We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Pet Peeves: What Do Our Biggest Annoyances Say About Us? (Best Of)

Episode Date: May 3, 2025

1. Glennon explains her “soundaries”—and why a lack of audiorial yield in public places is her biggest peeve. 2. Abby’s struggle, as a bonus parent, adjusting to a kid-filled life with zero personal space and personal property boundaries. 3. Why Amanda is allergic to the word “fine”—and why she’s stopped saying “I didn’t have time. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. Hello to our wonderful people. Hello, you know. I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the listeners. Oh, oh. But also you. Do you want to know something that I found out today? Uh-oh. I think soft rock is my favorite kind of music. Oh my God, are you listening to that new soft rock station?

Who put it on the car? I don't know. Somebody found it and I, every song, I'm like, oh yeah, let's go. Yesterday I was driving Emma home from school. Papa don't preach, Karen. He says that he's going to marry me and we can raise a little family. Yes! I mean, so good. I'm so glad you're digging it. What else has come up? Well, you know, I can't remember any songs or anything that just happened other than the moment I'm in right now. So I was just in the car five minutes ago and I was singing to a lovely song.

You don't know what it was? Uh-uh. Oh, honey. Speaking of Papa Don't Preach, do you remember when we used to get together with all the cousins in Ohio and we would do talent shows. And do you please remember the year that we decided to pick Like A Virgin to perform for, we were like seven and eight and nine

and we had no idea what the hell it meant, but we came down, all of the aunts, all of the uncles, my very, very Irish Catholic grandmother waited for us and we came down and fully performed like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Like a virgin. I remember the move. I remember we'd all put out our left hand and go,

Touched for the very first time. And touch our arm back and forth. Oh, we were, we were amazing. Yeah. Just dance. And do you remember the faces, their faces? They just were like stone-faced, just staring at us. I was like, wow, we are really impressive.

They are speechless. Speechless. Blowing their minds. So. Yeah, that was my like two cents for today. Thank you, babe. Random thoughts by... Soft Rock for All. Which is a good segue because I feel like Soft Rock might be a lot of people's best

people. Yes. Yes. Yes. So we are in this year of our Lord, 2022. We have decided for us, you do you, but we have decided for us that 2022 so far is the year where we just, we're out of giddy up. We're out of all, we're all fresh out of giddy up. We are no longer Rosie the Riveters. We are no longer full of resilience. We used all that up. And so

this is the year where we survived by going largely dead inside. It's an army crawl. A full on, it was, it was a go get them cowgirls and now it's just an army crawl inch by inch. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's that thing that you see on the interwebs where it's just like people ask you how you are and you just gesture vaguely. Yeah, I love the gesture vaguely tweet. Yes. Just at everything.

So we have though figured out that there's one vibe of 2022 that we can embrace and that might save us. And that is absurdity. Okay, I think that I am like punch drunk in like, I'm dead inside. I don't care about much. But then like my kid falls in the kitchen, like down on the ground. Now that will get me through an entire hour. Like anything that is silly or nonsensical or absurd is really helping me nonsensical or absurd is really helping me this year. And that's what we're going to embrace. Okay.

So to that end this week, we decided to put out to you an episode full of joy and love and positivity and absurdity about the things that piss us off. Okay. and love and positivity and absurdity about the things that piss us off. Okay. I have, I don't know if I've been as excited to, to record a podcast. Really?

Yeah. There's just something about saying things out loud that makes me very excited. Okay. This is part of the absurdity of 2022. No, no, no, no. About me? No, it's nothing that you don't know. It's nothing that I don't, haven't said. But it's just like, it's fun to talk about the shit that pisses us off.

Yeah, pet peeves. It's so fun. Because I feel like right now, I mean, we do this whole thing where we talk about the super hard, legit things like, oh, we need to talk about these deep pains. And naming them is helpful. But we feel like these little peevish things that just annoy us are our little problems. But I think naming them and having other people be like, yes, because we are all on the solitary last nerve. It's like we had all the nerves. The camel was unburdened. And now after two years of pandemic, the camel, it's too much straw and the nerves are

one. And so this is why right now it's like we could take, we could take 18 months of the people in our house slurping up their cereal, but on the 19th month, it's done now. It is done. We are finished. Yeah. Well, because, and we also cared about the reason we didn't say anything or lose our shit before is because we still cared about making it through. Well, like we felt like if there's an end line, we could, we were going to have our moment where it was going to be over and people would look at us and our

family and say, wow, you did it. You, you were an angel in the house. Like you just, you won. Good and faithful servant, you have done it. Yes, you won. What a love warrior you were. But now we've realized that's not gonna happen. We don't even see an end line.

So we no longer care what people think of us in our home. Like we just wanna stop hating everybody. So we're gonna do what it takes to make the things stop that bother us. Okay, so, right? Every woman for themselves in the house now. Everybody for themselves. So today we're talking about pet peeves, okay?

And so a pet peeve, it's something that annoys the hell out of you. But the pet part of it is like, it's particular, you believe at least, that it's particular to you. It's something that insults your soul. The Whitman thing. Like, it deeply insults your own soul, but you're not sure that anyone else's soul is insulted by it. It's like a talent or like a special gift that's been given just to you to protect your soul by giving you this thing that you hate about the world or other people. Do you feel that's correct about what a pet peeve is?

I do. This is why I think it's confusing because if you research it, there's all of these things that are categorized as pet peeves that are actually just suboptimal behaviors, like, like, not acceptable behaviors, like talking with your mouth full, you know, staring at people. Like I don't think these are appropriately categorized as pet peeves because it's just like people stop doing that. Like a pet peeve is some idiosyncratic thing that annoys you and that might not annoy other people to the extent it annoys you. So it has something to do with you specifically, and whereas somebody else's pet peeve

might not bother you at all. Okay, so what are pet peeves that are super general to all of us before we get into the specifics of ours? So common ones are cracking knuckles, scraping a plate with a fork and knife, like that sound. Okay. The sound of styrofoam against styrofoam. Ooh, yeah fork and knife, like that sound. Oh, okay. The sound of Styrofoam against Styrofoam. Ooh, yeah, I don't like that one.

People who talk about themselves in the third person. Oh, Glennon hates that. Overuse of literally, like it's literally running cats and dogs. It is not. Oh, I do that. It's not in fact literally running cats and dogs. Everyone in this house literally does that every four seconds. When did literally start?

Was it the Kardashians? Like who did literally to us? I don't know. Literally and actually. I'm literally falling apart right now. My insights are literally on fire. It's so good. It's your like, it's actually means directly the opposite of that.

What you're trying to say. So slow walkers, losing socks in the dryer, you know, talking to people while you still have your AirPods in. People do not like this. People not standing to the right side of the escalator, the sound of slurping, you know, things like this. These are, and then there's this whole other category of things that people call their pet peeves, but I think we're just giving humanity,

like, a little too low of a bar to call these pet peeves. Like, I think we should, Lovey would say just do better, world. Because there are things like saying no offense right before you say something offensive. No, just do better. Or after, right? Or after, right. Standing too close to

people, being a close talker, clipping your nails in public, interrupting, being late, people who don't pick up after their dog, receiving a non-apology. Hold on. I got to go back to the clipping your nails in public. That's a thing? It's a thing that people say is a pet peeve of theirs. Any self-grooming in public, that's a thing? It's a thing that people say is a pet peeve of theirs. Any self-grooming in public people do not. Who the hell is clipping their nails in public? Okay. So I do think that there's, this is a distinct difference because saying

that's my pet peeve that people give a non-pology is taking responsibility for something that is actually everyone else's responsibility. Like that's not a pet peeve. That's just like... wisdom. Right. It's just like we're trying to have a civilization here, people. Stop doing these things. Yeah.

Like, we understand it wasn't written down. Like, you didn't get a contract that said, we, the people, in order to form a less disgusting union, will not clip our frickicking nails in public, but we just thought it was understood. Right. So like dude on the train, sorry, it's just my pet peeve that people don't clip their toenails next to me. Like no.

Do better. Right. So that's why we're not talking really about those today, because we just insist upon a higher standard of the union. Right. So that's why we're not talking really about those today because we just insist upon a higher standard of the union. But it's the little things that say something more about you that bothers you and other people's behavior. Okay. So okay, I can talk about some of my biggest personal pet peeve category.

Do you want me to start? Yeah, I can't wait. Well, I think you would know what it is. I know everything. I know everything and I know all of these things are relating specifically to me also. No, no, that's not true. All of these things annoyed me long before you. Okay, that's good.

Okay. You just kind of embodied them all. No, baby, that's good. Okay. You just kind of embodied them all. Okay. So what I have thought about for the last bit in, in trying to figure out what my pet peeves are is that they have a category. Most of my pet peeves have to do with sound. Oh yeah. It's like loudness. Like people who for no reason just speak in a voice that is so loud in general, first of all, it's just, I don't understand. Like no one's told them that everyone's close and can hear. Okay.

So general loudness. What if they're just trying to get their point across? Public spaces where people have no auditorial yield. I just feel like when we are in public spaces, again, we have gotten this memo about forming a more perfect union where we are going to kind of understand that we're not going to use voices that encroach upon other people's space. But you're saying public, you're in public. No. This is a public space. Okay, well, you know, you're not allowed to scream fire in public. You're not allowed to like, okay, you're not allowed to just walk up to me and smack me.

But when you stand next to me with your damn FaceTime or your effing speaker phone, and you have a conversation about your business, like your business is the most important thing on earth, and you are almost always a man, and you are speaking so freaking loudly next to me, it is as if you have auditorially slapped me. That's right.

It's just noise pollution. The guy that you were having a FaceTime call in public and he was having a FaceTime call in public and he was yelling. He was properly yelling on the phone. Well, no, I was hiding in a corner in a hotel. And you asked him, you said, could you please, you know, could you please be a little more quiet or doing the same thing?

And he just goes, I was here first. Yeah. And he wasn't. And then he stayed. He got louder and louder and louder to prove a point to me. I just like doing all of the jerk. I was here first. Yeah.

So anyway, it is like noise pollution. It's like say someone came and was and like had a bunch of their stuff and then they just they just like threw it threw it at you. It's like it's like you're not allowed to throw your trash at someone's person but you can throw your noise all over other people's experiences. It's weird. How about the people that purposefully spend extra money to make their cars louder? That's something I can't understand. So that I have a freaking heart attack

every time their car drives by. It is as if I have to recover. And it's like, did you not get enough attention as a child? Like what, why with the loud cars? What about the noise upsets you? Okay, well- Why is it upsetting? Well, because- No judgment, like why is it upsetting? Well, because I... No judgment, like why is it

upsetting? Well, I mean I think that there are some people who are probably more highly sensitive to noise, right? I'm clearly always been a highly sensitive person, so noise makes me... I mean you know when when you sneeze or when the doorbell rings, it is as if I have been attacked by enemy fire. I know. Like my body doesn't know how to, I can break out in a cold sweat, you know that. It's terrifying to me. I've gotten the look, like I've actually hurt you

after I've just done something my body naturally does. She looks at me with death eyes and I'm like, I'm sorry. And also it's a sneeze, I can't warn you. This happens. Like, hey babe, I'm about. And also it's a sneeze. I can't warn you. It just happens. Like, there's no warning. Hey babe, I'm about to sneeze. Do you know another- I'm a big person.

It's an attack. Another reason why I think your, your kind of like FaceTime and speaker phone conversations in public, why it's universally annoying to a lot of people. They did studies of this where the, it's the fact that your brain's job is to have closure on things. Your brain can't like shut off that conversation.

They call it a half a log. Your brain is hearing half of the conversation. And first of all, you're annoyed that it is intruded on your space. But now your brain is doing the work of figuring out like, whoa, is he being rude to that person? Or what are they negotiating? Or what is happening over there?

And your brain is trying to figure it out, but you're not getting all the information. And so it frustrates your brain. And that leads to another level of annoyance. That makes sense to me because I'm such an internal person. So I'm always thinking things through. I'm not really in the outside world anyway. I'm internal. So when you come in and with all your noise,

it's like you've entered my brain. You've interrupted. Yeah, you've interrupted me. Even though I'm by myself and not speaking to anyone. You have completely interrupted me. Even though I'm by myself and not speaking to anyone, you have completely interrupted me. Right? So it's like my category. Ed co-opted my brain.

Like now you're giving my brain a job to do that my brain didn't have before. Now I have to figure out, you know, I don't know, are they gonna get through this? Is this a breakup? It's gonna happen right now and I have to, now I'm, my brain is involved in what you're doing. Yes, my brain is involved in your business call.

And I do just feel like there's something that insults my soul also about it. Like you really don't see anyone else around you. Right. Like the fact that you, like on a plane and then the dude is having, he's using his outside voice to have a business call. He actually believes this is the most important thing,

not to him, but to everyone else in this cabin. There's just something that really. Well, it's like vocal manspreading. It's like you're taking vocal manspreading and then it turns into a hostage situation. And we're all in a hostage situation. And you know what else bothers me? Is that we all have agreed that we will just all be uncomfortable and annoyed, but we won't

interrupt it, interrupt the guy who's interrupting all of us. We won't say to him, dude, are you f-ing kidding me? We just all have to suffer silently. So mine category of pet peeve is sound boundaries, which I'm going to now call soundries. Oh, my God. For however long we've been knowing each other and together and married, this is the thing, right? This is your thing.

And so I wonder, and I actually, this is an honest question. This is not like trying to be snarky in any way. Right. Is there any part of this that is your responsibility to train your brain to not be interrupted? I don't know if I can not be interrupted, but I fully believe that my obsession with quiet is a slice of insanity on this earth that I am living on

with other people and machines. Yes, I hear you. I do understand that. But because it's so problematic for you in your life, in almost every public arena, and even in your private life living with me, is there then a cause to like, let's try and work on maybe not having this thing affect you in such a negative way?

Is there a way that we can work on loud noises not being so interruptive to you in your brain? I wonder. I would love that. I'm not against progress. Okay. Wow. And I also would love to have peace. And I would love to not be so upset by noise. What do you think babe? What's your pet peeve? Is it having to hold in sneezes? Yeah, having to hold in sneezes. That's not just like, that's not a pet peeve. That's just painful. Um, okay. So I've got a couple. Number one, like slow walkers. Like anybody doing, walking slow.

I don't get it. I have to text her in airports sometimes because she's so far ahead of me that I can't. It's nothing I can do about it. She can't hear me, so I have to text her and say, I'm back here. I've stopped for a coffee. Yeah.

Or just like in general, anybody kind of doing things at a snail's pace. Oh, I'm so sorry. I know. But the bigger one, I think for me, isn't necessarily like sound barriers or boundaries. It's just overall like my stuff. Being the youngest of seven kids, I don't like it when people, like, for instance, Emma just came into my room this morning and she's like, can I borrow your tweezers? And I was like, you know what, just have them. Because it's so sad to have hope that she's gonna return them.

I've got two here and I don't want to be upset because I know that those tweezers are gonna come back and there's gonna be like a little ding in one of them. If they even come back. They never come back, what am I kidding? Like I gotta go search for them. So just like, just take it. Borrowing my clothes, because I know that nobody will take care of those clothes

quite like me. And when it comes back, see, I'm just doing it to protect people. Because, because I know that nobody like if somebody gives me something of mine back and it is dirty or less than I'm pissed at that person. Right. So you're protecting your relationship. That's actually very good boundary. I'm like, get this, you know, I do that with people and information. There's so many people who say things to their, to their friend that they know can't keep a secret.

And then they say, please don't share this with anyone. And then of course, because everybody knows that that friend can't keep a secret, they then do disclose it. And then you're mad at them. But I'm like, you, you should be mad at you. Yes. You gave that friend information that they could not handle. That's right. It was your self-control problem.

You knew what you were getting into. So you're protecting because our family doesn't have any boundaries with things. Zero. No boundaries. I have not taught that well. Zero. No, we just walk into each other's shit and just grab things. And like for all the step parents out there, or the bonus parents like we call it, like that's a thing. Like that was hard for me to like get used to at first.

When the kids started to like actually like me, there was like a lack of boundaries with body. Like the way that they crawl on you and the way that they use your shit without ever asking. And then the way that like... Parasites. Yeah, I just couldn't understand it. I was like, no, this is adult stuff. Like this is an adult shirt.

You're not allowed to wear an adult shirt. Our children walk into our room. They get in our bed. They get out of our bed. They go into our closet. They go through our. I've never ever taught stuff boundaries. I mean, the middle of the night bed sleeping. I didn't get this. I mean, I came in, Emma was eight. So I get it more with her, but Tish was 10, she's a 13. And like, there were times where like all three of them were in our bedroom sleeping, somewhere on the floor, somewhere in the bed.

And I'm just like, I guess this is what life is? No? Like not only are the boundaries of my personal shit gone, like the boundaries of space and stuff and like, you know, I don't know. Abby has cool clothes. So and they fit our kids. So everybody at our, I will look around the dinner table at night and every single person

at the table, including Craig, we'll have Abby's shit on. Yeah, that's something. So do you think that that was a gradual, cause when you put it like that, that sounds crazy. But then I feel like, I feel like for people who maybe were with the baby since they were born, it's just a gradual breaking down of any kind of dignity or personal integrity or any idea that stuff is sacred or anything belongs to you. I had dignity.

I came in with dignity. Do you feel like you still have it? Like, or have you gone dead inside about it? No, it's gone. Okay. I mean, literally Tish wore a sweatshirt. She came in. I mean, luckily now they know it pisses me off so much that they at least ask before they

take like something that they know that I like or I just got. Like her favorite thing. Like my new favorite sweatshirt I just got. She's like, can I wear this? And I'm like, fine. She's like, thank you. It is one of your things and it makes perfect sense as the youngest of seven and not going through the slippery slope of loss of dignity with coming in late to parenting.

And you want the things put back where they belong. Also, there's a little nugget here. I'm going to digress. The little thing that's just like me personal, I think. Are you gonna talk about the sink? Glenn, it was really leaning into the bar wing because it didn't affect her. Okay, so the sink that we have, the sink that we've always had, the sink that all people have. Has a hole. Some sinks have a disposal thing that, you know, you get to wash the food down and then you press a button or you flip a switch and the disposal, you know, it gets all of the food.

Are you saying disposal? Sposal. Disposal. It's like a garbage, you know, that... Wait. Disposal. A disposal. A garbage disposal. I think I call it a disposal. It's a garbage, you know, that... Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the disposal is just for when food goes down the drain. Not to rinse food that is in on the bottom of the sink. Dishes need to get done by the folks in our family

the way we do it. The dish folks are the ones who have not done anything to cook the food. Right. So I- Don't cook dishes. I go sit down and I get to play on my phone for 10 lovely minutes by myself after dinner.

And almost every single time, I walk back into the kitchen to get my tea and I look down at the bottom of the sink and there is all of what was left on everyone's plate that night at dinner on the bottom of the sink and there is all of what was left on everyone's plate that night at dinner on the bottom of the sink. It has been not. It has been not. Dispose none.

I repeat. It's a dispose none. It's a dispose none sink. And the kind of rage. I'm like, the job is not finished. You have given entire speeches. First of all, when you finish your job of, let's say you rinse the stuff off in the sink and then you put your dish in the dishwasher,

who doesn't look in the sink? Like what kind of a person do you have to be to not look at the sink? To see that, cause guess what happens? That food dries on the bottom of that sink. Right, okay. Do you have to be to not look at the sink? To see that, because guess what happens? That food dries on the bottom of that sink. Right. Okay.

So this is your, this is your pet beef is the bottom of the sink. It's so upsetting to me. Right. I just want to explain one thing to you that I, I, I feel in the house that I have sort of a theory of work. Okay. And I call that in my heart and mind, I call it the 90-10. Okay? I start big projects. I do really a lot of things. You do.

But I don't, I start them, I organize, I putter, I do all the things, but I really get tired at the end. Okay? So what I feel like is if I'm starting a project in the house, that I can take it to 90%. I can take it to 90%, but then I'm gonna leave the extra 10. So like, if there's gonna be- What we're teaching our children. There's gonna be boxes in the hallway that need to go out to the garage,

or there's gonna be trash bags that need to go out to the garage. Or there's gonna be trash bags that need to go out to the trash. Or there's gonna be some food at the bottom of the sink. But what I want is for my partner to come look at that 10% and say, well, she did 90%. I actually don't mind when you start a big project and all like your, cause that makes you happy. And also not having to finish something is,

that feels like an actual gift, an act of service that I can do for you. Okay. Like that's something that I love. Cause I'm a starter and you're a finisher. Yes. However, this theory, if applied to your sound trees, it would be like 10% of the time,

I just like knowingly ignore the thing that pisses you off the most. And I don't knowingly do that. I also feel like the 90% rule, the I'm a non finisher rule should only apply to tasks that take longer than 30 minutes. Okay, okay. I don't feel like a huge closet organization. Great non finisher rule. I'm gonna leave all this crap around here because I've done my contribution. But the non finisher rule cannot apply to the 10

minute cleanup after dinner. I just feel like- Actually, no, no. Here's what we're actually talking about, sister. It is not a 10 minute situation. This is a five second deal. This is grabbing the sprayer, turning the faucet on, spraying water for five seconds, turning it off and their job is done.

Okay, so finishing, not putting in effort is really pisses you off because you also, I would say another of your pet peeves is when we're watching the sports. Oh, don't get me started on people who jog places. Right. You don't ever take a fucking play or moment off, like ever. To me, that's like character. When someone is not showing their best hustle, she stands up off the couch, gets very close to the television and makes us watch the person over and over and over again. She rewinds, watch, rewinds, that guy, that guy, that guy. Do you see it? Sissy, what do you think?

What is your category? If Abby's no hustle, her pet peeve is no hustle, my pet peeve is no yield. If you're not yielding auditorially, if you're not yielding on the street, if you're not yielding in spirit, you insult myself. It's almost like we're opposites. Almost. Like you're opposites. I have some common ones.

Like, even thinking right now about chalk makes me want to like, it hurts my teeth. Why does it hurt our teeth? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's very upsetting right now. I can't, I can't hold chalk. I was never able to do sidewalk chalk with my kids.

I'm like, I know, thank you very much. Of course, like loud chewing, all the things. Then I have ones that I don't know if they're ones that bother people, but you know, like people who stand too close to the baggage claim when it's coming around, I don't know if they're ones that bother people, but you know, like people who stand too close to the baggage claim when it's coming around, I don't understand that. Why do we need to crowd the baggage claim? We could all just stand around. We could all see the bags. We could all go forward when our bags come and take them away. But instead we're all like jostling for front row

seats on the baggage claim. I don't understand that. Say we're doing dinner and then the dinner's already and then we have some delay because of course we have 1400 delays every time someone's going to wash their hands. That takes 15 minutes. And then, and then now it's time to eat and the like beautiful prepared meal is now cold. And my darling husband will just take it and eat it. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, that's cold now. And he's like, it's fine. And that insults my soul. Because I'm like, this is supposed to be a warm meal. We just made a warm meal.

We have hot machines right there in our house. We can just put it in the hot machine and then eat it as God intended it. And he's like, yeah, it's fine. And I don't understand. I don't understand that. He's trying to be polite and also he's like from a big family. Like we ate lukewarm food forever.

But also, sorry. No hustle, no yield. You're no fine. You don't like fine. Oh yeah. Don't give sister fine. That is one of my't like fine. Don't give sister fine. That is one of my pet peeves. Don't give sister fine.

Fine. People saying fine about anything. How is it? It's fine. You might as well say you are just average and barely... Ugh! Fine makes you, like, throw up in my mouth. Just the words. Any version of acceptance of mediocrity,

of not caring, of fineness is your... In any form... Is your pet peeve. That's right. Categories, your categories. I also have another totally random one that I don't know. It's weird, but the, the phrase, I didn't have time. I didn't have time to do that.

I didn't have time to get to that. This one has always, always bothered me. And I don't, I just feel like it's not intellectually honest because, because there's no having of the time. There's just spending of the time. And, and we choose what we spend our time on. And I want to say very clearly that like, this is the opposite of that whole meme,

like Beyonce has the same 24 hours in a day as you have. Like, no, no, she doesn't. Like that's completely ableist and classist and shaming and ridiculous. Like I realized that I have the resources of, you know, a professional woman who cleans my house, a professional therapist who cleans my brain, a very involved partner, a mom down the street

who is there for any emergencies. Like I don't have the same amount of time as somebody else. I have more of it. And maybe passivity is kind of my, um, kryptonite too. It's like mediocrity and passivity. I feel like not just saying I don't have time is basically suggesting that time will either arrive and giveth unto you or it will not, but, but, but that's not how time works.

So for me, I don't say it because it allows me to actually realign my values. It's either I haven't made time or I haven't prioritized that yet, or I'm going to invest the time next week in that, or that's not a priority for me. It gives me the agency of it to not suggest that like, Oh, there's just a dearth of time and I am expected to do all of this and I can't. It's like, no, you can do whatever within your resources as they are for any given person, just do with your time, what you place the highest and best value on. Yep.

That's not to say that you should maximize every bit of time. That's the opposite of what I'm saying. I perfectly respect people who are saying, I invested a lot of time this week in my family. I'm prioritizing my kids' practices. I'm going to make time for that next week. I respect that more because you're saying saying you're claiming what your time is. I just want to clarify that I'm not saying optimize and make your time most efficient.

It's like actually be honest about what you're doing. And in fact, nobody has time for everything. So, but you, but you are making time and you're investing time in other shit. Yep. I get that. What else? Do you have any other ones to see? I mean, I really don't like a passive aggressive CC

on an email. Do you ever notice that where people think they're like telling on you or something by CCing someone on the email and you're like, nope, nobody, nope, we're not doing that here. Yeah, passive aggressive CC. Yes, I have experienced those and I'm sure I have done those. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, done those.

Okay, let's talk about the things that we do that are annoying to other people. I know I have a shit ton of things that are so annoying. Okay, well, what are some of yours? I can start. I have a lot of them. I'm perfect. I ask questions incessantly during TV shows and movies. Oh, no!

Oh, my God! That's a freaking... That's illegal! Yeah. Actually, I do know that about you. We barely ever watch TV with you because you are trying not to be mediocre. And so I pretend when you're with me

that I don't watch TV all day, which is what I actually do. You know, I'm obsessed with reality TV and I've tried to watch it with you and it's so awful. You can't understand, you can't understand what they're doing. You can't accept the housewives for who they are to ask me questions as if any of it's logical. Why is she doing that?

Why is she screaming? Why is she behaving that way? Who is so and so? Why does she dress that way? What do you mean why? We don't ask why. The real housewives are not to ask why, too. And also, you're not 10.

Right. Just keep thinking. Just be quiet and keep thinking and just keep reading. You know, like when you read and you just keep reading and you get context. It makes John want to stab his eyes out. He of course he's just he looks at me like I can't, I can't believe I love you. You're horrible. I don't know why. I can't stop. I'm like, do you think she's really going to... They're not going to let her die in this movie, are they? I can't. All the time. Can't stop asking. I also do this very annoying thing where I say in a very passive aggressive way, like we should do X.

You know, like we need to take out the recycling. We need to, but I a hundred percent for sure mean I would like you to. Yeah. Or even more you mean why the hell haven't you? Yeah. That's what you too. Yeah. Or even more, you mean why the hell haven't you? That's what you mean. But I think if I say, we, oh God, it's so bad.

Yeah, I do that. And then, oh, I am late and I view my lateness. Why? Because I chronically, I start going places later than I should. Okay, now that is intellectually honest. Thank you. But I always in my head am like, oh, that was situational.

Oh my God. Can you believe? Except that every single time it takes me 20% longer than I give myself. But then I act like that 20% is a complete fucking surprise. Every time. That's interesting. I would say that. Yeah, what are yours? I think it's interesting that you have lateness as one of your annoying things,

and lateness to me is a pet peeve. Oh, no. It's not a pet... It's like a phobia of yours. It's like a deeply rooted, scary thing for you. Yeah, it's very upsetting to me. And I think it's because of my addiction years, because I was so... didn't show up for so much. And I disappointed so many people that I'm being late now.

It really triggers something in me. It's like- Well, either way, it's the right way to live. Well, except that it's also, I have learned from a lot of people that like being supremely annoyed about other people's lateness actually has a lot of ableism in it.

There's a lot of issues related to neurodiversity that lead to lateness. And also that there's a lot of like capitalistic, patriarchal whiteness. And like everyone has to be aunt. It's very like cent American and you know, all of that. I actually asked, we, we pulled our family last night about what is the most annoying things that we do. We asked our kids. And I think it's interesting that what you said to me about the most annoying thing about me is how easily annoyed I get.

That like actually having so many having so many things that disturb me is the most disturbing thing about me. Because it's like, first of all, just annoying, but there's like a serious thing about it, which I think that probably anybody who lives with somebody with anxiety or deals with the ripple effects of that, which is that it affects the whole family's experience all the time. Because everyone's feeling like in public places they have to like protect this person, or they are now hypersensitive of everyone's volume and everyone's... Because this person has rippled their anxiety into the rest of the family.

So I think being so easily annoyed is something that is annoying. Yeah. And by the way, I just want to like make sure the pod squatters know that Glen and I talk at length about this. And this is something she also understands and accepts as part of who she is. I'm not trying to like point and get her and point something out. Although we should do an episode like that.

I love like- Surprise attack. Glennon sensitivity is one of the things that I love about her the most. And it's also, it makes it the hardest in moments to like live with her. And I would bet our family feels that way, but I'm not attacking you.

I think that this is who you are. And I have to come to accept this about you. But sometimes it's just like when a sports game is on and I scream because there was a play, there was this moment that was amazing and I'm like, oh my gosh! And I'm on the floor in the kitchen. Like, are we being attacked? Are the kids okay?

And then you realize, like, this is sports, this is things. So we have this, like, there's a moment in time where we fight this, like... Invisible battle, I suppose. That is like, I'm doing the right thing and also you're doing the right thing. And it's just a good thing. It's marriage. It's like, oh, here we are again, where you're being you and I'm being me and there's nothing we can do about it ever. And there's like no, there's no point of saying sorry. Yeah. Because nobody's freaking changing right like if we love each other madly if we Could have we would have for each other no

Abby's gonna keep being loud and and Surprising I'm gonna keep being Ridiculously sensitive about that loudness and surprises and we we're just going to keep staring at each other forever. Just being like, here we are again, you being you, me being me. And I think accepting that moment, right? Like that, that invisible irk-ness, that invisible moment where we're both like, I can't believe like accepting like, oh, that is who you are.

What's your annoying thing? Well, I'm pretty perfect. Can we talk about sneezing? Yeah, so the sneezing, the loudness, the sneezing and the coughing that I don't, first of all, I don't muzzle or mute myself. You're unyielding. Quite like the way that you would want.

And I sometimes forget to cover my mouth. I just want to point out, this is not okay. This is a very common one. But I suggest it goes on the do better list, not on the pet peeve list. That's exactly right. This is right. I am a former preschool and third grade teacher.

And I know that everyone gets taught that we the people, in order to form a less viracy union, freakin' put our arms over our mouths when we sneeze as an act of service. But babe, now with the masks... You two could be a patriot, Abby. Exactly. The masks now, I'm just like, I'm good.

I'm just like, I just cover the sides, make sure it doesn't come out. To be fair, but have you always done that? Or did you, before our marriage, feel like it was okay just to sneeze out loud in a room? I felt like it was fine. Yeah, and it's not. I know it's not.

I know in my mind it's not, but I also, the sneeze comes at me quick and powerfully. I just want to say at the end of this pet few of conversation. Yeah. How are you feeling? You pissed at me? No, I just love you so much. I love you too. Thanks. And I know you're going to be Abby and I'm going to be Glenda and sister's going to be sister. And this is the way that we continue moving forward in our marriage is just like the,

you know, because the beginning parts of relationships, it's just like, oh my gosh, everything is so new and you're amazing. And then it turns into deeper loving and all the things. And then it's just like, basically, we just got to accept each other. Well, and don't you think that the thing that attracts you to each other is like, I'm sure that one of the things that attracted me to you was your like, living largeness was yours taking up space was your boldness. And that's what drew me to you. Okay, so what is our next right thing? I don't know. Tell us your pet peeves. Yeah. I want to hear from the pod squad. What your pet peeves are. And I think the next right thing isn't just that. I think it also needs to be about what are we doing?

Because we know, having said these pet peeves out loud, I think that now it's like, oh, is there a way I can kind of lessen the ones that are annoying other people around me and also work on the ones that annoy me because I'm the one that's suffering over here. So it's like, is going dead inside about people borrowing my shit, what I need to do

so as to not suffer myself? Right, so going dead inside as a strategy, full circle. How can we go dead inside about these pet peeves and which ones are in the do better list? Because, you know, one of the best things that ever happened to me is when one of my friends gave me a stack of business cards that say nothing but stop talking. And you can go around the airport and to the man who's doing the very loud business call, you can just hand him a card that says stop talking. I've never actually done it. Yeah, I'm like.

But they're in my purse. Right. And they feel good. Right. Being there. That would be so fucking amazing if you did it one time. In case of emergency, we forgot to mention man spreading on a plane.

Oh Jesus. I want you to know Pod Squad, that as an act of service for all of us, if someone is man spreading next to me on a plane, I, and perhaps this is a good metaphor for the way that I react to pet peeves, I will put both of my arms on, I will spend six hours on a flight,

spreading out as much as humanly possible so that I am in pain just to prove my point that that dude does not get any of my space. Oh my God. Okay. It's upsetting for sure. Let's hear from the opposite of our pet peeves, our pet loves, our pod squatter of the week. Emily.

Hi, Glenn and Abby and sister. My name is Emily. When you were talking about teachers being superheroes, like that, you know, whole discussion hit me like a brick because I am a high school teacher. And, you know, one of the things that I don't know, you know, if this is applicable for other people and like, whatever, but I always think like, make it tangible. So like, when everyone's like, teachers should be paid a billion dollars. I'm like, no one's going to pay teachers a billion but I always think like make it tangible. So like when everyone's like teachers should be paid a billion dollars, I'm like no one's gonna pay teachers a

billion dollars. But if everyone said teachers should be paid $80,000, then actual change would happen. So like that's my big pet peeve and like feeling of like a way we could make change is by changing the way we talk about things like that and making real actual changes that we think people should earn, you know, things along those lines. What have they earned and being specific and not hyperbolic because that's the only way that we can get change. That's exactly right, Emily.

That's exactly right. And we've talked about that before in terms of whenever we throw those things at people, oh, she's a superhero, they're superheroes. That's just a way of pandering that is more virtue signaling of the person who's saying it than anything that's beneficial to the person you're saying it about. And in fact, detrimental because we're saying they're superheroes, they can and should in fact, continue doing unreasonable levels of work

which they can do because they're superheroes. Normal people should not be expected to do that, but they should. That's right. Yes. Yeah. So like instead of a little graphic that says teachers are superheroes and they

should be paid a billion dollars, like make a political call that actually states what teachers need, which is more money, more benefits, better maternity paternity leave, all of those things that people who are actually humans and not superheroes need. Also, on the pet peeve note, can I just throw out another one? Because as we're talking, all of those things that people who are actually humans and not superheroes meet. Also, on the pet peeve note, can I just throw out another one? Because as we're talking, it really turns me with the teacher thing. Can we just make a minor suggestion that as you're considering teacher appreciation gifts and thank yous to teachers, holiday gifts and stuff, maybe less of like the mug with your kid's face on it or the ornament

with your kid's face on it. Maybe more cash money. Maybe more gift cards. Like, cause I'm pretty sure they're seeing a lot of your kid's face. Lots of hours of the day, but what they're not really seeing is those dollar bills. Just amen. That's right. And as a former teacher, I will tell you that there was one year when I wanted those things, that was the first year that I taught and I was so in love with those kids that I did want, you know, your little lollipop doll that you made with your kid's face on it, but just, I think it is a good rule in general

to remember as a parent that no one loves your child like you do. No one in the whole world. No one, not even their teacher. And if you're considering a gift with your kid's face on it, really for anyone else, cash instead. And with that, we can do hard things. We'll see you next week.

If this podcast means something to you, you next week. If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right hand corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod. While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much.

We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey. Our executive producer is Jenna Wise Berman, and the show is produced by Lauren Lograsso, Alison Schott, Dina Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.