We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #18 - Melrose Place "Responsibly Yours"

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

We're gliding into the weekend with our second MELR0210 episode of the week, all about the Melrose Place episode, "Responsibly Yours"! Originally airing September 9th, 1992, this episode has Billy dating a stand-up comedian and forcing his way into her life, Alison getting ripped off by Billy to the tune of $300 and however much else it cost to waste the day at Magic Mountain, Sandy and Jake trying to go on a date and not complicate things with sex which is impossible obviously, Rhonda getting her cooking insulted by Billy, and Matt absolutely vibing with Dawn's stand-up material! PLUS: Is Jake a secret-ish serial killer? MELR0210 is a new show we put together to help you pass the time during this more-than-necessary social distancing period. New episodes will air Mondays and Thursdays, right here on the main feed! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the more innocent and sexy time of the 1990s! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello and welcome to another edition of Melro 210, a quarantine side show of the We Hate Movies podcast, wherein we ask you to please remain indoors, but put on your sunscreen. We're having a little bit of fun today, right? We're having a little bit of fun in Los Angeles. God damn right. Yeah, this is the... Step into a place known as Melrose. And you know, we're...

No, go on. Just, no, no, that's it. Just Rod Sterling. I'm just going to say Rod Sterling. You know the rest of that bit. Submitted for your approval, a short man who sounds like a horse. Merrows were a lot of white people narrowly avoid getting laid. They really do, man.

It is like hopscotch with... not having sex in this show. Has anyone like, I mean, except for that one episode where Billy was fucking lay in pipe with that one lady. Oh, yeah. I think that's it. And I mean, obviously, Jane and Michael are fucking on the reg. But that's it. What, you're asking about, like, successful fucking. Yeah.

See, I think what you're not here is that dude, Matt is getting wet every fucking night. You know what? I hope so. Because that guy's life seems pretty miserable. Yeah, dude, it can't be all fucking halfway houses and bounce checks. I hope not. I really hope that he's fucking dudes left and right. Speaking of,

responsibly yours is the eighth episode, I'm sorry, the ninth episode of Melrose Place, season one, original air date, September the 9th, 1992. And who are you? Oh, I'm sorry, great question. You know what? Rod Sterling. Oh, right, I'm sorry. That's Rod Sterling talking to you.

You know what? I cut warming up short, and that was a mistake. My name is Steven SADAC. I am joined, as always, with very good friends of mine, except for Andrew who likes to point out my flaws. Eric Siska Hello Christopher Cabin

Ohoy hoi hoi and Andrew Jupin Yo! Also known as the man who's never made a mistake I got a tattooed right on my ass dude Yeah so this is an episode It's mostly a Billy episode And for Billy stands out there At least of the Billy impression

You'll be excited to know that there's a lot of that Who are those cursed people? Mr. and Mrs. Shoe I got to say I liked this episode said because it was a billy episode it's just like a hate watch you know he's like i mean like i guess the idea is billy is so immature we're just going to sit around and wait for him to figure it the fuck out is that the idea because i'm already sick of it well he's got the brain of a baby yep uh but he looks good so you want to fuck him and there's some there's something in between

that i guess you're supposed to be attracted to well it's like that like innocent pool boy naivete kind of thing like in this episode it kind of makes a little bit more sense because it's like him going after an older woman and like you could see all of this coming together if it weren't for the fact that this woman was a Kathy-esque stand-up comedian uh with a kid that no one should want to be around now by Kathy you mean like the comic strip and not Kathy Griffin not Kathy Griffin not Kathy Griffin no Kathy Griffin is a real comedian this woman no I meant like the Ack. Yes, yes. I just wanted to point it out because contemporary of Don Bonds would be Cassie Griffin. Yes, actually that's true. I actually think that she probably, you know, the problem for this woman is she missed the stand-up comedy boom in the 80s. She's not going to make it in the alt scene that's coming up. You know what I mean? It's like the early 90s.

It's very true. She's no Janine Garofalo. She's no Laura Keitlinger even. Wow, that takes me back. You go back at time. Put some money on UCB. but get out before they're getting good yeah that ain't that true still existing in Los Angeles in the Great of Los Angeles area as far as I know so this episode speaking of the greater Los Angeles area we've got Billy just driving around his cab

he sees a woman new cab by the way oh is it a new cab yeah very exciting he fucking smiles like a wolf when he sees this lady broken down on the hot fucking serial killer in my notes I said it's a Bundy-esque grin It's just like

Oh yeah Here it comes She's got nowhere to go now It was totally crazy Like he moves Like it starts off He's listening to some like canned Like fake punk rock music or whatever

And it was so weird how As soon as he spotted that woman broken down That toothy grin came out And he just gently adjusted the radio To Tom Petty It's funny you should say that I was looking at the soundtrack because it's always

we never you know obviously Hulu and whatever they cut it out two songs in this episode I don't know where they are one is I won't back down with Tom Petty I'm not kidding and the other one is if you are here on Monday you'll laugh at this Wicked Game by Chris Isaac

No way That's when Sandy and Jake are about to bone I bet Yeah definitely I feel like Aaron's spelling had a fucking sit down with Chris Isaac like listen Chris I just want the What the whole kitten caboodle I want to be the Chris Isaac business.

Whatever that is. I wish we could like pay more money to get the real songs. You know what I mean? I know. Like yeah, exactly. Could I, yeah, like, could I spend like $2 an episode just to hear the fucking right thing or what? Oh, yeah.

I want to hear hurdy-gurdy man when he smiles and sees this lady on the road. That's a fucking great idea though, dude. I would pay like an extra few bucks a month on Hulu to get bumped up to the actual licensed music level. Exactly. It would be fucking paying for itself. in no time. And then yeah also you know

now all these artists are getting extra money you know the whole the touring industry is dead right now they could use it totally so yeah so like he pulls over it is he comes across hold on I pull up the actresses name it just went away because I was looking at the sand track

right she was in just one of the guys yeah classic film great comedy central classic Joyce Heiser as Don Bonds here Joyce Heiser dated Warren Beatty at some point. Really? Whoa. Yeah. I mean, I guess she must have got too old for him at some point. Well, yeah, she was number

what, 375? She got something at some point. He's doing this thing that I cannot fucking stand, and I've never understood the dude impulse of let's pretend I know everything about this broken down car.

Dude, that is, you are fucking playing with fire, man. What an asshole. You either know how to fix cars or you don't. And the vast majority of us don't. So you'd be like, hey, lady, it looks like you broke it down. Can I call someone for you? Exactly. And like, it turns out this lady knows way more than he does. He's like, oh, well, how about, I don't know, you check the, the coolant or what?

Oh, seems a little low. And she's like, that's the oil, you dumb pig. I mean, you guys are judging this guy a lot. But like, how else is he supposed to get the syringe in her neck? He's got to get close. He's got to say something. All right. I'll give you a ride to the service station.

You got to help me move to his couch. Oh, you'll find that the back seat of my cab doesn't have a unlock button. It just got spikes like in the movie The Bone Collector. Oh, wow. Yeah, this cat, it may look like a cab on the outside, but it's actually an old police car. No opening this back door, Dawn. I can't do the voice at all. Oh, my God.

Wait, let me try to get to it. Ellison, Ellison, okay. All right. Yeah, you know, this cab is actually deathproof. Oh, are you going to go left or right? You really got to be sitting in my seat, though. Just want to be talking to my lawyer, Kobayashi. But so, yeah, she gets in the car.

He's like, I'll take you to the gas station. We'll figure this out together. And, like, she, it's like a sarcastic humor thing. Like, she's, like, doing, and it's all the writing, whatever. It's not, yeah. This is not a real comedian. To be fair, she's presented as such because she's playing open mic shows.

Yes, and she also is like super sarcastic. He's playing the radio too loud. She's like, hey, Tony Orlando, what are you tone it down a little bit? Dude, Orlando? These kinds of, well, because she's dawn, of course. Gotcha. Is she 52?

Well, that's the thing that's weird, right? It's not only does she have these like snappy one-liners, but like it's snappy one-liners that you find. in like older style comedians like almost like a rickles like she does not let up like busting his balls the entire time except when he stops to one compliment her name but then like she says like what her day job is she's like oh i sell shoes and he just fucking goes you sell shoes wow what a waste you'll sell shoes by the seethore selling shoes wow what a fucking idiot I can't Leave it.

Because it's amazing, because she's just like, I don't know, man, I got to pay the fucking bills. Like, you gotta be an actress or something with the beauty, the brain, the sarcasm. I mean, come on, you're a perfect pair. Wow, it's so crazy, you're such a pretty smart lady, but you got the personality of an 86-year-old insult comic. So she actually, it's funny how certain things come back. She doesn't have enough money for the fair, so she's like, oh, hey, I can't give you. I'm a little low on cash. How about I give you these?

And she pulls out a bunch of open mic tickets, which is not legal tender. That's a negative value. Yeah. I started having flashbacks though, dude, because she fucking whips out these tickets. She's like, well, how about we, you know, trade a, you know, like make a trade or whatever it is.

And she pulls these tickets out. And the first thing she says is bring your friends. And I started having flashbacks to fucking, like, improv shows. It's like, please come to my fucking show. I'm contractually obligated to bring 30 people or else I'm going to owe the club $800. Using those as money, it's like saying, I can't cure your cancer, but I can give you Ebola.

How's that? How's that in the trade? They should have been at least like, you know, a gift certificate to the movies or something. Or 20% off shoes. How about that? You're a shoe lady. That's the thing you do that has value to me. That would have actually been kind of a funny, cute scene of Billy trying on shoes.

at her place. Yeah, totally. Get a little I'm too sexy montage going. Yeah. So we cut back to Melrose's place. Oh, before we do though, I want to point out one last thing about this scene where she gets dropped off because it's really funny and I don't know why they didn't do a second safer looking take. But when they arrive at the gas station, she's like, oh, here's a filling station, you drop me off here. And they have this shot where like it's definitely Andrew Shoe driving the car. And he whips it into this fucking gas station right in front of these two

extras that are walking by? You're right. I was like, Jesus Christ, he almost hit those two girls. Also, you know from this scene, it's very important to point this out, that he, of course, will be able to get along with this little kid. Because he has the little kid naivete that when she's like, hey, here's

some tickets to this open mic I'm doing stand-up at. His response is not a polite, like, thanks, but no thanks, but he eagerly grabs the tickets and goes, cool! Yes, he's a dumbass, much like the child. Hey, Billy, you know what? I asked you for your till this week at a cab,

and you brought me six open mic tickets. Hey, Groupon, the Hardee's. This is, I can't do this. I need real cash, Billy. Rieger. I got this fucking idiot driving my cab. Oh, you know, it's okay. You can just pay me in Twizzlers.

Skittles. not Twizzleys. Oh, do you have change for a peanut M&M or what? Don't worry, Mr. Mercedes. I got a fucking, I got a slammer Pog. Remember Pogs? That's how I pay my bill. Paying Pogs.

Remember Pogs, kids, they're the hottest item right now. I sent my collection of buttons to the IRS. So they go back to Melrose Place and Ronda is making everyone dinner at Allison's place. and she's making this shirt et tufe and like Billy will not shut the fuck up immediately like she's fantastic everybody what's another day I had

never was like oh god is he gonna do this all night and I sell it loves and they're kind of making fun of him because this happens every fucking week and they're sick of it well also he's fucking totally insulting Duranda's cooking right here

he's like oh what is this shit we're eating and she's like I'm making crawfish etoufei for everyone who pitched in which was not you by the way well he goes like oh this it's more I'm talking about my day it's more important than this stupid dinner and she's like I guess I should stop cooking

for you and he's like I well I can't pitch in but I do have something of negative cash value which is tickets to an open mic Mr. Simpson do you see this right here where it says void void void void and this is not a check actual cash value less than

one hundredth of one cent like dude god damn it Then if someone was like, here is my contribution to this dinner, everyone pitched in for also comedy club tickets. And you know he's drinking all the wine. You know he's just sitting down and he's having two large, everyone else having one glass. Before they finish their one, he's filling up his second one. Oh, you fuck. And he's asking if they have taller glasses.

It's okay because he's good for it. Wow. Also, it's the obnoxious thing of like, it's a big group dinner and everybody's doing something to contribute. he's the only one that's just like standing there not fucking helping or even like you know you can't even get a whiff that he has asked if he can help with anything

well you know what Andrew he's just a macho guy he's not gonna cook dinner for anybody the people cooking if you think are Allison Matt and Rhonda and he's like well that's not that's woman's work I'm just gonna go downstairs and kiss Jake's bike for a bit and wait for him to come back outside so we can play

so we see her stand up set it's horrible it it's really just like i mean again it's it you can't trust the melrose place writers to write a stand-up set worth a damn uh it's not very funny uh and everyone's laughing and it's so i feel so bad for matt in this scene because it's everyone everyone goes ronda matt and alison and billy go to see this woman stand-up set don't stand-up set and like she comes she finishes a set she comes out and matt has to say something because he's nice like that thing you said about uh single life is really really true wow that's just you're great man the the uh the non compliment to any comedian yes is the what you just said about

ex oh it is so true it wasn't funny at all but man did we get a look here was everybody on extra alert during this comedy club scene i was looking i didn't notice anyone but there were some interesting faces dude front row center was a guy with just the most flowing Rapunzel-esque long hair. It was outrageous. Is it the emcee who's dressed like Stephen Wright and Robin Williams

put together kind of a thing? No, it was a dude like in the audience but the MC is quite something. I will say this was an episode where I noticed a very loud wardrobe on all levels. Almost every scene I was kind of blown away. Yeah, it's a ton. It's a lot to deal with.

Well, by the way, Billy is Billy's also dressed like a little kid throughout this entire thing, which makes it so much harder to take him seriously when he's trying to basically raise this woman's job. He looks like a kid from the sandlot in this episode. It's like, come on.

This baggy, like, striped t-shirt and like these humongous shorts. And he's like, hi. Allison at one point has this Hunter S. Thompson-esque like jungle shirt on that she's tucked into shorts that do not fit. Dude, it's the 90s, baby, and we just got to deal with it.

It is just the 90s. It's coming back, man. I think I saw Hunter as Thompson wear that exact shirt on an episode of Letterman one time. So, you know, she does a terrible stand-up set, and her and Billy go out for dinner afterwards, which again is just like, hey, guys, thanks for cooking me dinner. Be wallpaper for my fucking, to show up this girl that I have friends that also get the fuck out of here. Get the fucking out. I'm going to spoil it for me. Get the fuck out of here.

It is fucking crazy. Hold on a second. Steve. What did he say? Get the fuck out of here. I love it. They are like having the awkward post show chat or whatever and he's talking about like going out to pizza and shit. She has an awful line though.

And it's like I do not understand this woman's fucking attraction to this dude. Like he says some line. It's after Matt's. fucking you know it's so true comment and she goes somebody ought to bottle this guy for medicinal purposes and I was like yeah

dude fucking assisted suicide well I guess because he's so flattering and hunky to her you know it's like oh wow I could use more of that I guess so so she you know during their dinner you know they realize that she's divorced

you know she's a little older her ex-husband wanted to be Davidly Roth, it seems. Hey, that's something. That is a person to want to be. He had a drug problem, a pretty serious one.

I mean, we're going to look at this guy at the end of it. David Lee Roth is not the first thing I thought. Yeah. I mean, it's more commendable to try to be David Lee Roth

than Robert E. Lee. Yeah, closer. So, like, you know, they hit it off. And he's like, oh, he's over the moon for her. We cut to sort of the B plot, which is Jake and,

Michael, you know, it's just the morning. And Michael's like, oh, man, a kid, wait to have this big day to have with Jane. And like, uh, Jake's like, oh, man, you're so lucky. My life is empty and weird. And I've killed three people this week. I just wish I had someone to dather me down. I love this fucking shit because it's like, you know Jake's life has been nothing but an onslaught of like rushing sex and violence. So he's so envious of any type of normalcy. Is he actually working at the garage? or is he killing for hire? That's a great question. We've never seen him work at this at the garage at all yet. No, no, no, never came back. Never came back. Never came back. Never, like, mentioned or seen.

But I have to say, uh, he must be pretty fucking desperate if he is going to Michael Mancini for advice about ladies, man. Ooh. Michael, I just wish I could stop. Stop what? You know, casual sex, I mean. it's just the worst you know what are you talking about man you're totally killing it out there no who told you uh yeah but yeah he's just like oh jake i don't understand what you complained

about you got a different brood every night which again like i've never seen like everyone keeps saying this but i've never seen this happen he's kind of fooled around that con artist lady from his past and that is it thus far there's got to be a second location like the The house that Jake built is happening. Oh, my God. You want to see my garage? Exactly. And like, it's just really a thing where he's like, listen, Jake, you know, your problem is you move in too fast, too strong.

You got to be friends first. And he's like, friends, eh? Like, he's never thought about having. And also, like, does he have male friends? Is he a female friend? Like, does he have anything going on aside from his hair? No. He was just put on earth to kill.

He didn't know anything else other than fucking. and killing. And that motorcycle. He seems to be pretty addicted to that motorcycle. Well, that's just that that gets them from A to B from fucking to killing. Exactly, dude. And I'm sorry, I should have I cut out the big twist at the end of the Billy scene, which is, you know, he takes her back to her place. And when he does, dun, dun, duh, it's a babysitter and her son Martin. The babysitter, by the way, I just looked up, is played by Anastasia Nemek, the older sister of Koranemek. Wow, get out of town. Parker Lewis can't lose.

That's right. Yeah, dude. Drop zone's own, coronemic. I have no idea what you're talking about, but whatever. You know fucking Parker Lewis can't lose. Get out of here. I absolutely do not. I don't either.

I 100% do not know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me, you're telling me you've never heard of the show Parker Lewis can't lose. I've heard the title. Okay. You know what? I don't even know if I've heard that.

I, well, there was Mr. Hooper. He can't, wait, no, he doesn't lose. What does he do? It's his neighborhood. He saves the day? Yeah, he does. Anyways, no, but he find, they find out she has a kid

and Bo's like, oh, ho, ha. Don, don't the end of that first, I'll see you next. It'll be great

if he just, like, the commercial game is like, wow, that's a crazy situation. Let's see what's going to happen on the next act. Oh, that one happened

to be your nephew, would it? Yeah, Tony. You are, do you like, have this? or what? So she winds up, you know, he, he comes home to Allison and Allison's like, well, that's the end of that chapter.

And it's like, well, hold on, hold on. But Allison's basically advising, like, cut her loose. Definitely. Which is the move? I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Well, you know, single mothers need loving and two. It's not, no, it's not anything to do with that, dude. Of course they do.

It is the fact that this is Sir William Campbell, we are talking about. And you should not be leaving this dude alone with kids, man, because there's fucking firecrackers, there's stoves, there's lighters. Pennies can go in light sockets. What's the matter, Allison? We mean, me and Martin, just play drink what's under the sink. Let's play bar, Martin. Have you ever tried to swallow glass?

This kid is kicking my ass and glass swallowing, Allison. Oh, no, I chewed mine. Oh, oh. So he's like, what do you mean? I could be a responsible adult. I'll show you, I thought I'm going to marry this lady. He kind of tries. He does.

So he goes back to dinner with her, which again, like, I mean, like, I do think it's kind of on her. Like, to have this, like, there's this incredibly awkward fucking Cassavetti's-esque dinner scene. Oh, Jesus, dude. It's her, him. And Martin, the little kid, and, like, the kid's given Billy a bunch of ass. I think even Billy beforehand is, like, oh, you know, I can, I'll tell him about my comic book collection. I can tell him how good a soccer I am. So he tries these lines out.

He's like, well, Martin, do you like soccer? And he's like, well, no, I fucking hate soccer, Billy. Thank you for nothing. He's like, well, what about comic books? Oh, the silver surfer is pretty sharp. And he's like, a guy's a wuss, which actually made my blood boil a little bit. Silver surfer, that guy doesn't even have a weener. Well, that's actually true.

He's got a silver bump that grows. We've talked about our fantastic four episodes. Oh, and elsewhere extensively. Of course. These bumps grow, man. Now, Steve, you are silver surfer aficionado. Sure. Were you jealous of Billy having supposedly every single issue from number one and on?

Well, where is he storing this shit? That's great. Fucking Allison's closet, dude. Your Malachi Throne sold it. well that's how i think he's getting that silver surfer number one by the way that's a fucking malachi throne gift try to lure him to like come work at the furniture store one summer yeah which by the way is what he should be doing here if he wants because we get into this plot and Steve will carry on with it but like billy needs money to help this woman repair her car and it's like if you really want to like

take care of this woman and her child fucking nut up work at the fucking furniture store and you know Well, that's the thing. And it's very interesting, dude, because that is the thing that Dawn understands much more responsibly than Billy does. Even though Billy still has this cab driving job, I feel like it could go at any second. He's getting paid in fucking open mic tickets, Andrew. It's not going anywhere. Exactly. But it's like, you know, he is that person who's like, I'm going to hide under a pile of coats and eventually I'll be a writer. You know, and she's like, I want to be a stand up. And that's like a night thing, but I got to fucking keep the bills on. I got to keep little Marty Fed or Martin, this kid here. You know, like, she understands all that shit. And he's like, well, someday I will be Hunter F. Thompson. So Martin is just like really giving them sass. Dawn is being like, come on, Martin. You said you'd be nice or whatever.

He's like, you made a deal. No guys at dinner. He's like, but I asked you, Martin, didn't I ask you? She's doing like the Jack Nicholson routine. It's kind of great. And I love Billy cutting in whenever he can to find. fucking dampen the douche chill a little bit like they are screaming

about shit and he goes like in the middle of it he's like Thodon what were you saying about a stand-up gig in Ventura and it comes to pass that she does have a stand-up kick Ventura that she can't go to because her car is all fucked up to see the first scene

you know so that's the end of that chapter like well maybe not he does have this I don't know what like it's it's date one this kid this guy cannot be alone in a room with your kid in the bedroom no matter what he says, right?

Like, you don't know this guy from anybody. It's deeply weird. It is. Like, if this happened in the living room where she went to the bathroom, sure. It's like, I'm going to tuck a little Martin. Like, no, dude, no, you're not. It is too much.

You have to go on, like, at least three or four dates with this guy before you bring him home to the kid at all, really, right? Agreed. Like, the first part, yeah. Know who he is. The first part was, like, a total fucking accident. Like, when they first meet.

Which is forgivable, yeah. Yeah, like, that's my friend. you know, whatever, this dinner thing, which I believe is less than 24 hours later, is a huge stretch. And then an even huger stretch on top of all of this is like, I don't know, she's off crying about the fight or taking a shit or something. And he fucking, he just walks into this kid's bedroom. Dude, if I'm this little kid, I'm going to start screaming. Exactly. And he's like, get out of my room. Oh, so you like the Terminator, huh? I guess I am kind of like, as that I've been on one date with your mother, I'm kind of like the secret Terminator of your life.

At least he's not fucking talking about Terminator 1, dude. It's very specifically the plot of T2 judgment day. I was getting scared when he was talking about, I'm the Terminator, I'll kill you. Yeah, I was waiting for some mom, mom, mom. Oh, hey, Martin, how about this? Is this ring any bells for you, Martin? Watch this. Ready? well that's right martin i've been killing every dawn bonds that i can find and your mom happens to be the laugh on the phone book by the way he does mention that oh you're a terminator freak as well which is i thought it's funny the terminator freak line yes he's not wrong though

this kid likes the terminator and he's a little freak and he's basically like you know the terminator martin and again like this is like all a bedside chat it's just very weird He's like, you know, the Terminator just looked out for that family and the mother and son, and he just made sure that they knew that they loved each other. And he, he protected them all the way through. And he's like, yeah, but he left in the end. It's like, well, that's not what I'm going to do. I've been on a half a date with your mother.

Consider me your new secret protector, Mark. I do also appreciate how this show recognizes that T2 is a children's film. And it made my upbringing seem more normal. Yeah, other kids watch it too But dude, he does the fucking fatal mistake That all of these quick fix people try to do And he's instantly making promises to this kid I'm not going anywhere buddy

I promise oh Jesus Listen Martin I'm like the Terminator If I show up in here naked I just need your clothes, your foot on your motorcycle Oh my God mom your boyfriend's gonna put a cigar out on my nipple Billy takes his fucking flesh off his hand Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, Turns out that's just a regular skeleton.

That's right, Don, that's how much I love you. I'm going to rip the flesh off my own body like the Terminator, Dawn. So then he goes home, he's like, well, Don has a problem with their car. Let me just scam the elephant out of the money. It is, dude, this is so reprehensible what he's. he does. They're just fucking ridiculous. They're sitting around. It's her, him and Allison, as always, and she's like, you know, how's it going?

He's like, yeah, it's like, oh, not so great. I need $300. And he's just saying, I have money problems. She's like, uh, and here I and this is Allison's father. And here I am only $592 in the bank. And Billy's like, hello. Oh, yeah,

do never tell Billy Campbell how much money you got in the old checking account. So you won't be completely destitute. Because he's like, and this is the thing, if he's like, you know, my fling needs this money, he's like, oh, no, I was like, oh, you know, today I got, and it's like this crazy story, like, I got in this car accident today and the cab is destroyed. I won't be able to make money unless I give them $300. And also, in this car accident, I heard a woman who needs this money really bad. It's like, this insane story. She's like, well, I guess I have to. She also says, you're behind on, uh, not rent, but like household stuff. So it's like there's, she, he probably owes her like 90 bucks or something anyway or 50, 60 bucks. Again, this is 192.

I did the math. This is like, it's 300 bucks then. It's like 550 bucks now. That's a shit ton of money to borrow from a friend. Like that is real money. I mean, he's also, I mean, he's not putting in for like toilet paper. And you just know he's turning himself into like a toilet paper mummy when he's bored. Like the baby would.

But meanwhile, when he talks to Alice, he's like, no, I swear out. I don't need it. I don't have scoop the shit out. I scoop it. You remind me of camping. You know what I have Billy does? I would love, there's a cold open of a Seinfeld episode, like later in the series where it's just like what Kramer does all day when Jerry's gone like in the apartment. And it's like it's like Kramer like changing the furniture around and he's like riding a bike in the apartment. He's like pretending to do stand up like Jerry like all this shit. I would love the like, oh, Alethon. of the way it work, eh? Well, I

have the place to myself. And yeah, it's like toilet paper mummy. He tries and fails to like cook eggs. He does the risky business slide, but falls at the end. I'm going to put her underwear on my face. And oh, I'm Spider-Man.

Splash, splash, splash. Yes, exactly. I'm suiting webs. Because he's jerking off when he's seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get. Yep. Yep. Yep. But thank you for making sure we all understood what you meant. I mean, that's, he's also using

toilet paper up for that. Can you imagine borrowing, like, you know, we were all hanging out and, you know, we're really close back in our early 20s. Like, I would never think to ask to borrow $500 from any of you fucking dudes. We're not as close now. I like that you mentioned that. Oh, for sure. Definitely.

I mean, I certainly wouldn't borrow money. We certainly drifted apart. No, but you know what I mean? We were, you know, as close as Billion and Allison, burgeoning romance, etc., etc. 500's a lot. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of money when you have nothing going on.

It's a lot of money now. Anyway, so, like, she's like, well, I guess I will get borrowed. It's $300. She lends him $300. And he's like, oh, awesome. I've got to go to my girlfriend's house. And he goes to her. And again, like, if you're this woman, you cannot take this money for a stand-up gig. You have to be like, no, I got to set boundaries here.

Like, even if it sounds good at the time, like, you can see how strong this dude is coming on. You need to be like, I don't need to be into this guy for $300 at all. No. the way he fucking jams himself into her life, you know what it reminded me of exactly is in the first Look Who's Talking movie. This is exactly what John Travolta

does to Kirstie Isley's character. Like she is constantly like, yeah, I don't know, man. And then it's like him just showed up like, yeah, how's it going? It should be noted, this dude, also a cab driver. Exactly. He soft stalks her in that movie. He absolutely fucking does, dude.

Probably stay tuned. Oh, yeah, no doubt. about it yeah um on the main feed we call that um which is this feed anyways uh so she she does reluctantly take this surrender bucks and she's like but i even if i took the money who's gonna who's gonna watch martin for the day he's like i can do it hello we could do all the good stuff he could take a bath and i could blow dry his hair right there and you know and that'll be easy you know alison when i was a little boy you know what i love taking a tub and i'd dry my hair at the same time in case it got wet

in the tub, because I hate when my hair got wet, but also, watching TV while in the bathtub is just so much fun for a little boy. No, what you need to do is you've got to strap a horse bridle around your head. Hook it up to a bunch of electrons and jump, although that's

the ring. Oh, oh, you know what, Dawn, I have some bad news. Earlier tonight, we were hanging out, me and Martin, and I went to the bathroom for a minute, and I came out. Martin had watched a tape I left in the VCR. Long story short,

hope your stand-up gig was good, but your child has seven days to live. Bye. But we can always make toast in the tub together. Are the horses okay? About the horses. I have ruined you both personally and professionally. Bye.

Don't go to the beach. Just don't go to the beach. By the way, on our Patreon feed, there is an episode full length two hours and like 10 minutes on the ring available now. God damn right so she like you know she winds up going

Billy is watching this kid meanwhile Jake and Sandy have this thing I mean like I don't know how many times I need the same like we've done this before right on this show where it's like I don't know Jake I think we've tried and failed at love it's like well what if we tried one more time and it's like okay I guess so

he goes to her bar and he's like listen Michael just dude Shooters. Come on. He goes to shooters. Shoot it. By the way, this is such a fucking filler plot. It is no doubt about it, dude. You should have had more fucking scenes of them at Magic Mountain. Or maybe, you know what,

tie this in with a fucking Allison at work storyline or something else. Exactly. What maybe Rhonda's got something going on. Maybe Matt can go on a date with a man. Says 90s television. I thought Chris was doing the music that was playing at shooters.

I was actually doing a cover of the classic 90s hit Scatman. Yeah. I knew I recognized it from somewhere. I want to... Bapa, Bada, Bada, Bote, O, indeed. But, yeah, no, it's, I mean, I do feel like, to your point, like, there was a big board of, like, all the Melrose plot lines that could happen. And, like, Matt, being on a date with a man, kept getting pushed down the line.

Like, what if Jake and Allison, what if Sandy and Jake tried it one more time before that happened? So he goes up to her and he's like, hey, Michael just told me about this brand new thing about men and women being friends first. And she's like, what, y'all? But yeah, it's just like, oh, you know, what if we were friends first? We tried to keep everything platonic. And she's like, I don't know, Jake.

It's just like, oh, Jake. And it's like, okay. She's got to do haircut this week. They were trying to keep this character on the show as best they can. And it kind of sucks because, you know, we got to see Amy Locaine do really well in that Sandy episode a couple weeks ago where she's in the movie and all of that. And it's like, now it's just back to this.

And I do appreciate, though, there is a line that's kind of funny from her because he's like, I think the scene starts like mid-conversation with them. So you don't hear what he says, but it's clearly like, do you want to get a bite or something like that? And she's like, ooh, Jake, child, I don't know. You want to get a burger here at Shooters after I'm done working, y'all. But I've been working here. And he's like, no, no.

No, no, like a, like a real restaurant, not shooters. An Italian restaurant, you know, the fancy kind. Oh, man, then they go to an Italian restaurant and they feed them in the alley, like those dogs. That is how Jake could take a moment on a date, like a fucking tramp. Billy's playing the accordion in the background. They both agree to let, you know, no fucking, we're going to be friends. And Jake has the line, uh, what's that old saying? abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Nice try, dude. That's tattooed on Mike Pence's

chest. They, yeah, but which is, I mean, it's just weird because they like, they come this realization, like, let's just be friends and see where that goes. That's what they've been doing. Like, am I wrong? Like, I don't understand what this, I think, what the development is. Well, the development, Steve, is that they actually finally try it out. Yeah. I think so much of what you're talking about has just been them like in passing like you know we fucked that one time and it didn't work out you know that fuck we fucked that one time it didn't

work you know what I mean but like now this is them like desperately putting their money with their mouth is I guess and I feel like part of it is Jake doesn't even fucking believe what he's putting out here it's just another he's gonna try to get laid he also just wants to

he needs to be with somebody that has as many STDs as he does it just makes it easier honestly Yeah, there's no awkward phone call A month later Oh yeah, I still got it Do you still got it? Yep, still got it

Okay Talk to y'all later Guess we're bound by this forever So they do go on the I mean it's a bullshit storyline So they do go on their stupid date They come back They're like wow

That movie stunk But we made fun of it We had a lot of fun Didn't with Jake And he's like yes we did I wonder what movie that could have been Oh, good question. I should have looked it up.

What would have been out when this episode aired? I'm pulling up letterbox. There we go. Chris Cabin's going to be on that. So, but they, while he's doing that, they're just like, they're kind of fooling around. They're talking in the vestibule there at Melrose Place. And they give each other a big hug. And they wind up making out and going into his, his apartment.

And then they're kind of fucking on the couch. This is some steamy shit, by the way. It was pretty hot and heavy, dude. And, like, honestly, I was like, oh, yeah, now I remember why I was watching this. That's what Melrose Place should be. That's what Melrose Place should be. It's like everyone fucking fucking each other. This should have been the fucking A story, not for nothing. We don't see Billy getting down with this stand-up comedian.

But the Billy's story is compelling it in his own idiocy playing out. Yeah, that's actually true. But she blows up at him. I can't believe I got tricked into having sex with you again, Jake. It's no sense. Like, you just started doing this. Like, it's not like you went all the way. You stopped yourself.

And like before, they're talking like, like cocaine addicts. They're like, I mean, we did it and we didn't have to do it again. It's amazing. It's incredible, right? We don't have to do it. Yeah, it's incredible. Let's you know what? We could go upstairs and we can touch each other and it won't be sexual.

It won't be sexual at all. You're absolutely right, Chris. Because like, the whole thing is like they went on a nice normal date and they liked it a lot. And then they get back to Mel Rose Place. And then there's the urge to fuck. They succumb to it, but they still had a nice time together. Exactly. It's not like they're incompatible.

Jake, I think the problem, child, isn't with us, but it's with Melrose Place. It's got the evil in it, child. Well, Malachi Throne is in the pool, and he can cast spells whenever he likes. Ooh, that evil demon man is though he's grabbing my toes while I'm swimming, y'all. Oh, Sid, Sandy, we can't have sex. in my place again. It's the wall is saying red rum. Yeah, child.

He pinches my toes all the time. That's how I keep him at bay. He's a fuck guy. You know what, Jake? Why don't you just go get me a beer from the fridge? Oh, no. Actually, I forgot Zool is in that fridge. We got to get out of there.

Child. Oh, Sandy, thanks for cooking breakfast. Oh, you didn't cook breakfast? The eggs just exploded on the counter. Still pretty good. But to Eric's point, it's like, yeah, they had a really nice date. They got to like first and a half base at most. And she's like, I can't believe we went on a date and made out afterwards.

Life is terrible, y'all. I'm like, I don't know, maybe you guys should date each other. Like, you're both stupid. It works out. Here's what they should do. Just have a fuckathon and after a while they'll succumb to watching television or something. and not be as a... You know, I think they are potentially a good match.

They just have to fuck it out for a while. That's exactly right, dude, because eventually, you're totally right. Like, they're going to be getting down one time, like, or about to get down, and then Jake's going to be like, oh, excuse me, I have to use the restroom first. And when he comes back, she's got fucking letterman on.

Exactly, you know, or like Star Trek 6 is on TV now. You know what I mean? Like, they will... It would work out if they give it a chance. They just have to fuck it out. This is an underrated Star Trek movie, y'all. Oh, Jake, you better sit down and watch Undiscovered country with me, child, because I'll tell you what, it is unappreciated in its time.

But, ooh, child, people are going to respect it in 20 years. So that alien's nuts was on his knees? So do you guys want to hear what they could have been possibly seeing? Yes, please. Okay. So first and foremost, a former. episode, Pet Cemetery 2. Oh, okay. Maybe.

Ooh, that fat kid hated his stepdad, child. Oh, there's so many dead cats in that child. Bob Roberts. Ooh, that one looks a little too political for me, child. Do Twin Peaks

Firewalk with me? I was just lost. Should I have seen that TV show? Someone was telling me it was a prequel or something. Every picture I see of that girl is her dead. How's your live here? I just, what the hell was David Bowie doing in that movie?

I'm just, I'm confused. Sandy, I'm confused. Sandy, he wasn't even sexy in it. And the outlier would be a honeymoon in Vegas. I think any of those are contenders for these. Honeymoon in Vegas sounds like the plot for them to go to, dude. I guess that's true that idiots would want to see a movie. They'd see an idiot movie.

that movie's irresistible in its own in its own time it was i suppose it was a winning film uh they wind up uh so that's kind of their thing we'll leave that alone billy is taking this kid out he brings this kid and again he dump he comes back alison is just given 300 bucks half of her entire fucking savings and he's like hey allison why don't you watch this kid with me it'll be fun and she's like this was so frustrating to me because you could tell She's got like her perfect Saturday planned because she's like sitting at home. She's painting her toenails. Like clearly there's there's something going on.

Like she's going to do something with the day. And then it's like now you're watching a kid with me. Let's go to Magic Mountain. And he's like, okay, I guess so. Can I ask really quickly what the hell is Magic Mountain? Thank you. I was about to ask the same thing. I believe it's Six Flags.

Yeah. Oh, I'll look at it right now. Because when they go to Magic Mountain, I was pretty. sure. Is this the same roller coaster from the intro video and step by step? It very well might be. Couldn't tell you. But you know, like Magic Mountain, I was like, what is that, a Disney ride?

Like, I know context of what this could have been. But this mountain is a roller coaster. Wait. So is it the mountain from Encino Man? Yes, I think it is also an Encinemann. I'm pulling up a list. It's been featured on

the credits to step by step. Yes. N-C-I-S, Entourage, the Bionic Woman, the A-Team, Chips, Wonder Woman, Way Out G-Out Games. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do we do this? What do we do this, but for Entourage, for the next virus. Oh, I'll kill my stuff. That's when we all go away.

Yeah, knowing that the next virus will be the last one. We'll do, like, the first three episodes of Entourage. And that's enough. Viking Quest. So they're having fun at Magic Mountain. and Allison and Billy get to talk and Allison's just like

you know Billy and like this is like a really personal thing she brings up she's like I just don't think I want kids like what are you fucking stupid I don't know

it's something I'm kind of working through right now and I would appreciate some support no that's pretty dumb you're a woman shit out of kid and she has the greatest response

which is like hey man just because I fucking can do it physically doesn't mean I fucking want to do that. She's like, you know, I'm very career-oriented. That's my only path that I think about. Like, that's my own thing.

When I think about having kids, like, frankly, I want to fucking throw up, Billy. Also, the same reaction I get whenever you walk into the room, interestingly enough. There is a, because I do remember this first, I don't know if it's the first or second season to reveal this, but I do think it's interesting. They keep setting up this, like, bad relationship with Allison and her parents,

which comes to roost in a big, bad way in one of these episodes, dramatically, which is actually, pretty good on this show, I think. I don't remember where this that falls, but, yeah. I feel like the show knows it already, I think is what I'm saying. Yeah, it's entirely just like they know that eventually Billy

and Allison are going to have sexual intercourse. I mean, they make the date, they make a reservation to fuck at the end of this episode. They really do. Yeah, totally. Bed for two. So they go back to Melrose Place and now this kid. I mean, like, also, like, if I'm, if I'm this woman, it's like, hey, could you

just like watch my kid in my house? Like, don't go to all over the place. Don't bring them to your seedy fucking apartment building. It's a tough call, man. Because yeah, like, sure, I don't want you fucking taking my kid weird places, but also, like, I don't want you rooting through my own

things. Well, yeah, that's a good point. You know, because I feel like this woman knows, like, I can trust this guy with my kid. Like, he's not going to kill him or anything. But I don't trust him to not look through my male. Yeah. Or underwear or whatever. He definitely would.

Absolutely. Also missed opportunity for this episode because they kind of start setting it up and I was like, oh, here we go. And it does not happen is when they're having that talk, when Billy and Allison are having that talk about how she doesn't want kids, little Martin has gone over to this little like merchandise stand and he's looking at a hat or something like that. And Allison says something because like Martin runs ahead of them. And she's like, Billy, you know, you got to keep your eye on kids. They can disappear. I thought this was going to. quickly turn into a this kid's lost at the fucking amusement park episode. Oh, we got a crazy heart scene. Yep, yep, exactly right, dude. Minus the crippling

alcoholism. It would have made a better episode. It would have been more interesting to see Billy and these characters in that environment. Also, it's a great way for him to learn

like having a kid isn't always like fun. Like sometimes shitty stuff happens. Oh, great. I'm wrapped up at a kid abduction. Great. Didn't see this coming. Well, here's my whole weekend.

so she comes you know and Allison's just remarking with all the other ladies about how good Billy is with the kid yada yada and this is again more setting up they're going to fuck eventually Dawn shows up oh thank you so much Billy and by the way Billy thank you so much for that $300 you just

gave me because I knew you for three days Allison's just like ice cold like oh really Dawn leaves and she blows up with Billy rightfully so and he's like Alf and come on and he's like doing that same Billy shit where he's not really apologizes he's just like well come on alton i don't know i needed the money his his fucking his fucking

like tone all the time when like they get into these fights is his he's basically saying without saying you knew what you were getting into yes exactly like that's his way of apologizing he's like well sorry but you fucking knew what this was when you signed up for it stupid i just like i can never trust you again which is true because i mean it's not like it's one thing if he just was like elliptical. I was like, well, I just need $300 and I can't tell you why. And that'd be one thing. But he makes him this whole fucking story.

You know what I mean? Like it's a big lie. It's not a small lie. It's a big fucking lie. And it's a huge lie. And it's also like the ninth time Courtney Thorne Smith has had to say in her acting job to Andrew Shrews' character, you lied to me. Like my God, the amount of fucking second chances this dude gets with her.

I mean, she should have known it from the time he asked for $100 for a medical bill, and he bought, like, a life-size Barney. Well, the third roommate, Allison. I'll say hello, the Barney. Oh, come on. You knew I was going to do this. I mean, oh, why do you get on my back? Look a funny is.

Come on. Get the fuck out of my face, okay? You're going to be smiling, Allison. Listen, you give a dog chocolate. It's going to die. you give me money I'm going to waste it also if I eat chocolate I die

it's a horrible allergy So that's You know Allison and him are on the outs Billy Goes the next day to go see Don and the kid He overhears her husband arguing with her through the door

Right before he gets in And he's like It's great He's like you always all this money in time On stand-up comedy You're not even funny Which is kind of great Man this dude Bob

You know, your opinion of Bob or not, Billy should not be fucking breaking this door down. That's the thing. He burst in his like, excuse me talking to my lady. And he's like, who the fuck is this? And it's like, well, this is my boyfriend, Billy. Hi, I'm an adult man named Billy. Also, who leaves the door unlocked? It's fucking Los Angeles.

Come on. I guess, you know, maybe in the heat of the moment with the argument probably started right when he got to the door. I mean, this guy would be in his rights to punch him in the jaw. Well, he shoves. He's like, well, oh, wow. So what? Martin watches you to fuck or something? Like, not that.

Dude, this is, this is, this is, this is the line. This is the line. This is the line. Does my kid get to watch when you guys are doing it? Now, here's the thing, sir. What the fuck do you know about your ex-wife that has made you take that leap? That all of a sudden she would be fornicating in front of your child. This made it to air?

this is not a bit we're not making this up he literally asks if his kid watches them fuck you should have a thing where it's like oh what is he already asking you for money or like something like that but not is our child watching you oh yeah oh yeah did you make him watch you should make them watch like i made all my cousins watch when we did it is that what you're doing there the exact line i wrote it down is does marty get to watch when you two do it yeah And I mean, like, and Billy shoves him pretty fucking hard. Which, I mean, I guess the idea is, like, they need to make this guy say something so reprehensible that it somewhat warrants any physical violence on Billy's part, even though it doesn't.

And this kid sees his dad get shoved by this little horse person in Andrew's shoe wearing, like, that's going to stick with this kid for the rest of his life. Absolutely, that time I saw my mom's shitty boyfriend shove my dad. Oh, yeah, you just locked up a very healthy relationship with the mother there. and that's the thing too is like you know we don't know why it was that Dawn and Rob decided to part ways

you know what I mean like it could have been just as much Dawn's fault but like the point is like the kid doesn't understand it and like in his eyes like the dad isn't there and it sort of seems like

he's kind of blaming the mom for it a little bit I think I got it it's like that Seinfeld what's like I saw your act so that's why they break up that's where they're marriage ended I just can't be with somebody

I don't respect. Commitment man. Really? We're going to get to commitment man. The commitment man thing is like Billy's been worked into the act, which is kind of fun, but yeah, it's something else. So she throws him out.

She's like, you feel like a big man, Billy, blah, blah, blah. And like Martin, you're shoving my and she's like, yeah, I've known you for like three days. You're coming on way too strong. You're shoving my fucking ex-husband for no reason. And she gives him 300 bucks. Like, look, he gave him. me this money for child support. I guess my kid won't

eat, but here's the money back. And it's insane too, because you know, while it seems like to Billy, you know, he's doing her this huge favor with that 300 bucks and whatever, regardless of where he got it, he's also putting her in a supremely

shitty situation because I'm sure she doesn't really want to accept this money, but at the same time has this drive to want to be a stand-up and, you know, this is a big gig, it's a paying gig that could turn into like recurring gig at this club. So like she's in such an ass

place right now where it's like okay this creep who's really pushing his way through the door into my life is offering to help me out for this thing where you know it may boost my career like so it's like doubly shitty of this guy to do this to her.

It is and it's also like there's nowhere for this to go but down. You know what I mean? Like maybe she doesn't take this gig and then in a couple weeks she gets a better gig. You know, it's all fine. Yeah. So whatever. Billy feels really deflated. He gives Allison the money back. She's like, cool, I still can't ever

trust you. He's like, what? I've got me the money, oh, come on. I don't know what it was. You knew what it was, Allison. Stop it. Get the fuck out of here. Got the fucking wall. So.

I'm sorry. I just have to do this. Got the fuck away. You know, Allison, sometimes I get so Dang, Matt, I'm not even speaking English anymore. Billy, I mean, I'm Billy. I got some of that fucking zombie juice in my eye. Get the fuck alive on it. He does see her act one last time.

This is when she's doing this bitch. It's like, all these guys want to be heroes in your life. I got an idea for a superhero. How about commitment man? And I was like, oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, but she does. She puts on the spot like all these dudes that want to like rescue you from your life or whatever.

like acting like you're you don't have that ability of your own it's kind of it's kind of good that that message comes across in this episode at least it does but it's it's fucking hilarious though to just watch billy realize that this woman has like overnight worked him into her act oh totally it's fucking great because she's doing the impression of him is like you're having some guys coming in your life like oh how long it's me I'm a guy oh I want to get me seven hundred dollars and I think he'd sound a little something like this but it's kind of great because

you can watch the fucking smile fall from his face because it starts with like whatever bit she's finishing is not that and he's like oh this is so great she's so hilarious and then it gets right into like you ever have a guy who like drives a cab for a living and butts his way into

your life when you don't want him to and you can just see him be like oh oh So they finally have it out at the bar And he's just like What I want I'm really trying She's like look you're 23 And you don't know shit about shit Also I've got this career

I got a kid There's no room for you in my life I'm like Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh So you rewind You can see the exact moment As heart breaks I know it's so great uh so uh to finish the jackin sandy thing oh wait sorry no hang on fucking worst line ever dude

when he when he's like he's like all right well you can at least do me the courtesy of let me letting me thank goodbye to martin all this fucked up she's she's like yeah i don't think that's such a great idea and he's like all right just tell him i said arthur la vista baby he'll understand and she's like yeah dude from the fucking terminator i took him to see the movie Oh, you mean the biggest catchphrase of the moment? Yeah, I think I know what that means. He'll understand. Oh, it's so great.

Tell him, uh, yippy a kai, eh, motherfucker. It'll be cool of like Martin's so dumb that he, the little kids. It's like, what are you saying that Billy got melted? It's like the lava. Oh, I need a vacation. Okay. You could do me one, one thing, don't. Just take out the part of the commitment man sounding like a toothless donkey.

Yeah. So Jake and Sandy, you know, Sandy goes to Jane, is like, oh, my closet door is stuck, y'all. And she's like, oh, that sucks. Michael is doing open heart surgery. So he can't exactly get to that right now. Why is there no real super in this building? I have no idea. I guess fathered Jake. But yeah, so like she goes and asks Jake to come fix the door. And this is honestly one of the whole. heartiest laughs I've ever had on Melrose place is like he's like oh you got something wrong with your fucking hinge here like whatever it is he throws a fucking category 10 hissy fit

here that I I didn't know he was capable of honestly he can't find his fucking Alan wrench or whatever is and he's like who's been messing with my tools and he's so mad and then he tries to like jam this door to like fix it or whatever happens and I don't know

what the direction was for this but he, this actor throws himself across the bedroom. He's like knocking shit off her dresser. It is a huge pratfall. Yeah, it's like we're in a French comedy or something. I don't know what's going on. Exactly. Dude, fucking Jacques Tatis falling down the stairs.

Like, I don't understand what was supposed to be happening here. There's no way that was an appropriate reaction. And she's like, oh, Jake, you all right? I guess we should be friends after all. By the way, she's like, I got this huge date. I got a way of sexy clothes. And he's like, oh, yeah, you and your, sorry, you won't be able to get in your closet for your sexy date. She's like, well, actually, I'm just going to the movies with Rhonda.

And I'm like, you went to the movies twice and one week, Sandy. I wish I were you. I remember being you, Sandy. Don't make the same mistakes I did. So that's kind of that thing. And like, yeah, the last scene is Allison and Billy just, she's forgiven him. Billy is just, like, sitting on the couch doing headlines, kind of, you're like, oh, do you hear about this? You hear about this?

The, uh, the Lening Tower of Pizza is going to fall over on 22, 2,200. Oh, I don't even saw it, Allison. Not doing anything for you? Nope, didn't think so. It's kind of great, though, because, uh, it's like, again, this dude just lives on fucking fantasy island, man, because he's like, he's like, oh, yeah, I've never. the leaning tower of P, though. Where's that? Italy. I've never been there.

You know what I should do, Alethon? I should really travel more. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? You still owe her fucking toilet paper money or whatever it is. He's going to travel more, you fucking asshole. He's going to run out on that bill and then just see the world.

If I can't raise the kid, I'm going to see the world. Eventually, he will take his final form, which is a talented Mr. Ripley, but a simpleton. A dumb talented Mr. Ripley's, are you saying? Yes. He, like, Ripley's like another dumb ass and it's a shit life.

So it's just a zero-sum game. By the way, that's a fucking great movie. It was like a talented Mr. Ripley type thing, but in the Tom Ripley role was Larry the Cable guy. Hey, cool. I stole your identity. Hey, let's go on this boat. He, heck.

Take it out Prilosec OTC's descriptions in your name. Hey, cool. cool, I'm kind of kissing guys. Oh, mercy. So that's the episode. It's just sort of, she ends the episode with like... Well, they got to make the booking. Yeah, there's like, I'll fuck you one day, buddy.

Uh, I guess. Well, because she's like, she, like, hints that she's turned the corner about, like, maybe... And I'd turn the corner, but slightly maybe thinking about changing her mind about having a kid. And he's like, he's like, oh, really? You can think about having kids now.

Well, with who? With who? Who are you going to have a kid with Elthin? Who, who? And she's like, you never know. Closes the door slowly. Major fuck eyes when she lands that last line. Yep. No doubt about it. I'm going to just start taking one of my, I'm going to take a third of the birth control I'm supposed to take. And we'll just see what happens. Call that Russian roulette.

Oh, my God. So that's that the episode there. we'll do our standard parting shots and stuff we didn't catch in the episode and or like, are you excited to continue on with this? By the way, we've got ourselves a three-day weekend, gang. That's exciting, right? Absolutely. Oh, man, finally.

Just, you know, everybody's going to go out and barbecue, go on some boats, meet some, oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm getting, I'm going to do this. It's going to be just like every other day. Got it. Okay. Oh, well, yes. And just like every other day, there'll be a new 90210 episode for you. That's true.

So, Eric, anything? parting excitement not real i was actually i really in god damn i kind of enjoyed this episode because i like seeing billy be a complete piece of shit and i like hating him and it's fun to watch so i'm very like excited to keep going on this endeavor i hope the lockdown ends one day but until it until it does we're here uh christopher cabin uh it remains complete torture uh but i'm a pain pig so let's go. Let's do it. Andrew? Yeah, I'm actually

quite excited to continue this in the next week because you guys remember a couple weeks ago just how badly 90210 got it with race relations in that basketball episode? Yeah. Stay tuned. Oh, no.

And I will say we have ourselves another Billy Centric episode. Stay the fuck tune. I don't know if we'll be able to make it. Oh my God. I just went to that fucking burned episode page on IMDB. Holy shit.

I'm excited. Okay, so Billy makes racist comments. Dude, don't spoil it. It's going to be good. So that's what we got coming next week. But first, obviously, on Monday, we got ourselves some Miller's place. I do ask that you, I mean, check out the Patreon. That is how we are able to do all of our free stuff for you guys,

which we love. So if you're interested in more content, you've got stuff on the Nexus. We just did some two great dad-centric Star Trek episodes are coming your way. We got the Jetsons Animation Damnation, Gleap Glossary on some Gimori and Pig Guards. As Eric already mentioned,

we've got a full-length episode on the ring. And also, for you sleaze heads out there, we are touring scummy Los Angeles yet again for a movie called Don's Plum, which almost killed Leonardo DeCaprio and Toby McGuire's careers. This might be a three-hour episode of sidewere's. Please, I mean, there's a lot to talk about.

Three hours or 20 minutes. I can't tell which yet. Honestly, I don't know, man. Having seen the movie already, I'm going to lean towards 20 minutes. Same. Check that out and we'd appreciate it if you did. Anyways, we got more free stuff coming for you on Monday. We're going back to Beverly Hills 90210.

We're really excited. That'll drop on Memorial Day. so when you're frying a sad hot dog in your backyard, you get to listen to that. Oh, man. I feel like every hot dog I've fried in my life has been a sad hot dog. So until next week, I have been Stephen Sadeg. Andrew Jopin. Eric Siska.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy and remain indoors. That was a hate gum podcast.