We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Ashlyn Harris & Ali Krieger Double Date!

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Abby’s former USWNT teammates–and dear friends–Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger are here for a double date discussing: 1. Ashlyn and Ali’s wedding, their vision for queer marriage visibility, and Glennon’s top moments of their magical day. 2. Ashlyn and Abby’s friendship–why Ashlyn pulled Abby’s final game captain’s band out of the trash and what she plans to do with it. 3. Who made the first move, which one “knew” first, and how Ashlyn and Ali’s love story started with friendship and mixtapes. 4. Their hardest night with their newborn, how Ali neutralizes mom guilt, and what they want most for Sloane as she grows up. About Ashlyn:  Ashlyn Harris is a two-time World Cup Champion, two-time CONCACAF Champion, and three-time SheBelieves Cup Champion. She currently plays for Gotham FC of the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) and leads the NWSL with most saves as a goalkeeper. A champion of self-expression and self-love, Ashlyn is known for her style and her extensive tattoo artwork.  TW: @Ashlyn_Harris IG: @ashlynharris24 About Ali:  Ali Krieger is an Olympian, two-time World Cup Champion, and two-time SheBelives Cup Champion. She was a key part of the defense that held opponents scoreless for 539 consecutive minutes during the 2015 World Cup. Recently, Ali was named #7 Most Marketable Athletes in the World and currently plays for the NWSL’s Gotham FC. In 2019 Ashlyn and Ali married and in February 2021, they welcomed their new baby Sloane. They are also parents to two puppies – Logan and Storm.  TW: @alikrieger IG: @alikrieger To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Okay. Before we get into it, I just need to level set the listener of what is happening today. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things, first of all. And second of all, I'm going to take the intro and the bios here because these friends are what I brought into my marriage. You did. You did bring them to me. I did. And all of them for three. That was good. I just need to introduce you both because you two are just outrageous. I'll begin with Ashlyn Harris. I'll begin with Ashlyn Harris. She is a two-time World Cup champion, two-time ConquerCalf champion, and a three-time Sheva leaves Cup champion.

Sheva leaves. Oh, wow. She currently plays for Gotham FC of the National Women's Soccer League, the NWSL, and leads the NWSL with the most saves of any goalkeeper, of any goalkeeper folks. Wow. She's a champion of self-expression and self-love. Ashlyn is also known for her style and her extensive tattoo artwork. Allie Krieger is an Olympian two-time world cup champion and two times she believes cup champion.

She's a key part of the defense that held opponents scoreless for 539 consecutive minutes during the 2015 World Cup. That is how long every game feels. Recently, Ali was named. That's two. Yeah, that's exactly. Recently, Ali was named number seven, most marketable athletes in the world and currently plays for the end of yourselves.

There's got them FC. No way that there's six more marketable athletes in the world than Ali. Yeah, I was just one of them. I was so serious. But number is Ashlyn. She's three. Are you serious? I got the boot.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, in 2019, Ashlyn and Ali married. And in February of 2021, they welcomed their new baby slow. There are also parents to two puppies, Logan and Storm. My goodness. I love you both so much. Thank you for joining us today on We Can New Heart Things Double Date. And we got to kind of just dive in because we're ready. We're ready.

Are you so happy to be here? Honey, take the first question. Yeah, thanks for having us. Of course. Thank you for being here. We'd love you so much. We wanted to start by talking about your wedding. Yeah.

Because that was just a ridiculously magical, wild, beautiful day. Yes. That was the first time I really got to meet you all. Can you tell us what's the most memorable moment of your wedding day for each of you? It doesn't have to be the most because that's too stressful. I think what was so magical was being in one place for the first time with all of our people surrounded by so much love and to be able to like express it to your like chosen family, your family, like all your people who have helped you get to that point. And it'd be such a celebration.

It's probably the first time it ever happened, and it quite possibly could be the last time. We have that opportunity. And it was such a moment of visibility for two queer women. We really wanted to capture that. We didn't want to be selfish. We wanted to like really show it to everyone. And I just feel like we, we had a vision and we totally executed it. It was

literally the most magical day of my life. I think for me walking up those stairs, it's kind of similar to how you expressed it, but walking up the stairs, I was actually probably more nervous than playing in a World Cup final because of just the feeling and the emotion that I had and the chills of like getting up to those last few steps where you start to see everyone. I know everyone was standing there looking at us and just you see your favorite people in the world all in one place. And I think that specific moment for me and then making kind of the walk around,

that was like truly amazing. And I can't really articulate that feeling that I felt in that moment. I didn't take my eyes off of her the whole entire time. Oh, no, I watched you. I watched you. And I had tears just,

I'm a cryer at weddings to begin with, but like knowing you both and knowing all that the queer community has gone through over the last, you know, centuries to see not only you both getting married, but to be getting married in the like the most fashionable fucking way. Well, the costumes, you guys. The good costumes. Oh my God. Okay, so since you asked me, I'll tell you my top five memories from your wedding. Okay. I'm excited. So do you remember when Sydney read the freaking reading? Their reading at the ceremony was Justice Kennedy's decision making same-sex marriage law of the land. We were crying. You were crying actually. I was crying inside. I don't cry in

the outside because the lexiprolyc stops my tears right. But I cry on the inside. Does anyone remember when Sydney forgot to say so Sydney was doing the new row? Yes, the officiating and she was so amazing and then she didn't let any of us sit down my poor grandparents I know and I was looking around like oh my god It feels so bad for all like and a lot of our friends were actually pregnant She was very nervous. She did a great job. She just forgot the one thing Like you all may sit down, but it was appropriate. I was like, actually,

damn it, we all should be standing. You're actually an alley's wedding. You're right. If there's any wedding that deserves it, it's this one. And then do you remember when Kyle, Kyle's alley's brother, yeah, did the freaking toast. Maybe I have it here. I was brother. Yep. Did the freaking toast. Oh, maybe I have it here. Um, okay. So he said, your love is a beacon of hope for so many gay young people who don't get to

see happy endings reflected back to us. Oh, you are happy ending. Yep. You are gay happy ending. Jesus. Oh, no, man. Yeah. He was a, I mean, he winged half of it probably.

He just got on a roll and he's just so incredible. And such a pillar for our relationship too. In the way we kind of live our lifestyle and he's just been there every step of the way. And so that was an incredible moment for both of us just to see him up there. I mean, he was so nervous. He had people coming. We were laughing. We nervous. But he was just, we were laughing.

We were laughing. Yeah. He was just perfect. He's the absolute best. And you know what? Actually, before Glenin, Kyle was the first sober person I've ever met. And so when I was going through my early days of sobriety,

he often came to my mind like, OK, if Kyle can do it, like I can do it, you know, and then I've had a clinic and everything kind of changed, but at the end, he's like such a beacon of hope to begin with, and you know, it doesn't hurt to look at him. He's so unattractive. Your family really strives in the area. Do you remember the best moment of my life? The best moment of my life?

We're on an airplane. Oh, yes, this is good. Someone walks up to us. He goes, I'll watch you in the goal or something to you. He's like awesome at soccer. I watch you in the goal. Congratulations on your wedding.

And then he walked away and I was like, I feel like he said some soccer things, but I don't understand. And then I go, oh my God, that guy thinks we're Ashley and Ally. I'm not like, yeah. Oh. And then he was like, I tell, oh my God, that guy thinks we're Ashley and then she was like, I tell him I was like, no, we're going to ride this out. She was like, ready to play the part. So then, Ashley, you gave a toast at the wedding and during the toast, you said so many beautiful

things, but you actually, during the the toast talked about your friendship with Abby. Yeah. And I didn't understand. I don't think the depth of all of your friendship. So until that toast. So tell us how you all became friends and what. Yeah, I can't wait to hear your perspective. Oh my gosh, this is so good.

It's so interesting when I think back because I was so young and like it was such a vulnerable time for me and I don't know how we ended up like connecting but Abby's ex-wife was one of my childhood friends. So that's how the connection was made. So it was my first professional year in the league. And I was making minimum contract and I just suffered a ton of injuries in college. So I was kind of just like finding my way a little bit.

And Abby and I like hit it off. We were brothers from the moment. We had our first conversation. And it was such like a weird time in my life. I really believe people are placed in certain moments for certain reasons. When I was in that moment, when I was giving my speech, like she would let me come to terms with my sexuality

because I wasn't comfortable at the time being like, I'm gay. It was, I have these weird feelings for friends and like, I don't know what's going on and I'm super uncomfortable. And she just like loved me through the journey and was a good friend to me and showed me like how to live life because I came from nothing.

Like I didn't experience very much outside my bubble and like my small world. And she just would take me on these freaking wild-ass excursions. She would be like, hey, drive your car to 95. We're doing a cross-country trip. And in RV with seven people, sure, I'll be there. I have no money, no problem, I got you.

And it's just like, we did life together. Some of my greatest memories are with you. And like meeting Ali and like coming to terms with my sexuality, I just remember sitting on your couch folding your laundry talking about That's absolutely Yeah, what gay look like for me and it's It's like a really important moment in my life because she just like took care of me and I was super young. I was super naive

I really don't think I had much to offer her at the time But she just loved me unconditionally and like took me under her wing. And then our friendship, we were always by each other's side. From then on out, we had each other's back like still to this day. So good. I just remember that time. You know, you were young and I just remember seeing a kid who, it's not that you needed any help because I knew you'd figured out you're very, very strong. And you had the kind of a moral compass that I, in many ways, wished to have. I feel like you knew a little bit more right from wrong than I did. I had a little bit of a wild streak in me and you did too, but I think that you had an

ability to pull in the reins way better than me. And I think that what you just said touches me so much. And the thing that you gave me was longevity. When a new kid who comes to a team is so open-minded and you weren't filled with ego, you were like, yes, like whatever it takes. And as an older veteran player, it made my career last longer because, first of all, made me feel like I was doing something good. And second of all, like your youthfulness made me feel like, oh, you know what, like I still, this is something that I still want to keep doing because you made it so easy every day in the locker room.

So, Ali, did you also have a long journey with accepting your gainess or do you have a similar story to Ashlyn or was it different for you? I think it was different for me because when I went to college, I didn't know two women could actually be together. I didn't know that that was a thing and that could be like normal.

And so I was a bit confused. And then I started to explore my sexuality in college towards the end of my four years. And then when I got to Germany, I dated a woman there and I had a really great relationship for a couple years. And then when I met Ash, I was like, whoa, like this is a thing. And this is like real. And this isn't just like a face, you know? So I was pretty open and yeah, open to any relationship when I was overseas and throughout my college career. And then when I met Ash, obviously

and Abby was there since day one, um, through that experience, I think I just knew it was like a different feeling for her, um, that I had with anybody else. I remember even telling my brother that experience too, that once we met, I was like, wow, just something is different within me and in the way that I feel. Um, And I think also what I value about our relationship, the most is that we gave it a chance to build a really good foundation. So we were friends for the first year, I think before we really started to kind of change

that emotional connection into a physical connection. And I feel like that kind of set us up for success Absolutely now. So when was the moment that you Saw each other in that love way like you made the first move. Yeah, we got it Ashlyn is pointing to Ali right now and Ali doesn't seem to be. I guess. Yeah. This is calling me from Germany. She must be lonely. And I was like, you better be picking up. Because there's a lot of money.

I had to pay Skype bill after Skype bill after Skype bill. And I'm like, well, she better send money along with that, like, mixtape. She was sending me boxes of mixtape. I was't even need me boxes of mixtapes. I was like, you know, sending gifts to each other. Maybe it was just me. Like, care package. Oh.

Yeah, I don't know. I think it was when, and, you know, it was obviously before the World Cup. So 2010 was that year. And then obviously, you know, through the World Cup, it was, and I mean, Abby was there through this experience, but it was also like, everything was new and we were, you know, I don't know, just on a different platform and a lot of things were changing for me personally and also just as a

footballer. So I think I needed to just kind of navigate through a lot of different obstacles at the time and my feelings included. So it wasn't as easy at the beginning, but you know, eventually I knew that she was the one for me and then just blossomed from there. Blossom. And such a good word for it. I just need to say that in that 2011 World Cup, a lot of people talk about that big goal we scored at the end of the game against Brazil, that sent it into penalties. And not enough people in my mind talk about how we actually won that game and went forward with that game, and it was by the penalty of Ali Krieger. If I remember you yelling at me on my way up to kick the ball,

because I started walking, and I think everybody was so nervous and like you know the four players before me I think it was Abby Carly Pino Boxy boxy. I mean just absolutely rocked their pk. I was like no question. I was like oh god I got it like screw it up. Yeah, and I started kind of walking and Abby goes don't walk jog like Yeah. And I started kind of walking and Abby goes, don't walk, jog. Like, like, and I just remember it. I was like, oh, and I kind of like snapped into it. Not out of it. I snapped into it. And I really like focused from then on. And I was like, I can't screw this up. I have, I can't have it up. I'm telling you, it is one of my biggest pet peeves, people walking

to a penalty because there's too much thought that goes on during a walk. Like when you're jogging, your body's in motion, like, let's go, let's get this done. You know what you're doing? Put the ball in the spot, put it in the goal. Let's go. I'm glad that I said that. I'm sorry for her. You're feeling so anyway. No, no, no, you didn't hear my feelings. You actually made me more. I'm going to for life. That was so cool. Well, probably it was, I was exaggerating a little bit. It was just, you know, come on, great. I think I picked it up. Yeah.

That's an unnatural, but I did want to mention Ab bit. It was just, you know, come on, great. I picked it up. Yeah. That's an in-nature. But I did want to mention Abby, like, you also knew how to get the best out of all of us. Younger players, I really appreciated that. And not only, I know Ashton has an amazing connection with you in such a brilliant friendship story. And throughout the years, it's obviously grown so much.

But I, I don't know if you realize you obviously knew what you could get out of people and you always knew how to get the best out of us. And I just really appreciated that and I really value that about you and obviously you're one of the greatest leaders we've ever had. And I have to say, I know we've kind of mentioned this story before, but I think it's a really important story to share with everyone is in your final game, your retirement game. Like I understood at the time you weren't in a great place and it was like a really difficult time for you

and you, I'll never forget like plays in slow motion like a movie in my mind. You came into the locker room and you're a piss because we lost, which you should be. And you took your captain band and you took it off and you're sure and you just threw it into the dirty laundry. Oh my god, I shouldn't have a story.

And when no one was looking, I took out that captain band. And I took off my jersey and I wrapped it and put it in my bag. And still to this day, I have your last Captain Man wrapped in my jersey that I wore because like that is the impact you had on the people around you. And maybe you didn't know it. And I just knew there was going to be a time where you wanted that back. And I like can't wait to deliver

that to you when I see you face to face because that's the effect you had on people that you didn't even know. And it was so powerful and it was so moving and that like I need to give you back that last Captain van. Like that's important to me for you to have it because that's the impact you had on the people around you. I'm not crying at all. That is friendship. It's seeing some that you have a moment where you know that's not them in this moment and they're going to want this moment back and saving it for them. Yeah, I was struggling so much at that time and there was a lot going on in my personal life and that was my last game. So it was of course like super emotional.

And I was just so pissed to leave the game on a loss. I think I've come to more better terms with it now, but it still irks me. I'm like, how the fuck? How the fuck could we win so many games and championships? And I lose my last one. That's the way I'm going out. Are you serious?

Thank you, Ashlyn. And Ali, like what you just said, means a lot to me. Especially now, like, you know, five, six years out of my career into my retirement. You know, my kids, they think that what I did was really cool, but like, they're my kids. I don't think that highly of me.

So it feels like you go, it's filled up. Being vulnerable and authentic and having a, you know, a handful of struggles, like, that's also what makes the experience so great. And us to be human beings. And we're not always going to be perfect. And we're not always going to be so strong all the time. And it's actually refreshing to know that even the best of us can also struggle and fight through it. And that's something that I think Ash and I really appreciate about you too. That's not always going to be, you know, rainbows and butterflies.

Yeah. It just isn't like if we were to get really honest. And I'm sure both of you now in your club teams and having some time apart from the women's national team, like being a professional athlete is a really intense way of life. And everything in many ways suffers, right? Like your body suffers, your mentality suffers, your emotion suffer, your relationship suffer, the relationship you have with yourself

sometimes suffers, I'm like now just getting to a place in my life where I don't have to traumatize my body to feel good about myself. Like the self esteem that I get from working out hard, I'm trying to like fix because I can't maintain that for the rest of my life. I'll be incapable of walking with knee problems and ankle problems as I get older because I'm just brutalizing my body day after day and so I'm trying to figure this out. What did you guys honestly think when Abby told you that she was going to marry a previously straight 40 year old Christian mother of three?

I love this question. Were we at the Super Bowl when we first met? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, so nice to me. It was so terrifying that night, but you were very kind to me. Well, I just remember how Abby spoke about you and like how happy she was and how she was like growing

as a person in this like extremely, like she's still trying to talk to me about how her life is so incredible and amazing. It's like not even the place to be having these like very serious conversations about like how life is changing and it's so great. Zuzi, yeah. Yeah.

But honestly, like, she was glowing and she was so happy and she like couldn't wait to talk to me about it. And it was like such a moment where I was like, she must be like really freaking awesome. And I met you. And I could tell you were like pretty like reserved around me and quiet.

As I, like sorry, meeting you more and more, I could really like feel your fun side. And I'm like, this chick is freaking awesome and perfect and challenges her. And it's balancing her in all the, like, most perfect ways. And like, I get why you guys work because you guys are such incredible people. You deserve to be happy.

I love that, like, we all get a second chance in life. And the fact that you guys found each other when you did Like I know you saved her life, but like she chose to save her own and do her own work and her own steps And you just like added and enhanced this richness that was already there So like I'm just so happy that you guys both found so much happiness in each other like this is the best Like we're like family now and I love that. I love that like I that you guys both found so much happiness in each other. This is the best, we're like family now. And I love that. I love that.

I have you in my phone and I can pick up whenever and just call you guys and get the best advice or just like a hangout talk shit session. It's just the same banter as when we first met. And now Glyn in that you're a part of it. It's a complete circle. I'm Jonathan M. Hevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class. My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I wanna talk about it.

That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat? You know, trailer food. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself.

Classy. A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. Who proposed? Like, how did you all do the proposal? How did this happen? I knew I wanted to marry her. The moment I met her. No. I literally bought her my- I bought her my-

Are you kidding? I don't remember telling her. She said her one's a good one. Clearly, if you don't marry me, I will drag you down that aisle myself. No. I actually had the wedding ring for three years because I already knew. And then I was like, well, what was your, what, what, what, what was your thought process in those three years where you like,

I just knew that like question, I was ready and my time was ready. Took you so long. She was waiting on you, Alex. Yeah, I was, I was like, right here. Thank you, sister. Yeah, I remember.

I saw that right. Oh, yeah, I get it, I get it. I had the ring for three years because I knew this is what I wanted and there was no doubt in my mind, but I also didn't want to be selfish. I needed her to be ready. Oh, I get that. That wasn't ready. That's so beautiful though that you knew that.

You were able to press pause on something that was really important to you because you knew long-term if I put her in this corner, she's going to be out. We would take random trips, weekend trips, just to get away and get away from work and soccer and all the things. Stakeations. Yeah, just a refraction, recharge. And it's only about an hour and a half from Orlando, so it was nice. It was just like a normal weekend.

I didn't think anything of it. I was like, yes, we're a normal weekend. I didn't think anything of it. I was like, yes, we get to go. I don't know. Walk the beach and hang out and sit by the pool and, you know, have a cocktail or whatnot and go to dinner just by ourselves and be able to talk about anything and everything outside of soccer, which is always so nice. And it was just a random weekend. And we went down to the beach and we brought, you know, I think champagne. I was just thinking it was like a normal evening. I'm like, and there's like, full Tom Brown kids. Nothing about this. I think it's good to buy this. There's nothing about this. It's just a regular evening. Yeah. But there's like this rock, these rocks, I don't know what you would call it, but it's just kind of like a bang of like rocks

going out into the ocean. And people kind of stand on take photos. And then it was just the way the light was hitting. The clouds were so beautiful. The sunlight was coming, and studying through the clouds. And it was unreal. And then there were sailboats out in the water. And I was just like, this is like, this is so beautiful.

So I said, can you come over to the rocks and take a photo of me for Instagram? No, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you may like, you know, perfect shot photos. Yeah, and I was like, but just by myself, yeah, you can take it. You can take it. I'm going to go stand over here. Your shadow and the camera.

You're doing great. You're in my shadows and my shot, honey. So, you know, what I'm like here, holding the camera and, you know my shadows in my shot honey. So you know what I'm like here holding the camera and you know take a few shots. Anyway, so then she goes, okay, well now can I actually get into the photo? And I was like, well, yeah, you can come, come on, come on. So we sat there and I was just holding the phone up in selfie mode. And before someone else had come and taken a photo, but she had her hand up like in between us, like holding the ring.

As she's clicking all the photos. I'm like, put your hand down. What are you doing? You're ruining the stage. You're gonna see the sale vote. You're gonna see the sale vote. You're gonna see the sale vote. I literally have it holding and like,

and I'm like, I can't see the sale vote. Like, right in between us, there was like a sale vote and our hand is here and I'm like, okay. And then she like brings it around. I think I still have that photo. Yeah, we sure do. I have like so many photos of her holding it. And she brings it around the front

and she was like, you know, said, we owe a whole thing. Said the whole thing and, you know, I just, yeah, we marry me and I just, I didn't hesitate. No, you did not. I said, absolutely. I on the other hand was like, girl, your hands,

you better not drop this ring and these rocks. Ooh, yeah. It's this water. That's all I kept thinking. I put it right on, I put it right on. Mm-hmm. I was not gonna mess this up. Yeah.

My hands had been tested my whole career. I was not gonna drop this ring. And I remember we called Sid, like right away. Yeah, we called our family. Yeah. Our parents, yeah. It was great. It was great. It was great.

We'll send you guys the photo. Okay, yes, we would love that. How did you know after a few years of being married that you were ready to become parents? We had actually spoke about adopting the first moment we met about how we like what we talked about our hopes and our dreams and like all this foundation was built like 10 years ago. And as soon as COVID hit and the Olympics were pushback. Like soccer just wasn't moving us like it did. We were like another year.

I don't know. We should start playing the first. You know. It's like Abby said, like it is, you have to sacrifice it all. And at some point you come from a place of holy smokes, I just sacrificed 20 years. And now I'm in my later 30s and it's like, now what?

And I just felt that we were so ready for this moment. And we were like, why not? We've built this foundation, we have this stability. Let's not do things just for paycheck. So this was our moment to kind of break free. And I think it was a really good time for us because we weren't happy within that bubble of traveling all the time, blah, blah, blah. So when COVID hit, we were like, oh my god, I love you so much. Like people were struggling during COVID. And I was like, you were thriving. You were like, this is what people usually do. Like,

they have time to hang out and go to the, you out and go for a walk at sunset or not have to surround your entire day on working out and recovering and sleeping. I just could shut off 25 years of just dedicating my entire life to this craft. And Allie and I were like, let's do this. This is our time and we matched in three weeks Oh, yeah, but we also were like this could be three years We don't know maybe you know, we were still planning on wanting to go to the Olympics and be a part of that experience in the team um At the time, so we just got home from the she believes or a tournament

um right before everything shut down. And we were like, well, we don't even know how long this is going to take. So let's just put our names in and see what happens. And, you know, we'll go from there. Well, then we get a call like three weeks later. And we were like, do we want to do this? Yeah. You were like, wait!

Hold on! I was like, good thing I've sit down. Because once we do this like this is it yes It is our life like different selfish anymore It's not about us. Yeah, huh? Let's do that. Well, and I just want to give a little context to the listener because I think that you all play in NWSL which is a professional team which is a little bit less traveling than it is on the women's national team. So when you're talking about settling down more

and maybe not playing on the national team as much, you're still playing in the club system, but you have a little bit more of a quote unquote normal existence a day-to-day schedule where you're not at the mercy of traveling for months and years at a time to Interesting though to go from what Abby always calls and you're referring to as a very Not even a negative but self-centered existence where you're constantly worried about your own body and your own and

Your your own planet and then you become a mother of Infant your own planet, and then you become a mother of an infant, which is the most self-sacrificing existence on earth, right? You went from extremes. How did you do that? What is the transition like? It was, it's the hardest thing we've ever done. We didn't sleep. We actually hired thing we've ever done. We didn't sleep. We actually hired a night nanny because we were like, listen, we are fit right now. We don't want to like have to do this all over in 12 weeks and we want to be there for the team. And we still felt like we could actually go to training and just figure it out. But we only took two weeks out of the 12 weeks. Yeah. Of maternity leave. And yeah, our night nanny would go 48 hours on.

And then we would take the next day, 48 hours on. We would take the next day. So we were like kind of flip flopping. But it was so hard. As you know, yeah, no, I don't know. I was not so So hard as you know, yeah, I don't know When soccer it Like alley we had shifts. We just I'm

I'm in the hall and the middle of the night like 2 a.m. I would go to sleep at 9 and alley would be up till midnight and then I would do the 2 a.m. To the 6 a.m. and then I would do the morning. Yeah, she would do the morning. We'd get up and have to be at training by 7.45. No. In Orlando, Florida, 100 in something degree, I would just someday show up and cry. I know what was going on. I didn't know what planning I was on. I would just cry. And then I would be like, all right, I'm good to go. I'll go home and I'm gonna be the best mom ever. Did you guys, okay, okay.

It's wild, I know it's so wild. So physically, that's unbelievable. But emotionally also, because when you have a new baby, you just start hating each other. I'm like, there's just nobody. I don't know anybody who honestly, I feel like if there's anyone it's you guys. So I just want to know. Did you hate each other? Because even if you're emotionally intelligent and you love each other and

you're good friends, when you're not sleeping, we revert to this animalistic version of ourselves. Oh my gosh. Did you fight? What are your baby fights? I mean, I'll just add this too, is they both have the exact same job. So it's not like one person is going off the work and another person staying home, but like you guys both are sharing the exact experience on the soccer field.

So like there was no reprieve. There was no like get out of it. So did you fight a lot? No, I don't. Well, you were like, no, I was like, I was like, yeah, we thought it was great. Get your story straight, we'll think. Yeah.

No, no, we don't, we didn't fight at all. I think just, I'm just laughing because the very first night Ash was probably great. I need a buck. Can I tell you the first while? Because this is going to tell you a lot about our relationship. And I think Abby, you're going to really appreciate this story. And Glennon, so will you, because you're going to get it.

So the first night, first of, they just hand you the baby and they're like, here you go, put it in the car seat. That looks great. See ya. We took all these courses through adoption. I have no idea what I'm doing with this child. It's just like, the stranger has been put into my arm. But we get home, we drive.

So our child was born in Tampa. So we drove home. I'm driving so slow. Oh my God. Those can't, like, didn't change lanes. How, like, careful I was driving. So we get home and like, we're doing our thing, right? We're good.

Every two hours, this baby needs to eat, sleeps the whole time. So nighttime comes around. And like, we're, you know how competitive we are. So, Ali and I are like, the first week, we're doing this, no night nannies. Like, this is our time to latch. Like, we're gonna own this.

We're like, this is our moment. The first name, Ali is like, literally white, nuckling the bassinet. The child moves. So I'm trying to get out of this like, swaddled thing you have her. And it's straight down. Yeah, it is literally the baby is,

and you can't have at the time like any blank gets anything in there. So all you hear is like the. Shhh shhh shhh shhh shhh. All night. Track suit. Yeah, right now like an old baby's track suit. So every time Sloan's moving, Allie's like, oh my god. And she like gets up out of bed and she's like looking into the bass and that. And I'm like, okay, she's fine, honey. And then she has this like light button. She has a nightlight in this. Closing this frantically. She looks over to me and she's like, it's too cold in here. Okay, I go and I turn the era, right? And then Sloan's still, you know, doing the jig and the crib. She gets back up and she's like, the vents. It's three or four o'clock in the morning at this point.

The vents, it's too close. It's too cold. Go close to the vents. Well, we have 12-foot ceiling. What, what am I supposed to do? Go in the garage and get the ladder. Now it's four o'clock in the morning. I'm trucking outside. I have the ladder. I'm trying not to make any noise. Going up the glass staircase with the stairs. I just like to attach to the back of a house. So nice. Look outside, fellas. Through the walkway.

It's 4 a.m. now, right? I closed the fence. I'm literally, haven't slept. My mind's mush. I'm 12 feet in the air, closing every vent in the house. It, we're baking. We're at's mush. I'm 12 feet in the air closing every vent in the house. We're baking. We're at least baking. I'm sorry. So then, so then still moving. And finally, like, my patients at this point, I'm so patient

with Ale over to death, but at this point, I'm like, honey, enough. Enough. At this rate, we will never sleep again. And she's like, I have to keep her alive. That's dramatic. That dramatic. The next morning, that's her exact words. The next morning, I called that night nurse and she was there by 3 p.m. the next day. That's right.

I'm like, this, we can't do this. That was the first single night. That's probably our only fight. Then we learned that she liked to be swaddled up. That's why she was this one. She was like, she wanted those hands out. She had to be. Yeah.

So that was our one and only fight. And it wasn't even a fight. My patients were very like running breathe through the other like, you know, frustration. I'd be like, okay, why don't you just go take a nap or like, why don't you go she's so, she was so good with me because I was on films. She was like crying and like, I'm sitting on crying all the time, but you were just like, you were just so tired and she doesn't sleep as it is. She just struggles to sleep. That's just like how you are. Tossing and turning, that's always been a thing. So then I was like, oh gosh,

we're gonna baby into this, she's gonna be. Oh, so I would have to take like extra shifts just because I'm like, you gotta train. You gotta be like good, and you gotta show up and do your job and do it well. So we need to like figure something else out. Oh my God, everyone should have babies with people on their teams. You knew how to be teammates already. This is something that married people don't know or understand.

Teamwork is how to be on the same team and take care of each other. And as it comes to like fighting, how do you fight like in general? Like what are your fighting styles? Or communicate because it doesn't sound like you fight. Yeah. When your feelings are hurt with each other or you have to like have a conflict is one of you more afraid of conflict than the other. I think we're just so honest with each other and I don't know if sports has helped,

like defuse, honest, like she can be very honest with me and I'm like, damn that was harsh but I'm so used to it because that's my job. I want to surround myself by people we're going to like tell me the truth and not what I want to hear so I can get better. We are so good at saying that to each other. We just, in a nice way, we're just very respectful. This is bothering me. This is how it's making me feel.

And like boom, I understand like I'm gonna have to be better and figure it out. And we compromise. I feel like that's marriage in general. But I think communicating's like so like huge for us because of something bothering me. I'll like tell her right away and not like let it build up and build up until the fifth time. I mean, then it just explodes. I think that's been really helpful for our relationship just to kind

of like, I'm pretty calm. Sometimes I'll snap here and there when I'm like a little annoyed at something that I didn't address sooner. And I'm like on me me, and I'm like, listen, I'm really sorry. But that's the biggest thing is the little talking about all the little things. Because sometimes we're like, are we ridiculous? Because this lesbian relationship talks about every little thing. But it actually is so helpful because when you ignore the little things, and they build up and build up and build up and then you freak out. Yeah.

And also just learning, I think your partner is so important because then you can help cater to their needs a bit more. Like I know for Ali, she's such a yes person that she gives, gives, gives, gives, gives. And like she gets to a point where she's so fragile and tired. That's when the cracks start to come out. And I have to step in and be like, honey, you can't do it all.

You can't be here and there and flying all over the place and then be a mom and then mom guilt creeps in. Like she suffers a lot from mom guilt. So it's a lot of times just me taking care of her like in a way where don't feel bad about saying no to people like we also have to own our own time and I think that's the hardest thing she struggles with so I try to like come in sometimes and be like maybe we don't have to do that like it's okay to to say no I try to balance it a little bit more I don know. I guess really just getting to know each other and knowing in this

moment she might need me because I can say no and feel no like regret or no like kind of way. And she's like really sweet and nice and she's just always wanting to do good things for people. But then it leaves her kind of like tired and not yeah and empty a lot of times. So we're talking about therapy. Yeah. You know, I'm talking about with a lot of times. So we're talking about therapy. Yeah, you know, I'm talking about with my therapist a lot. So we're trying to figure that out day to day, it's getting better. That's why they're so healthy. That's why you're so healthy.

Are you, I'm like for sure there's therapy going on here. So are you both in individual therapy? And do you ever do marriage therapy? No, we haven't done marriage therapy, which I would be open to, it would be really like fun to continue to build our relationship stronger and stronger. But individual for me, yes, because I'm dealing with a lot of trauma from, you know, childhood and like grieving and, and mom guilt.

So those are my topics. Yeah. I just, I wanna be good at everything. So I wanna be like the best soccer player I can be. I wanna be the best activist I can be. I wanna be the best mom I can be. And I know that each of those kind of take and the best sister and the best daughter

and the best wife. And sorry, I didn and sorry to put that left. But you know, all the things you want to be like so good at and give equal amount of time to everything. But you know, when I don't feel like I'm doing that, it becomes really difficult. And I struggle with, I guess just accepting that something's got to give and you're going to sacrifice a little bit of time here and there. But ultimately, I've been feeling better about going to training and then giving myself some time before I come home because I don't want to come home and not have a smile on

my face and not be happy. So I know I have to make myself a priority too or else, you know, Sloan's going to always just see me upset and unhappy in the house. And that is like the absolute last thing I want. So I have to make sure at times that, you know, I split the time and understand that giving her everything means also giving myself more time and more grace. That's so beautiful.

And one thing I'll just say to that is that was a complex that I had big time when I retired and I was like, okay, I'm gonna be the best at everything that I do and for me that left me feeling really sad because what we were able to do as a soccer player in terms of just like the evaluation process. Like, it's also relative, but like being on the best team in the world, like, that's something that like, I'm really proud of. And that's something that like, I identified as so much as like, a national team player. But in all the other components of my life, I think it doesn't serve me

because there is no way to be the quote unquote best parent in the world, but here I was trying my, like my hardest to be the best parent in the world. As if there was gonna be a metal ceremony. Yeah, I was waiting for, nobody was giving me any trophies. This was like very, nobody's gonna give you, this is a very weird situation to be involved in.

But what I've learned over time, Ali, and I don't know if this will help you in any way. But what I've learned over time that with parenting, especially, it's not about how good or bad you are. It's about how you show up. And as a parent, I've like, let myself just by showing up be a success. That has been, I think, really a hard transition from what we do as soccer players to, like, quote unquote, normal life, as I would say. You just have to give yourself a little bit of grace that there is no trophy. There's no parenting of Troy. There's no such a good point. I feel like

you're right. My guy, I that, are we doing the best? Are we being the best of the best of the best? And like at the end of the day though, like, Sloan's gonna see how hard her mom's work. Yes. And how much of this life that they've created and how they stand for things that most people are scared to stand for,

get lend their voice to people who don't have a voice. Like, we work around the clock, and I want her to see how we're trying to change the narrative, how we're trying to make the world better for her. I want her to be proud of that. Like, I saw my parents work two jobs. Like, I took something from them that like, I wanted to be better for my kids and that's what I hope

she can see one day. That like yeah mom works a lot but she's working for all the right reasons. Yes and that is mothering. There's this idea of you know don't you don't prepare the world for the child like prepare the child for the world. And that's actually kind of horseshit. Mothering is at home with your kid or you know you're creating, helping create the person they'll be, but it's also out in the world helping create the world that they will inherit. That's right. Right. So much of your mothering is done when you're not even in the room with Sloan.

Mm-hmm. Right. you approaching your particular type of family? And how do you raise Sloan to be who she is in the world, even if it's not completely reflected in you too physically? Yeah, that's a great question. We have to first start with ourselves and educating ourselves more every single day, just to be able to give her the tools to succeed. And we never wanna tell her what to do or how to do things we just want to teach her

Certain tools to help her navigate her own life and so I think that that definitely starts with us and educating ourselves continuously to be able to Help guide her and through these tough conversations that I'm sure we're gonna be involved in And we've taken our diversity course as well through the adoption process, which is a most, and I think we should do that every single year. And I think it definitely starts with me and you. Yeah, she's going to know at an early age, we talk about this often that we're different. We are a normal family, but we have our differences. And so we're going to have to sit down with her and be open with her right from the get go, because I think with us, we value communication with our family, value communication. And so I think with her,

that's going to be really important, as soon as she can understand. Yeah, and I think it's so interesting, right? Like we grew up in a time of, what do you wanna be when you grow up? And it's always like the police officer and the firefighter and the professional baseball player, whatever the case is. And Ali come from, we're like parenting and wanting to come from a place of like I want Sloan

to use the terms like kind, want to be kind, want to be like compassionate, I want to be understanding and I don't think we're trying to raise good humans, just like good machines that are going to help us like follow the dreams that we fell short in, like parents do that. They just like push their hopes and dreams on their children and I don't want that for Sloan. Like I want her to be a kind human who knows how to navigate life because it's hard.

And I didn't have those tools to hold onto when I was young. And I like want to be the parent who not snow plows everything, but hands her the tools to navigate this journey. And then she can own her own decisions. But as long as she functions through the world in this sense of clarity and being open-minded and coming from this family that looks beautifully different. I'm hopeful I'm going to raise a really good human. That's going to do great things.

And she's going to be centered in who she is. That's not what she is. It's this unbelievable thing we talk about all the time. It's like such proof that we are so capitalistic in our brain. Like the only thing we look at these unbelievably are so capitalistic in our brain. Like the only thing we look at these unbelievably divine human things and we're like, what occupation are you gonna have in 35 years? Like they don't freaking know. They just know that adults have no idea

how to talk to kids and that's the one question adults can think of. So they ask them what they're gonna be when, and then they don't even, I was a teacher, so I know, most of the time they're just making something up. They're just like, these adults wanna hear a word so firefighter. We used to talk all the time with our little ones Who do you want to be when you grow? And more importantly than that who are you now?

Not even like this arrival thing because that teaches them that one day they're gonna grow up and become adults Are you still waiting because I'm still waiting? Yeah, when am I gonna wake up and be this other thing that I'm supposed to be? Yeah, sure. Just waking up and I'm just me When you all are gonna retire from soccer. It's like you have this identity crisis because everything's based in the what? And the what is the least in the soccer is the least like exciting thing about you to right? That's right Like there's so it's who you are. And that is so beautiful. You guys, I love that so much. You all these three are all so lucky. I just want to talk a little bit about traveling soccer family and what you are thinking about heading into a retirement

from the good old game. Are you talking about that? Has anyone retired? What's going on with the soccer? Yes. We talked about it often. Gosh, we are just like barely crawling out there at this point. It's so weird. Maybe I overshot my thoughts of really keeping up. I know. No, but we're actually so much happier

where we're at now with Gotham FC. And just having this experience for a couple of years in New Jersey and New York and being so close to the city, like it's actually really refreshing for us to kind of get out of our small, comfortable life in Orlando. And it's just get out and explore and kind of just be challenged again because that's when you grow the most when you're putting these uncomfortable situations and so I feel like we're really excited about this opportunity.

But yes, our bodies are like wow. You need to take a moment. Yeah, and she's at the front door. So I think we're more, I think we're more players than trainers. So like, you know, we don't train as much as we used to. And, um, but we're like, you know, gamers and can show up and be good. We literally play this game because we love to compete. Like, I love to compete. I am a different animal human.

I don't know what it is, but it's like, it's therapy for me. It really is. I'm out, I mean, I, you know, I'm out there. I'm like, you know what? You got to be an alien. It's just, it's so therapeutic to be able to go and just compete

because the way I operate in life is a lot of times too much for the people around me. So it really is therapeutic. And it, like, I can get it out and then I can come home and be nice and calm and mom and gentle and soft. And then I can be really aggressive and harsh in my professional career. So maybe I should be in like, WWE. Yeah. I can see that for sure.

Right. Hey, and then B, what you just did was actually cleared something up for me that I've been considering like, why did I play so long? And because for a long time, it wasn't about the soccer because I couldn't stand it at the end. It was about the competitiveness and the need to win, the need to be in this like no holds barred environment. So that's like really helpful and I also just want to say this

Whenever you do decide to hang up the cleats There's a transition period that's that's super Different I'm not going to say hard because I don't want to put any experience on to what yours might be But there's a transition period that you will go through that I will be here for. And I want that to be known by both of you. Nobody told me that when I retired. I didn't have somebody to be like, am I going wildly not here or like, is this normal? And we will be here for you. And I just think that what you're doing with your own lives and the decision you made to bring Sloan

and make a family for yourself is one of the most brave and beautiful things that I admire the most of you both. To do it while you're still playing and to create this ridiculous, gorgeous family. You guys are so good looking. It's ridiculous. Yeah. So annoying.

But remember that time that they thought that we were them just to circle back. Here we are. So perfectly beautiful. So no, what are you talking about? This is so nice to hear from you both. We can do hard things. Remember.

Yes. Abby. But we admire. It's hard learned anything from Glennon. Far is we can do hard things. We come together together. We admire you both. We love you both and we just appreciate everything you do for the community for us as individuals and in a family. We just look up to to both of you and just appreciate everything you do. So I want to make sure we say that and we value you so much. So we love you. Please come back. Bring the baby.

Bring the baby. Listen, we are coming. We're going to do around the couch. It's going to be called around the couch. We're going to be folding Abbie's long underwear. I probably won't. Like we did. You were at least, at least, being strong and baby. I don't know. I'll probably be doing something. And if during this transition time that you're talking about,

if you need to spend a lot of time reaching into your psyche or whatever, I can babysit. Yes. We will hold you to that. Thank you. We can't wait to come visit. All right. We love you both so much.

Thank you for this hour. We loved every minute. Thank you for who you are in the world. We will be in your corner forever. That's right. Thank you. And to the rest of you, well, it'll never get better than that.

So I hope you enjoyed this last hour and we will see you back here next time when we can do hard things. Bye. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle. I walked through a fire I came out the other side I chased desire I made sure I got once my And I continued to believe that I'm the one for me, And because I'm mine, I walk the line. Cause we're adventurous and heartbreak So man, a final destination

That we stopped asking directions And some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be known We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain That our life's spring We can do a heartache I hit rock bottom It felt like a brand new star

I'm not the problem sometimes things fall apart And I continue to believe the best people are free And it took some time, but I'm finally fine. Cause we're adventurers in heartbreak. So man, a final destination with that. We stopped asking directions So places they've never been And to be loved we need to be known But finally find our way back home

And through the joy and pain That our lives spring We can do a hard thing This is a great place to be. This is a great place to be. This is a great place to be. This is a great place to be. This is a great place to be. We're only in that stop-dasking directions Some places may have never been

And to be loved we need to be known We'll finally find our way back home and through the joy and pain That our lives bring We can do hard things Yeah, we can do hard things Yeah, we can do our thing. We can do hard things, is produced in partnership with Kaden's 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts,

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