We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 447 - Final Destination 3

Episode Date: October 8, 2019

On this week's episode, the 2019 Halloween Spooktacular heads to Franchise Town as the gang chats about the pretty fun sequel, Final Destination 3! Who gets this excited about roller coasters? What is with all the 9/11 stuff? And it's their tricentennial, but Paul Revere was there doing the Midnight Ride? What? PLUS: HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE TONY TODD IN THE FLESH IN THIS FILM? Final Destination 3 stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Kris Lemche, Alexz Johnson, Sam Easton, Jesse Moss, Gina Holden, Texas Battle, Chelan Simmons, Yan-Kay Crystal Lowe, and Amanda Crew; directed by James Wong. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We are just going to continue the goddamn 2019 Halloween spooktacular. We are talking about Final Destination 3. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Sisko. And we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes.

You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wickham Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara.

He's sick for fucks you've seen one too many movies. Now, Sid! Don't you blame the movies! Movies don't create psychos! Movies make psychos! More creative! What's the fucking motion in the bathroom? What an excellent day for an exorcism. Hello, everyone.

Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Like I said, I'm top. We're talking Final Destination 3 from 2006, directed by James Wong, who you may remember from the X-Files, the one previous episode, and the original Final Destination previous episode.

This guy's, he's a hero, An auteur. A hero and an author. I will say, I was so thankful. I haven't seen part two. Turned out I wasn't lost. No. Part two is referenced when they mentioned like the logging incident or whatever. I remember the trailer

180. It's like the same one as the flight. Oh, it's the flight number 180 and that's also all over this fucking movie too. Stupid. FYI. I've only seen the first one of these movies. and last night I finally watched Final Destination 3 which is the movie we're doing right now

and oh good a couple of years ago I was like you know I never saw all those final destination movies let me buy a four pack DVD get right out of town DVD and it sat

on my shelf forever actually I pulled this out of a box that was actually going labeled junk no it was going to declutter which is something where you sell your DVDs you note one want anymore. I was like, oh wait, hold on. And I like, I rubbers this box. Wait, did you

rob somebody of the DVDs that they purchased? It's a thing where it's like, send it back whenever. It's been sitting in my house for two months, but they don't pay you until you actually send the thing. So I'm being lazy, but I pulled this out. So it was like it was just in a dusty box on top of a mogwai, other types of trash. Dude, he pulled it out from like a bunch of cobwebs and then like a rat ran out. Couple things about this DVD. It's a four pack. Use of the four packs you'll have like the two side clamshell you open it everybody's got their own little peg. Sure. No, this

motherfucker, one longish peg all four discs just stacked on top. Yeah, I've seen those. Which is like, I don't give his shit. I kind of like the stack, dude. You like the stack in it? I know, kind of. Wait a second, though. So this is so old, because isn't there a fifth movie by now? Yes, I think you even have all the

movies? Did you buy it before the fifth movie came out? I do not remember. No, I mean, this is like three or four years ago and I just kind of fell out. So the fifth movie had come out at that point. The DVD was probably minted before the fifth film. Right. I will say the trailers, this is a special DVD because there is a special version of this movie that you could watch because this movie was planned with DVDs in mind. Yeah. And this is, it is just a formula for stupidity. It's a choose your own adventure thing where you could choose

how characters die or whatever. How are we going to do this? I watched it the regular way but I did kind of skim through it to see how the other ones work. It's really stupid. That's shocking news. By the way, to choose your own podcast, do that skip 30 second button

to skip over this part. It's dynamic. You can choose your own adventure just whenever I start talking, just skip. Just skip. Choose your own joke. Yeah. No. But it's like basically it's like the whole DVD

as a carnival aesthetic and like you'll watch you're watching the stupid movie and then like a tarot card looking thing it's like do you want wendy to look back at her computer or no yes or no and by the way you only have 30 seconds or else it's making the choice for you what what's on that hard drive dude but basically all it does is they've shot some alternate scenes that you can actually unlock via the film i watched like two or three of them and i got disgusted and stopped you can't like save them, right? You can save one character that's the one I found.

Oh, really? Yeah, we'll get to him when you get there. That's so fucking dumb. That, like, the whole notion of we have to shoot this film around the DVD extras. What a creatively bankrupt fucking thing that is. I mean, it's Final Destination.

But it's fun. I had fun choosing the little adventure. That was like, what was the, oh, Lord, it was the thing everybody kept telling you to watch and because of that, I purposely didn't. Oh, is it the dark...

Black Mirror. Black Mirror. Black Mirror Bandersnatch. Yeah. It's just... That's also a bad idea. It's awful. And it's also just bad.

Yeah. I, um... I yelled to my wife. She was going downstairs. I'm not watching the street. But I was like, honey, there's an Easter egg on this DVD. I literally did because I look... That's great.

Did she reply? I don't care. And then she jumped out of a water vein to escape the house. There's one of those also on Netflix For the Puss and Boots cartoon When we did the episode of Puss and Boots For Animation Damnation on the Patreon by the way Patreon.com slash we have movies

I was like tooling around on Netflix And it was like oh you watch this grown adult You may also like this choose you own adventure thing Boy was it dumb It was so fucking dumb You know what you write the story for me How about that? How about I take the night off And you entertain me for once?

Exactly. You write a thing you produce it you put it out and then i'll just do my job of watching it and in the age when you can go on twitter and make them put off the sonic the hedgehog movie just by tweeting at them why would you bother wow yeah we're in like a choose your own adventure culture now choose your own production it's incredible you don't have to worry about this bullshit but the other thing is this movie as it is this theatrical cut is totally fun why do you want to fuck around with it and none of the other ones were very good the ones that I saw that I just stopped doing it

you know there should be one where it's like you choose a thing where they all just die on the toilet like Elvis actually the first thing you could do which I didn't do is if you in the beginning of the movie you can choose that no one gets off the roller coaster and then the movie ends

that's awesome yeah that's one entertaining funny thing let me ask you so are these different deaths some are different deaths are they all smashes Because a lot of people get smashed There's a lot of smashes There's a lot of smashes in these movies

One guy gets smashed Here's a final destination Oh they just go to a Gallagher show And he fucking needs some help from the audience Dude going to a fucking Gallagher show Is a final destination Yes that's true I had a question though

There should be a mode where you fucking select That Tony Todd is in this movie. That's a really good fucking how dare you. It's voice only. It's so stupid. The voice of the devil roller coaster ride and then Chris Cabin outside

on the street was telling me about the end of the line or was that used to? Yeah, yeah. He's the subway conductor at the yes. We were talking on the street. That's what I heard on the street. But the thing is like how hard is it to have a ticket taker, the carnival

barker? It's Tony Todd. Yeah, exactly. You want to ride this one, Mac Daddy? Exactly. These pimply face teens that they have operating this roller coaster instead, get the fuck out of here. So this starts, we're at a carnival, right? Or is it a carnival or is it a fucking, is it a fair? Because it's definitely, I'll tell you what it's not. It is not a major theme park, which means I'm not attending it.

Well, I think it's a like senior class, blah-bidi-blah, because Wendy, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, gives her sister. the younger sister shit she's like what are you doing here you're not even a senior it's like a senior with their families I think like that's like but like also she's your sister then why wouldn't she be whatever it's fucking stupid it sounds like it should be

a carnival like like a senior zone or like a high school fair it's like the end of Greece but then they got this roller coaster which has so much infrastructure there's like a lobby there's like a building built just to get on the roller coaster and that's the thing is like I will go to a fair

I'll go to a fucking carnival have a good time I might go on your Gravatron. I am not getting on a fucking roller coaster that was put together by meth heads. I need something that I could easily be involved in a class action lawsuit. We're already stretching on the Have a Good Time thing there.

I don't know. Maybe it's somewhere in the middle where it's like it was an actual amusement park, but they like the high school rented it out. So it was like seniors only night or something. Yeah, they took the great escape. They got it. Well, there's a dude who's fucking dancing around while they're walking through the fucking

carnival, and it's supposed to be like a Six Flags kind of guy. Yeah, I guess so. It's also 2006 and we love digital cameras. But there is one character named Frank who's like Frankie Cheeks. Yeah. Frankie Cheeks is

two years graduated, so they're letting people in. Yeah. I think Frankie Cheeks might as well be Frankie Sneaks, dude. I think he fucking snuck in. Because he's filming him. This guy is a creepie. But he's Frankie cheeks because he like fucking films

butt cheeks, right? I think he's a butt addict, yeah. Was he the addicted to ass? There's someone else was trying to take an upskirt photo. The hero of the movie, the other hero of the movie. Right. It's Mary Elizabeth Winston. She's out with her friends. It's senior carnival, whatever the

fuck it is. She's got this digital camera, which, man, that takes me back to a moment in time we gave a shit about digital cameras. Absolutely. And that's just that kind of like very tiny, silvery, Everyone had one because it weighs five pounds. You could get one for like 50 bucks a target.

Yeah. And you have to hold it very still to get halfway decent photograph. Dude, they have 1.5 megapixels. And we realize this movie's about to get spooky because she takes a photo of the carnival ride called high dive. Uh-huh. But on the photograph, it says high dive. Oh, my God. That means like you're going to like OD, right?

You die high. That's exactly. It's the River Phoenix. Memorial fucking circus. That dude died on the Gravitron. I'll tell you that much. Absolutely. Yeah, she's walking around

and like whatever. Yeah, she's got all these friends. It's specifically it's kind of a double date. It's her, her boyfriend named Jason, this dude Kevin and his girlfriend who's friends with Mary List was Winston who's named like Carrie or something. Sure.

Carrie sounds about right. Sure. And they're all hanging out. And this is when, yeah, Kevin grabs her camera and shoves it up this lady's skirt. Totally. It starts snapping picks. Snapping photos.

And it's kind of hilarious because that happens. And then they go off. And then the girlfriend's like, yeah, I'm breaking up with them after graduation. Yeah, you're right. Also,

I don't know, I think it's the Carrie character and not Mary Elizabeth Winstead. One of them says that they don't need pictures of Susie Kobayashi's camel toe on their camera. That's pretty great.

We are snaps, snapping in this screenplay, man. Jesus Christ. just having a lot of fun. Oh, totally. It's like some dude had a glass up against the wall and was listening in on how Kevin Williamson writes dialogue. Although one of these students says that if the yearbook did contain the camel toe, you would buy two copies. Wow, in case you ruin one with stains. Exactly. A little too sticky. Also, I think this dude Kevin is the one. One of the two dudes

is way too enthusiastic about roller coasters. And my note just says, imagine being so excited about roller coasters. This is where the getting older people to play high school students really doesn't work because they have to be so excited about these fucking rides and

games. This dude's bitching about having a reservation for the roller coaster that they have to make. Texas Battle is about to kill everybody in the crowd because he's doing his, the smash. The sledgehammer thing. Oh, yeah. The Strongman thing, the Strongman

by the way, you want to talk about 2006, one of the levels, it's like, you know, the top level is like super stud or whatever. Right. Somewhere down the low, did anyone else see it? I know Chris did. Metrosexual. If you were not strong enough, you would be a metrossexual.

Wow, congratulations, screenplay. And now for younger listeners, metrosexual was... I'm sure somebody just took their headphones, like, the fuck is the metro... Someone just drove off the road, someone at the road, final destination. That was a divisive term. back of the day to belittle men who were

actually caring about their appearance because it was a big deal to, you know, wear deodorant or It was specifically heterosexual men that took care of themselves as far as like grooming and clothing to be like, oh, gay. Yeah, it was just, uh, actually, sorry, metrosexual. Yeah, totally. The people who said metrosexual were also the people obsessed with saying freedom fries.

Yes. Yeah. I had a boss at, funny enough, at Lifetime Television of All Places, who was a vice president who would call me a metrosexual. Did he know what it meant? She did. Oh. Why?

I need to hear a reasoning for this. Because I'm dressed for work. You don't have any gravy stains on you. Hey, you're, metrosexual. Where's your potato sack, Siska? I'm wearing a potato sack. Johnson's wearing a potato sacks This is the lifetime television office

We're all wearing potato sacks You're wearing underwear Betrosexual This was like shit It was like 2000 and late when this is You know another thing that dates this screenplay There's at least three references To Osama bin Laden in this movie

The nine you know guys cool it with the 9-11 stuff Is all I can say There's other 9-11 stuff in this movie, but specifically someone is, oh, because one of the dudes is like, oh, yeah, Osama bin manager or whatever. Osama being supervisor. Yep. Unbelievable. Something. Oh, yeah.

Well, Ben Lodden. And I was like, what are you fucking doing? You might want to watch it with that. It's 2006. Also, we don't know. He might have been a good manager. I mean, people stuck with the program for a long time. But the point is the city, the city of New York was still trying to have.

haggle with the mafia about what they were going to fill the fucking ground zeroed site with. It's true. It took a lot of haggling. I'm just glad that the mafia was able to find common ground. Exactly. The local governments let us down. The mafia came in and erected it. Exactly.

You know, everything about, you know, there's a lot wrong with New York, but there's a lot great about New York and the great stuff about New York, you really have to thank your local mafia. Well, because they wanted rightly so, they wanted perfection. As mafia always do, I have to say, pro-mafia podcasts.

There's no half-measures with the mafia. I think this is the only podcast on the internet that is vehemently pro-mafia. I think you're totally right. By the way, fellas, patreon.com slash we hate movies. Oh, no, I don't, you know what, dude, that's the one thing is I don't want the mafia coming to our Patreon being like, we have to pay the Patreon protection or something. Well, you know, I'll do a mafia benefit. We're here for Frankie Fingers.

who lost all of his fingers. Today we're talking about Godfather 3. Woo! A movie fucking sucks! So, yeah, they're going, they're about to get on this ride, and yeah, the boyfriend is super in, Wendy's boyfriend,

Mary Elizabeth's Vincent's brother, boyfriend, is really into the ride. Oh, yeah. She's, what's this ride called? The devil's asshole? Devil's flight. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

Which is something that Osama's men took that day. that is the screenplay I'm not kidding but I will say that tells me all I need to know about this thing because like you know what you go to a fucking real theme park it's branded content

it's like you're going on the Superman ride or fucking space mountain or Star Wars whatever if you die you can blame the Superman people I'm not going on a public domain fucking ride man totally the devil oh you can license him for zero dollars

Oh, the big bad wolf. Like, yeah, eat my ass, dude. Welcome to Pack of Dogs, the roller coaster. The Big Bad Wolf would be great at eating ass. I mean, he could fucking blow down a house with that mouth. Imagine what he could do down there. Oh, man, he fucking turned me inside out. Yeah.

Blow you up like a balloon. But it's totally okay to not go on a roller car. If you're with a group of friends, this is outrageous. Mary Elizabeth Winstead She's flipping out It's like dude You do not have to go on a roller coaster I have never seen

So many people Descend upon a person Who's nervous about going on a roller coaster And force her to go on it You could do like light ribbing Like a little scaredy cat I'll see you when I get back from the roller coaster And that's the end of it

Well because she's dating a loser baby And he fucking can't wait to go On the goddamn roller coaster I've been waiting all through high school for the senior trip to the amusement park. That's the other thing. It's like by appointment or something. They're like, they only let so many people

on to this fucking right. I'm the devil's flight, matre d. Do you have a, do you have a reservation? Oh, you don't. Which were like a cocktail. Maybe we could squeeze you in. Man, that's a dangerous combo. Chris Cabin fucking consuming alcohol

and being on a roller coaster. Oh, I'm sure they're doing it. Look at them. They're all doing it, yeah. This is when you hear Tony Todd's voice being like, it's the scariest roller coaster, you'll be on, motherfucker, or whatever he's doing. I can't believe there is not one use of Mac Daddy

in this ride's introduction. Come on. The devil is the devilist mac daddy of them all. Get ready for it. And like, Jay, fucking Mary Elizabeth Winstead's guy, is like, come on, hon. It's the last roller coaster before I go to college.

I'm like just, just, no. Well, the friend. So the other carrier, whatever her name is, is like, because Mary Elizabeth Winston, Wendy does want to go on the ride. And this carry is like, get your fucking ass on this ride. I am going to Princeton in the fall and I am not going to, it's going to be so long before I can get on this roller coaster. The roller coaster takes two and a half minutes. I will see you when you're done and you can tell me how much fucking fun you had. Just go. Just go on the roller coaster. It's that smoking a cigarette

or losing your virginity. It's a roller coaster. Yeah, it's not cool at all. Yes. The things you do before college. What the fuck? Exactly. You wait outside. Everyone does this. Everyone says goodbye. Either the mom or the friend or the cousin, the uncle with the bad back.

You guys have fun. I'm going to drink down here. You know what? I can't go on the ride. I have severe hemorrhoids that's going to destroy me. It's a little too close to kids for me because of the whole thing. You guys go on the ride. You know what? You know what? Second time, I can't even come into this part.

I will wait in the car and listen to the ballgame on the AM radio. Legally, you can't enter the park. By the way, I wrote down the Tony Todd line from the, one of his lines is like, you may never return from Devil's Flight. Right. Oh.

By the way, my new favorite animal ride. Devil's flight's also like, if you were sampling six different hot sauces. Oh, you ordered the Devil's Flight. Or like that Milacuna's Like, she's in the fucking commercial for the devil's cut. Yes, that's right. It's not just Jim Beam.

It's Jim Beam's devil cut. So what does that mean? It tastes more like gasoline? The Satan pissed in it. Oh. Into the vat. The vat. By Satan, you mean Jerry from production?

Yeah. And so we... He's got a tattoos. On our way, we've met that dude, the strong guy. What's his name? Battle. Battle for New York. Louis Romero.

Because, by the way, we are still continuing. the proud final destination tradition of the last names of the characters or film directors because you've got Romero Dreyer, Wise Fisher, Christensen, they're all

there are no Polansky. No Polansky. That's what I think that was supposed to be Larry Cheeks there or whatever that guys were. It would have been funny if they named like a 13 year old character Palansky. Little Polansky. Little, oh man. Oh, God. Little Exile. A little exile.

have to go two towns over is the town of france long island is this new york by the way no it's pennsylvania oh really okay now because they end up in new york city at the end and i i just assumed this was that was that supposed to be new york city it could have been a septa train and if it's pennsylvania philly i don't know i don't i mean i think i think it looked enough like new york but those i just i'm just asking because those subway stuff aren't real but they were like they were JFK related apparently because there was boot well assassination yeah booth and

Boot Street and Oswald's yeah was the end of the line and I mean this whole town takes place in McKinley right oh shit he was shot too he shot down in his prime yeah by an anarchist that's right not enough of those guys these days I saw that musical assassins they go through the whole thing

oh really dude it's awesome Antonio Benares in that or is that the movie that was the movie okay got it yeah yeah no what's what's the musical I didn't you know it's Just like people play different presidential assassins or like people who attempted to assassinate a president like Squeaky Frone. Was this like this was just the Simpsons episode, right, where Bart dresses up and you start shooting all the president. William Henry Harrison. I died in 30 days.

Oh, right. No, it's really good. It's a good musical. It was pretty cool. So they're going on. There's also two girls that are like, I don't know, what the hot girls, I guess, because they've got the thongs coming out of the sweatpants. It's twin G-string wearers here. This is a very 2006 thing. This is Ashley and Ashlin, by the way, are the characters.

They're wearing those pink and blue jumpsuits, which are kind of popular at the time. Like Victoria's Secret sweats kind of. Yeah, like those Bebe stuff. What are the ones that say, like, juicy on the ass? We're kind of done with that. Are we? I think so with the juicy ass. I mean, there are juicy asses.

We're just not advertising quite as much. You're not slapping a sign on the back of there But you let the ass speak for itself I think you're looking over a great population Of people who still have juicy asses It's like the velour Track outfit I should be able to choose my own adventure

If I want to make that ass juicy I'll make that ass juicy You're right That's all it is You can put different words on their asses No, it's something different But yeah Yeah and so they're all going on this roller coaster

And, like, you know, it's that feeling of dread she starts getting like, oh, my God, I don't want to go on this roller coaster, how can I get off? Right. We've already gone through it, just get off. But she's not doing it. They also run into the goth kids, one of which is the dude, is one of the dudes from Ginger Snaps, which, by the way, let me know, A, this movie is from, was made in Canada. 100% Canadian. Anytime a Ginger Snaps cast member is anywhere near something. I don't think they let them out of the country.

They do not, because they turn into werewolves. if they come into famously yeah but also this dude ginger staps was in 2000 this is 2006 this kid was this dude who was 28 when this movie came out

was playing a teenager for six goddamn years yeah well you know he's one of those like Seth Green looking short and kind of super tiny people yeah you can kind of get away with it kind of pull it off yeah

I have to say the thing here about what's Cheeks what's his first name Frankie Cheeks Frankie Cheeks there is some disgusting shit that we have to talk about as we're online for this fucking roller coaster because this Ashley and Ashlin are like didn't you graduate two years ago

to which Frankie Cheeks replies I stuck around to monitor your development great and then when they all are seated for the roller coaster he's got a little handy cam and he says care to flash them sweet sweet tittyes when we go

through the loop fantastic there's one thing Like, you can, like, aggressively, like, hitting on someone's annoying. Aggressively hitting on somebody is not okay. And then there's just straight up bothering people. But also, like, you're now bothering. These are high school students. You graduated two years at?

The one, the first one you said, is the particular one of note here, I think. The monitoring your development. That's Namblum member, fucking speak. That's some fucking weird shit, man. Oh, the fucking sweetest plum on the tree's going to rip it, man. This is like dude in his car with binoculars outside the cheerleading practice. Got John Doe-esque walls of journals about these women. Which is why his death is indeed the most satisfying of the film.

And so they're getting on and like, you know, she, I will say this because I said this before. This happened to me once, actually. You flashed them sweet, sweet. For a thong? For about four years. Yeah, man. No, I was a great adventure once It was a high school trip

Explain to people who don't I'm sorry, Six Flags Great Adventure One of the Six Flags changes to do? It's like a shitty park with roller coasters It's not like a Disney park It's just a whatever. But this was an interesting thing About the Six Flags takeover

Of the United States of America Especially in the Northeast Because we had up by me in upstate New York We had the Great Escape Yes, I've been there once And then Six Flags just bought that and it became six flags great escape. Oh wow. And same thing with

great adventure. Great adventure was at least as long as I've been alive, six flags, great adventure. I thought it was just a great adventure beforehand. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe it's not. You know what sucks is that the Great Escape had great signage too. It was a cool park and then it just became like a fucking faceless six flags. And then you got all the

fucking loonitunes are fucking around. Yeah, but they also do you, Cabin, do you remember the boomerang, the laziest roller coaster in the history of humanity? It was a roller coaster where you backed up the track backwards like up, right? And then it dropped you. You did a loop

and you went up high another way and then you just reversed back down and went around. Lazy as balls that ride. You could have smoked a cigarette and held a scotch while you're doing this. That's a way to get me on a fucking roller car. Oh, Mr.

Sisker here is your scotch before the boomerang takes off. It's your usual booth, sir. You always have a reservation on Friday night. I just have an image of you on it laughing to the wind. Well, you're like, oh, what'll it be, Lloyd? While you've always been on this roller coaster, Mr. Ziska. Mr. Siska, here's a picture from you, New Year's Eve, 1921, on the boomerang.

Speaking of which, we have a full episode on The Shining on Patreon.com slash we hate movies. That's right. So what were you saying, Steve, you were shit in your pants at great adventure? I was a great adventure. It was a high school senior trip, which I actually just remembered because I told one of my other shit heel being a poor kid's stories on the mailback all months ago. I now remember this trip. I know this story, but I also

now remember that I kind of conned a priest into coming on this trip. Usually it's the other way around. Yeah, wow, you tricked him, huh? That's a first. It was like, it was like a $50 admission fee or something. I was like, ah, geez, I can't afford it. Which, again, I could not afford it. He's like, well, Stephen,

if you, I'll pay for your ticket. You just pay me back whenever you can. He got, stupid, he got defrocked for this. No, nothing else happened. Well, I'm not saying anything else happened. It's just... Do you pay for like a spiral fry too? Sorry, sorry, please continue.

No, so yeah, now I now remember that I owe some priest out there $50 and he'll never get... Father fucking sucker, that's that guy. Fucking find me, asshole. Oh, yeah, father probably dead at this point. Well, that's what... Listen, Steve, when you die, you're going to see him as a ghost

and he's going to be like, my $50. I had to... I had no money to pay the boatman, whatever the fuck. 50 dollars. That's like a creep show episode. Oh, dude, yeah, that sounds right. You're an afterlife debt, man. I'm in real debt, and I'm also an afterlife debt.

Well, I'm just saying, once you kill yourself because of your crippling real life debt. Yes. I don't assume that my real life debts will ever go away. It's going to carry over to the afterlife, right? With the priests. That's the death tax, dude. That's what that is. So, no, I'm on this.

It's a roller coaster. It's called Bats. Batman and Robbins the Chiller. Oh, of course. Which was a famous roller coaster. Is that a reference to the Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mr. Freeze? It was. Yeah, it came out because this was the same.

Did you get a free icy with it? I think you did get a cup, one of those silly cups, with long guys. Right. But basically, the idea of the, there was a Batman roller coaster and Robin roller coaster. They both went off at the same time, but they shot out. Like they were really fat. It wasn't the slow climb up.

Was the Batman side awful and nobody went in the Robin. Yeah, are people mad about like getting on a different side? Did you get to pick? I was on the Robin side and I'm a Robin fan so I probably did pick. Was the priest on the Batman's side?

Hey, nice outfit, Stephen. He saw Steven the concession stand whip out a fucking huge wallet paying for those curly fries and fat stacks. Wait a minute, but Stephen, I thought the roller coaster took off. But so I'm sitting down and it's the thing

you know, you put the, because it goes upside down, and they put the guard over you. Yeah, yeah. And it just, and I, he put, you're clinking for everyone else because it's like locking in, like a whatever kind of lock. And for me, it just doesn't do that. Oh, you're dead. You're good.

And he starts going up. And I have to be like, excuse me, sir, my, my thing's not on. And he's just like, and he's just checking row of front of me, row in front of me. And like, there's a dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt. And I'm like, hey, hey, hey. And I have to scream, lose my fucking voice by screaming. I was like my fucking thing man he's like oh I'm sorry dude and he locked me and I was like this is uncomfortable then I fired off and it went on the roller coaster oh man you almost

died I almost wouldn't I saw a premonition of my death actually that's crazy that's pretty great man I didn't really go to a lot of amusement parks I never was into roller coasters yeah closest I have to that is once when I was a kid I walked like an hour into the woods outside my house in the dead of winter and then my foot like fell into a hole in a snowdune and it took me hours to dig it out like the sun was going down wait i'm sorry that's the closest you can come to being on a roller coaster well he almost perished i almost perished oh i see jack london story how did that happen to you i just went out dude i don't know so steve almost went on a roller coaster where the thing wasn't secured properly and you lived 127 hours but in the winter

how many wolves do you kill not many uh no i mean i've seen them but i haven't interacted with that i guess i should have told the story about when i fell down a gorge yes also that's close to death right i grabbed a tree at the last second so a sapling or like a real tree well it wasn't like a huge tree it was it was in between i would say it was in between a sad i just was wondering if you were a Hannah-Barbera cartoon in this situation. So she's on the ride. All of her friends are there and like everyone bullies her into staying. Even the fucking attendance that are working this thing.

That's the kind of crazy part. I kind of feel like it's like it's like a dominatrix. It's a safe word. Like you got to get them out of there when they say it. Totally. I don't want to be on this ride. You got to let him go. Because it's like it's two squeaky voice teens and then this motherfucker that looks like meatloaf.

And that guy's like, get in the chair, you stupid bitch. I've never seen this kind of roller coaster bullying in my life And this is what I didn't believe it Because all the people who run these rides They always look like they're members of the Bajal surfers Or they're one of the pizza losers Who are hunting the three ninjas They all look like one or two of those groups

And like these are all youngens These are like My Chemical Romance without the like These dudes were in a band that signed to drive through through records, you know what I mean? No, thank you. So the ride starts, and right when it starts, you see

like there's some sort of hydraulic fluid leaking. Yeah, we're leaking red jelly or something. Which means that the ride is also cursed. So it starts happening. This kid, Frankie Cheeks, has his camera anyway, and like... Oh, because they do make a big point to say, like, no cameras

on the ride, blah, blah, blah. Great, great idea, guys. Yeah, definitely no cameras on the ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it starts. It starts. starts going, the hydraulic fluid starts fucking up, everyone starts to die, right? The whole roller coaster falls to shit. One of the reasons why is his goddamn

camera falls and the strap like wraps around a track and then it gets hit by something and it starts to like... And this is where I'm reminded, did anyone read the Tribune Trivia on the IMDB that is in, it's basically

defending this character? I do not see this. It is a lengthy fucking entry. That's like, because Frankie Cheek's camera gets wrapped around the post, many people incorrectly blame him for the disaster on the roller coaster. I'm like, first of all,

you're watching fucking Final Destination 3. First of all, those girls were in public with those sweet, sweet. But they go into this. Frankie had a right to film him. Exactly. It is this insane explanation of why, like,

because the fluid's leaking and then this would have happened to the... And I was like, what are you a fucking roller? coaster engineer. Also, you're fucking defending this character. Cranky is the closest thing we have to an antagonist besides death. Death itself.

Who, they can't even bother to fucking cast anybody for it. So some of the deaths here, like, what happens? People start falling out. A lot of people just getting shot right off the carts, which is... Lewis gets, the jock guy. He gets thrown and he gets

hit in this pole. It's pretty nice. Yeah, that's pretty... Yeah, that's not bad. The dude who's like the male lead in this movie, Kevin, I think. Mr. Upskirt himself. Yeah, he gets, like, cut in half, which is great. It's kind of funny, they go upside down. It's like, a lot of shit has happened.

Mary Elizabeth Winston and her buddy are next to each other. Because, like, the boyfriend's like, oh, I'll go up front, you go in the back, whatever. And the goth kids are in front of them. They're holding on for dear life. They're stuck upside down. Yeah. And Mary Elizabeth Winston's like, hold on, no matter what you do. Hold on.

I'm like, yeah, I know. Yeah, thanks for the sweet. your device, Wendy. Keep breathing. Breathing it out. Hold on a second. I got an itch on both of my feet right now. No, don't scratch it.

Oh my God, don't scratch it. They both drop. Yeah, they die. It's pretty cool. It's a fantastic sequence, I have to say, and I guess because I forgot how these movies go. I mean, I've only seen the one. I got duped.

I thought, like, this was the entry, and they were, and, like, they were just, some of them would survive. Oh, right, you know, like that would be the cheating death. It's just good filmmaking. Yeah, no. James Wong knows what's up. I will say I would so much rather die in a plane crash than die in a roller coaster. Absolutely not.

It's more dignified. Like, at least, like, oh, my God, did you hear about flight 400? Well, plane crash is like, there's no way you're surviving. A roller coaster, maybe. Oh, no, I'm saying if I die in either case, I would much rather die in a plane crash. Well, here's what I think it is, is dying on a roller coaster accident is way to, closer to dying in some crazy carny porta potty accident than a plane crash. Right, because you want to be remembered like the big

bopper, not the big fat guy that died on a roller coaster. Exactly. One is way more dignified. It's like, oh my God, do you hear Steve died on flight 211? Oh my God, that's terrible. Oh, did you hear Steve died on the fucking on Marvin the Martians wild ride? Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's an enormous fucking difference. On a roller coaster called the whippersnapper. Oh, the whippersnapper 7. Also, because if you go flying and then you just land to whatever carney theme park,

then you're just amongst the trash and you're just like a blob, dead amongst wasted corn dogs. Give me that one. I like that one. There's nothing dignified about you anyway. But I like that. A supplemental segment here on Skydiving News Network is roller coaster disasters. We have another one today. 46 souls perished, including Stephen Sade.

on the Joker's last laugh. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind. Out of all those people, they are able just to say your name without any, any type of like, don't explain who he was. You know, you know who we are.

I'm known in the skydiving community, Eric. All right, because you're a legacy from your family lineage of extreme sports. All donations can be. made to Six Flags Great Adventure Stephen Stephen

Loop to Loop SADC will be interred behind the Green Lantern Ring Toss Game Booth famed roller coaster

rider They're bearing them there like the war dead He died as he lived saying Woohoo Woohoo

woo hoo Oh shit Wait I'm telling you I would much rather die in a plane crash There are I feel this is a real thing Even though the only time I ever heard of it Was on an episode of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt But there's like coaster chasers out there

Oh really? You're riding coasters Because in that show her mother Like her biological mother is Lisa Kudrow And she's like a woman who travels the country Riding Roller Coasters Oh wow Like when a new one opens up like you travel to whatever the park is and ride it.

Haven't you heard about that app, roller rate? Where you just rate roller coasters? I can't even tell if you're fucking joking. I'm fucking with you. Listen, listen, it's not for me, but that's a good idea for someone. Do you guys see the trailer about that app that kills you?

There's a new movie coming out. Oh, really? Oh, shit. I'm way into this already. You download an app and it tells you like when you're going to die. Oh, I got an invitation to this trade screening and deleted it immediately. It looks very final destination. What's it called?

It's like, it's app killer. I got to look it up. Down something? I don't know. So, downvote? Reddit the movie. That's a final destination. So she like much like the first movie, she

wakes up from a trance. Because actually in the first movie, Devin Sawa goes to sleep and it happened. Right, right, right. or she just kind of zones out and has a daydream, I guess, and sees all their deaths. And like the same thing, I think there's gum on the seat and she's like, oh my

gosh. That's more like the second movie is more of a like mid of, like she's about to go on to a highway. Oh, really? As a daydream. And so she's like, oh my God. And this is when she is like, I need to get off this fucking roller coaster. It's going to crash. Yep. And you know, the

easiest thing to do, if you're this meatloaf looking dude operating this ride, just let her off. Exactly. Let her right the fuck off. And he's like, no, shut down. He's like pushing her back in her seat. It's like, dude, this is not how roller coasters work. It's not a, it's not a public utility. It does not need to happen. By the way, the movie I was talking about is called Countdown. Yeah, I just found it. Tagline, death. There's an app for that. Wow. In theaters, October 25th. I am always about any internet horror movies. Love them, love them, love them. And let me tell you this,

starring in the film won Mike Dexter Peter Fasinelli himself Nice, is he playing a high schooler? Maybe. So she gets off I think in the midst of stuff the jock gets up and starts

calling her a loser and like that starts a fight very much like the first movie where like now everybody's got to get off this roller coaster and there's a crazy thing that we're like the jock like pushes somebody or something and then like a woman gets punched in the face like the goth girl gets punched in the face yeah yeah

the Lewis actually says like she just wants attention yeah and then someone like I think uh one our hero of the film coming up the upskirt man oh Kevin Kevin says something like fuck you or whatever and he's like fuck moi I was like what do you miss piggy

or fucking Edward for a long yes thank you did you call moi a dip shit yeah so they start fighting. They get kicked off. The Jock gets kicked off. The goth kids get kicked off. But actually, both of their boyfriends and girlfriends actually stay on the ride. Right. Oh, and at this point, mystery people get kicked off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is horse. That part of the movie is such horseshit. It makes no sense. You are just killing time. Like, this movie's only like

92 minutes. So, you know, woohoo. But it could have been 82 minutes. It was only the most memorable moment of my entire life. I don't remember who was there. Yeah, oh, I don't know. So, So they get kicked off. My fucking sister. Whoa. Spoilers. Oh, who cares? Whoa. She's screaming like, oh my God, you have to stop the ride. Like, no, no, no. It must go on.

And it does go off. And everyone's like, woohoo, woo, woo. And then, of course, it crashes anyway. Right. And everyone's like, and then they cut to like a month later or something. Yeah. And so we are at high school graduation. I have to say this high school really not putting in the budget for the final Destination Death's Memorial, like

the first movie. Yeah. This is like, we got a couple of candles and there's some pictures in a glass box. It's happened twice already. You know why, Andrew? It's not just the budget. It's like, look, if that was a plane crash, there'd be a beautiful stone monument. Yep. I'm sorry.

It's just a fucking roller coaster. You're right. Here's the, let's dedicate some space on the bulletin board. You're convincing me to die in a plane crash. Like, you are splitting it. It is like half memorial for these dead kids, half the wrestling team's fucking travel schedule. You want to know.

You want to know when you play in Valley. And we only got so many fucking bulletin boards in this school. So I'm sorry. This is where the memorial goes. And it's like raining and like Mary Elizabeth Winstead is like kind of like, it's kind of hilarious how few people they cast in this movie. They do not cast her any parents. There's very few parents in this movie at all.

There's no teachers. There's no like nothing. It's just like these kids walking around to ghost school. Well, it's nice because it's streamlined. This is like, this is the Final Destination movie that could be a play. Put this on stage. Adapted for the stage. Coming to the Atlantic Theater Company.

Final Destination 3. By the Worcester Group. Don't put any trash in the Winter Garden Theater. Man will they ever. It's insane. That's where I saw Rocky the musical. You saw that? Hell yeah, dude.

Did some pay you to go? No, but I think... No, no, actually, I think I paid them. Now that I remember. Yeah, School of Rock was there. What's there now? Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.

Yeah, crap, crap, crap. But yes. So, like, she's walking around. Did you notice a weird detail here? Sorry, but she's cleaning out her locker. She takes the picture. I want to get the boyfriend's name here. So this is Jason and then the other girl was Carrie.

She takes Jason's picture. off of her locker and throws it in the garbage. Of course, because he now looks like an argonaut. Time to move on. Yeah, I mean, you don't need to keep every picture. Yeah, I guess that's true. And like Kevin... Kevin swoops in for the kill here

and he's like, hey, if you ever need anybody to talk to, you know. And she's like, no, we're cool. And he's like, you know, Jason did tell me to look after you. She's like, yeah, on the ride. Yeah, she's like, he didn't mean forever. We're not getting married. I brought a knife to cut my hand. Watch me bleed for you.

But then he brings up the death conspiracy theory. He's like six years ago, man, this fucking airplane went down. People said these kids were done because of some crazy shit. Why would I know? Why would I Google? What would be the thread that got him there?

That's what I really did. And then he's also like, oh, and then this logging accident. And I'm like, what are you talking about? It's almost like, it's almost as if there were Two other films where this exact same thing happened, and this dude rented them on DVD. But like, if we're talking about that this is a thing, like if someone gets out of a horrific accident alive, death is coming for them, there'd be way more examples than just the fucking flight from the first movie. Right. People dying at once?

Are you kidding me? That happens every two weeks. Like everyone that got out of the fucking World Trade Center. Yeah, totally. It's fucking dodging death right. I mean, because everyone's got that story like, oh, I was going to go there. I had an appointment that day,

but then I canceled that. I just had a thought or blah, blah, blah. Mark Wahlberg canceled the flight, I believe. Steve Razid. Rends it easy. Yeah, he's got death coming for him. All those people on Sully's plane, they'd be fucking dead.

Exactly. Wow, dude, that would have been a great fucking mashup. Hey, letter to Clint Eastwood. How about you remake that Dollas Balls movie and get a little final D in there? Nice. I think Sully 2 is actually a poster in one of Tim Hydecker's shows.

Oh, is that one of the on-cinema things? Or Decker? Oh, really? That's fucking funny. Okay, now Tom, death is coming for you. You're trying to shave and you cut your throat. It's crazy, man. Well, actually, you're making some chicken soup, ma'am.

And then it explodes on the face. This is the scene where Sully's preparing to guest on Late Night with David Letterman. And you get into an altercation with Paul Schaefer and accidentally get killed in the band setup. You get decapitated by a symbol. Because death's gooses didn't get you the first time. Oh, no, it's just about the geese, all the geese that almost died. Sorry, goose.

You're dead. All right, quackers. In this scene, you're getting ready to migrate, but then all of a sudden, Oh, oh, splat. In this scene, you ate too much rice because it was so delicious, but now your stomach's exploding.

Final destination with geese would be amazing. Oh, yeah. Final geese donation, dude. Louise, you're going to get run over by a tourist boat. You think they're going to get out of the way, but they don't. They think you survived, and then bam, the fan gets you. so she's like walking around

it's raining it's pouring she doesn't have an umbrella she's being a bit of a try hard here and like what do you call the two girls from the beginning Ashley and Ashlyn are like we feel really bad hey why do you come with us tanning we're going to go tanning here's my number I have yours for some reason

yeah I don't know what that's about and it's there's a really funny line like they do that thing and then like one of them goes to the other one was like that was really nice of us which is like really really funny yeah it's funny oh they're also she makes a big thing Wendy does about like I'm not going to graduation

Oh right You're fine In any event you're fine skipping graduation For any reason Oh yeah at any level She's not going to graduation She's got to be like a star witness At the fucking lawsuit orama

That's going on with this carnival That's true You want to fucking be taken for a ride They're about to be taken for a ride Absolutely So these girls Ashley and Ashlyn getting ready for graduation

to be tan for it. They start to go tanning which is a fad. I mean it still exists but it was more of a culture at the time. It was massive in in the mid-aughts. Now they're like still around but not as not as prevalent. There's a tanning boom one might say so they go and

they know the guy I guess this Russian guy by the way this dude is going to jail. I hate to bring it to you. Yep. The fucking reaper set this dude up he is taking the fall for this one. Because there's, like, what happens to these two girls? There's no way this dude is not getting blamed for it. This is an amazing death, though. It's, I mean, it's fantastic. I will say,

well, yeah, he's, like, fighting with his girlfriend on his phone or something like that. Yeah, he's like this Russian dude and he's, like, yelling at his girlfriend. And I guess because, like, these two women are, like, regulars here. Yeah. Yeah, old Lugos is like, all right, you know, you know what to do. I have, she's on the phone. She's yelling. I have to go. Recept. Reception. option only good out on back porch. Have to confirm Bitcoin. Have to confirm it via phone still. Payment terms all over the place.

So this dude like goes back outside and there's a weird like a thing of like sunblock or something falls on the ground and this door swings closed. Like it's propping it open. Oh that's oh you're right. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Which is a bad way.

You need a firm object. pal how about just make sure the fucking door doesn't lock when you close it like that also you're the owner get the key you have the fucking keys uh so these two girls are in the the tanning bed booth or whatever uh and they're like you know prepping the whole room and they're like getting a cd and i guess i forgot my iPod oh big time dude yeah i pod that hit weird yeah and then uh they find a CD boom box oh my lord yes like these vintage fun suns songs such as, what was it, like roller coaster, man. It's a jam.

I forget who it is. Ohio something is the name of the band, I don't remember. I kind of agree with Eric here, is it? It's great song. I love that song. It's fine. Because these girls, these fucking 16 or 17 year old girls are fucking loving this song. I just love that they don't see the irony in the song

that they're listening to at that moment. But what, you know, Frankie Cheeks would love to be a fly on the wall in this scene. Oh, absolutely. Directed by Frankie jeeks, I think. Because they get naked, like super naked, like super naked, yeah. One of them is like, why do you still have your underwear on? Oh, because my boyfriend gets off on tan lines. Oh, right.

Yeah, totally. I was like, am I about to watch pornography? Yes, exactly. This was weird. Did I choose the pornography setting of my choose your own adventure thing? Press select now if you'd like to see hard dick. Man, every movie. Stop pressing select. You will see. hard dick in a moment. I promise it's

coming. Hang on a second. You're breaking it. You're breaking it. The hard dick is on the way, sir. I promise you. Every movie should have a pornography setting. Oh, of course. You know, like to every audience, like the Muppet movies, people would love

that. Clint is what's unforgiven? Yes, see what else is going on in the fucking whorehouse, man? Absolutely. You already have sex workers. No, this is on the way to unfriended. Hey, Morgan. Freeman, it's getting a little cold out here on the range. To keep each other warm.

I would watch that. Well, you know, Clint, it's always been my feeling. The bucket list? Oh, yeah. We got nothing left. What are you waiting for? Now, this is living. Yeah, right when he gets penetrated, he goes there.

Yeah, so they're like fucking around. Guy gets locked out. He makes a point of telling them no beverages in the room which they're like fuck you you Russian turd and they bring in

they're drinking like fucking big gulp slurpees from 7-11 gross so the girl puts that down on a thing and there's condensation they're like

oh it's cold in here I'm like you're about to get in a fucking tanning bed what do you care about the temperature of the room and like they do something with a temperature

and then the temperature like death is obviously being involved It goes up and up and up. And there's this, the radio is on a fucking rickety old shelf that falls and the board actually traps them both inside. I mean, this is the magic bullet. It goes like in and out and then through to both of them. That's why, that's why Lugash is going down.

You're totally right, dude. Very true. The magic bullet thing got, got me thinking, what did JFK avoid that then the magic bullet got him? Oh, there was like some boat accident out at Hyannisport, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, just dodged a bullet there. I'd only killed those girls. Thank God for that. I almost fell over when I was putting her body in the lake.

It seems that death is after me. They're killing in the order of we would have died in the boat. That's what finally caught up to Teddy, man. Finally, the lion went down. Yeah. Yeah, I love that, like, what Tony Todd just waited around and then just trickled brain cancer in at the last second. Yeah, but he said, chap acquittic. But, yeah, so, like, this thing locks the both in and, like, it starts to cook up.

This is when I pressed, so they basically burn horrifically, like, it's a pretty brutal death. It's a gritty critter town. It is beautiful. It's a fucking fantastic death. There was so much of this. By the way, I'd never seen this before. The first time I was watching it My fucking jaw was on the floor

For a lot of these deaths The glass is breaking It's like shattering into them While they're burning It's horrific They're like the lights are literally Like melting around the light Yeah

But if you press whatever on my thing It's like do you want her to put the thing up to Do you want her to change the temperature Or not change the temperature And I'm like Oh which is the one that's gonna make it different I did it And basically she doesn't change the temperature

one of the girls, it's a brunette and a blonde. The brunette actually gets out of the tanning bed before it starts to really cook up. She lives? No, but the board knocks her out cold. Oh, funny. And then the blonde is able to get out, but as she's getting out, she gets electrocuted

and electrocutes both of them. It's like an alternate death. It's, listen. But they're nude. But they are definitely totally nude the entire time. It's just such a waste of time. Absolutely. Yeah.

Like, can you imagine being an actor on the set? And it's like, all right, now you're contractually obligated to film these DVD extras. And what do you think the audience for the final destination three DVD is? Huge. Massive. Mass. Yes, but do you think they are into this idea of... Absolutely not. Yeah, of course not.

Hey, babe, we're going to watch it again now with the Choose Your Own Adventure Setting. I'm breaking up with you. You sure? Yes. how's that hamburger helper coming along? This is what I'm talking about. After that we're playing Halo, baby. Great.

Can't wait. So they're dead. So they're dead. Super dead. They go to their funeral. We're at their funeral. This priest is kind of like riffing a little bit. It's like, oh, a lot of dead young people these days. It's a funny funeral. It's a very funny funeral. As far as I understand

it, though, and let me just quick check IMDB to see if we're given last names here for these two. Yeah, they're definitely not related. Why are we doing joint funeral? I guess because they died together and they were friends. They were besties, dude.

Yeah, I guess so, right? Best friends forever. That includes death. They had it written in their wills that they definitely made. But this is one of my favorite moments in this movie because I don't think I'd seen anything quite like this. And I've attended

several funerals in my day. funeral heckling Oh dude it's awesome So this goth kid McKinley Why would he even go to her funeral That's a great quote You know why? Because there's no adults in this town

And you gotta have somebody in the fucking scene And he's gonna try out new material He's got to have a good audience This priest is like As we send our two young lambs Into God's arms This dude's like Fucking horse shit

It just starts going off on this guy And he's like Oh yeah if God loves us so much How is it that, like, they're, you know, what does he say? He's like, so-and-so are still alive or something. Oh, yeah, Charlie Manson lived to be 76 or whatever. He's still alive. He's 70 years old.

Yeah, but these two girls, and this, this blows this movie wide open because this kid says, and those two girls didn't even get to live to be 18. Yes. Which means the nudity that we just saw in the prior scene. is two 17-year-olds totally naked. Very nice, Borat. Just pointed out there, I don't think, I don't think the script supervisor was paying attention on that.

Frankie cheeks crimes all the more egregious. Oh, yeah. And, by the way, they weren't sending lambs to God. They were sending gyro because they're cooked. Oh, well done. You like that one, Chris Gavin? Well done. You like that one? I do.

I do. Now I'm hungry. I want to fucking jam. Oh, man, I've been dying for one. Meanwhile, Lugash has got a fucking spike in his arm at the fucking, they're putting him down immediately. Dude, like a dog. You cook two white girls up, man. You are going, they're putting you down that night.

His funeral should be happening here, too. Well, the two of them are like the caskets are getting lowered into the ground and then Lugash is getting burned at the stake in the background. Thank goodness for mob justice. Get him, boys. But yeah, he gets thrown out of this funeral. Kevin is there. Kevin runs into Wendy. They start talking. She's like, I think you were right. By the way, Wendy, during this whole fucking cookup scene,

was looking at their photos on the digital camera. Oh, right. And it looked kind of, and this is when this movie loses me entirely. Yeah, this is dumb. I love this. It's so dumb. It looks kind of sort of like they're red, so they might be on fire. Right. They're also holding an inflatable palm tree, which also brings to mine tanning. Got it.

Oh, right. This whole concept of looking for clues in the photographs is such a stretch. I mean, this is where we start getting like, Wendy ends up buying into it. And she's like, look at this last photo of Lincoln. You see that line on his head. That's where he got shot in the head. It's all pointing to it. And then, I mean, I cannot believe.

It's a photograph of the Twin Towers. And there's an airplane shadow on one. Now, the question is, is that just a photograph? that someone took on 9-11 moments before? No, I don't think so. But that has to be specified. It's digital, it's all photography predicting

deaths. Yeah, but it had to happen a little bit before. No, she says it's a month before. Oh, does she say that? Or something like that. Oh, okay. But by the way, this movie was filmed in 2005, written in 2004, probably three fucking Super Bowl's pass and we're fucking making 9-11 references in a horror movie?

It was still just a huge hole at that point, man. And the shadow looks like Peter Pan's shadow. It's not just a little faint thing. It's a fucking big black ink stain. It's so stupid. 9-11 would be so much better if Peter Pan collided into the World Trade Center. The shadow's just like jumping up on the tower. It's trying to sew it to his foot.

Just waving it down. Yeah. This whole, like, Abe Lincoln in 9-11, it is so fucking dumb. But it doesn't sort of, I mean, like, what are the rules? Like, do all photos you ever take portend to your death, or is it just the last one? No, it's this camera. It's an evil camera. That would make so much.

If it was an evil camera, I'd be so into it. Oh, like, passed down throughout the ages and, like, it got reworked. Like, part of the lens was putting to her digital camera. It just kept on resold on overstock.com. Dude, that is a franchise and a half, man. We keep buying this year. Use digital camera. That's a movie.

Of course it is. This whole thing about like the camera capturing the method of death, boy, is it very close to a goosebumps story. Yes. Say cheese or die. Does anybody remember? Because I certainly. Oh, wow.

I do not. Absolutely. It's about a camera that you clickety clack and then, yeah. I mean, that's a, I mean, there was a Twilight Zone about that too. Yes, there definitely was. Yeah. So this is, you know, this is what I think the Amish are terrified of. Right.

Yeah. Steal your soul. Oh, no, English. It's going to portend your death. Oh, no, English. I think that 9-11 photo is a bit of a stretch. So, yeah, this causes her to start buying into what Kevin was saying. Say, English, why'd you put up two barns identical next to each other so tall? No barn can stand that high, English. How many cows you got up there?

Explaining skyscrapers to Amish people. I know what they are. A milk explosion would have put out the fucking fine. I mean, putting cows up there would have been smart. Maybe. We should insulate all buildings with cows, live cows. But this is when they're like, she gets, she like kind of faints. And he's like, hey, when's the last time you ate?

She's like, I don't remember. So it's like, all right. Well, we got to go eat. We got to go get some food. Nothing I love doing, man. You leave the old fucking cemetery grounds go right to the drive-thru. absolutely and this is one of my favorite the most gruesome death

this is the dumbest thing ever because this fucking truck starts backing into them yes meanwhile another truck is now running a muck with no driver it is the funniest shot in the movie this truck is rolling down the hill and the guy is like no like running after it poor Giuseppe

oh my god and it's a dude they almost hit this guy as they were driving Kevin almost fucking rammed this guy I literally slapped my knee when I saw this guy waving his arm. Just waving his arms running down the hill after this fucking truck. You're also not talking about the near-divorce couple behind them where the guy is like, come on! They only could, sausage biscuits only for two more hours. Come on. They're freaking out.

I think, Arlene, I'm yelling quite enough. It's fine. I would be yelling more, but I'm taking you into consideration here. Like my dad always said, Doreen, box them in. Box them in hard. So they're boxed in and they're trying, they see this truck rolling down and they're like, oh my God, oh my God.

They honked their horn. The guy in front of them gives them the middle finger. Are you supposed to not know that this is Frankie Chakes? You're not supposed to know that yet. I see. Yes. So this dude gives the finger without looking back. Something I've done multiple times.

Not the drive-through, but. No, because you're too close. The old, like, I'm not even going to give the, the courtesy of looking back at you and I'm giving you the finger. I'm just giving you the finger. And so this truck's coming. It's this whole thing. The truck that's backing into them like T-Bone's side.

Oh, right. They can't get out of the car or whatever. So this kid is like kicking the fucking windshield of this car. Yeah. They escape. And they jump off the car like it's the fugitive. It very much is. While the truck hits their car.

And of course, all I could think about, though, is the Simpsons parody of that because it happens in a drive-thru. And they assume because Frankie Cheeks is a pervert That he's not going to hear all of this Yeah, I don't know what he what music he was listening to How could it matter though? He's in a fucking top-down convertible But like drive away like you know what I mean

That's what I'm saying though There's no excuse for the music or you're waiting for your food Come on what is the story with those nuggets That's what it is like That's the chickens hatched yet man Geez, I got my shake, I got my burger. What is going on with the Nuggets, people? Frankie needs his chicken tendies.

Honk, hong, hong. Oh, my God, he's done. Nuggets. Nuggets. Nuggets. Nuggets. Nuggets. So his brain turns into Nuggets. Dude, this is awesome.

So the truck hits or whatever. And then the fucking engine of this dude's car shoots out and the fan fucking just chops this dude's head. It is so great. It is really good. God, it's great. Guess what, motherfucker? There's a photo of Frankie in that digital camera standing in front of a fan. I shit you not. Whoa.

In the three times I played the Choose Your Own Adventure game, the alternate version of Frankie's death isn't a death at all. He gets away. No. The fucking sex criminal lives? Do you want Wendy to honk the horn again? And I clicked, yeah, so she honks the horn again. same thing happens Kevin kicks out the window

Kevin then saves Frankie from his car and then like Frankie's like Thanks man I made it And like he like kind of runs away And like wow we say We change death's plan Totally different movie now

You know I think they did this also To be like to avoid leaks Like no one knows No one knows it's gonna happen Oh that's an interesting point Oh maybe well so let me ask you this about this though When you're doing these alternate endings

and whatnot. Is it like watch the movie in alternate ending form or is it just like the scenes? Are you clicking to scenes? No, you're watching the movie a big dumb red thing flashes up where it's like would you like Wendy to do this or that? You choose that and then the movie continues. But so for this like Frankie Chief's thing I mean that really upsets the whole the timeline or whatever so can you just watch the rest of the movie? I think you can but they probably don't talk about it again like you

don't know what I mean like the movie is set up in such a way where they don't really talk about but if you're a diehard you know destinationer you know FD or if you will you know how this game rolls right it's the order I assume in part two it's the order

it's the same thing right yes so do you did you when you were watching this did you like skip back a chapter and then we do it oh no I mean I watched the whole movie the regular way and then I was like oh let me fuck around with this thing and that's what I did afterwards

until I literally got tired of it I'm surprised you made it this bar into the film also great touch here because the two of them so Wendy and Kevin are like holy shit I mean because they get sprayed

with brain matter and shit but what's awesome though is they're slowly approaching like I cannot believe this is a thing and then like the motor has one last little bit of juice left in it

and the fan cranks like one more time and like throws him forward a little bit and more brains go everywhere she gets Jackie Kennedy man oh yeah I need them nuggets. Noggets! Nogets!

Nogets! No, I got the nuggets. I need my nuggets sauce. I'm not eating them dry. Oh, did you look at that? They got onion rings now. Yeah, would it be a huge pain if I change the nuggets to onion rings at this point? So, hilarious thing right around here, Kevin's like, oh, yeah, you know, I miss Carrie real bad.

I was going to ask her to marry me, you know. I'm like, douche, chill. She was going to break up with you. Do you get one of these choice things to tell him? Do you want to bring? Then he throws himself off a bridge. Do you want to break Kevin's spirit now or no? Yes, yes.

I'm hitting select. I'm hitting select. In this scene, they actually go back to Wendy's house. They're going through a digital fucking thing. By the way, all of the digital stuff, her putting in this fucking weird digital camera wire, man, It's a USB cord. But no, but the top is a weird one.

Oh, right, to go into the camera. Yeah, I love it. And so they're looking at all the photos. Yeah, this is when he looks at Carrie. He's like, oh, wow, do you think that she would have, and she's like, yeah, that's great. But then he's like, I don't want to look at mine. I can't look at mine.

Right. And she's like, did he's like, did you look at mine? And she's like, yeah, I did. He's like, don't tell me, don't tell me. Wait, is there anything on my ass? No, don't tell me. Don't tell me. And I'm like, wait, what was that?

There's nothing up my ass, is there? cool? Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Because I'll throw that out now. I mean, it's awesome. I love it. But should I use it? No, no, don't tell me. Don't do me. Carrie was into some real wild shit. Was he doing, like, all these photos were like at the carnival. So

did you put anything in your ass at the carnival? Yeah, he got an egg. He put it up there, vibrating egg. And Carrie had the remote. Oh, shit, the remote. You died with the remote in your hands. Oh, man. That's a beautiful story. Yeah, the prize you won at this carnival

Is some sort of cheap sex toy Oh God, you! A carnival sex toy I'm throwing up There's not enough boiling water in the world It's a vibrating egg make out of an actual egg Oh look, it looks like Marvin the Martian Oh yes, I'm gonna go up your ass Now you're gonna need... This is very insulting

It's dark in here you're going to need triple A batteries for this, not those doubles. Going to my disintegration ray setting. Oh my God, it's a Marvin of Martian colonoscopy. That's awesome, dude. Have them clean out your colon. Absolutely. That's when the spikes come out.

Oh, my God. But yeah, he's like, do you do anything go in my ass? Don't tell me, don't tell me. And she's like, I like you. But the weird thing, they never get together. Like, the weird, I was kind of a will they, won't they for part of this film. Yeah, kind of is sort of... Which is weird, because my only other reference point

in this franchise is the first one, which we established on our episode, it's a deleted scene. Yes. But Devin Sawa definitely fucks what's her face. Ellie Larder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie's more sexual,

but there's no sex in it. Like, you know? Get to fucking. Get to fucking. These two should get... Like, I don't know. Like, everyone around me is dying. Literally, I know I'm on this death course.

Like, I'm definitely fucking somebody. Don't you play with the fucking runtime. The best runtime I've ever seen in my fucking life. Bring back. upskirt girl and I have her die in some sexual intercourse. We do. I was going to look for another word, but

intercourse is fine. You are going to die in some sexual intercourse. You do Charles Bronson in. I don't know why I used Bronson for that. Oh, dude, no. She has sex with the dude from seven with the fucking knife dildo. You'll never

believe it's sexual intercourse. Leeland Orser. Leeland Orser. Dude, Cabin and I at the New York Film Festival the other day in between screenings. We were talking about, I don't know even how it came up and we could. Mary Elizabeth Winsed because she She dates Leland-Orso. No, she was married to the guy

who did a recent Leland-Orster movie called Faults. Oh, okay. That's right. And I couldn't think of Leland Orsor and then the movie started and I was like well I guess we're never going to solve that mystery. That's weird. That was like two days ago. Yeah, before she broke up her marriage and her and Ewan McGregor on Fargo. This is a long time.

before that, I guess. Oh, big time. Yeah. She's great on Fargan's. Sexual intercourse in theaters this November. It'll hit the back wall. There. There we go. I don't know. So, like, they're like, well, first of all, we have to, because this movie already showed nudity.

You do, like, it's a joke when Kevin goes upskirt on this girl to take the picture. Sure. But then we see it later. And, like, you really see all of it. Yeah. No, you definitely do. That was quite something. A co-production with the bang bros, Final Destination 3.

Also appropriately, 2016. Catherine, I got to tell you, I'm sorry, but we need you to have an actual Camel Toe for a production. I mean, it's there. It's there for all to see. Who are the bang bros? They operate the bus?

I think so, right? Or mixing it up. Was it the bang, bus? It was the bang bus. I don't know if they were bang bros. I'm sure there were bang bros. I'm sure they were bangbos. Somewhere in time.

There have been bang bro. Oh, my God. I love the idea of the bang bros being caught in time. It's just these two scumb bags around all these dinosaurs. Holy fuck. I don't know. How are we going to fuck anything? I can't believe it.

Oh, geez, the bank bros. They used the word talent a lot. Oh, definitely. They would ruin the whole timeline because they'd be like banging Neanderthals and shit. And it's kind of hot, though, bro. Oh, man, on my own great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great. There's all these widows after the Civil War. They need some dicking on them. Holy fuck, dude. The bang bros are terrible all throughout history.

They're terrors. So then they determine that the next up is that dude Lewis, who is like the jock guy. And he's like at some college trying out for the football team. So they got to like go on a road trip to find this guy. Yeah. This scene is absolutely hysterical. End to end. So in his photo, like there is like sabers.

Yeah. Because there's like a fucking I think it's even like. Assultant. Yeah. Like an Alibaba thing. It's fucking offensive as all get out. That was at the carnival. Yeah.

So they're like maybe that has something to do. Because the, the mascot of this team is also the sultans and the picture is the dude with like the huge swords or whatever. And they have actual fucking swords. Pretty dumb. In this goddamn. Sharp. Sharpened.

There's a fucking, these are, these are props. These are stage swords. None of them should be sharp. There's even a sharp shored. Sharp shorts later in the film that shouldn't be shot. They bring these things to the fucking locals farmers. market, whereas there's the one guy who fucking sharpens knives everywhere.

Oh, yeah, he's got a stone wheel dude. He's going to fucking sharpen for you. They should be plastic. Come on, everybody. They're in this training facility. It's all these dudes going to, yeah, we're going to fucking kick whatever the other team's ass. There's this big bear

in the room. Because the bear is like the mascot for the other team. And it's all these guys just woofing and screaming at this stuffed bear. And I'm laughing. It's amazing. We put on new metal for the first time in the film. It took this long. Yeah, completely shocked.

Because everyone's getting amped and they're like, Lewis, oh my God, you're in danger. I'm not in danger. I'm invincible baby. And he's like doing all this stuff. Yeah, he's talking about how like his life has been exactly how he has foreseen it. Like his entire high school football career, no injuries. Now he's playing college football. And then Kevin's like, but dude, you wanted to play for the fucking bear team and you didn't get into that college.

So this is why you're with the sultans. And he's like, yeah, well, they fucking suck anyway. Yeah. The Bruins. The Bruins suck. The Bruins, that's right. Everyone is grunting to such a weird degree that it sounds like music. And everyone is like working out wrong here. It's all like you're not supposed to set. You set off the lunk a lot. Yeah. It's just like too much. Like you're banging up and down. You're not getting enough benefit from the workout. Think about the muscles you're working out. That's a great point. It's not just throwing shit up. It's like it just turned into a palverro. movie for five minutes. Like everything is escalated now. This is like a heightened reality. And they're all screaming and shit. And like you think the swords are going to decapitate

him, which you know, that's what you're watching this movie for. Sure. The swords do fall and then nothing happens like, yeah, I told you baby, yeah, man, yeah. And then the weights from the fucking machine, he's doing like a shoulder press thing. And he does an extra one. Yeah. Yeah, the swords like cut something

that's holding the weights in place or something. Yeah. And so they come, they fly back together and just smooosh this dude's head. It's a Gallagher explosion is. Unrealistic, to say the least. And also, I don't know. You could smash your head, but like, just have him, have his eye pop out like in Friday the 13th part three or something.

Just rewatch that this Friday of the 13th. Nice. Much better than I remembered at the time. I always liked that one. Those lists are so fluid. The third one? Oh, yeah, it's a lot of fun. With like the bikers in the barn and all that good stuff.

has his hockey mask. If I'm married Elizabeth Winston and this other dude, I might be calling it quits on this road trip. I've been sprayed with brain matter twice in as many days. You know what I mean? And I don't even know these people really. I would write them in email. Like, dude, be careful.

Yeah, like you got to fight with that one guy. Yeah, you don't like this guy? I'd be researching ways to be in solitary confinement that's not jail. The Devon Sawa route. Get the safe cabin thing going on. Oh, right. So you have to find a girl. whose parents abandoned her

and the family homestead at the same time and she just lives there like a hermit. So then you can make a bug house. That's right. Oh, bug, good movie. So they leave and like,

well, that was another fucking fuck up. They go visit the goth twins. Their boyfriend and girlfriend. Yeah. They're working at like a home. But they're twins? That they're having sex with each other? Oh, oh, they're the bang twins.

Bang bros. Bang siblings. This is, yeah, McKinley and Aaron are the two characters here. Right. And McKinley has gotten this crazy idea to load a nail gun and use it to shoot pigeons. This is insane. This is Dahmer Town, my son. You are, you're not even a little kid anymore. You're like 19 at this point, McKinley. Like, I was like, dude, that pigeon man did not deserve that. But you McKinley deserve whatever's coming your way. They are like, now these characters, you'd think they'd be a little lax and responsive.

whatever, but they take this job at this. Yeah, they're working at like a Lowe's or something. Yeah, they take it so seriously and it's like we got to get rid of these fucking pigeons because we care about this Lowe's. Well, they're getting rid of the pigeons because you know who was complaining? Oh shit. Osama bin

supervisor. This is where that line comes and I was like, what the f- I had to rewind him? Yeah. First of all, no one said that. We were still using Hitler. It's the gold standard. I'm actually a little worried that Osama bin Supervisor might be a man of Arab descent,

which is like a whole different border. Like it's one thing to be like, oh man, this guy's a real asshole. Like Osama bin Laden, it's another thing to throw that the way of your like, you're a supervisor of Middle Eastern descent. That's a good point. Yeah.

But we never see because it's like, it's just the two of them closing this huge hardware store in the middle of the night by themselves. But at least they didn't say Saddam Hussein because that guy was just running a sovereign country. Yeah. Supervisor who said. was actually a criminal

Saddam Hussein was just a legitimate head of state that we differ. Hey man, you know what? Like, show me where those WMDs were. Yeah. I'll wait. Bend over and I won't show you because they never exist.

Manager Gaddafi. That would be better. I mean, I don't know. Manager MoMA kind of flows off the tongue better. That's just not. I guess is the lesson. The point is we never learned the true identity of Osama bin supervisor.

No, just one way or another. Do you think he would go to the funeral? Oh, maybe. Well, you would have to do at this point. You have to pay. I think you're paying for it. No. For what? For the nail girl. Yeah. Oh, let's get there.

Oh, let's get there. So they show up and they're like, guys, oh my God, the whole fucking path. And like, fucking McKinley's an asshole. And he's like being like, it's one thing to tell people to go fuck themselves. It's another thing like to talk to them and like try and disprove their theory.

He's trying to destroy them with lots. Yeah, his whole argument is like, well, the person, if your whole lineup thing, your theory is correct here, then wouldn't it be prudent for the person who was supposed to go last to just kill themselves and stop this whole thing and save how many lives by sacrificing their own? Isn't that right, Wendy? And I'm like, McKinley, you are not winning any points for me, but I love the idea that's just like, well, obviously, logically, someone should just kill themselves. I mean... Is suicide ever addressed in this franchise? I fucking forget. I watched all of them earlier this year. I mean, this is a scenario where I would kill myself. I would say, guys, go through them all.

I think it was Eric Siska, a little final greenstination here. Exactly, but it was not bad watching all these movies. It's one of the better franchises. All but five are streaming on Hulu. Five is awful, I think. Wait, no, no, four is all. Four is the bad one. Yes.

Five is the one I like. Four was the one I like. Four was the one. the one that was in 3D, I think? Possibly. It's like, how do you fuck that out? It's the 3 should be the 3D. Come on. By the way, if we're wrong, don't tweet it. Yeah, nobody

cares. Only tweet Cheers. Dodson tweeting. Only tweet cheers. Jeeers are not allowed. That's true. And snitch tagging gets you blocked. And Um, actuallys gets you muted. Right. Don't tag

Osama bin Laden Oh my Osama and Osama bin Laden We had movies to talk a lot of shit about you this week Fuck dude Come on Five million followers There goes my career

You exposed me to Osolvin Lund He's getting a blue check mark Osloven Lund Yeah he's going to get that blue check mark Right before he gets a fucking job in the White House Hanging out with the boys today All right all right All right

Obama bin Laden back from the dead. We're rolling back every Obama mission. Get those bullets out of his face right now. Osama bin Frankenstein. Yes, this is my son-in-law, Jared Kushner. He'll be our necromancer.

It's alive. Al-alim! Jared Kushner is a better chance of bringing Osama bin Laden back from the dead than bringing peace to the Middle East. Oh, no percent. Come on, Jared. You know anything or do about golems, right?

Right? He's right as a thing and put it in his man. Get me the bang twins on the phone. Yes, I mean Jared and Ivanka. This is the most mousetrappy of the mousetrap games.

I loved this whole sequence. Like, so McKinley almost gets it like by a bunch of like wooden stakes are about, there's a fucking forklift driving at them. He like, he slips on some sawdust and it's like, oh, almost got him there. Yeah, he almost falls up the thing, almost got him there,

all this wood. This is like these fucking huge sheets of wood are just falling on these kids. This kid is fucking sawing. They're like are we just got to put away this one aisle and then we're going away. And then later they're continued the conversation this kid's sawing wood. For what? It's like 11 o'clock at night. What are you

doing? Are you doing tomorrow? Pre-cut for the morning trying to get ahead of the ship? What's happening? You're right, Eric. These people really love this job. They're trying to make assistant manager. Seriously, like I don't understand this initiative they have two kids go in the parking lot smoke some weed. It's a high

school job. You're supposed to be shitty at it. Yep. That's what it's there for. Drinking on the job A-O-K. Exactly right. But then so yeah they turn the tables here he gets saved and then it jumps to the next person which is his girlfriend

and this is stupendous she falls back. This fucking nail gun starts going off. She gets 13 nails in the back of the head. It's like the pinhead beginning. or something. 30 wax with a wet noodle barge. Now, Steve, did you have an option here on the DVD?

I think I stopped watching it. Oh, Bonar Jam. You were a research guy. Yeah, I was. This is why we need that intern. 50-year-olds only. And remember, just like we talked about, you're wearing a fucking lab coat.

He's sitting down watching a DVD and a lab code for some reason. We just go to her retirement home and each week give them the DVD. of whatever we're watching. All the extras and if they have any other stuff. I want to report on my desk on Monday. And you're not getting paid. I didn't like it, staffing. I did.

You know that dirty grandpa reminded me of myself. Oh, you're fired. Oh, yeah, that's quite enough of that. There's no college credit for you now. Yeah, so she gets 13 in the face. It is brutal. This kind of brings us to sort of the end of the movie. She's like kind of

the last big death. Wendy is like still trying to figure shit out. She gets like they get kind of arrested after this one. Oh right yes. And I was wondering if there was a deleted scene situation here because she comes out of this police station. Yeah. And there's these two detectives who are

just like watching her walk away. They don't have any lines. But it really looks like we should have met these guys. No adults have any lines in this. They should just put them do what I mean them do

what my wow wow oh dude the peanuts cut just get that in there

but you got to imagine the police are both a suspicious and be exhausted because of

what is been going on in this goddamn town I mean I just don't know how you

even suspect someone I mean these are some ridiculous accidents yeah

I mean first of I got Lugas she's definitely in the clink for the

first one that's that's an open and shut case yeah well at the

You know, at the end of the movie, they should get him to confess to all the killings. Yeah, we are currently holding the manager of Buddy Burger. We're saying his drive-thru is a little too tight. The fat truck driver that's running after his truck, that guy's lost his trucking license at the very least. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, it's like he's driving for Walmart. So she's like talking to her sister who's been sort of a character this whole movie. There's like a lucky bracelet that's going on. Something, something like grandma's inheritance or what?

Grandma's dead. This is when the secret twist is that the sister who's like been kind of shittery to her the whole movie. She's like, get over that stupid roller coaster ends it in. It's Amanda Crew from Silicon Valley. She's supposed to be younger than her, but they look the same. Yeah, they're older. I don't know. She's two years younger than her.

Wow. In the IRL. Oh, wow. Wow. But she goes off to her friend to the tricentennial, and then she discovers a... It is a tricentennial. I know, but so I was thinking about... What's weird here, though, like, so...

They're celebrating a tricentennial. One of the events at this tricentennial is a dude doing Paul Revere's Midnight Run in Pennsylvania. Yeah. Okay. And some guys, like, you hear some dude Screamtys like, yeah, 300 years of freedom. And I was like, what the fuck are you? What is anyone talking about? So the bicentennial was 1976.

Yes. And then, would that be like 100 years after that? Yeah, it would be, it would be 20, 276. Yeah, yeah. But if this movie, if this movie is coming out in 2006, so what the fuck it was going on in 1706? No, it's probably the founding of the town, you know, because. The town's existed before. But what's the deal with fucking Paul Revere?

I think the mayor fucked up is what's going on here. They're just doing a lot of, I guess it's like kitsch factor. But this is one of my favorite parts of the movie because there's a Benjamin Franklin to reenact. Oh, this is awesome. The kite is now up. Let's hope for some lightning.

This was his name, Aaron? Kevin. Kevin, Kevin's just like, fuck you, Ben Franklin. Yeah, it's a good line. Fuck you, Ben Franklin. Because she's like, she's like all right like it feels like this movie's coming to an end

so I better tell you what's going on in your picture and it's your face and like the flash is going off so it looks like you're getting burned it's something that could be a dragon's penis yeah it's ribbed kind of looks like the green goblin or is it fireworks

turns around at the fireworks factory oh shit when they show this fireworks display getting set up I have a feeling those are some real life carny fire works technicians. You get a look at these dudes. Holy shit, roadies for White Snake, if you ever saw them.

Pennsylvania's rotten with them. Oh, yeah, dude. So, but she, she realizes that, oh my God, my sister was on the roller coaster, too. She kept it a secret. Oh, she sees the bracelet in the photograph. For no reason. She did. She didn't told anybody. Like, yeah, you would be talking about, like, oh, my

God, we were both on that roller coaster. What was a mystery? Like, she doesn't know it. Yes, it's, it makes no sense. She'd drive. Never talk to each other. She only exists in like those two moments. They have like a heart to heart right after the fucking thing. But that, but yeah, and you just confirmed

you were both there. What the hell? It's something that would obviously come up at the breakfast table. Oh, you know, I was also almost killed yesterday. You're always trying to be so competitive with me. But she gets in her car to ride to the tricentennial

and at this point we find out that McKinley is following her. This is the most inept scene in the movie because they're trying to do this thing that they do in the first movie and they do in this one as well the song is kind of calling out the thing and like there's a song Oh, because it was John Denver in the first movie, right?

Oh, right. Is there a song in the second film? Did they keep that thread? Don't look like... Oh, highway to hell. Oh, is it really? Yeah. That's highway to hell. But like it's like, there's someone behind you.

This song fucking stinks. But like the move is you play that song and it's kind of creepy. But they're doing that. and in the same scene in the same moment they're doing the bwa

like the scream kind of like score is laid over this song and they're alternating between the two I've never seen it done this way and it's terrible

it's a bad DJ situation it is this dude's trying to flip back and forth between the two discs it's terrible she gets the tricent

and McKinley follows her trice and what the fuck this is the is that like a fucking bicycle for a baby A bicycle for a baby

Those are called tricycles you think it is Tenial It's like it's for rich kids It's a hundred bicycles for a hundred babies Oh dude babies across America We get them to pedal across America I like it I took the seed off my tricycle centennial

They She gets there And this is my favorite part Which is the horse bit Oh my God There are these straight up horse attack Let's call it what it is And these kids

You want to talk to people who are going to go to jail? These kids go to jail. The firecracker kids? Yes. Because you can't do that to a horse. You can't, the horse is not responsible for its actions. You put an M-80 next to a horse in a crowded area. You are going to jail.

But also, why is it the cast of fucking American movie that's running this goddamn place? Not looking for these kinds of things. You would think that it's going to happen. It's going to happen. I'm not going to work in a fucking factory. I got this business. starting up, Mark. Maybe we can go in a business together doing fireworks. I got a bunch of them. They're kind of like lime green. It looks

like a surge. Oh, and that horse started jumping around. I had an acid flashback and I just lost control. I started thinking that that horse looked like Uncle Larry. And then he was talking to him. He was telling me to kill, Mark. No, I mean, I'm not working on the, I'm not working here at the Trace in I got my movie. I got Coven to worry about.

No, I'm not going to help you do fucking security at the tricentennial. Pitching Coven the TV series later this month. To nobody. To nobody. This horse starts dragging her. By the neck. They launch an M80 at this horse. This horse goes fucking ape shit.

It starts kicking people. These kids suck. But I'll tell you, I just don't think it's a good idea to how. horses when there's going to be a fucking fireworks to play. That's a really good idea. I mean, M80 is also terrible, but Jesus. You got you do the horses during the day and you clear them the fuck out of that field.

Exactly. Unless you're going to be eating them soon, because honestly, well, I mean, they should have the cuisine of the tricentennial. So does this rope get around the sister's neck? Yes, it does. Drag in her. Bridal or something gets around her neck. It starts dragging her. Her friend gets

impaled first. The one that No, no, it's fucking multiple horse attacks. Dude, this is a horse 11. I can't believe this. She gets dragged and then, like, semi-saved gets dragged again. Yeah, he, the horse turns around and just runs the other way. The guy, Kevin, grabs a sword. I think this is the sword.

Yes, that shouldn't be sharp. Right. It's a sharp short. He cuts through the cord. Because it's like a, he pulls it out of like a fucking war, a reenactor. George Washington reenacted. Yeah, I was going to say General Washington.

tried to correct myself, but then it would have been right either way. Hey, Mike, you bringing sharp swords to the tricentennial, buddy? Is there such a thing as a not sharp sword, Mark? Let's roll. I mean, sharp, yeah. I mean, it's just so sharp. It's like one swing you cut this thing. Well, you know, this dude's probably some fucking militia weirdo.

You're right. The people that do these things. Come on. He cuts her loose. She's safe for a moment. The horse starts doing other shit. I don't even know how the other girl gets impaled. They like bring the horse back to like the stable and like fucking firework goes off again

because we're in the firework field. And then like it, I don't know what happens. It kicks something. It kicks something this flag. Oh right. Like the town or some shit. Flies through the air and impales this girl. Oh, it's fucking great.

And again, by the way, these kids are covered in blood. Yes, yet again. Dude, it's like someone from like was working on Nickelodeon also wrote this movie. You're almost out of Dr. Browners at this point. Got to get a new one And then McKinley confronts the crew And he's like

He should have a gun or something He's just kind of being creepy He's just standing It's so dumb You're right Like there's no agency to this Because it's like All right well he's like

Also 50 feet away from you And he's like four feet tall So no one's worried And he's like I'm gonna get you guys I'm not gonna die I think the idea is if he kills them It'll stop the cycle

Yeah which might make sense But do it dude But then a crane falls down him and smushes him, presumably because of a horse-related case at that. Yeah, the horse pulled that lever and dropped the crane. This is also a good, like... This is the best bicentennial I've ever been to. Try, Centennial.

The splatter effect here, like, part of this kid is, like, intact and, like, gets shot out of the way, and they definitely have him, like, twitching, like, a fish. Not too shabby special effects department. Oh, no, I went to get a Coca-Cola, and then a boy got smitten. But all that spray happened, I had a bit of an acid flashback. You know, that guy went out just as I want to, holding an ice-cold soda. And though I thought that, I asked him if they had surge,

and they said they sold out. So I got Coca-Cola. Mike, man, when I say to keep the horse away from the crane, I mean, keep the horse away from the crane. You're out of mug roop here, too. I'm on the phone with the VHS company. I can't be looking at everything. all the time. It's just that there's a couple

of cranes that I didn't know which one you were talking about, Mark. I'm sorry. Did you mean me, Frasier Crane? I was just here with my tossed salad and scrambled eggs. Oh, Kevin, really? Five fucking months later. Whatever.

So stupid. We're on a train going a subway of some sort either in sub city, who the fuck knows. Exactly. And it's just Wendy and two friends. By the way, this is re-shot. I read this on the trivia. What? Yeah. And the first time they filmed this,

the two people were people from the second movie. Oh, shit. But the ending tested poorly and the other people weren't available for the reshoot. So like, it's just my roommate and my roommate's friends. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, connecting it to the other movie would have been something. It's sort of something. So they're just like, they're like,

They're like, oh, it's Thanksgiving. We're all going home tomorrow. Let's go out for a nice night. Right. They're on the subway. It's going off. She starts seeing signs again, sort of. Yeah.

And then her sister gets on the train. Yeah, she sees the sister. It's like, oh, what are you doing here? And then Kevin's there and it's like, oh, what are you doing here? And she starts freaking out like she knows what's up. I love Kevin's things. Like, well, I thought I had to go to the city for the big game. Yeah.

Sports game happening. There's upskirts everywhere. I can make a whole catalog if I got a good charge on this thing. Well, I had an interview with the bang bros people. Fingers crossed, they're selecting a candidate for upskirts tomorrow. I might have a second interview.

But in the meantime, I went to this sporting event by myself. I'm still waiting to hear it back from Brazzers. A little upstarting called Brazzers. So, yeah, she starts losing her shit. and then this is great, my favorite character of the film, Subway Rat. He's amazing. He's got like a little candy bar or something.

Yeah, he's like munching on some little chocolate thing or something like that. This is Pizza Rats' father. Oh, I see. Yes, yes. And so he winds up getting electrocuted. It changes the track. The thing goes Haywire. Tony Todd is like, end of the line. Oh, right. Yeah.

And so there's this huge fucking subway disaster. You're seeing all these people getting cut up and killed. gets sucked out the window. Great one. And then his blood flies in. I'm like, yep. She gets splashed in the face again with blood.

The sister dies. The sister gets hit in the head with a fucking train wheel. Oh, you're right. Yeah, that's pretty awful. So the whole thing crashes. As the dust settles, Wendy gets up. She's looking around. You see the roommate and the friend are dead.

Everybody's dead. And then she's like crawling. Her legs broken. A subway comes. And boom. And here's the thing. that should be the fucking end of the movie. Yeah, sure.

It should hit her. Like, it's going to hit her, and it's like, oh, my God, this is how I'm going to die. But it kind of is the end of the movie if you read into this ending, right? Because it cuts back. It was all premonition. But then it immediately cuts to credits with the song Love Train. But you do hear a crash. I know.

Yeah, it still happens. There's no way for her to get out of this. But it's like you just had this great, like, we saw the thing. Yeah. Don't bother cutting back. I agree with you know what I mean. And then, yeah. this dude

we have talked about some heinous covers on this show before it's wretched Tommy Lee singing love train holy tits was this terrible earlier in the movie they show her one of the few characteristics Wendy has which is like zero

yeah she's got a a Joey Ramon bobblehead right and I feel like they went to the Ramones and the Ramones said no like you know what I mean I think the Ramon's really because like Why would you have that unless you're not going to use the Ramones at some point? Well, somewhere in the movie.

Yeah, no thanks. Final what? Somebody says, hey, ho, let's go. When they want the fucking roller coaster to go at the beginning, they start chanting, hey, ho, let's go. I guess it's a senior thing. Yeah, that's the best. We'll give you those scumbag. At least Final Destination, too.

I had the money to fucking, they got some incubus in there at least. Oh, shit. Tommy Lee. It's Icolo. I was floored when the music credit It's bad It's not good I thought it was orgy for a minute

Yeah it sounds a bit orgy-esque Because it's like sort of slow and emotional Get on the Love Train Wow that's rotten And that's how you end that movie That's the end of the movie It's a fucking putrid cover of Love Train Great

Hey great But I just remembered something cool about I believe the fifth movie It takes place before the first movie Get Out of town So at the end of the end the movie, you see them like they like intercut with

the original movie. So it's kind of like a period piece. Yeah, it is. Slash Back to the Future too. It's fucking shocking. Wow. Yeah, you got to go through it, dude. Go through the series. It's a good series. I think it might be part of my October watching. We're recording this in late September. So I'm getting ready

what I'm going to put on the tube. Oh yeah man. I've got an Excel doc. Oh, fuck. I really. I really do. Dude, you got to sign up for letterbox. You're making Excel Docs, it's 2019. You're like giving yourself work or something. No, that's what you do all day.

I've made an Excel doc every year for the last five years. It's sad. Well, if it ain't broke. Yeah. Would anybody recommend this movie? I would. It's a fun one. It's kind of, it's weirdly, like, it's fun if you like carnage. It doesn't have. What if you like venom? If you like carnage, there will be carnage. And it will truly be a planet

of final destinations. Let me put on my stupid Wendy's wig while I say this. Dude, he looks like he should be making hamburgers with that fucking thing on. I love it. It's kind of joyless in a lot of ways, but also like the deaths are so much fun. It's worth it. It's worth it. It's a light recommend. It's a recommend. Oh, big recommend. I love this movie. This is my favorite of the death. Wow, the big L word. It's probably one of my, if, it's

It's definitely the best of the series, I think. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And it's definitely, I would say probably, like, I got a lot of joy out of it. I don't know about that. I mean, I think it's, like, very aware of how silly it is. Yeah. And my God, this runtime. It just moves.

Like, this thing does not slow down. I smiled when I saw the fucking runtime. Then you got a bunch of fucking smashes. Mm-hmm. What do you need more? Smashes. So many smashes. And it's a smash-heavy franchise.

Smashes? A couple of squishes. And this, but this one's got a lot of them, and I appreciate it. I think I agree with Chris here because this is like quick, you know, you get the, you get the kills. You don't have to deal with the machinations of the father and mother of these children. Right, yeah. So, I mean, I think it is my favorite of the series. I would recommend it.

I think it's like first, third, and like fifth, if that's the one I'm remembering. I think that's the one I remember liking as well. Yeah, those are the ones that are kind of worth it. Two is whatever. I mean, four is trash that I remember. I might have the order. Two and four are both trash. Anyway, watch Final Destination.

But there are smashes and both. Oh, yeah. I love a good smash. Yeah, I had fun with this. I think what Steve was sort of getting at with the joylessness of it, at least this is how I read that comment was like, none of these characters are likable. There's nothing you know about them. It doesn't matter. So, like, you're just sort of nihilistically watching, like, how's this one going to get? And I know that's like slasher stuff across the board,

but like some of these movies have characters doing things. This because of its need to just be like a mousetrap thing every single time. You don't got time for that shit. You want it to be 92 minutes and you got to take out all that characterization. But I do think they like suddenly subvert a lot of stare at like the fact that the two tanning girls aren't mean or anything. They're like nice and they're like genuinely like they feel like humans a little. bit. And even McKinley like kind of is a little bit more complex

than at first glance. Sure. I mean, but like I do get what you, it's very compact. There's not much character building. Yeah, that's also kind of the franchise. The first one is the only one that really cares about character. I wonder if that means that it's the longest one. We'll have to look that up. I don't know. But that's a conversation

for notion. We should ask the spreadsheet guy. You can crunch the numbers. I will. Can you get me a PowerPoint too? I don't do PowerPoint. I don't do PowerPoint. I don't know. Oh, fuck. Oh shit, is that on your resume? No, I know I do everything.

I know it all. That is Final Destination 3, directed by James Wong. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Where right now you can get yourself a full-length W-LM episode on Stanley Kubrix, The Shining. And we're actually dipping into WLM territory on animation, damnation as well. We're doing The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror number five. It has the shinning on it That's kind of a connection there

Sure Really great episodes We're just having fun We've loved our episode On The Shining You should definitely check it out It's a long one Long long one

It's a long and yeah And what's more fun Than dip it into the Simpsons Shining Spoof there Totally So that's gonna do it For this episode But the cool thing is

We're just getting started On the spooktacular here Steve what's going on next week Okay So Andrew you get in front I'll get in the middle Eric, you go behind me and then Chris you get in the back

and we're going to form ourselves a human centipede Oh man, I think this may wind up Here's the thing We could get gross with it But what's the point Because the film we're talking about Is already gross for

We're going to get gross Yeah, I kind of agree Don't be going to eat shit next week So until next week Where the episode comes with a barf bag I'm Andrew Jupin Steven Sadek Chris Gavin

Eric Siskin Take it easy That was a hit gum podcast.