We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - 230. The Best Advice We’ve Ever Received

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

The Best Advice We’ve Ever Received Today, Glennon, Abby, and Amanda remember – and share! – the best advice they’ve ever received: How to honor your needs and become the ultimate expert of you;   Why we all need a friend who believes in our greatness;  How to encourage your kids to live open-hearted;  And why Glennon’s truest thing is that she doesn’t know anything.   Plus, we hear from two pod treasures – Sara Bareilles and Glennon’s 7th grade government teacher, Mrs. Yalen – on their best advice. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Because we're adventurous and hard for some men. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. You are in for a life-changing week, we hope, on this pod, because what we have decided to focus on this week is the best advice we have ever received. The advice that has changed our life or helped us see the world in a new way that has made a real difference in our life. So what we are saying to you, Pod Squad, is that if your life is not a little bit better after this week, then we have not done our jobs.

Then we will give you all of your money back that you did not pay to listen to this pot. So what we have decided to do is this first episode is going to be the best advice that Amanda, Abby, and I could possibly offer you. Then we have a little treat from Sarah Bareilles and a special guest. And then Thursday's episode is going to be all

of the best advice that we have collected from the pod squad. You all called in your life-changing advice and, damn, if it didn't help us, a hell of a lot. So stick with us for this week. We're going to fix life. That's our small ambition. We're going to fix life this week together. Let's go. Sister, no pressure. You're first. What's the best advice you've ever heard? Damn! Okay, so most recently, I don't think it was meant as advice, but it was a shift that I have an internalized as advice. So, Glatton, you and I were having lunch and this incredible woman, justina Blakeney. Oh God, Jungalow. She's the absolute best. Yes. Yes. She's amazing. I was sitting beside her at the lunch and they brought around this dessert tray and

She said, are there any non dairy items on that tray? And there were like five delicious things. And the gentleman said, oh no, there isn't. And she was like, okay, I pass. And I looked at her and I said, oh my gosh, you don't eat dairy and there's no choices here. And I'm so sorry. If you want me to go ask if they have anything else. And she said the following. She said, no, sorry. It's self-soverant. This is what she says to me.

Not sorry, self-soverant. And she proceeds to tell me about how she has recently decided that the decisions that she is making that make her feel better are understood to her to be from a place of self-saviranty as opposed to like something that is happening to her or like something the world is doing to her depriving it's not deprivation yes it's not deprivation it is a decision that she is making of her own authority yes instead of something that the world is imposing on her and I I thought, well, I'll be damned. And so she said, yes, it's self-sovereignty.

It's for the good of the realm. For the good of the realm. So her world is her realm, her family, her people, her ecosystem, her business. And when she decides that something is good for her, she makes the decision through her own self-saviranty and then declares it for the good of the realm. And then she waves her arm. Please understand, she waves her arm as if she's just realm to her broad and bountiful realm. And she says, for the good of the realm. And I have taken that internally as my new thing that I like to say. So if I'm going on a walk and the house is chaotic

and there's too much to do and it's vastly inconvenient for everyone involved. I just wave my hand, because I walk out the door and say, for the good of the realm. And then I do what I need to do. Can we get into that a minute? Because that is funny and beautiful and queenly. Justina is very queenly. Everyone should just go to her Instagram,

jungle-o and just see her, so you can like understand how amazing this is. What Justina has done is reframe the entire bullshit of, but if I do this thing for myself, it's selfish. I can choose myself or I can choose my people. And so I choose my people. No, you can't. False dichotomy. When you serve yourself and make the decision for yourself, that flows out into everyone else and they see your power and they see your strength and they get permission to be that way. And even if they don't, it doesn't matter if they don't pick up the message, who the hell cares? You know that you're doing it for the

good of the realm, whether they see that or not, you understand it or not, that is their business. Your business is to be self-sovereign and to be the expert of yourself and to do the thing that you need to do and then declare it for the good of the realm. And all of the minions in the realm may or may not appreciate this about you.

But so true, we can't tell. It reminded me of episode 33, really early on, when we were talking about what the hell does Brave mean. And maybe Brave is just being the expert of you and just doing that, whether or not people understand it. That's the self-savante part. It's like, no, I'm doing this not as a reaction

to a collective decision and understanding that this is the right thing for me. I'm just doing it because I have loaned on the expert of me. And that's the sovereignty part. And then I also know that as the leader of this realm, what is good for me is good for you, whether your ass knows it or not, or the good of the realm. And I know I'm probably for you focusing too much on the other person, but I think what people think is what that means

is what is good for me is the same thing that's good for you, so we're good. And I don't think that's what it means. I think it means what's good for you is to see me doing what's good for me so that you too will understand that you need to do what's good for you is to see me doing what's good for me, so that you too will understand that you need to do what's good for you. Yes.

It's a modeling of a process, not a particular thing that's gonna be good for everybody. So let's think of some things that pod squatters can do for the good of the realm today. Like for example, if you're home and your whole family is driving you bat shit and you walk into your bedroom and you're going to take a nap before you go close the door. You yell out your door

for the good of the realm and then you close the door. And then you sort of think. Well, and I just want to say I think that there's so many folks that are listening right now that are probably thinking that sounds nice and theory. How do I begin this, right? It does take an act of bravery to begin this escapade, this like active adventure into becoming self-sovereign. And I think that one thing that I have learned from Christina is that she is regal. And that kind of regal honor that she gives herself actually makes me want to do that for

myself. And so when I think about our children and I think about all the things that especially teenagers, they don't really listen to necessarily the words that are coming out of our mouths, but they watch what we do. And if we are acting in service of ourselves, then they will start doing that for themselves. And I just, I know that it's hard, but just try it. Yeah. I love it. I love it. It reminds me of, like, I walk around. I'm like, so good in all these areas.

And I'm like, oh, isn't it cute and funny and kind of quirky that I'm not going to take care of myself? That's bullshit. Yeah. The self-saviranty, that is the difference between the people we see as martyrs and the people we see as regal in the ultimate self-integrity sense. You can't be both, you can't be sovereign and not be sovereign over yourself. That's right. Then you're not sovereign. You're something else. You're like your performing goodness. But when you apply the same wisdom in decision making and the same efficacy towards yourself

as you do to everything else in your life, that's when you are a realm creator. That's when you're really doing it. It's really good. Yeah, and when you're, you know, the sovereign thing versus like the servant thing, which is what I always always taught in Christian culture, like be a servant, be a servant, be a servant.

There is such a bitterness that comes with that, that you can't help but be when you're in that place. And that sort of bitterness of martyrdom can't help but be when you're in that place. And that sort of bitterness of martyrdom is such a burden for people around you, like for your kids, for whatever. It's like such a shift in giving them a gift and a baton of freedom as opposed to giving them the burden of knowing that you really believe in your

heart that you're dying for them. And justina is like, I'm living for you. My role is to live for my realm, not to die for my realm. It's really good. Yeah, it also, for me, it makes me more comfortable around people and trust people more and feel less self-conscious or insecure around people who I know are this way. I have a friend, Laura, who does what she wants, who says what she thinks, who will not do things begrudgingly or what she doesn't want to do. And the freedom and ease I feel around her because I'm never questioning, oh, is she mad about this? Or is she, does she really want to do this? That is all taken care of. Like she wouldn't

be doing it if she didn't want to do it. There's just like a freedom in a relationship because there isn't this questioning situation. You know what you're going to get. Trust trust. Yeah, love it. It reminds me of what Lizzy said to me when I was trying to decide whether to leave my marriage that was sort of already broken, but I was giving her the whole shi-e-e-l of like, but he's a good man and he's this and he's going to be sad forever and I can't do this to him and I can't do this to him. And she said, it's so clear that you are desperate to liberate yourself and what you need to remember is that there's no such thing as one way liberation. I know we've said this before but I'll say it again every sixth episode. When you're tied to somebody who you're not supposed to be with or you're in a place you're not supposed to be and you're staying out of some

sense of obligation. When you're in a shitty relationship whether it's a friendship or whatever, the other person is usually not also living their best life. When you decide to remove yourself from a situation that is not meant for you, it automatically gives the other person liberation to find where they were meant to be or with whom they're meant to be. It's for the good of the realm. As it work. As it work. Yeah. Hi, it's Elise Loonon, the New York Times' best-selling author of Honor Best Behavior, and the host of the podcast, Pulling the Thread.

I'm pulling the thread. I'm joined in conversation by those who can help us bring meaning and understanding to a world that often feels chaotic and overwhelming. My hope is that these conversations spark moments of resonance and plant tiny seas of awareness so that we might all collectively learn and grow. Listen and follow pulling the thread an Odyssey podcast on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. Babe, do you have a best advice? Yes. Oh, great. I do. I've been given a lot of advice in my life.

And mine is a little bit too pronged because I've evolved it in my own personal way, which I think is really important in all pieces of advice, because blanket statements may be good for you, but not totally. Long ago, when I was training on the national team, somebody said to me, and I can't even remember who it was, so long ago, they said, you never know how good you can be unless you try. And that really, really rang true for me, because on the national team, our whole thing is like,

we're just pursuing growth and excellence. Sometimes that means we win, sometimes that meant we lost. I mean, we won more than we lost. Let the record show. Yeah, let the record show. But as an athlete, you're trying to make these marginal gains. And every single day, you're going out and you're trying to get a little bit better, a little bit better.

And it can become really difficult in your mind to understand like, what am I doing this for? And you're searching for a dream or a goal that's never been attained. And how does somebody do that? And honestly, it's like the continuing to show up every single day and to try to get those marginal gains. But the other piece of this puzzle that I didn't understand until my coach, P.S. Sundarga, came into my life is that

you can believe in something, but you also, I believe, deeply in my bones that you have to have a community around you that also believes in that something to, for you. So a lot of the people who are in sports are like, when you have goals, write them down and when you have a goal, tell somebody about it. But Pia in 2011 just kept whispering in my ear and I think I've talked about this before. She just kept whispering in my ear. Best player in the world 2011. Best player in the world 2011 2011. Best player in the world, 2011. And I didn't know that that was a thing that I could even be thinking about

as something to strive for. And so she just kept reinforcing this thing. The beginning of every camp she would whisper it in my ear. Now, I didn't win it in 2011. I ended up winning it in 2012, but it's something that was like this little dream bubble inside of me that I couldn't necessarily communicate to the outside world because it felt so surreal and so unattainable. And then this other person comes into my world and she starts putting this idea that rang true to me in my head.

And in my body that it's like, the universe made it happen. I honestly don't believe that I had much to do with it. I know that I had to go out and play and do my thing. But because from the time that I was a little kid, I was dreaming about something that wasn't even possible, dreaming about being a professional athlete, dreaming about playing women's soccer, wasn't even a professional sport, dreaming about it, dreaming about it. And the only reason why I was able to actually

fulfill this thing that wasn't even possible when I was a child is because I tried. So many of us, we start our lives and we think about our days and we think about our dreams and so many of us, I don't know, I feel like if you don't try, you will never, ever have a chance at whatever your dream is. And so it's the idea that yes, you never know if you can do something unless you try. And surrounding yourself with just one other person that might believe that to be true to. Yeah.

That's why I'm like the biggest believer of all of us in our family. Yeah, and I feel like this is something that's really a difference or like a point of friction in our family. And right, like Abby in many ways has been, you know, in Michelle Obama's episode, she talked about like Barack Obama being her biggest disruptor and vice versa. And Abby has been for sure the biggest disruptor

in my world, meaning like a lot of my world views, a lot of my ideas about the way things work. She just challenged, and so I mean a lot of more flux than I used to be. Now the way this dreamer believer thing plays out, it's like every good thing can also be a challenge, right? So with the kids, one of the kids applying to college, an Abbie's like, I believe you're going to get into every single college that you apply to. Now, you should have seen Glenn in space when I said that. I, this is irresponsible recklessness. It is. That's what I said. Like I smiled in the moment and then we went in the thing and I was like, you can't do that. First of all, we could do a whole another episode

on the unbelievable impossibility of college for kids right now and getting in. But I am so much more comfortable or I feel like it's more responsible or kinder to hedge bets. or I feel like it's more responsible or kinder to hedge bets. Because I'm so afraid that if Abby says this amazing thing is gonna happen, and I believe, then if it doesn't happen, the kid will feel like it's a disappointment. Like Abby will be disappointed. Or, and so my take is like,

we don't know what the hell's gonna, of course you believe in you, but we don't know this process, we don't know the world. And so anything could happen and no matter what happens, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna work through it. You likely couldn't get into all the call. And then we go the other way, like,

one of our kids is dating someone and I can't take it. We didn't have a lot of dating before for the older kids It feels so scary. What did you say to our kid? So when a child falls in love? It is the most out of control Scary thing in the world for a parent because Let's face it. It doesn't end well It just doesn't end well. Is that true? If I'm a Batman, I'm going on X-Nay with a love A. Right. But I'm going to explain to you what I did. And then I don't want any

voicemails about it. I want the Padsquad to know that I know this wasn't the right thing to do. And I am growing. And I am telling you in a vulnerable way. And I have learned since then, but What Abby wants me to tell you so I will tell you is that My kid came home. She's in love. We did the whole thing. Hey, hey Well, it's what when she first came home with a massive crush. A crush, right? Yeah. Okay. And I said to her, we got in the car and I said, baby, do you know why they call it a crush?

She said, why? And I said, because it always crushes you. Like, in the end, it's like it feels good and happy and butterfly, you know, but it will crush you. There is going to come a moment where it all breaks bad. And your little heart is going to be smushed and crushed. I said that to my child. Okay. That is what I chose to say to my child about love. Love wins. Love warrior. You will be crushed. Carry on warrior right until you're crushed.

And I got home and I explained to Abby the conversation that we had. And Abby looked at me like a murderer. And I was a murderer. I was a murderer of love. Different kind of love warrior. But I guess these are diverging paths of advice. The hopeful, it will happen, you can do it. Now I wanna tell you something,

Abby keeps telling our children that these amazing things can happen that I feel like are reckless and then they keep happening. So I don't have a lot of proof for my worldview yet. But I know eventually. It's going to all break back and I'm going to be right. It's not about being right though. My belief in whatever they want to go for in their life doesn't mean that they are going

to always get it. But one thing I know that is certain is if they don't try, that is what the failure is. If they don't try to go after the things that are the most important to them, that they feel the most passionate about, that they feel most pulled to do, if you don't try to go towards those things, that is when you actually fail.

It's not whether they get into every college or not. I just think it's more important for a person on this planet to feel something, to be activated, and to be drawn to the thing, and to go for it. I just wanted to say, I like your way better. And like, I feel, because I think the goal is for them to have their hearts open. I think what I was telling is I'm so scared that your heart's gonna be broken, that I'm telling you this right now,

so you will keep part of your heart closed. And that is the opposite of what we want. We want our kids to go into the world open-hearted and try, it's like the idea of like, yeah, the world will break us, but we're not gonna break them first. Like, let the world will break us, but we're not going to break them first. Like, let the world tell them they're not good enough, let the world whatever, but they're not going to not find belief from the people who love them the most.

And also, I don't think the world is going to break us. I think the world is going to teach us. I think language does matter here. Like every heartbreak of my life was the most important lesson I needed to learn. I know. And it sucks to watch your kids go through it. You're the one who said, grab your kids hand, walk them through the fires of their life,

because what our job is to teach them that they are fireproof. Yeah, that was a vice was for other people. No, I 100% know you're right. It's just the fear in me that shows up and then wants to protect and protecting your kids from their lives and from love is tragic. I think it's ironic though because you are one of the most fearless lovers. You love these children. I don't know. Maybe it's a protective measure for yourself. Yeah, for sure it is.

100% is. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean say I want to be the best player in the world, unless someone else affirmed it for you as a conceivable goal. And so what you're doing is trying to say, like, don't tamp down your potential.

Don't self-edit your dreams. Be as audacious as you want to be or that any part of your desire wants to be because that's how you find out. And so that's a beautiful thing because of all the self editing that happens especially with girls, is that too ambitious, is that too aggressive,

is that whatever it is. And then, Jeepard, of course, it's like they're loving reading a book and it's the best and they're falling in love with the characters and whatever. And you're like, well, I just wanna tell you because I see you just, and this giant is this way.

Best giant is, so you should you wanna keep going I see you just and best times this way. Best times again. So you want to keep going? Are you sure you want to keep going? I'm preparing you, but that's not the way it's a fiction. Like that's not going to, that's not going to change what they decide to do. You know it's going to end that way very likely and you just have to wait for it to play out. And it's not going to stop the heartbreak part.

It's just going to poison the love part. It's just going to poison it's going to poison her relationship with you because I doubt it even poisons the love part. You're giving yourself a lot of credit of getting through to her. There's no way in hell that she believes like put something in the back of her head that maybe I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think she's probably just as in love, and she was going to be before you said that,

and it's going to be dressed as crushed, or she was going to be before you said it. It's a fiction that you think that you're going to prevent it. It's just a story. But it's also a truth that Glennon is searing into that when it happens, because it will likely happen at some point in her life, she will get heartbroken. She will remember when her mom said this to her, and she will remember that, oh yeah, my mom,

and so that's the moment, it's not now, it's when it happens, is that she might draw that conclusion. Like in a bad way, I mean. I think so. You've rebounded from it. We've had the conversation, because I was like,

that's ridiculous. That's not right. Yeah, we circled back. We've had the conversation because I was like, that's ridiculous. That's not right. Yeah, we circled back. We circled back in a... Circle back in a... Circle back in a... Just psych. Everything's great.

It's going to be awesome. You're probably going to get married. No, we explained that it was mom's fear and that sometimes she tries to control beautiful things by warning everyone that they will end. Exactly. you received. So here I want to tell my precious beloved Pod Squad this that I have been thinking about this episode for several weeks. Usually what I tell myself is think about this interview today and then I think about it all day. This one I have been thinking about forever and I find it amazing because I am a human being who has written lots of books with what could

be considered advice in it who has been talking for a decade and a half with what could be considered advice, I guess. And what I want to tell you is that I could not think of anything. And when I say that I could not think of anything, finally, yesterday morning in my yoga class, I was like, oh, I think you're just supposed to talk about how you don't have any. I don't think it's gonna pop into your head and you're gonna have the thing. I think the thing is that you're supposed to talk about

how at this point in your life, there is nothing that I can think of that I could say is correct and true all the time. I keep thinking about that Ernest Hemingway thing like all you have to do is write one true sentence. That was advice to writers, but if you told me that that was my assignment right now, I could not do it. I cannot think of any set of words that I could say that feel like they would be applicable to everyone at all times. Like the truest thing I know right now

is I guess just like sitting in a room with someone. I got this tattoo a decade and a half ago, it says be still. Like that, no, that's not true all the time. Like sometimes the last thing I need to do is be still. I need to move my ass. Suzanne Stubil just came on here and said, your ass needs to be doing. Which is true, right?

Like make a boundary. You know, I'd boundary myself up so much that I turned into a frickin' island that no one could reach. Love everyone. No, I extend myself so much and then I get bitten the ass. Like, no, it's like, I don't know anything. That is what I'm telling you. I don't know anything. And I find it feels a little bit alarming. I mean, you are the most serious person I have ever met in my whole life.

First of all, you are the smartest person I've ever met. And also this simple exercise you can't do is the most amazing thing. And it's true for you. It has driven me batshit. But what I'm telling you is I don't think that I'm not smart. I'm not saying I'm not smart so I don't know anything.

I'm saying I think I am finally smart enough to know I don't know shit. Ooh. I think I am buying my nose shit about you or do you not know shit to say to someone else? Because there's a difference. Are there true things you can say about you? No.

Oh, okay. What I know is that I got sober when I was 25 years old. I'd been lost addiction since then. I was 25, started having babies, baby, baby, baby, baby, building the business, doing all the things, telling all the people, saying all the words. I have not been in touch with my own self and my own body and the fluidity of being human and being a creature on the earth. And so what I know is what I need to do or want to do

or feel into next. And so I can't put that into words because it won't be true in four minutes. Fuck, it's so annoying how true this conversation is. What I know is that I can have moments of truth with another human being, that I can feel truth when I'm outside, that I can feel the truth of love when I'm next to someone, but putting things down into words and saying that this is true, I don't, I can't do it. I feel like that in itself is a moment of freedom and truth for me. But you have gotten advice in the past that has led you to that. I remember when Martha Beck told you, go towards what feels warm and go away from what feels cold. That was advice that triggered you

to understand that you weren't in touch with yourself as a creature and that there was a thing that would eventually if you paid attention to it enough, feel what felt warm and what felt cold. Yes. And then there was a moment in my life this year that when I got an anorexia diagnosis that nothing felt harder and more horrible and colder than going towards the understanding of that diagnosis and then I still knew that I needed to do that. There have been guiding forces. I would say right now the closest I could get, There have been guiding forces. I would say right now, the closest I could get. I thought about this one.

I thought about saying this one. I was talking to Liz Gilbert about some things and my relationships. And she said something very simple that was, it is amazing how when you take care of yourself, the universe takes care of everything else. I know that sounds so simple, but that is where I am right now.

That is not, I don't think that's possible for you with your children's ages. I don't. It was true for me when I had a bunch of little kids in a new business. There are things like principles that have guided me well through certain periods of my life and then are completely untrue in the next part of my life. It's like, is truth even possible? Like, what is truth? Togetherness, I think aligned is a good thing for me right now. Like, I feel like I need to be aligned, meaning when I am doing the things that keep me calm

when I'm staying present, when I'm getting fresh air, when I'm drinking my water, when I'm staying present when I'm getting fresh air when I'm drinking my water when I'm doing my stretching when I'm doing the most basic things I seem to be prepared not in a way of like I used to be prepared. I used to prepare by overthinking by controlling by making sure I knew everything that was going to happen. Now I feel like preparedness is a common nervous system is a being so filled up that I can respond that I can be responsible meaning I can respond to something someone says or a problem someone brings to me in kindness and like a feeling of joy and not scarcity. I can be prepared, meaning I am fully here, I'm fully calm. And then that makes me feel aligned. Sometimes recently I'll be like, I can't believe that like, that happened and then I was able to say that thing. Whereas had I been stressed and busy,

I would not have been able to meet that moment. There is like an alignment that comes with really being in touch with what is happening inside my body and I need in the moment. And then I'm able to meet what other people need in the moment, what the world needs for me in a moment in a way that I haven't been able to do before. Because I've come with too many preconceived notions and advice and rules and

expectations and whatever. And now it's like everything is constantly shifting. And I think for a person like me, the way that you're thinking and talking about this feels but most true, but also it feels like the most scary because I like to have more structure. Yeah, it's like advice is dogma. It's like a religion. Like it's, you know, we put together all the words and then, yeah, and then what if it's not true tomorrow? When you said that, I just realized for the first time ever that responsible means able to respond. I mean, responsible doesn't mean coming with your script of exactly what you need to say and exactly what you need to do because zero part of that involves a response. That's just a saliliquia or sermon. But when you are able to respond,

then you're responsible. Huh, I don't get you thinking. We think of responsible as like, I have taken on all of these burdens. I am responsible for this, for whatever, as opposed to responsible being what I've done whatever I need to do to be able to respond fully to what comes in this minute, in this hour, in this, whatever. So, once again, I fucked up our advice at the sode.

Sure have. I really tried to get you to say something. Love when Sarah Burrellis will tell us something. We asked her when she was in that amazing episode 141, one of my favorite episodes ever. How to remember yourself. And she came back to tell us her best advice. So let's hear from her on that. So Sarah, what is the best

advice that you've ever received from another human being that you keep with you? Carol Kane. It's easy. This one's easy. I was standing side stage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. I was honoring Laura Nero and I was singing a song of hers and I was standing next to Carol King and that was the first time I ever met Carol King who was a hero of mine and I was so nervous. I was singing a song I didn't know that well honoring an artist. I didn't know that well all my imposter syndrome stuff was like so loud and I Was like just shaken in my boot standing size stage getting ready to go on and Carol just put her arm around my waist

And she's like get out of your own way Go do the thing just like get out of your own way. They already love you and If she was the same way we perform together on the Grammys, a couple years later singing Brave and her song Beautiful, a mashup of that. And she's just a real beacon of like, if I could, I'll have what she's having. Like she's got so much generosity of spirit. The coolest people I've ever met are not holding on to any of it. You know what I mean? Like they're just like either is enough for everyone, give it away. Generosity of spirit, go do the thing, you're so badass,

there's so much to give and the more you give, the more you get it's so cliché but it's really so true. And that was a moment I'll never forget. And I fucking killed it. Yeah! Yeah! And she's got to say I've got to yourself on stage, I bet. And I looked so cute. She did.

My hair was behind my ear. No. Oh. Oh. Does it get better than Sarah Bareilles? It does not. Indeed. Oh my God. So before we wrap our first advice episode, I want to talk about one of the best advice givers that I've ever known in my life.

I would say probably Liz Gilbert and then Mrs. Yalen. Okay, Mrs. Yalen. She's gonna be pissed. I know. Okay, Tina. Tina Yalen is my seventh grade government teacher. Okay, she has been in my life since seventh grade. Also my seventh grade government, too. Yes, yes. Tina Yellen, she still comes to our house. She now loves Abby, maybe even more than me. She sends me cookies every Hanukkah. Yes, she sends cookies to us too.

She's been a guide and a sage and a friend to so many of her students. Here's just one story about Mrs. Yellen. There's been seven million. and a sage and a friend to so many of our students. Here's just one story about this deal and there's been seven million, but a lot of years ago, I decided to become a minister. Okay, like a real minister. Meaning applied for and got accepted to a seminary.

Correct. I applied to and got accepted to seminary. Okay, I was going to become a minister of the church. And honestly, this had always been a little bit, you know, I started, I started it because of my obsession with monasteries when I was little. My mom told me that I took my first career aptitude test. It came back and said I should be a nun.

Okay. That's interesting. So this has always been in me, right? So I call Mrs. Yellen. And I'm like, I just got accepted to seminary. I'm going to go to seminary and she goes, why? I said, whoa, because I just feel like I want to be like the leader of a church. Like, I want to create a community of people who are doing good things and who are loving each other. And the true is most beautiful little world I can imagine. And she goes, you're already doing that.

And I said, what? And she goes, you're already doing that. And I said, what? And she said, you already have a church. And I said, no, I want to like a church with walls, like an actual church, not like an internet church, a church with walls. She goes, what could be worse than a church with walls when you have a church without walls already? Why do you need walls?

So you're going to seminary to get walls, that's what you're doing. And so I said, okay, I guess I'm not going to seminary. I said more cookies while I process this new information. This is yelling said no. Thank God. This is the best. So the reason we're bringing out Mrs. Yellen is because Tina.

Our beloved Tina, sorry, she's the man that I called. Like yelled at us the last time she was here. She said, once and for all, she goes, call me Tina. She goes, I heard you call Michelle Obama Michelle. If you can call Michelle Obama Michelle, you can call Mrs. Yellen Tina. So Emily from our team sent us an email with a voice mail in at the other day she said I think your friend Mrs. Yale and left us a

flash. Tina! So just please listen to this pod squad this is the Tina, Yellen, leaving a voicemail on our mission. And a good time to shout out all the teachers everywhere. It are not only do they do talk about ministers of the people doing God's work every day and day for all the people. Remember, she was going through the National Board certification process when during the time we had her, which is the highest certification you could get for teachers, she was doing that to do it.

Like, just to do it. And Bobby's teacher this year, Mrs. Hughes, she was going through the same process. And teachers are so bad at us. Side note, when I was an eighth grader, I was so in love, like deeply, passionately in love with this boy named Chris who was a senior Okay, and he was like you were an eighth grade. Yeah, but he didn't know who I was I just like I was infatuated and obsessed It was a crush. It's called a crush cuz it's gonna crush you did crush me Chris was so hot and he had long blonde hair He was a total metalhead. I was a total metalhead.

Headbangers ball was my favorite show. I was in love with Jamie Lane. Jamie Lane Sebastian Bach. I wanted to marry Sebastian Bach. The story sucks. Skid Row. Well, I mean, here's the deal. They all had really long hair. Yeah, but so it was my it was a gateway. The point be is that long hair. Yeah, but so it was my it was a gateway. The point be it that I was just obsessed with a senior named Chris and then I walk into like senior teacher day and Mrs. Yalen had arranged for Chris to be the teacher because she knew that I was so obsessed with him and then she put me right in the front row. Oh boy. And I was so excited. And she just sat there and laughed at me the whole. I hate the story. I hate any crush stories you have.

All right. Let's hear from Mrs. Yelon. Hi, this is Tina Yelon. I don't miss an episode, but this is the first time I've actually called yet. You asked about things that delight us, and I just knew I had to respond. I am hit with intense delight. Whenever you invite me into your home for a visit and give

me a couple of hours of your precious time. We talk about things light and deep, we laugh, we might sit at tear, but every time I leave I am deeply joyful knowing I was given a gift. To me there is nothing more worthy of delight than when people you love give you their time. I feel this delight with many of my former students like you, Glenin, who have chosen to keep me in their lives, and grateful doesn't even begin to capture that for me. I'm already looking forward to our next visit. The only thing that would make it even more delightful

would be if Amanda, who was also a student of mine, were there with us. To all of your podcasts is out there, know this. These incredible women are exactly who you think they are in person, authentic, honest, thoughtful, insightful, curious, kind, and funny. I love them and nothing gives me more

delight than being in their company. Thanks. Tina! What? I think we should have Mrs. Tina on the pod. We should. I tell you what. She comes over and this woman is just a ball of energy. What she calls herself, she's a whip, a work in progress. And I love that. And I will tell you, I just remember, she says something to me repeatedly when she leaves our house each time. And I think this one might be true.

She says to me, because she was the way people glenons about to admit that something might be true. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, no. And actually don't, she listens to every single podcast. So she knows all of our stuff and all of our struggles. And so she grabbed me by the shoulders before she left last time and she said, Glennet, please understand that there is nothing wrong with you. What? that there is nothing wrong with you. Now that is some good-ass advice.

So I can admit that that is true for everyone else. Spot squatters. A ridiculous human. What I want to say to you, if I want to hold you by the shoulders and say, there is nothing wrong with you. And perhaps the only thing that has ever been wrong with us is the wild wrong idea that there is something wrong with us. And I think what Mrs. Yellen is trying to say to me, after 70 years on this earth, is please stop wasting your precious time on this planet, thinking that you are a mystery to solve

when there is so much beauty to just enjoy. Damn, it's good to end on. We love you, Pod Squad. There is not a damn thing wrong with you. Love you, Tina. Bye. Bye. these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you, because you'll never miss an episode, and it helps us, because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things

show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right handhand corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod. While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We can do hard things, is produced in partnership with Keem's 13 Studios. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle. Do-hard Things is produced in partnership with Keynes 13 Studios. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlyle.

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And through the joy and pain That our lives breathe We can do hard things Yeah we can do hard things Yeah, we can do hard things Yeah, we can do hard things you