We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 470 - Teen Wolf (Live in Hollywood)

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

On this week's episode, it's the gang's first of what wound up being a two-show night at the legendary Hollywood Improv! Recorded during last year's fall tour, the gang kicked off the LA shows by talking about the beloved '80s classic, Teen Wolf! Hey, was Scott's dad hitting on Boof? Did any kids die after seeing Michael J. Fox surfing on that van? And did that woman sleep with him while he was a dog? PLUS: No, we will not cool our jets, MAAAAAAAAN!! Teen Wolf stars Michael J. Fox, James Hampton, Susan Ursitti, Jerry Levine, and Mark Holton; directed by Rod Daniel. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage. We Hate Movies! I love you. So like the sound, I'm not staying around home, you let go. Strangeline, he's gone away. I'm another time left you. Los Angeles, what is happening? I'm going to get up here, huh? There it goes. There it is. Can I say that I'm displeased with the splash zone here?

Can I just say that I'm displeased by then? They also made a classic miscalculation. Look where you are. You're not even from them. These poor people are going to get it. Last time I was at this venue, I accidentally spit water on the front row. So this lady's smart and she's got this seat. It was specifically that.

Yeah, it was actually you. Oh, my fucking God, you're the same people. Round of applause for these folks. That was like three years ago. And I deserve it. I deserve it. So you're wearing that because you don't want to be spin on? All right.

Ready for anything. That's a great way to put it here in a We Hate Movies show. Hey, how are you guys doing this afternoon? All righty. My name is Andrew Jupin. I'm Chris Cabin. Eric Siska.

Spitting Steve Sadek. And we are We Hate Movies from New York City. Thanks a lot for coming out to show one of two this evening. The film in question, Teen Wolf, from 1985, directed by Rod Daniel, The late Rod Daniel.

You know what he directed? What's that? K-9. He was a tour then. Dog movies was this guy's whole thing. Exactly. That's what I was getting. That dude loving these dog movies. The title Teen Wolf just lets you know

everything you need to know about the movie. That's it. No secrets here. It is just about a teenager who's also a wolf. Before we get into the film, how many of you guys are familiar with the show we run on the internet. Cool, cool.

Sorry. If you don't, and you're here with friends who dragged you, maybe like this guy over here, we're a comedy show that exists on the internet, but sometimes we get out on the road like this and talk about a shitty movie in front of a bunch

of people. That's exactly what we're going to do right now. I got a quick question, actually, because this was startling to me was startling. When you hear Teen Do you think of the Michael J. Fox show, or do you think of that, like, or Michael J. Fox movie

or that TV show that lasted way longer than it should have? Did anybody watch that television program? Oh, my God. No, too late, deafening silence. Wait, so you were the one? Yeah, was it good?

Why did you keep watching it? Oh, the sexy dudes. And therein lies the trick. Also in this movie You got Michael J. Fox In 1985 Michael J. Fox You got that dude Chubs Yes, absolutely.

Are you like listing hot guys in this movie? Yeah, and it's Michael J. Fox and then Chubs. The dad is down here somewhere? Mr. Howard is involved for sure. Oh, Mr. Howard, pardon me. Bobby Finstock, I think. Who?

He's the coach. Oh, the basketball coach. He's a hot tamale. The 78 year old hot tamale No he's not that old Yeah so this is of course a movie about as you saw A basketball player who finds out that he Comes from a long line of werewolves

Not entirely laid out in this movie The dad hilariously appears as the werewolf For one scene And there's no biting No biting It's just through your bloodstream from your generation's past I guess it's like my grandfather gave me fucking baldness

sure this poor bastard's got werewolfism or lichenthropy pardon me it's the opposite yeah directly a stern voice mostly it's mostly just a growl and a stern voice and some red eyes I guess well because he even says the dad's like

Scott would need to talk but he never actually says like so you're a fucking werewolf because of these things I was doing missionary work in Bulgaria yeah and or like it's not a full moon like everybody thinks it is, it's this.

Also, Silver Bullets, look out for those fuckers. Like, that's what you should be talking about. But this is one of those movies that tries to be like, oh, all of that lore, that's bullshit. Yes. Because the dad's laughing it off, he's like, oh, yeah, Silver Bullets, don't believe everything you see in the movies.

We're just friendly dog people. We're immortals. Well, and that's the thing. I don't know how you have a movie that, like, in the fucking title is like an allusion to werewolf stuff, right? Sure. Well, Teen Wolf.

There's not a, there's not a, single exterior shot of a full moon. That's true. License that B-roll. The title Teen Wolf, I was thinking maybe National Geographic, you got a wolf growing up, right? It's like halfway there.

This is boyhood, but with a wolf? Yes, exactly. Okay. Richard Linklater's wolfhood. But it only he only had to film it for like 10 years or so and then they put the wolf down. Dogs live less times than humans, guys. That was the point.

It's just a fact. It's a shitty fact. Not always. Well... Uh-huh. The infant mortality rate in this country could be better. Fair point, buddy. Fair point.

So this movie starts intensely for no... It's a slaps... It's a total slapstick comedy, the whole bullshit. But it starts with, like, total darkness. It's a fucking John Carpenter movie for some reason. And he's like the sweating face of Michael J. Fox? You'd better look out

for the teen wolf. I thought my fucking file was broken. I was like what's going on with this audio? No, it's a great first scene where you'd start shooting out a dog in the Arctic. Wait, that's a different movie. You're thinking of John Carpenter's The Thing.

Oh! He doesn't want to be wolf. He wants to be teen. So that wolf wasn't a teenager then. their shoe not. The thing? Yeah. I don't know. Better dad casting

Wilford Brimley as... Now listen, Scotty. You don't need any prosthetics for that, you're going to inherit two things. Lichenthropy and alcoholism. Wolford Brimley? Oh, yeah. I did the Eric joke that time.

Oh, and propensity for diabetes. That's also part of it. God damn what, Scott. You're going to not be able to shave successfully once you reach 16 and then you're going to have to prick yourself in the fucking buttock for the rest of your days boy you might need your tail

I know what you're going yeah cut off right because when you get diabetes sometimes you lose a limb right you do lose oh I had no idea what you were talking about and I was like in my head I was trying to figure out the medical word for cutting something amputation is the word you're looking for but in my head I was like here he goes with some

circumcision joke oh not at all I mean, the amputation dude more than scissors. So now that we're on circumcision, when he's born as a human child, if he circumcised is his Red Rocket circumcised? I think so, Eric. All right? I mean, I don't know.

You know who would know, though, is the woman who has sex with him while he's a werewolf in this movie. She sure does. That lady's got some interesting sexual predilections, I have to say. She's only interested in werewolf sex, it seems, at that point.

Right, because they go out on a date or something, and, like, he's the wolf, and she's loving it, and then he takes her home as Scott, and she's like, who are you? I'm kind of, like, so it's a basketball movie. Start with basketball, and like, they're a bad... It's a movie that has

basketball in. Well, sure. It's not Hoosiers. Yeah, it's on fucking blue chips. Fucking wish. But it's, like, the starting... Like, Michael J. Fox Is starting on a basketball team, Sure, everybody. There's a lot of athletic dudes on the bench

and there's this fat guy running around. Vladi DeVox's fucking sitting on the bench. Exactly. He's like, put me in the coach for the fat one. They have all these like hunks, these pristine hunks on the bench. Michael J. Fox, the fat guy. And then like the one dude who's like probably pretty good at basketball.

And he's like, well, you know, we could be doing better if Hank, Rusty, Gus, they were all out here. Yes. And this fucking horror show that you have out here. Nope, nope, nope, it's got to be Stuart Little and Francis Buxton. Some guys are like, I'm 6-8 and I'm Bill Russell's son. Yeah, no, sit on the bench. Come on, tubby, let's do it.

My name's LeBron Bench. Here's a question. Is his mom dead? Yes, I think so. You don't see her, right? Well, because the bully makes reference to, like, well, I don't know if this guy's just talking shit because he's like, your mother was breaking into my hen house and I shot her with a shotgun.

And I was like, does this do you own a hen house? I think he's making fun of his wolf heritage, but also that's a pretty nuclear insult to a kid with a dead mom. Yeah, regardless of whether or not the mom was a werewolf. Exactly. You look like shit. I killed your mom. You know how your mom is actually dead?

Here's a joke about how I might have murdered her. but that doesn't make any sense it's not even like a sick burn it's just like yeah I killed your mother does that bother you so yeah he's like getting ready for some parties like that's what he's kind of realizing he may or may not be a teen wolf

he has some disgusting long hair on his chest oh what is that what is that just the one little it's like a fucking rat tail that's like I'll wait for your 30s I'm like oh ear hairs that's fun am I aware Yeah, exactly.

Dad, are you telling me that I'm a werewolf? Like, no, you're just Polish. It's just, you're gonna have a unibrow brother. It's gonna be fine. Yeah, no, he's getting ready for, like, what is, I think, the party of the year. We're introduced to one of the absolute worst best friends in cinema history styles.

This guy's a fucking date rapist in the wings. He's a full Jeffrey Epstein. Like, he really was making I mean, not only does he do that, he's doing that, go on. Okay. Because not only he's doing that is when we get to the party, he is setting up several different sex crime acts in the same house. He's got the whipped cream, like, bonding people things.

You didn't have this at high school parties? No, I didn't. The master of sexual ceremonies? Yeah, it's a sex party. It's not a high school. There are high school parties where people hook up and they go into rooms and all stuff happens, so I've been told. Uh-huh.

They went in. into a room and stuff happened. I heard about it. For all I know, sex parties are super common in high school. I was never invited to any parties. These people might have been sucking and fucking the closets there. Right?

Anybody fucking in high school closets? Yeah. Oh, there he goes. Yeah. Yeah, that guy. With by yourself, sir? Hey, teen wolf lady, pay attention to that guy. But, yeah, the

Stiles is trying to get a keg. Stiles, I don't think, made it to the 1990s. I think it was an 80s, and, like, there was a Coke problem, and then it's just like, oh, man. Oh, yeah, no, like, Stiles snorted some fucking powdered tylex, and that was the end of that. He's like, no, don't worry, Scott. I bought it at the guy at the bowling alley.

It's fine. Do you think Scott went to his funeral as the Teen Wolf? I was like, you know, I haven't done this in 10 years, but... Stiles would have wanted it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was, he went as Scott, and then he's giving the eulogy, and he's like, one more time for the Stilesmeister.

And then I think it's like, he kind of just lowered himself below the casket. It was like you're pretending to go downstairs, and then he came back up as the werewolf. It was a great funeral. There was a werewolf at that funeral. It's awesome. That's like a top three funeral situation.

And then he gnaws on his leg. Well, because werewolves. are supposed to eat people, right? Right, but not in this innocent world of comedy. He should. There should be something that he has to feed to get to be the wolf, right? There should be a joke where, like, he ate a chicken

and, like, you know, feathers come out of his mouth. That's something. That's not too offensive, right? No. You can do that. So, yeah, he's going to this party. Stiles cannot get a keg. He's doing a bunch of comical acts where he's wearing a hat, but he can't get a keg.

So he tells Scott, hey, take this fake gun. and go into this liquor store and rob him, but then you'll pay him afterwards, so you're not actually going to go to jail. Like, no way, man. And that was how I got my friend murdered at the liquor store. No, it's not loaded. Yeah, so he just goes in.

You saw this in the trailer. This is, get me a keg of beer. Although, hilariously, in the movie, it is like a modulated, very bassy, like, get me a keg of beer. Do you notice in the trailer, though? It's just the dude who's doing the announcing in the trailer. It's the same guy.

It's like, this summer, Teen Wolf. And then it cuts to Michael J. Fox. It's like, get me a gag of beer. Why would you do that? Was it not ready? Was the audio from this movie not ready all the way? Or maybe they thought, like, people wouldn't understand it in the gravelly voice? I don't know.

It's just, it's fucking dumb. The Empire Strikes Back this summer. Luke, I am your father. Yeah, exactly. Very cool stuff. See, you can see how ridiculous it sounds when you use an actual famous film line. Not get me a keg of beer.

And I know everybody doesn't actually say, Luke, I am your father. I totally understand that. Please don't ask for a refund. He just says, like, I'm your father, dude. I'm your dad. You know, I'm your dad. It's the scene where Darth Vader

turns a chair around. Can we talk for a second? Honestly, let me wrap with you. I know you're going through some stuff. You're hanging out with the rebels. I don't care for it. Come sit on Papa's lap. Hey, Tiger, you're making some bad decisions.

You're hanging up with a teen wolf. This Chewbacca would be a teen wolf. Oh, yeah, dude. Chewbacca's a teen wolf. I'm down. I'm totally down. So they get the keg, and this is when the movie gets really dangerous, which is this hate teenagers that are looking for a girl. good idea on a Saturday night

why don't you jump on your fucking car and your friend could speed and that's a great idea is this a SoCal thing I don't know I think it's filmed right right around yeah it takes place in like Kansas or Nebraska or something who's filmed here

ish oh it's filming Nebraska it takes place to Nebraska smoking weed oh Bruce Stern in the teen wolf yeah see Scott you're a fucking werewolf now man we sit around all day watching tunes and smoking I got this lottery ticket the film Nebraska

Scott why are we in black and white all of a sudden but yeah I mean I just imagine like there must have been a mass of like copycats like literally dying in the early mid 80s right? Yeah that's SoCal tragedies dude it is week six of the teen wolf slings everyone stay indoors this film will kill you but yeah it's like I don't I don't

see how you're getting fun out of this. You're blaring like a bad Jan and Dean song and you're just standing on this roof. I was the only one I think praying for Stiles to die right here. Would a turn the movie would take? You're not alone there. I mean the guy's a complete homophobe too on top of everything

else. Yeah, he's dropping some bad F-bombs in this film. No thank you. We're hearing Michael J. Fox say it too was really creepy. That's unsettling. Yes. It's unsettling because it's taking place in the garage just like parts of Back to the Future do. What the fuck did you say McFlock?

Marty, Marty, if you tell me you're a... I can't take it. Marty, you can't use words like that in the workshop. Marty, it's about your kids. They're homophobic. Marty, your kids are reading Breitbart. Gotta shut that shit down. Marty, that's learned.

Marty, what the fuck is George been saying to you at home? The, so we meet Boof, who's just like platonic, but yeah, I know Booth it's an insane name. A girl named Boof.

Yeah, which, that's a vomit thing, right? Is that how that works? Yeah, like you boofed. Yeah, that was like that what that piece of shit fucking Chief Justice, or the Supreme Court Brett Kavanaugh. Oh, yeah, Kavanaugh. Oh, yeah. Kavanaugh. We were boofing every Saturday. Me and Rex and Max and Twiddle.

We were drinking a bunch of beers and boofing. So this movie's saying this girl looks like puke. I kind of think so. Which is mean because she doesn't at all. No. So is Stiles, the Teen Wolf, and Brett Kavanaugh all getting wrecked on a Saturday night? I was friends with the Teen Wolf, and we like beer. Yeah, that Teen Wolf was boofing.

He was boofing on me and I was boofing on him. very clearly on my calendar I would mark when I was hanging out with the teen wolf so I would know. And I love that styles, man. He had all the great slurs. But like this girl

who's perfectly attractive, really good looking and Michael J. Fox is like, fuck you. This entire movie she's like, you know, I made you a sweater, I'm hanging out. She's like running for his girlfriend. She got a little old pin that says like boof for Scott's girlfriend. Yeah, boat boof, dude.

She's like hanging out with his dad unsolicited, by the way. No, thanks. This is weird, right? This is a weird thing. And the dad is, like, super into hanging out with her. And now... Well, he's a widower, man. Oh, you think he's angling?

I think he is. We already established. His mother was shot in the henhouse. So maybe she had the old bull, and now she wants the young calf? I think that's the idea, dude. I mean, here's the thing. If you have a crush on a person and you come home to find that person playing basketball in your driveway with your

fucking bother? I don't know. It's weird. You know, Scott, you better make a move on boofer, I will. Just saying, buddy. The clock is ticking. I'm going to give you until Saturday night.

She came to the door looking for votes for something to do with you. Boyfriend, girl. I don't know, buddy, but she's a looker. Just saying, Scott, come Saturday night, someone's boofing one way or another. She's going to be

your girlfriend or your stepmom. It's going to be up to you, dude. It's going to be up to you. Your choice, buddy. Your choice. Got this coin here. I could flip it if you want to. Dude, then it's just like a, like, it ends like the first lethal weapon movie. It's like a fight in the front yard between the two werewolves.

That's awesome. In the hand of boof. That's the third act that I want. And it's not this fucking, you know, Quaker horse shit about modesty and not trying to be, you know, not doing all of your God-given abilities. Right. It's actually the other team gets another teen wolf. And now,

And now we're playing basketball, two teen wolves one-on-one. To be fair, when they raise the barn, it's exhilarating. But now this girl that he's chasing Pamela? Is that right? She's like dating a guy on the opposing team. Yes. Yeah, what's his name? Chip.

Skip. Mick. Oh, right. Yeah. I mean, you could make him a vampire or something. Right. Dude. Oh, that's, he like goes out to become a vampire to, like, be able to, like, a kind of like an arms race of supernatural activity.

Right, yeah. He's like making him, he goes down to New Orleans, makes himself bait. Like, come on, come on, fight me. Dude, yeah, the teams are fighting to like stack the bench and then the one team fucks up and drafts the mummy. Dude just keeps getting tangled when he's trying to do a layup.

You can't walk faster than that. You can't walk a little, come on, man. You're right, though. An opposing, like, werewolf would be awesome. Totally. He goes to the party. He's like, they do like a seven minutes in heaven, but it's like a competitive seven minutes in heaven.

Well, this was a weird thing. Is seven minutes in heaven, like, copyrighted? Because they're in there for two minutes. Stiles gives them two minutes. Sure. The word heaven isn't really used. Like, just say it. Say the thing that everybody knows.

Oh, no, you can't do that. The heaven family will come after you. Oh, fuck, the heaven family. Also, in that closet, you won't last five seconds. They call it, just jerk me off in the closet. It says seven minutes, whatever. But also, what is it? Chubb starts, like, eating jello out of a woman's brizier.

Yeah, that was odd That's a party Well it's kind of hilarious So they're doing like a pick a name out of a hat Like every woman has a name And then like they're picking another name And then you gotta do it There's no way out

You gotta do it's because Stiles said so Right And Stiles has the gun Yeah exactly He does He says it's fake but it's real But there's like weird There's like whipped cream wrestling

But they're all like taped together also So it's like two worms fighting And Booth gets some dude Malcolm Who's like fucking finally Boof's gonna do it And then like she's like Um Scott And everyone's like of course

Boof's lying She's been thirsty for Scott For fucking six grades at this point Poor Malcolm man I know dude Malcolm's been waiting to make a move He's just a creature from the Black Lagoon He's not as hot Yeah they're hook it up in the closet

And he like uses his wolf hands To scratch her Which means she might be a teen wolf as well Depending on the lore Oh, there's like gunk under those nails. Well, once you get scratched by a werewolf, I think you're a Werewolf, right? Is it true? I think so. It's bites or scratches.

It's a bite, dude. Oh, it's got to be a bovah. Bite is definitely vampire, right? And I guess Werewolf's the same. It's just a hairy vampire? I'm going to, I think you can do both. Yeah, I can do both, yeah. I just need fucking Scott's dad to tell me what a fucking werewolf is in this movie. Yeah.

What is it? How long does it live? How does it die and how does it happen? Because if you tell me in this movie to forget the lore, forget the movies. Yeah. Okay, I'll do that, but you got to back it up with the new shit. Exactly, I can't just get rid of information. I need to have something going on. Actually, that's a great way to watch this movie, though,

is just clean that head right out. Clean it out, clear it out, nothing in there. This is when he goes home, and he starts turning into a real deal, Teen Wolf. We get some, like, faux American Werewolf in London effects, which is just, like, bubbly head. He kind of gets bubbly head for a second. Yeah, it's another, like, hot de journo pizza face.

It's disgusting. And also his window, the bathroom door has a window on it with a curtain, and I'm like, not in my bathroom. You're going to board that curtain right over. Exactly. And, like, there's the old joke of, like, Scott, you're going to let me in there. What are you doing in there? It's that thing.

And he's like, you don't understand, Dad. I swear to God, if I come in there and you're not a werewolf, but you are jerking off, we're going to have problems, mister. And he, the dad looks like an Ewak. This is really bad. You know he looks like, is that shit from Battle for End or the little rabbit thing? Yes, he does, yeah.

It's just like, I don't know, make that guy also look like a werewolf. Yeah, I don't know, like the teen wolf looks like a werewolf. He looks like, I don't know, just like an old guy. I think he wouldn't sit in a chair long enough to do that way. Oh, you think so? It's just like Eric Bogosian if he didn't shave for five weeks. Wow, take that

Bogosian. Yeah, take it. Also, though, I'm not entirely impressed with his teen wolf makeup. He kind of looks like, you guys remember back of the day the Chuck E. Cheese like robot band? And then when those robots got tired and like weren't being repaired as well. They got wet, you know,

kids throwing Coke cans and shit. Yeah. That's what the Teen Wolf looks like. That exact description. Just like fur full of Pepsi. It's just disgusting. It's disgusting. Dust. It's never been dust.

It's disgusting. Oh, actually though, we are sort of led to believe, obviously, because he's a teenage werewolf. When he's getting horny, that's when the wolf comes out. One of the ways, I guess. And he goes to school the next day, he starts to change, and it's like he's trying not to change.

You get a classic, classic 80s, I'm running in a hallway, and I slide down that. Has to happen. Has to happen. It was law back then. It was Hollywood law. You had a teenager running down a hallway, man. You had to fall. Wait, let me get this straight. You're trying to release a teen picture, and no one's

Lippin and sliding in these hallways. Back to reshoot town, buddy. You better soap up that floor. This one's good, but I prefer the one in Gus Van Sance Elephant. Oh. Yeah, a lot of fucking... That's a completely different wetness. Uh-huh.

A lot of slipping and sliding in that movie. Right? It's true. Surprise so many of you remember that movie. A movie that begs to be forgotten. Begs to be forgotten. And, come on, guys. You know, there was a fictional shooting anyway.

No, no, Eric, it's... It's based... It's based on one. But they're not saying the names, are they? No, they're not. So it's fine. It's a fine. It's a fine thing. It's just a farce. Just a night at the movies. It's kind of like the that thing

you do version of a school shoot. They didn't have the money or the rights. They wanted to do their own thing. They should have Tom Hanks as the principal. So moving on from school shootings, ideally. Let's go right by Let's slip slide right past that. We're against them.

Yes, that's important Thanks for clarifying In case anyone was fucking confused I'm against it They Good, that's good That's good There is a crooked vice principle

Who we're told later in the film Was like trying to have sex With Scott's now dead mother But when she was alive As a youngan And he got like He got beaten You know

You got accosted by the werewolf father Yes exactly Until he pissed himself all over the place Yes I think the way the dad puts it though and this is I'm being led to believe he shit his pants oh really because he said he

evacuated his bowels oh that's nice he lost bodily control oh is that what he says yeah oh man what movie was I watching the one I wanted to watch I guess but because he couldn't have sex with Scott's mother he now like rides Scott extra

hard as like I'm looking at you you wear wolf and it's like it's very Snape and Harry Potter right it's just like Hello, Mr. Potter. Your mother rebuffed my advances, so I'm going to make your life a living hell. Hey, that kid's mother was dead, too.

Yeah, that's true. She was also murdered by a jerk. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's... Oh, wait a second. What's with this, like, Confederate play that they're putting on? That's a great fucking question. I know, I know. The old fucking song and dance.

It's a heritage thing. It's true because it's like the fucking drama teacher casts the werewolf to play the Union Soldier that's going to burn down the gorgeous plantation. Oh, please do anything, but don't burn down my plantation. I mean, and it's Pamela. The babe that he has a crush on is like the leading lady. And I guess aside from the werewolf,

this one woman play, you don't see anyone else in this thing. But she's like doing this Scarlet O'Hara, like, Oh, whatever you do, just don't burn down my plantation. When you cast a werewolf, it turns into a political cartoon, sort of, right? You know what I mean? Like, the werewolf has to be the bad guy. Saying a lot about Ulysses as Grant in this fucking play.

You could have been a werewolf, you don't know. You're right, that guy was hairy as fuck. You ever see a $50 bill? I bet he had some chompers on him, too. Well, they all had bad teeth back then He's about to meet Lincoln Don't change Don't change

You're going to meet the president Don't get horny But Scott is playing basketball And there's like a dive for the ball And he emerges as the werewolf This is also dumb And this is on the ref At this point it's on that ref

To blow the whistle and be like Werewolf fought the court Get the fuck out of here Totally dude if there was ever a reason for the technical foul to exist, it's if all of a sudden there's a scrum for the ball and a werewolf comes up with it, blow the whistle, fucking game over,

visiting team get back on the bus. We have to sort shit out in this paranormal town. We have to burn down the school, honestly. We don't know what else to do. We got to get a priest in here at the very least, fix this fucking gymnasium. But it's this air bud horse should have looked. There's no rule against the werewolf.

playing basketball. Yeah, they checked the book of basketball and it's not in there. That's what it should be, the opposing team coach is like, come on, Rap, he's a werewolf, and the guy just goes, I'll allow it. And also, if you're a werewolf,

you're excellent at basketball, question mark. Well, as we learned from the sequel, Teen Wolf 2, you could also be excellent at the exciting world of college boxing. So I think it's like an athletic thing overall. I think just in general you're better at everything. It's a road to the White House, really. Oh, I see. And there's no rules against

werewolves as presidents either. I guess that's true. Yeah. I'll allow it. That means you could be president one day, my friend. Oh, yeah. I'm going to be a werewolf, not yet. I'm hoping to get bit. So did Oswald have a silver

bullet in that gun, is what we're saying? He sure did. No, you don't understand. You don't understand what he was. He was about to change. I have to get back to the hotel. There's a full moon tonight. That's why his sex scandals were so, like, a big thing.

Like, oh, my God, you can't get these getting out. Because he turns into a werewolf when he fucks Marilyn Monroe and all that. Uh-huh. I'm going to be riding on the limousine back. Doing back flips. Put on at Jan and Dean. It's party time. Here I love doggy style.

The inevitable conclusion of a riff. I bet he did. I'm sure he did. The question I have about this movie is, why does being a werewolf make you cool? Yes. Being different and hairy and gross. That thing's probably got the dog farts walking around.

It's like, how is this cool? Not a single person is terrified of him. It's a real problem. Exactly. In the old days, you get fucking pitchforks you run those werewolves out of town. Like, maybe he said this in the 70s when pub culture was super big. Oh, what, so they couldn't tell?

I guess, yes. I mean, at this point, I mean, his dick would have to look like cousin it. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like it, too. Blah, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, and until now, he was only having sex with thing.

Now this, we're going to release this as a live episode. This is why you want to come to these, because Eric made a hand gesture. one I know all too well and yeah so he like is excellent at basketball and he does there is a scene where he tells Stiles what's going on and that's the couple F bombs later we're like it's cool that you're a werewolf

the way that he proves it to Stiles is kind of awesome and actually pretty helpful like he reveals himself to be the wolf and Stiles is still like not having it he's like how did you put on that Halloween costume that rapidly but then he's like styles is in the girl because he's looking for a backup sack of weed. So fucking, I almost called the Marty McFly. Scott, Scott's like, well, hey, I can help you out

with what you're looking for. And this dude just sniffs out this lost bag of weed. Great ability. Very helpful to your friends. Teen Wolf, too, should have been him, like, becoming a DEA agent or something. Oh, my God, dude. Yes, he's just working at the airport.

But then he gets turned and he's working for Escobar. Oh, nice. That would be great. That's some conflict in Teen Wolf, too. Especially with the heat down there. He's all furry. It's just like, oh my God. He's constantly getting a haircut.

And then the middle of this movie is a very long I'm Very Cool montage. There's like three different montages strung together. It's like this Randy Newman song. Everything's going great. I'm a werewolf. When you're a wolf, you are the most important person. in your town.

Did, do, de, de, de, do, do, bop. We're actually in Randy Newman's backyard. He's not here, is he? He loves this city, by the list. I love Teen Wolf. See, it all

could work. You know what, though? They couldn't fucking afford Randy Newman, man. Yeah, they're just doing that. But if I'm in Teen Wolf's school, I'm not buying the fucking Teen Wolf T-shirt. Fuck you, kid. Imagine buying merch for a classmate.

Great. Oh yeah, that asshole from fucking, what's an academic? Math? Yes. That asshole from math class. I'm going to buy a shirt and wear it to school. I'm a big fan of you, math guy. And you're funding the guy who's got these eyes wide shut parties going on at his house.

Yeah, totally. Stiles is like, buy all this merch, you're going to be funding fucking Fidelio Fest, 19887. Also, you know, this school is a little, I mean, we know that the school is a little, I mean, we know that the dean is only caring about people the students of children that have rebuffed his advances but style shows up with a

t-shirt that says what are you looking at dick-nose and I'm like you know what man I know public school this and that but you got to fucking turn that shit inside out let me tell you I'm all for a provocative t-shirt but I was like whoa style I mean like yeah if a girl comes in

with two high shorts like well you have to go home missy oh nice dick nose shirt dude I once got sent to the principal's office because I was wearing a t-shirt with like a little cartoon who's firing a pez gun Oh yeah And there's like clearly Pez coming out of you

This hall monitor fucking read me the riot act Well I went to Catholic school Which explains a lot And I once wore jeans On dress down day Dress Down Day is the day You're allowed to sort of dress like a human being

Like a casual Friday situation Yes but you would have to pay money To do that You'd have to pay $2. Do the Catholic Church is such a fucking scam. A day? Pay money to not wear certain clothes?

Yes. Every Friday you're paying $2. No, it was like a monthly thing. You wish it was every Friday, motherfucker. $2 a month? Yeah, $2 a month. So it's a little racket. Why even bother with $2 a month?

But you're not allowed to wear jeans because that's the devil's denim, I assume. What? And I got in trouble because I wore jeans and I was wearing... Because we all know the devil is a farmer. It's the pitchfork

And I was wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt That said, cool your Jets man And my bipolar Like fourth grade teacher was just like No, I will not cool my Jets Man! Like right in my face And it haunts me to this day.

Now wait, you know, we've been friends for almost 20 years Yeah, I've heard this story a lot Every time feels like the first time by the Sure But my question to you right now is Was she like going? Was it a man or a woman? It was a woman, yeah.

Was she, you know, like, going, like, yelling at you, and then you were like, excuse me, mm-mm, and you pointed to the t-shirt and that fucking set her off? No, I think she was just yelling at a fat kid, and then she's like, yeah, this piece of shit, and then she's like, wait a second. No, I will not, man! But the t-shirt wasn't the problem, the jeans were the problem. The jeans were the problem. Interesting.

Yeah, it was interesting. So, wait a second. So you're supposed to wear slacks and a t-shirt? Yes, you look at khakis. If you had a hip pair of, like, late 90s, pleaded cameras. Yes. But we're wearing a shirt that said that. Cool your Jets man.

Totally fine. I think so. Right with the Lord? As I remember, that was okay with Jesus. Uh-huh. So did you get khakis or what, man? I think I had to get khakis. Nice. Or sweatpants.

I think I was wearing sweatpants. Yeah. Did you get sent home for the day? No, they were just like, gave me detention. They said, turn those jeans inside out. They shook you down for another $2. Exactly. Double the fee.

Praise Jesus You're about to go to bed You look out your door She's just down there staring at your window Take them off I'm having a cow down here So it's

Teen Wolf we're doing now Right We're talking about right now A lot of Catholics did A lot of Catholics did get in trouble For telling kids to take their pants off not real trouble just like a slap on the wrist

just like fake like you got to move trouble that's gonna get you transferred yeah so it's the teen wolf he's running around and everyone loves him so much everyone loves it you know what this movie could have used that they learned in the sequel flat out musical number yeah Jason Bateman's beep up and

scatting through that second movie not here well in the second movie one of the teachers is also a werewolf, right, at the end? Oh, right. And she has a tail, which always freaked me out because I'm like, where is everybody else's tail? Are these kids getting clipped or what?

Maybe she's just a furry, dude. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think it's a wear fox. Oh, okay, different situation, different animal. Yeah. That's like the fucking seventh season of True Blood. We're talking about wear foxes and all sorts of made-up shit. Wear frogs.

Were they talking about wear frogs in that show, dude? I'm not about making things up here. But that's your bridge to Gilman, dude. That's true. Get your creature of the Black Lagoon. Oh, totally. He's on the golf team. But, you know, you buy a ticket to Teen Wolf.

You're like, okay, it's going to be a movie about a teenage werewolf. The one thing I didn't expect to learn was that if it makes you a selfish basketball player and that's the lesson we need to learn. Right, like all of a sudden he's just not passing to people. And that, and that alone is the conflict of the film. Yes.

Is that, that breaks all hands. man he's hanging in he's not passing it to the fat guy or fucking hillbilly gym on the bench he's also not falling in love with the girl named after vomit right yeah that's also a problem that has to be ended by the end of it still pursuing

Pamela and did we say they bang right they do have said he gets cast in the in the play oh right right and yes now he's the union general that burns down the beautiful and right plantation and yeah can I just say if they actually got to play night

I think it's supposed to be a thing where like the plantations on fire and he's just like holding a huge sword up like oh! Yes, you'd have to get that. Like in victory. Which would be a better climax to the film than a basketball game in my opinion and we'd have this one. Yeah, you're like in to Rushmore.

Yes, exactly. It's some like red tissue paper cut in in flames and put a fan on it. Yes. There's your flames. Then it looks like it's on fire. Totally. She's like getting naked in the dressing room in front of this guy and she's like Here's the thing This is not a sexy line

And the movie totally thinks it's a sexy line Like they're both in the dressing room And she gets down to her underwear And he's like Oh geez God Oh geez Oh don't turn it to a wolf With your red boner

And she turns around And she goes oh don't worry about it In the drama department We're all family How is that sexy But that gives him the green light To fuck this woman as a werewolf Yeah I'd be just deeply upset by that

Yeah I don't want to use that's an F word I don't want to hear when I'm having sex. Family. Now we're all family here, now show me your dick. Exactly. Just pretend I'm your aunt Pamela. It's all fine. You know how you show your

dick to family? Just do that. And while we cut it, we got a classic cutaway. And that's the only howl I think you hear in the movie, right? Well, yeah, howl in this movie means having an organ. Yeah, him coming, yeah. Because it's the, it's the

principal, it's actually kind of funny. This actually made me laugh. He's walking to his car and it's like, oh! And then you see the principal like, say, it sounds like someone's fucking. All right, high school I work at. Guess I'll go home for the day and not investigate this at all.

They have sex and then go bowling. Hey man, sounds like a great night to me. Kids have a lot of energy. I don't know, yeah. I mean, that's a... Get laid, then you just go roll, drinking some bad beer at the bowling alley? Fuck yeah. Dude, I call that.

Saturday. Yeah, and this is when Pamela's like really like hey, I'm still dating Mick but I just had sex with the werewolf so that's cool. Like she, you know, she checked mark kind of a thing. This is where she rebuffs Scott

though because she's like, well now you're just a little weaner again. I don't care about you anymore but thanks for the ride I guess. Also weird teen wolf selling point or at least like a Scott selling point when he's asking her out at the beginning of the movie he's like, oh hey Pamela you want to go out on a date with me? I have a van.

Yeah. Okay, man. Maybe don't lead with that. Maybe she finds out about the van when you pick her up for the date. I need some help move in a couch and do it. Do you like Tom Petty? Bet you didn't think a teen wolf could break his arm, but

here we are. My broken werewolf arm. It's a yes cast. Goodbye horses, because I ate him. The move is, I have a car. You could say it's a car, and then she's like, oh, man, he meant van. But, like, you could still say car and not be lying technically. Sure, but what it is, though, is just it's the van from his dad's hardware store.

Yeah. So just be like, you know, when you look outside and it's a big van that says Hal's hardware, you know, that's me, man, it's my van. He's got wood. Speaking of, speaking of vans. Who? Eric shrugged his shoulders. It's something. Speaking of vans, stop.

Again, he's been selling pins and t-shirts and shit. He trades in his car for a van that has, like, the Teen Wolf Mobile or something on it. I think it's called the Wolfmobile, which, well done. If I see that on my Nebraska Street, I'm like, oh, that went too far. Like, I am officially done with the Teen Wolf craze now that there is a van involved. I would like to see that happen, though. Like, the sequel is like, the town is over the Teen Wolf. I go, here he goes again.

He's, like, cutting, like, a ribbon ceremony at a new store in town. Yeah, he's been the key to the city. He's running for mayor. It'll be a very easy transition when he wants to make, you know, teen wolf cleaners. Right, yeah, so he's thinking about his business options down the line. You've just got to put something underneath there. He's still got the logo.

I do feel like, you know, there's going to be enough people in Nebraska, this Nebraska town. I'm like, well, I don't like buying my hammers and nails from a werewolf, Martha. We're going across the street. Yeah. I know we've supported the Howards before, but apparently they're werewolves. In Nebraska, they'd be like crucify, right? Yeah, of course. Get the pitchforks out, man.

Yeah, they'd be burning them to death. Which also, we covered the cartoon years ago. Sure. Which that dad, I guess, loved Teen Wolf so much. He appeared in the sequel and this fucking cartoon. But they make mention of some kind of, like, pitchfork situation in the episode we covered. Like, when the cartoon adaptation of your film has more guts than you, that stinks. That shit's for children.

It's for horny teens. The only conflict is like with himself, right? Because he's like, well, I don't want powers anymore. But it's only after like Booth gets mad at him. He's loving these powers. Right. It's everything he wants. Here's how he should come to regret the powers.

He fucking mauls somebody. Yes. Exactly. He fucking cut somebody up on the court. And that kid's just dead. His dad helps him bury the body. It's a bonding experience. So we could finally close that.

brings him closer together don't worry son I've killed countless the dad's like tapping the dirt down with the shovel one last time he's like you know what son tonight I finally got over your mother it's really brought us together she's in the next mass grave over

his wife but the thing is like what does happen is he goes to the school dance and it's a big old school dance fuck yeah we get a bad fucking like six years too late Saturday Night Fever joke and it's fake

and Chris Cabin audio file that you are pointing this out this is a fake tune is it not it's from Thursday Night Fever it's just it's the same baseline

but the drum beats all off it's like when Vanilla Ice ripped off Queen and Bowie and then tried to cover it up it's that yeah because it's like

bollababab bab bollah da teet and he's strutting in this stupid suit but my favorite and the most most mystifying part of this movie. Hands down, the most mystifying part

of a movie about a basketball star who becomes a werewolf is the following. I would say a werewolf that becomes a basketball star, but go on. Do you want to get into this now? No, no, no, no. You know what? No, no, no. Steve's right.

No, it's when he's getting ready for this. A Frankenstein, I can understand. That would make sense. You got some reaches of Frankenstein. That dude's getting fucking rebounds. Dude, he's right under the hoop. That's the assignment the entire time. Or maybe Slender Man?

That's cheating. you can't have a dude who's nine feet tall unfair the hell was I talking about oh he's getting ready for this dance they're doing the fake song and he's in the mirror he puts on the white suit the whole stupid thing and he just looks in the mirror like yeah

and he freezes and vanishes like his reflection disappears but the rest of like the mirror and the bathroom everything else holds but Michael J. Fox just disappears I was like what did the fucking sun come up Are you actually a vampire? Oh, you wanted me to take the old endings out.

No, they're in, buddy. I guess it's like a thing where you can teleport as a werewolf in this mythos. We don't know what they can do because the dad told me to forget everything I learned in the movies and then didn't follow it up with new information. This scene reminded me of Frank Booth

and Blue Velvet when he's like, how he wants to fuck or whatever and he just disappears out of that room, man. Teen Wolf wants to fuck. Michael J. Fox is putting like fucking oxygen. and mask on his face. Teen Wolf wants to fuck. Booth for Daddy.

Well, Booth doesn't want, she's not like Pamela who only wants to have sex with werewolves. Booth does not want to have sex with werewolves. She wants to have sex with short men. And you love her for it. Yes, well, yeah. Must be nice.

No, but she's, yeah, she's like, I want you to go with Scott, not as the wolf, blah, blah, blah. And he shows up at the wolf. She's like, oh, man, a fucking werewolf. You know, like, but I mean, you've got to accept that dude for who he is. He's a fucking werewolf lady. Yeah, you can't get rid of this.

It's not like a fucking cold. But you don't want to fuck it, right? You could get, like, lice in you or whatever. Yeah, that's true. And I mean, like, the claws. Someone just said, aw. And you're right, whomever you were. Yeah, no, it's disgusting.

But, like, he's like, but that's the thing is he makes out with, he's like hitting on Pamela in front of booth too. He's like, oh, yeah, let's have a dance later, babe. I'm a werewolf. and the dude's like, fuck you, kid, right? Mick, yeah. And then, like, he goes, the werewolf goes to, like, hook up with Booth in the closet or something again. And she's like, just be your regular self.

And then the second this guy comes back as Michael J. Fox, Mick clocks him. And I'm like, I'm not fucking hitting a werewolf fan. That's true. I know he looks like Michael J. Fox now. But I've seen him as a werewolf, like, two seconds ago. This should be Mick's movie because he's like the best, he's the actual basketball star. This dude, Mick, that looks like Kevin Dillon's stunt double. Yeah.

Yes. Because he, this dude's like using a game genie playing basketball, ruining your whole fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, no, it's cheating. And then this dude sleeping with your girlfriend. I mean, he's the reverse hero. Mick is the hero of this film. You're totally right.

That's my reading. I have a question about the dance and the dates for the dance situation. Sure, sure. What are the ads that that dad was like, hey, boof? Just going to put it out there If Scott doesn't clean up his act I know a certain hardware store owner Who has nothing to do on Saturday night

You know I signed up for a chaperone But that term's not limited, you know I could dance with you a little bit That's the cover story Boof, you're 18 in April, right? Okay, that's not too bad That's not too bad Boof, this is a...

Hey, you know what? He's a werewolf who plays by the rules guys Boof, this is a promise ring. In April. And you'll notice a little werewolf on that promise, right? I think this little werewolf's pretty smart. But yeah, he gets clocked by Mickey, wakes up as the werewolf and like scratches at his clothes. Right.

And that's when the fucking Snape dude is like, you are out of here, mister. He's like, you're expelled now for using your werewolf powers for evil. and the dad who probably was waiting for Booth, by the way. Oh, yes, because he's just eerily in this high school hallway. He had a big boom box. He was playing it outside. I was just in the office and I was looking up Booth's address.

I found Booth's permanent record in here too. Wow, Booth. Somebody's good at science. And he goes up, and it's a weird, like, sexual intimidation movies. like, Scott, get out of here. I'll take care of this. And he goes up and he's calling the vice principal by his first name.

And then he's like, I can count on you, right? And the dude pisses himself? And he's like... Just like I just did. And he's like, yeah. Like, he's kind of okay by the piss heat he gets. Because it's like this close. And what's great about a werewolf,

you can smell the piss as it's happening. You don't have to see the liquid, right? Quick question. Sure. How was any of that sexual? Well, no, I mean, it's just... Depends on who you know, dude. It's a reference to the cucketing that went on a few years back.

Oh, I see. My favorite part of Teen Wolf is when the principal pisses his pants. It's pretty sexual. I'm just saying it's weird. He gets close to him, and he expects the gentleman to piss himself. He does, and he's satisfied by that event. I do love that the guy is like, hmm, yep, pissed him. Good.

Excuse me, gentlemen. Can we take this to a hotel room? All right, Don Jr. Fast forward to the part of Teen Wolf where he pisses himself. All right, now Eric, ride that rewind button. But that's the thing also earlier in the movie, he's like,

ah, you know, Scott, the worst day of my life is when I threatened your principal and he pitched himself. And then, like, immediately he's like, well, you better pitch yourself again. Dude, he's like Springsteen, man. He's reliving those glory days. Dad, that's the worst day of your life?

How about mom dying? Nope. Nope. That's a solid number two there, buddy. Your mother's demise was number two. It was me using my weird werewolf powers for evil. That is number one.

You would think your mother's demise would be the worst day in my life, but that just made way for Booth. It's true. She was clogging Boofs Lane. Cloggin' Booth Slane. Sure. And so then, Scott,

Because I guess also, but you don't really have this kind of aftermath of like, oh man, I almost killed the guy as a werewolf. I should never be a werewolf again. Right, which we should have. Exactly. I mean, here's the thing. This movie's like 86 minutes or something like that. Yeah. Maybe like 90.

You got some time. You can fill it with things that help the story have a little more weight to it. You know, make it like a real movie. See, if you do that, though, you're going to be wondering, why isn't this wolf eating anyone? Yes, exactly. If you start thinking about Teen Wolf a little too hard. And the townsfolk folks should do werewolf control of some kind, you know?

Werewolf control? Yeah, it's just confiscating and destroying the werewolves. Yeah, I work for werewolf control. We stop by every third Wednesday. Spray for werewolves. Oh, that'd be great. Like, you spray piss everywhere so they don't know where to find people.

That's right. So they're helping them? All right. I got to think it through a little more. Okay. Sorry, we missed you, We'rewolf Exterminator. But, yeah, I mean,

there's other things that get dropped. One of Stiles' best buds is afraid of the werewolf. That doesn't come to anything. This is never addressed. Because he's, like, the third guy. Yes. Scott, Stiles and Lewis, I think.

Lewis, I think. And this guy's just, like, cowering in fear constantly. Sure. But I think he's, like, one of Scott's best buds. We need that of, like, you know what, Scott? Like, he should be the guy. Like, Lewis should be like, you know what, Scott.

before you became this awesome teen wolf you were my loser friend Scott and I loved you for it but this guy's just like me like he's just cowering through this whole movie there is no like voice of consciousness in this movie you know like not even boof or something a little bit of boof boof is just like I like you the other way kind of thing that's it and your dad's interesting and your dad's kind of hot I'm just saying you know what could you wear your dad's glasses real quick. Do you have the keys to the hardware store?

Let's play hardware store owner and hardware store owner's wife. We're added to Walt Hammers, honey. Oh, I see you're working late, stocking nails. That is a sexual fantasy of mine. Booth's whole angle is like it's her kink. Like, I want to have sex with humans.

Yeah, and that's her motivation. It's not like, stop, fuck, ruining the school and ruining people's lives. Exactly. She turns down the t-shirt, by the way. She's like, I'm not wearing a fucking t-shirt. Well, you don't wear the t-shirt of the dude you're going to hang out with.

Yeah. It just looks pretty dumb. It's like if I was wearing a shirt that you said, Chris Cabin. You have like two of those, right? I do, but I don't wear it when we hang out. It's like Chris Cabin, there's a picture of your face with cool sunglasses on.

I left my Eric shirt at home, too. So now it's like the big of the church. championship game. By the way, the director of the show kicks him out because he won't be a teen wolf. And he's like, hey man, guess what? No wolf, no fucking part. And it's like, I don't know, man.

Like, what? Scott's like, I didn't want to do this anyway. I was doing it to get laid and I already fucked her. Bye. Also, there are two people in this play. What play are you making? No one person show? If you're not a monster as a neo-confederate,

to play director, I cannot have this. Sure. I just think that the play part needed to be excised and maybe there's like a prologue where it starts in fucking Ethiopia or Transylvania or some other country and it's like this is the legend of whatever. Of a werewolf, whatever the fuck it is.

This weird neo-Confederate play does not need to be in this movie. But I love that the guy is like, you know, like this whole production is hanging on you being a werewolf. That's how you're selling tickets. because you're like, oh, what, some bullshit Confederate play about how many plantations we bird?

I'm skipping it. You know, there's a werewolf in that. Yeah, I'll go. Freak show, freak show, this way to the freak show. Actually, though, that is a true selling point. Oh, sure. Like, if I don't want to see some bad play, and then my wife's like, Andrew, there's a werewolf.

Guess what? I'm going on fucking telecharged dude sweet. And the snake lady plays his wife. Like, I haven't seen that new. whatever has fallen movie, but if there was a werewolf in and I would have saw it already. Oh dude, that's what they just announced they were going to do

like three more Gerard Butler has fallen movies. One of those has to get supernatural. Full moon has fallen? Yes. I'm going to get this werewolf out to here. The president's a warwolf. It's me, American

Mike. I'm actually not a We're a werewolf, I just like to eat human flesh. This president smells like piss. He's called me a way. I wear such baggy pants because I can't control myself. This president's boofing. That one worked.

So it's the big game, and he's like, guess what? I'm not going to be a teen wolf for this game. Get ready for 26 minutes of basketball footage. Slow-paced, poorly edited and poorly shot basketball. The fucking basketball in Space Jam is more enticing than what you watch in Teen Wolf. We should talk about Chubb, who's about 39 years old when this movie was made.

Totally. He's just, he looks like the biology teacher, and he's out there, and Mick is like, shoot it, fat boy. and he's like, well, I'm your dad, but... And he makes it, which is great, and that lets everybody know that we're gonna be shooting for ourselves. Fats can do it, man.

Well, that's the thing that, that's what's kind of shitty about it. It's like, well, if the fucking fat one can do it, the rest of us can do it. He inspires, and it's like, all right, movie, I get it, but... I didn't appreciate it also as a fact. I also love that, what do you call it? Chubs follows Scott's cousin,

and then he's on the fucking... A boxing team? Chubbs a hell of an athlete, by, by the way. Just to be clear, though, Scott's cousin fucking follows Chubs and Stiles. Oh, I see. Because they are second years at that school when Jason Bateman struts his little buns in.

Is that sequel set in college? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, he's on a boxing scholarship. Right on, man. Yeah, it's just as fucking dull as you think it is. Previous episode, by the way, which I do not remember.

But yeah, we're like doing, And we're just, it's a lot of basketball footage towards the end there. And not a fucking teen wolf to be found. And again, I'm sorry, like, what he's doing is suppressing his God-given talent, which is being a teen wolf. I guess. It's like telling you to not pull off Hawaiian shirts. Exactly.

It would be cruel. But he also doesn't want to have sex with people who are working on their bucket list. Yeah, that's a good point. So they win the fucking game, man. Yes. As humans. As humans. Not a paranormal skill among them.

It's inspiring to us fellow humans. Is it? That's what they're going for, Chris. Okay. It's trying to inspire you. They failed. And then at the end, Pamela is like, hey, Scott, good job. All right, you're not a werewolf anymore, but maybe you'll make out with me.

He's like, no, no, no. It's Booth's turn. And you like kind of pushes her away? Yes. He's like, well, I've already had you. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of shitty. FYI.

Yeah. There's somebody else in line, Missy. So they're kind of just making out, and then the dad comes down, and they give, like, this is what's great, is they're making out, and the dad is just like, oh, yes, we're all having fun celebrating the victory. And it's this huge, like, group hug. Get the fuck out of it. Also, I got to mention during this game, there's a moment of public indecency in the stands, wherein a man is wearing a police academy t-shirt. I couldn't fucking believe it. Is there actually a police academy?

Is there a high tower on it? No, it just says police academy and it's totally like merch from the movie. Oh, is it really? Hell yeah, dude. Dude, that's a catalog purchase at that point. Oh, yeah, dude, you sent away for that. Police Academy catalog.

You got to have to turn that Police Academy T-shirt inside out. By the way, good Digno shirt styles. Excellent. Now, we have to address the urban legend in this film. Is anyone familiar with what we're about to talk about? The urban legend, the very end of this movie? Yeah, the police academy T-shirt.

Yeah. It's like two people out of like 200. So I'll tell you right now what the deal is. There was a long, not-debunked theory that at the end of this movie, when they're all having the group hug, there's someone standing in the back, like in the bleachers with their pants down

and like their dick out? No, no, no. You got this wrong. It was the dad. Boom! And it was, like, internet lore, I guess, until we, like, could all communicate with each other a little better on, like, social media, and it was finally debunked. But it's still embarrassing, though. Yeah. It's an extra who was tired of, like, sitting down during all the slow basketball, and, like, their belt buckle was grinding into them.

So they undid their pants, and were just sitting there watching Teen Wolf. I know that game. I did that this afternoon. Yeah, dude. That was me this morning in the hotel. I don't know. Ah, good going, team. I got to be an extra teen wolf.

I still have time to eat 20 ribs, though. But I was doing some rewinding and just making sure I had it straight. What it is, you see the person... I couldn't find the cock either, man. They stand up, and it's like they realize their pants are open, and the camera's rolling, and they just take... They have, like, a jacket tied around their waist, and it's like a whoops

and they put the jacket over themselves I don't know about that man that creeps me right out it's the closest that Teen Wolf gets to having nudity in it honestly it's kind of amazing to do that though I think right flash an auditorium

yeah I think it's pretty weird well it's like him back to the future three when he's like you know goodbye your future's not written I got these two kids for some reason and one of the kids is standing on the brand platform porting on his fucking crotch

yes it's amazing like the little kid actor had to go to the bathroom. And he's like, hey, Zemeckis! Hey Zamekis! And Semeckis is like, we're not doing another take that works because he's going to go back in time

and get it wet. Robert Zemakis is just use it! Use the piss! I will, I will use the piss. Thank you, Robert Zemeckis. Yummy. And that's Teen Wolf, by the way. That's the end of the movie.

But that's not all. No, it's not, because as many of you know, who have seen us live before, heard live episodes, we like to end every We Hate Movies show. By spitting on the front row. No, no. Drop in, put your fucking hoods up. Here it comes.

Now, are you folks familiar with Gigi Allen? No, no, no. Oh, eep. Steve, do you want to drink all the ice, water in here? No, I do not. Oh, I love Gigi Allen. He's a poet laureate. These poor people have been through enough. Now, what I'm going to do here is read a review from the internet movie database, which is one of the greatest places online

to find cultured, intelligent, well-thought arguments for why movies are good or bad. Just incredible thoughts. Just incredible. But first, though, I do want to mention that the trivia for Teen Wolf is pretty fantastic including one little bit of I'm just going to read one of them. Please. When the crowd is shown

after the game winning shot an extra that kind of looks like Emilio Estevez can be seen in front of everyone. One thing he missed on this, there is a warning spoilers about this trivia.

Oh, man, I didn't know that there's going to be a guy that looks someone like Emilio Estherst in this fucking movie. God damn it! I was looking for Emilio Estabit everywhere else. How about a fucking spoiler alert, dude? That guy kind of looks like Emilio Estabez, and I wanted to find that out when I watched the fucking movie. Oh, my God.

But before I read this, you know, we want to thank y'all for coming out tonight. Give yourselves a round of applause. Hope we'll see see another few of you next hour. That's right. Yeah, anybody coming to hang out for the 7 o'clock? All right, I like that. You guys are awesome.

Big thanks to the Hollywood Improv for having us back. One of the greatest clubs in Los Angeles. We love playing here. So, all right, here we go. I'm just going to read one. One out of 10 stars. Oh, no. I hated this movie when I was younger.

Written by Boof. No, this is Subahi May the 2nd, 2014 which I think was a great time to be weighing in on Teen Wolf Yeah Well, we're doing it in 2019

I just feel like it's like 3 o'clock in the morning This guy wakes up like Oh my God, I need to talk about Teen Wolf Shit, shit, shit! Was that Emilio Hestavis? I don't know, better put it as a spoiler. I first saw it with my mother and sister back then

when I myself was a teenager. Justin Jr. High School, BTW. Oh, nice. Thank you. Thanks for the fucking personal history. It was a hideous-looking movie. Wow. That's kind of right, though. All right, point for this guy.

That may actually teach young people to do bad things. Van surfing? Yep. Like throw sleazy parties where kids wrestle nude in that nasty white goo. What did this person think was happening there? Sir, it's come. You can just say come.

We call it come. We call it. All right, yeah, nasty white goo. Dance on top of the moving van. Yeah. And young tramps get naked in front of the kid. What? This is one of the best things I've ever read in the internet.

This is the next part. Parentheses. No wonder we have a very serious problem with teen pregnancies, BTW. It was all traced back to teen wolf. Teen wolf, teen mom. Teen wolf, teen mom. And then MTV made a teen wolf show. Hello.

Wow, oh my God, my mind's blown. It's like a snake eating its own tail. Holy shit. Fuck. There is a line that they sling at Pamela after she has sex with him. Like, oh yeah, Pamela, you're going to have his litter? oh yeah that's kind of creepy man it's really gross oh my god I mean she probably

was like oh fuck I hope not like wait is that how that works fuck I had no idea no I promise Pamela I don't have to wrap it up we're different species nice then she gives birth to a donkey I mean I get what you mean

yeah it's not great that would be truly impressive if that's what happened it's not great just an actual donkey but then again And again, I love, this is my favorite kind of these where it's like just personal information about these people that no one requested. But then again, I am hearing impaired.

So I really didn't hear the hidden message in the movie at the time. What? Teen Wolf's talking to me. If you play Teen Wolf backwards, it tells you Paul is dead. That's not where a hidden message is in the movie. Yikes. Boof. So, oh well, as long as young viewers aren't stupid enough to do stuff like that in some scenes.

I feel like I have to read the other one really quick. Oh, please, please. One out of ten stars. Big bad movie. Wait, that the dude that wrote it? Big bad movies, the subject line. Oh, okay. Get it like Big Bad Wolf, dude.

Oh, of course. Yeah, no, this is Asgard 41. January the 2nd, 2004, so this dude just got done ringing in the new year. was like, you know what, it's time to take that fucking teen wolf to task. New Year, New Me, New Opinion. That is Chris Cabot at 12.01 a.m. every January the first. My New Year's resolution is I will stop being nice to Teen Wolf. I'm sick of it.

I hate this movie, but somehow it made enough money to warrant an even weaker sequel. I'm a horror purist, and I'm a horror purist. I hate it when a movie twists and distorts the facts to squeeze a script out of nothing. The facts of what? Werewolves! And this is not a horror movie. Michael J. Fox plays a teen with Werewolf Heritage. But instead of turning into a wolfman at the sign of the full moon and terrorizing the countryside,

he just spouts hair and wins basketball games. Just when the concept couldn't get any more. stupid. Is this guy a werewolf? He seems really fucking offended, doesn't he? That's not how it works people! He is graciously accepted by being a freak from his peers. I've known kids

who terrorized others for mismatched socks, exclamation mark. It's true. So this guy got made fun of for having mismatched socks. Oh, absolutely. He's the teen he knows. And who knew wolves were basketball players? That's one tidbit I'm sure Steve Irwin would like to know about.

Yeah, invoke the fucking crocodile hunter, dude. If a wolf attacks, just distract it with basketball. Please don't waste your time watching this movie. I crinced today just wondering how this movie got made. The best movie Fox ever did was Back to the Future, correct? But after the success of the movie, he was tossed into this movie and several more trying to parlay his young good looks. incorrect he filmed this first

and then back to the future was huge and they released it in the same year. Well it's like they're implying that he did a bunch of teen wolf movies only the one. He was just this teen wolf for years. Partly is good looks but Teen Wolf just fails pitifully yet still somehow

garnishes and I'm just reading this as they wrote it yet still somehow garnishes as its own cult hit it's the dude wears my car for the 80s. We are We Hey Movies from New York City, everybody. Thanks for having a lot for hacking out.

Thank you all. Thank you. We will see some of you really soon, but we will see others of you next time. Bye-bye. That was a hate gum podcast.