We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 444 - The Lawnmower Man

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

On this episode, our accidental '90s month comes to a close as we tackle the hysterical VR thriller, The Lawnmower Man! Which cut of the film did we all watch? What's with Jeff Fahey's coke-head laugh? And what bargain bin did Geoffrey Lewis get this Irish accent in? PLUS: How much of this southern judge's time can Stephen King take up? The Lawnmower Man stars Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, Geoffrey Lewis, Jenny Wright, Mark Bringelson, Colleen Coffey, Jeremy Slate, and Dean Norris; directed by Brett Leonard. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, could you imagine virtual reality ever look this sexy? It's the lawnmower man. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Job. Eric Lonska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right, it's the lawnmower man from the grand year of 1992, directed by Brett Leonard,

but before we get to that, you may have noticed if you were tooling around on WHMpodcast.com or maybe paying attention to images on your phone when you download this episode, we got a little bit of a new look in the past few weeks. Yeah, we're excited this summer we took some time off and really hunkered down.

All four of us did this, only us for. No, not at all. We all worked very hard, and we also were smart enough to task someone to really do the work, which is Philippe Sobrero, a good friend of the show, who's done tons of our

for us, all the art that you see on that website. Way more talented than we'll ever be. Oh, yeah. Even collectively. Oh, yeah, no. If you combined all our powers like Captain Planet or like fucking Power Rangers or something, still nothing. I want to see the art of that. What is what these four guys look like mashed together?

That's what nightmares are made of. Someone's going to draw it and I don't want to look at it. I'm going to block you if you said it to me. Instant block. But do not block Philippe Sparer on Twitter. But also he is actually doing a book with another friend the show, Nathan Rabin called the Weird Accordion to Al, which is available on pre-order on their Kickstarter. So if you just, you know, Google, you know, I'll just hear the. Yeah. What are you doing?

You about to read along as URL? I'm not going to do that. No. Yeah, just Google Kickstarter, Nathan Rabin, Weird Al, and pre-order that book because pre-orders help them so much to get the number up and all that cool stuff. And it's a really cool book. We're really excited about it. This book, I got to tell you, Nathan Raven, this is a commitment. into excellence, essays on every fucking song in this Weird Al box set. That is the squeeze box set, excuse me.

And you're excited because you're a Weird Al fan, obviously. Why wouldn't you be? And Philippe did all the illustrations in the book. We should mention also. That's what that is. So yeah, Kickstarter.com or Google it. You can find all that stuff. Also go to Nathan Rabin's Happy Place and I'm sure the link to the Kickstarter is there as well.

And also if you go to WHBHBodcast.com, you'll see our brand new look. It's really exciting. We have the episode page totally updated. We have the tour tab totally updated. Why? Because we have a bunch of cool stuff coming up. That's right. Yeah. So we're going to be doing this West Coast tour, of course, in November. 116. We are stopping in San Francisco. That's Cobb's Comedy Club. Talking about the Rock. It's a we love movies episode. Please put your guns down. You love guns.

Wait, what? Bend over and I'll show you. Well, meat sword. And we're going to meet sword you the next night in Portland, Oregon, I guess. Yeah. Well, we're not going to be nude on stage. No, talking about kindergarten cop at the Aladdin Theater in Portland. Oh, yeah. Super awesome venues, super awesome city.

Great movie to talk about, I think. Absolutely. This is going to be a big show. We want you to come out for this one. Seattle, make the drive. Vancouver, make the drive if you can. It's the only piece. EDX show we're doing in 2019.

Portland, Maine, make the drive. Portland to Portland. Just see how that goes. You got 40 hours to kill? Way more than 40, probably. Anywho, and then, what is it, the 10th of November, we are going to be down in Los Angeles, California.

We're back returning to the Hollywood Improv, and we there are talking about what movie Eric says? We are going to sweep the leg, which is the karate kid, and I couldn't be more excited. Which I guess is worse than any crime you could do. Inside or outside any arena.

Sweeping somebody's leg. That's it. I mean, that's as crooked as it gets. That takes you straight to hell. Yeah. In 1984, it was that and then selling nuclear secrets to the Soviets. Yeah. That was the order.

That order. That exact order. So go to our brand new website still at WHMpodcast.com. Click on that tour button. All that info will be there now. Oh, my God. The lawnmower, man. Put some gas in there a little bit and then.

That is how you start some lawn mowers. It might not surprise anyone, but I've... The pod mower. I've never mowed a lawn. Really? Not in my life. I couldn't connect it with this film because of it. What is he doing?

Why is he doing? Actually, that makes sense. When I was a wayward youth, I mowed many lawn. My father actually forbade my brother and I from mowing the lawn because we always did such a terrible job with it. Oh, wow. Secret update, Pop. I was intentionally doing it.

That's with my strategy for everything. You know what? I'll just do it. Like, yeah, you do. Yeah, you do it. Was that a rider or a pusher for you? Oh, he was a pusher. If it was a rider, dude, I'd been out there doing a fantastic job. The rider.

If you are the lawnmower, rider. You should ride on mower. There's my mustache breeze. Nick Cage's head turns into like a John Deere cap. Oh, God, that's horrifying. This movie is a weird combination of two. Stephen King properties. Is it? Yes. So I was reading about

this. This was on Tribune Trivia, of course. So there's the lawnmower man, which is one story. And then some other motherfucking thing called like computer god or something? Cyber god. That's not a Stephen King property. That's a screenplay. Well, so what it is then,

all right, so it's not a combo then. But what it is is cyber god, which is nothing to do with the lawnmower man, came together to make a thing that Stephen King hated. Well, because it's not his story. One more man's story. Do you know what the lawnmore man's story? Is it just about a mentally challenged guy going lawns? No, no, no.

No, you fucking wish, dude. Oh, no, what are we talking? Is it another kid orgy like it? No, it is about a guy that comes to your house and you're like, hey, could you mow my lawn? And it's like, yeah, sure. But he doesn't make you, you're not allowed to watch him when he does it. Right. But you, when this guy...

By the way, like most lawnmower men. And the, the hero or the protagonist of the story is the abusive father from this movie? Yes. No. Harold Peckett or whatever his name is. Austin O'Brien's father is the hero of this story. Well, because to make him relatable to the reader, he has to start beatings. Wait, what were you saying? So when he goes, when you look at this guy who's mowing your lawn, it's magic. The lawnmower is doing the work itself. It's cutting all the grass. But this guy who's described to be a heavy gentleman

with a hairy back is naked in your yard, eating the grass. No! Because he worships the God Pan. And if you see him do it, he will sacrifice you to the God. And that's the story. He just kills this dude for looking at him.

You know what? Better movie. Yes. It's like a suburban midsumar. A little bit. And they basically, Stephen King sold the story to New Line. He's like, yeah, sure. If you want it, you got it, pal.

And then they didn't make the movie, but they just were like, that's a better title for our cyber war. It's a good title. It's a good title. It's a better title than Cyber God, which side note is what I was known as in the 90s. No, it was not.

A little bit. Was that your username? A little mail bombing. Oh, Jesus. Oh, I thought you were like the Cyber God because you could get people off the quickest when cybering. Yeah, well, that too.

All he would do is write two words which were inside you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like right after AI, S.L, you're shooting. But you can't look at you while you're doing it. That's the whole point of cyber. Don't look at me.

ASL, 19M inside you, and then you'd orgasm. The L, that was crazy. Now we have cameras, the webcams and whatnot ruins the mystique. Yeah, totally. You know, 19 slash M sounded way better than it looked, I'll tell you that much. Text-based masturbation is really underrated, I think. Thank you. This is a legit question.

had the other day because I was watching something. Was it a lawnmower man? Maybe. Is he? Yeah. Actually, it might have been because he's watching like that sex line. Oh yes. Yeah, totally. Okay. Are we still calling those? And if so, what kind of person is calling sex lines in 2019? Very, very old people. Yes. People who don't know the internet. They're just like, oh, I saw

that at 2 a.m. I'll gum it and then you gum it. Oh, good God. Let's rub gums together. That's horrifying. And it reminds me to something, and I promise we'll talk about this movie in a second. I saw a headline the other day. Local news station in Connecticut had this story.

They arrested a group of people in the woods in Connecticut, all 60 or older, including the, oh, it was a bunch of dudes and then one 86-year-old woman. Oh, I know this. It's called the gumball. Good God. It was a thing where, like, they, like, the cops or whatever, like, authorities discovered online this thing that, like, people were advertising meeting up for sex at this place in the woods. And when they went for the bust, it was all these old dudes and then this even older lady. Kind of suburban mid-sumar.

I think it's a thing where they cocked up like an old witch's fucking sacrifice or something. It was the craziest story. Now, anyway, the lawnmower made. Did you bring the eye of nute? Oh, fuck. I forgot it at home. Does anybody have matches at least? Oh, now we're busted. Oh, it's the po-po. Put it down. Put it down. Put that eye of newt down.

I don't have a cold and I have a really big pot, though. So, but the best part about the whole story about Stephen King, da-da-da-da-da-da, is he sued them because they would not stop putting his name on this. Because this was released as Stephen King's lawnmower, man. That's a problem. That's what happened when it came out theatrically? Yeah, it was Stephen King's lawnmower man. Even the video was Stephen Kings, the VHS, and apparently

they sued over that. They broke a court order. They went to court, and like, he was like, he won, they took it off the movie, and then they're like, yeah, but the VHS, Stephen King's lawnmour made. It's a god damn it. The joke, the ghost of Jack Warner was like, yeah, but he didn't say nothing about the tapes.

Now, Mr. King, let the record show that you write a spooky and scary stories. Now, are you trying to say that this story is neither spooky or scary even though it's about virtual reality that could be scary Mr. King.

Can it or can it not be? Look, there's no fat man eating grass in it. It's not my art. That's my art you're talking about. I love that idea though that he's like, that's one of my trash can stories. Go ahead, Warner, brother. Did you hear the final thing?

He went to court again after that and they had to pay $10,000 a day until the Stephen King videotapes were off the shelves. That's awesome. Now, Mr. King, you have wasted enough of the court's time with your story

about a fat man that eats leaves. Thank you and good day, sir. He should have also been sued for not calling that story goat man. So the real movie Lonsmowers man. That's the movie we're talking about. Jeff

Fahey and a in-exile Pierce Brosnan This happened Well this happens sometimes And it happened to Most famous Look if you're really close To getting the role

For James Bond And then you don't get it Your career goes like Monkey Paw horrible Right Right Right right right Look at Clive Owen

Look at that guy It's like being next To somebody travels in time It'll bring your face off Because Pierce Broston Was gonna be Instead of Dalton Yes

But he was He couldn't get out Of Remington Steel Yes And this is like This is like the nay dear of his career. But he would be the man that becomes Bond.

As we saw on our premium episode this month, Golden Eye, on the Patreon feed. I don't know. Exile's looking good on it. I don't know. I want it to lick that earring off. What? Dude. It is such a spectacular

fucking 90s earring. I'm against this earring. It is such a scumbag earring. But that's the thing is like, back in the 90s, when we made these movies, like, tech entrepreneurs. We're always sex scumbags. Yep. Not like the gods we make them out to be today.

Well, it wasn't like, you know, your fucking average to sub-looking nerds like Bill Gates. Right. Or Tim Apple. Tim Apple. Yeah, no, that's what it is. He's like a genius and it's like, this is the package deal. It's kind of a mullet.

It's an earring. It's my fucking shirt is either open or off through most of this movie. I say I love the fashion in this movie. movie, the 90s were great because it's just enormous polo shirts and adults wearing Ashkash Bagash. It's fair. I think Jeff Fahey

is dressed in Ashkajvagash because he's supposed to be challenged. That's a look like a little kid. But still it's a sharp look. And then on top of all that, the earring, the wardrobe, he is soaking wet this whole movie. He's wet a lot of this movie. Chain smoking?

He is smoking in bed. Right. That is something That's the A number one asking for it. You are asking to die. And, like, his wife has to wake up and be like, dude. And he's like, whatever, I'm Pierce Brosden, figure it out. What, I stopped doing it on the plane. So this movie opens up bafflingly.

Like, there's just, it's this chimpanzee being tortured. Sure. We also get really quickly this, like, it's not a scroll. It's just a little text at the tone. A warning about the dangers of VR. Do you have it, Eric? Well, you go if you got it. But I also, I took a picture of the screen.

Yeah, you guys screenshot this VR warning. Who's got it? All right. By the turn of the Millennium, a technology known as virtual reality, all caps, will be in widespread use. And by that, they mean in seven malls.

It will allow you to enter the computer-generated artificial worlds as unlimited as imagination itself. It's creators for see millions of possible positive uses, while others fear a new form of

mind control. Oh, yeah. Well, hold on. This does not seem like there's going to be a pick man. Hold on. I'm just imagining Stephen King. He's got his popcorn. He's like, wait a second. Virtual what? Hey, wait a second. They're not talking about

grass. Jeff Fahey doesn't have any hair underneath his head. Jesus. I need more hair on that man. control, dude. This is Matrix shit, dude. This is William Gibson stuff. Oh, yeah, dude. The godfather cyberpunk himself.

So, yeah, we go to this laboratory, which I believe, am I wrong here? This building was also used as the exterior for the Power Rangers hangout. Oh, maybe. I'm pretty sure that when they had to go to meet Zordon, back at Zordon's pad,

that was that building. It looks like complete shit. So I imagine that's probably true. Rangers, I bought this cheaply off of the CIA Rangers. Or maybe it's co-current usage. Like, Pierce Ross is like riding the elevator with the Green Ranger. Hello, Tommy. What's your day looking

like? Yeah, I know his name. Oh, that Rita repulsar at it again. You know, I was in the restroom and Alpha 5 looked at my penis. That sounds like something that's Gumbag Dean Norris would do to split the rent. Dean Norris is kind of looking like Zordaugh in this movie. I'll tell you what. We'll get to that in a second.

He's basically only projected on screens. Which is very dumb. So yeah, like Steve said, there's this chimp. He's playing VR games, killing aliens and whatnot. And apparently it's a government contract to like enhance the brain of the chimp and also make them better at military functions. I guess it's like we're doing chip soldiers. I guess.

That's the idea. Jesus, chimp soldiers, dude, they can shoot and bite. Well, the big thing is, so they put the chimp into this virtual reality machine. Yes. And the thing says essentially, like, toxic detonation is what, like, he's supposed to be living through. It's a chimp. The chimp is going to die in the fucking toxic. Like, if a nuclear bomb goes off, the chimp's are dying too.

But that's the, we don't care because they're chimps. I think that's part of the idea. But they can't fight. The whole point is that they're supposed to be fighting. But their mind power is so great that they can keep running and shooting their guns while their hair falls at, their teeth coming out. You just got a bunch of chimp skeletons running at these machines. Oh, shit, dude. I like it.

Chimp in the Argonauts? They should just do another Terminator movie where Skull Beach is full of chimps versus robots and then be like, yeah, the timeline got really fucked up. Now it's all chimps. Rangers, I'm moving to a different location. It smells like monkey shit over here all of the time. Aye, aye, aye, aye, there's feces in my eyes. Alpha five, it'll be fine. We're moving to the valley.

I've got a nice studio apartment rangers. Not everyone will be able to sit down. As these credits go by through this sequence, by the way, I was pretty shocked. And it's just because, like, I get it. It's 1992. He wasn't James Bond yet. He was only Remington's deal.

But I don't know what the fuck Jeff Fahey's history was. They are neck and neck credited on the... Their names are on the screen together. Because it's a thing. I mean, like, this is Fahey's alley, you know why? Because this movie is erotically charged.

If you've got an erotically charged movie that was released from 1990 to 1996, Fahey gets the hammer. I'm not even sure if it has to be erotic before he's cast. Yes, exactly. Like, in that body parts movie we did ages ago. Yeah.

Like, that's not really a hot movie. No. But then he starts fingering his wife on screen. And then all of a sudden, you're like, oh, this is an erotic thriller. Because you can't have, it's always, It's an erotic something when Jeff Fahey shows up. Right.

Like when he's playing with those dogs in Alita. Oh, man. It becomes an erotic cyberpunk thriller out of nowhere. It absolutely did. I wanted more from Jeff Fahey in that movie, though, man. Not enough. Still haven't finished it. I'm still a mad.

Right, because your mall burnt down during it or something. One of the two times that I was trying to watch a movie and I was evacuated due to fire or hurricane. And it happened right when Jeff Fahey and his cyber dogs were introduced. And I'm like, fuck. the funny thing is you've seen most of him in this movie okay that's the thing

yeah yeah I have a group chat with the cyber dogs and it gets steamy I'm gonna tell you it gets hot in there so the monkey dies right well actually this one the monkey murders oh that's right yeah because and uh what you call

Pierce Brosons is having a nightmare about it like he's we're seeing it through his nightmares so the monkey steals a key card excellent oh yeah and then he just breaks out he does murder this dude. Now here's the thing. It's a fucking great actually. It just blows this dude's brains out. Right. They show it doom.

Yeah, well they show it from the chimps like POV in like his VR headset. So you see the guy you don't see blood fly out of his head. You just see like he's definitely been shot in the head. Right. Because the silhouette of his head now has another silhouette flying out of it. I will say that's the problem with this movie. Zero gore for some reason. In a movie that's got like theoretical blood and guts everywhere.

we always cut away we don't and I think it's because of cheapness like the squibs didn't show up or something Or is it scarier to have your like your your atoms move around or whatever the no it's not no it's not no it's not no it's not well you got to take take a little journey back to 1992 oh you think blood is scary how about if you turned into marbles you know what that does sound scarier now I have to point out I'm pretty sure I watched the director's cut of this movie. How long was it? I don't remember. Okay. That's the problem I'm running into. Mr. King, how long was the cut

that you watched exactly? I don't know. I was so furious at the time. Well, how could you know if your story was properly integrated and if it was or was not scary, Mr. King? And in your story, how long do they cut these blades of grass? Look, it's about a fat man who eats grass. It should be an hour long. long tops.

How many bags of grass would you say he ingested per day? I plead the fit. Yeah, and so this is while the monkeys like doing all that, this is like what's cross-cutting

with like Pierce Brosnan smoking in bed. He's like watching that this is a weird thing that goes on throughout this movie. Anytime there's a television on except for one moment where the abusive dad who lives next door turns on

WrestleMania. Every other time you see a television in this movie, it's playing like endless war footage. Oh, okay. Like that's like Pierce Broson has the TV on at one point. It's endless war footage. It's on later.

The question will not stand. Yeah. I mean, that's, it's what it looks like. It's setting it, really. I mean, this is set in the same year as the Big Lobowski. Right, right.

So, yeah, like that all happens. Then we're introduced to Jeff Fahey. He is a simple man who's living in a shed behind a church. Yeah. And he's the. In this case, the titular lawnmower may. Right. Did you guys remember? Now, Ben Stiller played Simple Jack.

What was that in Tropic Thunder maybe? I was like, that is 100% Fahey. More than like Forrest Gump or whatever. Yeah, no, because it's the same outfit. Also, looking, A, he's looking a lot like Drop Dead Fred right now. Yes, he is that hair. And B, he's looking like Harry from Dumb and Dumber, fucking Jeff, uh, Jeff Daniels. Wow, you're right.

This is the first of all of those films. Yeah, because Dumb and Dumber was like 94. It's derivative. You needed lawnmower man to be there. I mean, I'd be fine if Tropic Thunder just didn't exist altogether. I would be too. Be okay. Except that Tom Cruise character.

That was funny. I think it's mostly funny. I like that movie. Yeah, you're right. I never went back. Blackface and the mentally challenge. Yeah, it's a real fucking laugh. It's a hoot.

I will say stop everything. Drop dead Fred came out in 1991. It's fine. It's all fine, guys. Shit. Shit. That's where I think they got it. Was that Stephen King?

drop there. Well, no, that's a story about, oh, gosh, darn it. Now, Mr. King, you cannot come into this courtroom every time a movie is released, can you? All right, so here's, we're at a scene that I have to ask you guys if you saw, because I've never seen this movie before. So the only time I watched it was this time. A ditto as well, but I definitely watched the theatrical cut that much I'm sure. Did you guys have a scene in what you, Chris and Eric, have seen before? Steve watched for the first time. A whole huge standoff scene with the monkey? No. No. So I did watch the director's cut and holy fucking shit. I read the list of differences between the original and the directors and it just seems to be monkey based. Like the monkey keeps coming back, it seems. Well, so the monkey, so this is the thing. Our monkey was barely in it.

Exactly. It was like a cameo appearance. It was a use. like Drew Barrymore and screen, basically. Yes, you're right. It was exactly like it. The monkey was just as famous. There's no monkey in my story. Why would you do this? Do my beautiful story. So this is insane because this is how the director's cut also introduces you to Jeff Fahey. Uh-huh. So Fahey like wakes up one morning and like goes outside and the monkey has survived the escape. What? And he's run, this is, it's insane that this much is left out of this movie. So he goes, he winds up at Jeff Fahey's shed and he's still got all the

VR stuff on and he's holding a firearm. The monkey? The monkey still has the firearm. And so Jeff Fahey sees the monkey and it resembles a comic book character that he's familiar with. Gorilla Grop. You want the monkey to fuck Fahey? He's calling an erotic guy. He might do it. There's some Elron Hubbard shit going around here though, because I'm pretty sure he's calling him Cyclom Man. Okay. Is the name of this superhero that he reads in the comic books. So Jeff Fahey goes outside and he's like, oh, hey, cycloman, what's going on?

Oh, and like the monkey's been shot, right? So he's like, oh. You need a fucking doctor! Sing the fucking words. Monkey won't die. It would be great if, you know, in all those movies in like, you always take a guy in the mafia to like a vet to clean him up. But you actually take the monkey to a real doctor? That's the way it has to go the other way?

That Jeff Bejia is like, give me your shirt. I don't care if it was your daughter, gave your shirt. Give me your shirt. The monkey's like, I need your clothes, your boots, and your photos. The monkey takes the cigar out of the dude's mouth and burns his own chest with it. It's such a better movie. Monkey Terminator. We've only had human terminator.

The monkey terminator pulls up his monkey paw, cuts it off and shows monkey bones on it. Exactly. It's like the T-25. You know what I mean? Like the T-1000. But it's a T-20. It's a monkey. It's a monkey termination.

It's just a monkey we sent back in time. Yeah, I'm very excited to promote the Terminator 25. In this one, yeah, I am sided with a monkey cyborg. We are not going to get along. Let me tell you. A Terminator 6, a chimps day. It will be you who slip on banana. Oh, no, the monkey terminator goes back to primor, you know, to like caveman times and educates them all.

No, it wants to kill the line that the monkey that cires John look way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way in the back. We're still trying to kill John Connor eventually. Right. So when he was a, when his family were monkeys. Right. That's when you get them. That's what you get them. I try to find the bacteria he's based from.

Why didn't they do more of that in those movies? They keep going back to the 20th century. Like, give me Terminator in the fucking French Revolution or whatever. Oh, my God. Totally, dude. Viva Terminator. They try to fucking a guillotine. The guillotine breaks. And Arnold just gets up.

It just hits his neck and it's like, clink. Nice try. Oh, no. So the monkey, right? So he's like, oh, you're injured cyclone. Man, we got to get you some help. And this is why you probably thought I was fucking crazy because I was telling you how, like, I cannot watch monkey stuff, right?

Yeah, I just, it's, it gets me, right? In general or just like, like if a monkey's in peril or like, so you don't go, you don't have like a panic attack when you watch Dunstan checks into it. No, if the monkey, you know, or like the ape or whatever it is. It's tortured or something. You go bananas. I do. I don't watch the movie Project X with Matthew Broderick. Too late.

I think that's probably where this comes from. That movie is about monkey torture. Project X. I didn't see it. It's how it was actually released in Japan. It was monkey torture. It was the name of the movie. Matthew Broderick in Monkey Torture. It's just him on the poster like, well, it's him and Helen Hunt, and they're doing monkey science experiments.

And these monkeys are getting tortured. They're getting tortured, man. I don't watch it tonight. It's also tough for me and dogs, but like monkeys, I don't know what. I don't know what. But you're probably right. It probably was Project X. But anyway, so just as Jeff Fahey, he is trying to like,

register all of this and stuff. The team from the lab descends on the fucking shack and the monkey starts freaking out. So Pierce Brosnan rolls up and then all the other dudes are there and they all have like these fucking guns trained on the shack

and he's like, all right, I'm coming out with Cyclone, man, don't worry about it. And then he comes at Jeff Faye, he's holding this monkey and then like the monkey sees all the rifles and shit and freaks out and he like jumps up on the roof of the shed and he gets to a tree and this one dude freaks out and just starts firing at this monkey

and dude you see this monkey puppet get lit up what he shoots this monkey in the back and it's like and this monkey's back is exploding monkey platoon like James Conn and the godfather he paused to his knees like ah he puts his hands up like Wilm to phone and so he just like And it's dead. And so this is this whole standoff. And then Pierce, like Pierce Brosons trying to like settle the whole thing

before the dude fires and everything. So he's fucking pissed off. He's then cradling this dead monkey. And this is where I will admit to you in the world right now in fucking lawnmower man director's cut,

I started crying. I forgot. I was so ashamed of myself, but what are you going to do? There's a fucking monkey corpse. You see this thing get lit up. It's time for monkey pizza. I need the nuances here.

Did you also cry in Hollow Man? No, because that was all like CGI, so it looked fake as fuck from the jump. You're using a real monkey actor. That was an ape, and this was a chimp. Well, that's like, I don't know if there's much change. Gorillas and shit, that'll also do it. Oh, really? Yeah, like, what was that movie?

Mighty Joe Young? Yeah, I got a little sad in that one. There's another one with a kid. Oh, I think I know you're talking about here and there. No, no, no, I know what it is. It's King Kong. I mean, that is kind of sad. But anyway, yeah.

In the original, in the theatrical cut, it's like you just cut and like Pierce Brosnan, like the monkey is assumed dead in the theatrical cut. I just assumed the monkey got killed. And like, Pierce Bros. Like, that was the best chip we ever had. Yeah. This is my favorite lot of movie.

And how do you? And I've had them all over the world. And the business guy he's with Tim's. Oh, God. Like, how do you hear that and not burst out loud? the best chip you know we buy these things for $20 a pop i don't understand so dean norris it's vs i virtual science institute virtual space institute space institute yes uh which is an l-l for me uh is the thing and it's fronted by the shop which is obviously like the CIA or

whatever sure and like i just like there's this we were talking about uh dean norris is in this movie doing a terrible job this accent nudie whatever. He's like a bureaucrat, some like head up in like between the government and this company or whatever. You know what it reminded me of and I promise someday I will stop

referencing this show. But remember in Clone High when the principal had like the dude he was always reporting to and he was mostly on a screen it's kind of that and he's speaking very flatly just like that cartoon character did. Maybe again

the influence of the lawnmower man. Just runs deep. I think it's true. I think everything would be different today if this movie didn't come out. I would definitely take that from the lawnmower man, not the lawnmowering man. Or the VR nonsense. So I'm like, whatever.

But yeah, it's this thread that goes throughout where, and he kind of quits where basically. Or he's like, I'm going to go on hiatus. You just killed my chimp, my beloved chimp. Pierce Prousin is doing, several times throughout this movie, he records himself like in like an audio diary. And I don't know if this is a director's cut,

fallout scene or what but he's talking about like what went down and he's like well this is the lowest point in my life and his shirt is wide open he's chain smoking in his basement talk about talk about him more just to keep doing it well this is so like because in the theatrical cut you don't even meet fey until about 15 minutes in uh or later because the the chip murder scene is kind of amazing they got some 10 year old to put a bike helmet on and they like put the fucking camera right behind him and then like all of a sudden some guy shoots and it just falls out of frame.

Oh, that's what happens. That's the whole thing. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, I think what I saw was like a shot goes off and see the chimp like, wheyer or something and it's like shadow play. And he's like supposed to go, like he's on hiatus from work, which I would love to be on hiatus. Just put me on hiatus.

He's on hiatus from work. He's in a look, but he's doing VR at home on the weekend. And his wife is like, we're supposed to go in the city today. Just a minute, I'm in my little chair here. Dude, it is a sex swing. It is. It's a sex swing. Well, he's doing, like, the different experiments in VR.

He's like, I want to feel like I'm fucking falling, man. Woo! All right. All right. All right. There's like the two things you can do with this thing. And then he's so pissed off when she turns it off. And she's like, we're supposed to go to the city.

What's going on? You're addicted to VR. And he's like, well, it's my career. What's next fucking it? Yes, that's right. And of course. Of course. Yes.

Yes, exactly. That's what everything is for. That's end game. That's always been end game. He's like, you know, if you didn't come down here and bother me, I'd be jerking off right now. Don't you all remember that virtual reality went away pretty quickly and what brought it back was porn? Yep. Virtual reality porn was the reason that Oculus is popular.

Is that what you're doing? That's what a lot of people are doing. That's what I heard a lot of people are doing. I can't afford no fucking Oculus. Now, Mr. Cabin, it says here on page 9 to 1 that you know when virtual reality came back. But why do you know that information, Mr. Cabin? Because I watch porn, sir. By the way, though, Cabin, Google Cardboard's like $40.

Oh, really? It's super cheap, dude. You don't need knock you. They are stupid. They are stupid, yeah. But you can get a monkey to fuck you. And the car, I bet you the cardboard once gets soggy. The line that, oh, God.

The line that Pierce brought. has that the wife, by the way, is never unplug a program when I'm engaged. Oh, yeah. And then she's like, yeah, I'm leaving you. Yeah, sorry, but... And leaving the movie. Oh, very... Oh, quickly.

No, she's gone for good. Or at least in this, in the theatrical cut. No way. The wife is gone. This is their last seat. She's just like, I'm leaving. Goodbye now. Oh, you guys. What? Oh, you guys.

Did she kill the monkey fucker? She's dating the monkey in a separate scene I mean stay tuned because I have it in my notes When the wife comes back Because there is I think it's like 35 minute difference Between the theatrical director's gut You have to fill up a lot of time

Jesus Christ though I didn't even I guess I was having a good time With this movie I did not notice it was that long This movie is also terrible to women Because the wife is like the nagging wife And then the there's a The neighbor lady Horny neighbor

Oh yeah That's all there is really Yeah, oh, then there's the next door. Yeah, the abused mother is like a nothing character. She has two lines. She might also be horny, though. You never know. She is at the end.

Oh, that's right. Oh, super horny. So she leaves him and he's like, well, now I have all my time to do all my experiments. I want to use a human subject. Hello, lawnmower, man. This is when we're introduced to Fahey in the movie, in the theatrical cut. And you introduced it with him and Jeffrey Lewis. Yes.

Who! Who! Who! Who! Who! Who! Who's doing the previous episode, a double impact. Right. And the previous episode, Every Which Way, But Loose. We do. Yes. Another monkey movie. And he's probably been in the background of a hundred other ones that done. The guy's been, was around for a long time. You're right, though, Eric. This dude is in at least two, no, three, because he's in both of those. Right. Yeah. He's only three monkey movies. He's got monkey experience. He's not going to freak out on set. Oh, he's a seasoned pro. By the way, does anybody know what director, Brett Leonard,

what other movie he's done that we've done before? Fucking virtuosity. Indeed. Oh, wow. That dude loves VR. Cyber thrillers. That is awesome. I miss these, honestly.

I miss these junkie thrillers that are like, the computer's out to get us. So wait a second, though. This is going to happen a lot through this episode now, apparently. So do you guys, what you watch, do you have the priest character? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, he had 30s, too.

And it's established that he and Jeffrey Lewis are brothers. Yes. No. No, it is. It is. Okay. Yeah. You were drinking. Oh, that's right. Because the priest back at that shack, he's like, he's like, uh, you know, you brought these people to our sacred grounds. You know you sin or whatever. And he's whipping him. Yeah. Okay. You guys had the whipping. Okay. But in this, in the theatrical version, the reason is much stupider. It's because there's ants in the fucking. Oh, right. That's also there. And he's like, I thought I told that simpleton to blah, blah, blah. but then the standoff happens.

Yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah, so that's funny that that's how they used that justification. That's weird. Hold on. The theatrical cut is nine minutes long. And then you wake up in your bathtub. Am I wrong? Did I watch the wrong movie here? I'm feeling sick. So Fahey is with Jeffrey Lewis.

They're at a gas station. Yes. Then you get this character, Jake. I love this guy. This fucking scumbag. Just a lifelong bully that wouldn't hang it up, which I do appreciate to a certain extent. You know what, man? Really?

You peaked in high school, you ride it out? No, I mean, at least he's comfortable with it. Although, yeah, you are picking on like mentally challenged people here. This is like a real problem. Jake, that's dangerous. That's dangerous. You'd be smoking. And he's like, yeah, I'm smoking.

Fuck you. And then he spits the cigarette at your fake use at the gas pump. That's right. Yeah, it is dangerous. It's not just like lung cancer. So we're talking about a fucking gas station here, Jake. I've been Jeffrey Lewis is like, oh, sorry about that, Jake. You know, he's a little simple because he thinks that that might do something.

Yeah, whatever. I want us all to fucking die. Also, it's Jake's gas station. He works there. Yeah. What are you trying to do? Just to add to the sexism, the name of the fucking gas station is gasser up. Oh, really?

Okay. Is that sexist? I think a little bit that all the cars are women. Yes, that's all vehicles are women, right? Things yet, something you own. And this is the male gaze being gazed upon inanimate objects, right? Because ships are women, right? Cars are women?

That's what we learned from gun in 60 seconds anyway. Full metal jacket, fucking guns are women? Most space ships? What isn't women? The Melanium, your precious millennium falcon also come on, baby, hold together. Right? That's a lady. And I'm sure, I believe Shatner at least, is talking about the,

interprasic, oh, she, ooh, oh, can't take it. Well, those are just space boats. Yeah, exactly. Boats in space. So he, we go on the day to day of Jeff Fahey. We see him get beat by the priest. We see him hang out with this little kid named Peter, who's Austin, what's his face from.

O'Brien from Last Action Hero and My Girl 2. Absolutely. The McCauley replacement. Yes. also pre-Drassic Park a dinosaur hysteria pre-hysteria which is I don't know if you've ever seen this movie

it's about a bunch of dinosaurs that are put into an institution because they're too horny I mean I've seen the poster before but I had no idea that that's what that was about I was making it because it's hysteria oh man it's a pre-hysteria it's a stupid title

oh now I get it hey also though aren't they like tiny dinosaurs in that movie because he's like hanging out with him weird. I think they're like claymation. They're play site. Oh,

they're claymation too. I hate it. Of it all. By the way, was Austin O'Brien? Yeah. He's the only returning cast member for Lawnmore Man 2.

No way. That's how they link it. Not Fahey. Not Fahey. Matt Brewer. Matt Brewer. Matt Fruer. Sorry.

He takes over for Fahey. I thought it was going to be corrected to Jim Brewer. And Matt Fruwer actually has the cyber god outfit he has at the end when he's inside the machine. Oh.

really he's got that whole suit fuck I'm gonna have to watch this movie aren't I apparently Job Fahey's character survives the explosion at the end of this movie and they put him into like a Darth Vader outfit like he's missing limbs and shit but he's still

like super powerful mentally I didn't see it I just read about it but it sounds great we'll get to it at the end of the movie like he puts his consciousness into machines that makes sense for the sequel like right there you go yeah you don't need to bring a back Caporeal. Yeah, exactly. And especially we're going to recast him. Anyways.

So this is when Pierce Proz's like, you know what? I'm going to use this guy who mows my lawn. Right. Because, you know, he's simple and blah, blah, blah. And now we're doing some flowers for Algernon stuff. That's pretty much what this is. Yes. It's like a flowers for Algernon, but the stakes

are way higher. Where am I going to get a monkey? Hey. I'll just use this guy. That's kind of like one. It's pretty terrible. But that's where we are. It is pretty bad though Because that's his motivation That's Bruce Brousin's looking at him outside

Like oh that'll do But then he's trying to be nice He's like hey Would you like to become smarter And he's like well There's a scene where they both do The Peter and him do the VR game And Job is very bad at it

And Peter's very good And he's like I'll get you next time Peter And like well that's bad about his abilities Well that's how he initially like tricks him into coming into the basement because he's like Jeff Fahey's sitting on the lawn

and he's like oh hey there Jeff Fahey Job you know do you like playing games and he's like yeah I love games and he's like oh well you know

I got some pretty cool games in my basement and I'm like cling cling cling cling I also have some candy well yeah that's what it starts coming off as and then he's like

oh bring your 12 year old friend too well that's what he says he's like oh yeah Peter's told me about your games and he's like oh do you want to come play games with Peter and I'm like what the fuck is going on I mean I know

this kid's being abused at home but like someone's got to keep tabs on somebody by the way my the reveal of him being abused is the best it's when back when Pierce Broson was smoking that cigarette he just looks at the window just watching this kid get beaten by his father and like the dude like shoves the wife

and whatever and I'm like you're looking at a Pierce Broson and there's like no reaction yeah yeah he starts smoking cigarette starts eating popcorn It looks like So he's got them like laying Like on their bellies

On these tables playing And like the tables are like moving And whatever And they have their face And the little thing It looks like the Nintendo VR Remember those things The little red masks or whatever

It's old school VR And also the effects we should say Are horrific Yeah but it's like 1992 Horrific Was it bad for then though That's the question I don't think it was

I think it was okay for them But no one was watching it like oh my god i remember back when this movie came out people did were like that's kind of a scary movie of what it was sort of scary of like what the future could be like you get all these mentally challenged people into the fucking VR the world's gonna end right i mean there's a difference because the exterior stuff like the men turning into marbles yeah that looks like stupid that looks really bad but the virtual reality stuff that's what virtual reality looked like well yeah that's true for what i remember so i'm like play

in the mall, it looked like that. Alien Hunter? Did anyone play Alien Hunter? Well, we went to the same mall probably. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't think so. But back in the 90... Oh, the rich boys over here, when... You were one of the seven malls. I was eating grass myself. Naked. But VR, man, like watching this shit and then like a disclosure previous episode, like, I thought by now I would have fucking like walked into a virtual library. With the way we were talking in the 90s, absolutely. I also thought I'd have a gun holster by now because everyone had them in the movies.

Yeah, so great detail here, by the way. So they have the first thing. Yeah, like Steve said, Fahey does bad at it. The little kid beats me or whatever. Pierce Brasen's like, all right, cool. Like, come back for another session. We'll play a different game. Cut to Pierce Brasen opening the refrigerator.

Beautiful early 90s, Coors extra gold bottle right there. Just laughing at me. And he goes up to Fahey. And someone, I know, like, it's unclear. Like, I guess both Jeffrey Lewis and this priest have been, like, sort of raising this Fahey to grow up to be this groundskeeper or whatever. But, like, they need to tell him any time an adult, any time an adult comes to you and ask you to keep a secret, you yell and run out of the room. Because he's just like, well, hey, Job, you can't you keep a secret just between you and I, can't you?

And it's like, I need to no, no, no, no. And there's like, hands up, start screaming and leave the room. I do that any time I don't tell me a secret I don't want to know But so he's like I could make you smarter Would you like to be smarter Job?

Right So on top of playing These like different kinds of simulations He also starts like injecting him With some sort of super juice Whatever this shit is But it's specifically a different super juice Than the chimp was getting

Because the chimp had super juice That made him more aggressive Oh right Right As well as more intelligent Right This is just more intelligent Yeah, it's plan five, I think, is the military thing.

And then like, but they are giving him like new tropics and shit. What the fuck? It's a, the minute like a needle comes out really put up your hands to scream. Anytime someone asks you to have a secret that involves you getting injected with something. We're going to go downstairs and play and I'm going to inject you with stuff. We are beyond playing Nintendo at this point, ladies and gentlemen. It's not stranger danger. It's just straight up danger.

so we have like a montage more or less of like he keeps going over he's doing these simulations he's getting the drugs he is getting smarter we start seeing him uh he's like reading a book at one point um the priest the priest chastises him for reading a book and i was like way to go catholic church right on schedule uh all this oh but then he starts changing the way he dresses but he's also slowly turning into a snack well that that's what that's what i'm getting to he starts changing his clothes and he starts wearing he goes from the ash kash bagash overalls to wear he in these fucking fine-ass jeans and we cut back to this gas station and this lady pulls up and she's like she's like oh Jake check my fluids and he's like you got it and then she looks in her side mirror

and just sees this fucking ass apple of an ass cut back oh it's Fahey ass what and it's like for the rest of the movie he dresses like a suave cowboy yeah it's great into it

you know it works If you're getting smarter, take the dye out of your hair. Because, I mean, it's very clearly a bad die job. Sure. Get a haircut, figure it out. I think the motivation for the hair in this, I don't know if it works, is I think it's supposed to be like bleached from the sun because he's always mowing. Sure. Yeah, I think you're right.

That's the idea. I don't think it works. But he should have put it into a ponytail. Yeah. It's an awkward length. It should be either longer or shorter. It's kind of like this Prince Valiant thing. Yeah.

Yeah, it's very Prince Valiant. It looks terrible throughout the whole film. Now he's like slicking it back a little bit. It's got a quaff. Oh, my going. Yeah. And then the lady, by the way, is Jenny Wright from near dark. Oh, nice.

That's right. Oh, shit. Great actress. He also starts defending himself. Like, he talks back to Jake here. Yes. And there was also like the priest tries to beat him with the belt again. And he grabs it.

He's like, I don't think you should be hitting people. Oh, yeah. Because it'll be the guy's like fucking 26 years old or 30 years old. ejacked. This old man's not going to fucking with me, dude. Now, if you wanted to inject me with stuff and then play games with me, that would be a whole other thing, but we're not doing

this. We should talk a little bit about the Injection. Job, it's time for my shot. Stanley Jobus. That look of recognition it's there. Last thing about that gas station, because speaking of fucking injections, dude, this neighbor

lady says to Jeff Fahey, I'm looking forward to having my lawn mode soon. Yeah, hachi-machi. I would be too. Look at that guy? Look at his chest. It's one thing because, like, you're supposed to like,

oh, this is a new program to make you smarter. And it's like, you know, pattern recognition, like do this, that, and the other thing. But then every time he does it, it's all fucking weird like cabala symbols, flying at him some weird like Alistair Crowley shit. Like, I'm like, what program is that? this exactly. It looks like

the videos they would have put up on the background of a Madonna tour Circa 1999. Yes, yes. Raya Light era. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, exactly. You know, like, it's one thing like, I'm reading all these books all at once, but it's all this like fucking arcane shit.

It's really weird. It's like, I'm getting smarter and learning to worship the devil at the same time. Me and Alistair Crowley, dude. You could do worse. We had this It wasn't all these symbols original. Originally, it was just Nick Nalty telling you the history of the world.

Just into the camera straight there. Now we're getting on to Columbus. All right, you had three ships, the Nita, the Pinta, and the sat of a goddamn layer. Do you want to hear about the three-day war? Pretty much. Yeah, I do. Click to press more. Yeah, I mean, like, but that's, and that's all this shit that's going on.

He starts to learn to drive by himself, which is something. Yes. And at one point, like, he goes for a ride with his kid and he's like, who taught you to drive? And Jeff Faye's like, I did. And then proceeds to drive over the lawn. So he doesn't have a license, probably not. No, definitely not. And then he's also, this is where like the first signs of like his galaxy brain is coming out.

Oh, God. It's because he's just like, why use the car radio when I can bring my boom box into the car? It's like, this guy's smart now. Well, that, and plus, they're both doing cocaine laugh. They are. Yeah, I just, I can't do it again. Classical? I think they are doing cocaine here, too, because they're listening to these songs, multiple genres, like five seconds at a time.

Yeah. It's a classical. Ha ha! All right. Now, R&P, do you like it? I like it. I like it. Do you like it?

Do you like it? Ha ha ha. Dude, and he, yeah, he's doing the classic thing that I cannot stand when you're in someone's car is he's listened to the song for two seconds and changing it. And the way he justifies it is he's like why I only need to listen to a few seconds and then I get the gist of the song because he's like

super smart or whatever. But it gave me a flashback to one time like being in college someone who was on our floor was driving us to a McDonald's and she kept doing that. Oh yeah. And it was the longest ride to a McDonald's ever. I wouldn't be like Wait wait wait. Was she a lawnmour man? Yeah, was she

being injected with it? A lawnmour woman. I'm sorry. No, definitely not. No, but it was just like a... She may have been eating grass. I don't know. Does she report to pan? Also, though, I was just in the back seat and I was super stoned and I was like, I just want French fries. No, I would rather listen.

Stephen King's drive to McDonald's. This is the scariest drive of all time. It's a novelette. Take that, Your Honor. Now, Mr. King, when anyone drives to McDonald's, they owe you a royalty? A royalty with cheese. Is that it in this game? Oh, yeah, go ahead.

There's one line here. So he goes to the diner and this is when he starts to get his psychic powers. But before he does, he's like, the kid, Peter is like, wow, they have really cool comics here. He's like, well, I'm done with comics, Peter, you can take all my own. I'm like, that's a bullshit, man. He's an adult now. He's got an adult brain. No, yeah, exactly.

That's what the movie's saying. Leaving baby shit behind. Wait, wait, what's the issue? I just think as someone who is highly intelligent himself that loves to read comic books. You getting injected with VR games? I was going to say, who did you meet?

Whose basement are you hanging out? Do you have a cycloman one? No, I don't. I wish I did. It doesn't exist. It became all too real for me in this film earlier on. So the other thing, by the way, is he, Pierce Brosnan, starts taking him to the facility. because he's like, I've done all I can

in my creepy basement. Oh, he's also getting like crazy brain headaches now to you mention that? Do you get the headaches, Jason? I, the lawnmower man, get such bad headaches. Yeah, we put him through the assassin program. He didn't hit one shot. He just, he hit the back

wall, not one bullseye. It's a foregone clue. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to go off of the limb. Oh, you missed the baby? The policeman? Yeah, Treadstone is actually for all actors that almost become James Bond. They enter into Treadstone. But he starts getting psychic powers. He starts hearing people's thoughts.

Oh, right. Yeah. And like that's sort of something. It's sort of, it's the first hint of like, what's going on here? But Pierce Brosnan has the ability to block him. That's the weirdest part of this movie. Like every so often he's like, what are you doing, Doc? Why are you blocking your thoughts?

I'm like, what fucking Xavier's school did Brosnan go to? You know what, though? that and again like i i haven't read fucking grass eater so i don't know for sure but like that's a fucking stephen king thing right there you we talked about this recently but like you can't fucking spit without hitting a psychic in stephen king's stories like dream catcher now yeah totally it is it would make sense if you if you were doing these experiments and you saw everything going well that you would start doing it to yourself that's the movie that's cut out is Chris Brasen is doing all this stuff along with it.

That should have been something. Yeah, I would be super. I'm smart, but I could be super smart. Well, I imagine that was the thing that was like he just accidentally kills Jeff Fahey in the middle of the movie. He's like, well, I guess it's up to me now. Then he starts doing it. So like he's a highly intelligent person. He becomes a god way faster.

A cyber god. Oh, right. Excuse me. If Pierce Brasen walked in the room right now can read all of our minds, move stuff, says he's a god. I am signing up for that church Yes Yep Why not

I was kind of okay With Job's church At the end A little bit Sort of He had some good ideas In a world without answers This guy can fucking

Project his head That's that's No no I'm a Brosnian But I mean Job was from humble beginnings He knows He knows what it takes to earn a buck He also already has a biblical name

Yeah Right there Some reason it's got an E at the end of it Yeah That's for, like, dumb people, I guess. Yeah. What does it say, job? Why is your name job?

Grow, it's job. I'm looking at the credits. When he, by the way, when he takes Jeff Fahey to the place and he gets in the fucking gyroscope, whatever. He is definitely, both of them are wearing tronsuits. Yes. These are tronsuits. Out and out tronsuits. I think they stole him from Jeff Bridges' house.

This trope of being in VR and being in a gyroscope, but also spinning all. It makes sense if you're. in a gyroscope, and if you go left, the gyroscope turns you a little bit left. You go right. But you're just spinning the entire time. It's a very early 90s. I watched a movie called like Virtual Combat, which has the exact same thing.

Yes, you definitely did watch virtual combat. I've seen that movie too, and it is a trip. It's a treasure. But I kind of wish we got that shit. I would like to... You would think you would have a gyroscope in your house right now. The problem is it's like people don't have the square footage for that. What are you going to keep it? It's like a Nordic track. Are you fucking kidding?

me just put it in your lawn put a tarp over it it'll be fine no you know it would be like a cool gyroscope it's a fucking coat rack in a month it's like yeah absolutely dude it folds right up and just sits in the corner of your bedroom that's why I need to like wait till there's one that can fold under the bed

that's what that do you see the thing though for that new mirror oh wait no this is like the fitness thing? It's like yeah it's got all these like exercise programs on it but it's like a mirror and I was like wow this is rad like it's a mirror and then when you turn it on, like, you do exercise programs or whatever. So it's like it hangs on a wall, it's out of the way.

It's way too much money. Oh, well, yeah, I'm sure it's thousands and thousands. Yeah, no, but it's, we're kind of there now where it's like you don't have to hide something under the bed anymore. It can hang. It also serves another function. You're basically buying like a $3,000 mirror. That's exactly. But this is when he fucks that lady.

Dude, this is a scene and a half. This is an erotically charged scene because you got Jeff Fahy in a movie and let's do it. But it's not even like we're just going to. have this sex scene is she's like he's mowing the lawn. Yeah, of course. With his shirt off of he knows what's up. Yeah. And she's like, oh hey, you want some lemonade. And he's like, lemonade?

Please. And Jeffrey Lewis is in the corner. Lemonade means sex. Go get fucked. Go get fucked. Go ahead, Joe. Go get fucked. Well, Jeffrey Lewis is all about this dude losing his virginity because he's like, hey, that lady likes to fuck, Joe. Or he's a bad Irish accent, which I won't do

because it's really bad. I don't know why he's He's looking for fucking marshmallows at the end of a rainbow dude. It's ridiculous. And he's like, oh, yeah. And like the other guy, this dude, Jake is listening. He's like, what did you say? She's kind of my girlfriend. And you're calling her a whore.

She doesn't do it for money. She likes it. It's like all this like weird shit. Like Jeffrey Lewis is basically saying like, oh, yeah. Ever since it's either like she was widowed or the dude left or whatever, it's like ever since she's back on the market, she just loves to fuck. Hey, hey, Joe, come over here. Now, this is a tiny camera.

Now, you put one of them up in the corner of the bedroom, and then you put one in a toilet. Hey, Joe, I just also couldn't help but notice you're no longer mentally challenged. I noticed that you used to be. But I now know that, you're... Oh, yeah, I stopped drinking soda. Let's move along.

That's what, like, because Jeffrey Lewis gets in a fight with the priest when he's like, how dare you'll be reading a book? And Jeffrey Lewis is like, hey, this reading is making him smarter. And I'm like, oh, man, come on. You think that's what's going on here? They also suggest that, like, this priest has been abusing him, like, since he was five. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, because that's just been, like, the name of the game.

So they're, they're having, so she brings him in. She's like, have you ever kissed a woman? And I'm already like, this is not all right. And, like, she's like, give me your tongue. And then even worse. He doesn't. Well, yeah, and it's gross. And you have to want it.

Because he just, like, sticks his tongue out like he's at the doctor. Yeah. And she's like, okay, I can work with this. And she's, like, sucking on his tongue. She has to put peanut butter on. Oh, God. Then it's a crazy thing where, like, the camera tilts down and he grabs her ass. Yeah.

And she goes, like, soft. And he goes, yeah. And then she fucking grabs his junk and goes hard. And he goes, yeah. Yeah. And I am screaming at the television. Are you kidding me with this? That's amazing.

It's a movie for adults, guys. Oh, my God. And yeah, I know, he just, he fucks this woman's brains out. And they become like an item sort of, they're watching like pornographic television at some point. I don't know what this is. The sex ads, isn't it? It's sex ads after sex ad after sex ad.

It's like two in a row. Dude, when you were watching the USA Network in 1992 at like 1230 at night, it was back to back. Those were the only people buy an ad time. It was the transition of Fox News from when Ailes was on screen to when he was in the background. And then it was just sex ads for 24 hours a day. Whatever happened to, I bought my steel building and I love it. You know, ever since I got my new catheter, which is still one of the funniest ones I've seen lately.

But he's like, oh, you know, I have an idea. Why don't you come to my buddy's fucking? Yeah, it's coming. You come in the virtual reality. I think, no, he's like, why don't you show up to my buddy's facility and we'll go on a gyro ride together and have like weird, even weirder sex? Oh, this is amazing. This is when he takes her to cyber sex. Yes.

Which is great. And he accidentally, like, destroys her brain. Pretty much. Yeah. I guess also like the. Jack. That's what it turns into. I guess the security is like, hey, Joe, bringing your girlfriend, huh?

That's great point. Thank you. I'm watching the scene. I'm like, well, how the fuck did he get him without Pierce Bros? And I think it's because he's just a regular. Yeah. No, because he's... By now he's got the mental powers.

Yeah. Oh, you think he's Jedi mind-tricken? Yeah, he's just blind. That's a neither cut, by the way. Well, no. But, like, him and Jenny Wright go into this scenario. Sure. And, like, it looks like a Peter Gabriel video.

And then she's, like, dead. But the funny thing is, she's like, oh, my God, you're beautiful. But he's just a big blue goop. Yeah. And she's a big pink. I think he turns into like a monster and starts doing like the burtow. Bow, bow, bow, bow at her. I don't know what any of that is. What, you're not into monster play?

Me and Peter always fuck his monsters. Oh my God. Bow, bow, bow. But that's what they do. Because first they're like, they're having like passionate, weird, slick love together. They turn into a dragonfly. Yeah. It's sort of, oh, we're one.

And then he's like, but also, hey, you ever see the guy in job Palace, a place of piano. Want to have sex with that guy? And he's like, no, no. Max Rebo, by the way. Oh, thank you very much. Oh, well, done. Yeah, and she also gets, like,

stuck in, like, digital goop at one point, which is a word. Yeah, you know, that's a... Because that's weird, and she's, like, screaming from inside this thing, because that's when she starts freaking out when she gets stuck, and she's like, I don't like this.

Yeah, and it's, like, too late. Here comes fucking sweetums from the Muppets or whatever. Wow. Yeah, he's not finished yet. He needs to turn. into a monster. Yeah, and I don't know why, like, she, so she, like, loses her mind. She's crazy.

He kind of, like, puts her on her bed, like, that's how I found her and kind of just leaves. Well, did you, did you look at that shot closely? Because it's a bit more problematic than that. Because she's in her lingerie. She's totally, yeah, she's like, she's got, like, a top on, but then, like, there's a blanket that's over her waist, which usually implies nudity underneath. And I'm like, so you took her. You know, you should have, like, lit a cigarette, put it in her hand, hope for it to catch fire.

Why don't you smoke in bed? Pierce Brasden swears by it. And then later on, they suggest that she, the way they catch her is she's just wandering the neighborhood naked. Laughing. Laughing at everything. I don't know what. I mean, you know what? Sometimes, like, movies have some loose ends and you're like, whatever.

But in this instance, you got to tie that shit up. What are you talking about? Meanwhile, the shop is getting more involved by Dean Norris and this dude, Tims are basically like fighting with each other. He's like, you have to give Job the monkey serum that makes them aggressive. And the funny thing is like, Pierce Bros is doing the things. One thing is green. You watch Tim, Tim's take the green potion away and add the red potion. And fucking Pierce Bros is like, what, you change the formula?

And I'm like, yeah, idiot. Look at the fucking color. And this is like during their, I guess this is like right after like the funding trip. For some reason, we have to see Pierce Brosnan go and talk to Dean Norris. This is an, it takes a long time for this. We, this is sort of where. Long more man goes on vacation for a little bit. Yeah.

And this is just a waste of time. It does give us, it gives us one thing, which I believe this is the emergence of Pierce Brosnan's leather jacket. Yes. Which, which is a welcome addition. It's a heavy leather jacket. It's a big, thick leather jacket, but it's not insulated, which I like. Yeah. And it's not like a greasered leather jacket.

It's almost kind of like a coat, but not really. It's, you can tell, it's a very expensive designer leather jacket. And that color is up at all time. Oh, the color is way up at all time. But this is where you see, like this is 1999. It's an Irish Dennis Leary a little bit, a black Irish Dennis Leary. I love to smoke. Smoking in bed.

You got Mokachino, you got Frapachino, you got Fappuccino, what the fuck? What the fuck? But this is where. where you get a 1990 dude teaser for what he's gonna look like being James Bond because they go to this hotel because they go to somewhere in Virginia

he thinks they're going to D.C. and then Tim's is like, tricked you actually going to this place of Virginia to meet with Dean Norris or whatever. That meeting goes tits up. They're back at the hotel. He realizes some or something like these dudes are coming for him at the hotel because he quits because there's a meeting

with Dean Norris, blah, blah, and Dean Norris is like we will use him for the military. By the way, you've been giving him the red formula, the whole time. He's like, what the red formula? And it's like, obviously it's fucking red, but like, he quits in a huff. He's like, I'm quitting. Right. This is over with, and I'm taking Job with me. And so

Dean Norris has sent these two tufts to like snuff him out or whatever. Yeah, sure. hilarious detail here. Pierce Brasen and Tim's are, they have a joined hotel rooms because the, like, Tim's opens like the connecting door. He's like, you made a jerk of yourself in that meeting. And Pierce

Brasen punches this dude out and makes a run for it. He punches him in the face and the ball. Oh, there's a ball shot? Yeah, he puts them in the balls at some point in this one. Combo. I'm sorry, I was just looking for an extra towel. By the way, just enough quick life lesson. You never quit the FBI.

You quit the FBI. Never quit the CIA or the mafia. If you want to leave, you just say everything is fine and you disappear in the night. You got to disappear. That's how you quit the mafia and the CIA, which are basically the same thing. Which we don't recommend doing because the mafia needs you, and you can't bet you. tray the family. No, plus they have great benefits. Exactly. And you're just helping the community.

So why are you trying to get out? This somehow seems even more nefarious than the CIA. Yeah, it's like, it's just, this is like black rock or something like private, like, you mean black water? Black water. Isn't there also a black rock? Bad day of Black Rock is a Spencer Tracy. There's also, that's a

good movie. It's also the name of the CBS Tower in Midtown. Oh, okay. Oh, that's what I was talking about. Yeah, that's the same evil. It's the evil entity. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, you just don't be like, well, I'm quitting and I'm taking all my information with me. Take that. Absolutely not. You just say, oh, cool, I will see you guys

Monday morning. I'm just going to go visit my mom real quick, and then you go to... She's sick. You go to Mexico. But, yeah, so, like, these dudes are coming for him in the hotel room, and he, like, fails at renting a car. Yes. This lady's like, all right, yeah, like, there's a subcompact that just came in. Let me just print this receipt.

And it cuts to the printer, and it's like, eh, eh, and, like, the sheet of paper's coming out really slowly and he's like you know what forget it and he just starts running away so he's in like the like back you know hallway or something of this hotel and a dude to the machine gun comes out and pierce brazen like has a little altercation with him or whatever uh a guy this is what it is like hold it right there this bell boy comes with like a fucking tray with champagne on it he breaks the bottle over his head and this is you see pierce broszen with his machine gun and i was like oh yeah oh james bond oh yeah which isn't too bad but he also just gives up the machine gun immediately, like, again, if the shop

is coming from me, I'm holding on to that machine gun. But you can't just walk outside of a hotel with a fucking machine gun. Provingia, though. I mean, I don't know Virginia's laws. I mean, I know it's not Texas, but... I got to buy my fucking wopper with my gun in my

hand. No, you go walk around. Everyone's like, thank you, Patriot. And you're like, you're welcome. That guy right there, he's a good guy with a gun. I was so scared to go in this Burger King and order my Impossible Whopper, but thanks

to that fucking maniac and that machine gun, I felt safe getting a number one with an impossible patty. Thank you, ma'am, just practicing my civil liberty. Thank you, Patriot. I fucking love that. And so, like, he steals the

fucking dude's car, which is hilarious, because the other, the other tough is, like, leaning on the back of it smoking and just, like, just, like, Gets in like, got you, and it peels out. Kind of great. Just another day being evil. But what? What the fuck? That's exactly what he's doing.

And meanwhile, Job is now, for whatever reason, and maybe it's just because the potions he's been taken, it's time to take vengeance on all that have done him wrong in the past. Absolutely. And it's marble car. Yeah. So the first one he gets is the dude at the gas station, right? He does?

No, I think the priest comes first. Oh, my God, the priest. Oh, Jesus. The priest fucking gets it. So the priest is like, it's kind of hilarious because it's the middle of the night and this priest like hears something from the church and he goes in. And it's just this dude in like old man boxer shorts and a bathrobe on. Like, there's anyone in my church? And it's Jeff Fahey like standing up in the fucking like choir platform with the tron suit on like out in the open. So he's just, he's out. He's a tron guy.

Now, let me ask you, you fart in that thing. Is it staying in there? I think so. It looks like pretty tight. 50-50. It's a one-use thing. You got to just burn it afterwards. Oh, like a condom?

Yeah. Right. Especially after all the cyber sex, he had his turning into monsters. Definitely a good point. Yeah, it's sticky down there. I'm just saying it's, I'm not saying what it is. It's sticky down there.

What could it be? Who can tell? It's just you're playing hangman. And it's three letters. There's this. see a dash and an M and you're like, well, I don't know what that is. Cam? Cam? Cam?

Kim? Will that be Sim? I give up. I just give up. Who what could it be? No, he's just sticky with all that raspberry jam. Yeah, that's all. It's just been putting raspberry jam on his dick. That's probably a great sensation.

He burns this priest to death. After yelling judgment days here, by the way. He burns this cartoon to death because this is silly. That was amazing. It's insane. It's computer flames. I know it is, yeah. But like, no, but I'm saying like it's even more computer flames because they don't.

Unless it's just that bad of a job, it looks like it's intentionally made to look like VR flames. I need you to cut to, you know, Merle the stuntman with his pads on lit on fire. I agree with Chris here. I need to roll the stuntman. You need to have Job walking around with like another one of these suits or like or like a helmet. of Sunkine and throws it onto this dude and puts him in VR and then burns him in VR. Oh, dude, that's kind of like, that's the plot of, I don't think there is one, but it feels like the plot of an X-Files episode, which is like, Mulder, they're putting helmets on people and making him think they're being burned alive. I kind of agree, though, because this is the one of the movies.

You ever hear of the helmet alien? This is what the movie stops making sense because, like, him getting telekinesis and telepathy, sure, it's like that gray area. Like, sure. When he starts turning people into jelly, I'm like, wait, what? Because he's God now, dude. Cyber God. It wasn't all about the coming. He came that woman to death. And now the fucking real show's about it to begin where he becomes premier of Earth. But I guess he's talking about like, oh, I've unlocked ancient parts of my brain that allows me to do this. Well, speaking of ancient, there is some detail that is just thrown out. And then the movies He's like, hey, audience, if you heard it, fine.

If not, let's just move on. He says something to Pierce Brosnan about, like, this magic's been around forever. This is what shaman and apothecaries used in the Middle Ages. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing? Yes, but your brain is only 32 years old. You maniac. What they're getting at is like the whole thing of like,

you know, we only use 10% of our brains. If we use the other 90%, we could turn people into digital fire. And I could put up a gift right. Right there in real life that says under construction. Pretty much. He then goes to the bully at the gas station. Oh, right. And he just, what does he do to him here?

This I don't understand because he just goes, like, you see, there's a close-up of the actor's eyeballs. And you see him like in, you see the lawnmower man like in the eyeballs. And Jeff Hay he says, lawnmower man's in your head now, Jake. Oh, yeah. There's no escape ever. And I was like, my note just literally says, what? What's happening here? You see a quick shot of like a digital lawnmower running over his brain.

Oh, that's right. That's right. He's turning him into mentally challenged. And a fat Jeff Fahey is following after eating all the brain. Well, that's more like it. You're right. I totally forgot about the graphic after that, which is just, first of all, the inside of this kind of looks like Homer Simpson, which is weird. And then it's, yeah, the lawnmower cuts up his brain.

So I guess it's just like a lobotomizing. Now, Mr. King, we have many cases to get here today. If they inserted a shot of Jeff Fahey, eating grass, would that satisfy your requirement, Mr. King? Getting warmer. If there was some sort of clown, if we just put a title card that said Maine in the beginning of the film, Mr. King, can we please go home?

That's condescending. All I want is a real-life pan to come in and say hello to Jeff Fahey. That's all I asked for A new line Fucked me Find me a fucking goat boy And I'll let this suit drop Well there is sort of something

That when Pierce Brosnan comes back And the final altercation Kind of has a sacrifice They kind of crucify him So I think that's kind of like the story A little bit Kind of sort of yeah There's a sacrificial element

To add enough Whatever So then he goes And this is the part where I I do not forgive this movie Which is it's the dad he abuses the kid and the wife off screen they're like kind of cowering in the bathroom

you see oh you mean right then they're being terrorized off screen but yeah we did see one shot of him actually hitting them that's not the part that bothers me so then he's like being a fucking jerk he's got the tall boy he's got WrestleMania is abusive dad check check check this was okay I just had a quick problem with this because who just randomly turns on WrestleMania that is a fucking event that you plan for abusive dads.

You're not just like, click, click. Ooh, WrestleMania is on. You don't know if that's a tape or not, dude. That might be wrestling has passed. No, well, that's the thing. I would love if that was true, but this is another, we see a television in this movie, and it's like war all the time.

And the guy's like, brer. It changes the channel the wrestling. I think they're trying to make a statement here about, like, violence on television influences people. Yeah, I think that's exactly what they're attempting to do. And then, uh, Fahey blows, It becomes lawnmower. Blows what?

Blows through the door. With a lawnmower, with an actual lawnmower. Finally. His lawnmower a big red, as he call it. Which is powered by his mind, so it's like the story. Exactly. All right. Okay. All right.

You know, Your Honor, I should have finished the film before I brought this suit upon. If there were any references to interdimensional monsters that you cannot see, and if you saw them, you would go mad. Mr. King, can we please leave? You get me up at 7 a.m. for this shit. You got me up, Mr. King. You are wasting the court's time with a lawnmower man lawsuit. This movie made $12 million.

I'll pay for it myself. Not one. Not one manor in that movie. Not one! That's a good question, though, because when the wife at the beginning is like, Jack, I thought we were going to the city. What the fuck is she talking about? Where is this movie set?

It's a great question. Because it's like, I mean, we're making it in California. California-ish. It feels California-ish. I don't know where the Power Rangers hideout is located. That's a building that would only be in California. I think Seattle was mentioned at some point. Oh, okay. Oh, really? It's not raining enough. Big tech out there, dude. Yeah. Big tech. That's true. Take your big tech out. I mean, actually, that would make sense because Pierce Brosnan is always soaking wet. You're always soaking wet. For his soaking wetness. Yeah. Sticky down there. So the lawnmower bursts in and then the guy goes, aye. And that's it. And I'm like, no.

No way, dude. I need to see this guy become chum. Did you see him, like, it chased around with it at all? Yeah, he's chased around a little bit. And then you saw, he runs outside and it chases him outside. Yes. Yes, but like, you don't, you hear later from the no man member who was playing the cop in this. Roger Paddactor. Yes.

You're right. And he's like, found some guts in the bird bath. And I'm like, why didn't I see that? That's a great line is, it's kind of that. But the guy, like, so Roger Prodactor is talking to Pierce Bros. And Pierce, what the fuck happened here? And the guy's, like, filling him in on it. And the other cop comes up.

He's like, hey, Podactor, where's the rest of him? And he goes, bird bath. And I was like, that's actually from the King's story. That's what I read. That's the only thing that this guy. All right. Well, you put the bird bath in and that was my favorite part. So, okay.

Case dismissed. Stephen King's lawnmower man, it is. Sigh. And then this is, Fahey does. some Jedi mind tricking here. Yes. Because he fucking makes the two cops be like, well, nope, nothing to see here, just a random accident.

Pierce Broson's like, you just said it was a murder. Oh, no, we misspoke. Well, Pierce Broson is just a handsome man in a leather jacket, goes up to Roger production, like, well, what's happened here? I'm very invested in this family. I'm a neighbor. Like, wow, it was a crazy night last night. First of all, this happened, then

this other guy got murdered and went crazy, this other lady went nuts. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, cop. You don't even know if this guy's the murderer. Like, you know what I mean? Well, that security guard was very helpful. Exactly. And then, yes, Fahey,

Genome, Mind Tricks, like, yeah, it was an accident. All these accidents happened. Right. And then he's like, oh, no, he's gone mad with power. And this is when, like, kind of the last confrontation happens, which Eric says is basically like, Fahey and he have a standoff where he's like, I am the new religion, I am new God.

Cyberchrist is used. Right. He said by the year 2001, everything will be connected to me because he's overestimating the reach of the internet by 2001. That's true. Pump that up to 2008.

We're barely off dial-up at that point. Now, so this, I think, is another huge detour what I saw versus what you guys did. Because guess what, you guys, this wife is still in the picture. Why? So we cut back into Pierce Brosnan's house.

Fahey has like set up, shop there and he's mind controlling the wife and she's dressed up in like a 1950s like housewife cost you got all this makeup on what and he's like making her like do domestic shit around the house the blade runner 2049 took it from this yeah so what happens is these two goofballs from dean norris's office got it show up to to pierce brosnin's house and they're like oh hey uh is dr an Angelo here. And the one, it's, so one dude comes to the door,

the other guy's hanging back on the lawn. The guy at the door, she's like, oh, yes, he is here. Why don't you come in? So he comes in and like, shit kind of goes, tits up. I believe he's got Pierce Brosnan tied up in the basement.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Is what's going on here. And that's in the, well, this is Jeff Faye becomes kind of like a Velcro Hellraiser. He does.

But yeah, he's like controlling this wife for whatever and Fahey's like he's like oh yeah he like makes him like look at her or something and she takes this is hilarious she's in the kitchen

she opens a drawer and takes out a handgun and I'm like all right you're just keeping that next to the spatula whatever and she goes back to the dude and is like okay here he is or whatever and shoots the first guy dead and then the other guy on the lawn

is like no and he opens fire on this woman and lights her the fuck up on the front porch. Okay, it's not sexist anymore. Her fucking chest just explodes. And she falls forward. You're seeing blood.

Yes. Because you don't see no blood in that. That's why I was confused. When you were saying that, I was like, did they not see the wife thing? No, the wife didn't have. Because there's also, she gets one other scene sort of in the middle of the movie

when Joe goes over to the house. I would hope so. But it's nothing, though. It's just to let you know she's still there or whatever. because she says, she's on the porch reading, and Job is like, oh, hey, is Dr. Angelo home? And she's like, yeah, he's inside. And then he reads her thought. And her thought is, yeah, that asshole's probably in there jerking off on his computer. Well, she's right.

And she's right. Now, so let me get straight. It's a bloody shootout. Yes. So that happens. And yet the abuse of dad, not like a splat of blood even? Well, he's a man. providing for a family.

She's a nagging woman. Blow her to do. Blow her to do. That's terrible. The last, so Angela, by the way, here's the thing. You write a script, it's called, and you write, you name all your characters,

and you get to the casting phase, and you cast Pierce Brosden, you then change that guy's name from Larry Angelo. Yes, absolutely. Dr. Larry Angelo. There's not a fucking. drop of Italian blood in that man. Oh, man. This was originally supposed to be De Niro.

But like, even a Larry, even it was like Larry Fitzgibbens, I'd still be like, eh, kind of class that up a little bit for Pierce. But whatever, the last he escapes, I'm sorry, the boy, Peter comes over, unties Pierce Brosnan. Right. Because what's his face, one over the facility?

And this is why Uber was a really important invention, because like, Pierce Broson instead of being like, well, I'll collect cab and save the day. It's like, could your mom give me a ride to this incredibly dangerous situation? It's just ridiculous. Now this poor mother's like wrapped up in this crazy adventure. This is when Job goes to the facility. All of Dean Norris's dudes are there. There's this standoff. Oh my God. This is the crazy fucking huge huge Fahey head. Yes, this happens on the front lawn. Yes, that's right. On the front lawn, which is crazy. There's these

two guys with machine guns that are going to try and get him. Fahey manifests astral planes his VR head. At a nowhere. It's awesome. It's a big giant orange head and he starts turning these guys into like marbles and they just scatter and they cease to exist.

And it wouldn't be that except for they make that like clink sound. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is marble. I'm like, really? I would just imagine this is like, you know, stupid data garbage. Like no sound or anything. They just turn into bubbles. No, they turn into actual marbles. It's actual marbles. And he's able to do this

because it turns out our entire reality is a simulation. Oh, she are in VR now motherfuckers. Dude, do you have twist ending? Oh, prequel to the Matrix. Twist ending to your life. Because it's true, because this is all made up. Well, no,

it's just, that's what the other 90% of our brain does is turn. You get to astro project your enormous head and like all sorts of stuff. You're in a now, man. That's how we talk to each other back I might start taking injections. into that. I took I used 90%

of my brain. That's why my face looks like this. I've been putting injections of new tropics into my cheek. I've been playing 90% of my brain chess. Turns out new tropics do nothing for syphilis.

So he goes to confront the facility. Now we're just kind of reusing effects. All these guards turn to jelly, right? Am I not? He attacks the guards, at least in what I saw, with a swarm of virtual bees. Oh, I forgot about the, how did I forget about the virtual bees? Yes, this is, this is exactly what happens.

Barry B. Benson shows up. Hey, we're watching it last night. My wife's like, they're supposed to be bees? And I'm like, I don't know. Oh, yep, there's a close-up of one. Yeah, you finally get these close-ups, dude, wow, it looks terrible. It looks terrific. He turns, I'm sorry, no, he turns Tim's, that Dean Norris is number two into a bunch of marbles as well. Yes, he does. Poor Tim's. So his thing is, like, I'm going to go

inside the computer and what I'm going to do is infect everything and my birth will be the, every telephone will ring at the same time. My birth will cry. No, my birth cry will be the sound of every phone on this planet

ringing in unison. Death is but a doorway. I'll be back. So like, Pierce Brunswick, well, thanks for the ride. Could you, listen, is it weird if you wait here for me? Go back to the end of the driveway and wait for me there. But I'm going to take his son.

Me and him have a special relationship. The kid escapes. Yeah, he runs in. Here's a quick question, though, because it might be the final divergence in the two cuts here. Do you guys know the end of the Jeffrey Lewis character? No. They don't do it. Okay.

He just vanishes from the movie. This is, it's fucking crazy. And they must have cut it out because it relates back to the fucking monkey assassins. Did they like him up to, man? So what happens is the guy who killed the monkey,

right? You see him again. He's at the facility and Jeffrey Lewis. Jeffrey Lewis is who gives Joe Barai there. That is in the movie. I'm sorry, yes, he does. But so the- Again, Uber would solve all these problems.

The guy, the fucking sniper dude, just starts opening fire and he kills Jeffrey Lewis. And then Job looks and realizes it's the same guy, freaks out and stares at him. And he makes the guy take the rifle and shoot himself in the face. I'm sorry, yes, this isn't the movie, but not, yeah, you don't know who that guy is. He just took a bad guy. Right, but do you see Jeffrey Lewis get killed?

Yes, you do. Do you see it? I don't remember. And you also know who the guy is because the guy did kill the chimp in the beginning, but it was just the one shot rather than the massacre. Oh, yeah. So it's, so they use the same. same guy when they're at the

shed or whatever and he's the one that opens fire. That guy putting his own sniper rifle at his head or whatever is really funny. It's awesome and they do a great job of positioning him. He's next to like some huge concrete wall so the fucking brains just splatter back on it. Brilliant. That's pretty great. Yeah so now

he gets in they're both in VR, they're chasing each other through VR. Just whatever. The mom and the kid, what happens to her? She falls asleep? Is that what happens? Or like do you knock her out or what? No, I think she just falls asleep, doesn't she? She took an ambient before he asked for all this shit.

Well, I suppose I should get behind the wheel to help you. I know you're very tired. Why don't you nap out over here? I'll just do this whole facility escape situation. I'll be right back. I'll buy us some pizza. Now we're hanging out.

And yes, Peter. Five minutes. So they're in the VR, and this is where we get the sacrificial kind of element where Job is now nailing Pierce Brosnan's little avatar. this is really something it's quite something yeah

it looks like crap man it's like this silly looks bad but but in a beautiful way it's like a beautiful crap it's like a great shit infected this it's like a shit you almost want to take a photo of anyway you almost want to take a photo of

I personally wouldn't but I can understand why something like not for a sexual thing for pride yeah for pride you said to tell your friends like look what I just did Yeah, you know, it doesn't have to be sexual, Chris, unless you want it that way. So he's, he's whatever, he's fucking crucified. Pierce Broson has infected the system with the virus that prevents Job from leaving because it's like this weird, like, pixagonal world where everywhere, everywhere that would be at exit, it says access denied.

Right, like he's locked in a virtual room or whatever. And what was it? Now, like, Peter's in the facility and he lets, he lets, he lets, he let's, Dr. Angelo go to save Peter. You saves the day because the mom falls asleep with the kids like, I'm going to run towards that facility. Oh boy. There has to be something there. How would someone just fall asleep?

You're carrying from your child. There's explosions a quarter mile away. I don't, but like, I even remember watching it thinking like, did she just fucking fall asleep? What happened? But that's, at this point, you're supposed to expect that Jeff Fahey can do anything. That's true. That's

kind of what it's all blanket. It's all blanked her out, you think? Or like, I mean. Well, no, like, it's you start talking to a mother about virtual reality. Sure. Yeah. Sounds good, hon. Be careful. A racing game with big metal.

That's good. Okay. That sounds great. Bob, do you know this is where the power engine? Oh, God. I'm so tired. My life is so tiring with you. The kid is, you know, freeze, pierce,

Pras or whatever. And again, in another fucking total proto bond move, Pierce, Pras and has laid fucking proximity mines all over the place. I don't know what this guy just knows how to do that, huh? Where did he get them? Yes, he just has them in his house. I mean, like, you know, I guess if you're making VR shit, you got a whole bunch of manifestos. You're going to get some bombs. Yeah, I guess that's true. He saves the kid and like, it looks like Fahy's not going to get out, but then he finally does. They very clearly show you that he gets out of the pistol. Oh, they show, by the way,

his, like Eric said earlier, his charred remains, which is just a puppet. He, uh, Brazzan and the kid barely escape. The mom was like, oh, whoa, oh, hold on. Oh, hey, hon. A place on fire, huh? Did you two have fun at your science project or whatever? Uh, they get out. The next, we cut to some time later.

Right. And like this dude, he inherits a family, I guess, basically. I'm your dad now, Peter. Well, you know... It worked out pretty good for me. Peter's dad murdered by the lawnmower. And then the wife shot to death. You don't see it, but she's definitely dead.

Now I got a pretty good new family, only slightly new... You know, these bruises will heal. I heard you have an opening for a husband. I'd love to audition for you. He definitely sets that up earlier in the movie, though, because she's like, oh, you're so good with Peter. You should have kids of your own. And he's like, yes.

Or maybe I'll just borrow Peter every once in a while. And I guess you could come wrong for the ride. Andrew, in your version, his wife was just destroyed. Yeah, exactly. Is there any morning? Is there any funeral? Is there anything? No, there's definitely no funeral.

I don't think there's any morning because he's fucking chasing Jeffrey Lewis's pickup truck down the street. It's bonkers, man. And it's like, oh, we're going to go on a nice vacation, all of us. What's that? Every phone on the earth is ringing at the same time. Right, and then it's like just, we cut to all these different parts of the country and you hear a, like, multiple phone sounds ringing. But you do actually, and maybe this is just in the version I watched, but like at the end of the movie, Pierce Bros. is like, well, that was, was a pretty big bummer about all those deaths, but my work shall continue. Yes.

And I'm like, what are you talking about? He has the line, oh, I'm taking my work underground. Yeah, it's like, how? Well, it's all destroyed. Why, though? Also why? You've opened the door You were able to escape it

Christ, dude See now the sequel What they should have done Was done like a super future Like how Mad Max 1 is kind of In a regular time And then Mad Max 2 is like Destroyed everything

Like the world should be like Totally cyberpunkies living in the sewers Like Dennis Leary And Demolition Man Actually it is a dystopian future But it has nothing to do It Pierce Brosnan It's all with O'Brien

Austin O'Brien's character. But it is a dystop, like... Is it really? Yeah, it's like a bunch of kids, like, hanging out, and then, like, they get special points that allow them to go into the cyberspace. Oh, weird. And, like, it's, like, how they live.

Is it the same actor? It's Austin O'Brien is back for it. He's the only one to return. He's, like, with a bunch of wayward youth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Can I recycle a bit from about 300 episodes ago? Sure.

This is Pierce Brosden getting the script for lawnmower man, too. Shockingly, I remember that joke. I don't know where that's from, but that's somewhere on the end. But yeah, the phones are ringing off the hook, and that's the end of the movie. Yes. Wild shit. And what's crazy is I don't, I mean, I saw those scenes.

I'm not nuts, but I cannot imagine that the amount of extra stuff that I saw equals two hours and 20 minutes. I think that has to be bad intel. Because it's a good movie, man. It moves. I guess. I'm going to open it back up on my fucking Apple TV. I think actually, because I didn't have to rent it. I think it's playing on HBO.

So I'm going to go back and look at that. Or no, that was. We're recording an episode on Sphere right after this. That's what HBO was. I did pay to watch this movie. Lawnmore Man is on Showtime. Oh, that's what it is. Sphere is as long as the director's cut of Lawmower Man.

So Steve Sadek, would you recommend the lawnmower man? Yes, with the caveat that you always. have to remember that I am your older brother's friend that breeds through his mouth. Like that's why I like this movie. It's just, it's got that 90s like bullshit aesthetic. I actually was, I was afraid to watch

this movie as a little kid because it's like, oh, that's that horror movie. Right. I was like, oh my gosh, Stephen King's lawnmore, man. When I watched it last night, I was like, what are you talking about, fat kid? I was really shocked that this was not a horror movie at all. No, it's

not good. It's sort of enjoyable if you're into these aesthetics, which I super am. Yeah, it's a super, super light recommend in that it's mostly a curio. Like, just this time where virtual reality was for the first time

on the rise. Yes. And it lasted for like seven months. It was really quick. Really quick. And like this came from that little moment and it's just weird. It's a weird thing to go through. It's not a very good movie. It's incredibly stupid. and mostly offensive, but whatever.

It could use gore, though. Yes, absolutely. Well, Chris, your recommend was soft, and let me feel mine. Oh, it's hard. Yeah. Let me touch it. Wait a minute. This is an enthusiastic recommend.

This movie's a nonstop thrill ride, and I think you should check it out. You can fucking Rex read over here. This movie is fun, it's dumb, and it's full of come. Go for it. That's actually true. All of those things are true. this movie. I guess I'm only able to recommend the director's cut,

which does have some more gore in it, although my God, that fucking chimp getting murdered. Oh, I'm thinking about it all over again. Holy shit. Yeah, this was a movie that I always, I always knew the title anyway. I had no idea of what it was until later in life. But like, I always saw it in the video store

and I was like, huh, Stephen King's the lawnmower man. Well, that's a stupid title. And just skipped it forever. I think it was because I just hated mowing lawn so much that I was like, I don't want to go anywhere near a lawnmower movie. Lawnmore movies? There's a couple. There's this.

There's the David Lynch movie there, straight story. Is that lawn dogs? That's kind of it. What is lawn dogs? It's early Sam Rockwell. And what's he doing? He's mowing lawns and having sex with the wives of older men. With dogs?

Wives of older men. And he's with, he's hanging out with dogs. Like, do the dogs have mow? Like the dogs of war. Dogs, yeah. No dogs. He's a hound for... You know what I mean?

You know there's no dogs and straw dogs, right? Well, there should have been, man. That's all I'm saying. My goodness gracious, that is the lawnmower man from 1992, directed by Brett Leonard. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out our Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Speaking of Pierce, Braslin, we have ourselves a We Love Movies episode this month on the Fantastic Golden Eye. That's right.

And we also have a we love movies coming. up next month for Hormont. I'm going to announce it right now. Oh, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. On the Shining. Stephen King's the Shire. That's right. Speaking of properties, he fucking hates. Yeah. I mean, this is going to be a lot of fun. We'll be talking about the Kubrick masterpiece on the Patreon.

Mr. King, you had a problem with Stanley Kubrick's adaptation. I'm throwing this case right out. Yeah. And for those who have not yet heard the news, all of the bonus episodes, the bonus full-length episodes that we do one a month at the $5 level on our Patreon have transformed into we love movies. That's the sound of transformation.

I am now a we love movies. So we're doing movies we love from here on out on that Patreon at the $5 level. So get hip. Martin Campbell's Gold 9. We got an episode on it. And so Steve Sadek, next week the spooktacular kicks off with what?

Friday the 13th, 2009. Oh, man. Yeah. We're still hating movies. Oh, we're definitely hating movies next week. So until next week, when we finally find out how Jason Borghys

gets through the forest so quickly. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven's Head, Chris Cabin. Eric Sisker. Take it easy. That was a HitGum podcast.