We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - EASY FRIDAYS: Trick or Treat

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

No digging deep. No paradigm shifts to be found. Welcome to Easy Fridays. P.S. Thanks to @ohnochels & @dmc1138 for the haunted house laughs. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot, or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby, or counting your breaths on the subway. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are whenever we need it, download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier, or we start we're starting. I was born ready. Okay, I was born ready. Okay. I know I don't know what's happening. Well, look, I'm just trying to get far right now. We're trying to have a I do hate joy. I do hate joy. I do hate joy. I do hate joy.

But I'm working on it. It's Friday. Okay. Here's the deal. Let's go. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. I'm surrounded by freaking joyful people. My coffee's not done.

My coffee is my joy, and it will be inside of me soon. Welcome to Easy Fridays. We can do hard things, pod squad, and we have proven it again and again, every hour after hour after hour with these paradigm shifting conversations. Today, there will not be a paradigm shift to be found. Thank God. All right, it's an easy Friday.

Unless it's like a super undercover one. No, no shit, it's been somehow like a super secret one. This day is a day for me. I just feel deeply like I'm so connected to this easy Friday. When we record for Thursdays and Tuesdays, I'm like, I don't know if I know this shit. Thank you for doing this easy Fridays for somebody like me. I think it's funny to say Thursdays and Tuesdays. I don't. I went backwards. I just I went backwards in my mind. Because guess what? I can do whatever the fuck I want. It's easy Fridays day. We're so crazy. We're reverse chronological. It's so crazy.

I've been here on Friday. That's the joy of easy Fridays. I'm kind of scared because we all know that I actually I can do hard things. I'm good at doing hard things, but I cannot do easy things that everyone else can do. That is correct. Oh my god. That is so correct. That might be like the perfect difference between you and me. Yeah. You are really good at doing hard things and I am really good at doing easy things. You are really good at doing hard things, and I am really good at doing easy things. It's interesting. I think like winning a Olympic gold medal,

like easy things like that. Yes, but it was easier for me. It was easier for me. I will give you that. It was easier for you than it would have been for me. Yeah. I will give you that. So here we are going into Halloween weekend,

speaking of scary things. Okay, scary. I want to tell you people and dogs if you're listening. I'm sure they are. What happened to me this weekend when we are speaking of scary things? Because I want to give you an example of not being able to do easy things. A lot of people can go to airports successfully, get on their planes, do all the things.

Going to an airport by myself for me, you know those memes that are going around right now that are like a haunted house, but for me, an airport is a haunted house. I don't, it's so much chaos, there are so many things that could go wrong, they often do go wrong. There's lots of people moving fast, yelling, in the midst of a lot of external chaos like that. I tend to go internal. And that is the worst thing that can happen at an airport because then you're constantly missing

your gate. You find you see a bookstore. You see it as a as a haven of joy and peace and comfort. You go into the bookstore and then the next thing you know, your plane is gone. So at the airport this last week, I stress out, I go to the wrong gate, I only have a few minutes to go to the next gate, I go up to the gate person and I say, oh, this isn't the right gate, is it? And she goes, it's not, but we can do hard things.

Oh, did she realize that's funny? The point is, She goes, it's not, but we can do hard things. Oh, did she realize that's funny? The point is, you're like, that's not helping me right now. Exactly. So I make it to my destination and I go into the hotel and I'm so proud of myself because I have made it through this situation, okay? But the hotel is a whole nother plethora of strange new experiences every time.

Right? So I go into the hotel bathroom. It's nighttime now. I have made it. All my stuff is in. I've got actually Bravo on the television. I go into the bathroom and I open up the little room where the toilet is. And this toilet is sitting there.

It looks like a spaceship. I don't know how to explain it. There's like buttons and little lights all over it. And I open up the thing and the toilet seat rises magically. And so I'm like, what is happening? Now something will probably happen, but I sit down on the toilet. and then I look to my left and there's this panel of buttons. Okay, it's just a panel of buttons. And I think maybe I just was drunk with my own power because I had made it through this day and I thought I could try something different.

Now when I, you know what I'm saying? I should have kept, you can't, you can't try something different, oil. I can't try something different. How many times do we have to learn? No, and what's? I should have kept, you can't, you can't try something different oil. I can't try something different. How many times do we have to learn? No, and what's amazing is I have not told you this story yet since I've only told two people. Are you serious?

Seven doses or oh, this is my most exciting moment. So I don't know what's happening with these buttons. Now, what I lose my mind in the face of technology. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just assume it's not gonna work. So what I always do, which drives amicurets, is that I just push all the buttons. So annoying. I just push all the buttons. Certainly, if I just push all of them, I'll hit the right one, right? Yeah, you're covering all your beats. If I don't know which one to

push, probably what to work out well is if I push 12 of them. That's right. Many times each. That's right. Right? So I push all the buttons. The next thing that happens is I'm sitting on the toilet and a geyser shoots into my ass. OK. The effing toilet water attacks my ass. Okay. Have you already peed in it?

I already peed in it. Okay, so your own piss is being shut up. No, no, no, no, it's coming from a different source. So, Well, we don't know, but she's personal with that. That's interesting, but I just want to be clear that it's not pee water.

I thought it was going to flush. Okay, I don't think anything is clear, Abby. Nothing's clear. All right, so here's what happens to me. I'm attacked by the toilet from the bottom up. Okay. My brain goes literally. Yeah, my brain goes, oh, this must be one of those

situations that they call a bidet. Okay, right? This is some kind of mechanical bidet. But once again, I've pressed so many buttons that they think I need the extra charge melt the sous viance. So it's continuous. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sister. Yeah, because that'll stop it. Yeah. This is the looking guy though. Sister, I was on a thing the day, guys are ass attacker. Probably seven minutes.

Okay. I could not get off because it was shooting so high like the guys are that I thought, well, I'm gonna, the whole hotel room's gonna flood. Better my ass than these guys. It's like a colonoscopy. We will, we will wait. I have like a colonoscopy. I have a question.

Yes. It is there normally where there's peanut butter, there's jelly. Normally where there's a bidet, there's a toilet. Was there another structure that looked less? No, like there was one toilet. Yeah, so this is a... Oh, it was like the European washer dryers. Yes, it was all one. So Glenn and I are sitting on this toilet. Yeah, so this is a, oh, it was like the European washer dryers. Yes, it was all one.

So Glen and I sitting on this toilet. And she doesn't have a phone because she didn't go to the bathroom with her phone. Because I sure as hell would have called that. And she's just sitting there. She's just sitting there. She's just sitting there. And then at one point, I kept pressing the button that said, oscillating.

So then the guys are would move from my vulva all the way back to my ass and back and forth guys are in me from front to back. What was that nice? It sounds kind of nice. No, it wasn't nice. It wasn't a talk. She wasn't expecting it. She didn't know what she was getting.

Why? I just didn't know how I was ever going to get out. Okay. So in my mind, I'm like, what am I going to have to call the people and say, I'm sorry, but your but day attacked me and there's nothing else I could do. So can you come up and turn it off? Anyway, right.

So I finally have pressed and I stopped doing anything. I remember that line from this. Well, that was a good call. Yes. How many minutes did it take you to figure out how to stop doing at least five solid minutes? Now, five minutes doesn't sound like a lot until you've been sitting on a guy's okay. So I was actually worried for my own health. I was like what is this okay? Is it okay? So I very sheepishly get off the toilet. Climb into bed. I decide to stop doing

anything. I was just basically in bed peeing for hours. Like it was just like coming out. Oh my god. Because what goes up must come down. Oh my god. I told you. Mm-hmm. I could not stop laughing.

This is why it's so dangerous to leave the house. You know, new experiences, so many buttons, so many gates, so many buttons so many gates so many noises So many things that could get terrified. Yeah, that's terrifying. So haunted house, but it's Toilet with 12 buttons buttons exactly. Oh my gosh. Have you seen those haunted house memes that are going around? Oh my god. I love it. I pulled some because I think they're so funny a haunted house But it's just receiving a text message that says, oh, God, with no, with no, um, punctuation, nothing.

That's the worst. That's, oh, no, Charles. The second I, anyone says, call me. We need to meet. I just assume everyone's mad at me. Well, I mean, yesterday one of our kids texted us and it was like, hey, could you call me for a minute? Everything's fine. Just, I love yesterday one of our kids texted us and it was like, hey, could you call me for a minute? Everything's fine. I just love the chit chat.

You read it to me and I was like, oh my gosh. What do you think is wrong? Yeah. Our kids says nothing's wrong. Everything's good. Don't worry. And we hear something terrible has happened. Call me right now.

Yeah. That's correct. That's correct. A haunted house, but it's a room full of people who have literally told you their names three seconds ago, but then the person you're with asks you to introduce. It's gone. Terrifying. Nobody remembers names.

We should all have like one name that we just go with. We should all have the same name. Also, and we should all have the same name. And then this is the thing of nightmare. So brace yourself, a haunted house, but it's just a coffee shop that only serves D-Cat. No, that's not a coffee shop. One of the things that I think is important

about Halloween that I just really wanna talk about, why do we want to terrify ourselves? Oh my God. Like, what is this about? I remember when I was a kid and it was like fun and exciting, but like, now that I'm an adult, I'm like, that's just actually traumatic. I know.

I'm convinced it's just that people just want to feel something. Like, everybody's just like a little bit dead inside and it takes somebody jumping out with a frickin' chainsaw and a scary mask to like feel something. I for one don't need that extra just a toilet scare. This should at least. I mean, I just remember those haunted hay rides that like, oh my God. And the people would come up with a chainsaw. And I was too young to understand that there was no chain on the saw. I was terrified. I know. It's so

weird. I don't get it. Some people are so weird. It is weird. We have a kid who's so into it, so into the terrifying movies. For me, a haunted house, but it's just actually a haunted house. Yeah. Like walking around with anything jumping out at you. Yeah, those mirror houses, those mirror, like where you can't get out.

And I never was one of those people that could see the exit. I was the kid that was like, bam, straight into the mirror, bam. Get out, get out, I'm just gonna sit and just sit in there. And then I'm stuck. Abby, I feel like you like scary movies. Do you like scary movies? No, I mean, when I was a kid, I think it was like a,

I thought watching scary movies was like the gateway to adulthood. So I was like, oh, yeah, I can I can handle this, but now that I'm an adult, I'm like, no, I don't want to be scared. There's way too much horror in the real world to manufacture this shit. Well, I think that you're always watching scary movies, but they're not horror movies. To me, a scary movie is any movie that has a conflict. Yeah, yeah, mystery or like action, right? Any movie that is not a rom-com that I haven't seen already 60 times, I want to watch movies where I know what's going to happen. Because in real life, I don't know what's going to happen.

Why would I also want to enter another experience where I don't freaking know what's going to happen? I want to be able to recite the movie from start to finish. I have seen one situation that I think I was like, oh, maybe this is why people also like scary movies is our daughter, one of our daughter's love scary movies with her friends. And when I peek in on what's going on,

I can see that a scary movie that a bunch of people are watching together creates a together experience. When you're watching a movie with people and everybody's in their own little world, but this scary movie creates these jump scares or whatever where they're all holding each other and responding to each other. So maybe that's it.

Maybe there's like a forced in the momentness and a forced, which is why I don't want it, like a forced in the momentness and a forced connectiveness. why I don't want it, but like a force in the momentness and a force connectiveness. It's almost like wider people like roller coasters. Because it's like, we have a kid who's super brainy and who loves roller coasters. And I always thought, oh, it's because they want to be like getting in their body.

In the body. Yeah. So could that. Yeah, that's true. That's psychologically true. That there, she got, she's got an easy Friday. Scary. What's that? I there. Oh, here she goes. She's got to make easy Friday. Scary. What's that? I said, oh, here she goes. She's going to make easy Friday. Her. She's going to make fun Halloween. Go.

It's a conduit for social bonding. There's this all of this study by Zang in of Johns Hopkins. And it was consuming horror in a group, bonds and connects family and friends because it is linked to oxytocin. That's the hormone that is these feelings of closeness and affinity. So when you watch horror movies with your friends, you are all experiencing oxytocin together and then you feel a sense of closeness with them. That makes sense. That's so great.

Yeah, cool. I get that. All right. All right, Halloween. But I think there's something that's happening with you, Glenin, which is this, there's all of this stuff that says that you could only like horror and scary things if you have what's called a protective frame. And it's this idea that you can only get pleasure

from being horrified if you have these things where you know that you are physically safe and that you can detach from what's happening. It's not real. And that you can save yourself from whenever the situation it is. And so this is this makes sense, right? This is why people who have experienced war don't watch war movies.

They did studies where they showed that like the higher the GDP, the more like wealth and ease of conditions, the greater consumption of horror, even if it's equally available, because the idea is that you don't have the psychological protective frame. Your life is too scary to be able to disassociate from what you're watching, which is why highly empathetic people. Yes, because what do I say? That's true.

It makes me so mad every time you say what? Don't be afraid. It's not real. It's not real. And I like, that is so not true. This is real for somebody somewhere. This murder that's happening on my Netflix. It's not real right now to that actor. But this thing that they're play acting, a bunch of people have experienced all over the world in this moment. It is real. It's all real. It's all I'm saying. Yeah. It is to show you the truth. It is to do more in pathetic. You are the the less you like these things. Yep.

And women like it less. And I think that is not coincidental to the fact that women are very often like being pursued and stalked and killed and all these people. It's like, why do we like that? And by the way, can we do an episode at some time about like the date lines and the true crying everywhere? I will. I'm gonna, I, Abby, I'm saying I will head host. Oh, well, you'll have to look out. It won't be there.

It is my head hosting job now to do because I love the murder mystery stuff. I am so into it and it's because I am not as empathetic as you do. We're going to have different approaches to that episode. So you do it. You do it for all those people that like that shit. Okay. I do think that part of it, though, there's like this excitement and joy. And then there's this like anticipation and terror. And for me, I think the feeling is like relief post intensity relief. Yeah. And for me, I don't

know the difference between happiness and relief. Like, it's the same thing. I'm like every, oh god, thank god that bad thing didn't happen. Just over and over and over all day long. Yeah, I feel like we need to work on that though too. Because that's adrenaline, fight or flight up and down relief, totally. Get that. And then there's this like kind of contentedness situation that is not that, right? But I get that completely. Relief is the happiest thing.

I'm Jonathan Menevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class. My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I want to talk about it. That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat?

You know, trailer food. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself. Classy.

A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. We have some pod squatters. We have called in. Oh good. They're Halloweeny-weeny. Halloweeny-weeny. Scary things.

Halloweeny-weeny. Scary, happy theme. Wonderful. Let's hear from Amanda. Hey, Glenin and Abby and Sister. I was listening to your creativity chemistry and planning podcast. I just had to stop creativity, chemistry, and plain-ing podcast. I just had to stop it and say thank you because it's exactly what I needed to hear today.

By the way, my name's Amanda too. And about just you needing to have fun, and I need to have fun and plain it. And sometimes that means either out loud but probably more in my mind telling people to fuck off. For example, I love dressing up in costumes and Halloween, what greater time to dress up? Well, in past years, I have children. I dress up and I dress up with my kids. And I've had moms literally kind of make fun of me for dressing up. Like, who are you to dress up? This is about the kid.

And so I was doubting if I should do it this year. And your podcast and just listening to sister talking about the flame and Adi saying, like, do one thing every day. Just made me think, you know what? Yeah, fuck off. So I'm gonna dress up. I'm gonna dress up not because my kids want me to and not because anyone else wants me to

or does it want me to, but because it's fun for me and I like it, so fuck off. Yes! Anyway, thank you to show the support of your podcast podcast and just reminding all of us what is important and that it is important to have fun. And sometimes people are so afraid to have fun themselves that they judge other people who are having fun. That's right.

That's Amanda. That's right. That's right. And if anybody gives you the side eye, fuck off. Just tell them. But don't you think with anything where people are doing what they want to do, it unsettles the ecosystem because it's like,

but you can't just go around doing whatever you do. And I'm mad that I see you doing what you want to do because I'm restraining myself from doing what I want to do in a totally different sphere or late. Yes. I love dressing up. I love dressing up for Halloween. By the way, this doesn't just extend, I think, to the Halloween thing. Amanda was going to not dress up or was considering it because she got sort of made fun of for dressing up. And I'm sure it was like in a subtle way. But how many times do we kind of self-police,

not even in dressing up? Just like, I wanna put this on today, or I wanna wear this eyeliner, or I wanna wear no makeup, or constantly doing that. But I feel that, I feel that so much. I don't, I did this speaking event last week and I had to put on the suit and I was like, why do I have to do this? I don't, well, I feel like I have a costume on. Why can't I just go to this thing and just wear what I want to wear? You can. No, I

don't feel like I can. I think I went and I was, no, you wear a suit jacket or something. I don't, not every time. Sometimes I do because I'm feeling a little bit more like dressing up. And I love to feel like you just do what you want. It's always only because I know for me and the person that, when I go out into the world, I know that I'm giving somebody else permission to do the same. I think that people going to these, you know, conferences or whatever that I'm giving somebody else permission to do the same. I think that people going to these conferences or whatever that I'm speaking at,

when I get up there and I'm wearing casual, oftentimes the entire says business casual. And I just take the casual to the to the end degree. You see it as a 5% right? Yeah, you see it as business or casual. I choose casual. Yeah, yeah. What are they gonna casual. Yeah, I choose casual. Yeah. Yeah. What are they going to say? Like you're dressed in appropriately? No. And so when I'm up there,

I know that there is another person who might look like me or might feel like they want to be a more comfy. So you don't have to. And did you say sister that you love dressing up for Halloween? Did I just say that? You do? Yeah. Oh my God. Are you gonna dress up this year? Well, yes, but I haven't figured out what yet. So I have like two days. I think you would make a good witch. I have heard that more than what. I wanted to say this one thing. Amanda, the person who called in. One of my friends, long ago,

she was a massage therapist on the national team. Angie, she and her husband got married in Wonder Woman and Superman costumes. Wow. Wow. It looks amazing. And she posts it, this picture, every year, on her social.

I remember looking at it for the first time being like, what did she do? She's going to totally... Oh. She doesn't, she does it every year. She posts it and it's like, oh, those are people that are of joy. And they are doing what they want. Yes.

Nobody said to them, you must wear a Superman and a Wonder Woman. It came from inside the neighborhood building by design and not default. Yes. Oh my God, you've just struck on something. How it is weird as shit. Yes. When you think about it, that for a celebratory day, that's so weird that everyone's wearing the exact same shit.

Yep. It is weird. It is so weird that everyone's wearing the exact same shit. Yep, it is weird. It is so weird. These weird little costumes that you wear on the most important day of your life. And you're like, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm just going to stand here uncomfortable the whole fucking day because these pictures are going to matter. And Angie, my friend, is proof that that is not true.

I think we should go to the next color. All right, let's hear from Leslie. Hi, my name is Leslie. I am a therapist. I am about to sit for my LCSWGM here in Virginia. And I wanted to talk to you that I did not know how to say no to things, even though I tell my clients all the time to say no. And I had a mini breakdown warning because I had signed up to do trick or fucking trunk trees. I don't know what it's called. But I signed up because I wanted to be that mom. And I had said yes. I'll be the thing that I didn't want to do, but I felt like I should do it because I wanted to be that mom. And I said yes, and I'm not creative. And I was panicking about it and I got the emails giving me the instructions about how to do it and I freaked out because I have this big exam coming and I don't have enough time to study anyway

and I was sitting in the bathroom crying and I decided I can stay now. Yes. And I texted my wife who was in the other part of the house and I and she said no you can do it and I said no. Yes. As I texted my wife who was in the other part of the house, and she said, no, you can do it. And I said, no, I don't have to do it because the podcast told me I can say no. So I don't have a question. Well, actually I've lost the question, but I'm not gonna ask any of them.

Thank you all. And you know, like everyone else, that you are light in the world. And I listen to you every week and you help me be a better therapist. And I appreciate that. Thank you. I love her so much. I love her. I love her. So what is she talking about the Halloween trunk or treat? Oh my god. It's where you go and there's a parking lot and then everybody opens up their trunks and then the kids go around and they take candy out of the trunk.

Is this to like, but it's not just that. You have to decorate the shit out of it and you have to be... See, this is a question. I have so many questions. Yeah. Like, Leslie, I have many questions. Why are we always making things more? Exactly.

Like, why? It used to be you just looked around your house, put some shit on you. That's right. When around the neighborhood. And now it's like your house, put some shit on you. That's right. Went around the neighborhood. And now it's like, well, that's not good enough. Yeah. That's not festive enough. We have to have the trunk or fucking treat.

Yes. And we have to have a school Halloween. And we have to have a home Halloween. And we have to have parts just like a Halloween. Here's the other thing I will say. My first of all, she said she's not creative. She is a social worker in the making. That is the most cringotively fucking creative.

You know what else is creative? Sitting in your freaking bathroom and texting your wife, I'm not doing it. That's creative. I love that shit. Yes, I'm not ready to sit back. And it's to face. So I will text it from the bathroom.

Right. And I also love this thing. Her wife says, you can do it. Okay, let's stop right there. Of course we can fucking do it. Exactly. We can do anything. The question should not be, can you do it?

Can you pull it together to get it done? Can you make it happen? Can you gather your resources and get the 47,000 things done? That is not the question. The question is, should you? Do you want to do this? Yes. Yes. And she says, I don't want to do that. Of course I can do it. I don't want to do it. I love it. I love it. I feel like if more people said, know that they didn't want to do it, then we would all stop doing the extra more stupid things

that nobody wants to do in the first place. Because there's a wider question, I don't want to do that, but also like what Abby just said, should we even be doing this in the first place? That's right. If all the people were like, actually I just want to do the basics,

then we'd free up all this. Here's what I want to say. This is one thing that I have actually learned. Because how do we not get in our situation, the situation where we are constantly signing up for things that we don't want to do? I have learned that I have to say to myself, when someone proposes, do you want to do this thing?

Or will you do this thing? Do I want to do it today? Or tomorrow? How, if this thing. Will you do this thing? Do I want to do it today? Or tomorrow? Mm-hmm. How, if this thing were tomorrow, what I want to do it. It's a good barometer. Okay, because what I'm always doing is saying yes to something four months from now, because I constantly think I'm going to become a different version of myself by then. Yeah.

Who would want to do the type of thing that someone's asking me. But I've never become a different version of myself ever. If you don't want to do it type of thing that someone's asking me. But I've never become a different version of myself ever. If you don't want to do it today, you're not going to want to do it four months from now. Well, I agree with your philosophy on some level, but I also think that there are things that we do want to do that are hard that even today, I'm like, I really don't want to do it. So I also think that we have to go beyond just the day and think, will I have wanted to do this thing in five years?

Will it be that important? Okay. Here's what I think we think. We think, no, but I want to do the decorate, even for people who do want to do the decorating, Godspeed. I love many friends that are like that, and I love them, and they are magic makers and yay. But if you are the type of person who doesn't want to do that thing, but you do it

because you think it's tied to joyful family connection and experience. What I have found is when I do those extra, extra things that the world tells you you have to do to be a good mom. When I don't want to, I end up being bitter, and tired, and annoyed, and that ruins the family connection. That could have happened if I would have just shown up, not done all the extra things,

and had a little bit more relaxation in peace about it. Yeah, it's- Because the kids never asked for all that shit. It's preventing the connection, because you're pissed and bitter, and so then when you get into the moment, you're just like exhausted, and you're actually not in the connection. Yeah.

All right, let's hear from Jesse. Hi, this is Jesse last year. I got out of a pretty huge break up with my daughter's father and was exploring dating again. I was seeing a gentleman who lived in a different state and we would trade sexy photos back and forth. And I had sent him a photo back in August and then rolled around Halloween and my daughter and I were at a pumpkin patch with some friends and I made a photo album to send my dad and my mom who lived in North Carolina, far away.

And hello and behold, my eye photo played a trick on me and added one of the sexy nude photos at the very end of the album of my young daughter being cute at a pumpkin patch to which my father instantly said, are you kidding me? The last photo? That was his response to all the beautiful photos of my daughter, who is his 38 year old daughter.

So at 38, I sent my father a new photo. I don't really know if you can talk that. My response was just LOL. Sorry. Sorry. OK. You have a great day. Oh, we will now. We will have a great day now, Jesse.

Oh, so, Jesse gives a whole new meaning to trick or treat. She's like, her iPhone will play the trick on me. Here's a treat pops. That's amazing. First of all, Jesse, hats off to you. People are sent in sexy photos at 38. I know I'm so proud of Jesse. I'm so proud of Jesse.

That is so awesome. I didn't know we still did that. Although I did that when we were first together. I sent you sexy photos to you remember. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Tree tree.

Yeah. I'm also about her squad tree. LOL. I think I love how we say LOL whenever it's the opposite of what we're doing, because sure he's shit neither Jesse or dad were LOLing in that moment. They might never LOL again. Like I don't know if they can.

I don't know if they can LOL ever again. I love Jesse. I don't know what we did before the LOL. Like, just that response to anything, pod squad, just anything, anyone that pisses you off, anything that goes wrong, just channel Jesse, LOL, sorry. And especially if it's in real life yeah if someone comes up to you and says something done us you

just look at them and you say with a completely straight face LOL right and then that's it or we could use Melissa Melissa McCarthy's mom well probably oh we've said it we probably Abby and I have said that to each other 20 times this has to be. Or our first caller, Amanda, we could also use. It's fun for me. I like it. So fuck off. Okay. That's it. If the LOL doesn't work, that's the next move to probably. And if they're still sticking around, it's fun for me. I like it. Fuck program. You're on yellow. You're about to go to fuck off. Okay. Pad Squad, we love you so much. And was it easy?

I thought it was kind of easy. I mean, I'm still sweating as usual, but I don't know. How did you people feel about easy Fridays? I loved it. It's Friday. Everyone have fun. Yeah. Have Friday fun and do what you want to do. And enjoy your trip. I loved it. It's Friday. Everyone have fun. Yeah.

Have Friday fun and do what you want to do. And enjoy yourself. And also, I get a kick out of you. Yeah, get a kick out of you. And one last thing, just a teeny thing. I love it when people do this on Halloween. If you feel like doing this, do it. If you don't, don't.

If it feels like too much. But you know how all the little ones who have severe allergies can never get their Halloween treats. So there's this thing you can do where you find a pateal pumpkin, you put your pateal pumpkin on the front porch. And then the little ones who have severe allergies know that at your house they can get a safe treat. I just think that- What is a safe treat?

Well, anything that doesn't have peanuts in it, I mean, there's a hole that you can find a, you know, you can get non-pencils. You can do tattoos. Yeah, okay, cool. We do a lot of like little games, little notebooks, they're just like any kind of treat thing. Also, let's not do Halloween shaming

for a lot of neurodiverse kids, a lot of kids who have sensory issues. You might see kids that look older than you would expect to have people trick or treating. You might see kids not in costumes. There's a lot of kids for whom sensory issues makes costumes really uncomfortable. And they deserve to have fun and enjoy the day, just like everyone else.

So let's just go ahead and challenge ourselves to not be shaming or policing the people who come to our door and just try to, you know, take that job off our hands. Yeah. And think of our only job is passing out treats. I have a confession to make. Oh, Lord. About Halloween. I have scarcity that no more trick or treaters will come to the door. And so whenever anybody shows up at my door, I give them like, I know. I'm like, take all of them.

I know, why? Just take them all. And then I go run to the store real quick because we're out. We do. We ran twice to the store in the middle of Halloween. I'm like, what is it going on right now with you, Abby? Just give them one piece.

All right, happy Halloween. We love you all. We will see you back here next time. Have an easy Friday. Bye. Boop. Ha. We can do hard things is produced in partnership

with Cadence 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts, especially be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn't, don't worry about it. It's fine. you