We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Menopause: W.T.F?!?! (Stay till the end for a surprise guest!)

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Dearly Beloved Pod Squad: We are gathered here today to rage about menopause.  Glennon details how perimenopause is wrecking havoc on her body, mind, and relationships—and how maddening it is that our medical professionals give us no real information about what’s going on. We discuss night sweats, beehive brain, fire-ant itching, and Ms. Frizzle hair.  Plus, Glennon is joined by Melani Sanders (@justbeingmelani)—the founder of the We Do Not Care Club (WDNC)—and maybe the only hope we have left.  About Melani: Melani Sanders is a digital creator and the fearless founder of the We Do Not Care Movement™. Her viral WDNC reels and posts capture the humor, heart, and chaos of perimenopause and menopause, midlife in general, motherhood, and real life. Melani lives in West Palm Beach, Florida with her husband, three sons, and dog.  Follow We Can Do Hard Things on: Youtube — @wecandohardthingsshow   Instagram — @wecandohardthings TikTok — @wecandohardthingshow

This episode is brought to you with the support of our sponsor, Midi Health. We are gathered here today to bitch about this thing called paramenopause. I have been very looking forward to this hour, maybe for months, because I do. don't hear anyone discussing this the way I am experiencing this, which is I feel as if my mind and my heart and my body and my life and my relationships and my planet are all on fire. And when I try to express that, someone says, have you tried some hematomoglobin? What? Like some word that is some sort of supplement.

And I need like a fire hose. And they're like, we are beyond supplements, people. And that is how I feel. And so I just need, I just ask for a little bit of time to try to express what the hell is going on. And it's a service to the people, Glennon. It's a service to the people. If you're able to put in words, this Godforsaken thing that everyone's going through, it would be, I thank you for your service. Yeah.

And I also think if you're listening, maybe, maybe include your, your male friends in on this podcast, just so that they could learn a little bit about either what to expect or what might be going on in their households. Yeah. This is, we have no answers, but this is a public service announcement. But boy, do I have a question. Is it like what to expect when you're expecting menopause? Yeah. Maybe. I mean, I'd like to start with a self-portrait.

that my team has, Allison and Audrey have created, it's a self-portrait of me right now. And so I want you to look at this. It's just, it's a Venn diagram is what it is. And this is menopauseant and this is menopause and this is fascism and this is me. This flaming hot fire is my self-portrait right now. So if any of you are also living at this intersection, welcome. what's at the bottom what's the picture at the bottom oh we'll get there okay we're not there yet people no now do you want me to keep this up i don't care like let's see about it how did you do that

okay so i want to tell you when this journey began i think it began at night okay night for me has become a slice of solitary, lonesome hell, which honestly is not that much different than the slice of lonesome, raging hell that is the day. But the night is darker, okay? Now, what started happening to me in the night is that I would lay my head down and then some things would start happening, okay? One of the things that would start happening is that my mind, you know, it's not, it's not a calm,

quiet, relaxing, ordered place to be ever. I lay my head down and it's like, okay, well, I imagine it, you know, have you ever seen a beehive? And then you see them on the, I've never seen one in real life. who has, but on the nature channels and like maybe someone brings some poison and then or smoke and then the whole beehive goes crazy and comes alive and there's buzzing everywhere and it's just chaos. Yes. That is what night started happening in my brain, okay? So there was no, there's no order to the thoughts. There's no escape from the thoughts. There's no logic to the thoughts. It's just a million bees activate the second I lay my head down. And I try all the

tricks. I count to a million. I do letters and think of words. No, the bees keep going. Now, if somehow the bees calm enough, don't worry because then another thing happens, which is that I started getting these unbelievable skin itches. Do you remember this time? Now, when I call it an itch, it's more like a colony of fire ants. Mm-hmm. Okay? I don't know what fire ants are.

I don't even know if they're real. But this is, it feels like I'm being stung and bitten or stabbed. Nope. It's a colony of fire ants with tiny daggers. Tiny dagger wielding fire ants descending upon. the hive of bees. Yes. Yes, bees. And now I've got the bees and the ants. I've got the fire ants on the skin. Armed, armed ants. The smoking bees in the head, okay? Armed ants smoking bees. Okay. And so, and so I wake up. Like a band name. Yeah. And the fire ants are happening and the skin is

on fire and the only relief that could possibly be brought for one second is the scratching. But then if you scratch the fire ants come back double, double, double, stabby, stabby, stabby, okay? all night now i'm only laughing because this is exactly what's happening yes then nature provides i don't know liquid maybe to help with the bees maybe to help with the fire ants but what happens next is i wake up in pools of sweat yeah i sweat through my clothes i take off my clothes i sweat into the sheets. I wake up in like just puddle, puddle, puddle. I for the first month think this is gross. For the next month, I don't give a shit. I just try to think of it as a waterbed. Yeah. This is how we live now. This is how we live now. We just sleep in liquid. Okay. This is in a water bed. Yeah. You're going back

to your roots. Remember when that was your nickname, puddles? Yeah, I do. Then I want to say I wake up, but no. I just stand up. Okay? I don't wake up because I never fucking fell asleep. I've been at war with nature all night. A war with nature. It's like the closest I've ever been to camping. Okay?

And I stand up. I don't wake up. I stand up. And then more things happen. Okay? So first it was just a night experience. And then I started noticing the situation where airplanes. Airplanes.

If I get in a car. First, it was just airplanes and cars that suddenly made me motion sick, sick. Okay? Then it became walking. Any motion whatsoever, including with your feet. Then it became other people walking. Then I kid you not. Can I, I, there are many TV shows I can't watch anymore.

I get sick to my stomach watching TV and my line. Yeah, like, you know the ones like the office where they do like, they do a lot of like TV, like camera movement. Right. And it's like to, to, they like pan really quickly to, and she's like, can't do it. Can't do it. I've noticed that with Google Docs. Like if we're in a meeting looking at Google Docs, you're like, I can't watch that screen

while it moves. Nope. Okay. So then. That was fun last year when we were on the road for Tish's tour. It was fun. Mm-hmm. Remember I couldn't even re-watch Friday Night Lights?

Yep. Okay. Then some interesting things started happening, which is that I, well, my hair, it turned a completely different category. I don't think it's, I don't think it's, it's the texture of hair. I don't know what it is. It's wire sticking out. This will last about, you know, it'll last this, this show.

And then it will just start spiraling out, like, do you know, Miss Frisling? from the magic school bus? Yes. Okay. So that's the vibe. It's a book. Yeah. It's a kid's book.

Nobody read to me. Is it a book? Is it a book? Then no. And then one of my favorite parts of this is that I started getting this like little weird red situation on my cheeks. And I was like, what, this is new? The cool thing about this paramedopause thing is for the first.

several months, you don't connect any of these things. You just think all of these different weird things are happening to me. I started getting this red mask of what I now know is some sort of rosacea that comes with paramenopause. But I didn't know that for six months. So I just looked like Santa Claus. That's what I look like now. I have like 16 pounds of shalac over my cheeks. Actually, I should have just not done that for this episode. I'll show you guys. I love your cheeks. Thank you, baby. For real. The redness?

Yes, I think it's so cute. Thank you. It is. It looks like she's been like sun kissed. Sun kissed by plaster. By the devil. I've been Satan kissed. That's what menopause feels like.

So it's like the opposite of a fairy godmother. It's like ding. It's like you've been Satan has touched your. So I. And then we're moving, you know, we moved to Shun to school the other day. And we, I was carrying all this shit and I passed a mirror, a big mirror in the hallway. And I looked into it. And I realized I've been trying to figure out what I remind myself of during this six-month period.

And I looked in the mirror and I realized I know exactly what I remind myself of. This is who I am now. When I was in elementary school, we lived in Virginia, and so we used to go, our big field trip each year was to Colonial Williamsburg. Okay, you know, they'd like churn butter. It's like one of those places. They pretend it's in olden days. And it's like a village, a colony. Like we really used to celebrate colonialism in big ways.

We would send kids to celebrate it. Anyway, they would have us, they would have a craft table, and at the craft table there would be these apples and the apples had been shrunken, okay? They had been laid out for a very long time. And so all the moisture from the apple, it had gone away. So it just become this little shrunken thing, like kind of like a grape becomes a raisin this apple became this other like shrunken, shriveled thing. And then we would have to take the apple and there would be all these scraps around like that you'd make a dress out of and you'd put little eyeballs on the apple. And you would make a doll, a dried apple doll. A dried colonial apple doll. Yeah. I am dried apple colonial shrunken head. Barbie, that's what I. Oh, yes. And my team found this is the shrunken. This is who I am now.

Okay? I'm a shrunken. This is menopause. This is all of us. We are a group of shrunken apple. All the moisture has been taken all the. And what I want you to know is the physical aspect. I am not just a shrunken. This is not just my appearance. This is my soul. Right, right. This is not necessarily what I look like on the outside. This is what I look like on the inside. If you're just listening to this, you have to go watch it on YouTube because you can see. see the portraits of Glennon as shrunken apple. That's right. Yeah. Oh, right, right, right. Right, right. So what you need to know is it's not just the actual moisture. Right.

It is actual moisture. It is. I think that that is a side effect of metapauseous decrease in moisture. Human cactus, my skin, my hair, my body, my, I, is it, is it all the sweat that gets taken at night? Could be. I mean, maybe it is. I mean guess what we don't know. We don't fucking know. We don't know anything because nobody tells us

shit. We don't know anything. I'm so furious. Okay. So the physical situation that I just described is the least of it. This doesn't matter. That's true. Does not matter. It is not just that I am an apple shrunken doll physically. It is that I am like the reverse Grinch. Like, The paramedopause has shrunk my heart three sizes. I don't think that that's the right cloud. You might feel that way. She does, Abby. She does feel that way.

I'm not experiencing you that way. Really? Yeah. I'm not experiencing. I'm experiencing lots of confusion and frustration. But you're not the Grinch. You're sad. It's a sad time.

It's confusing because we don't have any answers. And, you know, everybody's different, right? like you go you talk to this one doctor and they say one thing and you talk to another doctor because there's no real like steady solid information for you because like your body is different and how your estrogen and progesterone are dropping is different than let's say somebody else because you might be in a different phase of your menopause cycle well yeah it's just Emotionally, what I would describe it as is like if the, if this menopause thing has taken the moisture from my body, it's like also like taken out like the joy and the will

to love and live. Like, you know, things will happen that I know a few months ago would have made me feel a certain way. It would have brought me peace, brought me joy. I can look at the exact same thing and be like, I can see objectively that that is a happy thing. Oh, look, a joyful occurrence. Yeah. No, no, no.

No, that was far too much life. Oh, look. A joyful occurrence. Yeah, I think also what we should talk about too is like not just I think that the symptoms that you're experiencing physically are also playing a big role psychologically and emotionally for you? And what would be like the actual emotions that you're experiencing? Rather than like classifying it as grinch like, what are you feeling? Well, I think I actually am a person who feels like my emotions are very, I'm a very sensitive person. My challenge in life is usually like high, high, low, low. Oh my God, I feel that pain. I feel that

joy. I feel that anger. I feel your feelings. I feel all the things. And right now, when I experience depression in my life or what's happening right now, I feel it more as like an absence of any of that. Like it is less for me of like, although I do feel my main feeling is irritation. That is as close as I can get to a feeling. Right. Okay. Every other feeling or like, well, the kids are a different thing. I mean, the world, the universe brings paramedopause to women at a time where you're like empty nesting and you're taking care of your, you're watching your parents get older. It's just fascism. But it's just, it's not ideal times. I mean, I, my, when I want to make myself feel better, I read and I was reading Virginia Woolf the other day. And I said to Abby,

Oh, my God, all these women, Virginia Woolf, Ann Sexton, Sylvia. Sylvia Plath. Like, what, did we check their fucking hormone levels? Mm-hmm. All these women who had their main breaks in their 50s? Holy shit. And now it's time to thank the companies who allow you to listen to We Can Do Hard Things for free. This show is a lot about giving voice to the problems we think are.

our personal failings, but are actually structural and cultural crises that are impacting all of us. And if we can give voice to those and connect with each other, we can find solidarity and solutions. And I think this is true for perimenopause and menopause, which is why I'm grateful that we are talking so openly about it today. And I'm happy to share about the important work that our partner, Midi Health, is doing. Too many of us are struggling out here on our own with perimenopause and menopause without access to informed healthcare, languishing on waiting lists, meeting with doctors who dismiss our symptoms, telling us just to suck it up or worse yet saying that it's all in our head. It's outrageous that 75% of women never get any

treatment at all for their perimenopause or menopause symptoms. Well, you both and the pod squad knows that I am in paramenopause right now, but I didn't know that for a long while. I just thought that I was losing my mind. I don't know that anyone had ever really said the word paramenopause to me before. And I had no idea that it was coming and no idea what to expect once it was there. And I was struggling, mentally, emotionally, physically, all of that. I went from doctor to doctor saying something feels off and they just kept telling me I was fine. I was not fine. Abby knows that. None of us were fine. The narrator reports she was not fine. For so many of us, it's when we're doing everything. It's when we're parenting, it's when

we're working, it's when we're caring for everyone. Many of us in that sandwich place where we're caring for parents, caring for children, and we cannot find a way to care for ourselves, even though our bodies are begging for support. So I tried everything. I kept trying to optimize my health, but the truth was my body didn't need hacks it needed care attention real information and someone who understood what was actually happening to me yeah the health care system is failing women in midlife and doctors are uneducated and the guidelines are outdated and that's why middy founders resolved to build a company to step into this care gap and provide i mean honestly this has been missing.

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You just go to Midi, get an online telehealth appointment right away from the comfort of your own home. You meet one-on-one with a healthcare professional who takes the time to tailor a plan for your specific needs. And they send prescriptions to your local pharmacy. Also, Midi is the only women's telehealth brand covered by major insurance companies, making it high-quality, expert care, accessible, and affordable. Middy's mission is to help all women thrive in midlife, giving them access to the health care they deserve. You deserve to keep your quality of life as high as possible and not to break your back

and soul getting the care you deserve. If you're not getting what you need, it's not you, it's them. So give Midia try today at join midi.com. That's join, M-I-D-I-D-com. Okay. So the feeling is irritation. I'm irritated all the time. I think that one of the things that's happening with me, which maybe other people can relate to, is that I want to fix the problem. I want to stop feeling so awful. I want to. So what I do is I identify something that's irritating me. And then I go full-bore to try to fix that thing. Okay, so. Fascism, Abby.

Things such as these. I mean, the other day, I decided. Fascism and Abby are my first two priorities. Once I get those locked down, I'm coming for the rest of you. Yeah. Beware. I mean, I'll tell you this story, even though I think Pod Squad might get mad. I mean, I'm just asking for some grace because I know you love Abby and I promise you I love Abby more than you, okay? But relationships can be a challenge during this time. And I decided recently that the real problem was not menopause or fascism or the fall of democracy or the empty nesting or the whatever. It was that Abby makes too many noises. Okay? This is a true story. Two things can be true at once. So, I had like a, I sat her down with my apple shrunken head and said, explained why all the

noises were the real problem and how, I mean, my sensitivity to noises just is, yeah, so you have that's a real thing. That's happening. And that's something I'm really trying to honor because I hear you. Can we just dig into when you say noises? Let's just put a little color on that. Is this the sneezing thing? No, well, there's a thing that happens in the morning.

I call it the elephant sanctuary. Oh, yeah. It's like, right. It's just a lot of, like, honking and she really clears the decks in the morning. And it's like a, it's just, it's un-fucking believable. It's what it is. It's also her body, her choice. All right.

I understand, please don't team Abby, team Glennon, just have some grids. Yeah, because here's the thing. This is the thing that I've come to accept that some of the things, that some of the things, things about living with somebody are harder than others. And when we all go through this time, some of those irritations that you might be able to manage in a normal way, like, oh, that's silly, you know, whatever. That's just her, you know, just woke up. She wants to clear her throat, whatever. But like, times such as these are a little bit more sensitive. I really know that you're feeling more sensitive. And so you sat me down the other day and you said, so can we just do

some negotiations on the sounds? I listed all the sounds. And I said, can you tell me which ones are most important to you? This is for real. No joke. Can you tell me elephant sanctuary feels important to you? When we are doing a lot, a lot of sneezing, how do we feel about like 20% of the time muffling the sneeze instead of scream sneezing, right? Like, how do we feel about, there's a lot of throat clearing during the day? Anyway, we just had a long list and we talked about which ones were most important. I understand that this is not my best self. But we are not in a time such as that. No, we are not in best self time. No, I just don't think that that's a thing. So, like, why would I hold you to be to that account? Like, it is my job to roll with these

times and I think that of course my feelings do have I do have feelings you do have feelings I do have feelings are they important to you though I'm important to you are your feeling but I do think and you did mention and I think it's really important that like I need and we need to be considering each other right and you are going through a tougher time that I'm going through right this moment I am I am on menopause is dorset. I know. So I want to try to give you as much fucking grace as I possibly can. And I'm not always perfect. And that's the thing that I struggle with is because when we have these conversations and we negotiate it, this is where we go move on from here. Yeah, I like to have we've decided something and then we're going to move on from the conflict with a new plan.

And Abby worries that if the plan doesn't go perfectly, I will say, but we started from a new place. Yeah. Whoopsies. Sorry. We had to. plan right can i say something about the unreasonableness too because i feel like what is so interesting is that of course that's not reasonable to monitor her sounds no and also unreasonable times call for unreasonable measures exactly and this is like in when you're pregnant and your hormones are insane people understand that they're like that chicken can't be in this house. Yes. Because that smell is making me absolutely insane. But we don't have the physical representation besides the apple smush face and everything. We don't really have a thing that we can

point to and be like, that person needs special accommodation during this time because it's, oh, I'm sorry, 15 years of your life. So, but it is the same kind of like aversions and sensitivities that we will excuse in some cases or even expect in some cases where your hormones are clearly going insane. But this is so invisible that everything looks like you're crazy. And I think it's also because culture values that pregnancy in a woman because we think of women as just baby makers. And so they're doing their, you know, holy duty during that time. So we honor the chicken, but we don't give a shit about women who are going through menopause because they are becoming useless to culture in terms of our culture.

So why would we care about making this transition easier for them? And I think it's a test to, for me, being the partner who's not technically going through menopause in like the active physical symptoms phase, but I'm getting there. It is a test for all of all of people in my position. So for anybody out there who has a wife that is going to, through this for me i like to think about this like this is this is like the ultimate love that i can give you and and one of the things that i have to work on not doing is locking myself in a room somewhere else because i think that that would actually make you happier no seriously

because being alone yeah like to just take myself like the irritate the thing that i think is powerly irritating her the most out of the actual equation like I have to I have to force myself like okay no like even if you are making noises and even if you are irritating her we still need to figure out how to connect during this time yeah so it's like it's like getting in there and like taking some hits right the sweetest thing is the next okay so the next morning we have this conversation where I bring the list of noises and I say can we just negotiate which noises are most important to you. And then I realize in that moment, I am devoid of human emotion. I'm a robot right now. That made perfect sense to me. I didn't understand why that would hurt

anyone's feelings. It's a negotiation. Okay? Abbey's feelings are hurt. Obviously. So I put my head down at night. The bees start. I'm like, I'm an awful person. I've hurt her feelings. The next morning I call my doctor. I go to the doctor's office. I say, you have to see me today. I have to get in there. I don't care. I say, you have to do something. thing. I am now hurting my wife's feelings. I am doing, I am mean, I am a Grinch. So he, anyway, that's a whole other story. When I get home, Abby's not home for like hours. I'm like, where are you? So I finally, I say, where are you? You're being weird. Where are you? I text her. And she said, I'm at the doctor's office. I made an emergency appointment so that I could get

some medicine so I could stop annoying you. It was a gift of the magi medical situation. Like, we each went in so that we could try to have some sort of medical intervention to stop hurting the other person's soul. To the same doctor. Yeah. Did the doctor mention, like, no, we can't. Hipba or something. Right. Right.

Oh, God. That's so good. I went. I got my blood tested. I was like, prescribe me whatever the most. The allergy stuff. The allergy medicine in the whole wide world is. And I said, give me something.

Give me soul medicine. Yeah. Morphine. Do you have anything? Yeah. Yeah. So the other thing is, I know that there are things to explore. I've never been so baffled by, I have lost access to the part of me who can do that. And by the way, I went to my gynecologist and I thought about not telling the story, but I'm going to because I think it's really important. And I did, I'll tell it kindly and I did talk to them directly about it. So I feel okay. But I can't go there anymore because I go to the gynecologist and I'm going there for my health and to be for a safe place to talk about my body

and my health and my experience in the world as a human being. And in the gynecologist office, It's covered with posters, advertisements for weight loss drugs, for Botox, for fillers, for seven million different things that are not, that don't have anything to do with my experience of the world. I feel, you know what? I feel like I'm in there. I have my paramedopause fire. And I feel like I want to be fucking Jesus and I want to start flipping tables and be like

this is a den of thieves. And I talk to them about it. I also, there's like one bathroom in this gynecologist. And in the bathroom, there's one poster, one picture. And it's like six feet tall. It's huge. And it's a woman who has just been on a bender. And she's like sitting on the toilet with her underwear pulled down and her legs crossed over. And she's holding a bottle of vodka and a cigarette. What? I swear to God to you. What is the point of the poster?

What does it say? I don't know. I say to the doctor months ago, I say, do you think that that is the message that you want to send women who, like one of the number one leading causes of women's death is addiction and, you know, alcoholism and smoking and what are you doing? Like, what, anyway? What did they say to that? Okay.

Oh, I hear you. No one's, well, the first thing she said is no one's ever said that before. Like, that's because people fucking trust you when they come in here. And they don't know. They feel bad. They feel confused about that. I promise you. But they don't know what to say.

So, but. I don't think it's because they trust them. I think it's because that we've been taught to think of doctors as unquestioned authorities. And we are supposed to listen. and not ask and not push back on anything that they say. So there's, and also it's a deep vulnerability. If you're relying on doctors to get what you need and you start questioning them, then it's your fault for not getting what you need.

Like it's a very deeply problematic. I left my OB for the same reason. I walked in six weeks postpartum where people are experiencing depression, body dysmorphia, everything adjusting to all of the things in the world. And there were giant blow-up body-sculpt images offering body-sculpt services at my OB who had delivered my baby six weeks before. And I was like, what is this doing here? Like these services should be available to people who seek them out. These services do not belong in a place where people are coming, trying to adjust to their brand new bodies for the first time and you're offering them, hey, are you having

some body confusion? How about we go back and instead of determining whether you might have postpartum depression, which a large portion of your people in the waiting room will have, we're going to tell you're probably depressed because your body is fat and we have body sculpting for that. Like, it is such bullshit. And I was like, give me my file. I'm out of here in front of the whole place because I was like, this is absolute horse shit. You're not doing your job.

First, do no harm. And this is harmful. That's what I kept thinking. This is a violation of your oath. First, do no harm. That is, it is predatory. Yeah. I love that you just walked out.

I kept going back and being like, why does this feel so bad? The idea of like finding a new doctor to me feels so daunting. Anyway, I'm not going back. It's overwhelming. Yeah, it's overwhelmed. I'll tell you what, that is one, when I think spiritually about menopause. I just feel that there is something, it's a culling, like I will not go back to that doctor and I'm speaking of it now and I will never set foot in there again.

I'm done. It is like the things that we never should have had to tolerate are now officially intolerable. Like, I am unable to enter anymore into situations that aren't right for my soul, that I'm unable to be in rooms with people who I never should have been in rooms with. I am unable to engage in parts of the culture than I never should have had to anyway. So I do understand that there's something good spiritually going on with, you know, like a deep culling of shit. But it is really, and I am very amazed by, I mean, I am a person who has a lot of extra time, who has extra money, who has so many more resources than so many people

do. And I will still tell you that I don't have a single friend who knows what the hell to do. And that makes me so furious. Because there's just, sure, all of our hormone levels are different, If men went through this, if every 45 to 55 year old man went through this, there would be fucking national holidays to take off work to deal with this shit. There would be old boys clubs with all of this information. Like this is, it's just that we, we as a culture do not care about women. And all of my friends who know the best mechanic, the best dentist, the best whatever, are baffled about what to do about this.

Well, they don't teach it. They don't, like, this is somebody. So one, more than a billion people, B billion are menopausal women by 2030. Okay, that's one billion people. Half, so half of the population, this is what blows my freaking mind, half of the population will spend one third of their lives. This is not a, this is not a brief period, like perimenopause and menopause and the entire period time that you're adjusting to that is a third of the average lifespan. And we are just like,

they'll accommodate it. They'll swallow it. Oh, 40% of you are going to experience depression. 40% of you. 40% of one third of half of the population, one third of the lives of half the population are going to experience depression. 75% hot flashes. 60% of women. brain fog. And so that like this is not unusual is what I'm trying to say 85% of people who go through menopause have very life impacting symptoms. So that is just true. And in only one third of the residency programs in OBGYN. I'm not talking about regular doctors. So I'm training to be a doctor. I am training to be an OBGYN in these United States of America. And one half, 100% of my population will spend a third of their lives in menopause. And only one third of

residency programs have a standardized menopause training program. That's fucking insanity. And it's deliberate there's nothing there's nothing point to one other thing that's going to affect that many people that people who are working as OBGYNs will need to be able to address just not being taught so it's it's like you that we're not getting information from our doctors because it's not being treated and that's why it is um it is like 60 percent 60 percent of all women don't get their information about menopause from their doctor. They get it from each other. So it's all of us trying to figure out from. And the reason that is the case is because 75% of women never get treatment from their doctor. You go to your doctor and you say, hear my symptoms. And they

say, that's normal. We have conflated normal with acceptable. We have said that's typical as if that's the end of the story. That's typical should mean, what are we going to do about it? Exactly. And that is, it's, it's absolute insanity and it should make everyone crazy. I mean, I just truly this was my intention for this hour. And I don't have, I am open to, I don't know, what I'm open to. I know there has to be a way to figure this out. Like I, when I went to the doctor that day, he prescribed me. I love my doctor. I love my general. What's it called? General. Oh, I can't, I don't know anything. General practitioner, GP. Right, right. This is not the one with the signs. Right. No, no, he has no signs. It's a doctor's office at his office, which is what

it should be. Yeah. He has a crazy old-fangled idea to be a doctor. exactly on den of thieves anyway he um gave me a patch like an estrogen patch oh hormone replacement therapy yep and then also a pill to take each night i haven't started this yet because i'm so nervous about all of it i just anyway something called like progesterone that i'm supposed to take i think each night so i put the patch on and change it every two weeks and then progesterone every night Yeah. So I guess maybe I'll start that soon. But, you know, it's just, it's weird to, the way it feels in a moment is like, you know, a few days ago I was trying to put some things in the foyer and I dropped, broke this vase. And I just was like, screamed. I was just like, God damn it. I'm like, fuck, fuck. Like, I don't give a shit.

This is a $7. Yeah. And then I'm standing there in the foyer and I'm suddenly like so embarrassed. It's like a flas of rage and then I'm so embarrassed. So then I go into the bathroom by myself. I'm just standing there. And I'm like, the best way I can describe it is I can't figure out like how to exist. Like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

I'm like, try to get in the bathtub, try to get out. change my clothes 17 times. I'm just trying to feel okay in my own body and in my own skin. And there's nowhere to go to get comfortable because the place that feels like suddenly it's not home is my own body. Yeah. I think one of the things that I think is really fascinating about this is so many of us women didn't hear about this from our mothers, like their experience with menopause. One of my friends, Katie from from Naples, she's very, very much down like the menopause, which actually we should call her. She knows a lot about this stuff. And she said, one of the most important things you can do is ask your mother about what her process was when

she started to go into perimenopause, what were her symptoms? Because a lot of it is genetics. But because we, because they had the memo they got was like, this is a thing we don't talk about. We just deal with. I think it is really important that everybody listening to this who may have gone through it or maybe going through it or know somebody who's going through it to normalize the talking about it.

Because I think you just having this conversation with us, where we're just kind of like venting about it, I think it is a very important thing. Becoming aware of some of the changes that are going on because so much of, of, it gets conflated with aging, right? Like when, when, it's typical. Exactly. You're like, oh, I feel like shit. And oh, I guess this is what aging feels like.

And it is not. Right. Like these are all, these symptoms are very separate. And it makes it can make somebody feel like they're crazy. And I just want you to know that I think is very important what you're doing right now just by really having a good solid bitch session because I think what you're going to notice is a lot of people are going to come around and talk and wanted to keep talking about this so that we can find the right answers for you.

So the suffering is less. It feels like, you know, what is always said in collective liberation moments where it's like we take care of us. Like that's how I feel about this because who protects us, we protect us. Who gets information to each other? We get information from it. Like the institutions and are not going to do it for us. And it makes me feel so connected to every other woman going through this and in such

solidarity because we have spent our lives caring for people, like for our children, for our parents, for communities, for our businesses. And then when we go through this, it's crickets. And that is, like, deeply hurtful. Yeah. Like, and I think that's mixed up in it. It's like, wait, what about us? Like, what about, we have mothered you.

We have sistered you. We have held up your sky. Like, and now you're just annoyed that we're annoyed. There's just something. It's a moral wound to me. It is a wound because it's also, okay, world. I hear you loud and clear, and what you are saying unequivocally is we are absolutely okay with women having one third. And let's just put aside the other third of like menstruation and

pregnancy and childbirth, which are not given the things that they need. Okay. But let's just pretend that that two thirds of life is just a real pleasure cruise. We are okay with women having a poor quality of life for one-third of their lives. We are okay. We co-sign on that. And if you want to make a big deal out of what's quote-unquote natural, you are having an out-of-proportioned response to what's natural. when there is nothing natural about accepting people not being able to sleep, being depressed,

not having the medications and the treatment that they need. Like there can be a natural process. And then we of humans have decided what is okay and what requires intervention in a natural process if we're not okay with the status quo. But the saddest, most crazy making part of this is we are in fact okay with the status quo. we are okay with women living shitty quality of lives when it only affects them exactly yeah it's like you know what else is natural getting a limp dick when you're old right but guess what no no no stop the presses there's more funding put into fucking Viagra and those those then there's for

all of menopause there's a lot of things that happen that are natural that are unacceptable if you're a male exactly exactly right there is nothing more natural than being 90 and not getting an erection. But the DOD is going to make damn sure that you can get that by mail and it's covered by your insurance. Like the DOD spends more money on getting erectile dysfunction drugs to their people than we spend on menopause because that is natural and unacceptable. Why is the word menopause? We can't even have womanipause? Like even the word is men. Well, it's menstruation. It has to do... I stand by. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. I'm saying. We could get into that tomology, but I'm willing to get on this rage train. I don't want to interrupt it.

I mean, it is nice when you think of it as a sentence. Like, men, uh, pause. Pause. It is the answer to the Venn diagram. All I want to say to the pod squad, anyone who's going through this is I, as I stumble and rage my way through this, I will. promise to tell you whatever the hell I find out that is helpful. I will just tell you anything that works for you. I don't know if I'm going to be able to find anything that's helpful, but I promise to share it with you. And I love you. And we take care of us. And I'm grateful to you. And thank you both. I know you guys have ridden this roller coaster with me. And I'm grateful for your Grace and you have been, oh, thanks.

You have done such a good job with your noises, Abby. Such a good job. We commend you, you and your lois and many noises. The menopause society is actually a good place. If people are looking for doctors who actually know what they're talking about, the menopause society is menopause.org and that they have like a listing of providers that are actually credentialed in having some kind of training. So that's, that could be a place to start.

start for people. Okay. And then after that, there's only one other person that I think might be able to help us, honestly, on this fucking planet. We're about to meet her in a minute. Stay tuned. We can do hard things. And now it's time to thank the companies who allow you to listen to We Can Do Hard Things for free. This episode is brought to you by Middy Health. If anything in this episode is resonating with you, then you might want to check out Midi Health. Middy Health built their company to close the care gap because every woman's menopause journey is unique and her care should be too. There are dozens of symptoms linked to, oh my God, there are dozens, is this one of them?

There are dozens of symptoms linked to hormonal changes and most of us don't even realize they're connected. Midi clinicians specialize in this stage of life. They listen, personalize your plan, and stay on top of the latest research. And it's not just about hormones. takes a holistic approach that can include supplements, lifestyle support, and non-hormonal options too. Over 90% of midi patients report symptom improvement within 60 days. And MIDI is the only women's telehealth brand covered by major insurance, which is huge. And this makes expert care

accessible and affordable. Visit join midi.com today. That's join midi.com. Midi, the care women deserve. Madam President. Hello, how are you? Well, Madam President, I've been better, honestly. I've been better. But I'm really, really grateful that you are here today as the president of the Do Not Care Club, which everyone I know is a member of.

Can you explain to me, Madam President? Why you were moved to create this club? As I sat in my car one day, I looked at myself in my rearview mirror, and I just realized I was putting so much pressure on myself to be so much, to do so much, to accept so much, and it was time for me to just stop caring anymore. And I just hit that record button and asked women did they want to join me in a club and overwhelmingly absolutely we're four million plus strong

right now four million of us okay Madam President what can you give us I have made a list of some things that I am not going to care about anymore and I'm wondering if I could read it to you and then you could let me know if I could be officially accepted into the club based on what I am suggesting. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Well, why don't you go first? Tell us your favorites.

I would love to hear a list of things that we are not going to care about anymore as menopausal women. Okay. That's good. We do not care if we forget what we are talking about. Just start a new conversation, and if we remember, we'll come back to it. We do not care if we need to turn down the music to bag out of our parking spot. We do not care if we hurt your feelings. We said what we said. And we do not

care if we have cellulite on our legs. Legs is legs. that's it so those are a few of my favorites we don't care excellent we just don't care we don't care okay hear a few of mine okay we don't care

if we are not going to wear stilts on our shoes anymore in retrospect that was dumb you're right thank you thank you madam president we don't care if we're not going to wear makeup anymore we are not contouring or concealing or highlighting and we're not concealing anything anymore not our rage not our under eyes if chad can walk around with his face hanging out so can we we are not going to wear hard

pants anymore. If the kids can wear pajamas to school, so can we. Absolutely. It's soft pants, or maybe no pants. We don't care. We can do soft pants. My last one is this. We don't care.

If we're not going to laugh anymore at the thing you said, that's not funny. We are out of lie laughs. Expect this face from us. We hope you don't care, but if you do care, we don't care. I love them, love them, love them. You are absolutely a member of this club. Approved. Madam President, thank you for your service to the people of this planet

going through this phase, you are the one we've been waiting for. Please rest, protect your spirit because we need you. Thank you, Madam President. Thank you. The only thing I care about is you. This episode is brought to you by Middy Health. You know what blows my mind? 75% of women who go to the doctor for menopause or pari-mort

menopause, get no treatment at all, none. It's not because we're not asking for help. It's because the system wasn't built for us. For decades, women in midlife have been told to just deal with it, the hot flashes, the brain fog, the sleepless nights, like it's all just some sort of right of passage that we're supposed to endure. But it's not. These are real medical issues that deserve real medical care. Midi Health makes it easy to meet one-on-one with a menopause trained clinician from home, someone who actually understands what's going on with your body and knows how to help. They'll personalize your plan, send prescriptions straight to your pharmacy, and best of all, Midi is the only women's telehealth brand for

midlife care covered by major insurance. Visit join midi.com today. That's join midi.com. Middy, the care women deserve. We Can Do Hard Things is an independent production brought to you by Treat Media. We make art for humans who want to stay human. And you can follow us at We Can Do Hard Things on Instagram and at We Can Do Hard Things show on TikTok.