We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Alex Morgan: Believe in Your Own Greatness

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

1. How the Abby+Alex sisterhood began, how hard it was for Alex to watch Abby suffer at the end of her career, and how friends can build each other up. 2. How to get back on the field – in life and in sport – after crushing defeat. 3. The way Alex’s mom helped Alex fulfill her dream, and what Alex is teaching her own daughter, Charlie. 4. How Alex finally stopped comparing herself to others and started resting in her own confidence. 5. Alex’s relationship with soccer – and does she still love it? About Alex Alex Morgan is a two-time FIFA Women’s World Cup Champion, Olympic Gold Medalist, UEFA Women’s Champions League Champion, and NWSL Champion. An entrepreneur, author, social media phenom, and marketing icon – Alex’s ability to inspire and excite fans stretches far beyond the pitch. She is the leading founder of TOGETHXR, a lifestyle and media company with a focus on youth and equality storytelling. As mom to Charlie, Alex is tackling motherhood while continuing to be a force on the pitch. In fact, I am not sure i’ve ever seen her as on fire right now, scoring goals at a wild rate for her NWSL team the San Diego Wave.  TW: @alexmorgan13 IG: @alexmorgan13 To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot, or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby, or counting your breaths on the subway. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are whenever we need it. Download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier or paid subscription starting at 1299 per month. So we spoke to Alex Morgan prior to the publication of the 319 page report of independent investigation to the US soccer federation concerning allegations of abusive behavior

and sexual misconduct in women's professional soccer So we don't talk about that in this conversation and I wanted you to know that but with each page of that report I felt ill and Raged heartbroken and resolute So I want to start this episode by saying unequivocally that the only acceptable response to the investigation is radical change and unflinching accountability. Once and for all,

we demand that the lives of all players from youth footballers to professionals are finally and systematically protected over the careers of predators. During this very hard time in the women's soccer community, I'm grateful to share this very special conversation with one of my favorite footballers, Alex Morgan, a woman who I know is making better for future generations, every single day. I chased desire, I made sure I got once money. Welcome, welcome back everybody. You're so good at that. It's so weird to do it, you're always the one, do it. Okay, welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. We have Alex Morgan.

You all know this because it's who you clicked on to listen to this podcast. But Alex is one of my favorite athletes for a lot of reasons. But I think number one is that she was a really young new kid on the block when I was an old veteran on the national team. Alex Morgan, you are a two-time FIFA women's world cup champion, Olympic gold medalist, a UEFA women's champion, leagues champion, an NWSL champion. Is there anything that you have not championed?

She is the leading founder of Together with the ex that replaces the last E, a lifestyle and media company with a focus on youth and equality storytelling. As a mom to Charlie, your child. Alex is tackling motherhood, wow, continuing to be a force on the pitch. In fact, I'm not sure I've even seen Alex as on fire as she is right now scoring

so many goals in the end of the cell for her team, the San Diego Wave. Alex, freaking thank you for being here. Thanks for that intro. That was really nice, Abby. And I am so happy to be here. Blenon, it's always a pleasure to see you and talk to you. But Abby, I mean, everyone knows how much you mean to me. And just the effect you've had on my career.

So it's so nice to talk to you because I have obviously looked up to you for so long. Well, that feels very good, especially as you get age in your retirement. It's like, was that important to anybody? Did any of it really matter? Oh my god. So that feels good. That does feel good. Can you both explain what the hell you were doing together on the field? Because I just learned Abby was explaining it to me recently in technological the soccer terms. And I thought it was so beautiful what it's called, what you were together, which you were a two front, which feels like such a beautiful

thing. Can you describe what it what is a two front? What were you doing Alex you want to take this what is a two front for the we were we were basically just dancing together on the soccer fields and enjoying each other's company and just helping each other be as successful as we possibly can be together and uplifting each other so that's pretty much was what it was in non-soccer terms. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Okay.

Okay, so you said you had strengths that Alex didn't have and Alex had strengths that you didn't have. And so together, you were able to work together and score the goals. And create a really hard to defend against two front. Right. Right.

So technically what a two front is the formation of your team. Sometimes you do a four four two. You now days, you're seeing a lot of four three threes, which would be a three front. Okay. Well, I'm dead inside. Okay. So let's go back to the. So. So would you like me? Yes, please. Yeah.

Yeah. We were the two forward. So we were working in tandem. And I felt like we were just complimenting each other. Yeah. When like Abby's good in the air. And so I was like, I'm not going to touch any ball that goes in the air. Abby's going to do that and I'm going to work off of her. And so we would talk a lot together and I'd be like, head it to the right, head it to the left, like head it behind you,

like settle the ball or whatever it is. And she would basically just do that and she would do all the hard work. And then I would just run in behind the back line and try to score the goals. And then we would both just get lots and lots of goals. Abby a lot more than myself. But yeah. Well, I played a little bit longer than you at that point.

You're getting up there though. How many goals do you have? I'm not sure, but as a mom, I think that I'm getting upwards of like six or seven. And I think 13 is the number to be as a mom. Oh cool. Well, I love that. I can't wait to talk about moming and little Charlie with whom we are all completely obsessed. Yes, but before we get into that, so I want to talk to the Pad Squad about your friendship. Alex Abby loves you so much. Every time we watch a game, she just yell that you're in. Okay, you do have to be in the game for this

to happen, but she just yells Alex, Alex, Alex, and she's trying to get, I think, whoever is on the field to kick it to Alex. You're energetically trying to get the ball to Alex. When you have a penalty shot, the whole family has to stand up. She thinks it's disrespectful if anyone sits on the couch. So we all have to stand until you've scored the ball. Can you? Scored the ball. Scored the ball.

Scored the goal. Can you talk about how your friendship happened? And do you remember the first time that you met and what that was like? So when I met Abby, it was like my first camp and with the national team. So I got called in and I didn't know anyone. I was also like 19 years old and just star struck and also super intimidated by everyone, especially Abby. And she was actually actually the nicest person. She was so welcoming. And she was someone that I felt like I could gain confidence from her leadership, her demeanor.

Everything she kind of brought on and off the field, it kind of helped me just gain confidence on the team. Then she started just like saying these things like you're gonna score more goals than I'll ever score. You're gonna have way more success than I ever will. You're the next one that everyone's gonna look for to score the goals, to be the person, to bring everyone a world cup or an Olympic gold medal.

And she just always would like uplift me and give me so much confidence in that way. It was just so amazing to have someone so selfless because when you're playing a team sport, of course, like you want the team first. You have to think about what the team needs over individual needs, but every person has selfish feelings like deep down inside. And personally, we all want ourselves to be as successful as possible. We all want to score goals. We all want to have the glory.

So for her to be so selfless in a way that I had never experienced before as a teammate, I was just floored by that. And it would just kind of drew me toward her as a great friend and mentor. What about you when you met Alex, how did that all happen? Early 2010, it was around the time that you got called in. I remember one of the first practices. Pia came up to me and she said,

this kid, Alex Morgan, she's just raw. She's got to learn a lot. Don't coach her. Just don't say much to her. She told me that. She pulled me aside and I was like, what the fuck? Why?

What? I don't know. I think that she thought maybe that I was going to intimidate her or put too much pressure on her at such a young age. And I couldn't have disagreed more and I just didn't listen to Pia. Because when you're 19 and you come on a team that's already like kind of set up going into the World Cup 2011, it's hard to break into that team, let alone, gain the respect of like some of those older players. And so I was noticing a lot of the older players getting a little bit more frustrated with

Alex than they should have been. Were they frustrated or were they like threatened? Threatened. Okay. Yeah. Threatened. Threatened. I mean, definitely a better word.

And so of course, like when you feel threatened, do you find any little problems? Yes. This one specific play, it was Alex's first camp. She was able to get in line, which was like at no angle to the goal. And she just rips this shot with her left foot. I had never seen somebody be able to score at such a horrible angle.

It's like a very rare shot. And she scored it because she had this power in the speed. And so from then on, I just kept trying to tell her like when some of the players would be like, pass, I just kept whispering to Alex, like, shoot. Don't pass. Be selfish. You know, and I could see something in her that was very different than any other new kid that ever came on the team. It was like she was able to hold an immense amount of pressure and also perform, which is rare. So then she steps on the field in 2010 against Italy. I think you get on the field like an 88th minute

or something. And she scores a goal an extra time for us to give us a one zero lead against Italy. And then we had to come play them in the home match to qualify to actually get into the world cup. I know this is a lot of information, but I just remember Alex being more confident than I was at 19 more capable. Have you always felt that confidence? Like what was it like? Our kid is a right now going to a new brand new school and she's the only new person. So all I'm thinking right now is,

what was it like for you to be a new young star on this team of stars? It was just me like fighting day to day, not to be a star, but to like be included. And for myself to feel validation that like I belonged because there was a lot of days that I would show up and I was like they are so much better than me. I'm literally like faking it till I make it at this point. Like I didn't feel like I belonged for the longest time. So it wasn't like trying to take anyone's spot.

It was just like trying to help myself feel like I deserve to be there when I surely didn't in the beginning. Did you have a moment where you finally were like, okay, oh yeah, I belong here. This is good. I think in 2011, we had myself in Kelly as the newer players. And as I, as we went through the tournament, I kind of grew into it as well.

And I remember, I think it was a third game. We played against Sweden. We actually lost in the group stage. And I didn't play and it was a third game. We played against Sweden. We actually lost in the group stage. And I didn't play and it was my birthday. And I was like so disappointed. And I was like, how could she do that to me? It's my birthday and I deserve to play in this and that. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You don't deserve like anything right now. You're still the youngest player. You're still just trying to make a name for yourself and you're trying to contribute as much as you can so it was kind of like, okay, you need to be in your place a little bit. So I felt like through that tournament, that was a defining moment for me to at least have the confidence to be like, I deserve to be on that field and I wasn't and like, how dare the coach not play me. It might not have been the right way to think about it, but then it kind of gave me that confidence

that, well, next game, I got to prove why she needs to play me and the next game after that. So I think that's when I definitely felt like I belonged. I love that. It's like the moment you go from like, I'm just so lucky to be here. I'll just be quiet. Hope no one notices me.

To what, how are they putting me in? Yeah. It's like an internal voice that told you, oh, I love it. You want me to tell you when I knew Alex belonged? Yes. I think that I realized I had yet to feel this since Mia, but that feeling where my life was a little bit easier

on the field. Oh. And it was because Alex took up a lot of attention of a defensive backline. So during that World Cup in 2011, you scored some big goals. One, the most amazing goal ever. Like, I just will never forget it in the 2011 World Cup final.

I thought that this new kid on the block was just going to score the game winning goal. We ended up losing that game in penalty kicks, which was like super sad. But I knew that the way that she stepped up through the knockout round stages of that tournament made me be like, oh yeah, like here this kid is. So how did you not feel, because I understand the feeling threatened by a new person. Like if we had suddenly had a new host on this podcast and they were amazing, I just can't imagine being like,

you're gonna be better than me. You're gonna be way better than me. Like I feel like- That's what I'm saying. Like is it not crazy that Abby was like that in no way was her job threat and ever throughout her entire career, but you're still fighting for a spot on the field. So for her to feel so confident. In herself and her abilities and I don't know why she did that to me like why why were you so nice. What if we played like a one front instead, you know what I mean? And not to say I would have ever taken your job, but yeah, like you're saying, Glen, and how was she so selfless and so uplifting of me

and other people? Because being threatened is kind of something that you, like you can't help it. Just deep inside of you, you know, you care about yourself more than people. A lot of times. No, it's better. A lot of percent, sure.

Yes. I think that when I think back at that time, I knew what I needed when I was your age to feel confident and to feel like, oh, I belong here. And I needed people to tell me that. Did you have that? Did somebody do that for you? Me, I did. Yeah.

For sure. Interesting. So, Alex, do you find yourself trying to do that with younger players? Yeah. Who is your Alex Morgan? Mia was my mentor. Not that I'm going to claim myself as yours, but who are you looking after? Who's looking up to you as a mentor?

It's interesting, because I think Mia is around 10 years older than you. Is that right? Yeah. And okay, and you're around 10 years older than me. And Mal Pue is around 10 years older than me. And Mal Pugh is around 10 years younger than me. And she came on this team, super young, had a lot to learn, but again, like raw talent. And she's someone that I know is just gonna have

an incredible career already has on the national team. So it's kind of interesting, the, like just the levels of the next generation, kind of carrying the torch almost, and carrying the team. So it's kind of interesting the, like, just the levels of the next generation, kind of carrying the torch almost, and carrying the team. And I feel like she's one player that has already made a huge impact, but we'll have a huge career on the national team. I'm Jonathan Manjivar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class. Parents were immigrants with factory jobs.

And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I want to talk about it. That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat? You know, trailer food. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them.

She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself. Classy. A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. I wonder if Mia would agree with this, but a reason why I was able to give you so much confidence is because I had already developed so much of my own.

That it was like, I was one of the best. I was scoring a lot of goals, and I just needed other people to feel what that felt like. And I knew that that feeling could kind of give somebody a lift in their own life. And I also knew that it would make us a better team, score more goals, win more championships. Like it's self-serving. But you're saying that you had to have a level of security.

There was a self and your own talent to give it away. Yeah, which is why acting threatened is always a sign of insecurity. That's a self and our own talent to give it away. Yeah, which is why acting threatened is always a sign of insecurity. That's right. Right. That's right. So do you guys have like a best moment together or any just like moment that stands out Alex? The one moment that I remember is in 2011, we were crushed by losing in the World Cup final. It was crushing. We deserved to win. And it was honestly the most disappointing,

saddest moment of my life up to that point. And then in 2012, we come back and we win the Olympic gold medal in London. And I think you were a number 12 because you had to change for the Olympics. So we stand up on the podium in number. And she was next to me because Abby's 12 and I'm 13. And just kind of holding hands all together, standing up on the podium. I just couldn't believe that we had gold medals

around our neck after like such a disappointing year, the year before. And I think that was just a moment of like just like big sister, little sister kind of like we did it together. Like you did it for me. I did it for you. Yeah. I'm like actually tearing up. I knew you're going to cry. I do. You by the way. And I just remember that moment being so much more special because Alex scored in the final in the 2011 World Cup final against Japan that we lost. I scored an extra time on Alex's cross. Like it was a huge... A cross is a pass. A long one that goes all the way across the field.

It was a huge devastation. So for us to come back and win the following year and win gold in London was such a big deal. My favorite moment actually, obviously, winning gold is great, but my favorite moment, a real reason why I think we were able to get into the finals was Alex scored the latest goal in the, I think probably still to the state in the history of Olympic soccer. She scored against Canada.

It was like the craziest game. She scored with her head. And I think I remember I ran up to you and I like, I was screaming and I was like, I am in love with you. Oh yeah, I remember that. That was a good time. We wanted to talk about and I want you to ask this however you want to ask this, but we were talking about the other night, about how you and Alex have never talked about the end of your career and how you were struggling so hard. And whether Alex noticed that or how that was for her, watching you kind of crumble for a little while.

So I've been 100% like open and honest about what was happening at the last couple of years of my career with my addictions and alcohol issues and all the view were there to kind of see it up close and personal. And I guess I wonder, A, how did that feel for you to see this person who had offered you so much confidence and mentored you and helped you along the way see me in such a horrible sad place.

I never like judged you because I knew that what like good of a person that you were that you are. So it made me sad because that just hurt me because I I just wanted you to be happy. And in the World Cup in 2015 in Canada, you weren't. People only dream of playing in something as big as that one time in their life. It doesn't matter what sport you play or what job you have, but just getting to the top of your job or career in this four-week period. It should have been the best moments of your life of our career. I think it was maybe one of your worst because you were struggling so much. It was just really hard to watch that

because it didn't matter like what I said or what anyone said you had to go through it. It was just really sad to watch, but I felt like all I could do was just be a good friend and I thought I was at that point. I'm just so happy that you kind of had to hit rock bottom and in a way that you were able to recover and find Glenin and find yourself

and just get back on the track that like Abby is because you're just an amazing person and you shed so much like great light on this world and in that time like you weren't able to necessarily do that. So it was just incredible to the'll come back that you made. But at that time, it was hard to watch. Yeah. In the sports world, do you have,

what do you do when a teammate is struggling with mental health stuff? Is there resources? I'm sure there's more now. What do you do? Is it like a team meeting? No, it's tough because you need to focus on yourself, especially in a big tournament. But then you also want to make sure that your teammates are, you know, are

feeling focused and ready for the games. We do have sports psychologists and we have resources, but it's tough. And we actually saw that. We saw a lot of us myself included and some of my teammates struggling with mental health during the 2021 Olympics in Japan because we couldn't even leave our room or hotel. And we weren't struggling in the way that Abby might have been, but it was really hard on a lot of us, and none of us really knew how to approach that. And we had our own rooms, and we had to kind of stay

to those rooms and make sure that we were abiding my protocol, and because of that, we just were so isolated. It just really was not good at all for mental health. I kind of just put that behind me because I got home and I just felt so good to be back with Charlie who was barely a year old, I couldn't bring her, but everyone individually struggled in that month in Japan.

Everyone deals with it differently, but it's not like a team like Huddl like lets rally around Abby and help her feel better. It's tough because sports are isolating sometimes. Wow. What do you do for your mental health? What kinds of things make you feel grounded and better? I think that as I've gotten older,

I've just gotten better, having a more balanced life in general. So I think that that really helps my mental health. Like, if soccer were to be taken away from me tomorrow, I would be okay with it. I think a lot of people wouldn't be if their job was taken away from them. Even though I've worked on it my whole life and that's like the one thing that I know and love so well, I would be okay with it because I have so many other parts of my life that are so great

as well and that like bring me so much joy. So I think for me it's just having a balanced life and that includes family. Family is everything to me. Even Abbie knows my dad has probably been to every single soccer game, Japan, China, Australia, Canada, it doesn't matter Brazil, it doesn't matter where we go. My dad is like our number one fan.

He literally is everywhere. Italy, when I scored that goal that I was talking about, I really, really care for my family and cherish those relationships. And I think that helps me be pretty even kill and help my mental health kind of stay a little more level. That's amazing. I have to ask because I have had a complicated relationship with the game, with the love of soccer. It offered me a lot. It gave me a job identity. All of these things.

But I didn't really like love it. The game. The game like all the way through. And then I don't know. You get good at something. So you do it. I have to know, do you love playing soccer? Is it something that you could say you love? I love it more when I'm scoring more goals. That's true. But in general, do I love it? I think I do. Sometimes I don't, but I'm okay with that.

Like sometimes I just wake up and I don't wanna play, like today, but it's never that I don't, but I'm okay with that. Like, sometimes I just wake up and I don't want to play today. But it's never that I don't want to play for the rest of my career. And I think that's okay. And I think I'm going to point now if I don't want to play for another year or two or three years. Like, I'm okay leaving. Mm. like I'm okay leaving soccer and I'm not at that point right now. But I think a lot of athletes struggle with leaving their sport. And I do love soccer, but I would be okay leaving it.

And Abby, I knew that about you because I had read your book and we've talked a lot in the past. But it is interesting because you're told time and time again that you have to love it or you do love it. It's forced on you like, well, you, you know, your number one thing is to find joy and to love the sport. And it's like, well, yeah, but then eventually

you're getting paid to do it. It's what your job is. It's what you know. So like, do I love it anymore? Am I just doing it because it's put in front of me and I'm great. I'm not good at it and I'm great at it. So do I just keep doing it because of that? I think overall I do love it, but not always.

There's like good parts and parts that you would rather do without, but that you got to take it all. It's like all part of the package. I'm fortunate. It is, it's part of the package, but it's exhausting, especially with the national team. It's exhausting.

You can't just bring 50% of yourself like one day. You can't have a bad day. And that is just so exhausting. It's just tears you down, you know? Like every single day, mentally, physically, it's hard to like be on your game every day. It's impossible. You're setting yourself up for failure every day.

Yes, every single day. What I will tell you is that it does get better in retirement because you do get to show up, better workout and go, I am here. That's all I needed to do. I got here. I don't have to perform. My heart rate doesn't have to hit a certain, you know, fourth or fifth percentile zone. I see I can't even remember the terms. That's great. That's good. So I love that. The future is bright.

I just feel like a bunch of fairies just got their wings. Like my insides are lit up to hear Alex say, I'm not good at this. I'm great at this. Like I, I'm gonna say that to myself in the mirror in the more, that is so amazing to hear a woman say that. Oh my God, okay, when you talk about relationships

and friendships in team, one thing I don't understand, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, because I talked to Adi about this all the time. I just love, like, I love the innocence of it. It's beautiful, really. How do you have friends who you are constantly trying to beat at things? A lot of you are competing for the same job. But you love each other so much. A lot of you love each other so much. And you are also trying to kick each other's asses constantly.

And you are also trying to kick each other's asses constantly. Right? How does this work? Because, you know, the thing about women is like, oh, there's no scarcity. Like, well, there's enough for all of us. That's all, but actually that's horseshit sometimes. Yeah. No, there's not, there's two front.

There's not an eight front. So like, how do you maintain friendships with people that you're constantly competing with? That's a good question. Honestly, sometimes it's hard, especially when you play the same position as somebody. But again, for me, it's exhausting to think about someone else more often than myself.

And like Abby said, like at the point she got to where she felt like really confident. In herself and her position on the team, I'm at that place and I feel like for many years, I did just compare myself to others. And I did just want to find the flaws that someone else had, rather than the reason that like, I am great at what I do. And it's just tiring. You get over it. I think I'm at a new point in my career where I'm, if someone's better than me, then they'll have to prove it and all have, you know, we're on trial every single day. And what, just because they're better than me means that I hate them, no. Like, there might be inside sometimes

if they miss a shot and I'll be like, nope, sucks. But, but at the end of the day, like I just have to work on myself. Yes. It's so tiring to focus on others. That's more than yourself. Especially when the choice is out of your controls.

Like the coach is deciding these things. It's so out of your control. Yeah. Crazy making. Honestly. So then to pick apart someone's personality, their play on the field, their friendships and relationships they have off the field, it's tiring.

So before we get into the conversation, talking about Charlie and Cervando and your family, we have to talk about the equal pay settlement that has recently happened. family, we have to talk about the equal pay settlement that has recently happened. And for those listening who may not know, the Women's National Team reached settlement with US Soccer Federation for $24 million. What is your agreement? So, so we settled with US Soccer in court for a settlement of 24 million plus equal pay and equal treatment moving forward. The 24 million is a compromise for the past money that they have failed to pay us equally to the men. It was much greater than that.

If you take into account World Cup pay, I think it was around 60 million, I want to say, we compromise and settled on 24. Okay. What worked? Nobody in power is ever like, all right, let's just do the right thing. That's just has never ever happened. What did you all do differently this time

that made them say, all right, fine? We've always had a player association, but it's never quite operated anything more than getting a new CBA collective bargaining agreement with US soccer for a little better pay, a little better treatment. So that's what our players association has always operated by. We started, we hired an executive director to basically manage our player association.

We now have a bunch of different sectors of our player association and a bunch of different committees that a lot of players are on each committee. I'm part of the CBA committee and also on the legal committee. So we hired lawyers, we have our executive director, we have a publicist in Molly Levinson who absolutely crushed the game and made US author look. Pretty terrible in the news and anything that they wanted to say in terms of not wanting to pay us equal

kind of, we're dragged along. I think like that was a big thing, but it was just a long fight. Abby was there when we started the EEOC claim. And then as an extension of that, we followed the lawsuit. And I think just taking that step was just an extension of what Abby and then the previous generation Mia and them were all fighting for. It was everyone putting things in place for us to like finish the job. So it's hard to say like, oh, we did it all

because no, we just finished the job that they laid the foundations for. Oh, that's so cool. You do think that the public account of M just obsessed with the, you do think that the PR agent with the publicly telling the story held them accountable in a way that was maybe a new strategy for you.

Yeah, I think the power of social media was, he played a huge role. And I think that having the fans and the media on our side also played a huge role. Because public opinion is so important to companies. Because, you know, US soccer is the main governing body of soccer in the US. Every single kid that signs up to play soccer has to pay into this governing body. Every coach that wants to get their license

pays into this governing body. So they oversee everything. So public opinion matters to them. For sure. I want to talk about you as a parent. I mean, Abby came home recently from a walk. I was like, I saw Charlie on the strand. And I was like, Charlie was Charlie with any grownups? There's actually on your dad. She's so mature for her age. But you

know, Charlie, who had how old is she right now? She's a little over two. Charlie might be in the sports. I would imagine. I mean, Sarvanda, your husband is an athlete. Yeah, he just retired about a year ago. So how's that going for him? He struggled at first because he loves like the competition aspect of soccer, but he actually is enjoying it now. He took definitely a big break from soccer.

And now he enjoys playing pick up as bad of the level as it is. I'm gonna pick up games here in San Diego. That's amazing. So if Charlie goes into sports, I just want to talk to you about how you'll do it with her, because I am now a convert to the sports. I understand now how important it is, because I've seen our daughter transform as a human being because of sports, not because she's great at sports, but because of what it taught her being on a team and pushing herself.

And there's so much toxicity in sports. It's scary. And I have seen over and over again, friends and people who want their kids to be involved in sports, yes, yeah, they know the power and beauty of it. But there is so much institutional crap. There's coaches who are a nightmare and like don't treat. So that's the toxicity you're talking about. Yeah.

And the parents, honestly, and the parents. But like what, like what would you do if, because it seems like there's this thing that's allowed in coaching culture, where coaches are allowed to talk to kids a certain way, coaches are allowed to mistreat kids really in ways that we know developmentally don't work for kids. But everybody's just like, it's coaching. And you can't say anything.

It's more. Yeah, this is like culturally accepted, locker room talk or whatever. Yeah, so it's excused, but actually it shouldn't be because they're children. And, but parents can't speak up because then their kids get kicked out. So like, how would you navigate that?

I mean, you've had great coaches and bad coaches. What makes a good coach and what makes a shitty coach? I feel like in general, I hope that it's changing in the way coaches address, especially coaching girls and women. I think the most important thing is the relationship that we have with our children and making sure that that's an honest one where they know we fully support them and that we trust them so that they can tell us if there's anything that's not okay. Because at the end of the day, until you hit,

17, 18 years old, sports needs to be fun first. And if it's not fun, then you either change the sport, you change the team or you don't play sport. I think I wanna have relationship with Charlie for her to be able to tell me that you know the coaches and treating her well or she's been taken advantage of or whatever it is that she doesn't keep that in because at the end of the day there's going to be coaches that coach the wrong way. Either to individuals or to a team and so I just hope that my relationship with Charlie is one where she's able to express that to me. She feels vulnerable enough to share

that information with me. What does a coach do that switches from tough coach to inappropriate coach? Because it also feels like you want Charlie to be able to communicate with you, right? But like kids don't even know sometimes because how do they know what's tough? What's a tough good coach that you can trust? And when does that cross over into like emotionally abusive? Also adults don't know. Exactly. So our kids aren't going to know. Yeah. I would love to get your opinion because I feel like I'm new at this parenting thing. So yeah, you've been doing it for a little bit longer than me.

I mean, that's what I'm trying to figure out, honestly. I think we've been really lucky with coaches, with our kids. Yes, I mean, we've been very lucky, but I've been very particular about just coaching them. Right. That's kind of a privilege being me, Abby Wombach. I can get recommendations from coaches,

from people that I love and trust. Right. Not everybody has that privilege. What I would say is that I feel like coaches can get away with things because we call it sports. That a teacher would never be able to get away with. That there is a way that some coaches can talk to children. That is not just tough. It's demeaning.

It bothers me that there's no collective agreement on how coaches should be able to talk to children. We do have that with teachers, right? Yeah. It just feels like a wild, wild west, and that you just have to take it from... Well, in a lot of ways it is. I've never done my coaching license so I don't know in the manner that like a coach is taught, how to emotionally connect with a player because what maybe works for one person doesn't work for the next. Yeah. It's complicated and I think every person is different.

What their motivation tactics need to be is it might be very different and opposite to the next person. I know for me, I needed kind of somebody to light a fire under my ass. So leadership, I find nowadays, it's a lot more difficult and more complicated as it should be as we evolve, as we learn more, as we grow, because every coach has to figure out what each individual person needs to stay within those boundaries of that person. Yeah.

What are you trying to teach little Charlie? What's important to you about her? And do you feel like we talk a lot about conditioning on this pod? Clearly you as an athlete who happens to be a woman had to take less pay for a really long time and be gaslit for decades that you didn't deserve more, right? What are you trying to teach? By the way, that hasn't stopped. I feel like we're still having to prove our worth all the time.

We pull in huge numbers, both in the end of the cell and with the national team and still I feel like we're put on a you know a lesser network or not on TV maybe a different platform. And we're still having to prove why we're worth being put on TV or why we're worth being put in a certain ad or whatever it might be. So it's not even close to over. No. So it's not even close to over. No. Such fucking bullshit. So how do you teach Charlie to know her worth? I think confidence is a big thing. For her, it's just doing what she wants.

I go back to this when I was younger, when I was seven. I wrote a note to my mom and she's stuck in on her wall. And I said, when I grew up, I want a note to my mom, and she stuck it on her wall. And I said, when I grew up, I want to become a professional soccer player. And when I was seven, there was no professional league at the time, just Olympics. I mean, in the World Cup, but my mom probably didn't know about that.

But she was like, yeah, you're going to be a professional soccer player. Like, let's do it. Like put my sticky note on her wall. And I was, it made me was like, yeah, you're gonna be a professional soccer player. Like, let's do it. Like put my sticky note on her wall. And I was, it made me be like, yeah, my dreams aren't stupid. You know, like, I can do this. Like, if I'm the first or if I'm the hundred,

like, I'm gonna do it. Just learning from my mom, I wanna be able to like, help Charlie grow whatever she wants to do into reality. And that's why I love like bringing her on the field afterwards, letting her like, yeah, she just watched Mom Play Soccer for the last like hour and a half. Her time in a shine is now her like kicking the ball around and stuff like after the game, there's all these people waving, um, saying hi to me and Charlie's like, she loves it. But I'm like, yeah, say hi.

They're all cheering for you, you know what I mean? So I just want to be able to help her grow into this confident and beautiful person inside and out. And I think that's just like having her as much a part of my life as possible. She travels everywhere with me. How does that work? Yeah. Klenin doesn't understand. I don't understand. I could not get my children to the mall.

I mean, Alex, we used to have field trips. My children, we wake up at 9am. I would find their shoes and put them on. So then it would be like 2pm. Okay, just stop from that. And then we would get in our minivan and we would watch a movie in the minivan That was our whole our whole like field trip and then we would get out and go back inside like they didn't even know that cars move Okay, they just thought that was a movie that's the incredible in the driveway So like walk us through how the hell this works. Yeah, so I have a village who helps and my husband is amazing, but he's also, you know, working and he's not coming on the road with me. So, my nanny is incredible. She helps me feel

just more settled knowing that Charlie's safe. She's with me all the time. And when she needs a break, it's my dad coming on. He came with me to Kansas City a month ago. And before that, when I went to London with Tautnam, as I came back from pregnancy and tried to get back game fit, my mother-in-law actually came with me for three months. Oh my God. As Charlie was four months old,

and I somehow spontaneously decided during a pandemic to move to England, why I don't know, but it was. I thought it was a great decision at the time. But honestly, I have a village and that helps me feel rested for each game. It helps me be able to take on the businesses that I tackle after soccer practice every day.

It helps me feel like I can focus on my job of playing soccer. It's so underrated being able to just appreciate the help that I have that we have as moms. It's interesting. I came across Melanie Linsky's critics choice speech. She won a award and she's an actress and she thanked her nanny. And so important in her speech. I just loved that so much because it feels like as a mom,

you have to hide that you're getting help as a working mom. And I don't want to hide that. You know, like, this is what helps me thrive. This is what's helped me score 12 goals this season. So far, this is what helps me become. One of the best soccer players in the world is the help that I get to be like a working mom and have Charlie be safe and cared for when I'm not around. I can imagine the kind of difficulty your confidence has, the roller coaster confidence has probably gone on from having baby to coming back. And now you're just scoring goals at an incredible clip. Do you feel as confident as you've ever felt now with a family, your back, your full fitness, playing great soccer,

looking forward to the World Cup next summer. I feel very confident, but I also feel like even if I didn't have 12 goals, I would still feel confident and I would still feel great about myself because I'm just in a place where I'm so happy off of the field. I'm in a very good place. I'm here in San Diego, an hour away max from all of Toronto's family, from all of my family. Charlie is able to see her cousins and her aunts and uncles and her grandparents every week. And it just feels like I'm in a different place in my life.

And I think that's helped with the success on the field because if I have a bad day or if I have a bad game, I'm not going to overanalyze it like I used to. In general, you're your own worst critic, but as athletes especially, you just dwell on the bad moments and you could just get so negative. You can just let the negativity just overcome you so easily. And I feel like I've just kind of let that go. It's so interesting. You have such a huge career. And it feels like what you're saying is the more you've bolstered up everything else outside of your career, the more you've been able to shine in your career. And be less afraid, right? Because you keep saying, if I lost soccer, I'd be okay. Which is not what you normally hear.

What would you do? I mean, I know you're already doing a lot of it, but when you say, if I lost soccer tomorrow, I know you would, you and Charlie and Sarvanda and your family would just probably, I mean, you love spending time together, but professionally, what would you do? Well, I have my media company together that I would take more of a front seat with,

which has been currently more of a backseat because of just prioritizing time in the day and what I can possibly do. But I would love to stay in soccer somehow. I think I would be like a good advisor for U.S. soccer or even FIFA. I think they need some more females. Even I know them.

And those rooms. And I think that I could look men straight in the eye and tell them how it is. Yes, Alex. That's good. So that would be something that I would be willing to do tomorrow if I didn't have soccer, if I didn't have to bought my foot.

That's called taking one for the team, going into FIFA and looking at these men who don't give a shit about us women. Like literally, that's like, yeah. It's like how when Heather O'Reilly was like, I'll take one for the team and I'll be a referee, even though she's not yet. I was like, I feel the same way, I'll take one for the team and I'll get up there and I'll tell them how it really needs to be done. So what would you say right now is the hardest thing for you? What are you working out trying to figure out what's, eh, right now? Either painful or unsettled. I think motherhood in general is very hard.

general is very hard. My husband, Servando would love another kid now, but we do have the World Cup next year. So that's that's tough having to navigate motherhood and wanting to expand a family as an athlete. And also, quite frankly frankly being on birth control and not wanting to be on birth control but feeling like I have to because I can't get pregnant right now. That's hard because we don't know really what that does to the body. There hasn't been enough studies because, oh, surprise. What?

You're just women are kind of an afterthought with that. So I think just the whole thing of balancing motherhood, it's just the scheduling of me and Serbondo and the arguments that that's created in figuring out our schedules, Charlie stick right now, he can't be home, I can't be home, I can't be home. I can't miss practice. There's a lot of just new challenges. A lot. What part of Survinda do you hope that

Charlie has? Well, she already looks like him when I love. They call her little Survinda. They call her little servantita. Oh. He's really someone that like brings the room together. Like he's just such a connector. He could strike up a conversation with anyone. He gets along with everyone. And I feel like I am a lot more opinionated. I don't necessarily pause for a few seconds

before responding, which I need to work more on. And he is just so great with, with his words, with his connections with people. And so I would love her to have that part of him. What parts of Charlie do you hope or does she have a view? She has my competitiveness, which is scary. of you. She has my competitiveness, which is scary. The funniest, like, okay, she's, she's wearing potty training and she just, she likes to go on the potty, but she wants to do it all herself. She can't quite like wipe or pull up her pants, but she likes to pull them down. She likes to lift up the seat. So I'll do things like, I'll stand up next to the potty

and I'll pull up this, I'll lift the seat for her. She goes, no, no, no, no, no, I'll Charlie do it and she'll like throw the seat down. So then she can lift up the seat on her own. So I just like have to let it go,

but I'm honestly like that's me. Like I need to do everything myself. I don't like pause when I respond. Like I'm so like 100% all the time. I'm so passionate about things. I'm not like a half-in type of person. I'm not like at my toes wet. I'm like jump in head first.

And she is totally like me, like in that fashion. And it's a little scary, but I kind of understand a little bit how to navigate it because it's me. Yeah. Oh, Alex Morgan. I just want to say this before we close. Ever since I got to know you and I got to play with you, you have exceeded the expectations

that I even said to you long ago, the person that you've become, the player and the leader you've become, I'm just like not surprised in any way at how much more successful you've gotten since I've retired. I just really love you. I think that it's incredible to see what you've been able to accomplish, but to know that you are still the same person, the way you've gone through all of it, all the ups and the downs and the good and the hard times. It just shows that real character, who you are, the kind of person that you are,

that you've stayed true and the same. Like, you're still, you'll always be that young little kid in my mind for some reason. And I will forever be cheering for you. I will always text you even when you don't want me to to try to build up your confidence for. I never don't want you to text me by the way. Okay. I'll sometimes she'll be driving. So I have to text for her. And then I'll put an exclamation point and Abby will say that I would never text her an exclamation point. Take away that. So just no, no, I am also

putting myself into those pregame text. I would never text her seven exclamation points. Okay, all right. All right. Alex Morgan, thank you for being you. Thank you for being such a freaking gorgeous example of leadership and power and friendship. We love you. We'll be cheering for you forever. And I will even stand for all of your penalty kicks in reference. And my just my turn.

I just wanted to say thank you guys for having me on the podcast. But Abby, we don't get to talk as much as I would love to. But it's always so good catching up with you. It really warms my heart and just your relationship with Glenin is incredible. It's inspiring and you guys have done such great things together. And so I just absolutely love talking to you both. Same. And whenever it is you do decide to hang up those

cleats, you know who to call for help. Not that I can do anything. Call Glenin. She's better. We'll map it all out sister and bring Charlie to our house. Please soon. Okay. Okay. We're coming soon. We're coming. We love you. Oh, and also Plads, what I forgot you were there. We love you so much. And we will see you next time, oh. Bye. And Abby, I forgot to say that I love you too. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle. I walked through a fire I came out the other side. I chased as I I made sure I got once money And I continue to believe that I'm the one for me And because I'm mine I walk the line

because we're adventurers in heartbreak so now a final destination The place is never been to be loved. We need to be known. We'll finally find our way back home and through the joy and pain That our lives bring We can do a heartbreak I hid rock bottom, it felt like a brand new star I'm finally

fine. Cause we're adventurers and heartbreaks on matter A final destination with land We stopped asking directions So places they've never been Can to be loved we need to be known We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain that our lives bring We can do hard things

This perfect, sure isn't heartbreak so mad We might get lost but we're only in that Stopped asking directions Some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be long We'll finally find our way back home Through the joy and pain that our lives bring We can do hard things. Yeah, we can do hard things.

Yeah, we can do hard things. We can do hard things, is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts, especially be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn't, don't worry about it. It's fine.

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