We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Pet Peeves: What Do Our Biggest Annoyances Say About Us?

Episode Date: February 10, 2022

1. Glennon explains her “soundaries”—and why a lack of audiorial yield in public places is her biggest peeve. 2. Abby’s struggle, as a bonus parent, adjusting to a kid-filled life with zero personal space and personal property boundaries. 3. Why Amanda is allergic to the word “fine”—and why she’s stopped saying “I didn’t have time.” To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, you know I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the listeners. Oh, oh But also, oh, yeah, do you want to know something that I found out today? Oh, oh, I think soft rock is my favorite kind of music I got are you listening to that new soft rock station? It's pooping on the car. I don't know. Somebody found it and I every song. I'm like, oh yeah, let's go. Yesterday I was driving Emma home from school. Papa don't preach. He says that he's going to marry me and we can raise a little family. Yes, I mean, so good. I'm so glad you're digging it. What else has come up? Well, you know, I can't remember any songs or anything that just happened other than the moment I'm in right now. So I was just in the car five minutes ago and I was singing to a lovely song. You don't know what it was. lovely song. You don't know what it was? I need to speak. I don't

preach. Do you remember when we used to get together with all the cousins in Ohio and we would do talent shows? And do you please remember the year that we decided to pick like a virgin? that we decided to pick like a virgin for our to perform for we were like seven and eight and nine and we had no idea what the hell it meant, but we came down all of the aunt, all of the uncles, my very very Irish Catholic grandmother waited for us and we came down and fully performed like a virgin touched for the very first time. And you remember the move for her, Jen. Yes. I remember the move. I remember we'd all put out our left hand and go touched for the very first time. Yeah. And touch our arm back and full. Yeah. Oh, we were, we were amazing. Yeah. Just dance. Yep.

And do you remember the faces, their faces? They just were like stone-faced, just staring at it. I was like, wow, we are really impressive. They are speechless. Yes. They're in their minds. Ha, ha. So yeah, that was my like two cents for today.

Thank you, babe. Random thought for all. Soft rock for all. Which is a good segue because I feel like soft rock might be a lot of people's practice. Yes. Yes. So we are in this year of our Lord 2022. We have decided for us, you do you,

but we have decided for us that 2022 so far is the year where we just, we're out of giddy up. We're out of all. We're all fresh out of giddy up. We are, we are no longer Rosie the Riveters. We are no longer full of resilience. We used all that up and so this is the year where we survived by going largely dead inside. It's an army crawl a full on it was it was a

Go get them cowgirls, and now it's just an army crawl inch by inch. Yeah, you know, it's that thing that you see on that Interwebs where it's just like people ask you how you are and you just gesture vaguely. Yeah, just the gesture vaguely. Yes, just everything. Just so we have though figured out that there's one vibe of 2022 that we can embrace and that might save us. And that is absurdity. Okay. I think that I am like punch drunk. And like I'm dead inside. I don't care about much. But then like my kid falls in the kitchen, like down on the ground. Now that will get me through an entire hour. Like anything that is silly or nonsensical or absurd is really helping me this year. And that's what we're going to embrace. Okay. So to that end this week, we decided to put out to you an episode full of joy and love and positivity

and absurdity about the things that piss us off. Okay. I have, I don't know if I've been as excited to, to record a podcast. Really? Yeah. There's just something about saying the things out loud that makes me very excited. Okay. This is part of the absurdity of 2022.

No, no, no, no. It's not me. No, it's nothing that you don't know. It's something that I don't have in said. But it's just like, it's fun to talk about the shit that pisses us off. Yeah, that's so fun. Because I feel like right now, I mean, we do this whole thing where we talk about the shit that pisses us off. Yeah, that's so fun. Because I feel like right now,

I mean, we do this whole thing where we talk about the super hard legit things, like, oh, we need to talk about these deep pains. And naming them is helpful. But we feel like these little pee-fish things that just annoy us are our little problems. But I think naming them and having other people be like, yes, because we are all on the solitary last nerve. It's like we had all the nerves. The camel was

unburdened, and now after two years of pandemic, the camel, it's too much straw, and the nerves are one. And so this is why right now, it's like we could take, we could take 18 months of the people in our house slurping up their cereal. But on the 19th month, it's done now. It is done, we are finished. Yeah, well, because, and we also cared about, the reason we didn't say anything or lose our shit before is because we still cared about making it through well.

Mm-hmm. Like, we felt like if there's an end line, we could, we were gonna have our moment lose our shit before is because we still cared about making it through well. Like we felt like there's an end line. Yeah. We could we were going to have our moment where it was going to be over and people would look at us and our family and say, wow, you did it. Good. You were an angel in the house. Like you just good. You won.

You were a faithful servant. You have done it. Yes. The one for you were. But now we've realized that's not going to happen. We don't even see an end line. So we no longer care what people think of us in our home. Like we just want to stop hating everybody.

So we're going to do what it takes to make the things stop the bother us. OK, so every woman for themselves in the house, everybody for themselves. So today we're talking about pet peeves, okay? And so a pet peeve, it's something that annoys the hell out of you, but the pet part of it is like it's particular, you believe at least, that it's particular to you. It's something that insults your soul, the Whitman thing. It like, it deeply insults your own soul, but you're not sure that anyone

else's soul is insulted by it. It's like a talent or like a special gift that's been given just to you to protect your soul by by by giving you this thing that you hate about the world or other people. Do you feel that's correct about what a pet peeve is? I do. This is why I think it's confusing because if you research it, there's all of these things that are categorized as pet peeves that are actually just sub-optimal behaviors. Like, like, okay, not acceptable behaviors. Like, talking with your mouth full, you know, staring at people like, I don't think these are appropriately categories as pet peeves because it's just like people stop doing that.

Like, a pet peeve is some idiosyncratic thing that annoys you and that might not annoy other people to the extent it annoys you. So it has something to do with you specifically, and whereas somebody else's pet peeve might not bother you at all. Okay. So what are pet peeves that are super general to all of us? So we get into the specific, specific of ours. So common ones are, you know, cracking knuckles, scraping a plate with a fork and knife. Like that sound.

Okay. The sound of styrofoam against styrofoam. Oh, yeah, I don't like that one. People who talk about themselves in the third person, how glutton hates that. Yeah. Overuse of literally, like, God, and hates that. Yeah. Overuse of literally, like, it's literally running cats and dogs.

Oh, guys, not in fact literally running cats and dogs. Everyone in this house literally does that. Every four seconds. When did literally start? Was it the Kardashians? Like, who did literally to us? I don't know. I'm literally falling apart. Right. Like, my insides are literally to us. I don't know. I literally, I'm literally falling apart right now.

Like, my insides are literally on fire. It's so good. It's your like, it's actually means directly the opposite of that. What you're trying to say. So slow walkers, losing socks in the dryer, you know, talking to people while you still have your air pods in, people do not like this.

People not standing to the right side of the escalator, the sound of Slurping, you know, things like this. These are, and then this whole other category of things that people call their pet peeves, but I think we're just giving humanity like a little too low of a bar to call these pet peeves. I think we should, love you would say just do better world. Because things like saying no offense right before you say something offensive. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, interrupting, being late. What? People who don't pick up after their dog receiving a non-apology. Hold on. I got to go back to the clipping your nails in public. That's a thing.

What? Is a thing that people say is a pet peeve of theirs. Any self-grooming in public. People do not. People do not. They know it's clipping their nails in public. Okay. So I do think that there's, this is a distinct difference because saying that's my pet

peave that people give a non-pology is taking responsibility for something that is actually everyone else's responsibility. Like that's not a pet peeve, that's just like wisdom. Right, it's just like, we're trying to have a civilization here people stop doing these things. Yeah. to have a civilization here people stop doing these things. Like we understand it wasn't written down. And like you didn't get a contract that said we the people in order to form a less disgusting union will not clip our frickin' nails in public. But we just thought it was understood. Right.

So like, dude, on the train, sorry, it's just my pet peeve that people don't clip their toenails next to me. Like no, do better. Right. So that's why we're not talking really about those today because we just insist upon a higher standard of the union. But it's the little things that say something more about you that bothers you and other people's behavior. Okay, so, okay. I can talk about some of my biggest personal pet peeve category. Do you want me to start?

Yeah, I can't wait. Well, I can't wait. I know what it is. I know everything. I know everything and I know all of these things are relating specifically to me. No, no, that's not true. All of these things annoyed me long before you. Okay, that's good. Okay. You just kind of embodied them all. No, maybe I'm joking. Okay, so what I have thought about for the last bit in trying to figure out what my pet peeves are, is that they have a category. Most of my pet peeves have to do with sound.

Oh yeah. Yes. It's like loudness, like people who, for no reason, just speak in a voice that is so loud in general first of all. It's just, I don't understand. Like, no one's told them that everyone's close and can hear.

Okay, so general loudness. What if they're just trying to get their point across? Public spaces where people have no auditorial yield. Like I just feel like when we are in public spaces, again, we have gotten this memo about forming a more perfect union, where we are going to kind of understand that we're not going to use voices that encroach upon other people's space.

But you're saying public, you're in public. No. It's a public space. OK, well, you're not allowed to scream fire in public. You're not allowed to like, OK, you're saying public or in public. No, public space. Okay, well, you're not allowed to scream fire in public. You're not allowed to like, okay, you're not allowed to just walk up to me and smack me. But when you stand next to me with your damn face time or your effing speaker phone,

and you have a conversation about your business, like your business is the most important thing on earth, and you are almost always a man, and you are thinking so freaking loudly next to me. It is as if you have auditoryly slapped me. That's right. Remember the guy that was having a noise pollution. The guy that you were having a FaceTime call in public, and he was having a FaceTime call in public and he was yelling. He was properly yelling on the phone. Well, no, I was hiding in a corner in a hotel. And

you asked him, you said, could you please, you know, could you please be a little more quiet? We're doing the same thing and he just goes, I was your first. Yeah, and he wasn't and then he stayed, he got louder and louder and louder to give a point to me. I just like doing all of it all. What a jerk. I was here first. Yeah. So anyway, it is like noise pollution. It's like say something with cable. It was and like had a bunch of their stuff and then they just they just like through it, through it at you. It's like it's like you're not allowed to throw your trash at someone's person, but you can throw your noise all over it.

Other people's experiences? It's weird. I'm Jonathan M. Hevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class. My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I want to talk about it.

That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat? You know, trailer food. I was like, Girl, we're not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread.

And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself. Classy. A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. How about the people that purposefully spend extra money How about the people that purposefully spend extra money to make their cars louder? That's something I can't understand.

So that I have a freaking heart attack every time their car drives by, it is as if I have to recover. And it's like, did you not get enough attention as a child? Like, what? Why? With the loud cars. What about the noise? Obsets you. Okay.

Why is it upsetting? Well, because I've been... Oh, judgment. Like, why is it upsetting? Well, I mean, I think that there are some people who are probably more highly sensitive to noise, right? I'm clearly always been a highly sensitive person, So noise makes me, I mean, you know when you sneeze or when the doorbell rings. Yeah.

It is as if I have been attacked by enemy fire. I know. My body doesn't know how to, I can break out in a cold sweat. You know that. I know. It's terrifying to me. I've gotten the look. Like, I've actually hurt you after I've just done something my body naturally does. She looks at me with death eyes and I'm like, I'm sorry. And also it's a sneeze. I can't warn you. This happens.

There's no warning. Hey babe, I'm about to sneeze. Do you know? I'm a big person. It's another reason why I think you're kind of like FaceTime and Speaker phone conversations in public, why it's universally annoying to a lot of people, they did studies of this where the, it's the fact that your brain's job is to have closure on things. Your brain can't like shut off that conversation. They call it a half a log.

Your brain is hearing half of the conversation. First of all, you're annoyed that it is intruded on your space. But now your brain is doing the work of figuring out, whoa, is he being rude to that person or what are they negotiating or what is happening over there? Your brain is trying to figure it out, but you're not getting all the information. And so it frustrates your brain, and that leads to another level of influence.

That makes sense to me, because I'm such an internal person. So I'm always thinking things to, I'm not really in the outside world anyway. I'm internal. So when you come in and with all your noise, it's like you've entered my brain. You've interrupted.

Yeah, you've interrupted me. It's basically that. Even though I'm by myself and not speaking to anyone, you have completely interrupted me. Right? So it's like and co-opted my brain. Like now you're giving me my brain a job to do that my brain didn't have before.

Now I have to figure out, you know, I don't know. Are they gonna get through this? Is this a breakup? It's gonna happen right now and I have to, now my brain is involved in what you're doing. Yes, my brain is involved in your business call. And I do just feel like there's something that insults my soul also about it.

Like you really don't see anyone else around you. Right, like the fact that you, like on a plane. And then the dude is having his using his outside voice to have a business calling. He actually believes this is the most important thing not to him, but to everyone else in this cabin. There's just something that really, well, it's like a vocal man spreading. It's like, you're taking vocal man spreading? It's like you're taking vocal man spreading. And then it turns into a hostage situation. And we're all in a hostage situation. And you know what else bothers

me? Is that we all have agreed that we will just all be uncomfortable and annoyed. But we won't interrupt it, interrupt the guy who's interrupting all of us. We won't say to him, dude, are you effing kidding me? We just all have to suffer silently. So my category of pet peeve is sound boundaries which I'm going to now call soundries. Okay. For however long we have been knowing each other

and together and married. This is the thing, right? This is your thing. And so I wonder, and I, I actually, this is an honest question. This is not like trying to be snarky in any way. Right. Is there any part of this that is your responsibility to train your brain to not be interrupted. I don't know if I can not be interrupted, but I fully believe that my obsession with quiet is a slice of insanity on this earth that I am living on with other people and machines. Yes, I do understand that, but because it's so problematic for you in your life, in almost every public arena,

and even in your private life, living with me, is there a cause to like, let's try and work on maybe not having this thing affect you in such a negative way? Is there a way that we can work on loud noises not being so interrupted to you? I wonder. I would love that. I'm not against progress. Okay. And I also would love to have peace. And I would love to not be so upset by

noise. What do you think, babe? What's your pet peeve? Is it having your holding sneezes? Yeah, having to hold in sneezes. That's not just like, that's not a pet peeve. That's just painful. Okay, so I've got a couple. Number one, like slow walkers. Like anybody doing walking slow. I don't get it.

I have to text her in airports sometimes, because she's so far ahead of me that I can't. It's nothing I can do about it. She can't hear me, so I have to text her in airports sometimes, because she's so far ahead of me, that I can't see. It's nothing I can do about it. She can't hear me, so I have to text her and say, I'm back here, I've stopped for a coffee. Yeah. Or just like, in general,

anybody kind of doing things at a snail's pace. Oh, I'm so sorry. I know. But the bigger one, I think for me, isn't necessarily like sound barriers or boundaries. It's just overall like my stuff. Oh yes. You know, being the youngest of seven kids.

I don't like it when people like for instance, Amit just came into my room this morning. She's like, can I borrow your tweezer and I was like, you know what? Just have them. Because it's so sad to have hope that she's going to return them. I've got two here and I don't want to be upset because I know that those tweezers are going to come back and there's going to be like a little ding in one of them. If they even come back. If they come, they never come back.

What am I kidding? Like, I got to go search for them. So just like, you just take it. Barrowing my clothes, because I know that nobody will take care of those clothes quite like me. And when it comes back, I see, I'm just doing it to protect people. Because I know that nobody, like if somebody gives me something of mine back

and it is dirty or less than, I'm pissed at that person. Right. So you're protecting your relationship. That's actually very good boundary. I'm like, I know what I am. I'm like, I get this. You know, I do that with people and information.

There's so many people who say things to their, to their friend that they know can't keep a secret. And then they say, please don't share this with anyone. And then of course, because everybody knows that that friend can't keep a secret. And then they say, please don't share this with anyone. And then of course, because everybody knows that that friend can't keep a secret, they then do disclose it, and then you're mad at them. But I'm like, you should be mad at you. Yes. You gave that friend information

that they could not handle. That's right. That's right. That's right. It was your self-control problem. You know what you were getting into. So you're protecting, because our family doesn't have any boundaries or things. Nobody.

I have not taught that. Zero. No, we just walk into each other's shit and just grab things. And like for all the step parents out there, or the bonus parents, like we call it, like that's a thing, like that was hard for me to like get used to at first. When the kids started to like we call it. Like, that's a thing. Like, that was a hard for me to,

to like get used to at first. When the kids started to like actually like me, there was like a lack of boundaries with body, like the way that they crawl on you, and the way that they use your shit without ever asking, and then the way that like, parasites.

Yeah, I just couldn't understand it. I was like, no, this is adult stuff. Like this is an adult shirt. You're not allowed to wear an adult shirt. Like our children walk into our room, they get in our bed. They get out of our bed, they go into our closet, they go through our crowd. I've never ever taught stuff boundaries.

I mean, the middle of the night bed sleeping, I didn't get this. I mean, I came in ammo is eight. So I get it more with her, but Tish was 10, she's 13. And like, there were times where like all three of them were in our bedroom sleeping somewhere on the floor, somewhere in the bed. And I'm just like, I guess this is what life is. No, like not only are, are the boundaries of my, my personal shit gone. somewhere in the bed and I'm just like, I guess this is what life is. No. Like, not only are the boundaries of my personal shit gone, like the boundaries of space and stuff and like, you know, I don't know.

And Abby has cool clothes, so and they fit our kids. So everybody at our, I will look around the dinner table at night and every single person at the table, including Craig. We'll have at least shit on. Yeah. That's something. So do you think that that was a gradual because when you put it like that, that sounds crazy. But then I feel like I feel like for people who maybe were with the baby since they were born, it's just a gradual breaking down of any kind of dignity or personal integrity or any idea that stuff is sacred or anything belongs to you. I had dignity.

I came in with dignity. Do you feel like you still have it? Or have you gone dead inside about it? No, it's gone. Okay. Gone. I mean, literally Tish, Tish wore a sweatshirt. She came in. I mean, luckily now they know it pisses me off so much that they at least ask before

they take like something that they know that I like or I just got like her favorite thing. Like my new favorite sweatshirt I just got. She's like, can I wear this? And I'm like, fine. She's like, thank you. It is one of your things. And it makes perfect sense as the youngest of seven and not going through the the slippery slope of loss of dignity with coming in late to parenting. Yeah.

And you want the things put back. Just put it back. Are they belong? And also, there's a little nugget here. I'm going to digress. The little thing that's just like me personal, I think. Are you going to talk about the sink? Mm-hmm. But it was really leaning into the borrowing because it didn't affect her. Okay, so the sink that we have, the sink that we've always had,

the sink that all people have. The sink that all people have. Has a hole. Some sinks have a disposal thing that you get to wash the food down and then you press a button or you flip a switch and the disposal, it gets all of the food. Are you saying disposal?

Disposal. Disposal. It's like a, it's a garbage, you know, that, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It disposes all. No! All food. And my family seems to think that the disposed all is just for when food goes down the drain. Not to rinse food that is in on the bottom of the sink. Dishes need to get done by the folks in our family the way we do it. The dish folks are the ones who have not done anything to cook the food. Right. So I don't cook dishes. I go sit

down and I get to plan my phone for 10 lovely minutes by myself after dinner. And almost every single time I walk back into the kitchen to get my tea. And I look down at the bottom of the sink and there is all of what was left on everyone's plate that night at dinner on the bottom of the sink. It has been disposed none. I repeat, it's a disposed none. It's a disposed none, sink. And the kind of rage, I'm like, the job is not finished. You have given entire speeches. First of all, when you finish your job of,

let's say, you rinse the stuff off in the sink and then you put your dish in the dishwasher. Who doesn't look in the sink? Like what kind of a person do you have to be to not look at the sink to see that, because guess what happens? That food dries on the bottom of that sink. Right, okay, so this is your pet beef,

is the bottom of the sink. It's so upsetting to me. Right, I just wanna explain one thing to you that I, I am, I feel in the house that I have sort of a theory of work. Okay. And I call that in my heart and mind. I call it the 9010. Okay. I start big projects. I do really a lot of things. You do. But I don't, I start them. I organize, I putter, I do all the things, but I really get tired at the end. Okay?

So what I feel like is if I'm starting a project in the house that I can take it to 90%. I can take it to 90%. But then I'm going to leave the extra 10. So like if there's going to be, there's going to be boxes in the hallway that need to go out to the garage or there's going to be trash bags that need to go out to the trash or there's going to be some food at the bottom of the sink. But what I want is for my partner to come look at that 10% and say, well, she did 90%. I actually don't mind when you start a big project and all like you're, because that

makes you happy. And also not having to finish something is that feels like an actual gift and act of service that I can do for you. Okay. Like that's something that I love. Because I'm a starter in your finisher. Yes. Okay, like that's something that I love because I'm a starter and you're a finisher. Yes, however This theory if if applied to your soundries

It would be like 10% of the time I just like knowingly ignore the thing that pisses you off the most and I don't knowingly do that the thing that pisses you off the most. And I don't knowingly do that. I also feel like the 90% rule that the, I'm a non-finisher rule should only apply to tasks

that take longer than 30 minutes. Okay, okay, that's fair. I don't feel like that. A huge closet organization. Great, non-finisher rule. I'm gonna leave all this crap around here because I've done my contribution. But the non-finisher rule cannot apply

to the 10 minute cleanup after tonight. I just feel like I actually know. I'm sitting here. Here's what we're actually talking about, sister. It is not a 10 minute situation. This is a five second deal. This is grabbing the sprayer, turning the faucet on, spraying water for five seconds, turning it off and their job is done. Okay, so finishing, not putting in effort is really

pisses you off because you also, I would say another of your pet peeves is when we're watching the sport. Oh, don't get me started on people who jog places. You don't ever take a fucking play or moment off. Like ever. To me, that's like character. When someone is not showing their best hustle, she stands up off the couch, gets very close to the television and makes us watch the person over and over and over again. She rewinds, watch, rewinds that guy, that guy, that guy. Do you see it? You see it? You see it?

You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it?

You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? You see it? category. If Abby's no hustle, her pet peeve is no hustle. My pet peeve is no yield. If you're not yielding auditorially, if you're not yielding on the street, if you're not yielding in spirit,

you insult myself. It's almost like we're opposite. Almost interesting. Like you're opposites. I have some common ones. Like, like, even thinking right now about chalk makes me want to like, like, I, it hurts my teeth. Why does it hurt our teeth? I don't know. I don't know. It's very, I can't, I can't hold chalk. I was never able to do sidewalk chalk with my kids.

I'm like, I know. Thank you very much. Of course, like, loud chewing, all the things. Then I have ones that I don't know if they're ones that bother people, but like people who stand too close to the baggage claim when it's coming around, I don't understand that. Why do we need to crowd the baggage claim?

We could all just stand around, we could all see the bags, we could all go forward when our bags come and take them away, but instead we're all like jocelyn for front receipts on the baggage claim I don't understand that yeah say we're doing dinner and then the dinner's all ready and then We have some delay because of course we have 1400 delays every time someone's gonna wash their hands that takes 15 minutes and then And then now it's time to eat and And the beautiful prepared meal is now cold. And my darling husband will just take it and eat it.

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, that's cold now. And he's like, it's fine. And that insults my soul. Because I'm like, this is supposed to be a warm meal. We just made a warm meal. We have hot machines right there in our house. We can just put it in the hot machine and then eat it as God intended it. And he's like, that's fine. And I don't I don't understand. I don't understand. He's trying to be polite. And also,

he's like in from a big family, like we ate lukewarm food forever. But also, eight lukewarm food forever. But also, sorry. No hustle, no yield, you're no fine. You don't like fine. Oh yeah. Don't give sister fine. Yeah.

That is what we have to do. Don't give sister fine. Fine, people saying fine about anything. How is it? It's fine. You might as well say, you are just average and fairly fine mix you like throw up in my mouth. This is the worst.

Yes. Any version of acceptance of mediocrity, not caring. Oh, no, no. Of fineness is your in any form is your pet peeve. Oh, no. No, no. Of, fineness is your, in any form, is your pet peeve. That's one of your pet peeve. That's right. It's categories, your categories. I also have another totally random one that, I don't know, it's weird, but the phrase, I didn't have time. No. I didn't have time to do that. I didn't have time to do that.

I didn't have time to get to that. This one has always, always bothered me. And I don't, I just feel like it's not intellectually honest because there's no having of the time. There's just spending of the time. And we choose what we spend our time on. And I want to say very clearly that like, this is the opposite of that whole meme, like Beyonce has the same 24 hours in a day as you have. Like, no, no, she doesn't. That's completely ableist and classist and shaming and ridiculous. I realize that I have the resources of a professional woman who cleans my house, a professional therapist who cleans my brain, a very involved partner,

a mom down the street who is there for any emergencies. I don't have the same amount of time street who is there for any emergencies. Like, I don't have the same amount of time as somebody else. I have more of it. And maybe passivity is kind of my kryptonite too. It's like mediocrity and passivity. I feel like not just saying I don't have time is basically suggesting that time will either arrive and give it unto you you or it will not. But that's not how time works.

So for me, I don't say it because it allows me to actually realign my values. Like it's either I haven't made time or I haven't prioritized that yet or I'm going to invest the time next week in that. Or that's not a priority for me. It gives me the agency of it to not suggest that like, oh, there's just a dearth of time. And I am expected to do all of this and I can't. It's like, no, you can do whatever within your resources as they are for any given person, just do with your time what you place the highest and best value on. That's not to say that you should maximize every bit of time. That's the opposite of what I'm saying. I perfectly respect people who are saying, I invested a lot of time this week in my family, I'm prioritizing my kids' practices, I'm gonna make time for that next week.

I respect that more because you're saying, you're claiming what your time is. I just wanna clarify that I'm not saying optimize and make your time most efficient. It's like actually be honest about what you're doing and in fact nobody has time for everything. So, but you are making time and you're investing time in other shit.

Yeah, whoo. I guess that. What else do you have any other ones to see? I mean, I really don't like a passive aggressive CC on an email. Do you ever notice that where people think they're like telling on you or something by CCing someone on the email and you're like, no, nobody, nope, we're not doing that here. Yeah, passive aggressive CC. Yes, I have experienced those and I'm sure I have done those. Yes. Yeah, passive aggressive CC. Yes, I have experienced those. And I'm sure I have done those. Yes. Oh, done knows. Okay, let's talk about the things that we do that are annoying to other

people. I know I'd have a shit ton of things that are so annoying. I have a lot of them. I ask questions incessantly during TV shows and movies. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's a freaking, that's illegal. Actually, I do know that about you. We barely ever watch TV with you because you are trying not to be mediocre. And so I pretend when you're with me that I don't watch TV all day,

which is what I actually do. You know, I'm obsessed with reality TV and I've tried to watch it with you. And it's so awful. You can't understand. You can't understand what they're doing. You can't accept the housewives for who they are to ask me questions as if any of it's logical. Why is she doing that? Why is she screaming? Why? Why is she behaving away? Who is so insane? Why does she dress that way? What do you mean why? We don't ask why. The real housewives are not to ask why too.

And also, you're not 10. Right. Just keep thinking. Just be quiet and keep thinking. And just keep reading. You know, like when you read and you just keep reading and you get context. I, yeah. It makes John want to stab his eye out.

Of course. He's just, he looks at me like, I can't believe, I can't believe I love you. You're horrible. You're horrible. I can't, I don't know why, I can't stop. I'm like, do you think she's really going to, they're not going to let her die in this movie, are they? I can't, I, all the time, can't stop asking.

I also do this very annoying thing where I say in a very passive aggressive way, like we should do X, you know, like we need to take out the recycling. We need to, but I 100% for sure mean I would like you to. Yeah, but even more, you you mean why the hell haven't. That's what you mean. But I think if. And then, oh, I am late. And I view my lateness. Why?

Because I chronically, I start going places later than I should. Okay. Now that is intellectually honest. Thank you. But I always, in my head, I'm like, oh, that was situational. Oh, my God. Can you believe? Except that every single time it takes me 20% longer than I give myself.

But then I act like that 20% is a complete fucking surprise. Every time. That's interesting. I would say that. Yeah, what are yours? I think it's interesting that you have lateness as one of the you're annoying things, and lateness to me is a pet peeve.

Oh, no, it's not a pet peeve. It's like a phobia of yours. It's like a deeply rooted, scary thing for's like a deep, we rooted scary thing for you. Yeah, it's very upsetting to me. And I think it's because of my addiction years, because I was so didn't show up for so much. And I disappointed so many people that I'm being late now. It really triggers something.

Well, it's either way, it's the right way to live. Well, except that it's also, I have learned from a lot of people that like being supremely annoyed about other people's lateness is actually has a lot of ableism in it. There's a lot of issues related to neurodiversity that lead to lateness. And also that there's a lot of like capitalistic patriarchal whiteness in my everyone has to be aunt. It's very like that's right. Sent American and you know, all of that. I actually asked, we pulled our family last night about what is the most annoying things that we do.

We asked our kids. And I think it's interesting that what you said to me about the most annoying thing about me is how easily annoyed I get. thing about me is how easily annoyed I get. That like actually having so many things that disturbed me is the most disturbing thing about me. Because it's awesome. Yeah, because it's like, first of all, just annoying, But there's like a serious thing about it, which I think that probably anybody who lives with somebody with anxiety

or deals with the ripple effects of that, which is that it affects the whole family's experience all the time because everyone's feeling like in public places, they have to like protect this person or they are now hypersensitive of everyone's volume and everyone's well because this person has rippled their anxiety into the rest of the family. So I think being so easily annoyed is something that is annoying.

Yeah. And by the way, I just want to like make sure the pod squatters know that that Glenn and I talked at law at length about this and this is something she also understands and accepts as part of who she is. Totally. I'm not trying to like point and get her and put something out. No. Although we should do an episode like that.

I love like surprise attack. Glenn and sensitivity is one of the things that I love about her the most. And it's also it makes it the hardest in moments to like live with her. And I would bet our family feels that way. But I'm not attacking you. I think this is who you are. And I have to come to accept this about you. But sometimes it's just like, when a sports game is on, and I scream, because there was a play, there was this moment that was amazing,

and I'm like, oh my gosh! And I'm on the floor in the kitchen. Like, how are we being attacked? Are there other kids okay? And then you realize, like, this is sports, this is things. So we have this, like, there's a moment in time where we fight this like invisible battle, I suppose, that is like I'm doing the right thing and also you're doing the right thing and it's just a good thing.

It's marriage. It's like, oh here we are again where you're being you and I'm being me and there's nothing we can do about it ever. And there's like no, there's no point of saying sorry. Yeah. Because nobody's freaking changing. Right. Like if we love each other madly, if we could have, we would have for each other. No. Abby's going to keep being loud and surprising.

Hi. I'm going to keep being ridiculously sensitive about that loudness and surprises. And we're just going to keep staring at each other forever, just being like, here we are again, you being you, me being me. And I think accepting that moment, right? Like that invisible, earth-ness, that invisible moment where we're both like, I can't believe, like accepting like, oh oh that is who you are What's your annoying thing?

Well, I'm pretty perfect. Can we talk about sneezing? Yes, the sneezing the loudness the sneezing and the coughing that I don't First of all, I don't muzzle or mute myself You're unyielding First of all, I don't muzzle or mute myself. You're unyielding. Quite like the way that you would want. And I sometimes forget to cover my mouth.

I just want to know. This is a very common one. But this is not, I suggest it goes on the do better list, not on the pet peeve list. Yeah, this is right. This is right. I am a former preschool and third grade teacher and I know That everyone gets taught that we the people in order to perform a less virusy union

Freakin put our arms over our mouths Freakin put our arms over our mouths. I know. I was sneezed as a act of service. But babe, now you two could be a patriot, Abby. Exactly. The masks now, I'm just like, I'm good. I'm just like, I just covered the sides. Make sure it doesn't come out.

To be fair, have you always done that or did you before our marriage feel like it was okay just to sneeze out loud in a room? I felt like it was fine. Yeah, and it's not know it's not. I know my mind and it's not. But I also the sneeze comes at me quick and powerfully. I just want to say at the end of this pet peeve conversation. Yeah, how are you feeling? You pissed at me? No, I just love you so much. I love you too. Thanks. And I know you're going to be Abby and I'm going to be glad it and sister's going to be sister. And this is the way that we continue moving forward in our marriage

is just like the you know because the beginning parts of relationships it's just like oh my gosh everything is so new and you're amazing and it turns into deeper loving and all the things and then it's just like basically we just got to accept each other. Well and don't you think that the thing that attracts you to each other is like, I'm sure that one of the things that attracted me to you was your like living largeness, was yours taking up space, was your boldness, and that's what drew me to me. Okay, so what is our next great thing? I don't know. Tell us your pet peeves. Yeah. I want to hear from the pod squad

What your pet peeves are and I think the next right thing isn't just that I think it also needs to be about What are we doing because we know we having said these pet peeves out loud? I think that now it's like oh is there a way I can kind of lessen the ones that are that are annoying other people around me and also work on the ones that annoy me because I'm the one that's suffering over here. So it's like, is going dead inside about people borrowing my shit, what I need to do. So as to not suffer myself. Right. So going instead dead inside as a strategy, full circle. How can we go dead inside about these pet peeves?

And which ones are in the do better list? Because, you know, one of the best things that ever happened to me is when one of my friends gave me a stack of business cards that say nothing, but stop talking. And you can go around the airport and to the man who's doing the very loud business call. You can just hand him a card that says stop talking. I've never actually done it. Yeah, I'm like, but they're in my purse.

Right. And they feel good. Right. Being there. That would be so fucking amazing. In case of emergency. I forgot to mention man spreading on a plane. Oh, Jesus.

I want you to know, Pod Squad, that as an active service for all of us, if someone is man spreading next to me on a plane, I, and perhaps this is a good metaphor for the way that I react to pet pews. I will put both of my arms on, I will spend six hours on a flight, spreading out as much as humanly possible, so that I am in pain just to prove my point that that dude does not get any of my space.

Oh my god. Okay. It's upsetting for sure. Okay, let's hear from the opposite of our pet paves, our pet loves, our pod squadder of the week, Emily. Hi, Glenn and Abby and sister. My name is Emily. When you're talking about teachers being superheroes, like that, you know, whole discussion hit me like a brick

because I am a high school teacher. And, you know, one of the things that I don't know, you know, if this is a political for other people and like whatever, but I always think like make it tangible. So like, when everyone's like, teachers should be paid a billion dollars. I'm like, no one's going to pay teachers a billion dollars. But if everyone said, teachers should be paid 80,000 dollars, then actual change would happen. So like, that's my big pet peeve and like feeling of like,

oh, way we could make change is by changing the way we talk about things like that and making real actual changes that we think people should earn, you know, things along those lines. What have they earned and being specific and not hyper-bally because that's the only. And we've talked about that before in terms of whenever we throw those things at people, oh, she's a superhero. They're superheroes there. That's just a way of pandering that is more virtue signaling of the person who's saying it than anything that's beneficial to the person you're saying it about. And in fact, detrimental because we're saying there's super heroes. They can and should in fact continue doing unreasonable levels of work, which they can do because they're superheroes. Normal people should not be expected to do that, but they should. That's right. Yes.

Yeah. So, like, instead of a little graphic that says teachers are superheroes and they should be paid a billion dollars like make a political call that actually states what teachers need which is more money, more benefits, better maternity leave, all of those things that people who are actually humans and not superheroes need. Also,, I'm the pet peeve note. Can I just throw out another one? Because as we're talking, it really turns me with the teacher thing. Can we just make a minor suggestion

that as you're considering teacher appreciation gifts and thank yous to teachers, holiday gifts and stuff, maybe less of like the mug with your kids face on it or the ornament with your kids face on it or the ornament with your kids face on it. Maybe more cash money. Maybe more gift cards. Like, because I'm pretty sure they're seeing a lot of your kids face.

Lots of hours of the day, but what they're not really seeing is those dollar bills. Just, a, man. That's right. And as a former teacher, I will tell you that there was one year when I wanted those things. That was the first year that I taught. And I was so in love with those kids that I did want.

You know, you're little lollipop doll that you made with your kids face on it. But just, I think it is a good rule in general to remember as a parent that no one loves your child like you do. Okay, no one in the whole world. No one, not even their teacher. And if you're considering a gift with your kids face on it, If you're considering a gift with your kids face on it, really for anyone else! Cash instead! And with that, we can do hard things. We'll see you next week.

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