We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - 248. The One Way to Get the Truth from Someone

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Amanda shares the one proven way to get the truth from someone – plus: Why Glennon calls her lying style “The Puppeteer” – and why you’ll never know what Amanda’s really feeling.  Amanda defends our right to lie, and debunks myths about how we can tell if someone is lying.  What’s the difference between lying and controlling, manipulating, and filtering the truth? Glennon’s fear of judgment from the next generation, and  How to foster real connection in a world where lying is normal.    For the first part of our conversation, check out 242. We’re All Liars: What’s Your Lying Style?. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. If you have not, go back to your Lierpans at Fire. Yes, everyone's pants are on fire. Go back and listen to episode number 242 where we're talking about lying and truth and what the hell is lying and why are we all liars? And we're talking to you about what our particular lying style is in hopes that you might figure out what your particular lying style is so that you can have more compassion for yourself. Yeah.

And understand. And we're going to end it with hot take about the only way that they've identified for how to prevent people from lying to you. Oh, wait for it. It's a good one. Oh, I don't know that thing. And also, I'm thinking, why would you want that thing? Well, this is why you have to use it carefully.

Why would you want no one to lie to you? That feels so scary to me. No, no, no, no. Not no one to lie to you. If there's a particular person in context where you don't want someone to lie to you about something. Okay, great. Okay, ooh, that's so exciting.

Okay. We in the last episode, Abbie identified her lying language as bullshit or bullshit like just someone who makes shit up. Well, briefly, how would you describe it, babe? In my need to want to seem smarter than I am to know more than I do. Everything that comes out of my mouth sometimes is not fact driven. Okay, great.

It's puffery. And that makes total sense that you came from the soccer world. If people had to be like, you think you're going to win this game. Of course, you had to be like, hell yeah, we're going to win this game. We're going to we're amazing. And I feel fully confident, even though you're like, we're likely going to lose this match. Yeah. Yeah. That had to, we never really thought we were going to lose any match. First of all, second of all, there are some times in my family's life that my belief without fact is really good.

I do know that. Oh my God, she believes with no evidence, it's reckless, it's beautiful. Your bullshitting ways can be very, very beautiful, and helpful. Also, her next book, the beautiful bullshitter. Yeah. And what I would say about bullshitters is, you know, I've had a few experiences where Abby's been out of town and someone's visited me in my home. And what I want you to know is that it's the worst thing

they could ever have. We just sit there, no one talks, no one says anything. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. There's so many beautiful things about the bullshitters, but one is that they're entertaining and they bring everyone together.

Shoot the shit. Shoot the shit. Whatever shooting the shit is, it's helpful. Okay, for other people to do. So I'm going to need some help figuring this out. I'm going to do my best description of what Abby and I have figured out my lying languages. I'm calling it a puppeteer. What my kind of lying is is constantly believing that there is a way to present a fact or information that is the right way that will make everyone

who's listening to it feel a certain way, that is the fact is released in the most favorable light to everyone that believes that there should be a filter on every sentence that comes out of every mouth that is considering the effect of the thing that they're saying on everyone. So beautiful. So, well, that's sweet. I mean, it is.

It is so beautiful and also. Exhausting for everyone. Well, for you, it's got to be really. I'm exhausted. Just listening to you say what you just said. Yeah. Okay, so we're trying to think of examples, which by the way, is like every day, but we were thinking of one that you were involved with because that would be fun for you. So before your birthday, this is like a crossing of both of our languages, this one story,

which is why we thought it would be fun to share. So we gave you a gold chain. Oh god yeah. We gave you a gold necklace. So beautiful. Yes. And we were, I mean, I were in bed because that is of course, we're most of our story. Because it was 804. Right, right. And you were at the foot of our bed. We gave you the necklace and you opened it and said, it's, right. And you were at the foot of our bed. We gave you the necklace. And you opened it and said, it's so beautiful. And then Abby said, I found it on the thing. I was looking through the thing.

I ordered it. I, whatever. I got that for you. I thought that you would like it. I, whatever, whatever. Okay. And then, and then you said, Abby, I love it. Thank you so much. And then you said, Abby, I love it. Thank you so much.

And then you left. And then I was quiet. I was quiet at Abby. You were quiet in her direction. Yes, I was extremely quiet aggressively. And Abby always knows right away. So she knew what happened, but she pretended like she didn't know what happened. So she was saying, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? You're like, what's wrong? Please don't say what's wrong. What's wrong? I really want to know, I definitely

don't want to talk about this. Yes. So here is what I would say about. It is true. It was true. But Abby found that necklace. It is also true that we discussed what we were gonna get that I had three things on my list that day, that she had three things on her list that day, that order the necklace was on her list, that it is true that she ordered the necklace. It is also true that it is a deeper truth

than in our marriage. We energetically do things together. It's like communal property, communal duties, communal gift. Right. Like, for example, on Christmas morning, every time my kid opens a present and all the adults around, I'm not like, hey, kid, I ordered that. I said, I would up, right? Okay. So see and hell sat down. I put all of this. Right. So this is a crossing of our lie languages, because Abby is important for everyone to know what she's done in that moment. It is

important for me to control the narrative. I am always trying to control the narrative. So very recently, we're going to the mall. One of my kids has asked to get something. The other kid has asked to get something. Abby and I have agreed that it's more important that this other kid gets this thing, that trip. Abby will look at the first kid and say, we're not going to the mall for your shit. We're going for hers.

I might die inside at that moment. That is true. I might say, we are going to the mall for two different reasons that are equally important. I am constantly wanting to present information in a way that makes everyone feel a certain way. And so everything that everyone says feels like a minefield to me.

I'm constantly going behind people, changing what they just said. So this person hears it a certain way, changing what you said, changing how you said it, why you said it, when you said it, why do we have to say that right now? Why isn't that a truth we held back? Why didn't we wait till next month to say it? It's like a god complex or something. It's a fear of letting things just be. It's the reason why if you relate to the Taylor Swift mastermind song, it just, that made me feel so seen. It's like this idea that there's a way to control the truth that will take the edge off. That'll take the edge off that will make, I think, sometimes it's selfish. It's like, what will make me look the best? Yes, that is true that that's the reason why I did that.

But it's also true that I did it for this other reason. So can we focus on this other reason? Because that- I see what you're saying now. I see what you're saying now. Okay, so like truth, raw truth is not fit for human consumption. We need to take the truth and filter it through the light most favorable. And on the other side, now it's a consumable. So this is why you feel the

need to put your fingers on and touch and edit things that are happening because you can keep the truth, but make it come out in a way that you feel like reflects you better or impacts others better. Yes, and so what I think is interesting about that puppeteer way, I think a lot of that has to do with parenting for me, like I'm thinking about everyone. I'm thinking about everyone's feelings,

but I am also always thinking about the way the kids are seeing me as their mom, as their parent. So I'm also always thinking about the way the kids are seeing me as their mom, as their parent. So I'm also filtering it for the way that it's gonna, you know, make me feel like a good mom or like a good ex-wife or like a good new wife or like a good mom or a good writer or whatever. So what I think is interesting about this control freak, in quotes, puppeteer kind of lying,

which is like controlling and manipulating and filtering the truth, is that I think whereas Abby's core fear is like, am I good enough? Mine is, am I good? Mine has always been like, if people saw the complete, full unfiltered, that would not be good. I understand what you're saying right now.

So you're like the comms director. Yes. You're like, I am going to present the truth, but it's too unruly just to have the truth out there. Like, we can't come or we're going to them all for her not you. Because that is too subject to interpretation that might reflect in a way that you haven't controlled. Whereas if you can take the truth and leave no room for interpretation as to how it is presented, then you can feel calm because you'll know the way everyone is receiving that.

You can't just leave it up to everyone else to interpret what happens because that is too scary. Right, I'm just making it more beautiful. What is the truest most beautiful version of this moment is my version, right? So the PR, the comms, the truth's communication, truth's public relations. Yeah, that's it. But I do think in the bottom of the bottom of that is trust. Am I always willing to

let everything be and that it'll be okay? No. And am I good? Well, I don't know that. So I'm just going to like shade everything up. I actually get that that that comms piece. I think I get that, sometimes white so drawing to me if John will just send a text. Someone will say like, can you all come over? Can one of the kids go over and he'll just be like, no, we can't.

And I'm like, well, that was reckless as shit. Like you have to give the context of how the, and I think it's this fear that like everyone's out there just waiting to decide they're an asshole or something. But if we just trusted that people are going to receive that information in a favorable way towards us, I don't, and I would say I don't want a calm way to live. And I don't do it as much with other people. I would say I do it incessantly and exhaustingly with my family. Like sometimes when the kids leave and they're not here or one of the one

goes back to college or whatever, I feel like I can breathe in a way that I don't, sometimes when they're present because I'm constantly trying to make control everyone's perceptions of everything. So, do you think that that was like that pre-diverse or do you think that this is like you feel,

I'm wondering if it's you feel so fearful at a deep level that they'll be like, you messed things up for the family by getting divorced so you need to prove everything's good. Like, I'm surprised to hear you say that actually because you seem so comfortable and on ease with your family. I didn't know that you were so worried about how they would interpret things. I do. I'm worried that's not about that. Don't you think that that's true? Yeah, I mean, I can't speak for before I came, but I've heard you tell stories. And I also think it's kind of confusing because parenting is a really big art of manipulation.

It's you're thinking about so much of what everybody's experiencing. And I think that at the heart of it, it's so good because you want our children of it, it's so good because you want our children to all have a voice and to all think that they have been filtered before you say something or before you are doing something. Maybe it's harder for people to understand who have young kids. I think when your kids get older, it's like you start to see them seeing you. They go away, they meet other families, they have their own takes on things and you start to see them seeing you. They go away, they meet other families, they have their own takes on things, and you start to see them in a way where they're seeing you for the person you are. They're not seeing you as an all-knowing God. They're seeing you now as a person who made decisions,

who lived a certain way, who makes choices, who lived a certain way, who makes choices, who is like a certain way about money and faith and relationship and friendships. And so you're seeing yourself through their eyes for the first time. And part of the filter is trying to explain myself. Interesting. Trying to like, through every interaction. Explain myself. And it's being this age

and looking at your parents and like you're stuck in the middle. I'm judging my parents. I'm looking backwards and judging them. And then I'm looking forwards. I'm looking at my kids judging me. Or so I think it's just very. Do you think that they're judging us? I think that's their job. That's their job is to like look at us and figure out what they want to keep and what they don't want to keep. And I feel like with every truth I'm trying to filter, I'm saying like I did a really good job.

Like I did the best I could. I'm the best version of a person I know how to be or I can be and I made all these decisions for that. I feel like that's what I'm constantly doing. And I would like you have to show your work. You're showing your work so that if they decide you got the answer wrong, they can at least go back and see, oh, this is how these are all the steps. Yes. And I see the justification, and I see, it's like when a teacher's like, show you work, show you work.

That's what you're doing constantly in your head is putting that world. A case. It does not feel relaxing. Now I was just gonna say, you just said that you don't wanna do this anymore. No, I don't. I think having a kid home from college really,

it has nothing to do with the kid. Like they're not doing anything. They're just like standing there. And I'm constantly trying to, I don't know what I'm trying to do, but I would like to just relax and be myself and let everything be and not be constantly energetically justifying or explaining or filtering,

not thinking I have to present some correct version of motherhood or parenting. I'm sure it's not relaxing to them. Do you think that this is a gear attempt of, especially as they get older, of creating an environment where they would want to come back to? Is this like biological like this urge to build this stability of a fortress of a family that they want to be a part of? Because they have to now opt into our family. I think that what it is is like, it's transferring this idea that someone's gonna pat me on the head and say, good job.

Hmm. You did it right, You did it well. It's like, okay, I don't do that with whatever God is anymore. So now I do it with the kids. The kids are God and they decide, this could be totally wrong. I'm just thinking of it right now, but I do think I have transferred that locus

of you get to decide whether I am worthy or worthy from this idea of a God in the sky to like the kids. Their opinions and they get to decide. They'll justify. Yeah, which is totally insane. But that is what I think, I mean, I'm not fucking suggesting this anyway. I'm not advocating for this approach. No, and I just telling you what's happening. No, and I did not expect to talk about that, but I do think in the particular ways of, okay, when you give to someone else the power of approving of you or not, you will light your ass off or filter your ass off or control your ass off to get

approval from that person, whether or not that person's asked you and that can make a liar of you. Wow. I bet a lot of people listening will relate to what you just said. Or they turned it off. No, I'm so confusing. No, I don't think it's confusing at all. I think that it makes perfect sense.

And I also think like, it's a super vulnerable thing to say out loud, right? Because like, all of us want the approval of our kids. All of us want to feel like we're good at parenting. And all of us want to feel like this whole sacrifice that you've just made to raise three children was worth it. And what will it be that you feel like will have been like, oh, now I know that I've done it, I've done it right. What will it be that you feel like will have been like, oh, now I know that I've done it.

I've done it right. What will it be? Yeah, it's nothing. Like, there's nothing. There's nothing. Okay, sister, have you thought about what your lying style is? So we have Abby the Bullshitter. We have me, the puppeteer or the truth's PR person. Mastermind.

Mastermind. I love the truth's PR person because you're a truth spin doctor. Yeah. Yeah. the mastermind. I love the mastermind. Because you're a truth spin doctor. Yeah. That's good. I don't have a word for mine yet. Okay. All I know is that my friend recently we had some drama going on and she was like, how

am I going to deal with this because I just show everything on my face. Like when I see this person, I'm not gonna be able to fake it. And they're gonna know exactly what's going on. And I was like, wow, I am the opposite of that. Mmm. It alarms me and scares me. I was like, wow, I am the opposite of that. Mm, it alarms me and scares me. How much I am able to not show on my face. Exactly how I feel.

So that, I feel like, I don't know what kind of lying that is, but I kind of admire and am jealous of people who have the kind of integrity of their insides with their outsides, who if they don't like someone, it shows on their face, or if they're offended or hurt or in conflict, that it shows on the outside as much on the inside because I could go a lifetime and not show it. Wow. It's like the mask, the hiding, or the actor kind of. Yeah, maybe, I don't know that it made me feel like a real know that it made me feel like a real fake or maker. I'm like, that's cool that you don't have that. Can you give us an example?

If I receive information about someone or something, I have a very intellectual approach to it. I'll be like, let me process that deceit or let me process that betrayal or let me process this new information that I know about you and make it make sense in my head. And then with that, let me know what I need to know about how our relationship needs to be in the future, but you don't necessarily need to know that. I need to know it. And what I put out to you, the access that I give you, the information that I give you about myself might totally change and you might never notice it.

You might never notice that we're having a different relationship than we had before. But to me, I know it's a different relationship. This is so interesting. So it must drive you crazy that I want to say how I feel all the time. This makes me think of when I'm mad at somebody in our work life and you're like, yes, and we will handle that, but it may not be wise for you to share

that you're angry with that person right now. That's what you're doing. You're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we'll get them in the end. But, okay, that's fascinating. This reminds me of your threeness with the anyogram. You're not feeling it. You're intellectualizing it and planning it. But you're not necessarily getting to the feeling phase or sharing.

So is it about control? Yes. Okay. Because this is asses 9 to me. This whole way that people do they like that's when I'm always like shrewd like a fox. Shrewd like a I know you always say shrewd like a fox. And I'm like, fuck because it's like, you know, two swifts never be so kind.

You forget to be clever. Never be so kind. You forget to be clever. Never be so clever You forget to be kind. Okay, so that person has betrayed me that person is untrustworthy that I don't trust that person as far as I can throw I'm let me go share with them about that Wait, what the fuck you just said that person is not trustworthy, but you're going to go give your insides to that person, for them to do whatever with. I actually don't follow the logic. Okay, so that feels adaptive to me. That's good. When you have decided someone is completely untrustworthy, you are of course not going to open yourself back up, you're going to find another way forward. When does that approach become maladaptive?

When you try to work every relationship out inside of yourself, yes. Yes, because what you're missing out on sometimes, like I would say for me, I get myself into situations where I shouldn't have said anything and it's fucking disastrous. Yes. But what you miss sometimes is the moment where you say, wait, I'm not hurt. It's not somebody who is evil. It's not somebody who should be cut It's not somebody who is should be cut off for the rest of the life. But part of relationship and the reason for integrity is not you, I think you

think that being in the moment or being integrated is stupid. But it's not always just stupid. It's because sometimes you say something and there's a magical moment where the other person actually is meeting you there. And then your relationship becomes something bigger than the sum of its parts. But you're keeping the magic all the time in the sum of the parts because there's no mixing the oil and the water.

It's like, we are in relationship. And that means I handle my business and you handle your business and I'll see you in hell. I mean I sometimes not even the sum of the parts. Sometimes just me plus what I think about that person in my heart. Do you have anybody that you are completely honest with that you feel vulnerable that you feel like you can do this thing and not figure out? I do.

I have like a, I do, and I have people that I will never tell a lie to ever, little or big. I do definitely. But I think I do try to over intellectualize and figure out what's going on and figure out if I have a right to feel the thing and figure out whether that's reasonable and figure out instead of just being like, this is the way I feel. Is it a fear of vulnerability? What do we do about that? Is it like the base of it, like the bottom of it?

It's like a fear of actually being vulnerable. Yeah, what's the base? The core. I think it is. And then I think it's also like, I have a huge fear of being a burden or not handling my shit, taking up too much space in the sense of like, I only go to others if I can't handle it in all aspects, right?

So make sure you've exhausted your internal resources before you go to anyone for like either help or support or working things out. And so by default, I think I handle a lot internally. And it's like that saying, if you only say what you know, you're only going to know what you know, like I think that cuts me off from information. It cuts me off from different ways of seeing things, it cuts me off from, you know what you're saying about the synergies of, you come out with a different output

when you add a different input in, but I have a general aversion when people can't handle their shit. Well, and I also, yeah, I think that the world too is like one of the big complaints about women is that we're too much and we're too emotional. And like any of those feminine tropes, especially around this is probably even more

aversive to you. You're like, fuck that. I'm gonna prove that I can do it differently. I think that you're actually one of the most audaciously capable people I've ever met. And so that's gotta be a double-edged sword there. Because you're like, I can do a lot. But in the context of lying, it's like,

yeah, I have all the information I need. I have come to my conclusion. You're out, but I'm also not gonna let you in enough enough to know you're out. Oh, so it's a fake it. I can fake it till the end of time. Yeah, because I guess a different way to be that, if you were gonna do it, honestly, would be,

you've broken my trust, and I'm not gonna do this the same way. Totally, and that would actually be like, full of integrity. And if we think back to Genels at the last lying episode we did where Genel was like, I lied to set a boundary. That's why I was like, no, no, no, no, no. There's no lying to set a boundary.

You either lie to get an outcome you need, or you set a boundary, but you don't lie to set a boundary. Right. So I would have more respect for myself if I couldn't lie with my face. It's like love I used to say to you on stage if you didn't like whatever speaker was going on

and she'd say fix your face because you, Glennon, show what you're thinking on your face. I know. I do not. So I admire that in people whose whole being represents how they feel. So I think I would have more respect for myself if I if I would be like, you know what? Love you, you're awesome, and also this is different now, and I can tell you why or not, but I just wanted to explain that this is where I am

and God's speed. Cool, but I don't. I get it nailed it. I don't know if it's good or bad. I'm just saying you identified a particular way of lying that I'm sure a lot of people will relate to. Fake until you make it.

Yeah, and I understand now. Like I understand when you're like, when I email you and I'm like, I'm so to be able to relate to. Fake until you make it. Yeah, and I understand now. Like I understand when you're like, when I email you and I'm like, I'm so upset about this thing and you will be like, okay, let's not say that right now. I hear you, but let's not like email them. That makes sense. Okay. And it feels like it's like passing ammo to your enemies.

I've just determined your enemy. Can I arm you? Okay. And also, but I do want to suggest that it is deep embedded into us, you and me sister, that the world is made up of very few friends, actually, who are all on this Zoom or are two producers, who are friends. And then everyone else is an enemy. Okay. So even that like framework is an interesting. Nobody can be trusted from your perspective.

You have to control even what people think about us, because they cannot be trusted. Sister is worrying about arming anybody with anything that they can be against her. Because everyone's trying to kill us. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Podsquad, good luck figuring out what your lying style is. We want to know about it. Yes. And here's what I want to challenge you to do.

We have some, I think they're not Collins. We're reading these, right? Yes, and they're so funny. Okay. Okay. But first I want to tell the people I promised to tell them, oh yes, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, yeah. So here, there's all of these things, everyone thinks they can tell when someone's lying to them. First of all, polygraphs are not, um, as visible in court, they're not admissible in court. They're not reliable. Humans can only tell if someone is lying half the time. So great. So just go ahead and guess because that's as good as what you think that you figured out. All the things of like, oh, if they look up into the left, that's telling their line.

No, that's also associated with thinking. So someone might be lying or they might be thinking. So stop. You can just let yourself off the hook for trying to guess if people are lying to you. The only way that they have determined that increases your chance of getting people to tell the truth. And it's so simple. It goes back to what we were talking about in the first episode. Is if you ask people directly to tell you the truth. And this goes back to my theory at the beginning that there is no social contract that people will be telling the truth. You actually have to say, I want the truth from you. So if you really need to know something, say to people, this, I want you to say to me, I promise I will tell you the truth. And then they say,

I promise I will tell you the truth. And then they say whatever they're going to say. Having this verbal commitment that they say, they have to repeat it back to you. There is something in our makeup that when I say with my mouth, I am going to tell you the truth. It decreases lies by 40%. Some people are still gonna lie.

But I think it goes back to what we were saying in the first episode, which is that nobody knows if you want the truth from them. We're all going to all the time with all these socially acceptable quote unquote lies. So you're telling someone that you want the truth from them and then you're asking them to commit to that. And a lot of people won't say that unless they're willing to tell you the truth. Or they might be like, okay, they want it. I will tell it to them.

It's almost like you are creating your own social contract in that situation that doesn't exist outside of that. So when you were talking about that, I wanted to be like, can't be right, but actually I'm thinking about when Craig finally told me about the infidelity and we were sitting in a therapist's office and we'd been through four to five freaking sessions of therapy with us not telling each other the truth. And then something came up and the air was charged and I just understood and knew in the moment that there was something that neither the therapist nor he was telling me. And I actually did look at Craig and said, I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to come back here and you are going to tell me every bit of the truth. And I didn't say back to me, but that worked.

That's when I got the whole truth. That's weird. And it works in any little thing, you know, when people are like, oh, how do the kids do it the play date? They actually don't want to know half the time. That they were fighting the whole time and their daughter was a brat

and their son spilled the stuff everywhere and they were cussing the whole time. They don't want to know that. They want to be like, was great, see you next time. But if someone says no, I actually want to know the truth about this, some working on something, so tell me the truth. Then great, now I know you wanna know the truth, I'll tell you.

Yeah, or like if you call your friend, they're like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm gonna go get my bait, I'm gonna go get Beng's cut. And they're gonna be like, okay, or if you say, I'm gonna go get Beng's cut, I want you to tell me the truth about that. They're going to say, do not cut your bangs. It is a different thing. Yeah, it is, but it seems so simple, but it's very not simple. We're going to read a bunch of lies that love bugs around the world have told. We are going to judge these lies.

Okay? Whether this is a green lie or red lie, because we're not going with white lies. You two are going to decide whether these are green lies or red lie. Okay. All right. Here we go. Lie number one. A girl I lived with two years ago thought I was stealing her yogurt out of the fridge. I told her it couldn't have been me since I'm allergic to dairy. And now I still can't eat dairy in front of her or anyone from that friend group. She made me a dairy-free cake for my birthday and the guilt is eating me alive.

So good. I think you go straight to the grave with the dairy situation. Yeah. This is a green lie for me. You just don't, you don't ever tell her. No, you can't tell her. It's gone. That reminds me of the amazing thing where people are more likely to lie, to prevent you from thinking that they are lying.

That is one of the top lies that they find. So it's like you, Glennon, when you're checking out at the grocery and the lady says, what kind of avocados are those? And you tell her they're organic, even though they're not organic, because you're so afraid that if you tell her they're not organic, she's going to think you're lying to get them for cheaper. So you just tell them they're organic. And this is like time I lie so people will know that I'm honest. That is one of the most common lies. And that's what this girl, she was so afraid to look like a lying thief that she lied and said that she was lactose

intolerant so she couldn't possibly be in the lying thief that stole your yogurt. And I love her for it. Yeah, that's beautiful. Okay. In college, I legally married and then peacefully divorced a platonic friend, so we qualified to live off campus. I want to call this lie a justice-based lie. I believe in this sort of lie. It is not right that marriage is the only kind of relationship deemed worthy enough to get special treatment. So I believe in this lie, I think we should have more rights for platonic

relationships. Yes, to this lie. That was from Alex Harrow on Twitter. This one is from M Lockwood Porter on Twitter. My best friend and I wanted to go to a blink 182 concert in high school, but we couldn't afford tickets. So we told everyone in our extremely Baptist, Oklahoma town that God called us

to spread the gospel at an evil secular concert, but we needed donations to get in. We turned a prophet. Yes. That is a first class brilliant, good job, M. Lockwood Porter, brilliant. Well done. This one is from can my daughter briannie had a show and tell day at school which involved standing in front of the class

and explaining all about their chosen subject unfortunately for me she had told her pals that she was doing it about her father's expedition to the Galapagos Islands and begged me to do the presentation with so not only did I have the shame of having a lying fantasist for a child but I also had to pretend to be a wildlife conservationist in front of 25 children. I actually work in IT. five children. I actually work in IT. I love this father. I love Brianie. She's probably going to be some sort of writer. That is a big green life for me. So good. Good job, dad. So I love that so they went and planned together their presentation. Yeah, so it's like soon that I'll show them the pictures of the huge

ass turtles or whatever. And Brian is like, yeah, that'll be good. That'll be good. Then we'll go to the next slide. Imagine the teachers like, I know Ken works at Microsoft. It's weird that he went on a Galapagos expedition. Oh, amazing. I was told that every person gets 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit, you couldn't physically speak until a new month began. All my dad had to say was, well, careful, you're already at 9,000 words.

And it would shut me right up. That's so good. I have no notes. So good. I have no, I have no notes. So good. I have no notes. This one's brilliant. I tell my son that when he lies, a red dot appears on his forehead that only his parents can see. It only goes away when he tells the truth. Can we talk about the levels of parenting in this? So this parent in order to teach their child not to lie is blatantly lying to them. That is some good stuff. That's really good.

This one is Dominique Maddie. One time for my own entertainment, I pretended to not know what a donut was. But my ex-boyfriend's friend mentioned one and one. Every time he tried to explain it, I said, oh, you mean a bagel. We haven't even talked about lying just for fun. Yes. Lying just for fun. I give a big green light too. I like to do that. Oh, you mean a bagel.

Imagine this person just losing their shit so frustrated. Yeah. So good. Okay, go ahead, baby. I recently told my son his soccer game was canceled due to the snow. Oh yeah, this is good.

In all fairness, it was this third game of the weekend. I need the team had plenty of subs and it was flurrying. Oh, my son is only seven enough is enough sometimes. I adhere to this fully. Big green light. Big green light. Soccer is never ending and it's too much and you really have to take it and cheer on hands. Yeah, when they say soccer is life, they mean literally that's your life now. That's not what I was talking about. That's not exactly exactly. Ball is life. That was Aaron R. Okay, at work for whatever reason when I first started, I told a girl I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about.

That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about.

That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about.

That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's not what I was talking about. That's I think I would be fired if the truth came out. That's so good. I was posted by Anonymous. I know how that feels. That's like when I told the school that Madonna was my aunt. It can go on for a really long time. I still feel extra close to Madonna.

My upstairs neighbor called me Mark in a conversation because that is not my name. I didn't realize she was actually referring to me, so I didn't correct her. The second time she called me Mark, it was from a distance as she was leaving her apartment and I was getting in. I registered that she thought my name was Mark, but I felt it would be weird to shout back that my name is not Mark. The third time she did this, I had a bunch of friends over on the stoop outside the apartment and I didn't want to correct her in front of a group of kids because I didn't want to embarrass her. All of my friends

looked confused that she was calling me Mark, but after she went inside, I explained to them that I was too deep into it now to correct her. They disagreed since she had only done it three times at that point. That was seven years ago. I am Mark. Oh my God. Can we talk about lying because you're sweet?

That's sweet. It's like so much of lying is just being sweet. You don't want to like hurt the other person, make the other person feel stupid. So you just are like, I would prefer instead of hurting someone's feelings to be Mark for the rest of my life. Yeah, but then see Vanessa episodes. That's how you end up three years into a relationship. Still pretending to get an orgasm with the same shit that didn't work three years ago. Yeah. Because you're Mark now.

Okay? I'm trying to be sweet. You get yourself into a situation. I'm not saying it's not a slippery slope. It is. My freshman year of college, I was walking around campus when a very friendly looking girl waved at me. I'm awkward, so of course I waved back. The next week, the same thing.

This began the weirdest saga of my life. For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other. She knew my name somehow. I never could figure hers out, and it was way too late to ask. I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me. Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis,

who should be in this class, but mystery girl. I was horrified. I wouldn't be able to pass it off anymore. First day of class we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name again. I had finally learned her name from attendance. Thank God. Someone asks finally, oh, so you two know each other. Where'd you meet? Silence. I stared at her. She stares at me. Finally, she breaks down, willing, I don't know, I don't know, okay? We've just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late.

She's standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends. That's awesome. That's so good. That's by miscellaneous on Reddit. This is a good one that everyone should use. You definitely tell your kids that when the ice cream truck music is on, it means that they're out of ice cream. That's just an old nugget. Also, I can only imagine all the wise,

we could collect about the tooth fairy. Okay. I told my daughter the tooth fairy was delayed by Hurricane Sandy. After forgetting her dollar several nights in a row, and since then, the tooth fairy. Okay. I told my daughter the tooth fairy was delayed by Hurricane Sandy, after forgetting her dollar several nights in a row. And since then, the tooth fairy has also been subject to storms, heavy cloud cover, and heatstroke. He is super flicky. He's just a ghostly slurman. I mean, it's just a bed of lies, what we tell them. I think I've mentioned when Chase finally asked me, oh, also, warning, turn this off

with listening with kids. When I finally told Chase about Santa because he looked at me, sister, he looked at me and said, you need to tell me the truth right now. Yeah, he did. And I said, Santa, the spirit of Santa is real, the giving, the love, the joy, but it's it's in me. It's in me and you're dead. Okay. We are, it's real, but it's a different kind of real than you think it is. Right. And he said, is that what it is with the the truth for you too? And I said, yeah.

And he thought for a few minutes quietly and then he goes, is that the thing about God too? And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, when it tangled, when we. I love this one because it just reminds me of my stupid lies when I was little. My friend told me he got in sync's autograph.

And when he showed it to me, it was just the word in sync, but not a post-it note. I don't know why that makes me so happy. He picked it with just the word in sync. Dominic Kane on Twitter. thanks for that Dominic. Let's end with this love bug, who has just, you know, really, there can be such joy in lying, proven by Casaville on TikTok. Fun fact, they say, you can just lie.

You can just do it. I do it a lot, and here are some of my favorite lies I've told recently. If someone is studying in a major and I know the name of a professor who teaches that, I'll just be like, oh my god, you're in that major. Do you know Professor Smith? He's my dad. One time I told someone that I've never paid for anything in cash in my life. I've never personally handled cash, I said. If you're trying to make plans with someone and they suggest a bar or something, it is so fun to say, oh no, I can't go there. I've been banned and then just not elaborate.

Bringing joy back to lying. Thank you. All right, loves. We hope that you will think of your lying style. What else do we hope for these love bugs? I hope that you will not add being a liar to the list of things that you have shame about because then we should all just be carrying an equal amount of shame on behalf of the society that we live in, which requires us to live on a daily basis and then makes us feel shame for doing so. So I say reject that. And also try to think about think about one person that you can in your life have a totally honest relationship with, in which you trust them enough to have accountability to them and from them to the truth, whatever that might be, because the study showed that even in the relationships where we have the little eyes or the big eyes, they are actually less satisfying to us.

It's that same thing of like if you're presenting only part of yourself and someone loves you, you don't actually feel their love because you don't trust it because it's not the real you. So if you just can think of one person and you trust them enough to say, I've been thinking about it and I was thinking we could have a thing with us where we just are always honest with each other. Like I can always handle the truth from you

and I would like to be always honest with you. How does that sound? I don't think we need many people like that, but I think if you just have one, it's a whole different way of living, and I don't think we can't or should try it with a shit ton of people. But just think about that, and maybe it's a level of adventure in life that you haven't had yet when you can be In a relationship like that. I love that So good and if you can't do that just get a diary. I know that sounds silly But I feel like a diary is people's way of having an honest relationship with someone Like totally themselves

I if I ever last my phone I'd be fucked Because my note section has some stuff that's... Woo! Howdy! Alright, pod squad, we love you. We mean it. We're not lying. So we'll see you next time.

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