We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 467 - Orphan

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

On this week's episode, the gang is chatting about the ridiculous eerie kid movie, Orphan! How is this kid sitting at the absolute back of the orphanage not an immediate red flag? Why does this girl dress like it's 1885? And to Hell with this movie tree house! PLUS: Tune into HBO's next hit current events show, Little Dennis Miller Live! Orphan stars Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman, Margo Martindale, and CCH Pounder; directed by Jaume Collet-Serra. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, I just learned that this was executive produced by Rick Dalton. It's Orphan. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadat. Chris Cabin. Eric Siscus. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies, a comedy show, where we use a movie as a springboard for a profane and oft gross conversation. Sometimes it's an orphan. This week on the program, it is orphan from 2009, directed by Hame Colette-Sera,

What is it, a Polish gentleman? No, I believe he's from Spain. Oh, okay. The thing is he makes garbage movies. He made, what, three movies with Liam Neeson? Yeah. You know, people will defend the commuter, and it's like, get the fuck out of it.

Who's defending the commuter? Plenty of people. Oh, my lord, you go in Letterbox, Stephen, the esteemed folks I follow, love that movie. That's one of those weird movies that, like, probably was on, like, a guy here do cinema, like, top ten list out of nowhere. Yeah, they do that.

Every once in a while, they'll pull something like that. I had fun with the commuter just a little bit. I didn't like it. It's just the Metro North logic. I mean, it's not a hard thing to fucking do right. I'm with Eric. I cannot stand fucking egregious errors like that. And that movie posits that the commuter rail like leaves Grand Central Station and passes and stops at a bunch of subway stations.

Yes, it's like, okay, now it's 66th Street. And then like, is Jonathan Banks in that movie? Yes. Oh, sorry, Walter, got to go to Harlem 125th Street because I'm, why am I in the Metro North? They wouldn't even honor this ticket. This doesn't even, I see fucking Mike the cleaner getting off at Harlem 125th Street. I don't know. What do you mean? Mike the Cleaner, the character. Yes, okay, gotcha. I'm like, why is this fucking dude going to Harlem? He's got a battle shaft. Honey, honey, it's Mike the cleaner. He's in real life now.

But look at this shit, though. Okay, yeah, I'll stop talking about the commuter. So House of Wax remake. Oh, that's a problem. Which I like. I think it's okay too. I think it's a good classic Paris Hilton kill in them. Yes, good one. Goal 2, living the dream. I have not seen it. Wait, what was it?

It's a soccer move. Yeah. Oh, I think you said Gould 2 and I was like, tell me more. I love you. Mother, we're watching Gould 2 tonight. We're going to skip Gull 1. It's just jumped to... But I'm going to be lost. You always fucking do this, Harold. No, sweetheart. We're just going to

to jump to Gould 2. Baby, baby, it's not a two number. It's a T-O-O-2. So you know how in T-Rull 2 they say you don't piss on hospitality. In Gould 2, they say you don't shit on it. Then-Orphan, then unknown. A Liam Neeson movie so boring we decided we didn't want to do an episode of it. Yes, that's right.

There's a problem. They're going to obtain the secret formula for corn. That's right. I'm in Germany, I think. I don't know, actually. The Germans are finding out. our secrets of corn. It looks green everywhere. That's a movie's about corn.

It is about corn. It's kind of like that fake commercial in the middle of Michael Clayton. Did he also do nonstop? So that's yes. So then non-stop. He did a trilogy with this dude. Run all night. Yep. That's another. Another Liam Neese. He did it four. It's a quadrology.

Now people say that this one is good, but no clue because I didn't see it. The shallows. It's a fine movie. Then the commuter. And, oh, Jungle Cruise. Jungle Cruise and supposedly I'll believe this one I see in Steve Sadek

the Black Adam movie Yeah oh please that movie that's a fake movie Wait that's DC right Yeah that's the rock This spinoff of Shazam that is Essentially apparently gonna happen They've been trying to make it for 50 years But like this guy would fit into DC perfectly

Because this guy has never used color In his movies my God This is some dreary terrible shit House of Wax starting with his first feature House of Wax has like a fucking teal tithe hint all over it. There is a lot of color in the shallows, I will say.

Can I just stop the hate train for five seconds and let everybody know that I love this movie? I kind of love this movie. Yeah, this was your selection. It's a movie you love. I'm a sucker for an evil kid movie. I love evil kids. Evil kids, possessed kids, demonic kids,

and like so many of those movies don't have the guts that this movie has. This is true. It's usually, and a lot of these are on Lifetime, too. with this movie is very much like a high high end lifetime movie in a lot of ways and those movies never have the guts too it's usually like there's maybe one kill

you think the dad gets killed but then at the end he just has a broken leg someone's in a coma they come out of it it's bullshit this movie goes for it a lot of ankle trauma in those movies a lot of ankle trauma this movie's allowed to go for it because towards the end the twist is that it's not an actual child

so therefore they can go for it. Even last year is the prodigy. Like, it's a similar thing where it's like it's a haunted kid, it's a kid who gets possessed by whatever. Oh, this kid is a twisted file starter. That's the movie. That's the movie. So I should say for folks at home, you know, we record these episodes well in advance and whatnot.

We're recording this episode in January still, which is when we did our worst of 2019. I thought that this movie, or, that we're doing or the orphan whatever was that movie. That's the movie I was thinking of. The orphan's prodigy with guts. Yes. There's even one kill in that movie too where it's like

maybe. Yeah. Like I think the dad in a car. What are you going to do for please? This movie is bad. The first hour is a bit of a slog. I'll let the folks at home know that. The first of the two hours. Two hours and two minutes. Two hours was still

too short. Let's do two minutes on it. i love it was too long two hours was two shorts and they added two minutes oh i see what you say yeah yeah this two hours and two minutes in that nineteen ninety four this would have been a hundred minutes and would be fucking oscar that's the thing is like if this was a hundred minutes 90 minutes i could see your idea of it being a decent film yes a hundred a hundred minutes is a much better movie i agree and i don't think that like so i mean this we tries to do thematic stuff i'm like and don't bother it's an evil kid movie hey fear from aga start crying it's an evil kid movie that's the

thing you want to shave some minutes off you can start right here with this useless nightmare that she has well i mean even before that now did they think this was going to be a huge fucking movie because they do the wb logo different it looks like the suicide squad it did i wrote the same thing it looks exactly like the suicide squad and like you don't even at least with the suicide squad when it does that you understand why it's doing it this is like you don't get an answer for what the logo is referencing until like an hour more and a half into this fucking movie. For me, it kind of immediately was like, oh,

she's crooked. I'm like, what would this mean? Where would it come from? It's not like anybody here as a black light artist. Well, of course the orphan is crooked. I don't remember that from the trailers. No, the trailer is very much like, there's something wrong with this kid. What's going to happen? Is she the devil? Does the movie pitch it as like

a potential like paranormal situation? Because I only saw the, I never saw the trailer. I only saw the poster. The trailer is like some things up with this list. Let me pull up the poster because doesn't she have like jet black eyes like all through it. She looks like she's possessed. Kind of sort of. Yeah, it's a super close up on her face

and it's like, she looks creepy, yeah. The poster, you can't see her eyes. That's probably what you're thinking. It's like a black. Can you see her? Yeah, you can see the whites of the eyes. But that could be yeah, I mean, this is an evil kid movie we should say it's a, it's about Vera Vermiga and Peter Sarsgaard. They

lose a child, they have two children and they wind up adopting a new child who isn't all she's cracked up to be. that's that's kind of it it opens with this nightmare sequence where she's like reliving ish you know the day she lost the baby and it's like you can tell right away

that this is a bad nightmare because like she sits in the wheelchair Peter Sarskirt's like oh my wife is going into labor you know and he's at the desk like signing in and this nurse is like okay we'll take care of you

and the shot of the nurse pushing the wheelchair and there's all this blood on the floor and the nurse just keeps going I was like well nightmare but it keeps going Like the nightmare goes on for like five, six minutes. And what I love about the nightmare, can I quickly say, Chris Cabin? He's gearing up for something.

I see he's fucking warming up. This whistle's about to blow. Blanca isn't crouching and electricity is starting to happen. Jabba Jabondue. Chris Cabin's warming up in the bullpen. But first you. What I love is Peter Cyrus Guard coming out with the camcorder in this fucking dream where she's having, like they're ripping this.

baby out it's covered in blood and he's just like filming it like oh yeah i'm just this dad that's so excited dude i got to tell you fucking dads and parents that are filming the birth get out of here you perverts stark memory of fucking tom ardle to nine months the other thing though is that this hospital looks like congress on krypton it's like the biggest building and it's nice and i'm like where the fuck are you guilty where does this movie take place i don't think think you ever know. It has to be Seattle right? The fucking house they live in, too. Because it's dreary all the time.

It's Toronto. That's where they filmed it. I mean, it's winter and it lets you know, which I don't appreciate because it's winter now. I do think that her having a nightmare about her losing this kid and Peter Sarskard's got the

cameras like, hey honey, everything's going to be great. It lets you know immediately she fucking hates this dude. She wants out of this relationship because her Conscious is like, I'm a dickhead. Hey, babe, you lose it a baby? I'm going to film it. But Peter Sarskart is also the doctor.

Yes, exactly. So yeah, you're like, okay, yes. Multiple man. These people should be a part. It's multiple man. He is multiple. I would love to be. They had this layer onto it, and this is getting a little head,

but that, like, due to the traumatic loss of this child, she turns to alcohol. Sure. And it's like, in an evil orphan movie, you don't really need the weepy alcoholism storyline. Totally right. Totally right. It is the one element too much, and it's sort of a thing where, like, they use it as a device later.

It's like, oh, now they're going to, now Peter Sardsgaard's upset because she's off the wagon or whatever. And it's like, you can write that a little quicker. Let's get to the evil orphaning. Well, that's a Peter. Speaking of which, Peter Sarsgaard is Peter fucking Sarsgaard in this movie. So we already have a hit against him. So they need to give her a hit. He's like, he is so unlikable in this movie.

You will be. He seems nice. Oh, shut your mouth. He's a cute guy. He's a cute dude. I don't know. Let's give the orphan one more chance. Like, fucking, come on!

Here's the thing. Listen, I'm kind of with Steve here. I am the first to turn on an evil kid. Like, just the slightest. The slightest. But he's already a father, so, you know, I feel like he has to give kids slack. The mistake Vera Fermiga makes in pointing out that she does indeed have an evil child on her hands here is that she's open about. is that she's open about it.

Yeah. You talk behind closed doors, many, many closed doors. There's a lot of things that should go on behind closed doors in this movie. The two of them, Via Farmeaga and Peter Sarsgaard's characters

in this movie, two the dumbest fucking people. It's great to have an open plan house, but when you're doing certain things, you've got to fucking get into a room and close a door. If you're bending someone over a counter and fucking them,

it better be in a bathroom with the door closed. Not in the fucking kitchen! Which we will talk about, but I cannot believe that. No, no, no. It's safer here, honey, there's burners. Can we also quickly mention that this movie is just like, boom, hit out of nowhere against adoption.

Yes, it is. It's very much like, I don't know, you're going to invite one of those into your home? A creepy thing from Eastern Europe. But it also, it seems like such a weird because, like, you know, you hear things about adoption. I've known people who are adopted kids or are trying to adopt kids. And they were stabbed the death. Yes, one, definitely. But, no, but like, it's a fucking process.

It takes forever. there's paperwork, there's background checks. The two of them go to this fucking orphanage run by CCH Pounder like they're going to pick up a puppy. Yeah. It's outrageous. Stop, it's like a big screen TV. They've talked already.

They're getting everything ready to go. They've got to get in the back. I told you that 55 inches is too big for our living room. CCH Pounder is trying to get rid of this kid. This kid is priced to move. I'll tell you that much. She knows that Esther is a lemon like you wouldn't believe. She's really bad about hiding it.

Look, this DVD player has a VHS player right next to it. Don't you want it in 2009? Oh, man. So we meet Via Formiga. She's depressed, obviously. We see her with a therapist. She's talking about how she beat... A pre-fame Margo Martindale.

Oh, that's who this is. Yeah. Because this was pre-Her season Unjustified, right? Yeah. Had Justified even started that? Justify, I think, is 2010, 2011? Yeah. And she's just like, you know, she's talking about how she went to a wine store.

She almost bought wine. She wanted to. She didn't. So she's conquered this huge problem. I mean, she's battling it, but she's conquered it, whatever. And like, that's kind of where you meet. You meet. They have two kids.

One is just a regular douchey boy with a fucking floppy haircut. This kid stinks. And I recognize from something. And while you continue talking, Steve, I'm going to look it up because I have a feeling it. Eric's got something. He's charging up over there. Well, listen, I can't tell kids. apart. So I wrote down the name

Daniel and the girl is Max and then the adopted kid is Esther. That's true. And Max is hearing impaired. She's also speaking in the entire movie and actually the actress is also hearing impaired so she was obviously doing and I think Vera

for my good is a good job with ASL stuff. Yeah. She doesn't. Oh, you know who he was? This little kid. Actually, big year for this little kid. Jimmy Bennett is the actor's name. he played young Kirk in that J.J. Abrams. Oh, that makes so much sense. He's the one driving the car to the Beastie Boys. He says James Tiberius Kirk to the Robo Robo cop. That guy's kind of a free scum.

That dude is a total RoboCop. Robo truancy officer. That is why he wanted to leave the earth so bad is because after 2090, it was all the robocops that showed out. That's true. There's a robocop at every street. And it will truly be a plan. of RoboCaps. Ooh. Planet of Robocops? That's something? That could be a dumb comic. They could like ride Ed 209's as horses.

Yes. Oh, you know, that's what it looks like when like Robocop's having a nightmare. Imagine Robocop like went fucking nuts and started turning all the cops into the force into Robocop.

Stabbing dudes and like reconfiguring their corpses into Robocop. Not a better Robocop movie, but a better Robocop sequel. Like evil Robocop. Yeah. And he just doesn't, no, no better. Like, he's just trying to put a fax machine

on a guy's head. Right, he's just like, I am merely making him more efficient. Just shoves a Super Nintendo in this dude's mouth. Now I could play games on him or fax him. Come, my brethren, just corpses everywhere. Just corpses with like, with appliances next to them because they already even affixed any real

way. It's just like it's a room full of like electronic equipment and dead people. No, no, no. There, it is a room of cyborg. My army of robocops. This cyborg can bleed or make popcorn. This guy with no eyeballs has a TV on his lap. It's all right. I tied it.

Question about Vera Formiga, who I do like as an actress. Has she ever been happy? Is there a role in which it's good? She ever played a happy character? I'm sure as a person, she's having a great time. But, like, I've never not seen this woman, A, put through the, not put through the ringer. She goes to the ringer every movie she's in. Yep.

Like, in the beginning of up in that. the air. Yes, she's kind of happy, kind of like doing it with Clooney. But she would never open a ski resort. You know what I mean? Like, she's not the fun ski instructor. She's never known hope. That is for certain. That is 100% on Vera Formiga. Yeah, I'm really trying to find something. I really, I don't see it. It's a lot of ghost children. It's a lot of ghost children. She deals with a lot of dead people in and around her life. You've got the departed where it's like, oh, okay, I'm just a therapist, you know, stuck between these two handsome dudes. But even when she's about

to fuck, Leonardo DiCaprio, she says one of the, the line that sticks with me in that movie more than anything else, which is, your vulnerability is really freaking me out right now. And then the fucking, and then the band pipes in, and they start fucking. Oh, that's weird. I don't remember that line at all.

But I do remember, because this movie, this whole time I was watching this movie, I'm like, there's something fishy about Via Farminga being in this movie. And it's this. She was, in another eerie kid movie just two years prior to this called Joshua. What's Joshua about?

The arrival of a newborn girl causes the gradual disintegration of the Karn family, particularly for nine-year-old Joshua, an eccentric boy whose proper upbringing and refined tastes both take a sinister turn. So it's like a murderous little Frasier. But it's Sam Rockwell

in the Peter Sarsgaard goal, I think. Step up. Step up. A little bit. A little bit. it so yeah i mean like and their marriage is going so well there's like a moment when they're about to have sex and she's like yep not having it and like you know um they start talking about like but that's not because she's like mad at him that's still like a whole like i'm not ready to get back in this what with the losing the baby yes no exactly they're they're they're sexually frustrated and they're just kind of sitting because it it comes into play later oh yeah i mean i mean this is also

shit i don't need in an evil orphan movie just adopt the kid i don't need to know about your sex problems I don't need to know about your alcohol problems in the ultimate evil kid movie the Omen Gregory Peck ain't sitting around with whoever played his wife talking about you know this job of mine is

really taking us away from trying to start a family they just adopt that fucking kid yeah my dick doesn't work so well also you only need one other kid I feel like these like rich white people just scooping up kids I'm glad it was a fucking murderous little

person well here's the thing that they're sitting around like it's just the two of them and they're like and like peter stars goes like do you think we're ready for another kid i'm like why don't you ask the kids you currently have because clearly the boy is not into it the boy is totally not into and it's like that boy character's just used for like he's barely a character he's used to be he's like he's tormented later on by esther but like you could just torment the torment the other kid he's also just a piece of shit it's just another character that i that's just patting the run time that you don't need in the narrative in my opinion also steve parents don't ask the permission of children if they're going to add more children to the family i think that's a

reasonable thing especially like everyone's talking like this kid's like it's you got to have that conversation would you like a new little brother or sister that we're going to adopt and actually because then what you get it happened to me twice steve and fucking no one consulted me about anything yeah but that yeah i'm saying like the natural way sure that things happen But like, when you're buying him wholesale like at Costco. Well, Steve, you got brothers and sisters. I was the last, I am the last one. Okay, so when they were, did they consult the creation of you?

No, I think, I mean, I'm sure people were consulted. There was, there's some planning meeting. You think so? Like your parents sat down with Mark and was like, what do you think of this idea? So we pulled a plug. Now, others were consulting. You know, they got a PR guy on the team. Yes, certainly.

An executive producer was brought in. The dogs had their way in. So they go to CCH Pounder's Orphanage. Anytime CCH Pounder shows up, I'm in a good mood. Sure, she's awesome. She's great. I wish she was in more of this movie, but it is the thankless, like, the person who, like, oversees the child management or whatever. Like, she will have later in the movie the fucking ubiquitous check-in scene where she's murdered immediately afterwards.

The one who knows. Yeah, she's got the info. They show up and she's like, all right, now. You, Vera from I, I got laid down here. Peter Saiz got laid down here. We're going to do a face-off surgery. Oh, fuck. I watched the wrong movie.

This is Morgan Freeman? No, it's a similar kind of a thing. Yeah, I do see. She talks. It's almost like Catherine Hepburn. She does kind of sound like Catherine Hepburn. At first time, I was like, what is he doing? But, no, I think Steve is correct here.

It's all bad impression. founder's pseudo mid-Atlantic accent. CCH Freeman, got it. Here's a thing that, listen, when you have an Erie Kid movie and you're not getting to the Erie Kid part of the movie, you know what's really obnoxious in the way you try to make up for the fact that you're supposed to be putting on a horror movie? All of these useless jump scares. Via Farminga almost gets into a car accident, like a truck drives by, that's a big scare.

There's a scene where she's like taking medicine and she closes the medicine cabinet, and it's, ah, Peter Sarascar is right. And I'm like, stop with the truck. Jump scares. It is just too much because there's even moments of the film like before we even

get to the orphanage where it's just like oh here's the young son Daniel and he's got a porno mag in his tree house and he's looking at pornography which they show

it goes there Steve it does go there but is this from 1998? Is this a period film? Where did they get this perfect 10 magazine from?

I'd rather watch that movie called Perfect 10 and it's about this little kid's horny journey trying to get the magazine and one of the kids really dings him too because it's just like they're looking at and he's like hey look this is cool right

it's hot and he's like hey man this looks like your mom is like fuck my mom's Vera Farmerga she's really good looking god damn it well you're right Rusty and also before we go to the orphanage they're like playing guitar hero or something that's after oh is it after that's after yeah that's at her like

coming home party but like Peter Scarscar doesn't give a fuck about his son because it's like oh hey dad look at this wow cool oh dude it is the most sarcastic shitty it is fucking good super awesome buddy and it escalates later though because he comes

downstairs and another city he's like turn that shit off I'm fucking sick of hearing the same fucking twisted sister song over and over while you fuck it up you're sick and tired you're not good enough for the blue button okay it's the easy ones only red green and yellow

don't put blue or orange you're nowhere to near it. You've ruined Boston for me, okay? I'm going to say it. You've ruined them. Dude, that game was a phenomenon. It absolutely was. And that's why like this movie dates itself so specifically because that was, it felt like an eternity, but it was a really short window of people caring about those games. I kind of appreciate all like the iPhone ones in this movie. Yes. Because it's just like, oh wow, it's sort of like now, but not really. They just went a bridge too far with that, with the old pornography. Yeah, exactly. He just had to have to have. like a dial-up modem maybe

if you're gonna go just a little later guys do you think this movie should have been set in like 1999 where that have helped things out make a lot more sense you get some corn in there oh sure shit definitely corn should have been on guitar here

or Esther knows how to play corn on the piano what do you mean you know how to play corn I've been teaching you and you've just been lying this entire time so they're at this orphanage And there's, you know, looking through the kids and whatnot. And the thing is, much like with most retail situations,

stick to the front of the store, man. Because Peter Sarzgard hears this little girl singing all the way up, but he's like, oh, let me see what's in the back. Like, that's the discount merchandise. That's where the deals are, Steve. What are you talking about? Deals are not. That's where the deals come from.

You're just going to buy the first thing they give you? Because there's all these. That's the new stuff. That's expensive as shit. I would love a scene of him haggling with the nun. Listen, listen, listen. I am not. But the thing is also like there's not like here, here's the thing.

Adopting a child makes you a good person. Absolutely. Of course, yes. Adopting an older child, which even CCH pattern points out, makes you a great person. Sure. Adopting a girl who is already isolated and dresses like a nun in her own right and is kind of creepy. And is singing his song made face.

famous by Jimmy Durante. There's something up. Now there's something up with this little orphan. Now you are showing off, okay? And that is when you get into trouble. When you show off. That's, well, because they still spend too much on this kid altogether because it's a town. Did we see a bill?

Esther is a talented kid. Like she can paint and all the, you have to look for a dumbest shit kid in the attic. That's where the real deals are. Well, that's where the, you could mold them in your image. And Esther's already a solidified person, which is a big problem. Not a good thing. Chris Gavin, the first person to bring a coupon book to an orphanage. Oh, you get the coupon for the orphan.

Oh, man. Also, here's another thing. Like, super talented prodigies, like once in a lifetime. Sure. Right? The prodigy. So, yeah, exactly. So here's the thing.

He walks into his room. this painting that she's working on is incredible right there it's one of two things this is some eerie demon child or it's a fucking adult that looks like a kid for some medical reason because kid artwork is garbage yeah i don't i i want to see the girl playing in candy land by herself scribbling with a fucking crayon and it looks like shit dumb as shit you guys are right dumb as shit is what you're looking for because you look at that painting you're just looking at a price point going up exactly and now that's the third you know she's a little genius

there's going to be therapy bills but i got anxiety now i'm paid for her medicine special schools to to foster the talent is what you're going to have to pay for ladies and gentlemen so cc h planners like oh i've seen you you've noticed esther why don't you take her out of here immediately

what do i need to do to take this kid off a lot today she like gives them $500 she's like yeah just buy her some new clothes she looks like a fucking American girl doll in that shit look she's a fixer rapper is what she is and uh listen

I'm gonna include weather stripping which I usually overcharge for we'll pay the water bill you pay the heating uh but so she's like oh you know she is she's from Russia um she's like you know big problem

turns out later we find out she's from Estonia which is like a smaller eviler Russia that's what the movie tells you yeah but No, she's like, oh, she's from Russia, and her previous family burned in a house fire, and she's the only survivor. Yep, I'm going to stop you there. You know, let's go back out to the main floor.

The showroom. Can I test drive one, maybe take one home for a? That's all I need to know, man. First of all, I don't trust anyone, adult or child who is the sole survivor of a house fire. Never trust a sole survivor of anything. Are you kidding me? Because they're either in on it Or like oddly cursed for some other reason

Yeah, I mean we were doing cocaine down there And you know I went down to the corner store The fire was on And I just didn't know I didn't think Oh my God She was the one that made it out of Manchester By the sea It wasn't Michelle Williams

It was her But yeah I mean yeah I agree Stop you right there I just like oh she's this house fire Blah blah blah Oh and she's the other other weird thing is she's got these ribbons on all the time and the only trouble we've really ever had,

which comes to be proven to be a lie later on, by the way, because they said that she was in all sorts of trouble. Like, CCH Pounder is lying here. Oh, right, yeah, she's really claiming that this girl's got like a spotless record. Yeah, and she's like, oh, and then, you know, the only thing is like whenever we try to take the ribbons off, she gets a little cranky.

It's like, no, she gets psychotic is what she gets. It's a little stabby. Also, you're telling me you never washed under those ribbons? Exactly. Buddy, that's that what the smell is? I mean, we, we, we, we, We've already said that it turns out that this kid is an older person with a metal condition. Yeah. She's 33 years old. So we find out that there's scars under those ribbons. Yes. Right.

Because she, because they strapped her in a straight jacket and she would pull it so hard that it scarred her. Okay. I mean, fucking twisted, dude. Great facility, dude. Like you see someone doing that. Maybe there's another way to like put this person, you know, strap this person. down or whatever you're trying to do. She went to Estonian Arkham it seems so it's a little different. We get a look at it. It looks like it may. It looks like where you like keep your ski equipment like it's not a great place. No. Where the hell do you keep your ski equipment? Like in like a garage I imagine. All right now everybody

stop for a second and picture Chris Kavan ski. There it is. You'd have to go back many a year but it was very funny. I feel like I would break both my legs immediately. If I put on skis at all Split you down the middle. Yeah, no, just break them both. Steve would somehow just do a bone tomahawk on himself. Just torn in half.

I grew up between two ski resorts and I never went skiing. I've only been cross-country skiing. I kind of want to do that. It seems relaxing. Yeah, I mean, I was younger. It was on like a golf course in the winter upstate. Like, it was fine. I tried downhill.

It took me two hours to get down that hill because I kept on crashing. Like constantly Every time I played that Windows video game Where no matter how good you do The Abominol Snowman comes to the YouTube Yeah didn't you hate that

It's like I'm doing okay here game Let me continue enjoying this But that is true of skiing You can get eaten by abominable snow Yeah that shit happens all the time So they bring this kid home She's in the car like practicing sign language To meet the sister

There's a nice little sign language greeting the older brother like hates her immediately like that's the whole thing that's why you fucking ask that's why you talk about it I mean I don't know

I don't because here's and I understand like you shouldn't get a full vote like you know what I mean like I understand that but I mean it should be brought to committee and also like take into into consideration like oh he's going to make her life

a living fuck A we've got a shitty son Vera Formiga and Peter says well you know he's going through the little shit phase right now yeah acknowledge that you're kids sucks. I mean, part of the problem is like you're adopting a girl that's like

his same age or... Possibly even older. Right. So it's like he needs to still feel like an alpha or whatever. So you need to get a younger girl or... Yeah, like exactly. I agree with that. It seems a bit too much, especially if the kid's resistant. So yeah, he hates her. This is the

guitar hero scene and like they're giving her all these presents. Oh, they give her, what is it? Oh, like an easel. Yeah. She likes painting. And there is a grandmother who kind of comes to nothing but just keeps popping in. Dude, it's hilarious, though. I believe it's supposed to be she is Peter Sarsgaard's mother. This scene, because, like, this is, like, he sort of yells at the son, and this is

where he goes out and the buddies are looking at the porno in the tree house and whatever. And so Vera Farminga is watching the younger girls, the younger daughter, and then this Esther outside playing, and she's like, oh, look at her playing by the pond. Like, nothing happened. By the way, this movie, the establishing shot of this house, like, it starts. with like thin looking ice in the foreground and I'm like well someone's going through that by the end of this movie

we need to talk about the house the house is incredible and insane and the inside though looks like it's unfinished yeah it just looks like there's a bunch of like bare wood you know I think Frank Lloyd wrong did this house

oh man how long you've been sitting on that I just thought of it nice I'm a genius but yeah it's all this open plan shit and like this and like a lot of awkward angles and like sloped glass roofs. Perfect

murder house. It looks great. I would live there. Oh, of course I would live there. Do they also appear to have no neighbors by the way just say. Well, do they own all the land around it? Like ex-Moxina? Yeah, of course. It is, but I don't think it's that much property. It's a lot of property around. It's in the

middle of the rainforest. Peter Scarsga instead of XMachina, he's making robocops in the basement. now what all i have to do is put the telephone up his eyeball socket and that will make him a robocop he's a robot cop honey but she says this to the mother-in-law and then this woman i don't know i don't remember what it is she says but she it's like incredibly fucking shitty and this woman walks out of the room like not breaking eye contact with vera farmiga it is hysterical oh it's something about like it's a religious thing isn't it No, because she's like...

Oh, with the booze? Yeah, so it's like, oh, it's like, you know, that everyone needs their moment of clarity. And, like, Viramara's like, well, I don't... I didn't, because I'm not in AA. I didn't do AA to get sober. She's very much... Also, this movie, I think, is a little anti-A-A-A.

Because she's like, that's a fucking AA term. I don't go to that bullshit. Steve, orphaned superfan. What is the exact backstory here? Now, she was drunk and passed out when Max, the daughter, was almost drowned in the pool. And Peter, Sarzgard, Save the day he came in.

It's not how the other, she lost a child in childbirth as well. Yeah, she lost a child and childbirth. I think because of that, she started drinking really heavily. Yes. In that time, she got wasted and, like, was supposed to be watching the kids. And they fell in the middle of this fucking, also, like, put up a fence at that point. But it's also like, if your kid can't fucking get around a pond, maybe, maybe this is just Darwinism. Natural selection, dude.

Exactly. Actually, though, I thought the movie was sort of. with a cliff in my backyard. I was going to say, I would love you as a cop and like a dead kid comes out of a pound. Well, I mean,

honestly, the best thing for him, really, right? I mean, sink or swim, you know? I thought the movie

was saying that it was the falling in the water and the most drowning that also made her death. I don't know if that's, it's not because she does clarify later. She's born that way,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, also kind of around here because it is wintertime. I've got to talk about this. There is some bad CGI snow throughout this movie. Yes, there is. Good grief. And some bad

CGI breath as well, I believe. Sure. That's never looked right though. No, it's there. We still haven't cracked that code. We have not. Right around here, one of the, again, in this movie, I'm like, I am here for the weird kid and nothing else. It's like Vera Farminga, like, feeling great. It's been a great day of like Esther fit in and everybody had a great time, blah, blah, blah. The mother-in-law was only like mildly shitty, whatever. So she gets all horned up And she goes in bed And climbs in from like the foot of the bed

Under the sheets and just starts fucking Suckin Sarsgaard's cock And like Esther has like a blowjob alarm In her head she like sits up Immediately what is that supposed to be And I guess that this is a part of the movie Where you don't know if it's supernatural or what Wait wait the blowjob alarm

Oh dude was speaking of supernatural blowjubs That's an old ghostbusters gag Oh my blowjob alarm is going to Off. Esther, wake up. Let it be. Oh, let it be. But it's kind of weird because, like, she starts blowing him,

and Peter Starsgarde's, like, laughing. And I'm like, dude, you know what you don't do? Don't laugh during a blow job. That's, I think she can hear him being like, ooh, ah. He's receiving the loudest blowjob in the world. But it's not from the sucking. It's from him laughing and getting blown. Well, you don't know that.

There could have been a brass band down there. What? I don't know. Like a fucking... I thought you meant like a cock ring. No. You meant like literally an actual... Wait, the whole band is under the sheets with her.

And trombones, like hitting his nuts. Well, the music she's making, I'm saying, could be just as loud. I feel like as a parent you have a conversation like, when you can't have sex. When you can't have sex? When are we sucking in when I'm... Are you saying we should bring the kids in And the committee Should dad get a blow job tonight?

Could we vote on this? But also you have like quiet sex Yeah It's quiet time This is a base Or put on the radio Yeah, exactly Sure.

I don't know Anything but laughing Pipe up the surge Gainsburg And do whatever you want You know what I mean? And also maybe I don't know Lock the bedroom door

Great call You idiots! These are two of the worst parent cinema has ever seen. So, Esther comes like, oh no, we're afraid of the lightning. And she's like, I want to sleep next to Daddy. And he's like, not right now. I sort of was remembering what the twist was of this movie. And when she says that, I was like, oh, yeah.

This movie's going to get weird, probably. And he makes a thing, too, where he's like, Uh, just a second. Like, he's still laughing, like, don't want my adopted daughter to see my erection. Let me think about severed heads of dogs now. Hold on. Wow. Things got to go down quick.

Oh, fuck, it's going back up. What's wrong with me? Well, I have to suicide lake, I guess. Oh, fuck. The next day she's going to school, and Esther, as we kind of talked about, she wears these ribbons, but she also wears this, like, really, like, old school style. Looks like an American girl, though. She does.

Like Pollyanna or something. She looks like she's like from 1890. Yes. And Vera Formica's like, now, don't you want to try those jeans I bought you? And she's like, what, you don't like the way I dress? And she's like, well, no. She's like, do you think the children will make fun of me? And I'm like, yes, obviously.

What, do you think I look like a character from Meet Me in St. Louis? She also says in my like, but it wasn't it you who told me? me that being different was okay? Like, yeah, it is. Crocko Jack. It's kind of great because Farmeek's reaction that is like, you're right, little girl. Nice head fake.

You know, we don't do want to do, we do want to be different, but we also don't want to paint targets on our backs. You know, you know, you got the ribbons. I'm giving you the ribbons. You got the accent. That's going to be, this is middle school, sweetheart. These kids are going to eat you a lot. Exactly. That's the thing.

It's tough because as a parent, you just want to be like, look, these kids are going to kick the shit out of you. I say go the entire other way. No, honey, it's great that you look like Charlie Chaplin's first wife. Fantastic. It's a great look. About the same age, too. I mean, and it's just like she knows what's going to have. Why, like, why doesn't she just keep her head down and not make waves?

She gets to school, and immediately one girl says she looks like, like, oh, she says actually like, hey, a little bo peep wants her dress back, babe. Is that working for anybody here? Coming up next, we've got the yeah, yeah, yes. Middle school Dennis Miller. Oh, man, Lil Miller. Does anyone have an esoteric word for boogers? This would help me out.

Yeah, this here is Rob. He just goes around with me and plays a tape of everybody wants to rule the world. Whenever I enter a room, he plays. It's great. Next to me on the other side of Rob is Carol. She just walks around following me everywhere with large blow-up black and white photos of things from the newspaper.

I make comments on them from time to time. Oh, geez, babe. Charlie got fat over the Christmas break. His chair is buckling worse than Neville Chamberlain is all I'm saying, babe. Speaking of a little bo-peep, did you take a peep at Monica Lewinsky's dress has been all over the news?

This gets weird. So did you hear that Principal Smith is dating dating Mrs. Johnson over there. Thank God they're not in the White House, huh? Woo! Some kids love it in the back. That kid's great. It's all the kids who write for the school paper.

They love it. So, you know, day of school sucks. Vera Farmersy yells at the kids for playing on the ice for a quick second. Because Christopher walking comes in and it's like, The ice is going to break! Oh, that's right. I forgot about them. Then he shakes Esther's hands and realizes she's going to be a terrible president. Actually, I mean, this is a great idea.

We should be dead zoning all orphans. I mean, there's good orphans, I know. But we need movie orphans. Yes. I mean, even that, listen. Yeah. Movie orphans, it's tough, man. Even that fucking little Annie, she was a troublemaker.

Yeah. I mean, you know, she should have left her. Christopher walk and touched her. He could have seen all that musical. shit coming a mile away. The song is going to suck. She has to be stopped. It's all fucking mental about it.

It's fucking little redhead orphan Annie and Martin Sheen about to turn the keys on launching nukes. There is nothing funnier than at the end of the dead zone. Martin Sheen uses a child as a human shield. Oh, man. It is such a special moment in cinema history. It predicted the Trump presidency. I'll say it.

I have the courage to say it. But I will also say that last year at the Burns Halloween Marathon, I played that movie for like it was like a 305th anniversary, I think. And I was sitting in the theater because I wanted to see the end scene. And I'm in there. And I'm kind of off to the side so no one can see me. But boy, did I laugh hard when that end? I was like, oh, shut up.

You're not at home watching this? It's a great movie. It is a great movie. Yeah. So she's like, you know, we don't play on the ice. We know this. Of the, by the way, the tree house we should talk about. It's a movie tree house.

I hate it. It's 90 feet in the year. I don't know what. It's like three stories high. And it's also like way too far away from the house. Also, I say whenever like even whether it's a child of your own that starts acting eerie or if it's an orphan that's acting eerie, the minute the eeriness starts, you got to get rid of that fucking tree house. Yep. Because that's the whole base.

Have you seen hereditary? Have you seen it? This is the perfect example. You got to get rid of them. Like, this shit always happens. And this one, too, was also cursed. Wasn't there a tree house in the good song? There is a tree house.

Cursed one, too. I think a kid almost died in that one. The Simpsons Bartow almost always dies in that thing. They named, the horror, the yearly horror thing is named after the tree house. That's true. Cursed. Homer, it's getting pretty bad out there. Can you check on the kids?

They're fine. Although, isn't it a tree house that helps? defeat stupid and Ernest scared stupid he doesn't have the high ground he has the high ground was the demon name stupid no he was just scared scared stupid this came up

on our episode because for years before seeing the movie I thought that stupid was the name of the monster that's what I thought too what's the name of the monster I think it's just like droogie or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah the little kid's got a paintball gun

and just fuck this scene he's firing a he's firing it on he's having a fun time This kid is way too young for solo paintball, I think. Paintball in general. This kid is fucking way too young. Like 10, maybe, maybe 11. No.

I mean like 35. Also, super dating itself. I think the paintball wave has crested. Well, the paintball thing, this weird thing that came up in trivia, not only are they obsessed with telling me what the fucking make a model of every goddamn gun that's ever been used in that fucking side is, They now have the paintball gun make and model on there. I mean, who can't, who the fucker? If you're typing that in IMD, just put it in your mouth.

You can paint the back wall your throat. Eat some paint. Yeah. Eat some paint. So he's like he's obviously getting off his frustrations. He's like shooting all those little action figures. And then a pigeon lands. And the pigeons like, do it.

Do it. You don't have the fucking guts. Dare you to fucking shoot me. You're small. I'm above you. You fucking shoot. Shoot one pigeon tomorrow, a thousand more to send on your home. I can fly.

What the fuck you do? Dude, this pigeon's quickly becoming my favorite character. Until. I'm on Esther's side. Yeah, that's right. Oh, well, she's not on this pigeon's side. He shoots it because he gets tempted. He shoots it.

And then he's like, oh, no, it hurt the pigeon. I can't believe it. Classic fucking gun nut shit, dude. Like, it's all fun until it gets real and then fuck you, little kid. So this pigeon like drops down. And the poor thing, man, I'm like all right, little kid. Now I hope you go fucking ice skating on that slush

that's out there. And Esther comes with like, what do to do the pigeon? And he's like Oh, I didn't think it was going to happen. She picks up this brick and she's like, finish it. It's Safaris. She's like, if you don't finish it, put it out of misery. It's

going to starve. No, no, no. Pigeon, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay, Pitchin. He's doing CPR with his index fingers. Are you a pigeon doctor? Give me my little black bird seed box. But then she takes the brick and smashes it because you won't. Oh, dude. And she's like, don't worry.

It's in heaven now. Dude, this thing pops like a grape. It's amazing. I think it was like a, like a, they put a water balloon filled with red paint and then like like sewed a pigeon puppet around it. Because it just explodes. It's very funny. Oh man, if that was Gallagher's new thing,

it's like, that's it. We're moving on to pigeons. Dude, do you think he did that? Like, he put in an alternate timeline somewhere, like back in like the 1980s, Gallagher played Madison Square Garden to a sellout crowd. Sure. You know what?

This city's got a lot of a bunch of pigeons around here. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to help you clean up the street splat. Oh, my God. Then he keeps upping the ante. He's like, here's some frogs. Splat. Some rats.

I went to Times Square and I got a couple homeless people. Get up here homeless people. There's a guy dressed his Mickey Mouse. No, no. Yeah, we went to the Madison Square Gone Gallagher show. It was two hours of him killing rats with a hammer. Also pigeons. Some frogs.

He was dragged down by police. There were no other bits. I got to be honest. Oh, my God. Gallagher is escalating. He's no longer butchering innocent fruit. He's just fucking doing a tour of cults

and he's like doing it to kids in front of them. Yes, exactly. So it's tub time. Yes, there's taking a bath. And she's like, she locks the door Vera from Michael's like, hey, we don't lock doors in this house. And she's like, but what?

I got you, don't need the privacy. And she's like, all right, I'll let you do it this at one time. she uses the excuse to sort of go into her room to do a little bit of light snooping. Just a little bit. And she looks at these dresses that I'm thinking, I'm with Vermiga here, man. Like, this is all dry clean only shit, dude.

That's why you get these kids jeans and cheap shirts. A load of laundry will be done. She even says earlier in the movie, she's like, don't you want to put on that pair of jeans? I bought you? No, all right. Do you want anything with the brats with the Z girls on them? it's 2009 she might want it

nothing but delicates huh alright okay all right guess I gotta send out for Esther's fucking clothes now she's gonna wear it every day oh god where's the wine the stupid thing that like sets the clock for the snooping

and she's like look let me lock door and then I promise just like in orphanage I will sing song so you know I'm not drown in tub yeah and she's like singing the Jimmy Durrani song again. I sing Chattanooga

Chucho for you while you hover. And she finds, Vera Vermega does this Bible with a photograph of a man in it, a grown-ass man. It's true. Well, she... Mystery. I don't know. She's

a Gen X or she's born in 19776. She should be singing like, I don't know, like a pearl jam, possibly. There's a photo of Eddie Vetter in her Bible. I will sing, Jeremy. This fucking favorite song.

You know, I was snooping through Esther's Bible, and the only thing that fell out was a CD copy of the singles soundtrack. I don't know, something is wrong with Esther. No little girl should be into grunge music. I love Soundgarden. So it's like cut to the very next day. She's in school. She's getting bullied once again.

and it's this girl that comes This is the little bo-beep girl. I don't know, man. This girl is just a little piece of shit. Is this over the Bible now? Yeah. Like Jesus freak. And then I don't know what's going on with this, though.

This Bible explodes in this hallway. Well, she's getting it from both ends, by the way. She's getting it from Danny, her brother, quote, and pig child, Brenda. Because she's like, oh, he's like, you're not my sister. You suck anyway. She falls over and he's a loser and then her Bible falls over the place. But like these pages

are like George Costanza's wallet there's paper flying. It's like fucking Brazil. I expected her to disappear. What a dumb effect. Just let it fall on the floor. Robert Deere just comes out of it. We got to get you out of here, kid.

Got to get you back to Estonia. Exactly. So now I, in night outfit I fight the big thing. I have wing. We get a freak out here though. We get to see what happens when you try to touch these ribbons

because she's trying to pick up all the papers to the Bible and this other girl's like oh, what's that, your collar doggy and like touches it. And it's a really dumb shot of this girl screaming like she's fucking banshee from X-Men. I thought you know glass was going to break.

Cars were going to explode. Do we not, did I just imagine this? Do we not see like a just ever since like briefest sound wave? No, we did not see a sound wave. Because the camera does kind of like a It might do a distortion. In and out.

Kind of like vibration sort of thing. Something you would have seen in a Marilyn Manson video. Yeah, okay. Do you like, maybe it's a thing that like, you know, people that have this. I love Madeline Manson. That's a great video. It is.

I also like the dope show. It is a very good video. We are all stars now in the dope. show that's someone trying to give maryland manson directions in moscow boy when it went in moscow look up the dope show for a good time um no like maybe it's a medical condition you know like this this whole uh condition she has of where she looks like a child even though she's growing older. I need to re-watch the tin drum

to see if that kid has any sound waves. That kid's a screamer, that's right. He can break class. He does. He goes, ah! Maybe it's a thing. Oh, yes. What does the doctor call it proportional dwarfism? Yes. It's like, oh, all these people

afflicted with proportional dwarfism can also scream and shatter glass. You know, I, Professor X, like to call them mutants and I want to put them in a special school. No, they're just people with a condition. No, they're mutants. All of these mutants come to my house.

I don't know, that guy just, he's got nine fingers. Sounds like a mutant to me. Yes, the X-Men. How about X people? X-Men. Professor Xavier, give me my child back. He's just dyslexic. No, no, mutant.

And I'll call this one. No, your name's not Esther. You're orphan. special name, you're an ex-man. That's right, and you with dyslexia will call you jumble. Colorblind will call you grayishke.

Well, no, I'm just, I literally, it's not even like that bad. It's just I have problems with reds and greens. No, no. Special mutant school for you. Check out this mutant we got. It's a real interesting one. Okay, he's got all bad grades. So I call him

F. That's it. He's a muted. He's an F-man. Orphan, F-men. Assemble. Folks, orphan, F-man, I have some terrible news.

On our last mission to space, Jumble was killed. Why was I just sending small children into space? I thought, your powers could help you, but it seems like they're just actually just inconveniences in your day-to-day life. Yes, we at the X-Men found out

that there was something going on at the World Trade Center and we dispatched orphan in EFman. And it didn't, I don't know what happened. I'd like you to meet your new leader, The Kid from Wonder. Oh, God. That was another movie I watched someone watch on a plane.

That was more than enough. What is Wonder? It's the Jacob Tremblay, Julia Roberts movie where he plays a kid that has a physical face thing. Well, that kid. Owen Wilson is the dad. Yes. Julia Roberts is the mom, I want to say.

He's a mutant, for sure. That kid, I think, is secretly 35 years old. I think so, yeah. I'll call you often number two. And he can break a car over his head. Oh, 2 instead of X2. I like it. So we have

And then this is another It's a scene where like You could not have it And it will be fine Except it does kind of pay off later There's a scene where They have this like It's the dead of winter

They have this gorgeous greenhouse And she's in the greenhouse Esther is With Vera Farmiga Whose name is Kate Yes And Kate is saying You know oh yeah

You know This is a little plaque we have To our daughter She was stillborn or whatever and we keep her ashes in here and this plant grew and so long as these flowers are here it's like a part of her is still with us

if you were looking to emotionally terrorize me this would be a very important thing to know this is all she's letting her know she also is like oh here I think she has a problem when she sees them later on I think it's maybe the same night everything's going so well

this is when we start fucking in the kitchen it's the very next scene because my notes are kitchen makeout very next line kitchen fucking. It's like 7.45 at night. The kids are maybe in bed. Seinfeld reruns are still playing. It's like maybe playing video games somewhere else.

And like they're right. It's not too late for guitar here. The prime time lineup hasn't started yet. That's for sure. They're cleaning up from dinner. Right. And like they're next to the, they bump up to each other. Sar's Garden for my gosh,

but they're bump against each other in the kitchen. And they're like, hey. And they start making out. That's a little something. They make some dinner for their genitals. They're fucking What a disgusting way to put that Because it's like

Baby are you chintels hungry Because mine are starving For dinner Oh my God Stop that So yeah It's like they're making out Making out making out

And then the next thing you know She is bent over the counter And they are fucking They both take their shirts off too It's like you need If you're doing First of all you can't do this in a house With three grown

walking around on their own children. And two walls, apparently. Well, to be fair, this house is humongous. This is a castle. It is. It's a castle with an open floor plan, my friend. You can see this kitchen from all sorts of angles. Go into one of the guest bedrooms or the second salarium and fuck there.

You'd think they'd have a sex room with how big this house is. Sure. And a door that locks. Well, it was, but that was Esther's bedroom. Oh, damn it. We certainly can't fucking our own bedroom I can smell it in the room You must have had fun

And Esther comes down and sees And I mean like yeah We're thrusting We're making noises Dude there's like There's like you know Like sound effects happening

And I was Let me tell you I was laughing You want assert your dominance Just both of you stare at Esther And keep fucking You're like yeah what Go to your fucking room Do you need something missing

Listen and welcome to the family. We love each other. We love each other here, okay? I mean, setting those boundaries by screaming at this child, maybe it's the thing that this kid craves discipline. So she, for my guy's like, listen, what you saw last night, sometimes mommy's daddy's love is, they fuck.

And she's like, what? I said, I know, they fuck. Are you deaf? And she's like, freak it out. Sorry, she's like, I don't know, there's something wrong. It's not even that she said the word She knew what it meant She said it perfectly

And I was like I don't know Kids pick that shit up Kids know how to use that shit immediately She's in fucking middle school The funniest thing I've ever seen My 7 year old nephew We were just talking to him

In one room And then his mother was like She called him from the other room Like you know There's something that wrong here Blah blah blah And it's like Oh fuck

The way he said fuck The tiniest little kid Fuck Kid swearing is hilarious It's amazing Always will be. You want to ever explain how good boys did as well as it did? That's the whole reason. Yeah, it's like two hours of that joke. Speaking to Jacob Tremblay. I forgot that even happened.

So do you see it, Chris Gabby? I did. And it made a lot of, that fucking thing made money. Did you like it, Chris Cabin? I did not. Okay. Because that, as I said, at a two-hour movie is not good. That has a five-minute experience. Okay, picture this. Instead of the good boys, but they're small 30-year-old Russians. They should definitely be smoking more. They're playing fucking cards. They're all like sleeve tattoos. We're Russian Mafia.

Oh man, Eastern Promises, but with all little kids? Yes, I'd watch that, except for that fucking steam rooms. Well, you'd have to blur all that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then you go to jail. Maybe it's at a pool. Yeah, everyone's got bathing suits. It's a pool party, a birthday party.

Larry Clark's Eastern Promises. Oh, Jesus. Yikes. Also, by the way, this scene here, it shows you immediately the kind of parent that Vera Farminga's character is, because it's like, this poor little Esther has one transgression, and fucking Vera Farminga's like, you know what, we need to get her to see the shrink immediately. And Peter Sarsgaard is like, what? What? Really? Because she said fuck.

Come on. I got to fucking pay this copay now. Also, she said fuck. Well, also she saw your dick there, Pete. Yeah, exactly. How about that shit? That's the thing. She saw thrusting.

You know what I mean? During the thrusting and like the reveal that Esther's watching them, there is a definite jump scare there. Yeah. And I'm like, again, you can't have a jump scare when there's also thrusting in the same frame. I don't know. Like I think, you know, some people are afraid of planes. I'm afraid of little girls and fucking American girl dolls watching me fuck. I'm still planes.

I'm still planes. I'm still planes. So the next scene is the park At the park There's this woman that's like Openly like fucking hitting on Peter Sarsgaard Like he's fucking I don't know Dean Martin

I could smell it through the television The horniness Why don't you come over my house And move a chair with me Look They've already fucked Yes I'm 100% They've fucked already

You do not come up to somebody That you are trying to fuck for the first time And just put out all the fucking signals like that why not i don't think i don't believe that's what you're looking for and that's all you want is that instant gratification you will say something as dumb and obvious as move at chair i don't know i think it's a familiarity there's a familiarity to the discussion do you think the first time she hit on him it was like do you want to come over and have dinner uh for our genitals esther sees that and then she sees her nemesis her schoolyard bully in this oh right

this little bouncy house she goes up there we got another kind of jump scary kind of they're in a bouncy About the house. What he called? It's a wooden... Oh yeah, like the wooden castle playground. Yes, yeah. We had one of those in my grade school. Someone burned it to the ground. Really? Oh shit, dude. The orphan showed up.

I know. So she shoves this girl out of the house and like she hits the slide wrong and this leg goes crooked. It's crazy. And also like figure out what you're doing here movie because this effect

is really great. Like her one leg hits the slide and it's like a but then later we're told she just like broke her ankle no fucking way dude that's a compound fracture I mean because like in that that's what the second the pigeon is one thing

the little girl out of the house and I'm like okay this movie might be for me because this is we're really doing stuff and finally though I mean this is like an hour into the move it is and this is when we're sitting down to dinner and like Esther starts like saying grace to herself and everyone's like what the fuck and I mean

like this has to be like the 10th time this has happened like this girl's been in the house for a while right yeah it's not dinner one so she does that and the boy is like why she's such a fucking freak or whatever he's like freaking freaking out he's calling her the r word a bunch also like he says fuck like that and vera for mike is not immediately like well now he's got to go see margo martindale too uh and you know on the sort of the other little girl uh the the daughter sees it max Max and like she basically is like Don't say anything or they'll take me away Oh right

And so like they're in on it together But like what has she given this kid like a Wothers I mean they're inseparable Even during the whole pigeon smash gate thing The fucking little girl's not telling on her They're like inseparable and it's kind of like Why? Because she's like excited to have a sister

Sure but like at the same point like tell your mom something I mean yes but like I think the movie is saying like she's excited to have his sister Esther endears herself to the girl by learning the sign language reading and so there's stuff and maybe Max you know Eric Max is

in an arc okay yes I learned the sign language in army in Russia also she's I learned that in the war in Kosovo she's smoking a cigarette she's been fucking live with Danny who is a piece of shit top to bottom

I would take Esther's side on this one. I guess that's fair, but I mean, that's the thing is Danny doesn't need to be in the movie. No, definitely not. You could put these characters together. Esther's out here breaking the legs of pig monsters. And like Danny is just like...

Brenda seems like a totally fine young lady. Look at Alec Baldwin over here. That's right. Also, if I'm this other family, I'd be suing the shit out of this family. I'm living in this big house. We're fucking swapping House, pal. Here's the thing, like that now is the movie. Sorry

Spookatacular Orphan Tale. Now it's a fucking lawsuit situation with two feuding sets of parents. Because I just feel like, you know, oh my God, somebody hurt my little girl. Who hurt my little girl? Well, it's actually the daughter of, you know that family that lives in that castle at the end of town? I'm like licking

my lips, like, oh yeah, here it comes. Lawsuit shitty. It would be like, what is, I'm looking it up now, what is the movie, it's Jody Foster and Christopho? Oh, Carned? Oh, yes. Isn't that a thing where it's like two feuding parents? Yes, they're sitting down. Their kids

had a fight. And like they're trying to adjudicate that. And it will truly be Carnage. Yeah, it's a me mover, baby. So the next scene from magazines at the grocery store, she gets a call from CCH Pounder and it's like,

this is hilarious. Listen, your warranties almost up on that kid. No, she's Six months or 60,000 miles, whichever came first. She's just like, oh, you know, I just wanted to check in, see how things are going. And she's like, well, actually, and she has, and now, because the fucking little girls are inseparable, Max is reading the lips of her mother on the phone and, like, reporting back to Esther, what's going on. Like, oh, they're talking about you. They talked about the broken leg.

Oh, my God, this had the other thing. This is also, sorry, Kevin, were you going to say? Well, no, it's also, Farmeag is kind of like. starting to think about turning on this kid because right before the grocery store scene it's a very awkward Kate walks in on Esther playing Chikovsky

perfectly on the piano just like a fucking Russian assassin would oh you're having trouble with Esther are you well it sounds like somebody should have bought the three year insurance plan that I offered when you made your purchase

what that what's that I can't you're breaking up Kate hope things are going well girls we're going to move the orphanage everybody pack this up there's a reason why I gave you that very long receipt there is because it has all the information all right girls grab your go bags John Law is coming here

but so no actually CCH Pounder is like I'll stop by tomorrow so we're sitting around our enormous palatial estate CCH Pounder shows up And she's like, Esther won't let her in for a second, which is like, what are you doing here, you bitch? You stupid non-bitch. And she comes in and like, she's like, well, remember what I said? There was no problems with Esther.

Well, here's a laundry list of them. This is cross-cut with this fucking Esther playing Russian roulette with this little girl. She like grabs Maximi's like, we have to fix it. else they'll still take me away and she's like well let's go it's like let's find your dad's keys to the tree house oh that's right because the dad because he the kid called her an R word and

swore he's locked up the tree house oh big old padlock on that fucking pornography den this is like grounding in this house right you don't get your separate house in addition to your regular house the guest house is closed for business that tree house is huge oh dude that's bigger than my apartment now

all right Tommy the cabana is locked until summer break No more pool parties. Yes, I mean, only one skiing trip this year, Tommy. So she's looking for the keys, but she also finds, she finds this whole ring of keys, which leads to Peter Sarsgaard's revolver, which, yes, she's playing Russian roulette with this kid. Dude, great point bringing up the keys, by the way. The key that opens Peter Sarsgaard's gun safe is a fucking skeleton key from Resident Evil.

Did you get a look at this thing? It's like, she finds, like, the little girl finds this key chain. I need to push stash. statue, soft riddle, get key, and then unlock gun. Oh no, I'm running law on ammunition, but I already saved the game.

I have to start over. Didn't you just hate that? Yeah. Give me more goddamn ammo, Resident Evil. I just, I only played Resident Evil too. Yeah, I think. I played one end to. And it was frustrating as hell. It's a frustrating game. Very frustrating. But yeah, I mean, that key chain, it's all

normal keys. And then this huge skeleton key. And also, like, I don't know, maybe hide the safe a little bit under something. Yeah, it's not even like, there's no, like, it's just the closet's open and the safe is there. I will say the neon sign that says safe was out of taste. Now, Ralphie,

stay out of my secret closet of mystery. What's that fucking Wigam line? What is your obsession with my secret closet of mystery? Whatever that Wiggin. It had ride gear in it. That's what I remember. Did anyone else have the kid in your school? You go over his house? He's like, hey, you want to see my dad's

gun? And I'm like, man, I really don't. I didn't have that. I had. Do you want to see my dad's pornography collection? I wish I met that kid. I knew there was one kid that was like, yeah, my dad's got a shotgun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kid's in jail now. Surprise. We were doing a school project. This kid's like, hey man, and it was literally on top of like a wardrobe. He just reached up. He's like, look at this. And I'm like, oh, man. Oh, was a firearm?

Oh, yeah. Of course it was. You had a little. The Bronx in the 90s. Always with the firearms. How about an ice arm? You know? I'm with some ice cream. Yeah. You want to see my dad's ice cream?

Yes, I would love to. I'm a little macion. Actually, it would be a thing where it's like, oh, this is my dad's ice cream. He never lets us eat it, and it's like fucking THC-infused ice cream. Well, these days. That's going to be a horror movie any day now

because everyone's just like, oh, my God, let's Pearl Clutch over the fact that edibles and things like that exist. Dude, yeah, that screenplay written by Maureen Dowd. People are like people are going to give all their drugs to children. That is the

dumbest fucking Halloween scare tactic. Like, oh, people are putting edibles out for kids? Are you fucking crazy? I'm not just giving away that shit for free. They're acting like kids are coming home with fucking bottles of Jack Daniels. Because you know what? That fucking never happened because no one's

given away any type of... You're not giving away bottles of liquor. You're not giving away weed to kids. Exactly. Well, now I got some ideas. It's Halloween, thank God. I'm going to your house to trick or treat that. I have to say, I never went and saw a guy. I was next to a guy, like, it was me and like six other guys. And the one guy said, like, we should go over to my house.

My dad's gun safe is open. What? That is the thing is that the guy. I like going to a second location. This kid just gets a peek and, oh, my dad's gun safe is open. No, I mean, it was my neighborhood. Like, he was just there. This kid's running down the street out of breath.

Guys, it's open. Good news, Chris. We don't have to crack the safe. Like, we're fucking thief. Well, that's just my point is that the safe is like he says this. Yeah. And like, everybody gets excited. I'm like, I'm going to go home.

But then like another guy, like, saw all the excitement he made. He's like, you know, my dad has a sword. Oh, my fuck. And then another kid just blurt's out. Shut up. And then they all go to see the gun. Take that sword. Oh, my God.

That's like the little kid version of that scene in Indiana Jones. My dad's got a scythe. Oh, shit, nice. My dad's got some grenades. My dad's the Grim Reaper, yeah. So she's packing up. She's like, we'll play with these later. And then she grabs like a hammer and loads up this little kid backpack.

And it's very much like the omen, actually. Doesn't this happen in the omen? A guy's driving away from the house and the bees get him or whatever? Well, there's the thing with David Warner. Yes. Well, he gets impaled by something. He gets his head cut off. Yes. He's the one who's driving in the car.

Oh, right. It's like wacky races. And he crashes into the bag of everything. And a pane of a glass comes flying and cuts his head off. But so, like, there's this bridge. It's all icy anyway. And CCH Pounder is the cool kind of nun that smokes. Bad ass.

You orphans can have fun here at the orphanage. Just don't do it outside. Do where I can see you. So she's like, she looks away to smoke and then she's like, we're going to scare her so she never come back. And she shoves this kid into the street. I think Esther's going for a two for here. Yes.

Oh, totally. Because it's like, well, it's or it's like a one of the other situation. Or the nun, yeah, the nun goes to jail. Oh, that could be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a win-win for Esther, it looks like, from all angles. That's true. So she pulls her, the CCHPath, she doesn't, she swears, she doesn't hit the kid.

She comes out and, oh, my God, sweetheart, are you okay? And this girl and this movie starts slamming this woman in the head with a hammer. You get it once. You get it once. And I was like, okay. Okay, movie. Like I put my phone down. I was like, okay, movie, I'm listening.

and then there's a crazy like they're trying to pull her body out of the street because a car is coming Asher's like we have to move party just like that one operation in Kosovo You take saw and saw off head I'll get acid

Listen if we do not make a message The other gangs will move in on territory What? Don't worry about it Trust me there are other kid gangs in this snowy town They're going to take over in seven days. So they just toss her body down a hill, which is pretty funny. But then she wakes up, and this is when she starts to really...

Finishes the job. It is a rough scene. It's truly something. Something I did not expect from this movie. But again, the twist of this movie kind of ruins all of this. I agree with Eric. And here is the thing that is a problem is you see her, and I mean, there's like 13 blows. Yes.

This head has turned into gravy. And later, they decide they have to show it. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. It's in one form. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, this would have been a hamburger helper. It's a mess down there. So they hide all the murder weapons. The murder weapon in the treehouse.

And she's like, you will go to jail just like me. We're both in it together. Right, because she says because she helped her move the body, she's an accomplice now. I'd be like, look, I'm a baby. Because this girl is really young She's like three or four She's like and she's a really tiny And I'd be like no dude

I'm gonna roll over on you I'm gonna be just fine But I think Esther's got a good point here That crime is too Like not crime Like laws are too harsh Like so what if someone moves a body Or helps with something

Exactly You're trying to weasel out of something Aren't you? I'm just saying It seems excessive To go after everyone I mean I only did it twice I mean, like, this kid, this young kid, knows enough about the law to distrust it severely and side with Esther.

I mean, I think that's just a systematic problem. I just want to throw out all law. That's it. There you go. That's it. So they're walking back from the tree house and the little boy spots them. And Esther, again, it's another dumbass jump scare in this movie. She, like, quickly turns her head.

There's a huge audio cue. And he, like, ducks out of the way. And we cut to that night, and she sneaks into his room with a fucking knife. Yeah. And puts it to his neck and is, like, you know, threatening him or whatever. And then she moves the neck, like, down to right over his crotch. And she's like, I'll cut it off if you tell on me. Before you even know what to do with it.

Oh, right. I'll cut your picker off. Your picker. So they agree to go take her to see Marco Martindale. and it's a classic, like, she's gaslighting everybody. Also, Margo Martindale is not a... She can't be a fucking Vera Formigis therapist and this girl's therapist. Is that how therapy works?

But if it's family counseling like that, absolutely. She can't be this girl's therapist if she's such a sucker. Yes. I mean, look at this. Yeah, how can you not see right through this? Margaret Martindale's like, well, she's a perfectly nice young girl and hasn't murdered any nuns to hear her tell it. I mean, she's so articulate for a young lady, too.

dropped a glass of water on the floor in my office and yelled, fuck! I can tell you this, she is no master pianist. That is for 100% sure. And she's like, well, is it because you're a disgusting alcoholic? And she's like, wait, what? And she's like, well, because you're a gross drunk

and nobody likes you. It's like, you're my therapist. And she's like, no, no, you're terrible. And like, and like, SARS guards giving her a high five, kind of. You've been drinking today, haven't you? You drank before he came to this meeting. They're like teeming up on her. And she's like, this fucking.

ridiculous. Smells like scotch to me. Is this where they like you have to go to rehab? No, not yet. No, that's later. Oh my God. That's even fucking crazy. And like, so she comes back and like they're all pissed off at each other because he's like, well, I guess I was right. She's like, you're a

fucking asshole. God damn it, Peter Sarsgaard, just keep your mouth shut. And she's like, I'm never going back to the therapist again. He's like, well, that's weird. I'm like, of course not. Like, the trust is totally gone in that scenario. Also, she was bullying me about my alcoholism. She's just a moron. She believed the little fucking con artist.

The nun is proven to go missing. This is the other nun that keeps calling. Oh, right, they get a phone call from the nunnery. Like, hey, CCH Pounder left like three days ago. Our best salesman is missing. We've got a lot of units we need to move this month. We can't do without our employee of the year award winners. We can only have so many in the kill shelf. Right here. are the Glengarry Orphans. But I don't give these to you. If I give them to you, I'm throwing them away.

First, first prize, you go to heaven. Second prize, set of sake knives. Third prize, you fired. A, B, C. Adoption B. Closer. Just cuts to CCH Pounder in the Chinese restaurant across the street. It's raining outside. eating alone

I went into that adoption agency and I asked I said get me something from the sideboard I didn't even know there was a sideboard in the house sister machine Levine yes yeah so the cops come to the house

like just you know not suspecting the parents or anything like that just doing some routine questions and shit and then it's like she the cop leaves and then it's like wow that was close and you hear this like click click click and it's like upstairs

Esther's like sitting in her room looking at a picture she's drawn flicking a black light on and all right and it's like sinister drawings on this one little painting oh no no no she's just high she's really high it was working for me

the black light will be a window into her madness just why even bother I know I guess That was like one element too many. Big time, because it's just like, I don't know how this kid, I mean, I know this kid's 33 years old. Yeah. How did they, how does black likes work?

What kind of paint is this? Special ink too. Yeah, like, I feel like this is a lot. Yeah, sure, but like you're posing as a 13 year old girl. Right. Where are you getting this shit? It's a good point. No, it's a good point.

I mean, because also there's other thing, her plan is really short-sighted. At some point, moving, on a little quicker, Peter Starr's like, oh, let's go to the dentist, I got to take you to the dentist, she's like, we cannot go dentist, I have tummy ache. And we find out later, when she, like, full-on

orphans out, she removes, like, these fake teeth, she's, like, rotten teeth underneath. And I'm like, how long is that going to last? Like, at some point, people are going to figure this out. Yeah. How old does 33, how old does this movie think 33 is? Dude, this is fucking weird. Russian 33 is different from USA 33,

and Estonian 33, don't even add. Catching up, dude, as a country. I'll take that much. But this movie's 10 years old, by the way. Take a look at the big book of Orphan Smiles. But then also, like, even if you go to the doctor, the doctor is going to look, you know, you get any kind of physical, like, excuse me, are you 33 with a hormone problem? Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's why I didn't, like, the fucking dentures thing, I was laughing my tits off.

But when she didn't want to go to the dentist, I was like, oh, well, naturally, because the dentist. will look and be like, say, you surprisingly don't have any baby teeth, little girl. You have the liver of a 40-year-old. Why is the dentist looking at that? Some teeth are in the liver, you see. I like to go above me on in my job. Kidney dentata. I'm ambitious.

Her and the little brother are kind of sniping at each other at this point a little bit back and forth, right? Oh, no, this is a part when, no, she has a nice moment She plays hockey with Peter Sarsgaard And she's like Oh you know what I want to do something nice for a mommy

To make her like me again And he's like well I think that's a great idea sweetheart It's like I have idea So she cuts all the flowers That's on the grave It's like here mommy here is present And she's like you fucking cry She starts screaming at her

Loses it It's all the Vera Formiga acting you want She's crying she's upset But again though like dude I know I just watched it for the first time last night But if I'm at the theater in 2009 And I'm going to see this eerie kid movie Get this grief-stricken shit out of here

Sure I keep it eerie Don't make it sad I think it's fine as long as you don't give as much time As you do Mommy I picked you flowers Is what she says Now I saw this like when it came out

But not in the theater Like at home viewing Were you guys there? because we were living together Steven is this a subway DVD situation I don't know I just know I feel like we watched it maybe I think I didn't see it because it's the first time I watched it last year because my wife's been talking about

since we've been dating I definitely saw it like 10 years ago yeah and but not in the theater this is like a fucking mystery now I've done rather my wife saw it in the theater at 42nd Street on like opening weekend and she said it was the most the most raucous theater experience

They turned on it? No, they were having a blast, like screaming and hooting and hollering. Oh, that's cool. But not like scared of. No, no, no, really. They were laughing out loud. Oh, my God, it's like they were laughing at it. Yeah, that's what I meant by turned on it.

Esther's coming out of the screen at me. It's scary. But to be fair, also, I had people hootin and hollering at my hereditary screening. Yes. Like, not even at the parts that are kind of funny. Like, just all throughout it. The decapitation, real fucking laugh, right? Yeah, I actually, there were a few.

According to my audience, Uncut Gems was a laugh right. Isn't it so great to be so fucking jaded? You just laugh at fucking horrendous shit like that girl being decapitated. It's so cool. It's so cool. And to let everyone else know and ruin their experience by performatively laughing.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's a, I mean, wherever I go, it's about me. Oh, definitely. I'm breaking out the Max Katie in all those World War II dramas. So, whatever. She puts her fucking arm in a vice Because it's like

Vera for me kind of grabs her a little bit Like what are you doing blah blah blah And it's like now I'll get back at her with Next part of escalation And she like goes into the garage or whatever There's this clamps it around It's a vice I don't understand what Peter Sars Garden is doing

You know what I grew up with one of these I never used it to break my arm Nice well that's good It's just you just to hold stuff in place While you saw shit I guess I don't really... Maybe they don't address it in the movie. He appears to be an architect or something,

but maybe he also just built this house with his hands. Oh, shit, that's why it's all wrong. Welcome to your new master bedroom. Well, that's the thing is that every idiot dad has like a room where he's got wood and all the tools there. It doesn't mean he uses any of this shit ever. Man out of carpet, we had to paint the dirt. I see.

Yeah, she puts a little arm in this, and just starts turning it till it fucking like pops it's wild man and then she like screams for her father and he's like what oh my goodness also like you got to get your story straight if you're taking a little girl to the er with a fucking broken arm yeah that was a weird iron clad yeah we should say also while this is all going down Vera is out at the liquor store yeah and she's but and here's the thing she's buying two bottles of wine whoopty do right she's up at the counter and she's like I'm having guests for dinner

yeah and I'm like here's the thing people who run liquor stores and liquor purveyors of all kinds they fucking built this country and they don't judge you for anything that guy at the liquor store doesn't give a shit when you're buying two bottles of wine for and then also looking at me and I'm like

sometimes I buy like four bottles of wine at the same time you never know well it's also like and I'm sure there's severe well she's a recovering alcohol oh right Hey, I am participating in dry January. There you go. Or did.

It's over with. I hope I made it at the time this aired. Yeah, no, Andrew's now dead from alcoholism. But I need it. I'm sure there's wine alcoholics. Oh, sure. Of course. But this is a good step it up a notch lady.

She's got a fucking crazy killing kid here. Totally. Get the brown stuff going. Exactly. But no, she, and it's amazing too. So she brings it home. She's like, you know, she's, devastated about this whole situation

and she like pours herself a glass too and I'm like I don't know I wouldn't be and you know she's obviously trying not to do it she wants up not doing it obviously she pours it out good on her she but also pretty expensive wine I guess if it's been a year you want to you want the good stuff you want the good stuff you want that's

she listened to Eric her alcoholic coach who said go beggar go better better better red wine better everything Johnny Walker blue and that's it no red or black on my fucking watch She pours the whole bottle down the drain and... We see her do that? Yes, we do.

Okay, I missed that. So when she was saying it later, I was like, you're a fucking liar. Because she simply doesn't drink and then blah, blah, blah. The next day, you know, so I just go, it's like, well, you broke our daughter's arm, you jerk. And here's our therapist to talk to you about it. You're in trouble, not just with me, but with our therapist. You met this girl a week ago. Exactly.

My daughter. Yeah. Honey, Honey, show me your metal arms. It's okay. You got metal arms. You clearly did because, I mean, you crushed the bone. I mean, I don't know how you can do it.

We got another mutant. Metal arm lady. This is also right around here is where, I think this happens right before the showdown with Margot, Martindale. Esther puts the fucking car in neutral. Oh, that's what starts it. Yeah.

And the little girl, yeah, because like the little girl's in the car still and it fucking rolls down a hill. And it does just crash into his, snowbank but then it's like they come home from that and he's like so you got a call from the school today had a little parking lot mishap

you get drunk and that's when yeah it's like you know what you go to rehab or I walk I give you a week to go to rehab or else me are two kids and this Russian spy are getting out of this weird house we're going to be helping someone move a chair

if you know what I mean you do this I'm going to take Danny, I'm going to take Max, I'm going to take Esther and her Ouija board, and we are getting out of here. Actually, yeah, I also think just in looking at the poster for this movie 10 years ago, I expected at the time a Ouija board to be involved in some way. Well, there's another haunted kid movie coming out right now with what's her face from Halt and Catch Fire and Finn Wolfhard. The Turning. Oh, McKenzie Davis. Yes. I just saw the trailer for today for the first time. It doesn't look very good. It's like an updated

turning of the screw. No, this seems to be ghosts involved. Oh, really? Yeah. Ghosts and go. Because I got the invite for like a trade screening and it mentioned something about like a modern take on the Poe classic. Oh, I guess. I mean, but this is definitely, at least the trailer has got some ghost and goblins. Oh, really? Yeah. It's in Wolfheart, you say.

It's coming out soon. Yeah. But more importantly, McKenzie Davis, you say. Yeah. Well, there was one reason I saw a Terminator Dark Fate, so there might be One reason I see this one. Did it take the Boy 2 slot? Oh, maybe it did because the boy two's coming out fairly soon. Oh, is it? Because I got the invite for that too.

I've had my heart broken too many times now, Andrew. I don't want to. I will say that at the last time when they kept bumping it, there were no invites for trades. So now there is an invite. They got the date lock. They are desperately trying to get people to book this movie in their theaters. So that's right.

So like the boy goes, not the boy. not Chris Cabin's not not Brahms no Danny goes up to Max he's like listen you have to tell me what's been going on Esther did somebody in the car didn't she she was the one and because we're in trouble and she's like if if I tell you she's gonna kill everybody well because right because the little girl Max is spying on the Margo Martindale intervention and Esther just comes up to her and goes I'll shoot mommy if you tell yeah nice so yeah but But this is another Esther singing in the bathtub situation. Yeah.

And he uses the opportunity to come in and have a one-on-one. And he's like, and she tells him what's going on. And she says that there's evidence in the tree house. And like Peter starts going to go and I'm going to work. And I'm going to leave my mother to help you watch the kids, okay? Because it's too much of a fucking bird and you drunk. And like, okay, asshole. So he leaves and his dumb mother is there.

Because also, like, would someone watch the kids? Because what you call it? Vera Vermeiger is trying to figure out the third act. She's calling all sorts of orphanages overseas. Right, yeah. Because she finds, what is the deal? She opens the Bible again. And there's like multiple pictures of dudes.

The Sarn Institute. Yeah, how does she come across the Sarn Institute? It's just a pamphlet or something. That's where the Bible came from. It's like a stamp there. Oh, okay, yeah. She Googles it. She bings it.

And she finds out. and she calls it's like it turns out to be a hospital for the mentally or the criminally insane it's Arkham in Estonia it's kind of great because the woman who picks up the phone

doesn't speak English and she goes and gets this other dude and you know the guy's like oh we have no record of her and she's like how could that happen she was adopted from you like why don't you have a record

of the adoption and he's like you must be mistaken Sarn Institute is not a place for adopting children It is home for the criminally insane. Yes, we have a reptile, a crocodile man, we have penguin man, we have clown man. Man obsessed with riddles? Three face.

Hold on, hold on. Can she control plants? Okay, if not no, it's not her. I was thinking of someone else. Maybe have same haircut. Does she have leather cat outfits? Obsessed with clocks or eggs or large. big hits.

Going to sound weird, but calendars? Is she very into calendars? Is she made of clay? Listen, because honestly, I cannot keep track of all the people come in, they come out, they escape. Oh, maybe, oh, no, excuse me, I was thinking of a man, bat. Any time, did she break the back of a bat child? Any canisters of fear gas underneath her bed?

wearing stupid hat do we get them all that was not making up oh my god so anyway this was this is a huge problem like Esther's sloppy here yes why you're hanging out with this fucking Bible like you know what just get an American

Bible exactly yeah or at least cross out the name on the back and she's sloppy here too because she's like the fucking shit is hitting the fan she's about to get found out by the kid and like you got to kill this you can kill this kid but you got to do it better than this yeah slop city dude the kid walks into this fucking uh into the tree house he

opens the door or open the false floor and nothing is there and then esther comes through a doorway which is in this tree house because there are other rooms in the tree house another huge laugh moment for me i was like what is this door well that's the master bedroom leave it the fuck alone The kid's got to sleep And she's like Oh, you have been snooping And she starts like She's like

I have to burn the evidence And she's got a thing of gasoline And she should fucking dowsing this kid too Dude it's wild She sets this thing on fire It's great Great CGI blaze She locks him in too

Again much like a Batman villain Oh wait Wait Was this little girl Required to have body At a very cold temperature At all time No

Oh, okay, I'm thinking of wrong little girl. Oh, God, that take out my enemy. Little freeze. And, yeah, the kid kind of escapes. He goes up to the roof. Yeah. Dude, a tree house with a roof deck. Hot, damn, these people are loaded.

And he has to, like, jump off, and he's holding on to part of the structure. And I guess it's high up enough that when he falls, it's just, like, lights out. Yeah. This was a little suspect. Like, come on, you already have a bunch of bad CGI in this. this movie. I want to see this kid drop from a height. It's not believable that he'd have this much injury.

Well, Esther keeps on yelling at him. Like, land on head. Land on head. Best way to land. When the kid is on the roof, by the way, there is some laughably terrible green screen because it's like the fake fire and the fake smoke and it's just this kid in front of the green screen being scared. Yes,

your skull is biggest bone in body. It is best to land on it. Nothing important up there. Nothing at all. And the mother is reading a fucking Joyce Carole's The grandmother's just reading Joyce Carol Oates books, not give it his shit. Yeah, dude, this is like the Homer's getting pretty bad out there.

They're fine. Maybe she's drunk too. Maybe she should go to rehab as well. Farminga, like, notices that the things on fire, she runs out. We're in the hospital. The kids got, we're told, a serious neck injury. And it's lucky to be alive. She has now emailed the Snarn-Sn-Sn-N-N-N-N institute.

The Snuffil-Officus Institute. The photo of this kid. Oh, right, right, right. Which will come back into play later. They call her when they're at the hospital. Right. But did you guys catch this? I don't know how you would have missed it.

But like there's the scene where Esther like asked the grandmother for, first of all, it's 2009. She wants a dollar for this soda. How about at least 175? I have $10 for cigarette machine. I don't know. It's a nowhere. Condom machine broken. They fuck.

I mean, this is nowhere Toronto. I don't know. Prices might be down. That's true. But she's like, can I have dollar for soda machines? She's like, well, your mommy wants you right where she wants you. And it's like, here's a dollar angel. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

Yeah, this lady's fucking clueless. But no, the thing I'm talking about, the shot of Esther going to get the soda, the camera comes around the corner and it is just Pepsi as far as the eye could see. Holy moly. Sometimes, you know, even in a haunted kid movie, you can still move some Pepsi. There are two vending machines next to each. other, though. It was a bit overkill. I just think it's out of taste to actually

have her drink the Pepsi and then have her be normal and happy. I thought that was a little weird choice. Yeah, what was it? Kendall Jenner, Hanser, the Pepsi. And then she's like, you have warmed my hat. I will now be tolerant and innocent. You have brought

upon world peace thanks to a Pepsi. Well, the choice of a new generation, end of movie. She uses this whole thing, because also like Vera Farminga and Peter Stras got are like fighting right here and Esther uses his opportunity

to go fucking smother this kid in his own bed with a pillow. Oh, pretty cool. And like it gets there because they she removes, you hear the B, yeah, yeah, flatline. Flatline and the kids got like lifeless eyes. You know what? This is where the movie gets a titch toothless for my taste.

Because this kid survives this, but I'm like, dude, as far as movie language is concerned, this kid is fucking dead. Thanks for the take back. Well, now he's a zombie, right? Because now all the doctors come in and they revive him. So she, Farmiga, flips out right here and runs up and Esther's coming around the corner with the soda. And she fucking smacks this kid like it's an NBC remake of Australian hit drama.

Speaking of that remake, Peter Sarsgaard was a star of it. Oh, was he the one slapping? No, he was in the house when his kid got slapped. Oh, his kid was the slap. Yeah. Who was the slapper? I believe it was Zachary Quinto. Oh. You slap my kid. You should go to rehab. You're drunk. I mean, it's the same character. It's just like fucking, no, no. Is that show them like. Awesome, by the way. Just seeing Esther get smacked in the face was nice. It was pretty great. I laughed anyway. Is that show like also like that movie Carnage? Like, is it parents trying to settle it? Or does it get? heightened. It gets heightened in a lot of weird ways. Is there a car chase? No, no, no, no, no, no. Is there an Estonian orphan? No, it's just, guys, when a child is slapped in a house that you're vaguely at at a party, it can ruin so many lives. Yeah. It could just ruin. Oh, it's a shockwaves

kind of thing? Yes, it is, like different people. Domino effect. Yeah, exactly. Suddenly, like, eventually, like, that negative vibe you put in the world eventually gets to someone at NORAD who then sends off a nuclear weapon because they had a bad day. Yeah. It's just the conversation, you know, in these households where one person saying, yeah, fucking thank God I hate that kid. That's fantastic.

I would love to hit a kid and then the other person saying, no, that's not good. And that's what happens in every household in America is they all have the discussion. Hey, man, did I miss a guy hit the kid or what? Oh, fuck, I was in the bathroom. I said good on him. A kid sucked. So she's like drinking.

her life away here because she after slapping the kid they like they fucking put her down like she's a fucking T-Rex they put it they pump her full of fucking oh right she's in the hospital oh that's right that's right that's right

Shoot her! Clever drunk they really do and like she wakes up like in a bed and it's some the doctor from Estonia is calling it's like are you with Esther right now And it's like, well, no.

She's like, get out of the house. Run from the house immediately. Oh, right. Yeah, this dude added nowhere. But this guy comes right after the biggest scene in the movie. So, like, she's resting, Sarsgaard's like, all right, I'll just take. Because she's still in the hospital. Yes, she's resting in the hospital.

And the kid is saved somehow, the boy. And I don't know where the little girl is at this point. She comes with. She comes with. Okay, because then Sarsgars. Which she should totally go to the grandmother's both. Everywhere's going to the grandmother. The grandmother, presumably.

has a house somewhere, she should go there. Yes. So Peter Sarsgaard is sleeping on the couch and he wakes up like, what's going on? And here is this girl. No, he drinks his life away. That's what happens. Oh, he gets drunk. He comes home. This is Peter Sarsgaard stars and smoking in your house because it's like

it's been a bad couple of weeks ever since we got this orphan. He's like drinking. He drinks a whole bottle of wine in like 10 minutes. He's smoking cigarettes in the middle of the house. And we haven't seen him smoke before. Yes, we have because he hilariously just lights us cigarette in the middle of the playground.

Oh, does he? Yes. That's why he... That just seemed too naturalistic to me that I didn't even notice. That's why he doesn't see Esther push that girl off the castle. Oh, okay. Because he's like hiding over in the corner of the playground smoking. She should go to rehab for smoking.

She'll lock him away. But so he passes out drunk and Esther gets all dressed up in one of your... From Hagar's dress, she cuts it to fit her. Yeah, she puts a bunch of makeup on. She changes her hair out of the pigtails. Yeah. She starts hitting on him. She's aggressively trying to fuck it.

She says, I love you, I really love you. And then we have a drunk vision of Peter Sarage goes like, what's going on? It's so fucking ridiculous. The B-O-V. It's just like, whoa. Yeah, like his vision's like out of focus. I was like, what does this movie think happen? That's a bottle wine.

I used to do this podcast when I've drinking a bottle wine. Yeah, sure. Yeah, this is more drugged cam. Yeah, I don't know. Like, that's what it should be, but he's just like. Right, she should like slip in something in his drink. Like, I've prepared the idol can powder. And then she goes, let me take care of you.

And he like starts getting weirded out. But then he like starts talking to her. And he's like, it's just been so hard and everything's falling apart. I love that he's like confiding in this little girl that is trying to have sex with him. This is the time the damn breaks for poor Peter fucking SARS guard. And he's got no, I mean, she says, she whispers, let me take care of you. He does nothing. He starts crying.

And then she's like, no, you're a good dad. And the handsome man. And I think, now here's the thing. I rewound this. Yeah, there is. Is there a dick grab here?

There is. No, there is. It's an implied. Well, not the actress, again, the actress who was like 13 when this was filmed, also way too uncomfortable just in any event. Sure. But it's like, it's, it's, she doesn't do it,

but the movie implies it because he kind of like looks down of his lap it's a thigh grab and you're supposed to assume that the dick is on the thigh yeah it's like she pushes it forward a little bit i think it's it's a little it's a trickery it's the magic of the movies yeah he just is like whoa whoa whoa this is uncomfortable yeah he's like this is you know what esther i can't do it esther i just can't do it you're going back to the orphanage tomorrow did we did everybody read the trivia that this apparently this scene was much longer and stuff was happening. Yeah.

Wait, wait. It just is... Not on the set, Eric. It just is more graphic in the script. It was supposed to be like... It went to place that this movie does not. Thank God for that. Yeah.

You'd be almost funny if it did because then at the end of you, oh, thank God for the twist. Yeah, exactly. I'm good. No, I'm good. Because the twist happens right after that. So if you switched it...

Yes, yeah, that's right. And then had that scene, you could have it kind of go. The snorn... snar. I'm saying it wrong. Snarb. Snarv. The Smog Institute. The one dude says like, you know, when she tried to seduce the last parental figure and then it didn't go, it didn't happen. So she killed them and torched the house. Yeah. So that's what's going to happen. That would be more interesting if we had seen like

her take one of the pictures from the Bible and say like, oh, I loved you so much. Yeah. Like it gives you a little bit more. more of her side of the thing, and that would be a little bit more interesting. Well, that's the thing is, like, you don't really know, like, this doctor gives you all this information at the end about how, like, she's just this fucking criminal mastermind or whatever, but it's like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Like, either she's just, like, this instinctual, like, killing kind of thing, or maybe she's, like,

a Russian KGB asset or whatever, or I don't know, like, she's, she's, like, capable of gaslighting. But it's, like, all of them at the same time, and it's like, what are you doing? She's, like, a Highlander, you know? Like, she has to, every few years or months, she has to, yeah, she has to leave that life. And you can't really, as a, if you're hiding as a child, you can't really leave the trace to that past. Can she one day become the high father? Because she's just killing the fathers, too, because they say no to her. I mean, I guess she's waiting for the one guy that sounds cool, man.

She should get adopted by that, uh, that dude that was un-lost for a little bit. I don't know that guy is. Oh, we've talked about this guy. Doug something or other. Oh, oh, yes, of course. Who married like a fucking 16-year-old girl? Doug Hutchinson. Wait, Jeffrey Epstein was on loss?

That's the island that they were crashed at. That was the big mystery. Smoke monster on that island. You're rich enough, you can have a smoke monster. This is an island's called Little St. James. Hey, Chelsea, we got to go back, baby. We got to go back. Somehow, also Dominic Monaghan is just still in it.

Guys. Where are we? So, oh, this is the blacklight shit. He goes into her room. Yeah. And he's looking at the paintings or whatever. And then, like, he flips. The black light is in the fish tank.

So he, like, kind of opens the casing of the fish tank. And, dude, these paintings turn into a horror show. It's a horror show and a pornography show. Because it's, like, all these bloody people, like, Vera Vermigua with a head cut off and all this stuff. And there's, like, Peter Starzgard fucking this, like, adult version of Esther. Yeah, it's, and you know what, Peter Sars Guard, not a great appropriate level reaction. Yeah, you should be throwing up.

He just kind of walks out like, okay. It freaked out. I think he was a little flattered by the vizis. It's a nice six-pack, okay. Wow, this is what it would look like if I was a model for romance novels. Wish I was that in doubt. Damn. Damn.

She cuts the power to the house. Yes. If you're from, I guess, speeding home in the snow. Doing more bad driving. Which, like, she's, like, almost hitting all of these cars and shit. And it's like, guys, I know she's not getting in a car accident. Like, she's going to get to the house to have this showdown. Yeah.

Just let her get there. She's going to have a car accident. And this movie's going to take another fucking nap. But, I mean, the payoff would be better if she was an actual eerie kid. But nonetheless, Peter Zarsgaard getting fucking stabbed to death is not too shabby. She stabs him in the back and goes, ow! And then he falls down. it's kind of ridiculous it's insane he falls down and again like i know she's she's 33 years old

but he's much bigger than her and she's like i stab you i stab you like kick this kid in the face this was the part where i was like is she a kgb asset yeah because she like runs it's like a it's like a i don't even like she runs by him like ha like a fucking ninja and just leaves this knife in his back he also seemingly wants to die yeah he's just like okay I'm being stabbed now. Oh, there's another one. Oh, that's pointy. No fight at all.

You've got elbows, dude. Use them elbows. Maxine walks into the scene and says, no, don't stop her. She's misunderstood. Oh, God, she's so misunderstood. We can't ever strike a child. Just let her get her aggression out on my chest with that butcher knife.

She's your sister. You don't forget. I can have maybe, like, I have five more holes in my chest, so just let her do her thing. I forgive you. You tell, make sure your mother knows to me. You're not a bad person. I'm sorry, I failed you. I deserve this.

I mean, he really does. I mean, you got to clap in the theater when that happens. And Max sees it. By the way, that's a wrap. on max everybody like yeah she a has assisted killed a nun at this point yep all this stuff she was in this near car accident played a rousing round of russian roulette and now she saw her father stab to death i mean like it's over for back dude we're ready for orphan two colon max ship her to estonia see if the sard institute's got another bed for max also by the way

not enough body count in this movie definitely not you could use one, I think at least one more. At least one more. Like, get like a... The fucking grandmother should have got it. A babysitter would be a natural target. Absolutely. Yes, you want to put the Max in our institute. Let me ask you something. Does she have an umbrella

that makes her go up in the air? Is she rich? Or like, fuck with the grandma's pills or something. Oh, totally. That's the move. I think what you're asking, Eric, is because the kid, the boy needed to die.

If the kid died, a better movie, for sure. Definitely. And I feel, because like the kid, first of all, the kid is, the son is not seen again for the rest of the movie. Yes, he's ostensibly dead. And the only thing they mentioned about like reviving him or whatever is all in dialogue. Yeah. I think it's a thing where they fucking got cold feet and it was like,

eh, better not kill that kid. That's test audience. I smell test audience all over this. I can't believe it killed a little boy. I love that little boy. I saw him at the Star Trek. trailer you can't kill kirk that's little kirk and i know little kirk little kirk on a bc oh jeez well wait is it the same year yeah 2009 yeah so people are like no little kirk that's little kirk

you leave little kirk alone uh so now we have cat and mouse in the house sure we're going all around there's a lot of fun stuff in the bathroom she's got the gun oh oh yeah if her by a shot in the arm Like it's fucking the end of lethal weapon. It's just a flesh wound. It just graced me. Yeah. And she knows how to heal herself too. It's a little much for this piano teacher.

Man, again, this is another, like, I'm sorry. These pseudo-horror family drama things, like, Hereditary does it better, but like this is a bad version of how to do this. Because, like, she walks into the house and she sees Peter Sarsigar dead. We're taking two minutes of her just crying on the floor. I know. You know? And it's like, no, like, if this is a heart. movie it should be like ah

but no time to grieve now ugh but stupid there's like she takes uh max runs into the greenhouse because the fucking house is a greenhouse and for my guess on the outside uh like a top of the greenhouse how does she get on the roof does anybody

remember she's in the bathroom and like um uh the little Esther's coming so she hides out on the whatever walkway oh I see and she locks the window so she's stuck out of the house oh gotcha uh and she hears Max breaks something in the greenhouse, there's a showdown in the greenhouse, there's, this girl's got a gun, and she starts firing up with the mother a little bit, and she jumps, Formiga jumps down and lands on her, crushes this girl like a grape. And this is when I'm, you got to break this girl's knack, you got to suffocate her, this woman, this, A, you know she's a 33-year-old woman, B, she killed your husband.

And maybe killed your son. Here's an excuse, though. Uh-huh. The kid takes off the makeup and looks like the old lady from The Shining. Yes. I don't know what is going on with this age makeup thing. 33-year-old woman. Well, this is what 33 looks like.

Oh, I see. From Hollywood terms, actually, that's correct. Estonian 33. Well, she takes her teeth out. She got these black monster teeth. And yeah, I mean, like, but again, like, you've got to start, like, this is when you start to be like, you know what? You know what it's time for? A CCH pounding.

And she starts punching her face. This is for CCH Pounder. Do you think CCH Pounder says that? Like if she's ever had to be in a situation where she needs to kick some ass. And she's like, now you're in for a CCH pounding. I think she does it when she's like making chicken cutlets and she's tenderizing the chicken. Yeah, that's much more. All right, chicken.

I don't like you and you don't like me. Here's my mallet. It's time for a culinary C-C-H-pounding. So we're at the end of the movie. Yes. And, of course, we've come back to Death Pond. Yes, you know. And, like, you want to dig a dip in the Death Pond?

You don't want to go skinny dipping in the Death Pond. You don't skip stones here. You won't believe. What's at the bottom? Oh, Death Pond. It's not just fish floating around in the Deth Pond. Death Pond. The plot is also murky.

I would still see that movie. Death Pond, that's the tagline. The plot is as murky as the death pond. I guess I'll see it. Or that would be someone's snarky review. That's like the headline. Yeah, so the two girls go through the ice, Vera Farminga. Well, not before the tiniest, I mean, again, Max is the,

like three and a half years old. Yes. She's barely walking. She picks up this revolver. Oh, yes. And she's like, it's like, it's like the end of like the clone movie. She doesn't know which one to shoot kind of the thing. And she fires at Esther because Esther, again, like Esther has Vera Farmerga, who's like

10 feet tall comparatively down and like is trying to stab right. She's like, no, stop. Like, no, again, close your hands. Yes. And start going for it. Totally. Punch the skin in the face. 33 year old.

Well, and this girl's got to be launched after that, like a Joe Namath in the football, like just fucking in the air. And, but Esther actually, Max hits the ice and it breaks. Yeah. And then they go under and there's a lot of like going under business. She's like stabbing her underwater, which is kind of funny. And she kicks her in the, she kicks her down here under the water. Yes. And she climbs out.

And it's like, please just let this movie be over with. No way, man. Because I need this. One more scare is she comes back up from the water and grabs her and Beer of Farmingo with this fucking Timberland bootkick. Well, she's like, Mommy, don't let me die. And she's like, I'm not your fucking mommy! And she fucking kicks this kid in the head.

And it's like, it's fucking Zach Snyder's slow motion. You see your jaw like, it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, it's not bad. I mean, it's not good, but it's not bad. The CG, right? The jaws, like... Yeah. And then she just goes all the way under her.

All the way under. And then actually, the movie kind of just ends right here, which is nice. I did not expect this. I was totally anticipating like a six months later. No, no, no, no. Max and... And Bosco, whatever those other kids was the boy's name. Danny.

Danny, yeah. And her, like, you know, starting a new life or whatever. No, they're ruined. They're all ruined. Again, we say this on this show often, like, this family needs to break up. Like, this is the end. This family's canceled. You know what?

We had a good run. We got fucking nine seasons in. Time to call it. That's more than the slap got, right? It's actually true. Give the kids to the grandmother. You go off on your own. Can I share with you,

since this has done, two pieces of trivia about the girl drowning to the bottom of Death Pond? Absolutely. So here's two. Death Pond. And this should tell you, there's an edge to some of this trivia

on this page. The scene of which Esther sinks to the bottom of the pond was shot to mimic the scene of Leonardo DiCaprio's body floating to the bottom of the ocean in Titanic. Leonardo DeCaprio was a producer on this film. Well, that's dumb as shit. I would like to see the receipts about

like, well, they shot it with that in mind. I'm pretty sure they shot it with somebody dying in a pond in mind. It would be cool if they had the Titanic music for it, though. Slein Dion. Here's the double. There of Formiga's character in this film is named Kate. Leonardo DiCapro,

one of the producer of his film, known for having start alongside Kate Winslet in Titanic. That's right. That's not true. Yes. No, it's not trivia. It's just people. Making a connection with names or actors being in the same things, like, shut your mouth. It's not like Kate is a rare name. Yeah, it's pretty rare.

I only know 75,000 of them. Wow. I know 75,000 of Cates. Wow. Ladies, man. He's a Katie's man. there you go thank you would anybody recommend this movie obviously Steve yes it's a hard recommend for me

like I said sucker for an evil kid movie this movie's got teeth to it we are killing people yes like Eric I would have maybe one or two more kills but I'm happy with what I got I think this is a it's a it's I saw this movie twice in like seven months you want to space those out a bit better

maybe once is fine but yeah it's a fun one yeah I think I hadn't seen this in like four years and that's a great amount. That's a perfect amount. Four years is a fine amount. I like this movie quite a thing. Every presidential election.

Rather than watching the numbers come in, watch this. Better idea. I really like this movie. I think it's creepy. I think, again, yeah, you need... I smelled a lot of test audience, like, let's fix this. Let's not make adoption seems so awful. We have to add in a couple scenes here.

Yeah. Like all that stuff. I can see it adding up some numbers where this maybe originally was a good amount of time. And then they had to add in all that stuff. But still, I didn't feel bored. I was there with it most of the time. Well, I did feel a little bored because I don't think it has any business being over two hours long. And I also feel like the atmosphericness of it is just so grim, dark. Yeah. And it's just dreary. And I just, it's a gnaw for me, dogs. Oh, wow. Okay. It's a no for me, too. It was a fucking slog. Like, the end of it is bonkers. It's totally bonkers. I'll say, like, rent it and then just fast forward to the last 25 minutes because it takes its fucking time. Find a best of on YouTube.

Yeah. If you want a fucking totally rocking, eerie killer kid movie, bloody birthday. Oh, yeah. Which is totally on Shutter as far as the last time I was looking at the shutter platform. Wasn't that a side of a sleaze? A hundred years ago, we talked about it, yeah. So that's that. I would recommend bloody birthday.

This is, I mean, it's fine. There are worse. Yeah, sure. Weird kid movies or whatever, but yeah, I don't know. It's competently made. It's just so overstuffed, in my opinion. Yeah. And that is orphan or the orphan.

I can't even tell which one. Is there a thought there? It's just orphan. Okay, yeah, that is orphan. It's cleaner. That was a test audience. Like, too. Justin Timberlick watches me.

Just call it Orphan. From 2009, directed by Huame Colette, Sarah. But we hate movies rolls on. As always, next week, Steve Sadek, what jam are we discussing? We got a guest in the studio next week, you guys. Angelica Jade Bastien, a vulture comes back as we talk about cruel intentions. Oh, shit, man. A movie I've seen plenty of times.

Movie I've seen once. Really? Wow, really? Only once. Well, get ready, dude. I'm excited for this one, and, you know, it's kind of like Valentine's Day's coming up. It's a romantic sort of movie. I'm very sure.

I've seen it once, and I'm going to say no on that. But sure. Hey, guys, get your secret cocaine crucifixes ready to roll. I know I will be. So until next week, where we are in studio with Angelica Jade Bastion talking cruel intentions. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Seda. Chris Gavin.

Eric Sisker. Take it easy. That was a hit gum podcast.