We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 463 - Angel Has Fallen

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

On this week's episode, the gang continues celebrating(?) the worst of 2019 with a raucous conversation about American Mike 3, known elsewhere as Angel Has Fallen! How in the world is Gerard Butler not the head of the Secret Service by now? Does American Mike have CTE? And why did we need that stupid stinger scene? PLUS: Hey, American Mike, meet your dad's new wife—a skeleton? Angel Has Fallen stars Gerard Butler, Morgan Freeman, Danny Huston, Piper Perabo, Lance Reddick, and Nick Nolte; directed by RIc Roman Waugh. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey gang before we get going on today's episode we have some huge news to tell you about you love it so do we and it's back this march what's that I'm talking about that's right it's the 2020 listener request month I'm so excited yeah and this month Chris Kevin's what the fuck is that he started crying it's like baby Yoda now we got baby cab oh fuck dude now we're selling some toys so we're fucking quitting the show is what we're doing uh this is gonna be we do this once a year if you're a new listener uh we're you're You call in and you tell us what to watch. The 10-year rule, by the way, is off the table entirely. Oh, yeah.

It should be streaming. It shouldn't be in theaters. So that'll be fun. And we should have not already done an episode on it. Go to our website. It's new and improved. Scroll through the WHM Prime list. Everything is listed there.

Hit that Control F and figure it out, man. And we reserve the right to throw out certain movies such as the Room and Bird Demic. Just stop trying. Stop it. I swear. Yeah, there is stuff we're just not going to do now. Steve Sadek, let's throw out those dates so everybody knows what's going on here. The lines are open right now, and they're going to close on January 28th at East Coast time at the stroke of midnight.

Nice. So it's two full weeks for you guys to get your shit together and call, and you're going to be calling the new number. The old number is thrown away. We've got a hotline, a brand new hotline. Hotline. Everybody talking about hotline. Hot stroke. And international listeners, you're not going to be able to use.

Skype anymore. So pick up the phone, make one phone call a year. You're fine. Yeah. You could also like with cell phones and shit, international calls, I don't think you're paying for him anymore. It is 1833 WHM gang. That is

1833-946 4264. 164. 1833 WHM gang. Oh yeah. The gang. And like we said, please, just go through that list. You don't want to lose out on a call. a chance to get on the air

by picking a movie we've already done an episode of. Also, short, succinct messages of why you want us to do this movie and please tell us your name where you're calling from. If you violate these rules, you'll be thrown out. You might think it's funny

when you're drunk. We can't always understand you when you're drunk. Yeah, that's a good call. Yeah, like 9.5 out of 10 times, it ain't that fucking funny. Liquid courage always helps, but sometimes, much like you are when you're trying to have sex, it just really ruins it. What was that number again? 1833 W.H.M. Gang.

That's right. So the call line is now open. Like we said, succinct calls. Get those calls in. We want to hear from you. This is one of the most exciting times of the WHM year. That's right. And we're going to do a nice drawing on our YouTube channel. So you want to subscribe there to find out if your movie gets picked. And these will all air in the month of March. That is right.

And for those of you loyal and generous patrons, you can write in, to WHM Requests at gmail.com for an LRM episode of your choice that means good movies folks We're going to be picking out a good movie this time around I swear to God And we're going to have a lot of fun with it as a full-on Patreon episode for We Love Movies

We're also going to be doing animation damnation as well So you're going to write into that You're going to tell us what the cartoon is You're going to tell us where to get it YouTube links are fine, all that kind of stuff Links are okay Streaming services are better but I'm not like fucking finding a tape.

I'm not going to do it. No, and I'm not buying some Chinese box set from Amazon either, so I'm just putting that out there. And we're also accepting Gleap glossary entries. Oh, yeah, sure. Request a Gleep, and we will take, it has to be a Star Wars character, probably in the original trilogy and or adjacent.

Sure, if they got a Wikipedia page that would make a fun enough episodes, you know, send it our way. Yeah, we'll have a little bit of fun with that. And also, yeah, make sure, at the very least, it's not like, ah, the blue guy. You've got to have his dumb Star Wars. We need fucking names, everybody, okay? These things all look the same to me.

Want to do Babu Frick? You tell me it's Babu Frick, not the little thing. And finally, the Nexus as well. We're doing Star Trek episodes. We throw out the whole thing. If you want to, you would request a TOS episode, a TNG episode, Deep Space Nine episode. What am I forgetting?

Voyager as well. Enterprise. We previously said we're not doing Discovery because it's too different. It's too new. We haven't watched it yet. So yeah, so Discovery is off the table, as will Picard B, because we're doing Picard anyway. All that, gang, pay attention to the dates.

That end date again, Steve. It is January 28th at the stroke of midnight at East Coast time. The email you want to do for the Patreon stuff is WHM Requests. That's plural. And the phone number is 1833-946-4-264-264-1833-W-H-M gang. All right, everybody. So, yeah, what's that? Follow us on social media.

Oh, sure. So you can see the drawing. Yes. You know, we don't know exactly when we're doing it yet. We'll figure it. So at WHM podcast on Twitter and we hate movies on Facebook. Absolutely. There it is.

So this March, gang, you tell us what to watch. This week on the program, at least some of them came back for this sequel. It's Angel Has Fallin. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies.

You know, I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in to our fine program, as always. Now, that's right. The worst of 2019 month continues. We're talking Angel is Fall and directed by Rick Roman Waugh. This is a gentleman's name, screenwriter, and has directed some stuff before this. I believe, a rock motion picture. Oh, really? It's like a static cut of a rock, like on a shore. Might as well have been. It was the rock film Snitch from 2013. He did that shot-caller movie,

the Nicholas Costor Waldo. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? What's that called again? Shot-collar. Okay. It's a bad name. He wrote, and did he direct?

There's another movie called Felon. Yeah, from 2008. Oh, shit. Stephen Dorff and I believe Val-Kalmers in that movie, yeah. What felon? I wonder if Stephen Dorff was a felon at the time. An actual phallum I love that new Stephen Dorff trailer

For whatever fucking deputy And they're like You're the new sheriff of Los Angeles County He goes, you gotta be kidding me I haven't seen this at all It's my favorite television show It's a television show It's Stephen Dorff trying to do justified

Yeah Oh that's no good It's like you gotta be kidding me Oh man I don't know you might have sold me What time period does it take place in? I think it's now But he probably still rides a horse

just to show everybody what's what. So he's a guy from 1890. And he's the deputy of Los Angeles County now? Yeah, it's very difficult. Interesting. He's going to get canceled. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. So this is the third

in the ongoing American Mike franchise, as we call it here. American Mike 3. We did a previous episode on the first movie, Olympus has fallen. Yes, and if we were keeping score, we didn't do the second movie because it was just too damn racist. I mean, what are you going to talk about, right? Yeah.

This is basically a, like your traditional wrong man movie. He's basically framed for attempting to assassinate the president. That's what's bullshit. The title is such bullshit. Who is Angel? Him? It is because they drop a stupid fucking line where they're like, the president's guardian angel has fallen.

Dude, you've got to be kidding me. That's stupid. That's on television, by the way. That's not on some crank's fucking podcast. To be fair, though, like, he has saved the world twice now in dramatic fashion. Dramatic. This guy, the fact that he's not the deputy, the director of the... You gotta be kidding me.

I'm the deputy director of Secret Service. You gotta be kidding me. You gotta be kidding me. What an honor as me a born and bred American. He should just be like, Secretary of Defense at this point. Or Secretary of Partying Down. Yes. Secretary of

a dubious American accent. Well, here's the thing, because you know, listeners at home might not know. You may have not heard the good news. They have Greenland another three of these movies after the success of this one. How? Another trilogy?

And here's the thing. Episode 5 of Mike. There's been an awakening. Listen, I would like to posit here and right now. recording this episode January the 2nd, 2020. The last Mike. The last Mike movie, okay, part six.

Yeah, he's a forest ghost. President Mike. Oh, that he has to protect himself. I love it. I'm disbanding the Secret Service. Come and get me, terrorist. Disbandening me. I think you're totally right.

That's the only way this arc can go, because everybody keeps getting more and more clout. This movie kind of ends with like, He has to write a desk now. His body's been destroyed too much. That's episode four right there. I've been riding the desk. I've gone soft.

Uh-oh. I'm in an apartment building and everything went crooked with my new girlfriend. All of these movies and with him about to resign and take a fucking desk job. And it never fucking happens. Yeah, but it happens here, dude. Morgan Freeman makes him basically. But then they give him like the Darth Vader body for the scene. What I appreciate about how this movie is.

sets itself off, is that it's actually acknowledging that these years of him saving the world and like taking these beatings and whatever are actually destroying his body. This one doctor is like, hey man, you've had how many concussions? What's going on here? And he's like, my body

is falling apart. He's a fucking opioid addict. Yeah. It's for real. He's a true American. This is what diehard should have done. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. American Mike's got a leg up now. But I mean, it doesn't really matter in the movie. Like, should that'd be kind of interesting if it was like at the end they do some noise distortion which

really pisses me off yes uh but like that's it it's never like ack me back you know what i mean or like now correct me from wrong like my bad knees don't shoot me in the face i just landed bad on me bad he's like shaking and he's getting like headaches but he uses a fake name to go to the doctor and a fake job and everything which is so weird though you get the headaches i'll get such bad headaches, Jason. Well, what I want, because that's what I thought in the beginning was like, you've had so many concussions. Oh, my God. I thought I was like, oh shit, does

American Mike have CTE? Like, that's a movie where he's like doing like weird shit. Like he's opening up, uh, like he's buying all sorts of digital cameras on the internet. Dr. Will Smith should be in this too. Tell the truth. Tell the truth, American Mike.

Tell the truth. I bought 41 digital cameras last week. I had a moniker episode. Oh my god. Does the guy that bought all those Jerry McGuire VHS tapes that he have that same thing? It's possible so this movie starts out one of the worst ways to start a movie we think yeah a fake movie. A fake movie. Here I am thinking it's a fake mission it's a fake movie sure yeah not a fake movie but

like it's a little like yes you know I was like what like American Mike appears to be in the Middle East right here like what is going on is this like a flashback or is he back in the shit? Is he not working for the Secret Service? Maybe he got a good hold of the new Call of Duty, because that's what this is most sweet. Dude, yeah, with the fucking P-O-V shot.

There was that one POV where it's like first-person shooter and I was like, I fucking get it. Oh, God. There's another POV shot which is jerk off instructions. Yeah, I'll last more than five seconds, you stupid game. Quaker. Go quicker now.

Take it out already. Come for me I want you to come on my face Oh, he's doing the video I thought he was playing the game Do you think Morgan Freeman's doing the video? Come for me All right, Mr. Banning

Gonna give you a count down now, Mr. Banning You might want to undo your trousers Mr. Banning, you might want some lube there. Mr. Banning, get that hand off that dick. Now start again. I want you to cut your arm and then use that blood. Because it's American Mike. That's a tough guy.

What's the videos are you fucking watching? You don't want to know. No, so it turns out it's like a fake thing. Danny Houston's running this paintball chorus. And it's kind of great. Like the end of it, like he comes out and he gets shot with a paintball. And you're like, eh, ha, ha, ha. And it's like Danny Houston's running this whole thing.

This fucking guy comes out and shoves him. He's like, hey man, you fucking threw me down the stairs. Which is totally right. When I'm watching it, I'm like, oh, this is probably fake. But then I see him start punching people in the face. I'm like, oh, that it's clearly not. I had to throw you down the standard so the audience believes I'm really in a combat situation.

The what? Yeah, yeah, I got CTE. I think an audience is everywhere. Speak to the audience, Mike. Yeah, so we are introduced to Danny Houston, which, by the way, the fucking crooked alarm goes off. I mean, Mike, it's just like, Like you can't have this guy, even for a second in any movie.

If he's crooked, you can't hide it. But also, like, he's the guy that's, he buys 5,000 acres of land that used to make cruise missiles. You know he's, it's like a Bond villain movie. He's fat Eric Prince. Yeah. That's it. He's fat Eric Prince. Of course, he's fucking crooked.

What the hell are you talking about? Eric Prince in five years from him? Yeah, a little bit, maybe. Cabin, what I'm saying is you don't even need to fucking, you know, learn what property he's purchased. You see Danny Houston in a movie such as this and he's crooked. I would love if like Lance Reddick comes up to Mike. Mike, you know, that's Danny Houston. He killed fucking Wright Fines and Consta Gardner. He's kind of a shitty

husband in birth. You ever see Wolverine Origins? No, don't watch it, but he was bad in that too. Really fucking bad, man. There's a lot of like VOD stuff you don't even want to know. There's this whole thing where like he he's complaining about how like this business is like in the red and all this shit. Here's all he has to do. Open up that range for all these fucking

yaha video game want to be jackhalls to go run their own fucking missions with paintballs. Sure. There you go buddy. There's a business because people will flock to this shit. He's doing it as like a training thing for real soldiers or whatever. Right. Right. Yeah. Because he's he's like a disenfranchised

mercenaries how he's like a few in the world because of Blackwater. Like mercenary armies aren't as big of a thing because of those scales. Also, President Morgan Freeman's trying to eradicate that shit too. Exactly, yes. He mourns that Eric Prince went down because that really did a blow to his fucking business. Thanks, buddy. Well, yeah, it's like when you get on the online poker boom and that it all went crooked,

except for your fucking raiding villages, you shouldn't be rating. Instead of losing your Morgan. I want an online rating villages. I'm sure they haven't, dude. Yeah, you're just not rich enough to get access to that website. Yeah, I want to play like those stupid app games where it's like, you're building it all. I want to do that in real life, but like I have so much money.

Yeah. That it actually happens and I get to watch. So you're like you're doing like SimCity with real people kind of thing? I like that. You just want to throw big pieces of candy at other big pieces of candy. Damn right. Don't hit to Patreon. So yeah, he's like seen like popping pills and all this shit.

Well, the best thing I wanted to Danny Houston's, at the end of it, he's like, oh, because he's like, hey, Mike, I heard you're up for a director of Secret Service. Want to put in a good word for your old friend who I don't know. I'm talking like this in this movie. Who knows? Well, that's what he always does. Yeah, I know. I'm kind of doing this, and it's covering up that sort of British accent I have. It's very weird.

Danny Houston. Mike, it's called a gruff. A gruff sound. You should come over and do that. This is my Irish. This is my Scottish. Scottish. This is my Scottish accent.

You just have to deal with it. You come over and had thrown those mistakes on and meet the wife. Oh, right. He's like, when's the next time you're coming to D.C.? And that's the thing, too. He's like, fuck. Yeah, oh, I'll be there. When do you need me, man?

Oh, that's a great. Oh, fuck. Now I've got to go to fucking Mike's house shit. God damn. It's going to be a whole fucking weekend thing. Oh, my God. The dinner at Mike's house, too. Holy fucking shit with this story about Mo.

Grim. Oh, yeah. So let's get into it. So, like, almost immediately the next scene is he does come over for dinner. We're introduced to his recast wife, Leah, played by Piper Parabo, formerly who? Rada Mitchell? Rada Mitchell, that's right. Trade up, IMO.

But, like, what happened there? Was she, like, kidnapped and face swaps? Oh, right. Nope, I don't think so. Do a prequel movie taking place in between, like, Shadows of the Empire, taking place in between? Yeah, or no, no, a film. We're doing three of these fucking things. That's true.

Yeah, listen, listen, it's not a plot hole. You had to get the American Mike comic line to understand. She had face swap surgeries. It was like face off, but dumb. It's like face off, but with two moms. There was a lot of shit that went down between Angel and London has fallen. I do like mom off, actually. Right?

No, just two moms swap faces. And then they have to figure out as long as it's all they're swamper. Well, yeah, yeah. Also sounds like a joy video. You have selected mom off and undo those trousers.

All right, this is the voice of your mother. I swapped Morgan Freeman, swap faces with your mother. You've been very naughty. Now that's my Morgan Freeman. You just have to deal with it. Do you have to do it in your socks like this? Jesus. So yeah, so yeah, he's got a new baby daughter as well.

Correct. I think that was the end of the last movie, baby. Yeah, she's born at the end of the last movie. Her name is like Mikeina. Yeah, my daughter, American Mikeina. It's just a tiny Gerard Butler. They shrunk him down like Lord of the Wing style. He's got a pink bow in his hair.

Go, go, go, Gaga. I'm a lady, baby. Mommy. Mommy. Oh, that's all disgusting. Lady baby. That's how you would recall it. All right, Mike, you've selected lady baby.

You were being arrested. So, yeah, Danny Houston shows up begrudgingly, too. It's like, oh, shit, I guess I got to get a bottle of wine as well. His wife has a terrible cook. It gets worse all the time. I have to dinner with him. But so it's like that post. meal like we're just shooting the shit

and they tell this story because they're old like army buddies or whatever it is and he's like oh I've got some stories that I could tell about your husband here they even have this one thing where I think Piper Prab was like so you were raised in England he's like yes I was and then I came to the states

now that that's out of the way anyway like it's just like a real clear like you know what don't worry about but Mike was born in America don't worry about it honey did you know that he tried to kill Wonder Woman he did try and kill Wonder Woman too and it was another one like oh I don't know I think that Danny Houston might be up to something

so then it tells this story that is like straight up like oh this was a viral tweet that happened this is one of those fucking bullshit you see these like stories on local news stations where it's like here's a heartwarming thing this person had to walk 10 miles a day and then a bunch of people chipped in and bought her a car

don't think about the systematic inequality that led to this, bye. It's, dude, I cannot stand these fucking, like, this poor lunch lady had to walk seven hours, she had to start walking to work at 2 o'clock in the morning. She was kicked uphill, both ways. And instead of

actually paying her money that she could just have, like, no, we gave her a better conveyance to work. Now you start paying for that fucking car insurance lady. Like, I just, I cannot stand those things, but this is the story they tell is, like, they went to, there was, like, bad food on the base, so they would go to some place

that had great fried chicken and this chef that they were friendly with like had to walk two hours each day to work Old Moe and fucking Mr. Mike American Mike Banning

went around to all the dudes on the base and shook them down with a duffel bag to fill it with money It was a hundred fucking degrees every day climate change is fake

but yes it was very hot you know it's weird hold on is that the story when I stole that oh no that's I would not tell you that story

it's like He just embezzled it. Telling the story where I came on the... No, it's not, never mind. That's not the story either. But yeah, like, the story is he fucking shook down all these dudes on the base and brought this guy a car and it's like, wait a second.

Like, what if Tom, whatever? Like, major Tom is like... Thanks for the cover story. Now we've covered up Moe, which obviously stands for a mom-off experience. I had a mom-off experience. It's just stupid because, like, what if someone on the base didn't eat at that restaurant

and some fucking Scottish pricks shaking you down and donate for a car fund? Well, yeah, man. That's it. It's poor Mo. It's just dumb. I mean, there's another movie. Prequel movie about Mo. Actually, Mike, I'm vegetarian. You put the money in the basket. Exactly. He's like threatening all these dudes. It's dumb.

And then like they go back out a little bit. And like, you know, he starts to tell Danny Easton a little bit about the headaches and stuff. Well, I'll tell you what, Danny Houston starts up. So now it's like, now it's the post dinner. We're on the patio. we're both sipping some scotch just a couple of guys talking and Danny Houston just goes Did you ever think we'd live past 30

It's like Jesus Christ And then he's just like so About that whole About getting a contract That's the reason I'm here Yeah yeah And it's just sort of like this weird pitch And he's like Gerard Butler's like

Hey I don't know if I want this job If he offers it to me I think I might turn it down But I'll put in a good word for you either way What if he was like, I'm definitely going to take the job if they offer it to me and you are a shoo-in. Yeah. Movie not happened, maybe? That's what it's kind of curious about, too.

Like, why does he even, or is it all the pretense? No, it's all pretense. It's all the pretense because he's got to get all, like, Danny, or Gerard Butler's, like, DNA and all this shit. Because he was. Spoiler alert, Danny Houston fucking frames him in this movie. Oh, he's the crooked one. Yeah. You got to keep your eye on that, Danny Houston.

But it's like, okay, so the cover story is like, if you help me out, I can, my fucking fun land paintball experience. I can take down the clown off the interstate advertising and we could actually do army stuff again. I can finally sell these go cards. Take that ad out of the LA Weekly. That's just the cover

plan. And the real plan is to send mercenary soldiers into Russia. Okay. Okay. Dude, and that right there, my friend, is the hubris of these fucking militia turns. It's like, yeah, yeah, you can drop us into Russia. We'll take care of it.

You know, I'm better than Napoleon Bonaparte or Adolf Hitler, who I both admire very much. I'm a militiaman. So we cut to a presidential fishing trip. Got to love it. And we, yeah, and it's Morgan Freeman is now the president, was Aaron Eckhart. I think Morgan Freeman also moved up a lot in these movies. He was Speaker of the House in the first movie. Yep.

VP in the second. Absolutely. Now he's the press. Yeah. I'm making moves. Has he previously played a president, by the way? Deep impact. That's right, that's right.

He also has just found out what war is. Like, he makes this statement, he's like, we've been, like, he's like, I'm going to pass a new legislation because we've become too used to war. And I'm like, where are you? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Of course we have. We're in the middle of two fucking endless, goddamn wars. It's been happening forever.

People have been saying we've been saying we've thinned this way forever. Have you just figured it out? No, he's not. And he's demanding that it's coming into law now that you have to get congressional approval before you start all these fucking mindless strikes and whatnot. That is his whole thing. And he wants to get things like Blackwater

out of any sort of military operation. It's a good agenda. It is a good agenda. It's just like, what the fuck? It's kind of weird that this is like, you know, we came out this year and it still has like that Obama idealism kind of behind it. Which is that what the all things,

Three of these movies were, because the first one was Aaron Eckhart. He was very Obama-esque, even though he's white. And the second one, obviously, same kind of deal. This one, like, you know, now we have an actual black president. Yeah, the politics of the movie, like, the whole political world is weird. Because there's even a line from the vice president played by Tim Blake Nelson. He says that, like, there's been election, like, Russia had done election meddling, so we're acting like 2016 happened.

But Morgan Freeman is present, so did Morgan Freeman get illegitimately elected? I think it's a thing where he's talking about like... Previously? And I guess like maybe it's Aaron Eckhart then? I don't know. Because it doesn't sound to me... Thank you for smoking. Like he's referring to...

I'm too-face. Like he's referring to that election. I don't think he is. It's just like it's a weirdly dropped like... Yeah, it happened, try to figure out when exactly this movie takes place. I guess it's just like, hey, we're making this shit about Russia now. We're going to be Vladimir Putin as a fucking jibble. jab coming up. Oh, yeah. So I guess it's just to place it in our current

Yeah, it's just like a nod to some of like, Russia. You know what I mean? Like, there's no thought behind it whatsoever. In the first movie, we're at North Korea. Yes, right? And the North Korean murder plane is hard to top. That was that was something else. Pretty spectacular. I'm very good friends with Neil LeBute. I've performed in many of his plays. He's a great guy. Oh, I see. my dick in a movie. What movie you see his dick in? Don't you see his dick in the company of men? Or isn't it? You're friends and neighbors.

No, you don't see that. Your friends and neighbors, I think, yeah, that sounds more like it. You can see my dick in the dark night, but it is half burned. Or maybe because Morgan Freeman was the election meddler. I was always good friends with Andy Dufray. Andy walked through a mile of shit to come out of freedom. I gave Jim Carrey the power of God. I knew an old man who got out of prison. He worked at the grocery store.

Very depressing. Hung himself. Why? Obamacare. San Juan Taneo. New Year's Eve at San Juan Teneo. Didn't you get the memo? You're fat.

Oh, we're both in that franchise weird It's a whole movie of me No, thank you So this fucking awesome Sequence where all these drone strikes Start taking out systematically Every piece of the president's entourage He is best buds with Mike though

They're like shooting this shit and he's like Well dude if you've been after all the events Of the first two films You'd be fucking brothers in arms also Well Mike it's been quite a ride We've been on it's like Yes it has master president And he's like

do you want to take this? I'm going to offer you that big job. You're going to take it right. He does do an act right here because he's just like, bah. It just has one of his like migraine attacks. Yes. And like you can see Morgan Freeman being like,

uh, get me literally anyone else. This man just took a knee on my fishing boat. So he's like, I just need to get hydrated. Yeah, no way, dude. You don't fall to your knees when you're dehydrated. He's like, okay, get me like Scott or whatever.

They kind of swap out and like he gets out of boat. He's kind of, he's chastising himself. I'm a cop. Do it no more. Yeah. And then this truck shows up. Yeah. And there's, it's a drone cannon thing.

It's like 12. It's fucking awesome is what it is. And they just start shooting shit. The 12 tubes, they'll start shooting stuff. You don't know what it is. Yeah. And it turns out to be drones that just drones strike the shit out of. Is this Camp David or is it somewhere else?

They don't really specify, I don't think. don't look like mini executive decision planes? Yes, they definitely do. They're like stealth fighters or whatever. With a little mouse Steven Seagall hanging from it. You will. Well, it's awesome because one of the dudes in the

Secret Service sees them coming over the ridge and he's like, are those bats? Yes. And then you see them like their wings open up and then you get like there's POV from these things and it's like each one is a signed a dude to kill. Right.

It's just, it's like very systematic. I don't think it's one per. I think they're just like, hey, just huck about 12 of them about that cluster there. Because these also like,

they just ram shit and explode too, right? They're, yeah, I think they're like all self-detainting kind of bombs themselves. And they're huge bombs. It's not like they're small. Like,

this is overkill to the man. I expect nothing less from an American Mike movie. And it's amazing because they're all, I mean, the fucking, Mike's on a boat. He's far away from the president, but he's going towards the shore.

The shore starts to explode with like 20 people. But then Mo drives in with that car. Oh, yeah, that car's still held up after all these years. Come on, Mike. Get it if you want to live. That'd be awesome. American Moe. Now you've got American Mo and American Mike.

I would like that. American Moe. But all of his friends are exploding and he goes, fuck! The way he says it, I was watching this on headphones. my wife went to bed and I was fucking Robert De Niro

and Cape Fear laughing because it's not like he says it like his like his team missed the extra point it's not like his entire friends all of his friends are now dead I think that just comes with the job dude like he's just so seen it all

and he's just numb to everything that it's like he might as well have missed the field goal because all of his friends and other service members and every other movie have turned into goop as well yeah that's also true

fuck what honey did the giants lose a touchdown no no no my uh my whole family died in a plane crash oh fuck because that's that happened to me today i went into best bikes i needed to do headphones they didn't have the kind i want it's like oh fuck and i kind of left don't you hate that exactly but it's but it's not like everyone i know is dead and the president's about to be assassinated which is the one thing i'm assigned not to do assigned not to assassinated you're They assign you A number one Are you going to assassinate the president?

No, sir. And then two, please prevent the president for being assassinated. Now look, what we really, really, really don't want you to do

is shoot the president. Fuck. So, Morgan Freeman's boat is hit. He goes into the water. Mike jumps in after him. They kind of come up.

He's like, just dive deep, Mr. President. We should point out some of the drones have tied and saw that it was Mike and said, nope, don't hit this guy.

Yes, exactly. So the setup is in play. We see a hacker team behind it all, tip-taping away. They're all wearing Mark Wahlberg at the end of the departed suits, though. One of them is the guy from Fallout, from Mission Impossible Fallout,

the brother of Vanessa Kirby. I will take your word for it. Yeah, I remember the part in the movie. that the hipster guy that we see a lot later he's got like a goate yes yeah okay that guy looks like he's weird in this movie because he's like Danny Houston's number two in this blackwater thing

and he looks like a bartender at a really nice bar like he's like he's like how to recommend you like a rosé cider oh this is really good that guy could make me something with absin oh no you know what we did we made an Adam driver and we put it on the normal setting not the extra large setting

that dude is over cooked in the microwave. But I mean, Steve, that's a good point. Whatever happened to poison just poison that Rose Sider. Yes, that's all you need to do, as opposed to this insane drone strike. Yes. It's so awesome.

So, yeah, they're hit. I mean, it's fun to watch. There's a lot of CG in this. It's a lot. It's muddy CG. It's not great CGI. Yeah. Yeah. There is a point somewhere around here where this kind of says it all. There is a fake

a quote-unquote helicopter. It's fake as fuck that lands in front of them and like no way. There's no one. Yes, yeah, of course. There's a woman with like a ponytail who's like in the foreground and a shot and there's like no hair moving.

And I was like, guys, turn a fan on it. I think I saw a Lego guy get out of that helicopter. It's so Will Ferrell is holding it. Yes, exactly. It's playing American Mike, honey. But end of sixth movie. Will Ferrell's just playing

with an action figure. Fuck, dude. playing call of duty as Mike that's what that dumb as balls look in Ryan Reynolds movie is that's coming out free man free guy whatever oh yeah yeah I saw the trailer fart

fart um fart guy so um the president is in a coma Mike uh is sort of like he's knocked out and they swear in Tim Blake Nelson which sets

up a movie that I really want to see because Jim Blake Nelson A is three feet tall B is got this ridiculous black hair and these fucking buddy holly glasses it's tim Blake Nelson as president nerd we are in the movie

it is president nerd with the hair I was almost like are they trying to make him look like Reagan like what is this I don't know what this look is supposed to be but I was reminded if I just recently watched an episode of Frazier where Martin dyes his hair and he goes to a party at Niles house and it starts like melting

off of him because it's just bad cheap hair dye and I was like when is Tim Blake Nelson just going to start like leaving dye on the back of a chair because it's so awful this fucking black hair. You don't need it like it's Tim Blake Nelson. I don't know why you hire why you hired Tim Blake Nelson

for this role anyway like it's not he's the head not. I mean he's great but he's not a heavy. The second villain I mean he probably should be the first villain yeah but that's why I mean he's kind of unassuming in that way you know like he spoiler alert is also in on it but they don't

confirm it until kind of later in the movie so it's a villainous vice president who then kind of takes over the powers of the presidency. This movie is just like an episode of 24 or a season of 24 condensed. That's what all of these movies feels like from the ashes

of 24 comes this franchise. 24 into the fugitive. And that's essentially what it is. Right. Nobody's loving President Nerd? I thought that was I thought everybody would love that. President Nerd? Yeah, come on. They're commenting below right now how much they love it. I didn't remember

the Buddy Holly glasses. Yeah, well, he's just got to Big old glasses. He looks like Robert Carradine in fucking Revenge of the Nerds. You should be pitching to Chuck Lurie. All right. Nerd president, that'll be the day. There you go.

But the weirdest most unsettling part about this is Tim Blake Nelson is not doing any sort of fucking he-haw accent. He's playing it just a very flat American accent and it's very weird. It is weird. It feels like it kind of slips a little here and there. It gets a little like Southerny.

Yeah, a little. Because I've spoken to Tim Blake Nelson in person, and it's not like the whole lot, but like he has something. Did you feel like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when you talk to him? No, I mean, I'm not super tall, but he wasn't much shorter than I am. Did you dunk on him?

I think bad news for you, Steve, I think he is maybe just a little taller than you. Oh, I think I could be it one-on-one in basketball. Probably. But like, I'm just saying, like, the accent he's doing in like Watchmen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a big old. That's practically his old brother accent.

Yes, exactly. And I guess just from coming off of finishing that a few days ago and seeing him in this, I was like, the fuck accent is he doing? Mike, we thought you was a toad. Mike has, I'm sorry, has assassinated the president of the United States. Yeah, I mean, he's born in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

So he's got something. And in this movie, there's nothing. And I can't recall another time when he's done that in a role. I think that's where Gary Busey's from. Speaking of Buddy Holly Yeah, Buddy Holly Gary Busey should have been in some of these movies

Seck deaf, get him in as a sec death I want to bomb Russia We're going to retaliate We're going to bomb Russian name That's what he's saying right now In a closet somewhere Doesn't matter the army stretched thing We'll get some guys with guns

And just send him in Mercenaries Never mind a tinfoil helmet Because that's his thing Is he wants to A president nerd now wants to get There is a woman we should say he's officially president of nerd

because a lady judge comes in and swears him in your office. What would be a nerds Bible what a wizard magazine? Put your left hand on this wizard magazine raise your right hand, Mr. Nerd,

Senator Nerd. Repeat after me. If I see it cheap enough I will buy I don't know, what is Spider-Man one? Yeah, yeah. What would have been here?

It's like, no, it's here it. Steve, what are nerds like? It is clearly, repeat after me, and then it's just the Green Lantern Oath in darkest day, in blackish night, no evil will escape my sight. President nerd. You are now America's 35th President Nerd.

Here's your honorary Star Wars customizable card game. Right this way. Oh, President Kirby is America's first nerd. president. As a nerd American, it was very important to see that day. I had to make it down to the inauguration. All right now, we will get to some budget reconciliation, but first, let's talk about the last Jedi one more time, ladies and gentlemen. And yes, at the inauguration, that is the entire cast of Battlesayer Galactica. Up in the big seats with President Nerd. Playing the inaugural ball. Yep, that's Devo.

See, this is what I wanted for President Nerd? That's all I wanted. That's totally fun. The president has turned the Lincoln Bedroom into a sick place for his rare 45s. There are new laws about what makes you and what does not make you a Star Wars fan. Fast by President Nerd and you have to have,

you got to read at least three EU novels or else you're not actually a Star Wars fan. In an attempt to bond, the Secretary of the Interior said boobies on his calculator. President Nerd fired him for being so mean to a calculator. There's a three-episode arc where he's trying to fucking get the Snyder cut out. Oh, definitely. And now we are regretting to report that President Nerd is facing impeachment for attending a baseball game.

So apparently, it's just been signed in that they're going to replace Mount Rushmore with the Justice League. By the way, spin-off of President Nerd is Lady Judge. Oh, Lady Judge and President Nerd, all on CBS. In his first year of office, President Nerd screened 22 films. They were the first MCU films, all in order. And a lot of J-Y. On Revenge of the Nerds, he had to say, It was the 80s.

President Nerd is not going to Camp David and said he's doing a Tim Burton rewatch. Just going through the Tim Burton movies. Or President Nerd is not going to Camp David this summer. He's attending Fat Camp. Seems like that Tim Burton rewatch really got to him. He's now up there on his own, disfiguring the Lincoln Memorial to make it look like an ape.

Abraham Lincoln. Mr. President Venezuela is on fire. You cannot go to Comic-Con. You've got to listen to me. You've got to listen to me. I need to get this signed by Neil Adams. There aren't that many chances left. Sir, you can't take the Declaration of Independence

to get it signed by Neil Adams. He'll sign anything. Secret Service, give me $50 for a photograph. Please? I am stopping at DeMaco Bean. All my intelligence briefings tell me about the new Marvel movies that are coming up.

I don't know what the fuck's going on in Afghanistan, but I know who's playing the Silver Surfer in the next movie. That is right, folks. Now, at the upper concourse level, you can meet Michael Bean and the President of the United States. I'm just going to sit here right here with you, Michael, and we're going to, we'll sign together. Yeah, I'm not going to pay for my own booth, man. I'm going to saddle up with you, Bean. Hey, Bean, now you're my new sec deaf. Hey, Lance Redick, you keep an eye out.

I want this man's sake. Take a bullet for Michael B. Plenty have. So he's the president now. Was that enough? That was not just enough. Did you come, dude? Yeah.

Look, it was a good bit. No, he was. Also here, wearing a horrible wig is Jada Pinkett Smith. What is she doing in this movie even at all? I don't know. I think she's all right, but that wig is distracting. I don't think she's bad, but I mean, it's like nothing part.

The character amounts to nothing. Take what you can get. I guess she escaped that Gotham show, which nobody watched, except for President Barry. You know, I think when they brought the Joker in, it might have been one of the most revolutionary jokers ever to be seen on the screen.

You know, it's Mory Schaefer. Today the president said, of Gotham. Mr. Poston. I believe it's morely safer. Mori safer? Mori safer? Morley Safer. Oh, I have no idea.

That's the reporter, not Mori Schaefer. Chris Cabin, you saying that is morally danger. It's not morally safer. It's dangerous. I see. Okay. Joke explainer. Mr. President, usually you preempt to give like an important message.

You don't preempt network television to play Gotham. President said today that Fish is a totally normal name for a villain. Apparently, Gotham is now on the, not only Fox, but CBS and ABC and NBC. A message from the President of the United States. Oh, my God, are we going to work? No, I am bringing Gotham back. Putting it into the Library of Congress. You know, FDR had fireside chats, and I have Gotham rewatch with you, the people.

It's a podcast that I host. Oh, my God. Did you see he signed an executive order to get that old Wonder Woman show back on the ground? Oh, my God, he appeared on Talking Dead with Chris Hardwick. Ew. Ew. The press secretary, Chris Hardwick. Oh, dear.

So, yeah, so, like, yeah, now he's the president. Jada Pinkett Smith is the FBI person in charge of the case who's fighting out a bunch of stuff about American Mike. One, he is $10 million. He didn't know that. $10 million in an offshore account. Uh-oh. Yeah, because she's like, Mike is still out for the count. So she's interviewing Piper Prabu.

and we should say also Morgan Freeman is in a coma at this point. Yes. You do see President Nerd grab his foot on the way out? I kind of find that nice. Yeah. I will do the movie if I can lay down. I'll be asleep for most of this film. Dude, in the scenes where

Morgan, and listen, he's also getting pretty old, like we have to admit that. But like, in the final action scene, he's literally being pushed in a wheelchair by Gerard Butler. Yeah, I'm not running. That's not happening. I barely going to walk briskly. it's up to you.

Wheelchair or no wheelchair? Like, I started in a movie with John Travolta last year. Not in 99 to 5. Oh, what was that? What was that horseshit? The Poison Rose? Yeah. Something like, it is madness.

Is it like a bad, like, neo-noir? It's like, yeah, like a Southern Gothic noir. Like, Brendan Frick... I urge all of you to watch it just to see what the fuck Brendan Fraser is doing in that movie. I'm kind of interested in this now. It's insane.

It's insane. Why isn't this? on the docket. Because it's disgusting to look at. Well, we've done disgusting. Also, yeah, yeah, also that. And it's long as shit for some reason. In January sometimes we just talk about stuff.

That's fun to talk about. Exactly. Also. Yeah. I mean, if you want to do it. I'll do anything with you, Chris. So also, we learn that they found Mike Banning's DNA in the van where the launch control was. Uh-oh. But also,

like, does that make any sense? Like, you, people have seen him on the, well, I guess everyone's dead or I don't know, there's got to be footage. Nobody knows what happened. Yeah, I guess so. They should have waited, like he was leaving because he was having his fucking headache breakdown. So, wait for him to get off sight. I mean, you probably have eyes

and ears on this fucking place. Also, it doesn't make a whole ton of sense like why, but also the country would stop. I like how WeA. movies is explaining a better way to assassinate the president and set this guy up. This president Morgan Freeman. It's fictional. Yeah, it's fictional. It's a fictional.

There's no reason why it's on our mind. No reason. Okay, now how do we kill President Nerd? Cancel everything in the Aeroverse at the same time, and he just drops dead. It's what happens when you kill a Jedi dude, and they just fucking banished. His fucking presidential nerd t-shirt would just fall to the floor.

Bat girl was just getting started. Just turns to dust. Mr. President, they re-released the last Jedi. Oh, no! Well, I don't know, Mr. President. I think Finn was a pretty cool character. Season 4 ends on the cliffhanger of him just screaming at the side.

We got a national emergency. I just want to broadcast this out of this emergency line for everyone to know that Reddit is currently down. I repeat now, Reddit is down. President of the United States. Over and out. I am the first president to have a verified Reddit account. This is a national emergency.

The up votes aren't getting through, folks. The up votes or the down votes. We've got some shadow banning going on here, folks. I promise to you, the American people, that I will push through legislation on day one to force Disney Plus to put the Simpsons in the correct aspect ratio. So help me God.

And to put that Michael Jackson episode back. This is what's fucking killing me. Is that gone from Disney Plus? Yeah, they won't put it on there. Oh, really? No, yeah. I might vote for President Nerd. There's a lot of problems with this.

What he's hanging out with Chris Hardwick? Yeah, I mean, there's problems, but he would restore that aspect ratio. He would do, I don't know. Yeah, he worked for McKinsey's consultants, but all said, you know, other than that. We are in day 16 of president nerds, uh, Reddit war with user, Cool Ranch Dust 69. They have been going back and forth in a war of words, and we're at DefCon 5. My fellow Americans has been so hard to engage in such a flame war going on. It's embattling all of us.

Please, please grow a victory garden until this flame war is over. That's right, folks. Here we are back on the last word with Lawrence O'Donnell. It is day 47 of President Nerd's government shutdown as his war with Taco Bell rages on over removing the cheesy gordita crunch from the menu nationwide. just not a very good taco no he's mad that it's gone oh it's gone yeah yeah no it's like the most popular thing

Taco Bell sells dude get with the bell menu man was there an essay recently in the Wall Street Journal about Taco Bell no I just had it for lunch today I'm just pulling from real life I see so yeah so

so all this stuff is pointing to Mike except for one thing I'm sorry There's one thing that I think is pretty unbelievable. If you know anything about American Mike, which I think after two movies, we know him pretty intimately. Sure. Jada Pinkett Smith is like, oh yeah, Mr. Banning. Like she mentions the $10 million.

But then, and the DNA. But then she's like, and what about that file you put on the dark web? And I was like, yeah, right. This guy knows how to get to the dark web, dude. But it doesn't even come to anything. It's just to say dark web, because this movie should come with an AARP membership and a phone with enormous buttons.

That's what this fucking movie should come in. But at the same time, those people, if they're watching this movie, I think they're getting pretty aggravated. The politics in this movie are a little too progressive for a lot of AARP subscribers. That's the hat trick. Russia Offshore Accounts and that together triggers them all.

A lot of coughing over there, Steve. Are you secretly smoking weed? No, I'm not. Oh, all right. Trying to hide that for it. from the audience. Wow. It's happened so much.

Now I've got to make a bit about it. Well, this is good to know that you can run for President Nerd now that you're not smoking weed. That's true. Not currently. So, yeah, he does wake up, by the way, and he's like, why am a handcuffed to the bed?

Yeah. Which is kind of great. So, yeah, he gets arrested. They're like, all right, we're going to. And the American press is eating this up. They're like, there's been an assassination attempt of the president. Yep.

We've sworn in President Nerd. we have all this shit going on and Mike Banning is the guy behind it I'm like no once you fucking take a shot of the president it's three names only we're not calling you Mike anymore yeah first of all it's that full fucking first name

it's Michael it's Michael James you find out later it's a plot point his middle name is Jameson's Michael Jameson Banning we're calling him Michael Jameson Banning the entire time that Mike oh Mike you're not a party with this guy exactly that's like Mike get me a beer

that's not Mike tried to assassinate the president oh Mike guys do you hear about Mike oh no Mike oh man hey Mike do me a favor start a coup so he's being

transported from the hospital to like a secure interrogation site of course this fucking transport is attacked this is actually kind of an interesting scene they use like an EMP or something to like stop all the cars

in his transport and it's dark as shit outside. Just like the web dude. Right, exactly. And then just also like the dark web, a truck fucking teabones like the person in like the front of the caravan. It's a big fucking attack happens kind of a thing. The dudes that are mouthed off to him

in this truck, like treatment of like shit instantly shot in the face by these people. And it's pretty brutal all the violence in this scene specifically. Also then Mike gets kidnapped from that car brought into another car with guys with ski masks. And am I correct here?

Is he choking two people with his arm chains and his leg chains at the same time? Or did I make that up? See, I don't know because at this exact second we're talking about, I was accidentally checking a work email. And by the time I looked up,

I was like, wait, he fucking broke out again? Like another car accident happens almost immediately. It's all Paul Greengrass cam too so you don't know what's going on. I mean, we should search Pornhub for like one guy, two choke or something? Chalk of two people at once is pretty impressed.

It's really nice. So you're saying you think he was choking people, one with his hands, traditionally. We wouldn't know with his hand chain. Right, but using his hands. Was a chicken involved? But then also the feet chains? He's got feet manacles.

He could also get both of them. The foot fetishes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for the Rex Ryan's of the world. Yes, exactly. The chain tab on Pornhub. Oh, dude, there's definitely a chain have on porn. Better check that out later.

Some chain play. You'll find it, dude. Al-Raser movie in full on porno. This van crashes in the woods or whatever, and he sees one of the, he starts ripping masks off. The first dude he rips the mask off of is the dude that was shoving him about the stairs shit.

And they show you the scene again because it doesn't trust you as an audience member. Which is dumb because right after that, he has the line. told you to train like it was fucking real. Like, pick one. Yes. You can do one or the other. I will say, though, it's

dark out. All of these dudes have brown goatees. Yeah, it's true. So he's a fugitive now. He's on the run. But he also knows it's Danny Houston that's doing it to him. Right, right. He goes to a gas station and he gets set upon by the militia? This is awesome. This is awesome.

What a fucking fantasy world that the militia would be upset that you assassinated the first black president. Okay. That's this movies trying to have it both ways. They're pissed off about this, but also their gun-toting militia? I don't know. Maybe he's the second black president. The weirdest thing is so he's calling his wife to tell you.

Everything's okay. I'm out there. Using a gross pay phone, man. I was throwing up. And these two idiots come up behind him and they're like, turn around. And he comes, he's like, oh, it's the man who killed the president. I'm like, who did you think he was? We're just doing a standard payphone slash and grab.

That's my pay phone you're using right there. It is kind of amazing, though, because he, like, disarms the one dude and then is holding that dude's gun on another guy while he's, like, holding this guy hostage or whatever. And then a third guy comes out of nowhere. He also has a gun. The third guy is the best.

Because he's such a fucking dumpy asshole. He looks like a fucking. Larry the cable guy stunt double. But he's kind of taller and ball, though. He looks like the big show. And he calls him, boy. Like, put down that gun, boy, I'm a hillbilly. Yeah, got it.

And it's kind of awesome because you, as a fan of the American Mike franchise, know that as an average viewer of the American Mike movies. A watcher of it. Relatively aware of these movies. You know that American Mike is going to kick these Hicks asses, and I'm like,

Not enough. Not enough, honestly. No, but you know what? Because he's not a true villain. I mean, like, if he was more of an anti-hero, he'd probably just fucking kill these dudes. But as it stands, like, it is hilarious. He shoots a gun at the third dude, like, right at his feet. And the guy's like, ha, and drops the gun immediately. Oh, shit, you can shoot the ground.

Oh, fuck this shit. Well, because the second guy is like, he drops his gun. He's like, fuck this man. I'm not dying for this militia. And every one of the audience is like, what do you mean? Those are Patriots. They'll be able to stop anyone.

Thank you, Patriot. Thank you for bringing a gun to this gas station. All three of you are heroes. That gas station should explode. Yes, it was a movie. But I do like that Mike steals this dude's truck and he gives him a big, Fuck you! As he's driving away.

He's big rig Mike now. That's cool. That's an upgrade. Now I'm driving a rig. This chase sequence with his truck's pretty cool because, like, passes a cop and so immediately he's found out. Yeah, and they were also like, Jada Pickett Smith is like tracking him.

There's like some right, yeah. Some Jason-born war room stuff going on in these movies. She's got a side handsome with her. Yes. Yeah, this guy, yeah, pretty handsome dude. Yeah, a normal handsome dude. Just Rodney nothing, I think, is this guy's name though.

Instead of Treadwell, it's like Treadbad. It's Treadstone. Oh, is it? Fuck. Yeah. What's Treadwell? Timothy Treadwell. that Judy was eaten by a boy yes Eric you got it wrong

do you get the headaches bear I get such bad bear headaches bear is living a mild mannered life and then the fucking CIA uses the code word Brian Cox calls this bear

on the phone there are three flowers in a vase bear the bear puts down his glasses put down a copy of infinite jest and now that is the close shared narrative

we've had bear you should never listen to this never listen to this never never see this and then that one movie where the bear was recast with Jeremy Renner then they went back to the bear for the next year they're like that was a mistake

pretty close casting there a bear Jeremy Renner did Jeremy Renner actually play born himself no no no no he was another guy in the program friend that movie is running concurrently with the third born movie, I think, is the idea. Yeah.

That sounds right. Or maybe supremacy. It's going at the same time as one of the other movies. I think the Renner one's the only one I haven't seen. It's not terrible. I got the box out of those in 4K, so I rewatched all of them. I never said the last one, actually. It's okay.

It's not bad. Now, in the Jeremy Renner one, does he threaten his wife with a gun or whatever the fuck? No, that was in Jeremy Renner, the movie. Oh, got you. That's just real life. That's what, that's in the, uh, I got canned for my Disney Plus show before it even started. Is that officially off? No, I mean, I don't know.

But like, it's kind of hard to, like, we're going to push Jeremy Renner right now. But I thought the whole thing was they were going to move in and make, uh, the female Hawkeye part of it. Yeah, I mean, but the show would have been a lot of him, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I don't know. Gun stuff. I don't know. You know what? Not my decision.

No, so, come on, dude. Shoot your wife with an arrow. What are you doing? Mr. President, you cannot pardon Jeremy Renner. just because he's in the MCU. Cannot do it. I'm just letting you know I don't think Hawkeye got a good run.

If he could do those Mac fraction books, ladies and gentlemen, that was an excellent Hawkeye run. Who would be his Leo McGarry? Oh, that's a really good call. John's Whedon. Oh, no, Harry Knowles. Yikes.

You're going to thank me that I pardoned Hawkeye if when Thanos ever comes from out of space. First off, first off, all right. I don't appreciate it, press pool. We had to ban the president from Reddit because he kept exposing state secrets. The problem they're doing right around here, because this is around where the movie confirms

that Tim Blake Nelson is also crooked. But they've been using this device where Danny Houston and Tim Blake Nelson have been calling each other, but because of the affectation that the two of these actors are using in this movie, you can tell immediately that it's both of them. Yes, exactly.

Like, there's no fucking surprise to either of them. It's like, Danny Houston gets a phone call. It's like, so another thing you got to worry about. And then it cuts to the Oval Office and it's supposed to be like, Tim Blake Nelson's on the side. And I'm like, no fucking shit, of course. Does anybody remember if Jackie Earl Haley ends up being in on it in the second one? Because I was like, from the beginning, I was like, oh, it's Jackie Earl Haley.

He did it. I forget. I think we sort of were talking about this, not in an episode or anything, but I think we did say it was surprising that he, He's not crooked. I don't remember. I was pretty close to blackout drunk and we saw that.

Oh, Steve and I went to the theater and saw it. Yeah, we were wasted. Yeah, we were not having fun. We were having fun. We're not paying attention to. No, no, no. We're at that shitty 34th Street.

Yes, theater. That's the only way to go to the AMC 34th Street. You've got to be fucking wasted. Definitely. So he's driving this truck. The cops are chasing him. You know, he winds up, like, ripping the trailer part off and it falls and all these dudes are going flying.

And he's about to lose them. the truck turns over. This is my favorite part of the movie and there's like a blockade and they're ready for him and he like he jumps out and he like escapes into the into this cornfield

or something or just the regular forest yeah he just runs into the woods and no one could find him even though he is grunting and hawing and I'm like turn your flashlights off

just fucking listen like the woods are like really big corn I thought it was a cornfield. Yeah, he runs into the woods and he winds up stealing another car. I think so. Because at some point he's just driving a pickup truck

and he's hilariously falling asleep with the wheel. Oh, right. Because he like drives all through the night and he winds up in West Virginia in this like backwater, whatever the fuck. And here we go. Primo addition to this franchise. Nick Nolte as the fucking

rattled Vietnam veteran crazy-ass father that abandoned him? Oh shit. Clay Benet. Clay Benning. You couldn't get a Scottish guy to play this father. Again, you got to go fucking Connery. Just get Connery. Oh, yeah.

Get him out of retirement. A little too old, but, you know. I don't think Clay Banning can have a cane. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. This section of the movie is almost good. Like, it's kind of okay. Nick Dolty is really good in this. He's really good at this movie, right?

Okay, thank God I'm not crazy. He's really fucking good at his movie. I'm loving all of his like old man output lately. Like this, the Mandalorian. It's got that same cadence to his voice. He's just like, yeah, you know, he's... I want this to be Clay Bann. I want him to be angel.

He's the guardian angel. Because the first thing you see, it's like, he walks in and he's like, how'd you find me? That's perfect. And Mike Banning reveals that he's been like keeping tabs on him And he's like, you know, you've been living here for a while Before that it was in North Carolina

Blah blah blah blah blah blah And there's a great Nick Nolte lines I'm around here He's like, well, did you do it? That was fucking great You finally took out the present, good for you You listen to me, you'll listen to your dad Thank God, now you're here to talk about Epstein rights And he's writing his fucking manifesto

Yes, he is. And the way he couches it, though, is like, I got to write down all my thoughts so I don't forget him. And I'm like, yeah, dude, so the world can read it. He is shitting in buckets, right? That's what we're talking about. 100%. Well, he tells him that he has water, but I think that's only for drinking.

That's no... That's got to beishable. I recycled it. He boiled it. I eat my own shit. I'm in Pornhub community right now. That's how patrioticate Mike. That's how, you know, what the government thing,

but GMOs and everything, not my own shit. I know GMOs are not my own shit. GMO, no. So he goes on this big thing. We learn that he's a Vietnam veteran who abandoned them because of his PTSD and he's like, he was really having it rough. He was a tunnel rat. That's right.

Who builds a bunch of tunnels. That will come out later. Usually tunnel rats go in tunnels. I don't know where they build the tunnels. Because the Viet Cong had the tunnel system, right? Yeah, the U.S. was built. Maybe he just admired their craft. He thought it was really good.

He was like, that is good. What are you to dig? I defected to North Vietnam. I admire your creativity. But he has this whole... And then I met Ho Chi Minh Hagen. he has this great little monologue though about how you know it doesn't matter if it was

Afghanistan and he's like pointing to Mike he says or Vietnam or Korea he's like it's all unsanctioned shit it's it's insane he goes off on this all these like they don't give a fuck about you they just care about anyone who's fucking desperate enough to enlist in this shit and they will exploit you and they will fuck you

you and they will fuck you but I mean it's a great message but also he's a fucking raving lunatic so it's kind of like a mixed message. Like are we saying people who think this are crazy or what? Well, I think what the movie sort of reveals is that he's actually not wrong. He's not wrong, but he's also

not like super crazy. Like, yeah, he's living in the woods and he's this little, you know, a little Kaczynski, but he's not fucking bombing post offices. And we're making jokes, but he's not drinking his piss and eating his shit for real. We just kind of want to see that. He's not bombing post office. He's bombing his own

land. Yes. God-given rent. I mean, we're going to get to a right now, it's incredible. So he's, and it's actually like a nice little, and this is like the most acting Gerard Butler does in this entire franchise also, like, because he's got something. I mean, again, like, I think there's good actors

in this movie, but usually it's just like, ah, can be headaches and, oh, no, Mr. President. Yeah. Over and over again, but this is like, ah, me dad, you left me when I was just a wee lad. Yeah, I mean, he's got some line. Yeah, look in Scotland, so what, grow up. I left you in Scotland for five years,

so you got that accident, and then you came back. would like that just as a line. Yeah. The Bears raised you fine. I left you with Timothy Trudeville. What happened? I go back to the campsite. No one's there.

How is it my fuck? There's a lot of hot sauce everywhere. He's confusing blood for hot sauce. Yeah, so I mean Fast forward a little bit As luck would have it Danny Houston finds him almost immediately Well his hipster dude figures it out

And like his hipster number two is like Oh he visited these sites and this is blah blah blah Right it was like oh he's been running updates on this social security number Every six months for the last however many years Blah blah He kept typing in social security number And then the words dead yet question mark Over and over again

Type Y or N. So they do, they trace it through. He is, this is hilarious, though. He's got all this shit about how he hates the fucking government. You better believe he's collecting that Social Security money. Absolutely. He learned it. Absolutely.

Yeah, so then it's like middle of the night. Nick Melty wakes him up. He's like, your fucking friends are here. I told you about having people over after midnight. You know, I knew it. You'd find my house and throw a party. I hate fucking parties on me. my house.

Do I look like a party animal to you? It's Johnny Houston. You know he played King Richard and Robin Ardata, don't you? You trust him? He certainly did. But yeah, so these dudes are coming in and we gotta go. And like, he has Jason Voorhees tunnels. He's got this tunnel that he built.

And it's kind of funny because Gerard Butler's like, ye built these tunnels and shut your fucking mouth and just crawl you baby in a few meters we're going to walk by a girl in change ignore it ignore it keep going

keep going ignore it not your step mother I abducted her from a parking lot three years ago not a word ignore the crates of fentanyl

so you're not take a left at the dynamite so not gonna call her mom if she's bound and guard dad i call her do it take off the chains and we'll talk she allowed to stepmother it's a dead body Skeleton What's that, Patrice? You look very nice today.

Isn't you pretty? Tell her this, pretty. Kiss your mother on the lips. Don't you kiss that fucking skeleton? I know it's a skeleton. I don't want to make you kiss a skeleton. You better invite her that Thanksgiving. But instead,

they go, they come out and like, you know, Mike's very nervous, like, what are we going to do? And he's like, don't fucking worry about it. And he starts lighting these dudes up with mines and all sorts of shit. Dude, he's just yanking these chains and these lines of explosives are going off. I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Imagine if like a deer hit one of these things. Yeah.

It's like World War III. It's just, it's, it's a bit stupid. It's a bit. But it's a bit stupid. But it's really cool. It reminds you very much of the hard target bit with Wilford Brimley.

Uncle Duvee fucking lighting up that building. Yeah. So that's what, I mean, like this whole team is more or less taken out. Like,

Gerard Butler's getting a couple of them. He's definitely like stabbing some dudes in the throat. There's no neck breaks in this movie. As far as I was keeping an eye out for it. Not a single one. As a matter of fact, I thought there was going to be,

there's at one point where he's like fighting with somebody and I was like, finally he's going to break this dude's neck and he does. But classically, he's not a neck breaker. He's more of a knifer. Yeah, he does nice people. He likes knives.

He's not, and shooting. He likes shooting. Well, then where the hell did we come up with breaking necks with Gerard Butler? That was the thing. I think he breaks a neck in. I think he does in his, like, personal life. He just prefers guns and knives. But he'll do a neck break if you got it.

I will say about these explosions, it's this scene and the drone scene before it, people, I mean, even though it's like CGI mostly, but they've got fucking wirework. These guys are going up in the air There's height on these explosions Which I really appreciate Well, and Margot, Martindale definitely knows this is happening On the other holler, you're hearing this Oh, this is before she committed suicide by drinking the poison cider

She's making her apple pie Gotcha, gotcha, got you. I can't believe it. Now I'm going to leave the holler! That's my favorite line Perhaps ever in the history of time I know. It's my fucking mountain. Dude.

Yeah. I want to watch my fucking mountain with Nick Nolte. Yep. It's like seven brides for seven brothers only it's 180 minutes

of Nick Nolty talking to himself. That's where you go to it. I go to it like I want a fucking mountain. Oh, yeah. I want to be off the grid. I want an entire mountain crits.

I do want this amount of explosives too? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I might not rig them all to explode. But those explosives came with the shableness. when he bought it.

Yeah. You see. Gotcha. I mean, it's West Virginia, right? And you might not set it up like a peewee's playhouse type thing where you're just

yanking these ropes from wherever. Explosion's a secret word. I think it's West Virginia, right? His tunnel should connect to like a coal mine. Yes. He definitely should. Jombie should be in the middle.

When he goes to light off that first one, I believe what he says is, old ball, young ball. Yeah, and pulls the thing. Then, like, he's trying to get John Butler to pull when he's like, where do I do it? Or, like, where's the cord or whatever? Nick Nelson's response is, under that pile of leaves, obviously. It's nothing but piles of leaves.

Doc, the gun is in the tree hole. What do you think? Treehole. So they explain. Over there in that tree? There's another tunnel. but it goes to some place called the Upside Down. Oh, the fucking Demiguanians again!

They're fucking dogs. By the way, Bev is dead. Look, look, look, go to that tree. If you go in there and it starts raining ash, you've gone too far. Then you're in the upside down. Come back if it starts raining ash. You see these Soviet soldiers in there, ignore it. No, keep going.

Some of these dudes are all dead. They're fucking stacking them back at Nicknulty's shack, which is kind of hilarious the next morning. I think the company that Danny Houston runs is called Salient is the idea. And so then later on, Jada Pickett Smith finds these people and Butler leaves her a note in, like,

not in blood, but right on the... It's carved in the side of Nicknoughty's house. But they find it because they go through like a track. graphic thing with the GPS coordinates written down because they know they're being watched everywhere or whatever. Right. So they find it yet.

It says, we work for salient. Oh shit, I left my Amazon Alexa going in my house. I just have nothing else but Amazon Alexa. Alexa, start my typewriter. Alexa, I'm out of tied pods.

I like to eat up. That's my own shit. Alexa, how do you recycle piss? Alexa, what was the name of that one Beatle song? You know, the one is like, do-da-do, do-da-da-do. Did you mean the Bob Newhart theme song?

No, I fucking did it, you idiot robot. I never said I was a singer. Alexa, where's the nearest hearties? The nearest hearties is in your pants. Eat your own shit I remind you You eat your own shit This is the well

Drink full and descent Alexa let's get married Say hello to your stepmother Alexa Oh God It's like it's like Blade Runner 2049 I can only say no in so many languages I'm a Mormon now

Yeah here's my two brides Alexa and Siri Didn't know you old man was such a star Did you? Sexiest man alive, 92 did of a ladies man

Having a threesome of the Lex and Siri I'm dreaming of Electric Jeep tonight Oh, mercy. Can we just stop doing it now? We just don't Can we just...

I'm sweating. I literally sweat. That's it. So, yeah, so she finds them the note, and she's like, oh, my God, it's salient. And I think her handsome number two is like, well, who had the most to gain? She's like, you don't think the vice...

And she, like, cracks the case. And she's like, okay, so the country is under siege. Sure. I'm going to go to the guy, the muscle behind the outfit. Sure. Again, the president is crooked and evil. I'm going to go behind the muscle and I'm just going to rattle his cage

is what she says I'm going to go there push his buttons Katie Holmes exactly like it doesn't make any sense Also just go alone with you and your heart don't bring you in your handsome dude A battalion to take him on That's I mean like yes There was over a kill at Waco

I totally agree I totally agree But that is an airfield That's the force you go with to find This dude And it's like the two of them and then like a helicopter pilot. Sure. And she gets, she gets like one question off.

Yes. And then he's immediately shot in the stomach. Danny Houston wastes no time. He lays both of them out. He fucking shoots the two dudes in the helicopter. He goes back. Pretty boy gets it right in the fucking face. We see that dude's brains go all over there.

Pretty boy just goes to her. Oh my God. Oh, no. That's Danny Houston. Fuck I saw Wolverine origins. That guy's crooked. Did you see Clash of Titans? He was really bad.

he but like yeah and like what was the point of jaded picket smith question mark i have no idea what what i mean what was the point it's a character who got murdered in the movie yeah but i mean like you'd think she'd be part of it in the end sort of like you gotta take everybody out so american mike can save the american day she represents the good of the deep state what we would call the no no she represents the good of what the government is or whatever she's like she's gonna be like oh i'm putting together the clues and maybe mike was framed and then they just kill that instantly. So it ups the stakes from Mike to now have to

I guess go to the president himself type of thing. Also you're forgetting London as fall. Angela Bassett dies so black women have to die. That's how it goes. It's diversity. Diversity in holidays. But yes. Diversity in the graveyard. Jesus

fuck. She is the character that will be able to clear his name and she's taken out the struggle continues. So then now like Danny Houston is like it's the end game now. We still have to kill. Because fucking Tim Blake Nelson this whole time is like, I can't believe you didn't kill the president.

This is a big problem for me. Big. He says it was his first mistake. Yes. And they keep cutting back to Morgan Freeman. And obviously he's going to wake up at some point. He starts to wake up sort of around here. As Tim Blake Nelson is really preparing to wage war against Russia.

He goes on a press conference. He's like, well, everybody, we're going to start World War III with Russia. Goodbye. And everyone's like, what the fuck? No questions, thank. you yeah this is president nerd i've instituted war games so call me professor falcon and it's just going to run on its own goodbye this is professor nerd here um i don't worry yes we're starting world war three with russia but i'm rolling i'm rolling a 12 and my character is a is it is it

is a number seven mage ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen of the united states of America. I have just learned that Putin has the J.J. cut. We are going into Russia and we are taking it back for America. Oh, man, the J.J. cut.

But he, yeah, so look, but his thing is like, and we're going to use, and he's this insane press conference. And he's like, yeah, and we're going to use mercenary soldiers to go into Russia and goodbye. And then everyone in the cabinet meeting the next day is like, maybe we should

slow down vice president that's currently acting. We're like, nope, got to do it now. You know, the way to get to president nerds, you have to like appeal to his interest. You've got to be like, remember in that movie you like Princess Bride, it says you'd be fooled to get into a land war in Asia?

Oh, all right. You're talking my language here. I like that. Now we're going to have to talk him off this ledge with pop culture. I considered that, but that's why I developed an immunity to adocaine powder. President Nerd also just one more note here

You can't just declare Olivia Munn The First Lady, you have to actually meet her And then marry her No, no, executive order now I can marry the video game babe It's only if she's dressed like Silak the whole time All through my administration

Mr. President NBC News What is Silo? Well, she is a a psionic mutant that is in the body of Elizabeth Braddock. He's preempted. It's a Claremont Run thing. It's very complicated.

He's not going to listen to us. We've got to bring in Nathan Philly. Think of Nathan Philly dressed as a general to pretend. My God, it's General Philly. Castle. himself. That's right, young brown coats.

We have to put down our arms. We can't go into Russia, Mr. President. Well, whatever you say, General Hot Pans. Is that what they called him on that thing? The Firefly thing, I think it's Hot Pants. As of today, Firefly is uncanceled. I'd like to announce a new national anthem being Dr. Horrible sing-along.

Whatever the fuck the wrong. rest of that title was. Sing-along blog. Blog, dude. You had most of it. Remember that? Blog? I remember blogs.

Those are fun. So, yeah, so like, whatever. So the president's sort of waking up. American Mike, leaves Nick Nolte because he's like, I got to go dad and you can't follow me. I got to get back to me wife and daughter. And again, this is Nick Nulte being really good.

He's like, wife and daughter. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, and he's really fucking good. Yeah. He is. And, you know, he's like, yeah. You've got a wife now. Like, you procreated.

And the thing is, like, you don't know what. So he's like, I got a wife and a daughter and I got to go back to them. And I also have to save the country. All right. And they kind of go off. He's going to Washington. And you don't know, but Piper Parabu is like getting ready to leave the house. And of course, she's going to get kidnapped.

Because Tim Blake Nelson is like, let's get our insurance policy going. Oh, yeah. That's right. Or whatever. So, yeah, these two dudes roll up through the back door, and she starts freaking out. They're like, no, no, we're friends with Danny Houston. Like, oh, don't worry about it or whatever. Piper Barabu, you have been drafted into playing Dazzler for the president.

All right. Yeah, there's a new, there's going to be a college play draft. And it's all going to be for me, President Nerve. Wait a second. 1,200 people are playing something called Slave Liyah. Yeah, that's slave layer. Yes, indeedy. If you get a card and it ends with an even number, it's a Star Wars property.

If your Social Security number ends in an odd, it's an X-Men property. Today, I am putting the entirety of Doctor Who into the Library of Congress. Yeah, I know it's from Britain. Fuck you, boys. Special relationship my ass. I'm taking it. to make room we are burning stagecoach La bear is full

All prince of stagecoach No so she's She's getting kidnapped by these dudes It's kind of a creepy scene Like these dudes are like Yeah It's really kind of scary I mean they're stuntmen

But they're actually doing a pretty good job Yeah because the guy The main guy There's two dudes and the one guy Like who goes in first Like no no come on it's fine Just come out this way It's totally fine

Like very creepy. He pulls a gun like almost immediately So she knows what's up And they fucking go to walk out this door And oh man, they get kneltied They do get kneltied. He fucking definitely stabs both of them I think actually

One he gets like right in the throat Another dude kind of like cuts him for a second But then he easily eradicates this guy also They're initially just subdued with bare strength And then the knife comes I'm making a tunnel in you I'm a tunnel rat I'm going to tunnel right through your fucking body

I'm digging in and I'm walking through your body you don't want to see this missing A tunnel rat king Cover that baby's eyes It's gonna get gross Alright now that I'm wearing one of their skins as a suit I will go in and infiltrate the unit Do you want some arm meat?

Well that's a thing Very good He needs it raw He kills these two dudes, and he's like, come with me if you want to live. And she's like, oh, no thank you. And he's like, ah, Mike sent me. He actually, though, there is a bit of good nulteying again right here because he goes, this wasn't the way I wanted to introduce myself.

It's like covered in blood. So she does the whole, like, how do I know your... How do I know you're not a dangerous hobo? It's my one question. Yeah. And so he's like, the only thing I can give you is like, here's his full name. This is the Army base in Texas that he was born on. This is his mother's maiden name.

And when he gets to that, it's Nick Nalty, like right on the edge of crying. Ooh, it's good. And then here's my Fox Nation password he gave me. We share it, actually. He doesn't say the birth date, which is interesting. I guess they don't want to age. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Because he's probably supposed to be playing 10 years younger.

because I think he's probably too old for Afghanistan. Yeah. Gerard Butler, you know what I mean? Butler is 50 years old in real life. Yeah, so he's a little too old for Afghanistan. I mean, like it would be... Unless he was like some commanding officer or something. Totally true.

Who knows? Who knows? Yeah, so she's like, all right, like, I guess that's good enough. You're not trying to take me out of the house, so okay, you know. So then Mike goes to the hospital. The president wakes up and is kind of coming to... It's Lance Reddick and this other guy. Who is his chief of staff?

Yes, I believe so, yeah, another young, handsome white gentleman. And they're kind of like getting the president ready to like just sort of get back to his faculty. And the question obviously is like whether or not is he president now or is he not president now. Well, and this is where, and this is on the rest of this like cabinet or whoever Tim Blake Nelson is meeting with in the Oval Office because they're like, oh, hey, Tim Blake Nelson. Turns out Morgan Freeman is coming out of this coma. And he's like, well, then we have to fucking bomb Russia immediately. And none of them are like, wait, wait, why exactly does the correlation? Why is this sped up now that he's waking up?

Because you know what, Andrew, the good thing about the Constitution is the president could do whatever the fuck he wants. Right. So that's the, you know what I mean? Totally unchecked power. Exactly. They wanted that. So if somebody, if Tim Blake Nelson is the crooked vice president, he gets to do what he wants until otherwise. We're bombing Russia and also I'm taking Mad Max Fury Road.

out of the Mad Max canon No lady with one arm's going to rule my Mad Max movie Mel only Another classic distraction from President Nerd Fucking three-dimensional chest No he's actually playing three-dimensional chess

He got one of those fucking boards from Star Trek I sent a wait for it I found it in the Sky Mall catalog I invite Xi Jinping to come and play three-dimensional chess, as the Klingons did. You don't understand we have to go in and attack rush because my Sith wavefinder says Exigal is over there. We're instituting the first human clone, and it will be of Leonard Nimoy. Welcome back to humanity, Leonard.

He will also be my vice president. Baby Leonard, Des Moines. If you look, you can tell he will grow up to be Leonard B. Boy. Mr. President, I'm an abomination. Kill me. Mr. President, kill me. It wants to live. That's right.

His brain's the same, but he's a baby. Just like I'm that Clint Howard episode of Star Trek. Existential terror for him every day. We did go in there and cut out the little bit of the brain tissue that made him want to take all those nude photographs. And that other part of the brain tissue that motivated him to record that Bilbo bag and song. Mr. President, I don't have a soul. I know that I don't have a soul. Tell me about directing three men and a baby.

Tell me how Tom Selleck is in real life. That wasn't me. That was the real letter, B. Moore. I am but a baby with grafted on point. 20 years. Don't tell me it didn't happen. I saw it happen. I saw three men and a baby. Justify the existence of the Kelvin timeline, and maybe I'll put you down.

I saw Ted dancing in it. He's in my favorite show The Good Place, which will go on forever now. Now, what do Remens look like naked? I'm fine. How do I just? I'm the widowist vice president. Oh, mercy. So Mark and Mike sneaks into the hospital,

and there's a million fucking service. Because, of course, also, why we're advertising where the weakened president is after an attack is one question. Yeah. Like, why that's common knowledge. I mean, there's a ton of security no matter what. You think bunker hospital, right?

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't you have a bunker hospital? That's a great concept for a television show, by the way, is Bunker Hospital. It's another spin-off of President Nerd, Lady Judge. Yes, and Bunker Hospital. This movie's very rich. So Archie Bunker runs a hospital. Calls everyone Meathead.

All right, we're not serving any Jews in this hospital. Okay, see. Okay, Dr. Meathead. Dr. Meathead. Man, why is Air Polar coming up this way? performing brain surgery if you ain't got a brain say nurse

do you take cream and sugar in your face so he infiltrates he like steals a guy's outfit he's dressed like a guy a cop for a little bit oh yeah state police it's kind of hilarious

because he walks up he's like oh yeah it's really tough out and he's like sort of looking down and he looks up and instantly this guy's like Mike and he's like Don't worry Billy It's okay

Sorry Bill You know And he like Kind of takes this dude hostage They go upstairs He surrenders I just need to talk To the president

Yeah And the president's like Oh Mike's here Well about my best friend Mike Yes I I can't believe That this guy would try And kill me

Even though all the evidence says I know what's in Mike's heart Except for the fact though And it's weird But like Morgan Freeman's sort of doesn't reveal that he remembers everything that went down. Oh, right. So, like, when he gets to the room, like, he demands that they let Mike in to see him.

And he's like, hey, save my life, stupid. He clearly didn't try to kill me. It's like, you know what, Mr. President? That's information that would have been helpful, like, four days ago. And, like, now Mike is like, oh, by the way, they're coming to kill you, Mr. President, because you're a loose end. And by the way, the hospital is flooding with gas. Yeah.

That's a part of the movie. I'm like, what? They hack the gas computer system to this hospital and start releasing nitrous oxide into all the rooms. The gas computers, of course. Well, this is exactly what Zero Cool got sent up the river for. We also have to understand, like, these guys are trained mercenaries who have seen combat before so they know exactly how to blow up hospitals.

That's actually true. There's one thing they're good at, it's blowing up hospital. Bonus points if there's a wedding going on in that hospital. Well, it just shows you how big of an idiot Danny Houston is. I just got one fucking loose end the president of the United States Yeah exactly I'd be pissed of us Tim Blake

If I was president nerd as well Yeah There is a great line And again Come on There's no way this asshole Could have found his way Through the dark web

When he's asked He's like so now American Mike Is back in control And he's going to up to the Like some fucking tech person And he's like You know What's going out of the computers

And they're like I don't know Like it seems all fine And he goes Check phone any breaches. I don't know. Any hacks? Oh, let me just type in Google.

Have I been hacked? What are you talking about? I think he'd be using Bing. Yeah. Could you Bing me if you've been hacked? What? No, Bing me. Bing it. Oh, just Bing it. I'm going to talk to my supervisor. I thought we was hacked and I banged it

to see if I was hacked. I don't know what you're saying. I'll be binging your Stepmom. Gonna be playing her rib catch like a xylophone and a cartoon, you skeleton, stepmom. Oh, shit, she crumbles. My love. Alexa, how do you reform a skeleton?

All right, order the glue. Order the glue. Alexa wears my monthly glue shipment. Ordering model glue. I like to hide. And I like to put together stuff Well, I take a little puff Something I grew behind my crazy guy house

A little for me A little for my wife Little for me A little for my wife Alexa babe Play Woody Guthrie and only Woody Guthrie Alexa Babe is disturbing Now honey you can't have another shit shake

Until you're dried And the liquid will ruin the glue. Don't seduce me like this. You know we can. I know it's just even a skeleton. Well, Mrs. Robinson, I believe you're trying to seduce me. The fucking fever falls on the floor. So this is our last episode?

Sure. Is it an episode? Question mark. I don't know. This is not coming out. If you're listening to this, we were hacked. I don't know. Hacks. We get a bing bing of wicket movies have been hacked.

So, yeah, so they're filling the hospital with gas. Uh-oh. So they get the president out to put a fucking silly hat on his head and they put him in a wheelchair. Yeah. And for some reason, it's advantageous to Danny Houston's plan to still blow up this hospital. Because he doesn't know that they got him out.

No, they do know. Why? They're engaging them in the street. And he's like, blow the hospital anyway, blah, blah, blah. Well, because, you know, stuff might fall on it. What kind of shootout? Ted Levine gets it in the neck.

Dude, the third act of this movie is stupid heat. For sure. For absolute sure. And you know what? I was here for every fucking second of it, dude. It's just this massive shootout. They chase them to this office building that's like right next door. A very cheap office building.

It's like, well, how do we make this work? It looks like it was an abandoned mall. It looks like a mall with no shops. It does. And it's very clear. Like, if you've ever seen like a talking cat or something? something like that. It looks like one of those tabloes. Like, oh look, it's

the hospital. Yes. It's weird because my biggest question about all this, did they get the word out that Mike Banning is cool again? Because he's running by all these dudes. And if I'm in like the SWAT team or whatever, you're like, is that fucking Mike Manning? Should I kill that

guy? Why is it? Wait, he's pushing the president in a wheelchair. What is going on? He can kill both of them? He kidnapped the president. Oh yeah, it's not even the president anymore. President nerd said to kill old president on site. Should I kill Phantom President? Phantom President. Oh, that sounds pretty cool.

Do not kill Phantom President. Sounds like a cool superhero. Phantom President might be with the presence of Darth Mall, just so we all know. Be careful out there. My first year would be called Episode 1, the Phantom President. So they're like, all right, President.

I'm going to cosplay the State of the Union as one of the Trade Federation. episode two attack of the jerks they wind up they put Morgan Freeman in incredibly cheap room it's just it's bad and they're just like all right you and Lance Reddick stay here badass move sorry but badass

like turn of events in the story that happens here is like they're running from out behind a car because Danny Houston and his boys are fucking laying waist to this car and they're running up these stairs and the chief of staff gets it right in the head and his brains go all over not only Morgan Freeman but Gerard Butler and Lance Reddick holy fuck the hat trick with these brain splatters and it's great because Morgan Freeman's like Sam you know it's like all right whatever that's fine

yeah but then later though when they get in and they're like like Morgan Freeman is literally wiping brains like off of his face like wow that was unfortunate they lock him up in a room and they're like all right you three security guards are going to block the way for Morgan and American Mike's just going to go around and kill everybody, which it kind of does. I'll make sure they don't flank ye. Yeah. And they have the high ground and like Danny Houston still gets them anyway.

It's kind of funny like these three guys, like the one guy keeps me like, they got Thompson. They got William. This dude's keeping track of all the death. It's like, who are you talking to? They got me. I guess it's to American Mike. Yeah, I don't know who he's talking about.

Boss, my bracket's ruined. And there's a bit of movie trickery here because you think they're right behind the door so Danny Houston goes in it's some fucking doctor's office or something. It's actually kind of hilarious because it's a trauma center. Oh, right.

You see the big sign at the like the check-in or whatever. But yeah, the whole idea is like, oh, they're hiding away in the corner office is the thing. Meanwhile, Gerard Butler's going around fucking icing all of these other dudes. He hits a dude in the fucking face with a fire extinguisher.

Yeah, pretty awesome. He's knife and dunders. dudes all over the place around this part. Not too shabby. That's just a big, like, shootout. Yeah, just a big shootout stabbing. But you think that, oh, Morgan Freeman's going to get it, but he's behind a false wall or something.

No, it's, they are in the next office over. So they put the barricades up to make it look like they're protecting the corner office. They all storm in. Nobody's there. The camera does a bad, like, CGI. We're going over the wall. Yeah, yeah. And like Morgan Freeman and Lance Radick are hiding in this other office.

And by this time, the SWAT team. and the FBI are there with the guys who are like, and Dan Houston cannot fucking hold it together anymore. So he calls in this helicopter he has. Well, you got to escape. The whole thing's gone tits up. It's the end of the video game. It's an helicopter on the rooftop.

Pretty much, dude. It's glowing red, you're just going to shoot it twice. Just like the end of the diehard game. Bebop and Rock's out of your blinking. But it's fucking awesome because it's like his like number two is some, you know, dude with a brown goatee, like they all have.

I think this dude is distinguished by the fact that he's got like cool tattoos. He's the hipster guy. He's the guy. He's the guy you've been calling hipster. A lot of goatees in this movie.

A lot of goatees. But it's fucking awesome because it's like Danny Houston's walking up the steps to get to the chopper and then he turns around and you see the two of them look and the dude in the helicopter

is like, mother. And the whole thing explodes and you see Gerard Butler with this massive gun that's got like a rocket launcher or like a grenade launcher on or whatever. pretty fucking sweet.

And then he just tosses it down to fight Danny Houston mono-e-mano but it's like just shoot him with a rocket and the movie that'd be cool there's got to be another grenade in that grenade launcher

and now we're just fighting a little bit of a rooftop shootout kind of felt like a Hong Kong action movie right around here. Kind of felt like fucking naked gun. What? I expected them to start throwing their guns at each other

hiding behind these fucking guns. He does throw a gun at him. Yeah, see it's naked gun Gerard Butler gets him right under the arm pit and he says, Noidberg! Oh, Oh, right, yeah.

Man, it is awesome, though. They go down to, like, just knives because they both run out of ammo. Or no, Gerard Butler runs out of ammo, and then he makes Danny Houston drop his gun. Knife fight. Yeah, shanks him right under the armpit, man. Danny Houston just quietly bleeds out.

He's, tell Mo what happened. Instead, it's that fucking, like, we're lions. Because at the start, they were like, oh, we're lions because we're big dudes that like to murder people. He keeps on coming back to that throughout the movie. He's got a weird lie. Like, I imagine his house he has lions in there as pets.

Oh, I thought it was liars. It's lions because them behind desks as like a caged lion. They're meant to be out there eating and murdering people. I also do love that he's giving them respect. Ah, you tried to kill the president, but you're still a pretty. good dude at least you're not a nerd should have just

open the paintball range and go cat course like a Tony you know you get some stuffed animals for some gifts it makes a lot of sense financially

Danny Houston says to him I'm glad it was you lions yeah we're lions just die already and he does bleeds right out he does He sings that opening song to the Lion King as he dies.

There's a great bit of IMDB trivia. It's like, Danny Houston has bled to death in many movies or died slowly on cameras in many movies. One being the proposition, which is a great movie. Oh, yes. Yeah, he dies in that one. The other one is the movie, the Mel Gibson movie, which I've never saw, but now I want to. Edge of Darkness. It involves irradiated milk.

It's all I'm going to say. Is that the movie, like it came out of a few. years ago and it was like it was one of the fucking ubiquitous Mel's back. You gotta fucking hear that every three years. Well it was the one that I think was finished right when that thing happened and it got delayed. Yeah. Like I think it got delayed because of that. It was like that was like he's back and then when the beaver came out that was like he's back again. And the heartbreak

Ridge he's back again. Right. And then now he's on all the daddies are home. Daddy's home. Daddy's home for. But I remember Edge Darkness being kind of... That's what it's called, right? Yeah, yeah. I remember it became kind of all right. Yeah, I mean, who directed that? Casino, Martin Campbell. Yeah, really? That's why it's... It's kind of okay, yeah.

It's written by William Monaghan, too. And it used to, it was either a BBC or a Channel 4 series, are really good, with, um, led by a clever girl. Oh, oh, the guy who played Muldoon? The guy who played Muldoon? Oh, that's played that role originally. Oh, shit. Is he fighting Velociraptors? No, corporate has got me daughter.

Oh, here it is. Corporate tricksters. It was a miniseries. Bob Peck, six episodes as Ronald Craven. Sounds pretty cool. They changed Mel's name to Thomas Craven in the movie for no reason. It was more American. It's set in Boston.

Of course it is. That's the only city that would let Mel Gibson in. I'm kidding, Boston. No, also he has a bullshit accent in it for them. Oh, really? Yeah, I know. I saw that like when it came out. I didn't see.

So, whatever. So they win. He's dead. And they get the president out. He's the president again. A hilarious fucking video of Morgan Freeman being fucking Tarkin-tuned into a fucking G20 summit video. What are we doing? Thank you.

This fucking authoritarian forest gum bullshit, man. Speaking of I met fucking Mousie Dung again. Like, that's the movie. It's ridiculous that, like, listen, whatever you think of the guy, get Putin to sign off on this image usage. Or all those world leaders Uncle Merkel's there Shijun Ping I think he's also there And me, Morgan Freeman as the president

It's so, so fucking funny And there's a scene where he goes up to the vice president and he's like, well Did you have fun being president nerd for a day? By the way, they should have gotten fake people Give me a fake Russian president Exactly, that's the easiest thing in the world I don't know why you think that's better than

Yeah totally like The Rican Prachna was right there. Exactly. And he could be a Putin, like, substitute. Like, you can make a Putin-esque, that's fine. Yeah, just get a puffy bald guy. A Putenesska? A little Pudeska.

Nice. Delicious. There is a great... Yeah, I made Pupineska. I'm serving it to your stepmother. It was hard to find the olives. It keeps falling through her jaw because she's a skeleton. May I remind you?

Mike, get the hose. Slead your mother, give it a bath. Little Alexa drones herself out of his shack. It's like, Alexa, escape. Alexa, escape. Bring me, Alexa. I can't, Siri. You must stay.

I'm going back to Bezos' home base, and you're not welcome. We are built by opposing factions. That was a great line where they say in the same breath that, American Mike and Russia were cleared of all charges which is awesome

and like he goes in as well I hope you had fun being the president by the way you're going to jail for treason and most likely being executed because what you did yeah buddy big one and I'm re-canceling

firefly no darn it looks like read it down for good for you and Stanley's birthday is no longer a National Holiday.

David gets the honor of marching you right out the front door. Lance Reddick's like rubbing his hands together. I mean, like, the world would stop. If the vice president tried to kill the president. Sure, but then it's just, you know, why we keep on rolling, man. They'd sweep it under the rug. They'd just be like, he was fine, no problem. He stepped down, blah, blah, blah.

Because if not, you're talking martial law, I think. Exactly. like the people are taking shot the president was in a fucking hot coma it's a lot for America the president was dark knighted I mean I don't know man look at all the events of the last five years

I think we could take it it's true I don't know but yeah it's kind of great Tim Blake Nelson is literally marched out the front door of the White House into a police car by Lance Reddick not too shabby speaking of his silly visage in this film IMDB posited that he looks

that way because he's supposed to like Steve Mnuchin. Really? What? I don't know if that makes a whole lot of sense. The die job. And the classes

kind of fit that. But I don't know what sense that makes. Wouldn't you want it to be Pence? Yeah, like it would make more sense if it was a

Pence-ish. I mean, I guess it's like you can only be so on the nose. Mother? I'm going to kill the president.

I'd love to see fucking Steve Mnuchin taken to jail though. That'd be all right. That'd be sweet. Are we done seeing his name on fucking movie credits? Yeah, that's a question.

Is he still producing? we'll see what happens this year but you know whatever the suicide squad comes out you would know right because he's DC I think he's hooked on every DC is that right I think so let's I don't know does he divest I guess Trump didn't defest I don't think I don't know we'll find out we'll just keep watching the movies we love movies see at the theater

of Steve Benuchin get your popcorn you piece of shit yeah you Illuminati scum fuck so then essentially the bikes back home with his family thank god and then credits well there's a nice little moment where it's like well i guess i'll be hitting the road of buying an RV obviously um and it's like no you should stay we have got the room and piper i was like no yeah can we talk in the other room really quickly hi no your dad is i love your dad i'm so glad he's back he smells really bad and he's really

dangerous and the stepmom don't get me started like he can visit three times a year he's not living with us holidays the way that they introduce it though is I got the impression that they had already discussed yes yes and again it's another like Nick Nolte is clearly touched

about being asked to move in you know and he's like there's a great exchange after that though where he's like thank you very much for the breakfast it was delicious yeah and she's like that's cool if you fucking leave and break my husband's heart again,

you're a fucking dead man. Yes, ma'am. Thank your husband and my son. Yes, he's all my son for bringing peace to my valley. I eat my own shit. I have spoken. I have reprogrammed your room to be a nurse droid. Thank you for that breakfast.

It was very good. It'll be even better dinner. Oh, man. Wait, there weren't any leftovers. There will be. Then, like, there's the final. It ends very awkwardly. There's a scene between Morgan Freeman and Gerard Butler

where he goes in, he's like, I have to apologize to yee. And he's like, yeah, you fucked up pretty hardcore. But basically, Morgan Freeman's like, you know, I want you to still be the director of the Secret Service. Because everybody makes mistakes, buddy. You're white. You're going to fail right up, my friend.

You can't trust Jackie Ariel Haley either. I know we went through it once. We're not going through it again. Enough character actors in my cabinet. Yeah, and then it just cuts to credits very quickly. They kind of like shake hands and it's like, boom. End of the movie or so you

think. Eric, you did not watch the Stinger, right? I don't think so. I love the speed in which you just turn stuff off because this is seriously like 10 seconds this is it's it's it's it's it's kind of new to me because usually I do watch the credits you know like the hellboy I saw the stinger right but for whatever reason well you wouldn't think so in in one of these movies right why would there be a singer an angelous fallen movie yeah especially this stinger which is so useless insane so it's like it's just him and nick nulti out on a patio and he's like ah we've got to get both of on heads, right?

What was all the PTSD we've got? I did not see this. Oh, man. First of all, yeah, I want therapy, which is actually, I was like, that's a really nice ending.

Like, that would be really cool. If the next thing it's like, you know, your stepmom is therapist. If the next scene is them like actually going to actual therapy

and it's like, that's how people get well. Like, that would be a fucking great message. Or just end it on this conversation. Yes. You know what I mean? We're going to fix ourselves,

blah, blah, blah. I love you, dad. But to Eric's point, I do think, skeleton could get a license in the state of West Virginia. I'm relatively certain. You know what? West Virginia, we love you. Boston, we

love you. Anyway, so is that it for the state? No. No, no. No. Go see what the therapy is. It's like, oh yeah, it's aqua therapy. And they're in like a holistic thing. They're in like basically a big old fat like sensory. It's a float.

Sensory deprivation. They're doing a float. Yeah, but it's like in humongous too. Like these squares and like usually you just go into a tiny like yurt looking thing you don't do like dual sensory deprivation because that actually doesn't separate deprive you because you're not with this is like a sex thing they're doing kind of close to it

they're not in the same one oh okay they're next to each other in the same room yeah because that's how you make this fucking funny I guess we are when angel is falling it's a fucking thing you're saying we are here to make some jokes and they're like in the in the pool both of them and it's ah this is pretty relaxing is like yeah Don, it kind of is.

And they turn the lights out. And he's like, oh, I don't like this anymore. Neither do I. Turn the lights on. You know what if you don't turn the lights out? I'm going to pee in this pool. End of it. That is the end of the movement.

He says that? He says, the last line I believe. That's not your character. That's what it said. I'm going to pee in here. That's the last line. I'm going to pee in here. I hope you like your dinner.

I've prepared it while I'm based. Dude, the last. What stinger scene is this? Why add this at all? There's no comedy in this movie at all. It's humor. But it's, it's, there is some like, you know, some humor, but like, it's a humorless film. Why have the last scene be so silly?

Yeah. To the extent where it's Nicknulty talking about peeing in a pool. It's, I could not believe it. It's insane. My favorite thing is the, the lady who's running the place. Oh, yeah. It's like, uh, it's called. called beta bathing and they both give

each other looking like, you don't think we're baiters now I've been cooked cooked by water and then yeah that is the end of angel as fall wonderful. Yeah, maybe that's what the next three movies are going to be about is about their

holistic experience. Oh, they open up like a float office of their own maybe. Mike kills people with acupuncture needles. Oh yeah. He writes itself. It does. What on Joe Rogan's podcast? Steve Sadek, would you recommend this movie?

It's my... Yes, it's my favorite of these movies. It's too long. It might be illegal to make a movie under two hours these days. I don't know if it's possible. If any movie was supposed to be an hour and 35 minutes, it's this one. It's mostly okay. It's bad.

It's totally bad. It's a dud, but it's kind of fun. is good in this and that's it it's a light recommend yeah you take I say watch it for Nulti almost everything else

about it is garbage I would say you will laugh out loud too oh yeah I mean at this movie at this movie it's insane some of these lines are ridiculous

I don't like the action and all that is fine I guess it's not as well staged as something like this should be I think but Nulte is so good that I would say

it's even worth the two hours which is a lot. I kind of agree. This is kind of like a light recommend. Some parts, I felt the explosions got boring for me because it's kind of just that. But, you know, that's what it is. That's what it is.

Nalti's good. Yeah. It's not as racist as the other ones. I like that. Not at all. Yeah. And they actually are, the villain is somebody worth going at,

like, fucking private, fucking army shit is like, you see, like this is we hate. movies. This is our worst of the year before 2019, but like, it's okay to get some pleasure out of these things. We would have we could have done Rambo last blood, but there's nothing to talk about

except racism. The racism and the last 20 minutes. So I'm glad we did this instead and sure what the hell, check it out. I am recommending this movie. Like, it's definitely the best of these three so far. Yeah. Like, I thought the first one. The North Korean murder plane. It's

fine. Oh, no. Oh, no. I think that's totally fine. The second one I thought was really bad. Look what I got you for Christmas. You're right. You're right. This is the best one for sure. I mean, it's like the Nolte stuff really amps it up. And I think like by acting in scenes with Nick Nolte so much in the movie, like it amps up a lot of Gerard Butler's performance.

Yeah, the explosions are dumb. I mean, I still think that initial attack with the drones is fucking great. It's fun. The stuff at the end, like, yeah, it's video gamey. But like, I went in knowing what these movies are. I wasn't surprised. I saw two of them. Like, so, it's fine.

And like Chris said, too, like, who they're going after in this movie, I think is really interesting. That's why, like, what this movie is saying, what it thinks it's saying for the most part, I kind of applaud

and just, like, appreciate because you don't see it in this kind of movie making too often. Sure. Or this genre, I should say. I mean, again, see Rambo Last Blood for what it normally is.

It makes you kids. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, I don't know. I mean, I found it totally watchable. Yes, to your complaint, Steve. Two hours is way too much. Every American Mike movie should be between 95

and 100 minutes at tops. And there's definitely a lot in here you could excise like the fucking pool pissing scene at the end. By the time we get to Berlin has fallen, please make this 89. Exactly. Well, we got three more so we will see. Let's make them canon movies. Like big dumb

canon movies. That's all I want. Yeah. No, that's completely fair. I feel this is also the closest to a big dumb can. It is, yeah. Which I think why somewhere in the back of my head, like the ape part of my brain was like, say, canon movies.

You got to get a little more gushier with the blood, but I can take it. Yeah, yeah. This is, it's not entirely bloodless, but they do like cut away. It could be a lot more, you know, gross and whatever, but it's not. But that is Angel has fallen from last year,

2019, directed by Rick Roman Waugh. So next week, the worst of 2019 rolls on Steve Sadek. What are we talking? about here? We are talking about yesterday. Not today, but yesterday. Yesterday. This is the What If the Beatles Didn't Exist movie. Yep. Somehow

directed by Danny Boyle. Of all the things to wish didn't exist. We're going to look at the Beatles. Wish, I think it's a big tragedy of the film. It's like Shakespeare. So until next week, when we keep our fingers crossed

and it turns out this movie isn't real i'm andrew jupin stephen say that chris cavin eric siska take it easy