We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #32 - Melrose Place "The Whole Truth"

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

On this week's MELR0210, the gang is talking about the Jo-tastic Melrose Place episode, "The Whole Truth"! Originally airing November 18th, 1992, this episode features Jo being super mysterious with everybody still, Jake taking Jo to the Riverboat Strangler's desert drop site, Jane getting a new job with a real POS fashion designer, Matt dropping his lawsuit in favor of a halfway house return, and Billy dealing with a ::checks notes:: bad toothache! PLUS: Billy & Alison's various sex dreams! WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. MELR0210 is a new show we put together to help you pass the time during this more-than-necessary social distancing period. New episodes will air Thursdays, right here on the main feed for another few weeks! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the more innocent and sexy time of the 1990s! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello, and welcome to Hello and welcome to another edition. of Melro 210, a We Hate Movies quarantine side show where we ask you to remain indoors but put on your sunscreen because we are going back to the West Coast for the last time for Melrose place here, guys. It's kind of sad. It's kind of siad.

It is sad. It is sad. I want to introduce my Satanists in arms here. That's right. I've got Eric's in arms here. I've got Eric's. Howdy, partner. Chris Cabin.

Oh, hi, I. And Andrew Jupin. Yo! And I am Stephen Sadek, of course. So we are going to be talking about the whole truth, season one episode 16, original air date, November the 18th, 1992. We weren't sure, it's interesting, because we weren't sure a little recession talk in this episode. Yep. So we're poking at the, the, the, the, the JWB White House a little bit here.

don't like that bar it's funny that but they don't really want to deal with like the realities of unemployment either like jane gets like her store goes bust and they're like oh what am I going to do for job oh I'm offered a job instantly

instantly while I'm cleaning out my fucking desk from the last job yeah this is how this will be our last Melrose Place episode of the season we're going to call it the season because it is going to come back on on Patreon we got a date to be

determined. TBD, but this is the end of Melro 210, the Melrose place portion of it today, but we're going to talk about it first. Come on. Before we get into it, Steve, I want people, let's check the temperature of the room. Have you liked the Melro 210 experience?

Please rate a review on iTunes or wherever you get the show. Are we Skyping into a room somewhere where people are raising their hands here? You in the back. Question? Question? Yeah, so this episode, I can't even remember. I just literally just watched it. I don't remember the exact first scene of the episode.

Is it, is it Billy? Yes, it's Billy. Billy is getting dressed to go cruise for babes and shooters. He is dressed like fucking Magnum P.I., dude. It is really something. You also, here's a tip. If you're going out like on the prowl, don't go to like your fallback regular joint also. You know what I mean?

But yes, but this is this, it proves to be a lie by the way. That's the scam. That's Billy for you. Exactly, a huge liar. Allison is like, oh, yeah, looking good. I'm like, is he? Because he's actually wearing a suit jacket with a Hawaiian shirt tucked in. I just don't think CTS could do sarcasm.

Yeah, that's a good point. I think she's like, looking good. Cabin, I know that you were just abbreviating Courtney Thorne Smith there, but people in the film exhibition industry, especially in the Northeast may know of CTS as cinema technology services, the dudes that come and fix your projectors. So I was like, what is he talking about? Imagine if you called them and that's Courtney Thorn Smith showed up.

She's working as the reception is there. Yeah, I invented it. Yeah, that's what I did. Hi, hi, hi, after Melrose. Acting didn't work out, so I'm fixing projectors. It's still in the industry. That tucked in Hawaiian shirt, by the way. Those shirts are not made for tuckin.

They are not made for tucking. Even in the 90s and we were tucking everything, every which way. But you've got to let those babies fly. And you cannot put a jacket over a Hawaiian shirt either. Oh, and tucked into jeans. That is something. We're ragged on this, but honestly, it's the best Billy's ever been dressed, maybe. That's a good point.

Later on the episode, Michael is wearing a shirt that Billy should wear, which is this fucking, this fucking Pugsley Adams shirt. wearing in the pool scene. Oh, yeah. He's got a t-shirt with Pugsley Adams on it? No, it's just like the stripes. A big,

horizontally striped shirt. It looks like a little kid. It is so big. This shirt is so big on him. I tweeted a picture of this, but it is ridiculous because it's like, it's going well past the crotch.

It's like down to his legs. And it happens in a very important scene that we will talk about very soon. I call it my bono hider. Yeah. You will. see my boater. No tense here.

So Allison's like, oh, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I'm going out to cruise for babes that I shooters don't wait up. Don't even think about it. Well, and then Allison does try to like tag along. Oh, that's right. It's sad. It's sad kind of. Yeah.

Oh, oh, you know, you're going to shooters. Awesome. I'm going to come. I'm not going to defrost his chicken. We'll have a great night. I was like, oh, actually, uh, which I do agree. like it's kind of it would be hard to you know pick up anybody if you're with somebody like a lady like that it's got it yeah you'd assume that they were together well you're going out with a

looker like cts i mean come on exactly he has to talk in the most baby terms imaginable so he's like all alethan i'm going cruising for babes i'm going to go cruz for babes which means i'm going to go upstairs alison alison is the one that says cruising for oh is it her she just goes because when she invites herself he's like actually and he gets stuck and she just goes ah cruising for bays

oh damn yeah I'm gonna go nung some grindage oh I said I'm wheezing the juice get out of here that happens a lot he's wheezed the juice in his room he leaves the door slightly open she's like hey Bill you want to oh god

no she says no we's in the juice. My favorite thing, so two things happened right at the end of this scene. A, there's an old spice joke which just brought me back. Back to the 90s and I felt good for a little bit there. But also, as he's making his way from his apartment to Joe's, all of a sudden the Rosanne theme kicks in. What is going on with this sex harmonica?

Dude, that would be great if someone was just playing the Roseanne bar laugh out of window. That's a great way to punk people. You just get that really loud and then watch people walking by. Oh, God. The interesting tie into the Roseanne intro,

we do later get a table full of Chinese food and Sini household. Yeah, they weren't playing poker around it, though. Yeah, he's actually secretly going up to Joe's. He grabs a bottle of champagne that he's stashed in, like, the shrubbery with some glasses. By the way, I'm hoping, Billy, if you get invited in, you rinse those glasses. Jesus Christ, they're sitting out in the garden. There's definitely dirt in them, bugs and shit.

So he's like, he goes up to Joe's place. And it's like, oh, hey, Joe, fancy meeting you here at your apartment. I noticed, I was cleaned out my fridge. I found this bottle of champagne. Wanna explain it. immediately she's like what smells like shit why is there part of a fika plant in one of those

glasses exactly oh you like to drink spiders right drink spiders oh I just got to drink some spiders here Joe you want to get in on this is the latest fad vintage black widow Joe but she's like

no I was going to do nothing I was like why don't we do nothing together and she's like no and also like I don't know dude like the move is is the movie is take her to shooters. Why don't you be like, hey, Joe, I was just actually heading out to shooters. Do you want to come along?

Show you the town kind of a thing. Like, that's like sort of at least. Sure. Yeah. I mean, never show up with boot. Like, what are you doing? Could I just show up with alcohol? Oh, hey, Joe.

How's it going? At 8 o'clock, I found a ball of champagne. You want to give me a blow job or what? I mean, that is the translation of what is happening here because he is not a smooth operator in the slightest. Like, I'm shocked that she didn't open. in that door, and he just went, Baw, fuck my dick, Ma!

Oh, God. She says, like, oh, no, I plan on doing nothing tonight. He's all, perfect. I did nothing together. Yeah, uh-huh. She's like, no, thank you. So he winds up, I guess, asking Jake or finding Jake at Shooters, and they're

just drinking and lamenting, you know, this new crazy cast member they got. There's a couple of problems here. One, you're just bringing this bottle of champagne into another bar and the glass. I don't think so. What's the corking fear of shooters is my question? Totally. I mean, it's a fucking table service situation.

Like they're at a table. No way is this gonna fly. Well, they've had to do, you know, behind the scenes, it's a scene you don't see is they had to discuss since, oh, what's her name? I've already forgotten her name. Sandy, y'all, how could you forget me? Oh, I'm so broken, Chris Cabin. I can't believe that.

My heart is broken in two, y'all. You forgot my name. I'm sorry, y'all. but like sandy was definitely like allowing them to do stuff like that like sneak in their own stuff so there had to be a discussion with the manager be like cut the shit your fucking stupid southern friends not here anymore or maybe billy stole the champagne from shooters and then stashed it in his bushes and now he's just bringing it back like nothing happened that actually makes a ton of sense the second the second question i just had really quickly did grant show get a bad haircut at the

He looks different. He doesn't look as hunky. It's weird. It's a weird like Incredible Hulk 1970s kind of like mop top thing. Yeah, he needs a trim up, man. It was it was distractingly bad. He looks like Chekhov on Star Trek. He does. That's exactly what it is. It's Walter Canig's Monke's wig. This episode is him beginning to get, you know, domesticated. So maybe that's a reflection of that. He has to look stupid. he's getting domesticated. He's finally

potty trained and shit. So, but the only important part here is Billy does tell Jake his line of let's do nothing together. And he's like, ah, better like next time, Billy. And then the next day, Joe is taking photos

of Jake's bike, like laying down the ground, getting like these, you know, kind of angular shots. He's like, I charge $2 a piece for those, baby. It's a good line. And And, you know, she's like, oh, you know, just take it because of your bike. I'm going to head inside.

And he's like, well, let's go, let's go for a ride. And he's like, she's like, oh, no, I want to do nothing. He's like, why do we do nothing together? By the way, fucking cucking Billy with his own line. Love it. Pretty great. Pretty great. You know, this reminded me of something, Steve.

Did this, did this recall any memories of something that happened to you in a similar situation? I do not have a motorcycle. No, no, no, no, no. Or have I dated a man with a motorcycle. You are doing nothing tonight, right? I'm talking about the line working when it didn't work for Billy. Oh, well, I mean, kind of sort of, yeah, I do remember we're at a party once, and I forget, I forget the circumstances. I was sort of hitting on a woman, and something, something, it was right around the time League of Extraordinary Gentlemen came out.

Oh, wow. And something, something came up. It was, it fell in the conversation, and I just did a show. Connery, well, she's out of your league and like nothing. And she's like, okay, bye. This girl turned into a statue. And then five, not ten minutes later

my better looking friend is talking to her and something, something, something, she's out of your league and she starts cackling. I'm like, oh, that just makes it. Dude, when it happened in this episode, my brain shot right back to that

party. I couldn't even believe it. I should have turned around, like, well, I'm sorry, I'm short and stormed down. That's what I should have said. But I didn't. So they wind up, he like takes her to the fucking makeout point here on the motorcycle. She's driving, I think, right? Is that what's happening? She's driving because this is where he goes, where'd you learn to ride like that?

And she casually goes, oh, prison, which I thought was kind of funny. This is a weird, it didn't look like a makeout ridge to me. It looked like abandoned factory, middle. of nowhere. I know what this is. This is where he disposes of the bodies. Absolutely correct. Yep. 100% correct. It's the riverboat strangler. This is where he calls going to the docks.

You want to check out the ravine with me, man? Look, I can only put so many in the water after I'm done with them. Okay? You have to understand. I have to bring some of them to land. Some have to go out in the desert, dude. See, that's how he confuses the police. He strangles them on the

water and then drags them to this desert ravine. My favorite We call them the wet dry killer. It's like cannibal. It really is like cannibal. Is it a strike? Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. She, like, survives this encounter.

Well, my favorite thing is the, the ride there, they start having motorcycle sexy talk. Oh, yeah. Like, she's, like, revving it up and be like, oh, oh, the power. And, like, his response to that is like, oh, yeah, you better watch out or you might swallow a moth. Yeah, oh, that's a weird, because she's like, this is. This is so great. And he goes, yeah, let's see how great it is. Would you swallow a moth at 60 miles an hour?

And I was like, what else do you want swallowed at 60 miles an hour? Yeah, I come at 60 miles an hour. Just shoots out like a gun. I come one mile at a time. But she's like, hey, man, actually I'm going to, I head back into town because I got this job interview. And I mean, if I'm Jacob, like, didn't you have nothing to do all day? And he's like, oh, I'll drive yet.

Like, he drops her off. Oh, I didn't even think about that, yeah. He drops her off. She winds up going into a pawn. She, like, kind of does a quick turnaround, goes into a pawn shop. And tries to pawn her, this bracelet she has. It's worth at least $10,000. But the guy wants to give her seven.

We're haggling. And he's like, I just need a photo ID. I don't have one. Which I do not understand this part of the story. It's garbage. And she does the whole, like, because later it comes up again I think Jake is like

what do you mean you don't have ID and she's like what New Yorker do you know that has a driver's license and it's like yeah but there's also just state issued IDs because you need it to exist you know what I mean

right and I don't really know like 92 I guess maybe you could have gotten a flight across the country without showing a fucking ID of any kind but also getting a apartment you know what I mean like I just don't know how this woman doesn't have an ID

It just seems very bizarre to me Well, she barely filled out that application In the last episode And really just Jane let her into the apartment Maybe she has a passport for those kinds of things But doesn't want to be showing it for like Financial transactions It's very bizarre

So she winds up storming out of this place Because the guy won't give her the seven grand Without an ID which is totally right And Jake is waiting for her And he's like, huh, some job interview at a pawn shop And she's like, are you following me and he's like yep you're mine now

you're in the web of the fucking riverboat strangler yeah he's casing the joint before he hits it and she's actually like fairly like amenable because he's hot you know she's like oh you're silly and but he she doesn't

take a ride back of him to Melrose's place I don't know about the year so she's pissed yeah she is pissed yeah she is pissed because he offers a ride he's like all right let's just go home and she's like I'll find another way and he's like all right and there was a weird shot of like it's like grant show actually in traffic with this motorcycle and i was like oh and he you see him he looks and make sure that no cars are coming i was like oh thank god because it does not look like this road is closed if i'm jake i'm

starting to believe she's a jewelry thief yeah yeah she keeps on going to like these places where there's a lot of diamonds and gold stuff she's photographing everything she wears black all the time and sneakers for sneaking. And it's 92, you might hear more a little bit about, like, actual jewel thieves hitting, like, rich people. Yeah, it is. When we get to the end of the episode where she

kind of reveals everything in quotation marks, it's a bit deflated because she's acting like she's killed somebody or something. Like, the way she's like, I can't go back to New York. But I don't know what, I don't know who Beth is. Who's Beth? Who's Beth? We can just actually, we'll cut in right now with Matt's fucking wet fart of a storyline. Yeah, let's get this over with this fucking trash.

I was shocked, by the way, that they actually brought this storyline back. I thought they were just going to leave that thread hanging. They might as well have not because it's such a nothing. Like they wind up, it's Matt in his lawyer's office, Judith Hogue, the great Judith Hogue comes back. Oh, yeah. Original April O'Neill for those uninitiated. And she's, and she's like, hey, they offer, hey, guess what I heard from the halfway house? They're offering you your job back.

He's like, great, I'll take it. They're like, well, no, you know, this isn't enough. They're not going to learn it. They're less than unless they pay for it, et cetera, et cetera. It's funny because I just watched the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer sues the cafe latte, the cafe OLA company or whatever. And they're like, well, we'll give you free lattes wherever you want. sold, you know? Yes.

There's a great line that Matt has right here because, like, he's so excited to fucking just take the job back and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And he goes, he goes, Sarah, I miss Kenny and Tiny Dee. Oh, yes. Dude, Tiny Dee, I lost my shit.

Of course. I mean, like, later on, he meets somebody from the halfway house, and I was expecting, like, oh, so how's Tiny T? Totally. Or maybe that was Tiny D. Like, oh, they call it Tiny D because his dick is really small, right? Yes, I think that's the idea. His name's Jason.

Jason Better know to his friends as Tiny Dee. It is nice to see that Matt truly cares about that job and all the kids and tiny D's and whatever else, but like this dude Pete shows

up at the burger shack he's working at. Anybody catch this guy, by the way? Is that Jeremy Davies? It's Jeremy Davies, dude, a baby-faced. Jeremy Davies. I couldn't believe it. That really makes sense now. Now that you've said that it all clicks into place and he's doing like a weird joker laugh and stuff.

Yes he is, dude. Oh man, that was terrifying. And also, you never want to tell somebody they have a terrible laugh. Like, Matt is like, oh, because he's not sure if it's the guy he thinks it is. And then finally, Jeremy Davies laughs and Matt's like,

oh yeah, it's you. You know, whatever is David is. He's like, oh, Pete is the guy's Dave. He's like, oh, yeah that horrible laugh tortured me for years thank god i was rid of it nice to see you i guess totally it's such a slam and it's great because like you know and he's just like oh you know he's a kid from the halfway house that made good and he's like whenever i'm out in the billivard he's like you go back to the boulevard i'm like well no i'm not hustling anymore um but you know i think about you really helped me out it's kind of a nice like he learned his lesson and did it's yeah it's very

nice. It shows that like, you know, Matt has really been making an impact on these young people's lives and then they can go on and do something else. He feels very fulfilled in that role at the halfway house. In a way he's not at the Burger Shack. Oh, Bikini Burger? Yeah. I was kind of surprised

just because it was Jeremy Davies and it's an interesting character. I was like, oh wow, is he going to be back for more? No, he's not. It's a one and done. Oh, no. I mean, like, at the end of it, he does so mat up in a horse. and leaves him there for Hannibal to find.

I never got that far into the series. Oh, man, you are missing out. I've thought about going back and checking it out. Because everyone, there's a bit of a Hannibal reappraisal going on because it's on Netflix now, and I'm kind of, I too fell off it. I dug those first two seasons, but I never went back. I never watched any of it. I guess I just said, nay, Chris.

Oh, that's so wonderful. That's something. You're welcome. I was like, oh, cool. like this weird hustler guy from Matt's past. Is there going to be some tension here? Is he like almost going to date this guy and then not date him or what? You know what I mean?

I'm like, interesting. No, not for Matt. No. You know, just nothing. Yeah, definitely not. The third seat is just he goes back to Judith Hogue's office and she's like, hey, look, they're actually going to offer a settlement of $10,000 and your job back. And he's like, great.

Tell tiny D.L. be there in five minutes. And this is like, it's kind of bullshit because. the message here is like, don't worry, those people will just be happy to have their job back. You know what I mean? Exactly. It fucking sucks. Like, the nice button on it

is at least he tells Rhonda you know, in a, it's like a fucking 13 second throwaway scene that he's using the 10 grand. He's donating it all to start a legal aid fund to help people who get fired for sexual orientation. Which is fine, but it's like

they should have fucking taken these dudes as the cleaners. It's not as bad as what I was fearing, which was that it was going to be like, look, if you take this further, we're going to have to close the halfway house. That was my real fear of this guy. This is not that bad, but it still sucks. There goes the

orphanage. I mean, I guess there goes Tiny D, dude. I mean, that has a point here when he says, like, I don't want to be tied up in a court for a year. I want to actually make a difference in people's lives so I can understand him taking the money and going back. But it's also like, I don't know, like, aren't there other halfway houses

he could work at? You know what I mean? Like, that aren't discriminatory that there's other tiny D's out there. But there's only one halfway house that has Kenny and Tiny D. There are big D's. There are small D's. They're all kinds of D's. People have big D's. People have small D's. People find

D's. They lose them. Losing the D dude. Don't lose the D. Jesus. Anyway. Fuck, what was I saying? Oh, because, you know, I mean, Matt is kind of maybe smart here not to pursue further legal action because

we didn't see success in it until 2020. Yeah, that's a good point. There's also that. Yeah, because Judith Hoag's like, you know, we could sue them for like $100,000 and it would be great. You know what I mean? It would really... She's just got her fucking career in the...

Which is kind of a bummer. Like, she should be more like, hey, look, the only way these people are going to understand is that they have to pay $100,000. You know what I mean? Right, yeah, but she's not... It's only $100,000. Exactly. I was kind of half expecting, like,

like, oh, okay, so we're not going to pursue it. It's not going to advance my lawyer career so this is no longer pro bono my fees 10 grand it is just so weird though that she winds up I mean like they set this whole thing up and they really just like totally abandon the side plot immediately yeah it's like they they decided to like dip their toe in the water and it was like yeah exactly they kind of wrote themselves into a corner

yeah it's more interesting to see you know the ins and outs of low fashion through Jane Mancini. Low fashion, rear. Let's get there. Jane's subplot is she winds up, she gets a call

in the middle of the night, by the way. It's like 11.30. She's like, she's getting out of some fucking with her husband. The fucking has just begun. That's the unfortunate part.

Michael's like, oh, geez, I'm getting, oh, come on with the phone calls already. Oh, geez, I didn't even get my boxer shorts off you, fuck. Oh, geez. She gets to call in the middle of the night that her job is closed. They sold it.

They're mailing her a check, but she has to come pick up her personal effects. Like, can I just fucking pick up the check tomorrow? Yeah, I mean, it's probably a thing of like the payroll isn't going to go through. Got it. You know, for a certain point and yada, yada. I totally forgot she had a job. Yeah, so did the show. And then they were like, oh, we better fucking do something about that.

Yeah, she was just always coming home for lunch, it seems like. Or she's always waiting for Michael to get back from the hospital. She wants to go into work. She's clearing out her shit. There's this insane woman marching around the studio. She just bought it.

And she turns out to be the big shot designer Kay Beacon. Oh, the K. Beacon. Oh, oh. Played by Sidney Walsh. A nice 902 and O name there. She has a voice that made me think she was in leave with Malachi Throne.

She's very like, hi, hi, yeah. Hello, Jane. Why don't you come work for me? There's definitely a smoldering evil under the surface. A little bit, right? She's had a movie career here. She's in Point Break as Miss Deere. She's in Nightmare in Elm Street 2 as Carrie. So there's some stuff going on.

Yeah, I was trying to see what she looked like in Nightmare 2. A nightmare 2. It doesn't look like she's pretty low on the cast. She probably was like, oh, you know, like woman number four or something like that. Whatever. So she's like this, this performance is kind of nuts. I don't know is she supposed to be drunk. Is she high?

She's like, oh, hello, look at you. Aren't you a cute one with your buttons and your shirts and things? And you think you're K. Beacon. You're not K. Beacon. I am. My line in my notes was, Jane, you fuck up. I love you. And that seems to be her idea of Jane through.

out this whole. Because she's like, oh, nice, nice dress that you designed yourself, did you? Interesting. It's just a knockoff of one of my designs. And she's like, well, no, it's not. Well, it is, but anyway, you got a job if you want it.

It's like, what? Dude, the whiplash that I got in this scene with this, like, gaslighting maniac. Like, I could not figure out what was going on. I couldn't gauge what she was doing because it's just a lot of, like, like, you know, mood swinging, almost like one second.

She's just, like, being super mean. And, I mean, I guess that's, kind of the point of it also because Jane herself can't, she says later she can't get a read on this woman. Well, right when she enters this, the scene the first thing, she's like, oh my God, is this a plus size store? What the hell's

going on here? Oh, my God, oh, and who are you? You're a knockoff of a knockoff, but you did it smartly. You did it smotly. It's like someone's there to clear out their desk and it's like, oh, wait a second, stop there, you? This is a surprise job interview. By the way,

you're shit. also do you want the job like what it's like a it's like a job interview with her nagging you the whole time i just uh i just was able to sum up what this uh actor's career is like here she between 1997 and 1998 made at least one maybe two appearances uh acting in reenactments for beyond belief factor fiction that sounds right so that's that's all you need to know but uh she walks in And Jane does a, like, oh, yes, I'm leaving now. I just have to get my design book. Oh, right.

Yeah, you're right. And she takes a look and she calls her a piece of trash, but she needs her immediately to work on her brand new line, I guess. So she gets his cool new job. She's working for the next day. She's working there. And she's like, so you said you knew how to do this? And she's like, I do.

Well, you don't know how to do it the Cape Beacon way. By the way, here's a free dress. What the fuck? Did I mention I'm K. Beacon? Don't, uh, would you like pizza, Jane? Yes, of course you would because it's fucking terrible. I'll have three slices. What?

It's a very bizarre performance. Oh, Jane, would you like to unload this gun in your mouth? No. Well, of course not. Suicide is bad. Now, go, boom! Man, Bud Dwyer's last words. The other part, so she, you know,

She's like kind of talking to Michael. And Michael, you've got to give this woman a long leash year because you've been talking about the hospital of this whole fucking show. Oh, my dude, this fucking asshole. Like, it's been one day. One day this woman has had this job. And he's like, yeah, you know, can we get your boss

out of the conversation on any book? Also, you're a week off from befriending a fucking wife abuser. Like maybe fucking take it easy. Maybe give you space. By the way, what's the update? there. That woman dead? What happened? We have fucking no idea. We're never going to mention those people ever again. No, of course

I called in Maticine throne and they would disappear. Erase the chessboard. A new game starts next week on Fox. So, like, it's kind of a back and forth. They start to almost have sex and she's like, okay, let me go into

the other room really quick. And she goes to the bathroom to get her, I guess her diaphragm out. And Michael's like, whoa, hold on. Don't we fucking making babies and we're not making babies for what? I was ready to knock

you up, babe. What's the point of nothing if the nut doesn't become a baby? And she's like... Turns out he had nothing to worry about it. Oh, wow. Remember nutting, honey, the cereal? I do.

What was that? That was like... An adult's only cereal? It's cornflakes frosted with semen. No, it was just, it was like a granola thing. The ad campaign was like, what's wrong? Nut and honey, and you'd be eating this cereal, but it's like, as a nothing, but it's nut and honey. Yeah.

Nuts and honey. It was dumb. But anyway, so they have this whole kind of blowout here where he's like, you know. And also, Jane, here's the move. Pro tip, just fucking secretly take birth control if you're not ready to get pregnant, your husband wants to have a baby. like that's easy. Everybody does that. Absolutely. Also, a finer point of advice here. And this goes

for cast members on this show, characters on this show, characters on Beverly Hills 90210. Close the door. Also true. Because she's just got the bathroom door wide open. He's like, hey, this hog is going to be on the farm forever. What's going on? Oh, babe. Oh, babe. I thought we said we watch each other's shit all the time. I'm losing it in here, Jane.

We are running out of air. He's such a piece of shit to her in this scene. It's crazy. Yeah, because we thought we were going to have a baby. She said, well, not right now. I just got this brand new job. I want to see it through. And he's like, okay, fine, back to the hospital for me. Yeah, like she goes one step further and does say she's like, and honestly, Michael, I'm having serious doubts about having a child at all right now. and he's like

I'm gonna go to bed Buggled So that's kind of her thing She goes back the next day And the boss is giving her more shit here Kay Beacon is just outside Like ranting to herself Clothes are bullshit

But they're life But they're not shit Jane, you're shit But you love you know I love you so much She's just like spitting at people On the sidewalk It is

My favorite line of this whole thing this kind of the last bit of it is like she asked Jane to her opinion on her new line and she's like well you know I think the buttons should be a little bit bigger and this should have a belt on it and she's like if the buttons are big bigger then they'll sag

and they'll look unneat where were you when they taught buttons in fucking design school or she's like were you absent on button day which I do I just imagined all right everybody settle down shuttle down yes shit you've all unbated

breath. It's been a year. It's time. It's button day. Here's a traditional two-holer. We're going to move on to four holers next week. Now here's a good thing to remember, everybody. Some buttons way more than other buttons. Easy way to tell that from either the material they're made with or sometimes one button will be bigger than another one.

Is everyone taking notes? Now, everybody, a button has to go in a button hole. I cannot stress that. But then Michael winds up showing up with a picnic basket. Because Jane's ready to quit or get fired. She flat out is just like, listen, you're a very confusing person. And I don't understand why you're being such a rotten bitch to me the whole time. And it's a fucking crazy, like, she's like, Jane step into my office.

And I was like, here we go. It's going to be a spectacular firing. And she's like, you're right, Jane. I'm a total piece of shit. But I think that you could be a great total piece of shit with me if you can stick in and last for another week or whatever the line is. This picnic basket, by the way. I think the line, by the way, was you could be shit junior. Junior shit associate. Yeah, the picnic basket's fucking crazy.

I thought Yogi Bear was going to walk by. It's kind of funny, though, because this K. Beacon is like, oh, it's a deliq. delivery. Someone signed for it in the back and she's like, no, this is my husband. The delivery boy is your husband? Okay. Who ordered the pasta primavera? Honestly, guys.

Because I hate it because I love it so much. It's the most disgusting food and it's my favorite thing I'll ever eat. Actually, you know what? Pasta primavera, you can keep it. Yeah, that's a big fan. It depends. Depends on who's making it.

Eh. I always think about the pasta primavera. Seinfeld. I haven't eaten that one. I'm sure I've had pasta prima vera but I don't even know what that is. It's like a white sauce I want to say. There's like vegetables in it and whatnot. Yeah, well vegetables can fuck right off. Exactly. Give me some red sauce with some sausage in it. That's what I want. It put some ax body spray on that too just to make a little bit more masculine if you not that I have not that I have tried the pasta

prima vera from Seinfeld but it's what gives Russell Dalrymple food poisoning. also axe body spray in your fucking pasta so she's like you know what jane i i fucking hate your guts but your husband's beautiful have a picnic on the roof bye everybody but they do have a picnic on the roof nice nice rooftop this is this is a nice work perk i think she's seeing she's seeing things like the k beacon way now

and you know basically he's like listen jane you've always been so supportive i'll be supportive too, I guess. We'll have a baby whenever we do. You're 21 years old. We got a little time. Also, I got some news today. That wife that we helped, she's dead. They found her in a ditch. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jane.

Well, actually, she actually killed her sister, and then she was talking about something about an invisible man suit. That's what this show definitely needed, worked into it, was the invisible man. I like the idea. Michael Mancini's now

just on like fucking murder cadaver work. That's, you know, they kind of clink and they're like, all right, let's give this another go. Back to, well, then the there's the Billy

sub subplot here, which we'll get into before we get back to Joe, which is he's got a toothache. I mean, okay, he winds up go to the dentist. Allison's like, you got to go to the dentist. And when he comes back and he's like, I'll say, somebody needs

to take care of me. He's definitely saying thanks mom more than once in this episode and really gave me the hebi-jeebies. It's weird because he's like, Alethan, could you go to the video store? It got me a comic book. The bumma gum. Ice cream. I scream. I scream.

He says that some good movies would help like him recover from the tooth. Hey, Althin. Uh, Alvin, go rent me a bunch of pornography. Did you do that a couple of porno tapes, you know? Batman, Batman, Batman. I want to watch Batman.

By the way, Chris, you're right. He does say Mom a bit here referencing Allison. And I thought it was very interesting. Right after calling Allison his mother several times, he has a vivid sex stream about her. He does indeed. Been there. But no, she's like, hey, it's amazing how what a shithead he is.

She's like, oh, you know, I don't know. I'm I, you know, that's a little bit too much, Billy's like, hey, I just nursed you through a broken heart. You fucking owe me. I mean, like, you know, and like, that's the thing is like, you know, we all live together in various parts in our life. If you were sick, I'd be like, hey man, that sucks. Talk to you later because I'm just your roommates. Exactly. Like, we're not dating. Like, Billy, you're not dating her. Like, she has no obligation to fucking help you out at all. Exactly. Especially, after this line where Billy says

that he got drilled so deep that he could hear people speaking Chinese. Isn't that something? So the dentist drilled through his tooth, through his body, down into the ground,

through the magma core of the earth, and back out again. I heard some Danish on the way, but that might have been just the dentist. No, he heard the fucking screams from hell, dude. Art Bell. Yes.

She even says, she's like, I don't know, I think you should probably just go home to recuperate, aka leave me the fuck out of it. Yeah, she's like, I think you should go recoup at your parents' house. Yeah, and he's like, oh, no, just that's spell week there. It's going to take forever. I can't fucking relax with brimstone around, okay, Allison? I can't cross my dad pentagram, all right? He warned me.

Allison, the smell of sulfur with this medication is going to make me throw up. I keep telling you. Look, oh, God, did you kick the line of salt at our door? Oh, no. Oh, no, we're fucked. Oh, my dad's going to be so bad. Like Eric said, he does, he goes to sleep and you know it's a dream sequence right away. Well, which is fine by me.

They actually do a good job of doing like some soft lighting here. So you're like, all right. and CTS is dressed like a porno actress in this scene Oh, just like the video they wanted This is perfect We start because he's just going

All fun All fun It is sleep And then we cut to this Yeah And then she's like I want to take care of you, Billy And they start making out hardcore

Dude And when they cut back to like Just Billy on the couch He is fucking this pillow He is absolutely 100% of humping a pillow And Alice And he's like, Allison, Allison, Allison, oh, Allison, Allison, and she, like, has to shake it. Billy is everything okay?

Oh, I was just having a weird gritty. I don't even remember Allison coming into the scene. It was almost like she was, like, behind the couch and popped up to see him. And she's also acting really weird. Like, she's very giggly in this scene. Because she knows that she's been watching. She's heard this. They edit it bad, which is why it's confusing.

But, like, I think you're supposed to glean that, like, she heard him. shouting from the other room and came in and then was like clearly able to realize like oh he's probably having a sex dream about us and was just like watching it for a little bit and I mean like this is why you don't sleep in the common areas folks if you're having a sex dream about your roommate which is common and fine and regular um at least in a in a story when we were there exactly you don't want to be calling out their name you can go do that behind closed doors and you can come out all you want and here's the thing if in fact you fall asleep in the common room have a sex dream about your roommate they hear you yelling their voice see you or yelling their name see you also kind of humping a pillow and they wake you up and say hey what is that dream about you need to come up with something better than oh there was a tyrannosaurus wreck that came in alston and he got you and she's like well what the fuck were you pulling that pillow for buddy and he's like oh that was uh that was the dinosaur's

Hell, Allison. Great job, Billy. I was fucking the dinosaur. Yeah, I was going to say, why is this pillow so damp here, Billy? Well, Allison, you know the song? Everyone, do the dinosaur. I was doing the dinosaur. Over the dark on the floor. Everybody do the dinosaur.

See, Allison. But we're also, we're talking from a privileged point of view with that sleeping in your house in your room thing. Because, like, if you want to watch the secret of NIM as he is clearly doing, before this happens. Yeah. Like you can't just, you have to do it out

in the living room. You don't have a personal TV with a VCR in it. That's true. That's true. And he 100% doesn't know how to read. Also, yeah,

I mean, great, great fucking writing, Billy, oh, a dinothor. Like, come on.

Exactly, dude. Like, what are you fucking doing? I hope you're a better fucking cab driver than you are a writer, pal,

because I was, no, it was a dinosaur I was hitting the back walls of the Jurassic era. So that's kind of, there, a little subplot there. She tries to get him the next

morning to talk about it and he fucking kind of comes clean with it and he's like, you know, well if that ever happened to you, Alvin, and she says like, yeah, I've had sex dreams about you and he tries to get her to like tell him

and he goes, you're not leaving this room until you tell me about this dream. And she's like goodbye and fucking walks out on him. It's great. So back to Joe, she tried to sell this necklace, this bracelet. So then she goes to Jake, like, hey, Jake, you know, you want to be my friend.

I'm in a gym here. Could you go and sell this bracelet? I don't have an ID. Who drives a New York question mark? And he's like, okay. And he goes to a different pawn shop. And the guy's like, all right, he haggles the guy up to $7,000. And he's like, I just need your idea.

Oh, by the way, who's Beth? And he's like, Beth? Beth. And the guy's like, the name on the bracelet. He's like, uh... I mean, like, It's my fucking dead grandmother. Let's get on with our love.

Exactly. Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name? I don't know. This guy used to be a fucking con artist. Not a good one, I guess. Who's Anthony? Who's Anthony?

Who's Anthony? Beth, yeah, that's my brother. Wait. Oh, boy. Fuck. All right, Joe, we got to go to another jewelry store. Joe, I fucked enough. I said brother again.

I just, I keep fucking it up. Jake, you've said brother, grandfather, uncle. Because I mean, it's so easy. Who's Beth? Oh, that's my ex-girlfriend. Oh, stay away from redheads. Oh, it's my dead grandmother. Exactly.

It didn't work out. Bob, blah, blah. You got your money. But the guys like, man of Melrose plays really need to learn how to fucking think on their feet. This is redonculus. Because then he's like, oh, I'm actually just selling it for a friend. And the guys like, listen, I don't want this stolen fucking necklace. You got to get out of here.

You know, also, Jake, maybe look at the. thing you're trying to sell before you sell it exactly and also this is also on Joe a little bit you have to know that that's going to come up exactly you know that it's there it's your necklace just be like also look here's this it's my dead grandmother

Joe is a real piece of shit in this episode she's she's like it's like a photo finish between her and Kay Beacon because Jake confronts her she's waiting outside and she's like did you get the money Jake and he's like well no because I fucked up this whole

Beth scenario. Who's Beth anyway? She's like, I don't want to talk about it. And he's like, well, no, you know, you owe me. Who's Beth? What the fuck's going on? Well, Jake, Jake, that's my grandmother and stay away from Redheads. He's like, oh, good one. He just, he flips out and fucking does a kind of dangerous peel out on this motorcycle. There were some extras passing by right here. And this is a active motorcycle scene. It's kind of great because he leaves her with the motorcycle helmet, though? Yep. So she's got to walk home with that. And she, like, kind of has a breakdown cry

outside of wherever, like, oh, everything's going so poorly. The next morning, Jake is awakened by police, and he's like, I didn't do it. It's so funny how often the police come to Jake's apartment. I know. It's a weekly occurrence. I just had this image of him, like, stuffing

body parts into a closet, like, Stanley Ipkis with the money when he sees the police at the door. Well, well, well, Jake Hanson, if it isn't Thursday again already. Oh, man, Jake with the mask, forget about it. Oh, fuck. Countless dead. But they're like, hey, did you loan your motorcycle to this woman? And it's Joe. And she's like, yeah, he did.

And he, like, he lets her slide with it. He gets a ticket because she didn't have a motorcycle license. And he's flipping out on her. And she's like, what? Jake, I made a mistake or something. Dude, it's fucking outrageous. And her offer is a slap in the face. She's like, all right, Jake, how about this?

I'll help you pay half the ticket. No, the whole fucking ticket lady. I just saved you from getting arrested for stealing my motorcycle. Also, like, she broke into his apartment, right? There was a mention, like, she found the spare key under the rock. And then I just went in and got his motorcycle keys. Like, was he asleep? Was he gone?

this is egregious she hasn't like earned any type of friendship with anyone in this place so she's already breaking into shit and stealing motorcycles and what's wild is when they push back on it she's like but i'm a damaged person with secrets she's just a jewel thief she broke into his house of course we come to find one of the secrets is like oh her husband is one of those old money mayflower families okay now you've just become even less sympathetic And she's like, he's like, you got to make it up to me. You got to take me to dinner. And I'd be like, you know what, lady, thanks, but no thanks.

I'll pay the ticket. Just never, ever talk to me ever again. You lunatic. Yeah, totally. Like, this is the last time we will speak. And I'm counting the days until you move out of this place. You know, what is with this? All these, I guess because Mel Rowe is in league with Malachi,

thrown to sacrifice young singles to the demon gods. but, like, why, you know, it would be fun if, like, an old woman or an old man like moved into this complex, a little comic relief. Hey, who's ready to get laid? Special appearance by Walter Mathau. They could impart sage-like advice.

Walter Matho and Eli Wallach are, like, sharing an apartment and have, like, their pull-out chart, they pull-out chairs in front of their apartment every day. I got a hot date with Ronda tonight. Bet you didn't see that coming They're like out drinking Jake and shit Yes oh that would be fucking awesome

What are you gonna do? You gotta bring a flowers You're gonna bring a chocolates What are you gonna do that? I don't know I never did it this way before We'll figure it out You know what You go

I would love it if There's a scene that's Walter Mathout And Jake they're at shooters And they're doing the Marion Ravenwood shots context I like it Jake Jake goes down

we've been talking about it but not talking about this pool scene it's Michael is clean in the pool is you know it's my week off and I would love

a little bit of understanding but meanwhile we've got somebody who is painting the who's I found paint cans

in our new tenant's garbage and oh yeah it's black paint for the dark room which by the way she paints the bathroom

even though half of it is pink tile. She's also in a two-bedroom apartment and in that last episode she's specified, I need a two-bedroom because I need a dark room. Well, no, but she pieces and shits in the other room instead.

Oh, the old switcher-room. I'll use the pile up. She's a bucket girl. Yeah, I'll use the bathtub and the toilet for the photos and I'll just shit and piss in a bucket. LA living is great. Joe Reynolds. Do I just throw...

Do I just throw it into the pool? Is that how it works, Mike? Someone keeps throwing shit in the pool like it's the Middle Ages, but coke. And then Billy picks up the piece of shit. Oh, it's okay. It's just a payday. He starts eating it. I can't believe it over here.

The new tenant is shitting in my pool. Doody. And I got heart surgery in 20 minutes. I didn't even know girls did that. it was a baby Ruth payday does not have chocolate on the outside so Billy's like

oh yeah well that's pretty weird black paint you don't know about the end the outs of Satanism what is it because he's saying something about like oh well what's the matter Michael you're scared for a little diversity around here what do you got to get the church of

Satan or something yes it's fucking crazy well first of all I mean they reference black paint and I think Billy just says like well diverse around here, which is a shit-ass line, by the way. And then I guess turns it into a Satanist

thing instead. You know what it is? I think it's the thing where he makes that line because you know who is coming up right behind them is Ronda and I think he's like, oh, fuck. I mean, what was Satanist then all? Right, Michael? Oh, hey, Rhonda didn't see you there. Yeah, see, he would have pissed

off Ronda there, but instead now he pissed off Malachi throne. He pissed off Melro. Yep. They have ears everywhere. Yeah. The pool is his domain. He lives at the bottom of it. It's his fucking front door. And if I was living there, I would think Joe is one of his emissaries.

But that's kind of it. She also, by the way, she changes the locks on her door. Like, has this person ever rented an apartment? And Michael's like, okay, cool, I need a key. And she's like, why? It's like, well, yeah, because that's how that works. Like, you don't own the apartment. Idiot.

We didn't mention it, but there's a great scene of when Jake eats a donut with excessive dipping. Oh, dude. Yeah, drinking that dunk and donut. It's awesome. Never dunked a donut. Not a donut dunk.

Oh, I'm dunked? Yeah. You're lying. You never dunked a donut? I do not like it. I don't want to fucking donut in my coffee. It's good, dude. Well, you just do like a brisk dip, dude.

You're not letting it swim around in there. You just admit your pizza in your beer or what? Ooh, maybe I'll try that to that. I will say this. It's better when you do it, like, you should do it in like a diner. or an actual place where you go to get like donuts specifically. He's doing it with what looks like an entomins made

in 1975. That's the problem with the dipping here, by the way. I am a firm believer that the only donut to be dunked is a plain dunking donut. Yes, the old-fashioned is preferable. Yeah, you don't be getting fucking powdered sugar in there. Steve, you've literally never done

it before? I mean, I think I've done it and I didn't like it. I'm not a dunker. Fair enough. Right at the mailbag if you're dunking donuts, dude. actually don't because we have 10 million emails because it's so common that's right all right

you cut your fucking sandwiches in half that we'll talk I don't think so never happen so they go out to dinner we don't see that but we do see them going to some hip club afterwards it looks like a landing strip

private pain yeah it's a sex club and totally and she's like oh cool I want to go in here and take pictures for my portfolio there's so many celebrities here. Here's the thing about her request for, I need this for my

portfolio. If that's the case, if you're a real deal photographer, bring in a better camera than shit that my aunt would use to take pictures at Easter. This little tiny, like personal, non-professional camera she takes out

and I kind of get it because it's like there's some sign about like no pictures. It's a sign that says no drugs, no cameras. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where I want to be. You would think, though, if you had a no cameras policy, you'd be fine with letting the drugs in.

No drugs, no cameras. We mean one of these. It is Los Angeles. No drugs, in quotation marks, definitely no cameras underlined. That's kind of what sucks is I kind of wanted to see the inside of this place. I thought it would be like the club from bad boys. Oh, you know what?

The basic instinct. The finger thing means the money. because they only some guy shows up oh hey Beth Beth it's me Ronald remember me and she's like

I don't know you and wrong lady That's right And he's like Come on Beth What the fuck And Jake is like Hey man

The lady says she didn't know you Leave her alone And the guy's like Okay And he starts swinging I love it He gets a hit in I think

And then Jake just fucking cleans this dude's clock And leaves his body Langue There is a shot of that guy just laying on the ground totally dead and then it's Jake going hey Joe

just walking away Joe I need someone to help load this guy on the motorcycle so we go to the ravine he's like he's definitely getting ready to do something here because he keeps on like smelling her erotically yeah and like trying to get a kiss in and I'm like oh man you're not on the river

boat yet you got to bide your time here buddy but she ghosts him here leaves him with the dead body and he's like come on Joe I knock them out you go through their pockets. That's how this works. Joe, when he fell after my punch, he hit his head on a rock. He goes back to Melrose Place, and he's like, what the fuck, Joe, you left me there. And she's just like, I'm a very difficult person or something.

And again, like, I think that the next morning, he goes back to her apartment. And he's like, listen, lady, we need to figure this out because I like you a lot. You're great, but I need to know some stuff. And I'm like, what's great about her really? Like, she's attractive, sure, but it's Melrose place that everybody's attractive. Well, because it's, I think, dude, it stems from the convo they had back at the ravine earlier in the episode because they're both talking about how, like, they grew up as, you know, on their own a lot. So they get used to being alone.

They like being alone. And they're talking about how that's like, you know, like, oh, Jake's like, yeah, I love the freedom of, like, being on my own and everything. And I think they're realizing, like, oh, fuck, the two of us could be a little. alone together, right? It's like, do nothing together. Be alone together. Yeah, cut back to that scene and we get an extended piece like, yeah, I buried Melissa alone down there.

I buried Samantha alone down there. Yeah, there's a bunch of them I did alone. But the way that they were treating this whole whose Beth story, it's very like Lynchian almost, just like, Joe is both Joe and Beth. You see,

this is another weird story I'm setting in Los Angeles. Suddenly, she's, like, played by Bill Pullman, who's Bafflingetty or whatever. Joe goes into the motorcycle club as Daphnees Uniga. Bang, she comes out, Bill Pullman. I love it, like the lightning crashes. And that's right.

Jake is dunking his donuts like it's 1958. I love it. That's right. Actually, that dude is a dunker. Oh, you're kidding me. T. David Lynch dunks donuts and coffee. Definitely. Definitely. And then Robert Blake comes out and says, I'm not your house

dunking donuts right now. And David Lynch only eats dunking donuts. Like, he thinks it's too fancy with the powdered sugar and the glaze. I mean, the guy, he's famous for eating at Bob's big boy still, so. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah, it's disgusting, right?

He apparently took a lot of meetings there. Wow, at a Bob's big boy. Billy is having a dream and then all of a sudden, He cut to Courtney Thornton Smith talking backwards in the Red Lodge, the Black Lodge. I listened to some interview recently where he was, like, being interviewed about potentially working on Return of the Jedi. And one of his things that he didn't like about going up to meet George Lucas in Northern California, he was like, it was Northern California, and they have these salads, and then I'm eating a salad.

So I was, you know, William Defoe will have these really weird teeth. They're going to really unsettled you. Mr. Litch, your dipping flippin' friars are here. Thank you very much. Yummy, thank you, darling. So anyway, Willem Defoe in this motel in the middle of nowhere with Nick Cage in a snake jacket. Great movie. So they wind, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

She explains that Beth is her real name. Her name is Joe Beth, but in New York she went by Beth because her mom, committed suicide, and she was the only one that called her Joe, and she felt at that time that that's the only person she wanted to ever call her Joe kind of a thing. It's nice, I sort of sweet, yada, yada. If it's true.

Yeah, I mean, that's the things that you don't know. And Jake's like, awesome, let's make out. They like hardcore makeout, cue them Melrose Place makeout music, and that's the end of the episode. But like, what is going on with this lady? It's just a lot of secrets, man. She's wrapped up in a lot of shit. And it's only going to get heavier.

Well, I mean, if you are the riverboat strangler, I feel like you need more, like, complex women to strangle. You can't just, like, be getting blondes off the sidewalk every day. I'm sick of murdering bimboes. He has to change up the ammo to keep the police off the tracks. That's true. He's killing some dudes in there, too. He's trying to be up there with the greats like Zodiac.

He doesn't want to be low time his old life. Look, I'm trying to mix it up a little bit. That's why I'm trying to push this horse off this ravine. Listen, I'm the East Area Rapist, original Nightstalker, and I'm just hiding out for a couple of years in Melrose Place until I'm eventually found out by Ancestry.com, all right? Look, here's the deal. I'm going to lay low from murdering people for a while and really dig my heels in on some quality arson. I love the ancestry, because that happened with what, the Golden State Killer or someone? I just love that whole thing. It's just like,

yeah, I've been killing people for years, but now I'm like really curious if I'm Irish or not. So I better send it my DNA. Yeah, you're uncovered by Trish from Ancestry.com who took in your kid. Oh, geez, looks like we got another serial killer here. Uh-oh. Yeah, that's right.

I left her in a fucking 40-barrel drama. Ooh, I guess I'm a little West Indian. Interesting. or 2% you say wow wait wait I'm being arrested did anybody watch that HBO doc I'm in the middle of it it's still airing it's good it's good oh I thought it was just a two-part thing no it's a series it's like five six episodes

it's basically it's Pat Nosswald's now dead wife kind of going through her book that she wrote about the East East Area rapist who turned into the original Nightstalker who is the Golden State Killer all kind of rolled into one it's It's really good. It's kind of mixing

like true crime stuff with like really kind of gut-wrenching personal stuff because it's not a nice story for her. Right, yeah. Michelle McNamara was that. Michelle McNamara, I keep forgetting that name. I'll be gone in the dark.

Is that what it's called? The title is too much. It's like I'll be gone in the dark sometimes around now dark time if there's a serial killer. I need like it's the story. You know, just like a two, three word title. No, I think I think, is it night outside?

would be a good one. It has to sound like a bright-eyes song. We need more commas. Yeah, dude, once you get a comma in there, you've got to get the fuck out of here. Come the fuck out of her! Speaking of Melrose Place is over with. Yeah, so that was our episode of Melrose Place.

As we always do, I'll go around asking for parting shots, and or are you excited to pick this back up when this series eventually, and that's a capital E eventually, picks back up on Patreon. I'll start with you, Chris Cabin. Absolutely. This was a really crazy episode, I thought. A lot of things going on at the same time. All things I was interested in, more attention was given to stuff I don't care about than was to stuff I do care about. But everybody was active. I was entertained by everything.

Things were strange enough that I was paying attention. And yeah, Kay Beacon, amazing emissary of the devil, as is Joe. and i look forward to seeing more of their dastardly deeds when we come back to this uh eric siska yeah i also want to see uh dirty deeds done dirt cheap coming up uh on future installments of nalrose place um it's bittersweet but at the same time i wish i wish it was a different episode to end this out on because k beacon and joe is a bit much so far i'm i'm excited to unravel that mystery but man they are pushing the mystery and it was a little annoying but you know obviously I'm still here uh Andrew oh yeah you know I I know um we've had a lot of fun doing this show and I know that a lot of

folks have gotten a lot out of it during this quarantine time um you know which the quarantine's not ending we're just ending this as we get a little busier like we've said but there's still crazy stuff to come when we come back with this uh you know such as the next uh The next episode of Melrose Place we will see has Allison running into some health problems. Jake may have a kid. Oh, no.

And then it sucks because we're just two episodes shy. We have episode 18, you guys, a Melrose Place Christmas with Dr. Kimberly Shaw returning to the show. And you also get Matt's fucking dad in that episode. There's a lot to look forward to. And then just short,

Shortly after that. Oh, and also Rhonda, meeting her future husband happens right around here. So there's a lot going on. I'm excited to continue when we bring this back on Patreon. You know, like I said, it was a show that I just watched when I was way too young to be watching it. I had no business watching it. This brought back a lot of fun memories. You know, the brilliant times of the 90s, which, you know, is definitely a rose-colored glasses situation. You know, don't think I don't know that. but yeah no i hope folks enjoyed this and we enjoyed making it we sure did yeah um party shots here yeah like i i kind of i don't remember the joe secret i know it's probably not what we've already learned there's probably more to it but it better be fucking witness protection because the way this woman is treating people it cannot just be like ooh i had a bad marriage and it sucks and now i'm edgy so get the get fucked lady um by the way a little i was looking up our our good friend, Kay Beacon, she is coming back in a couple episodes of this series.

She's four or five us appearances, but her name, as I said, is Sidney Walsh. But she was on an episode of this show called, hold on, Sweet Justice. And she's credited, you know, IMDb will always, like, in parentheses, like, as if you're credited as something else. Oh, right. But it's, it's clearly whoever was doing the titles on Sweet Justice just did a type. because she's as sinned knee Walsh S-N-S-N-D-N-E-Y

Because if somebody's like, oh, fuck, sorry. It's like, oh, look, did you see my sweet justice episode? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. This is ridiculous. What, it's spelled like the city or something? No, S-Y-N-D-N-E-Y. So that's like sinned knee, which is not anything. Yeah, that's not a name of all.

That's just a typo. It's like literally just a typo. See, I just thought maybe She was named after where she was conceived. Also, we were three episodes shy of getting Jane's sister on the show. Sydney, of course. Which we will get very soon. Yeah, when we come back, I'm, yeah, I've had a lot of fun doing this show,

and obviously I'm more of a 902 and O guy. I've actually been really enjoying the Miller's Place part of this as well, so I'm glad we did both, and we will continue to do both. Sometime later on, kick this can down the road. We are not ending quarantine, nor should you, because we'd like, we would like to have a world again, and that's the only way we're going to do it. But we're actually just getting a little busy,

and we want it to actually take some time off because it's been a bit intensive for a bit. But that's not yet, because next week we're coming back with our final 90210 of the season, but we will say goodbye, put a circle of salt around Melrose's place so that no one can leave or enter it

until we come back. I, Myelike, Throne. I'm officially shutting down the port of the hell for an indefinite amount of time. So that's going to do it. I have been Stephen Sadek. Andrew Jopin. Eric Siska.

Chris Gabin. Take it easy. Remain indoors and wear a fucking mask. You know, I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to I'm going to We're going to be.

That was a hit-gum. Thank you.