We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #1 - 90210 "Pilot, Part 1"

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

On the inaugural episode of our new Beverly Hills, 90210/Melrose Place chat show, the guys are chatting about the first part of the 90-minute pilot to Aaron Spelling & Darren Star's smash hit, Beverly Hills, 90210! Originally airing October 4th, 1990, the pilot introduces us to the Walsh twins, Brenda & Brandon, as they navigate their new school, West Beverly High! Look at all these mullets! Are the Walsh's poor or just Beverly Hills poor? And get a good look at Scott, kids, he ain't gonna be around along! MELR0210 is a new show the gang has put together to help you pass the time during this necessary social distancing time. New episodes will air Mondays and Thursdays, right here on the main feed! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the innocent time of the 1990s! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm going to be able to be. Hello and remain indoors we are going to sunny California ladies and gentlemen for the Melro 210 bonus show that we're doing here on on the we hate movies prime feed this is a free show we're putting out just in kind of just in time for all of us to be quarantined together right yeah we're this is basically we all just we all took this like packed you know like a like a witches coven type of thing that we're all going to watch 90210 and Melrose place while we're all on lockdown. And then eventually, if lockdown is lifted, we will stop the show. Yeah, exactly. And I am joined. My name is Steven Sadek. I am joined.

You just heard Eric Siska. You'll also hear Andrew Jupin. And eventually, maybe you'll hear Chris Cabin. Hi. There he is. Yeah, we do a movie podcast called We Hate Movies, which you'll find on this feed, a bad movie podcast. We also, just because this is a free show, and we're all kind of. of a little having a little bit fun here there's more stuff on our patreon patreon dot com slash we hate

movies you get a ton of great content we've got a justice league commentary coming out an episode on ferris bueller's day off tons of stuff yeah and if you like tv recaps we have star trek uh parkards up there and uh the nexus which we do the original series and the next generation but i want to quickly mention some of our fans in the uk may be getting the mandolarian uh i think because of disney plus is launching there this month Oh, excellent news. Check out our recaps on there. Yeah, the Mandalorian Half Hour, absolutely.

Yes, so this is the pilot. The way we're going to do this on Mondays, we're going to drop an episode recap of Beverly Hills in order, and then we're going to do on Thursdays an episode recap in order on Melrose Place. We're going to start with Beverly Hills, the pilot, which we're calling the Class of Beverly Hills, which aired originally on October 4th, 1990. Now, Steve, you're just calling it Beverly Hills.

Now, Steve, you're just calling it Beverly Hills, by the way. I apologize. That fucking zip code's got to be in here. Beverly Hills 902.1. Yeah, you've got to tell me that whole title unless I don't know where to put the mail, you know? I should point out also, this marks a kind of an interesting waypoint here in our lives, because Steve, you are the Beverly Hills 9-0-210-0 guy, and like it or not, I am the Melrose Place guy. and I feel I never got on the train of Beverly Hills 902 and oh for no reason other than like I didn't really you know watch it but there was a reason there's less fucking on it well that's yeah well that brings me to my other thinkers Kevin which is you know growing up in the 90s when Melrose Place was on it was the thing you could watch on free TV that was sexy as all get out they were fucking on that oh dude it was such a sexy show strap in you know there's sex there's intrigue There's murder?

So I have now seen only 90210.0, the pilot, excuse me, Beverly Hills, comma, 90210. Thank you. I think, but the abbreviation is, you know, you would say to somebody, you know, like, oh, hey, did you see 90210 last night? Oh, for sure. You call it a 90290. You check out the 210. So I've only seen this. Literally, that's it, part one of the pilot.

I've never seen any further. I've never seen Melrose Place. So I'm completely fresh to all of this. So Melrose Place is hornier than Beverly Hills, 90210.1. Yep. But the 90210210 remake is hornier than Melrose Place. Oh, did you watch that? You fucked around with that?

I fucked around with a little bit of that too much. Yeah, yeah, I have a couple episodes. It is very horny. I skipped both remakes, and I also skipped that. I was really excited when they were doing that. I call it a reboot or a reunion show. I was like, revival. Yeah, but they're like playing themselves, though?

That's when I was like, I'm never watching a second of this, because it was, I was like, oh, shit, are we just going to bring all my friends back and we're all going to hang out together? No, it's actually just a self-aware, I'm a celebrity, get me out of here, bullshit. I'm out. Those, dude, those things are the fucking worst. Do you recall, guys, I think we joked about this in circles for a while several years ago, the web series can't get arrested? Oh, yeah, that's your favorite. I know what that is. Which was like, it was like

Jody Sweeten from Full House. And Cooleyer. It was Dave Cooleyer. Yes, it was. It was basically the thing where it's like they're playing like they're washed up, quote unquote, actory selves.

And when I saw this, I think by the way they called it BH 90210. Yes, that's how you differentiate that. I was like, were that's a complete remake, not a revival. We're not bringing back old characters. No, they were, they were playing,

it was the actors playing themselves doing a reunion, I think. Yeah, it was like, oh, I don't want to do this, and it was like that kind of a thing. Because that's what this can't get arrested was, was just these actors playing like down on their luck versions of themselves, which, you know, for Dave Goulié, I would imagine art was imitating life.

Just to get started here, because we were talking about our experiences, my experience with Beverly 9-0-2-0, I have a sister that is three years older than me. She was 13 with this came out, and that was the... Oh, yeah. And she ruled...

the roost she was the eldest in the family so she ruled the roost television-wise so we were watching this and it was a thing where i was like this stinks it's for girls and that i would just keep moving closer to the television uh so yeah until you started making it with jenny garth oh definitely oh making out with jennie garth through steve's tv screen steve stop kissing the tv i have to get the windex again you're ruining the television so the first season i should say is a lot more earnest than the show is later on it's a lot more about like this is kind of a family show about a family that moves to this crazy uh beverly hills location from minneapolis minnesota and or minnesota minneapolis uh and or no what what is the zip

code there i don't know it is indeed minneapolis minnesota by the way you know the city of Minnesota. Dude, we've been locked inside for two weeks and we're already forgetting which way you say states and cities. Yup, I'm the governor of Minneapolis, Jesse Ventura. Dude, they should all talk. That's the thing. The accents on Brendan and Brandon and Brenda should be like, oh, hey there.

How's it going? I'm just hanging out here. You're your new best friends. To be fair, Jason Priestley's hair is from Minnesota. Dude. Oh. That's in Minnesota. Erica, if I ever see it. It's a Minnesota

helmet is what it is. Dude, he's got a Minnesota waterfall. This is a mullet who beat the band. Mullet 1 of 16 in this episode. It's pretty terrific. Oh, and I should also say we are only going to be talking about the first half of the pilot because they split them up its indication. We want to kind of keep

these relatively short. It's going to do it 90 minutes on Beverly Hills 902 and O, although I could. Steve, quick question about Brenda and Brandon's family situation. Because their whole thing like oh we move from Minneapolis and we're just like normal people blah blah blah how is it that they are affording to live in Beverly Hills what is the

situation it's the secret of the show which is they which they kind of allude to later is they're fucking rich I hate to break it to you guys they pretend that they're not but like the Illuminati yeah part of the Illuminati the dad Jim Walsh played by the great James Eckhaus you only get a little bit of him in this episode yeah is like a corporate lawyer that that gets transferred to Beverly Hills. So they're making enough to live in this city. So later when they're like, I don't know,

everyone's just so rich. I mean, again, there's Uber rich and rich. They're rich, not Uber rich. Yeah, so he's Tom Cruise, and he's just around a bunch of Sidney Pollux. Yes, exactly. That's one way to put it, Kevin. One thing that strikes me this first episode

is the weird flirting going on between Brandon and Brenda. I was not okay with it. It's a weird thing, dude. They're like fucking twins, you know what I mean? And it's like, who knows what's going on, man? That's all I'm saying. That's where they learn to kiss. Exactly, dude.

I mean, let's practice on each other. We're pretty much the same person. It's just a lot of like, she's waking him up. And he's like noticing what she's wearing. He calls her a cute girl. It's like, nah. Yeah, I got two sisters. I've never done any of that.

Yeah, he's like, he's like, oh, because she comes in. And she's like, hey, Brandon, you know, it's the first day of school. You got to help me pick out an outfit. And he's like, oh, what about that black thing? You wore to so-and-so's whatever the fuck party back in Minneapolis. You looked pretty good then. And I'm like, what the fuck did you say to your sister? I said that cruel intentions is the Rosetta Stone for step-sibling porn.

But this was an early murmur of that. Just quiet in the background. I feel like if you're, she wakes him up. She like jumps at his bed. It's like shaking him. I'm like, dude. he is 16 you got a cop knock on the back door and be like Brandon we're waking up and then you walk away from the door that's it you can't just pounce on that bed dude you don't

know what the morning wood situation is get out of here Lord my main takeaway from this scene was the line that everyone here looks like they're in they're out of a music video and I don't even have the right hair it was Brenda yeah Brenda played by the great Shannon Doherty and Brandon Jason Priestley this is like sort of a Brandon turns into an earnest piece of shit later on I mean he's always kind of earnest but like he's an unlikable character

as a show goes on it that's too bad because I was liking him in this episode he's like a goof he's a bit of a goof and later on he becomes like he's a very little self-righteous little turd which I'm not a fan of like he become like super religious or something I strike thee

in the heart, Satan. By the way, Brendan is waking up with the call from the Death Rabbit from Donnie Darko. That's a great call. Wake up. Dude, did you notice it's all coming out of a Godzilla alarm clock?

Are you doing in the 902?00? I feel like they were like, all right, maybe this character's going to be an inventor. Let's just put this in here in case we want to go that way later. Absolutely. Plant the seed for possible inventors status later on if we get picked up he's a tinkerer a whole episode about him getting his first

patent oh no my time machine's going to be broken now steve this show went for 10 seasons so they like clearly like matriculate into college at some point they go into college it's it's your classic like we get tired of college pretty quickly i think it's like one or two seasons of like them actually doing classes and like college stuff and then it's like ah now everybody does their own stuff. Brandon runs the peach pit. Steve runs a newspaper? Okay. No way. Steve Sanders becomes a journalist?

I won't hear of it. He owns a newspaper later on. I'm not kidding you. I'm not fucking kidding you. I wish I was. I got to tell you, man, fucking worldwide pandemic or no, I believe I'm going to be continuing the show on my own. So he becomes

the president of the San Francisco Chronicle? Yes. Okay. So we got, I mean, you know there's a lot of like uh we meet their their parents Cindy and Jim uh with the late great I think he's still alive James Eckhouse he's in a couple of those Marvel movies for a hot second James Eckhouse is in the MCU I think he said of Avengers as like some sort of bald senator because his hair did not last long Senator Boynton I thought he played in orc uh James Eckhouse by the way thank God is still alive thank goodness uh and they wind

up they just go to school and they're kind of I guess we're again we're supposed to pretend this is a shitty car it's a pretty dope little brown whatever the fuck hatchback he's rocking is it a Volvo he's driving i didn't get a look at this thing it's not too bad though exactly but then you know steve shows up in his Ferrari which anyone get a look at this vanity plate by the way oh yeah i tried making out what it said i couldn't i couldn't figure it out i ate a Ferrari i ate a Ferrari exactly what like i ate a f-re so that I ate a Ferrari. How do you deep throat a car?

Eat, not suck off. Listen, dude, if you're deep throating something and then you take out like some rusty scissors and cut off the what's holding it together. Sure. You can fucking eat it. Okay, fine. I didn't know that's what you were referencing, Eric.

I do want to remind everybody the show is free. So, yes, exactly. So we can talk about fallacious being interrupted by fucking a murder, I guess. Wait, why did the scissors have to be rusty? Just how Eric likes it. Dude, I love that. It's my kink, dude. You got to support it.

Oh, you're right. I love the little exchange to, like, Brandon, you know, the racing out to school, and he's like, he comes into the kitchen to look for some breakfast, and he's like, hey, where's the toaster? And Mrs. Walsh, like, throws a box on the floor, and he's like, yeah, I'm just going to go to school. Yeah, she's not having it in this episode.

They do have a guy, I love the opening montage of, like, getting to campus, and because it's the pilot, we're kind of using this montage to, like, be the opening credits, basically. Yes. I fucking love the, like, late 80sness of the score, all this stuff. But the thing that is truly obnoxious so far to me is this guy, the Flash on student radio disc jockey duty? I think this guy gets cut after the pilot. i don't you know what i mean david yeah spoiler like david eventually becomes the uh disc jockey which is a lot of fun that checks out but it's like yeah go ahead kavin so steve can i ask these

of these cutaways are all of these people who are going to this school like when they're doing this because it's a big montage oh yes yeah yeah it's it's i thought it was the city because there's like some saudis are going there's some guys who like serve the honorable elijah mohammed hanging out No, it's more of a, I think it's the city waking up as they're driving to the school. And then you do eventually get to the school. You'll get more mullets and you get a lot of like break. People are just break dancing outside. A lot of break dancing.

I love the detail of the high school has valet parking. Yes. And Steve Sanders shows up and so does Kelly, played by Jenny Garth, shows up in her car. She got a nose job over the summer. Oh, yeah. That's it, dude. It's a brave new world, you guys. they took a foot off of it yeah that's an insane thing that steve sanders says in like what he

thinks is going to be a flattering remark yeah he's not not really running great game here on uh kelly and so kelly and and steve used to date uh but have since broken up as he tells it he dumped her yeah i feel like that's not true no i feel like that's probably a lie he keeps saying it to multiple characters. And he's just like going to, like he's, this first season specifically, he's really creepy towards her, if I remember correctly. They become buddies later on, like, just kind of pals, but like for a while, he's like, let's get back together.

Oh, that's insufferable. Eric, as for blonde representation, how is Steve treating you? That's, you know what? It's actually not bad. I mean, this guy, it's another handsome but curly mullet going on with, with, with, Ian Ziering in this episode. He kind of looks like he could be playing saxophone in some yacht rock band.

Definitely, yeah. Especially later when he goes to this party, he's wearing that fucking blazer and white shorts. I'm like, where do we set off, Steve? He's going to a party in like Nantucket this whole fucking episode. He looks like a real asshole. It's great. His backstory, which you kind of get a little bit,

is that his mom is sort of a leave it to beaver and or what do you call it a pretty bunch-esque TV mom but guess what it's not all cracked up it's not like it's cracked up to be on in real life IRL as they call that oh are there no more wire hangers

what do you get a reveal eventually? No I mean I just remember like there's she's a shitty mom I believe she's an alcoholic yeah yeah easy way to go is

Then we meet our freshman characters, which is David and Scott RIP. Scott's the one that accidentally shoots himself. If I have a favorite episode of television, it's the episode Scott shoots himself in the face. I was about to ask if it was in the show or real life. No, I believe the actor is IRL alive. Unshot face. Unshot face. Yeah, David is, he becomes part of the main cast, like they kind of like just like fold him in and Scott is like, I guess the idea is like, oh, these guys will be our eyes and ears into how the school works.

But eventually, like, we don't like this little weiner character. By the way, a great sequel to Uncut Gems, Unshot Faces. Hey, David, this is how I win. It looks like, yeah. Scott checks out midway through season two. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Poor Scott Scanlon, although I will say the actor Douglas Emerson is still alive. Well, that's good.

Yeah, he's wearing this fucking Lakers hat. And later on, he wears a Lakers shirt. It's like, Scott, we can't do this. Like, you see how everybody else is dressed, Scott? That's not what we're doing here. Absolutely not. Look, Scott, I'm handsome. You don't have these good looks.

you gotta shape up here buddy but also like this is a school where like you're not wearing shit with logos and team emblems on it this is West Beverly High baby and yeah we we kind of go around yeah

and there's this weird thread in the first season where it's like supposed to be like the best high school in the country or something well that's what this vice principal is like feeding Brenda and Brandon this fucking line about like oh yeah well back in Minneapolis

it says you were straight-a students will let me tell you west beverly these kids are competitive and i was like is that true well later on kelly asks her and she's like are you smart and brenda's like kind of and i'm like yeah that's about right well that dude that fucking scenes that they're in like biology class or whatever um the the teacher in this uh class is that actor josh uh mostel from uh city slickers And I always think of the principal from Billy Madison. Yes. Oh, absolutely. Mr. Anderson. That's right. If I was him, I'd walk my fat ass into oncoming traffic.

Sorry. I mean, that movie still delivers. Zero Mostel Sun, I believe. Oh, is that right? Yeah. So you should be one must tell. But it's kind of crazy. Like this ridiculous scene where like he says, hey everybody you know pay attention to where you're sitting because whoever you're next to is going to be like your lab partner for the year and this like you know a bigger size woman walks in and all of these students are like oh my god oh my god like the fucking riot of the valky starts playing i mean it's insane and you see fucking jenny garth and she's like seats taken and the girl's like uh yeah by who and like yeah brenda walks in and she's like uh that girl and you would think like at some point in the episode or later on

like we would find out like maybe that girl has a great personality and she's a great character or whatever no she's a one-off fat joke it's a one-off fat joke it's insane i i kept waiting for this character to show up again yes exactly and thanks aaron spelling it's on some whiteboard like what do we want to get done in the first episode all right we want to introduce the characters for sure brandon inventor question mark okay fat joke a number one No fatties, write that on the board. Exactly. Like we want to set that tone real quick.

Fat joke. Bad smell joke plus? Question mark. Can we get that seahorn noise possibly? Around here, Kelly starts telling Brenda about like the popularity in the school and how important it is. And you wouldn't want to be caught dead eating alone like that kid and it's her brother. Yeah, that's kind of funny. This actually, it sparked a memory of my traumatic high school experience.

Oh, no. Well, yeah, no. I remember I was friends with a group of kids for my entire life, you know, like from elementary school and onward. And one day in the lunchroom, like, you know, you go sit with them. And then everyone gets up and moves to another table. Oh, no. Yeah, dude. It happened to me.

And then I was like, wait, is this a game people are playing? so let me also do that and then they kept moving and I was like okay I think I'm getting the hint wait a second then what did you do to deserve the excommunication I think it was the no fatties rule okay I actually think that's what it was I was gonna ask me wearing a lakers hat at the time Eric did you smell you can tell me of course I smelled I mean I think that's part of what the show is going to reveal is like you know some some high school stories might pop up That's true. Yeah, I don't think I ever dished on that one before. No, I don't remember that humiliation.

Yeah, they're coming back. No. Eveliation, it's back. No. The thrust of this episode is this big party at Marianne's something or others' house. She hires a plane that tells everybody that there's a big party on Friday night. No freshman allowed. Sorry freshman characters. Dude, this is another great visual gag where it's like the plane and it's flying the little banner. behind it and it's like back to school jam this Friday and it like gives the address or whatever and Jenny Garth like recognizes you know who you know it's Marion whatever's address that's

cool and then there's a great gag of there's a second airplane carrying the tinier banner that says no freshman uh the I apologize breaking news the no freshman plane has gone down there were no survivors uh what this means that freshmen are now welcomed to Marianne, whatever the fuck's party. We're now getting word that a second plane has hit the second World Trade Center Tower and it was carrying a banner that said no freshman.

Oh my God. What a way to get that message across. This party, I mean... Although there might be 72 in heaven, right? Oh, man. You know what? We're going through a global thing right now. Let's have some levity at the past, right?

I apologize, actually. It's a thing for the global thing. For the global thing. You've got to laugh at yourself. Jesus. So you're like, oh, I could laugh at myself in high school. I could laugh at travesties around that time as well. Yeah, exactly.

It was a simpler time. It was a simpler thing. Like, you could still go to a restaurant or bar afterwards. It's true. Fucking viruses. Can I talk about this Andrea character? Oh, we have to talk about Andrea Zuckerman. Absolutely.

The top 10 school papers in the country. That's a great question, Chris. Loser organization fucking tracks this shit. Yeah, I got to say, this I feel. And, you know, I'm sure other people had different experiences, but Cabin, our high school newspapers sucked. Nobody cared. Nobody.

And, like, when you have these shows where she's basically acting like she's fucking William Randolph Hearst. Yeah. And she's like, she's like yelling at Jason Priestley about deadlines and the school sewage dump story and what. And I'm like, just fucking report about the bake sale and the dance and whatever else. It's like the post. And it's about the same production value. I'm actually surprised you guys actually had a school newspaper.

I thought that was like TV propaganda because I never had one. I didn't have one either. We sort of started one and then it never came out because nobody. attended meetings and that was it I think we had a thing it was like one piece of paper like maybe front and back Chris do you remember I think that's right yeah I don't know I mean I just remember like the same people that always did like school paper shit were the same people that gave a shit about being on the yearbook committee right no thanks I think mine was just you could be in yearbook if you if that's what you want to do you could be in yearbook we learn a little more

about Andrea in the next episode but it's it's mostly like we learn here she's an overachiever kind of the nerd character. And we also learn in this episode, which is the dynamic she has for most of the show, is Jason Priestley letting her smell it and then walk away? Dude, I got a real James Bond and Moneypenny vibe with this. Absolutely. He's torturing this poor girl.

He goes up to her, like, hey, where's a cool place to take a hot girl on a Friday night? Not you specifically, but like imagine if a girl were hot. Dude, this exchange is outrageous because, like, he asks that. gives him shit about the deadline or whatever and then like he promises to do the story and she's like okay moon shadows in malibu and he's like okay got it and then like before he leaves the office she's just like is she what does she say like uh is she pretty yeah oh dude it's rough man my asshole clutched right up uh hey brandon could you just uh rub the front of your jeans for a little bit at one point he was wearing a Canadian tuxedo oh for sure that's what he was

wears this big, the great big party, which is Mary Ann's party. That's a rough look. This is, oh my lord, with this hair. And the California heat, you're wearing that too. My God. Who do you think you are? Jay Leno? The California heat's a great question because David shows up first day where

this fucking Ellen, this, I'm sorry, Elaine Benes Blazer, this mustard yellow blazer. And it's fucking 90 degrees. It's August in California. Hey, I have a question about the back-to-school jam, by the way. Please. What? and I looked and I couldn't find anything. There's nothing in the trivia about it.

But my God, what are we doing with this band that's playing? It is wretched. I don't know. They're like a punk kind of band. I will say, and I'm almost positive on this, I think syndication you run into we're swapping out music for music rights, but I don't think that's going to help this band,

but just sort of in general. Okay. This is the same band that played the prom in Encino Man. Open the door, get on the floor Everybody do the dinosaur I mean it's entirely possible Like this one guy's wearing like a backwards hat And just kind of like

Like it's it's weird because what The singer is doing physically Is not matching to what you're hearing On the soundtrack Because this actor is basically like shaking his head Back and forth with his tongue out like And it's just the worst looking fucking band One guy looks like

Slash from Guns and Roses It's awful. There's a few slashes in this episode. One of Steve's friends is a guy's slash haircut. He does. Well, Steve gets wasted at this party because he goes up to Kelly and he's like, you let it dance? It's just like, absolutely not. You're disgusting.

And he gets really upset. He starts really, really pounding by himself. David in a character move. Been there, by the way. Pounded by your home. That's quarantine, baby. Absolutely. Pound party.

David in a character-defining move ditches Scott immediately at this party Scott gets pushed in the pool which is fucking great yeah well because there's no freshman these kids look at they're nine years old I was actually pretty shocked at how much of a baby

Brian Austin Green looks like in the show tiny tiny child because again like I didn't I didn't watch it so I wasn't aware of the fact that he was supposed to be like an underclassman when they were older I just assumed they were all like buds in the same grade

the way it goes for Scott in this episode I'm thinking that face shooting wasn't an accident yeah dude this is like just the first step towards him playing with his dad's gun yeah I think it all kind of adds up he's excited to play with the gun later on so he gets wasted and David has to drive him home and that's a comical scene sort of

this was all kind of funny kind of feeling like a little John Hughes esk here yes definitely we're trying that I like the whole gag of like the cops come up and Steve thinks it's a good idea to put his like football helmet and shoulder pads on David to like hide that he looks like a kid and these cops stare at him and he's like, uh, wildcats number one. It was a good moment. It really was. His balls are years away from dropping in this pilot man. Absolutely. The, uh, Brandon meets the girl who's running the

party and she's like, you're sexy. No, you're sexy. Yeah, the 90s and the 90s and the the word sexy was king look i'm gonna be honest with you on this you cannot have a saxophone like this and not have people fucking it's just not allowed you can't you feel until you feel a little teased there a little bit this fucking it's going off it's fucking whaling you're you're breaking through your denim watching this oh man i was rubbing the front of it uh jason preasley does have a good line here because she goes uh you smell good what are you wearing and he goes i don't know tied. Nice, dude. He's just an average Joe, man.

You ride that shit as long as they'll let you. Oh, I also love... I mean, I feel like this is kind of like the first of several car wrecks in this show, Steve. Oh, yeah. By the way, real quick, before we get to the car wreck, he was driving Steve home, and this Babe Mobile pulls up. Yeah. And they're like, you got, there's a geek drive in your car. I do have to say though I appreciate that in this pilot episode we have a quote unquote teenager

who had too much to drink at a party and like five of his friends are straight up and down telling him he's too drunk to drive we're learning stuff that's good responsible Eric did you go through the babe car thing too no Chris I didn't I didn't ever drove a jock home

and then got taunted by a Babe Mobile. No, no, there wasn't, we were, we were, I don't know, it's, we were light on the babe department. We were light on every department. And also, I didn't drive, I didn't drive till, like, I was driving a little bit like the end of senior year, but I didn't actually get a car until like freshman year or college or so. Oh, gotcha. Would have been more of a babe carriage. Yeah, that's right. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, going on, Kelly makes some fake ideas. over the week. We get a little bit of Tory spelling, not a lot. There's like a fake crew of other girls

that will disappear by the time the pilot gets sorted out. Yeah, I noticed, yeah, Madge and Denise or whoever these other people are. Don't worry. Don't bother to learning their names. Yeah, so look, that's their kind of thrust. Brandon's going to take Marion out on a date.

He sexually taunts Andrea, and then Brenda goes you know on to this really cool club with all the gals she gets in first but jiman hansu says nobody else gets in what a surprise seeing him roll up as this bouncer at the blue iguana did you see the credits no no just a credited just as jamon oh because wasn't he like a model before yeah that sounds right yep he looks great in this by the way oh absolutely my god yeah And inside the club, we have Rex Manning.

Yes. Dude, Maxwell Caulfield, also from Greece, too, by the way. Oh, yeah, I forgot. This guy is a great-A scumbag. A great-a-scombag. Because, like, Brenda looks like she doesn't. Shannon Doherty doesn't look like, she's probably, like, as an actress, like, 20, 21. Uh-huh.

And he's like, hey, do you go to school? Do you go to school? What school do you go to? Are you a student? Exactly. It's fucking creepy, man. You shouldn't be trying to hit up college girls if you're in, like, even if you're in your mid-20s, which this guy is clearly 45. Yeah, and also when they order banana dackeries, you should know what's up.

Dude, yeah, anytime a daffery is ordered in your presence and you are not at an all-inclusive resort, get the fuck away from that person. Yeah, I was about to say a beach or bust on that one. Yep. And I also would be afraid that I would be, fuck, I was getting set up here because she blows every question he asks her. You know what I mean? He's like, what school do you go? Do you go to college, right? She's like, yes, college. Do you live in a house or an apartment? A house with all of my sorority sisters? Dude, when he, when he says, you know, like, oh, do you go to college or whatever, or where do you go to college?

She goes, guess. He says, you know, whatever, USC or UCLA, or whatever it is. And she goes, that's right. Hi, Rex Manning. I'm Chris Hansen. I can't exactly hear you in this nightclub. Do you want to go somewhere else? That is the thing, because she's blowing every question. And he's just like, yeah, I'll risk it.

Wait, let's see what the next question. You know, I'll keep risking it. Let me just take my whole life in my hands here. Now, Steve, I know that they go on to hang out and I guess one of them goes on to manage the peach pit at some point. Does the blue iguana make a return at all? Is this a hangout? No, this is a one and done for the blue iguan. That's too bad.

It's too bad. No peach pit, no Joe E. Tata, the great Nat character, not in this one. No Luke Perry either. He's coming in episode two, which will be the one after the next part of the pilot. Oh, man, yeah, way to fucking make us wait for that. I don't know what's going on there. Because there's like, oh, sorry. I would just say, I couldn't believe it. eventually it was getting to like the end of this like half of the pilot and I was like oh when she goes into the bar maybe Brenda is going to meet Luke Perry there yes but no they

just cut him I mean I think it's a thing where they they retooled the show after the pilot a little bit gotcha so he comes in in episode two yes okay so he'll be in episode three of the 902 and oh side of this podcast yes that's right we want to make this as confusing as possible for everybody Why not? Everyone has the time. I don't know how, I mean, that's kind of the end of the episode because it's not really built for a split. You know what I mean?

It's not like, there's no like real like ending here. It's just like Brenda kind of talking to this dude and Brandon's about to go on the date and we cut kind of coming up next week on Beverly Hills and 90210. Totally. Yeah. So I don't know. Do we want to, are we talking?

Are we doing letter grades here? What do we want to do? Hmm. Letter grade. Well, letter grades for old shows. I don't know. Yeah. Huh.

You know, we'll just, uh, let's think. The thing is like I have seen zero episodes of this. So I mean, my, my grade is incomplete. I have no idea what to rate it against or even what to say about it. I feel like it's, it's enjoyable enough. I really like the whole like early, early 1990, like kitsch factor of seeing all the clothes and the hairstyles. and so far it's kind of fun. I don't know.

Okay. I was totally having fun with this. Like, I think Melrose's place starts like a little later in the 90s, maybe like mid-90s actually. So the look of that show is like completely different. Also, they're all adults living in an apartment complex. And as we'll learn in the pilot, it's a total spinoff of 902 and O. It's not like a real deal spinoff.

Yeah, well, yeah, I was really, it's because it's this California universe anchored by this show Melrose Place and the short-lived Models Inc. Ooh, so that's kind of a teaser. So we'll be talking about Melrose Place on Thursday. That's right. I should say if you are looking for this stuff, it's streaming in its entirety on Hulu and CBS All Access here in the States. Those are the two places we're finding it here.

So the show is out there if people want to watch along. So we'll see you tomorrow on this feed with a new episode on Queenie. of the damned but we'll be back doing melrose place this thursday the premiere so until then take it easy