We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Fortune Feimster: A Queer Debutante Walks Into a Hooters . . .

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

1. Fortune’s life as a debutante without a couch and her first coming out party.  2. Fortune’s 21st birthday, and her family’s complicated relationship with Hooters.  3. The joys and perils of growing up as an 80s kid, and the shock of moving to LA from a small Southern town.  4. What Fortune was watching when she finally realized she was queer, and how she built community when she realized she was the only gay person she knew.  5. How she learned to let go of being someone she’s not – and starting living to please herself. About Fortune:  Fortune Feimster is a standup comedian, writer, and actor. Her first Netflix special, “Sweet & Salty,” was nominated for a Critics Choice Award, and her new comedy special – “Good Fortune” – is streaming now on Netflix. Fortune was a writer and panelist on the hit show “Chelsea Lately” and starred in “The Mindy Project”. She has also appeared in “2 Broke Girls,” “The L Word: Generation Q,” “Glee,” and “Life In Pieces”. TW: @FortuneFeimster IG: @fortunefeimster To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi everybody, you are in for a treat today because we have Fortune Teamster here. And this team over here is really excited. Oh my gosh, this is a pretty great group right here. I'm telling you. And we're all very good look here. Yes, we are. That's so glad. I've been waiting what?

150 episodes for someone who knows that quickly. Yeah, the smartest one we've had so far. This podcast is called I Candy Today. Yes. I can't really hear things. I knew that was coming. Fortune Fumester is a stand-up comedian writer and actor her first Netflix special sweet and salty. So freaking good. Was nominated for a critics choice award and her new comedy special good fortune. So freaking good. It's streaming now on Netflix.

Fortune was a writer and panelist on the hit show Chelsea lately. The show loves some Chelsea and starred in the Mindy project. She has also appeared in two broke girls, the L word generation queue. Of course. Of course.

Of course. Fortune, welcome. Thank you. This is so cool to be on here. I appreciate it. Oh my, we appreciate you. So the first question that I'm sure everyone behavior comes across pretty quickly. Yeah, I joking the sweet and salty special about it because I never thought that would be something I would reveal to anyone. I thought it would be something I hit deep down in my treasure chest of memories.

But my friend was like, you have to tell people about that. It's crazy because it's not anything I wanted to do or be a part of, but my mom was one and very determined for me to be one. Literally was working at a recreation apartment in town, lining softball fields, and then leaving and going to like, you know, these parties where you eat little sandwiches.

This is culture is so amazing. You need to tell us my sister has tried to explain it. She went to college, you know, these parties where you eat little sandwiches. This is culture is so amazing. You need to tell us, my sister has tried to explain it. She went to college in the South and so she has friends. Yeah. Who did all of this extravaganza? It's amazing. What happens? Yeah, it's very like ladylike.

Like you have to wear like a dress or a skirt, which I had. No, no. And my mom, I think, maybe go to like Lane dress or a skirt, which I had none of. And my mom, I think, made me go to like lane Bryant or something and buy lots of stuff with shoulder pads. Luckily, a friend of mine did it with me and so we would just like have fun, but it was a lot of like shaking hands and thanking people for having us to their home

and thank you for the iced tea. It was like, yeah, a lot of manners. And what's the point of it? Yeah. You're being introduced to society as an available wife. I guess, honestly, I'm not read the history of it because I'm too scared to. I don't want to know. Tell us. Fortune, this is your, that came from this. So the whole thing started in England. It was this idea of when aristocracy children of aristocracy and very wealthy means were presented their daughters to the court. This is where we get homecoming court, right? Oh, no. Presented to the kings and queens and court of this, this daughter is now

of breeding age and available for marriage. And there, and the idea was, so debut on his debut, right? Your first coming out. I see. So this is, yes, you're coming out to the world. For Jim, did you know it was called a coming out party? Oh, I wrong. Yeah, I said I came out twice. The first one was just the wrong

coming out. The opposite in fact, I knew I was being presented to society, but I honestly didn't know what that meant. Right. And I, yeah, at the right page of I-18 was not ready to A get married or big get married to a man. Yeah. So I'm glad that it was only in practice. Like, oh, we're gonna do this for like the like fun party. Right. But no one, I wasn't promised to anyone. And your mom was into it. Your mom. But I was so into it. Right. Because my family had come from money. My grandfather was this very prominent contractor. He built all these things all over North Carolina, schools, churches, houses.

But he died unexpectedly. My grandmother made some bad business decisions. There were a lot of things. So that's how my came up. We had no money. And so there was this big juxtaposition of like, my mom came from this world. And I am not in that world. I would say that I would come home and like the couch would be gone.

And I was like, where's the couch? And she's like, I had to pay for that. Every job party. Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Is that not the epitome of like, here's your fancy dress. So go out there and look rich and try to get rich. But don't try to count because we have nothing. I mean, our house was empty and I was going to Debbie Tump parties because you have to pay

for all this stuff. And I was like, Mom, we don't have any money. Like, we can't do this. You have to buy a big white wedding gown for this ball. And that's a huge, a actual wedding gown I'm wearing. I hit nuts. And I say that my brother walks me down the aisle and it takes to know it looks like we're getting married. There's so much wrong with it. Wow. And so against my personality and anything that I want to be a part of.

It's amazing. I mean, the whole Southern culture is so fascinating. Can you tell us about your grandmother about the bridge games? Because this feels like part of the ritual that is so ingrained in Southern culture, which is so beautiful and brutal. Tell us about the bridge games that you used to. But my grandmother was such a lady, like, very, like I said, prominent lady back in the day, but when I was young, she used to have bridge games over to her house, and it was this whole to-do, and all these proper ladies had their bridge tables.

And they would kind of march us in to, I would say the pleasure we did. And we had to learn how to properly shake a hand, you know, look someone in the eye and like make it a strong handshake. And then we had to like go around and ask everyone how they, I mean, it was like six, six or seven years old. Yes, my am, no, my am. I had that fixed seven accent. Yeah, like do you need anything else to drink? Okay. Talk about why the hell the pledge of allegiance was required before. Honestly, don't know.

And she got older. she stopped doing that thing and she loosened up a bit. She wasn't as like rigid. She was very in the manners and how you're supposed to act. And so my brothers and I have great manners. We're always like, except for eating, I a little like a bit of a beast. That did not stick with me.

But why is always like, why are you licking your fingers? You were a debut-tot. You should know this. This is my favorite part of the whole thing because we have this southern emphasis on ritual and respect and the debut-tot lady. So obviously this family that has these southern values would spend your birthday Where that's where would you spend it? Fortune would you spend it on a tea room? We would not go to a tea room. We actually went to hooters It was my 21st birthday and

My I was in the closet Because you know being from the South, I just didn't have examples of gay people. I didn't know any gay people. I went to a very small, ironically, women's college, where you think you would just be chock full of lesbians. Not the case, you guys. That's it.

Of course you can't catch a break. I've picked the one women college with no lesbian. So I was a late bloomer and I remember my family wanted to take me to Hooters because it was like a place that we've gone to many times before. But this was back when if it was your birthday at hooters, they would like six hooters' waitresses would grab you and parade you around the restaurant. And this one hooters was at the top of its game. It was very popular.

Now everyone's like, yeah, boobs, we've seen them. But back then everyone was like, boobs. So I'm telling everybody, like, do not tell them, But back then everyone was like boobs. So I'm telling everybody, like do not tell them, it's my birthday. I don't want that attention because the place was packed with these like old school guys, and I'm like, they don't wanna see me

being paraded around that much. The Hooters' wish is that's, so my brother's girlfriend told them, and sure enough, they came and grabbed me and walked me around the hooters, and I always said it felt like a gay sailing witch trial where I was about to get scarlet letter in the town hall,

because they grabbed a bar stool. This was a tradition back then, and they make you stand on this bar stool in the middle of the restaurant. All these guys were like, what's, what's happening here? And the girls circle around you and your president is that they jump up and down and you get to look down from your perch and see boobies flopping.

That's your president. Happy birthday, fortune. So I just could not believe it, that that was my present. And my whole family was like cheering and taking pictures. And but cheering and taking pictures of fortune on the bars to looking at boobs.

And no one knows that fortune is gay still including fortune. Well, my brothers claim that fortune is gay still including fortune. Well, my brothers claim that they had a pretty good idea, but my mom totally thought I was like looking for a husband. But my mom was out to lunch. She did not put food together. Maybe that's why she could do to you to hooters. She's like one of these guys.

She's got, yeah. I mean, even when I came out to her, she's like, are you sure? I'm like, I'm pretty sure. But your brothers, when you came out, said, I came out to my brothers. I was like, you guys, I'm gay. And my brother said, yeah, the, and I was like, well, you know, thanks for telling me that. Yeah. And then I go, well, why, why did you think I was gay this whole time?

What, you know, what gave that away? And he said, well, once when you were seven, you got hit with a soccer ball and you yelled, Oh, my dick. And I was like, what? It was wild. But you lived in North Carolina. And I was like, what? It was wild. But you lived in North Carolina. When did you move to LA? I moved to LA after college.

I graduated college when I was 22. I moved to Spain for a year, randomly, to live and teach English, and then after that. So I moved to LA in 2003. Okay, so you get to LA, what was that like, moving from your small town to LA? I mean, a total shock. I think if I had not gone to Spain for a year,

I would have arrived to LA and left like six months later. But I think because living in Spain was so hard and there was that language barrier that I was like, well, if I can do that, I think I can do anything because when you talk about doing hard things, that was very difficult. And the whole time I was like, why am I here? I don't know what I should do this. But I think because I was from a small town, my town was like eight or nine thousand people,

my school was tiny. I always just felt like there was more. And I was like, I gotta get out of my bubble. I gotta see what's out there. I gotta learn about the world. I was like, I'm gonna go to Spain. I had no money. I've got like eight jobs at summer and earned the money.

And it was awesome. It was hard, but awesome. I learned so much and grew up so much so that when I got to LA, I was like, well, at least I can understand what people are saying. And so are those. How many people do you think you were teaching English to? I was just tutoring. So it was like maybe only like four. Because I was like going to language school and then tutoring on the side, but I'll tell you this. I am not meant to be a teacher.

My wife was a teacher for 12 years. My mom was a teacher for 30 something years. My wife's mom's a teacher for 35 years. I tutored these young lads. And all they wanted to do was have fun. They wanted to like laugh and play games. And so I would come up with like improv games. These boys came from a very prominent family. I don't think they were allowed to have much fun. No one told me that the six-year-old

had like homework every week and tests every week in English that I was supposed to be helping him with. No one told me this. So every week, we're just having fun, learning about animals and things in English. So it's my last day. I'm about to leave Spain forever. And the nanny tells me that the six-year-old has failed English. And I was like, hmm, I have to go.

I have to go. That is existage Left. But it makes me laugh thinking about these kids walking around Spain having like the southern draw. Yeah. Do they have a car line accent? I cannot believe in hindsight they hired me because this is a family that definitely wants their kids to speak like British English, not this. So I don't know what they were thinking because,

oh, those poor boys. They're watching the job interview now going, Hey, yo, yeah, hi, yo. Yeah. So best year of their life, they had more fun than ever, but did not learn anything. Thanks, look. I'm Jonathan M. Hevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class.

My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I wanna talk about it. That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat? You know, trailer food. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing,

and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself. Classy. A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. So you get to LA. This was like pre-GPS, right? Yes. So you did some kind of strange things to find your way around. And is it true that you found a bunch of L word bootlegs on Craigslist? Oh my gosh. You really did a deep dive. Yeah, I did. Wow Yeah, so I was living in a light and that was pre-GPS. So that's when you were given a Thomas guy A book of grids. Yeah, you were just supposed be like, I need to go to like the Grove.

See nine. I know. Like what? So yeah, I was like finding my way out here and I was not out yet. I think I was obviously something was bubbling inside of me because I remember that's when they had the gay pride weekend on the like local access channel.

I'm like, what's this? But again, I didn't know any gay people. I didn't know many people at all in LA. And so I was just curious about the world and what it meant to be gay. And I just wanted some like information. And the L word I think was maybe like one season in. And I didn't have show time because I was poor. They could not afford it. So yeah, you could buy bootleg copies of it on Craigslist. And I bought the entire first season of the L word on Craigslist, and it just showed up. And it was just those blank DVDs.

There was eight of them or something. I'm like, all right. And so I put it in and just it blew my mind. I mean, not even the like salacious part of it, which shit had plenty, just like seeing women go get coffee together or be in a relationship or have these friendships. Like I had never seen that before

in the terms of a gay world, a lesbian world. And that, I was like, oh my God, that's the thing. I've been missing, or you know that kind of thing. And I didn't come out still right away, but it definitely like got that going for me, or where I was like, well, this looks pretty fun. Yeah, I remember that time. Yeah.

Yeah. So did you, you watched it back then too? No, because I for sure did. I knew I'm maybe figured Abby just. She's new. I knew I missed that whole way. I wanted to be Shane. And also I moved to LA shortly thereafter around the same time as you.

And I kept going to the places that I saw on the screen. And I'm like, where the fucking lesbians? Oh, we'll be fortunate. Fortune. So tell Abby what you signed up for in order to find the gaze. Well, once I came out, I was like, I got to find gay people to like show me the way. So I started joining like all these teams, like sports teams.

I joined a soccer league. I was like, there's gotta be lesbians in the soccer league. There are. Yeah, and I joined a softball league. That's all there they are on the nose. There they are. Yeah. Because soccer is like, there's lesbians and then there's also straight girls.

I just want to have fun. Yeah. And then I joined an African drumming class in Venice. I was like, I'm going to meet some lesbians here for sure. Wow. Yeah. I just started spreading my gay wings. Good to have anus of you.

But it wasn't the outward that even made you like so many of us. What did it take for you for you? Yeah, what was the odd moment? So the odd moment is very embarrassing. I would love to be able to tell you that some amazing lesbian walked up to me and just laid one on me and rocked my world. That did not happen. That took a very long time to happen.

What happened was I was at my house flipping through the TV channels and I came upon a lifetime movie called The Truth About Jane. Oh my God. And it was this girl in high school who was kind of in this coming out journey and she was trying to figure out who she was and her mom played by Starkard Channing was very like boo. She did not agree or support this. But the girl had a gay teacher who was very supportive and very attractive. It wasn't like that. It wasn't inappropriate, but I can say it. To you it was. Exactly. So then the girl eventually realizes she's gay and comes out and is very proud. And I think gives like a speech or something at her school and then her mom's like loves her and proud of her. And I was sitting there watching this like 17 year old,

go through this journey and be very brave. And here I was, I think it was like 25 or something. And I was like, oh my God. And I set out out for the first time in my life. I was like, I'm gay. And it was all from watching this lifetime movie. And I was like, are you kidding me? This is the thing. This is the catalyst that made me finally say it, but that's the truth. That's the truth about fortune.

That's the truth about fortune. For sure, that's the title of this episode. Yeah. Were you scared? Were you ecstatic? Were you like, how did the aftermath of that realization go for you? I was like a lot of things. I was scared about how my family would react. I think I ended up not telling them for like six months. I wanted to like kind of figure out that world a little bit myself before I went

and just, you know, pronounce this thing about myself. But there also was this like giant weight lifted off my shoulder because my whole life I had felt like something was missing. Something's not right. And I don't know what it is. I could never pinpoint it. I could be constantly racking my brain. Like, what is this thing that's missing?

And I never had that thing with guys where I wasn't dating guys. We just had that thing where we'd immediately high five. We had a very grow by which with each other growing up, I was getting rejected in a way that I didn't even realize. I wasn't the object of affection for, you know, guys in that way, so I just didn't have that. So I just remember always feeling a little empty, like I'm missing that love or affection that all these other people have gotten to experience. So I think I was just like, relieve, like,

oh my gosh, I finally know what to even look for now before I just felt like I was just sort of, you know, aimlessly looking around. So it felt like I had a direction now in a weird way. And I felt free. This is who I am. And I get to now be that person and figure out who that person is. And it was a really like lovely thing to feel. And I also started comedy that year. And I don't think it's any accident that both those things found each other in my life at the same time.

Why? Why do you think it took the one to get the other? Because based on how I am as a comedian, I tell my story and I think it would have been really weird to get up there and pretend to be something I'm not. I don't. I think people would have seen through me right away. And that authenticity, which I value and try to share with people would have been missing. And I think that's a big piece of who I am as a comedian. Yeah. Can you imagine me up there like well my boyfriend

Jimmy You just said I can't imagine pretending to be something I'm not but Not to get to anthropological about like the southern lady thing, but you grew up in a world where Sweet ginger your mama would take you to hooters, but then swear to God when she was dating a conservative man that she had never been hooters. And then you're out playing the role of a Debbie time, but you have no couch at home.

So like there's a lot about that life that is sort of pretending to be something you're not, right? So where does that ethos come from you where you're like, no, I need to be fully integrated in who I am? I'm sure that like seeing my mom go through her journey of like trying to be something she wasn't, you know, to please a man, I think that definitely bothered me back in the day. That whole

that I have never been to hooters, you're just like, we have been there my entire life. And now you're trying to act like you're a whole different person. Like I hated that. I hated seeing that. And so I think there was that like probably internal thing of like that. I don't want to live my life like that. I don't want to be somebody I'm not to try to please somebody else. And she eventually grew out of that too. She is not like that either. Because there is a point I think that you reach in your life where you're like I don't want to try to be something I'm not so that you'll like me.

That doesn't feel good. And I think I just got to that place where I was just like, I just want to be me. I know it's taken me a long time to figure out who that even is, but now I have a better idea of that. And that's all I want to be. I don't want to be a debutant. I don't want to be a debut on. I don't want to be straight. I don't want to be whatever it is, you know. I think, and that's

where I think the weight lifted off came from because I didn't have to pretend anymore to, you know, please my mom or whoever it was. It's exhausting. It takes so much more effort to be something that you're not than, and, you know, comedians, I think, have this beautiful way of being truth tellers. And it would be pretty backwards if you got up there and you were like, I'm straight. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking for a guy. Anybody knows who I'm?

Did you're coming, bringing your truth to your mom? Did that proceed her? Because I know where was she in her journey to come into herself? Because I'm wondering sometimes it's like when you say you weren't the objective affection of boys, it made pretending to be that impossible. Isn't it? And your mom was walking that line where she sort of effectively was pretending, was you're coming out a kind of watershed and her just being like fuck it. I'm just not pretending anymore. I'm trying to think where she was at in her life. She was

no longer with that very conservative man who I have a feeling if I had come out earlier, it might not have gone over well because she was in the thick of that relationship and, you know, was really enamored with this person and it had sort of taken over her senses a little bit too much. So I think I had to get to a certain place in my life. And unfortunately, it lined up better with where she was at in her life. So she might have been single at the time. For her, there was acceptance from the beginning, which was amazing. I know not everyone is so lucky. And for her, it was, I'm worried that your life is going to be harder because of this. And there's nothing that you've done that you're just being who you are, but she knew

based on just being a person of the world and how people act. There are going to people that literally hate me because of this piece of information now. And I think that was really hard for her. And it made her sad. Like, I don't want you to have to deal with that. And I go, well, on the flip side, you know, not being who you are is a personal pain that to me is much greater than any hate someone's going to spew at me. I would much rather be happy with myself in my life than, you know, then be like you said accepted by everyone. So I think, you know, it just took a minute to sort of wrap her head around what my life would look like and as a parent you've envisioned like, oh, like my kid's gonna get married and have kids, you know, they have this traditional view probably.

And I think she just needed a minute to like rework that vision. And she did, and she did, didn't she become the president of P flag in her town? She did, yeah, in Gaston County, which is a very conservative area in North Carolina. There was a P-flag group, but it was small and not doing much.

And she went in there and eventually became the president and they were very busy and doing things for years like she would go to gay pride parades and those parents would write posters of support and love for gay people and stand in front of the, you know, the people with the hateful signs and, you know, they would say, like, I love my gay child. Just support. And I would get emails and tweets constantly from people like I saw your mom at this event or this pride parade and my parents didn't accept me coming out and seeing your mom, you know, be that way and love you no matter what it gives me hope and is amazing. I think she did it like gosh like 10 years and she had to finally take a break and the pandemic. I was like, you've done your gay work.

Take a break. Take a break. Last ginger. Yeah, she really resonates with a lot of people because she's a smunky, full of personality woman and just very active and supportive of the gay community. Thank you, ginger. Our mom does that too. Our mom's all over the place. She's planning trans celebrations at her church.

She actually changed churches. She went to from a, what was she sister? She was a Piscopalian. She was Catholic. Then she's a Piscopalian. Then she moved to... Universitarian. It's a... It's a biscopalian, then she moved to universe. Unitarian. It's a, it's a slippery slope.

But the little needle. Yeah, my mom talks about it a lot because she's Methodist and there's been a lot of internal stuff going on with the church. So she's very evocal about that. There's one side that wants to accept, you know, the gay clergy and all that stuff and other side that doesn't. So they're, I don't know where they're at with that right now, but she's always real, real annoyed by it. Thank you for being a noise ginger. We appreciate that. Yeah. She's trying to get those methods to sit straight in a gay way.

Good luck ginger. It's so cool because it's like, it seems like a dramatic shift, but really it's just the refumbling of that energy. Because when it's like all the passion and the sacrifice she was willing to make, she's getting rid of all the furniture in your house, so you could be a debitont trying to like, make your life good, right? The way she sees it.

And then it's just a shift in being like, oh no, this is where she needs me. She needs me over here, instead of over here. And so it's just like a refondling of that passion. That's beautiful. We talk a lot about the, I'm so scared life's going to be so hard for you. I think there's so many parents who out of fear try to change their kid. Right.

Because they're so scared the world's going to be. And so it's a different shift to say, okay, no, I'm not going to change my kid, but I'm going to work to change the world for my kid, which is what your mom chose. Yeah. It's a beautiful, I think it's a better choice. Absolutely. I would agree. And you know, I'm in a weird place.

I didn't just like come out and like I'm living my life back home. I'm a very out there. Take first. And you know, I mean, I'm doing comedy specials where I'm talking about coming out. I'm bringing my wife on stage. I'm sharing very personal things about my life. So it does open you up to get criticism, to get hate, but to get to be that, you know, some representation to be that, you know, some representation for people that I didn't get to have growing up, you know, to me makes it worth it. If you can like help someone in their journey, I think that's so great.

Yeah. So you're not having to bootleg the L word to other game people. I mean, it's so important. I just think anybody who's put themselves on television or in a public way, putting themselves out there as themselves as a gay person in the world, I know that I look back and I think about all of those moments in the late 90s and the early 2000s

that totally changed the trajectory of my life. Yeah. And for you to be doing that now, it's like, I can imagine it's not just like a couple of kids that are getting changed. It's thousands and thousands of people who are looking at you, not only standing up there talking about it, but being proud of it, right? Yeah. I mean, that was a thing that blew me away during the pandemic because my sweet and salty

special came out and then the world shut down a month later. And I found that all these people were starting to watch it with like their parents, and maybe they wouldn't have spent that same kind of time with them otherwise. And I was gonna need so many emails from young people saying like, they were scared to come out, but so they had their parents watch my special

and they would like watch, they would watch their parents watch the special and see if they laughed and like there was joy or, you know, some positivity in their face. And if there was, they came out to them after watching it. And I couldn't believe it. And then on the flip side of that, I had so many parents reach out to me and say, I have this feeling that my kid might be gay.

And so we put on your special to show them that they could like be safe to come out. And I was like, Oh my God, you put this stuff out. You don't think about these things that can come up, come of that in that kind of way and that just, it blew me away that that could have that impact. And I'm really grateful that it did. I feel like that like more than makes up for those four kids in Spain that you screwed up.

Yeah. Thank you. I'm just like a fan of in Spain that you screwed up. Yeah. Thank you. I'm just like a fan of your shoes. I mean, you're getting out. Yeah, you're getting out really well. Let's switch to the opposite of parents who are afraid and shouldn't be.

Can we switch to being children of the 80s and dealing with parents who should have been afraid? She's supposed to. Or not for us. Yes. Yeah, I love it now. Every comedy bit to do some sort of throwback. It's the best.

In my sweet and salty, I talked about being a terrible swimmer. Yeah. Oh my god, that part. And running across the pool. Oh. Which was very true. I still do that. After being tweaking from the six pounds of fun dip,

you had to be able to find it. The fun dip, okay, kids cocaine. Yes. Yeah, so I thought what would be another fun throwback? And I was thinking about how, my wife's, can you go on teacher for 12 years? And she's so good and hands on and very careful with the kids and I'm like thinking like it wasn't like that for me.

And I legitimately found a picture of me in kindergarten class and we were outside hammering, hammering nails. And I'm beside my teacher, so there was supervision, but I'm like, why are five years old? Were we hammering nails? Like that just seems like too soon. Yes. And then it got me thinking about, yeah, the recess out there was just crazy because they did used to have these large tires, these, these random big tires that they would push up this hill in the back of elementary school.

And we would run up there and get into the middle of the tires. And our teachers would push us down these like, I'm not talking like a little tiny hill. I'm talking about like a ski slope size hill. And we were just being like, ah, you know, and crashing into like a wall. It was so dangerous. I got a black eye at one point, when That was in kindergarten. Just because we were just left to our own devices and nobody cared. Nobody cared. I mean, nowadays the school, the teachers would get sued

and you know. You know, it would never happen. And then the metal, the metal, all the metal and the burning hot and the- Oh, the slots are made of aluminum of aluminum melting in the sun. Yes. And the merry go rounds. Oh, really? Someone got stuck underneath it every day. I mean, now you get an ice pack if you have a head, a head.

That's right. I'm like this. I'm like this kid's kneecap. It's just. It's dislocated. It's dislocated. Open. Nothing. But I don't even know if our teachers went outside. I think they just stayed in the room and they were like, the smoky lounge. In the smoky lounge.

Yeah. So I really love like doing that throwback because anyone that grew up around that time was everybody's like, oh yeah, oh yeah, that's how it was. I know, we watched the special with one of our kids the other night, and I look over at her whenever you go to throwback 80s story, and she's just like this. She's like, who glances over, yeah. She's like, no idea, and we're rolling, we're just dying. Yeah, I, it's funny to see people when I talk about the little part about the calculator and writing books. Oh, or a zero.

How long was a good one, too? Wait, was it, I thought it was 6,0065. Is it eight? It's uppercase or lowercase? Yeah, it depends on what you're doing. I mean, uppercaseob kind of a gap. I was a I know, I know. We're at lowercase boom family.

Yeah, but six does work. That is lowercase boom. We live in this little neighborhood and this woman, I just watched her special and then I was outside. My son was playing in the front yard. He's 10 and this woman who's walking across the street from my house and she is, her face is like, belanched, freaking out and she's screaming into my yard and she's going, is that your kid?

My kid's friend had just walked over to our house, okay, lives in five houses down, walking over and she goes, I just saw a kid walking down the street alone. And I was like, wow. And it just made, I'm gonna talk to you especially like this woman is about to call 911 because she's seeing a kid just walking about.

And I was like, I was, yes, she's gonna report it. And when I was that age, I was babysitting actual baby children. Like, we was babysitting actual baby children. Yeah. We used to babysit baby children, maybe like, are you old enough to call 911, but are you young enough to not have your boyfriend come over and make out after you're asleep? Yeah, I think I started babysitting at 10.

Yeah. Yes. I was like calling my grandmother saying how scared I was and can she come over Protect all of us Can you come over and babysit me? You're like I'm not sure this 75 cents an hour is worth the stress It was yeah, because I remember we would leave the house that like you know 10 a.m. on our bikes and be gone till six p.m Yeah, and our parents had no idea where we were and they would walk outside

like it was getting dark and they would yell. My mom would just yell out into the ethers for us to come home and somehow that sound traveled like a mile. And I was like it's time to go home. Yeah, it's dinner. It's food. My mom actually locked us outside. She would lock the door. Yeah, she locked the door. So we'd have to like pee in the bushes and drink water from like the hose tap. I'm so sorry.

Oh my gosh. That's heroic. That's a heroic. It's so different. But, you know, so you. It's different, Tom. Oh, you mentioned Jack's and that she was a teacher. Can you talk to us?

Because you guys are so sweet. And biggie. And biggie. Yeah. Tell us about how you met you and Jax met. We met seven years ago at Chicago Pride. Yeah, I never in a million years saw I would have any significant relationship that came out of pride But it was weird. It was the day after marriage equality passed Which seemed so wild because I remember I was doing a pride show and it passed that day and Everybody that night there was just this electricity of like, oh my god, like we never

thought. We'd get here, you know, and I remember like going through all the ups and downs of Prop 8 in California, I mean, so devastated and gathering in big groups to just sort of have this like, you know, solace with each other. And here it was like, oh my god, how historic. And I had never thought about marriage. Truth be told, I didn't know that I would be lucky enough to have that. I didn't envision it for myself probably because of growing up, not having those relationships. So I felt very hopeful and I remember walking down the Minneapolis airport and there were like, they have it all the time, but it's like a rainbow corridor of lights. And I remember like walking down this being like, holy crap.

We get to get married. That's insane. And then that night I met Jack. I was I walked up to this event. I was there for like maybe 15 minutes. They had asked me to come host and I was watching the performers and she just walked up. She walked up with a friend and started chatting and I thought they were together and we took a picture and I was like, this girl's really cute,

but I guess they were together, oh well. And she came back like 10 minutes later, saying her picture was bad. I was like, oh yeah, sure, sure it is. And I got this like false sense of confidence. Thinking that she was coming to like hit on me and which I never thought I was always that person that was like oh you like the person behind me right? So I just was like I was like oh I think she's like trying to come back and talk to me so So it made me be like a little bit more,

I don't know, like, what's up? Right? Yeah. What's up, girl? And how are you doing? Running in with each other all night, yeah, right? And we ran into each other all night and there are all these different distractions

trying to kind of keep us apart because it was pride and crazy. But we just kept finding each other in this giant crowd. And yeah, started getting to know each other hung out that whole weekend. And then they did a long distance for like a year. But I remember leaving Chicago that weekend being like, there's something different here. This doesn't feel like some random person I met. And she never felt like a stranger.

I'd never had that with anyone. We get that big time. Yeah, we met in Chicago also. You did, that is a Chicago. Yeah, it was like pride, but it was a librarian convention. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah, same, same. We but it was a librarian convention. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah.

Same, same. We loved it. We loved those librarians. Do you have a moment where you knew right away that it wasn't just a normal casual experience? Do you remember any times where you were like, oh shit, this is my person. We're going to be together. I'm going to propose. Yeah, I mean, pretty early on, even in that long-distance situation, we went a couple months before we had that like talk of like, what are we kind

of thing. But even early on and then I was like, I feel like this, this is a significant person for me. We just clicked and a year into being together, we kind of came to an empath. She was a teacher. So for her to move, she had to do it in the summer or else it was gonna be a whole other year. She didn't wanna disrupt kids' lives by uprooting and leaving them midway through a school year. We both were so exhausted from traveling because I was touring.

So we were touring and trying to see each other often. So we were both just like, are we gonna do this? Like, it was a little less romantic than it should have been. It was my turn. You're a chur. Like, let's be tired together forever. Yeah. Yeah, so we decided, let's do it.

And I'll tell you, that was one of the, even though I knew like this person is incredible. And I would be so lucky to be like with this person forever. It was so scary. Because I had never been in this kind of significant relationship before, she had to make the decision to uproot her entire life, leave her friends, a job she loved, and I kept thinking like, am I ruining this person's life by having them come, be a part of this circus that I'm in, that is comedy. And there was so much fear for both of us, but we weren't really talking about it. We just were like, let's just do it. So we got her packed up and drove her cross, we drove cross country. And it, and I realized that we had,

both had such fear and not talked about it, but it came out in a very crazy way. that came out in a very crazy way. We stopped in Oklahoma city and we went to dinner and I ordered this giant fried chicken dinner that came with 10 sides. It was among us. And she ordered meatball sliders and I was like, oh, we're just gonna share everything and she's meatball sliders and I was like, oh, we're just gonna share everything and she's like,

share and our food goes and I'm literally eating like a feast for like eight people. And I go reach for one of her meatball sliders and she's like, oh, you have like eight things and I was like, I thought we were sharing because I'm just like so obsessed with food. And she's like, yeah, but I just actually want this. And I'm like, what, we're sharing.

And she was like, I can't do this. And I've got like, you know, gravy coming down my face. Like, what, what I do. And like we almost almost like she like loved we almost broke up over a meatball slider on the way for her to move to be with me but I realized we realized after that night it was because we were both so terrified and just couldn't say that to each other that we were like fighting over a meatball slider. She's like I over a meatball slider. Is it back?

I found the meatball slider. Yeah, she's like, I'm giving up my friends, my family, my job, my student, just let me have the fucking slider. Let me have my meatball sliders. And I'm like, but I want a meatball slider. I was such an idiot. We got to LA. And I remember we went to bed that night night woke up and just all that pressure,

all that fear just melted away. It just went away. We had to kind of have that like, and get it out. And then she like as soon as she moved in, it felt like, oh, this is yeah, this is what it's we're supposed to be together. We fit like right away. We spent all of our time together and never got tired of each other and it's still like that. So yeah, you just, you just have to tell each other you're scared, but it's so hard to do that, you know. Yeah, do you share food now? food now? I want to share everything. And she's still like, yeah, I don't like, you can have some of it, but we I'm still like so obsessive food. I'm like, I want to try eight things on the

menu. And she's like, just order your one thing, you're good, you don't have to have all of it. So when you say share, you mean I want to also take yours. Yes. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Let it also is prescribing in that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I've ordered what I ordered. Mm-hmm. Knowing exactly how much I want to put in my face. Sharing is caring. No. Sharing is caring. I say that too. Don't you love me?

Don't you love me? Don't you want me to have some of that? She's like no This is called we can do hard things tragically we only have another minute. What's hard for you right now? Yeah Well, I'm such a workhorse. I am just like on that path of like trying to do everything you know, I'm so lucky to be to play some of my career where people want to come to shows or that I'm going to have opportunities to act or whatever not. I would say juggling all of this is difficult. I'm trying to remember to find balance because I want to work and do this because

I love it so much, but I want to make sure that my wife is okay, that our life is good, and that I'm not so consumed with trying to quote unquote make it or be successful that I'm ignoring the big things in my life that really matter. Like my family, like my wife and us being happy and balanced. And that's beautiful. We don't relate at all, but we relate. We relate big. We relate big. Fortunately, thank you for just making that decision to be you and be you out loud because it's really helping the world. It makes a huge difference. I appreciate that. You guys are, you do the same thing, like having your example of who you guys are and

your love and who you guys are and your love and who you are individually and who you are together. I think that means so much to people to see your example. So thank you. Dido to you, my friends. We love you so much. And we're gonna have to have you on next time, another time, because please, Jack's,

maybe you can come for another day, you and Jack's. And I just need to know more about the Butch woman thing that lives inside of you the bit that has started for me in conversations between the two of us. Well, y'all know I am a Debbie time. So I guess you just this is awesome. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. Sissy, did you want to say something? You look like you were about to say. Sissy.

Oh, I was just saying big shout out to Biggie. Biggie, biggie. He's the best. If you think you love fortune, wait till you meet Biggie. That's right. My dog is adorable. My dog is the best. We're so obsessed with him and we wake up every day happy

because he's looking at us with unconditional love and there's no greater feeling than waking up to him and coming home to him. We went down a Pomeranian rabbit hole after your show because we also too are equally as obsessed with Biggie as you are. Yeah, if Jack's finds another one like that, that's a rescue. Can we just have a stand? We're looking because Abby told me you wanted to find one with them.

We'll let you know. Thank you. Thank you. We love you for your kids. Go watch Fortune Shit. Go to her shows. Good fortune. Good fortune.

No, no, no, no, no. You're not gonna say good fortune. Watch it with your family. We love you. Thanks for your kids. Bye. See you next time, Mom. What are her shows? Good fortune! Good fortune! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts, especially be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn't, don't worry about it. It's fine. you