We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 439 - Species (with Angelica Jade Bastién)

Episode Date: August 27, 2019

On the season 10 premiere, the gang is in-studio with writer, Keanu Reeves historian, and all-around fantastic person, Angelica Jade Bastién chatting about the super-horny, mid-90's, sci-fi dud, Species! What is with those nipple tentacles? Who thought the film needed an improvised Michael Madsen sex scene? And what kind of a name is Xavier Fitch, Ben Kingsley? PLUS: The Chuck E. Cheese origin story is here! Species stars Natasha Henstridge, Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Alfred Molina, Forest Whitaker, Marg Helgenberger, and Michelle Williams; directed by Roger Donaldson. Recorded at the WFMT studios in beautiful Chicago, IL. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

POMAYOR. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. Hey, gang, welcome to what is the season 10 premiere of We Hate Movies. Oh, my God. I am in the studio right now with the whole gang as Steve, Eric, Chris. Eric, Eric. It's like how you're doing it like a question.

I don't know, Eric. Is that guy? Eric, is that his name? Yeah. It's been a while. Yeah, we all went on vacation. My God. Eric, you look great.

You look so tan. Thank you. I was good to say that myself, but I'm glad you did. Yeah. I look great as well We all look fantastic I've got a brand new toupee I'm really excited about it

No one's mentioned it yet Which is good Elaine is not throwing it out the window yet Which is fantastic So somehow we are starting The 10th season of this show Which I just think is fucking bonkers It is

I didn't think we'd live this long No especially you Yes And the cool thing is we're starting it In an episode we recorded in Chicago That is right. When we were out in Chicago last fall, last June. Last June.

Did you know what time is anymore? I have no idea. This toupee is cutting off the circulation of my brain. No. And we had an awesome time sitting down with a vulture critic and just all around awesome critic. Angelica Jade Bastien. She was fantastic. You will see in a second.

Super fun episode. But we wanted to talk to you a little bit about some stuff that's on your feed and will be on your feed. We've got an episode on National Treasure 2, Book of Secrets on the Patreon feed. the Patreon feed, by the way, which will be changing in a few short days in September. That's right, because this National Treasure 2 is the last We Hate Movies episode that will be on that bonus feed because starting next month, we are kicking that over to We Love Movies going forward, starting it off with Martin Campbell's golden eye, fucking great movie, God damn it. Oh, oh, that was a fun one to record. You want to look at sexy. Look at fucking Pierce Brosnan in 1990, fucking five. Just getting out of that pool and then immediately into some.

fuck fighting the fuck fighting is fantastic speaking of fuck fighting we're gonna fuck fight our way across this

country yet again yeah we are going to be performing sorry remake of over the top November November 6

where are we playing Steve we are starting our West Coast tour in San Francisco the great riceeroni

city we are hanging out with Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage doing a we love movies live

episode on The Rock. Oh, man. Welcome to the Rock. Not The Ruck, just the movie about Alan Rock, right? Oh, my God. The album, dude. Biopic on Ellen Ruck.

I'm into it. Or just a cool, really smart documentary. The only way that happens is if he kills his wife. Then suddenly we'll get the Ruck movie. Oh, poor Mary L. Enos, if that's the case. No. Oh, wow. Good for him.

I don't know that they're wed, but they're like, you know. Are you on Facebook with it? What? Yeah. They're doing it? They're doing it. I heard. I heard that they're doing it.

And we're going to be doing it, doing it again in Portland, Oregon the next day, right? November 7th. That is right. November the 7th. We were at the Aladdin Theater in beautiful Portland, Oregon. We are talking about kindergarten cop. Holy shit, these movies just keep getting better. They do.

I can't even believe it. They are getting out of control. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger versus Crisp. Or is it Chris? Or whatever that guy is. Chris. Crisco. Yeah, the bad dude, the great ponytail in that film.

One of cinema's greatest ponytail's. I will offer. Also, you get to see an old lady get hit with a car, which is pretty good. So we'll be talking about old ladies getting hit by cars, and that is our only date in the Pacific Northwest for this year. By the way, these are the last dates we're doing travel-wise. So you want to come down, you know, Seattle, I'm talking to you, Vancouver, get your passport sorted.

Yeah, if you're like, I say Diego somewhere, maybe you want to come to the next show, which is actually in Los Angeles. Right, on November and the 10th. That's right. The Sunday. The fuck fight all valley tournament. Yes, that's right. You just gave it away.

It's the karate kid, the OG karate kid. At the Hollywood Improv, we were returning. Great venue, awesome people there. We love it. We love Hollywood, man. Oh, we just got sunglasses somehow. Now, Steve, can I ask you? Are you planning on spitting on an audience member this time?

You know what? No, I'm not. No, I'm actually not. Well, you weren't planning on it the last time right there to be fair. Lightning rarely strikes twice at the same place, And we're going to be back at the same place where that famous spit occurred. So watch us push our luck, November the 10th at the Hollywood Improv, all ticket information, including showtimes, venue information, what have you.

It's all linked to on our website, WHMpodcast.com. Just click on that tour tab. Tickets are indeed for sale. Anyway, that's about it for us. Like we said, this is a pre-recorded episode with Angelica Jade Bastion. We're talking about species. It was so much fun sitting down with her. Please enjoy the season 10 premiere of We Hate Movies talking Species.

This week on the program, it's almost pornography. It's Species. I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Steven Siddick. Angelica Jade Bastion. And we hate movies.

Hello, welcome to we hate movies. This is a very special episode. We are actually coming to you from the WFMT's movies. studios in Chicago, Illinois, joined as you heard at the top of the show by Angelica Jade Bastion. You know her from Vulture and several other places. You're a staff writer on Vulture, so that's what I'm going to go with. Thank you for coming on We Hey Movies. Welcome to the program. No, thank you for having me and then also bringing some of my favorite beer.

Like, this is heaven. Oh, well. This is really wonderful. We're in like a real studio for once. So if I sound overly professional, That's why. I feel I should be like a killed over with like a cigarette, like the old show. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Oh, like an Eric Bogosian. Talk radio. A lot of cursing. I mean, there's literally an on-air button in here. Do you anything you want to plug before we get all the way into stuff? My cats. I want to give a shout out to Professor Butch Cassidy. Nice.

Where did he get his doctorate? He's a liar. He does not have a doctorate. He just does that to like show off. Well, bitch. And then Paul Newman, who's the good baby And also my mom

who said she's going to listen to this because she's heard a bit of we hate movies accidentally I like forgot that oh my God my mom's staying with me and so I had your Ready Player One episode on and it was towards the end and you said a line about

a hot shit on like a cold something gross and my mother was like oh my God is this what you listen to and then she's like but that's very creative. Oh, that's good. You got a what are you listening to situation. I did. Yeah.

Okay. That's so great. So, Angelica, this was your pick. There's a species from 1995 directed by Roger Donaldson. I should also be forthcoming here. I am totally hung over. Come on. No, I'm just, in case anyone's like, you know, what's wrong with Andrew? I'm kind of hung over. Okay. I'm going to get through it, though.

Roger Donaldson, of course, from Cocktail, No Way Out, Cadillac Man, Dante's Peak, 13 days. Just a lot of shit you never want to watch. So, Angelico, this was your pick. What brought you to this decision? Well, I love studying misogyny, and this movie is chock full of it. Oh, absolutely. This movie hates women in ways that's kind of astounding.

Just when you think it's not going to hate a woman anymore, a woman gets kidnapped and torture. It's really wonderful. So I picked the movie, mostly, though, because I got incredibly high one day. which is like every day really sure sure. And I watch Oh she's seen me get high.

I like was like Mom guess what I'm 30 now I can do what I want She got a contact high At this dinner party I threw with my friends It was very funny for me But anyway

Yes mom I got high watching this movie Definitely And I was like You know God If someone who didn't hate women directed this

I think there's like an interesting movie buried under here, which is what makes it frustrating. Right. Because you're like, it takes itself seriously, and it has all this imagery about puberty and coming into your own as a woman. And then it's like, it sucks, motherfuckers, and you're going to be obsessed with dudes.

That's basically how it imagines womanhood. You're so obsessed with dick. You're willing to kill for it. And you know what? I get that in a small way. But that's really why I chose this shitty movie. So you saw this for the first time. as an adult so I'm curious oh no no no no no no no no no no no I watched this a lot as a kid

as a bisexual woman yes there was a part of me that was like man there's a lot of titties in here and and so I watched it because Natasha Hinstridge is kind of hot kind of very very hot actually I think I wrote in my notes Natasha I'm hot as a motherfucker Hinsrich because she's a really attractive woman so that's why I watched it and I liked horror and it was shitty and like weird and there was stuff I didn't get about it but rewatching it as an adult I was just like wow this really hates women like why did I

watch this so much? I know exactly why I watched this yeah it was the aforementioned yeah and that's it you know what I saw this as a kid or you know as a teenager coming into my own I think I watched this with my dad at some point and I don't know sounds accurate yeah it was just like

one of those like Sunday evenings with dad and we're watching his pick or yours that's great I think it was just on a Stephen, we're watching species. And it was like, oh, species. And it was like one of those things like he was clearly A into it, but also B, uncomfortable. So it was like every time there was nudity, which is a lot, it was like one of those. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. Cabin? Yeah, I watched this a bunch as a teen for similar reasons. Yeah, you did, dude. And my mother did not like it for reasons I brought up and told me not to watch it anymore. And it was funny. Watch it anymore I love this notion that you're watching it

so much. You had to be instructed to stop watching it and never again turn it on. I mean... Christopher! Christopher! Are you watching species again? Yes, Mom? What do you say about locked doors in this house, young man? Well, there's a reason for that, mom. But yeah, I watched this a ton

and I saw the... I went to the theaters to see the sequel. Which nobody should have done. Why? That's even more racist. It's so bad. Oh, my God. And that opening pregnancy and... It's gross. Those pregnancy deaths, which only happens once at the end of this, really,

like, that's that whole movie. It's a whole motif in that movie. I've never seen the sequels at all. Oh, does she keep getting knocked up in that movie? No, it's a guy. It's like a venom plot. It really is. But, like, an astronaut goes to Mars, gets the thing inside them,

and then he just starts impregnating women everywhere on Earth. And it's just like eight of those. So it's kind of like every astronaut, right? Yeah, every astronaut does that. Buzz Aldrin famously did that. I watched this a lot as a kid, too, but not for... Because I was just into goo and larvae sacks. Sure, totally.

That's what I was watching for. The alien stuff. That's what I was attracted to. Right, right, right. I watched this with my uncle as a kid. It was my same uncle that turned me under, like, chud, a boy and his daughter. There's my uncle that loved garbage movies, and we rented this,

and I've never been so physically uncomfortable just with all the nudity in the sex scenes, and he's just watching it. There wasn't any, you know? Like, if it was my dad, it would have been my classic dad, what is this shit? It was always my dad's line whenever anything violent or profanity or nudity came up.

But my uncle just straight ahead, I'll never forget it just what, and I'm looking at him like, you see what's going on in this movie? And he's just, like, dead ahead. Is that worse? Does that make it worse, maybe? It definitely did, dude.

He's like, oh, yeah. I was like, I should be getting yelled at right now. Well, I feel like you were like, see what's going on in this movie? And he's like, do you see what's going on in this movie, man? Sure do, Andrew. I sure do. A side note, actually, just because you mentioned talking about smoking pot with your mother, I was dead.

Smoking pot with your mother? Yes, no, I was definitely, I was in. a hospital. I had like a procedure. I had a freaking catheter. Things were going bad. And like every time I would go to the doctor, they would be like, they would ask my mother to leave the room, like, you do drugs, right? I'm like, yeah, I do drugs. I'm like, all that stuff. And then like, the one time we had to go back, it was like an emergency situation. And again, like, I'm pale, things are bad. And they don't excuse her. And they're like, you do drugs, right? And I'm like, yeah. And my mother's like, oh, Stephen.

I might die right now. And she was like literally, like, again, like, things happened, everything worked out. I'm alive. You are? You are not? You know, you're not? I thought he was just an internet ghost. Dude, ghost cast.

Baby ghost. And there was, like, but literally we're sitting there waiting for the doctor, and it's just awkward. I'm like, this is really happening right now. Like, come on, lady. Yeah, that's awful. That was terrible. That guy should be, you should lose his license to that doctor. That's just unfair.

So we sort of like touch. on it, but to distill this movie, I guess really quickly, it's a woman who's an alien human hybrid who breaks out of a facility and goes to L.A. and fucks and kills her way through the city of angels,

I guess is the idea, with a team of, like, mid-90s character actors, like nine to 10 steps behind her at all times. Yes. Yeah, because they're stupid as a motherfucker. My dear God, I was like, damn, could I be like an Asian and be killing people.

You don't suck of this shit. And they suck as scientists. I was like the bad science in this movie is Chef's Kiss pretty amazing. I love this shit. It's just, it's a ridiculous, like, lineup of folk, though.

So you have Ben Kingsley, who's their leader. He's, like, started the program. You have Michael. Like Xavier Fitch, which is the dumbest name I've ever heard. There's a lot of dumb names in this movie. Yeah, there are some bad names.

What is Alfred Molina's profession? It seems like Humanities Professor, maybe. I think so But that's better than Forrest Whitaker's He's like an emotional psychic He's a superhero We were actually talking about this beforehand

He's like a magical Negro personified But it's like they say he's an impath Which is just people being able to read emotions Right This oh I was about to say the N word But I'm in a room of white people And I don't do that This motherfucker

is like a full-blown psychic, like being able to, like, have, like, super senses knowing exactly where someone is going. He's reading minds. Yeah, and he's reading minds all over the place, which, excuse me, Forrest Whitaker, privacy. Don't go in my mind. Yeah, no, permission, please.

Yeah, and also don't feel the door when I'm having sex. You know, dude, keep your hands off my sex door. He gets just, like, look right through the door with his hands. Dude, that's, like, just free pornography, man. Just putting your hand on these. doors in a hotel. Be right, he should be

Counselor Troy, but he's Professor Xavier and Counselor Troy mixed together. And none of it's really working. The characterization is weird, except for the alien chick, which her name is Sil. Is that what they called? Which is stupid. They really did not think about

these names. But her whole goal is to fuck, so she has a baby. And then everybody else in the movie, except for Forrest Whitaker, because he's a Negro, and they didn't want to have another Negro he could be with. Everybody in the group also is horny as hell and they need to have sex now.

It's like summer camp horny, kind of. You know what I mean? They're all like kind of on a business trip and that doesn't matter kind of a situation. That's exactly, that's what it is. That is the vibe to the letter. It is we're at a conference, you know, we're at some fucking holiday inn or like a Marriott.

There's a bad pool and everybody's horny. It is one of the horniest movies I've ever seen And outside of, like, you know, movies where you're supposed to be horny pornography. But it's soft core. But, I mean, there's lots of titties. But as a woman who is interested in both men and women, I was upset that they kept teasing dick shots but never went all the way. Yeah. There was a lot of, like, I kept writing down, like, oh, it looks like we're almost going to see a dick because she's pulling down his pants and cut.

That's basically what it did. That's every movie. They never show it. It's crazy. There's not even any 90s manass. Like, you know what I mean? A butt shot, we're walking around. There's a butt shot.

There is a butt shot. There's absolutely a butt shot. The shower dude? Did we see his dog? Michael Manson. I think it's when Forrest Whitaker's knocking on the door after they have sex. And you see him like pull his shorts up really quickly. I bet he was fucking furious that they got that in there.

There is side butt with the diabetes guy. Yeah, I feel like with a shower dude, can you get a lot of cube action. So I thought we would get at least just a little, just even a passing. Give me a silhouette. Show it. Some shadow work. Yeah. Not everything could be Kevin Bacon and Wild Things, just in the shower.

But it should be. Yeah, I agree. It should be. What I love about the cast, so it starts off because clearly people were upset. And it was like, because Michael Maddson action movie, I guess I would kind of call it. I'm doing a lot of air quotes right now. But it was very much like, well, we're actually going to do it alphabetically and Ben Kingsley's going to go first. The audacity of this movie to have.

the opening credits in alphabetical order. Fuck you. I was wondering about that. Like, where did that decision come from? Yeah. Yeah. And like, you're not a prestige picture. Only the men are alphabetical because it's Kingsley, Madsen, Malina, Whitaker.

And then it's like, and Mark Her Helberger. I'm like, she's like part of the team, dude. It's Mark Helgenberger, but boy, oh boy, Marg Hellberger, that's fucking great. That's her fast food joint. I think I ate one of those last night. Oh, my God. It sounds like something from Buffy. Yes, yes.

They're hanging out at Hellburger because the bronze clothes. And that was the only place that they could go. This movie also has really bad. Do you notice when it says, like, species, it's bad animation that looks... It's like this, like, soft-focused,

cloudy, like Ghostbusters? Yes. Bad. Well, we open on a space cloud. Like, it's a fucking Corbyn movie, dude. Like, I don't know what that was. Well, I got a real heavy-duty Corpment vibe

from all this except for the movie takes itself so serious. Yeah, that's the one thing the sequel does right is that it's like, no, we're trash. Oh, and it embraces it, it just puts its face into it. I mean, I have, I think it's just a fun like hangover watch. It's like so stupid. But yeah, you're right. This one takes itself so seriously, especially in the opening where you have white Michelle Williams as a younger version of Cell.

And that's right. I'm calling her white Michelle Williams because the Michelle Williams I think of is from Destiny Child. That's why I say it's just a habit, so sorry. I'm sure she's fine. She looks fabulous. She's amazing. I like her as an actress.

And she is putting more into this movie as this little kid who's like so confused and she doesn't really have dialogue. And you just see her beautiful face as she's like, you know, seeing Ben Kingsley say, I'm sorry. And I was like, are you really good? And then she's like having to like struggle

on the train and like figure things out because she's never been around people and it's actually kind of weirdly touching through her performance and then you remember oh this is species they don't give a shit about her no and it's weird because you see her I mean because she's a great actor

and it's like you didn't you didn't have to try this hard you know you're just doing it because you're great but yeah I didn't have to do this I appreciate it because I think one of the most compelling parts of the movie is seeing a little girl learn what money is for the first time Also, if the whole, like, biology of this creature is to be understood, or if I'm understanding...

First of all, it's not to be understood. Well, yeah, I guess that's true. If I'm, you know, if what the movie is telling me... This could happen, by the way. My question is, because, like, the gestation raid and the, you know, when they get pregnant or whatever, it's very fast. Yeah, sure. And she grows fast through the little cocooning process here. is this being like a few months old?

She's three months older. Yeah, and that's what makes this movie so weird because I think Natasha Hensredge also continues what Michelle, she's obviously not as good as her as an actress, but she continues this sort of childlikeness which makes everything that comes after feel very, very, very, very, very weird. I'm sorry, this movie is like, it wants to be soft core porn sort of, of because there's

white women titties as far as the eye can see. But then on top of that it's almost pretending like it's trying to say something about what it means to be a woman in the world and like how dumb men are and how men will like try to rape you after you say no because this movie has a rape scene. It's like

such a weirdly confused movie but I do kind of like that opening with Michelle Williams and seeing her figure things out until the cocoon shit pops off. I do like he tries to gas her and if I'm Ben Kingsley I'm doing a better job at gassing this alien. Like, you know what I mean? It's just sort of like, I wouldn't

say I'm sorry. I'm like, it's good gas. I'll give her the thumbs up. Like, it's good gas. Here comes the good gas. Do you think that later on in the film, we'll get to it, but like they start to breed just the alien itself instead of merging it with a person, and he burns the room. Right.

So is that like, the gas doesn't work. I saw that. The start of the movie, the gas blew up in my face. We've got to try burning the room now, I think is the idea. Well, they asked Fitch, they're like, Should we do a slow pour for the gas or a quick one? He's like, let's go slow. Let's kill her slow.

That's the best way to do it, really. Yeah, this fucking deep purple concert. Hors shit. Wrong. Gas that thing, gas it quick, and let it know it's fun gas. Yeah, it's interesting because in the second one, they course correct by having all the scientists and everybody be women on the facility. And it's so, but it's all sexy scientists who type, da, da, da, da,

oh, sexy scientists, fake glasses. That's how they look. I hate this. The hardest thing to believe in that sequel is that they bring, like, it's a shutdown. No men in this area where she is. And then Michael Madsen comes in. They're like, oh, no, it's over. It's over.

Hot throbbing action man, Michael Madsen. I can't believe that I have to sit through a movie where they're really trying to make it seem like Michael Madsen is like the king's dick. Like, this is a dick you need in your life. He's the male ideal, I guess. Which, wow. Do you see how hard it is for women's going to be? He's in the sequels? Oh, yeah.

Him and Mark Halligberger come back. Wow, get the fucking. Yeah, so there's four species movies. The second one was theatrical. The last two are some straight to sci-fi nonsense. But when I say the fourth one is next level, like, it's insanely bad. It is just like, it blew my mind. I wasn't even high, but I felt I had to have been on something.

The effects were insanely bad. I mean, the effects are bad in here when they do CGI. They show, like, the whole alien body. It looks like PS2. It does look like PS2. They got to not Natasha Hensford back for the third one, but they couldn't get her back for the fourth one. Yeah. For pretty obvious reasons.

I'm done being naked. Thank you so much. Well, that's what I was going to posit, right? So if my knowledge of these kinds of franchises is to be believed, the further down the road we get the closer to pornography we're getting with each sequel, right? We're just getting dirtier and orange. That's Cinemax money in there, man. That's it. I want all the species movies.

Every last one of them. We're going to make more. There's going to be more species movies. More tities. Less aliens. I think he's an alien human hybrid, too. Martin Cinemax is the third. Species 5, the car wash.

Like, just why not? But, you know, this franchise is, you know, equal opportunity with, in terms of, like, you can be an alien woman. You can be a regular one. But we're showing your titties Because we get alien titties And oh my god Her titties have like things that pop out

The circletean tentacles are the thing Like these nipple tentacles And you know the thing is you know somewhere In this world that's doing it for somebody It's getting there Multiple people Oh has to be her nipples H.R. Geiger you know what? I'm praying

Because the nipples on the alien are so pronounced I, like, could not get my eyes off of these nipples. And then she's, like, in alien form, it's, like, kind of, like, not greasy looking, but she's wet looking. Yeah, she is. Yeah, it's slimy. And it's slimy. And it's slimy.

Man, this movie, what the fuck is so? I just imagine Geiger in the, like, design studio, and he's with his illustrator, he's like, they're bigger. Yeah. Bigger and longer. I also, like, the nipples are so pronounced. It is, like, kind of almost Joel Schumachery in, in a way, which would have made, made more sense of those Batman movies if Batman's nipples could do stuff. Oh, my God.

If there were tactical nipples. You know what, I'll tell you this, dude, two words better moving. Oh, totally. Robin, I'll use my lip-a-niple lasso. It's hard to say those two words. I'm sorry, but that sounds so disgusting. And, like, watching the, I mean, we're going to get to these death scenes. And if you can kind of tell, I don't know if you guys felt the same way, but it's like,

I think this movie's kind of boring. Yes. Yeah. A lot of downtime in this movie. Yeah, and there's, like, stretches where I'm like, whatever I'm like man I guess I'll take another hit I like we watched it because I wanted it really fresh in my mind this morning and I was like okay you know I naturally get up at like 6 to 30 in the morning and I'm like I'm not watching this I'm just gonna get blaze as hell and I just was like what the fuck is this movie though the nipples she's lasso's Michael Matt I'm sorry it's just insane it's like in the 90s they're trying to do like that thriller type of thing like oh if we if we are hunting for this alien and we do it boring and slow It legitimizes the movie.

It's like trying to be like the fugitive. With nipple tentacles. But they dial back the throttle so hard, though, because there's literally scenes in this movie where the character says to another character are like, do you want to go hang out at the hotel bar? I'm not. We just need some downtime from this movie.

I didn't fuck that diabetic. I don't care. That species. Yeah, I like it. Can I talk about, for a brief moment, where the racism in this movie starts with the conductor woman, the black woman. This poor woman, yeah.

So, like, one thing this movie loves to do, alongside being, you know, nearly softcore porn is it like to have a lot of little mother figures for Syl that pop up and, like, they try to help her and then, like, you're going to die, bitch. You're, like, totally dead. And so the first one is this black woman who's on the train. She's like a conductor. You know, we see her interact with little Michelle Williams briefly. and like take her ticket and like help her out and all that stuff.

It's real cute. And then she comes across the cocoon because we get a moment where white Michelle Williams has like tentacles popping out and she's seeing her skin ripple. And it's actually because of her facial expression is actually really got to me. It's totally effective. It absolutely is. She's like clearly in a lot of pain. She doesn't know like what's happening to her and she's freaking out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was kind of in the middle there because it also because of the graphics, it just looks like they're pushing. that plato machine that pushes them out as different things i'm making spaghetti people spaghetti but uh she's already at this point killed a hobo who has the second she leaves the grounds guys like can i rape you i was like no no no and this is an honest of goodness rail car hobo yeah like wait what i don't think where this do got wrong it's like it's like 1995 this still happens so you were saying about the conductors i said yeah so she this black woman, you know, comes across the cocoom stage then.

And, I mean, the moment I knew this black woman was going to die was when she was nice to this little white girl. I was like, you're going to die, girl. I was like, you're so dead and you don't even know it. And lo and behold, I thought, like, in rewatching it, because I didn't remember that part clearly that she, like, ate her, but she didn't because we find her body later. So I guess she just attacked her because she felt scared. and then she pops, ooh, oh, sorry, Mike.

She, like, you know, pop, not pops, but, like, rips open, you know, this gross, brown, sludgy, disgusting cocoon, and out pops. How does hell Natasha Hinchridge? And she, like, puts on her outfit, her conductor's uniform, and it's like, that's not fitting, you know what I mean? Like, what are we doing? This scene made me think, like, people should be born fully grown. Like, I don't want to deal with. I mean, I already dealt with growing up, but that was a pain, you know? Just birthed me fully formed.

From like a cocoon, though, right? Because we can't be putting human beings through that. So you want to come out, just covered in general, so sauce. Like, that is what I didn't understand. I'm like, doesn't she have to take a shower or something with all that gunk on her? Yeah, I mean, it's really, really gross and, like, kind of nasty. And you know what? I sort of remember puberty being very similar.

It's just really gross. And just like, what's my body doing? She gets it done with all at once. It's such a great system. I love that you're jealous of this. But do you really want to, like, because obviously she gets killed quickly, so we don't really know how long her lifespan is, though?

Like, does she die? Like, does that species die off quickly? Why did they send a message, I guess, to kill? I don't know. The signs and this. I had a question about her forms. Natasha Henderson, can she go in and out of HR Geiger mode? Or once she goes full HR Geiger,

They make mention of when she's Natasha Hensstrich, it's like her camouflage. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I think it's she can kind of flip in and out there is the idea. Did we say that like they intercepted this signal and it gave them like a recipe for great energy? Oh my God, I totally forgot about it. This is the most dumbass part almost

because Ben Kingsley's explaining like what happened. Yeah. There's not a scroll at the beginning. There's no text or anything. No, there is. There is, right? It's just explaining what the setty. like research program

but it's also but then Ben Kingsley is mentioning like oh yeah so what we did was we shot a bunch of like information out into space which said like it was stuff like the population of the planet our DNA oh yeah we

they're like the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life and then that's a give you a Wi-Fi password you don't do that I would never and then like you get some shit back and it's like oh look at this methane this is clean energy bitch what's up and then there's also like oh like just low key just you know

just our DNA maybe oh maybe you can mix it with your DNA see what happens who would do that what kind of scientists are these let's send out our history our DNA and a step by step plan to destroy the earth let's just see what if somebody wants that

just daring aliens to destroy this planet what a stupid idea at the end the guy's like it's a sex book it's a sex book they're trying to fuck us But I would be really interested to see what happens to Earth if this succeeds and she breeds and there's sex aliens everywhere and they take over the planet. That's what you should have done with one of these sequels. The fourth one, right?

Just go like hell on Earth. Dude, Species 4, fuck planet. Yes. I wish. Species 4 is like weird and like she has like this not quite uncle figure and she's like part alien. And it seems like from the very beginning I was like, her uncle wants to fuck her. And then it's like, it's weird. I was like, what are these movies?

Who's writing these? Like, seriously, because it seems like they're working out some weird sexual issues. Yeah, big time. I think the furthest I got into the fourth one was we were in Austin for that show and on one of the bar TVs, just the DVD menu. Oh, yes.

And we didn't get past that. It was just the DVD menu. And it was like, I'm happy with this. This is the most I need to know about the fourth one. You're smarter than me. I, for some reason, watched the third and fourth in the same day because I thought, you know what? Like, fuck it. My life's pointless.

You might as well get it over with, too. Right? Yeah. If you've come that far into the franchise, I mean, let's just do it. I should be honest. I did ask the bartender to turn it on, but it was a really crowded bar. Casino El Camino in Austin, Texas. I remember that night watching that DVD menu for like two and a half hours.

Yeah, so she's like, she dresses as a conductor and, fucks off to Los Angeles. We assemble our team. Ben Kingsley's like, oh, by the way, we made the female alien. We made me the alien female because she'd be more docile and complacent. And Michael Manz's like, you guys don't get out much

do you? And it's just such a pretty, like, it's a misogynistic double slay. I was going to say it's a one two punch of misogynistic horse to you because it's like, you have a terrible line like that that you're like sort of camouflaging in like science talk. And then it's

also like, and now I'm making a joke about women right around the corner here it comes. Well, Alfred Bolina is also doing some work for the L.A. tourist board. Oh, yeah. Because he's like, it's the city of the future. You can do anything here. It's perfect. It's a, nothing. Nothing

is taboo, apparently. Yeah, like, what has he been doing in L.A.? That was my question. I was like, what sort of fuck vacation did you go on? Wait, wait. You already know about the nipple tentacles? Oh, I've been in L.A. but yeah he has this reasoning of like oh it's a driving city it's like all this shit and you're like what does this have to do with anything why are you here and michael manson specifically is not a scientist big surprise he's like a government assassin and mark hellberg is like hey you kill people all the time i like it a man of action he said oh yeah oh my god she actually says that line at one point in the movie a man of action i like that

I was like, girl, get some standards, seriously. You're making it worse for the rest of us by rewarding shitty dudes with sex. Don't do it. Life's too short and dick is abundant and low in value, honey. Sorry. It's true. I'm just helping out women. This guy's not a man of actions like burning villages and like Cambodian shit.

You know what I mean? Not a good guy. Yeah, he's just killing children. Yeah, exactly. Well, they're like going around the room at one. point saying like what everybody does and they get to him and someone says like well you appear to be like the most unscientific among us and he's like that's correct yeah i'm a kid killer you're like so what do you do you got a kid on the run i'm here to kill it that's why they got

him he's like he has something what does he's like well it can't be because they don't know why they're there just yeah and he's like well it can't be that good because i'm the guy that they call when stuff gets fucked up or when and you're just like oh yeah he just wants to murder It's just a stupid fake job. And I mean, that's his second, in the second movie, they show more of what he does. No. I'm sorry, but it's like... Angelica, you're selling me.

I'm watching this franchise, by the way. I'm low-key trying to... Don't watch three and four, but the second one is just so bonkers. It's a stay-tuned. I really, I can't say that because I'm a guess, but I do think it's a state-tuned. I've pitched it as a stay-tuned, and you know who directed it, Andrew. Who? Peter Medick of The Changeling and The Ruling.

class. Yeah, that's a real tragedy. That one hurts. That stinks. Yeah, it's a slide. So she also steals money, so she's kind of walking around. She buys a wedding dress like a total fucking maniac. Oh, it's not just a wedding dress.

We need to, I think, talk about how this dress looks. Like, she's, it's funny because fanny packs are back now, but she's, like, has, like, this leather fanny pack. And then this, like, white wedding dress that's, like, lace overlay and these, like, really bushy, like, balloon. sleeves and it's like at an awkward length and still you can tell she has an amazing body though and I was just like you know every time this movie almost loses me I look at you and I'm like almost reeled back in but it's like it has another one of those uh like almost mother figure

moments because like she's like just throwing like balled up money at the woman in the store and she's like oh honey you know like not everybody's as nice as me like please hold on to your money are you foreign Yes What I love about that It's just like You seem crazy Foreign And then she says it

Throughout the movie Like where are you from I'm foreign She says it to that guy in the club And he's like yeah For it works for me It also works to set this in L.A because she's just walking around the street

With this wedding dress on It's like oh Los Angeles Well Andrew it's the city of the future You gotta remember that Molina there's a line thing here I don't want to lose Because someone says Los Angeles is where the battle is going to be fought.

That's Kingsley. And then who responds with, is it Michael Madsen, goes, and won. Oh, really? It's all so terrible. It's so stupid and self-serious. It's like I wish it would just kind of let itself just breathe and just be the soft porn porn piece of shit that you really are. Let that freak flag fly, exactly.

There's a weird detail around here is when they're quarantining little blonde girls, which I think is just really fucking funny. these girls that are just like roped off and you know like Madsen is like cleaning his glock like why don't we just kill them all now that way wait they're like rounding them up in the street oh I think it's off the train

yeah that's what they just pick up all these little blonde girls which there was an abundance on the train by the way who would have guessed yeah I don't know that's kind of weird so she makes her way to this like sleaze bag motel the guy who's the motel clerk has been in some stuff

playing a similar creep in various movies and this is another like is he what is he watching on the TV he's watching pornography or she watches pornography she watches porn when she gets in the hotel room that's right so this is another like he's like you better get to your hotel room

and lock the door because this is Los Angeles and you're a woman it's the city of the future don't you know she immediately finds pornography and she's like I would like to do that and she goes back outside where can I find men and he's like oh there's a sex club around the corner there

Steve, what's the name of that sex book? Clubid, which is, I mean, man. Wow, wow, that's a placeholder name if I've ever motherfucking heard it. What the hell is. But we should just touch a little bit on the commercial she's watching because they've become fucking important in this stupid, stupid movie where she's like sees like a hair dying commercial and then that comes in later. She's like flipping channels and then it's like women and like we're all white and we're like hair is flowing and like. Oh, flip porn and, ooh, she's getting it from the back. And then also, like, we should say,

because these pop up randomly in the movie, like her nightmares. Yes. Can we talk about those? They're from the very beginning. And they do nothing. And they're never explained. It's like she just kind of has these, like, freak out moments where she's having these visions of basically, like, a,

I don't even know if it's supposed to be her, but like a full-grown creature. Yes. So it's like her grown up. And it freaks her out. out and everything, but the movie never explains why they're happening if there's like some sort of psychic connection or something. Is she fucking something in these

things? Because it feels like, right? In one of them there's definitely like thrusting happening. Yeah, she's getting it from, okay, it's an alien. Okay, it's alien form her. They're like underwater or some shit. She's getting it from the back. Those nipples are always hard. This is the weirdest movie. I'm sorry.

But like I have to like burn this image of slimy alien underwater fucking in people's minds. But there's also this H.R. Geiger train in these things with, like, spikes all over and around. Which apparently, I was reading about it. He was so insisted that this train was in this movie. They were like, he financed it himself. He was like, look, I'm not really involved in this movie.

Where's my train sequence? Like, well, it's too expensive. Like, here's $150,000. Make my stupid train. There's a 20-minute sequence they cut on this train. Well, like a train full of aliens? I don't know what it was. Yes.

Oh, my God. Boba Fett's there. It's like murder on the old. and Express. But aliens? Better movie. He was just like an artist, right? He'd write a book called Species.

What does this train even? Like, save it for another movie. Listen, dude, I think he was just like a dirty ass purper. He's dirty as hell. Like, you know he had storyboarded these like alien underwater fuck fest. Like, you know that's why he got into this. What do you guys, though, think of the design of the alien? Like, when we get to see here?

Because I'm kind of like, like, mixed. It's too close to the xenomorph. It's basically... It's hot. I'm sorry. No, that's the thing. If they, and maybe they have, I'm not up on all my porn parodies,

but if there was like an alien porn parody, this is what the creature would look like. It would be like, now I'm gonna fuck the xenomorph, and it would just look like the species alien. I mean, she kind of looks like the green goblin with tits. Yeah, she does. It's also very... The world of foe one.

Yeah, the head shape. Yeah. There's lots of angles to her, and, God, this movie. Impregnate me! I need to be fucked. That's what she, like, says whenever she walks into a room. So, look, I am here to chew bubble gum and fuck it. All out of bubble gum, baby.

That's her. I don't think that's a, see, I think it's a misconception to think it's a Geiger train. I think that's the Geiger male alien penis. And that's just what it looks like. Oh. Like, it just along gets the way her nipples do. Yeah, it looks like a train. It's a train.

There's knives on top of it Do we get to see like alien cock In the next movie? Yeah, it's a danger dick I don't think so No, I don't think you see alien cock Heaven forbid They humped

I know that Yeah, you do see some humpet Yeah It's great to reprise the train is all Like if we're gonna do the train You should get it in every movie You can bring it back you know I wanted to like species too a lot more

But you know where was that alien train reprisal? That is my question So she goes to this club She meets and I'm gonna say Jack from Days of Our Lives is the first guy that hits on her. Yeah, I had a Days of Our Lives. Jack Abbott? Oh, no, that's Young and the Restless as Jack.

Oh, Christ, I should know the last name of it. Nicholson? No. You actually shouldn't know. No, I shouldn't. My sister watched Days of Our Lives, I watched Days of Our Lives. It all happened. Like Sand through the Hourglass.

These are the alien porno parodies of our lives. And he's hitting on her for a second, and this lady comes up to him, and she's like, hey, I want to go to a party, but I don't know how to get there. Something, like, insane line. That's it. That's actually. And she's like, oh, man, that's a good line. This woman excuses herself to the bathroom, and she just kills her.

Oh, but we get a spine rib. Yes, it's pretty dope. But why does she get killed just because she wants to take the line and no one else is using it? Well, because she's sexual competition. And two sexy ladies can't be in the same room with each other when there's competition and there's dicks and, oh, my God, penis. Like, I don't know. Like she's so dick crazy then

And she doesn't even go with that She goes with another guy Another floppy-haired Which is all these dudes are floppy-haired Lots of floppy hair Okay There's lots of things flop in the house Yeah, that's true

Let me share more of those flops Yeah And she yeah she murders this woman And like also like I feel like You as an alien should know Like I shouldn't kill this woman A doesn't benefit me at all Right

B the fucking fuzz is going to come after me After fucking murdering this lady in the bathroom Right. Well, I think this is like speaking more to like it's like a creature. She doesn't know what the police department is. But she does because later she tries to fake her own death and she's like pretty successful. So it's like, so this movie tries to have it both ways. She's literally the Madonna horror complex and one woman. So it's like half of her is like this intense, intelligent, sex fiend predator.

And the other side is like this really like innocent sort of childlike naive woman who doesn't. does not understand how the world works at all. It's so, so offensive. So she winds up meeting up with this other dude, and she goes off with him. After she pulls off the Sue Ellen Mischie, I just wearing a bra. Yes.

Well done. She goes up, and this guy's like, yeah, you want to go back to my place? And she's like, absolutely. And she does do the line. Like, I want to go to a party, but I don't know how to get there. She doesn't just do that.

She literally takes her, when she comes out of the bathroom, she takes off that fruffy pink top she's wearing, throws it at the guy she didn't go with, and then goes to the other guy, and she's just wearing a bra. She's just out there wearing a bra, and it totally works. And I was like, wait a minute, should I be doing this thing? Is this why I'm getting in? If you're in L.A., absolutely.

No, you're right. The city of the future. That's what does happen. Anything goes. Now I'm starting to wonder, though, if the Seinfeld writer saw species and then they were like say the Sewell and Misty character

I don't know you never know there's nothing more alien than being an air to a candy bar that's true and she winds up going off with this guy this helicopters coming in and like this guy's like another day in L.A. helicopters

going to the club I was just at. Nothing wrong with that. That's not suspicious at all let's go fuck come on let me show you my great pad where he snaps his fingers Not once, but twice. First to turn on the lights, second to turn on the music.

That's how smooth this dude thinks he is. Oh, absolutely. The pity of the future, Angelica. We're snapping our fingers and things are happening. Yeah, dude, it's not the clapper, man. It's the fucking snapper in this one. And he looks like such a douche when he does it. He's like, yeah.

You're totally right. It's like no one's ever looked like a bigger asshole snapping their fingers than this actor right here. Sorry, he's just like so feeling himself. And again, the childlike nature, I think, really comes out in the performance here, too, which makes what comes next really weird. And it's also, I thought it was hilarious.

This dude's, like, settling in. I'm thinking this guy's imagining it's, like, a fuck weekend. Because he's like, I'm going to take a shower. You can, like, go, like, sit over there, like, walk around the house, maybe. Yeah, sure. Get settled in, you know, and I'm like, this isn't, like, this guy's not planning for just a one-night stand.

It's, like, kind of almost a kidnapping. the cocaine room is down the hallway to the left we did not see that and you know it's somewhere in that house also what is this guy a fucking plumber what are you taking a shower for because he's one of those dudes

who are like doesn't think anybody's clean and like hates one I've like had dudes and I just leave yeah I think you should take a shower before we fuck and I'm like I think you should go fuck yourself because it's not happening deuses

seriously ladies respect yourself and if a dude does shit you don't like, just leave, that's the power move. Just get out of there, absolutely. And I think what winds up happening... If I bring home Natasha Hensridge, I'm just being like, A, how much... Is this going to cost?

Let's be... Somebody goes out to me... Because you're talking about you, not the hypothetical, you, the actual Steve Sanehaghan. Yeah, so what are you talking about? Let's figure out the rate. And then, second of all, I am not chancing it by going in the shower,

and then she's gone. Well, maybe... Unless she's coming with you. Yeah, oh, maybe that's the move. It's like a sexy shower. That's different thing, right? Because when she walks into the bathroom, he turns around and he's like,

ah, my plan totally works. She is following me into the shower. Or he just had, like, chili farts all day long. And he was like, she cannot discover this. Yeah, you're right. It's one of the other. It's also chilly farts. It's just the first thing that came to mind.

The water wasn't hot. That steam was from his. Oh, gross. Yeah, exactly. That's awful. welcome to we hate movies and she goes in and she like smells him

not chili far she's like diabetes no and like she's like I want to get out of here now and this is when he's like the grossest rapy line which is your no was noted and it's either denied or I don't care or something like that it's like I said

no and he's like well he's like grabbing out of here too yeah and then this is when she does the the kiss thing where she right the tongue breaks through the back of his skull power move ladies if you can do that

do it a lot of exercises yeah you know what I'm going to work on it but see that's where it's like this movie frustrates me because you could almost see it being interesting if it like gave a shit about who she was yeah the thing the problem with this movie is that

every woman from sill to the doc to the scientist played by what's her name again Mark Helgenberger I think her the the character's name is like Laura or something like

Dr. Laura Baker Who gives that shit? It doesn't matter. But like you can see just if you squint a little maybe I was just really hot but if you squint a little you can see like almost a movie

that like could just be like a fun, dumb like angry fucking movie just about this alien who's like oh like if she decides like suddenly you know what I don't want to fuck these humans because they suck let's just kill them Yeah.

I would love this movie. Like, why does she even want to fuck dudes after the... It doesn't make any sense. You know, she was created by, like, artificial insemination, right? In the laboratory. She should just be, like, ripping dudes' dicks out, like, just taking the cum sacks or whatever they are. I don't know medical stuff. I'm leaving the room.

You know, just harvest... That's a power move, by the way. You're going to leave the room right now. Leaving the podcast. What is they saying harvest, like, these dudes' organs and, like, figure it out later. You know, I don't know. Comsack? It's just the first thing that came to mind.

He just likes the word sacks. Yeah, I've been asking myself that question for like 10 years. Can I, my favorite Michael Madsen line in the movie, we were past it, but it's when we discover the train conductor.

It's this poor dead woman. And like the sack is there, the thing that she came, not, I shouldn't use sack, the cocoon she came out of, is there. And Michael Madsen, like, instead of investigating,

he's like, it smells in here, I'm going to get out of here. Yes, my favorite line is the world. But, like, what does it? does it smell like? I'm curious about it. Yeah, that's a great question.

And also, because if he's this like hard motherfucker or whatever and he's like seen it all and he's in this business, really do to smell and you would to leave the room? He glances at the room and he's just like, yeah, there's no kid here to kill. I can see that, so I'm going to leave the room. Marg Helgenberger, they do the thing where it's like, oh, you better not look in here. And she's like, now I'm going to look in here. And then it's like, she's the one who's like, bloke. Yeah.

You're like, oh, like, oh, the back vomit. Forrest Wicker's just like, oh, this is no good. Well, he was out there feeling the door. That's what he was doing. I think now we're at the part where she's randomly hit by a car. Oh, and then the super dumb, nice dude is introduced. So stupid.

Do you know how many times I wrote, men are dumb? And my notes, several times because men make stupid decisions throughout this movie, including this dude. Because she's like, this is when she's like,

why does she actually get hit by the car? She's looking at the dude skateboarding? Yeah, I think she's. confused by that. Which also happens to my dog, which is, you know, she sees a skateboard and a person has to stop for a second. That's what happens. She's like, it's a person, but it's on a thing

with wheels. And then she's hit like a hundred miles an hour, and her body is thrown into like a bus stop. The city of the future. 100 mile an hour. And then, like, glass shatters. The dude who hit her looks back, and he's like, oh, hell not. And it like drives off.

It is so funny because it's like half a second reaction of this guy just driving away, it's so good. It's like, oh, fuck, I hit a model. I'm gonna, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going down for that. They can come and get me. And then, like, this, this floppy hair, dude, is blonde. Let's, I don't know his name, but the actor's real name is WIP.

What? And so, it's like something stupid, like, yeah, I, I, unless, like, you know, when Amazon shows, sometimes when you pause, like, and it shows, and I was like, okay, dude. So, we're gonna call him WIP, and so WIP takes her to, to the hospital. Right. And, oh, okay.

So she's in the hospital, and apparently these aliens can heal themselves. Like, Matt, like super fucking fast. Like, why are you even here? Like,

go to outer space. Do something better with your life, girl. I don't know. And the doctor is played by Mr. Littman. Yes, exactly. Mr. Littman's speaking of Seinfeld.

Yeah, so he starts almost throwing up because he sees her, like, fix her shoulder, whatever, and he's, like, freaking out. out, like, oh, you have to get back here, whatever, and she's walking out.

Meanwhile, this dude is at the counter, and the woman is like, oh, does she have insurance? He's like, I don't know. Just use my credit card for now. What the fuck? Okay, I have so many questions. Like, how much does this dude make? Okay, one. Like, are you that desperate?

You know what, this dude's, like, I could just smell it on him. He's one of those dudes who, like, really wants to get married. Like, he's just, like, so, like, I'm, you know, I've, like, been shitty in my past. I've dealt with a lot of stuff, but I'm ready to settle down. And dudes like that, the moment they see a woman that is anywhere on their wavelength, they, like, get committed. So that's where that comes from. And he is stupid, though.

Why would you do that? And he has a gold cart, but, like, good for you, dude. But seriously, don't. What are you doing? I think he's expecting her to be, like, a full-body cast after this. He's going to, like, feed her soup and, like, raise her. And then she has nowhere to go, but be with him. Well, that's the thing, right?

It's, there's, it's an ulterior motive. It's a, it's a real long game situation. You're totally right. It's like, I'm going to nurse her back to health. And then she's going to owe me. Yeah. Because I'll tell you right now, if it was fucking Ria Perlman that got run over in that street, this dude is not fucking offering up his credit card.

It's because it's a model that got hit by a car. Yeah, she's like, 5.10, they say. And like, I mean, that's a lot of women. She's pretty, what I like to say, bodacious. Oh, nice. use of podacious. That's awesome. And they're cold on the trail. I think they go to the... How do they know who to go to the...

They find her car. They find her car. Yeah, the car that she stole of the other guy, and then they go to the hospital, and they're just... They're so cold on the trail of her. They're so cold on the trail that they go that they go back to the club for no reason. But what's funny about that moment is like everybody else is saying to Kingsley like, dude, that's stupid.

Like, why would she come back to that place? And then like, obviously, Alfred Molina's like, I can think of a lot of other clubs she could go to. They have all the nipple assholes. Welcome to nipple asses. They're just like really stupid and the movie is doing that to like drag things out

but this movie is like already really short so that says how little story also that club is open the next day by the way there was somebody killed by an alien in the bathroom last night. Closed for business

at least a week you gotta give it a week oh wait only one person died last night yeah we could do it. Maybe Ben Kingsley like swept it all under the rug so far to try to lure her back but I think Ben Kings has just wanted to go back

to the club. I think he kind of did do actually. Well, he's dressed like he's going to host Seinfeld this whole movie. He's got, oh, no, no, I'm Saturday Live. He's got that, like, suit jacket t-shirt and the jeans. It's very unscientific, this outfit that he's got here. So she goes back to this dude's house. She heals

herself. The doctor's like, hey, hey, hey, that's crazy. And they're like, oh, shut up, doctor. Nothing happens. And she goes back with this dude, and this is like the hot first of all, he takes a picture of her, which is kind of kind of a weird It is a weird Like let's like

What does he say Commemorate the moment Like Is this becoming What's that movie Boxing Helena Yeah Yeah oh man

Like it honestly Like all of a sudden I was like Oh wait you're not a nice dude See this is why I don't date Like you know Well see in his head He was like okay

You can't give the ring right now He got to be four hours Get four hours in and then you can do it It's a very weird thing where It's a Polaroid camera That he props up on like a fucking can of soup or something And he uses, that's what he's going to feed her.

He uses, I've never seen the timer on a Polaroid camera. I was like, this guy knows his way around a Polaroid camera. Oh, yeah. Way to throw water on a sexual situation. It's like, let's take a Polaroid together. Dude, no. And again, that childlike performance pops up because she does not get the camera. So again, it's like this movie, it's not like at least it progresses.

So it's like, oh, she's progressing into a predator. Right. It's like it kind of decides what she needs to be. depending on what the scene needs. Again, does not care about women, their interior lives, characterization, proper costuming. Everybody looks terrible in this movie. And her in her life.

I mean, that was what I thought about, like, when you see her watching all of the ads, what I was like, it'd be interesting if she was, like, the amalgamation of all the images of advertisements for women that, like, she is that kind of, like, symbol. And I thought that's where they were going to go with it. Like, that's an interesting her versus, like, Mark Hellenberger being a working woman

who's the doctor and I was like that's an interesting way to do it but no it's just garbage. It's not that though because the dudes writing this were like yeah but what if she just watched a porno? It got really horny but like what would have happened if she like watched I don't know it's 1995 so what's

what's on? Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman? Deep Space 9 or something. Yeah. Oh my god maybe she'd become like a really amazing captain like Benjamin Cisco Cisco is awesome and this is perfect timing for you to bring that up because I'm going through some some Deep Space Nine watching right now and it's so awesome where are you at I am there like knee deep in the Dominion War right now this is like season five oh yeah and such a beautiful spot it's so awesome and like wharf is just like openly fucking warf is not only openly fucking motherfuckers

finally do you know how amazing this was for me as a kid like watching this like Because I love TNG, but, like, Deep Space Nine is really black. Yeah. Like, it's a very black show. Absolutely. And so it sucks that people don't talk about it with other 90s black shows, but it's totally, I think, one of the blackest series of the 90s. Yeah. And you get so much beautiful storytelling through Cisco and his relationship to his history as a black man.

Yeah. His relationship to being a father, like, brings up some of the best episodes. See, that's, like, science fiction that's good and gives a shit about. women and people of color and the humanity of people and aliens who don't just fuck but they do fuck in Deep Face 9? So much fucking is going on.

But it's great though because it's also like you have Wharf and he's like, so Dax for our wedding. You know, because they're like going to get married at one point. I love it. It's just like Wharf planning a wedding. It's so great. And he's such a traditionalist.

It's so adorable. He absolutely is. And let's be like, I've always found Worf hot. So like this was like, Deep Space Nine is also, like, perfect for me because then he's, like, Dax, Jadzia Dax is very bodacious.

Yeah. And so it's, like, seeing their dynamic and she's, like, a tough, that's a way to get a tough, like, complicated woman right. There's also a way to do that, even in a movie that's not taking itself seriously. You can get characterization like that right. Yeah.

I think I sort of want to make, remake species. I think this is what I'm talking about it. You're selling me on it. I would watch your species, absolutely. Can I pitch you something here? What if, because you love to Space Nine so much, what if Odo comes to Earth to track the species? Bitch, yes.

Yeah, now we're talking. Honeychild. The shapeshifter versus shapesifter. It appears as if she's watched pornagrant. Fuck. I would love that. He would like, can he turn into like, I didn't watch a lot of them. Odo can turn into anything, yeah.

So you could turn into like a television with porno on? Yes, he does turn into. It's a Honey Popper. Oh my God, yes. I've got you species. Oh, man, fuck this movie, though. Oh, yes. Ew, but yes.

The species was wearing me, quark. The only wedding dress I've seen is the one on Madonna from like a virgin. That's exactly what that dress. That's a, yeah. So, like, I guess we should talk about how the dude dies, though. They get in the hot tub, and she's getting really handsy with him. And again, I think this guy's, like, he's either more. or he wants to get married or both.

That's exactly what it is, dude. Like, we're moving too fast. We have our whole lives ahead of us. But I think this almost like goes against the grain here because she's like, I want a baby. Yeah. He's just like, wait, wait. Wait, that's what we're doing tomorrow.

This is just the marriage night. Yeah, but he doesn't seem to want to have sex at all. He definitely does not. He seems actively uncomfortable. And there's like a moment during the scene where she's like just goes underwater and tries to pull down his shorts or whatever. And, like, again, it's one of those

we're almost seeing Dick, but then it cuts before we get any. But the dude's, like, mad on come. He's like, whoa. He keeps on trying to get out to answer the phone. I think that's because he's like, that's probably the credit card company. Yeah, they're probably telling me

this woman is a fucking alien because this shit's weird, and she just said she wants a baby. But, like, that also shows, like, how shitty these people are hunting her down. Like, they're calling him. Like, they're just so behind. We better call ahead to make sure that the alien is still there.

And he, did she drown him? What happens here? I kind of forget. Oh, she doesn't just drown. But she does, like, push him down. Yeah. But then this is where we get the first hemp of the nipple lassoes to vote Mr. Eric's here.

You're welcome. Because, like, you don't, like, they don't focus on it too much, but you do see, like, she turns into the alien thing. And you sort of see, like, bits of it, not her. whole being and then you see her very pronounced nipples and then one of them shoots out and it's like

wrapping around the dude's throat and they're cutting back and forth with the people driving so you can't fully see everything but she uses her nipple lasso and like is choking him like down his throat and I'm like this is getting somebody's somebody off because it's really

phallic and you can tell they're like turned on by the idea of having like a woman but like have all this phallic imagery is really weird like get therapy that's what HR Geiger desperately needed for it still probably does they're kind of like nipple whips too

and this guy's named whip yes I guess in real life he's named whip why would you do handsome Peter Stormare she runs Wow yeah that's true Yeah

I think anyone ever called him cool whip I would I do agree with you I think that I just think there needs to be more kills in this movie. She needs to find like two to three more dudes to fucking kill or kill and fuck however she wants to go. That would make it per-not-per-but-that-per-but. But that would make it more enjoyable

because it's like there's too much like space between the kills and like too much other boring shit happens. Well, that was the 40-minute sequence where she does fake her own death and she has like this fucking Machiavellian plan that she makes it a birdhouse. I can't even believe it. Take that out and put in the more violent sex and murder. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing.

And also, if she's going to kidnap somebody, kidnap a dude she doesn't want to fuck. Like, take his shit. I don't want to see, like, I'm, that's like, is that the next kill, or next sequence we really see? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. The lady, because Mattson and Helgenberger are at the door while she's killing him.

And they're knocking in the place. Yep, yep, excuse me? Yeah, and then they're walking through, like, slowly, and they're just like, do you hear anything? I don't know Like there's obviously This alien being here Can you all hurry the fuck up

Also give her a gun or something else too That bothered me So much through the movie Where she does not have any weapon And I'm like What is she supposed to use her mind Like give her something There's like an alien

Who will literally kill anything And she doesn't have any weapons I was just waiting for like In the background for like Do you hear anything Splash, splash. There is a sequence which kind of is useless, but it takes up so much of this movie

and it should be replaced by a kill, where we're in the research facility and like both Helgoodberger and Madsen are like in this clean room that Ben Kingsley needs to burn because like this is so dumb and he's like not going to let them out. And this is Eric, you were mentioning

this is where like the alien creature is like growing and whatever. And he's like, no, the procedure says this door must stay locked and he's such and also people are everybody around him's a fucking idiot because there's literally a red button and a green button in front of all of them Boris Whitaker just press the button just put just kick this guy in the dick and press the button like is there any reason ben kings like do you think he wants to kill them oh yes i've had enough of my oh totally that's what i wrote in my note like i think he just wants to kill these people

he's like annoyed well i think it's a thing because ben Kingsley regrets setting up that Michael Madsons whose name is Preston, whatever the fuck, he sets up the nickname of Press, which is obnoxious and we're yelling it throughout this movie and he's like, no, if I killed him

I wouldn't have to say Press anymore. Maybe let's just burn him in here. Yeah, and his full name is Preston Lennox which is like the fakesest fake name ever, like it doesn't sound right together. Also, I've known Prestons and I've never seen anybody call him Press.

That's, like, the ugliest nickname I've heard. Has anyone ever called them TUN? TUNN, it's short for Preston. Oh, that's creative. Preston Lennox, that's like a Shannon Tweed hero guy. You're really short and very low here, guys. And this whole sequence just comes to nothing because they're like, well, if we breed just the alien half of the DNA that we got sent from space and we could, like, see how to kill it. Uh-uh.

And then, like, it takes over the thing. and they eventually have to burn it. I guess is that what we learned through this? They learned that fire will kill it, I guess. Yeah, which is like I could, I could have told you that. Yeah, seriously. I mean, I have like a flamethrower at home. Yeah.

Everyone does. Duh. It's cheap these days. I know, right? Yeah. It goes really cute with my outfit, too. So much like the beginning of Sunset Boulevard, they walk in and find this dude just dead in the pool.

And now an alien creature lady that was just frightened by a camera, is like, all right, I need to kidnap a woman. I need to cut her thumb off, use my thumb, create this whole situation where I'm going to drive into an explode. She steals multiple cars and parks them strategically around. And, like, we have a whole montage of this and it's, like, leans into this whole, like, femme fatale, like, scary as fuck. She knows what she's doing. And I'm sorry, but the sequence is, like, really uncomfortable because the woman, like, the way she meets this woman. Yeah, oh, that's right.

This broad. It's topless running through, like, a grocery store, like a parking lot. And then she hops in the woman's car, and it's like, I need help. Oh, right, yes. And then, like, obviously we see, like, oh, yeah, she's kidnapped this woman to her car, is taking all her clothes, which actually looks really good on you, Natasha. And then, like, cuts off her. Yeah, and it's like we get the whole, but again, the CGI stuff always, like, undercuts the horror.

The best kills in the movie are when they, like, lean into practical. effects like the spine rip at the club, which is so great. And yes, she watches like her own thumb grow back and it looks so bad. It looks really bad. I just think in the hospital she must have seen Fletch like while she's waiting. She's like, Tim Matheson has an idea here. I could go along with this. Oh, wait a second. Oh, please. I was just looking at my notes and I forgot about my favorite part of this movie. Oh, please. It's when it's when Marg and and and And Michael Madsen are, they're looking around the property for the creature and everything. Mark Helgenberger gets attacked by that squirrel?

Oh my God, yes. Yes, and she like flips out. And it's like, it's weird because they're like intercutting between that and then the CGI alien eye. And I'm like, is this supposed to be creepy, like seeing her little ugly eye? Is that, I was wondering, is that his backyard? because it's like a Jurassic Park like paddock and I was like

how do you have this in your backyard man? His backyard is huge it's like a fucking forest trying to train raptors City of the future God damn City of the future

I just think it's fucking hilarious and also she gets pissed off because they're like she screams everyone's like oh my God the alien must be coming and then they're like what what happened she's like fucking squirrel

and like Forrest Whitaker's like I could have told you that I'm badly oh I say against that squirrel. Yes, that squirrel had to put in another mortgage at home dealing with lots.

Also, like, it's unless it's rabid, when the fuck is a squirrel ever attacked anybody? Yeah, because it jumps from the tree to attack her, like, it was wanting to attack this woman. She did some shots.

Next step gets him shot. Go back to Mr. Lipman at the hospital, get some rabies shots. The only way makes sense is like if Sil had sex with squirrels and then bred like a squirrel in army. can, considering the weird

fucking ending of this movie. Oh, we're going to get to Mr. Rat. Mr. Rat species. Dude, Species 5, Squirrel Fucker. I like it. Ew. Also, ew. Yeah, so she kidnaps this woman

goes to her house, cuts her thumb off. Yeah, she does, she steals multiple cars. She also, this is something I totally missed, and Wikipedia corrected me. This is when she realizes that the team is going back to the club, because she, like, drives back to the crime scene. and reads Ben Kingsley's lips.

And I thought it was a psychic. I thought she had like a psychic thing. And also I thought she was influencing him to make him go back to the club. No, but I think it's because the way that Ben Kingsley's like acting and the way they're shooting him here, I think it's a thing,

unless you guys didn't read it this way, is he not saying that, assuming that she might be out there and it's like he's luring her? I think he's just a idiot. I think he's stupid. Yeah, I agree. I totally buy that then.

Yeah, absolutely. Because I feel like everything we've learned up to this point about how the government works, which is accurate, is that they're really stupid and don't care about people. Fair enough. And true to reality. Absolutely. Let's go back to the hotel. That's room 402 for you.

Room 301 for you. Room 207 for you. They're just like really sloppy. And then also like she's not that far away from them when she's reading these lips. Like where I'm like, bitch, shine a light, Forrest Whitaker. Isn't this what your ass is here for? That's why you're here. man does sense if she's around and about Kingsley like this is day four where an alien a murderous

alien that if it gets pregnant can ruin the species it's that species uh nice dude didn't mean to do that you said the name of the episode right the end of world event and like his you doesn't have bosses like so it's a day four what do well we're going back to the club we think that that's a pretty good like no no you're off this case well uh well sir i'm tracing my steps. Exactly. You've got three bad scientists and a child killer. That's the whole

team. There has to be some kind of line where it's like, hey, maybe it's not the president, but like the Secretary of Defense wants to know the status of whatever. The alien thing. Don't worry, the government gets involved in species too. You're selling me on this franchise.

I'm sorry. It's like, I think I don't like it, but it's just so bad. It sounds like you love it. It just owns what these movies. are like it just totally goes for it and I'm right it's awful but I'll take it as compared to this I mean there's there's

an alien pregnancy rippins lots of that she winds up going back to the club she goes back to the club because she's kind of set this whole thing up right and like she sees Forrest Whitaker right is that how it is yes it's such a weird moment and I'm like Forrest Whitaker

you're stupid because how could you not tell this is a trap where she's trying to manipulate you? Yeah because all of a sudden it seems like he oh that's right he gets scared by those two homeless dudes in the garbage cans and then it's like they pop up and they're like, what's up, motherfucker? And then he's like, ugh. And then he turns.

He like walks a little bit away and turns and then it's like Natasha Hinsridge and is like cream-colored turtlenex. Those bombs jump up like it's Mahal and July. Yes! That's crazy. That's exactly what it is. I love the, I like fake

squirrel scares. I like fake bum scares. This movie has got it Oh, bum scares. I want to know, like, because we had that scene earlier in the film where she's flipping through television, where the deleted scene was where she's watching some, like, 70s exploitation film because the woman that she kidnaps is not only just, like, kidnapped or whatever, she's tied to the bed. There's, like, a fucking sock in her mouth or something. Yeah, she's been tortured also, I feel like. Yeah, it's, she's, like, done up, like, speaking to Roger Corman. She changed her until, like, a nightgown or something.

Yeah, she's in a teddy, which makes it, like, weird. Like, why did you put some lingerie on this girl? Like, what? I don't understand. I don't get it. Like, because she clearly wasn't wearing that under the cream-colored turtled. Oh, no, she wasn't. I personally would not wear, like, some nice teddy under, like, what is she doing?

L.L. Bean. Yeah, that's exactly. The Nancy Myers outfit. That's exactly how this woman dresses, which I, like, liked it. But I was just like, it's really funny seeing Natasha Hintra's a dress like that. And she drives her dress like that. And she drives her. off and everyone's chasing her.

And now all of a sudden, Ben Kingsley summons the Five Kingdoms. There's like 19 helicopters out of nowhere. And you never see these people again, like, whatever backup is. Yeah. And she drives, you know, she gets out of the car and the other lady's there

and puts her into a driver's seat or whatever happens. No, she doesn't put it. She does not do that. She doesn't fucking tuck and roll, dude. Oh, that's right. She just jumps out the car and puts it in neutral. And then there's all that gas in there and it goes right into like a high voltage thing and it explodes.

It's quite spectacular. And then the helicopter's napalmint as well. If anyone looked for a second, you'd know like, well, the car probably shouldn't just explode it like that. Yes, exactly. And then they're like, oh, cool, movie's over. You want to go, like, get a drink and everybody can fuck? Like, yeah, let's all do that, yeah.

That's what it is. They're like, oh, wow, what a movie. What an adventure we all had. Like, let's go relax at the hotel. Michael Madsen's like, oh, wow, you know, I respected her a lot. He says, I respected the creature, which makes no sense whatsoever. Because he's kind of also, like, speaking of Jurassic Park, he's kind of like Muldoon, right? He's like, oh, this was a formidable opponent that I was hunting.

He's used to killing kids, he's used to killing kids that don't fight back, and he found a kid that fought back, and it's like this mutual understanding. Wow, that kid put up a good fight. What's funny to me, though, like, after she fakes her death, is that he quickly starts to feel like, oh yeah she's totally not dead they don't even let it sit for a moment like no one believes it and it's like the movie has this whole thing where I guess

science is wrong but your good instinct on point absolutely I just love that she when the after she kills this lady she's walking back like fire trucks and police are coming and she's just walking back from

the crime scene in the middle of it to her car and like nobody's like hey that's a weird thing oh it's a pretty white woman keep driving no worry about it See, this is what I'm saying. All these pretty white ladies begin and out shit. I don't get out of shit. I'm a pretty black lady.

See, the pretty doesn't outweigh the black. They don't like that part. This is when she starts making fuck eyes at Michael Madsen. And she's like in love with him all of a sudden. And like she has a fucking H.R. Garger sex dream with him, right? He's on the fuck train for a second. Yeah. Dude, he's got a ticket to ride, man.

But can we talk about this for a moment? Please. It's like, she's like taking off her clothes. there's like all this bright lighting and he's just like it's just a doorway out of like in the ether or something it's like a twilight zone exactly and he walked through and he's just like undressing and he has this look on his face like oh yeah it's so awkward these weird little dream sequences are really weird Michael Madsen hasn't washed his clothes in three weeks yeah that's true like he won't button his shirt he refuses to do it and he's not he's never

buttoned a shirt old white shirt underneath it and I don't think he's like yeah yeah he doesn't take a shower often no that's a smegma situation you better believe it's a smegma sorry Michael Madsen before we have sex please take a shower yeah that is a situation

where you'd be like I know I went and took a shower I had a hotel room but you didn't take a shower I know you've been wearing that outfit you need to take a shower I got to say the entire cast of reservoir dogs if I'm fucking them they're taking a shower first

Any one of them. I like that you, that's what popped into your head. I also love, by the way, you're fucking all of the, Laurence Tierney. Absolutely. Absolutely. Do it. Hey, Stephen, we're fucking now or something. That's a two showers.

I want to hear the water come off. I want you to dry Lawrence Tierney and get back in there. Yeah, now I'm imagining the cast of reservoir dogs running a train, so thank you. No, no, no, no problem. That's what I do. Speaking of Michael Madsen, do you know? Oh. He has 295 acting credits.

Are you serious? I'm not, and that's out right. I think he's been doing like nothing but streaming garbage in the last 10 years. 150 of them are in the last five years. No, no, dude. I will get, I have a Michael Madsen game. Oh, no. What? Between last year and this year and including movies that don't have release dates on them.

So 2018, 2019, and a couple blanks. How many credits do you think Michael Madsen has? 35. 35. Oh. No, I'm not going to say 36, that'd be me. I guess 40.

40? Oh, fuck. All right, let's say I'm going to say 25. Okay. Angelic. 32. 31. Yeah.

My motherfucker. I literally was like, let's pick an age that's close to mine because I'm myself. 31 in two fucking years What are these movies like Are they like just sci-fi Yeah they're all like that

And like just weirdo like Because he gets everything He could do bad heist movies He could do bad sci-fi movies He could do bad action movies Like all of it He could do all bad He could do all the bad movies

He's a man of the future I was shocked because I would have assumed Sam Jackson had more movies than him But he was just Sim Jackson was only 185 Which seems sensible now To the 295. That's what I'm saying.

That's like if he started, like, he should only have $2.95 if he started acting as a child in, like, the 60s on like the rifle men. So while all that's going on, the rest of the gang is like hanging at the hotel bar. And this is the weird, they so lazily attempt to set up like this last second love triangle with Marg and Madsen and poor Alfred Molina who's like, Oh, actually, I'm attracted to her also. Alpha Bolina's teeth are crazy in this movie. Am I not? Sorry. He has crazy teeth.

What, like crazy like the Roger Rabbit Bullets? They're not crazy like a fox, my friend. He just opens his mouth, and it's like, Yee-Haw! It's a pre-Dakak teeth situation. It's like all of his teeth are working against each other. I mean, you know, it happens.

It's not a big deal. You know, it does. It does. You can fix it or not. It's up to you, honey. Look at Steve. I went to the middle ground. Steve thought he was looking at a mirror.

It turned out to be alpha malina in species. I'm kidding. Steve's got the first season of House of Cards in his mouth. Oh, my God. Wow. That hurts. That hurts. Well, he's the motherfucker that opened the door in the first place.

Sometimes it comes back, Steve. When you live in glass teeth houses, you shouldn't. My teeth are a nightmare, too. Oh, man, fucking glass teeth. Oh, and then it's a glass in your mouth. Now I'm getting frisked out. I got gap teeth. But, like, she's so clearly,

Mark Heldenberger, Helgenberger, dude. CSI lady. Bro, we're opening up a new restaurant. It's called Hellburgers. It's me and the devil are going into business together. Oh, that's awesome. That sounds right.

Again. He helped me get my started music, and hate crimes. He got me off the hook. when I beat up that Vietnamese guy. I would get into a fight with Mark Walter. Oh, definitely. Like, I would actually, like, get into a fight, like, a legitimate fight.

Come at me. And, but, like, so she's so clearly making eye. It's like, you're both trying to hit on the same lady, but, like, you know where it's going. Hey. And I mean, like, Michael Manson's not that much better looking than Alfred Molina. No, he's not better looking. He's just, like, more confident in, like, a douchebag. Alfred Molina

Alfred Molina is also giving me like strong creep vibe so I wouldn't fuck him because I love myself Well he was I mean he was hip

to all the nipple clubs in L.A. He's desperate Like he's getting rejected at the hotel bar So bad too It's so fucking funny That's really uncomfortable

It's like him and Forrest Whitaker trying to like hit on these two women No it's just It's just him It's just him because Forrest Whitaker is like I can read minds They don't want it

He's like Oh oh that's right. I'm like good. And like, Alfred Molina decides to go up to these two women. It's like one black woman, one white woman, who I've seen somewhere else and I don't remember where. And then he's like trying to hit on them

and like, oh, God, you two beautiful, smart women. I can't believe you're by yourself. And now all of a sudden some two guys are walking over here. Those dudes just waltz right in. And it's so bad because usually in that situation, the move is to be like, oh, hey, guys, how's it going? Let me buy everybody a drink. He just kind of creepily, like a ghost walks away.

And it's so super uncomfortable because one of the women is like, oh, this is Dave and Brian. And then she's like, and I didn't get your... And she just trails off because he's walking away. It's like three ways of uncomfortability at the same time. But the sex scene that's... It's weird because it's like Michael Madsen and Hellberger. Thank you. Thank you.

Are, like, they have, like, at first they're, like, seeming cool, they're dancing, and then he, like, walks away to, like, look at, isn't this around the same time where he walks away, because he thinks he sees still? Yes, oh, and he grabs that one woman. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Who shot from the same catalog, apparently. Yeah. And, like, Helgenberger's like, well, fuck it, I'm going to bed, but it's also kind of like, I'm going to bed now. Well, that's what I was confused about, because there's some, they get in, like, an argument.

Yeah, they have a little tiff. There's some sort of words or whatever, and I was like, oh, well, he blew it. And then, like, she's secretly hoping that he does come up there. And I was like, what is his game? And Whittaker is like, oh, yeah, she still wants to see you. Oh, well, that's right. Oh, that's right.

I made a note of that because I thought it was really creepy. And I literally wrote, creepy as hell. There's sexy saxophone playing in the background, and he says it she still wants to see you. Yeah. Like, is he, like, reading their minds and seeing their, like, fuck fantasies? That's what I think. He's fucking creepy as hell.

And in a few minutes, he's going to go up and feel Alfred Molina's door and see him having sex. Oh, right, the door feels. I was just thinking, like, Forrest Whitaker's the only guy that gets splinters when he beats off. Come on. Because he's feeling the door. It's the other hand. There's two hands. One's working the unit.

One's working the door. Are all the doors busted up that the splinters are everywhere? Or like what? It's like a bye-bye man house. Oh, my God. I also, speaking of Forrest Whitaker and his junk, is when he doesn't hit on those two ladies because he's been drinking Long Island iced teas like the regular ice teas,

and there's whiskey dick and Long Island iced tea dick. That's like a nuclear reactor. There's nothing left. It's Chernobyl. Nothing is happening tonight. I'm glad I've never tried. Do not. They're awful.

But it's also, that's a weird moment for Forrest Whitaker's character, because it's like he doesn't drink and it's like Alfred Molina's like getting him to pound all these Long Island iced teas and it's this weird moment where he then turns kind of into like a little kid and he's like these iced teas are great and he becomes like very naive all of a sudden

it's like you were a grown man 10 seconds ago like what happened right here? It turns those drinks turn him into Mark Wahlberg is like yo bro she still wants to bang you. Yeah it's so weird it's also like please stop reading people's minds creep, all these creeps. And he goes up, Madsen goes up to her

door, and in the elevator he runs in DeSille, who's, like, madly in love with him at this point. And she's dyed her hair now. She's dyed her hair now. It's brown, and she cut it off, and it's this ugly cut, honey. I don't know. It's a bad. It's not where she cuts it herself. Yes. I thought she had covered herself in mud

or something. But it was hair dye. It turned out to be hair dye. I thought she was doing predator's stuff. I thought she was doing predator's stuff. Again, that's working for somebody If you want to attract a Michael Madsen, that's how you do it Michael Madsen has like He's grabbing people with yellow fucking mock turtle necks

In the street But then he's in the elevator Well, she's 5'10 She looks exactly like this lady Oh, but her hair is black So it couldn't possibly be Again, these people are stupid And he's not good at his job

Like what governments are hiring him to kill children He can't recognize him He goes to her door And Mark Helgenberger does the Kevin McAllister Yes I literally rolled my eyes I was like are you serious

Did you really jump up and go Yes For some dick You better hit him in the face With a paint pole Come on in Mind all the micro machines On the floor

I broke some Christmas ornaments Over there don't cut your foot This is what she does for a solid Four and a half What does she do when an actual Attract of Man comes into her life She's playing a trumpet dude He grabs the doorknob, and he gets an M, Brandon, on his hand.

Oh, you're not going anywhere. And they go in, and what I read was this sex scene was improvised in terms of the blocking. And stuff starts happening. Stuff starts, there's a lot to the sex scene that I had to write down because the way she acts is like she hasn't had sex in a while. Yes. Because it's like, they're like, you know, they're making out. He picks her up. and they intercut with everything that's going on also with Alfred Molina and everybody else, including Syl,

who was originally watching Michael Madsen, and then, like, is listening, you know, at the door. But there's this moment during the sex, I'm going to keep saying Hellburger, I'm sorry. No, the easiest way to do it. I love it. It's great. Order up, Hellberger, order up. Michael Madsen. With Madsen and Hellberger, there is this moment where she tells him to, like, get up or whatever.

and she's looking at him, like, mm. And then, like, she, it seems like she's going to give him a blowjob. Oh, absolutely, right? Yeah. And I'm like, you know, I'm going to be 100. I like giving him blow jobs, too. But I don't like giving them that much that I'm literally looking at a dick like it's the last chicken wing on the chair. She does the whole, like, lip bite.

She does the whole thing. It's insane. Get out of town. And I've seen some beautiful dicks in my life. Don't get me wrong. but I've never acted like this. I mean, I think there's a, like, what this movie is conflating here

is what happens when you're horny and what happens when you're hungry. What's the word for that? We have to figure out a word. Horngrie. I will do. Match it right up. Also, now, by the way, if I could just pause for a second,

cut back to, so this was, it was on home videos, so maybe we're talking like 1990s, the summer of 1996. So a 13-year-old, Andrew is... Oh no, did your uncle get horn? Dude, I looked over, he bit his lip.

No, but this is, like, I looked, I was like, oh my, I'm so fucking un- because I knew what was going on. I'm 13, I know what's going on. And I'm just looking over, like, I cannot believe I'm watching this movie with a relative. Like, I'm so, so horrifically uncomfortable right now. And I'm watching this, this was only the second time.

You were horned comfortable, I guess? Dude, I was totally horn uncomfortable. And, like, this was only the second time I've ever seen this movie. That was the first time. And so I remembered really nothing about it. When this scene hit, it was like, just this wall of awkward memory came back to me,

and I was horrified all over again. Hopefully you didn't hear a boing. Oh, my God. I can't imagine watching this with an uncle. No. It would be, for multiple reasons. It's like really gross. Yeah.

Also, part of this is, I don't know what this hotel's situation is, but the maid is doing rounds. at like 11.30 at night. It's the best damn hotel in Los Angeles. Like, what are we talking about? What's to be in the future, dude. She should not be making up beds at this hour, at the fucking hour. Any taboo goes in L.A.

Wait, did you just call it the fucking hour? The fucking hour. The fucking hour. All right, there we go. Welcome back to the fucking hour. This is going to get filthy. She kind of gets caught by this maid by like listening to the sacks kind of a thing. She kind of kills her off screen.

Alfred Molina, again, he strikes out 40 times. She goes in Alfred Molina's room and is waiting for him. He walks in, there's fucking Natasha Hensstridge. Again, throwing away the alien part of it. Like, you've just been hunting a 5-10 beautiful alien. Who is trying to have sex with men? Yes, exactly. Yep.

Again, I'm like, this woman, he goes out to his room. This woman is there. He's like, well, what are you doing here? Which is not the right answer question. He goes full Hugh Grant in this scene. He's even got the haircut. And he keeps him like, wow, he definitely does. He's the busted chops.

And he does the whole... Oh, come on. Yeah, it's your right. But he does, like, when she finally, like, just takes off her clothes, he's like, oh, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes. He's only vibrating with desire and, like... This doesn't usually happen to me. Oh, that's what it says.

That's right. And it's just really, like, all right, we'll talk about rates afterwards. That's the only way this makes any sense. But you know what, though, man, three words right here, call the police. Yes, exactly. You just, there's a strange person in your life. locked hotel room? Come on. And what is, the line that she

feeds him, though, because he's like, oh, what are you doing here? And it's something like, oh, I overheard what you were saying at the bar and I was looking at you, but it was like you were around other people and I wanted to get you alone, some weird shit. That means she wants to fucking kill you, dumb ass.

This is a murder situation without a doubt. She goes through all that, but she might as well have just said, foreign. So they do start having sex here You get some Molina pub right here You do A little pub And he's like oh I don't have protection

Or should I get protection And she's like What about protection? What about protection? Which is not the first of all He asks that way too late First of all She's literally straddling him at this point

And it's like Obviously we don't see any dick But it's like kind of graphic to make She's riding him. They do, like, a mini crane shot from her ass up to his, like, chest pubes. Yep. It's disgusting. They call it chest hair, usually.

No, chest pubes. I agree with this chest pubes. Yeah, Alfred Molina doesn't have chest hair. He has. Chest pubes. Because he's all clear down there, so they only grow up there. And he doesn't have testicles. He's got comestics.

Yes, that's true, Eric. Again, that's awful. It continues to be awful. And they finish. And he says this line, like, well, that was a gratifying experience or whatever. I enjoyed that immensely. I'm sorry, but I think I would kill a dude just for saying that shit. Exactly.

Take out your fucking alien nipples and murder that guy. Because that's the worst line ever. That's what I hate about the scene is because you cut away, like, he figures out that what's happening, and they cut away. And you don't see, like, how he got killed. It's just a slash across his shoulder and he's got bloody teeth. I'm like, that's if you, like, flossed. Oh, by the way, this is what Forrest Whitaker does

because we've mentioned it so many times, but he does go up to, he knows that she's in the building. He goes up to Melina's door and puts his hand on the door. Yep. And then he has to be like a little kid to Michael Madsen and like, he's like, I know, I'm sorry. Mom, Dad, I had a nightmare, at a nightmare, at a nightmare.

Hey, I need to talk to you guys. It's important. It's so weird. And then that's where we get Madison's ass because, like, they're in bed and, like, they literally just finished fucking, and Whitaker is, like, knocking on the door.

What's that? What's it? Oh, okay, relax. It's going to be okay. Yeah. You know, I believe you, Santa Claus is real, yeah. But also, like, I feel like

Whitaker should have done something else because it's like, if you know that this alien is being fucked, and you know if this alien gets that shit from the cum set. It's taking off. That the human race. race is duped. Wouldn't you do

a little bit more? Yeah. And that's the thing because his line, like his logic is, I didn't want to knock on the door and spook her because then she might kill Alfred Molina. Oh, that's right. But to what you said, though, like if... Fuck Alfred Molina. Exactly, because if the plan succeeds and she

gets pregnant, the human race is at stake. So sorry, Alfred Molina, you're getting fucking sliced up either way, buddy. And also the best part is it'd be great if you put his hand up against Michael Madsen's door. It's like, it's clean. okay now I'm gonna not like he just knows like are they're done oh wait no yeah now they're done that's he should have been waiting like oh all right

I'll give him a second I don't know if you know if the movie was actually fun and gave a shit about like just kind of just having fun and let it be loose lighten up a little bit yeah yeah now you know if and so Alvin Molina gets killed because she like all the sudden feels like the kicks in her belly now if I was you know trying to hunt a sex crazed baby crazy alien. If somebody said it to me, I'd be like, oh, that's so great. Oh, it's so great that you're pregnant already.

Oh, I'm ready. Let's go to Alien home or wherever we're going. Alien home? I don't know. Or just like, oh, cool. Yeah, exactly. Play it up a little bit. I'm so excited. I'm going to go tell all my friends. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. You stay here, girl. You're looking great.

Order some room service. You know this hotel crazy. They're still open. Or do you just dash yourself with lighter fluid real quick. Just real quick. Just a little tight. Just real quick. So she runs down and like this is my least favorite part of any movie which is the extended third act cat and mouse. Oh, Lord.

It's so boring. So useless. It just, it kills the movie dead. Like this third act, I want to recommend this movie, but the third act is really, really big. And we don't get good deaths, I think. It's an excuse to kill Ben Kingsley, basically, but we don't get the death that he deserves. No, he doesn't. It's like weird spaghetti with thrown out of a lot of the last act.

he like falls off a sewer railing and we see spaghetti on his face it's like I bet it was a good dinner yeah it's not good kills it's only good corpses yeah yeah you don't actually see what's happened like I when I first thought I did I was like do you throw up chili but no like he had the chili farts and he kingsley the whole time like it's just his lower jaw has been ripped off it seems like this is the weird like this happens in in a lot of movies of this ilk I feel the whole like there is all of these caverns underneath the ground that we just don't know about, because it's like, hotel, sewer beneath the hotel, and then the caverns beneath those LA sewers? What are we talking about?

That's where the Morlocks live? Yeah, exactly. All the fucking chuds and the mole people are down there. I don't get it. Hollow Earth, dude. Oh, shit. And Natasha Hensrich, that's a wrap on her, by the way. She's out of the movie for the rest of it. Yeah. It's just the monster. The monster. This is where we get

the Final Fantasy 7 graphics. I almost, I had to check myself for a second because I forgot what year this movie was made in, I almost asked do you think she did the motion capture for this thing? No, no, no, no. This was just a shitty computer game that they installed into this movie.

She gives birth, it's kind of gross, but I agree with it, it would be cool if the birth was practical effects, you know what I mean? Yeah. Let's do it. Alien did that. That's what you love apparently species of movie. It seems like there are a little bit when you see like the baby

The baby is creepy, and, like, we get a shot of the baby where, like, I think its hand, like, grows long or something, which is kind of, like, unsettling, a nice image. And then you see chest bones, and, like, it's really gross. And then the baby eats a rat. It's weird. Because he turns, like, four years old immediately like you would, if you're a species baby. I thought this was the kid who was the youngest son on Malcolm in the middle. I do not think it's dewy, my friend. Dude, way to remember that character name.

Nailed it. That's the only character name I remember. Yeah, yeah. Brian Cranston was Howl. Yes. You don't remember Malcolm? Oh, that. This shows how, like, I must have been smoking too much weed before I came here.

Like, I've been smoking too. Something wrong with that? I think my brain is not working anymore. This movie broke me. It's the movie's fault. You do not blame the marijuana. No, marijuana is beautiful and powerful. And Illinois may be, you know, we'll see.

You might legalize? It's legalized for recreational use, bitch. I'm so happy if it happens. I'll tell you what, Chicago, we'll come back twice a year. Fingers crossed, we're, you know, we'll see. But, like, when I heard that I was like, that's great for people of color, you know, like, on a practical level. Absolutely. And also, it's great for me and my depression and stress.

It's good all the way around. It's also great for having a good time. Hell yeah. And so, like, so we're running through the super. sewer. This is when... This movie stinks. The third... Thank you.

What asshole. The third act, and I wanted to count it, Marge Helkenberger, start screaming Dan. Like, I don't even... Dan? Dan? Dan? Dan? Dan? And then Michael Madsen gets into it.

Hey, Dan. Dan? Dan. Dan? That is as far as Whitaker's character, if we didn't... Yes, yes. I'm sorry, yeah. But, like, everyone's screaming for Dan. Margie Helkenberger gets stuck in something. She falls into some water, but it's not actually clear how she's stuck.

It's supposed to be oil? Really? Yeah, that's because they light it up at the end. Oh, that's stupid. Like, she just can't climb out of the pool. Like, that's the whole thing. She can't find the ladder. So she's dumb.

Because she does climb out at some point, like, getting on the rock. So it's like, you weren't really stuck, girl. You just, like, screaming people's name. Michael Madsen is being choked by a nipple tentacle at this point. He's being hung by it. Two. Both of them shoot out. Nice.

Well, because, yeah, she's strangling with one and he's trying to get her one in his mouth. Oh, right. That's hot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you think in the script it was like, yeah, she succeeds in getting the tentacle down his threat. And Michael Madsen's like, I'm not putting nothing in there. What is this?

I exit only. Yeah. My mouth. I'm pregnant now. How does he eat? He doesn't. My mouth. for two things smoking and throwing up.

Madsen. Yeah, I eat through my asshole. Oh, my God. Snacks. Hold on a second. I'm cracking some walnuts. Oh, my God. See, this is what we deal with every week.

You know, it's entertaining, but it's also disturbing. Actually, it's a living nightmare in my skull. Oh, I'll pray for you, honey. Thank you. Are you going to bark all day, little asshole? Are you going to take a bite? Just shoving fucking fast food. Burgers up the hell burgers, dude.

Oh, my God. I hate you so much. But also now I have a question. Sure. But like, if he's cracking walnuts, is he doing it with his ass? Yeah. Is he really cracking wall? Oh, my God.

That's a powerful ass. He's an intense shape. He's doing that with his cheeks, but then the ass has teeth further in. You know, and the thing about it, man, right now is, I mean, I can't believe I have to remind you this. We have guests. Sover, man? Like a little sarlowl at him. I'm a lady.

Yes, clearly. It's just, it's outrageous. I apologize to everybody. Does he, how does he get out of the nipple tentacle trouble? He cuts it. Cuts it. Yeah, oh, yeah, sorry, he has a knife on him. Yeah, no, it's very important that a piece of that tentacle is cut and just falls on the ground.

And starts moving on it. And even that, like, that little bit of, like, puppetry, I was like, that's so much better than that entire CGI alien. You just do a little thing wobbling around. It was awesome. I should make this point that apparently there's a woman who played the alien version. So there has to be someone who was in a suit because I saw like on the Amazon thing. Well, in the underwater scenes, that's definitely a real woman. So maybe it's just that because like once we get into the third act, it feels like every time you see an alien, including an alien baby.

It's all CGI and it looks like hot shit. It's so, so bad. I thought it was going to be a thing. It's my favorite thing. But it's like, I mean, it's so bad. It's like the graphics reminded me of like, I thought that a notice was going to come up and be like, PlayStation reminds you, you have to put in the second disc of this game now.

Yes, exactly. Like, it's so fucking terrible. It's shitty. Yeah. And I don't know, like, what happens? Forrest Whitaker gets in trouble here, too. Force Wittner is hanging off a ledge. He gets grabbed by the leg just for another scare.

But there's like, this is what the, they're in like the cavern that I was. talking about. And Forrest Whitaker's hanging off a cliff. This is below Los Angeles. Right. It's the gateway to hell or something. The hell mouth, speaking of Buffy. Oh, oh, fuck. The L.A. Hellmouth is under the hotel. They fucking found it.

The master's about to rise, dude. Oh, nice, dude. No problem. And, like, so, like, this is when, and apparently H.R. Geiger told them... It ain't sexy enough. Cut to the train. Cut to the train. Where's my train dick?

H.R. Geiger. No, it was this thing where, like, he thought the ending was too derivative, which it was. And, like, originally she was supposed to be burned to death. I was like, oh, I've seen that in other movies. Just never get shot in the head instead? I'm like, well, when it happened, I was like, really? That's the end of it? She just got shot in the head?

Like, okay. Derivative of what? Like, just of, I mean, I guess it was like, he was saying the ending reminded her too much of Terminator 2, of aliens, like all that stuff. Okay. Yeah. By the way, I know a little thing about aliens. Because it's like a special bullet, right? It's like this giant grenade bullet or something?

I think so. And Madsen doesn't even get a cool line. He's just like, fuck off or something like. Yeah, he says, let go, you motherfucker. Wow. And it's like, really, bitch, that's it. Like, if I was killing some alien hoe, I would have a cool line. Like, a really good line.

This isn't a good line. Well, he's got a great line right after that where he's like, Hey, hey, hey, Dan, I thought you almost had your last Long Island ice tea. You know, you know, because you drank one for the first time that other thing. And that Hell Burger's like, I thought we all almost had our last Long Island iced tea. Talk about her alien baby, though, because right before, right before, like, she gets killed and everything, Forrest Whitaker is, like, I guess, hearing something, and then we see the alien baby who is, like, four years old, and it's, like, all.

He's starting to, like, change. Yeah, and then you see the CGI version of him, which looks like my cat's hairball. It was so bad. And how does the baby die? Force Middicker burns it. Yeah, it's just in the pit of fire. Yeah, he's just like, sorry, a little baby he had to burn. Because he doesn't want to do it at first, but then the baby, like, go and he does it.

And Michael Madsen was mad that someone killed, oh, it's killed the baby. Damn, killed the baby. That was my job. It's why I'm here. I guess my record stands at 359,000. And, yeah, and they just kind of, they walk away, like, and I don't know. Like, again, where's the backup? We need to, like, scour this entire area.

Like, the structure of everything doesn't make sense. Like, so it's like they have to keep things secret, but it seems like it's not working. I also want to know before, like, the ending, like, I think it's Hellburger-ass Whitaker. If he's okay and he says something like, yeah, except I wet my pants or something like that. He says his shit his pants. Oh, my God. Is that what he said? And this is the thing, it's like, we have not debased this great actor enough in this movie.

It's like, we've basically made him, like, a psychic baby person. He had to, like, cutesy get drunk for the first time. And then he fucking flat out shits his pants at the end of this movie. Like, come on. Just come on. After psychic peeping on his work colleagues having sex. I got to say, perving him out. After that many long-alleled STs, that's all that's happening downstairs.

That's it. That is it. That is the only thing. It's like, well, I could go to bed or I can shit my pants with this kid. I've had that many. any long island ice teas and then the rat then the and then the rats so this like a little rat comes out and grabs the tentacle that got ripped off and like nipple very much thank you and like sort of like it pulls it pulls it like behind a rock and you're like oh saying what's that

what could that be about yeah and that's the invention of chucky cheese that's splinter from the ninja turtles that's how that happens but yeah and then like another it's because there's two rats The rat, one rat eats the tentacle. Then there's another rat that's like, hey man, what do you chewing on over there? And it's like alien rat, is the idea. And it comes out and, like, attacks this rat. Yeah, I played second rat in species. Yeah, he has, like, his tongue juts out.

Oh, right, because also it's very weird. The baby has, like, the same, like, frog tongue. And it's just this poor child, doesn't know what it's doing in this species movie, this little kid actor. and it's like, you're going to get a dumb computer tongue right now, kid, you don't even know it. IMDB trivia that Michelle Williams hated this movie because, not because she didn't, you know, cared about one way or another, but because it caused a lot of teasing in grade school, which kind of like, which of your classmates are watching this movie? The kids who had uncles like mine. Yeah, that's actually true. The male ones.

Yeah. Well, maybe it was a thing where it's like, you know, word got around like, oh, hey, Michelle W. is in a movie. Yeah. Let's go see what movie our classmate was in. Oh, rated art, alien movies. You're alien girl, and, like, they're throwing stuff at her, yeah. They tried to gas you. Fucking species, bitch.

Go home and go back to your cocoon. Yeah, and then this movie really does just kind of end. It just kind of ends. Kind of hits the credit. It's such a wet fart of an ending. It definitely is. It definitely is. And also in these movies where we're ending miles below the earth or whatever the fuck,

I feel like this always happens. The characters just walk out. Like, well, it's going to take 45 minutes to get out of here. Well, I'm going to open up my petition. No longer are we going to disgrace the departed rat. The species rat is the long that has to go. Let's get rid of it. Totally right.

I feel like that departed rat has been disparaged for far too long. It's too much. You are absolutely correct. It's unfair. It wasn't that rat's fault. It's a beautiful rat. I think this franchise should be mixed together with men and black. Because give me like a hard R men and black movie where they're fucking.

Maybe that would be more interesting than that. that Men in Black International that I wrote a fucking essay about. Oh, no. I heard it's terrible. Not even the magic of Tessa Thompson could save that movie. And Tessa's so beautiful.

And I'm like, oh, Tessa, hmm, but what the fuck is the rest of this movie? Nothing's happening, girl. How did I get hoodwink? I'm like writing a piece for Vulture about why I don't think Chris Hemsworth is a movie star and please stop? Because this fucking movie

and like every time they did a close-up of his and we needed an emotional moment. He gave me nothing, honey. I by that. And I was just like, man. I was like, this movie's so fucking stupid. It's so bad. And, like, the editing is so sloppy.

It was just, like, no one gave a fuck. Did anybody have no directed? No, they asked that question. Oh, yeah. Who the fuck der, I saw this movie a few days ago. But what if Syl was there, you know? Then it'd be more interesting. She'd be, like, I guess, like,

nipple, lasso, Liam Neeson or something. Now we're talking. Now, you know what, now that you should say. Oh, I'm sorry, Menin Black. You didn't expect me lasso nipples to get you. Oh, my God. And Liam Neeson in this fucking movie, too. Oh.

All these alien movies are bad. Is he driving a snowplow on this Men and Black international? No, he's not. He's just being, actually, he's not doing much of anything, really. Because he... Or no, it's Emma Thompson that's also in Men and Black 3. She is. She's also in this one. She pops up.

I was trying to figure out if it was her, if it was Liam Neeson that was in the previous film. That the last time I saw it was hung over on a plane back from Mexico. That's a story for another day. It sucked. It sucked hard. Oh, God. You know who directed Men Black International? Oh, you just looking up, Chris Cabin?

F. Gary Gray. Oh, that's too bad. That's too bad. That's sad. Oh, I'll pray for my people. He does bad in France. He loves his. That Fate of the Furious is awful, and he did that, too.

I just don't think he's good at franchises. Like, Stray Docompton's good, at least the first half of it I really liked. but, like, these franchise movies, I mean, the Fate of the Furious wasn't... Wait, was this his follow-up to Straight Outta Compton? No, this is follow-up to Fate of the Furious. Oh, Fate of the Furious came out. Like two years ago.

Oh, fate was the eighth one? That was the recent one. That's a Charleseeron. The one, and it is horrible. Who wants that franchise? They're like, oh, we'll also do a cipher spin-off. Get the flying fuck out of here with that. I don't need that.

We should say Fate of the Furious previous episode. Yes, it is. And a very good one out there. Oh, thank you. Now, the question of the hour. Would anybody recommend this movie? And we will go to our guest first. Angelica, would you recommend this movie?

From my hearty chuckle, that's a no. No, I feel like I almost wanted to say like Hangover movie because there's so many stretches that are so fucking boring. And then you can kind of perk up when there's a kill or make fun of the kill. But no, actually, I'm not going to recommend this because it's so misogynistic and racist and just everything nasty and it just hates women in a way that makes it hard for me to fully enjoy

at least the second one is so bad shit that it hits a certain level that your mind isn't even working. You can't even like critique it because it's just so insane. But with this one, it takes itself seriously to the point where it makes it easier to critique. So no, I'm not going to recommend this. Fuck this movie.

Yeah, the first 61 minutes you could get me as a... You had a timer? Yeah, I did. You playing prices right? I'm sure it's not 69 minutes? No. No, I'm pretty sure. Hey, I like that.

You already had the asshole dentata. Don't do this. I was making a point. Speaking of asshole dentata. No, it's whatever, man. It's just the last, I've never seen a last act sink a movie more than this does.

What about Titanic? I just see what I did there It's just not worth it I'm actually very interested in species too From all of what I'm hearing I'm talking about queuing it up man Yeah but no but I absolutely know Yeah the the

Like respectability quotient on this Like trying to be a movie It kills it You know maybe five years ago When I had just remembered it from high school I'd be like yeah totally It's a fine movie whatever But now watching it today

I'm just like yeah no Don't do this ever again Please, I beg of you. I could see the argument for the hangover movie idea, like a hornover. Oh, new, we hate movies term. Hornover, next to chuckle dick. Yes, yes. But, you know, I mean, other than that, other than that, yeah, it doesn't have a lot going for it.

It is kind of too serious, but almost in a way that's endearing. Because there's so many movies that were bad in the 90s that tried to be movies. And movies don't try to be movies anymore. That's true. They don't try to be movies anyway, you're right. That's the best thing I can say about species. Fair enough. That's actually, that was like your forest gum sign.

That's the best thing I can say about species. That's all I have to say about it. Exactly. Yeah, I think this movie is a great example of why this show exists in the form it is now, which is it's very important to look back and remind ourselves that sometimes memories can be cloudy. And, you know, for me, if you would, like Chris Cabin said, you know, five years ago, if you asked me about it's like, oh, yeah, that was that, like, horned. up sci-fi movie I awkwardly watched with my uncle

that one time I don't know I guess it's worth it but I wouldn't word it like that only I can word it like that right but yeah but no it's there's so much bad going on here there's bad messaging there's bad imagery bad writing bad representation it's just it's bad all

around but I will be watching species too don't even worry about it I will report back from the front when I get that but yeah no and I can't even I don't think I can subscribe to the hangover thing either because it's one of those things as someone who by the way I have to thank everybody in this room

today this conversation has got me through the hangover that I was mentioning at the beginning also the beer we drank over dude shut up no but like I feel like if you were hung over you're watching this movie second you see that fucking CGI alien you're feeling nauseous a hollow yeah it's true it's so bad

that's the thing where Steve's kind of right you like you have to turn it off at a certain point but it makes me wonder though because this was like I feel like there was a string of these movies, like not as, like, horny as this, but like, it reminded me of the really bad aliens in that Charlie Sheen movie, The Arrival. Oh, yes.

It's a stay tuned in half that movie. But, like, those were bad CGI aliens. Now under the Battle of the Bad CGI aliens from the 90s, those aliens in that Charlie Sheen movie, they fucking bend at the knees the wrong way. It always freaked me out. It freaked me the fuck out. So I don't know who's worse. We'll have to touch back on

that another point, but that is species from 1995, directed by Roger Donald's, and we have to thank Angelica J. Bastion for coming in. This was so much fun. Thank you, guys. Plug away, by the way. What do you got going on? What's coming up?

In August, by the way. Oh, in August. Excuse me. I should, yeah, this is airing in August. But, you know, where can people find you on the internet? So you can find me at Vulture. I'm a staff writer there. I occasionally write for other places in print because I'm going to do a little humble

bread. Do it out. Do it up. I wrote the insert for the notorious Blu-ray re-release for criteria so you can read me in there yes I'm going to brag about it because I've loved criterion since high school so this was a big deal for me but yeah you can catch me at vulture that's where I'm a staff writer or on Twitter at Angelica Bastien and that's Angelica Rugrats spelling nice it's Angelica the Rugrats spelling and last name is bad well it's

actually the correct pronunciation which my family loves to run remind me about. It's Bastion, because it's French. But it's B-A-S-T-I-E-N. Yeah, you can find me there on Twitter with my high tweets or tweeting about Keanu Reeves. I am a Keanu Reeves historian, I feel like. Can I ask you, have you

seen Always Be My Maybe yet? It's not a good movie, but I love Keon. I think he's having fun. He's great. He's great. Chris goes to the exact same thing out in the parking lot. You and me, Chris, contrarian movie critics, right here. Mother fuck. God damn right. Oh, dude.

Angelica, I got to let you know. You come at the king, you best not miss. You come at the queen. You best not miss, motherfucker. That is We Hate Movies for this week. Big thanks to WFNT here in Chicago for hosting us. This has been a lot of fun. And again, this is recording in June, but airing in August.

On our Patreon feed, National Treasure Book of Secrets. It is kind of a book of sequels. It is the sequel. sequel to the first national treasure, which... It's a book that has the sequels of every movie. So if you want to check that out, we have a lot of cool content on the Patreon page. A ton of good stuff. That's right. That's patreon.com slash we hate movies.

So until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Cisker. Chris Cabin. Steven Sadak. Angelica J. Bastion, I won't be here next time. Take it easy. That was a HeadGum podcast.