We Hate Movies - MELR0210 #7 - 90210 "Every Dream Has Its Price (Tag)"

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

On the Beverly Hills, 90210 episode of this week's MELR0210 shows, the guys are chatting about the third episode, "Every Dream Has Its Price (Tag)"! Originally airing back on October 18th, 1990, this episode features a tease about moonlight horseback riding, rich girls stealing from boutiques, a hilarious clothing store detective, Brandon learning about wage slavery, Dylan openly mocking a restaurant, the Walsh parents being... not great to a housekeeper, and David filming Girls Gone Wild at school! PLUS: Does everyone remember the backdoor pilot for what became Aaron Spelling's, Dudes? MELR0210 is a new show we put together to help you pass the time during this necessary social distancing period. New episodes will air Mondays and Thursdays, right here on the main feed! So stay home, tune in, and yearn for the more innocent and sexy time of the 1990s! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Hello and welcome to a Melro 210, our quarantine side show. Put on your sunscreen and please remain indoors. We are now entering our fourth week of this, which is fucking insane. I am joined by Eric Siska. Hi. Chris Cabin. It's only been four weeks.

Well, no, it's been five, but we see. started this the second the second week of the quarantine oh you're just playing with my mind now steve thank you and andrew jupin shut up chris yo uh i just want to since we are entering somewhat of a milestone here i want to take a quick moment to thank any and all doctors nurses emtcs health care workers grocery store workers bodega operators restaurant workers employees and otherwise uh delivery guys too yeah uh uh warehouse employees liquor store workers and most importantly drug dealers. Thank you all for keeping the

world running and everybody safe and all that cool stuff. We've gotten ridiculous emails from people like, thank you for what you're doing. Like, no, no, no, fuck that. Thank you guys. But I will just... I mean, yes, Steve, everything you said is true, I will put out there once again, everybody. If you have access to a

medman facility and care to mail some carts, slide into my DMs. Get at your boys. Get at your boys right now. You are setting yourself up for a world hurt, man. There's some undercover detective, like, I got him. I hate the one doing

the mailing, motherfucker. Sure, sure. Did you hear about Andrew? He got coronavirus in jail. Yeah. Old Bobby Muehler's got plenty of time on his hands now. We are talking about, this is our Monday show, so we're

talking about Beverly Hills 902 and no, we're on episode four somehow. Right now, I'm sorry, this is episode three. Apologies. Well, it depends upon how you're watching it, man, as we discussed because the stupid fucking pilot they couldn't make up their mind. You know, these streaming platforms, they don't know their fucking

head from a hole in the ground. This is the episode titled Every Dream Has Its Price Tag, which original air date October the 18th, 1992 days before my 7th birthday. Nobody cares. That is the worst abandoned Smith's song title

I've ever heard. Every dream has its prize. tag. No, it'd have to be Morrissey would sing the one part and then I don't know like Johnny or somebody would be like tag tag tag, tag. Yes, that's it, that's it. Tag to tag to tag to tag to tag.

My dreams don't have price tags. I grew up to be a fucking asshole. Oh, Brenda, why did you do that? You didn't have to do that. That's the fucking thing I was screaming at my television, Chris Cabin. This is, there's a lot of firsts in this episode. We're still very early on in the series. This episode features one of my favorite characters,

The Birth of Nat, played by Joe E. Tata. Nats. A rock native, Nat. Which guy was Nat? That is the guy that's running the peach pit at the end of the episode, guys. Oh, Lord. So you're pro pie now. You're very, very famously anti-pie pro cake that you're,

You're, now you're praising, you're praising a pie merchant, right now. The merchant, hey, look, like I just said with all the thank yous, I'm all out for merchants these days. Oh, my God. You know what I didn't even realize was like the peach pit is the fucking diner that Dylan takes him to. I miss the exterior. I miss the whole fucking thing. I must have it taking a note. It doesn't have the exterior that it usually does.

Okay. So you knew this is it. I see. We're also still in demo version of the fucking theme song. I'm starting to wonder if this is like a fucking. licensing thing. I think it's the first season has this. I think what we see this time is actually

where we are for the first season which is saxophone heavy and yada yada yada. Someone went back in time and killed that mailman so he's gone. Erased from existence. He got loopered. Dude, that's a one and done idea and God bless

Hollywood for it. It's just a box on Jim and Cindy's portions. What's a box? What's in the box? You know, we want to market this show to, you know, it's a sexy nighttime soap opera. Let's start with a geriatric old man being in the cold. I mean, like, exactly. I'm tuning in for fucking sexy teens and, you know, fun times at the beach and whatnot.

I don't need to see a mail carrier. But thank you mail carriers during this whole thing. Yes, absolutely. So we start with Brenda. It's kind of her episode here. She's got the A story in a big bad way For the first time, because it's been very Brandon-centric,

although Brandon's going to have his say. Don't worry, Chris. We know you're part of the Brandon fan club with me. It's a Brenda. It's Brenda, and she's like trying to get ready for, she's trying to sell Cindy Walsh on this Twilight horseback ride,

which we actually never see, by the way. I was fucking furious, because I thought the episode was like, okay Mrs. Walsh puts the fucking Kaibush on I'm not paying $120 for you to ride a horse at night and I was like

okay so she's going to fucking lie and then we're going to like she's going to go horseback riding she's going to get hurt yeah Christopher Reeves Jesus I think that was a well lit accident Eric yeah that's true

but instead yeah it's just like fucking shoplifting story I was pretty this is an interesting episode not just because of the the whole shoplifting thing and then there's also like the lesson the lesson is like pro-capitalist and anti-capitalist in this episode because brandon's story is like hey this is wage slavery and on the other end we learn well if you shoplift there'll be no stores to shop and ever ever again what a dumb lesson that's it was it was a lot at the end where she's like but then there might not be any stores there might be there might be only 40,000 the limiteds a world without the mall I'd rather commit suicide so yeah she's

trying to get one over on Cindy Walsh it doesn't necessarily work it's more of Brenda being like ugh I don't fit in we're so not poor at all but for you know it the the fucking cry in poverty for Brenda and Brandon Walsh you can all fucking relax but I still just don't understand it. I mean, so they're in this fucking town. Why can't they spend $120 on a horseback ride? Well, that's the thing is, and I was watching with Jennifer, my wife, and she, she brought up a good thing that I never really thought about. It's like, why do they live in Beverly Hills? Like Jim Walsh, I'm sure, maybe has a job in, quote unquote, in Beverly Hills, but you can move to any other part of L.A. and still commute into Beverly Hills.

Is it because of the school district? I remember the newspaper, newspaper girl, which is what I write for her whenever I see her. Oh, Andrea? Yeah. She goes there because it's the best school. So maybe they care about their child's education. Got it. Yeah, but we learn the lesson we keep learning, which is all of these kids who are not born in the Midwest are rotten to the core because their parents don't give a shit about them.

Every last one of them, including the latest piece of shit to the pile, this Tiffany. It moves into less than zero territory pretty quickly. Oh, dude, at the end, that pool scene with Tiffany, we were going to talk about that for at least 20 minutes. So, yeah, we meet, apparently, you know, everybody goes to school and Kelly is hanging out with this new girl or new to us named Tiffany. We find, there's no Donna in this episode. I looked it up.

This is one of only two episodes of the entire series that Donna doesn't appear in. I was fine with it. Who is Donna again? Tori Spelling. Yeah. We call her the, the producer's daughter. Right. Okay.

the uh waste of space uh but no don in here but yeah so this girl tiffany was apparently like best friends with kelly forever but you know they had a falling out but now she's back we're told by some random brunette girl who's like has the fucking 4-1-1 on everything and but does not have a name oh yeah this was great and i was i felt terrible because i was like oh man this poor actress it's like okay like early on in the first season of this show ooh i'm talking to one of the stars like oh could I be in like the circle of friends no no no you'll never be seen from again you don't even have a fucking name lady uh we meet Tiffany who is played by noelle Parker of uh not much but she played uh she was in earnest saves Christmas pretty high in that cast listing wow been a while

for me and uh she played amy fisher in a TV movie so that's pretty cool also a small role in super good movie at close range oh I never James Foley's movie. Some of the best Christopher Walk can you ever see. Now, Steve, does this character ever return? No, no, it's a one and done. So what happens to her? Does she get like shot in the head right after the credits roll?

I don't know, man. You saw the fucking way she was living at home with all those dudes by the pool. Let's just say she fucking slipped. Those dudes by the pool, by the way. I don't know what we're jumping ahead, but like I just love that she's like, they're just dudes. What was amazing? They're just using my house. There's dudes that are here.

I was like, I was watching it and in my head, right before she said it, I was like, who are these dudes? And then Tiffany answers, these are just some dudes that hang over and use the play. And I was like, oh, they are. They're literally just dudes. Okay. I yes. There's some dudes out here. Dude delivery. Chris, I'm sorry. Ah, yes, Tiffany, I'm reading her well. She left everything to pool dudes. As a group, I don't know who you are, but if you're a pool dude, who is it? A dudes, ma'am, come on in. Yeah, I mean, like, that's, I can describe it a little bit. At the end, she's, like, at a, hang sunning by her pool, and there's at least three or four.

I can't even count how many guys there are. I don't know, dude. I got at least five separate banana hammocks. And it's just like, well, and you and Brenda just has to stop for the, who are these people? They're just dudes. They don't say anything. They're just around. I fucking love these dudes.

Now, do the dudes come back in any significance? Yeah, seriously, do the dudes come back? Or do they have like a story arc like a dude arc? I kind of wish the dudes were around. Backdoor dude pilot. Oh, dude. A pilot for a 90s show called Aaron Spelling's dudes. That's got four seasons at least.

At the very least. Well, fellow dudes, what do you want to do today? There's a little girl that has a pool. I don't know, man. I just don't know, man. I just don't know if I could keep being a dude. And everything else fails. You've got your dude. Oh, yes. Yeah, totally. Oh, I can see the poster now. A lot of jean jackets. Yes. Honestly, I would watch the shit out of dude.

That stinks to Stephen Weber. Oh, yeah. Stephen Weber stars in dudes. Yeah, he's wearing like a fucking really smart vest on the cover. his nickname is scrawny uh-huh dude speaking of smart vests Brandon Walsh in this episode fucking Ferris Bueller's vest almost to the letter

yeah Brandon's sort of story arc here is he needs a job to keep up with his car insurance because Jim Walsh runs a fucking tight shit man oh man this guy's not taking no for an answer do you think he's kind of like the dog tooth father

when you cut around it like you see the nice moments with him. He does seem like a taskmaster in the background. This is his first appearance. Correct me from wrong. He's in the pilot, but that was actually scenes reshot. He barely in the pilot. They establish him in the two-part

pilot, but he has like maybe three lines. But suddenly he's daddened all over this fucking show. Oh, dude, he's dead and everywhere. And Andrew, I did see one thing that I love is your from last episode, the Beige scene is in this episode. I know. I almost texted you guys. He's

totally about to get sucked off him in those kids. It's ruin it. I didn't notice. It's right when they get the phone call that, or no, Brandon comes home. That's what it is. Brandon comes home from work and fucks it up. That fucking ass. James Eckhouse is about to get a killer beach as seen in the opening credits.

So that's Brandon's thing. He kind of lets Andrea smell it for a second because he's like, I'm getting a job because I, you know, I got to pay for my own car insurance. And she's like, well, wow, that makes you are really upset. standing guy, you might not just be a Beverly Hill something, something after all. Bye, Andrea. Yeah, adios lady. There's a lot of reasons why I like this episode,

but one of them is that there's a lot of chances taken with how the show looks. Like there's these weird handheld scenes twice in this show. In this episode that like come out of nowhere. This bizarre Brandon pounding

the pavement looking for jobs montage, it's insane. Dude, and the fucking horrendous music while he's doing this, too, when you see that montage. It's just like the fartiest, like, and again, it just said, I'm like, is this a licensing thing? Was there a pop song here? I would bet it was. I mean, obviously, I haven't seen this episode in 20-some-odd years, but I mean, I'm almost positive. All of this is rotten with we used cool, catchy songs, and now they're all gone.

Because this song, this little tune that plays while he's going around. you're getting rejected from i was looking at some of the things on his job list like he was turned down by a laundromat or like a dry cleaner or something so on and so forth but the song is just like a power cord it's four chords just like barna da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da it's like oh awful it's a rarefied genre fart grunge oh definitely we rarely get it but this is it this is the stuff uh he winds up getting a job at some place called was it the town or something I missed it the or the yeah I think you're

right I think it's the town it's some weird generic name like that and it's like a fru fru restaurant that he's really excited he thinks he's going to be a waiter which obviously I mean like we find out some shitty practices of this restaurant but of course they're not going to hire a fucking 16 year old kid off the street to be a waiter you're definitely going to be a bus boy yeah exactly

and also the weird thing with this restaurant is from what I can tell their big claim to fame being uh in beverly hills such as it is is uh they just put cumin in some of their recipes that's and that's the thing i was so confused table side cumin chris because they're like hey brandon you need to you get to i think he's going to start uh waiting tables like well you have good enough hands to start filling the cumin bowls like the fuck are you talking oh that's right it's like george castanza being like if i ran a restaurant there'd be salsa on every day

But even before we get that, like, Brandon is talking to Dylan and Steve about it, and he's like, and Dylan just says, great cumin. And I was like, what? Are they just frying up cumin and cakes and serving them? Also, this woman who's running this restaurant, the way she approaches Brandon's hands, it gave me big time Schindler's list vibes. Like, no, I need the little hands to get to there to get to the human. Oh, my God. You need to work in the cumin minds. I could have saved more bus boys

I could have Ray finds is up at the host podium just with the gun behind his neck Yeah fucking please wait to be seated But yeah You're at a restaurant And you're like honey Could you pass a cumin?

Thank you so much Oh that's excellent I'm just gonna sprinkle this on my fucking steak I'm a maniac It was a newly found spice I got you It was fru-fru-cool. So that's the beginning of his arc.

Brenda is kind of like following around Kelly still, kind of like a little puppy dog. She's trying to fit in with Kelly's life is the coolest. And this new girl, Tiffany, who's very extreme. We have a very boring literature scene where we're doing fucking, we're really trying to tie this into Les Miserables a little bit.

I love this because the teacher is explaining, like, the plight of Jean Valjean and all of this stuff. and she's basically like, okay, how about this? Your homework assignment is to try to figure out if you kids who live in this golden ghetto can understand the needs of poor people. And I was like, fat chance. And also the moral lesson of like one thing you do

could ruin your life forever, forever, forever. I will say, I will say this is definitely a better adaptation of Les Miserables, then, fucking that Tom Hooper piece of shit. I like that movie. I mean, Tom Hooper. Yeah, I do like that movie. I mean, I saw it once. I like that. By the way, confession time real quick. Never seen any iteration. Never read it. Never have no frame of reference.

Really? Yeah. Well, the lot of this Beverly Hills, Ben, Suna episodes. So that's all you need. There's a good version from the 1930s, Eric. It would be awesome if at the end of this episode, Brenda is sent to jail for 20 years. look down look down so that shows it's like about people that have to sing their way out of jail

yes yep yep that's exactly it yeah cool that's all you need to know about it I think that's what Andrew Cuomo is going to do for everybody I think that's going to be his plan to fucking and the inhumane treatment there's something we need to do to close down Riker's Island

and I think that message is if you want out you're going to have to sing your way out of there so all of those criminals and everybody down there get those pipes ready to be singing yeah I was just watching

Beverly Hills 90210 the other day and it was very important it was that every dream has this price tag I would have locked up Brendan for 40 years for thinking about stealing look I'll start memories all alone in the moon the lights

so they go to she gets invited out to go shopping with them and like she Tiffany does it because Tiffany's like really cool in class and she has this really lame things like really funny joke Tiffany I'm like oh Brenda oh dude my asshole clenched right

up when she said that I was like dude that's desperate as fuck Brenda and then Tiffany's like who's joking and she's like oh you know you should go shopping with us and she's like oh I can't afford anything would you never say like oh I'll go and just you can just you know look at stuff on racks. Or I got to go

home and take a shit. Also, a great out of any situation. Brenda's got a big dirty one to drop off. It's the silver bullet. It does get you out of most situations. That's true. So,

they go and they're looking around. There's a lot of fun talking. We see Steve and David in his only appearance in this episode. They're hanging out shopping for Cologne together. Steve Sanders only appearance in this episode. David Silver has a fucking Creptacular second scene to come.

But I love this because it's like it's basically all the girls are shopping and then like they walk out of the frame and the camera is like, wait a second, what do we have here? Oh, David and Steve and Steve is explaining to this young Padawan learner how to fucking buy Cologne.

And he's spraying it on him. I was dying. And he's all like, Steve's all like, oh yeah, girls love this. They love it when you smell like nothing but cologne. See, what you need to do is you just put it in your eye. Just put big puffs right in your eye. But speaking of Steve Sanders, though, I believe, did I hear this correctly? We learned a sexy detail.

Oh, yeah. That Tiffany was the one who stole Steve Sanders away from Kelly. That's what caused the falling out. But now they're back because I guess she doesn't like Steve anymore or whatever. It's great because Steve even says, like, Tiffany says, I'm like, oh, hey, Steve, nice hanging out with freshmen or something. He's like, still got that waterbed? Oh, yeah, totally classic Steve Sanders, waterbed comments.

Something you'll notice about from the last episode is Brian, Brian Austin Green hit the growth spurt hard. He did. He's as tall as fucking Zering at this point. It's tremendous. Wait a second. Is he as tall as I in Ziering right now? Well, in this episode. No, that's what I meant.

Yeah. Oh, really? I didn't even know. Yeah, he's definitely measuring up a little bit. They should have absolutely recast him. Just fire this fucker. Sorry, kid. I actually just watched that episode of Seinfeld with Mickey as the stand-in.

Oh, he's heightening. Yes, the lifts, yeah. This kid shot up four inches at one day. When they feed him. Look, green, you're out of here. It's all Devin Sawa now. Ooh, what a righteous Canadian that dude. is man um so like a long story short Tiffany steals a bunch of shit from this store

brenda thinks about stealing and i guess we find out the walshs are catholic because she cannot get over it oh my god the fear thought that she thinks about stealing she's like devastated get over yourself lady what the fuck are we doing you didn't do anything you had a thought you moved on you didn't do it you should be proud of the fact you didn't do it yeah come crying to me when you get caught stealing pornography like me. Wait, hold on. Chris Cabin has told this story

I have over here to be fair. Oh, right. This isn't new though. Like you weren't busted by Andrew Cuomo like this week. Sing. Sing. Sing for your pornography. I'm pleased to announce that

Chris Cabin has finally been brought to justice. He will be going to Rikers Island immediately. Pornography theft is a real thing that affects many of us. Let me just say he won't be flattening any curves with his eyes where he's going. Wouldn't be the first cabin chastised by a Cuomo.

Excellent. Oh, great. Do we want, Chris, please tell your pornography tale. You already heard my pornography tale. So what was it, though? It was on a mailbag. Okay, yeah. You like grabbed at something and some guy was like, hey.

It's not that complicated. I took a porno mag. I put it in my jacket. I walked out. A cop, off-duty cop said, put that back, and I did. There it is. Very good. Check out that mailbag for the non-cliff notes version. So, Brenda feels really bad about it. Then Tiffany, the next day is like, oh, hey, let's go hang out someplace. And she's like, great idea. So can we go by your house first? Oh, by the way, we should say Cindy Walsh has her story here, which is a very, uh, with this woman who is hired to be the Walsh's made by someone other than the Walsh's, I guess. This is ridiculous. What the husband apparently does it, like off the suggestion of someone else. And then this whole fucking episode is like, what the fuck?

I moved to Southern California and people speak Spanish as well. I don't like that. First of all, James Eckhouse allows for, and that's Mr. Walsh, by the way, that's the actor's name. allows for a fucking foisting to happen upon his own family. Because the way he tells it, there's someone in the office that had like, you know, someone who came and was like keeping their house and they had a relative who was looking for work. And James Eckhouse was like, yeah, totally cool. You can come over to the Walsh's and foisted this woman onto the family without telling his own family.

It's fucking nuts. And then like the wife has this line about like, oh, well, you know, James Eckhouse likes the image of this. And it's just like, this town is ruining them. Yes, exactly. And there's, she's doing a lot of like, my name is Cindy Walsh, like that kind of shit. And it's like, dude, I usually root for Cindy Walsh, not this episode. It's tough. I would leave fucking Jim over this shit.

Yeah, definitely, absolutely. Pack the fucking bags. Keep the kids for all I care. They're ruined. he hired help you're going to divorce him yes and didn't say anything about it you're you're suddenly someone else's full income now and you're going to like

not tell anyone about it well who's saying anything about full income i think the problem is mr walsh fucked up like the what the agreement is like the frequency in which this person is coming yada yada i think this anna lady has like some blackmail plot against james Zach House. Oh, yeah, I hope

that comes up in future. He's over a barrel. I think she's already pregnant, is what I think. If I knew that that was frowned upon. So, yeah, so she shows up and, like, Cindy Walsh, with her Midwest attitude, is like, oh, well, I guess I'm just, I'm going to help you clean, Anna, and we're just going to hang out and become

friends and stuff. And, like, Tiffany and Brenda show up, because Tiffany wants to go to Brenda's house, and, like, oh, we're going upstairs and, like, blah, blah, blah. And this is when I don't understand this whole thing where Tiffany stashes her stuff at Brenda's house this is fucked up first of all

anyone comes to my house and says hey can I stash some of my stuff here for you like no you cannot you cannot stash your shit here at least have the fucking foresight Brenda to be like yeah I guess so but just really quickly what stuff are we

talking about exactly because she's just like yeah sure la la la la and this girl's like throwing this fucking hot merchandise in the closet. You're lucky it's just hot merchandise. There could be a hot gun in there. Exactly. I mean, I'm all for stash and stuff,

but you just, you got to clear what the actual stash is. I mean, it stinks of cocaine. I mean, you just know that. You just know that, like, you've got a brick in there. Steve, does this show ever touch upon cocaine? You know, I don't think so, not immediately which is kind of crazy for A, these kids. I mean, that's kind of the underlying

thing all the time is like, Dylan, on Coke. Tiffany's on all these bad, quote unquote, bad kids that are like just, those dudes, those dudes are on Coke. The dudes were maybe on Coke, but at least from what I've seen of Dylan McKay, Steve, he's way too chill to be on cocaine. That's very true.

He's smoking a big plug. He's balancing it out with a bunch of downers at the same time. Yeah, Brenda, we just sniffed a big line of cigarettes. Watch this combo drugs, Brandon. I learned it from Chris Farley. It is an episode where Brandon goes on ecstasy and it rules.

Oh, nice. Oh, thank God. That sounds amazing. There is a fucking great moment between, is it Cindy Walsh, Steve? Yes, that's a mom. And Anna, the housekeeper, where Cindy's like, oh, geez, hon, I just made some coffee. Would you like coffee? Yeah.

And this woman's like, oh, see, you know, yeah, of course, gracious. And so I love, it's a fucking great. great moment from the woman playing Anna. She takes a sip of the coffee and looks at Cindy Walsh like, uh, what is this shit? Your fucking garbage, white people

Middle America coffee? What is this right now? I'm drinking? It's Fulgers, hon. It's crystals. You know, you can keep it in the freezer, hon. Actually, it's Sanka. Oh, get me out of here. You got Sankka in your house. Get me out of here. So

blah, blah, blah. Brenda and Tiffany go back to the same store by the way to just look at stuff again. And Brenda's like, why are we coming back here? It's like, it's fun to go to the same store. And she's like, oh, could you ask, and you know, she's making a move.

She's trying to make Brendan accomplice, but you got to let somebody in on the fucking grift if you're going to do it. She's like, that's the thing. Yeah, exactly. She's like, go ask the store lady if they could find a bigger size for me. And she First of all, it's like she wants to know if there's a bigger size.

Ask your fucking self. I'm browsing. I don't fucking give me a task. I mean, that's the thing is that you would never make it as an L.A. Mean Girl, Eric, because you could never fall in line. Yeah, it's true. I'm a maverick.

So she does the fucking the staff, the register girl realizes really quickly and this fucking store detective. comes out and I am fucking clapping on my living room couch this hat she's wearing it's not quite a Sherlock Holmes hat

but it's pretty damn close it's like a Panama hat or something it's a hat that when you realize what this woman's profession is it all makes sense it's like a detective in Key West yep they should have called her cold dumbo

with the way she was looking oh boy wow it just it took me like 10 seconds to register the meaning of that joke. I was walking on thin ice to make sure I said it right. Cold Dumbo. I'm glad you got it too. Now everybody's caught up with the Caldumbo joke. So they get busted.

And this is a running theme you're going to see. This is the Andrew's favorite blowjob scene. It's Cindy and Jim and they're hanging out at home. And like, you know, they're kind of really almost getting close. Cindy gets pissed off because she finds a package that Jim has. She's like, oh gosh, you got me something. And she opens it up. And it's a workout suit, but for him.

He says he's got a client. He has to meet tomorrow to play tennis. So you have to fit in. It's almost interesting that they give the father getting new clothes to fit into Beverly Hills while the children are scorned for the notion of doing the same. Yeah, exactly. It's your classic Jim Walsh bullshit. it. Well, Jim Walsh, as far as I can tell, is the only one putting the fucking food on the table. So you know what? He's making the rules, man. Hey, she had a job back in fucking Minnesota. She made it. He made her move. She worked. We learned at mom's store. Um, which is something. And then, yeah, Brandon shows up fucking golden boy. Uh, and they're like, oh, Brandon, you got a job. You're so much better than Brenda. He's like, yeah, I know. Like, your sister's a piece of shit. He's like, yeah. I know. Like, your sister's a piece of shit. He's like, yeah i know mom and then like of course brenda gets caught called from fucking prison

it never gets to prison we don't actually get real police right because it's like it's just the store has them in the back room yes yes yeah which and it's a funny thing where like you can totally tell tiffany has been down this road before because she's like don't worry about it brenda if they don't call the cops within 10 minutes we can walk because they're illegally detaining us after 10 minutes. It's like, yeah, how many fucking stores have you escaped with this before, lady? I don't know what they're doing with Brenda exactly. Like, are you trying to make a conspiracy charge here? They're saying, well, they were, I mean, they're saying that she was like, you know, the setup person, you know, like causing the distraction. Like, what proof do you have

of that? She literally just asked you, like, I don't have it. There's no proof. It's fucking store security. It's the biggest joke profession in the number. known world. I thought it was going to escalate to the level of police and they were going to like, all right, ma'am, we got to search your house. Oh, what's this? The stashed merchandise thought so. You're doing time. Accessory for

shoplifting. See, I think this is bigger than all this. I think you've got other conspirators. I think there were five people in here, case in the joint. Are they trying to flip her, you think, Chris? Got to be deep throat in a parking lot. First of all, the move is you just flip

on Tiffany immediately. Well, that's the weirdest part is Brenda. So at first, she's like, I can't believe you did this to me, Tiffany. And Tiffany's kind of, is super shitty about the whole thing. He's like, if you can't handle the kitchen, he got out of the kitchen or whatever the bullshit she's saying. Tiffany talks her way out of it. The Walsh has come. They're fucking furious at Brenda.

Even in the parking lot, Tiffany is gone. Like, how could you steal from us? How could you steal? Oh, blah, blah, blah. She's like, I don't know, dad. Let's not talk about it. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I'm flipping on Tiffany immediately.

Absolutely. Like, this is. madness. It's like this girl fucking treats you like shit. And I get it. It's all the like she's desperate to fit in blah, blah, blah. But like stay with fucking Kelly Taylor. Like focus on one person at a time. And Tiffany is garbage. Yeah, that's great. So she gets, you know, she goes home. They, she's not charged. The walshers are upset, but not too up, you know, they're like, all right, we'll just deal with this some other time. Brandon's story is basically like, yeah, He's working at this cumin restaurant.

He kind of finds that everyone in the kitchen, he really, I mean, it is, it's so quaint. He realized like, wait a minute, these people aren't, aren't legal citizens. And they're being exploited. Wait, what? Well, yeah. And his whole, like, naivete starts with like, all right, dude, you're fucking cumin shoveler.

And he says to this other dude as he's like, he's also like, he elevates to busing tables pretty quickly. also. And he brings back a big stack of dishes and there's a dude, an Asian dude in the back washing the dishes. And he's like, so hey man, what's our like, you know, cut of the tips? And this dude starts fucking laughing at him. And he really gives this little white boy a fucking wake-up call. He's like, hey, man, welcome to the third world labor force, motherfucker. Yes. And then later he even says to this guy, his name is Chan. He's like, oh, man, you know, blah, blah, blah. I can't believe we're doing this for minimum wage. And the

I was like, I don't get a minimum wage. And it's like, wait, hold on. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, hey, Dylan, do you know that this lady's ripping these people off, man? The fact that Dylan is just there. And we're like at the end, almost the end of the episode when he shows up. And I thought he was just not going to be on this episode.

I was pissed. Pissed. Yeah. But it's so weird because he's just there. And he's just like making fun of the menu. And it's like, what? Dude, it's great. He's just there sitting.

He's like seated by himself. Just, I guess to observe Brandon, because he heard about it. That's the thing. And it was something I and Chris Caputin probably also know all too well from working in service industry jobs at the multiplex. When your fucking friends came to

work, came to where you worked while you were working, and this was that shit. It was like, oh, hey, Andrew. Let me see. I'll have a large fucking popcorn. Triple layers of butter, please. Could you put more popcorn in that? bag, please? I don't think that that bag is

topped off enough. And obviously I can act like this because you own the place. And cameras don't exist. Hey, speaking of cameras existing, by the way, we're getting far away from it, and I don't want to lose the weirdest part of this episode. Oh, please. Thank you. Thank you. That's

not fucking explained at all, and everyone barely even reacts to it is David Silver is walking around with the camcorder, fucking filming people, and he sets his camera sights on Tiffany who like removes her

dress and is like is this what you were looking for like just takes her clothes off in the middle of school and the gag is David Silver passes out with the camcorder and that's the last you see of Brian Austin Green this episode. I think it's all the blood flew from his head right to his erection

and he just hit the floor. Mr. Radoowski at the A.V. Club is going to have his fucking head on a plate. Oh, my gosh, David, you're supposed to film the basketball game. You're filming pornography? And if you're filmed pornography, don't put the camera down and fall down. Stay on the pornography.

Obviously, this girl was into it. You should have pursued it. David, I'm very disappointed with you. I'm going to have to take this back to my home lab to look at. It's broken. The tape is broken, David. You don't have to ask about it again. David, this VHS tape takes time to develop.

I would definitely have to confiscate it to take it home. At least for the entire weekend. Also, that would be great. The tracking's all off when he gets a fan. It would make a great D storyline where it turns out Scott was the one who signed out the camera from the AV closet and then David breaks it

filming girls semi-nude in school and they have to go explain to the teacher what happened to the AV club camera. This is a David Silver character trait for at least the first two seasons or so where he's like camera camera guy for a while. Oh man this fucking pornographer.

Oh, by the way, I think right now Brenda calls Jenny Garth and they talk about Tiffany and that whole thing and like why they weren't friends for a while in the whole Steve Sanders scenario. And she says that Tiffany

was a klepto, nympho, and all the O's. Yeah. Fucking hell, dude. actually one of my favorite lines here also another Jenny Garth line where it's the David David Silver pornography scene where I think Brenda's like

wow the Tiffany show is kind of crazy and then Kelly says pretty darkly yeah you don't want to be around for the reruns oh fuck dude you know what Kelly that doesn't even make any sense and I'm creeped out

yeah here down at the AV club basement in my private residence is the rerun runs. Here we go. Oh, the Tiffany show. I love the Tiffany show. Mr. Radikowski. Make my own theme song to the Tiffany show. It's a Tiffany show. I'm jerking off. That's exactly what it was. All right. This is, again, Andrew Cuomo, and this guy is being detained. We will have to sing a better version of the Tiffany song to get out of jail. I am devastated to report to New Yorkers everywhere that I had to effectively cancel my favorite television show, The Tiffany Show. As it turned out, it was just illegal pornography.

It's a Tiffany show. Go grab your hip-towels. I will be pitching a new version of the Tiffany show to Apple TV to be directed and written completely by me and that was so good he has now been freed the the av club teacher has been freed and we are renaming the mario quomo bridge to the mario tiffany bridge i am giving the medal of freedom to mr rottikowski he was in prison for wrong reasons it was wrong that tiffany is one piece of ace but also I'm still having sex with bottles we're having a little bit of fun here at this one aren't we folks? Oh man

oh man so that so blah blah blah you know Brenda Anna is going through is cleaning the house and she comes out and she's like oh Mrs. Walsh I found this what do you want to do with these clothes and they have price tags on them and she's like Brenda what the fuck

you know what I mean like she was on thin ice anyway now you know but at least she didn't steal anything this time around oh my god she's been stealing and again Brenda takes this high road that I do not understand and it's something I would never try with my parents which she's like

oh you think I would steal just because there's stolen clothes in my house mom you don't know me at all just kill me if you have to I'm like what are you talking about? First of all mom they fell off the back of a truck

I found these in the street I was gonna say it gets her off her pack It does It's just a better competitor than you Steve Yeah it's just like How could you think that I would ever steal anything.

I'm like, um, you were just arrested and these have price tags on them. She walks these hills in a long black veil. Because that, that's what this is. Oh, she can be fucking freed of all of this. All she has to do is tell the judge, hey man, this is the fucking deal. It's Tiffany's shit. And she's willing to die instead for it. And that's thing, I'm not a, I'm not a rat.

I wouldn't rat to a teacher. I wouldn't rat to a police officer But like if my mom's upset with me About something a friend of mine did You better believe I'm flipping And also this chick set you up Brenda not even a friend of yours No also but here's the other problem with all this

And it's odd that no one Asked a question about this But okay Anna it's been like what Three days you've been working at the Walsh House What are you doing rooting around the back of the closet Where Tiffany threw those clothes Great point Like, what are you doing?

She's just trying her best, man. No one's speaking her language. No one's giving her clear direction on what to do, I think. That's true. But I'm just surprised that Mrs. Walsh didn't take that as an opportunity to be like, oh, those were at the back of my daughter's closet? Well, what were you doing back there? What other back places have you been in my house?

Yeah, Anna here is like the rat. Like, what do you do? She should see that and put it together and be like, oh, yeah, stealing. Okay. And help her hide it. Like, you want this job. for a while you get on the good side of the kids that's a good point i mean the walshs are also very suspicious they think like her food's poisoned or something yes well we gotta talk about that

because it's quote unquote ethnic it's it's dirty it's basically uh jim walsh at the end of this episode is like hey we're gonna eat this mexicans mystery meat or what yeah he calls it mystery it's it's fucking enchiladas you ass and they are so put out to receive a free tray of enchiladas on a Saturday it is on fucking real I'm surprised Anna didn't quit right there I would yeah fuck these people float in her face

these white power walking assholes so Brenda you know has it out with Cindy here and she storms out and she goes to Tiffany's house it's another conversation this is the dude scene we already talked about it but I love it so much I mean it's just like to set the scene

a little clearer like this is a pool in the backyard of Tiffany's in these huge mansion house and she is laid out on the diving board and so Brenda is talking to her while she's just laying out in the sun on this diving board

meanwhile there are a bunch of extras in the background that are just dudes in banana hammocks who have no lines they don't acknowledge that there's a scene taking place and they are literally referred to as dudes and except for one guy who is also credited as a dude but it's Mr. Radikowski

and he's got a camera it's yeah I'm just one of the dudes Just another dude here, Tiffany. Yep, me, Mr. Radikowski hanging out in my Mr. Radikowski banana hammock. I'm just here. No shirt here for Mr. Radikowsky in the sweater of my own. And I sweater of my own here. So, dudes, what's our mark tomorrow?

I've got a lot. This is a six-hour tape. It's a Tiffany show. Time for a spin-off. It's Tiffany's feet. D-Did-Leedle-Lidoo. And now, do-to-do. It's the dude show.

Do do do do do do it's the dude show I'm Aaron Spelling and you got a million dollar idea right there The dude show created by Mr. Radikowsky and Aaron Spelling So whatever You know it's your classic Oh my parents don't care

They're fucking opening a mall at Boca Raton Or some horseshit Poor little rich girl yet again Yep She's like hey do you want to hang out and she's like, no, I have to go home or whatever the fuck. And, like, you know, Tiffany from this interaction, like, feels bad about it. She comes to the Walsh's house late at night and is like, hey, can I have my stuff back?

By the way, it was my stuff the whole time. Bread didn't have anything to do with it, yada, yada, yada. And this is like, the freelance momming that Cindy Walsh is doing, it always robs me the wrong way. Well, it kind of reminded me of before she, passed away on the show, Joyce Summers and how she was kind of like momly to some of Buffy's friends that would come and go from the house. Sure, sure. But does, so does she take up that role with the like main character friends? There is an episode coming up. It's a, I think, in two or three weeks, which we'll definitely still be doing this. It's the perfect mom where

she is pitted against Kelly's mom and it's a fucking barn burner of an episode. Oh, excellent. mom off? Like the moms are like competing? Yeah, we got a mom off here. But so whatever. She's just like, you know, you're probably just doing this for attention. She's like, oh, you sound like my therapist, blah, blah, blah. You know, it's a nice little scene where she's like, you know, you should

probably try and get their attention more directly. Now get the fuck out of my house. Well, Steve, the way you said it, you know, which to just quote that back to you was, why don't you try getting your parents attention more directly, is a better way than the backhanded fucking smackdown that Cindy

throws out at her, which is where she just says to this girl, why don't you try stealing your parents attention? Yikes. I think she correctly points out like, oh, my therapist says that I am by stealing and doing all this shit. I'm doing this for attention

from my parents. Right, right, right. Unbelievable. So that's kind of her thing. The Brandon ending is he winds up quitting in a... He and he makes this big fucking show he finds out that he's so fucking full of shit this Brandon Walsh

he finds out that the other guys in the kitchen aren't making minimum wage and he's like well that's it you think you're going to give me minimum wage just because I'm white and documented I'm getting the fuck out of here and he makes a big stink go Chris

so I was so close to liking Brendan in this episode and it was Brandon Fuck him. It's whatever I say it is. Brandon I was almost with him. And then he gets in this huff. And what does he do when the

first thing before he sits at a table in this piece of shit restaurant? I love that part. Free at last, free at last. Yes. You can't. Can't do it. And then he sits down with Luke Perry and he's just like yeah, no, I'm a shitty customer. Oh, hey, could we get a menu

whenever you have to do it? Yeah, he's such a little turd about it And he makes this thing where he's like I'm going to report you to the better business authority or whatever Like you're not reporting shit you little dirty He claims to be a reporter too He's like when everyone reads my dang article That I'm here to write I didn't want a job

It's no, it's bullshit He announces to this restaurateur Who's shitty the whole time That he works He writes for the West Beverly Hills High newspaper And he's like, you know, yeah, well, and those students are going to read my story. And while they don't eat here, their parents do. And they're going to fucking find out about you, lady, and all this shit.

Dude, he's not writing that story. He's not writing it at all. He goes to the peach pit with Dylan, and he fucking leaves those workers in the dust. He does. I'll write that. I'll write that story. And then your restaurant clothes. And then all these guys will keep their jot.

Wait. Yeah, exactly. Maybe I don't have any leverage here. Okay. He hands it in and then the newspaper girl's like, no, we're doing a story about the dudes, the mysterious dudes. Mr. Radikowski killed himself

because the cops were at his door. We got a story about that. We got a rare interview with Mr. Radikowski. Brandon, we need you to find out some way to get in the headline, kiddie porn dungeon. Also, the most offensive part of this whole scene and then Luke Perry is like

Come on man let's get out of here I got some place we can go to get a bite Did you guys notice when Luke Perry gets up from this table The fucking Ashkosh bagash overalls this guy's Got on? It's disgusting He was wearing him in the last episode too

But he was wearing a blazer over them So we're a little harder to tell They're trying to make that his thing And it really isn't It looks like you're just like a little farmer boy Well I guess that's the thing is like How do we hide the fact that this guy's 40 years old? You dress up like a seven-year-old?

I mean, come on. Well, this is what that's what cool was back then. It was looking like a seven-year-old. Mr. Radikowski would tell you this sucks or whatever his name was. There is, yeah, also, so they end up going to the Peach Pit.

They meet Nat, who and his thing, at least in these earlier parts, like, I used to be a kid actor. How about that? Now look at me. I'm garbage. Oh, my God, he's one of the little rascals. I still don't understand.

So what is Nat short for? Nathan? I guess it's Nathan, yeah. That's weird as fuck, dude. That's like a Natalie thing. It is, yeah. But my mom's Natalie. People call her Nat sometimes.

Yeah. But yes, his name is Nat. He's best buds with Dylan. And he's like, oh, Dylan was always saying, I need help here, blah, blah, blah. Is it like a G with a G? Like the bug? Yeah. Maybe that's because he's so short.

They call him Nat. Yeah, because he's fucking annoying. Oh, he's buzzing around. It's the name I got in prison. I would always ask for the gossip And they'd always smack me around Because there is no gossip in prison I love that

Yeah I was the annoying guy in prison Yes I'm still alive So that's Brandon He gets his job I was a member of the annoying brotherhood That's what this A is for So whatever He gets a job at the Peach Pit

Which we'll find more about in future episodes they go home they have this this fucking what looks to be an amazing fucking uh played of enchiladas together like um it's pretty good huh i guess it is crazy here in beverly hills weird i guess those those people are people what's and you you you texted about it Andrew so do you know the black outline which is so terrific uh is it the line way to go Anna yes it is okay it's like he James Eckhaus is so like timidly trying this Mexican food

the most delicious cuisine on the fucking known planet. Absolutely. And he takes a bite and is like ooh not poison. Way to go. Anna! And they all start dig it in like fucking hyenas. We missed the scene right before that when they're doing rock paper, scissor about which one is going to

try it first. But he James Eckhouse does say he does refer to the dishes mystery meat. Okay, Jim, you have a bite. I'll dial 9-1, and when you swallow, I'll dial one again. Way to go in a freeze-frame saxophone. It's a beautiful ending in how dumb it is. It is terrific. Now, this is like a real deal. This is our second, you know, real deal episode. Is everybody still kind of excited about this? What are we

feeling any new uh takes on characters i'll start with you chris um no i mean like i said brandon was right there almost had me almost crashed into empathy mountain there uh and then he pulled up right at the end right at the end uh i actually really like this episode i thought this is the best one so far um i love i mean it it's it's it's ridiculous but yes i am enjoying it and i i'm looking forward to the next episode. Great, Andrew. I mean, yeah, I'm always looking forward to the next episode. I'm actually liking the fact that I'm having some problems with the show.

And, like, for me, I mean, it's funny, Chris, that you liked it because I was just kind of like middle of the road, I guess because, like, there's so many episodes of television where it's like teens learn about shoplifting. And I just thought, like, this show would maybe avoid some of that more, like, sort of sitcom-y learning a lesson kind of thing and I guess it is couched and like Brenda just desperately trying to fit in with these

other kids and whatever else but it's like I've seen teen shoplifting on so many shows there's like whatever Brenda who I've been liking loses 50,000 whose line is at any way points for this fucking not snitching on this garbage character you're never going to

see again and it's just it was weird because I felt like the previous episode so far have done a better job at juggling more characters doing stuff and this was a straight like all three the a story the story the b story and the c story were all walsh related which i hope doesn't line up too much that way and also steve if you could answer for me how many main plots uh do the parents take over one of the storylines you know what i mean there's a couple of times it's all first season stuff and you'll see a lot of these kinds of we're learning lessons it is it's more of a family centric show until

like the season two where it's like okay it's about the kids it's very clearly this we want to watch these kids go to high school and have crazy high school adventures yeah i mean that happens here like it's sort of it's sprinkled in it's like part of the diet but then it becomes the whole fucking steak later on that's what i'm just looking forward to to the steak i guess is what i'm trying to say and also like this little luke perry after you give me so much luke perry in previous episode, The Green Room, I was just kind of bumming. Eric, any parting thoughts? Are you excited going forward? I kind of agree with Andrew that this felt a little middle of the road to me, but I'm still

on board and I'm excited to see where it goes. And now I have new characters to, well, new to me to hate. Because like, everyone's been hating on Brandon, but Brenda, fuck you. Roll over on Tiffany. Roll over on who. It's just, she's so pious and righteous and and it takes all this blame for another it was driving me up the wall um but i am excited to see more of this pie that nat is making so and unfortunately it seems like i'm going to be forced to see it because uh we're locked down forever we are locked down forever uh yeah i mean this is i kind of agree with andrew here this is again more of your lesson learning episodes which is what i'm less interested in i like the kids too i'm i am a big gym in

Indie Walsh fan. I also like Nat too. I like the older folks, too, even though they're incredibly boring, but I like to be bored. Anyway, you know, I'm obviously here, and I ain't going fucking nowhere. So that is our episode, our Melroo 2 and O for this week. We are Beverly Hills part of this. On Thursday, we're going back to Melrose Place. But tomorrow, we have a brand new We Hate Movies episode for you, which is the main show,

which is when we talk about bad movies. wherein we're talking about John Coppidus vampires. Oh, yeah. I'm excited for this one. We're stoked. Yeah, and as always, there's a ton of stuff on Patreon. We released our Gumby episode. We're going to have our John Carpenter's The Thing episode pretty soon. There's a side order of slees coming up this month.

We are fucking cramming your earbuds with content. So please stay with us and please remain indoors. And until tomorrow, I am Stephen Sannack. Andrew Jubin. Eric Siska. Chris Gabbin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.