We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #21 - 90210 "Isn't It Romantic?"

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

We kick off another week with some piping hot Beverly Hills, 90210 conversation on an all-new MELR0210! The episode in question, "Isn't It Romantic?" originally aired back on January 3rd, 1991 and features Brenda finally falling for Dylan, Brandon and Dylan fixing Brandon's terrible car, Dylan helping his dad cheese on the Feds, Jim Walsh absolutely not having any of it this week, Cindy also kind of crushing on Dylan, Steve Sanders creeping out a guest speaker at school, Donna participating in a montage, Kelly hooking Brenda up with loads of condoms, and Scott being refused sex ed access by his own mother and David trying to help! PLUS: Did a prime time soap opera actually pull off a successful Very Special Episode?! MELR0210 is a new show we put together to help you pass the time during this more-than-necessary social distancing period. New episodes will air Mondays and Thursdays, right here on the main feed! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the more innocent and sexy time of the 1990s! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello, and welcome to another edition of Melro 210, a we hate, oh, a we hate, movies quarantine side show. Yeah. Wherein on Mondays we talk about Beverly Hills 90210. And on Thursdays, we talk about Melrose Place. This is Monday at the beginning of a brand new, beautiful quarantine week. We were going to ask you yet again to remain indoors, but put on that fucking sunscreen

because it's never going to stop. I am here with only two of my friends, Chris Cabot is on assignment. We've got... He actually came down with a case of the Mondays. Oh, I thought you're going to say a case of the munchies, man. Both are very possible.

But I want to ensure everyone, to our knowledge, is not come down with a case of anything else and don't be too worried. We've got Eric Siska on the horn here. That's me. I'm on a horn. And we've also got

Andrew Juppin. Yo! We are talking about it. And I do really feel like this is the episode where the key is turned and we are finally in what is Beverly Hills 902 and no I don't know how long it lasts next week looks like it's another standard good episode okay but uh yeah less horse shit less like blah blah blah this is like Dylan and Dylan and Brenda the will they won't they the long tortured star cross lovers thing is

happening right Jim Walsh fucking can't stand it uh by the way since Chris is not on this episode but everybody could just keep their volumes at a normal level. Oh, thank God, yeah. It really sucks having to go all the way down when Chris is screaming about fictitious television characters and then turn it back up when you two are talking. So, yeah, this is the episode title is,

isn't it romantic, original air date January the 3rd, 1991? Happy New Year! Exactly. And I think also we're kind of doing it at the beginning. Brenda's like, When is the winter ever going to come? Yeah, you know, get over it, lady. You're in fucking California, dude.

You ain't getting shit. I am actually a deal. I'm saying the same thing right now, because when is winter going to come? I heard that might be where the vaccine comes out and then go outside. I can't wait for winter. The new vaccines are out. Oh, honey, look at that. Let's go out window shopping for the new vaccines.

I don't want it. Don't give them to the kids. No, I want to have Like, just give me a taste No, no, not the whole thing I was tested out of it Good one A little spoon

A tiny, tiny spoon Yeah, so it's like Brandon is fixing his car Dude, let me ask you guys something Because it's Brandon and it's Dylan working on the car What did they, what did they name it? Mondale

Mondale, yes, it is Mondale How are they both this covered in green? what are they doing to this car and also just Brandon just fucking give it up dude if we're doing that much work on the thing yep exactly I think you know Luke Perry is like man

they were digging graves somewhere and they got all the dirt on them and they're like we're gonna have to Dylan we're gonna have to cover this up for my parents oh no problem I don't I don't know these voices it's just say oh no problem we'll just pretend we're working on your car

man yeah it is kind of amazing how, I love how Yeah, I just, I don't know, it's a bullshit. So she's just talking about like, oh, you know, what I'm going to do this weekend, babysitting. Apparently she goes all through town looking for tapes of

dirty dancing to watch. Oh, yeah, video store. Yes, I'm sorry. I heard tapes and then dirty, and in my head, they switched positions in your sentence. And I was like, what is she looking for dirty tapes? Speaking of dirty tapes, you know, Steve, you love those TV.

TV tapes. And I've had this tradition in quarantine. I don't think I've really talked about it on the air, but I've been watching... Secret quarantine traditions. Watching late night with David Letterman from the 80s, like not every night before bed finding a new one on YouTube. And I found one that you

might want to check out, Steve. It is the fourth anniversary special. And this is a great episode for multiple reasons. One, David Letterman is doing the show from a jumbo jet flight to Miami. So they're in the cockpit. They're not in the cockpit, but they're like in first class and there's a desk and

everything. It's ridiculous. But it includes all the commercials. Ooh, I like that. Yeah. All those old commercials, fantastic. And not only that, someone, the person who taped this was in Green Bay. So Andrew, there's old style beer commercials. What? Oh, fuck. This is awesome. And I have to thank you for your weird Letterman fixation, because I started doing it too. And let me tell you, late night. Little jazz cigarettes for you. Watching some old Dave reruns, man. You can't even imagine.

Like when those episodes were on the air and you told someone like, hey, in 2020, we're going to have the likes of James Corden, Jimmy Fallon, and to a less bad degree, Seth Myers. You know, those folks run in the show. Unreal.

Yeah, it's a pretty surprising. I thought you were going to say, though, that there was like an advert for like a 902.1 episode. Oh, no. Not yet. A little early. Yeah. Yeah, I need to get into that. And I love anything with old commercials.

I actually have, it's been a little too much money on. I bought some eBay TV tapes that are coming to me. Oh, Jesus, do you? I am not fucking kidding. That is the ring right there. What did they say? I will post these on Twitter. I'll show you what these things look like.

They haven't come yet. I'm hoping they come tomorrow. Are they surprise bundles or do you know what's on each team? I have an idea of what's on every. each tape. There's some like prime time stuff going on. There's I think some Sally Jesse Raphael on one of them. Mr. Adams

please stop calling. So I'm going to let you know I've gotten fully fucking nuts. Holy shit. Steve, let me ask you this. Now famously throughout our relationship we do not like talking about money. But I need to know. How much did you

pay for these TV tapes? All in. Oh man. All in. You're used in gambling terms. Oh, my God. How many thou? Did you drop more than $50 on these tapes? No.

If you don't answer, I'm thinking you paid more than $1,000 on these tapes. That's it. It's $1,000. Welcome to Steve Zadex, $1,000 TV tape tonight on Pluto television, I wish. Yeah, Pluto.

So, you know, he comes, Dylan, she doesn't know he's there. Eric, he never answered. It's $1,000. I'm leaving here thinking you pay $1,000 for these tapes. It is under $50. Okay. All I will say. All right. All right. Fair enough. $49.99. $50,000. Under $50,000. Under $50,000, folks. So Dylan shows up and like, you know, they're flirting.

There is a great fucking exchange here, man. Right when he, because he's like under the car. Yeah. And so Brenda there. Yeah, exactly. So he pops out. Like, hey. And she goes, oh, I didn't see you there. dude he just fucking doesn't even hesitate there's not a heartbeat that goes by and he goes I saw you and I was like oh I'm melting oh man now I didn't have any sisters growing up

but if you're like your best friend from school started banging your sister is that good or bad that is not good I mean like you have to be so parochial about it like yeah like hey look that never actually happened in my family but like you know if a friend of mine

wanted a date with my sister's my sister wanted to date my friend, I would just appreciate the heads-up. Like, hey, man, I hope that's too awkward, yada, yada, yada, I'd like to, your sister like your sister, I'd like to take her on a date. There's not much you could do about it at that point, but at least, like, the respect the friend would pay you

as a friend would be nice. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's the rule. It never happened to me either. But yeah, you just, you would want the heads up. And that's all, yeah, because it doesn't have to go, I'm going to break his neck for touching my sister. It's just more like, I don't know, dude, we know each other. It's awkward that you're doing this, but I understand true love, yada yada.

In this relationship, I guess they are like the same age. Like Brendan and Brandon are, wait, Brenda and Brandon are twins, right? So at least it's like you're not dating the little sister or something. I want you to put on your hand right on your hand before every episode. Brandon Boy and Brenda girl I refer to the head whenever you get confused I'm gonna get a bunch of tattoos

like Memento just to remember the fucking characters from Beverly Hills 90210 Oh wait Jim W killed my wife Jim it's time for my shot Who the fuck is Jim?

Yeah and when I knocked on the door and James Eckhouse I noticed a little twinkle of recognition. Man, that Carrie Ann Moss scene when she's really giving it to him is funny and I can't repeat a single line of dialogue from in here. I just think the one that I've, like if you ask me to name a line for Memento,

the only one I can recall is, who the fuck is Dodd? I love the ending lines, you know, like, well, you'll be my John G. Yeah, oh, nice, nice. Also, it's beer o'clock and I'm buying. from Joey Pants, classic. I need to revisit that movie. I really loved it when it came. Now that we're talking about it, I kind of want to watch it again. I haven't seen it.

I think it's been a solid decade. I haven't seen that movie in ages. I have one friend who will say to this day that it is his favorite movie of all time. It's a great movie. It's not a bad choice. It's just weird that because I don't know because I really have not watched that movie since before

I turned 20 years old. Like I was still a teenager. For sure. And I just, I fear that it's going to be one of those movies. I put it back in like, ah, let's settle in with this. And I'm like, this is kind of like shit you thought was cool when you were, you know. I'm, I, I, I, I remember, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I remember, I, I, I, I, I, I re-watched it back when I was living in the story, I not, so, like, maybe five, six years ago,

and I felt like it held up, so. Okay. But maybe I'm wrong. No, I, I believe that. I, I, I, I, I'm also a Nolan apologist. I know it's, like, it's become very, very hip to shit on him, but. Oh, it's super hip to shit on Chris Nolan dude. I'm a Chris Nolan fan period. I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Like I'll enjoy it. I mean like yeah, guys not perfect and yada yada yada. His stuff is a little bit cold and weird, but that's, I'm okay with

cold and weird. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to tell you I know what fucking tenant is about, but uh, you know, I'll check it out when the time comes. I'm not going to pretend to tell you that I know what fucking Interstellar is about, but you know what I enjoyed it. Yep, that's actually also true. So Luke Perry taking a

shower. So yeah, he, uh, Jim Walsh comes home and Dylan is a respectful man He's like hey man you might have but Also by the way it should be noted this movie This episode movie was written And directed by women and I think that That shows quite a bit like they know what's going on

They know who's watching this show and what they want to see Also Dylan just fucking showering with the door open Yeah he's looking for it dude He wants Cindy or Brenda or someone to take a little peek Dude anything with a heartbeat man Honestly whenever walks through my door door Brandon. Well, that's the thing. Oh, hey, Brandon, I'm dating your dog. Oh, you know, it's totally tubular that you've got this weird connected bathroom

sitch. I'm going to leave both doors open. See who comes in. Yep. Either way. Either fucking door, dude. Absolutely. So, yeah, he asked Jamal take a shower. He's taking a shower. Brenda shows up and she's just yelling at him, brother, sister style. Like, close a fucking door, dude. you know, we're sharing, you know, it's hot enough in here as it is. Get some fucking central air, Jim Walsh, by the way, but shit. Dude, I'm looking at that house. I can tell there's no central air in there. It's

just got to be a fucking sweat house. And he's that kind of guy that's like, you know, all you got to do is open a winder there and then open a window over there, and that's all you need until September. It's a dry heat, Cindy. It's a dry heat. Exactly. The sweat

is good for you. So, she She realizes it's Dylan and he opens the shower curtain to be like, oh, sorry, should close the door. Oh, what's that? My pubic region.

My mistake. Oh, look at that. I left the door open. Oh, look at that. My dicks hanging out of the shower. Whoopsie doodle, Brenda. Hey, Bren, you want to play wild things? You could be Matt Dylan and I'll be Kevin Bacon, brother, man.

You could be Matt Dillon. I bet you didn't think That's where I was going with the wild thing She has a fucking hilarious line right here Where she goes Like this is after this fucking cock is out in the shower And she goes You keep popping up on me today

I was like you don't say I do enjoy He gets out of the shower They're kind of just having back and forth And he goes So you're into videotape Huh And I'm glad

that you had the correct accentuation on tape in that line delivery. Oh my God, it's awesome. It's like somebody just told Luke Perry what videotapes are. It's amazing. Steve, is that what your eBay seller told you?

So you're in the videotape, huh? Have all the tapes in the world. So she, yeah, she's like, yeah, you know, he's like, what are you into? Like, dirty dancing, this, that is. Have you seen Animal Crackers? Mark's brothers, right? And she's like, well, no, I haven't. He's like, well, me and Brandon are going out to see it tonight. Why do you come with us? She's like, can I really? And there's like some stuff where like she's supposed to babysit yada yada yada who gives the shit. She didn't do it. We go to the movies.

No, hang tight for one quick second because this was again, Luke Perry solidifying that he will have the keys to my heart forever. Okay. Because not only is he a huge Mark's brothers fan. Because he said, he said, have you seen Animal Crackers, you know, the Marks Brothers movie? And she goes, oh, I think I saw part of it on TV. To which he instantly responds, whoa, well, that's no substitute for seeing it on the big screen. And I was like, Dylan McKay also loves the Marks Brothers and appreciates taking in cinema on a big screen. This character was written for me, I feel. 30 years after the show aired, I'm realizing it was written for me.

Remember when movie theaters existed? Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Look at that. That's a big screen. So they go to the movies. This woman who's got to be 46 years old shows up, but she's like, hey, Dylan. And he's like, oh, hey, how's it going, talk to you later?

And like, Brenda's like, who's that? He's like, I don't know her name. And Brenda's like real nice. And he's like, no, she keeps changing it to Tanya and something else. She's got some ugly name like Gertrude or Brenda. One of the names he says that she changed it to was blue. Yes. I mean, I think this is just an amazing cover up by him.

Yes. Like, no, he, like, looked at the wall and he was like, blue. She's changing her name to things like blue and popcorn machine and Kobayashi. It was by movie ticket. movie ticket oh my god look at the rack on movie ticket I think she had worked done what do you think Brandon

I don't know Dylan I'm over here trying to make out with butter dispenser Kobeashi by the way that would be great now I'm like who who it would be the verbal kint of 90210 I think it's got to be Scott it's definitely fucking Scott dude after this

after the performance of this episode and it's definitely Scott because there's no way this is a real person. At the end of this whole thing, he's just walking in the street, he takes off his Lakers hat. His head goes back together.

Oh, no. He's not made a liquid metal, dude. Dude, Steve, that would be great though. He throws a Lakers hat like in a garbage can and like get something out of his back pocket and it's a fucking Knicks hat. And then his jaw sets regularly.

Oh, oh. Yeah. So they're watching. watching the movie that I have a good time, whatever, the next day they kind of come home, you know, they come, oh no, that's right, they go back to Dylan's new place, new place, wherever that is.

I think it's, it's in the same hotel, but he's not, because they're like, oh, why aren't you in the suite anymore or something like that? Oh, right. He says something about like, oh, my dad's back and needed it for whatever. He is NASS, and they're like, oh, okay, they're just hanging out listening to fucking fake music and enjoying,

themselves and I love to see these giant clunky CDs come out and shit. Oh man they were like holding the cases and everything Jesus look at that I got to see I didn't look at the soundtrack let me see what they may have been listening to here. Oh good

idea yeah this episode in particular there is a scene later where it's just like Brenda you know sitting at home and she's supposed to be like listening to music sadly or whatever and it is just some straight up fucking

like post Y2K pop punk and I'm like what are you fucking doing? Like I get it. Okay, I understand. You don't want to license real big pop music, whatever. You as the person who's like dumping this shit out and putting these fake

songs in have to do a better job at thinking like, oh, this music didn't exist then. Maybe I'll put something else in. What she's listening to in that scene is she's like The Wind performed by Patrick Swayze. Oh, yes absolutely

in other scenes we've been listening to Do In the Do Performed by Betty Boo No idea And Lily was here Written and performed by Candy Duffler And David A. Stewart

So No idea there But I do know We're being deprived of stuff Though like It would be an amazing time capsule To actually hear What that would sound like

Of course we are Have you ever heard that Patrick Swayze song? Yeah She's like the wind Oh man It's a funny It's a romantic one Especially a dirty dancer, an aficionado would love those songs.

Exactly. It's almost as if, like, the music choice in your film and television actually can matter to your story. Huh. And you guys just pop in anything that's like, young, the young bucket we got from fucking, from Capitol record. Young bucket, dude. Did you find out on eBay? Welcome back to Steve St. X. Young bucket. Talking about things young people like to play.

putting buckets. No, why don't you get in that bucket? If you're young getting that bucket, you'll be in my young bucket. Jesus, I'll low you down into the well. So, whatever. Put this lotion on.

Dylan at some point asks Brenda out on a date solo, right? Or they're going to go back, but Brandon gets sick is what happens. A-choo! Yeah, he's got a cold for like 16 minutes and

Brenda's like oh well I guess I'll just have to go out of this hot guy by myself I get up sorry you can't make it Brandon you sure you sure I think she doced him man I think she like was coughing in his like fucking pee or whatever in the morning she sees like some cafeteria lady like coughing

and she's like excuse me could you cough into this paper bag for me so they go out and it's a full on date there they go back to the movies and he's like hey maybe we shouldn't even bother and she's like oh cool you want to come back to my hotel and we'll hang out

but this is now he had moved out of the hotel right that's where we come to find this is a new place he's at he's a different I think it's a different room but then later on in the episode he moves again because of legal trouble oh yes well that yeah he's fucking trying to cheese

the fuzz absolutely so we cut we cut in on all these dudes in a board in Dylan's suite, including one dude Dylan's dad number one, not true Dylan's dad who will meet later, who is played by the dad and the Hogan family in. No way, really? Yeah, dude. He's like, hey, Dylan, I'm your dad. That's, is he like around a lot?

He's got, he's got an explosive story arc. Oh, actually, I remember, you know what? That's funny, because I do remember the commercials for that. So they recast him, huh? Yes. We should say really quickly, before this second date is when Jim Walsh does plant the flag of I don't want you seeing this Dylan guy

specifically because his dad is a fucking crook it turns out right because he finds out like what Dylan has like a Porsche or something and Jim Walsh is like well that's ill gotten gains yeah he's like oh would you get that with the money you save from your paper route

and he's like yeah something like that I do love I think he tells Cindy I don't know who I think it is Cindy. She's like, what do you have against that? Dylan is like, his father's an unethical bastard. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Meanwhile, Cindy's like, I don't know, Jim. I kind of like Dylan. Yeah, I think Cindy wants to date Dylan. I mean, we all do. You know what I want to date is Dylan's fucking trench coat that he's wearing in this movie theater. Dude, this is a

gambit jacket. Yes, yes. It totally is a gambit jacket. It's like a fucking houndstooth The Gambit Jacket, and I love it. By the way, I wrote down the line from Jim Walsh about his father. Dylan's father is known as unethical in financial circles. It's like the idea of financial circles.

But that's the only place he's known to be unethical. Everywhere else is sweet as a peach. Yeah, the Farmers Market Circle that he said. They love the guy. So Dylan is immediately dismayed to see his dad. They're like shredding paper.

it's a very harrowed thing and like Dylan's dad's like I speak to you in the other room he doesn't say anything to Brendan because he's dick and then they get to this screaming match like oh I asked you to do it you couldn't have done way one favor yada yada yada

what on earth is happening here I think he was asking Dylan to fucking do some dirty deeds for him dude and Dylan was like not having it Dylan was supposed to wait outside this vault for a certain amount of time it sounds really insane Is that what he says?

He says something like, yeah, there's something about, I sat in, I sat in that vault for hours and, like, you never called or whatever. Oh, what in the fuck is that? I want that episode. Yeah, I mean, it's actual robberies. Listen, the trigger man was going to call you. It's not my fault that he got held up. All you had to do is fucking drive, Dylan. You love that car of yours so much.

You love driving. Listen, Dylan, we need that money so I could take it, move it to the Mujahideen, who will then move it to Al Qaeda. what an unethical bastard my son the wheel man so he comes out he's really upset he tries to pour himself a big scotch and brenda's like you're driving me home you can't drink and he's like let's go

and this is what I mean this scene is it's terrific it's a freak out but I have to say another great Brenda Dillon exchange you don't drink do you only at family reunions oh yeah but this feels like this part of a problem with Dylan

why he's so chill all the time is he bottles it up and when it explodes do not be there I feel like Dylan McKay is the closest thing you could have to like a non-paranormal show having a werewolf and it's like all right guys

once a month Dylan is going to fucking explode with all of this rage that he's put down inside himself about his father so on that day Dylan doesn't come to school he goes surfing alone and none of us are allowed to hang out with him. And do not be a potted plant anywhere

near this dude. Oh my God, this poor potted plant! She's like, take me home and he's like, and he's like, wow, you know what? She's like, she's like, she like tries to like switch it up to keep it romantic. She's like, you want to go for a walk on the beach? She's like, what, to look at the homeless people. That's a great rich scumbag line

man. And she's like, well, I don't know, take me home. And he's like, no, we'll go on a date. She's like, I want a cab. He's like, you're not getting in a cab. And he grabs his I don't know he's what does he say damn it how does it what is it not now damn it or something like that well oh no it's like come on damn it yeah there it is and he grabs the potted plant and fucking annihilates it and again like this is I think that this is totally within brenda's right to be like I don't want to be around this fucking dude like he's like practically throwing things that too late because now he's screaming he's screaming at the top of his lungs and then he catches up to her and turn to turns her around and just starts like scream making out with her. He gets to me. He always gets to me.

Yeah. That's the makeout sound. Guess what, dude? He's a bad boy, man. He is. That's it. And this is his time of the month to explode. When a dude is violent in front of you, that makes you say,

ooh, wait a second. Hello. That's the lesson. It just means they're a sensitive bad boy. I mean, there's a lot of complicated feelings. Brenda, listen, I have always hated that potted plant. That thing has been saying shit to me for weeks now, Bren. I had to destroy it.

That potted plant only had three more days until retirement. There is a great extra playing, like, the valet, because when she screams, like, oh, I'm going to get a cab. And he fucking yells at that guy, like, you're not going to get a car. And this guy's just like, oh, well, that's what the. rich kid told me what to do, so that's what I'm going to do. Also, I guess we'll charge this potted plant to Sweet A on the ninth floor. So whatever, they make out, and like, he's just like, wow, you really get me, Bren.

And she's like, yeah, I know, this is really intense and important what we're going through right now. And they, you know, he drops her off. They make out again, get in front of the house in a convertible. Like, again, like, I don't know, man, you got to take it easy. Jim Walsh is on the case. Dude, they have so they are like cutting back and forth between the two of them in this car making out and I really wanted it to cut so

that the camera's behind Luke Perry looking at Shannon Doherty and then like Shannon Doherty's in focus and then they do a rack focus to the house and it's Jim Walsh in the window with binoculars just steaming oh man it would have been so funny. In Eric Siska's Widows

Walk that they have at this fucking house it's a perfect way to put it whenever this weird balcony is. Yeah. It's It's just bizarre. It's otherworldly. It's Brenda uses it earlier to spy on Dylan a little more when she's like getting all steamed up. Yep. So the subplot of this episode, which becomes really important, which you really don't see coming at all. I feel like I get hit by a truck by the time this episode was over. I did not. Like, it's like, oh, it's Brendan Dylan and we're going to do sex ed and we're going to learn a little bit about sex ed. It's health class and everyone has to take it before they graduate. And for some reason, it's like juniors, seniors, seniors, freshmen all lumped together depending on when you got to the school so Brenda is in it, Steve is in it and Scott and David.

Oh my God. And so it's like, yeah, it's health class but then like they're having... Assembly version. Yeah, that's the thing is they're having an assembly. Later on. The teacher is like, so all right everybody, these are the consent forms that you have to have your parents signed but to get

into the sex ed assembly. And dude, it's this whole thing where Scott's mom won't sign the form. There were definitely people like that in my high school. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. They had to go to the library. You don't want to be the library, kid, man.

You really don't. And he's... Although, you know what you could do at the library? You'd check out the Kamasutra. Yeah, you know, all those high school libraries that come equipped with the Kamasutra in stock. Well, you know, I think I know this from personal experience, but also the motion picture of American Pie,

if you go into the school library, there's a lot of, like, doodles in the books of penises and shit. Oh, of course. I forgot about that. Yeah. So you see a big honk and ding-dong when you open a book. That's kind of sex ed. Did you guys have sex ed in Catholic school? Yeah, we did. What was that like? You please tell us. I don't really remember. So first, the Pope comes in. Beecher with Samarads. I do. The only thing I remember about sex ed was an

eighth grade, this kid who always, in this eighth grade, by the way, always flirted with this very weird older teacher this lady like seriously or fucking with the person fucking with them okay and it was like sex ed and he asked this question which is the best which is like hey uh miss whatever can a girl get

pregnant if you have sex in the mouth no way and she goes no Albert oh my goodness severely uncomfortable I will never forget because we're doing this now so they so in my school district in the fifth grade actually you had it was like the first sex ed in high school we had other sex ed where it was more like the show where the boys and girls were just together in health class yeah but for in fifth grade they separated us and like the girls all went and there was a female teacher who had their thing and then a male teacher taught the boys and the guy was like all right here's the deal you have to take this seriously the second that I see

you know, this and the other thing happening, you're getting, you're going down to the library, you know, this is a real deal thing and some kid like, it wasn't even his like it was literally like a pen rolled off a desk and fell on the floor. It was like that Simpson's House of Horror

where it's like detention. Like it hit the floor and this teacher in this fluid the guy must have been like a major league pitching washout or something. He turned around in one fluid swing and threw an eraser at this kid?

Wow. And it hit him right in the forehead. That's amazing. And all this chalk dust went everywhere and he was like, get out, go to the library. And I was like, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen. Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

My health classes weren't that interesting. Nothing really happened. The teacher's head looked like a penis thaw. I had a very interesting skull. Now, boys, you may have been wondering why I got this particular haircut this week. Did you guys do Dare at all? Oh, we had Deer, yeah. Did you, Steve?

Yes, oh, definitely. We did dare. I believe in Dare, like, maybe it was, like, sixth grade. They actually, like, had a smell what marijuana smells like. Yeah, me too. I was like, that smells delicious. Oh, my, yeah, exactly. I feel like that awokened everyone.

What are you doing? I remember very specifically in Dare being, like, I will definitely smoke pop. I remember, like, promising myself at that point. Like, then the fucking cop that came in would always be like, and you're going to, you know, you're going to want to, sit on the couch all day listen to Ray Gay music and I'm just sitting there like that sounds pretty cool

but you should be listening to Ray Gunn music well rapping Ronnie Reagan right well well well I'm here to say who am I the teacher by the way

who I call the actor Stetchard Tobo Schiff because it looks like a perfect mixture of Richard Schiff been Stephen Tobolowski. He does. Oh, my God, that's genius. I totally does.

And, like, Steve is, like, a class clown in this class, which is kind of, like, annoying. It's annoying because it's a thing where, like, everyone's already kind of weirdly uncomfortable anyway, just due to the subject matter. And then this dude's being, like, funny guy, because that's how he also, like, is compensating for being insecure about the class. And it's like, and I always remember in these situations, it was like, dude, like, those people, you know, and I was a class clown, but never in this situation. because it was always like you,

I was able to acknowledge if I'm fucking around the longer this is going to take. Exactly. And that's exactly what this is. It's like Steve Sanders, will you please stop like being buddy, buddy with his teacher calling him Mr.

Kay asking him penny for his thoughts? Like just let this guy talk about fucking genitals and get out of here. Scott can't take a class by the way because, okay, the sex part of it because his mom's uncomfortable. Also, and David's like, why?

Well, your mom has like six kids, which is like really kind of. shitty it's it's well like his positioning is basically like hey scott i think you of all people are going to need this class because your mom has six kids so you need to know what did not do to become your mother also don't worry with that lakers outfit nothing's going to happen for a really long time it just it's insane week after week with this he's insane it's insane it is fucking nuts dude it is fucking nuts though just put on a regular shirt you would be known as lakers kid people people would be like, oh, fuck, that Lakers kid, that kid suck.

Because eventually what you're doing there is you're constantly coming to school wearing a uniform or like a Halloween costume. Exactly. A Halloween costume. Well, like, I remember at Purchase, there was a guy. I'm going as a Lakers fan. There was a guy at Purchase that would always walk around campus and the motherfucker always had like a detective trench coat on.

And it was, he was trench coat guy and you'd be like, that guy's in a Halloween costume. He's walking around like fucking Inspector Gadget. Oh, I think I know you're talking about. Yeah. Steve, I believe we called him costume guy. Yeah, that makes sense. I think I know you're talking about. Anyway, it does not matter.

So, yeah, I mean, that's kind of like the B plot that's not important until the end when it becomes extremely important. Then, you know, there's more, I think there's a dinner scene wherein, like, Brenda is expressing that she's going to go with Dylan on another Friday night. And Jim Walsh, flat out, finally says, I don't like you seeing that guy.

You're not allowed to. Absolutely. And also, Jim Walsh, first of all, like, I mean, whatever, he's doing his shitty, dadly thing but even shittier is it appears to me as if Jim Walsh has not learned his lesson from the

17 year itch because Cindy is like this dinner scene starts with her being like so Jim my friend was telling me about this great spa that she went to for a weekend and this and that and you can hear the way her fucking voice is going and he's like I don't know

about that a spa and I'm like you fucking fucking moron. She's like, well, I guess I'll, you know, maybe I'll just call Glenn and see what he's up to. Man, she's just hanging that G word over him.

She should. Like, the threat of Glenn should be an ever present thing. Until the day he fucking dies, dude. They're in fucking Hong Kong. She's like, Glenn! And then he comes running. So, you know,

things kind of blow up here. She then obviously is like, well, I'll just, oh, and you know what? And it's kind of amazing how she says it too You're not allowed to see that young boy She's like, oh, okay You know on Friday I'm going out with Kelly I'm going to go out with the Kelly instead

It's like yeah, come on Jim Yeah, okay It's so dumb Also this is this is Jim Walsh Doing some shitty stuff here too Because also Brenda has a line like Jump in Any Time Brandon like defend me or whatever He's just kind of sitting there

And you know Eckhouse is like He doesn't say shit You know like he's going to sit there. And then after Brenda fucking bails, she's got a great line when she bales. She says, like, thanks for dinner. Oh, yeah, totally.

It's been real. Thanks for dinner. It's been real. But then Jim Walsh fucking is making Brandon do his dirty work for him. He's like, you're going to fucking talk to that Dylan boy. And I'm like, no, no, no. You got a problem with this, pops? You fucking talk to that, dude.

It's really something to put Brandon in this position. And then, later on, a friend is like, she does again, like, why don't you stick up for me in there? It's like, what do you want me to say, Brent, that he's a Boy Scout? Let us not forget the French woman he may or may not have impregnated. Slash killed. Absolutely. Angelique is dead, okay?

That's why we were dirty at the start of the episode. We were burying her body. I'll play behind the hotel. Look, Dylan asked me if I wanted to play Gravedigger, and I thought it was just a game, a game. I don't know, Brann, I thought we were going to see a monster truck, okay? I didn't know it's been tearing the body. He's got him packed five deep in that hole,

Brad. Five deep. Slobodan's got nothing on him, Bren. Slowadon Milosevic. And I know 210's number one fan. But it's a 90s reference. I do business with Jack McKay, Slobodan Milosevic. Oh, yes. Hello, Dylan. Christmas, here's gift, of course.

We like family. Your father is like, brother to Slobodan. Uncle Slobodan here. Dylan, you were supposed to stay in that vault. Those golden de blooms were supposed to finance the Balkan wars. None of that happens. You know, so she tells Kelly, like, hey, you know, first of all, can you, you know, cover for me, yada, yada.

She's at Kelly's house. And Kelly's like, do you have protection? And she's like, well, no, I don't. She's like, open that box. And it's like this box, those little condoms. Definitely Coke is in there. Is there a bag of Coke? No, no, I'm just, I'm assuming.

Oh, yeah, probably. It's Kelly's secret stash here. Yeah, cocaine, condoms, TV tapes. A cursing TV tapes. There is a, just connecting to this scene, there's a quick moment where after they're like, you know, the second day. with like the making out and everything.

The potted plant RIP. Yes. Oh, yeah, of course. And maybe that valet RIP, I don't know. Kelly's like asking Brenda how it went. And Kelly's basically like, well, you know, Brenda, you know what the next level is, right? You're going to get fucked. Yes, I know.

She totally just like, Brenda's like, wait, what did she say? Well, the line is like, oh, we're not going steady or something. Well, you know what the next step is. Like, what? Is he going to pin me? and he was like, yeah, hopefully to the fucking mattress. Yes, that's what is pinny to the mattress, 17-year-old girl.

Good God. Yeah, it's risque, my friend. But this is when she gives her the condom, and she's like, listen, never trust the guy to have this. You always should have protection to yourself. And, you know, and she's like, well, what, you know, this is just also clinical. And she's like, yeah, no, clinical is when you get the procedure done. She's like, Jesus, Kelly. This is, you know, I think.

one of the standout scenes of why it was important that a woman wrote this and another woman directed it like this scene specifically oh for sure you know because like I feel like otherwise it's like well we got to cut some stuff for time here

how about that condom conversation but no it's and it is important again like we're doing this stuff for teenagers to get this information yet and certainly later on so like whatever they're going to have this big date

they have this, it's a real thing. It's like, okay, I understand there's no lines for Donna, but what if there's a fun getting dressed scene? Oh my God. You know what? If you don't like Donna that much, just fast forward her, okay? You know,

you can fast forward Donna if you have. I love this section because it's like, well, it's not technically a montage. Yeah, totally. It's just a scene that's sped up. You know, Donna could be helping out in this montage. We should say also just speaking

of, so the other part of all of this is the health teacher what were you calling him Schiftelowski? Schifthalowski actually works as well. Okay. He says that for the sex ed assembly there's like a speaker coming and there's

all of this shit about because it's around here but it's like a C or D line of like Steve Sanders volunteering to pick the speaker up at the airport because the Schifelowski he was the man who was genetically merged with Richard Schiff in a science accident

Richard Schiftelowski merged with David my filmography has double you know David now I can tell stories about being in the lost world Jurassic Park couldn't do that before the accident I always wanted to be on the West Wing not this way though If they actually made like a park with character actors They brought back from the dead or cloned or merged You know you would go, right? Of course I'd go It would be amazing

And over here, careful now, don't get too close to the glass But it's an actual Brian Dennehy Right He doesn't be fed he wants to hunt Clever Denny Yeah, too preacted by thinking if you could and not that you should. Yeah, so like, yeah, but no, I'm sorry, I've got you off. But yeah, he's, uh, Steve Sanders is positioning himself to do this whole thing.

Yeah, because the guy has car trouble. This woman needs to get picked up from the airport to go to a hotel. And by the way, Steve Sanders has been total shit this entire episode when this guy's like, oh, our guest speaker is a lady and she'd be addressing, you know, the school. And, and Steve Sanders is like, oh, you mean undressing? Oh, yeah, she's going to address the student body. Did you say undress the student body, right, everybody? Why is no one laughing?

Also, like, obviously, like, you read between the lines, Steve, she's not going to be like, okay, here's a sexy demonstration about sex. Yeah, I'm going to tell you about masturbation. Now, who from the audience can I jerk off? Oh, Steve Sanders. Come on up here, Steve Sanders. I'm going to jerk you off in front of the school. Yeah, I'm going to get nude up here.

Like, the idea, like, you're in high school, dude. Wow, the guy's getting nude up there. Well, I want to show you what a female orgasm is like, so I'm going to show you one. Here it comes. Batter up. Yes, Steve Sanders is like, that's not true. That's a myth. My dad told me it's a myth.

So, whatever, he's like, all right, I'll go and pick this. It's totally inappropriate, like, miles of inappropriate. Like you fucking have the French teacher do it or something Like an adult needs to do this Yes someone who's above the legal drinking age And not in the actuality of the actor We cut in, we cut to them in her hotel room He's dropping her off and he's like

Oh you know so how long you're in town Blah blah blah we're doing this thing She's like oh thank you's like it's so weird You just seem very young to be a teacher And he's like Uh huh She says something like She's like oh you look so young

It's unbelievable you've been teaching at West Beverly for five years and he goes, oh, did I say five years? I meant three. And this is when he's like, so what time can I pick you up later? And she's like, I'm actually really tired from the flight and he is standing so close to her.

Oh, man. He is like on top of her. And it's like, you know, and once she turns her down initially, she's like, oh, I'm really tired. He's like, no, no, no, not getting rid of me that easily. It's like, I need you to leave my hotel room right now. all right if she doesn't buy it i'm throwing out the big guns

you're the most beautiful guest speaker we've ever had it west beverly oh man okay uh that didn't work um my mother was on television is that doing anything for you uh so she you know she politely turns him down six to seven times as he refuses to like give her any personal space uh which is really uncomfortable she puts her hand out to like shake his hand like okay you know i'll see you tomorrow at the assembly he fucking kisses it of course he does and uh meanwhile you know we should say brenda gets stood up by dylan at this point after she does the big montage thing yes yeah she's ready to fuck she's got her condom she had her fast forward scene of getting the right clothes to be fucked in

and she goes and she's got her you know movie tickets for the marks brothers film festival By the way, I love that marquee. Mark's Brothers Film Festival. We see it multiple times. It's fantastic. Totally great. I love, yeah, so this is just like, oh, man, living without cell phones.

Like, you can't text somebody, you know what I mean? Like, that's... It's tough. It's tough. I mean, although Dylan seems like a Primo ghoster, though. Yeah. He's been a real harpo right here. It's a real thing.

Like, she keeps looking at her phone, and she's like, where are you? What's going on? And she keeps seeing the three dots typing, but then nothing. thing ever comes through. Yep. And eventually he realizes what's going on and he'll do that thing where like he'll check in like every few minutes and just like push buttons on the keyboard so those little three

dots light up again. She gets excited all over again. Just that son of a bitch. No, but so he stands her up full on. She's devastated. She's crying her eyes out. Brandon and her have a heart to heart. She's like, what did I do wrong? I've made Dylan and mad. And she's like, I don't know, he's kind of like a flaky dick. I don't know if you noticed this. Like, he's cool and all. Really had some cool jackets, but like he's just kind of a flaky dick. So, I don't know. Bren, he's fallen off his surfboard a lot of times.

I mean, Dylan is being terrible, but Brenda is like imagining every slight to be specifically because she did something incorrect. Yes. Which is a childish notion, but she is a child. we're talking about a 16 year old person here I want to say I do feel in this scene some good acting from Shannon Doherty She's good in this episode

In this freak out specifically but yeah And what do you call it there Brandon confronts Dylan The next day at school and he's like Hey man in the computer lab Which is not gonna be In the world's tiniest computer lab We're gonna have this huge fight

A full on blowout fight In front of like four nerds Well, I hear one guy who I assume is the teacher off-screen and be like, can you put it down over there? We're trying to use the computer here. I do love any time you just have a shot of Luke Perry using these old Apple computers. It is very funny.

The beginning is him trying to do something like he's hitting the keys really hard. He's like, God damn it. Release gas pressure now. Y-E-S. And, you know, they're, you know, he's like, you know, she's been crying all weekend. took off from school because you stood her up

and said Brandon stay out of it you don't know what's going on right and yeah that's back and forth like well no she thinks she did something wrong because you won't talk to her and then Brandon even screams she's a virgin in front of all these people totally

oh god that's uncomfortable Dylan she's a virgin oh my god Brenda's a virgin click click click click click click click click click click that's the school paper right Andrea Suckerman's like, fucking page one, that shit. And that guilt's Dylan into going back to her place. This is the scene where we would be listening to Patrick Swayze

if we're looking at pop punk. Yeah, it's like the fucking starting line is on somehow and that kid wasn't even born yet with this episode aired. Brandon, this is Andrea Zuckerman. Could you come in here? Oh, yeah, could you do a fun page expose on your sister's virginity? I don't know, Andrea.

I guess I'm going to have to. Yeah, I just think you'd be really good for it I don't know you guys I think Andrea Zuckerman might be too busy covering the Marx Brothers film festival if you know what I mean By the way, can we mention that she's now like the president of SAG?

Yes, oh she definitely is. Wow. I saw her in Gabriel Carteris. Sunday morning, yeah. She's been the president of SAG for a really long time now. Yeah. Crazy. I mean, I guess she was a great fit for this character. Just because like the nerdyish like.

Yes, exactly. I think that that comes probably pretty naturally. She's very organized. Exactly. So whatever, Dylan shows up and explains, listen Brenda, I'm sorry about them speaking, but my dad was indicted and had

to leave down. He'd just skip the country, dude. Oh, man. Security's fraud. Yes. He's like, it's not like for murder or anything. I swear. Listen, okay, my dad had to address a bunch of gangsters on a television and he fled to Hong

Kong. The Joker might be after him, okay? He thinks he's going to be a squealer, Bren. Steve, if I'm remembering those commercials right, his dad does get wrapped up with the mafia, right? Yes, and other things. Yeah, okay. Because I will be continuing watching the show long after Melro 210 has maybe concluded, so I'm excited for that. We'll see. I think we'll get there. Is it later or earlier? No, I mean, it's like season three, I want to say.

Oh, well, we'll get there. It's only 60 weeks away. I'm just trying to think about when I naturally expire. Oh, I see. Yeah, that'll be soon. Even if this goes to Patreon, which it probably will for a little while, we're not going to go to like season eight or any shit like that. It's got to be like, well, you never know.

This lockdown could continue or we die of like beer overdose. Dude, yeah. Oh, that's what they're calling those now, beer overdoses? I had a B.O. I had a B.O. last night, I'll be honest with you guys. I can't believe how late you're staying. up, Steve. I don't know how you do it. It's just nuts. It's so stupid. I was really impressed last night. No, I'm like five or six hours. That's kind of

what I average anyway. I think I was, I mean, because I was up watching fucking caged heat on Pluto TV. Goddain. I was watching Pleasantville just yelling at my TV last night. I mean, here's the thing. That movie sucks shit. Thank you. Thank you. It does. It's terrible. But, um, no, in in regards to sleep, it's just like, I'll go to bed and I'll be like, okay, so now I'm not sleeping. That rules. You know what I mean? It's the devil's choice there. Pre-quarantine, I was getting like

six to seven. Now I'm getting like nine hours of sleep. Oh, good for you. Well, la-di-da. I go to bed early because I'm a good boy. Well, pre-quarantine, I was on a weeknight and go to bed like 11, 11.30. Oh, yeah. I mean, I remember the text messages, please stop texting me. I'm trying to sleep. Yeah, I was a 10 p.m. or

my friend. But the world is on fire and my anxiety is also being acting up a touch. I think I'm just trying to like sleep through it. Like, will be this, will this sleep be the one that carries me a month of sleep? You're trying to hide under a pile of coats, too. Yeah. Gotcha.

Praying for coma. So they start making out here. She forgives him. I mean, it's a pretty big card to play. Look, the reason I stood you up was my dad was indicted and I had to like burn these papers, drive him to the airport. We moved all this.

Yeah. I mean, I will say though, you know, thankfully there is a front page financial time story to back all this up. Well, because that's what Jim Walsh comes home a little early and he's got the financial times and like Dylan has to put it back in his pants. And like, it's a real, it's obvious what was going on. It's your coming to the door to be like, oh, we're just leaving. Yeah, like Jim Walsh definitely saw both of them fucking run around the corner, you know. Yeah. Not fun playing that game, friends. Better not slip on anything in the hallway, Dylan.

Oh, my God. Better not make me pull a risky business in my own home, Dylan, if you know what I mean. Dun dun dun dun dun Dylan's come. Oh, he's playing the little piano. Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dillans come. You know, Dylan, I used to hate that you were with my daughter, but you were the inspiration for my hit single Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dillan's Come. I'm a multi-millionaire.

And now I want to hire your father. to manage my finances because like Dylan Dylan's father probably got like named in the Panama papers and shit. Oh for sure. Absolutely. Maybe Jim Walsh too. Once he goes to Hong Kong who knows what's going on. Dude, yeah, going to Hong Kong question mark.

Yeah, big time. So Dylan's like, oh, boy, just leaving, he leaves and Brenda's like, he goes to Jim goes to Brandon like, you think I'm a fucking moron or what? I know what's going on here. Totally. And she I mean, she, this is a good scene because she throws a back in his face. Like, how come when Brandon's fucking girlfriend comes over

from whatever, we're just like, hey, here's the condoms. Be safe. You and mom come out with a fishbow full of condoms for him. But if I want to fool around with my boyfriend, this guy that I actually know, it's a big fucking deal. Right. Yeah. It's different, Brenda. Yeah, no, it's, I really

appreciated that the call out of the double standard was thrown in. Yeah. And she's like, you know, should I lie and sneak around? Or are you going to trust me with what I'm doing. Let me just think about that. I'm going to roll up my sleeves and then I'll roll up my arm hair. It's a lot.

He's a hairy dude. It's a significant amount of arm hair for sure. The next day she's like, yeah, I guess so my dad's kind of cool with me dating Dylan. Oh, let's just go to this assembly. That's just going to be totally regular. I was like, oh, cool. This assembly is going to be regular. And also like, David has been needling.

Scott for not taking this health class. He's like, listen, man, even if you didn't get the permission, just sneak in, I'll open the door for you. And again, like, what do you think is going to happen in this? Everyone thinks I think everyone thinks it's going to be like actual sex happening on stage. Or like, we're just like putting pornography

on and like that's what we're showing to the students or something. I mean, and the funny thing about the way they're set, like that's the thing is because those shenanigans are very much like high school shenanigans like low stakes. I'm going to sneak in the assembly or whatever. So like the, it's like setting you into this certain thing where I was like, okay, so, you know, what, she's

going to pull out a slideshow and someone's going to be like, look, a weiner! Yeah. You know, no, no, students, calm down. We're playing David Kellogg's Oily Asses, Volume 23. Excellent poll. And so, I mean, I just, I have to get that out of the way because of the, I mean, you are blindsided by this, but then we also have Dylan being like, somehow I am always apologizing to you Walsh people.

Because he finally goes like, hey Brandon, I guess I might have should have possibly talked to you about this but I wouldn't do it any differently and Brandon's like

thanks I guess totally I guess this is us making up Dylan that's fine Dylan great t-shirt in this scene this fucking planet

earth t-shirt what did it say on the bottom though I couldn't read it no it's like something something recycling I think

it's like you know he's a he's a conscious dude guy it's true it's true so this woman just gets up and like Stacey

Sloan. Stacey Sloan's like Hi, my name is Stacey Sloan. You know yesterday really weird. I was almost assaulted in my hotel room. Oh no, that's not the story I want to tell. No, she's like, you know, this guy invited me out on a hot date and I almost took it because he's really charming and cute and you had blue eyes and

I didn't go out because I didn't want to tell him when I will have to tell all of my partners forever. I have AIDS. And everyone's like and Steve's asshole just goes right inside of his throat. Boop! Yeah, man. I mean, everybody's clenching right here. I was clenching. I was like, wait, what did she just say? I was just sort of shock that we went full-on AIDS as opposed to HIV with this. Like, because it's like, it's... Well, I feel like back in the day, dude, you know...

The difference wasn't as far as like a, you know, pop television writer. Yes, exactly. You would just say AIDS instead of HIV. I mean, HIV just makes more sense. Like, she's... You know what I mean? Like, whatever. But that's neither here nor there. So she's a guy of AIDS and... This is handled surprisingly well. It is. Yes. It's... And especially for like a very special episode, I do like it's a kind of a surprise, very special episode. Yeah, they really, they got you in. You know, you already invested in the episode. And you get a shot of like Steve Sanders in the audience going,

wait, what? Dude, he makes these bug eyes legitimate laugh from the drooping audience. Absolutely. And she's like, you know, I was dating this guy. And, you know, it was the first time we ever had sex. And yes, the first time I ever had heterosexual sex, whoops, I got AIDS. And that'll happen to you.

that'll happen to you but she's like you know we didn't we didn't use protection you know blah blah blah and that was a big you know you should use protection you know you shouldn't have you know if you could avoid having sex

avoid having sex but if you have to have sex use a condom and foam question mark that's maybe like some dental dam situation sponge worthy gotcha it's a 90s I don't know

female contraceptive sure is the idea yeah you want to double up on that stuff yes Yes, you want to double up on that stuff. Oh, no, no, foam. I mean, like, it's just funner. It's just, like, lather it up, folks.

It's like that foam finger. I thought, you know, when you were, like, a basketball game. I use a condom and funny foam. Well, yeah, she also talks about, like, it was, like, the first guy and how he was, like, a law student at the same school, and they drifted apart over the years, and he has since passed away from AIDS. Right. He died last year.

Yeah, they really, they drive at home, and it's pretty effective. It's also a, like, double dose of, like, sort of saying, you know, don't sleep with someone that you don't care about. Because, like, her other thing is, like, you know, yeah, like Eric said, like, you know, we were at the same law school, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I thought he was so great. And then, like, you know, we had sex. And then we very quickly, like, realized we had nothing in common parted ways. So now, I mean, here I am stuck with being HIV positive. And, you know, that guy isn't in my life, you know, whatever.

exactly they do sort of sneak in some you know sleep with someone who's important to you only messaging in here and i do like the placement on the end of the episode so it's not like the whole episode everyone has to tell their own thoughts about it like well i don't know you know what i mean like it's just like yeah i don't need the roundtable discussion here's a in here's a strong informational scene let's get out of here the first time steve sanders is actually like a human being this entire show thus far i have to say he comes off as uh you know actually like legit in his apology and like, you know, sorry for being so fucking sleazy and trying to pick her up or whatever. I do also like that they throw in some other details about, you know, she's, because the woman, this Stacey Sloan says stuff like, you know,

you know, and I'm here to tell you that, you know, you can't get it from, you know, giving someone a hug or sharing food. Like they are conscious about putting those important details in the 1990 television episode. Another great important detail was that you can't get pregnant from sex. in the mouth. Yes. Glad they addressed that. Yeah, she gives them a hug and yada, yada, yada.

They kind of, that's at the end of that thing. And then we kind of get one last Dylan and Brenda scene, which is really interesting where she's like very clearly freaked out about the whole thing we've been talking about sex. And now, holy shit, apparently, you know, AIDS is something to be worried about. And she's like... Dylan has been fucking everything with a heartbeat for years. In every country known to man, France and otherwise.

Definitely in France. We know that for sure. Hey, Bren, I've had sex on all seven continents. Hey, Bren. I see London. I see Paris. I see someone's underpants. Is that how it goes?

I see London. I see France. France. There you go. That's to make it rhyme with underpants. That's poetry, man. That is poetry. My favorite delivery in this whole episode from Luke Perry is she goes,

Dylan, please be honest with me. Have you ever had that? sex with somebody and not used a condom. And he just goes, Not lately. Bull gau. Oh, man. Not lately got me going.

It's a good laugh. To which she's just like really uncomfortable. I don't know. Do you want me to get tested? And she's like, well, I think so. Maybe you should. And he was, you would do that for me. And he's like, well, I think I'd be doing it for me.

You know, again, we're learning a lot. a good line. It totally is a good line, yep. It is. You know, there's no shame in getting tested, yada, yada, yada. We're doing all of that good work, especially the year of our Lord 1991. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot. It's now we've ticked over into January 3rd, 1991.

Also important to note that Dylan and Jim Walsh are able to sort of make up when he comes to pick her up for this scene. Yes. You know, he says, you know, Mr. Walsh, I've never been comfortable, I've never felt comfortable being Jack McKay's son. you know and it's kind of like

I know my dad's a scumbag Mr. Walsh I'm trying to not be that same scumbag And like yeah it's I know that you Look I have my dad Was a cold weird freak at least I got a cool car Out of it but could we not talk about the car There is that like I hardly know

The man yeah yeah and it's like It's Jim Walsh being like huh I guess I should have just talked to this kid I mean like fuck Jim Walsh for like Thinking this son is going to be a A clone of his father Yeah yeah He's like, oh, you know, the apple never falls far from the tree, Cindy.

You know that, right? Well, I guess, Jim, you are right because Brandon's an asshole, and so are you. Our kids are assholes because of you, Jim. Glenn would have been such a better father. Oh, man. Brandon would be taller than 5'4. That'll be for sure. So, like, yeah, that's kind of the end of the episode actually is that.

like on this beach it looks like the fucking Mulholland drive by the way and they're just oh absolutely and you know they have this conversation about him getting tested and she's like I'm really scared we're going really fast can we just like keep doing this but really slower

and he's like whatever you want it's a nice ending you know what I mean because they're not Brenda's the good girl she's not going to have sex immediately obviously it's a TV show we're gonna we're gonna you know dole that out over the next couple seasons kind of a thing yeah do they

make a big to-do in an episode about her you know having sex for the first time? I'm almost positive yeah there's a real first time kind of an episode on a very special 90210 and bread my test came in we're good bread we're good

these happy days are yours and mine happy days are yours and mine I'm positively negative it's like George Costanza get the test results negative negative negative I do like also

they don't even leave room in the teleplay for his character to be like, I'm not that's stupid I'm like going to tell you at it. You know, he doesn't even fight it. It's like not an option in the dialogue. And that's the good thing again about backloading this whole thing. It hits you quick and you just

we're just getting good information. Yep. And then you're out of there. Like it doesn't feel like it's preachy. Sorry Eric. I got a 902 no question to the 90210 heads in the room. Now Dylan and Brenda, is this, this is an ongoing thing. Yes. It goes on for mostly

death. Yeah. Well, because I want like Dylan out there getting ladies pregnant in France and shit. I don't want to see him like tied down. It gets a little on again, off again, as we go on. There's some complications that rise up. Not getting ladies pregnant in France. And I guess, not

Brendan. Is it Brendan or Brandon? Brandon. Brandon. Brandon. Now he handles it well Yeah I mean it's kind of weird Like as the show goes on He just becomes really like they're still good friends They have like their own thing But also like he becomes much more

It's the Brandon and Steve get into fun buddy adventures Because again like Steve has like Steve has like three words to Brandon These like 10 episodes but they're like best buds By like season two You know Dylan as like a brother-in-law would be pretty sweet Oh for sure also yeah I guess if you're Jim Walsh be like

Like, dude, I don't know. Like, get in on that. Brenda will be set up, you know? Good cash. Oh, man. There you go. The Walsh House gets rated for financial crimes tied in with the McKay estate. That makes sense.

Or no, actually, Jim Walsh to get his own shit going on. He doesn't want the heat that's on Jack McKay coming his way. Oh, he's just projecting this entire episode. Yeah, no, he's a crook. Yeah, not a mate. No, I'm a good guy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that Jack McCoy, or Jack McCoy, Jack McKay.

Yeah. Oh, that guy's a real thief. He's a real thief. You should check. That guy, you know what? I bet he has is a large collection of definitely illegal pornography. Listen, Brenda, this is how this works. They get Jack McCoy and they want the bigger fish, which is me.

Okay? Dylan's wearing a wire. I know it. See, now everyone's saying Jack McCoy and I apologize. It's fine. It's the end of the episode. It is the end of the episode. So that's kind of it.

We end on we're going to continue dating, but not quite so heavily. who any parting shots this episode and or are you excited to continue with this Eric Siska well you know I don't think I have too many parting shots here and unlike well Chris Cabin is silenced right now so I can say how much I enjoyed Jim Walsh's antagonistic attitude towards this whole relationship his daughter is having kind of kind of uh I'm a big gym head you know I've pitched Aaron Spelling's Jim and sure dying for it but I am excited to continue because I can't I can't wait to see what these kids get up to next

and maybe they'll just learn a few more lessons along the way. I think so. Totally. Andrew? Yeah, no, this episode is good, man. I appreciate when message television gets it right and if you were with us last week on Melrose Place where we tried to address racial inequality and the L.A. riots.

Not such a fucking grand slam over there. Way more of a swing and a miss on the place. But this is exactly what this shit needs to be because it's like, it's like, like you said, Steve, like it comes at you fast. You're blasted with, you know, important information, legit information, but it's not preachy.

They're not making the entire fucking episode about it, which would then make it preachy, obviously. So I really liked this. I will say, just because I know a little bit about the character's future, even though she introduces this speaker at the guest lecture, looks like Andrea could have been paying a little more attention to the condoms unit.

Yes. yes she should have she has sex once and like fucking gets pregnant it's nuts it's fucking nuts that's later on but I'm very excited for next week by the way as I sit here reading the episode

oh yeah we're talking about alcohol BYOB is the episode coming next Monday but that's the part that I'm really interested in man I have to say because did you read this plot synopsis no I read a little bit of it okay well the first thing that IMDB tells you about is get yourselves ready for

Cindy and Jim get an interesting proposition from an eccentric swinging couple while spending a weekend together in Pomp Springs. I'm so excited. I'm pumped, I'm pumped. And BIO boobs, dude. Chris Cabin will definitely be on the hand.

You will have to adjust your audio settings accordingly. That, yeah, and obviously I'm excited for this. Parting shots, not so many. It is like nice to be in like real deal 902.00 at this point. Yeah, this felt. like what I remembered it being

yeah exactly we're kids we're getting into scrapes we're doing stuff the parents are there to be obstacles not characters which I'm okay with just I would say maybe a little too much Scott but just enough Donna that scene not heard and I do love speaking of seeing that heard there's a lawn scene where Brandon pretends he has other friends

he sits down with these two fake people yes oh thank you for Ted and Brad or whomever Like, it's just these two dudes. Like, hello, total strangers. Can I have lunch with you? It's just so bizarre when they try and do that, but whatever. It's always like on Seinfeld when they had like those other

friends that would show up. Yes. It's like, and you'd be like, what? Who are you? They only hang out with three people. Um, so that is this week's episode. We have a lot of cool stuff coming on this week. Tomorrow, the final episode in our Pirates series. Holy shit. Yeah, it was a long one. I'm so glad not to

look at those movies forever again. A lot of cool Patreon stuff this month. Oh, yeah. Don's Plum. Don's Plum. Don's Plum has already dropped, which you guys have on the side order of slees. The June Patreon Prime episode is going to be We Love Movies on No Country for Old Men. Oh, yeah.

That's an exciting episode. Tons of great stuff coming up. There's a cat's been Terry more than likely coming out this month. Technically, oh, I should say on Thursday, we are dropping a sinkable melanchible. Melrose Place episode. That's right. You're going to have to be, you can sync it to your, to the episode itself. We're going to do kind of a faux commentary kind of a thing for our next Belrose Place episode. That's right. We're going to be watching it and commenting as we go along. And it's going to be a lot of fun. I believe the episode is a broken promise. Oh. Yeah. So, you know, definitely, you know, if you can, if you want to, find it streaming on somewhere like CBS All Access or Hulu and watch along with us.

It'll be a lot of fun. So that's going to do. do it for this Monday. We'll see you guys tomorrow on the main feed. I have been Stephen Siddak. Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Take it easy and remain indoors. You know what I'm going to be able to be. That was a HitGum podcast.