We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 471 - Doom

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

On this week's episode, the gang is chatting about the ridiculous video game adaptation, Doom! Why is so much of this movie people walking down hallways? Was this one of the last movies the Rock had hair in? And why do they make Karl Urban and Rosamund Pike's characters so... thirsty for each other? PLUS: A big WHM announcement right up top! Doom stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, Deobia Oparei, Ben Daniels, Razaaq Adoti, Richard Brake, Al Weaver, and Dexter Fletcher; directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, it's like predator for morons. It's Doom. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. This is a comedy show where we take a movie and kind of just kick it around a little bit. This week's episode, of course, is Doom from the year 2005 directed by Andragee Bartkoviak.

This movie fucking sucks. Yeah, it's not good. Here's a question to go around, though, because I was thinking about this, I realized, aside from, like, an Xbox 360 demo that I downloaded, let's call it 10 years ago. Sure. I never played Doom, really. What? Yeah, I never did.

I never did. Oh, man, you were missing out. This was like my whole fucking teenage line. I was a Wolfenstein guy. Wolfenstein and then I was out of there. You sick bastard. I know, I know guys like you. No, fuck that.

You better be doomed. You kill Nazis. That's a good thing. I remember doing both. I think Wolfenstein is for people who want story. Yeah, you're one of those double dippers. I could have seen it a mile away. Doom was fantastic.

And I played Doom throughout the 90s. Oh, yeah. You get the DOS revving up. Oh, yeah. I can picture this now. I can see Chris in the world's largest pair of shorts. Listen to typo negative, just doing it. Oh, yeah.

You could have thrown those shorts like a kite. By the way, I want to mention that the 2016 Doom is fantastic. I really enjoyed it. What platform did that come out on? I think it's on everything. It's on Switch. You can go on Switch. Oh, yes.

I was a bit annoyed. I downloaded Doom for Switch because I literally never played it. I probably played like a friend of mine had the N-64 version. It wasn't very good. This was the OG version. They put out every version of Doom. On Switch? On Switch.

and I downloaded it and like one night I was playing it I was actually really enjoying it but the problem is with me and switch it's one of those games that needs an internet connection which pisses me off because I'm a train guy on the switch I don't know why it would need one the fucking original game I played

it didn't have six bits my switch problem is I'm just like I'm always I just want to just be playing breath of a lot but I also want to mention Doom Eternal's coming out next month so you know is that a game or is that one of

these like cartoon movies they have also while you're thinking of doom annihilation which came out last year apparently which was a movie is it a cartoon movie i've no idea i think it's a live action film really i'll look up who's in it doom eternal is a sequel to the 2016 doom okay it looks really cool so we'll see what's going to happen um interesting but the thing with me in video games is i'm just like oh this is stressful like i'm like i get him out i'm like oh this is fun and stuff and i'm like walking i don't want to fall down again i'm going to fall down that pit Doom was too hard. That was the thing.

Wolfenstein was a little easier. There's a little more like stealth involved. Wolfenstein also had those like little bonus gold rooms. I love those. Man, Wolfenstein. I would say it couldn't get made today, but they made three more like recently.

Well, yeah, there's a switch fucking Wolfenstein. Wolfenstein's enemy is in the White House right now. But like that's the problem. It's like I got kind of bored of killing Nazis. I need a big eyeball monster that like roars fire at me. The demon stuff is cool. This movie is not really very much.

So that was my follow-up question to sort of loop us back into this fucking wretch fest is how close to the game is it? I will say not very not very much but they do the one of the first creatures that come upon does look like the brown garbage simply. I think the creature design of this is actually decent but the thing like doom itself is more like event horizon. Okay. We're like scientists on Mars like we're doing teleportation or something and they opened a gate

to hell. Hell is the thing you want. Oh, we're missing H.E. Double Hockey sticks are we? And also, I looked at Doom Annihilation. It stars no one and nobody's in it. Cool. But it is live action. It's live action. What a ghost movie.

I mean, what this movie is missing is long hallways with toxic like baths on either side. A lot of rooms with like guns, little like switches that you have to find. You have lots of cards. Oh yeah. A blue card. A red card. A yellow

Key cards go to the next levels. You gotta do a lot of that. I'm Carl Urban. I need all these cards. Which cards should I have as an American? A red card, a white card, and a blue one. Oh, I stepped off the path. Oh, I'm hurting.

Oh, I'm hurting. Oh, I'm hurting. And you're like, how do I jump? I can't jump. I can't jump. If you stepped on like the wrong part of the floor? Yes. Like there would be like glowing toxic such and such that would hurt you.

But you wouldn't know until your fucking, your power starts going down. No flashing red in this movie. That's a ass. That's ass. Heavy breathing also. I've never seen the beginning of this movie done quite this way before where no title card. We just start with a picture of

space. It's Rosamond Pike narrating some nonsense. It goes really fast. I had to rewind twice to get it all. Then we do a title card. Then we have a proper cold open with scene work. Then we get the title card. So production card, title card. It's insane. But you're skipping the fancy

universal logo where it's Mars instead of Earth. I was laughing. The fancy ass sepia of the fucking universal logo. So yeah, we start with Rosemann Pike is just like, hi everybody, welcome to Doom. Everybody got their seats. Care your popcorn, good. We found a portal in 2020 that takes you to Mars

and we still don't know what it does. 20, 26. And it was like in the Nevada desert or something. And it's like an ancient civilization, I guess ancient aliens put in a stargate. Like all action sci-fi horror movies it's based on mostly architecture

archaeologists Yes, archaeologists That was the thing right from the jump though I was like oh this movie reminds me of Stargate Which is an infinitely better film There is Nari a Kurt Russell To be found in this movie Not a whiff of a James Spader

You've got yes A pre-Star Trek Carl Urban You have Roseman Pike Grasping like someone falling off the side of the Titanic to this American accent. She'd got much, I mean, Gone Girl, she's great in that's a great American accent.

She did get better. No, somebody gave her script Ipecac, and she just vomits exositions throughout this whole fucking movie. And then, of course, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Just in the Rock Days, by the way. Just in the Rock Days. This was like right

after Scorpion King. I think Scorpion King's like 2001, so this is like four years later or so. still hanging on to that hair It's his real hair For grim life Yeah I was actually like

It's funny like He's not bad in this movie But it's amazing how much better he gets Even then that wretched Hobbs and show a movie See last month He's good in it And like in this he's not very good What I like about this though

Is you will never see him play a character like this again Never again Never again will you see him play a secret heavy Pretty rare And like for that I was kind of like There's a special fascination here at least. Yeah, because if there could have been doomed to where, you know, hell comes to Earth, by the way. They could have had the rock in that.

But no, he turns out to be the V-Lane, which is kind of cool. I like that to it. Like the end of this movie kind of does, it's 2005. And a lot of this movie, because the beginning is like so raw, raw military stuff. At the end, it reminds you of 2005 where people were like, you know, maybe. we shouldn't even be in Iraq at all. I don't know. I'm not trying to say that too loud. How dare you? Exactly. But it was like

oh, I don't know. There's a war in Iraq. Somebody's not saying something. He's genuinely, like he's a dark, dark, evil person at the end of this. And you just aren't going to see that. The Rock. Ever again. Maybe it's also interesting that it's like a... Is Black Adam a villain?

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's like a protagonist switch too. Yes. The Rock is like the lead of the movie and then suddenly Carl Urban is the of the movie. That I think is also Psycho. Yes, that's the first and last time that comparison will be made. Hitchcockian doom

movie. Somewhere Anderje Bartkoviak's ears are burning. Scorpion King 2002, by the way. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm going to take a shower in this city hotel if you smell what the rock is cooking. Oh, la la la la la la la la

lover. No. Carl Urban's jerking off behind the wall. No, I'm looking for my sister. I don't know why it's like, that's kind of him a little bit. You sound like a constipated Clint Eastwood with that.

That's kind of Carl Urban doing this American accent. I do think though the switch, protagonist switch, is this movie, which is the problem of this movie is like every 20 minutes is a different movie. Like, sure. I like the movie it is kind of at the end and I like some of the middle movies

that I got to see, but I have to say though, like, because I should say this last night watching it this program was the first and only time I watched this movie. But all I knew about this movie because it was what everybody was talking about was oh man

this POV the first person shooter sequence I timed it. I did I should say I watched the extended cut which is I believe if memory serves way longer because I was watching it this morning and I was like I cut before this I think

in a theatrical version. I yeah I nerdily got the stop watch out of my phone and in the extended cut it's exactly five minutes and it's the biggest fucking waste it's four and a half minutes too long can i say yeah contrarian opinion over here chris give me the crown i think it is a i think it's fun burger king kids club crown are you like one of those people who likes hardcore henry or whatever the fuck here's the thing i wanted to like hardcore henry a lot and i didn't and it was disappointing but i mean so it was this. Yes. By God, Eric

Cisca took the contrarian crowd. Chris Calvin has been knocked out. My God, Chris Cabin is dead. He is dead on the ground. Yeah. He turned into a pile of sand. I will keep kicking him like he's a dead horse. Well, and this whole sequence because I do

think it's the most interesting part of the movie almost because there is so much parts of this movie where it's just like we're like in like these in like the sewers or what is? I don't even know where we are. These poorly lit hallways walking around looking for shit. Nothing happens.

Nothing. A character leaves to go take a shit. It's a movie made up mostly of the fucking tunnel scene in the fugitive with bad actors. I agree with you, Eric, because I actually think that sequence is trash, but I do

think that... I mean, I'm not disputing that, by the way. The fact that we go from Nevada to Mars, and both ends, and we go back and forth, and both areas look exactly the same, Exactly the fucking same. You wouldn't know you're on Mars.

Let's open a window and look at Mars. Show me an establishing shot of like the fucking Martian Desert or something. That's kind of the only interesting shot in the movie is when they go into the one location where like as children Carl Urban and what's her face. Roseman Pike where kids,

their parents were scientists on this mining thing, his archaeological digger, whatever. And he opens up, he literally opens up blinds and looks out at the mining site It's the only time you see Mars, and I was like, oh, that's actually pretty cool. This looks pretty good. And then, like, she comes in and she's like, don't look at that. And they fucking, er, the rock comes in.

And he's like, oh, that's where they died, huh? And he, like, closes the curtains again. And I was like, well, back to these fucking hallways. Venetian blinds on Mars, by the way. That's the name of somebody's fucking book, dude. Rather than give you, like, actually let you see how they died, you just hear it. I know. It's the stupidest thing in the world.

Like, they're just like, ah, crash. And you don't even know. And The Rock is like, wow, that was really something. And he's like, yes, it was. Yes, my parents' demise was grim and kind of tubular. Don't show the audience. Yeah, so like, Rosen Pikes, like, yeah, we found this thing to Mars. Then we get the universal title card, the awesome Martian thing.

Then we get, I mean, and this movie is obviously very influenced by the film Resident Evil. I think that's what they wanted this to be. That's a bad place to draw influence. It is. But like when you're doing a video game. game adaptation, you know, you're going to look to something, I guess. And that movie was successful. They are about as good

as each other. They should have done Event Horizon. Yes. I mean, that is the plot of Doom practically. You wish you were watching. I mean, I actually like Event Horizon. It's a scary movie. It's a stay tuned probably on this feed because it's like the we love movies, we hate movies, dynamic is very difficult to find. Event Horizon is just

so, and this is coming from someone who enjoys watching it enough, I guess. But like, it's such a ridiculous. movie. I wouldn't be able to put it on the WLM feed with a straight face. I just don't think you could put a Paul W.S. Anderson film on the W. That's the thing. If you did, he would turn to Ash. Oh, no, they finally liked me. I just rewatched his film, Soldier. With Kurt Rock, Soldier. Was that one of his first big movies, right? It's 90-something. Yeah, I think that was early for him. Pretty okay. It's fine. That's like how I feel about almost all of his movies.

Honestly, like, in retrospect, I mean, I hated him for years. But in retrospect, I'm like, I'd rather we're watching a Paul W.S. Anderson movie than a lot of the ones we were. I'd rather watch Mortal Kombat than Doom. I mean, you get fucking Goro in there. I'd rather watch Mortal Kombat than fucking Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom. That's absolutely true. You know, that's worth. Is that Paul W.S. Anderson?

I know it's not. Well, Paul W.S. Anderson has his cult because he was one of those when they, when all the critics were going on about a Garland. garbage atoors or whatever the fuck. Okay. Garbage autos. It's not garbage. Just like... Schlocky.

Folks like Paul W.S. Anderson... There's a work for like Roger Corman. Vulgar autors. Vulgar autors. Okay. So what happened? He became like... They were like big essays written about how genius Paul W.S. Well, I mean, say what you want about the guy.

He fucking works consistently. A lot of it is putrid, but he works consistently. What's that? No, nothing. Oh, no, I was just going to say, after all of the crap intro and then the logo and whatever, we have a sequence that, like, for the first two minutes of this sequence, I was like, oh, this might be an okay movie, because it's all these scientists running from one of the monsters. Dr. Doak might be there. I'm not sure. You never know. You got to be on Doak alert at all times. But they're running through, and it's actually well done, and people are getting like picked out of the hallway.

It's very alien also, by the way. Yes, yes. But then... I know exactly where you're going. This fucking garbage-ass score kicks in, and I was like, well, this movie's shit. What? I like the score. The right.

Yes, it's Quintmanzel. It's fucking Aronofsky's main guy. Well, tell him to put this fucking electric guitar down, dude, because it sucks ass. It's very much adapting from the video game, New Zoc. Wow. Oh, really? But the new metal thing, we were far away. from it was 2005

a lot of those dudes were dead literally but that was still like a big like it was still there the rivers Lincoln Park was still playing stadium exactly yes it's a river of new metal

you can't have tension with chunky guitars though that's my thing exactly because then it goes from like mysterious kind of scary tense sort of thing to like bad ass the new video game also has like a badass score

and it fucking is badass but I feel like if you're playing a video game you know that's true that's true they should have adapted this into a film for sure I do love this one scientist it's this one guy Carmack we learned

dude Carmack listen I am a sucker for whenever a bad screenplay does this see our chud commentary dude everyone is saying Carmack in this movie including Dwayne Johnson on repeat

we're saying car mac i think that i read that that's a it's a one of the developers or the main developer and that's what we got to do with video game when we add adapt them into movies we got to make those fucking jokes which nobody cares about and they're not funny but carmac gets into this room uh and he finds a good rate for your car oh that's car max i'm sorry car mac show me the carfax carfax is another one uh what other cars are there car dac car dac carnac carnak i was thinking about Carnac. Carnax was the Johnny Cars and character

Yeah, Carpool that's an excellent film. Car Wash, also an excellent film. Good one. Both of them. Carmageddon. Cars.

Cars is a great film. Cars two. You know what? Cars three. I can hear people hitting the stop button. But this one lady scientist is like, no,

Carmack, I'm with you. And then he fucking closes. Like this is like, man, you get the arm facts. It's bad. It's bad. Because it's like shitty people at your work

that don't hold the elevator door And he's just not looking And her whole arm fucking comes off. Pretty cool. And it's a good looking fake hand. It's a good looking fake hand And it was actually Because I didn't look at what the rating of this was

I thought going into it that it was PG-13 And then I was like Well I have this like unrated extended thing And I was like man The unrated version was the way to go. Yeah, that's super unfair to that lady Not only is her arm being squished off her. She's being eaten by the monster on the other side.

I've got a meeting in five minutes. Sorry, I've got a meeting in five minutes. Well, she might get the revenge here because she'll probably mutate into one of these monsters. Which we come to find out that's how these demons are existing is it's like being spread like vamporism or zombie. Cumb worms. This is what happened. Did you get that checked out, Cammer? They shoot out cumworm.

What was the point? Well, cum worms are begotting cum worms. The monsters shoot out cum worms that attach to a person and then they pump something into them. Well, it's like a separate tongue situation. Yeah, it doesn't. But like, they can do more than one, it seems. Well, to be honest. Hang on a second, though.

Cabin, I didn't really read it as cum. I'm more ready to. Well, they're pushing something inside them. That's a scary, dude. Hang on a second, though. It's a toxin. That's how you make Doom Jr. Yeah, yeah.

Go on. Okay. Yes. I guess I was just way too high and I missed the cum worms part of it It's just a tongue, it's a tongue But I was under the impression What was the stuff with like, oh, she's like checking their neck for bites?

Yeah, well it's a bite but then the tongue goes in there Oh Lord Almighty this movie That one makes them I think bigger monsters Yeah Where if they just get cut they just turn into a zombie type But also is this correct that if like the kind of monster you turn into is determined by how evil a person you are yes that's at the end you might turn evil you might not turn evil you'll turn into a superhuman carl urban right which happens too dumb as donkey shit everything has a bad video game for the rest of your life so then that's and then we cut to actually the doom title card and then we're just in some bunker somewhere doom title card by the way I like that they kept the font I had I had I I had no idea you were this big of a doomhead.

I had no clue. My mind's being blown right now. I guess it's written all over my face. Half of this podcast is done by doomheads, Andrew. That's so weird. Well, did you ever see Cabin at the Beach Man? He's got that huge doom tattoo on his stomach. It's the little brown guy.

It's pixelated to shit too. So we do cut to somewhere in California. There's a base in California where all these Marines are, and this is where we're introduced to Dwayne John. Johnson, Carl Urban's there. The dude who played Joe Chill is playing Richard Brake. A total fucking scumbaguerg in this movie.

Yeah, he should take one. You know, because he's not good in this. No, Richard Brake's whole career is like, I'm more unsettling than Steve Buscemi. No, no, no, no, no, no, more unsettling. Yeah, Steve Buschemy, sit down. Richard Brick has this. So it's your classic sci-fi thing of like,

here's a team of dudes, and they're all, like, wacky in their own way. sure. Like Richard Brake's just a creep. The one guy's like playing like a pseudo game boy. I think they do an okay job of delineating them. I think in general it does seem like a good like mix of a team. Richard Brake is the scumbaggy. He is a cool transphobic joke real quick right up the top of the bat because they're going on shore leaves. They're all like space marines, right? Yes. And like all of them are like super hold. Yeah. It's kind of weird. Richard Brake. Well, that's the ones you can send out to. fucking get slaughtered.

Yeah, they're like waiting around for, they have like some shore leave coming up is the idea. And he's Portman or something like that. Everyone else is like skull crusher. Yes, everyone else has like a fucking cold sign. Because Portman's, Portman's fucking favorite movie is the professional.

So he got, and for obvious reason. So that's why he's Portland. Got it. This was all research that I was doing in my head to make this character. Well, you know the rock, the,

really disgusting. He said he was going to have tequila on shoreleaf when he should have a mint julems. Because I'm Carl Urban Bones. Oh, that's the connection. What do you mean Leon's already taken? The thesis of his short leave is kind of appealing to me if you have especially like this job

that requires you to have no family. Sure. And you just do all this dangerous shit. Like, he's going to, like, rent a shitty hotel room, drink a bunch of booze, have a bunch of sex with the door locked for days. Sure. Not too shabby. That's not a bad idea. Not too shabby.

He seems genuinely excited about it. I'll be honest with you. He's ready to go. If you throw in a premier cable package, now we've got something. Well, you just got to see, dude, the motel says, now with HBO. Okay. You got to pay an extra five bucks. And then the man watches a little letto, goes to sleep.

Exactly. Wakes up. to quote Bushwax which I'm disappointed to not get used for our listener request month starting next week. We're just going to have to do it. We're going to have to take this show into our own hands. If only we could

program 48 out of the 52 weeks the year. Only we had that power. So unfortunately fucking boner jam shore leave is canceled because they have to go to the arc and fucking deal with these missing scientists. Yes. Now the arc is the transportation.

It's the Stargate. Yeah. Yes, exactly. The soda bubble. Which is really a weird looking thing. I wanted to eat it, though. You want to eat that? It looked like jello. What would happen if you ate it?

Like, just your innards would go to Mars. You're turning into the baboon from the fly. Yeah, that's what's how you eat that damn thing. I love that they watch this fucking Carmack distress video. Like, as a team, like, for work, they're like, all right, you got to tune into this. Well, this is very much what it becomes, it's so predator at the beginning, because we're all, the fucking helicopter. We're not using the other slur,

which was okay in the 1980s to the top of Predator. Yeah. I could have used Jesse in this film. Yeah, it would have been a little bit of legacy casting. Hello. Yeah, I'm a doom scientist.

Uh-oh, I'm infected. Now give me that change shot. Look, I had my brother-in-law mock up me in the big eyeball monster costume. It's a little sketch he did. I think I'm perfect for the part. Yeah.

Once I found out they weren't going eyeball monster route, I immediately auditioned for Carmack. Also did not get it. I also tried to pitch them on the one-eyed monster. I figured he could make an appearance. They called studio security immediately, and I was escorted off the lot. Hey, it's 2004. We're a film in this movie.

I just stopped being the governor of Minnesota in 2003. You know, that's honestly, and Arnie, I love you, and I'll love you till the day I'm six feet deep, but I got to tell you, I was a little bummed. I come out of the governor's office, no offers to be in movies. Everybody's, I feel like there was a dang countdown clock for Arnie to get back in movies after the governorship. Honestly, Arne, when you took the governor at California, pretty cheap move, bud, we're best pals and all. I become a governor that's like my thing and then you're... Yeah, that's correct.

I'm going to become a conspiracy theorist now. I have to ride your coattails. Yeah, and on my conspiracy theory show, I know you had, what was it? Oliver Stone's son. That's great. I have Martin Scorsese's daughter coming online, kind of a step up also as far as fame directors and their children.

Welcome to Schwarz Night's Live on the RT next. work. Oh man, I'd watch that. But, you know, I was thinking Schwarzenegger, they would have been dying to get him in one of these doom type of properties, but he already did total recall. So fuck

you. Apparently, it's a trivia that he... So this is a lie. You're about to tell everyone a lie. He turned it down. As did Vin Diesel turn this day. That, I believe. That sounds more right. That I believe. I didn't read the trivia. Did you print it out for the ride up?

I did not. Oh, okay. How dare you? Was it short? Too short? W.HM. Secrets. It was too short. I thought that was known. Sometimes you read a book. Are you a folder or a binder man?

No, I get a little binder clip on a big piece of big... I do... I'm reading the internet. It's on paper. There is... I keep clicking this button on the paper. I got a pop a band in my papers. That's the likes on the trivia.

All the thumbs ups and thumbs Look, I only have time to read on the train, so I print it out that way I don't have to worry about Wi-Fi connections on the MTA. I'm not, you know, it's not... Governor Cuomo's failing MTA. It's not a bad idea.

That's right, I'm the anti-Lorex. Oh, you know, and that Cuomo's also riding my coat tails. Everyone wants to be a governor after I did it. Stay in the mafia, buddy. This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, my 20s, while being a lot of fun, a lot of the time, were pretty rough. I wasn't exactly rolling in dough.

I lived at home until I was about 25, and for most of it, I didn't have this show or you lovely people in my life. I just kind of drifted around without direction and didn't know where to voice that. Then I started to get my crap together one piece at a time, and the last piece, which didn't come until my early 30s, was therapy. And man, I wish it came along sooner. Ever since I started sitting down with a licensed therapist, I've had a place to voice my insecurities and try to fashion plans to help me achieve my goals. So that's why I'm thrilled were sponsored by BetterHelp.

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I'm looking at it because there was a hilariously worded bit of trivia. So our characters, it's a Karnak. No, it's like Karnax is way dead. it's uh it's oh is he steve oh that's yeah that's a huge question mark is it not the rock is sard he's the leader were these dudes from the game by the way could you play a sard it was just one guy it was just some guy and you saw his face and it got like bloodier as it went along unnamed oh and so it wasn't reaper either no no no it was like the same guy from wolf it's the same design kind of a guy you were alone in the in doom

oh okay yeah it's sort of like wolfenstein you were alone it's very much the exact same game. Yeah, you've got Sartre. You've got Carl Urban is Reaper. You've got Richard Brake is the creepers, Portman, this dude named Duke, and then there's Destroyer. Destroyer, great name. And then the

new album he has out right now. Oh, Mac, who's a Japanese gentleman and the kid who's like the rookie. Yeah. And then, yeah, Samantha Grimm is Rosem. Here's this bit of trivia. Thank you for talking a bit more. There's TV. I appreciate it. Now, you might know what this means, of the doom heads here.

We'll see. The thing is, everyone listening is more of a doom head than me. We'll be talking about the BFG in the minute. Well, hang on. Oh, yeah,

that's obvious. I knew without playing one of these games. Farting Giants. All right. Listen, the big farting giant. Mark Ryland.

There's no escaping this. We must go back to the fart. You have to go back to the fart, cloud, child. Thank you, Stephen. I'm going to fart again. All right. It says,

there is a shot of, Hell Night, Night K-N-I-G-H-T-A-R-H-T. There's a shot of Hell Night much sooner than you think. At the 17-20 mark, just behind the kid, I love the much sooner than you think. Because you know what, trivia writer?

I didn't fucking think about it at all. What are you even talking about? Is it a weapon? I am proud to say that I don't know what that is. I don't know what I... Okay. But I think that's the little brown guys. Yes.

and you see one maybe like for a second because the first guy the first one that attacks is like half hour or 40 minutes oh it's night with a K yeah oh okay so yeah that would make sense it would be a person I think you're talking about like

you know this night's hell no sword sadly so they're like so they're like everyone's pissed everyone's pissed to short leave is canceled and then you know Reaper Carl Urban's like I'm ready to go and he's like you can't go on this one

buddy take your leave because it's on mars and he's like oh no not mars and it's like okay but he's like i'm gonna go anyway yeah and it's all because like he's had some falling out with his twin sister who's resmond pike and who gives a flying fuck about any of this you give me a day off i am fucking taking it it's the american way funny line here by car carl urban uh guess you got to face your demons sometime. It would have been even funnier if they made the monsters demons, which they were in the game. But it's funny.

I like Carl Urban. Am I a lot on that? No, I think Carl Urban's awesome dude. How many people in this room I know Eric is? So it's just the other two of you watch the entirety of Almost Human on Fox. Oh, hell yeah, dude. I mean that's, I mean, so where's your Carl Urban tattoo? If you're watching that show. No, I was going to say, who in this room is fans of that dread movie?

I am not. Big time. time phil oh really kind of a shrug Eric can you believe that 50% of the cast of this show doesn't I can't believe it did we see that together in theaters I think we did right the old Coffin story and one of the worst movie theaters

in New York City hey guys thanks for calling me just we knew you'd hate it we're like you see that Steve Steynack over there he's gonna hate that he's gonna hate that dread he's fucking great in Star Trek he's great he's good Lord of the Rings

he's just good when he pops up and stuff. So this proves right away Ragnarok as well. I didn't remember him in Lord of the Rings. I was going to say my pseudo ambivalence to the Lord of the Rings trilogy he's in that. He's in the return to the king. What does he play? Like one of those ghosts soldiers? Erigorn's brother

Greg. I think he's closer to a Greg. Greg and Gorn? I think he's part of the Knights of Rohan there at the end. Knights of Wren. No he actually does something and he's memorable. He's not a nice of line. I know that. I know that. I know that. His sister is another major character.

Yeah, I think his sister is Miranda Otto, actually. And he's got a big blonde wig in that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, seriously? Look at a little bit like Thor. That's like Thor audition tape. Yeah, that didn't go. No, it didn't go.

Yeah, so they go, and they find this orb thing. So you have to go to fucking Nevada. You got to take an elevator down to fucking, like, 60 floors down. Yeah. There's a bit of a facility there. Again, everything is champagne colored. Everything is champagne. paint colored. You got this dude who

looks like when Bart turns Homer into a jack in the box. Yes. Oh, this guy Pinky. Dexter Fletcher, director of Rocket Man and Bohemian Rhapsody. What? Are you serious? Yes. Wait a second. The same guy who directed

Bohemian Rhapsody directed Rocket Man? He took it away from Brian Singer Brian Singer directed. Oh, I forgot about that. That fucking monster got out of there. Eddie the Eagle. Oh, sure. Dexter Fletcher, I only know because that was a huge lock stock and smoking barrels two smoking barrels excuse me

apologize wait is he a person in that he's one of the four guys he's the last the least of them so I believe his character the name is just to point out I don't know I don't know who saw it but fucking rocket man under scene movie of 2019 I think it's a good ass movie

do you think because they had the same director that's why the academy didn't really recognize it as much because it's like what are you going to do two in the fucking row are we 100% sure he directed rockman I'm going off of whatever Steve printed out on the train. I did not.

This time I did not. But I usually do. All the Oscar would, all the contenders you had in a binder. I just thought it was a really rad movie and I thought that Taryn Edgerton did not get the fucking attention he deserved. I wanted to see it.

I wanted to see it. I wanted to see it. Jamie Bell's very good. Romney Malick, who lip synced that entire fucking terrible movie. This motherfucker is singing his heart out in Rocket Man.

I thought it was fine. I wasn't crazy about it. Yeah. Can I show you Dexter Fletcher? He did direct Rocket Man as well. Okay. His, I'm a director now and I certainly wasn't in Doom IMDB headshot. Oh, come on.

Oh, you're, what? Oh, that sucks. It looks like Tilda Swinton. That's a great look, actually. It is a great look. He looks like Tilda Swinton stuck in a haunted painting. Look at that fucking picture. Christopher walking in Batman forever.

Oh, he does look like Max Shrek. Batman returns. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yes. Sorry, my mistake. They take this elevator. Yeah, they go to Mars. Pinky, but we meet Dexter Fletcher. Oh, Pinky's on Mars. I thought Pinky was guarding the desk back in. No, he's guarding the desk on Mar.

Right. Okay. Here's the arc. He's that. Because all of the, I think all told there's like four rooms. Yes. Sets on this movie. And then what's his name? Tim, Tim Roth is the bellhop. I'm going to get out of here.

Is that a good movie? No. I mean, I think the Tarantino segment's pretty fun. The Robert Rodriguez segment's fun. Which one is the one where there's like a dead body in a bed or something? That's the Robert Rodriguez one. I remember liking that one. I remember like really liking that movie in the 90s and that probably means it's not good. Yeah.

But Dexter Fletcher, yes, as Andrew said, has half his body is a wheelchair. It's not even like he's in a wheelchair. Like his, you know, his body is a segment. Yes. I have a question. Sure, Chris. There's this shot that comes out of nowhere. I know you're talking about. Two legs that didn't come through

the arc correctly. They're talking about Are those... It's a flashback. Is that a flashback? Yes. Because there's a nerd, when they're at the arc, there's a nerd standing with them. Oh, there's a random guy. No, it's a poorly edited in flashback. It's like, hey man,

how'd you wind up in this jack-in-the-box chair? And I'm saying jack-in-the-box. because his torso is sitting on like a spring-loaded thing that's like kind of swaying goes around. And it's got like, you know, all-wheel drive tires on it and shit. Yeah, it's like his spine goes down into the chair. And he's like, yeah, my name is

and he's doing another bad American axe. He's like, yeah, my name is Arthur John Pinkowski. You can call me Pinky. I'm like, that Pekowski's just fine. I'm not calling anybody Pinky. And that's another, I mean, as much as we're saying Carmack throughout this movie, we are saying Pinky out the ass in this movie. I'd rather call you Mr.

Exactly. Hey, buddy. Doom video game question. Was Pinky like a dude that you communicated with? None of this. Nothing. None of this. Absolutely none of it.

Because that, it's standard reason that it's like, are Pinky, what's going on behind this corridor kind of a thing? This is a problem with making a Doom movie is there is like no characters, no development, no nothing. It's a first person shooter that you just go through the levels and eventually,

you actually lose Doom 1, I believe, and then Doom 2 is there's hell on it. You can actually do. But also like it's, they're all open. Like, it's not like a little tunnel system. Very rarely are you in in closed spaces like that unless it's labs and stuff. Uh-huh. Most of it is big, empty rooms with toxin everywhere.

Yes. And med kits. And, oh, do you need some. There's no med kits in this film. No med kits. Someone should have done like a power up kind of a thing. Finding ammo in like random places, not just in the fucking armory. So they meet up with

Rosamond Pike You're not even sure if It's kind of a sick A weird situation Not sure if they're ex-lovers Or brother and sister Well one of the dudes on the team Falls into that trap

Because he's like hey He's like Oh is it Duke He's like Hey Carl Urban What's gonna I think maybe he says it To the Rock

He's like So what's going on man He was fucking around on Or what That piece of ass Yeah Like the Rock's just like Yeah that's his sister

We've also got Some season two fucking nipples on Rosamine Pike like this tank top she's wearing as a scientist they are making sure that her nipples are very visible much like Rachel on Friends

totally we are turning the air conditioner down on the set of this terrible movie no turn it up make it cold it's right we're turning the temperature down yes there it is yeah no I noticed that too and I was like this is not what a scientist would be wearing to work Mars exploration

what are we doing here people It's hot on Mars Is it hot on My What is that? It's us making fun of a David Bowie song Oh, you shouldn't do that Hello, it's me

I'm in the Doom movie They asked me to Playing a monster or two My name is Carmack, I'm a scientist It's a Mars age daydream You have to shoot me with the big gun. He's a big

fucking gun. That's what the Goblin King says in the fucking Labrath. You see that? Yeah, he's pointed to his card piece. Definitely, dude.

That thing is heavy. Big fucking saber. You remind me of the babe, the babe with the big fucking gun. Baby pointed a gun. I mean, already just injecting

a big personality at David Bowie. Like anyone with a big personality would be great. That's where the rock would work now. Because he's developed into something and this is just nothing. Yeah, filming in 2004 with the rock,

he hadn't blossomed into the Dwayne Johnson's superhouse that he is now. It would be great at the end of this movie. It's just David Bowie going, you've made it through my doom labyrinth, but now you're doomed. Dance the demon dance. Yeah.

Dance the demon dance. What are they, zombies or something, That's great. You'd better put out fire with gasoline. Is it break time yet? See, the problem, at least for me, in attempting... He definitely says it's Richard Break Time. Hey, the Rock guy, it's Richard Break Time.

Gotta go have a smoke. I'm sorry for what I did. Sorry what I did to that alien. Oh, man. Did You Wrong? He's also in one of them there, Dipshit Kingsman movies, is he not? I believe so. He's also in Mandy.

He's also in Mandy for like a hot second. I love him in Mandy. What is he doing in Mandy? I just said the line. He has got the tiger or something. Yeah, and slow mo. And he's like, oh, man, they did you wrong. He's like the drug dealer in Mandy.

Yes, yes. Of course, Richard. Even Richard Brake, if he's in Mandy, he's got to play the drug dealer and his scumbag. Adding on to all this, the Richard Breakness of Richard Break, he is in Three From Hell. Yes. He's the new addition. Oh, he's the guy because Sid Haig was too ill. Oh, okay.

But I believe he's also in that clown movie that everybody hated, which I'll never see. Oh, he gets killed in 31. He's a joke? He's a victim. In the stupid Malcolm McDowell rich people. Yes, I did see that movie. He gets killed. He's one of the bad guys in three, one of the devil's rejects.

I was watching that 31 just. like, man, was devil's rejects and Lords of Salem a fucking fluke because this movie is hot garbage? Well, Lords of Salem I mean, everybody likes it, but like it did bullshit at the box office. It barely had a release, though.

House of a thousand corpses. I didn't care for it when I checked today. Yeah, it's fucking garbage. Although, I should go back and rewatch it, though, because you see Rayne Wilson die in it. Oh. The old Schrootmeister himself. The Shrewdmeister. Richard

Speaking of Richard Break When he gets to this new facility There's a lot of female A lot of female scientists And he's going up to all of them Again like They've suffered a catastrophic thing

They don't know if Half their friends are dead All these people are like carrying And he's the cavalry Like hey I'm part of the Marine Corps I gotta do a strip search On everybody here Every woman man

This is fucking crazy Also they got like Babes on Mars I guess is the whole their babes on Mars. I'm just going to have to get a polar right here. Just to go up against the wall and unbutton the Oh, yeah. So the whole thing is...

Chris wasn't even doing a bit. He was talking to us. Yeah, no, he was just telling us what he's going to do later. Steve, take off your shirt. This is the first episode in the news studio and it's already getting disgusting. I love it. So the whole deal is all these grunts got a go up and they're going to take Roseman Pike with them to explore the facility. They have to

like see if there's any survivors. Finally six scientists that are up there, get them out, secure the area, whatever the fuck, you know. And there's like some fighting about like, oh, this lady can't come over and then she you know, eventually is going to come.

It turns out, by the way, there are ulterior motives for her to get up there. Which they are there just shattering. Shattering when this is revealed. are you were broken afterwards i couldn't believe it dude i was like i put so much faith into this character and she fucking screwed me oh samantha grimm grim that's right that's why he's reaper dude oh of course she kind of makes fun of him for it because she's like reaper huh i guess because like grim ha ha ha and he goes like he's like other marines not poets or something like that take

that any marines who dreamed about doing poetry it's also a badass so uh why don't you get off case. It sounds pretty cool. Hey sister do you remember when we grew up in America together? Yes I do brother. That's right in flat America. I believe I was from the hold it back. Hold it. I'm a scientist. Dude, when she says corridor, it is like corridor. Is there no Americans on the fucking planet? What the fuck has happened? What the fuck is to us as a society. I'm an American. No, yeah, exactly.

The only American you can get is Richard Brick. I thought Richard Brick was an English guy. No, he's actually Australian. I'm sorry. See, that's the thing is they don't exist. Americans don't exist in American film. Dude, you're sounding an awful lot like a Trump voter. Let's fucking dial it back.

That's not my intention. I just wanted to let you know how it's smelling from over here. I'm just saying they brexited and they came here. That's what I'm saying. Get him in. Get them out of here They're coming here They're acting in our doom movies

Doctors change should be from Oklahoma folks A terrifying scene with a bunch of dogs and monkeys Yelling at people That's fun Because of course it's like And this one is when I was like You know what? Let these people fucking die

You're experimenting on innocent dogs And innocent monkeys Fuck them Fuck these people Just pack it up Take your shore leave, okay? You know what I mean? You've got to experiment on something.

People, they're right there. I know. That's what the British are for. They're doing all of it. They're taking the whole board. They want the humans and the animals. I'm just saying, you want this shit to use it on humans. Why don't you start there?

Well, here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know what's going to happen to dogs in a movie. Like, blown away, I forgot if the dog died or not. but these are like it's barking. So you're just saying a movie you remember a dog was in? In this one I'm saying Did you recently rewatch that or something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. And then, but like in this one they're barking. Not too closely, huh? What? Not too closely. I don't think it was after that screening. Well, similarly, when I watched once upon a time in Hollywood with Chelsea, I hadn't seen it since the theaters. I didn't remember if that dog made it.

And like, it's getting to the end and it's like, the fucking dogs in that fight what's going on it so i had to there was a great resource by the way it's like if you google it it's like does the dog die dot com or does the dog make it yeah it's literally like does the dog die or something like that and you could look up

a movie yeah and it's a little database and it tells you so i like we're watching the movie and I was like grab the iPad does the dog die in this movie is it only dog based movies or is every movie listen and it'd just be like there's no dog in this movie well like in blown way there is a dog and like

it would be on that one. Wow. Can we check that database for blown away? I'm loading up right now. First of all, I wanted to see if the... He does die. Oh, he does die.

Fuck. Fuck. He does that. But what I'm saying is in that movie, like at the beginning, you're like, unsure. Exploded? In this movie, though,

you're like, they're barking tombstones. Like, you're just like, these are gone. They're going to die. You just know it. Does a dog die for blown away? A dog is killed off screen.

Its body is briefly shown hanging upside down. So that's then. What about the film? Turbo. Turbo. The snail cartoon. Oh, right.

No, I was thinking of, what's the one with the... Bolt, the John Travolta dog cartoon. You know what, Steve? I'm going to put $1,000 on the dog survives. But another dog might die. But no, the tit. We're doing the titular bulk. Animated. A dog, a cat, and a hamster

go through some scary situation. Oh, shit. But none die. The cat is accidentally knocked out at one point, but it's unharmed. These are computer generated cartoons ladies and gentlemen who cares well people care because every you know anyway um so uh they're going around a lot of walking around like that's why you know what this middle part of the movie man like let's pick and choose because there's not a lot of talk about here we are

walking around corridors in this movie they eventually find uh carmac there and he rips his own ear off that's kind of fun it is homage to van go it was the most casual instance of a human being ripping off part of their body I've ever seen in a movie because he's already like kind of fucked up and like you know monster fight or whatever but he's like here you go here's like a reanimator yeah yeah that's what I thought of it's only to show later in the film when he turns into this mom star yeah she's like hey man check it out this monster doesn't have a ear look pay off pay off pay off this dude has got like fucking the warts all over and he rips his zero off like well better take him back to base where everybody is

hey carmac man like hang out we're gonna get you some help like two in the fucking head with this thing are you kidding me or just give him a little special pen to see where i was no in the head i mean we're on mars we should be airlocking things absolutely so i need some heads popping it's like a lot of this is just fucking corpses coming back to life and murder why didn't she just get rid of corpses why do you have them throw them out there right there who cares what's on Mars. Yeah, exactly. Pyle of 20 high.

The, um, back, uh, they bring Karmac back and Rosewood Pikes, oh, it's Karmac. Oh, my goodness. I'm American. And she's looking at him. And then there's this other female scientists and you want to talk about how they say Carmack and how they say other, how they say Pinky. There is this one scene and I love it so much because it's my name where this woman is just like, do you think Steve is okay?

And then she's, I don't know. What's, and like, they say Steve. Did you isolate this clip? I did. Because two people cared about me. Oh my God, is Steve all right? I hope it's Steve's okay. Steve's going to be fine.

Don't worry. Don't you worry about Steve. How's Steve? Is Steve okay? Do not worry about Steve. Oh, no. And the bummer, though, is that dude definitely is turned into a thing and is killed. And you never get the hilarious scene of this wife being given the bad news.

Because she's gone. She leaves this later. It's great. Like, The Rock finds some name tag. He's like, huh, it's Dr. Willits. Dr. Steve Willitts. Bum.

Oh my God, that was Steve. By the way, the fact that they're all like trying to do American, it's the year like 2,500, whatever. It's 2046, by the way. Great Long Car Wye movie. Yes, it is. And like, just have them be British.

I can buy that there's international cooperation because we have a fucking Mars base at a Stargate. Because we have to be American. We have to be American. But Eric's right, though. The second there's any kind of A, proof of aliens or be ancient gateway to another place,

put there by ancient aliens? Nations mean nothing. Religion is dead. A British accent would have the authority to talk about it. Wrong. Actually, Space Force will claim Mars for ourselves, the first Mars Trump Tower. I'm just saying when the inevitable horrendously high body count

space force disaster happens, Boy, are there going to be a lot of red faces in Washington. Nobody from Louisiana too close to French. Listen, folks, they were very unfair to the death star. How were we supposed to know about that exhaust port? Me and the emperor hung out on Epstein's Island. That emperor, he's into some weird shit. Weird wild.

shit no i don't need to take the express i'll take a tie fighter is that your jeffrey upstein i'm on the flight logs to exigal okay all right it's just a big cube folks it's just a big cube listen this fifth wave finder i don't know where i left it okay folks the batteries were dead anywhere i lost it in a four all these little bears were chasing me i was going in there to eat children because i saw a witch do it on a cartoon i can never make the lightning come out of my fingers could never do it it's just a great tragedy in my life but it comes out of my ass because i have paralyzing debilitating hemorrhoids imagine the head of rise of sidewalk

all the ships all the ship come from his ass there is one part so like after the guy rips his ear off the kid is very nervous

oh this is we're on Mars he goes up to Richard Brake who of course does he's like yeah man you holding it's

yeah I'm Richard break of course I of course I'm a marine that's carrying narcotics what drugs why would I

guess they're uppers I guess so why do you think he's in this clip bullet I'm sure I'm not out I've got

I've got drugs in this gun and pornography in the other I'm pornography hit him with the porno oh wow buckshot

look at that oh no this is my Twinky clip yeah I wanted more with this drug because I thought it was

going to be like a a steroid or something pump whoever at the end of the movie like pump him full of whatever the fuck

and he's going to go hog wild on somebody. Well, that does happen. It's just, but it's not this. Right. But this other drugs, it's totally like not really explained. Isn't it also like, they're like green little tablets or something? They'll have green M&Ms.

Not sexy green M&M. No, but she's a sexy candy. Is she not? Richard Brick only eats green M&M's. They're the sexiest. I paid off the green Eminem after I had the affair.

I made Michael Cohen give the green M&M $60,000. Look what the green M&M said about my penis looking like a pink corkscrew. Oh, I'm saying, folks, if you go out there and take a bite, there might be some cream filling, all right? And all these evangelicals are like, we don't care that the president of the United States have had sex with a green M&M.

He's saying this at a rally for even. Welcome evangelicals. Yes, I've been pumping in chocolate. I fucked a green Eminem, but you got to vote for me, right? I could fuck a green Eminem in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose a single vote. I could come in the Eminem store in Times Square, which I did Christmas 2004. Where am I? It's the Boy Scouts of America.

Yeah, that's what I love. God, country, and fucking green M&Ms, man. America for Americans and all Americans. You know what? You just wish you could fuck the green M&M, don't you? A bunch of these cowards don't want to admit it, but we all want a fucker. It's the sexiest candy on planet Earth.

Take that Kit Kat, second sexiest candy. Talk to my cousin once said he was into the pretzel one. Where are we? You know what? As far as the movie is concerned, we're still just walking around all the way. There's so much going up and down and back and forth. At some point, this dude, what's the religious guy speaking of religion?

A goat. Goat. He gets, we finally see the big brown monster thing. It gets him. And I do think this one thing that's good. By the way, it should surprise. is absolutely no one that Doug Jones is in this movie. Oh, is that right?

Is he this monster? Yes, he's at least one of them. Oh, or two? You missed it before he gets eaten by the alien. He eats a can. Well, he says, God damn, that cuts himself because he's so religious. That was one of those things that I thought was just so fucking dumb.

And, like, again, just not for this movie. You've already spent, like, the first 45 minutes of this movie desperately telling me that these aren't real characters. Don't put shit like that in here. Quick question about Doomheads on the couch. Sure. What do we, Goat kind of either is made to look like or is cast because he looks like

the main guy, right? Not really. Okay. I don't know. The main Doom guy, I don't know. It's more of, urban. I think the guy's like a fucking, I didn't say he was pixelated. The guy's not pixelated. You understand that, I do understand that. Actually, though, this dude

playing goat looks like a guy like one of probably like third tier on Jeremy Irons team and die hard with a vengeance. Oh, okay, yeah. I think he might, oh man,

it's gonna really kill me. He's one of the dudes who is pretending to be a cop at one point. Well, he's got too thin of face. The guy in the Doom thing looks, he's got a ham head. Yeah, that's a good point.

When I first saw this film, I went into it thinking that the Rock played the Doom guy because the Doom guy's a big dude and I could see them. You know who has the Doom guy head? Alec Baldwin. Oh, really?

Thick, fucking bones. Steve, are you Googling Doom Guy Head? No, I'm Googling to see if the guy was in diehard.

Hey, quick, Alec Baldwin thing I noticed on IMDB today. Do yourselves a favor, folks, look up a movie on IMDB called Beast Beast. It's a movie that he produced that's out at Sundance right now.

There is a picture of Alec Baldwin walking, you know, in front of a step and repeat at the premiere. He is wearing this, like, ultra tight, like, it looks like a cyclist shirt. Uh-huh.

And these hilarious fucking snow boots. Oh, I was laughing at this for like 10 minutes. The nips out? The Nipsman Pike style, dude. Yeah, right. It's cold in Park City. No, I don't think you get any nips. I'm going to pull it up, but I was just having a real nice laugh about this.

Goat is not a die hurt of the vengeance. He's an Irish actor of some accord, I guess. I've seen him before. I don't remember where it. But, yeah, so he always be protruding nipples. You're fired. That's what the fuck I said So yeah he gets attacked in some sewer

This is when you do see the thing Bites him and the thing The tongue goes inside of him Oh yeah I thought it was gonna be worse Yeah it could be worse Look at those boots are you kidding Oh the boots are problematic

Also I'm sorry but this shirt is way too tight Yeah It's way too fucking tight It's your classic like I lost a little bit of weight So I want to show it off I'm like I'd kill for that body No, you know what? He looks great.

It's just, it's one of those shirts that it's, he's pulling it down below his waist. What are you even wearing an athletic shirt to a fucking premiere for? Right? Piece of shit. I don't know, but this is, it says, it's something from the Stein Erickson Lodge

in Deer Valley. Oh, now you zoomed in, I can see the nip. Oh, wait, there's a nipple. Yeah, you're right. There's a nipple. We got two nipples right there. And Alex Bowzo, that's two nipples. Nice and sharp.

Nice and out. Yeah. You read where that. shirts from and I'm sure it's some fucking Illuminati lodge. It might be, I don't know. I'll take a look at that later but that's where I get all of my shirts. Oh, and they're ugs.

I zoomed in again. He's wearing ugs. Oh, comfy boy. Anyway, that has nothing to do with anything. So goat is like dead, but the rock will not let let goat die for something. Everyone's like, oh, fucking goat! And they bring him back and like, Rosambe Pike has to do

a bunch of like CPR on him. He doesn't live. I mean, you understand why the rock wants him to live because he's the greatest of all time. But don't you think, though, if goat passed away, then the Rock's character could take on the mantle of goat? No, he'd have to eat

him, I think, to really do to get all his powers. That's how Marines do it. That's actually in the core song. And since, by the way, Mac, and the only reason I can bring up that Mac is Japanese is because this is a really bad exchange. It's like a very 2005

joke where this is fit for like 1987 though this fucking horrible it's like Pinky and Mac and like well

what are you gonna do do tonight no so he's like oh so they call you Mac huh you don't look like a Mac what's your real name and then like the Japanese

guy says very long Japanese name and then he's just like I guess I'll call you Mac this is Pinky saying that right yeah yeah yeah it's like but then Mac has to join the team now who get, and he gets promptly decapitated.

It's pretty awesome. It's not too shabby this decapitation. And then it sets off because I guess we're doing this a lot in this movie, playing the name game here because Dwayne Johnson is screaming Mac. Yes. Because it's one of those like the hearing noise over the radio. And he's like, Mac, Matt for like 10 utterances of this name in two minutes. That's why Destroyer got short shrift because like that's two syllables.

Yes. Nobody's yelling, Destroyer! Destroyer! Yeah, you're totally right. One thing this movie does, too, is, like, it tries to get more gore in through autopsy scenes. Yes.

And it's just like, we're just cutting open these fucking dead demon things. Rosamond Pike drops a utensil of some kind into one of these monster's mouths. And then proceeds to get fucking shoulder deep in this thing. And this is when Duke is, like, hitting on her. He's like, nice.

I like where this is going. Because she's like, hey, can you hold open this monster's jaws while I fist its throat and he's like, got it, no problem. They have the audacity to do like our faces are very close and ooh we almost touched and we kind of have a moment.

I was like, not during monster autopsy. She says something like, oh, you know, Duke, I bet you secretly have a big heart and he says, I secretly got something that's big. Yes, Steve's dying to say. No, I'm not. No, that's what I'm saying. And again, like, she is fucking like her elbow deep in a fucking like hell's mouth.

Wait, he makes the huge Johnson comment when they're face-to-face? Absolutely. And not long after that, she looks at him and says, I need a bone saw. Yes. And he goes wild. There are not really many times, if at all, for a my big Johnson remark, but certainly not face-to-face during an autopsy. It would be great if they fucked on top of this big monster.

They used the big monster as a bed and they fucking went to town. Look, I'm just saying if somebody's like, I need a bone saw, I'm not getting like a row. That sounds like something very dangerous to me Yeah, it's cutting through your Johnson Yeah, I don't like that You need a what Cause bone saw is ready Oh look, another demon on Mars

Dude, Randy Savage on Mars Fucking John Carpenter's ghosts of Mars Oh, there goes on Mars Actually, he might be a demon there That's actually true Hey, speaking of bad soundtracks, that movie. John Carpenter's Ghost of Mars. Oh, I don't remember.

It's just, it's a new metal. It's shit-ass, like late 90s metal. I remember it being chugging guitars. Yeah. Oh, it's chunky as it gets, dude. It's chunky like Campbell's soup. There's this weird thing, because this is the scene where he goes to get the bone saw. There's a monster.

It chases him in. There's this, like, wall that becomes a door. The nano walls, dude. And let me tell you something about our good. friend Duke, he does not play games with nano walls. I wouldn't either. People get stuck in these fucking things. What are you, Bones McCoy? I would

just not trust the nano walls. I was waiting for Duke to get stuck and, like, it comes up so much that he doesn't like them. Oh no, the nanowalls have betrayed us. They're sticking us in them. Well, no, it's like, oh, you know what?

Steve, don't worry about this. This wall turns into a perfectly clear doorway whenever you wanted to, unless the Wi-Fi is spotty. So just go right through it. Just unless the Wi-Fi is spotty, you're fine. Everybody knows, Steve, with nano-walls, you have to hardwired directly to the fucking Ethernet router, man. Come on.

Can't be running those nano-walls on Wi-Fi? 5G or other ones. Just got to get a longer cord. They make retractable ones now, do you? So if you're playing Switch or you have a nano-wif. Make sure that internet connection is good. And just to piggyback off the fact that you needed Wi-Fi for that, you said it was with Doom on Switch.

I don't know what Nintendo's fucking problem is because they've got like iOS versions of like Mario Kart and fucking Dr. Mario, which is rad as balls. Why do I need Wi-Fi for that shit? It doesn't make sense. That's why I stopped using my phone for that. And to not even have like an offline option. Yes. It's horse shit.

Yeah. What better way to pass time on a long. subway ride than with a soothing round of Dr. Mario. Bullshit, Nintendo. Bullshit. I think Paul Giamatti should play Dr. Mario. Oh, boy.

I think he's more of the little pill monster guys. Come on, will you please let this great actor have some dignity for once in his life, Chris Cabin? I'm sorry, Mario has a quaff. Has a big, thick head of hair. Yeah, you know what, Chris Cabin is the wig department, my friend.

It would look weird. I'm sorry, no. Happens like, Don't turn my key. Paul Giamani for the Mucinex bug. He would be great. Well, they got to replace him now, right? Wasn't it T.J. Miller? He was the...

He got uncanceled. He never stopped. I think he's... That was a more recent thing, though, because before it used to be a guy doing a Danny DeVito impression. Right. And then I think it was a Mucinx thing.

I just saw kind of around the Super Bowl. And I was like, is that fucking T.J. Miller on that shit? By the way, I bet British people hate this, too. I doubt they have Mucin X commercials. look him up on YouTube it's a little fucking bugger that's acting like Danny DeVito it's stupid

and I think Paul Giumadu would be fucking great in it oh yeah look at all this fucking snot you have no he's Dr. Mario and Paul Walter Houser now has some juice on him right sure

he's Bowser and Dr. Mario has Paul Walter Bowser dude how about that he's born for it exactly and Dr. Mary has to give him a colonoscopy and now we're thinking about that I never really played Dr. Mario. What is he like a Kvorkian-esque figure?

That's exactly correct. Listen, I want you to die with dignity. All right, the little turtle, get over here. We're going to put you down, but you got to pull the switch. Take two and never call me again. These gumbas, they get terminal cancer. It never gets easier. So I was really excited to see the live action Dr. Mario movie.

And it was just two hours of both. Giamatti shoving a hose of Paul Walter Houser's ass? Hold on a second. I got to do a biopsy on this mushroom tip. I mean, I know video game adaptations stray from the material quite often, but Jesus Christ. Oh, you got fire up there too, huh? Well, that sort of makes sense biologically. It opens the same way as uncut gems. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, mercy me.

So whatever. One of these fucking monsters Duke's chases him through a wall. One of the monsters gets stuck through the wall is what we find out it's Carmack. Right, right, right. It's kind of a cool effect. It's not bad. But then it's also weird because later on this is, it's I think, the funniest moment of the movie. I mean, I had some real big laughs here. But

when the team all gets back to this area with Roseman Pike and Duke and the fucking monster is stuck in the door. She has kept it alive. She's got like an IV bag. And the rock is fucking furious. And he's like, you know what? No, we're here to kill these things. And she's like, no, I'm trying to

study it. And he's like, no, fuck you lady. Dwayne Johnson putting a pistol in this monster's mouth and pulling the trigger, I was laughing my ass off. Well, no, because the joke, no, the joke, but the moment is like, she's like, no, it's Karnak. I figured it out. It's Carmack. He's going to, we'll find a way to cure it.

He's like, absolutely not. No, Carmack is lost to history, my friend. He puts the pistol in here. Thank you. Yeah, of course. If I ever get the doom virus, please kill me. Oh, I'll kill you instantly, dude. Don't even worry.

Dormus, plus being stuck in a wall. Being kept alive in a wall. How is it that he's alive, by the way, if he's stuck in that wall? That's a good question. Demon heart. Oh, right. It's in his nose. My favorite moment kind of could come anywhere

because it's this fight between Destroyer and one of these monsters. Wow, this is fucking funny where he, what is he throws, he ties like a chain to a computer monitor and whips it at this thing. He's using it as a face. It's incredible. It's an incredible moment in cinema.

This thing is like, because this is in this little holding cell that we've seen earlier in the film and he's like the monster and Destroyer are like trading who's pushing who up against the fucking electric wall. Also pretty funny. It's an electric cage.

Don't miss on the electric wall. I'm going to say it's electric cage match. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Foley's got the box attacks. I think McFolly was in the electric cage. Probably was. Glob of shit is down.

Glob of shit is down. No, do they call McFolley there? That poor man. No, McFolley's not. He's fine. He's alive, right? Yeah, he's all sorts of. He's an award-winning author.

He got out of the wrestling game at the right time. Oh, yeah, when both of his knees exploded. What the fuck did he write? A ransom note? No, he actually, he wrote... He faked his own death. Oh, that got me. Oh, I'm lightheaded from laughing.

No, he wrote, like, his memoirs about being in wrestling. And it was totally compelling. I enjoyed it quite a bit. And now he does, like... I never watched him, really. I think I was out by them. He was one of the greats, man. Yeah, I like Mankind.

Mankind was fun. You could also get Dude love, the same. You'd play multiple characters. Dude love, cactus jack. Renaissance, man. Or just like a whatever sticks kind of situation. You know what? Rob Zami needed to hook up with Mick Foley at some point.

That's a hellbilly. Well, yeah, A, I'd watch it. I mean, I'd be like, hmm. I'd watch it very soberly. Slamming him in the back of a Dragula. Rob Zon. Pompey's Red Shoe Diaries starring Mick Foley. Wait a second.

You just came up with a great idea, right? Did he? I think sexy stuff needs a little more of a dark tinge to it. A little grime on everything. A hellbilly sex tape. Yes. Yes. Hellbilly sex tape, definitely only available on VHS, by the way.

On a bed of off-brand fentanyl. There's a lot of fake news going around about my hellbilly sex tape. with me in the green M&M. And let me just, let me just get the rumors out of the way right now. Yeah, I was high as a fucking kite. All sorts of zips and poppers and reds. Have you seen my pupils during press conferences? Jesus Christ.

Folks, folks, Lurlene is lying. Lurlian is lying about what happened between us. So, yeah, in the end of that, fights scene against Duke or a destroyer rather takes a pole and wedges it like between this monster's chest and the wall where the wall meets the floor and this thing is just stuck getting

electric heat. It's pretty dope. He dies shortly thereafter. There's another thing. But what happens? He fucking like falls or something. I think it's just he gets on a chain. Oh right. The guy, the glob of shit is pinned against the electric fence. Yes. He gets up a chain

but then the glob of shit frees itself and pulls him down and just the thud, he breaks his neck. I see, okay. Then Richard Brake, Richard Brake goes up to the rock at some point. Richard Brake, fucking smart guy is like, hey, we need reinforcements. It's pretty fucking bad.

And the Rock is like, nope, we are the reinforcements. The Rock is a bad marine in this movie, man. What are you doing? He's like live streaming in the toilet. It's my favorite part. He goes Richard break, Richard shit break. This is amazing, though, because the movie

literally stops to take a shit. And I was like, How fucking fitting. This is Richard Brake. This is the shit break. Episode 275. Oh, wow. You're that guy? You hosted the shit break?

Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, it was tough going in the early days, you know? And you just didn't, you couldn't find a clean toilet. So your lighting was all off. Yeah, one time I took a shit at the comedy store and Mitzie comes in. And I was like, hey, Mitzie, man, wrong can. And she was like, right place, right. show who are your guys

the clumps you and McGregor and train spotting Jeff Daniels and dumb and dumber and the president of the United States big shit dude yep yes I am yeah oh you're talking about Trump yeah no oh I take some shits

too you know what I guarantee Obama's were great a lot of fiber I think like really just totally you think they're efficient or you think that he'll take his shirt up because they're so sweaty You ever have one of those? Sorry, I'm just picturing him with his shirt up on the toilet now. Having to take off.

Got to hold on to the toilet paper dispenser here. Got a real burner. Yep. Got a real burner. Sometimes if you rock back and forth a little bit. That's not going to work. We're going to have to call in a drone with, I don't know, put a electric toothbrush, one of the wet ones. Spray it up there.

Drone strike on this toilet. Get this clog cleaned out. that habanoro uh jam bad idea bad idea on my part put that on my croissant joe i need a little help uh can you reach back there got a fire extinguisher there joe that's what i'm here for mr president to just wipe your ass what what i knew a guy named cracker jack i used to wipe his back in the when i served the uh youth auxiliary hey uh joe i appreciate your uh folksy delaware demeanor and you don't need to be poking me right in my butt. I know

we're talking right now and you want to show you're a big aggressive man, but you're right in my ass and you're poking me while you're emphasizing your words. I once checked a man's colon at a public pool. Can I be president or no? There's no one in this gymnasium

anymore. Now listen here, Mac. Get that thing out of my face. God. Yeah, so he's dead. You know, Richard Brake is taking his shit. He's, like, calling him for reinforcements. He's like, if you're hearing this, blah, blah, blah.

And then a big monster rips his head. It's a bad death for, bad death for him, I think. It grabs him by his head. And I appreciate that it just starts flinging him around. Yeah, it's fun. Throwing him around, knocking. Destroyes this bathroom. But you're not seeing any tearing on.

Yes. Exactly. Well, the thing is, like, he grabs him by the head. And then he immediately, like, drops him and grabs him by the feet so we can get the reaction shot. Yes, yeah. But I would prefer more head damage.

More be of blood. It's also after an obnoxious fake out shot of like, what's the noise in this bathroom? Oh, it's a little rat that's crawling through. Yes. And I was like, all right, just please kill him.

Like, I know he's dying in this scene. Now, very important for us to point out at one point back in the armory, Sarge of the Rock, had seen a bioforce gun, the BFG. Right. The accurate name for the fucking thing is the big fucking gun. Right.

Which he finally says, when he finally takes it and shoots this thing, this glob of shit. Yes. Yeah. It does like a blue thing that like a radiates everything around it. It was a pretty cool effect. Sure. I have to say. So at this point, the Rock is like, you know what?

Let's evacuate this Martian Space Station. I'm like, hey, how about we did that fucking an hour ago? Because there's fucking hell demons, everybody out of the pool. We do get an explanation of Roseman Pike says that, oh, we studied these humanoids we found at an archaeological dig, I guess, on Mars or whatever, that they had an extra chromosome. And it's because they were like superhuman. They have conquered disease. Sure. And then they find out, oh, the side effect is, you know, if you're pure of heart or whatever, Jesus likes you.

I don't know what's going on. If you've been a good boy and girl all year. Santa Claus will either turn you into a superhuman if you get this extra chromosome or a fucking demon monster. It gets so much stupider than that. What it is, is there like... Science of sound.

Well, she says 10% of the human genome is unknown. They think that is the soul genome. We only use 10% of our brain. Accessing other parts could lead to the blueprints of the soul. wow she says genome not brain because usually it's brain

that's usually the thing is like oh it's 10% of the genome yeah but that's that's because the movie thinks it's smarter than it is like we're not going to do the brain thing we'll do the genome

yeah I mean that's it's very smart because who else would come up with xenogenosis or xenogenesis either way it's a Star Wars or Star Trek planet that's geno

no are you thinking of Genosia from X-Men I think I I think in Attack of the Clones, there was Genosis. There is the water planet. Yes, yeah. I forget what exactly what she says, but it's Xenosis. Genesis is probably what she said.

I think genosis is the bug planet where we're a fucking, when, when fucking, uh, uh, you and McGreg are just cutting up those bugs at the end of that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, with the little bird wings. The rock, yeah, insect wings. Yeah. Oh, genetic blueprint for the soul.

I just found it. That's the line. So she, uh, they're like, all right, let's evacuate. Um, they try, they do. They do evacuate, but some bad people get through. And this is when the rock kind of starts to turn here a little bit. Right. And it's a good turn by, it's a pretty good acting.

It kind of took me by surprise here because he's like hell bent on, all right, we got to go. He's hellbilly. We have to go through the facility, fucking kill everything. There is a line, like, if it breathes, kill it. I'm with the rock here. Honestly, these fucking disgusting monster. people yeah of course listen hey everybody signs up you go to

Mars you might not come back sorry true and like you there are there is a disease that turns you into an unstoppable killing machine monster which by the way if that spreads to humanity it's game over folks guess what shoot the shoot everybody here's the thing about got it is he is

always excluding himself well yeah I guess that's if he was truly into this shit yes everybody he just commits suicide on camera immediately he'd be ready to go he'd be ready to blow up, but no, he's expecting he's going back. By now, he's, like, been cut and he's going to turn.

And then he... I forget when that happens, but it is... We've been talking for 75 minutes. I think we can get towards the end of the picture. Well, so here's the turn. So the kid comes back and he's like, hey, man, I found all these fuckers in a closet. They're totally fine. And the rocks like... By the way, we're on Earth, by the way. Because it doesn't matter because they look at the same fucking locations.

It does. Yeah, they go back to Earth. It's the same lobby of a holiday inn. Go back to Earth because one of the monsters got through the portal. That's right. Yep. And they get there and everyone's been murdered, like everyone in the main control. But as Andrew, you're saying. Yeah. So they're looking around. He's like, you got to kill everybody. The kid's like, hey, man, I found this closet full of people.

They're totally fine. And the Rock's like, but did you kill them? Yeah. And he's like, no, man, are you listening? Like, they're totally fine. They're not, you know, susceptible to the virus. He's like, I gave you an order, blah, blah, it goes through this whole thing. It ends with it. I seriously, I did not see this coming. The Rock fucking kills this kid. He shoots him right in the throat or something.

Yeah. It shoots him dead like a dog. And then it's like the Carl Urban show. He's like, you shouldn't have done that. Yeah. The facility is on quarantine for the next two hours. And you kind of feel those two hours. You do.

Absolutely. They get into a scuffle. I guess Pinky gets ripped up by a monster. Right. There's like a gag where because I thought because first things first, the Rock wants to kill Pinky. got this big gun pointed at Pinky and then the kid gets in front of a blah

blah. I was like, I kind of think it's a better movie who just shoots Pinky in the head. Oh, it would be great because then he could be like fucking waving back and forth. Sure. Pinky has a gun. He does. That's right. He's got a gun. Nice. Pinky does eventually turn and becomes like a worm. Dude, this monster

stuck into a wheelchair? I think I looked up on the trivia and my Doomheads can either confirm or deny. This was a monster from the game he turns into. And that's the name Maybe from one of the later ones. I mean, it's fucking chewed up bubble gum with teeth. Exactly.

That's what it looks like. So, Carl Urban, oh, that's right. There's a thing where the, this is what happens. A door opens. A monster is trying to grab everybody. They're closing the door. It grabs the rock. And the rock is a great line of, I wasn't supposed to die.

Yeah. And get sucked out. Carl Urban is shooting. He shoots himself accidentally at ricochets. That's kind of weird. Nano door again, man. Yeah, you can't be shooting guns at these nanodores. I'll tell you right now, they are indeed bulletproof.

Rookie mistake, people shooting at nano doors. They could close at any minute. I cannot stress this up, folks. Hard-wired internet connections for these nanos. I'm going to give you a little white instruction booklet. You better read this cover-to-cover because these nano doors are pretty complicated. Here's a simple trick. Nano, don't use ammo.

That's what I say. Walk around the office saying that all. day. I don't shoot the door. Every time I got the urge to shoot a door, I have to say that in my head. And because this has to end with romantic brother and sister together. Yeah, it's a little creepy. Sister fucking. Duke gets ripped down through a grate. Yes. That was kind of cool. I almost said it was stupid as I was saying and it was like, no man, remember the last night you thought it was awesome. Well, because she was like flirting with Duke. So maybe that could have been something. You know.

No, she wants to fuck her brother ultimately. I guess so. Why know? Carl Urban and Roseman Pike getting it on. Good thing we're step. Brother and sister. We're step twins because they do say that they're twins. Oh, right.

Well, because Duke spends a lot of this movie just asking, like, he's doing all the right things. He's like, all right, just ask her a bunch of questions about herself. You know, the more you want to know about her, the better it looks. At one point, he's like, he's like, oh, well, who's older here? And she's like, me. by two minutes and he's like Twins? Not the good kind though, not like in pornos.

I don't know, fucking Rosamie and Carl Urban, I'll fucking get in that same. Absolutely, do let me be the fucking meat in that sandwich. I would jump right in. Totally, do the water is just fine. And then afterwards you could ask him all sorts of questions about Star Trek. Well, I would ask him about almost human.

Oh, well, okay, I mean, I'll do it, Carl, but you stay at that end. Let's watch me cuck your twin sister So wait, I'm cucking you by You know what, forget it I lost the lights are already off I lost the cuck math there for a second there

Anyway, we gotta get down to business This thing's fading fast I am talking to, yep, talking too much again Fading fast Just like my mother told me Oh, I brought up my mother Now it's gone, now it's just gone So what?

Hey Carl, you cool if we put on some porno real quick So Carl Urban gets knocked out or something But he's shot, he's dying And she's like the only thing That could save you is the fucking The extra chromosome I'm almost positive

It's not gonna turn you into super monster I'm like 61 to 70% positive He's not going to be super monster And they know like what makes you like turn either way And she's like I know you're a good person He's like no I've done some terrible thing You don't know what I've done I've been working for the rock

he is crooked as the day is long they call me Reaper it's not because of my last name by the way but so he gets knocked out and this is when we get our fainted our sainted P.OV shot it's so good yeah he wakes up

he walks around for five minutes killing people look in the mirror yes yeah a couple of mirror looks you would you guys you guys know everyone here dislike the POV shop of me is that correct? I thought it fun for like a minute. It really lasts a long time. You guys prefer J-O-I or or A-S-M-R. I think though I would have been cooler with it if they stuck with it for way longer.

Oh, you're way different than I am. I'm kind of with you there, but that's how I fell into the trap of going to hardcore Henry. Ah, yeah, that's your problem. It's bad, but there's so much worse. Is that a Timor Beck Mumbatoff movie? No, it's... I would believe it. I don't know. It looks a lot like what is in it though. Yeah, that's what I was my second guess is going to be... Do you not see it? No, I know. What are you trash it? You didn't give it a chance. I didn't trash it. I'm just saying. I was the one who trashed. There's a psychic dude that uses the force in that movie and it's pretty cool. Wait, is it directed by the District 9 dude? No, no, no, no. If you told me either of those names, I'd be like, yes, it is.

I think it was like a first timer. It is directed and written and directed by someone named Ilya Nausher, Nashuler. And has he done, or have they done anything he's directed? He's directed a bunch of Russian music videos. No dashboard cams of fucking people being hit by cars. It's a lot of, he's done a Leningrad trilogy, something called Biting Elbows for the Kill. The famous comedy I Am Lugosh. he's done a movie he's in development he's got leaving berlin and a movie called nobody and a romantic comedy called how to make borsed

oh come on jesus chris borsh is delicious it is good and i would watch that movie we do get finally the fucking chainsaw monster which i was very excited about i think as a casual doom observer i'm not a dune chainsaws are big in doom they are i think i just kind of got that i'll be honest the big thing is that the monster looks gross the fat maggot isn't he supposed to yes Chris Cabin is like this monster is not nearly

as handsome as it needs to move it's too like not it's slick they all look wet they all look wet this monster is revealed during the POV shot and I feel like everything in the POV shot does look a little off it's all the CGI is like they're trying to do too much with the way

they show him like bringing the gun back up the smoothness of that is definitely like video game. It is. Yeah, it's weird. By the way, this chainsaw shit, do you see this on the trivia? No. I guess so according, again, it's the internet and everybody lies. In 99

or something like that, they were trying to get a Doom movie made with Arnold ready to do it. And then some fucking maniac killed a bunch of people with a chainsaw and said it was Doom inspired. It's also killed the Noid movie with Arnold and that one

crazy guy named Noid killed a bunch. of people. Oh no, not another van. Damn it, I keep losing out because people keep killing people as sort of associated with the projects. I was supposed to be in the movie. I was supposed to be ruining the pizzas. Hey, Arnie, guess what? I got a cool thing going on. It's 1999. I'm going to run for governor. That's going to be, you can do the movies thing. You're a great movie guy. You stay in your lane. I'll create this totally new lane. Maybe Sven Oli Thorson could be a cookbook author. We can all have different things. Oh, man, I would buy that cook.

Cooking with me, yes. Yeah, so in this one, you're going to start with boiling the cabbage. It's just like the last recipe that also started with boiling the cabbage. And in the meantime, whilst cabbage is boiling, you have to go out to your freezer shed and get the fish. Make sure it's thoroughly salted before bringing back inside. Cooking with probably seconders. most of this planet is fish and cabbage someone's got to eat it

second delicious oh definitely yep yep that's what it's called when the book is adapted into a Netflix show and bend over and you'll see some secondolingas now in this recipe

the butter will act more like a cometa at the end you should see the anti-life equation put the little sauce on it Yeah, so like he just kills a bunch of things And all the people in the audience are like Man, I wish I was just home playing this game, I guess I can't wait to get the car

And then the rock shows up And we come out of this POV situation They sort of do it a nice way where it's POV And then he walks in front of the camera You know it's over with Some sequences are not poorly directed Which is a compliment

and then him and the Rock starts super fighting. This takes a long time. There's cat and mouse. It's been an hour and 45 minutes. Just find and fight each other, guys. Dude, I could not believe when we get in the cat and mouse territory with this movie. I was like, how do you do a cat and mouse chase scene in a movie that's just four hallways? Are you in this hallway?

No. That hallway, maybe. Low angle, high angle, mid range, midshot. The way that Carl Urban can tell them. something is off with the rock. Did you notice this? When the rock squeezes, he makes a fist and squeezes through a leather glove? Yes. Like the knuckles explode on the glove.

By the way, when you have this chromosome or the virus, in both instances, the movie gives the actors contact lenses that make you look like Jack Nicholson and James Spader and Wolf. Yes. Yeah. That's fine. Cat people eyes. Yes. Yeah, it's very much cat people eyes. The rock is slowly turning into a monster. I kind of want him to go, It only happens at the very, very end of the fight.

I want him to go full monster really quick. Not a full monster, but like half monster would be kind of cool. Well, because, like, the Scorpion King was, like, at one point shown to be kind of like a monster thing. They don't handle his transformation that well. It's like, you get a shot of, like, Carl Urban and then it cuts back, and he suddenly got the teeth. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's a long fight, but he kicks. Edward G. Robbins. That is a disease right there, my friend. He kicks him into the arc and sends him back to Mars because we're on Earth. Yeah. And then throws a grenade and kills through it, which is, yeah, it's pretty okay. It's sort of something.

Go to hell. Oh, that's right. He does say go to hell. Yeah, there's a lot of hell puns and things like that in this movie. Even though it doesn't have to do with demons or hell. Yeah. Carl Urban also says Mars was always hell because of his parents dealing with. Right.

Somewhere in this fight, though, when I believe it's Carl Urban, or the rock is stalking Carl Urban holding a garbage can. as a weapon. I don't, I don't remember which one of them says it, but someone says Semperfy, motherfucker. I think it's the rock. Yeah. He's got a semperify tattoo. I think he's telling Carl Urban that he's like forgotten the code or whatever Marines have.

Right. And I'm watching this movie, I'm like, does this movie are you saying that like all these Marines, like Marines are just like serial killers? Well, I mean, that's, again, like we're just sort of being like, I don't know. What is the American military up to? Man, nah, nah, nah, no. No one has it got to.

That's a good point, Steve, because what the, you know, what was obviously happening in Iraq and Afghanistan, there was some dicey things. Exactly. That's true. That's true. And John Frankenstein Carey didn't get the job done. So it was all that weird. Do, do, do, do, do do do do do, do do, do John Kerry, for president. Anyone got a John Kerry impression? I don't even know. I couldn't tell you what that guy sounds like. Everybody like ketchup. Yeah, that's it. So this movie ends with Carl Urban holding Rosemann Pike as they go up an elevator. Very sensually, by the way. Totally, dude. Get it out.

Oh, yeah. They're not step twins. Step twins. Well, I guess if you... Here's a question. If you were born the same day as your new step sibling, would you be step twins? That's correct. Okay.

Senator, that's correct. They get on the elevator and love lift us up where we belong when we are twins and we're fucking around kicks the door open so that's kind of the movie right we end on a nine inch nail song which was interesting

to me because this is a bad movie and nine inch nails is in it for some reason nine inch nails is great but they did the score to quake which was kind of a doom copy cat but then the question though

is where does Diablo fit in all of Diablo takes place into more of a medieval fantasy and it's more of an RPG oh yes yes Diablo's pretty cool man if you fucking beat Diablo dude you go get straight to hell you're there's like a whole POV shot

of you hold like this giant gemstone like huge like spikey thing like you'd say it's like giant kind of like almost like righteous gems yeah and you you jam it into your own fucking head what in the world because to get the power of like satan you know it's pretty cool that's not too shabby i believe that was diablo one someone might write it and say this is dablo two you fucking idiot oh diablo

canyon one why can't you be more like the ablo cany cany too but also by the way blanket statement i might have said and chris too might have said terribly inconsistent and wrong things about these video game properties and that's is something you're going to have to deal with. Yeah, tuck off. I will say the, um, the nine inch nails connection makes sense because not unlike Rosamund Pike, David Fincher left them both out of the garbage. Wow.

He found them both into the garbage. Not unlike Obama found Joe Biden in the garbage and picked him up. It's, uh, comfortable in here. You know, David Bowie worked with nine inch nails a little bit in the 90s. That's right. I'll take you out of the garbage. Oh, man. Filthy last son.

That's on rules, by the way. No, no, I mean, you know what doesn't rule? The credit sequence to this film. Yes. What horse shit. It's the doom. We get more Puevae shots. He's shoot their names.

Yuck. And it's like too late for this. That's when I found out Doug Jones was in the movie. I wasn't even paying attention at that point. I watched the whole credits. I was waiting for something. I was waiting for like the portal to hell to reopen. I was hoping for a step.

Singer. I monster. Tees the eye monster. If we're doing it, let's do the eye monster, guys. I think the rule with video game adaptations is like, let's be realistic, this is going to fucking tank, nobody's start a sequel. Everybody learned the lesson from Mario. Just don't make them anymore.

Are we doing any coming up? The hedgehog is about to come out. But you know what's fucking bonkers? I mean, yeah, it comes out tomorrow. What's bonkers, though, I'm seeing a bunch of reviews saying, hey man, It ain't that bad.

I disagree. You haven't seen it. You don't know. I'll believe it when I inevitably see it. I will be seeing it this week, probably. I absolutely am going to see. And this is in the past, so you can check from my opinions on the internet. I'll just say that what the cool, the cool, the kind of interesting thing that I saw multiple people say is that not, they didn't mention anything else about the movie except for the fact that it's a reminder of old school Jim Carrey.

And you know what? happening. I would sign on for that alone. I think they've also... I miss that guy. I think they've always been trying to make another Mortal Kombat. I don't know if it's ever going to actually happen, but like I always hear they're trying to make it. You're certainly not going to make a new Mario Brothers movie. But also like, what are

the big video game franchises now? Well, hold on. I'm pulling out. There's shit we don't even know about. That's the thing. Gers of War. I'm so out. Oh, they're doing the guy who did Kong Skull Island is doing not Metal Gear Solid, the other one. I think Call of Duty maybe.

I would love a Metal Gear Solid movie. Metal Gear Solid would be a great movie. There's a lot of solid story there that you could just make into a movie. I mean, you know, the internet will go nuts when you cast somebody, but like as Solid Snake because, you know, they're going to get a little crazy. What was that video game, I believe on like PlayStation

where you could drive an ice cream truck? Oh, oh. Twisted metal. Yes. Yes, that would be, you know what? Maybe that would work. You'd make it like a death race two thousand. The 90s is high.

You could pitch that. Sure. I just, I googled the best video game movie. Okay. And I got a list of popular movies about video games. Mortal Kombat, 1995.

Sliver. Tomb Raider, 2001. Prince of Persia. By the way, all three of those are episodes. I do like the new Tomb Raider with Alicia McCandor. Not bad. Assassin's Creed,

probably an episode at some point. I fell right the fuck asleep. It's really bad. Warcraft, speaking of David Bowie. It's really bad. Poor Candid. Resident Evil and source code was cool

Source code's cool movie Welcome in annihilation Street Fighter Doom obviously Final Fantasy the spirits within you know what Stay tuned fucking wake me up when I get my To Jam and Earl movie

That's what I've always been waiting for If I could you know what Steve said I for To Jam I could do it sure To Jam was a fat one right I think so Earl I think was the two eyes Yeah the red eye guys

If they do battle toads We could all be employed I don't like that idea So would anybody recommend this movie? Oh, not at all There's some cool kills here and there But other than that There's just literally nothing here

It's a lot of walking around the same dreary landscape for two hours Eric Siska I would not recommend it It is dull It's really boring I do like the score and the POV shot So check out the POV shot

On YouTube I'm sure it's You know, just go to YouTube, just to type it POV and see what pops up. By the way, while you're there, go to YouTube.com slash we hate movies, subscribe. Chris Cabin. I kind of think it works as a hangover movie.

It's paced pretty well. I wasn't like too bored at any point. I mean, it's dumb as shit and everything anybody says is garbage. And you have to look at, you have to look at fucking break the whole time. but you know it's I would like a light recommend

like it's certainly not the worst fucking video game adaptation that's true no way in hell go watch Predator and Alien back to back and you will get a much richer experience with pretty much watching everything

that this movie is aping we talked about Paul W.S. Anderson today a little bit he did AVP would you recommend AVP over these oh yeah absolutely no doubt about it Although, but, like, people in it and stuff.

AVP. Like, Requiem. Over AVP. Yes, I agree. Requiem. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah.

No, yeah, I thought this is a piece of shit. No, he's never needed to revisit it. Although I have to say, because my first person shooter thing, not to drag this episode out of any longer, but my first person shooter was Golden Eye. It was just, that was my whole bag. So that was my thing. And then also, what was the movie or the game that the same company kind of put out a little after like perfect dark?

I was also big into perfect dark I thought that game was kind of red A little more sci-fi It was still pretty cool But like I mean what if in the middle of Tomorrow Never Knows It goes to POV and it's a wet gun And some pink monster

Running around I'd be this be discussed I guess a Dr. Doke Running around Tomorrow Never Dies Is that what you mean? Yeah like the, yeah Tomorrow never knows

I don't know what the fuck that is Oh that's a Beatles song Oh that Who are the Beatles? Oh! Let's see our previous episode on yesterday. There it is. And that is Doom from Ot 5, directed by Anderjay Bart Koviac.

If you want more We Hate Movies, check out Patreon.com slash we hate movies. That's right. We just did an episode on Back to the Future Part 2. Absolutely. This month's WLM.M. And we are recording this the same night we did the listener request month drawing. So next month's Patriot, uh, Patriot. The Patriot Act.

We're talking about 2005 so much. Become an $8. The Patreon page will have an episode, a full We Love Movies episode, on Ferris Bueller's Day Off next month. There it is. And speaking of which, by the way, listener request month starts up next week.

Steve Sadek, what's the first one on the docket? It sure does. It's going to be something that we are not, which is law abiding citizen. Oh, yeah, absolutely. This is American Mike himself, Gerard Butler, and Jamie Fox. what are we doing in that movie

he's evil American Mike so he's not a law abiding citizen no oh Jamie Fox is the law abiding citizen yes well he's a lawyer so is he is the real question is he a real lawyer is the lawyer a law abiding citizen

oh well this sounds exciting as fuck I can't wait to check it next week when Jamie Fox plays William Barnes so until next week I'm Andrew Jupin Steven Siddak Eric Siska Chris Gavin.

Take it easy.