We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - How to Let Go of Perfection this Holiday (Encore)

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Holiday Expectations are the joy robbers. Here’s how to leave room for yourself, and be sturdy this holiday season (and always). 1. How in our preparation for making things perfect, we leave no room for the peace and joy that is actually in front of us. 2. The opposite revolutions that Glennon and Amanda are having right now – and why they’re at the core the same. 3. The final frontier: How to be who we are wherever we are – and let our people be who they are wherever we are, too. 4. What it felt like for Glennon, Abby, and Amanda to watch Tish’s first live performance on stage. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever covered a carpet stain with a rug? Ignored a leaky faucet? Pretended your half-painted living room is supposed to look that way. Well, you're not alone. We've all got unfinished home projects. Whether it's a door that sticks or a disorganized closet or an AC unit that only works half the time, it all matters. You just haven't taken care of it yet, but there's an easier way.

Just download the Thumbtack app. You can search for what you need done and find tons of highly rated pros right in your neighborhood. Check prices, reviews, and book a pro right on the spot. Plus, you'll know what to tackle next, because Thumbtack is the app that shows you what to do, who to hire, and when. Pull out your phone, and in just a few taps, say goodbye to all those unfinished home projects, and say hello to caring for your home the easier way. Download Thumbtack and start a project today.

Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things, Dearest Pod Squad, this holiday season. We're asking ourselves some questions. Number one, what if this holiday we could leave a little bit of room for ourselves? What if we could practice being sturdy in who we are and let our people be sturdy in who they are? Perhaps most importantly, what if we could finally burn the picture in our head of how we think the holidays are supposed to be? So we can actually just see the joy that's in front of us. These are the questions we're asking today and how to let go of perfection this holiday. An episode that we loved and aired this time last year and it's so fun to listen back to where we all were on our respective journeys towards recovery and self-love and joy.

We are taking the next week off, but then we'll be back with new episodes on Tuesday, January 2nd. In the new year, we're bringing you more healing conversations about healing ourselves and our relationships and our communities and our world. And it's gonna be a juicy season. Thank you for making this community so special and thank you for doing life with us.

We are so grateful for you. We can do hard things and we'll see you bring, we can do a hard thing. Hi everybody! Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things during the most time of the year. Not necessarily the most wonderful time of the year, just the most time of the year where everything is just ratcheted up a few notches. Yep.

Right, so our goal today and our intention is to bring us all together and just ratchet us down. Oh, well, sister's not doing a good job at that because she came under the podcast looking fire today. You just your hair is just on point. And I know I'm not supposed to objectify you. I think we can talk about her hair. Sister, you're so beautiful. You really are. Okay. You have a glow. You have a glow about you. And I just don't know where it comes from. Are you pregnant?

Oh. I would not be glowing. I'm sorry. Do you know what I realized this week? I have always, I have blow dried my hair. Blow dry? Who does blow dry? Who does blow dry?

It's blue dried or blue. I blew it. The blue part is the verb. So you blew dry your hair. You're going to cry with an air dryer. Yeah. Like six times in my life prior to this week, because I just never knew.

That's why in the beginning, remember, we do these clips and people would say, why is a man does hair always wet in the clips? And that's because I would have taken a shower because I, if I take a shower, my hair's wet because I don't know how to dry it. I did it randomly last week because it was freezing outside. Yeah. Uh-huh. And it's easy.

It makes a big difference. I've gone 43 years just thinking it was something impossibly hard that I would never be able to do. And it only happens at the salon. And it can only happen there. Yes. And speaking of the person who has the most agency, I don't know another person who has more agency than you.

This is hysterical. Yes, she could make world peace happen. She could make a blow dryer. She could make a blow dryer. She could make a blow dryer She could sell a fucking blow dryer. She just can't use a blow dryer folks until I'm I'm amazed by it It turns out you could just do it. I always just assumed it would take like an hour And I was like I don't value that outcome right hour cost to me Exactly so the ROI doesn't work for me, but it turns out it can be done in like six minutes, totally different ROI.

I'd like to note that I think a little bit we're having opposite revolutions. So, yes. That's correct. Like, I am having a revolution of fuck it with all of the things. No, really, like I'm not, I don't want to wear clothes and I don't want to do my hair. I don't, I'm not wearing makeup. I don't,

I'm just stopping all of that. And your revolution is a little bit that you're starting all that because if I'm, if I'm not mistaken, and I mean this with great respect, I don't think you're showered for like four years. I think, yes, I think it goes the bigger truth here is that there is no free way. There's no liberated way. It's just each person's path because I think your path is attending less to yourself in the regard of like outer appearances, outer, etc.

Me, I never paid any regard to myself in that way. And so my revolution might be like, oh, you can actually do the treat for yourself of occasionally changing out of the clothes you slept in. Yeah, I think it might have a little bit to do with the time of life that both of you are in in terms of children. So you now have gone through the time where you don't have small children anymore.

Sister is just now getting out of small children's stage where you're just like survival mode for those first many years. And it's like, do I have time for showering? No, I don't. I'm gonna go to sleep because I need to sleep more than anything else. Yeah. I think it's like you're remembering that you are your own person and you're like trying to like feel into that and you've gone through that stage because our kids are a little, little

older. Yeah. And I love the idea of everybody's next step is different. Like we can all be moving forward in our evolution and they can be opposite things. I remember a decade ago, I was standing in a line at Marshalls. And if anyone has ever stood in a line at a Marshalls, you know that you age there. Right.

I mean, you spend the year there. And I was Marshalls and Ross Dress for less. Ross Dress for less. I just like, when I think of my childhood, it's going to be like, mom, dad, you are cats and Marshalls and Ross Dress for less. That's right. That's right.

We spent so many years in that line. And I remember about a decade ago, I was standing in that line, and there was a woman in front of me in this dude kind of cut, you know. And she and I ended up having this conversation. And this is what we realized. In that moment, she was trying to work up the nerve to say something to that guy.

Because that was her next step to get up the fire, to get up the gumption or moxie or whatever, to say something. I was struggling equally internally, and I was trying to get the inner piece to not knock that guy out. Yes. Her next step was try to be more lion and my next step was try to be more lamb and we were both moving in the right direction with opposite outcomes which is why you can't ever judge what somebody else is doing because their next step might be the absolute opposite of what progress is for years. Yes. I'm allowed to linear liberation. You're finding

yourself on the loop that you're in. The exact same thing happened to me this weekend. I was out with John eating dinner. And we got almost to the end and he goes, I just cannot believe that you have not said anything about that woman who's over there on her phone and he was like honestly, I have never seen such a thing out of you because usually I'll see something and it will upset me so much and I'm like she's so and she's there with her partner and oh my god, do you think they have talked to each other? Do you think they hate each other? And I couldn't and then I was like well now I can't be annoyed because you pointed out to me, but always I would identify every single thing. Well, we're high for a vigilance. We're high for a vigilance because of lots of things. So what do you attribute that to? And were you actually really thinking about that? Oh, the whole time and you

know, whoa, what do you, what is this? I don't know. Oh, Cicem happy for you. TVG. TVD on this. Because what happens with our hyper vigilance is it ruins the person we're withs experience because they're worried that we're worried. She.

The person on the phone. Everybody's life is ruined. Oh my gosh. And now, so what I'm experiencing a little bit with Glenn and now is with some of her therapies she's going through, I'm looking at her less. I'm less attuned because she is less vigilant. Like what John was doing is he's looking at you being like, oh, when is this going to

happen? When is she going to say something? This is weird. Why hasn't she said something? And so it's going to take some time for him to unwind from your anxiety or hyperbidigilance in the social scenarios. You mean we're not pissed about this? We're not pissed about this.

I know, it's amazing. I feel that way very much right now with you. I'm like, oh, I can just be here. I don't have to be worrying about your experience and how I need to, you know, matrix this up for us. So we're both doing that thing. What's going to become less controlling of our environments so that we can enjoy life and everyone else can who loves us.

So there's one thing that happened with me in therapy yesterday that I wanted to share because I feel like it might help everybody at the holiday season. Okay. Great. So I am in therapy, like pretty intense therapy again, which I'll explain to all of you in January. I want to give myself a little bit more time, but I have this amazing new therapist to I love very much. Okay. Hi, therapist. So thank you to all the therapists, by the way. Yeah. Thank you. The first respondents of the world. So I'm in

therapy yesterday. And now my therapist is a genius and a wise, wise woman. And also she's a little bit like me where she lives on a bit of a different plane. So she has tried to listen to a couple of our podcasts, but she doesn't know where they are because they're like in the cloud or something. And so she says to me, can you

send me some of your podcasts? And I say sure, but obviously I don't know how to send neuro podcasts. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they live. So I just ignore that request. And so yesterday I get on therapy and she says, so I found one of your podcasts. I listened and it was great. And she was very kind about it.

And then she said, I noticed, she didn't say this word, but what I'm gonna translate to buzzy energy. Notice your energy, what she was trying to explain to me is that she noticed that a little bit hyper kind of like high level energy anxiety that is not just pure energy, kind of a little bit like fear based or something. I don't know, like, like, buzzy high energy. Yes. Yeah, like performing maybe energy, anxiety, energy, buzzy energy, not calm energy. And I thought that was interesting. So we

talked about that for a little while. And then thought that was interesting. So we talked about that for a little while. And then she asked me if I've been noticing that energy again in my life. And I ended up starting to talk about Christmas. And I said, you know, this time at last, last holiday was like a huge rock bottom for me. And a lot went down. And so, you know, I mean, the holidays, man, it's like everything you love, I don't know. It's the most time of the year. There's like more reflection, there's more distraction, there's more grief.

If you've had grief, there's more expectation of joy. It's like forced joy. And if you're not feeling joy, then you're the worst. Anyway. And perfection. Yeah, and perfection, right? So she was asking me why I feel all of this busy energy stress anxiety in the holidays. And I explained to her that since the family comes to me,

that since I'm a mom, I feel like this is my thing to like host and make perfect and make beautiful and make it the best thing ever. And yada every year has to be the best Christmas ever. I had just said it has to be like the best thing I'm making like this big thing and she said what if you are the thing. was like, what? And she goes, what if on the podcast, like with your family, when you're on a stage speaking, when you're writing, when you're with your kids getting ready for Christmas, what if you are the thing? What if you don't have to constantly, buzzy, prepare up perfect? What if the thing isn't like the perfect presence in the perfect whatever and what if in

obsessing about creating that thing or you on the podcast like nailing it saying the perfect thing getting all the words out right making all your points. What if that's not the thing? What if just your presence is the thing? And all of that busy energy in perfecting the thing actually means that you're not there at all. And the thing isn't even there. Well, that's fascinating. If that's the case, then theoretically that would work in an ecosystem where everyone was allowed just to be their thing, right? Because presumably if you're the thing,

then your daughter's the thing, then abs things. Everyone's the thing. And as long as everyone is permitted to be their own thing, then everyone can just enjoy and be. Yeah. And when you bring extended family, you know, my family comes, our parents come, there's descending on you a whole bunch of other dynamics that presupposes that you can just remain being your thing, even with those influences present. So I think part of if I could take a

wild stab in the dark, part of the energy comes from your inherent knowing that what your therapist said is true and your defensiveness of I'm not going to let your influence rattle the preciousness of this thing. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. The creative process is not always an easy one. And the last thing you need when you're trying

to get those creative juices flowing is to be held up by annoying technology when you're trying to bring your vision and ideas to life. With Canva for Teams, that problem goes away, not just for you, but for everyone you're working with. Canva for Teams is a design platform that makes it easy for anyone to create stunning content from social media posts to videos to full websites.

Some of those eye-catching memes and podcast videos you see on our pages, Alice, and created those using Canva. And now, with AI-powered features like Magic Right, to help you overcome that writer's block, there's more at your fingertips than ever before. Design and collaborate with Canva for teens. Right now you can get a free 45 day extended trial when you go to canva.me slash hard things. That's C-A-N-V-A-D-M-E slash hard things for a free 45 day extended trial. Canva.me slash hard things. Hi, my name's PJ Vogue.

I host the podcast Search Engine, where every week I hunt down the answers to the questions I can't get out of my head. Like, why are drug dealers poisoning their customers with fentanyl? Or is my local sushi restaurant a part of an international scam? Or how sad are the monkeys at the zoo? If you like me, find this world bewildering,

but also sometimes enjoy being bewildered by it, check out the show. On the Odyssey app, Apple podcasts, or wherever else you listen. I think that there has to be a third way, I think that there has to be a third way because if my anxiety is you're going to be different. You're going to be different than what?

Like I've created this perfect Christmas or this perfect holiday which does not include you being you. It's that thing we get back to on this podcast over and over again which is the thing that screws us up most is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be. So the thing that screws up our holidays is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be. So the reason why you extended family when you come and you be yourself and I'm upset is because you're not matching what I decided this holiday was going to be. Yes.

So, maybe the gift we give ourselves is just like burning the picture and the only thing that I know for sure, I just feel like the reason that I try so hard to control environments and you try to control the environments and is because we don't feel safe in our own bodies. Like we create these safe outer things because we don't know how to be safe inside ourselves. And I don't know exactly what I'm saying. But there has to be a third way where it's like what you're doing with the holiday expectation is like you're holding holidays in the palm of your hand, but you are just making the hardest fist,

going everybody needs to be and do this holiday perfect instead of just opening it up and having it all in the palm of your hand, going everybody gets to be here and experience this holiday. And we have to make the holiday what it is. You can't make Christmas what is, I think that that's what caused so much suffering last year

is we move to a new house, we move to a new place, we try to make it this beautiful, outrageous experience. We thought we're all gonna get along. Everyone's gonna be, it's gonna be perfect. Everyone's gonna, you know, and then it wasn't. And everybody is just who they are always, including me. Yes.

So, there has to be room for everybody to be who they are and everything to be what it is. And this idea that I can prepare my way to perfection, ruins it for me and for everybody else because what always happens in our family is that then everybody feels my energy of like I need every this to be perfect and then everyone walks on eggshells and I don't want that this holiday. So what I think I'm thinking is I am the thing. And if I'm gonna believe that,

then I also have to also know that you are the thing and chase is the thing and tishe is the thing and am is the thing is dad is the thing, mom is the thing, Craig is the thing, Abby is the thing. And all of these things just have to coexist without trying to control or change each other. It's like, right? It's like a sturdiness to me.

Yes. I think it's a sturdiness because I think when you grow up as a matter of survival, you're not sturdy in your own way. You're adapting to the needs around you. You are acclimating and placating. And then as you grow up, you think you're not acting according to the dictates of your family of origin, but you actually are because you're acting

in direct opposition to them. That's right. That's right. It's like when you say that, you know, rebellion direct opposition to them. That's right. That's right. It's like when you say that, you know, rebellion is just as much as a cage as obedience. If you're rebelling against that, then you are still not sturdy because you are waving this flag. This is not how we do it.

And this is how we do it. I will defend the rights of this family to do it a different way. But that's not sturdy. That's not peaceful. And I think what you're saying is when you say perfection, you don't mean so the bows are all made of satin and everything is glittery. I think your idea of perfection is that we can be sturdy in our peace and our joy throughout this regardless of anybody else in this ecosystem and what they're operating from. Like that

we can let them be them and we can can maintain the storyness of our own piece. And that that is kind of the goal. Yeah, I think for like the rest of my life, I seriously think that this holiday and what I'm working on in therapy and is this new phase of life, which is, it's so fascinating to me because it, for some reason, like the big metaphors in my books are often about yoga. And, you know, in love warrior, the big life metaphor for me was, I can stay in this room, no matter what's happening with this hot yoga. And I was like, no matter what happens in here, I'm gonna stay, I'm gonna stay, I'm melting,

but I'm gonna stay on this day, I'm mat. And that was like, you know, my 20s and 30s, and then in untamed, it was like, the metaphor was, oh, I can just pick up my mat and leave this room. I don't have to be in this hot room anymore with these people. Like, the doors aren't even locked. Yeah.

I can stand up and walk out of here. I don't have to put up with this shit. I don't have to, I'm free. And then I was telling Abby I was in yoga again a month ago or something. And I was in yoga again a month ago or something. I was in this room and there was this love bug of an instructor from the East Coast, and she just was doing very serious hard things. I thought, this is not how we do it here, but okay, it was very hard. So at first, I was trying to keep up, and my body was like, no, no, no, no.

So then I was like, okay, I'm just gonna leave. And then I was like, I don't have to leave. Like I can stay in this room, get my experience of yoga, which is just like sit here and breathe. I don't have to do the things that anyone else is doing here. I mean, it's a little weird, it's a little embarrassing to just sit on your mat and not do

anything while the East Coast instructors yelling to do things. I think it's funny that you're East Coasting West Coast. I just felt like the energy of that. And I sat on my mat and just did nothing and breathed And I sat on my mat and just did nothing and breathed for 20 minutes. And I didn't have to leave. And it was a sturdiness. I had no boundaries and I just was tough to outdo the thing for forever. And then I was like, oh, I don't have to stay here. I'm out of here. And now I'm like, I can stay and be me.

Yeah. That's the next step. And that's what I want to do this Christmas because I've walked out of so many things. I've boundaries myself out of connection and out of peace because I'm always trying to make myself safe. I'm always trying to make myself safe from other people like safe from food, safe from people, safe from dynamics, always trying to make myself safe from other people like safe from food, safe from people, safe from dynamics, safe from the past, safe from whatever. But what if I can be safe where I am? Is that the final frontier for you? I think so. Is to just be able to be yourself wherever you are? Yeah, and let other people be themselves wherever I am. I think it's like when you grow up like us, it's like, are they okay?

Are they okay? And your whole life is oriented towards what do I need to do to make them okay? Okay, they're okay. They're okay. If they're okay, we're okay. It's okay. Because you're not really okay, but that's not the question you're asking yourself. You're asking me, are they okay?

Then you grow up and then you're like, am I okay? You used to police everything you did to make sure they were okay. Then your second step is you're policing everything they do because you're like, am I okay? Is this okay with me? This is not okay. Now I have to like be, that I okay? Is this okay with me? This is not okay. Now I have to like be, that's not okay.

And let me tell you what's not okay. And we don't do it this way in this house. Not so much with your words, but with your energy. Yes. Am I okay? And then the third place is I am okay. Yes. And it doesn't matter.

I'm gonna be okay. You're going to have to make sure you're okay because I'm not doing that job anymore. And I'm no longer asking if what you're doing is going to impact it by okay. Yeah. My job is to be okay. Yeah. It's good. So having said all that. Thanks for sharing that all. I know. Because I think when you say things out loud, it really helps orient the person you want to be. And I've noticed a big shift that's happening in you

and it's beautiful. Thank you, love. It affects everything. It's obviously so seen in the holiday thing, but it is very much how I do everything. I show up for work, or the podcast, or or anything, thinking I have to deliver the thing. It's this bussy energy that always shows up when I think I'm not good enough. So I have to prepare this self that will show up, which is why, talking about therapists about this, which is why I have always been like,

I have to quit soon. It's like that thing that somebody said to me early on in my career in New York, I was supposed to go into this scary meeting with this scary people and I said, what am I supposed to do when I'm supposed to say? And Whitney said, you just have to go in there and be yourself.

And I said to Whitney, I don't know how much longer I can keep that up. So this idea of what if, oh my god, if I could just go, I saw my daughter, Tish had her first musical performance at her first life performance at the Trubidor in Hollywood A week before the performance I was like, okay, so do you want to get your outfit ready? What are we gonna wear? She looked at me like What and I was like, I mean, do you want to like go get your outfit ready? Do you want to blah blah? She was like No She was like, no, she was confused about the question. She was like, I'll just decide that morning. And I'm probably just going to wear my flannel.

I was like, OK, I watched this child 16 year old girl. Before the concert, we got to the thing. I was busy energy, like holy shit. How is she going to do this? Crowd there, she's 16 years old. She's never played before on stage. It's the troubadour. There's all these other acts because it's this combo thing. A lot of these other acts are like costumeed up. They are backs ground singers. There are people. There are whatever.

Performances. Tishes. Energy is just, you were there sister, you were ever seen anything like it. No, her energy was just the same as it always is. She was kind of a little bit lighthearted, a little bit serious, steady study. I was like, how is she maintaining this energy? She was sturdy as shit. Yes. We're all up in this balcony part, looking down. She's about to go on.

We've got Chase on FaceTime at college. She steps on to the stage. She's wearing her docks, her dripp jeans, her flannel that she wears every day. Every other day. She, her hair is exactly the same as it is every day. She doesn't have a touch of makeup on. She's exactly her. She stands up there with her guitar and she opens up her mouth and she just gets

spiritually naked on stage. Her voice is like shattered crystal. She's the realest thing I've ever seen on stage. The realest most beautiful thing I've ever seen on stage and she's exactly who she is when she's on our couch and no one's there. And then she steps off stage. The crowd is going crazy because people lose their minds when they see the truth. When they are in the presence of presence and not a performance but a revelation. She wasn't performing, she was revealing herself.

And the crowd went crazy, we were stunned. And we went to her after, of course, are we were buzzing like nobody's business, we didn't know what she was until we like nobody's business, we didn't know what she was until we saw her on stage, we didn't know. And she was completely steady afterwards. She wasn't even buzzing afterwards. We had seen this thing happen that we were so stunned by and she was so steady that she was happy but she wasn't surprised. Yeah. She wasn't surprised. I said, aren't you freaking out what just happened? Look at them. The crowd is freaking out. And she goes, well, that's what I knew I knew that was going to happen.

And then she carried on with her day. And I looked at her and I thought, if I could do life like that, And I looked at her and I thought if I could do life like that, if I could not lose myself to do my job, if I could be the same everywhere and not assign more importance to any more moment than the other like just show up and be myself everywhere. I could do this my whole life. Well, I guess the question I have is, what do you think the reasons are that you have carried on this way for so long? Like, what's the root of it? Like, what's the truthy truth inside of it? The worthiness part. That's it. It has to be not thinking you're good enough,

not really believing that I'm good enough to just show up as me. But it's not knowing who me is for so long too. And it's the mysterious, could it be of this therapy time and this time of my life is what if it is true, that I could just show up as me. And by the way, this is what it's all, all you know, chain, not dressing up to the, not wearing makeup, like all of this is part of the experiment. Sure. I think it's really interesting that you've raised three children to look inside of themselves for their worthiness and it's something that you've been chasing maybe your whole life.

I think it's really fast. Well, I can look inside myself and what I find is 49 hours of preparation. I look inside myself. I just find a lot of hustle. Anyway, I think it's awesome that I'm not going to get to Jesus see with my with my Christmas talk right now, but one of my favorite Christmas carols is the whole prepare him room one. Let every heart prepare room. Right. And then they draw saying thank you, Susie. And I just love I keep thinking about this, all the stories about like they showed up at the end.

And there was no room. They showed up at the doors. I hear there and there and there was no room. There's no room. There's no room. There's no room. There's no room. And I just think this holiday about that and about how in our preparation for perfection, we leave no room for what is. And we don't leave any room for our own piece, and we don't leave room for our people to be themselves. We just like squeeze everybody out of the picture so that we can make this perfect picture of what somebody told us it's supposed to be. And so I just think this holiday, maybe we just burn the picture and we just prepare room for it to be what it is. And if you've had lost this year and you have grief, then you just make room for that. And if you have had

divorce and you have had death and you have had pain and there's room for all of that. Yeah. And it's like, you know, the idea of Christmas is that everybody else was looking for this king in all the shiny places and the joy and the peace and the beauty was in the most unexpected affected, dark corner. So I think my prediction is that when we leave room for ourselves and our people and what is, that the magic just comes and we don't have to force it. That's good. There's also a cost to that pursuit of perfection

that we are very aware of now. Yeah, yeah, the guests. There's a real cost to you, to the experience. It doesn't make it shinier. It just makes it muddled. Yeah. I think that part of, especially, I would venture to guess a lot of the folks listening to this are folks like us

who have been conscripted into a hustle army and who, if things aren't going well, we think it's because we're not enough. And if things aren't going well, we think it's because we are kicking our own asses. And if we want things to keep going well, we better sure as shit keep kicking our own asses because we are making it happen. And I think the prepare room is a little bit like, what if not?

What if we could have some ease and have joy? What if we could have these beautiful careers and make time to blow dryer hair? What if we could, you know, be with our parents and keep our peace? Yeah. What if there's room for all of it? Like, what if it's not our martyrdom that is making the world go around? There's a little bit of a Christmas message in that. There is. That we are not right, right? Our own Messiah. Yeah. For our families Messiah.

Joy to the world. There's a different God and it is not us. blood every heart. So that is our quality message. And by the way, I'm not just like thinking this, I'm doing it. You know, I told the kids, everybody's getting like a third of the presents they usually get. Which I think you baby Jesus for calling that rule. That's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Yeah, it's done. Four gifts for a kid. It's amazing. That's the best thing you've ever done for our family. It was like a month ago that I was like, tell us a few things you want. And then I bought the things and then it's done. And just so that those listening, no, there was instant panic, right, on children's faces. And it has since gone away because they, they too understand that excessive presence

is in fact ridiculous. And so life is just expectations. What's your set your expectations? Yes, you get on board. And if there's 30 gifts, you're gonna wish it was 40. That's right. It's four gifts you're gonna wish it was 10. It doesn't matter.

Yes, they're always going for more. They refine their gift choices then. They were like, oh, I got to whittle this down. I got to prioritize here. And then they're not spending their entire December just wanting things, making up wants to have. So they can tell me what they are. I'm going to put a big bow on my forehead.

And I'm going to say, my presence is your present. I am it. I am it. You know, you thought presence were the thing, but my therapist told me kids, I am the thing. You it. You know, you thought presents were the thing, but my therapist told me kids, I am the thing. You are. You are welcome. You are.

You are the greatest present to all of us. You are such a love. And you are too, sister. Pod Squad. You are too happy. You are too baby. Well, we all know that. Yeah, that's true.

That's great. We are so grateful to you, Pod Squad, for doing life with us. We actually are going to come back on Thursday with beautiful and brutal holiday stories from you. And we're going to celebrate together. We love you, Pod Squad. Bye. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle.

I walked through a fire I came out the other side. I chased as I er I made sure I got what's mine And I continue to believe that I'm the one for me And because I mine, I walk the line Cause we're adventurers in heartbreak So man, a final destination And man, we've stopped asking directions And some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be known

We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain That our life's praying Through the joy and pain that our lives bring We can do a heartache I hid rock bottom, it felt like a brand new star I'm not the problem, sometimes things fall apart And I continue to believe The best people are free

And it took some time But I'm finally fine Cause we'reurers and heartbreaks on matter A final destination with that We stopped asking directions Some places they've never been Come to beloved we need to be an old one We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain

That our lives bring We can do a hard thing This world finished her rose and heart breaks on land We might get lost, but we're only in that Stopped asking directions Some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be long We'll finally find our way back home Through the joy and pain that our lives bring

We can do hard things Yeah, we can do hard things. Yeah, we can do hard things. We can do hard things, is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts. Especially, be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn't, don't worry about it.

It's fine. you