We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #12 - Melrose Place "Second Chances"

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

On the final episode of the week (and the month—wow, time means nothing!) the gang is chatting about all things Place on the second MELR0210 episode of the week! The episode in question, "Second Chances," originally aired on August 12th, 1992 and features Alison helping Jake study for the GED; every obnoxious lookie-loo in the complex thinking they're not studying, but sleeping together; Billy being an incredibly nosy creep; Rhonda ending a one-sided feud with an old dancing buddy; and Matt getting super-into funky dancing! PLUS: The gang descends even further into #QuarantineMadness! MELR0210 is a new show we put together to help you pass the time during this more-than-necessary social distancing period. New episodes will air Mondays and Thursdays, right here on the main feed! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the more innocent and sexy time of the 1990s! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello, everybody, put on your sunscreen, and please remain indoors because this is a we hate movies side show, a quarantine side show that's not allowed to leave the house, where when we talk about 90s dramas, Beverly Hills 902 and O on Mondays, and guess what, on Thursdays, which is today, we're talking about Melrose Places. This is Melro 210. I am joined by the whole we hate movies gang. Eric Siska. I'm a prisoner in my own home. Chris Gavin. Same.

And Andrew Jupin. Yo! That's his catchphrase. Everyone's loving it. There's going to be yo t-shirts in the streets. When everything opens up again, there's going to be yo t-shirts. What's that yo? It's like, that's Andrew's thing.

My fucking thing. No, it's not from fucking Alf. it's my thing we are talking about second chances the sixth episode of Melrose Place that originally aired August of 1992

August the 12th in 1992 this show started in July and ended in May I mean almost a full fucking year You got like 35 episodes in this first season man It's fucking crazy It's like the original fucking Star Trek

What are we talking about here? It's 1992 Yeah it's really wild Also is it second chances or second chance chance second chances i'm looking at we got double double the chances guys double the fun this week yeah well yeah because both of our lead story both of our stories are about second chances you guys i don't know if you notice that it's a little bit of writing remember uh double mint gum sure and they would have like twins and people were like oh my lord what would i do to those twins

yeah the one with the menendez brothers was great You know, Steve, I will say you're knocking on this title, but I was perusing the Hulu interface just for a little S&G after I finish this episode. S my D, what? No, S&G dudes, shits and giggles. Oh, of course. I don't want none of you losers S in my D. There's a fucking quarantine. Only winners, S that D.

No, but there's fucking titles that's like, a trip to the sperm bank. That's a lot of sperm. What? Who's talk? Dude, it's not verbatim, but if you look in the, like, especially the last few seasons of Marrose Place, got it. There are multiple titles that have the word sperm in it for one reason or another. So second chances? Yeah, I'm fine with it. Austin, I lost my sperm.

The 10th episode here said just jacking off. That's the title. That's the actual title. It's, uh, the tonight I'll middle rose place. The season premiere comes planned. You better get ready for the Cub Splash. Look out this fall for Aaron Spelling's hottest new 90210 spin-off. That's right.

It's a spin-off of a spin-off of a spin-off, and it's just called Aaron Spellings, Bukaki. Oh, Lord. See, the seaman from that episode got its own show. Yeah, you saw that backdoor pilot a mile away. Now, get ready for Darren Stars. Do You Swallow? A new series on Fox.

Why must it go there, everybody? Season premiere is dripping with tension. That's awesome. It's just, it's a, it's a whole show is a bunch of cum sprayed on a wall that doesn't move and there's no audio. It's like an hour. There's commercial breaks. Occasionally it drips down a little bit. Oh, it's like those like Netflix has them there, fireplaces during the holidays.

The cum log, dude You know what we put on the cum log? It's just oddly relaxing, you know, there's no narrative to keep track or no characters. It's just a bunch of cum on the wall. It's starting to dry there, mother. Look at that. It's just snowing outside.

Let's get herself some hot cider and watch the cum drip down the wall. Hashtag quarantine madness. I would fucking watch it. You would. You know, I would binge it, honestly. I think I would binge it. What are you guys binging?

Or binging the cums, sliding down the wall, the cum log. You binged it so hard you had to get your stomach pumped. Good gravy. So second chances, there's only two stories this week. It's a Rhonda and a Jake and Allison story, which is kind of fun. I think this is an okay episode in terms of like kind of... I have a ton of problems with it, obviously, because it's a Melrose place. But it actually feels like a TV show.

show that I might watch. Yeah, I think so. It's a pretty, like, cohesive story. It's nice to see Ronda get her own episode, which is cool. Yeah, it feels like, the interesting thing is it feels like a regular, degular episode. Yes. Of, like, nighttime dramatic television. Stakes aren't too high, stakes aren't terribly low. It's just, like, right in the middle. So we start with a poker game, like we're watching TNG here. Rikers got, record's going to come in and throw some silver chips in the middle. Oh man, can you imagine that fucking tall tall glass of water walking in here, fucking swinging a leg over a chair? He'd fuck all these people. You would. Yeah, the only

way you could get him into this series is if he was like the the master of an orgy, like involving everybody in Melrose place and he's like the grand poohba. It's a new guy that moves upstairs and is always having orgies and like they hear the noises. They're a little uncomfortable some people get curious some people get like sucked into the orgies other people are too afraid characters go in they never come back out exactly like a horror movie well are you really going back in time again to have sex with people what can i say i liked feathered hair and and high-wasted jeans and you know what babes in the early 90s in l.a loved dudes who played

the trombone but card you don't understand i have to go back malachi throne has come back oh my god he might destroy all of space time that malachi throne so we're just playing poker um and like billy right off the bat is insufferable allison's uh it's between you know everybody's folding it comes down to alison and jake alison i love how a ronda to set up her storyline as well is like uh you know what i'm going to gamble these shitty fucking community theater tickets and everyone's like, you can't, there's no cash value for that. Absolutely

not because one, they're comp tickets. They probably say comp right on them. Zero dollars. But also like just throw them out. Exactly. Like oh hey, I got some fucking, I got used bubble gum. Anybody want to gamble that? Because the whole thing is like she doesn't want to attend this thing

because a friend of hers is in the dance company and then it's like, then just fucking skip it. Throw it away. Don't pass the trash and make your friends go see a garbage thing you don't want to say. Here, come on. Andrew, you are hiding the big reveal here. I understand it, but there's plenty of reason why she

doesn't want to go. It's hard for her, okay? It's a tough situation. It is a tough Chris is right. Emotionally, it's very difficult. So, Allison's got a good hand, or is at least posing as if she is, and she puts all her chips, and Billy's like, oh, that means Allison's got like at least 4'8th, and trust me, guys.

You want to fold. And she's fucking furious because she's got like laundering. money writing on this for the week and she's like, will you shut the fuck up? No, I'm just saying, whenever Allison puts it in all the chips and he's got to at least have a royal flush or something. Allison is so good at gambling,

she could probably win a sabbat game against Han Solo with the millennial falcon on the line. Allison, no one to hold him. No one to hold him. No one to walk away and rent of all the line. Yep, oh, he's splitting on 11. That's what you're doing, Blackjack.

Uh-oh, I just got killed in Atlantic City. Whoops, I was just, you know, just at Atlantic City, just narrating the table, as always. And somebody slipped my throat in the bathroom. Uh-oh, murder by the mafia again. I'm a writer. So, Allison, it goes down to Allison and Jake. Jake finally folds because Billy will not shut the fuck up. And when she does, when he does, he shows what he had.

He didn't have much. and then Allison shows that she was bluffing. But in the middle of this, for some reason, she lets it loose that she was the cram queen in college, which has a very different nickname than I... Yeah, I mean, that's not, Allison. I mean, we get it, but it's not the nickname you should be proud of. I, for one, loved a cram queen nine from Brazzers.

So she was getting crammed, huh? No, she was cramming for a big test, Eric. Oh, she was the one doing the cramming. Exactly. It's the other way. Pegging video. No, um... No, so she, you know, she just lets it slip.

And again, Billy's just like, oh, great. Here comes Allison talking about college again. Jesus Christ. Does anyone want to hear about how I'm a writer or what? I don't even have a fucking storyline. I got to just comment on what Allison is doing. Does anyone want to see my cab? I'm waiting for that cab.

I know. We just saw it in the last episode. Yeah, for five seconds. It should talk like the Kevin Roger Avenue. Come on, Billy. Let's get out of here. Oh, my God.

Slit my tires and put me in a fucking compactor. This guy's terrible. Oh, no, the dip. Come on, Billy. We got to go past that Amy Mann concert and pick up some chicks. It's the 90s. And he talked like those.

Uh, So, you know, that's kind of that scene. We find out that Rhonda does not gamble the tickets away. And then she goes up to Matt and Matt's in the pool. You know, Matt's just trying to fucking live his Matt life. And she's just like, hey, Matt, you want to come to this thing with me tonight? It's a dance studio thing. It's like, that sounds fucking terrible, Rhonda.

I hope you have a great night. And she's like, come on, man. I need you to come. And she's like, begging and pleading. And she's like, it's going to be a cultural experience. Like, I don't give a shit. and she fucking pulls the I need you there friend card thing

Rhonda really takes advantage of this guy's relationship their friendship that they have been multiple episodes she's been fucking awful and he's just like oh you're using that tone again well all right I guess I have to go to this dance thing oh wait a second was this the same dance thing the tickets for which you were trying to pawn off at poker last night what is the matter with you

guess I'll cancel the only date I'm ever going to have okay you know you can just not go yeah well i know you have the tickets you don't have if you have the tickets doesn't mean you have to go yeah you when a friend invites you to something that you don't want to go to you say hey man cool i'm busy and then that's the end of it and i got to take a shit and then eventually they stop even better they stop inviting you all together pro tip once you turn things down people stop inviting you and then you're isolated and nobody ever to you ever and you're good to go exactly and the sad part is there's no way back from that so uh matt again fucking saint matt has to go to this thing um as always he's the good guy so they go to this

dance thing and he's just he is fucking loving it he's like i didn't know dance could be this fun and i'm like really i mean he's loving it and the thing about it is though that's great that you went to this thing matt and you weren't really uh hype to go and then you really realize you were enjoying it. That's cool. I've been in those situations before. However, the two of them talking through this entire performance at regular room volume, not even attempting a stage whisper, unacceptable. Also, the way that Rhonda is referring to the character Teresa that we're about to meet, she has to either be like the person who killed your brother or your secret mother. Like, this makes no sense to build up she gives

his character. Even when I know what happened, it still doesn't like, it's like you're talking about the Joker or Rosal Ghoul. Like you're like... That's what this is, man. It's the Joker of Dance. She is the, her dark reflection Chris. You know what I mean? I guess.

They're rivals. Now, Chris, you never had a rival, have you? I've had rivals, Eric. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah. All right, go on. This is a rival cast. Excuse me. No. I had some kids that wanted to beat me up in

high school. Well, those aren't rivals, dude. Those are bullies. No, well, we were both the fat kids. So it was a rival for who was the alpha fat kid. Got it. Oh, so he didn't, he was beating you up, but he really wanted to be you. Yes, that's, that's Alpha fats.

Yes. Yeah, I'm Elsa set. So, I, aye, aye, aye, I'm alpha fat. No, um, so uh, you know, she, it's like a, funky dance, like a C&C Music Factory-esque dancing. It's pretty hilarious. I'm sure there

is some good music here, but it's not on this. It's just like, ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-boom. Yeah. It's, you know, it is fucking super 90s, dude. The DNA of the 1990s is splashed all over the show. What if we started a band that we, for all these shows that don't have music rights to stuff that they aired, if we just started making like temporary music, you know, what I just did was pretty good, right? Yeah, but I guess that was my question. The dude, are we playing instruments or is it just us going Bada-a-a-a-a-na-p-p-d-p-d-paw-paw-paw-paw-paw-paw-paw-paw.

I think it's the second one. We think we're pretty good at it. We can call our band Cramm Queen. Because we'll ride off of Freddie Mercury's coattails a little bit there. I like that. I like that. Andrew, what you do is you do the Bada-a-a-da-a-d-d-a-d-d-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-a-poh. Dance, dance, dance, sweat. Let's see it.

Let's put it together. Okay. And I'll cough in the background. All right. Dance, dance, dance, dance, sweat. Dance, dance, sweat. Whew! Dance, dance, dance, sweat.

Wee, wha, wha, wha. Can you tell that we've gotten insane yet? I was just thinking that it was the best, like, 15 seconds of my life. I mean, is at least the highlight of the day. Uh, yeah. It's a month. Monday, we haven't been out in weeks, and this is what we're doing. So, yeah, Rhonda goes back.

Actually, Matt is like, oh, my God, my life has been changed by this funky dancing. I need to meet Teresa. And she's like, yeah, she's like, not as good as me, but I guess she's pretty okay, right? And it's like, okay, she's pretty great. Like, you know, can I meet her? And so he goes back backstage. Ronda doesn't want to go. And we've got a great extra alert here.

Sorry to cut in. Is it the stage manager? Oh, yes. thank you. Because yeah, man. Holy shit. What monster truck rally did this guy come from? Well, that's the thing.

When you work in, and we've seen this because we've traveled a little bit and performed, these guys all look the same. They've all been doing it for 25 years. And they're all great. They're all great. They appreciate their work. But it's all just like, ah, what's tonight? It's a industrial dance.

Tomorrow's a podcast. And Thursday is just a donkey show. Get those X-Law cables for the day. donky show. Oh, Jesus. You know, we were supposed to do that audio cue run through for the donkey show. Shit, I don't know what I'm supposed to hit the lights. Here's the thing, though, about those dudes, like those folk, you know, cousins of Carnies. For sure. Tech folk, great people. It's like an upper cast of the Carney. I want those as opposed to some like snot-nosed kid who's like, what are you doing? Yeah, okay. You got like a playlist or something.

guess what when shit goes wrong it was the kid the live person is just like I don't I don't care you're just going to go on stage and things are going to happen I will make sure the lights work and I record it properly

I'll tell you what dude I wish we had one of those slime balls with us when we did that National Treasure show just saying snotty kid that fucked that up yeah you know what they always say that you know pageant mothers are the worst to deal with you have to deal with them all time

nothing compared to a donkey handler nothing nothing the guy is all over you all night. Yeah, Monday Industrial Dance, Tuesday, the podcast, Wednesday, we're doing the donkey show, Thursday through Sunday, cleaning from the donkey show.

Yeah, yeah, get the flies off of them. I got it. And then Monday, Dennis Quaid, and his Coke problem are going to be here. After we clean up that fucking bloodbath. Then the next night, we got another podcast, but they're doing a podcast over a donkey show.

It's a donkey show slash podcast. Wow, maybe we should do that. Yeah, we should. So, this way... Hey, you guys want to hear us talk about this direct of DVD, Nicholas Cage movie? While this woman sucks off a donkey? What do you mean, whoa? What the fuck do you think a donkey show is?

I didn't know what was that. I thought it was like a petting zoo. Eric thought a donkey show was just people coming on stage and petting a donkey. Oh, you innocent fucking roob. Now that I know it's filthy. well, Chris could give us a hand or Mr. Hands on this scenario, right? Because you've seen that guy

get fucked and you know how it works. I don't know how all this is connecting, but sure. All right, guys, five minutes, five minutes for the donkey. Come on. You're all warmed up. Warm or you roam up your vocal cords for your podcast. So, uh, this guy has no lines. You'll be happy to know. Uh, but he introduces

them to, uh, Teresa who's played by Gina Rivera famously in showgirls as Elizabeth Berkley's best pal there. A very thankless role in that film, by the way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She spends the entire movie pining over a rock star that winds up raping her and that's just, yeah, it's not great. What's that movie?

It's a fun one, I guess. Well, not that part, but like the movies enjoy it. Oh, no, the movie is very enjoyable. Definitely my least favorite Ron Howard movie. Oh, no, that's Paul Verhoven, of course. You always get them mixed up So she's actually very happy to see Ronda She kind of assumed that Ronda wasn't going to show up

And like they have this sort of like It's kind of contemptuous but it's mostly on Ronda's side I feel this is disagree This is 50 fucking 50 dude Yeah well it eventually becomes 50 50 But at least in the beginning it's a lot of Ronda Just sniping at this one I'm with Steve on this

Because Rhonda knows to fucking come out swinging. Yeah, I guess you're right. And let's relax here. Because when you get Teresa's motivation at the end of this episode, fuck that shit. Calm out swinging, Rhonda. She knows this friend better than we do. I guess that's fair. But she's being, you know, and also like, clearly Rhonda's really uncomfortable and she takes to,

and Teresa takes to Matt very quickly. And she's like, oh, hey, Matt. And she's like, you know, he's a good looking dude. She's like, hey, you know, you want to come hang out. I think he says, what's the line here? It's, oh, that really, she's like, yeah, I'm glad to turn you on. And then, uh, Rhonda immediately pipes in only to a point. Yeah.

Oh, that was crazy. Gay guy. Look out for the gay guy, Teresa. What if he's by or what if he wants another experience? Like, who cares? Like, who cares about someone's sexuality? Don't put him in a cage. Yeah, Rhonda, you're not this dude's pimp.

I guess because she's afraid that if he fucks her, you know, who knows what Matt gets up to. But if she fucks her, then Teresa might steal Matt away. Oh, no. Yeah, which is her fucking ride and the dude that she fucking takes advantage of constantly. Well, that's the thing, dude. If she loses this rock solid friendship with Matt, her neighbor, then who will she go to when she needs to cancel on somebody at the last second? so they go out to shooters obviously it's like hey you want to go out to a restaurant it's like sure well we've got one set oh let's go there okay cool yeah let's do it you want to go

the one set we have or alison's apartment okay we'll go to shooters okay that makes sense you know i'm i'm happy to say that as the show goes on they get other hangouts there's like a jazz club if i remember right there's another like cocktail lounge i think that comes into play jazz club that now we're just writing in jonathan freaks as orgy guys you know we're just happy that when the jazz club is swinging, he invites everybody out for cocktails, and then all of a sudden we're at a key party. Yeah. And that jazz club would be called swingers. Yeah. Shooters, swingers, drinkers. But I'm bringing this up. Stinkers. Stinkers has the donkey show. Hey, dude, we go to drinkers tonight or what? Do you have any non-alcoholic beer at

drinkers? The fuck you think. Dude, it's a shirt that says drinker. is that it says, the fuck you think. Yep, yep, exactly. Also, I'm bringing up those other locations only to highlight, though, that we get our start at Shooter, is the OG Melrose Place Hangout. And boy, we spend a lot of time at Shooters

in this episode. It's starting to feel like a cheers to me, man. It's just a place where I can call home, and boy, do I miss bars. I miss bars. I'm pining after a 30-year-old television show's bar. which it looks like a it's not like it's a real set

it looks like a bar like you know it might be an actual restaurant it doesn't feel like a set to me at least I don't know I think we could have just had good production design of Melrose place also possible at least like a lot more of it towards the end when Jake has his little party oh man the most humiliating moment

in his life yeah but you see like the different layers of shooters it looks like TGI Fridays or Applebee's it's definitely a cabin mentioned this on a previous Melrose but like It's definitely a restaurant that has a bar at it. Yeah, it's Darren's.

Darren's star failed restaurant that he had tried to open around the same time as Melrose and Hintang. We could just film it my empty restaurant. Nobody's coming. Might as well use it. Have you heard of Darren's? Like imagine if I came up like, you hear of Eric's? Like, we should go there. The hottest club in L.A. is Darren's.

It has everything. A saintly gay guy that never has sex. a weird drifter and the town's spiciest blooming onion there you go donkey show after 12 so I mean they just kind of get to talking Matt is really impressed with Teresa

and her you know wild ways and Teresa brings up like so Rhonda are you going to go to the audition or not I got you this slot in the audition and Matt's like ooh an audition and that she leaves it. Ron says, no, I decided I can't do it, blah, blah, blah.

And the thing is, this is where Matt, he's a really nice guy, but he's so fucking overbearing. Like, because he's just like, what do you mean? You can't go to the audition. What? What's going on? The audition. You got to go to the audition. And she's like, no, Matt, I'm fucking busy clearly.

So then she even does the like, oh, no, I can't. We have. Oh, that's right. Well, actually, no, she pulls this a couple of times, but it's actually on the first invite to go do something. when they're back in the dressing room is what I'm thinking of. And she's like, oh, no, Matt's got a thing to do. And he's like, no, I don't.

Come on, Matt. And it's like, dude, you have to pick up on those cues, men. You fucking cannot leave a person hanging out. Oh, sorry. I was dragged here by my fucking wrists by this woman. And now I'm like, oh, you're going to be my fucking excuse, too. Excuse me. It's also possible that St. Matt cannot tell a lie.

It's entirely possible. Maybe he just knows that if he says, yes, there's a fucking trip to shooters. yeah i think that might be it he just wants to go to shooters ronda's gonna pick up his fucking tab for the blooming onion he wants uh so uh blah blah blah addition uh on their way back to melrose place um matt is hounding and hectoring ronda about this audition she's like you know i i just don't want to do it and he's like what's so great about your life and she's like um it's pretty okay and he's like no it's like kind of shit right he drops like an all-time scumbag line and you can tell why but it's

What have you got to lose? Yeah, that's, what if, hey, everybody, what have you got to lose? It is something scumbags say. Yep, it is. So, that's kind of their thing. The next kind of, we'll just go through, this is the ace. This is totally the A story, by the way. Oh, yeah.

You know, it kind of picks up again. I think Teresa goes, Rhonda actually decides to do the audition. And she has Teresa come over to the workout students. to like work on some moves and show her her stuff and the thing is I don't know if this is good dancing or not especially like by 1993 standards like I don't know I yeah I couldn't tell you artist objective so it's true I mean they are moving fast and in tune which I appreciate in tune well the thing is the you don't we don't know we have no idea what they're actually dancing to right that's also a really good point if it looks anything like a fly girl like that's what you're about what you want, I would say. So she looks in that range. Oh, like the, the I didn't do it dancers? Yes.

I didn't do it. So she's like, she's dancing for Teresa and Teresa's like, oh, you got to clean up your lines. That's something that's a dancer say to one another, I assume. Teresa is a fucking. Yeah, she said lines. Oh, does she? Yeah. Because you also said that they were in tune, which is not something to do with dance.

Oh, that in beat. Well, there's line dancing. In time, I think is what you're saying? maybe? Like they're in time? I think in like, no, I'm sorry, clean up your line. Like the line of your arm to make it like smoother kind of a thing. That's a little dense and thing that I know.

Maybe, but tune is definitely not. Well, that's true. Well, this Teresa is a terror because she even goes on to be like body shaming Ronda a little bit. Oh, definitely. Oh, the pasta situation? Like Rhonda wants to go get some pasta and she's like, you got to get pasta? You got to be a dancer. You know what?

it's a crazy thing and I mean I guess people use this to refer to these restaurants this way but like she definitely says to Teresa she's like oh yeah you want to come with me to this new pasta restaurant and I was like what like do you mean an Italian restaurant or I don't know though I saw in the background when Teresa and Rhonda have their blow up on the strip when they're talking to each other in the background there is something called a chicken eatery which I was just totally shocked. It just says chicken eatery. So wait, so is the confusion there, like, is this a place for chickens to get something to eat?

Or can you only order chicken at this eatery? Some guy comes in three chickens and bow ties. He's like, oh, we'd like the table for four. Called it a chicken eatery so you know you eat them here. Okay, you don't fuck them. Go down the street for that. Yeah, my friends will have some feed. I am going to have a hammer.

Dude, it's just gonzow. Oh, that's where he goes to pick up his babes. Oh, definitely. I'm going to go to the chicken eatery and fucking chicken. I'll be eating something at the chicken eatery, but it's not the actual chicken meat. I will have a bowl of feed and my date will have a plate of feed. That Muppets reboot was just Melrose plays, right? They were always just fucking and sucking on that show.

That's true. I wish that ABC and those rotten fucks at Disney gave that show more of a chance, because it only got one season. And I think it was even a cut off for a season. And, like, I actually think it was pretty funny. It was a little more geared towards adult humor, which I appreciated. And they fucking totally killed it. Kermit was, like, dropping his tadpole in real women or something, right?

Fuck. He did go on dates with women. Yeah, that's weird. That's some family guy horseshit that I can't handle. But, you know. I mean, he wasn't fucking laying tadpole. So, anyway. Behind the scenes, dude.

they uh yeah so she goes uh like you know ronda is very combative with teresa and they're they are combative at this point where like teresa's kind of like ragging on her dance and ronda's like and she keeps it which is a really shitty thing to say that the only reason that she and to this woman's face the only reason she got in this really cool dance company is because she broke her foot and ronda couldn't audition she does keep and while i am you know i'm a little more defensive of ronda in this episode that i think some people are chris cabin hi he's fucking an evil man I will say that it's obnoxious

that she keeps referring to it as like that Teresa got her slot Rhonda has been holding this grudge about her twisting her ankle before an audition like she had come into her room and tied her to the bed

the night before and like poured water all over her or something she fucking did it herself exactly and poured water all over her yes Just because she couldn't go back to sleep. That sucks, dude.

They go out to this pasta restaurant, and yes, Rhonda, Teresa does body shame. He's like, oh, yeah, you can't eat all this fucking pasta if you want to be a great dancer. And, you know, they kind of blow up at each other about, you know, about the previous rehearsal and why Teresa even got the slot because it was her slot and blah, blah, blah. And Rhonda just is fucking furious and just storms off, basically. says that she basically she's like you don't think I could make it kind of a thing and like she's really using

fueled by Teresa's doubt I assume I will say I appreciated the on the street filming right here yeah it's nice I do dig whenever we're actually out on the streets in LA this whole episode like even the shooter's seen

towards the end you get really more of the atmosphere of these places in a non-stilted way totally yeah and eventually she's like really practicing hard uh she matt goes to her class and oh man her yelling at matt was a big laugh for me because he's just not keeping up come on matt let's do this and he's like i'm doing my best she's like she says something like matt what are you even doing and there he is

in his fucking shitty rebuck sneakers trying his best uh and then after class he's like oh wow you really you know pushing it hard she's like yeah you know i'm trying to get ready for this audition. And then of course, Matt, because just to do something, it's just like, I don't know, I think you're trying a little too hard for that audition. I'm like, dude, you were the one that who pushed me into it, you fucking idiot. Hey, Matt,

can I ask you something, man? Is it a fucking slow week at the halfway house? Because you are ruining my life more than usual. All the kids died, so he's got some time before the new ones show up. Yeah, I'm sorry, Rhonda, it got bulldozed. Okay, thank you.

So, yeah. Oh, you don't want to do the audition. What are you, fucking coward. Oh, you're trying the audition? You fucking, what are you? You're trying way too hard, you maniac. But so she... Kick aside! She fucking tells him this whole thing about how, like, her parents were always pushing

her and her brother and sister, and she was the only one who didn't go to an Ivy League school. You know, she was going to be this dancer and blah, blah, blah. And yes, as Chris Cabin has already pointed out, she faked the foot injury because she was terrified about what would happen.

if she failed the audition. Yeah. And she basically said, you know, which is really galling to walk around and put all, A, put all this shit on Teresa. And B, again, say that she definitely would have got, that she definitely would have got in. And Teresa wouldn't have got in because Ronda was so always better at her than dance. Blah, blah, blah.

It's like, not a good look, Rhonda. That's right, Teresa. You'd be doing cardio funk. Okay. That's where you'd be. Dude, we are using the word. funk, no less than three times in this episode. I actually couldn't believe it. She's like, she's like,

Teresa says something like, so what do you teach, like some sort of like hip hop dance something? She's like, funk. Down at the cardio funkery. So the last kind of bit here is she doesn't want to audition now and Matt again is just like, or she

does want to audition and, you know, Matt Matt goes with her. She goes to this audition and I guess knocks it out of the park question mark dance um the company director himself says very nice and she gets out of the audition and matt's like wow he did a great job teresa shows up and she's like you know i actually the only reason i invited you to this audition was to watch you fail but wow did you prove me wrong with that incredible funky dancing and you are the absolute greatest ronda i mean i i've been holding it back but fuck you are amazing you are the best oh my

fucking god you're so good and she's like you know you definitely got a call back and she's like you know what i don't even want it i'm happy with my life as it is and i'm like why wait why because she's learning that life takes alternate avenues stephen she's not hung up on this whole thing about touring around being a dancer and whatnot she realizes she enjoys her life where it is the people that are in her life it's too bad we're not doing this on video because you can't see me making the jerk off motion with my hands. Well, the thing is, it's the early 90s. I could hear it, Chris.

In the whole slacker culture, you know? Like, it's like cool not to do things. Well, I guess I'll just say that it's really cool. All of you dudes had every dream for yourselves come true. And you never had to worry about failure ever in your life. Well, no. You know what? I would have made a miscalculation ever.

It wasn't for my damn rival. I would have made it. It's one thing. And you're right, Andrew. Life does take different forms and you're not a loser if you don't live your whole dream and decide to go for an alternate path. But when the opportunity arises to fulfill that dream and you decide not to do it, you should have a reason. And I kind of feel like I want to know the finances of this. Like how much is she getting paid at Cardio Funk is my question.

Well, here's the thing. Because if the whole thing is she just wants to have fucking poker night with the guys, she's fucking crazy. But here's the thing. First of all, this company ain't, you know, playing Lincoln Center. She's not part of Alvin Ailey or something like that. You know, it's a fucking dance company at a San Jose that's playing what clearly is some sort of community theater slash maybe a primary school auditorium. Got it.

Okay. You got to live all over the country. You're like a fucking circus person. And I think she's just saying like, yeah, I got a fucking steady salary here. The other thing is she's like, hey, these companies lose their funding all the time. And this lady's like, yeah, well, I'm riding the dream. And Rhonda, she's like, after you're 21, you already have a foot out the fucking door anyway. So what would I even be doing?

I think it's a completely logical decision what she does. Too old, too old to begin the training. So that's kind of her thing. You know, like she ends off being like, you know what? I learned my lesson and blah, blah, blah. It's a, I defeated my rival in dance. And I am now able to continue my life. That's why I kind of don't care about her at the end of all that.

whatever positive she might have gotten out of it. Like you created this nemesis for yourself. Whatever she does here, I don't care. Because you forced her into that position. They created each other, Chris. No, Rhonda created all of it. Oh, stop it. I agree with Chris Cabin.

Rhonda did create all of it. But you could then trace that back, though. It's her fucking parents fault, dude. So where does it end? Uh-huh. She says something like, I don't think my dad will ever forgive me for not doing that audition. And it's like, yikes, man. Yeah, dude, seriously, those are some controlling-ass parents. So that's her storyline. Jake, by the way, after poker night comes to

Allison's, we're going all the way back to the Jake story. Jake goes up to Allison and is like, hey Allison, I need you to come to my apartment tonight, like 8 o'clock. She's like, what's going on? He's like, I'll tell you when you get there. Dude, I think he straight up uses the word proposition to her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is fuck. You know it's going to end in fucking. You don't know where it's going to start, but this is ending in fucking. Allison's got to do the math here. It's like, oh, wait a second. No more than 10 minutes ago,

I told all my friends here at the place that I used to be called the cram queen. Now the horniest dude in the complex says that he has a proposition for me in his apartment and I should drop by later tonight. Got it. I'm here for the cramming. The cramining?

I was just wondering if the cram queen were available this evening. I'm just wondering if the cram queen was still wearing the crown. So, Allison, yeah, this is Jake, you know, sexy voice here. Hi. So we were at Shooters the other week and Robert Redford saw us together and thought we were married. And he came up to me and he told me that he would give me one million. Listen to me now.

One million dollars to fuck you. And I said, yeah, you're going to do it, right? Is indecent proposal worth a damn? I've never seen it's an episode it's a ridiculous movie Is that right? Yeah it's insane It goes and it goes in a lot of weird places

It's one of those things that It's a movie that should be 25 minutes long Like it should be like an Alfred Hitchcock Presents kind of thing Oh yeah but to stretch it over to a feature length It has to like fill it up with insanity Gotcha ooh I'm excited now Yeah I've never seen it

All right coming maybe this fall We'll see how it goes Hey if we're all not mentally insane by then I think we will be. So she shows up at his place. She brings a gun like you should. By the way, Jake should be asking all the kids from 90210 for the high school performance test cram. I don't know, man.

Have you fucking met those cretons? But how fun would it be with Jenny Garth and everyone crammed into Jake's place, all trying to learn? Maybe it's like, hey, I heard you got a smart friend there, Andrea Zuckerman. Don't you bring her by. Okay, here's what it is. It's Jake doing a Billy Madison in Beverly Hills 9-0-209. Oh, yes. That I'd watch.

Oh, Borafil. So she shows up. No, I will not make out with you. I'm Jake. And it's classic Allison. Jake is telling this whole story about how his life, you know, his high school career ended very ignominiously because her, his dad, his mother, started dating this guy named Hank.

Hank, hi, how you doing, Jakey? This dude Hank that was younger than his mother that kind of like won the popularity contest and rushed him out of the house. Like, that's a fucking rough road, Jake. My question is, how much younger than this mother are we talking? Is it a thing like... 10 years?

Is it a reverse Bill and Ted situation where like, where Ted's or Bill's mom has married Missy who they went to? high school with hey jake remember when hank used to be our used to be two years old than this shut up exactly that's what i wanted to know you don't get an answer here remember when uh hank gave you a swirley that was pretty fantastic huh shut up bill um so yeah he's telling this whole story and alison's like uh-huh and he's like and i never finished high school and i know that you're really good at studying and she's like uh-huh uh-huh and he's like i'd like you to help me uh-past the gED and she's like

What? I'm like, look, and I figured that out five minutes to go, Allison. He also, he also goes into like his, his past of like jobs and life experience. And if the test was on life experience, he'd pass with flying colors because he was like a logger in Alaska or something. Absolutely, dude. Okay. If you are a multiple choice question, if you are going to dine and dash, what is the best way to do it? A, go to the bathroom. B, make scream.

Hey, look over there. or C, all of the above. If you are dating a 16-year-old girl and her father calls you, do you say A, she's asleep, B, I don't know what you're talking about, or C, threaten him with violence. Now, this is the kind of math I can get behind. Who would choose A? In the space provided draw a diagram of how to suck gasoline out of the tank of another car

and put into a car. Yeah, he's lived this like fucking, fact totem Charles Bukowski life somehow. So whatever. So Allison agrees but he's like the one thing, we have to keep it a secret from everybody. The test is on Friday. I really need your help

all week, but don't tell anybody because I'm kind of embarrassed. And I mean like it's totally cool. It's nice to see people get GEDs on. It's a thing you don't see often on TV and there's actually no real stigma behind it aside from his own. That's true. And they also keep explaining what it is because I guess

maybe was it a new thing or was it being popularized in some way. No, I think, I thought about that with that line too, dude. And I think because he's like, get my GED, the high school equivalency. And I think what that is, is just them covering their base is like, listen, idiots watch

television. We really got to fucking lay this out as clearly as possible. Foreign markets, too. Maybe UK. Oh, yeah, totally. Did anybody else notice, like, when he makes the big reveal of like, and that's why I want you to help me pass the

GED. There's the slightest bit of Allison being bummed that he doesn't want to fuck. Absolutely. Because she's like, she's like out of breath like, oh my God, Jake, what do you want? He's like, I want you to study with me. Okay, Jake, Jake, so it's $200 for a cramp. Oh, wait. You want me to help you with education. Oh, I guess I'll put away my menu or whatever that was. So they study all night. And Billy. is continuously the worst roommate Like the thing is

This fucking guy This is why I mean like you can Like men and women can be roommates Absolutely happens all the time But you really have to have a fucking Short leash for This kind of behavior

If you're if you're the woman in this situation Because she doesn't come home one night And Bill is like Oh my God Michael and Jane We gotta call the police This is another blissful week Of Michael and Jane Are basically fucking window dressing

which is fantastic. Yes, thank God for that. But, dude, Billy is such a fucking narque and it's like not even 7 o'clock in the morning and he's like, well, I think we should call 9-1-1. And Jane's like, he's acting like the Ripper is in town. Seriously. And like, Sandy is just like,

hey, y'all, maybe she just went and got fucked. You ever think about that? Maybe she just got fucked. Oh, Michael Jane, hurry up. They got out of her handcuffs. Or she slipped away from me on the night I don't know how anyone undid that rope Yeah the thing is I usually watch her

3 o'clock at the morning like clockwork I go into a room and I watch her sleep But sure enough she never came home last night So I'm really irritated because I didn't get mine Although the toilet cam got lunch loose I'm sorry Dude he's creeping into her bedroom With a fucking disposable camera in the chair

that's him breathing in a room Oh, okay So Allison actually during this whole kerfuffle And again, like it's fucking 7 o'clock in the morning And everyone at Melrose place It's like, where's Allison? Like everyone's in the fucking courtyard I think Rhonda gets involved, Matt shows up

And then Allison emerges from Jake's place And everyone's like, they fucked. And she's like, you know, Bill, and everyone kind of takes it for that. Billy immediately follows her back to his apartment. So what happened with Jake last night? What's this about? It's fucking crazy.

Huh? Ha? You tell me where you were, young lady. That's how he pronounces a question mark. Yeah, what's going on here, huh? What are you doing in the middle of the road? it becomes gossip around Melrose place and there's these sex fantasy sequences where people imagine what happened and one of them is Allison has a has a VHS tape of nine and a half

weeks and her VCR is broke can we use yours Jake nice move it's it's fucking hilarious man this is Billy goes to shooters and he's talking with Sand And it's the two of them like daydreaming about the encounter. And yeah, so Billy's is that she goes over with with a VHS tape like Eric said. But then the fucking hilarious one is Sandy's like, uh, no, what about? Or I think it's the other way around because then, because then I think Billy's like, oh, what if it was a spider situation? Jake says he's terrified of spiders and they start making out or whatever.

And Sandy's like, no, that can't be true, y'all. Jake loves spiders He keeps some as a pet Again, Jake gets creepier by the second Let's just say Hank, by the way, fucking kick this asshole kid out of the house raising spiders And not go to school

Watch this, you're keeping a spider in your room You know who does that, don't you fucking reeks? I mean, and Hank's right Because again, you've got Jake This fucking loner drifter without a last name who doesn't have a TV in his house and keeps spiders as pets.

No, thank you. You like spiders, huh, Jake? Well, here, I'm Hank. I'm a spider too, and you're caught in my web. Oh, man. Let's just say it's really advantageous to the rest of the neighbors at Melrose's place

that Jake doesn't have access to a private basement. Oh, I mean, if I came out and I had to do with the entire complex thinking I fucked my neighbor, I'm moving. It's time to go to Rodea Plaza. I agree, dude. It's like, nobody's fucking business. Maybe I did fuck him.

Maybe I didn't. Who gives this shit? You know what I mean? I'm just trying to live a life. I'm in my 20s. And that's kind of the weird thing about like the sit, this episode specifically is it makes fun of the fact that it's going to be a nighttime sitcom at some point. Because like, that's what the, the Allison,

going to Jake's place with nine and a half weeks is what this show should be. I want all these horny people fucking each other. Yeah, I want them written all sorts of dirty videos. That's what I'm here for. Not fucking like life ambitions and fucking GED tests. It's fine, but where's the fucking?

Problem being, dude, I think we are using hindsight to criticize part of this. Sure. Early endeavor. It's just but you know, it's true. We want it to get to this. I think they didn't know necessarily that that's where this was going to go.

Like, why pitch this show if it's not that? You know what I mean? Like, the whole point is, you know, you can't have this many sexy times with high school kids. Obviously, that's not okay. So we're going to age them up. They're going to be in their 20s. It's a bunch of people fucking starting out. And they're all going to be fucking all the time. But the problem is, dude, if they're not talking about jobs and volunteering and other shit, then it's just porno. Well, yeah, I guess so. If they're not going to work and they're just staying at home

fucking all the time. That's pornography. I'm just... Well, that's what I'm saying. They should have just turned this into a porno. I was serious. Exactly. You had the cram queen right there. It's right there. Here, I'll just punch up the script real quick. Turn this into... Okay, so GED, that now stands for Greater Wreck

Dick. Come on. At least Greater Rec, Dong. Yeah, I got my GED. It's a greater wreck dick. I'll cram it into you. Yeah, that's right. I didn't graduate high school, and I do not have an equivalency, but my dick is quite a rare.

Yeah, I know you cardio funk, but you cardio fuck is what I'm saying. So, uh, kind of there's a lot of studying scenes and like, uh, Allison just keeps being like, isn't it so weird that the whole, the whole apartment building thinks we're fucking? And Jake's like, yeah, that is weird. It's insane. She asks if it bothers him. Yeah. And he's like, not really. like I've pretty much fucked everybody including Matt so yeah no it's cool they have yeah there's this like the the middle one here

the one I think we're both talking about Steve is like the bonding scene where like she talks about how you know she was on like the periphery of clicks in high school and she was like kind of a loser she thinks you know in her mind she was so concentrated on getting into a good school

and then she did and then she didn't party enough in college and she kind of regrets it. This is insufferable. Like, just yamming on it. I'm like, I get it. I got it with the cram queen thing, honestly. I know you have to fit up 45 minutes. Yeah, well, you got to fill up that time slot, my friend.

I mean, this show at heart is about regret. It's about finding your way. Thank you. Thank you, Eric. And it's about great erect dicks. Yeah, exactly. So, um, the final day of studying, they're at some bar. drinking coffee and Jake's like, you know what?

I'm done studying. If I know it, I know it. If I don't, I don't. Why do we go out just you and me? And they leave without paying, by the way. A classic Jake move. Leave without paying. And a couple of things I want to point out about this restaurant that they're at here. One, the dude who's next to them at

the bar gives them the filthiest fucking look when they leave and I can't figure out why. Because they didn't pay. I guess so. Yeah. Hey, they're not paying. Or at least no tip. And by the way, whatever happened to Jake being a mechanic. I mean, I think that's just sort of implied

that he's just a mechanic. Yeah, he might just be gainfully employed now and there's not really a storyline at the auto shop. I can't wait for one, you know? Oh, it's gonna, I'm sure it comes up. Like some girl has car trouble and then he's like unsettling about it and like one letter. He's like

he's like the mechanic that fucking Brad Garrett played on Seinfeld. You don't try to get it, you do. also though important to know when they leave this restaurant it's clearly like a lunch situation and the sun is up just saying for the next scene next time we're on Jake's bike it's night time and she's like Jake I've never been on a motorcycle before

he's like this will be your last time on a motorcycle she's like wait what you know Allison you might just earn your GED tonight but I already graduated high school he takes her to Mulholland Drive there's some old people that terrify them Jake keeps on pointing out where Black Dahlia was buried

So they found the torso here Allison and then if you look over there you see like where that shrub is Allison that's where they found her legs This is very personal space to me Allison It turns out that time traveling Will Riker killed the black dog Oh, that fucking checks out

He thought it was the holodeck and he went fucking nuts He's the first attempt to try to be an orgy guy It failed. All right, listen, this is it guys We're going to have to label the holodeck And label the time machine They look too damn similar They look too damn similar

And honestly, data was Julius Caesar It's fucking crazy what we're doing to the timeline, folks. Label these rooms. Julius Caesar didn't exist until data. All those gold coins with data on them. A bronze bust of data. It's come to my attention that before Mr. Data went back in time, Julius Caesar was not stabbed in the back 40 times.

I cannot stress this enough. Will was playing his damn trumpet on the goddamn transporter, and he came out the other side with the train. trumpet on his head. Ooh, I'd like to see that mishap. So they just go and they're just like looking out over the city and she's it's romantic but it's sort of like

they're trying, you know, they're about to and they're kissy here, don't they? They do, they kiss. We kiss hard, hard kissing. It's a wet kiss too. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. Like this is what's happening? And then Billy again, the next morning is like, what the fuck happened last night?

Huh? Where were we? Oh, come on, I all. I thought I thought we were going to go to the beach or something? Oh, that's right. He's like, oh, it's a perfectly nice day. Where we're supposed to go to the beach or what? Dark, I've contacted my lawyers and I'm going to sue you for

Allison. It belongs to me, God damn it. And she fucking comes clean and whatnot. She's like, look, man, I was just helping him study for the GED. And he's like, study. Wow. Allison, talk about an act of imagination. I guess

that's why I'm a writer. Well, I'm see you next. I was just fanatizing about you fucking the entire week. Nothing weird about that. Roommate, talk to you later. What a great writer. So she picks up Jake at his GED test and they have a conversation. A, he's like, I aced it. Thank you so much.

Well, that's what he says. Do we know that he passed for sure? No, but you know what, dude? He's saying he's got a good feeling about it. there's no reason for him to lie to this character. Right. Usually when you get a giant erect dick, you have a great feeling about it. So she's like, hey, you know, last night was kind of really fun and really special to me. But we're just friends, right? He's like, yeah, we're just friends.

And it's like, okay, I don't know. Like, I just kind of wish it was a little sexier, but sure. It's kind of an interesting thing, though, for this show, because it's like, yes, there could be rampant fucking between these two people. but they've made the better decision to just be friends who have fucked. It's nice to see a mature decision be made on Melrose Place. I agree with that. Once in a while. It's interesting because Jake and Allison are just like,

you know, we did that and we're just going to drop it and that's that and it's not going to be weird. Meanwhile, Billy, who's got no skid in the game, he's fucking obsessively jealous. There's another Billy line that I totally forgot about. After he says talk about an active imagination, she's like, no, none of that, Billy. we were just over there studying and he goes

oh it's not as hot as what I came up with dude what? Is he writing roommate fan fiction? Well it started with Jake being afraid of a spider so I've got my roommate flash fiction ha! It's just good writing. Oh, I bet you in the bowels of the internet you could find yourself some Melrose Place slash Oh, definitely. Someone hit us up on Twitter

let us know one of the steamyest ones that's of this era. I don't want to get into future spoilers. No, exactly. I want some like fucking bizarre HTML file of a fucking of a AOL chat room. But hopefully it's, but as Eric's pointing out where we are in the show, I don't want to see shit

about Joe or Sidney. Nope, get the fuck out of here. No, no, no. Just Jake and Matt and a rainy fucking Labor Day. I'd watch that. So she's like, you want to go to Shooters? Like, yeah, it's the only place we ever go.

So they go to shooters. And the whole cast is there. And they're like, oh, Jake's here. I'm like, let's do it. And they all put on mortarboards and fucking graduation caps. It's mortarboard. Is that correct? Yes.

And they start fucking. I thought that's what you did to a pair of breasts. God damn it. That's actually not bad. I guess I'm overruled. Listen, this is a whole. No, I'm just saying. Mortarboard, motorboating, that's fucking funny, dude, I'm sorry.

But I love the thing, here's the thing. This is, this is like, so think about how humiliating it is, either to have this happen to you or God forbid to have to watch it unfold in front of you. Remember restaurants when you could go to restaurants and some asshole told the management that it was someone at their table's birthday? And then everybody comes over singing the happy birthday, right? That fucking sucks, right? Yeah.

I think amplified to the nth degree is people putting on mortar boards with fucking tassels on them and singing like the melody to pomp in circumstance at a bar. It's insulting. It's insulting. It's absolutely. Like, it's a cool, you know, you want to be supportive of your buddy that got just GED. And it's really, because Sandy hasn't seen Rich. She's like, wow, Jake, I'm so proud of you.

And like, yeah, we did skip over that. It's a nice exchange between. Sandy and Jake. I did like that. But you would be calling U-Haul immediately. Like, I'm leaving this place. Exactly. Like, again, like, after this display at shooters, absolutely. You got to go. Gotta go. Can't do it. I can't do it. Everyone's

the finger and leaves. Everybody shows up to shooters and they buy Jake around and like, dude, congratulations. Nobody talks about it too much, but you just say congratulations. And you buy him a drink. That is all you should do for your friend. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. It's just, it's embarrassing. Because then somebody has to go up to him and be like,

Hey, so what's a big celebration? You graduate college? What did you become? Oh, you're about 35 years old. You graduate law school? And it's like, well, no, I got my fucking, I got my GED. And it's like, ha! I thought you graduated law school.

Now that you got to kill this guy. Wow, grown man. Everybody came up to you with mortar boards and pomp and circumstance. Must have been a great afternoon. You defending your dissertation like that. I love this nosy bar picture, by the way. I love this guy. No, no, no.

I just, I got my, uh, my great erect dick. I finally got it finally did it had to take some pills Allison does have a fucking great final line for the episode though because Sandy's like so after all of that

turns out you and Jake aren't really an item after all hon and she's like of course not but he is a great kisser and you are left with the woman who plays Sandy this fucking sitcom facial expression that she has

is quite hilarious. Sandy just got pulled out of the Matrix. Yeah, dude, absolutely. She has three... Wow. You look... Wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh, my stars. A handsome stood like Jake. Fucks a girl who's got a bathrobe like Allison's.

Weird. That bathrobe that she has is hideous. It is. It's a bad at. It's fucking awful. So that's the episode. That's our, our second. second chances. Everyone got their second chance this week. So I'm going to ask, as I always do, you know, is everybody kind of excited to keep going here?

Any parting shots, Eric Siska? You know, I'm excited to keep going because I got nowhere else to go. But no, it's interesting. At least we get a little more of Jake, a little more of Rhonda. Those are characters that kind of weren't super fleshed out and they still aren't. So I'm excited to see what else is in store. uh, Chris Cabin. Everybody sucks. The show sucks. The fucking dumpster fires raging. Oh, he's talking about the TV

show, not the podcast. No, no, no. Not that. The TV show indeed, Eric. I can't wait. Let's fucking do it. Uh, uh, uh, Andrew Juppin. Uh, yeah, totally. This episode I thought was like a total, like middle of the road five, you know, it's not trying to turn any heads or anything like that. You know, I'm down for returning to the place next week

and I'll say, Gird your loins, everybody, the return of Malachi Throne is next week. But the fucking tradeoff, dude, and this is what happens when you make a deal with the devil, Chris Cabin, such as this. It's a Malachi Throne episode, but unfortunately, it is Billy and Allison Centric. No!

So you're going to have to, everybody at home, you're going to have to put a circle of salt around you to make sure that Malachi Throne cannot get you when you listen to the episode. because that's the thing when you say, we're definitely going to say it more than three times, which is a spell in and of its own right.

So you just got to be really careful. I am correct, though, that the same episode guest stars Al Moore as the one who binds him, right? Yes. Yeah, I think Alan Moore is the one who puts him into that fucking skin book. Does Rod Sterling present the next episode?

Imagine a place, if you will, between time and sex, Melrose. At Malachi Throne, released from the bottle or G-Lamp or whatever the fuck. So that is our episode for this week. We've done two episodes. We've got our come on back Monday.

We got some Beverly Hills, 9-0-2-0 coming up. We're starting in all Pirates of the Caribbean month in May on the We Hate Movies main feed, which is this feed. But on our Tuesday episodes, each and every week will be a Pirates of the Caribbean episode. We have some guests coming up as well, so it's not going to be as terrible as it sounds, I promise. But there's also going to be content on Patreon.

Patreon's going to have a full-length episode on The Ring. So if you want to switch it up, definitely look to that Patreon page. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. That's right. We've got an animation damnation and the Jetsons coming up. A lot of cool stuff coming up in May, you guys. Hey, the Jetsons, dude. They lived in fucking weird bubbles too.

So that is our last episode in April. We're going to continue this quarantine into May. Sadly, I have been Steven Sadek. Andrew Jopin, Eric Sisker, Chris Cabin. Take it easy and remain indoors.