We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - 102. Ashlyn Harris & Ali Krieger Double Date!

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Abby’s former USWNT teammates–and dear friends–Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger are here for a double date discussing: 1. Ashlyn and Ali’s wedding, their vision for queer marriage visibility, and Glennon’s top moments of their magical day. 2. Ashlyn and Abby’s friendship–why Ashlyn pulled Abby’s final game captain’s band out of the trash and what she plans to do with it. 3. Who made the first move, which one “knew” first, and how Ashlyn and Ali’s love story started with friendship and mixtapes. 4. Their hardest night with their newborn, how Ali neutralizes mom guilt, and what they want most for Sloane as she grows up. About Ashlyn:  Ashlyn Harris is a two-time World Cup Champion, two-time CONCACAF Champion, and three-time SheBelieves Cup Champion. She currently plays for Gotham FC of the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) and leads the NWSL with most saves as a goalkeeper. A champion of self-expression and self-love, Ashlyn is known for her style and her extensive tattoo artwork.  TW: @Ashlyn_Harris IG: @ashlynharris24 About Ali:  Ali Krieger is an Olympian, two-time World Cup Champion, and two-time SheBelives Cup Champion. She was a key part of the defense that held opponents scoreless for 539 consecutive minutes during the 2015 World Cup. Recently, Ali was named #7 Most Marketable Athletes in the World and currently plays for the NWSL’s Gotham FC. In 2019 Ashlyn and Ali married and in February 2021, they welcomed their new baby Sloane. They are also parents to two puppies – Logan and Storm.  TW: @alikrieger IG: @alikrieger

And I continue to believe the best people are free. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Okay. Before we get into it, I just need to level set the listener of what is happening today. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things, first of all. And second of all, I'm going to take the intro in the bios here because these friends are what I brought into my marriage.

You did. You did bring them to me. I did. And y'all are in for a treat. That was something that you brought that was good. I just need to introduce you both because you too are just outrageous. I'll begin with Ashlyn Harris. She is a two-time World Cup champion, two-time Concaf champion, and a three-time She believes Cup champion.

She believes. She currently plays for Gotham FC of the National Women's Soccer League, the NWSL, and leads the NWSL with the most saves of any goalkeeper, of any goalkeeper, folks. Wow. She's a champion of self-expression and self-love. Ashlyn is also known for her style and her extensive tattoo artwork. Ali Krieger is an Olympian, two-time World Cup champion, and two-time she believes Cup champion, she's a key part.

of the defense that held opponents scoreless for 539 consecutive minutes during the 2015 World Cup. That is how long every game feels. Recently, Allie was named... For us, too. Yes, exactly. Recently, Allie was named number seven most marketable athletes in the world and currently plays for the NWSL's Gotham FC. No way that there's six more marketable athletes in the world than Allie.

Yeah, Ash is one of them. Are you serious? What number is Ashlyn? She's three. Are you serious? I got the boot. Oh, my God. Well, in 2019, Ashland and Ali married.

And in February of 2021, they welcomed their new baby. Slow. There are also parents to two puppies, Logan and Storm. My goodness, I love you both so much. Thank you for joining us today on We Can Do Her Things Double Date. And we got to kind of just dive in because. Oh, my gosh. We're ready.

Are you ready? So happy to be here. Honey, take the first question. Yeah. Thanks for having us. Of course. Thank you for being here. We love you so much.

We wanted to start by talking about your wedding. Yeah. Because that was just a ridiculously magical, wild, beautiful day. Yes. That was the first time. I really got to meet you all. Can you tell us what's the most memorable moment of your wedding day for each of you? It doesn't have to be the most because that's too stressful.

I think what was so magical was being in one place for the first time with all of our people surrounded by so much love and to be able to like express it to your like chosen family, your family, like all your people who have helped you get to that point. And it be such a celebration. It's probably the first time it ever happened. And it quite possibly could be the last time. We have that opportunity. And it was such a moment of visibility for two queer women. We really wanted to capture that. We didn't want to be selfish. We wanted to like really show it to everyone. And I just feel like we had a vision and we totally executed it. It was literally the most magical day of my life. I think for me, walking up those stairs, it's kind of similar to

how you expressed it, but walking up the stairs, I was actually probably more nervous than playing in a World Cup final because of just the feeling and the emotion that I had and the chills of like getting up to those last few steps where you start to see everyone. I know everyone was standing there looking at us and just you see your favorite people in the world all in one place. And I think that specific moment for me and then making kind of the walk around. That was like truly amazing. And I can't really articulate that feeling that I felt in that moment. I didn't take my eyes off of her the whole entire time. I know. I watched you. I watched you. And I had tears. I'm a crier at weddings to begin with, but like knowing you both and knowing all that the queer

community has gone through over the last, you know, centuries to see not only you both getting married, but to be getting married in the most fashionable fucking way ever. The costumes, you guys. The wedding costumes. Oh, my God. Okay, so since you asked me, I'll tell you my top five memories from your wedding. Okay. I'm excited. So do you remember when Sydney read the freaking reading, their reading at the ceremony was Justice Kennedy's decision-making same-sex marriage law of the land? We were crying. You were crying, actually. I was crying inside. I don't cry on the outside because the Lexa Pro like stops my tears right at the, but I cry on the inside. Does anyone remember when? And Sidney forgot. So Sydney was doing the officiating. And she was so amazing. And then she didn't let any of us sit down.

My poor grandparents. I know. And I was looking around like, oh my God, I feel so bad for all. Like, and a lot of our friends were actually pregnant. She was nervous too. She was very nervous. She did a great job. She just forgot the one thing. To let us sit. But it was appropriate. I was like, actually, damn it, we all should be standing. You're right. You're right. If there's any wedding that deserves it, it's this one. And then do you remember when Kyle? Kyle's brother?

Yep. Did the freaking toast? Maybe I have it here. Okay. So he said, your love is a beacon of hope for so many gay young people who don't get to see happy endings reflected back to us. You are our happy ending. Yep. You are gay happy ending.

Jesus. What a moment. He was amazing. I mean, he winged half of it probably. He just got on a roll. And he's just so incredible and such a, I don't know, such a pillar for our relationship too. In the way we kind of live our lifestyle. And he's just been there every step of the way. And so that was an incredible moment for both of us just to see him up there. I mean, he was so nervous. But he was just, we were laughing. He was just, that was a great moment. He's the absolute best. And you know what? Actually, before Glennon, Kyle was the first sober person I've ever met. And so when I was going through my early days of sobriety, he often came to my mind like, okay, if Kyle can do it, like I can do it. You know, and then I met Glennon and everything kind of changed. But at the, he's like such a beacon of hope to begin with. And, you know, it doesn't hurt to look at him. Yeah, he's so unattractive. Your family really struggles in that area. Do you remember the best moment of my life? The best moment of my life. We were on an airplane. Oh, yes. This is good. Someone walks up to us.

He goes, I'll watch you in the goal or something to you. He was like, awesome at soccer. I watch you and the goal. Congratulations on your wedding. And then he walked away and I was like, I feel like he said some soccer things, but I don't understand. And then I go, oh my God, that guy thinks we're Ashlyn and Alley. And then she was like, should I tell him? I was like, no. We're going to ride this out. She was like ready to play the part. So then Ashland, you gave a toast at the wedding. And during the toast, you said so many beautiful things. But you actually during the toast talked about your friendship with Abby. And I didn't understand. I don't think the depth of all of your friendship. So until that toast. So tell us how you all became. friends and what this has meant. Yeah, I can't wait to hear your perspective. Oh my gosh. This is so good.

It's so interesting when I think back because I was so young and like it was such a vulnerable time for me. And I don't know how we ended up like connecting. But Abby's ex-wife was one of my childhood friends. So that's how the connection was made. So it was my first professional year in the league. and I was making minimum contract and I just suffered a ton of injuries in college. So I was kind of just like finding my way a little bit. And Abby and I like hit it off. We were brothers from the moment. We had our first conversation.

And it was such like a weird time in my life. I really believe people are like placed in certain moments for certain reasons. When I was in that moment, when I was like, giving my speech, like, she would let me come to terms with my sexuality because I wasn't comfortable at the time being like, I'm gay. It was, I have these weird feelings for friends and like, I don't know what's going on and I'm super uncomfortable. And she just like loved me through the journey and was a good friend to me and showed me like how to live life because I came from nothing. Like I didn't experience very much outside my bubble and like my small world.

And she just would take me on these freaking wild ass excursions. She would be like, hey, drive your car to 95. We're doing a cross-country trip in an RV with seven people. Sure, I'll be there. I have no money. No problem. I got you. And it's just like we did life together.

some of my greatest memories are with you. And like meeting Allie and like coming to terms with my sexuality, I just remember sitting on your couch folding your laundry talking about what gay look like for me. And it's it's like a really important moment in my life because she just like took care of me. And I was super young. I was super naive. I really don't think I had much to offer her at the time. But she just loved me unconditionally and, like, took me under her wing. And then our friendship,

we were always by each other's side from men on out. We had each other's back, like still to this day. So good. I just remember that time. You know, you were young and I just remember seeing a kid who it's not that you needed any help because I knew you'd figured out. You were very, very strong. And you had the kind of a moral compass that I in many ways wished to have. I feel like you knew a little bit more right from wrong than I did. I had a little bit of a wild streak in me. And you did too, but I think that you had an ability to pull in the reins way better than me. And I think that what you just said is it touches me so much.

And the thing that you gave me was longevity. when a new kid who comes to a team is so open-minded and you weren't filled with ego. You were like, yes, like whatever it takes. And as an older veteran player, it made my career last longer because, first of all, made me feel like I was doing something good. And second of all, like your youthfulness made me feel like, oh, you know what? Like, I still, this is something that I still want to keep doing because you made it so easy every day in the locker room. So, Allie, did you also have a long journey with accepting your gayness or like,

do you have a similar story to Ashlyn or was it different for you? I think it was different for me because when I went to college, I didn't know like two women could actually be together. I didn't know that that was a thing and that could be like normal. And so I was a bit confused. And then I started to explore my sexuality in college towards the end of my four years. And then when I got to Germany. I, you know, dated a woman there and I had a really great relationship for a couple years. And then when I met Ash, I was like, whoa, like this is a thing. And this is like real. And this isn't just like a face, you know. So I was pretty open and, yeah, open to any relationship when I was overseas and throughout my college career. And then when I met Ash, obviously, and Abby was there since day one,

through that experience. I think I just knew it was like a different feeling for her that I had with anybody else. I remember even telling my brother that experience too, that once we met, I was like, wow, just something is different within me and in the way that I feel. And I think also what I value about our relationship the most is that we gave it a chance to build a really good foundation. So we were friends for the first year, I think, before we really started to kind of change that emotional connection into a physical connection. And I feel like that kind of set us up for success. Absolutely. Through now. So when was the moment that you saw each other in that love way? Like, is there like- And who made the first move? Yeah,

we got it. Okay. So Ashland is pointing to Allie. right now and Ali doesn't seem to be I was like, I guess. Rejecting that idea. This girl is calling me from Germany? She must be lonely. And I was like, you better be picking up

because it's a lot of money. I had to pay Skype bill after Skype bill after Skype bill. And I'm like, well, she better send money along with that like mixed tape. She was sending me boxes of mixed tapes. I'm like still were like, you know, sending

gifts to each other. Maybe it was just me. Like care packs. It was so cute. I don't know. I think it was when and, you know, it was obviously before the World Cup. So 2010 was that year. And then obviously, you know, through the World Cup, it was, and I mean, Abby was there through this experience. But it was also like everything was new and we were, you know, I don't know, just on a different platform. And a lot of things were changing for me personally. And also just as a footballer. So I think I needed to just kind of navigate. gate through a lot of different obstacles at the time and my feelings included. So it wasn't as easy

at the beginning, but, you know, eventually I knew that she was the one for me and then just blossomed from there. Blossomed. Such a good word for it. I just need to say that in that 2011 World Cup, a lot of people talk about that big goal we scored at the end of the game against Brazil that sent it into penalties. And not enough people in my mind talk about how we actually won that game and went forward with that game. And it was by the penalty of Ali Krieger. I remember you yelling at me on my way up to kick the ball. Because I started walking. And I think everybody was so nervous. And like, you know, the four players before me, I think it was Abby, Carly, Pino. Boxy. Boxy. I mean, just absolutely rocked their Pek. It was like, no question.

I was like, oh, God, I got to like, don't screw it up. Yeah. And I started kind of walking and Abby goes, don't walk, jog. Like, like, like, and I just remember it. And I was like, oh. And I kind of like snapped into it, not out of it. I snapped into it. And I really like, focus from then on.

And I was like, I can't screw this up. I have it. I'm telling you, it is one of my biggest pet peeves, people walking to a penalty. Because there's too much thought that goes on during a walk. Like when you're jogging, your body's in motion. Like, let's go. go, let's get this done. You know what you're doing. Put the ball in the spot. Put it in the goal. Let's go. I'm glad that I said that. I'm sorry for your feelings in any way. No, no, no. You didn't hurt

my feelings. You actually like made me more. I was talking. Well, probably was. I was exaggerating a little bit. It was just, you know, come on, Kriegs. I love it up. Yeah. That's us in a nutshell. But I did want to mention Abby, like you also knew how to get the best out of all of us younger players. I really appreciated that. Not only, I know Ashton has an amazing connection with you and in such a brilliant friendship story. And throughout the years, it's obviously grown so much. But I don't know if you realize, like, you obviously knew what you could get out of people. And you always knew how to get the best out of us. And I just really appreciated that. And I really value that about you. And obviously, you're one of the greatest leaders we've ever had. And I have to say, like, I know,

like we've kind of mentioned this story before, but I think it's a really important story to share with everyone is in your final game, your retirement game. Like I understood at the time you weren't in a great place and it was like a really difficult time for you. And you, I'll never forget, like plays in slow motion like a movie in my mind. You came into the locker room and you're pissed because we lost, which you should be. And you took your captain band and you took it off and you're sure and you just threw it into the dirty laundry. Oh my God, Ash, in the story. And when no one was looking, I took out that captain band and I took off my jersey and I wrapped it and put it in my bag. And still to this day, I have your last captain band wrapped in my jersey that I wore because like that is the impact you had on the people around you.

And maybe you didn't know it. And I just knew there was going to be a time where you wanted that back. and I like can't wait to deliver that to you when I see you face to face because that's the effect you had on people that you didn't even know. And it was so powerful and it was so moving that like I need to give you back that last captain van like that's important to me for you to have it because that's the impact you had on the people around you. I'm not crying at all. That is friendship is seeing some. but you have a moment where you know that's not them in this moment and they're going to want

this moment back and saving it for them. Yeah, I was struggling so much at that time. And there was a lot going on in my personal life. And that was my last game. So it was, of course, like super emotional. And I was just so pissed to leave the game on a loss. I think I've come to more better terms with it now. But it still irks me.

I'm like, how the fuck? How the fuck? We win so many games and championships. And I lose my last one. Like that's the way I'm going out. Are you serious? Thank you, Ashland. And Allie, like what you just said meant means a lot to me.

Especially now like, you know, five, six years out of my career into my retirement. You know, my kids, they think that what I did was really cool. But like they're my kids. They don't think that highly of me. So it feels my ego is filled up. Being vulnerable and authentic and having a handful of struggles, like that's also what makes the experience so great and us to be human beings. And we're not always going to be perfect and we're not always going to be so strong all the time. And it's actually refreshing to know

that even the best of us can also struggle and fight through it. And that's something that I think Ash and I really appreciate it about you too. That's not always going to be, you know, rainbows and butterflies. Yeah. It just isn't like if we were to get really honest, and I'm sure both of you now in your club teams and having some time apart from the women's national team, like being a professional athlete is a really intense way of life. And everything in many ways suffers, right? Like your body suffers, your mentality suffers, your emotions suffer, your relationship suffer, the relationship you have with yourself sometimes suffers. I'm like now just getting to a place in my life where I don't have to traumatize my body to feel good about

myself. Like the self-esteem that I get from working out hard, I'm trying to like fix because I can't maintain that for the rest of my life. I'll be incapable of walking with knee problems and ankle problems as I get older because I'm just brutalizing my body day after day. And so I'm trying to figure this out. What did you guys honestly think when Abby told you that she was going to marry a previously straight 40-year-old Christian mother of three? I love this question. Were we at the Super Bowl when we first met? Yeah. You remember. You remember. Oh, yeah. So nice to me. It was so terrifying that night, but you were very kind to me. Well, I just remember how Abby spoke about you and like how happy she was and how she was

like growing as a person and in this like extremely like she's still trying to talk to me about how her life is so incredible and amazing. It's like not even the place to be having these like very serious conversations about like how life is changing and it's so great. She's like, I'm going. But honestly, like, she was glowing. And she was so happy. And she, like, couldn't wait to talk to me about it.

And it was, like, such a moment where I was like, she must be, like, really freaking awesome. And I met you. And I could tell you were, like, pretty, like, reserved around me and quiet. As I, like, started meeting you more and more. I could really, like, feel your fun side. And I'm like, this chick is freaking awesome. and perfect and challenges her and it's balancing her in all the most perfect ways.

And like, I get why you guys work because you guys are such incredible people. You deserve to be happy. I love that. Like, we all get a second chance in life. And the fact that you guys found each other when you did, like, I know you saved her life. But like, she chose to save her own and do her own work and her own steps. And you just like added and enhanced this richness that was already there. So like I'm just so happy that you guys both found so much happiness in each other.

Like this is the best. Like we're like family now. And I love that. I love that like I have you in my phone and I can pick up like whenever and just call you guys and get the best advice or just like a hangout talk shit session. It's just like the same banter as when we first met. And now Glennon that you're a part of it. It's like it's a complete circle. For your child.

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The guide is free to you at net suite.com slash hard things. NetSuite.com slash hard things. Who proposed? Like, how did you all do the proposal? How did this happen? I knew I wanted to marry her the moment I met her. No. I literally bought a ring.

I bought a ring. I remember telling her clearly. If you don't marry me, I will drag you down that aisle myself. I actually had the wedding ring for three years because I already knew. And then I was like, well, what, like, what was like, what was like, what was like, what was like, what was like, questioning? Even though I was ready and my time was ready. Took you so long.

She was waiting on you, Ali. Yeah. How did you know? How did she got right here? Thank you, Abby. you, sister. I remember. I saw that. I get it. I get it. I had the ring for three years because I knew this is what I wanted. And there was no doubt in my mind. But I also didn't want to be selfish. Like, I needed her to be ready. Oh, I get that. Yeah, I wasn't ready. That's so beautiful,

though, that you knew that, like, you were able to, like, press pause on something that was really important to you because you knew long term, if I put her in this corner, she's going to be gone. we would take like random trips, weekend trips, just to get away and get away from work and soccer and all the things. Stacation. Yeah. Just to refresh and recharge. And, you know, it's only about an hour and a half from Orlando.

So it was nice. It was just like a normal weekend. Like I didn't think anything of it. I was like, yes, we get to go, I don't know, walk the beach and hang out and sit by the pool and, you know, have a cocktail or whatnot. And go to dinner just by ourselves and be able to talk about anything and everything outside of soccer, which is always so. nice. And it was just a random weekend and we went down to the beach and we brought, you know, I think champagne. I was just thinking it was like a normal evening. I'm like and there's like, Tom Brown can. There's nothing about this. I mean, I thought I was kid too. There's nothing about

this is just a regular evening. Yeah. But there's like this rock, these rocks, I don't know what you would call it, but it's just kind of like a bank of like rocks going out into the ocean. And people kind of stand on take photos. And then it was just the way the light was hitting. The clouds were so beautiful. The sunlight was coming, setting through the clouds. And there were just, it was unreal. And then there were sailboats out in the water. And I was just like, this is like, this is so beautiful. So I said, can you come over to the rocks and take a photo of me for Instagram? Because I need my, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need my like, you know, perfect segue. Yeah. And I was like, but just by myself. Yeah. I have a cute outfit on.

Yeah, yeah. You can take it. You can take it. I'm going to go stand over here. Your shadow. You're doing great, sweetie. You're in my shot. Your shadow's in my shot, honey. I know. And I'm like, here, hold my camera and, you know, take a few shots. Anyway, so then she goes, okay, well, now can I actually get into the photo? And I was like, well, yeah, you can come now. Come on, come on. So we sat there. And I was just holding the phone up in selfie mode. And before someone else had come and taken a photo. But she had her hand up, like, In between us, like holding the ring. As she's clicking all the photos. I'm like, put your hand down. What are you doing? You're ruining, like, the same thing is see the sailboat.

Your hands. I literally have it holding and like. And I'm like, I can't see the sailboat. Like right in between us, there was like a sailboat. And our hand is here. And I'm like, okay. And then she like brings it around. I think I still have that photo.

Yeah, we sure do. I have like so many photos of her holding it. And she brings it around the front. And she was like, you know, said the whole thing. Said the whole thing and, you know, I just, yeah, will you marry me?

Yeah, will you marry me? And I just, I didn't hesitate. No, you did not hesitate. I said absolutely. I on the other hand was like, girl, your hands, you, you better not drop this ring and these rocks. Oh, yeah.

In this water. That's all I kept in. I put it right on. I put it right on. I was not going to mess this up. Yeah. My hands had been tested my whole career. I was not going to drop this ring.

And I remember we called Sid, like right away. Yeah, we called our family, our parents, yeah. It was great. It was great. We'll send you guys the photos. Okay, yes, we would love that. How did you know after a few years of being married that you were ready to become parents?

We had actually spoke about adopting the first moment we met about how we, like what we talked about our hopes and our dreams and like all this foundation was built. like 10 years ago. And as soon as COVID hit and the Olympics were pushed back, like soccer just wasn't moving us like it did. You were like another year. I don't know. We should start planning for, you know. It's like Abby said, like it is it. You have to sacrifice it all. And at some point, you come from a place of holy smokes. I just sacrificed 20 years. And now I'm in my later 30s. Now what? And I just felt that we were so ready for this moment. And we were like, why not? Like, we've built this foundation. We have this stability. Let's not do things just for paycheck. So like this was our moment to kind of break free. And I think it was a really good time for us because we weren't happy within that bubble of traveling all the time, blah, blah, blah. So when COVID hit, we were like, oh my God, I love you so much.

Like people were struggling during COVID and I was like, this. We were thriving. We were like, this is what people usually do. Like they have time to hang out and go to the, you know, go for a walk at sunset or not have to like surround your entire day on working out and recovering and sleeping. And I just could like shut off 25 years of just dedicating my entire life to this craft. and Ali and I were like, let's do this. This is our time. And we matched in three weeks.

Yeah, but we also were like, this could be three years. We don't know. Maybe, you know, we were still planning on wanting to go to the Olympics and be a part of that experience in the team at the time. We just got home from the she believes or a tournament right before everything shut down. And we were like, well, we don't even know how long this is going to take. So let's just put our names in and see what happened. and, you know, we'll go from there. Well, then we get a call like three weeks later and we were like,

we were like, do we want to do this? Yeah. You were like, wait, hold on. I was like, good thing I've sitting down. Once we do this, like, this is it. Yes, it is. Our life, like, we're not selfish anymore. It's not about us.

Yeah. And we were like, let's do this. Well, and I just want to give a little context to the listener because I think that you all play in the NWSL, which is a professional team, which is, a little bit less traveling than it is on the women's national team. So when you're talking about settling down more and maybe not playing on the national team as much, you're still playing in the club system, but you have a little bit more of a quote unquote normal existence, a day-to-day schedule where you're not at the mercy of traveling for months and years at a time to train.

How interesting, though, to go from what Abby always calls, and you're referring to as a very, not even a negative way, but self-centered existence where you're constantly worried about your own body and your own and you're your own planet. And then you become a mother of infant, which is the most self-sacrificing existence on Earth, right? You went from extremes. How did you do that? Yeah, what was that transition like? It's the hardest thing we've ever done. It's, we didn't sleep. We actually hired a night nanny because we were like, listen, we are fit right now. We don't want to like have to do this all over in 12 weeks and we want to be there for the team. And we still felt like we could actually go to training and just figure it out. But we only took two weeks out of the 12 weeks of maternity leave. And yeah, our night nanny would go 48 hours of all. And then we would take the next day, 48 hours on, we would take the next day. So we were like kind of flip-flopping.

But it was so hard. As you know. No, I don't know. I was not soccering. Like, Allie, we had shifts. We were like high-fiving in the hallway. In the middle of the night. And like 2 a.m.

I would go to sleep at 9 and Ali would be up till midnight. And then I would do the 2 a.m. to the 6 a.m. and then I would do the morning. Yeah, she would do the morning. We'd get up and have to be at training by 745. No. In Orlando, Florida, 100 and something degree, I would just someday show up and cry.

I don't know what was going on. I didn't even know what planet I was on. I would just cry. And then I would be like, all right, I'm good to go. I'll go home. And I'm going to be the best mom ever. Did you get, okay, okay. It's wild.

I know, it's so wild. So physically, that's unbelievable. But emotionally also, because when you have a new baby, you just start hating each other. There's just nobody. I don't know anybody who honestly, I feel like if there's anyone, it's you guys. So I just want to know, did you hate each other during that time? Because even if you're emotionally intelligent and you love each other and your good friends. When you're not sleeping, we revert to this animalistic version of ourselves. Oh my gosh. Did you fight? Do you baby fight? What are your baby fights? I mean, I'll just add this too,

is they both have the exact same job. So it's not like one person is going off the work and another person staying home, but like you guys both are sharing the exact experience on the soccer field. So like there was no reprieve. There was no like get out of. Did you fight a lot? No, I don't. Well, you were like, no, I wasn't like, yeah, we thought it was great. Get your story straight real quick. Yeah.

No, no, we don't, we didn't fight at all. I think just, I'm just laughing because the very first night, Ash was probably like, great, I need to buckle it. Can I tell you the first night? Because this is going to tell you a lot about our relationship. And I think, Abby, you're going to really appreciate this story. And Glennon, so will you because you're going to get it. So the first night, first off, they just hand you the baby.

they're like, here you go, put it in the car seat. That looks great. See ya. We took all these courses through adoption. I have no idea what I'm doing with this child. It's just like a stranger has been put into my arms. So we get home, we drive. So our child was born in Tampa.

So we drove home. I'm driving so slow. I just can't like didn't change lanes, how like careful I was driving. So we get home and like, we're. doing our thing, right? We're good. Every two hours, this baby needs to eat, sleeps the whole time. So nighttime comes around. And like, we're, you know, how competitive we are. So Allie and I are like, the first week, we're doing this. No night nannies. Like, this is our time to latch. Like, we're going to own this. We're like, this is our moment. The first night. Allie is like literally

white knuckling the bassinet. The child moves. Sloan's trying to get out. out of this like swaddled thing we have her. The straight. God. Yeah. It is literally the baby is, and you can't have at the time like any blankets, anything in there.

So all you hear is like the shh, shh, like a track suit. Yeah. You know, you're running like an old 80s track suit. So every time Sloan's moving, Ali's like,

oh my God. And she like gets up out of bed and she's like looking into the bassinet. And I'm like, okay, she's fine, honey. And then she has this like light button. They have a night light. in their sight. Phrantically. She looks over to me and she's like, it's too cold in here.

Okay. I go and I turn the air up, right? And then Sloan's still, you know, doing the jig in the crib. She gets back up and she's like, the vents. It's three or four o'clock in the morning at this point. The vents. It's too close. It's too cold. Go close the vent. Well, we have 12 foot ceiling. What, what am I supposed to do? Go in the garage. and get the ladder. Now it's 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm trucking outside. I have the ladder.

I'm trying not to make any noise. I'm going up the glass staircase. And a garage is like detached in the back of the house. Go outside for this. Through the walkway. It's 4 a.m. now, right? I close the vents. I'm literally having slept.

My mind's mush. I'm 12 feet in the air, closing every vent in the house. We're baking. literally baking. I'm sorry. So then Salon's still moving. And finally, like, my patience at this point, like I'm so patient with Alia, I love her to the death.

But at this point, I'm like, honey. She's like, enough. Enough. At this rate, we will never sleep again. And she's like, I have to keep her alive. That's what it's like? That dramatic. That dramatic.

The next morning, that's her exact words. The next morning, I called that night. nurse and she was there by 3 p.m. the next day. I'm like, this, we can't do this. That was the first and only night. That's how very only fight. Then we learned that she liked to be swaddled up. So that's why she was moving. She was like, she wanted those hands out. She had to be, yeah. So this, that was our one and only fight. And it wasn't even a fight. My patience were very like, and then we were just like breathe through the other like, you know, frustrations. I'd be like, okay, why don't you just go take a nap or like, why don't you go?

She's so, she was so good with me because I was on fumes. She was like crying and like upset, not crying all the time, but you were just like, you were just so tired and she doesn't sleep as it is. She just struggles to sleep. It's just like how you are. Tossing and turning. That's always been a thing. So then I was like, oh gosh, bringing a baby into this.

She's going to be. Oh, so I would have to take like extra shifts just because I'm like, you got to train. You got to be like good. And you got to show up and do your job and do it well. so we need to like figure something else out. This show is brought to you by Alma. When I first tried to find a therapist, it felt like a scavenger hunt with no map,

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Teamwork healthy. It's how to be on the same team and take care of each other. And as it comes to, like, fighting, how do you fight, like, in general? Like, what are your fighting styles? Or communicate, because it doesn't sound like you fight. Yeah. When your feelings are hurt with each other or you have to, like, have a conflict. Is one of you more afraid of conflict than the other?

I think we're just so honest with each other. And I don't know if sports has helped, like, diffuse, honest. Like, she can be very honest with me. And I'm like, damn, that was harsh. But I'm so used to it. because that's my job. I want to surround myself by people who are going to like tell me the truth and not what I want to hear so I can get better. We are so good at saying that to each other. We just. And a nice way. We're just very respectful. This is bothering me. This is how it's making me feel. And like, boom, I understand like I'm going to have to be better and figure it out. And we compromise. I feel like that's marriage and general. But I think communicating is like so like huge for us because of something's bothering me. I'll like tell it right away and not like. like let it build up and build up until the fifth time, you know, and it just explodes. I think that's been really helpful for our relationship just to kind of like, I'm pretty calm.

Sometimes I'll snap here and there when I'm like a little annoyed at something that I didn't address sooner. And that's like on me. And I'm like, listen, I'm really sorry. But that's the biggest thing is talking about all the little things because sometimes we're like, are we ridiculous? Because this lesbian relationship talks about every little thing. But it actually is so helpful because when you ignore the little things and they build up and build up and build up and then you freak out. Yeah. And also just learning, I think your partner is so important because then you can help cater to their needs a bit more. Like I know for Allie, she's such a yes person that she gives, gives, gives, gives, gives. And like she gets to a point where she's so fragile and tired.

That's when the cracks start to come out. And I have to like step. in and be like, honey, you can't do it all. You can't be here and there and flying all over the place and then be a mom and then mom guilt creeps in. Like she suffers a lot from mom guilt. So it's a lot of times just me taking care of her, like in a way where don't feel bad about saying no to people. Like we also have to own our own time. And I think that's the hardest thing she struggles with. So I try to like come in sometimes and be like, maybe we don't have to do that. And, Like it's okay to say no. I try to balance it a little bit more.

I don't know. I guess really just getting to know each other and knowing in this moment she might need me because I can say no and feel no like regret or no like kind of way. And she's like really sweet and nice and she's just always wanting to do good things for people. But then it leaves her kind of like tired and not. Yeah, and empty a lot of times. So we're talking about it in therapy. Yeah.

You know, I'm talking about with my therapist a lot. So we're trying to figure that out day to day. It's getting better. That's why they're so healthy too. That's why you're so healthy. I'm like, for sure there's therapy going on here. So are you both in individual therapy and do you ever do marriage therapy? No, we haven't done marriage therapy, which I would be open to it.

It would be really like fun to continue to build our relationship stronger and stronger. But individual for me, yes, because I'm dealing with a lot of trauma. from, you know, childhood and, like, grieving and mom guilt. So those are my topics. Yeah. I just, I want to be good at everything. So I want to be like the best soccer player I can be. I want to be the best activist I can be.

I want to be the best mom I can be. And I know that each of those kind of take and the best sister and the best daughter and the best wife. And sorry, I didn't mean to put that last. But, you know, all the things you want to be like so good at and give equal amount of time to everything. But, you know, when I don't feel like I'm doing that, it becomes really difficult. And I struggle with, I guess, just accepting that something's got to give and you're going to sacrifice a little bit of time here and there. But ultimately, I've been feeling better about

going to training and then giving myself some time before I come home because I don't want to come home and not have a smile on my face and not be happy. So I know, like, I have to make myself priority too or else, you know, Sloan's going to always just see me upset and unhappy in the house. And that is like the absolute last thing I want. So I have to make sure at times that, you know, I split the time and understand that giving her everything means also giving myself more time and more grace to. That's so beautiful. And one thing I'll just say that is, that was a complex that I had big time when I retired. And I was like, okay, I'm going to be the best at everything that I do.

And for me, that left me feeling really sad because what we were able to do as a soccer player in terms of just like the evaluation process. Like it's also relative. But like being on the best team in the world, like that's something that like I'm really proud of. And that's something that, like, I identified as so much as, like, a national team player. But in all the other components of my life, I think it doesn't serve me. Because there is no way to be the quote unquote best parent in the world. But here I was trying my, like, my hardest to be the best parent in the world. As if there was going to be a medal ceremony.

Yeah, I was waiting for it. Nobody was giving me any trophies. This was like very, this is a very weird situation to be involved in. But what I've learned over to. I'm, Allie, and I don't know if this will help you in any way, but what I've learned over time that with parenting especially, it's not about how good or bad you are. It's about how you show up. And as a parent, I've like let myself just by showing up be a success. That has been, I think, really a hard transition from what we do as soccer players to like, quote unquote, normal life, as I would say. You just have to give you. You just have to give. yourself a little bit of grace that there is no trophy. Yeah. There's no parenting trophy. There's no. That's such a good point. I feel like I, you're right. Like, I think that are we doing the best? Are we being the best of the best of the best of the best? And like at the end of the day, though,

like Sloan's going to see how hard her mom's work. Yes. And how much of this life that they've created and how they stand for things that most people are scared to stand for, lend their voice to people who don't have a voice. We work around the clock and I want her to see how we're trying to change the narrative, how we're trying to make the world better for her. I want her to be proud of that. Like I saw my parents work two jobs. Like I took something from them that like I wanted to be better for my kids and

that's what I hope she can see one day. that like, yeah, mom works a lot, but she's working for all the right reasons. Yes, and that is mothering. There's this idea of, you know, don't change, don't prepare the world for the child, like prepare the child for the world. And that's actually kind of horseshit. Mothering is at home with your kid or, you know, you're creating, helping create the person they'll be, but it's also out in the world helping create the world that they will inherit.

That's right. Right. So much of your mothering is done when you're not even. even in the room with Sloan. Mm-hmm. Right. Have you ever hit a point at work where everything just feels heavy? Not just a bad week, but the kind of burnout where you're staring at your laptop thinking,

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and built around the reality of your life. Go to strawberry.comme slash we can do hard things and try a coaching session for 50% off. Strawberry dot me because your career should feel good again. What do you all talk about in terms of being a same gender family and a mixed race family? Like how are you approaching your particular type of family and how do you raise Sloan to be who she is in the world, even if it's not completely reflected in you too physically? Yeah, that's a great question. we have to first start with ourselves and educating ourselves more every single day just to be able to give her the tools to succeed.

And we never want to tell her what to do or how to do things. We just want to teach her certain tools to help her navigate her own life. And so I think that definitely starts with us and educating ourselves continuously to be able to help guide her. And through these tough conversations that I'm sure we're going to be involved in, And we've taken that diversity course as well through the adoption process, which is a must. And I think we should do that every single year. And I think it definitely starts with me and you. Yeah, she's going to know at an early age, we talk about us often that we're different.

We are a normal family, but we have our differences. And so we're going to have to sit down with her and be open with her right from the get-go. because I think with us, we value communication with our family, value communication. And so I think with her, that's going to be really important as soon as she can understand. Yeah. And I think it's so interesting, right? Like, well, we grew up in a time of what do you want to be when you grow up? And it's always like the police officer and the firefighter and the professional baseball player, whatever the case is.

And Ali come from, we're like parenting and wanting to come from a place of like, I want Sloan to use the terms like kind. I want to be kind. I want to be like compassionate. I want to be understanding. And I don't think we're trying to raise good humans just like good machines that are going to help us like follow the dreams that we fell short in. Like parents do that. They just like push their hopes and dreams on their. children and I don't want that for Sloan. Like I want her to be a kind human who knows how to

navigate life because it's hard. And I didn't have those tools to hold on to when I was young. And I like want to be the parent who not snow plows everything, but hands her the tools to navigate this journey. And then she can own her own decisions. But like as long as she functions through the world and this sense of like clarity and being open minded and coming from this family that looks beautifully different. I'm hopeful I'm going to raise a really good human. That's going to do great things. And she's going to be centered in who she is, not what she is. It's this unbelievable thing we talk about all the time. It's like such proof that we are so capitalistic in our brain. Like the only thing we look at these unbelievably divine human. We're just,

human things and we're like, what occupation are you going to have in 35 years? Like, they don't freaking know. They just know that adults have no idea how to talk to kids. And that's the one question adults can think of. So they ask them what they're going to be. And then they don't even, I was a teacher, so I know, most of the time, they're just making something up. They're just like, these adults want to hear a word. So firefighter. We used to talk all the time with our little ones, who do you want to be when you grow up? And more importantly than that, who are you now? not even like this arrival thing because that teaches them that one day they're going to grow up and become adults. Are you still waiting? Because I'm still waiting. When am I going to wake up and be this other thing that I'm supposed to be? Because I keep just waking up and I'm just me. And it's terrifying. Every day. Right. Yeah. When you all are going to retire from soccer, it's like you all are going to retire from soccer. It's like you all. It's who you. It's who you. It's who you. It's who you. And the what is the least important. The soccer is the least like exciting thing about you too.

Right. That's right. Like there's so, it's who you are. And that is so beautiful. You guys, I love that so much. You all, you three are all so lucky. I just want to talk a little bit about traveling soccer family and what you are thinking about heading into a retirement from the good old game. Are you talking about that? Has anyone retired?

What's going on with the soccer? Yes. Yes. We talk about it. Austin. Gosh, we are just like. barely crawling out there at this point. I'm like maybe I overshot, you know, my thoughts of really keeping up.

I know. No, but we're actually so much happier where we're at now with Gotham FC and just having this experience for a couple of years in New Jersey and New York and being so close to the city. Like, it's actually really refreshing for us to kind of get out of our small, comfortable life in Orlando. And it's just a get out and explore and kind of just be challenged again because that's when you grow the most when you're putting these uncomfortable situations. And so I feel like we're really excited about this opportunity.

But yes, our bodies are like, wow. You need to take a moment. Yeah. And she's at the front door. So I think we're more, I think we're more players than trainers. So like, you know, we don't train as much as we used to. and but we're like, you know, gamers and can show up and be good. We literally play this game because we love to compete.

Like, I love to compete. I am a different animal, human. I don't know what it is, but it's like, it's therapy for me. It really is. I'm out, I mean, Abby, you know, I'm out there. I'm like, doing it. It's just, it's so therapeutic to be able to go and just compete because the way I operate in life is a lot of times too much for the people around me. So it really is therapeutic.

And I can get it out. And then I can come home and be nice and calm and mom and gentle and soft. And then I can be really aggressive and harsh in my professional career. So maybe I should be in like WWE or something. I don't know. Actually, I can see that for sure. A. And then B, what you just did was actually cleared something up for me that I've been considering like, why did I play so long? And because for a long time, it wasn't about the soccer because I couldn't stand it at the end. It was about the competitiveness and the need to win, the need to be in this like, no holds barred environment. So that's like really helpful. And I also just want to say this, whenever you do decide to hang up the cleats, there's a transition period that's that's super different.

I'm not going to say hard because I don't want to put any experience on to what yours might be. But there's a transition period that you will go through that I will be here for. And I want that to be known by both of you. Nobody told me that when I retired. I didn't have somebody to be like, am I going wildly nuts here or like, is this normal? And we will be here for you. And I just think that what you're doing with your own lives, and the decision you made to bring Sloan and make a family for yourself is one of the most

brave and beautiful things that I admire the most of you both to do it while you're still playing and to create this ridiculous, gorgeous family. You guys are so good looking. It's ridiculous. Yeah, it's annoying. It's so annoying. But remember that time that they thought that we were them just to circle back. Here we are.

You are so perfectly beautiful. I know. What are you talking about? This is so nice to hear from. You both. We can do hard things, remember. Yes. But we admire.

If I've learned anything from Glennon from far is we can do hard things. We can. Together. Together. We admire you both. We love you both. And we just appreciate everything you do for the community for us as individuals and a family.

We just look up to both of you and just appreciate everything you do. So I want to make sure we say that. We value you so much. So thank you. Please come back. Bring the baby. Bring the baby. We are coming.

Listen, we're coming. We're going to do around the couch. It's going to be called around the couch. Yes. We're going to be folding Abby's long underwear. Yeah. I probably won't.

Like we did. All right. All right. All right. Yeah. And I'll probably be doing. I don't know. And if during this, you know,

transition time that you're talking about, if you need to, like spend a lot of time, you know, reaching into your psyche or whatever, I can babysit during this time. Okay. We will hold you to that. Thank you. We can't wait to come visit. All right. We love you both so much. Thank you for this hour. We loved every minute. Thank you for who you are in the world. We will be in your corner forever. That's right. Thank you. And to the rest of you, well, it'll never get better than that. So I hope you enjoyed this last hour. And we, We will see you back here next time when we can do hard things.

Bye. I give you Tishmilton and Brandy Carlisle. I walk through fire. I came out the other side. I chase desire. I made sure I got what's mine. I continued to believe that. I'm a

This were adventurers And heartbreak I'm a final destination They've stopped asking directions To places they've never To be loved We'll find We can do a heart

A brand new star And sometimes Things fall hard I continue to believe Less people are free And it took some time Finally fine Because we're adventurers

And destination We've stopped asking directions To places They've never been And to be so hard. So play. Never been. And too.

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