We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #33 - 90210 "The Next Fifty Years"

Episode Date: July 30, 2020

On the season finale of MELR0210 the gang takes a Super Mario warp tunnel to Beverly Hills, 90210's second season so they can chat about the much-hyped episode, "The Next Fifty Years"! Originally airing November 7, 1991, this is the infamous Scott Scanlon accidental suicide episode that's been talked about since the birth of WHM! On top of showcasing Scott's final appearance on the show, this episode also features one of the most awkward birthday parties ever filmed, some heinous line dancing, multiple time capsules, a Mel Silver appearance, and one of the best Dylan McKay lines of all time! WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. MELR0210 was a show we put together to help pass the time in quarantine, and it will one day return on our Patreon, so stay tuned! Until then, thanks so much for jumping on this 90's nostalgia train with us. Doing this show is a total blast and we look forward to picking it back up again one day soon! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello, and welcome to the final. Hello, and welcome to the finale episode. of Melro 210, the season finale, not the series finale, a We Hate Movies quarantine side show. Yeah! Wherein we talk about Beverly Hills, 9-0-2-0, and Melrose Place. You know, we have this, we were supposed to do another episode about Brandon's getting a girlfriend who's a TV star. Totally.

But then in my backyard, I found this cool little pipe. You all want to walk on through it? Fuck yeah, dude. I love going at pipes. here we go and here we are it's Scott's fucking death episode oh my god

holy shit we're in season 2 it looks great here he's a skeleton and he's throwing a shell at me the theme song sounds better it does we're into all of that this is definitely going to be a supersized episode I'm guessing this might be this is

the next 50 years original air date November the 7th, 1991, by the way. Bush's term is almost over, guys. Don't worry about it. Oh, yeah, here I come, motherfucker. The voices you are hearing, mine is Stephen Sadek. I am joined, of course, by my best fucking friends in the world, who I haven't seen in five fucking months.

Chris Cabin. Oh, hi, hi. Eric Siska. Howdy, partner. And Andrew Jupin. Yo! So yeah, this is a, we kind of decided, like, it's, I didn't want to just end on a wet fart, 902 and we wanted to, we've been teasing this since fucking March.

We should just get to it. What kind of fart is this? Bloody? Oh, man. Please, no, let's not with the bloody farts. Why not? Because that's a horrible image and it sounds terrible to the ear. Uh-oh, you went to Taco Bell and now you have bloody farts.

See, just like 902 and O, this episode is a learning moment. Don't eat that much Taco Bell. You'll have bloody farts. Yeah, you're telling me. I think Dylan would remember a bloody fart more than he remembered Scott. That is a serious high point for me that moment. Oh, I was chuckling. And I have to say, Steve, by the way, we, the two of us, met in the fall of the year 2002.

And we were fast friends. but I distinctly remember in the fall of 2002 us talking about this episode of television and it wasn't until today July the 24th, 2020 I finally sat down and actually watched it and good gravy. This is something that's always stuck with me

because it's such a bizarre episode. It's also scrubbed from apologies to everybody. You know, you've got to really play fucking TV detective to find this thing and I don't know why. I truly do not know why. I mean, it's not like, you know, I could see something, you know, with modern audiences if it was like, well, I don't know, it's school shooting or something. Sure.

But like, first of all, those hadn't been invented yet. Oh, I do. In the capacity that we have them now, that is, you know what I mean? So, like, I don't understand what's going on here. Well, I do know why, actually, by the way. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see, since it is directed by Lars von Trier, they had to, they wanted a criterion optioned it

to be on the Blu-ray of dog. when they finally do it. So they wanted to save it for that. They didn't want Hulu to be having it. They didn't want CBS to be having it. I don't know why. It was the most expensive episode of 902 and O'NO because they'd have financed the boat trip from Europe for that Dane?

Dane. Yeah, Dane. You're right, Chris. Everyone is, it's an ugly world and everybody hates everything. It is fantastic. It is, yeah, but this whole second season, I don't know what's going on with the rights. Like, it's, it's, because I'm looking at it on Hulu and C. BS All Access, and it's really scattershot.

Not just this episode is missing. An episode's like the Color Me Bad episode makes sense to cut because they're in the episode and you obviously have the music rights problem, et cetera, et cetera. But like this one, yeah, it's like totally just a, it's a message episode. It's like, hey man, lock your fucking, maybe you don't have guns around. You have like 18 fucking redneck kids running around. Dude, Jesus Christ, if you have a gaggle of children following you around like little baby ducks. Maybe a fucking desk draw handgun

is not the best idea. Mr. Scanlan. What kind of dirty land deals is he doing? He needs a fucking, he needs a fucking gun at his desk. Seriously, dude, someone's going to fucking come in and try to take him out over some oil deal? I got to get my mill out of Connie Scanlon. What the fuck you stupid illbilly that also somehow lives in Beverly Hills? It's insane. I mean, it's good that they're addressing this big gun culture. I mean, we did say that this

episode is hard to find, and you said other ones are going to be hard to find. When we do continue, we're going to go through them all, we'll find a way and I'm sure you at home could find a way if you Google enough. Yes, and I will say, I'm toying with the idea, because this is Season 2, episode 14, it'll be, whenever we

restart this, which we will absolutely restart, Melo 2, I wish you promised it a million times because you guys have been awesome supporting it this entire time. But when we do bring this back, and we get back to here, we might redo it. We might Look at it. Maybe a synchable commentary possibly. Oh, that's something.

I'm not sure if I can do this again. I got to say, you know, Kevin, I kind of agree with you. And someone said it last night. It was either Eric or Chris, because Steve and I watched it this morning. One of you said that it was like extreme curb your enthusiasm. And like to a degree, yes, absolutely. I was the exact amount of uncomfortable watching Scott Scanlan's birthday part. Not even the fucking death.

the birthday party right before he kills himself at his birthday party on his birthday the death is almost the least remarkable part of the entire episode I'm going to be completely correct with you it's all just like weird awkward moments

yes exactly like the death was when I was finally able to breathe I was like oh good a tragedy at least things will stop being so socially awkward so let me bring everybody up to speed on kind of what's been going on on 902 and in betwixt yeah because I got no fucking clue

no idea. I'm like an alien that just showed up. I mean, not much. I mean, like, the Walsh kids are pretty much the Walsh kids. Dylan and Brenda, obviously, you're still going out. But in the beginning of season two, we have like this weird summer season for like

six or seven episodes. Wow, that's a long time for us. It is. I'm not at it. And during so, a lot of things happened. David kind of, Scott goes on vacation. And to Oklahoma of all

places and he's comfortable upstate on a farm don't worry everyone yeah totally dude and yada yada yada but david starts to ingrati himself more with the gang even more so because Mel Silver who we see in this episode David's father starts dating Jackie Taylor

which is called Kelly's mom and that leads to a lot of funny awkward shenanigans and now he's kind of de facto quote unquote part of the gang that explains the line then that Kelly has about like Oh, David, my mom wants to take you and your dad out to dinner tonight. Does that work or something?

Exactly. Gotcha. Mel Silver looks like Beverly Hills only swinging dent it. Yeah, dude, he's having a lot of fun with that laughing gas. He's got my favorite line in the series, which I said before, which is Jackie, I've got a problem with monogamy, which he absolutely does. He loves oral. Oh, man. He's a dentist.

I love the dent. I mean, who doesn't? Yeah. Mel Silver played by the great Matthew Lawrence. Let me look it up. He was on... He's not the father of them Lawrence boys, is he? You know, I don't...

No, it's spelled different. There's a you in there. Oh, one of those. He's an 80s actor, St. Elmo's Fire. He's an Eddie in the Cruisers. Oh, wow. Yeah. Something called Port City, which looks like garbage.

He was on one tree hill for a bit. And he's ways, but that's kind of it. And then the other major part of this episode is Brandon starts dating the quote-unquote new girl in the... school is Emily Valentine, and for those of you who haven't watched a show in a while, this is before she gets crazy. It's still the, it's early days, Emily Valentine. What does she turn into like a serial killer? She's kind of like the Joker of the show. Oh, actually. Yeah. No spoilers about what happens, but yeah, she kind of turns into the Joker for a bit.

I love it. So that's kind of, uh, we open it, you know, very familiar for you gentlemen. David Silver is filming this crazy, creepy, nationalist fucking rally? I don't know what was going on. I was looking for the fucking MAGA hats in the crowd. Yeah, is this a KKK him I'm hearing from the crowd here? The future belongs to me. Jesus Christ. I am America.

Like, man, get that shit out of here. So it's kind of, he's like going around. around, look, and he's like, oh, look, every, he's narrating. He's like, there's Kelly Taylor and Steve Sanders. Look at that. Oh, over here, this is Donna. That's Jill and Brenda. Oh, all my friends are here.

All this audio is unusable, and this video's trash now. Exactly. I mean, here's the thing that's really awful about it. When he turns his sights on Steve, Kelly, and Donna, he's like, and there go the three amigos, Steve Kelly and Donna. I was like, no one's calling him that. And it's really uncomfortable. But also, what I realized today,

just because I accidentally watched a Ben Shapiro clip afterwards. Oh, my God, what the fuck? How did that happen? Somebody posted it, it's him being an asshole talking about something stupid on Twitter. Oh, so it's every Ben Shapiro clip you watched. But then it got you thinking, huh? It did. I was like, wait, maybe.

You're changing your views a little bit. He sounds, David, before he hits puberty, sounds exactly like Ben Shapiro now. Yeah, that's totally true. I don't know, Don, I'm just asking questions. Logically, if you think about it, Donna, there's, uh, uh, uh, you don't need to like black people because I guess I'm my racist because I don't like black people. Maybe, maybe if I just talk fast enough and use a bunch of words fast enough altogether,

just cram in together, no one's going to realize how fucking stupid and vapid I am. Yeah. Fuck that guy. That dude is dumb as donkey shit. And we're going around, you know, Dylan doesn't want to get filmed, blah, blah, blah. Silver, I told you about that thing. Come on. No pictures, dude.

I don't want that going out to that French lady. She thinks I'm dead. She's going to track me down, Silver. She was, it's a ceremony for, it's a three-day event because we're doing a fucking, what do you call it there? A time capsule reopening from 1941, 50 years ago on, and, you know, Scott is there. got this cowboy hat because here's the thing so Scott goes away he comes back the real uncomfortable thing is David is like now quote unquote cool because he's with the cool gang and Scott has become even worse somehow he's got like he in Oklahoma got into gun culture

he got into like cowboy hats and so on and so forth this cowboy hat though this is like when uh I forget who it is asking Homer to spy on Apu and he goes in Brockman is yes you're right and he goes into the huge cowboy hat with the camera in it like that's how big this cowboy hat is scott come on man you know and also scott like it's okay for friends to drift apart and you don't have to be shoved into some you know you don't have to be a square peg shoved into a round hole trying to fit in with the three amigos or whatever whatever david's trying to cultivate he's not like and he's not talking about them like he's friends with him he's like oh my god the three amigos that aren't friends with me but i want to be friends with them and like

All the different characters are all, like, separated from him. He doesn't feel like he's in there at all. But the thing as to why it's so fucking devastating in this instance, because, like, what this episode, I think, captures kind of pretty okay, is that idea of, like, you know, when you're growing up, like, friends just grow apart and, you know, whatever. But the thing that is fucking devastating about what they set up here is that, you know, David has gone off and he's got other friends.

and Scott has stayed where he is with no other click. Like there's no D&D circle that he's going to also go ahead. Like David Silver is all this kid has, which makes this so much worse. And that's the thing is, I mean, and also, I mean, like, it's kind of good on the show to sort of explore this sort of idea. Because usually, like, you know, people are always friends forever, hooray. And or they just get written off the show, which they kind of almost should have done with Scott, right? Like, he didn't work at the first season. We got the new opening, the sexy new opening.

he's certainly not part of it I mean I guess they're trying to do that here but you can just vanish him and I'll be like okay so he's just hanging out at another part of the school or like he's just he's so he comes back and he's like David I fucking loved Oklahoma dude like as much

as we're great friends Oklahoma like spoke to me it's where I was comfortable and guess what motherfucker I'm going and living with my aunt and uncle sure I'll see you around I'm going to be the fucking prince of Oklahoma you know what I mean and like that And just go instead, it's like, no, we're going to use this kid as an example for a message episode.

Hey, let's face death. Come on, a 90210 tonight. Let's face death. Absolutely, look straight in the face. So Scott is like creeping in, like, David's doing like, oh, guys, what would you be doing at 1941? And they're like, oh, you know, we'd be doing all this stuff. And like, we're having fun with it. And Scott's like, hey, hey, hey, guys. Like, he's on the corner of it. And it is brutal.

Yeah, interrupting Steve Sanders' answer that he'd be defending the Wehrmacht and the Fatholand. Yeah,'d be a pretty serious Nazi sympathizer, I think. Wow, Steve, your German pronunciation is coming along so well. Yeah,

Dunker, teacher. Yeah, no nefarious reasons for that. Yeah, and Steve would go on to eat a fucking cyanide pill. I wish. That's the end of season 10, dude. He's like, you know what? I've had a good run.

Click. They wind up. So like, you know, I think Scott invites David to his, Scott's like, oh, you know, what are you doing later, man? He's like, I got to cut this video, Scott. See you later. And it's kind of great. This woman, his mother, I'll look her up, the character, the actress. Oh, God, this is brutal.

This is a brutal character. Jenny O'Hara as Pam Scanlan. this woman is an actual David Lynch nightmare person oh you know that's right she that's what she played the spoiler for the film devil she plays the devil

totally the devil believable even in this in this show believable well I mean this is all just I think his parents were sacrificing him to the devil that's what this is all about well she's just creeping around the school

waiting for David to bats by so that she could rope him into doing the work of what getting him friends fake friends i guess well it's like oh we're throwing scotty a surprise party you're gonna come aren't you a that's a huge position she's and he's like uh sure miss scandin i guess i have to and then she's like oh and then just bring about 20 or 25 kids and he's like hold on lady this is not my job it's so last minute that's really the issue i had with this it's awful and also once you get a look at the Scanlan Ranch here. She thought 25 extra people were going to fit in this house. What planet are you on? Look, David, I already bought the meatballs, okay? You're bringing 25 people. You got me?

Well, where are they going to sit? Your fucking litter is all over the house. The front lawn. It's a picnic. And everyone gets a gun. It's a gun party. Everyone gets to come and everyone get all these guns, David. What am I going to do with these guns? Connie, honey, did you get the gun? the guns for the birthday Yeah the party favor guns Everyone gets to take home a gun So David is now given this fucking Herculean task of having to get anyone to give a shit

About Scott Scanlan There is a nice moment though When Scott is asking him Just so uncomfortably About what you know what plans he has Or whatever When he basically like shuts that shit down And he's like Scott I'm fucking busy dude

He lets him DJ In the radio station which is kind of nice. Yeah, they pepper these moments of like David Silver's still like you know, again, and it was that it feels like sort of truthful in a way, like you sort of like let all that shit,

you know, high school shit fly away and you're like, all right, dude, like, come on, we're still, we're still friend, you know, you're a nice guy, he tries to do a nice thing for him. I'm going to assume the thing he plays is Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks, which is on the soundtrack. That has to be right.

No, no, it is. I mean, it's, or no, that's not what they're dancing to. Oh, maybe that's what, maybe that's, maybe that party. Oh, that might be it too. I don't know. This is the Gartheting. What was that, that evil Garth Brooks? Chris Gaines.

Chris Gaines. Yeah. Musical guest, Chris Gaines. That was the funniest thing, right? Because it was Garth Brooks hosting S&L, but the musical guest was Chris Gaines. Absolutely. Chris Gaines. What a bad idea.

Looks like the guy from My Chemical Romance came back from the future looper style. and became a country artist Garth Brooks popularized what would become emo at least fashion-wise This is totally right I love it So he's trying to get everyone to go And nobody fucking wants to

Meanwhile the second I mean if this episode wasn't uncomfortable Your butt hole wasn't in your throat Already You've got to deal with fucking Andrea and Brandon And Emily Valentine The worst fucking love triangle

Because she's like It's at this event she's like oh Brandon are you excited for Citizen Kane this weekend this Andrea and he's like oh is that this weekend I was supposed to hang out with Emily and she's like oh and she's devastated and he goes how are you going to blame me you bought the tickets two months ago that's what I was going to point out dude he's like

how do you expect me to remember this when you bought the tickets months ago it's like dude you are the absolute worst he sucks he sucks and Andrea Zuckerman is the dream girl Brandon was Kane, man. Brand Walsh, I got to say, he's a calendar guy. He knew this was coming. I can smell it all of them. That's a calendar man

if I ever, fuck it's all one. Totally right, dude, he's got a very detailed day planner. He probably has a fucking, like, calendar and his stupid trapper keeper. Absolutely, 100%. And he's like, and he's like, it's not like, oh, I have dinner plans with Emily, or I'm

going to, we have another thing we're doing. It's like, I was supposed to kind of hang out with Emily instead. It's like, well, you had specific plans with me asshole well you know what andrea here's the thing if we go to the movies i can't dittle you in the theater but if i go over to emily's house and do nothing i could diddle her in her dad's den that's what he's saying he's like yes i can go i have no plans with this girl except that i may be able to you know get a little action right you andre i'm just gonna watch this movie from the forties say dylan do you know if that trick from diner really works

I was going to see maybe if Emily wanted to see a movie, Brandon, you can't do it, buddy. You can't do it. What was that trick-and-diner again? When Mickey Rourke puts his cock inside a bucket of popcorn. That's what I thought it was. The old popcorn trick. Love it.

Thank you for your popcorn. Hey, Andrea, actually, I was thinking about it. How about I just take both those citizen gain tickets? Because you won't even be able to get there. What with the bus schedule being as it is? Well, you might be able to. to get there, but then by the time the movie's over with, it's pretty long, you know, it's like

two hours, and there's going to be an intro at the beginning. The bus might shut down by the time we get out of the theater. So I'm thinking me and Emily could go, and we can make out during Citizen Kane. I'm thinking about bringing the popcorn out right when he's making the speech in front of the

big poster. Oh, my God. Now, Steve, did in the in-between time, since we skipped ahead a little bit, has Andrea and Brandon gotten together whatsoever? They did. At the season finale, they almost really hook up

and then it's sort of like they get interrupted and it's like, well, we'll see. And I kind of don't remember what happens in the summertime. But like that, there is, like, they push that thing really close and then it just doesn't happen. But she's obviously super into him still. And he is like,

the thing is he can't be oblivious at this point. No, he cannot. He knows. He knows. He's known for a while. He just, he likes, like tormenting her absolutely so david is running around trying to get everybody to go to this thing nobody wants to go because it's going to be fucking horrible um i forget how does he guilt everyone into going he doesn't it's it's and i said this off the air and i'll say it now because other points it's also proven but it's due to the heroism of the the fucking a number one slugger of this episode is donna donna is the one who convinces all them to go to the party that's right and

Donna is doing a lot of legwork throughout the rest of this episode. Because I guess the idea is, Steve, I mean, they're not together here, but like Donna maybe likes him or something and they're kind of flirting with that. Yes, they're starting to get together kind of thing. And they become a power couple

throughout the rest of the run. You know, maybe Donna could get the party started. You know who could do literally anything in this show? Donna. Like, they're finally, this episode is the first one where I'm seeing, like, they're actually finding something for Donna to actually do. And she's a character.

She's like the only, maybe maybe Donna could have empathy for a dead child. Totally. Maybe Donna's a compassionate human being. Oh, David Silver needs a dormit. Maybe Donna could be a doormat. Oh, you could say whatever you want

to Donna, dude. Go nuts. They're having a convo in the hallway and he's like, come on, guys. It's Scott's birthday. Like, what am I going to do here, man? And they're all like, I don't know, dude. and they like waltz off.

Dylan says he's going to be in Baja. Yeah, instant out, dude, always with the surfing vacations. Dylan knows what's up. He knows how to get out of his social obligation. And Brett is like, can I ever come on these things? He's like, uh, no, dude, sorry. Why don't you learn how to surf, babe, first things first? Those are just sex tourism trips, right?

Absolutely, it would have to be. Bren, you can't come with me because then you'll find out about my secret family. Oh, no. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Oh, crap. Did I say Baja? I met niece, France, where I have my second family. He's raising that baby, dude.

So it's in that whole thing where they all walk away like, sorry, bro. And Donna's like, don't worry, man. Like, I'll, you know, I'll talk to them. We can try to figure something out. And first of two instances in this episode, I caught a savage boom mic error. Ouch, dude.

Holy fucking almost hit Tori spelling right in the face. Take it again, guys. Like, we're not on that big, like, oh, boom, my guys, let's do it again. It takes two seconds. It's not the, it's not the bridge shot and sorcerer. You'll be able to get it again. Maybe the prom theme this year is good audio. The DP probably just thought like, okay, no, I'm making a movie right now, right?

This would be in a theater. Right. And also, like, here's the thing, everybody, like, David should figure it out, like, And, I mean, like, you know, he's being naive, I guess. What is worse than coming with nobody is coming with these people. That is, like, dragging some, because you know it's going to be an embarrassing party. It's going to be, you know what I mean? The mom's already talking about, like, she's got toys for all the kids and shit.

Like, you know Steve Sanders is going to be a piece of shit. Steve Sanders wants to get fucking drunk and hit on his ex-girlfriend. That's all he wants to do. Yep, that's what he lives for. That's what he lives for. But that's what he lives for. and like here's the thing though like you know that this mom's planning

this surprise party and whatnot I had no idea it was going to be this infantile this is a six it's like a 16 year old's birthday party this is fucking rough it is kid shit rough because we cut to it

David is there David and Donna are there right or no it's just it's just David I think it's just David yeah Donna comes with everybody else so it's just David he's like sorry I miss Scanlan I just couldn't get anyone to go. And she's like, oh, well, I guess we'll just have to make do, David. I'm like,

it's your fucking party, lady. You had 16 years to plan this birthday party, Mrs. Scanlan. Do not drop this on David Silver's shoulders. There's a ton of kids there. We are, we do have little plastic cowboy hats she's passing around? Are these siblings or something? Yeah, there's something in one of the season one episodes that we covered in the last few weeks. Scott says something about how he has like fucking eight brothers and sisters or something he doesn't need friends then he's plenty of home yeah conrad

don't miss oh my god he's a real sharpshooter come on Cody Logan Brewster Sarah Scott oh wait you're dead anyways Scott too oh dude the dog shows up

Scott T Scott T Scanlan we do meet Conrad here and it's just he's he's tending bar and he's like ah you know hey David how's it going how's it hanging this guy is creepy looking to get out he only has one scene

and you really should have more he really should especially because this is all his fault and he also looks like whenever Joey Pants needed a stunt double in the Matrix he really does you couldn't find a blonde actor here like Scott is famously blonde that's all we know about him. Yeah, I don't know what this guy's deal is. There is a fucking

douche-chill line right at the start of this party, though, because when David goes up to him, he's like, oh, hey, Mr. Scanlan, they're trying to, he's like, he's like, you're ready for my son's great party? What a great life my son Scott has ahead of him. And fucking dude, the David Silver line, he goes, Scott says he's got a, you got a couple rad new guns in your collection. Oof, your collection of guns, Mr. Scanlan. That's another sibling or a cousin, And some little dinkas is like, can we go outside and shoot your guns? And he's like, well, they're not toys, but they are awesome.

They're so cool. You're totally right. I just remember it. It's the kid who's, there's a fucking fantastic mullet going on with this one kid there. When they ask him about like the rad new guns, he says, damn right.

So he's making them sound cool. Mm-hmm. Oh, no, they're not toys, everybody. They're just super secret awesome things that grownups get to play with. That's right, Georgie. I liquidated your college fund,

and we've got some new fun toys. called guns. What is your fascination with my mysterious gun closet? It's fucking crazy. So Donna Kelly and Steve show up with three amigos. Brenda's there with them too. Oh, Brenda, that's right.

It's like, oh, wow, you guys came. That's awesome. And, you know, they're all instantly uncomfortable because it's a little kids party. And like it would like this guy. But also, these rich kids have never seen wood paneling like this on wall. That's a really good point. It's a class issue. Yep, absolutely. They're like, look at this, like, what did she not have money for birth control? Why are all these

children here? Your family has guns? What are you poor? We got bazookas. We have bazookas? Is that what you said? Yeah. Why don't you have a pool? Where's your pool? Who's catering this thing?

Ew, your mom made, what is that? Ew, it smells like spaghetti in here. Miss Scanlan. I'm sorry. Hi, yeah, I'm Kelly. Where's your cocaine room? Dude, I want to see fucking Jackie Taylor show up to this party. Spice it up a bit. Oh my God, dude.

She'd be like a fucking hurricane in this little house. Yeah, she'd find the gun before the kid. I could pawn this for some cocaine. Also, weird thing that's going on throughout this entire party. And it's like the most awful foreshadowing when you know. what goes on in this episode and anybody else catches the like incessant

balloon popping sound effects yes like there are shots ringing out through this entire birthday party because the kids keep popping the balloons it's foreshadowing it's just super smart it's like the fucking fireworks bit boogie nights kind of yes exactly

so Brandon and Emily show up a bit late and you see them kind of coming up the front and they're like oh you know brand said we just have to pop into this party we'll just fuck somewhere else or something and she's like really uncomfortable and

they see the car pull up and the move is just run you know what I mean just book it they see the car pull up like oh we're going to ruin the surprise so Scott comes out he's like hey Brandon whoa what are you doing at my house holy shit

exactly it's like Michael Jordan Celebrity's here it's like Michael Jordan but four feet shorter Why do you give a shit about Brandon fucking Walsh? Fuck that guy. Because he doesn't know how shitty Brandon is, dude. It's this whole thing of like, you know, the cast system in high schools are built as such

where it's like, wow, that guy's the best. And it's just like what you think of him and like what the school thinks of him in that way. And it's like, if only Scott knew how much of this dude stinks. Brandon Walsh, women want to be with him and men want to be him. Exactly. That is the mindset. Exactly. And he's like, oh, we were just walking Emily's dog. And he's like, what dog? And then instantly all the kids come out. Like, surprise, Scott, it's your birthday. And like, this mother gives them a fucking dirty look to end all dirty looks. Fuck, this was brutal. This is like some soul crushing staring right here. Scott also has a real dupist line here where he goes, they're all here inside. Four out. Oh, God.

Just go to Oklahoma. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Here, oh, Brandon, will you, uh, will you sign my book? Oh, my God, Steve Sanders peed on the seat in my house. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Keep it as it is.

Holy shit. Kelly Taylor was rude to my mother. This is the best. Donna Martin was disgusted by my wood paddling. Oh, my gosh. Steve Sanders spilled food on the rug and said, What does it matter? Just buy a new one.

Classic Steve. Brenta Walsh spit right in my eye. Can't wash it ever again. She swore it was just an accidental gleeke, but I thought it was a real luggy. They spit out their gum and made me eat it. I think I'm one of them now, guys. I'm part of the gang.

Oh, my God. Is Dylan here? Is Dylan here? Let me eat Dylan's gum. None of that happens. No. We go inside. It's really uncomfortable. Nobody wants to be there. And everyone's kind of doing that. And it's, you know, we've all been here. It's like, so when can we leave? Oh, yeah. You go into the party and like the second you cross the threshold, you're counting the seconds until you can leave. And it's always the cake. It's always the fucking birthday cake.

Yep. Oh, also the really quickly, the douche chill that sets this whole thing off is Scott overhears David. Oh, God. Being like, no one would have even shown up if it wasn't for me. No one gives a shit about this kid. What a shit had, man. He's right there. Couldn't believe it? And he's saying that, isn't he saying that directly to Donna

who did all the work of getting people here? Yep. That's fantastic. That's fantastic. like Ms. Scanlon's kind of rude, just like, well, your friends ruin the surprise, which is, you know, whatever. And he's just like, oh man, no one gives a fuck about Scott.

Oh, wait, here comes his birthday. Happy birthday, brother, man. I think anyone cares about that dumb stupid baby's birthday? There's no, like, I mean, I guess they don't get to have that scene because he fucking kills himself, but, like, there was no, like, hey, David, man, that was fucking rude, dude. David, do you hate me?

it's so weird because he goes back when he does get the gun he's kind of jovial with it when David walks in and it's just like are you this dense your friends hate you because yeah like everyone's like really uncomfortable wanting to leave

and then David tries to get the part Miss Scanlon wants to do limbo and he's like that's kind of ruin Steve Sanders does a limbo you dumb bitch this is Steve fucking Sanders in your house how dare you You get your fucking poor ass out on the street

And you find some Coke too sweet lady I did think Scott was going to kill himself And how sad this thing is Yeah I did not expect it to be an accident He starts giving like a speech about how cool Scott is And like for his birthday I'm going to get Scott

We're going to teach Scott how to dance Let's all get out on the dance floor And they're all dancing They're doing 90s dancing And it's so much about oh my god i'm brushing up against kelly taylor my erection is enormous right now totally dude had he lived to tell the tale the kids back at the computer lab would have been going nuts over how his boner accidentally bumped into kelly taylor that that is jacking material for two years at least that's two years at least well because he's in between like kelly and brenda at one point and it's like yeah it's really working for scott now the other thing oh man what was i just going to say about this oh steve i think

To add some credence to why this is where the Garth Brooks song is playing, David is like, all right, everybody, you know, get in the line. Everybody get in the line. We're going to do some Scott dancing. That's right. Okay. That's right. And they're like, yeah, they are doing the low thing.

Yep, exactly. And he is near those girls, so he does shoot a little early. Well, that's why he died, dude. All the blood was in the wrong place. He's got to keep that shit in your brain when they're handling weapons. seriously think that like the dancing with the hot babes like it just fucking put his brain into overdrive

and I was just like I cannot compute how awesome this is that I was dancing with babes I'm fucking invincible let's go fly into the sun right now I felt everything I'm ever going to feel tonight dancing between Kelly and Brenda come in my pants

I felt everything and I know everything it can't get better than this might as well go and die it was so good he wanted to it to last forever, so he's going to get his gun the gun out and demand it. No, no, can dance. Dance! Dance! Ditty-mow! He started shooting at Donna's feet. Yeah, you can do it, man. Donna can take it.

Yeah, shoot at my daughter's feet. That's cool. Use real bullets. And, I mean, this is a very high schooly thing. And this is where I'm like, what am I supposed to feel about any of our main characters here? Because they're being really shitty. I mean, it's an uncomfortable thing. Clearly, this is a nerds party, and they hate it. But fucking Brandon and Emily sneak off to a kid's room to get a hand job going. Dude, she, like, they're doing the dancing. And also, like, Brandon Walsh, famously terrible dancer.

So he's already uncomfortable. He's got that t-shirt tucked into those dungarees. Don't worry about it. And he's, like, kind of standing there. And she whispers, like, I'm going to suck your dick in a child's bedroom. And he's like, got it. Let's go. And, like, if you're at a family birthday party and you see someone pull, like, it's a

couple, like you see a couple at a family birthday party, and one person in the couple pulls the other one by the hand away from the party, red alert. Hey, hey, hey, look, it was on the calendar, okay? He had had it on the calendar, and M had seen the calendar as well, and they knew it was time.

Look, if the clock hits midnight and I haven't been sucked off, the schedule's thrown way out of whack. We learned that from his father. Gonna have to get a new far side desk calendar then. Hey Brandon You ever

I got it I'm gonna get it All right All right Wait for it everybody Here we go Hey Brandon Do you ever get a blow job

On cheap sheets You got Yoda's and shit on them What's it like to blow a load On a 300 thread count sheet Brandon I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm just like eye to eye With Captain America right now

If the party was just kids, fine. Maybe find a room to fuck in. But the fact that the parents are their hand in that, people juice and shit. Exactly. It's twisted. And she catches, and she catch, uh, Pam Scanlan catches them. She's putting the kids to bed.

The cake has already been out or whatever. Or the cake's about to come out. She's trying to put the kid in the, she's trying to put this kid in pajamas. And she catches them on fucking third base. It's amazing. Oh, dude. And again, the glare that Pam Scanlan give. That's a name, by the way. Pam Scanlan.

she gives the two of them holy shit and it's so fucking great because like the whole thing she's like all right everybody we're going to do cake after the kids get their PJs on and all the teenagers is like Jesus Christ this cake deadline man

yeah you keep pushing it back Pam Scanlan is like the scourge of the PTA you just know it oh yeah dude she's got a laundry list of complaints so they all kind of now they're humiliated and embarrassed so they're like I guess it's time to go

and she's like yeah I can't Yes, it is. And everybody leaves. All the kids except for David. This is the worst. I think this is one of the worst exchanges, though, in the entire episode. Because, like, they're getting kicked out. And, like, Kelly's like, oh, okay, well, if you're leaving, we're all out of here. And she goes, Peach Pit? And Brandon goes, yeah, let's go see Nat. And Scott is right there. And I was like, hey, Scott, these teenagers want to go hang out with a fucking 60-year-old Italian guy, then stay here. hang out at your birthday party. They would rather go hang out with Nat at the Peach Pit than be friends with you. Hey, hey, kids, how's it going? Ooh, you smell poor. Why do you smell poor tonight? You guys smell like poverty and gunpowder. What the hell happened?

Vanilla shakes coming up. Pam Scanlan, that's the name I haven't heard in a long time. Oh, shit, Nat's secret father. Oh, I like it. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, that's the fucking, the little button on the end of the episode is it's Scott Scanlon's tombstone and Nat is just laying a single rose down in the rain. Good night, sweet prince. You'll always be Scott Buciccio to me. God damn it, get out of here, Nat. I bought these guns to keep you away. Yeah, let's get some hamburgers in you kids. Okay. So they all leave and it's like, oh, hey, well, now we're finally going to go the fucking cake. And, um, This is when...

One of the last things that Scott Scanlan says to his best friend in the world, David Silver, is, I know you'd rather be with your friends. And it's devastating. It's really bad. And they're like, hey, we need to light this cake. Hey, Scott, why do you go in your father's

gun room and go find a lighter? And he does. And he's taking a long time. He's like, I think first the lighter doesn't work. So he's like, oh, there's got to be a better lighter somewhere at dad's desk girl. I know where the key is. Yeah, he finds like a Zippo that's like out of oil or something.

And it doesn't work. He fishes out and he finds this fucking Glock. And David shows up. He's like, Scott, what's up? Oh. And it's like, hey, David, check it out. And he starts spinning this gun like an asshole. And you kind of, you cut to David.

You hear the gun fall. And then you see a flash. And yeah, he's dead. He's dead. The way that they orchestrate this too with everything. turning into bad music video slow motion and like Brian Austin Green is like putting his hands over his eyes and it's all like jittery footage it's not handled the best you should do pulp fiction spray dude that's what I want to see oh yes all over David Silver's face

oh fuck I killed Scott shot Scott the face yep and then David Silver and you know whoever else I don't know maybe maybe Steve Sanders they got to go to Quinn Tarantino's house and wear his clothes So that's that We cut immediately to the memorial service Which is kind of at school The second time of this episode

We're having to fucking sing along in the quad by the way And do you think they were like Oh fuck we're supposed to open the time capsule But now this kid's dead shit Just put his whole body in there Great great Now we gotta wait another 50 years Thanks to Scott Scanlan's accidental suicide

Man, there are so many disappointed calendar people. I mean, this is just rampant. Like, this, it would never-ending pushbacks. Yeah, and it's my favorite line of the whole episode. We're just kind of watching everybody and everyone's really sad. And it's a very sad moment. You cut to Dylan and Brenda. And Dylan is just like, hey, Bren, I don't want to sound like a jerk, but which one was Scott?

This is fucking crazy, dude. You are at his fucking memorial. you were in the intro with him it is fucking it's a two for though because it's it is really incredible because she is like Dylan you fucking had technology with that guy last year and he's like I thought that guy over there was Scott she's like no he was in your class blonde kid and then he just goes oh my god that guy Dylan's first appearance on this fucking show was coming out of the shadows to defend Scott. Absolutely, dude.

First appearance. It's insane. It's tremendous. I love it. Which one is Scott Scanlon? But like meanwhile, his mother is right behind him. You know what I mean? Like, it's a memorial for someone.

Like, if you have that question, you ask it before or you ask it after. You do not ask it during. Yep. Just you know what? Do your best to try to do like some silent detective work. And if by the end of the dead person's memorial, you still can't. figure it out, maybe quietly ask someone off to the side. Wait, wait, wait.

Scott wasn't the guy who was dating Kelly for all those years? Are you sure, Ben? No, that's one of your closest friend, Steve Sanders, Dylan. What? Standing right next to you. Oh, no, Scott's dead.

Who's going to run the peach pit? Well, no, Dylan, that's Nat. Oh, my God, Scott's dead? Hey, David. Sorry about your girlfriend. No, that's Donna Martin. Oh, right.

I thought you said the blonde one. Jeez, Brian, you're acting pretty good for your father, Scott, to be dying. Where I being at is funeral and everything. No, no, no, that's the friend from tech class. Well, I never met him, but he's surfing on the river sticks now. At this memorial service, we kind of get a little more Andrea and Brandon. It's like, well, we're going to have to put out a very special issue of the blaze dedicated to Scott. And they have this, like, kind of back and forth about Andrea is, and typical brand.

He's like, why are you trying to politicize this event? I'm like, a kid fucking got killed by this fucking dumb hillbilly parents. Listen, to politicize it. Now's not the time to talk about gun violence, okay? We have to grieve for 10 years, and then there'll be another shooting, and then we'll grieve another 10 more. Now, the thing that's weird, though, is they're also. also arguing over which one of them is going to cover the funeral. Really weird, dude.

Maybe school newspaper, you can just write your little thing about Scott without having to send the fake teen press junior to the fucking funeral of this child. The fucking new school newspaper covering this kid's death. It reminds me I just relisten to, I think it's the 1980 No Respect Rodney Dangerfield album. Oh, yeah. He's got a line in there. He's like, yeah, I moved to such a bad neighborhood, you know, at the local school at the school newspapers got obituaries

West Beverly High you heard of it oh wow you see that Scott Scanlan oh wow he checked out early that kid had the right idea kid was just waiting for a shot we got one yeah so they're fighting they're fighting about this

and there's more like and the thing is like who's going to cover the funeral aid I agree really stupid question nobody is and they're like well Brandon you should do it and then Emily's like I don't think it's right if you do it because his mom's gonna freak out after we got kicked out of that party

it's like why were you kicked out of the party well we were kind of making out and she Emily knows what's going on here too by the way she's oh she's fucking putting her flag on flag in the ground yeah we were fucking on you know we were getting there dude totally she can fucking smell what Andrea's putting out so then Andrea Rotten's off and a huff and Brandon's like what is her problem

But he wants He winds up covering the funeral anyway There is this We cut to the funeral And you know And here's the thing Mel Silver You need to put some distance

Between your son and this woman That is your job as a parent Because like he's You don't see him yet He's only later in the episode But like David's like Oh yeah And she's like

Well you have to sit with the family It's like But my dad is here And da da da da And like once that happens You need to go up listen lady just you know grieve your own way my son's gonna grieve his way it's gonna be what it is kind of yep and instead she's just like scott's memory will be kept alive by those who loved him

this is david silver scott's bestest bestest friend in the whole world she says bestest bestest friend in the whole world like six times and he's meeting like aunts and uncles and fucking he-haw hillbilly cousins from this fucking family if it's a teenager you have to give him like a good weeks notice before he can write and say something at a funeral. Of course he's a fucking child. You can't just be being like a couple hours, hey, why don't you just take all your feelings, all that angst, and pour it out in front of

200 people. Exactly. Well, 17-year-old David Silver, of course you're a fucking certified grief counselor. Why don't you get up there and say a few words? It's insane. What I do like about this episode is David's Ark with him being confronted by everyone at school acting like he's gonna be super devastated and he's it's almost it's almost tragic too

because he's almost like I don't even like Scott anymore and that I mean that's it's like his it's a fascinating thing for this character to be wrestling with because he's like he is sad that Scott is dead but then he's also super guilty because he's like we weren't fucking friends anymore you know but he's and then he's like thrust into this position

of like oh yeah everything was just like it was when you were in the fifth grade like that's the way Mrs. Scanlan you know, thinks everything was going down, you know, and it's like devastating watching him being, you know, this push and pole kind of a thing with his fucking brain. I remember back in kindergarten

when we were first becoming friends and Mrs. Scanlan would just hang out in the front of the school behind trees waiting for us to come out and she would do that all the time. Notably absent from this funeral, Conrad Scanlan. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He's in prison. You know, what's going on there? We talk in involuntary manslaughter charges? He's looking for. for the big rock candy mountain i think i think he's on the trails he's heading out west wide dude that guy wants to go west as he can to get i guess he uh no i think he fucking wants to go surfing with dylan and dylan's going to be like hey mr scandlin make sure to put the safety thing around your ankle so you can still you know catch your board if you get thrown off

no no dylan that's fine i'm going to be freeballing it on this trip no no dylan i'm going to attach that to my revolver so i don't lose it Oh, Mr. Scan, you know, you're not supposed to tie, you know, bags of rocks to your ankles when you go into the ocean. I've got it, fella. Don't worry about me. Do you think he would actually be really, I mean, because he's got so many backup kids. That's a good point. But he's nowhere to be found. Like, he would at least be grieving, right? I guess.

That's the thing. He's either been jailed or he's fled the family or something. I'm definitely not jailed, not in this country, dude. That's actually true. That fucking gun was standing its ground. Wait, hold on. Update. He was later found living in Vietnam on his own.

He's been extradited to the United States in awaiting trial. Oh, Connie Scanlan. He now goes by Lord Conrad. The deviant known as Lord Conrad has been found. With another dead blonde boy in his wake. Update. No, I don't know. Update.

He was going through local boys like Kleenex. Yeah, they were all accidental suicide. Update. He didn't figure out where to pie the fucking gun. Update. Didn't know there was a safety button on those things either, the dumb fuck. They wind up. So, like, we don't see the actual funeral.

The next day is what Eric is kind of talking about. Everybody's like, hey, David, how's it going? Like, Dylan is like, Dave, you okay, man? And, like, yeah, Dylan, I'm fine. Steve Sanders, by the way. Oh, Lars von Treer MVP. He's just like, hey, David. How's you going?

He's going, okay, Steve. So it's like, their blood and stuff all over the place. You saw it, right? Dude, you know, it was crazy, David? After Scott iced himself, I went back to my mansion and I was watching this zombie movie. And like, do you think, like, Scott's guts, like, fell out of his fucking belly when he shot himself?

Do you see that shit, man? it's good that we get like a reference to where he was shot and if he was shot in the stomach I mean I'm a surprised he died because I always heard you're going to be okay that's true it takes the longest to bleed out well you know what Scott are you goddamn doctor you're going to be okay

you're going to be okay rapid David Silver they drop him in the living room and they're like no we're going to wait all right we're going to have cake you are not going to the emergency room and getting that bullet removed until we have this fucking cake but by the way Steve Sanders also has one of my favorite lines from the episode

it's at the funeral where Dylan can't remember Scott is Kelly is like fidgeting and like is like talking about other stuff and she's like I feel bad and Scott just says you're doing better than Scott is

oh right I'm like that's a little heavy Steve there's some Dylan piece of shit lines too like what was he was something like yeah someone up there must really like me and hate Scott that's a Brandon line and that is fucking nuts there's like fucking crazy there later on whatever

Dylan and Brandon are just like kind of hanging out at Brandon's house and oh oh Brandon I didn't know you were home I just got done going down on your sister I'm gonna take off man and he's like yeah you know I just think about all the times I should have died you know when I was drunk what I drunk drove definitely there's a camping episode where

there's, uh, where you saved my life, Dylan, that we'll get there about. Oh, that was, that was what the rock climbing reference was. Yes. Uh, and I did appreciate that he acknowledged the fucking drunk driving. Yeah. He's like, and then I almost drowned as a kid. He's like, I don't know, man, somebody must like you. And Dylan actually kind of rightfully, he's like, does that mean somebody didn't like Scott? He's like, I don't know, man. It's just kind of weird. I mean, dude, whenever anyone fucking says that, it's like, dude, think about the other side of that. statement. Exactly. The weirdest thing though about the start of that conversation is like because the scene is Brandon is like sitting at a desk downstairs studying. I mean, he's got a textbook

open, but he's really just kind of looking out into nothing. And Dylan comes down and he goes, hey, brand, or he goes, hey, your mom says to come to bed. It's like, what the fuck is going on up there? All right, Dylan, you're done fucking my daughter, right? All right. Could you tell my son to go to bed, please. It's just, it is and also. And Mr. What did I tell you

about condoms in the waste basket? Come on. Take them with you when you leave, please. You can drop

in Minnesota can so easily. That's a great thing, though. I was wondering this entire fucking episode in Steve. I don't know.

The soda can trick? No, no. You got to use the soda can trick. Jim Walsh is just like, oh, God damn. Such a horrible day of punching numbers coming home. Oh, well,

someone left the pop open. And he fucking starts chugging that. You know, I hate wasting Coca-Cola. Here's my question, though, Stephen. This is maybe something that has to do with, like, the way the wind is actually blowing in season two. But how is it that there is a fucking, a friend or a, you know, outlier, known associate who fucking accidentally kills themselves in a horrible accident? And there's not a scene where fucking Cindy and Jim. are there to talk to the kids?

It's a great question. I mean, and again, like, that, because I think there's, there's a weirdness in this episode where in, like, in an episode where you're supposed to feel simple, because it is about a child's death, and you would think it would be like, and now we need to see,

I mean, A, Jim and Cindy are much less in this show now. It's more of a kid, a kid-centric, kind of, like, so that happens, like, right at the jump in season two then, ideally. I mean, they're in the show, but, like, yeah, it's never, there's no Jim and Cindy plots anymore. It's all just interesting. I'm going to miss those sexy business trips. But I would even, like, I'm not even sure if this is about Scott dying.

This is about David grieving more than anything. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that's true. It's a David episode. But it's also like, yeah, but again, like, it's, there should be more, more parts where the kids look more sympathetic as opposed to being horrible. Like, oh, that nerd died, that kind, that's kind of gross. See, I guess that's why. That's why it had to be deleted off of all streaming platforms.

I mean, like, I've been through episodes in season one where I'm like, I hate most of these people. And I'm just like, so like I don't, yeah, I wasn't that surprised by them being terrible. So, you know, everyone's asking David all this shit. You know, everyone's like glomming on to him and he's feeling a bit like overworked here. We do get a scene with Mel Silver as his dad is just like, you're going to take time to grieve, David. By the way, is that lady harassing you still? Because I should, I should step in there. I get right in the middle.

Because, like, fucking the maniac, the ghost of West Beverly fucking Pam Scallon pops out. It's like, David, you're going to come and see my house, right? You've got to take all of Scott's toys. Dude, oh my God, this woman is hiding behind a bush waiting for this kid and get to school. And like, this is when, like, you're like, your Mel Silver, like, oh, she told you to go to go pick up some stuff. You know, I'm going to come with you. It'll be better if there's an adult there to speak for your interests. David, David, I'm going to call my lawyer who is also named Mel Silva.

hold right here and I'm going to get other Mel Silver to come with you next time you go get your stuff from his house because it's I mean like again like this kid not only is Loss's best friend was traumatized by watching him die you know what I mean like that's something you never get over

totally he doesn't need to go back in that house like that's not his that's not his responsibility now Steve I have a question about Mel Scanlan or Mel Silver here because aside from him being a philanderer he seems at least in this scene like he's a good dad, which aside from the

Walsh's, you don't really see too much on this show. So is that, like, kind of true of the character in general? Yeah, he's actually a good guy, uh, for the most part, aside from some of the flandering that goes on later on. He just can't fucking keep it in his pants. I mean, look at him, dude. He's ready to go. Um, so yeah,

he goes to her, ah, dude. It's him. It's an amazing shot because again, like this episode doesn't push that button too much, but in Scott's room there is a cutout of a huge handgun that looks exactly like the gun that he gets killed with. I did not notice that. Someone's

going to rip that off the wall. But like, you know, she's like, oh, I remember when you boys were playing with Transformers, you have to take the Transformers. Please, David, take the Transformers. Oh, that's why this is deleted off the streaming. They used a Hasbro name by title. That's probably it. Oh, you might be right. Please choose it. Robot toy.

Please take the robot. Robot toy. Whatever. He freaks out on her and she like, you know, he's like, I can't do all this by myself. You're pushing too hard. She loses it because she's a fucking maniac anyway. There is some insane details in here though. Like she's rummaging through this box of shit

and she's like oh David look at this. It was from that that one 4th of July. You remember that? Oh of course Scott loved all holidays and then she's like oh and here you go David Scott would have wanted you to have this. It's his Christmas stocking and I was like ladies fucking Jewish

what is he going to do with a Christmas stocking? You brought a one in this house, David? I'll tell you what to do with that Christmas stocking. You put it on your door in college when you got a line. Oh, yeah, there you go. All this is going into garbage. Meanwhile, Brandon has to get this interview with David Silver.

That's kind of the thrust of the second half of the episode. He's trying to get, he's trying to, and again, like, you don't need this. You really don't. Like just, you know. And, like, and Andrea is, again, always talking about it like, it's the fucking post. going out. It's a fucking West Beverly place. Brandon, I'm thinking about putting your article about Scott right

next to what we're going to get for lunch for the next week. How about that? Do you think that's the best place for it? Yeah, Brandon, I'm putting the story next to the fucking cafeteria menu scandal story we have going. So, like, there's a lot of David

he blows up on Donna, at least twice, and he treats her like shit in this episode. And she's just like, she finally snaps back, like, hey, I know you're going through some shit, but I'm the only one that is, that cares about you and like really blah, blah, blah, I got everyone to that party. What the fuck? And he's like, yeah, I guess you're right. And then he winds up watching a video of Scott that he took, which is kind of devastating to look at. It's horrible. I think because one of the,

like there's a sequence where David is walking down the hallway and he stopped like every second by somebody. And one of them is this teacher, vice principal, whatever this fucking dude is. yeah who's like hey man I got so and so to volunteer to edit this footage we need this shit from the fucking time capsule ceremony like cut and ready to go and he's like

no no you know I'll do it or whatever so then yeah he's in the fucking computer lab like where their friendship you know blossomed in high school where he met Dylan McKay you know just looking through all this footage David is throwing himself into his work you know that's the right move

just one thing after the end of When he blows up at Mrs. Scanlan when she's like, take his fucking Christmas stocking and his Transformers, he goes, Scott accidentally shot himself in the stomach because he liked to play with guns. And she like fucking loses it and runs out of the room. It's a whole thing. And the best part about it is the end of the scene where he's like, Mrs. Scanlan, Mrs. Scanlan come. Like they're still in the same house. Mrs. Scanlan, get back here. Missing.

Ah, ah. And he turns around. And he like picks up. Scott's bed and shakes it angrily. Like, that was the move. It rules. I mean, I do. By the way, that was the first time that bed ever shook. Oh, man.

Well, the only time before that that even came close was the vibration of the gunshot ringing to the house. Do you think they still got that gun? Do you think they, well, oh, what a tragedy. We lost our beloved Scotty. But we still have you, Mr. 9mm. Yeah, I don't know. I think fucking Connie took that with him out to the out to the, the coast, dude, he's going to fucking...

He's like, well, it took my sonnet and take me! In case he can't find Vittles on a night, you know, he can hold somebody up with it. Oh, he's living in the woods? Yeah, yeah, of course. You've got to bend in society if you do such a thing. Instead of saying, like, it took my beloved sonny. It took my beloved bullet. Wasted a bullet.

It's not a bullet. It's called Round. God damn it. Pam, it's expensive. okay, it's almost $2 a bullet. Bullets are going up in value, actually. So, like, yeah, it's kind of, we're getting towards the end here, and Brandon's been fucking harping on this article. He kind of sort of makes up with Andrea,

because he goes up to Andre, and he's like, hey, what are you so upset about? And she's, like, halfway crying. She's like, it's just watching you with her. It's just so, so difficult. And he's like, we're friends. We're going to be friends. forever. And she's like, okay, that's awesome. It's kind of fucking hilarious that they make the editor of the school newspapers say that because Emily's hanging around canoodling with Brandon, she doesn't like feeling like, quote, yesterday's news. Oh, yes. That's nice. And also, like, that's the other thing too, Brandon. Like, it's one thing, you know, you want to fucking get a hand job at that poor kid's house. That's fine. You can't be, like, making out in front of your friend at the school paper. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, you know what this.

girls up to you're being a dickhead yep you can keep it inside for a little bit um so like they kind of make up but he still has to get this article so he goes to confront david not confront david to go ask david for this article uh in in the in the DJ booth and it's great because he's like Brandon I don't really have time right now he's like David I'm up against the deadline dude what do you want me to do I'm like I don't know fucking blow it out your ass brand and how about that um how about fuck you but instead he just this is what he like it's the the big monologue he gets and like a christian said this uh last night he doesn't quite get there he does not he doesn't have it no it's it's close though it's not not bad it's not totally off

base i think he gets if you don't have the camera on him it's better like when you're getting shots of like steve been like oh that guy sounds pissed i might like him uh like stuff like that it works better but like when he's on camera it's it's not great i got to say uh he does ask the great question though like why are you like the whole thing starts with him being like why are you bothering with a tribute to Scott like why do you give a shit and it's totally true

I mean the only reason they give a shit is because he's fucking dead 100% what the 15 readers you have really need to know about this are you fucking nuts? I think it's it's David's line he goes no one gave a rat's ass about Scott until he died well the thing is like once you do this article in the newspaper Andrea

and Brandon might get into an even better school. Thank you, Scott. You're totally right, dude. After this dead kid profile, Harvard is gonna come a knockin. One of his big lines here is, Scott was my best friend and I dropped him because he's that cool, like Steve or Kelly

or Donna. And like, I don't know, like they're not that cool, dude. Like, just whatever. I don't know. Also, wouldn't that alienate you from them immediately? Like, immediately. Well, because he embarrassed, by the way, the whole gag here is he's going on this huge

diatri about nobody gets the shit about Scott until he died, but the mic is on. Right. Hot mic. And, you know, whatever, Brandon's like, your mic says, I don't care, man. Scott is dead. He ain't coming back, dude. Calabunga. It is kind of an awesome, like, telling off of Brandon. Yes. And I'm glad the whole school got to hear. It was kind of true. Like, oh, yeah, all those, all those fake losers like that be mulleted, curly-haired, Steve Sanders, fuck that guy. and like he walks out of the booth and everyone's kind of looking at him and I'm like this is when is there any teachers in this school somebody

the grief counselor needs to look Mr. Silver why don't you come on just come on rap with me for a minute or two totally well David you clearly have problems let's go talk no no no no no David's got to go join his father out on the road out in the woods forever now because after I did this I would never come back to the school I'm sorry I'm done I'm out of here. Oh, out the woods with Scott's father.

Yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah, I kind of agree. It's kind of hard to come back from this. You know what sucked, though, was I was totally anticipated because, like, the kids are, you know, the whole school's like gathering around the booth and everything. And then when David walks out, I was like, here comes a fucking slow clap. And they didn't do it. It's actually sort of weird.

It's like the whole gang sort of descends on him. And it's like, you know what, David? He basically said we're all selfish pieces of shit. But you know what? Pretty cool. Well, they're like, oh, you know what, man? Next time somebody asks you how you're feeling, you don't have to say fine. Just tell him how you're really feeling.

Except for Steve Sanders, because that guy don't care about nothing. You can ask the rest of us, though. Or you have him ride the rails with Conrad and learn how the different symbols for where there's good vittles and when there's bad ones. Right. Oh, Farmer's daughter, pretty. Also, I love the idea of someone's like walking by, like, oh, how's it going? And then you're just like, actually, it's terrible. Let's talk for an hour. Like, I don't think it would find.

No. Some guy going to his car the other day in this parking lot, I live in, yes. You live in a parking lot? Hard times. I live in a parking lot. And this dude going to his car was like, oh, hey, how's it going? And I was like, oh, you're already in your car. All right. Yeah, it's never a legitimate ask, especially in parking lot passing.

That's what I was getting at. It is a phony fucking line. Come on. You know what's weird? So this all ends with David. is going to do something with a new capsule for 1991. Now, I was genuinely captured by this moment when he gets something from Pam Scanlon. Because I was like, it's going to be something that, you know, tied them together.

But it could not possible to be that stupid fucking hat he was wearing. There's just no way it's that stupid, right? Well, boy, was your face red, Kevin. It's the stupid hat. He goes back to Pam and, like, they have a moment where she's like, I think he'd want you to have it. which is kind of a nice end for this horrible character. I mean, she's grieving. You get it. He also, he gives her a tape of all the edit, presumably the edited Scott footage.

And he's actually nice way, he's like, you know, hey, here's this tape I told you about. You probably don't want to watch it right away, but when you're ready, this tape will be there for you, kind of a thing. David, you're not, she's not asking you for money, is she? Is she shaking you down, David? You know, David, it's not actually a true thing that says the best friend needs to do. and 10% for the funeral costs. If you're using cars, you can count the gas, you know, and she's got to pay for it.

40 cents a mile, David. Yeah, so now we're all at school and we're digging a new time capsule. Donna's idea, by the way. Yeah, Donna's like, I have a really special idea, which is nice. It's a very nice ending. Everyone's throwing something into the thing.

Andrea throws in the newspaper that has Scott's obituary in it and also on floppy disc which he says we'll probably be a little bit outdated in 50 years try like 21 minutes yeah yeah exactly good luck getting that

newspaper to load I love Steve Sanders cheap ass contribution a Corvette keychain dude what the fuck do you get something else to do that this fucking car you're jerking off about yeah oh cool in 50 years a keychain wow well I had three

three things in my pocket. A Corvette key chain, a little baggie of Coke, and a hundred thousand dollars in a cash roll. Only one of them is going in this time capsule. All right. I'll throw my Coke razor in there too. And this is what 91? Yeah. Yeah. So it's 50 years. Yeah. So in 2041 guys, we can we can dig that up. Oh, cool. I think. Dig it up and celebrate Scott Scan. If we're due in 2041, if we start, um, pick Melaro 2 and O back up next year. You'll be like season four at that point so exactly yeah whatever

um everybody Brenda donates Lycra Spandex Dylan donates surfboard wax it's just hilarious Madonna's Lycra Spanix Brenda has the Minnesota Twins t-shirt Oh right right right right right right And also like this is all like so useless

like somebody's in fucking 50 years like a t-shirt and a fucking keychain Wowza well I mean I don't know dude it sounds kind of mean but like all time capsules are worthless. Yes, that's a good point. And no one's putting in anything of value in a time capsule. It's something that denotes the time.

The Minnesota Twins. Put in a Tori Abis CD if you're going to put in anything. You got this at school and it counts down to the end of the world. Oh, fuck. Dude, this is the prequel to knowing actually. Who was Scott Scanlan? Who was Scott Scanlan? Oh, God.

Oh, it turned out Scott Scanlan. Scanlan was nobody. As is the fifth letter of the language. Oh, no, no, no, Scott Scanlan was an alien. The last thing put in there, of course, is David. He reveals it's Scott's Cowboy Head. It should be his Lakers cap. That's what we remember Scott fondly for.

Fuck, like, I'm sorry he took this vacation and left basketball behind for the rodeo or whatever they'll. Anything that would make you remember, Scott, away from this episode. But it's so singularly this episode. That's the last Hattie wore before he killed himself. You might as well put the gun in there, man, if Conrad would part with it. A lock of Conrad's bald head hair.

Like, that's what's left of Scott. And then Don is like, only one thing left. And they all get sparklers out. And it's like, oh, it's like Fourth of July, which was one of Scott's favorite holidays. Even though Scott loved all the holidays. Damn it, it's so sad. Maybe in like 2041, they'll clone Scott.

Oh, that's a good idea. And this was Doug Emerson's retirement from acting, never act again. That's right. He joined the, I believe he became an Air Force person of something. Yeah, I think he thought like you couldn't go on do another role if you die. I died in TV and movies. Well, that's it for me. That is the end of that episode.

This one's for you, Scott. that yes that's it uh you know what this one's for scott man something for scott yeah it's like mc hammer also can i just point out how lame it is to really love to the fourth of july that much yeah well that sucks that's what gets you a cowboy hat and a fucking bullet in the gut i guess that's true it's a pre-rick you have to be for the july favorite holiday okay now i can murder myself for the cowboy hat on. So as we do, as always, we're going to go around the horn,

some parting shots, and or are you excited to pick this back up when we do eventually sometime either later this year or most likely early next? Eric Siska? Oh, man, this was some episode. Yeah, I mean, it's something. I felt like the David stuff was good.

It is a weird episode. I'm glad we did it to go out on because you got to go out with a bang. I'm excited to keep going because I had no idea I would ever like 902 and fuck, dude, I like 902.1. Yeah, I did it. I did it. Christopher Cabin. This was excruciating. So I kind of am looking forward to more 902 and0 because I know it can't get more emotionally draining than this and like more emotionally lacerating.

thinness so yeah I'm looking forward to getting back to it eventually but yeah I'm kind of glad

Scott's dead I'll be honest with you I thought he was a drain on the show well the problem Chris is when we come back it'll still be season one and Scott will be

the zombie Scott will be around but somehow Scott resurfaced yeah I've seen him leave the party I don't care if I see you know

pictures from the party too cloning wayfinders That's Oklahoma technology. Andrew Jupin. Yeah, man, you know, it's funny. It's like rarely does 18-year-old hype hold up. And I'm here to say that this time, Steve Zadak, you did it.

This episode, as it is, was quite something. This whole Melro 210 journey has been quite something. You know, when we started this at the start of all this hellscape, horse shit existence that we have now, It was like, you know, here's something that like, you know, we can just put out for folks and whatnot, but I did not realize that this was also a project for us. So I have to thank the three of you for going along with this also because it really sort of helped with all of this, you know, and going for it, I'm so super psyched to bring it back on Patreon. I believe Steve will probably have been the winner here in the 90210, Melrose Place Wars in season one of Melrose 210. but I'm also looking forward to getting back to Melrose's place

just because the fucking insanity there was just about to hit before we had to sign off. So yeah, I'm excited for the whole thing and I'm stoked that so many folks out there were able to jump on board with this and have a good time with us too. That's absolutely true, yeah. I want to thank everybody for sticking around

and going on the show. It's been fun watching people on Twitter like, be like, oh, this show sucks. Oh, what the fuck? And then like three weeks later, like, Billy is such an asshole. What the fuck is his problem? It's really kind of funny to watch all that sort of stuff.

Thank you guys for always supporting us in general. We're about to do our 500th episode in a couple of days. Tomorrow, actually going to record it. So it's just amazing to watch all you very kind folks come along with us during these journeys, especially during the darkest time. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, then there's going to be brand new content each and every week on the We Hate Movies Feed for the foreseeable future.

That's why we're kind of needing to sort of shift gears here. But this has been a really, really fun experiment for us. And we will definitely bring it back because we had a lot of fun talking about it and a lot of fun talking to you guys about it and talking with you guys about it online and all that stuff. So it's definitely going to be part of our stable of shows. A little stable of we got going on here, guys. Yeah, a little stable built over the last 10 years. Every so often you walk in there and you brush them. You got to brush your nexus and your gleeplessories.

Yeah, a salt lick. for the Gleep Glossary. Oh, here you go, little animation, damnation. Here's a little, here's a little cat for you, a little cat. Ah, look at this, you my good friend, Glep Glacery. Come in here. Look at your coat. It's so great.

You have a carrot or Glep Glacery hanging out with Nexus. Or Nexus come in here. Yeah, or Nexus gets celery and Glep Glacery gets carrots. I love it. I love those little miniature horses or whatever the fuck Arnold has. I don't know what the fuck that guy's got going on, but it looks utterly fantastic. I mean, we had a lot of fun during the quarantine. No one's had more fun than Arnold Schwarzenegger's as tiny horses.

That's true. I wish I had enough land for tiny horses and pools and Hollywood Mansion. But, yeah, right now we're going to put the gliderotour in this stable for a little while. Give it a carrot, pett its nose, say it's a good girl, but we'll come back to you eventually. We will. You do want to check us out on patreon.com slash we hate movies because all throughout August, we get a ton of awesome content coming. your way, including on the main feed, the 500th episode, which I cannot say, but if you're a patron, you'll get the Big Daddy Dispatch, and you'll be the first to know what that 500th episode is going to be.

Oh, yeah. Oh, Meloroh, put the cookie down. And, you know, if you go to whopodcast.com, we do want to say, because that's one of the most important things to come out of this whole quarantine, is this year, this entire year we are giving any and all merch sales profits to Black Lives Matter and Black Lives Matter, adjacent. recent charities. Please, if you're interested in our merch, that's where to pick it up.

WHModcast.com. There's also a link to Act Blue that takes you directly to those charities. If you want to cut out the middleman, go right ahead.

We encourage that as well. Definitely. And Steve, I want to interrupt right here to say, if you have a problem with that, to go fuck yourself.

That's a great idea. Because I've seen some comments that some people have a problem with it and maybe this isn't the show for you. I'm sorry that we want a better future?

Yeah, totally. Dude, if you got beef with this, you can fucking direct it to eat my ass care of New York City. Well, you know, you should do, you should, if you really have a huge problem with it, you should go

to Conrad Scanlan's office, there's a little key that will open the desk drawer. And you could spin that gun and have a lot of fun, dude. And you know what? That's just a joke. And I know someone out there's going to try to frame it in a weird way, and that's sad.

It is, sir. It is sad. Oh, I do want to say, tonight, we will be live doing a watch party for Adam's Family Values. Yes. This is July the 30th.

So if you're listening to this after that, it already happened. So check on Twitter at WHM podcast. All that info is there. You definitely don't want to miss us. It's going to meet us. Good friend of the show, Griffin Newman, who's having us, by the way. He's hosting it. We're really super excited to do that with Paramount, with Griffin.

Adams Family Values is a great summertime. So it's going to be a nice, some more summer diversions for you guys. We're so fucking busy here. I have been Stephen Sadek Andrew Jopin Eric Sisko Chris Cabin Take it easy and wear a fucking mask

You animals You animals So, I'm going to be able to be. That was a hate gum podcast.