like, oh, really? Oh, I didn't even know it is. Sorry. So she goes up and the guy in the front is, uh, what's her bones? Kristen's husband and he's on a powdered wig. He's like in a different, you know, I mean, you're right.

You know, he is in like a different show and Lueanne sees him goes, oh, bone jewer So elegant, it's like oh guys. I love when I'm trying different times. She knows French. I know Bondjurse, so the guy who was like not shaved or anything. He's like my fucking wife makes me do this every single month He's like so My wife advised me she had a she had a coat for me and I found out about the wig a little later. So here I am, welcome to Hyte. Wah, she's like, oh, well, so she did the coat first and the wig last.

I get it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, queen glides over. I mean, it's like, Hello, lovelies. I'll be tray. I'll be your server today. It's like, oh my god. Trace terrifying. Trace terrifying. I love tray.

I love tray. I love tray. I once did a puppet parade. And it was because my friend threw it. He's like a bit. He's big into puppetry. And so I marched with puppets. Okay. Tray was like a puppet person. That's how I'm gonna describe this. Yes, he's just very like want to share a trailer and like no, why do we have trailers? It's a puppet parade.

What's your puppet's name? It's a puppet parade. What's your puppet's name? It's a puppet. Leave me alone. Are you flirting with my puppet? What's happening? Get me away from this puppet person. That's true.

I agree that Treyah's scary. I agree with that. I do feel like he's a puppet person, a Renfair puppet person. And I probably would not want to be sharing a trailer with him. But I love Trey because I feel like he's like the town gay and I just feel like he's kind of stuck there. And I just was so happy for him that like two real housewives came into his life just

for one afternoon. Okay, yeah, I can be happy for him for that part. I think I'm also triggered because I had a waiter the other day that was like Trey where he's just like, hi. And then he did my mom, I was with my mom and dad and he goes, what are we thinking, dear? And I was like, oh my God. And then the food came and I got a salad or whatever. And I went, thanks.

And he goes, oh, he's the most excited for it I can tell. I was like, is this one of those overly smarmy waiters who I think is trying to be hilarious, but I'm like, and when he walked away I said, I hate him, I might have went, Ronnie, I don't know if he could hear me or not, but I was like, I'm gonna kill this fucking waiter, I'm gonna kill him right here.

That's a rude. Is there something strange about having a waiter who shares the same name as something that food might be served on? It's like I have a waiter be like, hi everyone, welcome to the Corner Street Cafe, my name is Plate. So, Trey, could you please bring out Chaffer with the water? It'd be great. Hey, where's Jug?

She's late again. So stupid. So Trey is like, hello loves, hope you're a server and he's like, you are so gay, elegant. He's so elegant.

Finally, a queen around these parts. I mean, oh, look at you. You sweet, sweet child. You're very elegant. What an elegant place we have here. And then the producers got to someone lighting one of the candles with one of those like long,

you know, those like candle lighters, that's like the clickers. For the ignition, the clickers, that's like very unallegant. So I mean, it's like, what's your talent tray? Besides putting your fist in your hat. I mean, on. He's like well ready. I sing I Sing I act I play instruments and say oh, we're doing a follies. Thank God. We're looking for gay people People I met people happy perfectly gay God

Fixly gay god you're gay God Kristen can I have a how this dinner went card to fill out? Thank you for providing a gay lovely wearing delis perhaps you're welcome I can see you take a lot of pride in your work here anyway What's your favorite artist Judy Garland or Judy Garland? So Sonia's like you know what just like the rest of Benton I'm on the hunt and this time I'm at Bloom Cafe because if there's talent anywhere It's this crowd that's into it any crowd that's okay with the gaze circulating around them is a crowd that's gonna have talent We're gonna find everyone here. I'm looking for talent. My guess is this guy can choke back a chupa cobra without one hiccup

That's valuable. Or at least a choreo. So, um, so I'm just like, okay everyone gather around, okay. I don't care if you're dressed like your Peter Pan sidekick or if you're just out from me in here from Walmart. We're gonna have a show. So think about your talent, who you're as a talent. Don't say it out loud, surprise us. Okay, we're gonna have a big show called the Files. So Luana is talking to some guy and she's like, so Fred or Willard or whatever

your name is. Shall we just go with Debbie? Alright Debbie. So you have children and a son that loves Broadway? There's two son. There's two. The guy goes, he loves it. Oh, yes, please tell me he listens to Joseph in the amazing technical dream. Oh, the follies, follies are coming alive. So, so I'm just talking to a little girl. She says, what do you do? And the girl goes, I'm a gymnast. And she's like, no, as a talent, I'm a gymnast. Now I mean, I'm just saying, what do you do in your off time? I'm a gymnast. Oh, well, we need to have you in your show and the way it goes. And your brother loves Broadway, doesn't he? That must be tough. To be outside by someone so much more fabulous than you and... You know, I understand as a level to gymnast, you may be adored by gay men, but still not quite the same as actually being a gay man.

Poor thing. I'm sorry, which you'll never be. Now please clear the room while we wait for your brother. Please cut real on out of here. So that, Kristen, goes, part in the interruption ladies. I just want to say thank you for coming out. Yes, just like Trey, I'm sure coming out here. And thank you for joining us today.

It really, really meant a lot. I've never seen more, I don't think this harpist has ever seen more action in her life. Was this the same harpist? It was. I mean, the harp harpest is ever seen more action in her life. Was this the same harpest that was the other? I mean, they saw her. Yeah, because they saw her. The harpest is coming out to play. They recognize her. They're like, oh, well it's you again, the harp lady. So good to see you, harp Debbie. Yeah. We're sure you'll be getting

called back from us very soon just to keep an eye out for the clipboards on the side of the wall. So later we see Sue, Sonia and Lou, I just put dressed kinda like hookers. Lou is in a wig and so on. Well, before that though, there's how to do a group photo with everyone at the T-house. She's like, can we just do a group photo?

Like, sure, sure. So we all gather, everyone gathers together. And Sonia is saying, like, you know what? This everyone gather together, and Sonya is saying, you know what, this Bloom Cafe is a real incubator of talent, which is LOL, it's just, we've tre, we have a harpist, there's someone over there trying to clear cobwebs, that feels like a talent of some sort, so this is really gonna be like,

you know, ground zero for the Benton Follies. Okay, group photo, group photos, so the way I'm like, hold on, hold on. I have some sort of red mark on my forehead from where I was wearing a hat. So hold on one second. So the way I just goes and just start doing her makeup and everyone's standing there waiting, like, pose ready to the photo and then just watching the way I'm for like five minutes while she does her makeup. Hurry up, Louanne. We're just here standing here. No rush. I love the pissed off waitress.

They had a waitress in a red bandana that was not amused. She's like, who the fuck are these people? Do you know how many fucking finger sandwiches I've made today? Could your ass in the picture? Hahaha. So finally, Luann joins. They can take their photo. Come on, shoes.

Here comes one right now. And now, later on, this is where the way it is now has bangs. They're dressed like hookers in an 80s movie. Not like even modern hookers. They're dressed like they're playing hookers. Like they're doing it on purpose. So lose in some way and suddenly goes, is that your hair? And she says, it's a bang. Oh, by the way, I need a G string.

So I'm just like, you know, I think I'm gonna watch my underwear at some point, I guess. You know what I think they look like? They look like they are, they are lady cops in an 80s comedy. And they do find the chockers. As hookers. They're not hookers, they're undercover as hookers. And like wacky

music's playing in the background. Like a like a pointer sister is just finished a montage. You know, with a lot of triangle in it. The song would have like a lot of, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and there's a saxophone. I'm like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, and like a fun use of a didgeridoo. Yeah, I'm not sure yeah. Well, it's just like, you know, it's not they're not But it would be like That's hilarious movie I would watch it

So Lou am is like our first auditions were so lackluster. We decided to do something to get interest going. I mean, we're putting in the work, so I hope we get results. We got the guy giving the blowjob in the park when we were clearing that out. We found the gay and a harpsichordity party. I mean, never where we go. We just meet talent. So, we're waiting to hear back if we're allowed to have the blue lawn stage because apparently

there's that guy with the clown but we're working on that, we're working on that. So this time there is a line. There's a lot of people there, there are a lot of people there and Bill King is like, okay, ladies and sound, let's him, you're going to rank down a squirting. Five is Holly Woods waiting for you and one is Will Colley, a prong wink. And some of you's like, wow, Bill's a mean girl. I love it. So the first act comes up and it's a contortionist.

It's a contortionist, a contortionist. Okay, all right, well, let's see what this is and I'll decide if I want to fuck them later. All right, go, sir, Go do something strange with your arms. And so he's like, wow, this could be on Ripley's believe it or not. I think I saw this guy in an oval teen commercial once. So this guy's doing all these things with his arms. He's like twisting and they're all like, ah, and the man's like, oh, oh, oh, and Bill is

suffering through it. And the guy, he just like runs off the stage because he gets his arm stuck. Yeah, he pulls his shoulder out of place and Lewin has to help him. So Lewin's like, come here. I dislocated shoulder and he goes, yeah, just please pull it down.

Could you just pull my arm down? She's like, I'm nervous about this. Should we Google this? Does anybody have Neos boring? I thought it was a comedy bit at first. Like, she was gonna go over to touch it and he was gonna snap right back. I was like, ha, but I was like, oh, I think he really is.

Like his armpit was like facing the ceiling. I didn't understand. And I was like, don't worry, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, do I have to play piano for you too? Also, I have to say they were so mean to the poor girl who did the jigsaw from saw dance. I know. They were like, yeah, we needed more talent because everyone else is a loser. And then they cut to that girl doing her like creepy satanic dance. And I was like, that girl is probably going to be in bed for the rest of her life sobbing because you got a real interdream. By the way, she did a perfectly nice dance. It just was weirdly themed, but the dance itself was nice. Yeah, she was talented. I mean, leave the girl alone. Say, Tant like people deserve some love too. One star, one star.

Okay, here's the deal everyone. If you're gonna be at the Beton Follies, we're not in the business of development. We're in the business of show business. So get here with your act prepared and polished. Thank you. So Trey comes out and he's like, I'm so excited to be here. I'm just so excited to show them what I do outside of my occupation as a bloom star.

And then he starts tap dancing and I'm not really sure that was really even tap. I'm not sure what he was doing, but he was like tap dancing. He was like saran wrapping a ham and like, twirling a towel with a cotton tanner. Like a cotton tanner, you know. He's like, mold like sewing every talent off at once. Yeah, I was really hoping that he would sing. I was sad that he wasn't, but Lewand seemed to really enjoy it.

And she had like somehow acquired a child, a little baby that was sitting in the back of her head. at once. Yeah, I was really hoping that he would sing. I was sad that he wasn't, but Lewand seemed to really enjoy it, and she had somehow acquired a child, a little baby that was sitting on the desk in front of her. So she's like, oh look, a little small person is in front of me. This is adorable. Okay, get it off. Get it away. I don't want it anymore. Hi, could someone remove Go Wait from my desk? That would be great. Unless this baby can sing cabaret, I don't wanna near me. All right. So then a dance team from the local dance gym or whatever comes,

because they're all in matching dance outfits and they do their like dance or cheer. Yeah, they're not. They're not. And Lou Anzac, wow, they're timing is good. So girls, how good are you at dispensing stem cells? Give me an example. And then, we, there's a guy on a guitar

who's singing in the wind and sun, you know, or dancing and sun, he's like, that's the kind of song you gotta get up and dance and have a good time with, okay, five stars. What's your go-to song, honey? And he's like, the lady is really love. I want it that way by the back street boys And I was like oh my god. All right, Dre bring me an napkin. Please take this. I need a new chair There's anyone here just like spoiler alert me. All right, anyone here is your talent fucking me.

Does anybody here? We will accept multiple entries on that front. So then, Luma, there were maybe semi-singles. So then like there were some drummers that came up and they were drumming and they were like, I love it. But for some reason, Lann only gave them four stars. And so he gave them five.

I want to know what happened with the star de mer it was. I mean, yeah, that was really harsh. I was like, wow, drum core, like you're dissing at the drum core in Benton. Like, I think it's pretty impressive to have a drum core in Benton. I know. I felt like I needed more snare.

So, well, this town has a lot of people interested in art. Young, old, gay, tray, which I guess is the same thing. Alright, there's three kinds of people here in bed. And then it cuts to an older guy like, oh my god! Almost falling down the stage. Yeah, there really are some talented people here and some outrageous acts. And I can't wait for none of them to be on stage because this is gonna be my show and my show only.

Huh! So then, and then we get a visually impaired lady, he goes, she's doing standard comedy and she goes, what do you call two banana peels on the ground? A pair of slippers. And I was like, okay, you know what? Five stars. Five stars. A hundred to the ground. A pair of slippers. And I was like, okay, you know what? Five stars. Five stars.

A hundred to the fat. Now, about two I want serving me a goddamn T sandwich. Yeah, she goes, you know, when you're visually impaired, like I am pretty much anything is a pair of slippers, am I right? So, Sony was like, you know, at this point, we have to make a cut. I mean, we got two, three, four, five great acts, you know, and Bill's like, well, we're kind of, you know, we've got to cut some people.

We got too much talent now. Mm-hmm. Speaking of cuts, I'd like to congratulate Dr. Fong on the cut he did on my underarms. They've never looked better. Earned it. Influencer. At Dr. Fong. At cuts.

Hashtag. Lipo. Hashtag. Elbow. Lipo. Hashtag, Sonia, Hashtag, Me, Hashtag, Blessed Day. Hmm, everybody, thank you so much for being here for welcome to Cropy Lake. We are going to do something crazy next week, by the way, as this is our last recap of the week. Next week, we are going to skip Real Housewives of Atlanta and we are going to bring you our first of the season recap of Project Runway. So we'll see you next week

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