We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - 271. Christen Press & Tobin Heath Protect What Matters Most

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Three soccer legends and Glennon go on an epic double date! Our beloved Pod Squader, Christen Press, is back with Tobin Heath to share their revolutionary reimagining of what life and love look like when you protect the sacred – and the resistance in doing things quietly and privately, especially within the queer community. How to be free and independent inside a relationship – and Tobin’s seven-year contract idea;  Christen and Tobin describe each other as soccer players and as people outside of sport – and how they handle conflict; and Why they say, “Don’t look at us, look at our work” – and their current mission to build a sports media house for women.  For our episode with Christen, check out 132. Christen Press: How to Get Your Bliss Back About Christen:  Christen Press is a two-time World Cup Champion, two-time Olympic gold medalist, and an equal pay pioneer. She is one of the all-time top 10 goalscorers on the U.S. Women’s National Team and currently plays for Angel City FC. Christen led the USWNT's historic achievement of Equal Pay and served as the leader of the USWNT Players Association for 2 years. Christen is Co-Founder and Co-CEO of RE—INC, a values-led brand that exists to reimagine the way women are seen and experienced in sports. She sits on the Board of Grassroots Soccer, a non-profit organization that uses the power of soccer to provide mentors, information, and health services to at-risk youth in Africa. TW: @ChristenPress IG: @christenpress About Tobin:  Tobin Heath is a two-time World Cup Champion and two-time Olympic gold medalist, known as one of the most skillful and entertaining players in the game. Throughout her club career, Heath has played for PSG, the Portland Thorns, Manchester United, and Arsenal. Tobin has taken her vision, leadership, and creativity off the pitch and into her roles as Co-Founder and Co-CEO of RE—INC, and host of the critically-acclaimed show: The RE—CAP Show World Cup Edition. TW: @TobinHeath IG: @tobinheath To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Thanks for watching. Thank you, Pod Squad. Unpods us. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. You Are Not Going To Want To Miss This Episode. Because today, we have Lee Christian Press and Lee Tobin-hee. Kristen Press is a two-time World Cup champion, two-time Olympic gold medalist and an equal pay pioneer. She is one of the all-time top 10 goal scorers on the national team and currently plays for Angel City FC, Kristen led the U.S. Women's National team's historic achievement of equal pay and served as the

leader of the U.S. Women's National team players association for two years. Kristen is co-founder and co-CEO of Re-Ink, a values-led brand that exists to reimagine the way women are seen and experienced in sports. She sits on the board of Grassroot Soccer, a nonprofit organization that uses the power of soccer to provide mentors, information, and health services to at-risk youth in Africa. Tobin Heath is a two-time World Cup champion

and a two-time Olympic gold medalist, known as one of the most skillful and entertaining players in the game. Throughout our club career, Heath has played for PSG, the Portland Thorns, Manchester United, and Arsenal. Tobin has taken her vision, leadership, and creativity off the pitch and into her roles as co-founder and co-CEO of Reinc, and host of the critically acclaimed show

which Abbie and I are obsessed with, the recap show, World Cup Edition. Welcome to two of our favorites, Kristen and Tobin. How are you guys? We are good. Oh, and can we just quickly tell you that one, I think I've sent this to you, but I would really have listened to every single episode of your podcast, except for my own. And I wanted to say that I became obsessed with EnuGrams, which I'm sure I'm not the only one who tells you this, but because of your show, to the point where like poor to open our lives are ruled by the EnuGrams. And it is all so kind of your fault. Our lives are ruled by... What numbers are you guys? What's your number Chris three seven?

Three and seven so you two are my sister and Abby Yeah, you're missing a Yes, yeah, and I was actually I didn't know that your sister wasn't gonna be on it I've heard a lot about her and I was like wait,? I know it's because Amanda only joins when there's like an expert on. That's when I joined, she's never wrong. That is not true. That's not true.

What am I an expert at? I did say I was like when Kristen said when you text about the double date, and I was like, wait, so you got to talk about something meaningful, and I have to talk about our relationship. We'll have you back on, Tobin, just solo you. And the next time we ask this and on, our relationship's so meaningful.

It is meaningful, thank you. That sentence is so amazing. You got to talk about something meaningful, and I'm stuck with our relationship. Well, Tobin, did you hear that she stands to be an episode that we did on an I'm a seven and I've been doing a ridiculous amount of work in therapy right now trying to discover more

about my shadow side, like the satire emotions that I don't ever feel or want to feel. And that's been real interesting. Yeah. Well, I also followed your lead and got went into therapy after I learned about my anagram legitimately. Listen to your podcast, found out what my anagram was, and then for the end of the day. But I have tried to get to open to like start to think about her shadow side and it's not going well for us. It's Okay, it's there. It's there the shadow side. It's there. It's there. Are you like a bright cider? Like do you want to stay on this side of things? You want to stand the happy side look on the bright side?

Yeah, not delve to yeah, okay Yeah, I never knew I was devoid of negative feelings. Okay. I always found it to be my superpower, right? Look at you. Your superpower is also like your greatest. I do think it probably has helped in sport. Yes.

A lot of ways. Yes, it's really not great. When you retire though, it's toughy. Yeah. It's toughy. I also think that I've kind of reframed that in a way as well. So I'm telling you, feeling that she's big on the reframe. This is the re-encre-imagine. Let's go ahead and reframe your resistance to the other half of being human, right?

Which is the sad stuff. Yeah, I just think that Kristen kind of makes me confront that side. And I am the shadow she is. Living in the shadows. Sometimes we just have to get in the water, you know. Do you, too, know what's interesting is that it turns out, okay, I didn't know this until this recent iteration of therapy this year, but it turns out that Kristen is actually not the shadow and you're the light.

So people polarize. So like if I want Abby to hello, pay attention to all of the horrible things that could happen. Let's get anxious, let's get a little depressed, then I'm constantly that side. Then she goes into therapy and she's just fucking bitching all the time. And I'm like, lighten up, Francis.

I am like a ray of sunshine around here, lately. I get to be fully human. Oh, interesting. I, yeah. That's the messy middle that's not being so black or white. Yeah. I'm working on a therapy. Yeah.

So much black and white thinking. So it's like, if you are always happy then I'll just always be evil. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or you know what? Interesting. Abby is a very nervous parent.

She's like always worried so much, okay? And especially since they've become teenagers. And I, you guys, I'm like suddenly, I'm like the dad. I'm like, everything's fine. It's all gonna fucking work out. And I'm like, oh, this is how men feel. Like, you just need a wife to be chill. It's not like a personality type.

It's like somebody else is worrying. So you get to be calm. So, I'm happy to reassuring. So you're like, she's busy wearing, I'm good. And then you get to be like everything. Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Like, that's for you.

Yeah, I was gonna say, it's such a nice thing to Really is it really is so it's interesting We have a friend who called Abby and said I heard that you're doing shadow work I'm also a seven but I don't want to do anything about it And I'm not going to I like my life and I like being this way. Yeah Anything like really important such a seven If I should know anything just let me know like what it is. Like after you do the work, let me know if like there's something that I could use. Yeah, you're like, it doesn't really work.

But a seven would want that. Just give me the, oh, to me the notes. Give me the notes. Okay. So I'm so excited to talk to you about a situation that you two are, I don't know, just doing that is actually quite revolutionary in the world right now. And I wanna talk to you about it as actually as you're the experts on it.

Hey. Okay. You're the experts on it because no one else is doing it. Really narrow. No, you are. And it's something that in my recovery right now, I'm thinking about nonstop. Nonstop about.

And that is privacy. So I read, Kristen, say that both of you have a joy for sacredness and that you deeply appreciate privacy and that you deeply appreciate privacy, and that you have an opportunity to model privacy as a valid way to be even in the public eye. As models, especially for people who might be struggling in their personal life,

or in ways that make them vulnerable in their community, like their relationship could make them vulnerable in their community, like their relationship could make them vulnerable in their community. So in other words, while many people in the public eye, including athletes, are choosing to show their interior lives in like big and loud in public ways, which is valid and amazing. You too are showing to the queer community and to, the beauty of doing it quietly and privately, which is actually, it's revolutionary, and actually it's resistance. It is.

It's resistance. I'm like, I can't stop thinking about it now because we're in this world where your value is what you can show people and like the clickbait and the exposure. So I'm thinking about this a lot in terms of looking back on my last 15 years and like what my family has gained and what they have lost by opening ourselves up to the world and it's a lot. It's like one of those things I don't even like looking back on directly because there's a lot of things in the last column.

because there's a lot of things in the last column. So, when you say you have a joy for the sacred, can you talk to me about, and also you can talk to Abby too, because she's here, but like, can you talk to me about what sacred means? Yes, do you want me to start, of course. I think that, like when I think of what's sacred, I think that sometimes in the world now, everything is happening so fast and so quickly

and you need immediate return on the things that you're doing. When I think of something that's sacred, I think of something that's intentional and it's slow and it's a little bit ours. And I think a little bit ours. And I think like a little bit of protection from some of the worst parts of society. To your point, there's pros and cons, right?

Like as much as you've said, we've lost a lot. I'm sure you've gained a lot. So it's not like, I don't think we have an attitude about like our ways good. I think especially in a queer relationship, we think a lot about modeling and being brave and being out in a way that you know people need role models and we've kind of had to like grapple with that and what is our calling because it's not always the same but as you know being on a team

it's very easy to look at what everybody else is doing and say okay that's the right way and there's so much that I think we admire from our teammates and from public figures that have been out and proud just like the two of you, right? I think there's something so beautiful about that, but it never felt like it was like Tobin and Mai calling. Or it was not the right, maybe lifestyle or decision or series of decisions that reflected us. And I think it also, we've also both felt like we had something to protect. And I, John really always like, tried to chase the good. Like, I never want to make decisions because

I'm like, I'm afraid of the bad. But when it came to my relationship, like that felt like airing on the side of the safe side and always protecting us and always protecting you. And then the last thing I'd say is it's like the marriage of like our different perspectives and our different families and our different baguages. And it ended up being this like really unique way of living that we have that we actually don't see anywhere else, that I think is important. It's become like a really important part of us. We obviously, we've been teammates,

we run a business together. So I think like the way that I see it is, it's like, don't look at us, look at what we do. And it allows our relationship to be ours and special and feel a little bit safe. And it allows us to have a space to like share our passion and our life's work with more people. Wow. Love it.

Let's don't look at us, look at our work. And you both are on the same page. Like, what were the conversations? Like, how do you come to this? Because you have the same decision about this. Like, what is your decision-making look like? I don't know if it's so much of a decision-making. I felt like it was kind of like an extension of the way

that I do like my life and my passions and my craft is like also with that same kind of, I guess, specialness to it where like I feel like if there's something really, really good, you almost kind of like, you want to create a space for it, that's just for you. Like where you get to create your own worlds and stuff like that. And I feel like especially in a world that just feels like everything's for other people, it's so hard to hold on to something that's for yourself. And even when I think about football,

it's like, I didn't do football to be known. You know, I did football because I loved it. And it's like, I don't do my relationship to be known. I do my relationship because I'm so crazy in love. And I feel like once you start giving things, what do you have for yourself? And it's like hard. I actually think that's such an important part

because, and I think you all understand, there's some twisted thing, you know, we are in the queer community, and we're fighting with the queer community for rights and all these things, and protections and opportunities. And yet, as a queer public figure, it actually felt like us coming out and being really public in our relationship would be a huge advantage.

It felt like we would have a bigger following. We'd be able to make more money. We're more marketable together. And that made it less interesting. That's. Yeah, that means it's so not interesting. Because so, so let me, so, so you didn't want to monetize your relationship. Is that what you're saying? I'm confused. So you you were not interested in monetizing your got it. Okay. I mean,

I just think that that's what revolutionary difference between sacred and not sacred. Yeah, things we monetize and things we don't. Okay. It's like crossing this sacred boundary. And we just, I think it was natural. I was out. You were like the gay pride leader of the world when we met. Do you think that we monetize our love? Oh, come on.

Yes. Yeah, we have. Shit. And okay. Do you think that we monetize our love? Oh, come on, yes! Yeah, we have. Shit! And, okay. Can we like pull the genie back into the lamp? Yeah, always, always. I mean, I feel a lot of envy right now for them. Well, I think that there's something really beautiful.

I think it sounds hard to make that decision, just because anything that you're doing that's counter-cultural, that's different than what everyone else is doing in your position is so. And also, the queer community is so focused on out, out, out. And it reminds me of with feminism where it's like you have to be yelling all the time, or you have to be loud, or you have to be whatever. And it's like, no, it's the ideas that everybody just gets to be yelling all the time or you have to be loud or you have to be whatever. And it's like, no, it's the idea is that everybody just gets to be themselves. So if yourself is quieter, like we have two different daughters and one of them freedom looks quieter and the other one freedom looks loud. But if you're just trying to fit another blueprint, then that's not freedom at all. So is there anything that you see

happening in your friends, more public lives that make you feel like yikes? That is not what we wanted. Are there things that you see that you affirm your decisions? affirm your decisions. Judgment from the world. And that's not even about the relationship. It's just all of us when we put ourselves out there. Like, I don't enjoy the judgment. You know, I'll avoid that by chance. And the judgment, I think, comes from this idea that of permanence,

of people see something that is right now, and they just make 1,000 assumptions about the rest of eternity. And you ask like, how did we make that decision? And I actually think like Tobin and I made it quite differently. I would say Tobin is compared to what is expected is extremely non-committal.

And so you can tell them you're all seven-year contract situation if you'd like. Please do. But I think there's something that Tobin said to me And so you can tell them you're all seven year contract situation if you'd like. But I think there's something that Tobin said to me that I had to understand early because I had expectations of what a relationship is and that was like, you know, you sign in blood that you'll never leave no matter what. And that always works well. Always work well. And I never goes for me from my parents and I was like, that's what love is. But then Tobin said to me, she said, every single day, I wake up and I make a decision to be with you. And that's romantic to me. And I was like, oh, that's, that makes me feel way better about your like, good job.

Good job. But, but I think it is beautiful. So I think like part of what I've seen in other people to answer your question is like the world assuming that they know about their relationship when they don't. And I don't want that. And I don't think that that was anyone's decision, but it was just the consequence of being in the public guy. Yeah, because like when you put anything out on social, oh, here we are, we're together. Then if it's like a pie, you give this fake pie of responsibility that these random people

in the world think that they have on your relationship. And it's not true, right? We all know, most of us know that the people out there don't really know really what's going on. It's this fake contract that we have. What's speaking of contract? What's the seven year contract? Oh, yeah.

Well, maybe this just comes from sports, but I just think that like relationships need to be like redefined or reimagined. I think it's kind of like an insane expectation that you're going to make a decision and that decision is just going to be like for the rest of your lives. And it's not to deny that that can totally work, but I've done research and I've gone around and asked a lot of people like, would you want the relationship your parents have? And I've gone around and asked a lot of people, like, would you want the relationship your parents have? And I only met one person to date that said, yes.

No way. Yeah, I mean, that's the first thing. And for sure. And it's like, and it's really important for me, like for modeling maybe like different ideas of what queer relationships can be. It's so weird to think that in the queer community, we try to then label and define things

where the whole point is to be undefined and fluid and to be able to choose. And yet, it's like, we need this clarity. And I think it's in the ambiguous nature of being queer and that word really vibes with me. Gay never vived with me, but queer really vived with me. And it was in this fluidity because, and maybe this isn't a part of the sevenness,

but it's like I don't want to be boxed in by any kind of label, any kind of definition. And honestly, one of the most beautiful things that like, Kirsten's ever given to me in my relationship was just like complete freedom. And like even in my like crazy ideas, because most of them is just like the idea of freedom. It's not this idea that like I'm going off

and doing like all these crazy things. It's just this idea that I'm independent, I'm my own person. And like even within our relationship, I'm my own person. And I can be seen as an individual piece of it. And for the choice part, that's probably the part that like I love that makes things exciting for me

And like the fact that I have somebody that's literally a new choice every day because she's like a thousand different things all at once So it makes life super interesting But yes Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, the contracts No, I think it likes sports and I'm like, or I how many years do you want? And then like at the end of a contract year, you come back together and you you say, is this something like you want to sign up for how many years and you sign another contract? Or you just go your separation, you say that was really fun. It's time to yeah, it's an

out. That's so cool. It's so wild because like, yeah. To be fair kids like I have thought about this, kids probably complicate the contract. But for now the contract seems like pretty. Epic? Yeah. Yeah. Pretty epic. It is interesting that it's like, we are queer

and we want to do things differently, which means we just want the right to be as miserable as heterosexual people. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I like this contract idea. I have a big fear of abandonment, so that you might not work for me.

Are you like curled up in the fetal position right now? I'm like scared that Glundin after this is going to be like, hey, I really like that idea that Tobin shared. Let's talk about that for a second because this takes a lot of strength. This takes a lot of strength and trust in yourself and in your person. Well, Kristen, how did you wrap your mind around this early days? When Tobin brought this to you? I think that Tobin is a lot more bark than bite. So this is my hopeful hypothesis. I always tell her she's like, a dog that's looking outside the fence.

But if it seems you open the door, they tuck their tail and they run home. So I don't know if that means I truly wrapped my mind around it. Or I just it's like the right thing for her because I think there's me and my just like impulses and what I want and my insecurities. I acknowledge those things sometimes sometimes I bear them, but I try to like function from like the best version of me and the best version of me is like confident enough to believe that one, she'll wanna be with me. And two, she doesn't, who would ever wanna be with a partner that like, oh really, didn't wanna be with that?

So like, there's really no loss here. It's really good. It's just giving her that feeling of freedom to be how she is and who she is. What is that quote that's like? Pretty awesome. The highest expression of love is to love is that quote that's like pretty awesome that the highest expression of love is to love your person so that they constantly feel free. Like freedom is the highest level of love

and that makes perfect sense because all of the contracts are so people cannot leave you on her threat of money. Like yeah it is certainly not love based. It's fear based. Yeah. Ooh. And I think also because and we can come back to like reasons why people stay in really ships. But like I think if you have like independent, self-worth and actual worth, like you talk about financial freedom, it's a whole different dynamic as well. Oh yeah, that can be on the next episode because that seems like a lot. Yeah, that's a lot.

Thank you for that. I mean, you guys are so, I love people who are doing their things, their brands, their things in the world, and then they're really like that in their life. You're like reimagining for real in your lives what life relationships can look like doing it in such beautiful ways it's so cool. Awesome. Thank you. I agree.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man with loss and with love. I mean this in the bottom of my heart, my word is a Biden.

They're always going to be with you. Listen to all the is with Anderson Cooper, wherever you get your podcasts. I want to kind of switch gears if you guys don't mind for like the the non-socker pod squad are listening to this You heard Tobin earlier say football. She meant not American football. She meant soccer Tobin is a linebacker Kristen, can you describe Tobin as a soccer player or a footballer? I feel like oh no, I can't have to go back to work, guys. I feel like, oh no, I hope I do her justice.

Tobin has a footballer. I think she's incredibly creative. She's very brave. It's like an art. It's a dance, like everything about her personalities out on the field. She's also extremely competitive. And actually when I watch,

she looks like her least happy self, like the happy, easygoing kind person I know all the time is gone. I know someone on the field that is very crazy. And as she like developed and became the best version of herself, she actually became incredibly disciplined, but like an amazing defender, extremely smart and knowledgeable. And so when she was younger, she was sort of like, oh, Tobin's so good, she doesn't need to defend. And then she became like amazing at what people said she wasn't good at just to like kind of prove a point and then became like a very well-rounded player. And in her very last couple of last years, she starts going more goals too. Hey, hey, hey, that's right. Okay.

So just a couple now. Now, I'm crazy. Now, I'm good advice. Kristen now describe her as a non-socker player human. Oh, well, it's pretty much the same. Is it? Are all except for the opposite is her alter ego, Tobin, her most aggressive evil self. I mean, maybe that's there in her real life, but I don't think so. I think she really uses sport to get all that negative juju. Ah! Maybe that's the shadow side.

Oh, maybe she is living in her shadow side. Wait, is Todd Twist? Is Todd in the evil soccer player? Like the... Also, I'm also a Gemini, so there's two sides of, yeah. I know. Hmm. Also, I would like to say,

as someone who has watched Tobin play, her feet dance around as if unattached to her legs. Things are happening that it's like trickster things are happening with her feet that are crazy. Right? It's very true. Yeah. I never wanted to be close to either one of you guys playing. Tobin would just like meh you.

And you're like, yeah. Just for fun. Because of evil, Tobin. OK. I'm doing this, Tobin. So, Tobin, can you describe Kristen as a soccer player? Goal score, driven, singularly focused, exceptional, crazy, like, specific, excellent, just excellence. Why does it look so painful? Because it is. Fast. What is different about Kristen as a human being

than as a soccer player? She is all those things as a human. I would say excellence stands out as just being a through line. And then I would say as a human, she has such a wide aperture for people. Like, from a social perspective, it's probably the, I'd say the place that I've learned the most from her is in her empathy and her compassion for others. I don't really have much of that. Is that true? Like do you have

strong boundaries with other people? What do you mean by that? I think it was just learnings, right? I don't think I had been exposed to some of the learnings that Kristen had and through different lenses and honestly it wasn't really a part of myself that like showed a lot of curiosity. I always wanted to put good into the world, but I never knew from a social aspect what that really meant. I'm like, oh, people just enjoy watching me play football. That's fun and joyful, but I've really understood a bit more about other people, which is always helpful. Kristen, this excellence piece that kind of lives on both sides of you, both as a soccer player and as like a non-talker player human, where does that live inside of you?

What function is it? Is it for you? Like, what, what, why? It's because she's a... I'm a three. Yeah, I'm a three. So this is like, this is my whole revolution of 2023 was, you know, so the Enneagram is like trauma-based, right? So I was like, trying to understand why I am the way I am. I understand

what how it three like manifests that. but it's simply like the idea of wanting validation from the people that are most important to you. So it's actually like kind of like a middle range. It's not like I need the whole world to stand the best. I like really specifically needed my parents to be proud of me when I was a kid. And they also had a very like broken relationship. And I was four years old saying, well, when I score goals, they're very happy. And so it's kind of a simple story of like every athlete, right? Like chasing something that's unattainable. I kept scoring goals. They were still not like, you know, happier at the day's end. Like it was so fleeting.

And like my entire drive for soccer to this day, like I wonder why do I do this? Still, because I feel like my love was being successful. And my need was to be successful. And when I try new things and I'm good at them, I say, oh, I like that thing. And when I try something and I'm not good at it, I don't like that thing. But it's like, I've never learned to actually assess

the activity. I can only assess how good I am at it. So now I'm in a place in my life where I'm like, oh my gosh, who am I? What do I like? I have no idea. I have no idea. Like if I didn't play soccer,

if I didn't just keep doing what I was doing running my business and someone was like, Kristen, what would you like to do? I have no idea. Yeah, I get that. That's scary. So like if you have a day where you have nothing to do, first of all, does that do you even allow a world in which that? No, that's not I don't like that. A whole day. No, okay. You have a con usb schedule like do nothing. Okay, like that. A whole day. No, okay. Now. I know if you have a connoisseur scheduled like do nothing. Okay, so that's in your calendar. Tobin, you can do you can do a day, right?

You're a seven. You can chill and give me a month. Yeah, me too. Choose. Does that cause any tension? Um, no, I would say like are I think maybe it's because like I'm like kind of like a long for the ride. And I make for like a really fun kind of like partner on the ride. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, yeah. I'm good at that shit. Yeah. What do you want to do? I'm ready to go. Like I'm ready to do whatever. And she like wants to do the most epic shit ever. So it's like, dang, I chose like the right train again.

I was going to go like, it's so I was gonna know like, it's so amazing. Like, yeah, it's so amazing. I'm like, I think she's so cool. Kristen, this is a thing though, because God, it's so interesting thinking about sacred things that are not for other people, that are not for success, that are not for monetizing, and then trying to find something for yourself

that is not any of those things. Like do you have those things personally, anything that is like, I'm not. So when I think about this, and honestly when I'm like talking about this to my therapist, the only example I have is Tobin. Honestly, the only example I have for something

that I know I like that I chose that is innate in me. And it's to open. I can't think of a single other example. Oh, and maybe like a dog, like my parents dogs. Like they like me for me. But I mean not for like what I do. But there's nothing else and I used to have, well very recently I would go around saying like I'm gonna be a farmer, like I'm gonna quit my job, grow up my hair, never cut it, never put on

shoes, put on a big hat, and work on the farm. Like this was my dream. I was like I figured it all out. I'm gonna be really happy. And my little sister who works on farms said to me she was like you would hate that. And I was like oh she's so mad like because I'm gonna do something that she was she said no she was right. My personality type doesn't make for a great farmer. I'm like the idea of being a farmer. You just want to press a button and have a different... Somebody to tell you what to do, you can have that vibe. But really, you just need like a new free people hat

that's a farmer's hat, you know? But like, it's not... We had that dream for a month. We were gonna have a homestead on a ranch. We were gonna call it the homostead. We stole it all made. It's still my dream. Like, this is still my dream. We were gonna have a homestead on a ranch. We were gonna call it the homostead. We had it all made. It's still my dream. Like this is still my dream.

We are gonna have highland cows. I think, have you seen pictures of highland cows? Many have. We can talk about them again. Okay, just Google it. It may bring back the dream of wanting to have a farm. Here's the thing, it's gotta be so hard for you, Kristen,

because the same with our sister Amanda, you probably excel and are exceptional at almost everything you do try. And so when you're associating, being good at something with liking it, it must be very confusing because all of these adventures and things you take on, you're like, oh, yeah, I figured it out. Like you're super smart. You have a lot of agency.

You can get shit done. And so it seems like you have all of this to look at and be like, look at what I've loved. And you're like, actually, I don't know if I like any of it. Wow. And it's actually dangerous. Like, I don't have a belief that like, talent is real. I like believe that I can do everything.

I just believe that because I'm like, look, if I could make it to the US Women's National Team as a soccer player, I really can do anything because I didn't have a lot of things going in that direction. And so it makes it so I have no discernment, right? And like, is that not the most important thing to be able to know when to say no, or know what you like and what you don't like? And like, just gives you so much direction to move through things. And then I think what happens is I get caught, and I've been talking a lot with this about this with you, is like, I get caught just doing what I'm doing because I can't find the thing inside me that says like, this is what you actually want.

Yeah, I mean, that's a three thing. I think a lot of our lives though, we've been stunted a little bit because it's been so soccer focused that like you're now kind of nearing, I don't mean to know exactly when you're going to retire, but you're getting closer to the end than you were when you started. And like your brain is starting to like shift and to maybe what's gonna happen next. And so you're building something,

whether you like it or not, you do have to open your aperture up for ideas and possibilities for like the next step and the next phase of your life. Because we didn't have the opportunity. We just had like little blinders on. Only focus on one thing. When I retired, I did not know how to be a person. I did not know how to make a calendar, a schedule for myself. I didn't like how to teach you how to use calendar. Like actually, I didn't know. I was like, somebody's not going to send me a daily like schedule. No, I have to figure out how to do that.

So I know that it might feel daunting, but this is the process you will be on for probably the next five to 10 years, however long it is. Like it is just the process you are going through. And every player who has stepped away from playing at some point, whether it's been injury or retirement, whether they wanna go through it like you are

or some players choose not to actually try to figure it out. You're just a seeker too. Like here's the thing about seekers, okay? God help us if we find anything. Yeah, that's always tricky. We cannot, we cannot be a farmer. The second we go be a farmer, we are going to be like, I belong in the city.

They have this. Yes sir. Like as long as we keep seeking, we're fine. But we are cult susceptible. We are moving susceptible. We are like, if we find anybody that we think has the answer, we think someone has the answers. Kristen, you think somebody has the answers and that you're going to find it.

But the thing is, is that your answer is that you are the most beautiful seeker. Like, we just need to hear you think out loud forever. Somehow. Somehow, we just need to hear you think out loud. What are your conflict styles? And what was your last argument about? See, I should have known this question was coming. Shoot. Last argument. Okay. Oh, complex styles, I would say angry, angry, angry, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire it has to like talk it out. She needs to talk it out and I'd rather just be like let's just give it 10 minutes

The boy done. Yeah, avoidance. I don't really take anything too serious. I think that's a problem unless you're very angry Oh, we can't give them like we can't give them the pretend version that you're just like cool. Yeah, but I'm always just no No chill no chill one on me. No. Yeah, she's I would say tobin is like like I said she's so easy-going Chill easy to be around gets along with everyone like I would just describe her whole life as ease And then she does hit a point where like she cannot stand to me. Like I'll be like, look at me. It's still me.

Look at me. She's like, I don't see you and I don't like you. Like, interesting. And I'm a little, I would say I'm more quick to anger. Like I'm irritable and I'll bark. That's right. That's good. I think that that's really good.

I do too. It must be good to have two fires. Because then you know, I think one person's not like getting their stuff out at all. I didn't grow up in the house of yelling at all. Like I never once saw my parents yell. And I took yelling to be a sign of like, oh no, this is bad. Like this is bad for us. Me too.

Which is. Well like yelling, yeah, no, I'm thankful for that. But I also like, we like clean house all the time. We just let it burn, you know? It's like there's nothing like that we're, there's no like rug that has something under it that is going on. We put it all out in the open-ended burns and then do a little sage dance or whatever,

Pelisanto and we're right back to work. So you recover quickly. Oh yeah. And Tobin will swear she doesn't even remember that it happened. Oh really? I'll be like, oh you remember when we got in this blowout fight? We were doing it. Should we like, you know, little dissociation there.

Very interesting. Shadow side in the past, you see? Yeah. No, think twice, Kristen, before you encouraged Tobin to go into therapy for the shadow side. I'm just saying there's something legit about keeping your partner on the happy side. I keep telling her this.

The only thing that I would say, Tobin, is I didn't know how much I was suffering without saying it. So like now I'll, like something as little as missing a turn while driving. For whatever reason, I've not expressed an anger feeling or sadness feeling for probably three weeks. Okay. And then I miss a turn. I've made a mistake and I'm like, God, fucking damn it. I mean, she like, I'm idiot. I'm stupid. And everybody in the car is like, look at hell. And so now I'll let some of my like,

because it's still me, I'm not an angry person either. And I'm like, oh man, that was silly. I like say stuff now that it's like a pressure thing. Like I release every once in a while so that I don't ever blow. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. And then the thing we've been working on recently is that unfortunately, as Abby has started to express her feelings more to me. Oh, God.

She will be like, just last week, I was being terrible. Okay. Our general fight is an eye irritable or are you irritated? That's it. That's our whole fight. That's it. She told me that I had heard her feelings and I had and I knew I had. And she sat me down and she said it very seriously and very, very sincerely and I burst out laughing. Oh my gosh. It happened to me one time too. Literally to Kristen, I was like, I'm trying to be open and say how I'm feeling. And she literally laughed. And I was like,

is it supposed to work? I'm like, is this what you want? I'm like, I remember this. This happened a long time ago and it probably only happened once, which is why I remember. But I was like, guess I'm not doing it right. Yes.

That's the best. Yeah. It's a vulnerability. I've crossed over into this no-go zone for Glennon. And I'm just like, I said, I was like, that really hurt my feelings. And I like, I just want to tell you that. And she just, she gets this face and she goes,

And then you guys, that's the thing, right? Like, the fuck? Now I know I can't do it because we've talked about it a few times. So now it's over. It's like when you start laughing at a funeral. It's happening. It's coming, you know? You know the thing that went on that was like your Roman Empire, it was like all over the

internet for a while, like what do you guys think about all the time? I want to know this from you too. When you're not being forced to think about something in particular for work, what are you thinking about the most? Well, I did not get the Roman Empire. Me either, but I don't know what happens on the internet. Okay, so there was like a sink going around that wives were asking their husbands. How often do you think about the Roman Empire and they were like every day?

Like men. Like this is new. Like straight. No, I've never heard this. And it was like shocking to women everywhere. Like what? And there's a lot of like underneath that. Yeah, yeah, I can imagine.

There's a lot underneath that. Okay, what do you think about how things are organized? Oh no, I can't be pinned down to one thing. Well, no. Yeah, tell them about the walks to the forest since then. Oh yeah, so like, I am obsessed with my mind. Mm. I don't know what people say that.

But not because I'm like thinking like I'm like so smart or so whatever. But it's because I love my imagination. And I can do anything in my mind, right? So anything that like I can't do like in this physical world, I can do in my mind. And a lot of times like I'll go for a walk. So I know some people become restless if they can't sleep or something. And I'll just go to my favorite place in my mind and I'll just walk around.

And it's, yeah, I think that's probably where I call it my mind palace. And that's where I would go. Like I go to different like rooms and like hang out and walk around in my mind. You have a palace that's built, and it's like the same one. Yeah, and it's like it's infinite. That's cool.

That is so cool. That's like happy creative dissociation. You do it, you do it, you just, you never call it a palace. Oh, it is so cool. I think that's magical. I think that's magical. That's so wonderful.

And it's like, that's what she does, like when she would be like, oh, I can't sleep, I'm like anxious. And she's like, forget that. I'm going to the Heath in London. Yeah. And she just walks around. And she literally goes there. I think I think it's so cool. I just am a little jealous,

because I just like can't sleep and have anxiety. Right. You're in the anxiety palace. Yeah, I have a palace too. Okay. A palace too. It's more like a haunted house. A haunted house. Yeah, it's when you turn on,

we can do a hard thing at dinner. I do. I do. I can't sleep. What's important about it to you? Why do you listen to it? Why is it important to you, this podcast? I think because it's real and it's you. Why do you listen to it? Why is it important to you? This podcast. I think because it's real and it's honest. And I think all of the topics are like aligned with the things that I care about, bringing in like the best

experts in the world to like talk from their heart rather than like from their books. And I think you all do an amazing job of going beyond what's comfortable to do publicly, really. And actually, it's really hard for Tobin. I like, we'll play in the house and she, oh, I can't listen to it. I can't listen to it. No offense, I love you both. But it's, it's because I'm a seven. So like, when you guys are talking about feelings and all that, I'm like, why would any? I've actually not listened to any pods, pods, um, like on my own, except for Christians when she was on. And that's actually the only one she hasn't listened to. So we have a hundred percent participation in the pod squad.

And she did play the, she'll do, this is really sweet of her, is that she'll actually be like, oh, you'll like this five minutes and she'll play like five minutes of we can do her things for me on particular subjects that she knows that I will enjoy. That won't be too scary.

Yeah. I love that. That will be anybody do be too scary. Yeah, I love that. That will be anybody doing it with any problem. Yeah, I'm always up. I'm always like, can you please put your headphones in? Toebin, I understand that. I do that with music. I listen to talk a lot.

I'll listen to some news from some shit on the radio because music does that to me. Like it makes me too achy. Yeah, I turn on the Dell or like Sarah McLaughlin and she's like, or let it off my face. And he's like, there's certain people like Stevie Nicks,

like I can't, their voices make me want to crack open. And I am like, you can have to warn me, I can't. Oh, I am all in for any form of entertainment that will crack me open. Like all the people you just named, that's like exactly my music genre.

I like sad shows. I love to cry watching TV. I just want it all. Same. So I'm a very proud pod squadder. I'm like, tell me all your problems. And I just will cry right with you. And it feels so good.

Yeah, you guys are doing amazing. Yeah. Like it's really incredible. I don't know if people tell you that. I'm sure people tell you that like a thousand times a day, but we're going to tell you it. We really, we really appreciate it. Exactly. Like I said earlier on and you said it too, Tobin, I really hitched myself to the correct ride. Oh, please, you need to know that one of my favorite things to do during the World Cup was to watch your show. And then the recap show, so good. Which is so good.

I texted Kristen about this. But then I would try to memorize the things that you'd say. And then I would sit down and dinner and just say the things. And I would say all your words. And I would say the lingo, and I would say the things. And I would say all your words, and I would say the lingo, and I would say the defenders, and all the things, and she'd be like, what the?

Listen. I love that. It was like three days until I was like, I think, yeah, I think a lot of people actually are doing that. Did that? Because you know what we found in, there was a big mission, and then

we're kind of like many missions in doing this, right? And where we found it to be just incredible was when all of a sudden our voices started like leading the conversation. And I think where Abby can understand a little bit more than you, Glennon, but maybe you can. When you're like in a world championship, or just a professional, do you hear other people talking about the thing that you're doing?

And there's kind of this disassociation with it. Like those people have no idea what they're talking about, but it's you kind of just accept it, you know? And it was really powerful to bring in actual voices and perspectives of the people that were doing the thing, and being able to actually bring in our culture, which I think is missing in when we speak about the thing and when we got to lead conversation. And there were some like hard conversations within that world compass, as you know, and I was really, really proud and it really like affected kind of my mission as a whole where I was like,

this is actually really important. Really important. I remember waking up and thinking, let's see what they say about this. Yeah. I was like, yeah. Let's just before we decide what to think. Let's just check in. Well, what was cool about you guys and the commentators and those who are talking at halftime,

it is their job and they are getting paid. And a lot of them are all former athletes. And so they are competitive as fuck. So they want to be the best at what they're doing. And they all know, in order to get reupped for their contract, they got to say some shit. And so it is not as it appears. They are not always speaking truth. They are speaking their perception of the truth so that clickbait, so that it can get clickbait and all that. You guys brought a totally different

perspective of not only having the ability inside of it, but also it felt like you guys were able to draw back a little bit, which I found so important. And I think it is a lost art or maybe never has been an art in the commentating world. There's so many things that are going on and so many complications. of course we're all fans, but nobody, like the commentators, they got to ask a question, they got to respond in the moment and I'm not excusing them. They're just doing their job and I just thought it was really awesome what you two did and we definitely waited because I was like, I just can't wait because I wanted to just

get online and just be like, shut up, you know, all. But it's like everyone, everyone thinks that that's the truth, right? There's three people that are talking about this like huge thing that's happening. And for most people, they're not super educated in what's actually happening. So then they're just through that lens. They're just saying those things.

Yeah, I feel like I had a really interesting experience because I'm not a sports fan. So I literally never hear anyone talk about sports. I don't watch any sports at all on television. Like, wow. Then why in the world did I think I should talk about sports? I don't know. I was brought on last minute to this show,

but part of it was I think that the sports world that I grew up watching, I didn't think it was built for me. And so it felt really important. Every single time Tobin was like doing the creative for the show that I would like tie it to something that I cared about, which I think just made it more generalizable. And I think like a lot of women have felt that the sports house isn't built for them. So just us having our two different personalities allowed us to be able to speak differently, to different people, and I think that was really important. Yeah. It feels like listening to the commentators on the TV that there's nothing sacred about it to them. That it's all monetized. It's all I will say the thing that's the most inflammatory

so that I, and with you two, it is clear that soccer is sacred to you. It's good. And it's so interesting and true, but there's something so, which just, you just trust you so much. Are you gonna do the Olympics too? Are you gonna keep doing this?

Oh yeah. Okay. Chair Batha, the next iterations. Yeah, we'll talk about it. We have big plans for 2024, you? Are you going to keep doing this? Oh yeah. Okay. Share about the next iterations. Yeah. What's happening? We have big plans for 2024, but really kind of franchising what the recap show is and bringing it to different temple movements and different sports and competitions. Because part of the mission was to never take a spotlight off what

women sports are and to try to lead kind of conversation of what like content creation can look like for women sports are and to try to lead kind of conversation of what like content creation can look like for women sports. So like you'll do your show but with different sports. Yeah. Yeah. All the different people and different people and different people. Sockers as far as I go. Okay. Okay. So they're going to call another people. Hold on a second. I think all people Kristine could probably transition to other sports. Let's not do that to her. Because then she'll be have to be fine.

Come on, the best at it. And then she'll be so tired. No, listen, I think what you said earlier, though, Kristen, is really important. And it's something that when I'm watching the sports now with Glenin, it's important for me to know that her perspective and the way that she's experiencing it is totally different than mine. And there's 50 percent probably more of the people who are watching whatever sport you're watching, especially women's sports that are watching it in your way. So like, don't count yourself out,

because who wouldn't want to listen to Glenn and Doyle commentate on a soccer game right now? Yeah, a lot of people wouldn't. I would, I would actually, Oh, for sure. It's hilarious. I mean, Glenn, and you taught me what offside was. Yeah. This is a link up. Always has been.

Oh, I would die for Kristin Press. There's no, it's always been this way. This is hell from the very beginning. I knew from the first time I saw her running around on the field, I didn't know. Yeah, how did you know? It's good. know? Because you can tell when she's playing. Before I knew who she was, before I knew I could tell on the field, she's a spirit spice.

She's just, she's something about your feet are flailing about and she's floating along like a graceful swan and then bam. I knew from the beginning. Please allow us to come alongside you with all of these ventures. We believe so much in what you're doing. This pod squad is full of you guys. But we would like to just tell us what you're doing.

Yeah. Let us know all the things because we want to support everything you do. We just think it's so important and we adore you too. Well, thank you. So sweet. Thank you for this hour. So happy to hang you. So sweet. Thank you for this hour. So happy to hang.

What a joy. Thank you for this time. You had double dates, aren't that bad? Would it get far and toe? Tell me this now, experience. It's your first week in two, our things emphasis, besides Christopher. Yeah, in short, was she not amazing on that episode?

Oh, I've listened to that episode five times. It's it's fixed people. It fit that it heal people. Yeah, that's when I feel like she that episode five times. It's fixed people. It's fixed people. It healed people. Yeah, that's when I feel like she kind of transcends. I don't even know if she knew what she was saying, you know. Oh my God. Yeah, I cried during the episode. It like helped heal my fear of death.

Like you just, you changed my life for sure. Yeah, thank you. We love you both. We're hot squad. We will see you here next time. I'll tell Amanda I said I will. If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us. If you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things first, can you please follow or subscribe

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