We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #10 - Melrose Place "Leap of Faith"

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

On the second MELR0210 ep of the week, the gang is chatting about the Melrose Place after-school special episode, "Leap of Faith," which originally aired on August 5th, 1992. This lackluster week at the Place, Alison does nothing, Billy gets a job writing for a possibly fake newspaper, Jane considers hiding her abortion from Michael, Rhonda guts a couple of fish in front of Sandy, Jake and the guys go bungee jumping, and Matt talks about stopping a knife fight! PLUS: Malachi Throne, the Neil Gaiman nightmare character you didn't know you needed! MELR0210 is a new show we put together to help you pass the time during this necessary social distancing period. New episodes will air Mondays and Thursdays, right here on the main feed! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the more innocent and sexy time of the 1990s! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello and welcome to Melro 210, a we hate movie's side show podcast that is existing in the quarantine, wherein we talk about Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210. It's the end of the week. That's right. Open your beers because we are fucking putting our sunscreen on, remain indoors, and we're talking about Melrose fucking place. it is an episode called Leap of Faith.

I'm with my good friends, my only friends these days. Eric Siska. Hello. Chris Cabin. Hi there. And Andrew Juppin. Yo! That's right.

And we're talking about Leap of Faith, the first episode, season one, episode 5. Original Air Date August the 5th, 1992. Oh, yeah. This is a real fucking ABC after-school special episode. It is. saw one man. It's a very special episode here on Melrose plays when our 20-year-old

when our 25-year-old actors learn what abortion is. Well, you know, it's an XYZ episode because, you know, someone had to take off their zipper in order to have sex, and this is a sexy show. You know what, Michael and Jane,

you play fucking fast and loose. You better understand what the consequences are. You're a doctor for Christ, St. Michael. Yeah, but he's also an Italian from Brooklyn. That's the Chicago, dude.

Down Chicago way we learn this episode. Well, that was confusing, though. Hang on. That was confusing because I could have sworn in some sort of like thing I read. It was like Michael Mancini, blah, blah, blah, Brooklyn. And then he says this thing about Chicago and I was like, wait, what? He had the nickname as the Brooklyn Strangler. Fair enough. They might have retcon this after the fact, but at least in this episode, he's from Chicago down Chicago way. What were you going to say, Chris Cabin? Do they sell a, uh, diaphragms in L.A.? Is that a thing? Or did they legalize it?

Is that just, you know? I would think pills too would be helpful, Jane, at some point. Maybe they fucked so hard that it just like knocked all that shit off the table. Got it. The pills like came back out through her skin or something. I think they were so vigorous. I think they

are a straight up rubbers couple though. Because Jane has some like, because like Allison is like, oh my God. You know, I can't believe it. What happened? And she's like, oh, well, you know, I think we just got a little carried away one night. So either, like I said, Italian Catholic, he's a fan of pulling out, or this dude's just fucking riding the rubber rails, dude, and that can solely be a dangerous effort. I think the second, it's the second of the two, which, yeah, when you're married, it's got to, everybody's got to pull their weight here.

You know what I mean? Like, just double up on contraceptives. You'll be just great. So this is a My subtitle for this episode is Melrose Place A Hellish Place to Live Because

Oh yeah These fucking goblins man Oh my god Because it starts with another pool Dance party right Oh fucking pool I know what on a Tuesday On a Monday

Because Billy got a new gig doing Writing a man on the street Or whatever The Life and Times of Billy Fucking who gives this shit An article in like the Melrose Place

The Melrose City ran or something. It's the rare moron on the street article. You don't get too many of them. It's a free newspaper, they say. So I'm imagining it's just like people picking up looking for escorts. Got it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like that or like a metro or AM New York type thing. You know, those are bad examples because those are like national chains that have city specific news. Do those still exist at all? That's a great question. I've seen them all the time like 10 years ago. Now I

I just can't, I can't remember the last time I saw a metro. I mean, I think I'll see, I, last I see, I'll see some, like, where you're at a bar. You'll see, like, like, a zine kind of a thing, but not really so much. And again, that's even like six years ago now. I think you're right, Eric. I think the metros are kind of, no, actually, that's, it's not true. AM New York still exists. And we have, like, there's local-ish, like, upper men, like, where I am, it's like

upper Manhattan newspaper kind of a thing that only covers, like, our part of the boroughs. So those things are still around. As far as whatever, the quality he's writing for, who knows? This is the Hell's Kitchen Gazette that only talks about Daredevil. All of his exploits. I was going to say, I think a lot of this just goes online now. Because, like, if you want to go find a phone sex line, you go online. If you're so one of those losers, I don't know what to do with you.

Phone sex in 2020. I mean, that's truly a commitment to excellence and habit. I bet the industry there is exploding right now. Oh, for sure. Yeah, exactly. You should have bought phone sex stock fucking March 15th, my friend. I almost sounded like Porky Pig getting that sentence out. Speaking of Billy, by the way, I don't want to lose. My new thing is covering the credits. Because there's another great one I wanted to point out from the opening credits here. And it's, you see Billy, like, it's not a high five. It's kind of, I think he like taps this dude in the chest.

He walks by this guy with the huge pony. Yes, I love this. It's like the eighth cast member or something, the guy that you never see. I also, I marked off, I do love Jake's angrily taking off his leather jacket in the beginning of the theme song or in the beginning of the Jake segment of the theme song. So yeah, they're just throwing a party for Billy. I think the first line is from Rondo, it's like, Billy, you're such a stud. And it's like, okay.

And he's like, you know, excited but kind of understands like, hey, this is just a free little side gig and I'm going to write about all my exploits. It's going to be awesome. Michael comes home with a real accomplishment because he saved someone's life and they're like, and they're throwing everybody in the pool and I'm like, I'm on the top floor. It's

me and my roommates and I got work tomorrow, guys. I know that I know I'm not invited to this sexy party here on Melrose Place. I never am. You guys are always in the fucking pool and make it really obvious that I'm not allowed in it. Are you and Darren Starr just like checking it out every once in a while, right?

down what's going on and making sure you have everything said oh that's a nice party it looks like something from collegial yes it does i i was too distracted uh in this scene i mean all that stuff is abhorrent but what was way worse was how the whole scene starts with a close up on matt's feet and he's wearing fucking like white exercise socks and burkenstocks get the fuck at no no no way listen i love Birkenstocks. I love socks with Birkenstocks. Dude, with shorts on, though, get out of town. No, I wear long pants for that. You look like

a fucking asshole. I'm sure, but it's comfy. Yeah, you're showing yourself here. Matt's a free thinker. You know, he doesn't care what anybody thinks about his outer, you know, being. He's just like, I'm fucking hanging out. And to be fair, Matt is basically, like, he was probably just about to go to bed. They're like, Matt, the party's

on. And he's like, whatever he had. This is like a house outfit we're talking about. Oh, God. I guess, oh, I can't find my shoes. Oh, these Birkenstocks will do. Oh, God. What am I doing? What life is this? So, yeah, they're all like, hey, they throw Michael in the pool. It's really fun. This is irresponsible, by the way. He's a doctor coming home from the, what, who knows what blood or cum is on his clothing. That's a really good point. Well, you know, here's the thing. If you're a doctor and you're coming home with blood and come on your clothes, there's certain ways to enter and avoid a pool party. Not what Michael does, which is run into this fucking common area here and just go,

What's up, dudes? Like he's fucking Bill and Ted, man. So, I mean, like, there is a difference. So if you get into the pool with all the blood and the cum, it just disperses. Maybe it gets killed off, but they are all huffing the cum and blood as he enters this little grouping they have. They're so fucking tight. How much cum do you think a doctor encounters on his rounds? Stephen, Stephen, are you a doctor?

I am not a doctor, no. Okay, I am. So I'm telling you. Is he a leader a shift? What are we talking here? Yeah, this is Melro. You kids got to keep the pool full of blood and come from here, all right? Ah, this is also Melro.

Oh, what's that? Oh, you're late, huh? Better go see Dr. Cabin. No thanks. Hey, Michael. Yeah, it's Melro. I know you got some extra hours. all this extra work for me. Why don't

every time I jerk myself off you come and clean me up. How about that for double your pay? How about that? So we're going to cancel the show now. Yeah, this is done. This is over with. No, so there is we're having fun and then like we cut

to the next day and Jane is pretty obviously pregnant. She's like looking and it's the weird thing is Michael. Well, she takes a pregnancy test. But Michael has gone seven hours of the day. And she chooses the morning when Michael's in

this great mood. He's like, we're going to go to Yosemite, Jane. It's going to be fantastic. I'm going to fuck you under the Starlight Baby Girl. I hope there's so much good camp in there. It's just like, and it's like let him leave. And then you have the privacy to take the pregnancy test.

Well, she's already taking it and knows that she's pregnant. And this dude is fucking yambering about going camping in Yosemite. And like, that's where all the campers at the hospital go and this like the thing we do have a confirmation by the way that Michael is in fact

just an intern yes so he's not in full on making his own rounds doctor mode yet he's still doing his internship right and now Jane is just fucking tell him Jane is like a villain of this episode just fucking tell

you tell everyone else just tell him it doesn't make so like she she first runs into Allison and she's like hey Allison I'm pregnant and Allison's like I'm going to work like you know what I mean like I don't know man enjoy that no but she's like oh my god that's exciting and she's like I don't know if I can oh no that's right she's like hey Allison why do you come by the boutique I'll show you some dresses because we're going to really push on that jane actually has characteristics other than being Michael's wife in this episode which I appreciate

yeah no it was it was totally fine to hear about like her aspirations as a fashion designer and and so on and so forth she has a fucking terrible delivery of a line here at the boutique where Allison's like trying this dress on she's like I don't know I think it's kind of see through first of all you hear her say that off screen and then Allison comes out of the changing room and she's wearing like a burlap sack and I'm like I don't know how that's supposed to be see through but whatever and so she's like oh you know Jane is something wrong

because Jane's like not listening to her kvatch about this dress and she goes I'm just pregnant that's all I get out of here Haven't you learned already to ignore her pout? Because every time it's going to be about Michael's not home. Michael's not home. Haven't you learned to not give a fuck at this point?

Listen, Chris, the things we do for a 15% discount. You got to work for it. You can go to Jane's. You got great clothes. They all look like Burlap Sachs. It's 1992. We love it. But you got to listen to it.

If you ever need to go to a four non-blonz concert, you fucking find Jane's clothing. You'll be right up her alley. so she's like oh are you going to tell Michael yeah I wouldn't tell him tonight we got a special dinner plan and this is one of my one of my first of many

just getting jealous of people who are allowed to be outside just being in a Mexican restaurant could you imagine could you imagine as a matter of fact one of the places Chelsea and I last ate at before this all went down was a Mexican restaurant I guess there was well maybe like a few months

before this happened but it was exquisite And this restaurant was making me think of that real restaurant, and I was just getting sad. That's going to be the real problem with talking about this era in our lives. It's like, oh, God, and you just missed hanging out in McDonald's with the poor guy next to you pissing all over the floor. The bathroom locked up. I mean, you just miss it. See, every day was an adventure.

You'd go out, you'd see something new, and you'd be like, well, how about that? Now, I don't, there's no how about that. I miss that pizzeria where those people were trading pornography in the open. I miss that so much. Full of life. Those places are full of life. Exactly. So yeah, she's like, and to Eric's point,

like at this point, she just sit him down and be like, listen, I got to tell you something. I'm pregnant. You know, what do you guys? What do you want to do about this? Or not even what are you like, you know, make your decision, Jane, tell him I'm pregnant. This is what we're doing. Whatever. Yes, but instead she frames in this bullshit way of being like,

wouldn't it be something to have a baby? he's like, wait, what are you doing? What are you talking about? I'm like trying to take a piss. Well, his thing is like, oh, you know, we're not ready for it and blah, blah, blah. And like, you know, another five years, which is what you do in a hypothetical situation.

It's a very different answer. Well, sure. I mean, and he's also one of these people that it's just like every, like, aspect of my life is planned out. Like, in another year, I'll be doing this. And six months after that, well, I'll also be doing this.

And then we decided two years and four months after that and I'm just like dude this is exhausting like how can you live a life like this also you're the fucking superintendent of this goddamn apartment complex but it's like it's like okay yeah fine it's like fine in five years my family planning idea is gonna be we'll have a kid then and but so she reads that as oh so if I were pregnant now you'd want an abortion well exactly and I mean like and again like maybe she also kind of he's like oh yeah what about your dresses you wanted to make like all this what he says what was it

funky evening wear and she's like yes I wanted to make funky evening wear she finishes that fucking sentence for him because he's like funky what was it and I was like what love it something that could only be sold at like

a storefront at a lilith fair what I mean but what is what is that mean though like funky nighttime wear like that it's just you're making cool paj unless she means like go I guess I think more like going out evening wear like you know instead of an evening gown it's funky because it's got a flower on it you know funky

oh these clothes oh these clothes are funky what I think I'm fucking funky oh no I'm gonna say fucking funky evening wear is Birkenstocks with with socks that's true and a big white t-shirt with a graphic on it absolutely so she kind of feels bad I mean this is like a story all the way through. It's almost entirely this. Billy is like totally bombing out at being

a writer. He's like typing on his first of all, Billy, you need to bring your computer in your room. That's how this is going to go. We got to talk about this Apple 2 fucking console that this guy's got because he is moving this thing around the house like it's an iPad and I can't stand it.

He's picking up this 20 pound computer like moving it. That's how you get those abs, man. That's how you get them. It's insane. I was like, you got to stop moving this desktop computer,

buddy. It's driving me crazy. But also like, Allison wants to use the television. Now you're fucking tip-typing away. Go in your fucking room. And you better believe that's a loud-ass keyboard.

It is insane to put that fucker on the coffee table. That's where, yeah, like where he's at at the end of the episode, I was like, you have a desktop computer

sitting on a coffee table right now. I was expecting him to like put an orange rind and the coffee table break. Just the one little extra bit I love him Him and his mullet Trying to write this column

Andrew's shoe looks very mullity in this episode I should say by the way, excuse me I've got the hiccups right now It's fucking killing me Would you fall out a barrel like a mouse And now you're drunk I do what happened It was a total accident

I burrowed through a wheel of wine cheese And I came out the other side These fucking hiccums Oh that's sad And now, oh, that's why, that's why when Irish eyes are smiling is playing. But what I love about him, like, tip-tap-it-way, it starts with him, like, I guess he's looking through a notebook of ideas, and he's just ripping pages out, just crumbling them up and throwing him down. And he goes, well, at least I still have my day job. And then he's like, Allison, I can't write because I don't, I never live the life, Allison.

I'm just the guy from the valley. And let me tell you something. He tells a story right here that I feel. would be a story that's like fit for a we hate movies mailbag episode because he's just like what am I going to write about ala that I'm just the kid from the valley like I'm gonna write about that time I saw milly and vanilla at the gallery uh the t-1,000 pulls up the gallerya exactly oh I fucking love it dude so he thinks he needs like inspiration and he has to drag alex like you know what good writers do good writers do good writers

throw their lives down the toilet with alcoholism. Allison, we're going to shooters. Well, he does this whole riff. It's like, how big one with getting in a bar fight and all that stuff? And drinking himself to death, ruin his relationship. And she's like, I hope you don't end up

with a shotgun in your mouth. I'm like, hope you don't. Hope you don't. Okay, I just want to write that down. Don't. I make sure I heard that contraction there. It's do not. My hopes for the season finale were dashed.

Oh, come on. He's on for like the fucking whole show, dude. She does have a great line, though, where she's like, she's like, well, Billy, you don't have to be like Ernest Hemingway. Look at Emily Dickinson. She had, you know, such a great writing career. And, you know, she barely left the house. And fucking Billy's response is, well, what a candy out. And take that Emily Dickinson. Not only does his writing need to be cliche. His image of himself as a writer needs to be that as well. Exactly. Absolutely. I think that's how that writing is born, dude. It's like a fucking obnoxious, cliched person.

that loves Hemingway. You are aware that other books came out after 1960, right? Like other other stuff happened? Yeah, probably a bunch of candy-ass literature, though. Allison, I burned it a degenerate art. Matt and Jake show up and... Oh, man. Matt's got some story about this kid that he rasseled a knife out of his pockets and all this shit.

He's making this up. Yeah, oh yeah, definitely. You think so about wrestling kids at the halfway halfway half? The way the story is It's like so then there was a 12 year old Pulled out a giant knife 13 year old pulled out a fucking Sword and then they were fighting

Each other and I prevented This massive death at this fucking The halfway house or what What the homies working in Or whatever it is Yeah right well he says that it was a weird thing Where he gets it's a 12 year old Pulled a knife on a 15 year old

And he took the knife away from the kid And the kid started crying Because the knife was the last thing that kid's mother gave to him before she went into, I believe he says insane asylum? A Rush Limbaugh article. It's insane or like

a, or this like a Freddie Kruger or Candyman-esque situation. That's a really good point. Yeah, she's going to get hypnosis at the insane asylum. By the way, I don't need, I know it still happens, but a knife fight, two things is happening. One, I always imagine it's a musical.

Number two is I always just think of Hans Mulman Like this is a knife Bam Yeah you know Just a rough week at the halfway house Another kid died in his sleep It's just I don't know what's happening here They keep eating knives in their throats

Billy get this I'm at the halfway house A girl is asleep Having a dream Next thing I know She's flying across the ceiling Blood and guts going everywhere all of her tendons

turn into ventriloquist strings it's ridiculous oh my god I got to tell you what happened to this deaf kid at the halfway house so now I'm so down-trodded by this whole thing because I have to stay up 24 hours a day to keep the rest of these kids up

oh wow mouth that sounds like a great story you mind if I use it from my article for this fake newspaper so some guy comes in in a fucking neck cast And Billy's like, that's the guy I got to be. And he's like, oh, yeah. Because it's just like, oh, buddy, what's the story with that neck brace?

And it's like, dude, there are things to shout across bars. And there are things to quietly approach somebody. Because the guy's like, hey, give me a shot of whiskey. And Billy is like, you know what, why don't you take mine? I'm like, no, you can buy me one if you'd like. I'm not touching whatever, you know, I don't want your drink, dude. Shockingly, or I guess maybe unshackily, I don't know what kind of character this guy's supposed to be. walks away with two whiskeys. Nice, dude. He takes billies and the one

that he bought. But the guy's like, yeah, it was a, it was a, I got it in a bungee jumping accident. And also, like, the idea is like, is yeah, man, jumped off the bridge, got whiplash, and like, that's the place you don't want to go. Like, you don't mean, there are, like, okay, that, I do want a bungee jump, but whatever the company he used, I don't want to use. Yeah, seriously, dude, fucking two brothers bungee jump. business. Yeah, we'll drive you out to the bridge. B. Y.O. Bungee cord, though. Ah, you didn't bring a bungee card? What are we going to do? I just throw them off the bitch. Look, a rope bungee cord. What's the difference? Uh, just you put this rope around your leg and then we push you off.

So Jake comes up with, or Matt, or Jesus Christ, Billy, all these fucking dude names here, Billy's like, oh, I got a perfect idea. We got to go bungee jumping, guys. It's the only way I'm to get this story. And Jake's kind of like, eh, because Billy's whole cell here is like, well, Matt had a great adventure at the halfway house fighting Freddie Krueger. And then Jake

over here, Jake, you out a hard life, I bet, right? I bet you've stared down the barrel of a gun. I bet a lady threw a stiletto heel at you telling you to get out. Not really. A 16 year old posted his bail once.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, oh, Matt with all of his statutory rape shenanigans, he's lived an exciting life. So he's like propositions they do this thing. And Matt has another great line. Oh, I'll try anything once. Yeah, man. Go for it. So that's their sort of story. We come back to Jane who is like her, she realizes she wants to have an abortion. That's her sort of thing. And like she, but she also is trying to do this thing where she's like, well, I want to make it as a designer. So she goes. there's this scene and it was like it was like 15 minutes into the episode and it's ronda and sandy making it enormous fish and i'm like if there's a sea plot of ronda and sandy cooking fish i am leaving this show it's kind of the closest thing we get to a sea plot though because this is a really it's an a b week here on melrose place but i thought the same thing i was like seriously you guys are cooking a couple of fucking fish that's what we're doing uh but it's she's making it

for Sandy. I guess I didn't realize until this episode, but it looks like Rhonda and Sandy are roommates. Did anybody else? Okay. They are. Yeah. Um, so and this is like, she's making this picture. She's like, I'm going to convince you to, you know, start eating better and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, you know what, Sandy,

you need to lose some weight. We've been looking at you, uh, you're disgusting. It's just unhealthy is what it is. Well, it's that obnoxious thing where Sandy's like, hey y'all, I can still eat whatever I won't. Not gain a pound. And Rhonda's like, yeah, not for long. So we're going to make you some fish. And Jane just barges in with these dresses. And this is, speaking of like an after school special. I thought she was supposed to be fucking hepped up on Adderall or something.

That's what I thought too. Speed or something. But yeah, so she's like, you know, oh yeah, you got to try these dresses. You got to try these dresses on right now. Right now. Yeah, got to see if they fit. Got to see if they fit. And she's like freaking out and everything. I have fucking fish on the counter. You are going to wait. like your little like trial dress right now has fucking fish guts all over i hope you like that jane i hope you like your dumb fucking funky nightwear smelling like fish guts look i'm sorry i'm sorry ronda you know michael he took up to another job he's making meth he's making meth he's making meth in our bathroom it's fucking fantastic it's fucking

fantastic ronda i'm about it for 69 hours woohoo i think if someone was up for 69 hours they do a better job of making clothes that these uh than what she presents here yeah it's i mean it's your classic 90s it's enormous there's like They look to your point Like burlap sacks And then she's like They're terrible I can't believe

I made such a terrible dress Oh my God But at least I warded off From Freddy Kruger for another night And Rhonda's like Hey man don't worry about it Hey stay for dinner I'm eating these fish

And she holds up a fish And Jane immediately vomits Oh you want fish You're gonna get gutted like a fish And Sandy's like Oh y'all I know that when someone puke from fish they're pregnant

I learn that on the bayou or wherever it is I'm supposed to be from y'all try to guess y'all it'll make your fucking head explode you know you know all those movies where the people are eating sushi they're all pregnant y'all when they vomit from the sushi they vomit that's pregnancy y'all

the president george h w bush was pregnant in japan So, yeah, she's like, yes, I am pregnant, blah, blah, blah. But I don't know if Michael wants the baby. I don't know what I'm going to do. The next day she decides to get an abortion. She wakes up. Absolutely.

But we got a hold tight, dude. We got a fucking egregious apartment entrance here that I have to bring up. Because the three of them are having this conversation in Rhonda and Sandy's bathroom. In Rhonda and Sandy's apartment. And all of a sudden, it's door opening noise. Oh, my God. Michael, like, Jane, hey, Jane, are you here? Dude, get out of my fucking apartment.

You serial killer. This is not fucking a role-playing game. You can't just go into people's houses looking for items, asshole. But I discovered the skeleton key that the old man told me to find. I can explain this. I can explain this. Sandy is the, it's Ron and Sandy that are together. Yeah.

Yeah. He was walking in like, oh, Sandy, you ready for our. Dave, I have been fucking tired. Oh, fuck, James! Oh, Jay! Hi! Jay! Jay! Oh, wrong apartment. I did it again. I was looking for my wife, Jane. Hello, Jane.

Hi. I'm sorry, Steve. I just had to point that out. I just look at a three or four of my treasure chest to see what you got in here. Oh, 20 rupees. Awesome. Oh, Jane, sorry about that. I evaluated these fossils and I can't use any of them for you. museum. Guess you could go leave him outside in storage or something. Hope

somebody comes to your island and fucking picks them up for you. Or you could sell them off at the store. Or I could knock on a fucking door ever in my life. So there's also this Michael and Jake scene which is kind of useless where they're it's just a great like Michael and Jake

walking around kind of scene. Just walking around. You know, you know, like again, talk about getting me to miss the old days. You guys. Remember we would just go out. walk the streets of New York, eating donuts, just talking and laughing. Enjoying a good donut stroll.

You guys doing donut walks without me. Well, who told you to move, dude? Who told you to move? You're missing out on all the donut strolls. Now I'm kind of excited. I want when we're able to leave the house again, we're going to reshoot the Melrose Place opening theme shot for shot,

but it's just the four of us in a line eating donut. Dude, I'm down. Yeah, totally down. also do the reservoir dogs opening eating donuts because Michael's like oh Jake being married's like a donut you know it's like these two halves that come together but there's a hole and I'm like is that whole something I made a mistake about or is it something that was there for the beginning ah geek oh I'm a doctor and Jake's all like well I know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to fill in holes I'm contributing to

this episode also like Mike what you want to do is fuck your donut that'll fix your problem right there I thought marriage was like a donut as in you don't nut oh man sick fucking Jeff Fox where the joke dude actually that's probably a little too

risque yeah yeah no that's like Bill Engval territory so whatever I mean that's their little scene so like she decides to have an abortion Allison is there and she's like listen Allison

I'm going to have an abortion Allison's it's kind of Not interesting. It's not really fleshed out. Like, Allison's clearly... And I don't know if it's a movie Courtney Thorne Smith, bad acting. Like, she's clearly uncomfortable with it, but never says so. Am I wrong there? Did I was... I was getting that vibe also. But she's doing the right thing, which is shutting her fucking mouth.

That's a really good point. That's the attitude you have. I did also know that she's a bad actress, yes. Oh, so you were over there, dude, playing the chairman of the B-O-R-E-B? Exactly. So she's like, you know what, man, the one time, and, you know, I'm certainly not a woman. I've never had an abortion. The one time I don't want my hashtag squad with me is what I'm going to the doctor to get an abortion. Because she's going with Allison, you know, you bring a friend, you need to get driven, blah, blah, blah.

You want some emotional support. And then Rhonda and Sandy are like, let's fucking pack up the goddamn pickup truck, y'all. Let's do it. Field trip, y'all. Oh, man, we're getting a bunch of beers in the back of the truck. Minds me the old Friday night Lights days That's right

I came from a town That had big high school football Y'all Where am I from? I don't know y'all You know what we have to have After we have an abortion Don't you?

We gotta have abortion Apprault we're all spritses Come on y'all Let's go drink in It is not the social Activity that these two characters Treat it as Rod is like

And I mean yes again Like you want to support your pal Blah blah blah But it's really a one or two And it's invite only, by the way. You do not want to invite yourself to the abortion. Oh, I'm sorry, y'all. Was I crash

in this abortion consultation? Pardon me? I'll be out in the back with the cooler. Oh, sorry, y'all. I'm just here drinking my dark waters, because am I from West Virginia or not? Who knows? I'm sorry, Jane.

These are my sorority sisters. They just came in this morning. They wanted to meet you. Hi. Oh, dude. You do not get a plus one to do an abortion absolutely not no absolutely not so she goes and like i don't know this is like fucking saint anne's abortion center i don't know why this woman is just like yes you want to ask like you know um have you considered maybe you know like adoption or other things and she's like have you told your husband and she's like well no she's like well you have to tell your husband

and it's like yeah like we're we're kind of stepping over the line here lady i asked you for information only not the fucking opinion section so while this is happening and jane is being fucking grilled by this woman uh sandy goes to alison who are waiting to the waiting room and she's like yeah it's really difficult to have an abortion you know i i did when i was 16 and like alison in an abortion clinic when 70 feet away from her her friend is likely having a abortion she's like you had an abortion it's just like the way she says it i'm like yes obviously Yeah, y'all, I was getting ready for a beauty pageant

and I wanted to look my best. I was up against John Bonnet Ramsey. Took care of her, I did. Oh, my God. It's a great time to mention a recommendation, the excellent documentary casting Jean Bonnet. Oh, yeah, that was fun.

Pretty good. Fun? No, I mean, I remember it being good. Where'd they cast her a river? Oh, my God. But she's like, you know, she tells this whole story about like how she was 16 and like she got it with the wrong guy and blah, blah, blah. And like I also like this always happens in TV shows. It's it's one thing for a character to have had an abortion, but very rarely does the character actually go through with the abortion.

You know what I mean? Like this whole episode, I'm like, Jane's not having this fucking abortion in 1992. No, absolutely not. And it's chicken shit, FYI. Go for, no, I mean, just, you know, it's the show, you know, you want to have a 90s show about, like, what, what it's like to be in L.A. in the 90s, that's what's going to go on. I mean, I guess so, dude, but that's not what they want. They want a fucking nighttime soap opera. Come on. Yeah, I mean, but this show is like, women get abortions, guys go bungee jumping, all right? It's the go-go 90s. It's, it's Juno rules for abortion dramas. I think up until like two years ago where, like, you could show, show. all the options, but she's keeping that

fucking baby. You hear me? She chickens out at the last, it's always she chickens out at the last second. Right. Or, oh, she had a miscarriage at the last second. At the last second, Santa came and said, no, you're not pregnant.

So, no, I don't want to get too ahead of ourselves, but does anyone know what would happen? Like, she's supposed to, she keeps it in the end. She does she get to the episode, yeah. Does she have a baby on the show? What happens after this? I'm smelling miscarriage.

Yeah, I am too. I don't remember either way. There are a lot of like babies floating around Melrose place. I don't know of this particular baby. I don't remember. I know that. Hey, Allison, my new job is I'm selling babies. Unfortunately, since quarantine is continuing, we'll probably get there. We'll find out about these babies. Jane does have a baby at some point, I think.

I don't know if it's Michael's and I don't know if it's this baby. I do not Senator I do not recall So she you don't know what happens We kind of cut from the scene with Sandy's admission And we cut to the bungee scene Which is much more fun And it's the guys it's Matt

Jake and Billy they're going to Actually Billy has a really stupid nightmare Speaking of Freddie Kruger Thank you I did want to get to this Because I had a really big question revolving around this scene but yeah so it's like he's having a nightmare of him I guess it's like half nightmare half memory

of him like a high dive at a public pool or something like that and his parents are like you can do it Billy jump do it right and so here's my question though because I didn't look at the casting and I'm sure it's not but doesn't this actor playing Billy's father at least look exactly like Martin

Moll? A little bit. He looks like Martin Moll in the insidious universe. Like when you go into the dark and like it's just like all blue-gray stuff, that's that version. This guy kind of had like a, was it a goatee

or a beard? Yeah. I thought it was a beard. Yeah, which Martin Moll has a beard. Right. Okay. Yeah, no, no. I'm just saying it did look like him but in the dark universe. Sure. A little more of a sinister edge to this guy. He didn't really have the sexual charisma.

of Martin Moll. Sure, sure. That's what he really means. That's what really makes the mall. Who would sexily tell a kid to jump off a high diving board? Martin Moll. Like, it would be fucking dripping with sex. I will say, speaking of Dark Universe of Martin Moll, this guy's, the actor's real name is Malachi Throne.

Dude, that's a... I'm not kidding you. What in the world? I love that character in The Watchman. Yeah, seriously, what fucking doomsday cult that this guy quit? Oh, don't know. worry you're under the you better jump off that so says malachi throne that's insane oh my man i love it uh okay um so you're uh you're reading for pa kent hello superman it's me your

nice father so says malachi thrown next is he still alive steve no he passed in 2013 says Fuck! Fuck! I'm looking for top hits here. He was in It Takes a Thief. He was in Catch Me If You Can. Oh, he's in an episode. Oh, he played something on Star Trek. The original series,

Cal, Comedore Jose Mendez. Oh. He also stars in Neil Gaiman's dreams. Oh, I have the... You won't be finding the dream stone tonight, Mr. Gaiman. So says Malachi Throne. That is a great name.

It really does. It just rolls off the tongue. I'm Malachi thrown from now on on all message boards. I am changing my fucking, my header on all my message boards. Excellent. Jean-Beney.net, all of them. Yeah. That's a great site.

So it's his nightmare. It's never really resolved, actually. He's never like, oh, I have that great laugh, night alpha where I was. It was a memory when I was high diving and I fucking split my head open. That's why I talk like this. What Allison says next is outrageous. She's like, you know, they say that

if you dine the dream, you die in real life. Yep. What a comforting thing to say. Like, oh, Billy, I'm sorry you had that nightmare. You know, they say in those falling dreams, if you hit the bottom, you die for real. I thought this was going to be a stepping stone to them getting it out.

She walks in, like in the middle of the night because he fucking screams out of this dream, which is hilarious, and it wakes her up. They both have hilariously bad, like, little nightstands with little lamps on them. Did you catch Billy's lamp? It's like, it looks like kind of a candelabra with like a push switch on it.

It's a very unbilly lamp. I think Allison may have, like, donated it. Oh, no, it came. It's a family heirloom. from hell I do think you're right on that because fucking

when he wakes up from this diving dream he is gleaming like sweat covered the pecks are looking phenomenal totally and she just walks in like hey Billy

you all right and I was like here we go here it comes I don't know ever since Matt told us about that creepy guy at the halfway house

I've been having the strangest dreams yeah he's got like a weird hat and a bad sweater It's got these burns all over him, Allison. Just like, the guy you are telling me about in your nightmare. Allison, I think I have my story for the paper right here.

Let me go get my computer and drag it in here. Oh, fuck, Alford, his face is coming out of the TV. Oh, fuck, Allison. Oh, right. Oh, fuck, I must be asleep. Oh, no. Hey, y'all, I got a weird phone call and the phone turned into a tongue. Anybody else get that?

Well, hang on, y'all. Wait, you mean to tell me no one else was sucking their phone's tongue or what? Jake's motorcycle turns into Freddie Kruger. Oh, yes. Oh, we're going for a ride, Jake.

Let's go find Kelly. Hey, Matt, those are some dumb sock and sandal combinations. You're just a fashion victim. So whatever. go bungee jumping it's run by bungee co which is just two dudes and big t-shirts you know what dude keep driving dude here's the thing it's like as if i were to like dial up my weed guy and his business was weed incorporated like what are you doing just calling it bungee co come on

like disaster brothers bungee jumping yeah sure was taken i guess and i don't know like none of this could be it's just off a bridge so they just like i guess like there's a flyer something somewhere. It's like, hey, bungee co will be on the 39th Street Bridge tomorrow. Hey, man, you fucking call us up morning of. You got to find out where we're going to be that day. It has to sound generic as fuck so that then, you know, you can't stick the lawsuit on just anyone. That's true. There's multiple bungee coes. I don't know, John. I don't think non-fatal suicide ink is, uh, is going to be the one to go with here. Uh, just me, just me, Jimmy talking to you. You know, I don't know much.

it did take me back again it's the 90s and it reminded me my dad's thrill-seeked days man we just hanging out in the skydiving ranch just a bunch of people woo-hooing all day your father skydived yes for quite quite a while right and did you say other members of your family as well um god I don't remember no I don't think no I don't think anyone I'll say no my sister did once but like later on any bungee play oh there was there was bungee play my brother

we went on in Virginia and this was more like it wasn't like meet some guy on a bridge it was like an extension of a wasn't maybe it was on at Bush Gardens or right near in Virginia that means you can shoot off fireworks while you're doing it

and it was like you know it was sanctioned it had the bungee you get the weird pillow you could either hold on to or not kind of a thing pillow there's a bungee pillow it's like a weird like big foam thing that's on the string that you can kind of hold on to, like, as opposed to it from your feet kind of a thing, more of a harness.

Because of your fear and you're falling to your death and you're going to hug this pillow. Oh, I complete, I thought it was like, like, look, here, hold this pillow. If it looks like you're going to hit your head on the ground, just put it in between and you will be fine. The pillow is there to save your life. If it looks like, instead of a pillow helmet, it's just a, you got to do that movement with your hands, it was a colander with a pillow on it and a rubber band kept it all together no but like yeah but it was that and there was even like

there was an error inflatable error thing that if you fell you would land on the air thing kind of a thing it was much more safe family call it a family bungee kind of a situation I mean this is like straight concrete that they show this is not even a river this is like a dry concrete once was river bay dude and that is kind of like the biggest laugh

of all of this is like it's bad enough. You're just some rinky dink outfit on the side of some fucking highway bridge. But like adding insult to injury is like when Billy goes to do it and he looks down and it's just like this trickle

of water. It's like dude you can't at least do it like over some like deep river that would help out maybe a little bit if something went wrong. Nope, nope. Concrete with someone took a piss in the middle of it. It looks like where the T-1000 gets chased

by the Terminator. It looks exactly like the L.A. River, yeah. It's where they dump the black Dahlia. It's fucking should not be where it is. A correction cabin. It's where they dumped the first half of the black Dahlia. Fair. I need your clothes, your boots, and your Bungicode.

He's a thrill seeker. Oh no, the BungiCode broke because I weighed 2,000 pounds. My favorite part of BungiCo is not only they have make you sign a waiver that like if you die you can't blame them but they also videotape you saying

it. Oh yeah, dude. It's like it's the more tubular form of signing an insurance waiver dude making a fucking video will. And Doug Savant does not have Matt's character down just yet. He is so woo-hooing

in this scene. It's really something. Wow. He can't be excited by Bungee. I guess so but he's just like this guy's going to budgey, then he's going to budgey. I just budgey, man. It was fucking awesome. No, this seems, you're right. This seems right to me, though, because he could, he's Pawscore. Anything that's, like, positive and, like, uplifting and gets you going.

Like, I think he's into it. It's the spirit of the Lord, my friend. Exactly. I think that's something with Matt that we're not quite laying into. Yeah. And you're totally right. He's just high on Jesus, dude. So whatever, Jake does it as well.

It's Billy's turn. I can't throw it. Oh, geez. I just can't. Yeah, this episode's kind of a waste of time. Sorry for the B-plot, everybody. I'm not going to bungee jump. I'm not going to turn it to Andrew Hemingway.

I'm going to turn it to David Brooks. Oh, my God. Let me first to then bungee without the rope, if that's what happens to me. Andrew, I'm sorry to give you this news with the test results came back. unfortunately, you have a severe case of David Brooks. Well, in that case, send me right for the bridge. Well, at least David Brooks. That's slow moving. You got a couple of years. Brett Stevens, you better fucking do it right away.

So that's, he's like, yeah, I got thy walled bungee. They come back. While this is all happening, Rhonda, and I mean, I almost like threw a glass against the wall. It was like, it was like, I was watching like 3 p.m. I just got so mad watching this woman work. She comes into Michael's place, Michael and Jane. She actually knocks, and she got this casserole. And she's like, oh, hey, Michael, how's it going? It's like, yeah, I was doing okay, blah, blah, blah. She's like, hey.

She's like, you know what, Michael, why don't you take this casserole? I made it for you guys. Just, you know, since Jane's going through what she's going through and you guys are going to need a little bit of extra comfort, like, well, what is she going through? And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. The meth is doing great. The meth is doing fantastic. I'm moving it.

Every due day, I don't know. Anyhow, we're gone, Gold Street. And it's, uh, how does she, how does you figure out that it's an abortion? Does Rhonda say it or is it? I don't know that he knows that it's, it's not a, it's not, well, he said, she says baby. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. That's what it is.

Yeah. She's like, oh, yeah. Ever since you lose the baby or whatever. And he's like, what? She's like, I got to go, Michael. I'm like, you have got to be. kidding me, Ron Don't. Dude, I was like, yeah. Yeah, Ron Don't indeed. Thank you. Thank you. I was like, man, you know what? My name is also Ron Don't. Ronda, why'd you spill your beans?

We're out of Ron Don't license plates. Yes, my son is also named Ron Don't. That's probably the name of a conservative columnist as well. Ron, space. the case for opening up America by Ron Don't It's not far from Ross Duthat It's not far Either would be one of these I'm sorry we cut you off Andrew

Who is I talking about Related to Rhonda Baby Well just I mean the thing is just don't Don't do it don't bother someone Just because you think like Oh they want a little bit of help With this moment of need

Like leave it alone Even if they are going through something Leave it alone Also, wait till you get the final confirmation on what went down. Stop going into everyone else's fucking house. Exactly. Like, nobody desperately needed that fucking fetichini tonight, Rhonda. You could have fucking put that shit in the fridge and brought it over tomorrow after you heard from Jane.

Killing me. Fucking Rhonda. What I was going to say, Steve, was I was so infuriated by that. I was like, now I know that the pool at Melrose Place claims at least more than one person. Oh, for sure. And I was like, Rhonda, I know it's not you, but I am wishing it was you right now because that fucking, like, the flub and then the, well, I guess I'll leave this food here and just fucking run out while Michael's like, wait, whoa, whoa, what's going on? We're ready to get back. You bobo, boom, blah, boom. Yeah, I would leave. I would leave Melrose place. That's for sure. There would be a note that says, I am sorry, and I'm moving to a different apartment complex. Hey, this is Melro. You can't break your lease like that. you're going to have to ruin at least two more marriages before I bring to the disease. Mo's got to have his entertainment.

At the back with the devil, you could leave if you die in the pool. So we, Jane comes back and we get a little Godfather 2 action here where it's an abortion, Michael. It was an abortion like this marriage is an abortion. No, we don't. No, we don't actually get that.

it's not that but it's i mean it's a it's a big it's a big fucking blowout uh it's amazing though that we never talk about michael obviously he's italian his name's mancini like this dude's got a problem with an abortion and we should put a hat on what that is like he's catholic like just say it yeah instead of making us you know presume that that's what's going on because he's the doctor and he's still mad after she reveals that she she she actually didn't go through with it. So it's like, wait, well, I mean, no, it makes total sense. Like, he's got to move his entire meth lab to make room for the baby in the bathroom. Where else are they going to keep this fucking kid? Yeah, because first, he's like, oh, you, you, you headed abortion without

even telling me. I can't believe I heard the hear it from Rhonda. And she's like, mental note, murder Ronda. No, actually, Michael, what happened was, uh, I didn't have the abortion anyway. And he's like, oh, so you had to be, you're going to have the baby. Thanks, when was I going get a choice here, bye-bye. It's like, dude, shut up. That's exactly right. Tip for Michael for the entire series, but specifically this episode, shut up. Yeah.

You know, both of these characters I find pretty miserable to watch. All of these guys, I'm sorry. I have other, like, Matt seems like he's a good person at heart, but I don't want to watch them. Yeah. Others are just terrible. All of them. It's true.

It's true. Yeah. favorite part of this episode is right as it happens right as this is happening right now Matt Billy and Jake come back from their adventures and you know what dude it's time for a

couple of bros just to share a Coke just a couple of guys having a coke after a long day of bungee jumping just sitting around drinking coke I gotta do what a doth do and drink Coca-Cola and

it's a full Coke product line on display because Jake and Billy have regular Coke and then Matt is also drinking a delicious diet Coke drinking a DC man

that's where you want to be so Michael comes out he's blowing up and he's like every and I mean like this is what I would do every night he'd be like everybody in this apartment building knows about my marriage and I don't

and he's like storming off and I'm like yeah dude keep moving keep going a little farther A little farther. So he leaves, and then, like, Jake and the guys go after him. The ladies go after Jane. And this is, like, the only...

We're five episodes in, and, like, nobody knows what's wrong. And Michael, all the dudes are trying to control. I'm like, oh, women are crazy and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, they're always shopping. And then Matt says, men are no better. Which is, like, four words of, like, you know what this is a gay character, you guys? I'm not sure if you're aware of this. Yeah, it's been since the...

pilot since we mentioned anything, but just so everyone's keeping score at home, Matt is a homosexual. But not enough that's going to make your dad turn this off or make your dad realize that there's gay people on the show. It's just kind of a secret code for you to know. Yeah, really.

You could just hear one of the good ones in the distance. I would be fascinated to know the number of dads that were tuning into Melrose's place. No, it's just he's in the other room like watching football. And hey, Are any gay people on that show?

No. Just checking. What does he mean by men or no better? Well, he just is being sympathetic. All right. You got me this week. All right. Now it's Saturday morning.

Any gay cartoons? Is that? Any of these cartoons gay? That's right. Saturday morning, you watch some straight cartoons. Some GI Joe. Yeah, the straightest cartoon of all. You watch GI Joe followed by He-Man, then the Thunder cats.

You've got to grow up straight. Oh, look at those glistening cartoon chests. Yeah, now this is a cartoon. And then your kids, they're going to have been the straightest cartoon of all time, Renan Stimpy. So whatever, and they go to shooters, obviously. And at Shooters Matt reveals, or I'm sorry, Michael reveals that Jane is pregnant. Everyone's like, they kind of, this plot doesn't really resolve logically.

No one says to Michael like, hey man, congratulations. you know what I mean it's not a thing where like his his thinking changes he just has a beer and calms down basically which is you know I mean it's more logical fine yeah I mean I think the other thing to really I think these guys all realize it when they're out at shooters they're like oh fuck we're out here consoling this neighbor of ours that had a tiff with his wife son of a bitch we're not friends yeah and like if anything like so the three of them spent the day together that's fine but like no one is friends with Michael. No.

Michael's not part of the Coke club, dude. No, definitely not. If he was out there drinking a Sprite, you know, or any other delicious product owned by the Coca-Cola Corporation? Jacob opens the window. Yo, Billy, you're down for a Coke, brother, man? Yes, you know it. I'll knock on that store.

We'll got a diet going. It'll be great. You're going to get a diet going. That's the thing is Jake is close with Mike, but only because he will do work for rent. Like he'll do part of Mike's job for the rent. You're totally right, Kevin. Close enough.

Well, I'll fix these pipes here for you. That should buy me another couple weeks rent free, right? Yo, Jake, look what I got here. A big fucking three-leader of the big stuff. Got a big boy right here. Oh, guys, it's time for a wild Saturday night. Here comes the doctor. Piper.

It looks like the doctor's in the house. Oh, I'll let that take my temperature. Oh, my God. So Michael and Jane, that doesn't really get resolved. No. Instead, we resolve the fact that Billy's able to write a banger of an article. Oh, yeah. About not bungee jumping.

Slays at writing about not bungee jumping. You think I learned that cowardice is the real bravery. Well, I think what he's getting at. is kind of nice at heart, Chris, because it's like, you know what, you don't have to go through with stuff you don't want to go through. Yeah, and it's like, and you can, you know,

all experiences are valid so long as they're written well, but unfortunately for Billy, it's not written well, so. Life, the adventure, not death. Allison loves it. Oh, Allison loves it. Allison sucks in this episode, by the way.

She does jack shit. Still, the only thing we know about her is that she's gone to college and she likes peanut butter. And she's like the star of the show. And wants to be, now, now, now, now, to be fair, now, now, she also wants to work in advertising. Okay, that's fair. That's three. Well, I mean, you know, what do we know about Matt? He may or may not be gay depending on if your father is in the room. He's great at disarming 12-year-olds. Loves diet coach. And is a bit of a bungee head now. He's a bit of a thrill

Seeker. That would be great of like just every time we see Matt. Now he's like, huh, just came back. Kind of fucking great bungee in before dawn. Free dawn bungee, dude. You know, Jake, you want a bungee tomorrow? Want to do a Russian roulette on Sunday? I got a place I can go. He comes in the end up, like he's so addicted to when he starts calling it like drug slings almost. Like, yeah, yeah, do you got any jump rope over there? But yeah, the thing with Michael and Jane is just, like they you know he comes back an obnoxious thing is she

apologizes to him he does not apologize to her fuck you Michael Mancini once again as always anyone notice this enormous cherub poster in their house that's disgusting what is this now it is like something out of a Victorian old lady's dream it is two beautiful

cherubs it's enormous it takes up their entire fucking living room no you got to get all cherub iconography out of your house dude that's fucking disgusting yeah it's no way It's definitely cursed. Yeah, what are you fucking doing? Aside from asking for it from the supernatural.

Yeah, there's Melrose. Don't move that painting. It's alive. That painting right there, yeah, they look like cherubs, but it actually houses the soul of Vigo the Carpacian. It's painted by a man by the name of Malachi Throne. A disciple of Ball, Malachi Throne. I banished his soul to the pool, you know.

So the pool is Malachi thrown now The pool is a conduit to the other world That's why it needs to be filled with blood and come Oh fuck dude Now it's like lady in the water It's going to where the magic works Yeah they just decide to have the baby And she's excited and he's excited

And that's sort of something Excited for this week dude We'll see what happens The last line is of the worst line of the episode Which is Billy typing on this enormous computer's like Duggy Houser, eat your heart out. Move over, Dugie Houser.

That's even worse. It's really awful because watching this in 2020, like, you're now making people do like compound memory work there. You're like, okay, dogy Houser, what the fuck. Oh, yeah, every episode ended with him writing in his fucking journal or whatever the fuck. All right. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Billy.

That's great. So wait, is that a meta joke? Well, it's a, I mean, the show was on at the time. But like, it's acknowledging that it's about to end. No, no, he's just saying like, it's, well, what he's, oh, you're saying because the show, this episode of Melrose Place is ending. That's what you're saying. Yeah, I mean, it could be, yeah, it could be looked at his meta in that regard. He's like, uh-oh, the credits are coming up, Allison. Better get my sweet doogie line in now. Very smart. The other way to read it is just as stupid. Because the other way to read it is that he's comparing himself to Dugge Houser, like he's a child at an adult's fucking profession.

Either way, it makes no fucking sense. You're a grown man. You're not a kid doctor. What are you talking about? At least with Dugie Houser, though, he had more or less every right to be working in that hospital. Billy has no right to be trying to work as a writer. That's a good point. So that is the end of this episode. So we're going to do our classic Go Around the Horn if you're excited to continue this end or final parting shots will start as always with eric siska well um the one thing i noticed my

big takeaway of this episode was there was a brief scene with billy with his taxi cab and on the radio it was referred to his car number 46 what happened to 54 which you know so it's a little inachronistic there i'd like to think that he blew up his last taxi um but uh you know i'm i'm lukewarm i'm kind of i'm i'm kind of excited we'll see where our things go i felt like this episode was one of the lesser ones of Melrose's place. So we'll just wait and see. We will. Christopher Cabin.

Complete fucking trash. Can't wait. Can't wait to keep on going for the ride. Garbage in, garbage out. Never ending shit. Can't wait for next week. What a ringing endorsement. Andrew Jupid.

Sorry, so I was taking a sip of beer here. Yeah. you know just like anything else man just like we've we saw also sort of recently on Beverly Hills and I know 210 as well I mean look you got to fill these big season order man's you can have some fucking duds

here and there this is a dudd it fucking sucks it's a weird like you know the more you know fucking ABC movie of the week kind of thing yeah which is a bummer but you know me man I'm I'm whole hog for the place dude I'll be back next week I will say for all our complaining

about um you know not knowing too much about some of these other side characters that are not Allison and Billy and Michael and Jane next week a little bit of a Ronda episode just to throw that out there. Who's life does she ruin next week? We'll find out.

Oh, that's right. Oh, Andrew, could you throw that out there? Actually, throw it out? Yeah, I similarly am excited here as much as it can be for Melrose Place, especially early pre-Hether Lockley or Melrose Place. People just need to start fucking like, we need to get the, you know,

the doors open, people fucking in and out of these doors. That's what I want. A shot of butts going up and down. Exactly, Eric. Not just with the fucking, though, dude. I want the sinister plotting. Well, speaking of two episodes from now, lights and black candles because Malachi throne

comes back. Yeah. It's his second and last episode, sadly. I love it. I do appreciate that because, yes, it's a Billy-centric episode where we meet his parents for a long weekend kind of thing.

and it's kind of great that they use the same characters or the same actors from his nightmare a few episodes before it Yeah, fucking Malachi Yeah, dude Malachi Throne Okay, so that was

Alston, you gotta help me banish Marikai Throne Got to say a name six times Oh yeah, now say it backwards Well, I recant the message from the book Thank you so much for sticking with us another quarantine week here. We'll be back

on Monday with the Beverly Hills 9-0-2-0 episode. As always, thank you for staying safe with us, supporting the show. We've got a ton of great content on Patreon. We've got Nexus out this week. A great one came out. We have our Gumby

animation damnation. An episode on John Carpenter's motherfucking thing, a two-hour presentation for you. That's right, Ian. On the Gleep Glossary, Quigon, Jin. We go through his whole backstory and it is a lot of fun. Do not miss those Patreon

offerings. You don't want to do that but we're going to be back on Monday for free with a BH902 and O, the kids are hitting this. I think we're dealing with race relations, I believe, and basketball. Oh, I believe this is handled swimming. We haven't

watched it yet but I'm going to get, I kind of remember it being touch and go at best. So thank you so much. And until next time, I have been Stephen Sadak. Andrew Jopin. Eric Siska. Chris Gab.

Take it easy and remain indoors. That was a hate gum podcast.