We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - People Pleasing, Unlocked Doors & First Kisses

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

1. Why Abby says that people pleasing is both her superpower and her Achilles heel. 2. Why Glennon says playing with kids is just the worst—and insists it’s okay for adults to sit it out. (This is why she’s not a parenting expert.) 3. Why Glennon and Abby decided to say goodbye to Florida and hello to California. 4. Glennon, Abby, and Amanda answer rapid fire questions about: their astrological signs, first kisses, and their morning routines. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're doing a dance to your favorite artist in the office parking lot, or being guided into Warrior I in the break room before your shift, whether you're running on your Peloton tread at your mom's house while she watches the baby, or counting your breaths on the subway. Peloton is for all of us, wherever we are whenever we need it, download the free Peloton app today. Peloton app available through free tier, or pay subscription starting at 12.99 per month. We are jumping right into our Weekendue Hard Things episode 2 of this week. We have missed you. We have missed you so much. We are so grateful to be Episode two of this week we have missed you.

We have missed you so much. We are so grateful to be back together. This week is a celebration of you. And you're just ridiculously Brutal for lives. We've been listening to your stories and your questions and we are answering a bunch more today. So let's jump right in, shall we?

Hey, Glen and sister, this is Kimberly. I just want to let you know that I find a lot of comfort and peace in this podcast. I just had my second baby. I have a three year old and a four and a half month old and dealing with some postpartum depression. I love how raw and real you are and makes me feel better and realize I'm not a mess either. I'm just a very feeling person because I'm paying attention.

So one, thank you for your story. Keep on sharing it. Two, I am curious why you guys decided to move to California. Just be a nosy. You don't have to tell your listeners why. But I am curious about that. My husband and I have often talked about within our family just to do something different. So I'm curious if you guys had particular reasons for doing it, or maybe you have a job, or et cetera. But mainly I just want to tell you, please keep making this podcast.

I look forward to it every single week. It's a highlight for me. With post-partum depression, you don't see a lot of light. You don't feel a lot of light. And this for me is light. Even if people say it's always talking about hard things because you know what, that's life. It's hard. So keep doing what you're doing. Thank you. I also love an Abby Bond, my ador heart. Thanks for everything guys. Bye. Oh, Kimberly! Kimberly. Thanks for talking about depression, Kimberly.

I know it well. I know it well. And because I know it well, I have no advice for you about it. I just get it. Why did we leave Florida? So, so, there's so many ways to answer that question. Well, she actually asked why you moved to California. Oh, interesting that you phrased it as why did we leave Florida? So, I guess that's the answer, right? Okay. Wow, that's so interesting. Okay, so, well, I, so maybe that's how we start then, is that it really felt more like the first priority

for us was to leave Florida, which was California, but the impetus was that we felt like it was time to leave. And in a lot of ways, Florida was good to us. I moved there from Virginia because I had neurological Lyme disease, and I got really, really sick, and I needed to be in the particular climate that Florida had. So I moved the whole family there, a decade ago or something. And I am not sure.

We lived in Florida in a very, very, very, this isn't the right word. I want to say a very conservative place, very, this isn't the right word. I want to say a very conservative place, but that's not even the right word. We basically, I mean, I will describe it as we lived inside of a Trump rally for a very long time. And that manifested itself in many different ways. But I think that basically what I would say is after a very long time there, I felt like I was like in a toxic relationship. I truly felt like I was in a toxic relationship, meaning that some markers of toxic relationships are when you start to feel crazy. Right. We lived through COVID in Florida where, you know, as my kids say, like, we didn't have science.

Like, we just didn't have science. We just didn't believe science as a culture there in our town. And, um, maskwares were shamed and, um, just a lot of stuff like that went on. And we really did start to feel like we were the crazy ones after a while. Another sign of a toxic relationship is when you're angry all the time. I was angry all the time. And I felt like because we had taught our children to speak up when horseshit is happening like racism or homophobia or ableism or any of that, or any of that, we found ourselves constantly feeling militantly aggressive all the time. Like every time there was a dog whistle at every soccer practice, at every bus stop, at every, we found ourselves constant to the point where we started wearing just t-shirts.

We figured one strategy would be, is if everywhere we went, we just wore black lives matter t-shirts. If we just wore our gay t-shirts, I mean, we have the gaste closets you've ever seen because everyone just sends us their gayshits. So if we wear rainbows everywhere, we go then. Remember when we were little and we had those signs that people would put in their windows for kids walking by that were like, this is a safe house. Like, it was a signal that you could come to that house if someone was, if you were in a dangerous situation. We had to wear like anti-safe shirts.

Like, this family, not safe for racism, homophobia, dog whistles, but like, literally our family would walk up places and everything would go silent. People would stop talking around us. So after a while one of our kids, you know, being a gay family there too, like one of our kids came home told us a story about something that had happened and I got upset and this child of ours said, this child of ours said, well, mom, this place doesn't love us. And babe, is that the day?

It was like I was thinking back to my own freaking book. I was thinking back to untamed and the line that was like, these doors aren't even locked. Yeah. These doors aren't even locked. Why are we staying here? And because we have an immense amount of privilege Yes, to be able to move

We just decided. Oh, yeah, that's right. We have this one wild and precious life Well, we don't want our children to be angry and gaslit all the time So we yeah a lot of things were kind of Converging at the same time this story happened. We were like in the midst of COVID And like you said, we were like in the midst of COVID. And like you said, we have, we have privilege to be able to like choose to move when these things started to converge. And I think that having lived here for so long,

we forgot that like we choose to live here. Yeah, we're making a choice. We forgot that this was our doing, right? And I think COVID brought to the surface kind of a lot of the things that we actually want to leave in our past. Yeah. We understood that we were angry for,

we don't have to be angry all the time, right? We understood that we didn't have a lot of friends because in almost all the time, right? We understood that we didn't have a lot of friends because in almost all the circumstances we found ourselves in, when you walk up to a group of people, let's say we're on the sidelines of soccer fields, and then all of those groups of people literally stop talking about what they were talking about, which was some sort of Trump thing. Whatever. Whatever. It becomes very isolating.

And then like, you don't want to go out and you actually don't want to get to know people because you know that they voted against your family and your personal rights. Like, this is not like the kind of politics we're talking about is different than Republican and Democrats. No, it wasn't right. Like Like that's not what we're talking about here. It was fundamental. Yeah, it was fundamentalism. It was a celebration. It was a celebration

of everything that we stand against. It's like that meme that says before you decide you're crazy, be sure you're not just surrounded by assholes. Yes, that's right. And then also that it's not about the assholes, it's about you. Like, it reminded me of the decision to leave my marriage where it's like, how could you do this to me? How could you do this to me? It was like every day I was like, how could Florida do this to me?

How could Florida do this to me? And then it was like, no, no, how could I keep doing this to myself? Yes, that's right. Florida is just flortering. Yes. Florida has never pretend to that's right. Florida is just flooring. Yes. Florida has never pretend to be anything else. Florida is Florida.

And the commitment is why is your ass still here? And the commitment that we have to each other and our marriage and our life is that we want to keep evolving. We don't want to stay stagnant, right? And I felt like that was probably part of what we were unearthing is that we just kind of felt like, well, nothing is going to change unless we change it. So that's right. When you kick, I mean, and by the

way, when when Glennon decides something, there is like, whiplash, hell, half no fury. Everybody get on the train, leaving the station. When I figure out the doors are not locked. Yeah. It's like, you're a jury. Everybody get on the train, it's leaving the station. It's a great jury. No jury. Like, when I figure out the doors are not locked. Yeah. It's like, is she literally walked outside, oh, sitting outside on her, forget it, she just said, why are we living here? And I was like, you mean in this house?

And she's like, no, why are we here? And I'm like, we're here because that's where you and Craig live. That's why I'm here. I left it Portland and California before it. Like that's why I'm here. And so she just like kind of opened the door. She's like, why don't we move? Where can we move?

Where else can we move? And I'm like, well, there's no way Craig's gonna get on board. So low and behold Glitter not only has a way about her. She is just relentless about knowing what she knows and thank God for you because We are in California Where I belong. Yeah, what what a hard sell. Hey Craig you gorgeous gorgeous Like very eligible

Yeah, man of a certain age who loves to be outside an exercise Do you want to leave this place and where you're living in a retirement community? Yeah or move to Cali And like surf on the beach not a hard to move and I I knew that he always had this little dream to live in California too. That's why, because I actually, if you remember Babe, I didn't care where we went. That was not my intention was, we're gonna get the hell out of here. I just knew in order for everybody else

in the family to be on board, it had to be, I had to consider the destination that everyone else wanted. Yeah, right. And then Craig was like, no, take backs. No, take backs regarding how things were taken back. He was. So excited.

And then the kids, we thought that it was going to be so hard to get the kids on board chase was leaving anyway. Okay. Going to college. And I think that had it not been for COVID, it never would have worked because what we all know is that, you know, for me, the consistency was so important for the kids because our kids have been through so much change, that the consistency of the school and the friends and all of that is really the true reason we were staying.

But after COVID, consistency turned into a joke. So there was nothing left keeping us there. But, you know, what I would say is that I also tend to be suspicious of myself with destination happiness, right? That like, oh, I'll be happy if I'm living there. Oh, I'll be happy if I go there. Or, you know, in terms of, I just think it's important to consider that this idea of like bloom where you're planted, whether it's a work or a relationship or whatever, like we are not plants. Like the difference between human beings and plants

are that we can move. We can literally the difference. Right, right, like I'm not a botanist, but I feel like bloom where you're planted might be an important thing for a plant to remember because they have a very choice Right that is motivational Like realistic for a plant but for a person Power small plants right because a person can go

Right legs instead of fruits all of that so You can plant yourself where you'd prepare to bloom. You'd prefer to bloom is what I mean. Well, I'm saying wherever you go, there you are. That's first damn shit. But here's the other thing. I mean, I get that wherever you go, there you are. However, Glyn and I, I value in our marriage and our life. And what we want with our life is we value learning new things and learning new things about ourselves and so we choose to put ourselves in new places to have new experience so that we can be and introduce ourselves to different parts of who we are that we never knew and we're doing doing that right now. And so, Glenn and I, we're having a new experience

individually and also collectively, that's actually shaping our marriage in a completely different way than we ever knew. So, because of that commitment, yeah, we're able to actually know each other better and different and more fully. Yeah, that's true. And that's cool what you said about the being like,

just a different trying on different things of life. Cause I feel like that can be the case, even if you aren't able to or don't want to have such a dramatic move, like you can introduce little things to your life, that kind of change the what you've gotten used to that doesn't feel correct. Yeah. In a little way. I started going on bike rides with Bobby. And it's like, are you serious?

Yeah. I got on a bicycle built for one for the very first time. It's like an elementary school. And we go on little bike rides. And it's so cool because he, it's this thing that never happens in our dynamic where he like leads and I have to follow where we go. And it's fun and I just feel like there can be little micro things that actually out of your normal routine that don't involve, for example, a transnational move.

Yeah, so what is your California? Yours is a bike ride. That's so cool. I love it. Yeah. Well, okay. Go budge California people. Well, I want you to know sister that I also rode my bike yesterday because Abby. So Abby, we found a new vibe for ourselves, which is that Abby can run and I can ride my bike. And probably at the same pace. No, no, no, oh sister. Abby, tell her the first third I was I couldn't keep up with her. I was on my bike. And she was like, Ion's ahead of me.

You're like, what are this little like mice that are like exactly? But in your defense, there were a lot of ups on the way out. There were some apps, but I was trying to encourage her sister. So I was going by her saying things like, you can do it. I good hustle. I was trying to be a support system. It was great. I'm Jonathan Menevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class. My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I want to talk about it. That's what we're

doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat? You know, trailer food. I was like, Girl, why not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself. Classy. A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios.

Available now. Wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, on to the next question. Hi, Glendon. My name's Matthew. And I'm calling today with the question about how can I stop being such a people's concern. I've spent most of my life living to try to keep everyone around me happy and I've started my journey to do hard things by trying to make myself happy.

But I don't really know the best way to start. I'm hoping that after listening to your podcast and your audiobooks, that I can get some personalized help to begin this process. Thank you for all that you do and have a wonderful day. Oh, babe, you think you wouldn't mind taking this one for Matthew because I am not, I'm a people. Displeaser. You're a people, this pleaser. People, this pleaser. Yeah, okay, so I, I, ironically so I didn't have the language around this

until recently actually, I actually came home from a run and somebody was talking about it on the audiobook I was listening to and, and I was like, wait, what are the signs that you are a people pleaser and If you don't mind telling me it's not it's okay. It's okay. Yeah and every single thing that this author was saying just Matched me right and so what I was the book Abby. Do you know what the book was? Yeah, so it's Oprah's book called What Happened to You. Yeah, and she talked a lot about people

pleasing in that book and how she's a massive people pleaser. And I was like, well, first of all, it's kind of cool to be like Oprah in any way. But it was the first time I'd ever considered that I was actually a people pleaser. And look, I came home and I talked to my wife about it and she was with full of grace and just said, honey, like, yep, I can see how you might think that and the thing is I really love making people happy it is part of what makes it's like my super power and also I think my my Achilles heel because sometimes I forego my own happiness for other people's happiness.

Is that what you'd consider the definition in your? I'm using. Yeah, like I think that it's going to be obviously very vast for who you are. Every person's different. And my personal definition is for sure that like that no matter what I'm always considering, first of all, your happiness, honey, over my own. And I'm willing to like, I'm willing to suffer, like, like literally, like,

like right before we recorded this podcast, you are making a cup of coffee. And we do the pour over coffee and you were about to overflow. Like the coffee was about to come out of the thing. And so I didn't want you to feel bad about messing up your coffee or spill it. Like I didn't want that to feel bad for you. So I, this is scalding 200 and she's a great temperature coffee. I just I put my hand underneath. It was unbelievable to catch the coffee like there's a different episode y'all this is not people pleasing This is some kind of crazy ass crazy ass situation

I like going on there was like literally out and of course like I got burnt and we had this thing that it was like too much. That was because I wanted to help and please her at the risk of my own hands. So sweetie pie, love of my life. How for sweet Matthew, okay? Can you offer us any tips on, I think it's important to acknowledge that if you're a type of people pleaser,

every personality type, every characteristic is a beautiful thing and a hard thing, okay? Like if you're a people pleaser, it could be at its root, a beautiful, beautiful wish for other people to be happy. Like that's what you have, babe. But when it crosses over into something that is a weakness, can you give us a tip or two about how to rectify those so that you are one of the people that you are pleasing? Yes. So that you are the first person you are pleasing.

Right. I think, Glenn, it's like, don't take it too far. Well, I don't want her to be completely cared of this. No, listen, I think having a boundary around your own personal wellness is highly important. It's like the most important boundary you can possibly create, in my opinion. Correct.

The ability to say no to somebody, because there's usually people in your orbit that you are more inclined to want to please than others. Right. And so finding those people in your life and making sure that you aren't being triggered to please them. And so you might have to practice the art of saying no, or I can't, with those said people that you have now identified in your orbit as those who in which you wanna please the most. Now I'm still working on it because I've just recently listened to this book and I've just recently figured out,

I am a people pleaser. I quite... Is it a good practice to even make a list and I've just recently figured out, I am a people pleaser. Is it a good practice to even make a list of people that you, to take it like less, I so to like less big and airy and make like, okay, well, who are the people in trying to please constantly? Yeah, so by the list. My people are you and strangers.

Okay, so I think that's the oddest thing. What the heck? It's the oddest thing. What the heck? It's the oddest thing. Like I swear to you, I can be, what is that someone come on the show and talk because I can have the hardest conversations to the most intimate people in my life and set really hard boundaries.

Somebody on some random person on the street, hey, and I'm like, oh, it's my, I will never see you again and look at me pouring out all my energy to you. What the hell is that about? It is the weirdest thing. It is the weirdest thing. So identifying who the people are or what the things are that you're trying to, and then

just like make sure that it's in alignment with your wellness. I think there's also this other little bit of people pleasing, which is to something that I fell into sometimes, which is that when every when your only tools a hammer, every problem looks like a nail, it's like that kind of thing. When someone has a problem, when there's any problem presented, it's like that's my I can tackle problems, but it's like I fail to have the initial barrier to entry, which is like, is that my problem? Is that my circus or those my monkeys? Oh, that's good. What is, because there can be this problem over here, and I can be like, oh, man, I'm so sorry, this sounds like a problem. And actually I have to restrain myself

because I'm like, I could solve that problem. I could solve that problem. I could fix that. And that is like a boundary that I think creeps into people pleasing, that it's just not everything is yours. Yeah. To feel, to fix, to start.

To enter into. To enter into. To enter into. To, here I am, that energy of wanting an endless thing for me. It's like how I get, I think that maybe I get my worthiness in, and pleasing or helping people fix their problems. Mm-hmm. Right. So it's just make sure you're, you're inner circle, you're bullseye, Matthew, like Abby said, that

you're taking care of you. And then figure out your next concentric circle of the people that you really, with your value system, want to please honor. Honor. Can we change to honor? Honor. Honor. Honor.

Because sneezing suggests that we're doing every whim that they have all the time. Right. Right? That we're just, whether it's healthy or not, we're just pleased. That's not the right word. Like, yeah, honoring is so much better. Honoring yourself. Honoring your first circle around you. Because it's also like something that will be pleasing to another person might be actually against their interest and against your relation. Absolutely. I like that very much thinking of people in in Kiss and Cousentric circles because we have had issues.

Abby does like to please strangers, right? And so she does. And I know I know I just I just want to give like an actual practical example of this. So in the beginning of our relationship, let's say we were at a soccer tournament or something with the kids. And people, we call it the soccer Nazi. Okay, at some point,

you're gonna see that the entire soccer tournament has just figured out that Abby Wal-Walk is there. Okay. And the children start coming. The parents start coming right there's this moment. And this was a very hard thing for us in the beginning of our relationship because Abby, it's beautiful.

Like Abby cares deeply about these children that are inspired by her, about these families, that, but in terms of people pleasing, it's not like you can just keep pleasing everybody and there's no cost to it. You are often deciding am I choosing them or am I choosing me in our particular situation? It was semi-traumatic for our kids

because we are there for their soccer game. And now suddenly it's not about them anymore, it's about Abby, and it's not about like whether Abby's concentrating on our children or she's being a mom, it's that we're pleasing these strangers and we don't want to disappoint them. So we're choosing to disappoint our kids. So my point is that when you figure out your circles, you realize, oh, if I'm ever given a chance to please those strangers or honor my kids, the decision's done. Right?

I think that happens. Oh, sorry, go ahead. It's painful. I see Abby have to do it at tournaments, at the moment, wherever we are, and say, I'm sorry, I'm with my kids right now. Like, this is a mom moment. I'm with my kids right now. And it does disappoint the people,

but our kids feel it, I can see it, and they walk a little strong, like they feel safer because they know she's gonna protect that circle. Yeah. And practically speaking, I feel like that happens a lot in people's everyday lives with work. Like with, you know, the saying yes to work, saying yes to work as if there is not a cost to that too. And the saying yes to that means very often saying no

to your family commitments or time with your family, etc. And so I think that's an interesting part of it. What the other part of people pleasing and saying yes to things, if I say yes to this, what is it requiring me to say no to? And then counting that in your analysis so that it's an intellectually honest thing. Exactly. Exactly. Having the intellectual honesty know that every yes is a no and every no is a yes. So make sure that you're acknowledging both each time. And just figuring out like what is your problem? What is your, what is it, is it, is it your actual problem? Or is it not? And like sometimes if it's not actually your problem, it might not require you to put the cost in to engage.

To engage. All right. Thank you everybody. Next! My name is Lauren. I'm a mom to two kids. I have a two and a half year old and a ten month old and I struggle with play. I end up keeping one air pot in all day, just listening to your podcast or audio books and just trying to white-muckle some, there's a good yelling right now.

Just trying to white-muckle some semblance of independence and adult one-sided conversation. And I guess I just feel a little guilty that I might be missing out on this time with them by being one foot in and one foot out. Or is it okay to not love the pointless questions about crayons and play-doh at this point? So just hoping for a little advice, trying to be mindful, but also trying to be a human. So thank you guys, appreciate everything you do,

and keep up the hard, flash, good, flash, important work. Thanks. Mm. Whoa, right. I hate playing. I hate playing. I don't play. I never played.

I won't play. Ha-ha-ha-ha. I'm not gonna play. Okay. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Playing sucks. Playing is the worst. You don't have to play.

Okay? It's okay for adults to do adult things and it's okay for kids to do kid things and it's okay to parallel exist. Okay? I want to tell you a quick story. Yesterday, and Abby, you can back me up on this actually. My entire family comes to me. I don't have anything to do.

I'm done with my work day. I have nothing to me. I don't have anything to do. I'm done with my work day. I have nothing to do. My entire family comes to me and they're like, we're going surfing. All of them. Craig, Abby, Chase, Yamatish, all of them. And I look at them and I think you have nine more days with your son at home.

Your entire family is about to go have this amazing experience on the beach. And you get to walk and watch them all together in this beautiful moment that you will never be able to recreate in the last few moments of your son's time. And then I thought, nah. And do you know what I did, Lauren? So good. I said, have fun. And I sat on the couch and read a book. Okay?

And thought a couple times your ass should really be watching Chase Surf. One day you'll regret this. And you know what I thought, Lauren? Not today. Today is not that day. Today is not that day, Lauren. So all I want you to know is even when it's easier, even when all I had to do was sit on the beach and watch my child. I'm still not doing it. And to you I say, it's just that you're sane. That's why you don't like talking about crans all day. That's why you don't want to play play dough. I grant you permission to not play Lauren.

I don't even want to ask your opinions, sister and Abby about this because I just feel right. Well, I just want to this, and only this. I hope you don't feel guilty about choosing to stay home and read because. She sound guilty to you? Do I look like a guilty woman? To you, did I?

Well, you just said I might speak. No, you just said I might regret this down the line. And I might feel guilty about this. You literally just said that. So I just want you to know know like, we had a blast. We had blast about it. Nobody missed me. Nobody missed me.

I think I might regret this where I am better person. But I'm not. I might, another human. Another more evolved human might regret this. I just would offer one tidbit for my, I struggle with this very much too. And my kids are still small enough that it sounds like

Lauren and my kids are the same age the My therapist has Talked to me about this because I also can't do it and and I've been doing this new thing of reframing that time Like because it's just so senseless and such a fricking waste of time. All of it. All of it. And it makes me so crazy that I'm like,

yes, I'm acting out. I am Winnie the Horse. Yay. Like, I can't literally last night the horse is. And so, but now I'm reframing it in my head as a productive act of bonding. So I'm like, I am not spending spend precious time in a senseless, ridiculous way. I am actively bonding.

Look at me. Look at me bonding. I'm bonding. Okay. But can it be a short thing? It can't be. It's always a short thing. Oh my God. But can it be a short thing? It can't be a short thing. Oh my god. Of course it's a short thing. Okay. So, Lauren, like, eight minutes.

That's so funny, you guys. All right. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to move on to some rapid fire questions. And I just have this deep feeling that we're going to suck at this. Yeah. Well, bring on the suck that we're going to suck at this. Yeah. Well bring on the suck. We're going to try. We're like, we can't be good at everything. Okay.

So I can be good at everything. Lauren. We'll see. Lauren sent us these questions. Just now I'm going to read them one at a time. And what what rapid means you all is fast. Okay. We've never done anything fast on this podcast before.

This is our first time, but I think we're supposed to answer these quickly and not have like a dissertation on each one. Did you say Lauren, our producer Lauren? Yes, Lauren. We love Lauren. Okay, ready? Are you too ready? I feel very ready. Okay, number one. What are your thoughts on astrology and what are your signs? I don't know anything about astrology except that my sign is Aries and it seems pretty freaking dead on. Fire. Terror. Crazy. Yes. Okay. You're not crazy or goddamn Aries. Yes. I am a Gemini through and through. I know very little about astrology. We got our astrological signs red or something at some point and I thought they were speaking in a different language.

But I'm into it and I'm like, I'm into like whatever. Yeah. It's cool. If it works, it works. Cool. Yeah. I love it. I I believe in everything a little bit and nothing all the way. Okay. So I'm into it. If you tell me you're going to read my things, I'm there. And I will find a million reasons for it all to be exactly dead on. I am a Pisces. I think as far as I can tell, I'm a Pisces like through and through, right? Because I think we're just kind of like dreamy and airy and creative. Aren't you on the cusp? Oh, well, on the cusp of Pisces and Areas, which is why I'm a little bit of an asshole too.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Right? So that's it. But also kind of an asshole. That's so good. Yeah. Okay, love warrior, right? And both.

What's your morning routine slash practice? Sister first. Okay, you better get your notebook because this is some best life shit. Okay, so first, I'm trying to think, okay, every morning, first starts with a very, very late night, even though I've sworn to God, I will not go to bed that lay anymore every day. Okay, so number one, important to go to bed very, very, very late. Second, important to lay in your bed for one hour of not sleeping. Wow, you're perseverating on everything

that you feel to get done that day. Also figuring out how you're gonna get the kids out of the house depending on the origin of the fire and also how to remodel your bathroom. Yeah, sure. Number three, very important to also sleep too late, just in time to wake up so that you're late for everything, and that you can immediately start scampering around,

making sure everything was done 10 minutes ago. And then you're not able to, because you can't speak until you've had three cups of coffee. So try that and it'll not work for you too. I actually think that my morning is better than yours because I have older children. Is it possible? Yeah, I have my kids are older. Here's what I need you to know about morning is my best time I've morning is my joy my deep joy every night I go to bed and my last thought is eight hours till coffee Like that's I don't know what the point of life is except for that first cup that first sip of coffee like I

I'm serious. I'm not trying to be dramatic. No. I don't know when people tell me they don't drink coffee, I don't understand what they're living for. And also, it's just, they're superheroes. People who don't drink coffee, I just don't understand how they function. It's like, it's like an electric car.

Like cars that don't need gas, like people that don't need coffee, it's confusing to me. That's my morning routine. That's all that matters to me is getting to the coffee first. I wake up, I pee, I brush my teeth, and I walk the dogs, and then you hand me my coffee, which is my favorite thing,

and I sit there for 20, 30 minutes, and then I go on a run. What did you want to be when you were little, sister? Important and change things. I wanted to be an FBI agent. I think I wanted to be a teacher. I always wanted to be a teacher. And I wanted to be a teacher, I always wanted to be a teacher. And I wanted to be pretty. That was very

important to me when I was little. That I was understood that it was very important to be to grow up and be a pretty woman. God help me. What is something you're tired of in your own life? That? That concept. I also, the thing I'm most tired of in my own life, is compulsive thinking about food and body. Being resentful. I think I'm most tired of in my own life is like the daily little things that parents have to do to make sure that the family runs and functions like get groceries or like just that I'm tired of like those little chores. Like right now, getting a California driver's license. Like that is, first of all, it seems impossible

because I can't get an appointment online and registering my car feels impossible. It's just like those little half to do things, I'm tired of right now. Yes, I thought it was a cut. Yes. Yeah. Do you cook often? What do you like to cook? No. No. Yes, I cook often and I like to cook. Everything. Right now we just got a little outdoor griddle and fried rice is my jam right now.

I appreciate so much that you cook for us. Thank you Abby. You're welcome. First kiss story, wasn't what you expected, sister. Uh, seventh grade, middle of the day, beside my best friend's house, and it was awesome. And uh, Facebook just teed him up as someone you might know. And did I do Facebook? And he lives in Florida now. So anyway, great job, Brian. Oh, Brian. I remember Brian. Oh my God. It was a great first kiss. What's the, it's so rare. I'm still the first sex was it. You know, it's like a great first kiss. What's the, it's so rare. Like, I wish my first sex was, you know, it's like a good first kiss, lovely, lovely little family. Yeah.

My first kiss was on the path behind my elementary school. I was in fifth grade. And everyone was daring me to kiss a boy named Kyle. I remember Kyle. And we just like met. I don't know, like it was like, like we were like, it was like West Side Story, like our gangs were behind us. Yes, the girls and the boys. Yes. And then we walked toward each other. And then we kissed. Was it a French kiss? I think it was like a little teeny bit of French. Okay, I just like a teeny bit. And it was less than earth shattering.

Okay. It was all that I remember because it wasn't about the kiss, it was about the day or it was about the ring. Right. Like you're doing your thing. You were representing your gang. Yeah, it was in place. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Babe, ill, also ill. Is this macaroni girl? No, it happened a little earlier. I think I was in sixth or seventh grade. We were in my bedroom and I played on an all-boy soccer team and so this is one of my teammates. His name is Pat. Yeah, his name is Pat and we we we entered into the kiss and I wasn't prepared for the French part of it. And so I also I didn't know about the French part of it. And so I also, I didn't know about the French part of it. And so when he was jamming his tongue into my mouth,

I felt offended, offended, and like confused, and like, why are you doing that? Well, why is your tongue in my mouth? Please see prior sexuality episode. I was offended and I didn't understand later in my life, Q Macaroni Grill incident that, oh, maybe that's why it felt offensive is because I didn't want that tongue in my mouth.

Yes, it's a particular tongue offensive is because I didn't want that tongue in my mouth. Yes, it's a particular tongue. Yes, I see. Okay. Worse fashion trend you were ever a part of. Oh. Okay. I would say for me, I was part of the unfortunate overtweezing trend of the early 90s. During that over tweezing trend, I

tweezed an entire hole into my eyebrows, which I still fill each day with an eyebrow pencil. So this is what like 30, 20 years later. Yeah, you said this is a beauty episode. Yeah, I'm still paying. I'm still paying for that trend. I also have seen a couple pictures lately where I permed my hair and then covered it in sun in. That'll do it. Yeah.

Because when you are a dark brunette, you think that your sun is gonna turn you into a platinum blonde, but really it changes you into a pumpkin orange. Orange. Yeah, so, but the cool thing was that my pumpkin orange hair was also fried with a perm. And then I straightened my bangs out. And I don't know if you remember that trend

of the rolling of the curling iron, the top half of the bangs. And then the rolling, the wave, I believe, top half of the bangs, and then the rolling, the wave, I believe, the curling of the bottom, and then the spraying of the awkwardness. Just like a rock hit you right in the middle of your forehead. That's right. But the good news was that I also worked at a tanning salon. So like all brilliant high schoolers,

I worked there for free so that all they paid me in was skin cancer. Was cancer, right? That's it. So they paid me by allowing me to poison myself with their UVA rays for free. So I had orange hair, orange skin. For the hair of what I thought were pearls.

All of the perms were also at home perms that you and Stephanie did for every 60 days, even though you were definitely only supposed to do those like twice a year. Remember those pink plastic? Oh my God. Like, tampon-looking things with the rubber band over and I'm sure you were doing it just as manufactured required.

Oh my God. And I just was, I always convinced I was one bottle of sun in or perm away from being a Lissablanneau on whose bus. Like, I just really felt like I was close. You're so close. But I look at you. I think oh sweetheart you were just so far. Okay you guys we're gonna can we we'll do some more rapid fire next time but I just I really I don't want to miss our pod squadder of the week. Yes um this week we've got to get to our pods, Quattro. Let's do it. Hey, Glenn and Amanda, Abby, everybody, I just literally have to stop doing the dishes and

have to stop your podcast just now to call and say that I can tell you about a hard thing for me in my life, thanks to your frickin' podcast, is that I can tell you about a hard thing for me in my life thanks to your frickin' podcast is that I have been telling everyone I know to listen to your podcast and slowly they have been for killing in. I'll get a text from a friend. Oh my God, start of the podcast. Love it. Love it, love it, love it, love it, love it. But it was slow. It feels like a lifetime of me constantly asking my dear friends and everyone on Facebook, by the way, I've been blasting your name everywhere. So anyway, it's been a

hard thing for me to wait for people to listen to the God Sam podcast. So, I'm here to go and I just, I will tell you that. And also as a side note, and I don't mean to be creepy here, but Amanda, you are so pretty, and I just wanted to know that. And my wife knows that I have a little bit of a crush on you, probably even my son's now. You know what I mean? I just loving you from afar anyway love all you guys you're amazing thank you for what you do my name is

Kylie I live in Boise Idaho okay thanks bye no Kylie we need so much more information from Kylie I love Kylie Boise Ida know. Has anyone ever told you she has a crush on you before sister? I mean, not, not in a decade or so. You're flashy. Not in a decade or so. Hashtag, hashtag, hashtag, maybe I was gonna say still got it, but not sure I ever had it. So hashtag newly got it. Got it. Kylie, sure I ever had it. So, hashtag newly got it. Ha ha ha. Got it.

Kylie, you made Sister's Day. Kylie, I love it. And my favorite. Telling people to listen to this goddamn butt. Ha ha ha. Kylie, we love you. We love all of you. Thanks for doing life with us.

And we will see you back here next week. We will hear you back here next week. We will talk at you next week. How about we'll be back next week. We'll be back. We will be back next week. In the meantime, you can do hard things. We can do hard things is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts, especially be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn't, don't worry about it. It's fine. you