We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle - Why Good Photos Make Us Feel Bad

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

Amanda’s epiphany on Alice’s school Picture Day about the destructive messages we’re inadvertently sending our kids; our forced pursuit of happiness in photos with our families; why family photo shoots bring out the worst in us; and why we should allow ourselves and our people to just look like we look.  Check out past episodes mentioned: Episode 196 How Glennon & Abby Learned to Talk Dirty with Vanessa Marin and Episode 125 WHY ARE THERE NO PICTURES OF US?!? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, love bugs. And welcome to Weekend Do Hard Things. You got your sexy voice on right now, honey. Thank you. Thank you now that I know how to talk dirty for our episodes, which I am still recovering. Please see prior episode with Vanessa. Sister, what you don't know is when that episode went live, I was a horrible person in my home that morning.

I was so vulnerability hung over. Do you remember that, babe? Oh, yeah. I was, oh, you do this podcast, right? And it's a cone of safety and love. And you feel as if you're in this room with the pod squad. And so you can talk about anything and do anything. And then Abby and I go out into the world. So what I want every with a pad squad to imagine is going to like your kids' school event that night.

Feeling normal because you've forgotten what your job is. And the PGA president is like, it feels good when you go slow. And exactly. Or they're giggling at you, just giggling. Or people will say, you're so brave. Nothing scares me more than when someone says you're so brave, because that just means you've done something

that you shouldn't do. Yeah, foolish. You've done something foolish. That other people who are wise would never do. Or it's like, like, example talking about my mental health or the anorexia stuff. So it's one thing you're talking about sex and everyone's giggling and like oh my god. But then also when we air something that's like deep and personal, people will come up to me with this look of just sadness. And I've forgotten what's going on. I'm just like out in the world.

People are like handing me a flower. Are you okay? Anyway. And you're like, what episode are you on? So I know I answered that. Exactly. So I'm doing well this morning while I just, as Abby knows, because that's where I was for the last 15 minutes,

I just finished my day 18 of a 21 day meditation challenge. We're having some day 22. Well, I don't know. I probably won't get there for like six more months because I started. You guys, I started. I just checked. When I started this meditation, this 21 day meditation challenge was on December 4th, 2022. So it's been six months. I'm one day 18. Yeah, it doesn't need to be consecutive. You don't want to overdo it. You're on rush things. I mean, I think it is supposed to be consecutive. It doesn't say that. I know, but I think that it's implied. It doesn't say it.

17 days and six months is better than notice. It's true, huh? It's true, it's really good. How are you two doing? Sister, how was your vacation? You were just on vacation. We just had a trip for spring break. A trip, not a vacation. Not a vacation. A trip, a muscle roll.

And luckily we had our flight canceled, so we spent two solid days trying to figure out another flight. We were actually considering getting in the car and driving to meet our connection flight and on hold with airlines for like seven hours. Also, there's a problem there. We should just footnote. Can someone please fix that industry because there's how are they hire more people? They're like, we can't get to you for six hours.

It's like, yes, you could. If you had the appropriate number of people answering the phone, my favorite is not impossible. My favorite is not an act of God. My favorite is when this is happened to me twice, go up to the ticket place, say, I'm here for my flight and they say, we don't have a seat for you.

And I say, oh no, no, I bought a seat. And they're like, yeah, we see that. We just couldn't keep it. Right. The important part of the reservation is the keeping of the reservation. Yeah, no accountability, zero accountability. It's like the weather reporters.

Weather reports. They can just say whatever the hell they want. No one. And unfortunately the weather people and the airline people are in cahoots to do our life. And I say to John, I say, with this kind of logistical nightmare and frustration, I could get that for free at work.

Exactly. Why am I gonna pay money to get this thing that I get on the regular just as part of my daily life? But luckily we get there. And then the next day we have pictures on the beach. Oh no. You know, quote unquote free pictures on the beach, which means they don't charge you for

that. And then they charge you like a mortgage payment for procuring the pictures after they take them. And Alice proceeds to vomit on the beach while the woman is taking her pictures. Oh, please tell me you got those photos. Yes, because they had the latest money. That's like the 40 year old,

like looking back at the trip you took. Oh, no. Was she sick or just upset? As she was sick. And then she slept for like 12 hours. So I'm like, well, that's really expensive nap. We're taking for this week. But I just got me thinking about pictures.

And I just, I think we should talk about pictures and picture day because it's like we're trying to document the best moments of our life, but they're the worst moments of our life. It is a terrible to, I've never been more angry and frustrated with my family than when we are taking the beautiful loving family photo. I've seen it in action. I've seen it in action. Amanda in action. And by the way, poor sister because there's only been like three times that we've ever taken a picture of our family, right? Yes. Never have that's why it's so fraught. Yes. I'm like, this is my one for this

half decade. Yeah. Make it good, assholes. So the three times around Christmas that we have tried to get a picture. The second someone says, let's get a family picture. Sister's husband looks terrified. This PTSD. Yeah. I have PTSD. Watching it. Terrified.

Because, well, sister, why aren't you explaining your own words, what happens in your body when you are trying to get a family picture? happens in your body when you are trying to get a family picture. Well, it's really just feels like this is, you know, I'm not throwing my shot. You know, this is my one chance and everybody sit and look like we love each other and be the appropriate distance from each other. And just for while I'm asking is for one second to look in the same place. Just one second, don't look second to look in the same place. Just one second, don't look miserable

and look in the same place. I don't think that's a hard thing to ask every five years. No, I really don't. I think it's deeper. I think it's like a symbol or a microcosm of what you feel all year, which is why anyone fucking care about this as much as I do. Why won't anyone put in the goddamn effort

to be a family that it takes from everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull a little weight, you small people and you're large person. Yeah. One thing that actually has happened recently because I've been looking through a lot of old family photos and photo albums.

I have always been the person in this experience that's like, this is not that fucking big of a deal. Can't we just be here with each other and not need to document it? That's been my mentality. But after looking back at these photos and now I'm getting a little bit older, I'm like, oh, these moments to capture and to remember. Cause you forget, like we don't remember everything. And when you see the photo, it's a chance to remember.

And what we are, is I feel, it's just a whole bunch of memories, like our whole lives, you know? And most importantly, we're not remembering the memories, we're remembering what we see in the picture as if it represents the memory. And that's important. So for example, if we get a picture from the beach trip,

I'm gonna say, hey, baby, remember, this was the best day of your life. That's right. She's gonna be like, yes, it was. And it's so true because I have, and sister, we've talked about this so much, I'm gonna say, it's a little bit different now because the kids are older, but for most of our family life, when I'm on a trip with the family, I am not enjoying myself.

I'm in the moment, I am not having fun. Trips with families are not fun. And if it's fun for you, congratulations. But in the moment, it's not. It's like you've paid this money, you want everything to be perfect, you're people suck. It's so much effort. It's all but something magical happens afterwards. And you're like, that was so fun.

Yeah. It's the after, it's retroactive joy. It's not joyful in the moment. And the picture represents that retroactive joy. We just replace all of our miserable memories with that one shot. We don't have proof of your misery. All we have is proof of this really smiley picture. So it's your memory versus this picture

and we're going with the picture. I'm Jonathan M. Hevar. I'm a podcast producer and someone who likes fancy things. But I grew up working class. My parents were immigrants with factory jobs. And because of that, I think about class a lot. And I want to talk about it. That's what we're doing on my new podcast, Classy. And what did you all eat?

You know, trailer food. I was like, girl, we're not doing that anymore. You'll hear from people who told me awkward, embarrassing, and strangely intimate things about what class means to them. She said, you know, for the house cleaner, I hide the tag on the $6 bread. And I just thought, don't you think she knows that you're wealthy? You're hiding the tags from yourself. Classy.

A new podcast from Pineapple Street Studios. Available now, wherever you get your podcasts. which is just too fraught. We'd need an expert on to really delve deep into that one. But we do twice a year pictures at school, the kiddos. And it's always like, picture day coming up, you have to sign up for the thing. You know, they're like, if you want three pictures, that'll be $750,000.

It's how much you love your kid. How much do you love your kid? Yeah, because if you love your kid, you will order the $786 package. Are you gonna get the one with emblazoned and foil gold? That comes with four jog leashes with your kids face in 16 Christmas ornaments and a cradle. But recently, so I, again, we don't have many pictures of our family. So actually my kids keep asking every time the holidays come around,

we get all the pictures in the mail of like people's cards and my kids are like, huh, what are we gonna do when it's like, oh, eventually, eventually, Bobby's like, I'm 10. Well, let's wait till you're 11. We don't want to push it. That's like, Emma, she's always till you're 11. We know what to push it. That's like, Emma, she's always like, where are the pictures of me? And I just show her pictures of Tishwood.

Tish was a baby and say that they looked very similar. They do. No one can prove it. No, exactly. So it's picture day. We pick out the clothes for Bobby and Alice. Pick out Alice's clothes. I like braid her hair, put her in the dress.

And she gets home from picture day, and she sits me down like she's gonna tell me something important and she goes, Mom, actually I am really not a dressy person. I'm more of a casual person. Is that what she said? Yes, I'm more of a casual person. And she said, is it okay if I don't wear a dress for picture day anymore? Will that make you sad?

Oh. And I had this crazy experience because I was like on many levels, of course. And I was like, of course, you can wear whatever you like to wear on picture day. And I said to her, what I want is a picture that looks like you. Yes. Not to make you look like a picture I want, which is what I had been doing.

It's such a wild thing, like a picture is supposed to document a person, but I wasn't documenting her as she shows up at two-stay-to-school. I was thinking of the picture I wanted to have and then conforming the way she looked to look like that picture. It seems silly, but this message that I send when I get her all dolled up to look like something that doesn't look like she naturally looks like

is telling her that the way she is as she is is not worthy of documenting. Like it's like it's not something that I would love to see. It's not something I would feel proud to send to her grandparents or see in the yearbook. In this very subtle way, it's like she needs to be improved or altered to be acceptable and celebrated in this photograph. Yeah, I mean, the elementary school photos that we get home on the thing where you give the $150,000 for your wallet size because everyone's around their carry in wallet. Wallet size photograph. You know how you pull out your billfold.

You just show your friends. Me, myself, I use a money clip, but I make sure I have all the wallet size photos in there next to your pocket watch. Yes. The elementary school photos give you the option for retouching. I kid you not. The kids photos. The six year olds.

And I just think that there's this really like I sat and thought about it for way too long, but there's a real thread between me sending her that message, sending my eight year old the message that she needs to wear the stress that she would never ever choose to wear and get her hair braided in a way that is uncomfortable for her. And the millions of women who step out of photographs because they're not ready yet. They're not ready for a photo. And I'm like, that's crazy being not being ready. But I get her very ready for her photos. And then you got this retouching thing and then 90% of women use a filter or edit their photos before posting them. And I'm like, that's crazy.

It's so interesting. It's just a little subtle things that we think are these benign things that are planning the seeds. It's a little story of my life. This is literally how I grew up where my mom would put me in dresses. I mean, I was a bridesmaid and my brother's wedding. And I had to wear one of those, you know, dark cranberry colored. What is it called? Dress list. Dress list. Oh my god. Oh, for you, when you were a star, I mean, I must have been 25. I don't know. Oh, God.

I was old. I was old. And, you know, I just had to in my mind. I knew I was like, okay, I, I'm just going to do this because this is what the bride wants. And then as I got older, I had the option. I was in another person's wedding and they're like, where is suit?

Just wear the same color that the bridesmaids are wearing. And I was like, that is so nice. But what I want to say to you about Alice coming home and feeling like she can tell you this, that is not something that was an option for me. I just had to grin and bear it because I, yeah, literally grin and bear it because I'm not really. Yeah, literally grin and bear it. What the hell is this?

You guys, this is big. I feel like this is big. I don't know how to, it's just like this because we're doing the same thing with the vacations. Like when you said Sissy, the point of a picture is to document what a person looks like. That is not our intention. Oh no, it's

definitely not my intention. No, but but it could be. Right. Right. When you went to take your family vacation picture and so you stopped your family vacation, made everyone miserable, made them dress up in the shit, stand in front by my daughter vomit, major daughter stood in front of the waves. That was not a picture of your family vacation at all. Exactly. That's a deviation from vacation. That you deviated your family vacation to take a picture. Well, it's the theme of this podcast. The thing that screws us up the most is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be. The picture in our head that we think we should have. Right, exactly.

You look at your kid, your precious little kid, he's wearing her scrappy little shit and her hair's all messed up and she's out in the backyard doing your thing. If you were gonna take a picture of what your kid is, you would take a picture of her right there in the backyard, or you would send her along to school looking like the rag a muffin she is, so that in 10 years,

you could look back and be like, I remember that, that's my baby. As opposed to this set of 12 pictures where your kid looks nothing like, it's like an Alice impersonator. I was reading this book recently and this woman said when she forgets what her life was like she goes back and scrolls through her social media to find out what her life was like and I was like oh my god no no no that's not that's something else. Right? That's not even our life. That's our pictures of what we think other people will like to see about what our life was but it's 12 step removed from what is, from what our people actually are, and from what our daily moments are.

Yeah, maybe we should just start committing to like, what is it called when you're just taking a photo of what's happening? People do that in other cultures. Candid. Candid. Candid. Candid. Candid. Well, we suppose the shit out of our candid pictures. Why are we doing this? It's not always been like this, and it's not always like this. Like it is a distinctly American thing to create the perfect situation. Have everyone stop and look at a camera and smile, smile big.

There's a lot of people who think we all look ridiculous in all of our pictures, because why are you guys always smiling, faithfully? It's so true. A lot of places when someone takes a picture, people just kind of turn and look how they look. Yeah, that's so true. I mean, I've traveled the world,

and that is very true of so many different countries I've traveled to, people, they just stand there. Yeah, and also old photos. They're not smiling. No, and it looks so sad. I'm conditioned to believe these people are really upset. Why did they only take pictures of sad people? They look pissed.

Because mostly we're all sad. Well, I mean, there's a few reasons for that. It was the exposure time period. The first photo was eight hours. So you can't have any movement. Like you have to be totally, totally still. Oh my god. Imagine how silly photos feel. The man did it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It takes me eight hours. So you can't have any movement. Like you have to be totally, totally still. Oh my god. Imagine how seemingly photos feel. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It takes me eight hours to get a picture of everyone looking at the same

picture. It's the dot people. We'll get the dot. Also, they didn't have good dental hygiene, so you can show your teeth. Also, it was seen as you only smiled freely and widely if you were like wild or drunk. So it was socially acceptable. Same with the Asian countries, typically large shows of emotions are not as culturally accepted. But we could be saying the same thing. Why are wild, ridiculous smiles not natural? Because only drunk people in Americans look like that. It's fake. Look how happy we are. I think it's baked in to us. Like it's our pursuit of happiness.

Look at us. Look at us. Look at our pursuit of happiness. I've been reading all these articles about, you know, they put out this study, it's Finland again. Once again, is the happiest country in the world. And so all the Americans are turning that into 700,000 articles about what we can learn from Finland about being happier. But the more I read these articles, when they interview that Finnish people, they're like, I mean, I guess we're fine. We're fineish. Like we're we're fine. We're, we're fine-ish.

Like, we're not fine-ish. We're fine-ish. None of these people are like, well, here's, I'm following my bliss, and I'm blah, blah, blah, blah. They're like, I think what you Americans are calling happy is like, we're just okay with not being happy. We're not pursuing that. We're not pursuing that. We're not pursuing that. We're not pursuing.

We don't pursue it all the time. They're pursuing contentiveness. Yeah, they're just like, this is life, and this is being human, and it's all these different feelings, and we are fine-ish. We're not with that. We're not. Well, actually, interestingly, not to go too far on a cultural tangent.

No, you know, you hate that sister, never does that. I know, there's nothing I hate more than that. But interestingly, Americans do smile so much more. And there is research that suggests that since the US is so heterogeneous. So we have like so many source countries as a country of immigration, as opposed to the super homogenous countries,

you know, China's in Bobway, where there's just a few nationalities. They see a direct correlation between the expression of smile with the immigrant, heavy countries, because coming here, we had to have emotional expressiveness to find people that were safe, to make connections. Whereas if you are a country where it's more homogenous, you're coming from your people and of your people you know who your people are. And so there's like this really interesting thread through that where you have to build mutual cooperation. And the way you signal that to each other is through this emotional expression, which I think is fascinating. That's cool. So, does that show that when we feel safe, when we already have our people, when we have

emotional safety, we are forced to smile less because we have peace. Like a performance. We're not desperate for tribal protection. So it is a performance. It's a calling in of help. It's a please accept me. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's performance. It's a, it's,

it's thou doth protest too much. Yeah. You need all your pictures to be like, I'm happy it's family. Look at me. We're so happy while I'm greeting through my teeth. Look at the camera. Ha.

In fact, there's these things like when McDonald's went to Russia and they did all their trainings when they were setting up McDonald's there and they were like, look at the people, smile. They had to totally remamp it because people were like, what the fuck is going on at McDonald's? They're like, everyone at McDonald's is wasted and I don't feel safe. Order it. Exactly. Same with Target.

You know, like the Greeders at Target? When they set those up in Germany, the Germans were like, Oh hell no, we're talking with like as you come in and they're like, welcome smile. And they're like, you all have to change that. And it's coming back to Target. The target. Oh my god, it's so fascinating. I've been thinking a lot about pictures lately, because I'm trying not to be disembodied anymore. And so if I'm using a camera at all, I'm trying to see, take pictures of something

that brings me joy. Like the other day, Emma had a bunch of kids over and I think I sent this picture to you. Yeah. Just like a pile of shoes of teenage girls shoes just all over the foyer. And I was like, that's like my church. That pile of shoes because that signals to me that this house is full of kids and that they feel safe here. But none of the kids are in my view. They're all in the basement. Yeah, it's a representation of children,

but not actual children. This is the picture in my head of how things should be. But what are you thinking about with little ones still? I don't do social media. So I don't have that conflict that I feel like a lot of people have where they have to like, oh, this is probably like a very old expression. Someone said, Oh, my last vacation, it rained the entire time where they were on some island. And I had to force book these photos because I was miserable. What does that mean?

It's your posting things to Facebook, but your force booking them, meaning like you're actually miserable, but you're posting a photo that is representing your experience as positive. Whoa. And what is the intention of that? Because actually a ruined nightmare family situation is such good content. That's funny. Like having a miserable time is like funny and connective. So what, what is that? I think it's also like that everybody else is posting their pictures. Maybe you're like, we also did a thing. I don't know. Or maybe it's yourself justifying because you're like, we invested in this vacation. It took us all of this time. And I will have a receipt to show something for my efforts. I'm not, I'm not sure what it is. For me, I haven't gotten a lot of photos

that I wish I had of certain events, so I really want them, and there's not enough photos of me with my kids, and so I really want those. I think my hardest thing is letting those photos look like, My hardest thing is letting those photos look like what they look like because my biggest hurdle is that I don't like the way I look in photos. Oh, is that true? You don't like the way you look in photos.

I am done. Why? Well, this is a debate I've been having with myself for a while because I always thought for a lot of years that I don't look like myself in photos. That's what I think. I think I just look like a baby. And then I realized, oh, fuck. Maybe that's what I look like.

Sister, remember when I used to say, my eyes are two different sizes in pictures? Yes. And it took me till I was 40 to understand my eyes are just two different sizes. Yes. People joke with me like it's like a running joke that I am puffy pirate.

What is it? In every photo, I'm puffy pirate because when I smile, I squinch my face up. And so my face is like a puff ball where, and then one of my eyes completely closes and one stays up. Puffy pirate. You do the pirate.

I do the clothesline. You know what, in college, my mean friend, what is that Mark Lutter? You used to call me smush face. For the same reason, smush face. Also, I had chipmunked teeth from Belemia, but yeah, puppy pirate, smush face. And I'm like, God, it's so weird out.

My photos don't look anything like me. Have you ever, I'm gonna just throw this out there because I also sometimes I cheese smile sometimes when I'm actually like so happy. And those photos, I'm like, oh, you're, whoa, this is not right. So now I have like a picture face that I feel confident in that will show the way that I wanna be looking like

in the photo. So I haven't put that one in. I haven't put that one in too. But I'm also just like, why can't I just let the pictures look like they look? Why can't I just be an Alice and be like, she's like, I'm really more of a casual person. I can't just be like, I'm really more of a puffy pirate. No, what'd it be? But here's the other thing.

I actually don't think you are a puffy pirate. Like I think puffy pirate is a perfect example of forcing the pursuit of happiness into your pictures. Because when I think of like the pictures that should exist for you as who you are and how you parent, when I think of, oh, the picture sister should have with her kids. I have flashes. I just had a flash of you knocking Alice over when she was the goalie.

When we were playing beach soccer, pod squad, please understand. We're playing a nice game of family soccer on the beach at Christmas. And Alice was in the goal because she's the youngest member of our family. So the rest of the family was, you know, kind of kicking the ball around her, gently approaching her, cheering her on. Sister was crushing her daughter, slide tackling her.

Sister, look at her daughter. That's how we do it in Virginia. You've actually, I've never seen something so competitive. No, and I'm a former pro athlete. Sister takes us to a different level. Child, and I'm a former pro athlete. Sister, at this. She's a little bit different level. Child, the small child in the goal and said, oh shit, I can take her down.

I mean, I get closer sister, sister, I'd be like, nope, I'm not going into this. Yeah, but like, she's coming in for blood. Pictures of that. Pictures of you on the floor being ridiculous with them. I can just have flash after flash of what they should be. And you are not puffy pirate in any of them. Puffy pirate is what comes when mothering stops

and you end the vacation and you stand in front of a camera. And you know what puffy pirate is? Puffy pirate is misery, okay? It's misery. I will get this picture. We gotta think of a name for this because I think that this is an important moment that most people will recognize

and see in their own life. What is it that we're doing, that we're stopping, this is like a snapshot of evil. Because none of us think that our lives the way they are and ourselves the way they are and our children the way they are and our days the way they are and ourselves the way they are and our children the way they are and our days the way they are is good enough. We all think we're supposed to be someone else. Our kids are supposed to be someone else. We're pursuing. We're pursuing. We're pursuing. We never

think right now in this moment the way things are is good enough. It's so funny. I think there's a more practical element to it too, and people should go back and listen to why there are no pictures of us. I think that part of it, if people were going around taking candid shots of me all the time doing my thing. Yes. I would not feel the pressure to make sure that I am documented with my family at these different stages. And so I wouldn't, I wouldn't feel the enormous pressure when it's like literally the one

time, we've gotten professional pictures taken a time. Right. And that's when you got it for me because you were like, I'm going to make this happen for you. So I think it puts extra pressure on that because I want to be in a photo with my family, whereas if I had legions of photograph of being candid with my kids, I would feel less of a sense of urgency around those moments where I know it's going to be the photograph I'm going to have for this year.

Yeah. That's beautiful. It's so true. That's something for all partners and friends and people listening to remember, when you see your person or one of your people being themselves in a moment, snap that picture. Yeah, because guess what will happen? When the moment when the family, quote unquote, picture comes up, they're going be less assholes. Cause they know that they've got some other options to choose from.

Yes, scarcity creates emergency level emotional response. And so I think that that is true. But listen, there's a difference. A picture is about being seen. Yes. Being seen. And like this idea that we have to change ourselves,

change our children, dress up up look different than we are alter ourselves That means we are never really being seen So in an extreme way if someone takes a picture of me and I have spent You know three hours in a makeup chair and someone has changed my hair and Then probably done some editing afterwards. And then someone says, look at this picture of you.

This is how I see you. You're beautiful. There's no part of me that feels like that's, I don't feel that compliment. That's not real. If I'm sitting laying on a couch and reading with the dogs laid on me and I don't even know it and then Abby shows me a picture later, a picture she shot of me laying on a couch and reading with the dogs laid on me. And I don't even know it. And then Abby shows me a picture later, a picture she shot of me laying on the couch reading with the dogs.

And she's like, look at you. That makes me feel so seen. So like with Alice, she comes home in those braids and you put that picture out on the, exactly. And on the kitchen table and say, that's my daughter. She doesn't feel like you're really seeing her. If you snap a picture of her outside with Sheamus in the backyard because you've noticed how beautiful

and free and wild she looks when she's doing what she loves and you put that picture on the kitchen table. And you say, that's my daughter. Then she knows that what you find most beautiful and stunning about her is her the way she is. It's like pictures are existential. This is a real person.

When you take a photo of yourself, it's like, I exist. There's something really deep about it. And I think it's so special that Alice is able to actually communicate that with you. I want my pictures to exist as I really am. Yes. We could all have that kind of, I don't know, confidence to be able to. Basically, she was saying, like, can the picture of me

really be of me? Yes. And I just realized that, oh my God, what are we doing? We're starting this performance so early. And that is telling her her as you are, I don't wanna put on my wall. Why would I wanna picture of you just as you go to school on Tuesday on my wall?

That's preposterous. It really, for me, helped me think through like, oh God, that's really close to how I am now where I will go through if John takes a picture of me and the kids. And I will look at all of them and maybe the kids look amazing and I don't like the way I look in any of them. I won't print it.

And it's like, what? But that's the way I look. Yeah. That's the picture of me. Well, sorry. There's only so many decades you can say oh that angle So weird over camera does that to me so there's something liberating about Just being like can we I'll just be like

Yep That's a picture, Alice. Yep. That's a picture of me. And maybe if we start doing with our kids, we'll allow ourselves to start doing with ourselves. Yeah. Yeah, let's not buy into it unintentionally, just buy into the idea that there's this one way. It would be cool if we all started taking pictures and let it be. Let it be. Let the VK be, let the day be, let the moment be, let the daughter be, let the partner be, and just snap at the way it is. Yeah. That's a challenge,

Pog Squad. Did you want to say something else to see before we wrap here? I wanted to tell my favorite picture day story, which my dear friend, she had to go out of town for on picture day. Yeah, dear friend, she had to go out of town for on picture day. And she left her husband in charge and said today's picture day, make sure you get the kids ready. And we have this restaurant in town called Lazy Mikes and they sell t-shirts.

And of course, it's my friend's husband's favorite restaurant. And so he was like perfect. That's the one. So he sends the kindergarten or to school in the lazy mic t-shirt for a picture day and when the picture's finally come in she opens the envelope for the pictures and pulls it out and there is the her precious six year old in the photo With all you can see was the top of the t-shirt and emblazoned giant letters lazy For face with like five inch block letters lazy across it and it is the funniest shit You've ever seen in your life.

I'm going to text it to you. And that picture, which she was so pissed about. Gold. And now it's like every picture day, we text the picture to everyone and it's like reminder, picture day tomorrow. Lazy. So she had to send that shit to everybody who requested a picture. Oh, it's so good. I just want to just that shit to everybody who requested a picture. Oh, it's so good. I just want to just love it. I want to circle back. You said that your kids have two picture days a year?

Oh, yeah. Because how are you going to make $6 million if you only have a winter picture? You got to have your spring picture, too. Yeah. Did that happen for us when I arrived? No. And remember our backgrounds where we never got to pay extra because my parents never paid extra for anything.

But remember how the kids whose parents would spend money would get like the laser backgrounds or unmetto. What's going on with those backgrounds? We would be like you sitting there and then there would be like, yeah, like a field of greens behind you while you're sitting there and you're like smock dress. Yes, I remember you could get yourself, they could change out. Like you'd sit on a little bench, but some of the kids, his parents were like, whoa, loaded.

We'd get their pictures and the bench would be like gone and they'd be sitting on a bail of hay. Because nothing says second grade was fun. Like a bail of hate failed hate with purple lasers. That got. All right, we love you, hot squad. Thanks for listening. Go take some pictures.

Have a good picture day. We clearly can't stop laughing. So if you all have a family picture or school picture or any sort of picture horror stories. Rocky, anyway, can you please send them to us or call in and tell them to us because we would like to continue laughing. Tell us all the good, the bad, the ugly, the lazy picture stories.

747, 205307. Where you're gonna say Rocky picture horror stories? Yeah, yeah, that's where you work that all in, but like it didn't, I forgot, and then I pan it. Yeah, I guess so. Bye! [♪ music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, If you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do each or all of these three things, first, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you,

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