We Hate Movies - S10: 456 - Die Hard with a Vengeance (with Jon Gabrus)

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang kicks off WLM month with a bang as they welcome High & Mighty and Action Boys' Jon Gabrus onto the program to talk about the second-best in the franchise, Die Hard with a Vengeance! Recorded at the HeadGum studio in Los Angeles, the guys wonder why the screenwriter was willing to die on the hill for that sandwich board sequence? Why is McClane never seen throwing up throughout the day with that hangover? And does that fountain water puzzle actually shake out? PLUS: What were they thinking with those gross Charmin bears? Die Hard with a Vengeance stars Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Irons, Graham Greene, Colleen Camp, Larry Bryggman, and Kevin Chamberlain; directed by John McTiernan. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, wow, somebody had fun. It's Die Hard with a Vengeance. I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris McLean. Steve did to say that. Eric Cisca. John Gabris. And we love movies.

Hello everyone. Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. This is week one of We Love Movies Month here on the show. We're doing all good shit. And we are happy to welcome in studio here in the headgum offices in Los Angeles, California. Mr. John, How are you doing, buddy? I'm wonderful. Thanks for having me. Totally. This is a long time coming. This is a get. Yeah.

What did you call a get? Yeah, we've been on the same network for a few years. I've known Steve for 10. Never could make it happen, man. We're all white guys who love movies, and we finally got in the room. Yeah, I think we made drunken plans like twice. When we're in office, we're like, man, it's going to happen. Any time there's a head gum festival or head gum event, we're like, definitely got to do.

And then eventually you email me like a year and a half later. And I'm like, I'm going to be literally in your hometown. Can you do the pod down? I'm like, fair enough. Yes, yes. I'm going to your wife's house. Can you please just? Oh, yeah, she lets me live there now.

I love that. I'm part of We Love movies. Yeah. This is a distinguished month. You guys have to do that for yourselves every once in a while for like sanity purposes? Yeah, I think it became like that. We just needed like, we can't just watch like troll two levels stuff all the time. Yeah, no, it's like a once a month thing on our Patreon to like flush the

toilet of our brain and hit the reset button. But also specifically, like, this is the first good, diehard movie we've ever done. We've done all the bad ones. We did four and five. Oh, God, which are terrible. I hate that guy, Jai Courtney. I find that he ruins every movie.

That's a potato. Yeah, that's it. That's the guy acts like a potato. He is not value added in any situation. No, it's an Australian ghost. Give me, give me, Leif Schreiber. Yes. Why would I want Leif Schreiber's fucking shadow in this? want leave fucking Schreiber uh this is part three so this was like it's the new york one you

finally got him in new york his hometown we're not uh it's not christmas at all it's it's a hot summer day we're trying to do the right thing sort of not really like it's hot out yeah do the right thing is happening in one neighborhood of his yes meanwhile downtown there's like literally 12 movies occurring. There's like a bomb drama in Midtown. There's like a bank heist in downtown. I remember this movie, there was like a trilogy on PlayStation.

It was like the diehard trilogy is three different games. I think the first one was like a side scroller thing. The second one was like a first person shooter and this one was a car game. It was like, oh, it's cool. You're driving through New York. I remember that. Because of the one scene where he drives a car? Yes.

Oh, okay. But to John's point, there's so many different movies here, it's kind of insane. Well it is wasn't it not a diehard movie originally right? It's rewrapped as diehard yeah this is this is the grand tradition of diehard every one of these is like that and well I guess

except for the first one it was called something else the book that it was based on oh yeah I don't remember the fucking fact that diehard is based on a book I'll never get over it. It just Cobra's based on a book these fucking who's writing these novels weathered like old white dudes that like they have like

footballs for faces just like old leathery dudes. It's the dad mark. It's like, and then he shot him. If your dad has to go on a flight, like, that's the shit he buys at the airport. Oh, for sure. These books. And I think John McLean is the ultimate dad hero because he's never, he's not jacked. He doesn't demonstrate skill in any way except for like, the guy's got gumption.

And I know, like, my dad would watch that and be like, I can curse. Like, I'm John McLean now. I'm always right. If my wife was kidnapped and held in the roof of a skyscraper, I'd be able to get it. I'm a functioning alcoholic Yeah, this movie is a two-hour I wish there was more scenes of McLean having explosive diarrhea Exactly, puking in an alley

Zeus, you handle this one He's doing the whole thing like, I need Advil, I need Advil, I need my... Like, where's his bacon egg and cheese and where's the gatorade? Those are the two things that need to happen immediately. He's like, we pour five gallons from this tub into my mouth, blah, blah, blah. No, don't drink the fountain water, it's green. It's mostly pennies. Starts puking up change.

A lot of missed opportunities for bodily functions here. All right, McLean, you need to leave the gas station now. You stop drinking. Stop it. I enjoy this one a lot because Sam Jackson is such a fucking injection of energy. Absolutely so good. This is what you needed. You needed him teamed up with somebody, not that old fucking airport security dude

from that second movie. Oh, Dennis France. No, no, no, no, the old, the really old maintenance guy. I found the maps. Here's a jacket. That guy's a useless partner. Yeah, here's a jacket. I'm helping.

Sam Jackson is so good in this, and I'm just feeling like I'm tired of John McLean now. Re-watching this. I'm like, make a new die-hard movie and get Zeus. Bring Zeus back. Just have a Zeus in a di-Hard movie. Absolutely. I was waiting for Zeus, too, to come out after this. Honestly, I would have preferred that.

Yeah. Because he keeps, like, they keep trying to find ways to keep him in the movie. Like, he keeps being like, all right, that's enough movie. No, no, no, Sam Jack. Come back, come back, go back, go back, go, right. Eventually, the police department would be like, you know what, sir, thank you for your service. Exactly. You can go home now.

We're not going to put an electrician in any more danger. Like, it's been a lot of danger for you. Do we still turn people into deputies around here? You're a deputy now. I just can't believe he keeps going with John McLean and all this stuff. They do like a slight writing to it of just like, he says you have to be there. And then that buys you six minutes. And for the rest of the movie, Zeus is like, shh, just keep driving.

When he's, like, taking, rappelling down onto the boat, I'm like, dude, you started your morning as an electrician. He's willing to die now for a guy he saw with that sign. Totally. You started your day fixing an alarm clock, and here we are. And it was his idea to climb down. He's like, come on, you pussy. Initially, he wanted to jump.

Hey, McLean, I'm going to commit suicide right now. That's a great moment. He just fucking sailor dives, hands at his side, head first on a, pink mist everywhere. My kids are about to be blown up. Yep, it's a bad time for me to get off here. But I think he realized you as in a diehard movie. He's like, no, I'll fucking survive.

Like, I've been watching you all day to McLean. I'm going to get in on this shit. I'm going to jump off a building. Well, he's got a taste for it, dude. And that adrenaline's rushing? Like, I'd fucking want to jump too. My favorite part of all diehard movies is the like limply wiping blood off

with paper towels at the start of a new scene to help with continuity. It's like, oh, he's like, all right, we're walking in all the blood is off my arm and now we can continue the rest of this act but by the end of this movie they were just drenched in blood

completely drenched like a fucking end of sweetie Todd I highly recommend you don't take Tylenol that's gonna thin your blood that's a really good point those later sequels that goes away

and John McClain's just like rolling off a fighter jet like yeah I'm fine he becomes a fucking Terminator in those other movies but that's the thing is he's still very much the very like he's scared

he's outnumbered he's outwitted he's acting he's acting which is nice as opposed to just like gleefully murdering people Yeah, we like to see McLean get hurt That's like what he does

Is like get hurt And just be like grit through it And then in the Russia one He's driving a fucking tank He like has the ability to drive a tank Which is not something you casually have In the background The movie before that

When he surfs on a jet Oh right He does surf on a fucking dump truck In this movie though It's kind of stupid Oh he's doing a little bit of teen wolf action He does a fucking hang ten He's even keeping his balance

Like a surfer It's kind of dumb He still has hair in this by the way God bless it was holding on By a thin thread Yeah he doesn't have his striking distance, waterproof to pay on that he would make famous in that movie.

Well, now he's like just like a rounded stone that was in a riverbed too long. Yeah, totally. He's finally polished after hundreds of years of being in a creek. Yeah. But that's what's annoying about it because John McLean is a guy

who wouldn't give a fuck. He's like, I'm bald. I'm going to keep it to the last whips fall off this head. And he wouldn't be polishing it up like vain Bruce Willis does in real life. That's what I... One of the biggest problems I have

with those two more recent movies. Yeah. The cue baldness. No, no, no. Get that scruff back. Get it, let him grow it back in. Get a horseshoe going. Yes.

Yeah. Or skull it. I'm proud of Bruce Willis himself for finally just going bald. Yes. But it's not a McLean. McLean should have male pattern for sure. He should be MPB all the way.

Absolutely. Is Trevolta, has he given up the ghost or is that for a role? Because I keep seeing him look like Lex Lulor. That was Pitbull. Pitbull told him to go bald because Pitbull is known for being a sexy bald man. And I got to say, he looks good. John Travolveld looks good It's so funny

Don't they have anyone in their close circle These people who are like Yo man Everyone knows what you Just fucking wear Throw a hat on No one would judge you if you wore a hat There's a Midwestern housewife somewhere

That doesn't know yet So I'm gonna keep it Well there's a few things she doesn't know about Travoltaire is just the tip of the iceberg Wait he's bald Wait he's a Scientologist And wait he's what

Hold on Father of the evening He showed his butt to whom? Yeah, Pitbull convinced me to shave it off. I want to know what that conversation was like. Are they like buds? Were they a movie there? No, well, because Pitbull did a song for fucking Gotti.

Oh, my God. He did an original track for Gotti. Yikes. And they play it like four times in that. Which is mostly set in the 70s, by the way. How did Pitbull cross the devil? because I know everyone had to do this as some sort of like

lifelong scam like you know it's Travolta is E directed it right? Yes. Oh yeah. He definitely directed it.

He couldn't even get Vince to do that movie which got shocking. Vince is not going to do the movie. Hang up. He is Queens Boulevard but he's not fucking God. That movie is shockingly boring.

It's really boring. There's only one good thing about it I would say and that is that when the first Goddy's son dies and a car accident. Goddy's response to it is like, ugh, he didn't even have pubs on his prick yet.

Genuinely, that's the line. Well, that's not where they go, by the way. His son is 28. That's what he's most stressed about. The fuck is wrong with my son. He's got alopecia of the genitals. I wanted to go bald. I didn't want him

to do this. I could get alopecia the back. I'd be really thrilled about that. That would be huge. Yeah, please strike me down with that. That would be fantastic. lose this fucking bath mat on my back. So we do start with the infamous I hate everyone scene. Yes, that's the TNT version.

Yes. Holy shit. I couldn't believe watching this how long they tease out what the sign says. Yes. Oh. Yep. I, of course I remember the sign. I remember thinking it's crazy. I remember way more casually reading the sign

in conversation when I was like 15 or whatever when I saw. Oh man, the best part is when he says. And you're like, oh, Jesus Christ, kid. And they read the room. They really rub it in, though there's that, like, poor old woman who walks by, like, oh, that's just inappropriate. And he's humiliated looking at her, like, oh, man. Apparently the screenwriter threatened to walk if that didn't happen, which is when... Weird demand.

Exactly, because they were like, oh, you know, the studio is rightfully like, I don't want to put this in my movie. And Jonathan Hensley was like, no, either that or I walk. Like, well, I guess, then we'll do it. But, like, I would... Weird Hill, man. Fine. Then someone has to wear the sign in the movie. Wait, okay, so it's not about this scene? It's about the sign? I got the sign made for fuck's sake.

The one thing he brings to the pitch. And we already have the sign to help you guys get it figured out. We got the sandwich boards in place, ready to paint them. Sir, leave. Nobody needs to use their imagination, guys. I'm wearing it. Every scene with Simon Gruber on the phone, he's just wearing that. I just imagine the writer coming home Everyone I was like

I don't know if it's worth it honey They won't let me put this into the script Oh you just go back there And you tell them It'll be strong And you tell them You need that sign in the movie It's like the insider

Except for John Hensley I think even like Like you know Later in the movie Gruber's number two and three The tall dude and the lady Are like really annoyed with him Like you're fucking around too much

That's step one I'm like wait what Hold on What does this have to do With the federal reserve we're going to Harlem for what that's on them though dude because you're getting in bed with a gruber and they are all

three theatrics with their plot yeah that's true you know I would be worried if it wasn't some big over-the-top kind of scam we're not that kind of gang that is easy look we're German sure Simon too far we are a for hire militia okay we don't play games

we are Germans we do not have strong feelings about other races or ethnicities I like I pictured there was like a cast sign-up sheet that were all the terrorists run and look at it and it's like, what did you get? He's like, I have to go to the baseball stadium. It's like, I'm

going to the park to put the water jugs. I'm making a sandwich board sign. You know, everyone has different assignments. I get to drive one of the dump trucks. Oh, that's sick. I get to wear a cop costume. Yeah, exactly. A lot of those roles. Oh, totally. Tons of fake cops on this movie. I'm just waiting in Canada.

Oh, I drew Endgame. I'm just here at this motel in Quebec. any day now. I'm supposed to be on the lookout for choppers. I don't have to do shit. Make sure the copters are fueled. Oh, man.

I'm on racist. I'm imagining this German guy at a coffee shop in Harlem, like, making sure it happens. I'm the dude buying all that red corn syrup to put in the huge vat. Corn syrup guy. I forgot how much I love that character,

the bomb diffuser guy. Oh, Charlie. Oh, that dude is great. Charlie fucking shines in this movie. Everyone, there's a lot of good character Most diehard movies have like deeper cast But this has a good He's got a whole team

And I actually really like I like the inspector dude with the mustache That great mustache The Native American dude who plays Graham Green Yeah that dude's awesome He's so good Well it's a smart thing they invert from the first movie

Is like in the first movie All you have you know all the terrorists And like there's all these terrorists doing little jobs And you're like following them all Versus this one it's all the detectives And the guy with the bomb and like that. I kind of like that. I like the fact that what I don't like about the second one

is they kind of did like a half measure. They're like, we'll open it up a little bit. Like, it's an airport. Straight up, I don't like the second movie. It's not very good. I think it's the weakest of the three for sure. Yeah. And, you know, when they do open that door, you're just hanging out with Dennis Frans. And then that other fat guy,

there's like two fat guys. There's like parking cop guy. And then Dennis Frans. And then they're revealed to be cousins at the end of that movie. Or brother or whatever. He's like, my cousin. bothered you, you know, you're like, you gotta be funny. Remind me, Dennis Franz is not crooked in that movie, because all I remember about Die Hard 2 is fucking William Sadler's taint in that fucking split

scene. Oh, hell yeah. If you don't know Sadler's ass. No, he is not crooked. Okay. John Amos is crooked, I think. John Amos is definitely crooked in that movie. You weren't in Granada.

I remember turning to my dad watching that Die Hard 2 for the first time, and I go, what's Granada? And my dad's like, just wait and see what happens, you know, like, I'm all, I'm, so confused by that. And he's like, just and then the next shot is the guy gets thrown. So I'm like, oh, that was the more important part. Grinada. Oh, it doesn't matter.

Like, that's like when I watch movies with my wife, they're like, who's the guy he's referencing? I'm like, honestly, I've seen this movie before. It has nothing to do it. We're not going to stop. We're going. Yeah, sorry. Don't worry about that detail. I love the the cop psychologist who's like, really, he thinks like

this is his fucking day to shine. And he's like, he's going to kill you. Yeah. And he's just like, like, working up the profile, and the guy could not be more wrong if he fucking tried. He's making his own movie. Like, he's shooting a movie alongside Die Hard with a vengeance. That's like the mind of a killer or whatever.

You can just tell his New York theater royalty. It's absolutely. He's so, it's, it's, that's a fun role to be like, egregiously wrong. But weirdly enough, never receives the ire of McLean, which is kind of something you do want to see as McLean put his finger

in that guy's face. Totally throw right at him. You don't know what the fuck. You know, like that's the shit I I like about even in two when McLean is like, listen to me free, you know, he has to like do some huge gesture. Oh, he fires the fucking gun in the office and it's full of blanks because they won't shut up. Right, yeah, sprays them with the machine.

Easy, dude. That's how Brandon Lee got it. So just relax. I know we're having a good time right now with McLean, but relax. Hey, McLean, pump the brakes. We got the Crow Stunt team working on this movie. You might want to be careful. The crack crow stunt team. Landis approved

all these guys. call them the choppers they're the best of the best most of the time to be fair it looks very realistic when you capture it on film hashtag release the land is cut just a big bucket of blanks

and murder bullets next to each other and they're both labeled murder bullets and he's like I don't know the blanks is in the pink bucket the murder bullets are in the fuchsia bottle I'm sorry why do you even have murder bullets here This is a movie.

My favorite thing is how this movie is like, it gets you right into it with that big explosion. You're like, holy shit. Okay, here we go. But also, like, they're acting like nothing big has happened in this day right until he has to go with the placard and they talk about the school. Like, it's kind of a normal day after a fucking middle of New York warehouse blew up. Yeah, well, it's pre-9-11, dude. We were a lot more easygoing about stuff like that back then. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's just a bomb. You can lose a few schools back then. Four hundred people, dad. I'm shocked they didn't make a bigger deal about the 14 dump trucks went missing in Staten Island. It's kind of nice that they mention it right at the start as like an offhanded line and it comes back in a big way. Well, that's what's awesome. They're going through, like, trying to find out if there's any, like, crimes that they could link or, like, throughout the day. And before the dump trucks, he's like, yeah, there's, like, bodies piling up in Red Hook.

That probably doesn't have anything to do with these people. So there's, like, some, like, Jack the Ripper move. happened down in Brooklyn, too. In my head, I pictured that they came on a boat and landed in Red Hook and had to kill whoever they had to kill. Oh, I see. And I thought it was just ham-fisted, like, yeah, weird, a bunch of

red liquid has gone missing. Like, they're just reading all the clues from the movie. It's like, I don't think there's any crimes. There's just 15 missing dump trucks. Someone robbed a bunch of quarters from a meter made. All the corpses are now naked because we're always putting on other people's clothes. A lot of a cop uniforms

went missing. That's got nothing to do with anything. Don't worry about it. The cop warehouse was robbed. Oh, yeah, so Sam Jackson sees him when he's got the sign and Sam Jackson just does not want this dude to get killed on his watch kind of a thing. It's a cool character motivation. You know what I mean? It's not...

He never likes McLean until the end, and it's a hard one to come back from anyway. He sells it hard later on when he's like, white cop gets shot outside my store. Yeah. Shit hits the... Like, it's... Yeah, one cop killed and hard. there's going to be a thousand cops

all with itchy trigger fingers yeah that's the real as shit ever the thing that they predicted the most is not even like the downtown attack the thing they're going to get the most is the police's willingness to shoot people and it's kind of startling I was like oh a diehard movie that's saying

something okay but it's also like this movie I think a little bit like Sam Jackson is portrayed as like he's a bit too reactionary like when Bruce Willis calls him a racist later in the movie you're as the white supposed to be like yeah he's right and it's like it's fucking crazy like the whole reverse

racism thing it feels it reeks of like that the year this movie came out where you're like yeah you are being racist this movie features a white guy telling black people they're racist after wearing a side that says what it says

I don't care that a German terrorist made you do it buddy you still wore that side exactly you gotta live with that shit yeah and then yeah there's the the criminal profile is totally wrong the fun explosion in the police station

which again like it's not as not enough is made out of that that's a suspension you know what Charlie like we're all on fucking pins and needles as it is dude stop blowing up the floor in the office please and he's having a ball with it too though and I'm sure Charlie has appropriate

reactions towards his female co-work Charlie just feels like the most problematic police officer he's like I fucking throw bombs you know I got he's got nude I bet you he has nude wallpaper on his lap. Oh, absolutely. No doubt about it.

What? It's funny. If you read the caption, it's funny. It's not my fault. You ignored the text. Exactly. You need the context, maybe. When he does that, the woman I've never been able to understand what she actually

says, but I think it's Charlie. You're going to be wearing that shirt up your ass? The chair. Oh, the chair up your ass. What fucking chair explodes? The one that explodes. Yeah, because they throw the... A chair explodes?

He throws, like, the pin with both of the liquids on it at a chair, and the chair flies. I've never noticed a chair flying at all. Because you got startled, just like everyone else in the room. Yeah, it was a big boom. And I don't know if it's because what happens later when Charlie gets sprayed with that syrup. I've always kind of wanted to drink this liquid a little bit. Like, it looks kind of delicious. Not since Cool water cologne.

Has there been something that's dangerous that I wanted to drink so much in my life? Cool water, I'm like, that was, like, came out in the early 90s when anything blue was like a, like, Oh, blue blasters from Kool-Aid. Like, you just, like, want blue beverages because it's just unheard of. Didn't they make a blue Mountain Dew, too? They definitely did. It was the Baja Blast, I think. It's kind of like a greenish blue.

Yeah, only available at Taco Bell, I feel like. Yeah, man, exclusive sodas. That's something that exists. Mountain Dude, Biday Blast. Baste. Tastes great and cleans your ass, dude. It's an internal bidet. You drink it, and then it does all the work for you.

Perfect. Uh, yeah, wipe until the paper's blue. it's better than my fucking code red it will soak through I didn't drink any code red uh oh to the doctor that's not soda well that'd be hilarious you wipe your ass and it's like a toilet paper commercial you're like oh my god this blue shit's on there

the Charmin Bears I know I've said it before the Sharman I don't I'm not a fan of the Charmin Bears oh an animated cartoon about danglebear we've misidentified them as Cottonell before I just want to let viewers know We're going to get it straight today. We talk about toilet paper bears quite a bit, John.

I think I'm on the right podcast. It's a problematic mascot, dude. Because you know that they just have fucking shit all that little bit of little hair asshole. Because we know a bear does shit in the woods. That's a classic answer. That's the idiom means yes. And he doesn't have to think about aiming.

Right. It could go anywhere. And it is kind of funny on the part of the Sharman Corporation that bears, and we're talking about wiping asses. They know what they're doing. Of course. They know what's up. I do, the part about the My Heinis Clean commercial, which I've seen 155 times.

The Bears saying, my heinous clean? Yeah, he's dancing. My heinous clean. Because, like, no one wants to pick up this underwear that the bear was presumably wearing at some point. They're like, ew, that kid's got fucking shit tracks in there. Total skid mark situation. Exactly.

That bears underwear. Stop taking all the people paper. Use a leaf, goddamn bear. He's fucking bear. It's my people paper. Don't let these bears find out about baby wipes. will have severe forest sewage situations supposed to be leave no trace

oh fuck yeah so first mission they have to get to the phone up on 72nd Street this is where we're humiliating an obese woman in the movie for a little bit oh yeah she's about 300 pounds I'm like I don't know man trust me she's not and I can know that because I'm 300

it's kind of great though because he's not even on the radio when they say that like he's staring out the window i'm like are you talking to that jokes for him and him alone he's just having a good time i love i love a logistics movie in new york too as someone who lived there for a long time it's really like there is a funness to like knowing how to get like to get to 70 second of broadway totally is a hassle like to get all the way down like and there's a lot of it in this movie a lot of hamfisted like at 5 p.m you want to get all the way down there? It's like, hell yeah. It's not going to happen.

And then since moving to L.A. and re-watching, like, swingers and heat and all these L.A. movies, I'm like, oh, like, there's something, I guess I got travel the world and live in, I guess I live in Ridgemont High for a weekend. The full feeling of every film.

If you live, if you... I lived in a basement in South Korea for six years, so I can really dig parasite. Oh, man, it's just like the movie. Every night I had to shoe a guy who was urinating on my stoop Yeah, so I always

Because this is 70 second In Broadway, it's right where the papaya is still there I think about this movie every time I walk by there Is that like the last remaining one? Because they've been shutting down across the city Yeah, I think it's the last like legit one Like the legit like grays End of an era

So John don't come back You stay out here, it's all over now I'm not coming back for papaya king I want gray's papaya There's a hot dog shortage in New York. that's why I left you caused it then you left they ran me out of town

Simon says leave Simon said you've had too many weaners God Jeremy Irons is so fucking cool in this He really is He's dressed like Colonel Gile for most of it Which I kind of love like it's got this tank top Yeah this blue tank top

Yeah but it's like the weird kind of like spaghetti string Like female like cammy tank top Which makes it that much stronger of his shirt Yeah the shoulders are a little thin on those scraps. He's actually the same rank as Gile, right? Because they mentioned, he's like, my favorite detail about his past

when the FBI and all that, like they don't have the files on him. It's like an obscure East German colonel. Yeah, you wouldn't know him. Yeah, not one of the good ones. It's one of the rare trading cards for the East German generals. You got to really love the East German military

to know who this guy. Oh, this dude, he's a deep cut. And he's talking to two New York cops and an electrician. You might not know this Eastern. European colonel. They're like, yeah, no shit, man. We served under the name Peter Krieg.

Yeah. And then with the reveals, he was born Simon Peter Gruber. Oh, shit. As an adult, it's like, wow, that's kind of, that's kind of cheap. But I love it. I loved it as a kid anyway. And it was just like, oh, my God, they're brothers. It's like a.

Yeah, and his last name, Krieg means war. So that's nice alias, dude. Colonel War. It fits, I guess. Hey, sir, you can't, you just can't have this job. I'm sorry, we don't need Colonel War. I'm sorry, my name is Peter Violence. How would he be an obscure colonel of his name is Colonel of War?

Like, I know Colonel War, that guy's crazy. Well, that's how he became a colonel. It was like nepotism. Well, that beats Dr. Ryan AIDS crisis or whatever. Like, everyone's going to leave. Well, I guess you're our doctor then. Police officer murder. the way that they reveal it though to him in the van

it's kind of like they should have given it two different scenes because they're like yeah he's this colonel blah blah blah blah blah and then the dude in the back seat is like by the way that's not him at all it's this name and you're like why didn't you just fucking say that first it was so weirdly muddy or why not say it earlier let him deal with it a little bit and then get a clue that it might be Hans exactly have him figure it out or something

and it's like there's a ticking clock here guys Right, right. The fact that they're like racing to save a school from blowing up and the guy in the back's going, it's kind of like the Simpsons gag with the guy, the one karate guy isn't moving. He's like, come on. Because there's this old guy in the back and they're like, they keep on showing him.

You're like, what's that guy going to say? He's going to say something. Come on. Just Ben Gazera's cousin in the back. Andy Gazera. He said that he's got the sunglasses on just stoically. It's kind of a one-scene home run, though, because he's like, does the name Gruber? I mean, and the music pulls, and you're like, this guy's going to be part of the movie, and he's absolutely not.

He's a walk-off homer right there. Exactly. They're like, you have one line in the movie, but it is Hans Gruber. When I say the name Hans Gruber from two movies ago? Trust me. I love that quick shot of showing Hans Gruber falling off. Yes! I forgot that that existed when they showed it.

I'm like, why? Previously on Die Hard. Yeah. Did you forget who that was? It's been 20 years since the movie came out. I just love the idea, RIP, Alan Rickman, but when he was alive, just getting weird royalty checks on Die Hard with the video.

Was I in that one? Hold on. How good, 17 cents. Hooray. A spoon, you idiot. My finest role, archival footage. It's actually very good. You get a second paycheck.

Oh, two bites of the apple. That was a good. one. That's solid. Little small running theme in the Diehard movies. Very weird POV for American spies

or FBI or government agents. And the first one is the two Johnsons. And they're sort of like, this reminds me a Danang. And it's like, what the fuck is that guy's backstory?

Diard 2 has all the fucking paramilitary dudes. And then in this one, it's like, who are these guys? One guy's trying to be alpha chewing on his glat. Like, and they're all the sketchy.

possible dudes. I love that like, it's like, we love cops, real cops, street cops, who willingly hand over all of their walkie talk.

It's always a slobs versus snobs with the FBI. And I never understand, like, they're fine. It's a two-tier thing because the one guy is from the FBI, and then the dude who's dude

on his glasses, he's like, hi, I'm Bill from another agency. What the fuck? Is this going all the way to the top? Maybe it's a men and black thing that's an alien involved.

Hans Gruber's not from this earth Does the name Voltron mean anything to you? You dropped his eight-legged brother off of a building. I mean, I feel like one more die-hard with an alien because, you know, you're doing these things where it's like, ah, we'll just slap Diehard on it.

It's literally like a John McLean of Space Command or whatever the fuck. I think we need to see Die Hard, like, in a nursing home more or less. Yes. And McLean is living there. McLean's in like a retirement or rehab facility something that because

he was sort of in the first diehard playing like oh you know God I'm old my back hurts life's hard for me I'm kind of on my way out and then by he's gotten like more and more athletic and alpha and military training over the court that's the thing is

I want to see the movie in between three and four where he goes under the Wolverine operation the fucking adamantium skeleton put into his bald body they read con Bruceville. That's what it needs. Oh,

Maclean touched a fucking meteorite. It cost him the rest of his hair. But now... Explain to me why that head is shaved. Write that in.

And now he can surf a jet. So hey. He could also fly. Yeah, so they're just running around. This is when he has to go... This is the cool train explosion, which is actually a really... This is a great shot.

You catch the dude who won't get off the phone, you see who this guy is? The New York State Lato Jackpot is now. 10 million dollars. It's that fucking guy. Holy shit. There's a lot of really weird. Like, I caught like so many people who, I, one of my favorite things about watching a 20-year-old, huge budget movie

is just seeing the small person, like, oh, like, one of the gang members is Artie Fuqua, like the comedian who was in the car with Tracy when that all, in the bus with Tracy, when that all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, the construction foreman is the dude who's in, like, a million. He's in the

He's the boss on the wire or the other cop that they find in the gay bar. Yes, yes, that's what yes. It's totally that guy. The cop who pulls the gun on Sam Jackson is a dude who's on Succession now. Oh, weird. He's on like 17 episodes of Succession or some shit, playing like Cody or something. I don't know. That's one of the better parts of the movie.

Like, that's actually talking about what's going on. Like, why are you pointing a gun at a black guy that's just trying to get on the fucking phone? Like, what are we doing in the subways, everybody? That we need cops pointing guns at people. It's the same thing we're doing on the subways now back home, dude. It's still happening. Yeah, you jumped the turnstile. That's a death sentence.

They just arrested a woman the other day for selling fucking churros on the platform. Dude, that shit's getting me pissed off. Like, I don't live there anymore, but that shit is the kind of shit that gets me so angry. He's like, we got a kid who jumped a turnstile for like $2.50, and it's like, how does that help society in any way? It's not helping the fucking billion dollar deficit in the system anyway. Yeah, it's not fixing a trains. All you're doing is going to put cameras in front of the goddamn turnstile. Which you're just asking.

for people to fucking hit those with golf clubs. I just want to see, like, the wanted photos of people's backs. Oh, we put those in the wrong place, fuck. There's, like, three months out of the year where it's like, we're looking for a guy in a black jacket and hat. It's New York. Everyone wears black coats and hats and scarves

for fucking four months out of the year. You're never going to catch anyone. He had a messenger bag. Okay. You just broke this wide open. And if you see him, make a citizen's arrest, I guess. What am I supposed to do? with this information.

What am I doing? You do it. You're the cop, not me. But this guy is ready to fucking kill him for answering a goddamn telephone and guess what? There's a German terrorist

on the other end, dude. The thing I like about diehard movies and it's very much on display in this movie too is that like each set piece in Die Hard with a vengeance would feel like the third act set piece

of another action. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're doing like eight fucking huge events. And this train thing, yes. is so huge and I'm watching the movie and I'm like oh my god right the fucking train part like

it is not even in my head that it because it doesn't matter no it's nothing because there's so much other shit going on but they're like yeah of course we got a train stunt a boat stunt what do you need we got them all like this tiny little train subway thing is the end of under siege two yeah like it's the whole ending of that it's all of dark territory uh yeah and it um mclean throws the bomb off it's a huge explosion it looks awesome yeah it looks awesome yeah There was a nice, how there was no way of them making it there, was meant to go off. I really, I really, I really wish that he was walking the bomb out and there was just like a group of kids like, what time is it? It's showtime.

He's trying to get a round of a group of kids break dancing. He has to throw it over some kids split. No, I'm not buying any gummy bears right now. Excuse me. I don't need any peanut emmns. I should probably stop and tip this guy. Hi, my name is John McLean and I'm an NYPD officer and I'm selling bomb juice. Don't you want to drink this delicious red liquid for my basketball team?

Right, yes. But, yeah, so it goes off. It's kind of great. He's a fucking maniac right here. He's laughing coming out of the rubble. And that's, again, that's by John McLean. It's like he somehow escapes death, but is massively hurt, but is laughing about it. Just laugh it off, dude.

Yeah. The real tough guy. The two things John McLean does best is be hurt. and sniff out something weird. And I just want, and I love that this movie features several big versions of like, wait a minute, Lucky Lotto number, huh? Yeah, oh yeah, 6991 every week. And then watching that scene, not to jump ahead, but watching that scene,

it's like, they're really ham-fitted, it's raining dogs and cats. It's like, oh, there's way more clues in this than I remember. The worst one is when the guy's going in and he's like, now we're going into The Lift. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one that stood out hard I don't know man Another pretty huge warning sign is Detective Otto

Yes Detective Otto Do you think Clinton will do another term as Premier or no I'm the American man That would be great McLean fakes a sneeze And they all say gazoon tight

And he shoots them all That is a fucking The dude's head exploding in that scene is so delightful. It's a fucking Gallagher bit, dude. That guy's melon goes. It's fucking, like, I mean, all the violence in this movie holds up.

For sure. It looks cool. I love it's practical, like, practical, looks dangerous and shit. What is he's in squibs all over the place? No CGI.I. I love squibs, dude. I love gunshot wounds.

I want to, sometimes I just go down to the emergency room and wait with my fingers gross. I love gunshot wounds. It's my favorite part of movies and my favorite porn hub search terms. what's the insane tab on porthos.

You won't last five seconds looking at these gunshot wounds. Well, it is an orifice. Well, it is. Time for my catchphrase. Well, it is an orifice. And, of course, we're selling, well, it is an orifice T-shirts

and we ate movies.com slash shirts. Is there a T-Public store, please? It's Eric beginning to unbuckle his belt. It is an orphaned. Now you know someone's going to fucking draw it. And I might wear that t-shirt. I might wear that t-shirt.

My favorite act of violence in this is towards the end when the cable snaps and that dude gets cut in half. Holy shit. And you see the top half of them go flying. And then they do the fucking little gag with carrying him, which is such a funny moment. I never picked up on that previously

watching this movie. That part hits so hard for me. Again, and you're an electrician and now you're in like fucking a death squad movie. of bodies around this doesn't happen when I'm fixing radios I will say he's so good at it that's why I want a Samuel Jackson

diehard movie it's just crazy that he never gets a chance to be an electrician and like that feels like in a movie that does so many like ham-fisted setups to payoffs to not have one moment where there like some electricity is like knowledge is required the only time he uses

when he starts that car with the screwdriver and he's like it takes too damn long I was like that's a fucking good line That takes too fucking long. That's a great moment because he's saying like, okay, yeah, I know I've been yelling at you about black people, but yeah, some of us have stolen cars. Like he's saying like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, shut up, you know.

Sometimes. Maybe I am the racist one. Thank you, John. My reverse racism is I'm really learning about it today. This white cop helped me understand I'm a total racist. I'm going to go to therapy. He's going back to Harlem. He's like, guys, honestly, you need to talk to the white cop.

They're really teaching me a lot. Everyone is like, Zeus, what the fuck happened to you today? You were with that guy with that. I mean, again, like tomorrow, you need to have a town hall meeting. Like, listen, guys, I know the guy with the sign and I are really good friends now. But if you follow this PowerPoint slide, I will tell you what happened. Well, tell your friend John to take that photo down as his Tinder profile. He's really limiting his yeses.

No, he likes the way it makes his silhouette look. He looks, his hair looks great. about the cable scene it is the most speaking of the viscerality of the violence the thing about the cable going into his armpit and he's got like cable splinters in there has always, it's like a top five

like cringy like I think and I feel about that moment Oh hell yeah He fucking pulls one out with his teeth He's got like straightened paper clips Stalk through his fucking back It's so stressful Arm pit violence is something I can't handle That's where that's in a ton of movies

it can be um did you guys as many times as i've seen this movie and as much as i love puzzles every time the fucking water jug thing comes up i can't understand it wait hold on i never remember what it is when i have a seizure and fall down i guess i'm blowing up like fuck this trying to make me do math get out of it as they say water math at that as they say the solution in unison i'm still like that doesn't work does it like i'm still not there i think i've seen people online say that it doesn't actually check out like it's a total error in how they cut it together or whatever

what did the riddler say to them about the four-legged what has four legs that is always ready to travel that's an elephant I guess I had no idea is that a thing because it carries its trunk oh shit it's got its trunk with it shit wow yeah he's like don't you have any kids

McLean I've been firing blanks since Nakatomi like I do have kids thank you for reminding me what a horrible father I am. I don't pay attention to them. Oh, right? In those sequels, the kid comes back, right? Both of the kids come back across various sequels. The potato is one, and Mary Elizabeth

Winston's the other. Yes, yes, yes. Again, and maybe it's a money thing, but how did you not get Sam Jackson back for either of those sequels? Exactly. You brought Al Cowlings back a few times. He's in just the first two, right? He picks up a fucking phone in that second movie for two seconds, and he's like, oh

hey there, John McLean, yeah, I'll send you this fax, have to get back to the set of family matters now. Al Powell. Al Powell, sorry. But yeah, I would love just some sort of, I mean, and it's not like these movies ever have any credulity whatsoever at all like, oh, you're on the same flight as me. Who would it guess? Oh, no, it's another adventure. That's all I need. Right. It happens to be Sam Jackson's kids' school.

And they're both in school in the same. That's how it works. Kids from different grades constantly hanging out with each other all the time. Yeah, even if your older brothers, like, not pretending he doesn't know you at that time. It should be a one-room schoolhouse Gather around. Graham Green's going to help us.

We're going to have to watch him run on camera, though. Bad news, Graham. You're going to have to run on camera. Read my contract again, because I don't think you want me running on camera. That whole thing is humiliating. His fat face slamming against that door always makes me laugh.

Because you see the jiggle, it's great. You really do. And it's the clear stunt double hops over that fence like Spider-Man and then it cuts back to Graham Green. on the ground. I'm going to go out at Pornhub and search for Graham Green

jiggle. Because he goes when the school's about to blow up he goes up to the ledge he's like, yeah, I can't make that. He accepts his own fate right there. This is a boulder going over the ledge here, buddy. I can't make that both kids sprint

fast leap over completely the female cop just leaps so everyone's fine. I'll stay here to save someone. Wow, there's no way I can make whoo, we got it, yay. Everyone's having fun. They're landing like with 10 feet of room and shit. And then it actually does explode.

You get like a Wiley Coyote, mother. It's like he's not alone on it. He holds up a sign. Oh, that should cut to the overhead, die hard two. Plane ejection shot. Graham Green shooting into the air. Face jiggling as he fires over the top of the PS-120. Slowly burning. Yeah, arms ripping off of his body.

It's like insane violence. That fucking fire drill plan is one of the worst ideas anyone's ever created. He's like, all right, entire school. off the door. And you're telling these kids like, okay, now stay there. And when we say the word, you run like fucking hell.

Run like fucking hell. And then he stands there. He's like, and he's like just slapping them on the back. It's like, that's the most terrifying way. It's like put the, and as anyone who has been fat in school knows,

it sucks to be the fat slogan. It's like you're getting trampled by your fucking athletic classmates as you die in a fucking explosion. That makes perfect. Yeah, some kid would have fallen and been trampled for sure. And also like,

what about the kids in the back? Because it's like, We're afraid, you know, if they see people leaving, they're going to blow the school. It's like, all right, get the honors program in front and just go back from there. Oh, I'd be in the back. Oh, definitely. Yeah, hey, Gabris, can't further. This is a janitor's closet.

Help him. No, it's fine. You'll shield us from the blast. Thadak, we're doing reverse size order. You're in the back. Tall is first. Wait, what? That's never the case.

Stupid, get back there. You're fat and stupid. Hey, Cabin, why don't you continue searching the school for more kids? You never know. Hey, Gabra, stop lapping up that big puddle of corn syrup. We're trying to leave. It's delicious. I love that bomb-diffusing stuff, and then it just breaks open and sprays it in the face.

Oh, my God, he just gets a fucking facial. It's awesome. It's weird, though. The terrorists were willing to just blow up a bomb on the subway. Yeah. And not the one in the school. Like, a lot of their mission confused me. Because the subway one, like, it screws with the alarms at the federal return.

Right, because it had to go off down there, right? Okay, that makes sense. And he says something, he's like, I'm a soldier, not a monster. But he would have killed 50 random commuters. Yes, absolutely. It also could include children, FYI. Children ride the subway. Yeah, but it's early in the morning.

Yeah, they're going to school. And also, the fucking, that's a store in the beginning. At least 300 are dead. What you're talking about? That's true. I'm a soldier, not a, oh, no, I'm a monster. I'm a bit of a monster. Yeah, you got to me.

me dead to rights. I mean, I laughed Manson like 60 times. I do kind of love him that you don't see him until like 55 minutes in or whatever. I think I clocked it like a solid four or five. Yeah, it's nice. I get that tank top. But you know, all the phone stuff is nice. What a nice

voice. Well, I mean, that's the ultimate casting. It's like you're picking someone who is going to be on the phone for the most of the movie. They better have that fucking liquid butter voice. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's so perfect. Because Rickman kind of had the same thing because he's on the walkie talk. you see Rickman through a lot of the movie.

He is over walkie-talkie through a lot of it. And great casting for siblings. Yeah, totally. Totally. Right? Like a total retcon that I completely buy that they're in the same family. British people is Germans. It's a longstanding tradition.

In Hollywood. Oh, absolutely. Which movie would you rather see, assuming it's a fantasy world, would it be the Vega Brothers movie that Tarantino always teased with Michael Madsen and Travolta? And Travolta. Or the, or the, or are we talking about the Gruber's? I'm watching the Gruber movies. Oh, hell yeah, the Gruber Bros.

Just getting into it. Just starting up in some obscure Eastern Germany army. Exactly. Dude, do the whole family saga that like stealing loaves of bread in the rubble or something. But it's all like, oh, we're going to blow this thing up. And the other guy's like, no, we're going to pretend to blow it up and then steal the money. That's a great idea. Let's do that for the rest of our lives.

it's a family of fakeouts dude called the gruber scam because that's what once he knows it's a gruber he's like no they pretended to steal the money they actually stole the money like he knows that they're not going to blow it up because that's what the family does right yeah he's like no they're too smart for that

it's got to be another thing it's got to be another thing it's not this theft you know I like these movies do not feature enough people going Jesus Christ John really this is happening to you I feel like his friends would be like Dude I really feel bad for you

Like this is insane But meanwhile The way that the fucking bosses are like Oh McLean You're a nightmare And it's like This dude has done so fucking much When does he get his due from people

When are people like Thank you McLean you've stopped two legendary terrorist attacks now Well geez I didn't believe in curses before John Hey John where the fuck were you on September 11 I could have fucking used you. Come out to the coast, September 11th, never forget.

I am deputizing John McLean. Get in that rubble. I do think, though, like, you hear about those cops that never draw their guns. Like, yeah, again, like, John McLean saved 600 people in three movies

and killed, like, 40 terrorists. Yeah, that's, that's, That's, like, 20 lifetimes worth of cop careers. Yeah, and he's not, like, a decorated hero with his own, like, history channel show. He's, like, I hated New York cop, alcoholic. Like, I'm on Holly Janeiro's side for every movie. Yes.

Except at some point, you've got to be like, we should go see your dad. I think things are hard for him. You know, he's watched his family almost die. He's got a medal of freedom. Right. This is what this is. He needs to have, like, the Bosch life, like, where he should have, there should have been a movie made about McLean in the reality of Diehard.

So now he's wealthy because he sold his life rights and he lives in some, like, that's the premise of Bosch. Really? Yeah. I was about to ask, this is the Amazon show? Yeah, the Amazon show, which I'm a huge fan of. And it's, if it's fucking dad TV to the other total. I love Dad TV.

I'm a huge Dad TV guy, four dads by Dads. And this, he, a previous Bosch book has been licensed and made into a movie which bought his life right. So he's wealthy in the show. He's an L.A. cop. He's a Hollywood cop, but he's wealthy and lives in like this glassed-in mansion in Franklin Village. I always love the rich cop trope. It's just like, he's a genius billionaire that solves crime in his spare time. Like Will Smith and Bad Boys.

He's like, oh, yeah, totally loaded. Like Lowry drives like a plorse. Oh, he's just corrupt I appreciate that Bosch got ahead of that Yeah, and it's such a really funny gag To be like, oh, this hero is rich Because he did something previously heroic That was so heroic they made it into a movie

Maybe they could have gone that way for Diehard That's what I'm saying, McLean should just be genuine He's like everyone should know who he is anyway Like especially in the later movies It's post internet Everywhere he goes, people should be like Holy shit John McLean Yes, the super cop of the world

At the very least, Fox News commentator. Oh, very least. The hardest part about watching between Action Boys and my love of old action movies watching and then seeing these like action movies played out as like, no, cops should have guns in case terrorists ever pretend to be cops and take the Federal Reserve. You're like, wait a minute, what? There's Grubers that're coming in through the Southern Caravan. We've got a family of Gruber's.

bad dudes. They're bringing schnitzels. They're bringing strudels. They're everywhere. Obscure Eastern European colonels are attacking us. This country is drowning in huge pretzels. That's why the guy fucking brings an AR-15 to a Hardee's Jr. to feel safe. I don't know, man. I don't know where the gruber's are at. I was so

disgusted to see that Stein of beer. I thought it was urine and I got so excited. Look, I go out do a fucking chick-fil-A to get a delicious chicken sandwich. I don't bring my AR-15, next thing I know, there's a bunch of grubers there getting sandwiches. Oh, man, if it was open season on German-looking dudes,

that'd be long dead. Yeah, it's coming. That stuff comes back right. Mother. Muti. I love how they dance around acknowledging the first movie

in front of John McLean in this movie. When they're in the van and he's like, you know, Nakatomi and the fucking chief is like the what and the guy's like the thing in the building the thing in don't let him hear you say it too loud the thing in the building in L.A. It's like he fucking remembers the national tragedy that happened.

What do you think all the drinking is for? If I work with fucking John McLean, I know Nakatomi Towers. I just know the name of it. He went on the Tonight Show the next week. Exactly. Like, oh please welcome to the stage. So, John, tell me a little bit of Nakatomi, huh?

What's true to me, Nakatomi? Oh, J. Boop boopo. Eudle-deep. Oh, nice. The rare Kevin Ubegg's impressive. I'm not afraid. I love it.

I do like when Zeus is like, what were they talking about Nakatomi? And McLean's like, I forget the exact line, but it's casually like, I bounced his brother off to 50th floor. He's super low-key about it. Oh, cool. I'm hanging out with a murderer. Awesome. They're jogging together.

But even he would know about it. Like, Zeus would know who he is. Yeah, that's true. Like, it's like calling, like, Waco, that thing that happened to Texas. And the whole movie takes place in Waco and everyone keeps referring to it. You know, the culty thing. It's a Simon Koresh. David Koresh's brother.

Yeah, burned his little brother up in a compound. He's really sore about it. It's the heroic ATF officer that burned all those branches. Wait a minute. Do you think the other agency is ATF? He won't say it out loud I work for Agent's team

You know that thing in Texas Wake up We work with firearms Really the first two Are sort of completely legal Now We're just talking about name changes for a while It's got a suck

If you're assigned to the A or T department at the ATF You're like What division are you? I'm an ATF agent Oh sick, yeah Well I'm with the dip protocol What?

We're stopping Stopping to chewing tobacco? Hunting the Skoll brothers. Busting a guy making bathtub gin. Yeah, I'd chase moonshiner's. Yeah, exactly. I've thrown a thousand red solo cups in the garbage. Now I'm just imagining somebody arresting the Sklar brothers by accident.

It's a bad joke. Yeah, I know. I like, it's fine. It's totally fine. I was like, do I do a Sklar Brothers impression here? And I like, I don't have one. I was like, that'd be a funny. No, no, no, no, back off.

They also seem like nice guys. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah, so I don't know. Like, we're running around. This is when, like, yeah, McLean goes full on McLean. Because also, not only does irons not show up for an hour, but like McLean killing people with guns doesn't happen for a long. The first hour of the movie is this bomb. We're solving puzzles.

Yes. And then we're finally. Well, that's how you, that's when you realize that this is a re-wrap of a diehard movie. Yeah. Like, there's no, there's not, he's never, the other thing that is missing from the first two movies, too, is his, like, ham-fisted, like, alphisted, literally like, oh, this guy's got little feet and long hair. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, it's missing that element. And then, but it feels like the back half of this movie

was rewritten when it was become a diehard. They're like, well, we got to have McLean blowing some people away. It's like, get him in the elevator, get him shooting this guy, shooting that guy. The freeway chase or whatever happens. Oh, right, yeah. I don't know what movie that is, but it's a lot of fun. When they're driving up like the sawmill, yeah. Oh, why are we going to Westchester in this movie?

We are. Because they're going to the Bronx, right? Yeah, they go to the Aqueduct. Oh, the, yeah, the... Oh, the racetrack? No, no. I do love the truck driver

that has all the answers. And it's like such... I don't know what, again, what movie he's in. Dude, he's Chris Farley in Wayne's World, too. Yeah, he is. DASX truck driver. Well, that is like a funny, like, New York trope.

It's like, do you have any question about New York? Someone will shout the answer in your face. Some gentle blue collarman. Well, yeah, and that was our fucking, Dennis Farina's long-lost twin They were like Farina's not available It's like

Farina refuses to do anything But a Chicago accent They're like all right Well he's got this cousin Who lives in sheep's head bay He's got his New York Union equivalent Practice I love that character

I love the whole fucking sequence In the trucks It's like that's We're jumping around so much And I don't even know What Order all these stunts happening but there's so fucking many. They're so cool.

The thing I always forget about this movie is the crazy, the tunnel gets flooded moment. And he gets shot out like a fucking like a little rocket. It's hilarious. You can just see Samuel Jackson driving like on the sawmill and he looks and he pop the boop and he goes flying. You can see him be like, that's not in this movie. That's impeccable time.

You go this way, I'll go this way, and somehow we'll arrive at the exact same time. right when you explode out of this hole. I was driving actually from Do the Right Thing. I don't know how I got up here, but good timing. Yeah, I got to get back to the radio station. I gotta go tell people it's hot out. I'll be right back.

I forgot about the car chase part where they're in that little shitty car. And then when they, a guy in the fucking gray bends gets pulled, and then they were like, the unspoken thing is like, well, that's a nicer car. He's like, get out and rob that guy. And he's like, he's going to be pissed. He's like, not when he looks in the back. seat and you're like, oh, the fucking gold bar. And it's a great Jackson delivery

of, that was my gold bar. It was so good, yeah. That gold bar robbery is awesome. They got that drill going into the bank vault and Katia comes out with that knife. She fucking guts that dude like a pig. Wow, that's something. It goes on for a while to, I love

it. Yeah, that dude who has shotgun shells to spare. And a scream to beat the band, that dude is fucking cowering to scrim. Ah! I love when he radios upstairs to get help and he's like, hey man, you know, maybe you'll live through this, okay?

Just chill out. You can tell you's like, fuck, that guy sounds bad. Hey, dude, you're not the star of you, the action movie. You're just a fat security god. You're going to get killed. I'm telling you, just chill out, dude. And I love a bloodthirsty, female sidekick. Oh, totally.

Yeah. Who doesn't speak in this movie? I didn't realize. She doesn't say a word. No. Well, there's a weird detail I only call. I've seen this movie a thousand fucking times. They mention when they're going through the little brief on both of them or whatever.

They make some passing reference to like, oh yeah, we kind of think she was killed in an explosion last week. In a pillow bomb or a bomb between the sheets or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is, and that, and that, I caught it this time for the first time and then notice she's, like, all scarred up on her. I wonder if she can't talk. Oh, that's kind of cool. Yeah, and that would make sense why Simon would be into it. I could do all the talking.

Those scars when they were about to have sexed towards the end. That's a sex scene that I'm like, man, this movie's over with, excuse me. That's the problem with this movie is that towards the end, I feel like it slags a little bit there. Yeah, I don't need to watch this like celebratory fucking. The copter stuff at the end. I'm just like, the movies, John McClain's on a pay phone, have an aspir, the movie's over. Yeah, that is like the most de-heightening part of the movie is when it's like the tag of like, sorry, pal, you're busted. And it's like, I don't give a fuck.

about this at this point. No, exactly. All the urgency is out. They might as well buy another country. That's cool. They won. It's fine. You know, the Diehardt franchise could use

like an Empire Strikes Back. Just let Simon win. Well, like, let them buy that country. And then McLean has to kill a whole country. Yeah, he like lands in it by, his plane crashes. No, I'm in Gruberville. I was going to call it Gruberville.

Yes. Welcome to Gruberville. Do you think Jeremy Irons is constantly calling his girlfriend? She's like, just sitting there, silent on the other phone. He's like, Simon says, you can respond now. Yes, welcome to Gruberville where the currency is riddles. I love the shot to wherever, like this big tanker that they're on or whatever. And all of a sudden, the Gruber gang is like back to 300 large.

where did all these fucking soldiers come from? I think they were hanging out in Canada. These are the guys that are getting things ready. Everyone had all different jobs. They're all finally getting back to get, you know, they're all finally like... It took a lot to do that, like, pilot that boat or whatever the fuck. And there's all the gas guys gassing up those trucks. I'm just the guy in the boat that has to hoot and holler

at the victory ceremony. That's all I want, man. Sign me up for Gruberville, but I'm just being hoot and hollering in the back. You guys do the killing. I'll, like, pass the beer out. I do love when the tall dude, um, who is... Targo or... Targo, which is a great. great fight, but also he realized we're not actually blowing up the gold

and, like, Gruber's like, a fucking course not. No, yeah, let's pretend to do that and then have the gold. I thought you were the Joker. I thought this was to send a message. You told me you wanted to watch the world burn. You lied, you lied. I always find those hand-to-hand combat fights against

minions towards the end of action movies are sort of a little flat because we haven't established that Targo is good at all in fighting. We do know that he's an explosives expert, which kind of leaned you away from like, he's probably not a hand-to-hand combat guy if he's a scientist. But he is 6'9, so I guess we've got to

have him score. He's the most intimidating physical figure, I guess let's put him against fucking McLean. Because, like, McLean versus Simon versus Gruber, that sort of makes sense physically because he's ex-military, but he is old and McLean. But of course, McLean is like good enough to fist fight anyone. So it's like, oh, get Targo

in here. It's always been kind of funny. though, because, like, this dude's called me, oh, little bunny rabbit. Come, you a rabbit. And then McLean, like, by the end of the scene, McLean is whipping this dude with a huge, like, chain that can dock a boat. Well, I also love that the idea of being tall means you're unstoppable.

It's like, he stabs him in the leg. He's like, that does not hurt me. I'm like, no, you're just, like, six and nine. Like, you're actually probably more frail. The 80s and 90s movies where, like, size was such a premium. Like, I wish I was alive. I could have been in fucking 12 action movies. This is the toughest guy in the town

And it's just like a fat No muscular development whatsoever Like all the guys in Roadhouse They're like, they're all like With the exception of Swayze Everyone's just like big fat Like they're all fucking grips And like sound guys

They all wear denim overall That's a Hollywood tradition Like back in the 40s and the 50s Like a detective movie back then All the Habities are just super fat guys If Ted dancing is just bulked up He would have owned the 80s Guys like 6-7 didn't he

we gotta get dancing on HGH Oh my god A jack 10 dance Welcome to the good place I'm Becker You're Becker here We're in the bad place Fucking Becker dude

Yes Oh fuck yeah So they're what They're on this boat Yeah they find the bomb is there Yeah and the real bomb is there This is a weird like Sam Jackson is given this

automatic weapon, McLean's like, yeah, you're fine, just go on your own. Hunt this fucking terrorist down. McLean almost gets Zeus killed because he's like, just point and full of trigger. Don't worry about safeties or anything. Yeah, totally. Well, that's the thing is he goes, how do I use a gun? And it's a joke about a black

guy on a gun, blah, blah, blah. And then he shows him how to do it. And then Jackson's even like, is that all there is? And he's like, yeah, that's all there is. No, you're missing the safety part which is going to get me fucking murdered, dude. Big detail. Big detail. Also, that scene, that line right there is one of the most famously awesome

television edits of all time because the lie in the movie is not all brothers know how to use guns you racist motherfucker and in the TV edit he goes not all brothers know how to use guns you racist melon farmer because in Diard 1 it's yippy Kaiai

A melon farmer as well they brought it back they brought it back like Gallagher's watching at home loving it anytime TV edits come up I talk about my favorite TV edit of all time so I just got to bring in to you guys the film Great Outdoors

There's a scene at the end Where all the family is telling each other To blow it out their ass Blow it out your ass You blow it out your ass In the TV version They switch ass With someone saying

And this is the exact read Cazoo But they only did Had one person do it for everyone So everyone is like Blow it out your kazoo You blow it out your kazoo And it's the same kazoo every time

It's such an insane fucking scene There's a lazy dub like that for the TV cut of the Good Son with McCauley Culkin and Elijah Wood where he's hanging him off the fucking cliff and he goes, don't fuck with me and he's like a little like 10 year old kid they got some dude like a fucking

baritone from the opera to come in to say fool. So it's McCallie Culkin like, don't fool with me. Fucking modulate that. Do anything. My favorite is... Just curse at this point.

Just curse on TV. If your brain is registering the curse anyway, it's the same difference. In the beginning of Scarface, it's how did you get that Scar Tough guy, eating pineapple? Which is actually what I wish that had that happened. Oh no, this

pineapple, I just caught me face. Eating fun of it. This delicious pineapple. Trying to eat through the can. The Scarface prequel. Today, I'm on vacation in Hawaii. Exactly. Today I am a drug dealer on vacation.

Oh, fuck. Bleeding from his mouth. Mr. Montana, we rush you to the Hawaiian emergency room. Yeah, so they get tied up and stuff. They're going to blow. He shoots, Irons shoots Jackson in the leg. What is this donut that Jeremy Irons is eating in this scene? It's a hard-boiled egg.

Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. Oh, that's, yeah, that's disgusting. He's like eating as he's killing this guy? Yeah. Can I got a glass of water really quick? Yeah, and since this is a fucking hard-boiled egg, I definitely need something to drink.

I cannot speak. All right, I can't go to riddles this way. This is, like, terrible. I put salt on it, too. Oh, I'm sorry. Could you get me some peanut butter, actually? I need to clean this up. Simon says more salt.

Can I have some flour with this egg? Yeah, so he shoots him in the leg. He's down for the count. They're tied to this bomb. Yeah. Which always makes me think of the fucking Eminem's commercial before the movie. Oh, right.

They're all, like, tied up, and then the phone rings and all the Eminem get pissed off that they ruin the movie. And then the yellow one has to pull its peanut out to save them. Let me bite off part of the shell. The green one is like, I'll suck off the officer that's watching us.

You're so horny, green Eminem. The sexy horny Eminem, I love her. I've never, I've never been okay with it. Yeah, I mean. It's like, why am I watching this hard? Oh. Guarantee, I haven't done it, but I think if you typed in green Eminem,

Green Eminem on Debian Art, you're going to see something. Oh, hell, yeah, yeah. I think if you type that into Google, you're going to do something. I think if you type GR into my search bar and auto completes. Green Eminem and white guy. Green Eminem, green Eminemn M&M husband, question mark. Green Eminemn M&M net worth. Green M&M shoes, size.

Clothed Green M&M. N-N-M-N-M-N-M-N-M-N-M-N-M-N-A. Oh, no. And so then the big crux reveal is that Jeremy Irons bought Advil at a fucking train station or whatever. It's like, what an insane slip-up. By the way. Oh, shit. The one thing I gave him was the clue.

And also, like, he bought it at exactly, this is, like, geo-targeted fucking Advil that has the exact address where he's staying as well, like every... That's not how medicine works. Like, if you look at it on the bottom, it just says, like, an expiration date. It is not like CVS Melrose. It is there in case I lose it. I have to bring it. And in case I lose it, someone brings it to where I was purchasing it from. Just look at the bottom of the thing, and it says, Simon Gruber, 270, where out,

place, Quebec, Canada. Yeah, parentheses, Hans' brother. You know. Listen, CVS cashier, let me leave my name and address and where we're staying in Montreal, just because anyone comes looking for me. My vanity, Advil. Adville X. Machina.

Now remember, I'm an obscure general from the East Germany. Colonel. That's how obscure he is. This is the colonel. He's so obscure, the colonel. He's played by Norm MacDonald, by Jim Gaffig.

Yes, the East German Army did it first. I always wanted him to miss when he tosses him the Advil bottle and just be like, whoops. Yeah. But he lands it like right in his lap. Like, come on. I know this is Die Hard 3. It's weapons training.

You can throw Advil at anyone's crotch. What a marksman. Yeah, exactly. I am such, I'm so good at like, oh, it's a movie. That's fine. Whatever it's like. And this movie,

really challenges you with, like, insane coincidences throughout the entire film. Oh, yeah. But the most egregious one is that John McLean has the confidence to, like, pull some of the serum out of the bomb. Like, yeah, totally. It's like, there's no other option left. I guess my best bet is to create a mini bomb from this huge.

I'm so confident in my ability to do this. And hopefully it won't set off the rest of the liquid right behind me. The bomb expert blew a chair up, and I'm the guy who's going to just fuck. can figure it out. I'm basing most of this on a physical joke. Right, right.

I also love as they're leaving the boat, Samuel Jackson has to like lift his wounds. He's like, ow my hands, ow my leg. Oh no, remember what I was shot? You know, because he has to be like, we should maybe, you know, give a little verbal cue as to what these people have been through. Yeah, it's true.

Like, oh, I have a sprained ankle from when I jumped off of a fucking bridge onto a boat. And that's just the beginning of my been quite a movie, right, folks? Wow, what a movie. Yeah, I mean, I honestly feel like the end of this movie should be they jump off the boat it explodes and somehow Gruber's

boat goes up to or something like that. I feel like just going to this separate location is just And it's also nighttime too, like it's a totally different movie. It feels like it happened like three hours either like, all right, let's go and it's like, why are we bringing Sam Jackson on this mission? That's the biggest thing.

Go to the hospital. More than that, you have two kids who are just in the bomb school. Where are they going? He doesn't care. Doesn't give a shit, apparently. He's this fucking four-hour helicopter ride all the way upstate to Canada. He's now going to be John McLean's

roommate. I just feel like the Inspector Cobb is, can we cut this fucking electrician loose finally? Like, just is like, I'm staying. They're like, Dad, isn't that the guy with the sign from this morning? Well, he's actually more than the sign. I haven't gotten to know him. Turns out we're racist. I learned something from him.

Not him. Uncle Zeus. was hanging out with the sign guy all day this is though the second ending there's a weird alternate ending in this movie that's even more ridiculous it's like at least

it's sometime later and Bruce Willis tracks him down I think he is still in Canada it's a Gruberville actually and like Jeremy Aaron is in some office or something like that and they have a little like you know back and forth they shot this they shot it yeah I think it's on it's on the DVDs I've definitely seen it before

I'm up on YouTube also. He has like a fucking rocket launcher or some shit and just blast Jeremy Irons with it. Right in his office. I kind of want to watch that. That was from the canon cut. You know it's a canon movie if there's a bazooka for another thing.

And credits. Zucca explosion, then credits. Golan and Globus benefited greatly from the invention of the bazooka. They're like, oh, what if Chuck Norris has two in this movie? He's like, fuck it. What about two guys point the bazookas at each other? I just feel like you go to go

you're on a canon movie. He's like, where's Kraft Services? I don't know, next to the bazook. It's just a bucket of bazook. You can eat a bazook if you want. These are all real, by the way. There's some chip bags under those bazookas there. We have red vines.

Boo! Yeah, our families are going to be great for years because we bought in early on bazookas. Just have stock in them. It's at least more believable, though, because Sam Jackson is nowhere to be found, which is how this movie should fucking end. So dumb.

Now, I'm getting in that helicopter. He has to start it. for them. And then of course there's a danger to Sam Jackson's like you can't get out of the helicopter

in time. I'm like yeah dude you shouldn't have fucking come oh right his seatbelt gets stuff come on but it's just

yeah and then there's we do get the really cool it's it is like the last scene in the video game the boss is in a helicopter

absolutely properly he's glowing red you know he's gonna go down in a second it takes him a few seconds to figure out the weak point and he's like

shooting at the helicopter he's like that's not doing anything it's not taking down his health. Oh, that wire looks suck something. Bam, bam, bam. Well, first they shot him on the ground a few times, then he started blinking.

And then the next shot, he's in a chopper. The music is a little faster. What does McLean say, like, say hello to your brother or something like that? Yeah, it's a bad fucking ADR, too. It's not even a great line. It's fair heart of your brother. I do think it's kind of amazing to kill two brothers

years apart. With the same thing. Well, I want, like, the next movie should be, my name is Matilda Gruber. You've killed my son prepared to die. Now, John McLeod becomes like a gruber hunter. Anyone in the phone book named Gruber, he's going over there and shoot him. It's like the boys from Brazil.

He's like, they are raising a grubor in San Paolo. And then he realizes the gruber clone is actually good and helps him in the end. Ooh, I like this. I do think that they should always be a gruber. If you're doing it twice, you always have to do it. It's comedy rules. You know what I mean? Yeah. Timothy,

all the fans should have been a gruber. A fire sale, I'm a gruber. You know what you did to my great uncle? They were saying fire sale in that movie like 10,000 times. Oh, God. I remember, because I saw that movie around the time I saw Harrison Ford's Firewall. Oh. And I remember that they were both really projecting these new buzzwords.

It's a fire sale. He's doing a fire sale. We all know what a fire sale is, right? I got to get on the Wi-Fi password. It's a new generation of tech thrillers, dude. Fire sale. I'm like, what are they? Is that, like, a tire thing?

Like, the tires are 50% off or something? We're selling fire at a discount. Oh, it's a flaming stick. Bring your own oily rags down to Crazy Eddie's fire store. That's probably, like, the first caveman business. Yeah, so, like, he shoots a wire, it wraps around the helicopter, and the two of them blow up inside it. He's like, oh, remember when the wire cut that?

guy in half. He's like, we still have that sound effect. Let's use it here. Also, like, they're going to where they know an encampment of German mercenaries are. And like, all right, everyone, ready? Yeah, Bruce is like, I'm in a tank top and I have a five shooter. Let's roll. Hey, give me something a little heavier for this fucking raid on a terrorist. And what is the raid consists of? Is it just him and Sam Jackson? Or is there

more of a forest? Like a SWAT team or something? Well, you're in Canada. Do they get the fucking Mouties involved? Oh, shit. They come galloping in. I mean, I guess that's why it's so late at night. They had to fucking, like, they had to go through all these channels, get the Mounties involved. They were at customs forever.

They're like, sir, we're detecting metal on your shoulder. He's like, ah, it's from a cable. I was climbing. Come out to the north. Can it come to the north? The helicopter, like, comes through the warehouse, and it just a bunch of mooses coming in through the north. Like, nature's helping.

John McLean can, he's doctor too little. Yeah, we teamed up with the Canadian police. And it's, like, all Mounties with aviators. Also, if you got to hang. over, the last thing you want to do is get in a fucking helicopter. That's true. That's true. There's like a bunch of scenes we don't see where he's chugging pedia light. Yes, absolutely. It has to happen.

Or he should at least be like drinking. Like I just, I need a little hair of the dog right now. You know, give me a couple of PBRs. I feel like why not have a gag where he fucking, like, after he kills all the guys in the elevator, like one of them has like a fucking half a water bottle or something. And he's like, oh, thank God. Like that would be like, that's something that even if he wasn't hungover would be ideal. At that point in the movie, I'd be like, oh, thank God.

I was dying a fucking Thursday. McLean, you got to hydrate, buddy. You got a hydrate. You run it all over the fucking city in the middle of the heat. At least to get the German brains out your mouth. Right, right. Tastes like auto in here. I love that elevator violence sequence.

I couldn't tell you geographically what exactly happened. It doesn't make a lot of sense either. There's a magic bullet in there somewhere. Right. Because there's no way he should get the brains on his face like that because he's shooting the dude behind himself. I don't fully understand

where he's doing but it is very cool how he does to do it. And he also tries to get him to drop the gun which I think is like interesting and should be more

of a part of a movie where your hero's a cop when the heroes are cop there should be at least like a pretend like let's put our guns down motherfucker. You know you never see

him do the Miranda rights for anybody. Literally no one knows the rights. Well you can't do the Miranda rights on someone who's a flaming

pile of this fucking charred body. Yeah, I guess the only way that works is if you're doing the cool guy, you get the right to remain dead. You get the right to remain crispy. Yeah, sure. I mean, he, when he goes to get those truck guys, he doesn't even talk, he shoots first. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's another kind of magic

bullet thing, though, because he's standing behind them and just sort of fires, and then you see the dude in the passenger side where, like, his upper chest just explodes. How are you getting that guy? Shoot him from the side. Yeah, his ending line could have been like, Colonel Extra Crispy recipe. again the cannon cut

he should have shot him in the head and then thrown the aspirin back to him here he'll something for your headache so you got a split in one more of an Advil man last boy scott has ruined me

to the point where I'm assuming he's going to do a jig at the end of every movie now I'm like is this where he dances nope whenever you're talking about the craziest movie of all time it's always like, and then the last Boy Scout is the next one, because that movie's fucking nuts. The opening with the football field.

With Billy Blanks, the fucking 10-time Taekwondo World Champion kills everyone. That's great. That's a great opening. I mean, that's just something that had never been done before and will never be done again in a movie. It's just like that, and that's something

that people clearly have thought about. Yes, that's clearly something you're like, oh, that would be an insane experience. And then it just happens. Like, that's just so wild. That movie's just like, yeah, fuck it. But that's like, it's so, unique to that movie though that like if you did

in another movie you'd be like oh dude we fucking saw this in the last boy scouts like even we are marshal all right the only way to win a championship game take my fucking luger look we lost a lot of good guys in that plane crash here's everyone's pistols let's go

out there and win can we give Charlie some do he has a great fucking moment oh yeah he has a great hero turn for the goofy-ass guy we see. He's got the fucking powder all over his face. Why does he need to chalk up? He's not doing dead lifts. What the fuck is doing?

I think it's like to eliminate any moisture. Oh, okay. Because this dude is sweating. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that would be, sweating and diarrhea would be my undoing from any heroic situation. I would constantly be like oh man, my hands are, or like in a movie with like a guy's like hanging on something.

I'm like, I can't. I have like four seconds of hanging before I'm immediately dead. Like, and I, all I want to do is be in action movies and if like in any movie I would be completely gassed cardiovascular wise in reality but Charlie going like what do you mean there's still kids in and he decides to just go and like that's so fucking cool it is I do like the whole team kind of does something even though they're in another movie and it actually doesn't matter because it's always a fake bomb but it right to your point like they all have hero moments Graham green the woman they all

have like these cool moments and it's so that one dude Ricky gets murdered though oh yeah Ricky Walsh. Oh, he gets killed. Because he's the dude that Otto takes the gun. He brings them down into the bullet. Come on this way, guys, and they fucking murder him. When they show his body, when McLean sees his body, he's fucking fucked up. Yikes, dude.

He's been murdered. And I guess that sort of actually lets McLean kind of have some vengeance involved with the vengeance. Right, right, right. It's our first element of vent. Oh, I guess the real vengeance is Simon. Yeah, yeah. But then he's the real vengeance. But then he gets some vengeance.

And I mean, he's justified in killing people for the first time in the movie. Exactly. I'm really confused by the killings in this actually because they put a lot of things to people's necks and it looks like an injection thing. It's a knockout gas situation.

They do have that because then when the one dude, like, when Otto kills that guy and he's like, no shooting. Because in the background, you also see there's one guy who apparently has a neck that's too fat to put the injection through. And they've got one guy who's just like snapping in his neck in the back room. I was like, no, I can't do it.

Sorry. There is just this obese security guard being strangled in the back of the shop. They just keep hitting him with drinks. That guy's like an opioid head. The needle just keeps on getting busted. I don't know how. His eyes are glassy, but that's it. He's still awake.

He's a hornier. We need to hit him again. Hit him again. Guy's got like elephant skin. I don't know what it is, man. He's smiling at me. Elephants, don't you have kids? uh yes they're just in flaming wreckage in canada outside some shitty motel yeah and i guess sam jackson's gonna stay there tonight i mean i don't know like you're not getting back anytime that's manageable you're you traveled

there in a helicopter that takes a really long time everyone just leaves and then sam jackson doesn't have his passport kick it back in the united states i like everyone's flying in for the chop permission and they're like what's sam jackson doing there and he's like fixing a radio in his lap gotta get a little work done the shop. It's my busy season. Repairs do it tomorrow. I don't know what to tell you.

Oh, and we didn't talk about one of the best lines of the movie, the trailer line that clearly sets up the entire premise like, look around you. There's no cops. Oh, my God. You can rob City Hall. Oh, yeah. Trash kid. I love that.

I love that they immediately rob him of his bicycle. It's like, oh, really? Well, fuck you. But the idea of like, as a kid, you're like, oh, shit, there's no cops. I'm going to go rob that. It's like, what are you talking about? This little monster's born in the Staten Island dump, dude, so that, you know.

Get on your bikes, we got to get to Harlem, A-Sound. We got to butterfingers to steal, let's go. Fagan put the call out, of course. Fagan. And we end with the little ants marching. Was this the first diehard movie to use that song? Because they use them after, they use the same song in other movies.

I don't know if it's in the first one or not. It's been a while. I feel like it is when they're, when they're unpacking and starting the drill up. Oh, yeah, okay. By the way, it's Johnny comes marching home. It's not the Dave Matthews. Oh, yeah, it's right.

Johnny comes marching home. I got to say, I love. Die hard death. You just got to, like, Simon, he's blasting Dave. He's like, who is this fucking guy? Very complex character. We have to decide what country to buy. Blast the Matthews.

Crash. Into me. Yeah. Do the one with him and Tim Reynolds. That's the one I want. I love the drums in this movie, all like the marching drum. It's all great. It's all great, yeah.

He's making a phone call again. Oh, they give him more money to call Holly. Because that's, oh, that's a fucking indignity, though. The first time he tries to call her, and it's not even Bonnie Bedelia's voice on the other line. Yeah, but it's also like just like some, like, it's like a boomer caricature of a woman. She's like, John, what's going on? You asshole. Yeah.

Lockhorns horse shit. I'm like, she was a character in these movies in a real way. And she was well-fucking liked. Exactly. They should have brought Richard Thorneback or whatever the character's name was. The guy from Ghostbusters. Dickless is what I call him, unfortunately, for the rest of his life. Totally.

I'm sure that happens. Here's your check, Dickless. Like, no, I'm just, you know, now you're not going to get it. And what's her name, Mary Ellen Trainor, the everyone's favorite TV movie mom, Gooney's mom. She's also the news person in Die Hard. Oh, that's right. We were just talking about her, weren't we?

She was in the monster squad. She's also the mom in like five movies from our child. She's like all of our mom. And then she's also in diehard and lethal weapons. So she's like, she was in like 80% of my favorite movies. By my 10th birthday. Constant. Awesome.

So, I mean, that's the movie. And what we do here on We Love Movies is instead of saying, well, we recommend the movie, because of course we would. But the real thing, Now, this movie's like 25 years old or whatever, older than that 30 years old, does it hold up? John, we'll start with you. Do you think Die Hard with a Vengeance holds up? I think Die Hard with a Vengeance pretty much holds up with the exception of its view towards racism.

Yeah, yeah. I think that's, I appreciate that it has like a racially charged kind of like conversation around it, but it just doesn't resolve in the way that. And because I think it doesn't take it away from holding up because it is a 30-year-old. It's a time capsule. It captures it realistically. But it's just like watching, it doesn't, it feels weird in our current climate. Yeah, it's a very anti-German. That's what I was going to have.

Germans have had a bad rap since the 40s. Why is that? I do. But yeah, to your point, I think it was enough in the 90s just to say the words Rodney King. and like that's all like that's what he says Rodney King right he's like fuck you it's a joke

and that's it we're not gonna talk about it we're not gonna try and heal anything right well what's weird too about it it's a joke and that shit had happened like four years before this movie came out

very strange that we were already yucking it up about now that I'm like old enough like to have hindsight on that time in my life the amount of like OJ Simpson jokes and Rodney King jokes I was making

a Michael Jackson pedophilia joke like I was making like and everyone kids little shit-eaten little kid. We were just talking about, like, casually about cops beating a guy. Like, I couldn't believe.

And now I'm just like, Jesus, thank God I didn't have a podcast. Yeah. It's bad enough now. I had a podcast when I was 12, I'd be fucking pre-canceled before I even had anything happen in my career.

Yeah, I think all the race politics are of its time. The thing that drops like a fucking thud these days, too, speaking of current climate, is when the fucking guy is like, yeah, they're rerouting all the emergency calls

through our switchboard and the lady goes and I'm gonna marry Donald Trump and you're like your fucking asshole clinches right up when that happens yeah there's it's been a great sea change in hip hop because Donald Trump used to be like

a good Trump is a good rhyming word and also you can talk about money and now the sea change is just like no one's saying Trump without saying fuck and it's so awesome that I'll never watch Home Alone 2 again there should be a fucking

a post-2016 recut of that movie because it's not consequential to the plot at all I would firmly believe that he found his way out of the hotel without fucking stopping

for directions Yeah, that's what doesn't make sense they put out a new release of Ghost Can't Do It and I thought you would have burned all copies Get rid of it Well you know what

At least with Home Alone So I work with a guy who used to do like location scouting for like TV and movies in New York And they would film at buildings that he owned all the time And the stipulation was he would let you do it. He would sign off on it.

But you had to film him having a cameo in it. And so my coworker was like, yeah, they did it all the time. And then he just got cut out of all these things. But Chris Columbus with fucking Home Alone, too, was like, that, keep it. Keep it. It's great. Now I have SAG insurance. Art of the deal.

SAG after. It's a great organization. Add those residuals to my income and I'm a trillionaire. I'm in gremlins, too. I get eaten by a bunch of gremlins. Oh, man, John Glover in that movie's a better Donald Trump than Donald Trump. Yes, absolutely, that's true. Because John Glover is an actor.

Oh, yeah. The holds up conversation, I do think it holds up, but what you guys said is absolutely correct. And also, I feel like it drags towards the end, like, I've already complained about it. Yeah, well, that's because, like, the four movies that we've been watching are coming together. Well, because they did. the third act of the four different movies and the second act of this movie what do we do at the end? It's like,

ah, shoot a fucking Rube Goldberg machine that takes a helmet up. We want this movie to end like the board game Mousetrap? Did we get that set up? Pick the can. Similarly, yeah, the race stuff. And especially like the sign

is a really hard thing to put in the beginning of your movie. There's other ways to get Sam Jackson on board that don't involve that. You can do the sign. Just have it, say, something else on the sandwich board. It could say, fuck Harlem. It would sort of mean the same thing.

Exactly. Not dropping that. Or even I hate black people. Oh, holy shit, that guy's an asshole. People will fuck with you if you have that sign, but at least you're not dropping it. Yeah, but other than that, I mean, the action's really fun. It's the last time John McLean was John McLean.

He's very John McLeanianness. And he's scared a lot, which I love. And, you know, it's super fun. I really wish it was the last movie. It should have been the last movie. I mean, yeah, I agree with all that. What I really love about this movie is they essentially turn New York into Nakatomi Tower. Yeah.

Like, they use, they use it as a big landscape, which is what it is. It's the biggest playground he gets. And they actually, all the set pieces are huge that way. So they're like, yeah, we can use this space like this. And John McTiernan was great at this until I think this is the last time he was good at it. Well, before he got in trouble with dodging the taxes. Yeah, the taxes. Weird, weird how he's like creative energies dovetailed nicely, ending.

with him getting in some serious fucking trouble. He was a man alone stuck in a vent with unpaid taxes. And also going off what you said, the fact that he's playing in all of Manhattan, but he knows it and also his partner is a former cab driver. It lends that sort of New York ability where being a New Yorker is in of itself a little bit of a superpower.

Yes, yes, absolutely. And they ramp it up in this movie where it's like, Oh, you don't want to go that way. This is the trick. I know that because I'm a New York. And you know, it's a pre-9-11 New Yorkerness wherein like you can kind of hate New York a little bit and love it as opposed to like all those fucking Spider-Man movies

where you got to be like, you mess with one of us, you miss with all of us, which I've never heard. I've never seen New Yorkers United for nine days. Let's relax. Us 14 different ethnicities trapped in the cable car together. Yes. You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.

is a situation that occurs all the time. You know, it's like, it would be a fucking, if you took a cable car in New York, it would be full of fat tourists from Dallas. Like, it wouldn't even have any New Yorkers in it. Everybody's got headphones on and is looking down. They don't even know. McLean's running back and forth.

The bombs blown up. Everyone's just playing Switch on the train. Yeah, I cannot honestly remember the last time I teamed up with anybody. I really cannot. I think, like, if I hold the door, Or for someone in New York, they look at me weird. Dude, I got the fucking door.

Thanks, Bell. A fuck a real hero over here. And that is Die Hard with a vengeance. John, we want to thank you for coming on. I mean, you would plug away. This is coming out in December, so whatever you got going on. Yeah, check out my podcast, High and Mighty. By December, you guys would probably, your episode will probably be up.

I also have a movie podcast called Action Boys where we review. A great movie podcast. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, we review classic action movies and we take longer to review them than the run times in the movie, which is easy when it's 80 minutes, and it's embarrassing when it's heat. So check that out. And then also,

high and mighty, I'll be on tour weekends in January and February through Texas and the Northeast. So if those, check that out at headgum.com slash live. And while you're there, there's probably a couple of live dates of yours out there. Grab a ticket for everything. Totally. Go ticket wild, man. Get nuts.

For your friends. Yeah, whoever else is on sale at HeadGum, buy them all. If we're coming to your city, just see any one of them. It's a quality, it's a quality lineup no matter what. Honey, what a headgum show is tonight. We'll find out when we get there. Like people that go to the movies and they don't know what's playing.

Martha, what's on screen this evening? Well, we'll just be choosing the one that fits our schedule best. Speaking of our schedule, Steve Sadek, the show rolls on next week. We Love Movies Month continues. I think we've got a live date coming. Yeah, it's a, we're staying in the action

zone. We're not action boys. We're not trying to encroach on anything. No, you guys are, we're all completely different. All of us, white straight men in the exact same age bracket who are obsessed with movies. Totally different shows. Really unique perspective. You don't want to listen. No, we're doing The Rock live from San Francisco.

Oh, that's right. Which was secretly written by the guy who wrote this movie. Oh, really? Oh, really? Don Hensley, yeah. Michael Bay went like crazy over the WGA. Well, he was the main one. wearing that placard shine. I don't

believe in it. I'd rather wear a pony chair. It's actually more embarrassing to wear the ponytail, Connery. But also, that's not all on patreon.com slash we hate movies this month. We love movies episode. For this, the month of December is the Empire Strikes Back. Yeah. Check it out. And also on the Nexus level, our Star Trek podcast. Oh, fuck, I totally forgot. We recorded

this like four months ago. We'll see how it holds up. Does it hold up? Our episode on Star Trek First Contact will be coming out December. That's right. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. So until next week with The Rock Live from Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco. I'm Andrew Jupin, Chris Cabin. Even say that. Eric Cisco. John Gabris? Take it easy. Do I say my name of the end? That was a hate gum podcast.