We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Priyanka Chopra Jonas: How to Care Less About What People Think

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

Priyanka Chopra Jonas dives deep into: the night she fell for Nick at the Met Gala, walking her baby through their harrowing NICU journey, her strategy to make Malti Marie think she’s cool, and why accountability is good – if we know the right people to be accountable to.  About Priyanka:  Priyanka Chopra Jonas is a multi-faceted talent, New York Times Best Selling Author of UNFINISHED, and one of the most recognized people in the world. She is an actor and producer, with more than sixty international and Hollywood films to her credit. She stars in the new Amazon series Citadel and the new movie Love Again. The Padma Shri, one of India’s highest civilian honors, was conferred on her in 2016 and she was named one of the “Most Influential People” in the world by Time Magazine. She is a global UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador, and a Global Citizen ambassador, and is involved in efforts to protect children’s rights and to promote the education of girls around the world.  TW: @priyankachopra IG: @priyankachopra To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I chased desire, I made sure I got what's mine. Welcome to We Can Do Her Things. Today we have one of the wisest love bugs on the planet. Priyanka Chopra Jonas is a multi-faceted talent, New York Times best-selling author of Unfinished and one of the most recognized people in the world. She is an actor and producer with more than 60 international and Hollywood films to her credit. 60.

She starts in the new Amazon series, Citadel, and the new movie Love Again, The Padma Shree, one of India's highest civilian honors, was conferred on her in 2016, and she was named one of the most influential people in the world by time magazine. A real slacker, this one. She is a global unissath, goodwill ambassador,

and a global citizen ambassador and is involved in efforts to protect children's rights, and to promote the education of girls around the world. Are you tired, Priyanka? Gosh. You know, it's always so strange when you just kind of sit through an intro and you know, my toes are curling and my hands are standing and it's like, go. Why is that so cringy feel? Oh, it's awesome.

You know, we should be proud of it. I actually, if I turn my logical brain on, every time we hear of our achievements, you should feel like, yeah, man, I did that. Wow, good on me. I could achieve that. But we're just so trained to just be, oh, I know. That's something to unpack and we should at some point. Because I've seen so many people do it. And I don't know, is it what we're taught to react like? Is it honest?

Is it not? Is it subliminal? Is it society? It's just something interesting. Is it honest? I love that question. Is that reaction honest? Well, it's like, how do you want to live? Do you want to live in your past or do you want to live in your present? Right? And like that's... Or are you even allowed to live

a certain way? Or are you supposed to, you know, like, didn't mind? Was my instinct to do... Immediately go to like, oh my gosh, they're talking about all my achievements. Like sort of, immediately go to like, oh my gosh, they're talking about all my achievements. Like sort of, you know, cringe a little, but why don't we dot that our instincts should be proud of ourselves somehow? It's like accepting a compliment. As soon as someone says, you're anything to you, we're taught to be diminished that thing instead of elevating our gratitude for it. Exactly. You articulated it way better than I did. That's why you do this as your profession.

And I don't. But that's exactly it. It's like we're taught humility is almost directly proportional to performing in a humble manner versus feeling humility. You know? Yeah. Yes. I was at a table recently at a my little birthday party and people were saying nice things about me around the table and all I could think of is this will be over soon. This will be over soon.

That's what I mean. And it reminds me of... Why are we trained that way? Well, are we trained? It could be over soon. This will be over soon. That's what I mean. And it reminds me of- Why are we trained that way? Well, are we trained? It could be gendered. I don't know, but I've never seen a man like get smaller and cringey like when someone reads his accolades like women do.

Never. Oh my gosh, for sure. But there is that William Blake quote that I think about all the time that is, we are put on this earth to learn to endure the beams of love. And it's like, it feels like an enduring when someone does something or says something nice. Only with Priyanka do we not even get through the bio without a deep philosophical exploration. So good.

And that's what people need to know about this woman. Yes. Everybody on earth knows who she is because of her fancy things. But she's a fucking philosopher for real. Okay. I just think. Priyanka, last time we talked was two years ago, and it was during the pandemic, and your

book, Unfinished, was just coming out, and your marriage was just a few years new, and your malty Marie did not exist. You seem to have found your little slice of heaven at this moment. You've taken full charge of your career. You're producing your launching diverse voices. You've settled into life with your great love and now malteamery. But I like to talk about hell rather than heaven. Yes, it's more my comfort spot.

So let's start this conversation in my idea of hell, which is the middle school cafeteria. I want you to take us back to when you were 13, having just moved from India to America alone, and you're going to middle school in Cedar Rapids. What was it like to be Priyanka at 13? A couple of layers to that. I'm like, coveted wanting to come to America at 13, because to me, I think of this girl in a small

town in India called Guralee, I go to this all-girl school and we all wear uniforms because in India, we don't wear uniforms because it's fancy. We wear uniforms because the socio-economic background of all the students is not the same. So if you give them a uniform, there's no one showing up trying to make the other person look bad. You know that stuff like kind of gets next, which is great, which is boring for a teenager. But that's why I love uniforms. I was a teacher. And that's why I love uniforms. We should all have uniforms. 13 eye here. That's right.

This is coming from some of it. Hold on. She's a style icon. It's coming from somebody who didn't wear uniforms. I wore uniforms and when you're in it, it sucks. But when you're out of it, you're like, damn, I really miss those uniforms. Yeah, there.

Now I'm like, okay, they were cute, but at that time when you're in it, it's just really, really annoying. But I was that girl, nice to watch, like TV shows like 90210 and St. by the Bell and high school in America was just such a wondrous thing because there were these lockers and then there were boys and then there were more boys. And that was a big attraction. And you thought they all looked like Dylan McKay? I bet.

I did. I even thought that I could be Kelly Kapau. Yeah. What was I thinking? And 30 sitting in Burjali, India. But when the opportunity arose and my cousins lived here and used to we started to let us to each other at that time. And they used to write to me about their new schools and all the different things. And I remember we went for a vacation and I asked my aunt and my mom

if I could stay back and my aunt took me to the school and we met the counselors and all my visas done. It seemed to be a lot easier than it was now for a lot more students. Got it done and suddenly I was going to an American high school in ninth grade. But in my head it was so different than what it ended up feeling like. my head, I, like I said, was Kelly Kapowski, but in reality, I wasn't. I was a 13 year old girl that had come from India that looked felt spoke different, did not have any friends. Now, here I was with like a schedule, trying to figure out what the hell a home room is.

Like, I don't have any of those things, and I was kind of thrown into the thick of it. And so I was a little bit scared, a little bit trying not to make a fool of myself, because I kind of wanted to show up for myself and my people, which I didn't see a lot of, anyway. And suddenly everything was just new. And I had to navigate new waters. But I come from a military background, not me personally, but my parents were both in the Indian Army. And there was a sense of discipline and a work ethic that my dad specifically had, that

I really imbibed, enjoyed, and he kind of bestowed upon me, especially the fact that you show up, when it's your job, you just show up and you get it done and you do it with the right attitude and you respect people's time and the discipline of just figuring it out and following through. We used to move every two years because that's what you do in the military.

I remember the first time I was in kindergarten and I had a fit with my dad and I was like, I'm not going, I have a best friend here, I'm doing really well here, I love this school. And he like made it into this game for me. He said, you know how you're not doing well at math here and you don't think that teacher likes you. When we go to the next school, no one will know anything about how you're doing at math or you know, you could start a fresh. And it started becoming like this thing for me where it was not hard to just pick up and start somewhere else because I wasn't materially attached to anything. I was attached to my spirit. I was attached to adventure. I was attached to like how do I win in this situation? So I was trying to win in ninth grade by just navigating this completely crazy waters

while I had a crush on this guy. I'll keep his identity hidden except I'll say his name was Seth. And he had green hair and my hormones were like crazy. Anyway, while I'm navigating these new waters, it was really interesting. I wanted to actually make a TV show around like a young girl teenager you know having to navigate that yes you should so when I was about that age a little bit older I I used to sometimes eat lunch in the bathroom because I like just couldn't do it.

I would stand there and tell you did. I did. I did the first few weeks I did. I didn't know how a cafeteria worked. Like I didn't know. And every school's different. Like do you pay there? You know, you have to pick up a tray,

you have to put a tray down. And we brought lunch from home back in India. Everyone brought lunch and lunch break was great because we were in our classes and everybody would pull out different kinds of food and it would be a big potlock. And so here it was like, it was so adult, you know, and I was I wasn't used to that so I Watched for the first few days. I watched I remember that was a staircase that went down and I could watch the whole the cafeteria and I watched students do the thing and then somebody would slap on some food and then you get a drink and Then you'd find your table or your liquor of friends and I didn't have that.

So I remember my aunt used to give me a dollar 50 or something for lunch and I used to go to the vending machine, grab a bag of Doritos and go eat it in the bathroom, save that dollar and at the end of a month go to express and buy a new shirt. Wow. God, in a minute. I was going to. Which you would then put in your book bag, right? Because I wasn't allowed, yeah.

Your aunt was very conservative, and so you would bring your like, booty shorts in your book bag and change when you got to school, right? I used to leave it in my locker. When I emptied out my locker, there were more clothes than books in school. Amazing. I used to do that. We more clothes than books in school. Amazing.

I should do that. I used to wear a different outfit to school. And I used to steal my mom's shit, like just take her earrings and whatever and then return them. But this is how smart I was. I actually did that each day, but I had my school picture taken with all the shit on.

So my mom was like, really? Like, wow. That's just not the perfect crime. So very smart. You just said at some point, though, to leave America. So I decided in high school, one moment walked into the cafeteria and said, nope, this shit is crazy. This is Lord of the Flies. I cannot do this one more day.

Walked into the counselor's office and said, I'm out of here. Send me somewhere else. I'm not moving. And I ended up in a mental hospital, which you said. But you left American high school and went back to India. I know it wasn't a cleverest decision. It was more of an emotional one at that point. I didn't realize that I was going to do myself to complete another academic failure was going to do myself to complete an utter academic failure by going in 11th grade to India. Those are the two most crucial years in a student in India's life. And India's very academic. Math was like years apart. The science was so far forward than what I'd even touched in American high school. So I arrived and I was feeling

myself when I arrived back in Burrili living with my parents because I left as a flat chested 12 year old and I came back. American hormones and all, you know, really, really, yeah. Yeah, you dad didn't even recognize you when you came back. No, because I grew like I really grew tall and I was wearing high heels and my mom really wanted to present me in the most flamboyant and shocking way to my father. Just I don't know, is that marriage? Like you want to do that to each other? Yes, I guess. Yes, it is.

Now I know. Now I know. But she put me in the shortest dress. And I was like, are you sure? I'm landing in I know. That's amazing. When she put me in the shortest dress, I was like, are you sure I'm landing in a daily airport looking like this? And she was like, yeah, daddy, love it. She sounds fun.

I was even wearing a push-up bra that thing. I think. Right. Dad will love it. Oh yeah, dad didn't love it. No. He looked me up and down. And I think I just saw a panic across his face.

And he immediately looked around and just held my shoulders and sort of put me in the car. And he was like, we discussed this when we get home. And I haven't seen my dad in four years. I'm like, OK, this is a little not born. And no hug and nothing. But he was terrified of teenage me for it. Took him at least four or five months to kind of figure out what to do with a teenage daughter

because I just kind of like landed into their lives after three years of not being with them. I think that's a thing, a real thing. I think some fathers struggle when their daughters begin to become fully human and like it's obvious that they have sexuality and desire and I think it's like a freezing thing that parents do. Definitely. Oh definitely. Especially coming from a culture like mine, you don't talk about that stuff. It's not like it doesn't exist, you know? It's like, oh, we don't discuss that. But my dad never liked anybody, I dated anyways.

And I just made my peace with it. I was just like, he's never gonna like anyone I dated with. But I do think he would actually really like my husband. If there was anyone that my dad would be pleased with and probably be Nick. What would he like about him? If you put your dad and Nick in a room, what would be different about him

that your dad would uniquely see? I think Nick is, he has quiet confidence, which is real confidence. You don't have to shout it, you don't have to be dripping with eyes. He just kind of walk into a room and you own your space. My dad did that very well and he could always see through. He would like see through my boyfriends

and become a part and be like, you did this because of this, you did that because of that. But I feel like this is one thing about Nick, which is very like, he's very steady, he's rooted. I think my dad would have really liked. And he's a musician. My dad's first love was music. But when he was young, he was denied that

because that was not an accessible career. So he had to go into medicine. And he always felt like that would have been his life's dream. And so when I went into entertainment, he was so excited because it was in his way, like a step closer to what he loved. So I think just watching Nick on stage, the stage was my dad's favorite place.

So that would have been really something that would have moved and inspired my dad. I also think Nick's like a really family guy and my father was that as well. Patriarchal, like a patriarchal of the family, not patriarchal, patriarchal of the family, but at the same time just like making sure everyone's together, everyone's happy, super creating experiences for everybody to feel at home, to feel comfortable, and those are the important traits that would have mattered to him. I'm Jonathan M. Hevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things.

But I grew up working class. My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I want to talk about it. That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat? You know, trailer food. Shh.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. Ah, ah, ah. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from

yourself. Classy. A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now. Wherever you get your They just noticed something about what you said that connects to, we just interviewed Michelle Obama and obviously both of you are such incredibly powerful women. And she said the same thing about her father. He was a working class black man in a very different time. He was an incredible artist. He had a scholarship for art and it was his passion, but that wasn't expected or accessible for him. He had to go get a job and he worked in a water factory in Chicago. Like that wouldn't have been an appropriate thing for your dad to do is to be at that age.

He had to go be a doctor and support his family. Is there something that we're cutting off from men and is there a correlation between raising daughters that are do whatever is inside of you, bring it out, whether it's a quote unquote, expected of you, bring it out, whether it's a quote-unquote expected of you or not. It reminds me of glorious dinams saying, like, great, we've gotten to a place where we are raising our little girls, like little boys, but we'll really have made progress when we start raising our little boys, like their little girls, like allowing the creativity and the softness and the art.

The vulnerability and the ability to cry. Totally, my dad was such a softy too, but he would never cry. And if you cried, he would have always cry alone. I don't think I ever saw him cry, but I know he was a cryer, because he cried in movies. And I know because my mom told me when he did. But he never allowed it.

I do think that my generation, for sure, we have made many strides where I think men and women alike kind of feel a sense of ability to express or make choices. And that is because our parents before us kind of sacrificed that in doing what they did and built a life like my father and my mother gave me the ability while they worked and sacrificed their dreams to build a life for myself where my voice was in question where I had options where if I wanted to be an art, my dad was like, yes, you will go into art. You know, if I wanted to travel the world, my mom was like, you know, no one will stop you. So

I think they fought for my ability to have that freedom and now it's my responsibility to be able to take something out of whatever baggage my daughter in the next generation will carry. Like what are we going to fix? And for me, a lot of it was, you know, being able to have agency and be able to share the same kind of respect and have some sort of equality and have the same voice and, you know, especially when you're delivering a job when it's work. Um, work, there shouldn't be no place for gender at work. That should be merit, you know, and, um, I think that those are things that I feel like our generation is making massive strides in where women are finding our own agency. I'm sitting here and talking to incredibly powerful women that you have built your own lives with your own two hands.

You are opinionated, you're inspiring, you have taken your voice and turned it into your careers, you have thought for working conversations, which inspire the next generation of women. That's what I mean. There are so many incredible women I see around me right now that have taken charge of their own careers instead of waiting for men to create space for them. And that's like an amazing time to be around women. It's so powerful. One of the things that's most inspiring to me about you is you're this international celebrity, but you know where the line is, where nobody gets an explanation from you. And so you're an 18 year old high school person and then you become what appears to be overnight, an international celebrity through Miss World. And right after that,

Miss World, just stop for a second. She won Miss World of the World. Yes, real quick. I didn't talk to the world. Of all the people of the world. Five years before you were Kelly Kapowski eating three-dose food wrap-boards. She's like, I can't cut it and seat her rapid. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna win the world. Okay, so that

happens. And so you're kind of thrust into this overnight and I was fascinated by when you had to get that surgery with your nose and the world was commentating, commentating and you neither defended yourself nor explained yourself. And Glennon has this line in her book where she says the most revolutionary thing that a woman can do is refuse to explain herself. And you have embodied so much of that. How do you decide what goes on what side of the line. And do you have any piece yet that you have been able to establish with deciding to let whoever think whatever and that it's none of your business?

What to fight back and what to leave alone? That's a tricky question because I still That's a tricky question because I still navigated in a big way, but the incident with my nose, which for the unverse, I was Miss World and there was some accident where the bridge of my nose collapsed and my face really changed. And I'd have reconstructive surgery to fix it. And my dad was a surgeon, so it was highly traumatic for him because he was like how could this happen and how do I fix it and for me I was 18 years old I had seen these big dreams of this big career which I saw crashing in front of me I wouldn't look at my face in the mirror I didn't recognize the person that was there I didn't know what to do.

I was being kicked out of movies because people were like, ooh, she looks bad now. And it was just the worst time. I think at that time I didn't comment because I didn't know what to say. I just, I was hiding and I was just trying to survive and keep my head above water. I did movies with smaller roles and them just to kind of buy time so I could

find my feet and my dad held my hand and he was like I know my doctor friend and he was in the OR with me when my reconstructive surgery happened. He did it with his friend and I mean he'd my dad and he was in the OR with the friend that did it. And slowly my face started becoming familiar it was still not the same but it started looking normal. I shot for a bunch of movies while these surgeries were happening. So I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to say it and I just kind of navigated it and tried to deflect from how to say it and I just kind of navigated it and tried to deflect from the truth of what was actually happening in my life. And I just played the game honestly in the beginning. I was flashy, I was giggly, I was, you know, sassy, I was on the carpet saying the funny things,

I was wearing the best clothes, I just played the part honestly. Till a few years in and I started like, you know, the water is gone a little bit and I kind of found my ground. My movies were doing well. My face kind of remained consistent. I became familiar with this person. I understood how to be an actor and what the craft requires. And I was kind of finding my own footing a little bit. And just then, like, six of my movies didn't do well. I had back-to-back controversies with some reason or the other. And I just remember this was not an overnight thing, but it was me being really upset about some salacious piece of news or whatever that had come in and my mom or someone who was sitting in my trailer was like, you know, today's news is tomorrow's trash, today's

news is tomorrow's trash, like who gives a shit. And I was like, no, I must respond to this person and I must correct them. And it's just another news cycle and then it becomes another news cycle and then you're correcting them and suddenly you look back and six, like a week has just been about you because you can't stop on your mother and correcting it for someone. And this kept happening and I remember somebody said today's news is tomorrow's trash. If you validated today, you're validating it for tomorrow and then another new cycle is people are just making a lot of money off of you and you're kind of doing it to yourself.

Yes. And it was like in a movie, I'm not even joking. So Street Food in Mumbai is a big thing and I love Street Food. Okay. So outside my moob studios in Mumbai, where I film a lot and most people film, it's iconic studio in Banderah in Mumbai.

There is a street stall guy and I used to always get like sandwiches or some snack from him and he used to always put the snack in a newspaper and send it. So the snack came in a newspaper and I swear to God I'm sitting in my trailer eating it and that paper was that salacious article about me. And it was my trash for the day. Ah, so good. Thank you, universe. How crazy.

And that's the day I realized I was like, I have given this silly thing legs because I was just like, I needed to validate and erase them. I'm going home. My parents don't care. We have a great dinner. We're laughing, we're watching movies, my family and friends.

And that's the day I really decided. I decided that as long as my inner circle knows my truth, as long as the people that actually give a shit about my joy, my success that are actually happy for my good times and that are sad in my bad times with me. As long as those people are not hurting, I have not done anything deliberate to hurt anyone. I don't need to talk about anything because my fame is a byproduct of my job. My job is not to be famous. My job is to go to set and work and create

movies and entertainment that people enjoy watching. There's a degree of separation. As a person, I go home, I try to be a good daughter, I try to be a good mom, I go wife, family, friends, and no, no. My job just creates the thing. And it's like something that I had to come to terms with. But that's when I realized I was like, this whole thing of like responding and making statement after statement and eating me clear it up, sometimes yes,

it's required for important conversations. But most of the time it ends up being the Adloid gossip. And I don't want to be run down like that. I don't want my life to be more dinner conversation than it already is by nature of my job. So when it needs to be public, I'm very graceful and gracious about it. I'm very aware of when I'm in public moments and when I need to belong to the people who have paid to buy tickets to my movie, you know. And then there are those times when I know are private to me and I'm very good at hiding. It's so dignified. I got so confused about this for a while because I believe in accountability for myself, like I believe in accountability. And so I for 10 years have been confused that accountability

means that I should be accountable to millions of people on the internet. It's impossible. Like really? You can't make anyone happy as soon as you become a public person in whatever way of form, minus by being an actor, you're also by being an author, whatever your version. Once you springboard onto being a public person for whatever reason your life and what people say about, you will never be in your control. Mm-hmm.

And that's just the deal that you make. And I think it's for everybody. I think this applies to every single one of us who's listening to this right now. I have just as many calls from friends who are not in the public sphere and are dealing with the frickin' PTA, talking shit about them, or they're in laws thinking one thing about them. Totally.

Right? It's like, it's a phenomenon that is unavoidable. And the idea, I get most of my advice from ancient spiritual texts or memes. I have nothing in particular. Okay. And the idea of you first of all, you do not have to attend every argument you're invited to. Right? Oh, I love that. Yep.

And the idea of let whomever think whatever. Yeah. And it is not even if it's an air in PTA, even if it's an air in what's that room where your friends dinner circle. I used to struggle with that a lot was, oh my gosh, I had a tough day at work. I'm tired and if I don't go, what will they think of me? Like when I was young guys to think about all of those things or, you know, will people think that I'm not supportive? Will people think that I'm not being a good friend? And I think that your point is so important. And I think needs to be iterated that it's impossible to make everyone happy. And we are somehow trained that every single person that you meet should react to you

with extreme and utter joy and wonder because we're perfect. And we're not. And of course, I didn't learn this in my 20s. But every single thing that we're struggling with are insecurities, our problems, our drama, you know, when other people go to bed too, they're also having difficulty sleeping. They're also thinking about a million things that are keeping them up at night. You're not alone in this. And I feel like people feel very alone and we let the fear of needing to validate everyone or make everyone happy becomes so large that it becomes overwhelming. It's an epidemic of people pleasing. Yeah, or being understood. I want you to understand where I'm coming from. You get me, right?

It doesn't matter. But the truth is you only need a couple people that get you. Yeah. That's it. Everyone does not need to understand your reasons, your decisions. And that's actually better said, like for me, going back to the earlier point of why not clarify, why not explain. It's the same thing is, I can't live my life explaining every decision. I make so many decisions. I'm an adult. I consider myself a person with values, with virtue, with someone who tries to be a good person every day. I work really hard. I hustle really hard. And I push myself and I try to keep my family together and that's like each and every one of us You know and within that you just be the best person that you can be you cannot explain all your decisions

To every single person some will be good some will be bad Some will be in the middle and you know as long as every day you're just trying to Get through it making memories and you know to your ambitions, being one step forward, and being nice, couldn't the best possible way. And it's not all or nothing. This is where I went. I think people are either, I'm going to prove to the world I'm a good person all the time, or fuck it.

I don't care what anyone thinks. And that's not it. You can have moments, yeah. I do believe in accountability. It's not, I don't care what anyone thinks. It's, I care very much what these people who have earned my trust and who I know in real life and who I love because I have a small circle and there are many people in that circle who will look at me when I'm sitting and they'll be like,

that's horseshit. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And that's what you need. Yeah. Instead of having sickle fins in your life that are like, wow, you're amazing. What you said was awesome. You have to have a tight group, your inner circle of people that will turn around and say that was bullshit, that'll turn around and say, I don't think you should have said that or that'll actually give you the real, you know, because everyone doesn't have the courage to do it.

And especially when you're sort of like a, you know, bigger personality and you have opinions and I'm not like subtle exactly. And your dad maybe when you were five would turn to you at the kitchen table and say, Priyaalko, what is your opinion about this? When you were five. He would. I thought having an opinion was awesome. It is. I've found friends and family that think the same. I think we have to all, each one of us individually, just we have to protect ourselves, especially right now we are in such a different time and our generation is going to be one of the last generations to have gone through the coming in of the internet, right? And what that did and how the world became such a small place. And now suddenly we have a barrage of information coming at us

and young kids. When I was 14, 15, I did not know what was happening around the world as much as I do today. So I can't even imagine how much information kids get. And you know, this is really like we have to really think about that. That's powerful. But at the same time, it's extremely overwhelming, overbearing, can change the outcome of how we think. Because of this extra added pressure that people, not just kids, but people feel that, you know,

the best version of our lives is on Instagram, including me. I'm not putting my morning face up there. Yeah, without a filter. Not even this world, people, not even this world. No, no. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. You have to tell us a story of the night that you fell hard for Nick at the Mecca. I love this story. It's my faith. Please tell us. Because of my social anxiety, I really love this story. I know it's such a weird story. I don't know if I fell in love with him that day, but I kind of was like, this, you know, it was what like the,

today's news is tomorrow's trash moment, where I was just, I saw my face in this oily, samosa oil, and I was like, wow, universe. Way to like hit the nail on the head. Yes. You know, that is not subtle. I took that shit and threw it in the head. Yes, you know, that's not a problem. I took that shit through it and the trash. Oh, I love it. So this was one of those moments that and I've had a few of these play up in my life. I really believe in destiny. I really believe in what is meant for you will come your way. You just have to kind of take one step at a time, you know, one foot forward, instead of thinking about the end game or where you want to go. Just one step forward and what was meant for you will come to you. Oh, this was so funny because here I am trying to like pop a music career,

which is non-happening. And I started doing a TV show, which was for ABC, and it suddenly like did really well. So I was really feeling myself because I was like, oh, Fue, finally. I was so afraid that I was going to have a failed music career and no career at all. And then finally now I have a hit TV show.

So I was kind of like really happy that I'd risen from the ashes. But what was terrifying was I was in this like really happy that I'd risen from the ashes. But what was terrifying was I was in this completely new country. I didn't know people here. I didn't have friends here. I don't know the industry folk, like how when you grow up, you go to parties, you're like, you know each other. You kind of like me, people where you've worked with each other

across paths. I didn't have that. I came from a completely different industry altogether. So when my first met was happening, and I was going with Ralph Lauren, very excited, and I don't know why. I still don't have an answer to this question, because I don't think it's a normal thing to do. They asked Nick and I individually, we both, you know, we were both going alone. If we both would go together on behalf of the brand. The same force that put that oily,

supposed set in your hand. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so weird. Was it your mom? I know. Can you imagine if she like, we find out 10 years later, she orchestrated it. I mean, she and Ralph were having a lot of fun. She had Ralph.

Yeah. I came out. She had Ralph. She had Ralph. She had K-Ral. Just like Ralph, one thing. She's like, and put Priyanka in heels and a push up, bro. Facts. True. Anyway, so we arrived at the Met and he was just super quiet in the bus. The bus. My train took up the entire bus

because my train was spread out and they had to stand against the corner of the wall because there was no space for him. And there he was. So he passed that test. That was the test. I wasn't testing him at that time, but now I'm retrospective.

Yeah, it's a retro test. He's what we call it. Yeah. He's standing against the corner like this. Didn't say much quiet. People are f**king over me. Someone's touching something. Someone's spinning something.

The bus doors open. He steps out, turns around, gives me his hand. And I was like, oh, that's so nice. And we stepped out together and we walked the carpet and he stepped away and gave me my individual moment and did his individual moment. And then we walk inside, you know, we said hi to Anna, we'd wore all the other co-workers stuff.

As you do. We actually do it in the minute. And I'm learning all of this too because it's my first time and makes kind of giving me the load-out on what happens. And we walk into the exhibition and I was looking at something and I turned around and I didn't see anyone. I didn't see him. I didn't see people. I started hearing a little bit of chatter so I walked around the bed and I just saw a sea full of people that I had only seen on television, like I did not know anyone.

And I was spinning out in my head about what my next step is going to be. High school cafeteria. Was there a vending machine? Where's the Doritos? Exactly. All I need is this bathroom, can this train fit in the bathroom?

Where are my bag of Doritos? When you need them? And I don't know, I feel like I had these big eyes and I'm just staring into the room to what, to me felt like at least 10, 15 minutes, but I just suddenly heard Nick's voice and my eyes focused on his face and he just showed me his hand and he said, shall we?

I was like, we shall make, we shall let us. I let a breath out. I think I wasn't breathing or something. I let a breath out and we had a great night. And didn't leave my side all night. We met up with his brother and his fiance at the time and friends. And I met my friends.

I suddenly realized I was like, wow, I actually do know people at the man. But at that time, when it helps on the carpet, it was so overwhelming. I knew a few people who after having a little bit of liquid courage and going to the after parties, I was like, oh, I could do this better next year. But it was such a night and shining arm or moment. Mm-hmm. He was panattention. Shall we? I think so. I think so. I think he may have turned around and saw my panic, stricken face.

But it's such a charming thing to say, shall we? It really is. Anybody who saves you from, I will marry anyone who saves me from being alone at a party. This weekend we were at an angel city game, so we're really involved with this new soccer team in LA. Oh, amazing. And they have all these people who run around with remote controls.

What are they called? Like CBs, CBs, just to make sure everyone's okay. Oh, walking talkies. Walking talkies. Walking talkies. I'm like, oh, remote. Right, whatever. So Abby goes to the bathroom.

Okay, this, Priyanka, I've been at these things like 60 times. Okay, this is like we're involved. Abby goes to the bathroom. Okay, this, Priyanka, I've been at these things like 60 times. Okay, this is like we're, we're involved. Abby goes to the bathroom. So I don't know what to do with myself with all these people who I actually know. So I go out to the hallway and stand by myself and I pretend to be on my phone and someone with the walkie-talkie walks over to me

and she goes, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm just standing here. And she goes, I know what we were told if you were alone to come and make sure you're okay. And I was like, actually, I'm not, can you stand here? I don't know what I mean. I told you. Everybody knows. I've told everybody.

Glennan is alone. Go stand. She's terrified. I have what has like, I mean, a rider with their very specific, the only one on Glennan's rider is, please don't let me be. She's terrified. She's terrified. She's showing.

Showing. Showing. She's so good. So Priyanka, sweet multi-marie comes into the world and she spends 100 days in the NICU. We have so many NICU moms that listen here. What do you want to tell us about that time with multi? And if it's nothing, you say nothing. Yeah, exactly. No, I, I remember when she was born, she came so early that I, I can deal with a lot of things, but when I don't see a solution forward, I kind of become stuck. I don't know if you guys have ever had this reaction when I can't move, like physically cannot take the next step forward and it doesn't happen very often. But right before my dad died, I kind of just felt like I became a statue.

Like I couldn't move, because I had done everything in the world I could. I traveled him, I flew in the Singapore to Sloan-Kettering everywhere, and now here he was in a coma. And it was happening, and it was happening, and I just could not move. And I felt like I needed somebody to pick up my hand to move it and that's exactly what happened

when Malti was supposed to come and I just couldn't move because I knew that was very early and she was just, it was just terrifying coming from just medical history that I'd had. And I just remember getting stuck and sitting in front of the fireplace for like six hours that day. And when Nick came home, I was just like just tell me what to do. And he was like just change, we're leaving. And we went to the hospital and then everything happened.

But I just couldn't move when I heard. And I needed him to come and physically pick me up. Help me go in the jeans instead of my robe and sit in the car. And the one thing that I will tell people who go through And the one thing that I will help people who go through a NICU journey, NICU parents, once you see your child in a neonatal intensive care unit, it changes you forever. And especially a newborn, I know I was someone who had to go into the PICU, which is the

pediatric. I see you many times because I was asthmatic as a child. I was, you know, a sickly kid. So hospitals were familiar to me. My parents were both doctors. I kind of grew up with my parents, but there's something about these little, little, little humans at just they don't even look real. They look like specimens or something. And the people that work with them. And all I remember was saying, let's just go to one more day, just one more day, one more day, you know, two o'clock in the morning, you know, then she would cry or her temperature would go up and then I was like, just one more day. And that's all I thought of in my head that I'm just so grateful and so lucky to be in a position where my daughter could have this kind of health care, where she could

survive and be alive today, because we had the ability to get her that kind of access. I have traveled around the world. I was just on a recent trip to India even where there are so many parts of the world that do not even know what a neonatal intensive care unit is. Where babies don't survive, they don't have a chance when they are premature, where there's no access to care. This is really sitting in the NICU for hours made me feel so grateful for my, for the opportunity, the privilege, the luck that we had the ability to give our daughter. And that because of that, she could survive and today thrive. But it just made me very grateful and it bonded me forever with, I met so many MICU parents after, you know, our story. And when we talked about our journey, there's so many babies that are born premature and then survive and thrive. So many of my

own family and friends are called that I didn't know were premature and it's a journey for a lot of parents, but it's the hardest thing that I know Nick and I have ever done and we held each other up. It was COVID time. So there was no one else allowed except him and I. When I had a bad day, he helped me out. He had a bad day. I held him up.

We just, we took shifts. He would do day shift. I would do night shift. But we made sure every single day, she was never without one of us. But we just, it was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed or gone through because she was so little and so helpless. Thank you for that. I want to end with this. You have said of little multimari. I want her to be-

I didn't hear her babbling outside right now. Oh, I'm telling the story. She's like two minutes, mom, two minutes. So you said, I want her to be able to look back and be proud of my choices. I want to do right by her. It's so interesting circling back to accountability and who we need to care about what they think of our decisions and who we don't.

She seems like perhaps she'll be one of your greatest accountability partners. If I know anything about parenting, that will be true. What does it mean to you to do right by her? I think I want her, like I am. I'm so proud of my parents. Like I'm proud of having my parents as my parents. Like I'm proud of the people they are. I'm proud of the decisions they made. Even in their tough times, I was proud of the fact that they were okay with going through the tough times where we did it together as a family. You know, it was always a Chopra family discussion. As a family on the dining table, the four of us, we would talk things through. We were just a unit and I just feel so proud to have been raised with nothing being overwhelming because I had my family. It was such a powerful feeling for

me as a child and my family, I don't just mean my parents, I mean my grandparents, my mom's sisters, my aunts, I lived with so many people. I just never felt like I couldn't do anything in the world and I'd be alone because I have such a support structure. And my parents created that world for me. They gave me the access and the ability to have those relationships with my family, my friends. They gave me the freedom to be able to make decisions to travel the world at 12, 13 trusted my independence there upbringing. So I think going by how I feel about my parents, I hope that when she grows up, she kind of is proud of me. She's kind of proud of the human being that I am, the artist that I am. I hope she feels inspired by me, by the choices I've made. And she looks up to me maybe and says that,

you know, my mom's cool. I would love if she thinks I'm she won't. She will not. You know, I don't think you would say that. I know. And she's your age. Yes. Yeah.

Just wait about 40 years and she'll be like, I'm so cool. I'm gonna aim for a cool. The rest is doable. The rest is doable, Priyanka. Ha, ha, ha. You are one of my favorite people out in the world. Yeah. I just think that who you are and the way you show up,

and the way you speak and what you speak about and what you don't speak about and the way that you are raising your family, you just don't change a damn thing. Yeah, thank you. Other than maybe your expectation that you are raising your family. You just don't change a damn thing. Yeah, thank you. Other than maybe your expectation that you're not going to pull it up. Maybe just change that.

But nothing else. I'm going to keep aiming for it. If anyone can do a good carry on, don't worry. I'm striving to bring this upside down cap back and see, see already. It's not working out. No one's buying it. But I'm going to keep striving. I'll think, and I read it. It's not working yet. No one's buying it, but I'm gonna keep striving.

At it and I'm gonna keep striving and making my daughter think I'm cool. You know when she pushes my face and she's like, I'm like, wow, this is so telling of my future. Yeah. Like this is humble pie, humble pie. She'll come around though. In the teenage years, she might be like,

eh, but then I think in the 20s, yeah, because they think you're cool when your teenagers are definitely doing something wrong. You're like mean girls mom. Okay. We love you. Kill ya. Don't change it then. Guys, thank you so much for being so amazing and talking about really incredible things and just having people have conversations. It's such a powerful thing. Well, this has been Potsquat. I always start talking to you babe. Me too. And you, Abby, and you, Amanda, so nice to meet all of you. Totally. Bye Priyanka. Bye, Multimedia.atch, Quonico, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch.

Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch.

Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch.

Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. Citadel, Go-Watch. I have these two big projects back to back coming out and it just feels like I'm ready and I'm ready to take it on and love again is amazing because For the rest of history I'll always be in Celine Dion's acting baby Set set can't take it from you can never take it There's your cool ticket there it is There it is and she's so good in the movie. It's an amazing romantic comedy.

You know, that kind of, you know, the romantic movies that sleep less in Seattle. Oh, yeah. That makes you pride. This is that movie. It makes you feel the feels. And we deserve that at this moment. Yeah, we do deserve that.

And the movie theaters to feel the feels of everyone. So I hope that people really enjoy it. It would be a fun ride. Sure will. Thank you, Bianca. Pod Squad. We'll see you next time. Pod Squad.

Thank you. Pod Squad. Thank you. If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us. If you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do each or all of these three things, first, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode.

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We appreciate you very much. We can do hard things, is produced in partnership with Keynes 13 Studios. I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle. I walked through fire, I came out the other side I chased, desire, I made sure I got what's mine And I continue to believe That I'm the one for me And because I'm mine, I walk the line Cause we're advent and hard-working

So man, a final destination We stopped asking directions Some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be known We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain That our lives bring We can do a heartache You are me

I hit rock bottom, it felt like a brand new star I'm not the problem sometimes things fall apart And I continue to believe the best people are free And it took some time, but I'm finally fine Cause we're adventurers and heartbreaks on land A final destination with land We stopped asking directions Some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be known

We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain That our lives bring, we can do a hard thing. This perfect, Stop asking directions Some places they've never been And to be loved we need to be long We'll finally find our way back home And through the joy and pain That our lives breathe

We can do hard things Yeah, we can do hard things Yeah, we can be hard made