We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - 204. Priyanka Chopra Jonas: How to Care Less About What People Think

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

Priyanka Chopra Jonas dives deep into: the night she fell for Nick at the Met Gala, walking her baby through their harrowing NICU journey, her strategy to make Malti Marie think she’s cool, and why accountability is good – if we know the right people to be accountable to.  About Priyanka:  Priyanka Chopra Jonas is a multi-faceted talent, New York Times Best Selling Author of UNFINISHED, and one of the most recognized people in the world. She is an actor and producer, with more than sixty international and Hollywood films to her credit. She stars in the new Amazon series Citadel and the new movie Love Again. The Padma Shri, one of India’s highest civilian honors, was conferred on her in 2016 and she was named one of the “Most Influential People” in the world by Time Magazine. She is a global UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador, and a Global Citizen ambassador, and is involved in efforts to protect children’s rights and to promote the education of girls around the world.  TW: @priyankachopra IG: @priyankachopra

I chase desire I made sure I got what's mine. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. Today we have one of the wisest love bugs on the planet. Priyanka Chopra Jonas is a multifaceted talent, New York Times bestselling author of Unfinished and one of the most recognized people in the world. She is an actor and producer with more than 60 international and hollational. Hollywood films to her credit 60. She stars in the new Amazon series Citadel and the new movie Love Again.

The Padma Shri, one of India's highest civilian honors, was conferred on her in 2016, and she was named one of the most influential people in the world by Time magazine. A real slacker, this one. She is a global UNICEF, Goodwill Ambassador, and a global citizen ambassador, and is involved in efforts to protect children's rights and to promote the education of girls around the world. Are you tired, Priyanka? Gosh.

You know, it's always so strange when you just kind of sit through an intro. Yes. And, you know, my toes are curling and my hair is standing. And it's like, oh, why is that so cringy feeling? Oh, it's like, you know, we should be proud of it. I know. I actually, if I turned my logical, brain on. Every time we hear of our achievements, you should feel like, yeah, man, I did that.

Wow, good on me. I could achieve that. We're just so trained to just be, ooh. I know. That's something to unpack and we should at some point. I've seen so many people do it. And I don't know, is it what we're taught to react like? Is it honest? Is it not? Is it subliminal? Is it society. It's just something interesting. Is it honest? I love that question. Is that reaction honest? Well, it's like, how do you want to live? Do you want to live in your past or do you want to live

in your present? Right? And like that's... Or are you even allowed to live a certain way or you're supposed to? You know, like, did my, was my instinct to immediately go to like, oh my gosh, they're talking about all my achievements. Like sort of, you know, cringe a little bit.

why aren't we taught that our instincts should be proud of ourselves somehow? It's like accepting a compliment as soon as someone says anything to you. We're taught to diminish that thing instead of elevating our gratitude for it. Exactly. You articulated it way better than I did. That's why you do this as a profession and I don't. But that's exactly it. It's like we're taught humility is almost directly proportional to performing in a humble manner versus feeling humility. Yeah. Yes.

I was at a table recently at my little birthday party and people were saying nice things about me around the table. And all I could think of is this will be over soon. This will be over soon. That's what I mean. And it reminds me of... Why are we trained that way? Well, are we trained? It could be gendered. I don't know. But I've never seen a man like get smaller and cringy like when someone reads his accolades like women do. Never. Oh my gosh, for sure. But there is that William Blake quote that I think about all the time. That is we are put on this earth to learn to endure the beams of love.

And it's like it feels like an enduring when someone does something or says something nice. Only with Priyanka, do we not even get through the bio with. out like a deep philosophical exploration. So good. And that's what people need to know about this woman. Like everybody on earth knows who she is because of her fancy things. But she's a fucking philosopher. For real.

Okay. She's like to think. Priyanka, last time we talked was two years ago and it was during the pandemic and your book unfinished was just coming out and your marriage was just a few years new and your multi-Marie did not exist. You seem to have found your little slice of heaven at this moment. You've taken full charge of your career. You're producing.

You're launching diverse voices. You've settled into life with your great love and now Malti Marie. But I like to talk about hell rather than heaven because this is more my comfort spot. So let's start this conversation in my idea of hell, which is the middle school cafeteria. I want you to take us back to when you were 13, having just moved from India to America, alone and you're going to middle school in Cedar Rapids. What was it like to be Priyanka at 13? A couple of layers to that.

I coveted wanting to come to America at 13 because to me, I think of this girl in a small town in India called Borelli. I go to this all-girls school and we all wear uniforms because in India we don't wear uniforms because it's fancy. We wear uniforms because the socioeconomic background of all the students is not the same. So if you give them a uniform, there's no one showing up trying to make the other person look bad. You know, that stuff like kind of gets next, which is great. It's just boring for a teenager. But that's why I love uniforms. I was a teacher. And that's why I love uniforms. We should all have uniforms. Well, at 13 I hear you. That's right. This is coming from somebody. Hold on.

She's a style icon. It's coming from somebody who didn't wear uniforms. I wore uniforms and when you're in it, it sucks. But when you're out of it, you're like, damn, I really miss those uniforms. Yeah, they're now I'm like, okay, they were cute. But at that time when you're in it, it's just really, really annoying. But I was that girl and I used to watch like TV shows like 90210 and St. by the Bell.

And high school in America was just such a wonderful. wonderous thing because there were these lockers and then there were boys and then there were more boys and that was a big attraction and you thought they all looked like Dylan McKay, I bet. I did. I even thought that I could be Kelly Kapaus. Yeah. What was I thinking? And 13, sitting in Borelli, India. But when the opportunity arose and my cousins lived here and we used to write letters to each other at that time. And they basically, to write to me about their new schools and all the different things

and I remember we went for a vacation and I asked my aunt and my mom if I could stay back and my aunt took me to the school and we met the counselors, got my visas done. It seemed to be a lot easier then than it was now for a lot more students. Got it done and suddenly I was

going to an American high school in ninth grade but in my head it was so different than what it ended up feeling like in my head I like I said was Kelly Kapowski but in reality I wasn't

I was a 13 year old girl that had come from India that looked felt spoke different did not have any friends now here I was with like a schedule trying to figure out what the hell a home room is like I didn't have any of those things and I was kind of thrown into the thick of it

and so I was a little bit scared a little bit trying not to make a fool of myself because I kind of wanted to show up for myself and my people, which I didn't see a lot of anyway. And suddenly everything was just new, and I had to navigate new waters. But I come from a military background, not me personally,

but my parents were both in the Indian Army. And it was a sense of discipline and a work ethic that my dad specifically had that I really imbibed, enjoyed, and he kind of bestowed upon me. especially the fact that you show up. When it's your job, you just, you show up and you get it done and you do it with the right attitude. And you respect people's time and the discipline of just figuring it out and following through. We used to move every two years because that's what you do in the military.

I remember the first time I was in kindergarten and I had a fit with my dad and I was like, I'm not going. I have a best friend here. I'm doing really well here. I love this school. and he like made it into this game for me. He said, you know how you're not doing well at math here and you don't think that teacher likes you?

When we go to the next school, no one will know anything about how you're doing at math or, you know, you could start afresh. And it started becoming like this thing for me where it was not hard to just pick up and start somewhere else because I wasn't materially attached to anything. I was attached to my spirit. I was attached to adventure.

I was attached to like, How do I win in this situation? So I was trying to win in ninth grade by just navigating this completely crazy waters while I had a crush on this guy. I'll keep his identity hidden except. I'll say his name was Seth. And he had green hair and my hormones were like crazy anyway while I'm navigating these new waters. It was really interesting. I wanted to actually make a TV show around like a young.

teenager, you know, having to navigate that. Yes. You should. That's a funny show. So when I was about that age, a little bit older, I used to sometimes eat lunch in the bathroom because I like just couldn't do it. I would stand there. You did. I did.

The first few weeks I did. I didn't know how a cafeteria worked. Like I didn't know. And every school is different. And do you pay there? You know, you have to pick up a tray. You have to put a tray down. And we brought lunch from home back in India.

Everyone brought lunch. And lunch break was great because we were in our classes. And everybody would pull out different kinds of food. And it would be a big potluck. And so here it was like, it was so adult, you know? And I wasn't used to that. So I watched for the first few days. I watched. I remember there was a staircase that went down and I could watch the hall,

the cafeteria. And I watched students do the thing and then somebody would slap on some food and then you would get a drink and then you'd find your table or your lick of friends and I didn't have that. So I remember my aunt used to give me a dollar 50 or something for lunch. And I used to go to the vending machine, grab a bag of Doritos and go eat it in the bathroom, save that dollar. And at the end of a month, go to Express and buy a new shirt. Wow. God, innovative. Which you would then put in your book bag, right?

Because I wasn't allowed, yeah. Your aunt was very conservative. And so you would bring your, like, booty shorts in your book bag and change when you got to school, right? I used to leave it in my locker. When I emptied out my locker, there were more clothes than books in school. Amazing. I used to do that. I used to wear a different outfit to school than...

And I used to steal my mom's shit, like just take her earrings and whatever and then return them. But this is how smart I was. I actually did that each day, but I had my school picture taken with all the shit on. Wow. So my mom was like, really? Like, wow. Wow. Just not the perfect crime.

Very smart. You decide at some point, though, to leave America. So I decided in high school one moment walked into the cafeteria and said, nope, this shit is crazy. This is Lord of the Flies. I cannot do this one more day, walked into the counselor's office and said, I'm out of here, send me somewhere else. I'm not moving. And I ended up in a mental hospital, which was better. But you left American high school and went back to India. I know. It wasn't a cleverest decision. It was more of an emotional one at that point.

I didn't realize that I was going to doom myself to complete an utter of academic failure by going in 11th grade to India. Those are the two most crucial years in a student in India's life. And India's very academic. The math was like years apart. The science was so far forward than what I had even touched in American high school. So I arrived and I was feeling myself when I arrived back in Burali living with my parents because I left as a flat chested 12 year old and I came.

back American hormones and all, you know, really, really, yeah. Your dad didn't even recognize you when you came back. No, because I grew like I really grew tall and I was wearing high heels and my mom really wanted to present me in the most flamboyant and shocking way with my father. Just, I don't know. Is that marriage? Like, you want to do that to each other? Yes.

Yes, it is. Now I know. Now I know. That's amazing. But she put me in the shortest dress. And I was like, are you sure? I'm landing in a Delhi airport looking like this. And she was like, yeah, dad will love it.

She sounds fun. I was even wearing a push-up bra that thing. Dad will love it. Oh, yeah, dad didn't love it. No. He looked me up and down. And I think I just saw panic across his face. And he like immediately looked around and just held my shoulders and sort of put me in the car

and was like, we'll discuss this when we get home. And I haven't seen my dad in four years. I'm like, okay, this is a little not warm. And no hug and nothing, but he was like terrified of teenage me for it. It took him at least four or five months to kind of figure out what to do with a teenage daughter because I just kind of like landed into their lives after three years of not being with them. I think that's a thing, a real thing. I think some fathers struggle when their daughters begin to become fully human.

And like it's obvious that they have sexuality and desire. I think it's like a freezing thing that parents do. Definitely. Oh, definitely. Especially coming from a culture like mine, you don't talk about that stuff. It's not like it doesn't exist, you know? It's like, ew, we don't discuss that. But my dad never liked anybody.

I dated anyway. And I just made my peace with it. I was just like he's never going to like anyone I dated with. But I do think he would actually really like my husband. If there was anyone that my dad would be pleased with, it would probably be Nick. What would he like about him? If you put your dad and Nick in a room,

what would be different about him that your dad would uniquely see? I think Nick is, he has quiet confidence. which is real confidence. You don't have to like shout it. You don't have to be dripping with ice. You just kind of walk into a room and you own your space. My dad did that very well and he could always see through. He would like see through my boyfriend and pick up apart and be like,

he did this because of this. He did that because of that. But I feel like this is one thing about Nick, which is very like he's very steady. He's rooted. I think my dad would have really liked. And he's a musician. My dad's first love was music. But when he was young, he was denied that because that was not an accessible career.

So he had to go into medicine. And he always felt like that would have been his life's dream. And so when I went into entertainment, he was so excited because it was in his way, like, a step closer to what he loved. So I think just watching Nick on stage, the stage was my dad's favorite place. So that would have been really something that would have been really something that would have moved and inspired my dad. I also think Nick's like a really family guy and my father was that as well. Patriarchal, like the patriarch of the family.

Not patriarchal, patriarch of the family, but at the same time, just like making sure everyone's together, everyone's happy, super creating experiences for everybody to feel at home, to feel comfortable. And so those are really important traits that would have mattered. him. This show is brought to you by Alma. When I first tried to find a therapist, it felt like a scavenger hunt with no map, pages of names, long wait lists, voicemails that never got returned.

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And obviously, both of you are such incredibly powerful women. And she said the same thing about her father. He was a working class black man in a very different time. He was an incredible artist. He had a scholarship for art and it was his passion. But that wasn't expected or accessible for him. He had to go get a job. And he worked in a water factory in Chicago.

like that wouldn't have been an appropriate thing for your dad to do is to be at that age. He had to go be a doctor and support his family. Is there something that we're cutting off from men? And is there a correlation between raising daughters that are do whatever is inside of you, bring it out, whether it's a quote unquote expected of you or not? It reminds me of Gloria Steinem saying like, great, we've gotten to a place. where we are raising our little girls like little boys, but we'll really have made progress when we start raising our little boys like their little girls.

Like allowing the creativity and the softness and the art. The vulnerability and the ability to cry. Totally. My dad was such a softy too, but he would never cry. And if you cried, he would have always cry alone. I don't think I ever saw him cry, but I know he. He was a crier because he cried in movies. And I know because my mom told me when he did.

But he never allowed it. I do think that my generation, for sure, we have made many strides where I think men and women alike kind of feel a sense of ability to express or make choices. And that is because our parents before us kind of sacrificed that in doing what they did and built a life. like my father and my mother gave me the ability while they worked and sacrificed their dreams

to build a life for myself where my voice wasn't questioned where I had options where if I wanted to be in art, my dad was like, yes, you will go into art. You know, if I wanted to travel the world, my mom was like, no one will stop you. So I think they fought for my ability to have that freedom

and now it's my responsibility to be able to take something out of whatever baggage, my daughter and the next generation will carry. Like, what are we going to fix? And for me, a lot of it was, you know, being able to have agency and be able to share the same kind of respect and have some sort of equality and have the same voice. And, you know, especially when you're delivering a job when it's work. work, there shouldn't be no place for gender at work. That should be merit, you know.

And I think that those are things that I feel like our generation is making massive strides in where women are finding our own agency, sitting here and talking to incredibly powerful women, that you have built your own lives with your own two hands. You are opinionated, you're inspiring. You have taken your voice and turned it into your career. you have thought-provoking conversations which inspire the next generation of women.

That's what I mean. There are so many incredible women I see around me right now that have taken charge of their own careers instead of waiting for men to create space for them. And that's like an amazing time to be around women. It's so powerful. One of the things that's most inspiring to me about you is you're this internet.

international celebrity, but you know where the line is, where nobody gets an explanation from you. And so you're an 18-year-old high school person. And then you become what appears to be overnight an international celebrity through Miss World. And right after that, Miss World, just stop for a second. She won Miss World of the World. Yeah, real quick. Of the world. Of all the people. world. Of the world. Five years before you were Kelly Kapowski eating doodos in the bathroom.

She's like, I can't cut it in Cedar Rapids. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to win the world. Okay, so that happens. And so you're kind of thrust into this overnight. And I was fascinated by when you had to get that surgery with your nose. And the world was commentating, commentating. And you neither did. defended yourself nor explained yourself. And Glennon has this line in her book where she says

the most revolutionary thing that a woman can do is refuse to explain herself. And you have embodied so much of that. How do you decide what goes on what side of the line? And do you have any piece yet that you have been able to establish with deciding to let whoever think whatever and that it's none of your business. What to fight back and what to leave alone? That's such a tricky question because I still navigated in a big way. But the incident with my nose, which for the unversed, I was in a swirled and there was some accident where the bridge of my nose collapsed and my face really changed and I'd have

reconstructive surgery to fix it. And my dad was a surgeon. so it was highly traumatic for him because he was like, how could this happen and how do I fix it? And for me, I was 18 years old. I had seen these big dreams of this big career, which I saw crashing in front of me. I wouldn't look at my face in the mirror.

I didn't recognize the person that was there. I didn't know what to do. I was being kicked out of movies because people were like, ooh, she looks bad now. And it was just the worst time. I think at that time I didn't comment because I didn't know what to say. I was hiding and I was just trying to survive and keep my head above water. I did movies with smaller roles in them just to kind of bide times.

I could find my feet and my dad held my hand and he was like, I know my doctor friend and he was in the OR with me. When my reconstructive surgery happened, he did it with his friend. and my dad didn't do it. He was in the OR with the friend that did it. And slowly my face started becoming familiar. It was still not the same, but it started looking normal.

I shot for a bunch of movies while these surgeries were happening. So I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to say it. And I just kind of navigated it and tried to deflect from the truth of what was actually happening in my life. And I just played the game. honestly in the beginning.

I was flashy. I was giggly. I was, you know, sassy. I was on the carpet saying the funny things. I was wearing the best clothes. I just played the part, honestly, till a few years in. And I started like, you know,

the water's gowned a little bit. And I kind of found my ground. My movies were doing well. My face kind of remained consistent. I became familiar with this person. I understood how to be an actor and what the craft requires. wires and I was kind of finding my own footing a little bit. And just then, like, six of my

movies didn't do well. I had back-to-back controversies with some reason or the other. And I just remember, this was not an overnight thing, but it was me being really upset about some salacious piece of news or whatever that had come in. And my mom or someone who was sitting in my trailer was like, you know, today's news is tomorrow's trash. Today's news is tomorrow's trash. Like, who gives a shit? And I was like, no, I must respond to this person and I must correct them. And it's just another news cycle and then it becomes another new cycle and then you're correcting them.

And suddenly you look back and six, like a week has just been about you because you can't stop talking about it and correcting it for someone. And this kept happening. And I remember somebody said, today's news is tomorrow's trash. so if you validate it today, you're validating it for tomorrow and then another new cycle. People are just making a lot of money off of you and you're kind of doing it to yourself.

Yes. And it was like in a movie, I'm not even joking. So street food in Mumbai is a big thing and I love street food, okay? So outside Mahmab studios in Mumbai where I film a lot and most people film, it's iconic studio in Bandra in Mumbai, there is a street stall guide.

and I used to always get like sandwiches or some snack from him. And he used to always put the snack in a newspaper and send it. So this snack came in a newspaper. And I swear to God, I'm sitting in my trailer eating it. And that paper was that salacious article about me. And it was my trash for the day. Oh, so good. Thank you, universe.

How crazy. And that's the day I realized. I was like, I have given this. silly thing, legs, because I was just like I needed to validate and direct.

I'm going home. My parents don't care. We have a great dinner. We're laughing. We're watching movies. My family and friends. And that's the day I really decided. I decided that

as long as my inner circle knows my truth, as long as the people that actually give a shit about my joy, my success, that are actually happy for my good

times and that are sad in my bad times with me. As long as those people are not hurting, I have not done anything deliberate to hurt anyone. I don't need to talk about anything because my fame is a byproduct of my job. My job is not to be famous. My job is to go to set and work and create movies and entertainment that people enjoy watching. There is a degree of separation. Yes, there is. And as a person, I go home, I try to be a good daughter, I try to be a good mom, a good wife, family, friends.

I'm normal. My job just creates the thing. And it's like something that I had to come to terms with. But that's when I realized, I was like, you know, this whole thing of like responding and making statement after statement and needing to clear it up, sometimes, yes, it's required for important conversations. But most of the time it ends up being dadloid gossip. and, you know, I don't want to be run down like that. I don't want my life to be at more dinner conversation than it already is by nature of my job. So when it needs to be public, I'm very graceful and gracious about it.

I'm very aware of when I'm in public moments and when I need to belong to the people who have paid to buy tickets to my movie, you know? And then there are those times when I know are private to me and I'm very good at hiding. It's so dignified. I got so confused about this for a while because I believe in accountability for myself. Like, I believe in accountability. And so I, for 10 years, have been confused that accountability means that I should be accountable to millions of people on the internet. It's impossible. Like, really?

You can't make anyone happy as soon as you become a public person in whatever way or form, minus by, by being an actor, yours is by being an author, whatever your version. Once you springboard onto being a public person for whatever reason, your life, and what people say about, you will never be in your control. And that's just the deal that you make. And I think it's for everybody. I think this applies to every single one of us who's listening to this right now. I have just as many calls from friends who are not in the public sphere and are dealing with the freaking PTA talking shit about them or their in-laws thinking one thing about them. Totally.

Right? It's like it's a, it's a phenomenon that is unavoidable. And the idea, I get most of my advice from ancient spiritual texts or memes. I have nothing in between. Okay. And the idea of you, first of all, you do not have to attend every argument you're invited to. Right? Oh, I love that.

Yep. And the idea of let whom ever think whatever. Yeah. And it is not. Even if it's in your PTA, even if it's in your WhatsApp group or your friends dinner circle. I used to struggle with that a lot was, oh my gosh, I've had a tough day at work. I'm tired. And if I don't go, what will they think of me?

Like when I was younger, I used to think about all of those things. Or, you know, will people think that I'm not supportive? Will people think that I'm not being a good friend? And I think that your point is so important and I think needs to be iterated. that it's impossible to make everyone happy. And we are somehow trained that every single person that you meet should react to you with extreme and utter joy and wonder because we're perfect. And we're not.

And of course, I didn't learn this in my 20s. But every single thing that we're struggling with are insecurities, our problems, our drama, you know, when other people go to bed too, they're also having difficulty sleeping. They're also thinking about a million things that are keeping them up at night. You're not alone in this. And I feel like people feel very alone. And we let the fear of needing to validate everyone or make everyone happy becomes so large that it becomes overwhelming.

It's an epidemic of people pleasing. Yeah. Or being understood. I want you to understand where I'm coming from. You get me, right? Doesn't matter. But the truth is you only need a couple people that get you. you. That's it. Everyone does not need to understand your reasons, your decisions. And that's

actually better said. Like for me, going back to the earlier point of why not clarify, why not explain, it's the same thing is I can't live my life explaining every decision. I make so many decisions. I'm an adult. I consider myself a person with values, with virtue, with someone who tries to be a good person every day. I work really hard. I hustle really hard. And I push myself and I try to keep my family together. And that's like each and every one of us. And within that, you just be the best person that you can be. You cannot explain all your decisions to every single person. Some will be good. Some will be bad. Some will be in the middle. And as long as every day, you're just trying to get through it, making memories and, you know, sticking to your ambitions,

being one step forward and being nice, in the best possible way. And it's not all or nothing. This is where I went. Like I think people are either, I'm going to prove to the world. I'm a good person all the time. Or fuck it. I don't care what anyone thinks. And that's not it.

You can have moments. Yeah. I do believe in accountability. It's not I don't care what anyone thinks. It's I care very much what these people who have earned my trust and who I know in real life and who I love. Because I have a small circle and there are many people in that circle who will look at me when I'm sitting, they'll be like, that's horseshit.

And I'm like, oh, yeah. And that's what you need. Yes. Instead of having sycophants in your life that are like, wow, you're amazing. What you said was awesome. You have to have a tight group, your inner circle of people that will turn around and say that was bullshit. That'll turn around and say, I don't think you should have said that or that'll actually give you the real, you know, because everyone doesn't have the courage to do it. And especially when you're sort of like a, you know, bigger personality and you have opinions.

And I'm not like subtle exactly. And your dad maybe when you were five would turn to you at the kitchen table and say, Priyanka, what is your opinion about this when you were five? Yeah, he would. It's amazing. I thought having an opinion was awesome. It is. I found friends and family that think the same.

And, you know, I think we have to all, each one of us individually, just we have to protect ourselves. Especially right now, we are in such a different time. And our generation is going to be one of the last generations to have gone through the coming in of the internet, right? And what that did and how the world became such a small place. And now suddenly we have a barrage of information coming at us and young kids. When I was 14, 15, I did not know what was happening around the world

as much as I do today. So I can't even imagine how much. information kids get. And, you know, this is really, like, we have to really think about that. That's powerful. But at the same time, it's extremely overwhelming, overbearing, can change the outcome of how we think because of this extra added pressure that people, not just kids, but people feel that, you know, the best version of our lives is on Instagram, including me.

I'm not putting my morning face up there. Yeah. Without a filter. Not even this world, people. Not even this world. No. No. Have you ever hit a point at work where everything just feels heavy?

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You have to tell us the story of the night that you fell hard for Nick at the MacGala. I love this story. It's my faith. Please tell us. Because of my social anxiety, I really love this story. I know. It's such a weird story. I don't know if I fell in love with him that day, but I kind of was like this, you know,

it was like the today's news is tomorrow's trash moment where I saw my face in this oily samosa oil and I was like wow universe way to like hit the nail on the head yes you know

that is not subtle not I took that shit and threw it in the trash thing I was like that's so this was one of those moments and I've had a few of these play up in my life

I really believe in destiny. I really believe in what is meant for you will come your way. You just have to kind of take one step at a time, you know, one foot forward instead of thinking about the end game or where you want to go, just one step forward. And what was meant for you will come to you. Oh, this was so funny because here I am trying to like pop a music career, which is not happening. And I started doing a TV show, which was for ABC, and it suddenly did really well. So I was really feeling myself because I was like, oh, few, finally.

I was so afraid that I was going to have a failed music career and no career at all. And then finally now I have a hit TV show. So I was kind of like really happy that had risen from the ashes. But what was terrifying was I was in this completely new country. I didn't know people here. I didn't have friends here. I don't know the industry folk, like how when you grow up,

you go to parties, you're like, you know each other. You kind of like meet people where you've worked with each other across paths. I didn't have that. I came from a completely different industry altogether.

So when my first met was happening, and I was going with Ralph Lauren, very excited. And I don't know why. I still don't have an answer to this question. Because I don't think it's a normal thing to do. they asked Nick and I individually if we both, you know, we were both going alone if we both would go together on behalf of the brand. The same force that put that oily samosa in your hands.

I know. So weird. Wasn't it your mom? No, can you imagine if she like, we find out 10 years later she orchestrated it. I mean, she and Ralph was pretty good at that. She and Ralph. She's like, hey, Ralph. Just, just like, hey, Ralph.

She's like, and put Priyanka in heels and a push up. of. Facts. Anyway, so we arrive at the Met and he was just super quiet in the bus.

My train took up the entire bus because my train was spread out and he had to stand against the corner of a wall because there was no

space for him to fit. So he passed that test. That was good. I wasn't testing him at that time, but now in retrospect, he passed it.

It's a He's standing against the corner like this. Didn't say much quiet. People are fuchsing over me. Someone's touching something. Someone's spinning something. The bus doors open. He steps out, turns around, gives me his hand.

And I was like, oh, that's so nice. And we stepped out together and we walked the carpet. And he stepped away and gave me my individual moment and did his individual moment. And then we walk inside. You know, we said hi to Anna Ventor and all the other co-holes. As you do. We as you do at the Met. And I'm learning all of this too, because it's my first time.

And Nick's kind of giving me the lowdown and what happens. And we walk into the exhibition and I was looking at something and I turned around and I didn't see anyone. I didn't see him. I didn't see people. I started hearing a little bit of chatter. So I walked around the bend and I just saw a sea full of people. that I had only seen on television. Like, I did not know anyone.

And I was spinning out in my head about what my next step is going to be. High school cafeteria? Was there a vending machine? Were there Doritos? You're like, all I need is a bathroom? Can this train fit in the bathroom? Where are my bag of Doritos when you need them?

And I don't know. I feel like I had these big eyes and I was just staring into the room to what to me felt like at least 10, 15 minutes. But I just suddenly heard Nick's voice and my eyes focused in on his face and he just showed me his hand and he said, shall we? And I was like, we shall Nick. We shall. Let us. I let a breath out.

I think I wasn't breathing or something. I let a breath out and we had a great night and he didn't leave my side all night. up with his brother and his fiancé at the time and friends. And I met my friends. I suddenly realized I was like, wow, I actually do know people at the men. But at that time, when it comes on the carpet, it was so overwhelming. I knew a few people who, after having a little bit of liquid courage and going to the after parties, I was like, oh, I could do this better next year.

But it was such a night and shining armor moment. He was paying attention. Shall we? I think so. Yeah. I think so. I think he may have turned around and saw my panic stricken face. But it's such a, like, charming thing to say, shall we? It really is.

Anybody who saves you from, I will marry anyone who saves me from being alone at a party. This weekend, we were at an Angel City game, so we're really involved with this new soccer team in L.A. Oh, amazing. And they have all these, like, people who run around with remote controls. What are they called? Like, CBs, CBs, just to make sure everyone's okay. Oh, Wackie-Tockeys. Walkie-Tockys.

Walkie-talkies. I'm like, remote? Right, whatever. So Abby goes to the bathroom. Okay, this, Priyanka, I've been at these things like 60 times. Okay, this is like we're, we're involved. Abby goes to the bathroom, so I don't know what to do with myself with all these people who I actually know. So I go out to the hallway and stand by myself and I pretend to be on my phone. And someone with the walkie-talkie walks over to me. And she goes, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm just standing here. And she goes, I know, but we were told if you were alone to come and make sure you're okay. And I was like, actually, I'm not, can you stand here? I don't know where Abby is.

Everybody knows. I've told everybody if Glennon is alone, go stand with her. She's terrified. Everyone has like a rider with their very specific. The only one on Glennon's rider is, please don't let me be. She's terrified. That's what I mean. Shall we?

Shall we? Shall we? Shall we is so good. So Priyanka, sweet Maltimarii comes into the world. And she spends 100 days in the NICU. We have so many NICU moms that listen here. What do you want to tell us about that time with Malti? And if it's nothing, you say nothing.

Yeah, exactly. No, I remember when she was born, she came so early that I... I can deal with a lot of things, but when I don't see a solution forward, I kind of become stuck. I don't know if you guys have ever had this reaction. I can't move. Like physically cannot take the next step forward. And it doesn't happen very often. But right before my dad died, I kind of just felt like I became a statue.

Like I couldn't move because I had done everything in the world I could. I traveled him. I flew in Singapore to see. forward to Sloan Kettering everywhere. And now here he was in a coma. And it was happening. And it was happening. And I just could not move.

And I felt like I needed somebody to pick up my hand to move it. And that's exactly what happened when Malti was supposed to come. And I just couldn't move because I knew that was very early. And she was just, it was. just terrifying coming from just medical history that I'd had. And I just remember getting stuck and sitting in front of the fireplace for like six hours that day. And when Nick came home, I was just like, just tell me what to do. And he was like, just change. We're leaving. And we went to the hospital and then everything happened. But I just couldn't move when I heard. And I needed

him to come and physically pick me up, help me go with my jeans instead of my robe and sit in the car. And the one thing that I will tell people who go through a NICU journey, NICU parents, once you see your child in a neonatal intensive care unit, it changes you forever. And especially a newborn, I know I was someone. who had to go and to pick you, which is the pediatrics, ICU many times because I was asthmatic as a child.

I was, you know, a sickly kid. So hospitals were familiar to me. My parents were both doctors. I kind of grew up with my parents. But there's something about these little, little humans at just, they don't even look real. They look like specimens or something. And the people that work with them,

And all I remember was saying, let's just go to one more day, just one more day, one more day, you know, two o'clock in the morning. You know, then she would cry or her temperature would go up and the nurse was like, just one more day. And that's all I thought of in my head that I'm just so grateful and so lucky to be in a position where my daughter could have this kind of health care. where she could survive and be alive today because we had the ability to get her that kind of access. I have traveled around the world. I was just on a recent trip to India even where there are so many parts of the world

that do not even know what a neonatal intensive care unit is where babies don't survive, they don't have a chance when they are premature, where there's like no access. to care like this. It really, sitting in the NICU for hours made me feel so grateful for the opportunity, the privilege, the luck that we had the ability to give

our daughter and that because of that she could survive and today thrive. But it just made me very grateful and it bonded me forever with I met so many NICU parents after our story and when we talked about our job

journey. There are so many babies that are born premature and then survive and thrive. So many in my own family and friend circle that I didn't know were premature. And it's a journey for a lot of parents, but it's the hardest thing that I know Nick and I have ever done. And we held each other up. It was COVID time. So there was no one else allowed except him and I. When I had a bad day, he helped me up. He had a bad day. I held him up. We just, we took. We took shifts. He would do day shift. I would do night shift or, but, you know, we made sure every single day she was never without one of us. But we just, it was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed or gone through because she was just so little and so helpless. Thank you for that.

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I can hear her babbling outside right now. Oh, I'm telling the story. She's like two minutes, mom, two minute. So you said, I want her to be able to look back and be proud of my choices. I want to do right by her. It's so interesting circling back to accountability and who we need to care about what they think of our decisions and who we don't. She seems like perhaps she'll be one of your greatest accountability partners. If I know anything about parenting, that will be true.

What does it mean to you to do right by her? I think I want her like I am. I'm so proud of my parents. Like I'm proud of having my parents as my parents. Like I'm proud of the people they are. I'm proud of the decisions they made. Even in their tough times, I was proud of the fact that they were okay with going through the tough times.

but we did it together as a family, you know. It was always a Chopra family discussion as a family on the dining table. The four of us, we would talk things through. We were just a unit. And I just feel so proud to have been raised with nothing being overwhelming because I had my family. It was such a powerful feeling for me as a child. And my family, I don't just mean my parents.

I mean my grandparents, my mom's sisters, my aunts. I lived with so many people. I just never felt like I couldn't do anything in the world and I'd be alone because I had such a support structure. And my parents created that world for me. They gave me the access and the ability to have those relationships with my family, my friends. They gave me the freedom to be able to make decisions to travel the world at 12, 13, trusted my independence, their upbringing. So I think going by how I feel about my parents, I hope that, you know, when she grows, up she kind of is proud of me she's kind of proud of the human being that I am the artist that

I am I hope she feels inspired by me by the choices I've made like and she looks up to me maybe and says that you know my mom's cool I would love if she thinks I'm she won't she will not yeah you know you know that's a tough thing you would say that until she's your age yeah yeah yeah yeah just just wait about 40 years and she'll be like I'm mom is so cool I'm going to to aim for cool. The rest is doable. The rest is doable, Pryanka. You are one of my favorite people out in the world.

Yeah. I just think that who you are and the way you show up and the way you speak and what you speak about and what you don't speak about and the way that you are raising your family, you just don't change a damn thing. Yeah. Other than maybe your expectation that your daughter thinks are cool. Maybe just change that, but nothing else. I'm going to keep aiming for it.

If anyone can do it, you can't bring. I'm striving to bring this upside down cap back. See, see already. It's not working yet. No one's buying it. But I'm going to keep striving at it. And I'm going to keep striving and making my daughter think I'm cool. You know when she pushes my face and she's like,

I'm like, wow, this is so telling of my future. Yeah. It's like the simos. It's humble pie. Humble pie. She'll come around though. In the teenage years, she might be like, but then I think in the 20s. Yeah, because if they think you're cool when your teenagers, you're definitely doing something wrong.

You're like mean girls' mom. Okay. Definitely. We love you. Carry on. Don't change the thing. I love you. Thank you so much for being so amazing and talking about really incredible things

and just having people have conversations. It's such a powerful thing. Well, this has been. Pod Squad. I always have talking to you, babe. Me too. And you, Abby, and you, Amanda. So nice to meet all of you.

Totally amazing. Bye, Priyanka. Bye, Malti Marie. Love again. Bye, Pots squad. Conoco. Go rewatch Chronico. Quantico.

Cidadel. Watch every episode. Love again. Citadel drops April 28th, first two episodes, terrifying and exciting at the same time. Because I did take a little bit of a second, you know, with Malti being born. And just I needed a second. So now I had these.

two big projects back to back coming out. And it just feels like I'm ready and I'm ready to take it on. And love again is amazing because for the rest of history, I'll always be in Celine Dion's acting debut. Yes. Set, set. Can't take it from you. Can never take it from you.

There's your cool ticket. There it is. There it is. And she's so good in the movie. It's an amazing romantic comedy. You know, that kind of, you know, the romantic movies that Sleepless in Seattle

that have parts that made you cry. This is that movie. It makes you feel the feels. And we deserve that at this moment. We do deserve that. In the movie theaters, to feel the feels with everyone. So I hope that people really enjoyed it. It would be a fun ride.

Sure well. Thank you, Pryanka. Pod Squad. We'll see you next time. On Squad. Thank you. If this podcast means something to you,

It would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do each or all of these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts. And then just tap the plus sign in the upper right hand. corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod. While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share

an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We Can Do Hard Things is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle. I walk through fire. out the other side I chased desire I got what's mine and I continued to believe that as I'm because we're adventurers and final destination we lack they stopped asking is they've been too bad we'll find we can do

heart a brand new star things things fall i continue to believe the best people are free and it took some time because we're adventurers and nation we've stopped asking directions to play places they are to be too hard adventure asking some play never been too hard