We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 472 - Law Abiding Citizen

Episode Date: March 3, 2020

On the first episode of the 2020 Listener Request Month, the gang is subjected to the totally over-the-top legal thriller, Law Abiding Citizen! Did Gerard Butler have to get naked for that one scene? What's with this ridiculous waiter coming into the jail cell? And isn't Colm Meaney supposed to be in charge here? PLUS: Should execution chambers adopt the Alamo Drafthouse no-talking policy? Law Abiding Citizen stars Gerard Butler, Jaime Foxx, Colm Meaney, Bruce McGill, Leslie Bibb, Richard Portnow, Michael Kelly, Viola Davis, Roger Bart, and Regina Hall; directed by F. Gary Gray. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Mums offer in-store only. Selection varies by location while supplies last. More terms and restrictions apply. See Loos.com slash rebates for details. Hey gang before we get going today just a quick reminder tour dates have been announced the start of the 2020 tour is happening Steve Sadek where are we going get your bathing suits out because we're going it's the summer it's in June on June 6th you always have to wear a bathing suit this summer that's just I'm sorry that's I'm constantly wearing bathing suits because they have that mesh lining you don't have to wear underwear exactly that's right once June 1 I'm wearing a bathing suit delayed on we're not going on

June 1, we're going on June 6th to Detroit, Michigan. Yeah. The majestic theater. We're going to be talking about Robocop 3, the Robert John Burke joint. Loving it. That's right. Fellow purchase a lot. Famed swimmer.

And on the next day, we're going to Cleveland, Ohio, to talk about Nightmare and Elm Street 3, the Dream Warriors. That is on June 7th at Hilarities. Look at you knowing that. Good for you. You're right. We're super excited. And then we have a travel day. But on June 9th, Chris, where are we going?

and what are we going to be doing? We're going to Pittsburgh and we're going to be talking about a little movie called Taken. Taken. We're going to be at the Rex Theater. We're taking the Rex Theater over. And it's the OG taken, the number

one, not none of them, sequels. Marco from Tripoyas is going to get what's coming to him. Totally. Then we're heading south. A couple of days off, 6.15, June 15th, we're going to the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina to be

talking about Understige Andrew Jupin's favorite movie. Fucking loving it, dude. I'm telling you, Tommy Lee Jones plus electric guitar equals Bonertown. What the fuck am I doing on his boat? You're the fucking chef, dude. And then if you're in North Carolina, you're like, oh, I just get one, we hate movies, show fucking wrong. Absolutely wrong.

You better get in your car and you better also go to Asheville the next night at the Orange Peel because we're talking about Junior and it's going to be a gross fucking church. Yeah, that's right. I'm having a baby. and you're invited. By the way, come to both shows. What the hay?

You might as well. What's that? You're taking the whole week off of work because you're going to Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, Tennessee, 617. We're going to be at Zanis. We are talking about the original footloose. Fuck, that's going to be fun.

To end this leg of the tour. Probably a little bit of a WLM there in Nashville. Sure, yeah. Maybe for you. So Kevin Bacon. The dancing is going to be out. We might ask the. audience to dance. I don't know. It's going to happen. You never know.

Party. By the way, tickets are kind of flying, so don't sleep on these gang. All of these have VIP meet and greets. It's a VIP. Some of them get you preferential seating. Some of them don't. I'm not sure. But you get to meet us after the show. If you want. Exactly. Maybe if you want to sign up just for the preferential seating, I understand. You just want to wave at us. You don't have to shake our hands. We're creeps. But yeah, those meet and greets are a lot of fun if you want to do that. But those go really quick, usually. So those are the ones you want to get first if you're into that but also get those tickets yeah don't sleep on that stuff all tickets are available right now go to w hmpodcast dot com click on that tour tab all the information is

right there it's all laid out for you our 2020 tour kicks off in june we're super excited to get back on the road and we cannot wait to see you there june 6th the we hate movies 2020 tour kicks off in detroit the motor city do not miss us on the road this year gang we'll see you soon On this week's program, it's Saw meets Dead Man Walking. It's law-abiding citizen. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska.

Have you seen Dead Man Walking? Chris Cabin. He's on Death Row, right? Yeah, yeah, that's about it. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. It is the start of the 2020 listener request month.

Holy fucking shit. And this is Law-Biting Citizen who's requested by Jack from Chicago. Let's hear this fella. Hey, what's up, guys? This is Jack calling from Chicago. I'd recommend the 2009 political law-based thriller Law Abiding Citizen starring Jamie Fox and Gerard Butler. It's a mess of a film. It's pretty implausible, to put it mildly, and it has probably the most audience-insulting twist of any recent movie that I've seen.

And plus, you basically give you an opportunity to do impersonations of Jared Butler, which are always fun. I love you guys. You guys are a lot of fun looking forward to whatever you end up to than do. Have a great one. A nice, polite call. Sure. You know what? Good for you, buddy. Good phone manners.

So now I won't call him a jackoff. I would like to thank everybody that called in. And I will also thank everybody, you really heard the brief message. You really did it. Nice. Almost everybody was under a minute. Some people like a minute 30, very few two minutes, which is great. Were they all polite as this guy?

Oh, some were mostly polite. Some were very nice. Yeah, this is Jason from Cincinnati. Fuck you, Steve. I would like to see. Usually Steve comes out of his jerk den where he does all his work. With long white hair, long nails, and like hissing at people saying, it's done.

The work is done. Today he had just a normal haircut. I also love everybody, the guy, the people that call in multiple times and it's like, yeah, this is John from. Oh, shit. And it's just like, hang on. One of my favorite things about doing this show, dude, when someone, and listen, I get it, I get it. You're on a clock, it's very weird.

I totally get it. It is the funniest fucking thing when someone bottoms out on a phone call and bails. Hello, I'd like to request Beverly Hills Cop 2. Oh, wait, I'm going to call you right back. I would like to request Beverly Hillscop 3. Three is the one. Oh, man, I left a voicemail for my dentist recently, and I was like, oh, no, this is not going, should I bail out? I can get bail out?

Poor person's going to listen to this So I had to go through with it and just sound like an idiot I can't answer you I don't know what you're talking about But all voicemails should work with At the end it's like Would you like to delete or leave your message? Absolutely

Your lips to God's ears do you? Oh yeah And if you could just call me back Well actually you can't because you're dead Oh shit I want you to start vomiting on the voice mail Entire scene from swingers Related to calling into this podcast

We're all beautiful babies. This is law-abiding citizen from 2009, directed by F. Gary Gray. More like F. Gary making bad movies. Got his ass. Hey, I changed my name, okay? It's gray now. Well, he did some of those Fast and Furious people like.

No, he did eight. No, he did the one that everybody was the one. That was the one. That was it, dude. He did straight out of Compton, which everybody likes. I didn't see that. It's pretty good.

It's a great cable movie. It's a great cable movie. It's like, you know, Oscars, yeah. But cable. Oh, G&T Super Station. What are we talking about? Primo with the fingers, Paul Giamati villain. Yes.

Oh, right. It's like the crooked manager or something. It's like pig vomit. Oh, yes. The role he was born to play. So this is a movie where Jamie Fox kind of like he's an ADA

you know he's a prosecutor in the DA's office at the start of this movie so he's a dude who like kind of slacks on the job a little bit and uh the murderer of Gerard Butler's family goes free after three years in prison he doesn't slack he's got a 96% fucking uh rate for getting people behind bars

well he's fucking he's cork in his bat then dude because he's bailing on this case because it's like you know we could go to trial you may lose and they could both Walk free. I'm not moneyballing this thing. It's part of, you know, I don't know where it comes from,

but he's good at what he does. We do, so we start as like Gerard Butler. He's like hanging out with this little precious angelic baby daughter. You're like, oh, there's a ticking clock above your head, sweetheart. And, you know, instantly there's a home invasion. Also, within the two minutes and 30 seconds,

I count it. Mm-hmm. There is a rape scene. Now, most of the time, it takes you more time to figure out if F. Murray Abraham is in a movie? Like if you're just like, is there going to be an end F. Murray Abraham? That's what the rape scene is.

It's like the beginning. Because you know what, Steve? This movie's got places to be. No, personally, I view the appearance of F. Murray Abraham to be better than a rape. Well, I also agree. I would agree with that. That's a fun surprise. That's a bad surprise. Also, you're softball on it here, Steve. I don't want to call you out, but you're

softballing it. This is rape going into necrophilia. Yeah. It's a BTK situation. First of all, they are bound. Well, my thing is, it also doesn't even, like, Gerard Butler never even talks with, like, and then they raped my wife, which made me even angrier. It's just like, she's dead. Like, so just fucking killer.

If we're doing women in refrigerators, let's do that. Let's not also add the ubiquitous dumb rape scene for no reason. Funny enough, I didn't really even notice it. You get a thong shot. Yeah, because it's interrupted by his daughter. Yes. And the guy's like, I know how to take care of. I only notice, like, the fat dude, like, pulling his pants back up.

I didn't see a thong shot. There is. There is. Yeah, absolutely is. I mean, I wasn't refuting the existence of said thonged shot. I just missed it. It really starts out with the little girl making a necklace for mommy. Of course.

And Gerard Butler calls her Pumpkinhead. I also go, shit, is this setting up the Pumpkinhead franchise? Dude, pumpkinhead started with a dead kid. And that would only exist if Lance Henriksen was one of these, it was Darby. I actually, Gerard Butler in Pumpkinhead in the Lance Henrickson role as a remake, I'm okay with that because he does a good job at like grief-stricken dude whose life is ruined. I'm going to have to go to this old lady. Come on, Pumpkinhead, go get him.

Oh, yeah, put Gerard Butler in Manchester by the sea. I cannot do it. I'm from Boston. Dunkin' Donuts. yeah so you know it's your classic home invasion gerard butler has to watch as everything goes down it's a bat to the face immediately which is awesome yes pretty solid bat to me he sells it too

it's a fat guy and a tweakery kind of guy yeah sort of like a badger and skinny peat situation a bit and the skinny guy's like hey man what do you do and he's like out of here and he has like all this shoot he's like you can't cheat fate like this guy is like a poor man's donald logg by the way oh absolutely uh this guy's playing like a premier fucking scumbag this is donald logg from the bad biff future

not not the tau of steve no no that's a nice one that's what he's put behind bars um yeah so then we meet jimmy fox like i said is this prosecutor you know trying these two guys or whatever. And the scumbag guy, the rapist and murderer guy, has made a deal. And he's fucking turning the tweaker guy in saying it was all on him. Jamie Fox is like, well, bang, boom, I have this deal, I have this confession.

That tweaker dude's going to get the death penalty. And you, Mr. Darby, you will get three years in prison for like murder three. And like, he has to like with most of these deals, you have to, and also I just don't even see like the benefit to Jamie Fox. Like, yeah, oh, I don't want to lose my case, blah, blah, blah.

Sure, because he's got the conviction rate he's worried about because he wants to eventually piece of shit. Well, yeah, he's talked to, Bruce McGill about it and he seems very concerned. Because he's an instrument of the state, an uncaring instrument of the state. And he has to be taught

is the point of this movie. He has to learn. I don't know, man, this movie, I don't know who to sign with. Well, also, the movie, the thesis of the movie just falls apart about halfway through. I'd say three quarters of the way through. But it will also say up top you may notice my tone here i kind of enjoyed watching this movie it's kind of a fun

movie i will say that i never saw it before neither means he ever going to stay quiet yeah yeah yeah it's wrong obviously gerard butler ends up murdering tons of innocent people to try to prove that his wife and daughter were innocent okay he's about to kill the takeout delivery man who gave them pizza that afternoon like he's really going for the full fucking deck you said 30 minutes or less That was my daughter's final meal And it was a bit cold Time to die I'm cutting a slice out of you

I mean the mayor was late that day Because of you I do think this is that This proves that Gerard Butler is like The Al Pacino In the 70s of dad movies Like this is he is the If you got a dad movie

A movie that is four dads by dads You are getting Gerard Butler Yeah this movie like the the, uh, the Venn diagram of like dudes who like this movie and dudes who like like John Wayne movies. Uh-huh. Exactly. A lot of overlap. A lot of purple overlap. This is, this is, this is hardcore dad territory, man. Do not return. Imagine your dad's fucking retin coriolanus. What? What? What are they saying? This is all going to be, oh man, Ray Fines M from the, the Bond movies of Gerard Butler getting it on. What are they saying?

What's that? What's that? It's really good. It is really good. Coriolanus. Yeah. Never saw it. It's a.

Shakespeare out of it. Well, that I know. I'm not totally uncultured. I'm sorry. But yeah. That's me. But I don't know what like the deal. It wasn't cornholios.

That's what I was wondering. I was like, wait, so who's butthead in this? Who's wearing their t-shirt over there. It's also pretty obvious from the get that Darby isn't gonna be cool about it like look if you get off with the murder just be cool but right up dude but like he's not gonna be cool he's gonna be doing like fucking he's gonna be press tours and shit like that motherfucker let me off and i cut that bitch up yeah i'll sign a deal why don't you kiss me on the lips first in a perfect world derby would have some sports memorabilia that

he can then try to steal back yeah a few years later derby will be arrested in Las Vegas in the shitty hotel this is my stuff this is my stuff. So like just imagine this movie done by like Ron Goldman's dad or whatever. Yeah, that's a good point. Cool, right? That would be fun. But then like I guess that world also Darby would be like on Twitter posting videos for some reason. Here's me in a habatchi. I'm Darby and I'm free. Let me weigh in on the Kobe Bryant tragedy. Hi, it's me. Darby. Is it O.J. Simpson doing shit like this on Twitter? Yeah. That's exactly. With his phone.

in the backyard doing the twirl No, my wife has some story though about back in the 90s when he got off he moved back, he moved to Miami where she grew up and like they straight up would see him at a habachi restaurant and like what ultimate culinary

trolling that is to go to a knife forward fucking restaurant. Yeah. What a piece of shit. Wow, Miami's like the American Crime Story Capitol. I haven't seen this movie yet. Has anyone watched that the Nigel Brown Simpson something or other with Mina Suvari? Oh, no.

Morally can't. No, I can't. I can't. Wait, wait, look what you do for a living. Don't tell me you morally can't watch it. This one I might have to duck out of it. Is this a crackle original? It's the.

I've never heard of this. I think crackle helps her nose and past. Actually, no, wait a second. We were talking about this. I remember this because the same person did the haunting of shit. It's a movie that supposes What if OJ is telling the truth And there was a second guy

Who did it with him? That's pretty cool And it was Nick Stahl Oh, played the dude Where'd they find him? Is that great question No, he was missing Probably going on 10 years ago

I didn't know they found him Welcome to dumpster casting What can we get for you Would you like a Nick Stahl I could get you for a banana peel Oh man That's where they got fucking meat of safari too guys i'm sorry

half a bottle of hooch i can get your men a savari my favorite just half a bottle not even a full fucking load Kevin come on David fastino do you got a crumb he'll take it for a crumb I mean I guess cabin has a point that you want to

start the negotiations there yeah they're going to build up to give him place the movie all I got is these cans you got Michael Winslow if you want them they're just dusted off it's perfectly Look, it's a watch But I will be honest with you It doesn't work and cannot be fixed

Well, here's Chris Klein Look, I forget all their names But they're all in the background of oranges The New Black, I can give it for free Get a little bundle Bundle of oranges The New Black Extras Oh my Lord

The answer is no one Zee that movie So Jason Biggs Got it got a new sitcom Did he? so whatever what am I just do that was no it was completely

that was actually the exact reaction I wanted yeah so like he gives it this deal but he has to sell it to Gerard Butler that's not sell

or at least like break the news to him well that's Bruce McGill's like hey motherfucker you gotta tell this dude or he specifically says because you don't know what Jamie Fox is working on and he's like

well you have you're gonna have to tell the husband cut to he's talking with Gerard Butler and you realize that's how things are coming together nicely here. And he's got the first of many wigs. This one's not supposed to be a wig. This is supposed to be like his morning hair.

Yeah. Well, this is, yeah. Not in the day, but like this. He didn't shower, but he did comb it. Yeah. Well, because right after this scene, the movie jumps 10 years in the future so that it's like Gerard Butler's actual 2009 hair cut. He looks like a Muppet newscaster. He does. You need

to, I know like your family is dead, Just get some volume in there, dude. A little bit. Take your out the fucking water pressure, man. You got to fucking wash that shit out, dude. It's just like sticking in there, weighing your hair down. You look like shit. And he's like, well, we're going to get that son of a bitch.

Ames for fucking murder one motherfucker. Ames? You remember Ames, right? He's like, yeah. Darby, by the way, we'll be getting a check for $400. Darby is now receiving the Medal of Freedom. I wouldn't be surprised. You know what, Darby got a bad deal.

Sure, he fired all those guns at those cops immediately when they came for him. But that's not an admission of guilt. I mean, who cares that he killed a little girl? My friend, Peter Gallagher, Special Forces, killed tons of little girls. Everybody talks about Darb. Nobody talks about Ames. Why don't we talk about Ames? Folks, he did the whole thing. You know what? A lot of people talking about Ames.

Pretty bad stuff. know the guy pretty bad stuff ames uh here's uh 15 pictures of you with ames uh yep my syphilitic brain is eating itself from the inside out oh oh i thought that was dames my good friend bill dame listen i meet a lot of family annihilators you run if you run a golf course you will meet multiple family annihilators i can't keep track by the way does anyone have ames phone number an ad paid for by the Super Pack Family Annihilators for Trump There's

Oh, there's so many bad dudes on motorcycles, family annihilators. Holy fuck. They're a tough guy. Holy fuck, family annihilators maxed out. Oh, shit. So he's Ack. Jerome Butler does not take the news

light. He's not really cool with it. Yeah, he, then he goes up to a, uh, Darby in the courtroom and he's like Darby you have to sign this paperwork and like even the judge is like really this guy's gonna get off this is jamie fox's greatest line delivery in this movie though because like Darby's got some flippant comment to him and Jamie Fox like just kind of leans in and whispers and he's like fuck this up yeah yeah like please do this please fuck this up and he signs it off it's yeah yeah oh yeah oh oh yeah oh oh oh yeah oh oh darby wins again la la la la la la la my honor would you like to come of a free man would you like to come and sit on my face

Darby, remember the name. I'll be around. So, and that's the thing, too. There's a press conference immediately thereafter. And I was like, why'd you let that fucking scum back go? And he's like, well, there's a lot of things that Darby's in the back and it's like, La La La La La La La La La La La La La. And it's like, yeah, dude, that's why you don't let that guy go.

The one thing that would never be allowed to come to pass, though, is Darby comes up and fucking shakes Jamie Fox's hand, absolutely not. Exactly. He'll be fucking tackled to the ground immediately. Then we get cut to 10 years later. Right. And so Jamie Fox is now a big shit at the DA's office. Now he's probably like ADA.

But now he's on the take. This house is a little too nice for the ADA. Yeah. Oh, well, this is, I mean, it's Philadelphia, dude. I don't know. It's like a big, you know, municipality. Correct. Do we find out of Virginia Hall is, she like a, she's a teacher, right?

I've got no worthly idea. I think she's great in papers in the beginning. Oh, okay. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't get that at all. Well, that's surprising because she's barely in it and says five words. Yeah, I don't even remember.

this woman. Regina Hall from Supporting Girls. Well, we get your classic hook junk bonds scene, you know what I mean? Because it's like, are you going to come to the big cello recital?

But the difference though is that this daughter is like, yeah, I get it. I know you got to work. You got to put away bad guys and, you know, you're going to miss my recital. Okay. And Regina Hall's like, no, no.

She's just like saying that. She's totally not cool. And it's like, I don't know. Maybe the kid is cool that. Maybe she gets like stage fright if both parents are there at the same time. Why don't you fucking lay off it, Regina Hall? Maybe she only loves her mother.

Yeah, I think that's fine. We're there. Only three scenes for the family. Yeah, it's barely there. But then at the end, it's like, oh, man. The fact, that's when the movie starts to fall apart. You know what I mean? So this guy, Ames gets the death penalty.

Is that 10 years later? Yes, it is. It's about to get murdered. So, like, 2009, Pennsylvania's doing the death penalty? I don't know if they are or not. I have no clue. Still, it seems weird. Death penalty in general

A bit odd, a bit off Bit weird, bit weird You know, just put someone in a hole You know, I'm gonna say I'm against it Oh, yep, strange day, I don't like it I am against it as well, Chris I don't like it, I'm gonna say I'm following your courage

Thank you. Big, big shocker here I'm coming out in favor of being against the death penalty I don't think the state should decide who lives and who dies I mean, there you know, obviously. I mean, what do I know? But I think not.

Plenty of innocent people have been executed. What if that guy was a supporting actor on the criminal minds, though? I'll light him up. What are you talking about? That's the guy who plays Ames is a guy that's on criminal minds a bunch. I thought there was some actor from that show who was fucking wrongfully executed. Oh, Thomas Gibson's going to go away for murder? Don't tease me.

Dude, you want to turn your brain entirely off. Just watch the television series Criminal Minds. It's blissful. It is white noise with Siri. I'm okay. Now, see, you say it's white noise. It's like the eraser head baby to me watching that thing. Really?

Now, where in the heaven? Everything is criminal minds. Fucking Sherry Orbach's eyes walk by. Is this part of the Law & Order? No. This is on CBS. It was on CBS. It's on, like, we TV.

They're like, all day, criminal minds. And I'm like, am I hungover? Uh-oh. Are you a fucking idiot that confused criminal minds for criminal intent? Well, you're stuck here now. I've never seen a second of that show. So is it, like, dumb CSI? It's dumb or CSI.

It's only serial killers. And every week there's a new dumb serial killer. Well, that's a lot of serial killers. And I know, like, there's a lot, but that seems like a lot. And they'll be, like, a genius character on the team who will explain. in like colorblind list to the audience is like oh he's colorblind and somebody's like colorblind the genius is like

well yeah that's actually when you can't really see color sometimes some people are completely colorblind other people can't mix up reds and greens well this sounds like mind farter this is joe montania right yeah oh yeah the latter joe montania but it was like another person right didn't joe montania like replace somebody

or he was replaced by someone what's his face um mandi batan that's right the first two seasons It's like, all that ever happens on this show is women get murdered. And guess what they're like, yeah, thanks, but no thanks. We're going to keep killing women. I'm going to go to a show where a woman kills people. Homeland, season nine.

But I remember, though, when he left that show, it was like, that fucking piece of shit. Trash talk, criminal minds, and then fucking left. But if that's his reasoning, like, yeah. He's totally right. He's entirely right. Also, that explainer character that you're talking about, that's because that shows watched on CBS by, like, like a bunch of retired people.

And, you know, you got to spoon feed that shit. Sometimes people die and they leave the TV on. Joe Montania should look towards the camera. Occasion, like, did you take all of your pills today? Are you sure? Now check, check your little capsules. Okay. I prefer criminal feet on ABC.

It's much better. It's just Robert John Burke plays all the roles. And Tarantino directed one episode, right? it was like critically single shot i i'm not gonna spoil what it is wiggle wiggle so this guy's about to get executed um leslie bib is in this movie for a hot minute sure this is another fucking totally useless character she's gonna go watch her first execution and i look this up i guess it's not all the time but like most of the time executions are at midnight right like that's the thing i guess so but a lot of it's like you know early morn the midnight special that was a song once

about execution i mean i would love to go to one of these things. Especially at midnight, it sounds great. Do they have drinks? I don't know. Then you're anticipating it all day. You think about all day. I don't believe there are. Just to quickly point this out for clarification. I do not think there are concession

stands at execution. However, maybe there should be. Popcorn, hot dogs. Jimmy Fox just has a thing as Sour Patch kids. Yeah, that's what I was going to say, Kevin. A good, like, gummy candy? Absolutely. No, you know, Eric, you're being so ridiculous. You go to a

Alamo system. You have a little card that just says I want a beer. Excuse me, sir. This is the second complaint we've had of you talking during this execution. We're going to have to ask you. This execution is now a quiet zone. They'll be ejected without a refund. I'll have the death row homemade Doritos.

You're ruining this. A message from Ethel Rosenberg. The only thing that should light up in this theater is the electric chair. I'm not you and your seats. Or maybe, maybe some of the guy's hair. Just a little bit. Also,

we shouldn't have killed the Rosenberg. No, of course. No, that was a big flub. That was a big, egg was on everyone's face. I'll have a plate of the electric churros.

Oh, fuck, dude. Cool name for a band. Oh, yeah. You definitely want themed cocktails as well. Absolutely. Ride the Lightning, vodka, and pop rocks. I'll have the Amesaretto Sour.

Ooh, thank you. That's a fun one. I like that. See, I was going to do a sour too. I was going to say the Cincinnati Slayer Sour. That's a good movie. I love the pre-show programming of all the former murders. Totally. It's actually just reels of faces of death. Yeah, exactly. And like assorted weird cartoons from Turkey. Yeah, like fun executions depicted in film and cinema, like Brody being hung in Yes, with the Benny Hill

theme song going on over it. He goes up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Oh, that dude whose face gets his fire in the green mild, that guy gets it bad. When they don't give him the sponge? That's a double execution.

Well, that's what kind of happens in this movie, by the way. What were you going to say? This is a dog throat super cut. Well, the only reason that I mentioned Leslie Bibb is because Richard Portnoy, Portnoy. Portnoy. Portnoy. Portnoy.

Port. Not porno. No, not porno. I think it's porn. I'll have the Pino Noir at this execution. Thank you. He's like the scumbag defense attorney. He gets aims off. He's my favorite part.

Or Darby. I'm sorry. Because the judge is like, Mr. Defense attorney, do you have anything to say? And he's like, Your Honor, I'm a piece of shit. You know I'm a piece of shit. The audience and the jury know. I'm a piece of shit. I have no

insight for you. Goodbye. I would like to go home now. Speaking to pig vomit, by the way, he played Howard Stern's father in private park. Yes, he did. He's in seven. He's got the best line. And he still has hell to look forward to. Richard Portnau. Portnau. Good thing we got to correct it, though, to avoid Portnau's

complaint. Ames. Ames is getting executed here, right? Yeah. And Darby's the guy got to go to jail for three years or he's already been. He's done and gone. When they were sending him to jail, someone was like, huh, send him in that jail, that's a gladiator academy.

Yeah. Oh, right. I love that idea of a jail being a gladiator academy. Yeah. You don't actually get rehabilitated in American prisons, obviously. No, we don't care about that. But the only time that's actually been a gladiator academy is Rickashay. Oh, my God, that film is triumphant.

There was actual gladiator fights in that movie. Have you ever seen this? Is that Denza, Washington? versus John Lithgow. I never saw it. It is ginamite. It's really something. You get a fight scene

between John Lithgow and Jesse Ventura. What? I think that was the cellmate, right? I think that's the summit. I'm pretty sure on that. I always confuse that movie with, what is that Jamie Lee Curtis movie where she's a cop?

Blue Steel. Yes. I don't know why. It's a great movie. I confuse those two movies all the time. I have no idea. So anyway, we go to fucking give this to the electric. No, not electric chair.

excuse me, lethal injection. Yes. And yet, like, the whole thing is Jimmy Fox is like, it's your first execution. You're ready for it? But it's also weird because in the beginning,

she's like his assistant and then 10 years pass and she's still his assistant. What is his feudal system? I think it's a thing where she's just kind of waiting because it's like eventually he'll be the DA.

I guess so. Maybe she'll get bumped up to ADA. She got a title bump. She's super assistant. And Richard Portnow is just like, well, you're still looking Good in those heels, baby. And I'm like, this is an execution.

Dude, great place to meet women. That's a little known fact. I'm freshly divorced. What are you doing after this? Leslie Pip. It's kind of disgusting, though, because Jimmy Fox is like, what the fuck you've been doing here? Like, you got the other guy off.

And he's like, I just thought that he'd need some moral support. Murder makes me horny. Also that. And he kind of does the thing. He's like, you know, you're executing the wrong man here. I didn't really do anything, blah, blah, blah. All right, poor Ames. He's like, the wrong man's going to die today, but whatever.

My favorite is the two attendants in the room. He's like, look at me. Look at me! Look at me in the eye before you killed me. Oh, right. And they fucking inject him, and he gets the bane serum somehow. Dude, this was something else, huh? They injected him with some wacky shit.

He started screaming. You know what he kind of looks like when all is said and done, his complexion makes him sort of look like how they designed the Borg Queen in Star Trek first contact. Because it's like his skin turns all gray but it's got like black marks all over it. What a fucking poison. Looks like he's about to become black heart.

Or venom, a little bit of venom going on. By the way. Venom, venom, venom, venom. Some dirt bikes went by there.

Some dirt bikes went by there. So Gerard Butler arranges this by the way and you know, so that his death is harder, you know, more, more, you know, it hurts. He dies. horribly. Yes. So like

then just kill Darby and be done with it. That's where I'm coming from. Why do we need to have this giant scheme? Because his beef is with the whole system dude. Yeah. Darby is just a tiny cog in the fucking

poison machine that is the system. He's more mad at the system than he is at these killers. If you're trying to take down the system that killed, that is responsible for the death of your wife and daughter, Take down big fentanyl, okay? Like, that's where you want to start.

That's what those dudes are fucking on when this shit went down. Why not the mercs just for the hell of it? Yeah, no one's going to lose any sleep over that. You can just connect it anywhere. You're killing everybody. So why do I picketoo's like this? This is a satire. Allegedly.

We don't want to actually kill people. No, not at all. I'm just a fake Gerard Butler character. Exactly. There we go. And enthusiastically, you should kill the messers for sure. They find on one of the chemical bottles for the lethal injection, someone has scrawled on the back of it.

You can't fight fate, which is what Darby said to him outside the courtroom or something. So the guy loading this machines was like, someone scratched a little thing, or whatever. Dude, I get paranoid when like the foils just the littleest bit off on a bottle of Tylenol. Throw that shit out, get a new one. Someone carved shit in it. They kind of have tons of it. Hey, Jimmy Foxx,

somebody replaced this poison with a mixture of Sprite and Sierra Miss. That kills you right away. That's a painful way to go. I think the ginger ale at the Lethal Injection Academy is just cooking Sprite mix together. How can I prove it?

Damn it, I can't. I mean, honestly, you inject soda directly into the bloodstream. There are bubbles in there. You'll be just, just as good. It'd probably be cheaper. Cost effective. Why does Jamie Fox become like the lead detective on this case?

Like he's just a prosecutor. He's riding around in cop cars immediately. Isn't Colmini the detective? Yes, he is. Colmini is like the dude on the case. And oftentimes, I mean, working with the DA's office that closely, they will be with the police department. He has to sort of like, you know, oftentimes you'll see this where they're like encouraging

the cops to like go look at whatever, like my client talks. hold me this, can you go investigate it? So there is that relationship. This movie, though, Steve, to your point, you are correct, it oversteps into, like, there's a part later where, like, Jamie Fox is just carrying a gun around. And I'm like, I don't know if that's cool. I mean, it's Pennsylvania, so I guess maybe the law is different.

I would, first of all, I love Colmini, obviously, the chief, of course. Or Hell on Wheels fanatic over here. I just watched a fucking intermission he's great in. You just watched Hell on Wheels? No, of course. What are you fucking crazy? No, I'm sorry.

I've never seen Air Force sad. I was just joking. I know you like it. I watched like four episodes. It's terrible. It's not good. But I like it. It's not good.

It's terrible. Don't watch it. Steve is correct. He's excellent in Ireland's intermission with Colin Farrell. Also, I was going to say, though, I watched a fucking baller episode of DS9 last night where he has to go undercover and finds out this fucking crazy, like, terrorist thing is going on. Bad ass. Not enough coal meeting in this movie.

And also, he doesn't have a painful death. And I'm like, well, what the fuck are we doing here? What's the point? You sort of expect that. But like, you know, we're talking about Jamie Fox being like a vaguely defined lawman practically in this carrying the guy. This movie would have been better if it was set in 1900. And then I would buy some of the shit that are like, oh, of course tunnels.

We'll get there. But it's 1900. What else are they doing? It's tunnels. But it would be kind of weird, dude, when that robot kills everybody in the cemetery later in this movie. We'll also get to it. But probably in comparison, Darby.

versus Gerard Butler and this, Drar Butler is responsible for more of innocent people dying. As it turns out. Absolutely. Because he crosses the line, dude.

Because they're like, oh my God, it was Darby. Let's go get him. They drive to Darby's house. Darby gets a call from, it's me. I'm your friend.

You need to get out of there right away. Oh, I could see you from here. Coke on the table. Bitch on the floor. That's three strikes. You're going back. I mean, you're going back to prison now.

What's your favorite torture porn? movie. And this is like dude, he's on the phone with someone fucking with his voice. Tell him to do all these things, leap through all these hoops. This is saw, baby. It's exactly saw. And it gets really soft for a while and then stops being

saw. I wanted to be saw all the way through. I was pretty disappointed that the saw name stops. If you want a saw rip-off that keeps on being saw, I might die in Lane in untraceable. Oh. Very similar type of movie. Oh, yes. Her and Colin

Hank's are tracing an internet serial killer. Does she get cut up into pieces? She does not. Other people do, though. That is a movie. I'm confident I saw that movie in theaters. I remember absolutely nothing about it. Well, that's what makes it untraceable Andrew.

It escaped from consciousness. That's so smart. That movie was shot in a disappearing film. You watch it, and then it instantly fades from your head. There is I think there is a Ray Leota movie called Like, Forget unforgettable or something? Unforgettable, which is incredibly forgettable.

They playing that fucking tune in it? I believe so. I believe so in the trailer. Yeah. Which I know for some reason. Evil Peter Coyote's playing it. Ooh, nice. Um, so they go to Darby. Darby escapes and like, there's a cop car and there's a cop car and there's a cop policeman who's been knocked out. Get in the cop car. Yeah. And it's Gerard Butler with this white wig on. Dude, he looks like Jeffrey Dahmer. He kind of does. Thanks for the heads up, dude. Yeah, I'm not getting in the cop car. Yeah, totally. You know what?

I'm not going to hang out with a police officer right now while they're hunting me. Oh, is that number eight bus? That's where I'm going. Exactly right. I mean, this is like, it could be like the laziest cop trap of all time. Like, yeah, yeah, get in this other cop car. He's been knocked out. He's right near the train tracks.

Hop a train there, Darby. Or just go to the other side. Dude, the other side of the tracks. Farmer's daughter is good here. That's right. How many notches on the old post was that? Looks like they got good pies there, Darby. Yeah, so it's Gerard Butler, man, and he fucking wakes up.

And, you know, he's still, like, playing the doofus. Like, oh, don't kill me. You know, so Darby makes him drive kind of a thing. They go to a secluded area. And then it's like, I did not. And, again, I remember when this movie came out, I didn't know anything about, like, what it was about. But if you told me, Andrew, you're going to watch Gerard Butler rip this pencil-thin Gomez-Adams mustache off his face in this movie?

I would not have believed you. I would not have believed you if you told me this movie was about Jared Butler being a master tactician. That's what's going on here. Because the Darby's got the upper hand. He's got a gun on him. He's like, now you're going to die, coppa. And then he's like, I don't believe that all happened, mustache rip. also like the mustache like

I understand like maybe this guy remembers you he probably doesn't it's been 10 years he's a scumbag yes and then the Darby tries to pull the trigger anyway and it injects him with a bunch of it's like it's like a I don't even know what to describe this is it's like a

fucking hellraiser device or something it shoots out all these spikes into his hand and then Gerard Butler explains that this is the toxins from the puffer fish I feel like this is the only way we're going to get you to take your when you're an old age, Eric. Of course, yeah.

Just convince me that this is a real cop I need to kill. Point this at this person you hate, Eric. This, yeah, you'll kill them. You'll kill them right there. Okay. No, I've been healed. Not health vitality. Ah, I was sitting at home morning my family watching old Simpsons episodes.

Got the idea for the puffer fish gag. It is ridiculous because he explains that like, oh, it's going to. it's going to paralyze you but you're going to feel everything every bit of pain you will feel you do not see uh gerar butler having to carry a very large derby back to the car because that is some shoulder work you're doing there well this is 2009 on task rabbit help me move a fat guy already got the rope look we're not it's all cool just help me move this fat guy that is a good tip in it for ye i'll tip ye on the app and i'll give you a little cash in person too i got this guy who's on an improv team he helped me move it i have to say mentally while watching this movie at this part

right here i called gerard butler's bluff i was like this is getting really sawy right here like you're not gonna oh what's that and then we cut to this fucking torture scene i cannot believe it. It's nuts. He's got the thing, he's got a neck brace on and he's like, oh, if ye close your eyes, I'm going to have to come out and this box cutter, it's for your willie.

It's kind of funny, because in this torture porn scenario, he's like, penis. Yeah. Like, if there were, if there was like ever a time for some dick slang, dude. You're dingling. Oh, ye can call me

Dr. Giggles. This box gutters for ye tithe. Welcome back to Dick Slang with Tarar Butler here on Sirius XM, the Man Network. Channel 247. Actually, James Vanderbik's list from Varsity Blues would limit it, completely limited. So not only is he giving

sling terms for penises. He's criticizing others' lists, I see. the mushroom king what's that I'll see what else is on so yeah I'm also going to inject you with adrenaline to keep you awake

we don't want you passing out absolutely also Steve by the way he doesn't threaten to cut his eyes out he flat out says he's going to cut his eyelids off he brings a mirror down hanging over there's a photograph of the wife and the daughter and he's like now they can watch you

You suffer. Wait, why are ye getting in erection? No, don't look at it. All right, I'm taking it off. Come on, buddy. Just give me one more yank. One more yank before I go. Come on, buddy.

You got me here. You got me here. I'm done for it. Just do one more for me, buddy. You got to cut it off anyway. Just give me a victory lap. I'm sorry for what I done. What I did?

All the crimes included in. Just give me one more wank. One more wink before I go. Bruce wank. but the picture though on the mirror it's a wallet-sized photo and it's like 100 i'm like wait who's that who is that supposed to be he brings it down close though doesn't he a little bit but even still especially without my glasses my god is that the family i abandoned i mean yeah i'm gonna feel bad now is that carbon electric all right here comes that final boner i don't know why you put up

an image of dakota fanning no is that carbon electric and mackenzie Austin from the motion picture of the mating habit of Earthbound a human? Oh, no, it's not. Okay. I thought it was a promotional limit for that fine film. Oh, it's a big street of your dead family. Excuse me, I don't have my glasses on. You should have got

to bigger. You know what Kinko's is? I thought it was my favorite movie. Well, that's... Why did you say that movie? That's my favorite movie. I've got to let you go now. Acme plans. Oh, that'd be amazing.

A decade's worth of plans blown because they both love the earth what is it the mating happens of the earthbound human right one of our earliest episodes you can find in the archive on patreon.com slash we hit movies uh so yeah he fucking cuts his dude's legs off he cuts his eyelids off

he cuts that cock off he fucking decapitates this guy we do see the beginning of a buzzsaw going into his like shin which is like oof it's kind of good it's great it's kind of amazing earlier the whole junk bond scene between jami fox that has daughter, it's like, just get me the DVD, sweetheart. I'll watch the DVD. We'll watch the DVD

together. And we're saying DVD a bunch. Oh, absolutely. Bada, but da, da, da, da, da, da, da, ba, da. I'm going to pay extra getting on HDDD. It's the new wave of the future, baby. Oh, what a fucking miscalculation, Jamie Fox. So he gets a DVD special delivered to his house, and she's like, that must be the recital. Oh, man, it's awesome. And even Regina Hall, you know, this is a teaching moment. She's like, don't watch that. I want to. watch it with your with your dad blah blah when he gets home and he's like i'll watch it anyway and that's what you watch is a snuff film yeah this is the biggest example of this movie jamy fox is a terrible fucking dad because regina hall calls him in hysterics and is like this fucking DVD that our daughter

just watched it's a snuff film uh and i think it's that dude that you sent away to jail for a little bit. I don't know what's going on here, but it's horrible and she's traumatized. And he's like, all right, tell her it was fake and I'll be home when I get home. Well, that's the thing. I would be against the, except for he's dealing with naked Gerard Butler. Oh, that's right. In his little exile home with this is outstanding because they show up to try to arrest him because they're like, well, who could possibly be a suspect in this? And they mentioned Gerard Butler. Because it was, he was found in a property that Gerard Butler owned. Right, because he owns all these.

He's a gizmo inventor. Tinkerer, we're told, which if anyone ever referred to me is that I would find a new profession immediately. What kind of profession? He's like, oh, he holds 22 patents, which he sold to buy industrial land. He used invent help to his advantage or whatever. He was the guy that called that number. He's the one guy.

That caveman has been telling me for 25 years to call that number with invention ideas. And no way, I think that's a scam. And then Chris, he sees the police sirens coming. And he's like, all right, that'll disrupt. The most pretentious fucking I'm an engineer thing in the world, he's just fiddling with Da Vinci flying machine. He's like, all right, time to give it up. Time to go.

Where DaVinci only dreamed of going, killing a bunch of people. Dude, if Da Vinci was given the chance, man, he would have fucking executed tons of people. Saw prequel, Da Vinci. Oh, totally. Now enough movies take place during the Renaissance. Absolutely. Clearer, a lot of flowing robes.

And you're killing a game. You're killing a bunch of crooked Cardinals and shit. Yeah. Try to make the gold machine again like in Hudson Hawk. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Forget about that gold machine. But why does he get naked? I guess it's just show that he's not fully cooperative. But there is, it is pretty pointed that he comes out in jeans. So some cop was like, put your jeans on. I love that scene.

Get down. On the floor, on the floor, motherfucker. I'll play your fucking hands out. All right, guys, get ready. In the movie, I play Put Your Jeans on. I'm going to tell Geron Butler, he's got to put his jeans on. Oh, I was cut from the film, and my whole family's here at the premiere. That's embarrassing.

I guess I should have figured that me talking to a penis would have not been in the movie. All right, Mr. Show Off. Put your jeans on. By the way, Kevin, this is not his hideaway house. This is his rich dude property house. Oh, really? It's a fucking baller-ass house in the middle of nowhere

because he owns all the property around it. But isn't like the nuclear plant right in the back, like in the cartoon? I don't recall that. It takes place in Pennsylvania. Oh, okay, so they're everywhere, yeah. I'm just saying it's not like a Ted Kaczynski cabin. It's like a fucking nice house.

So they take him to a holding... This is when this movie gets a little silly. He's in a fucking Magneto prisoner here. Exactly. What is this cell? It's enormous. It's the size of a phone. football field. It's crazy.

It's octagonal for some reason. And it's like, why? Yeah, we haven't used this since Hannibal Lecter came here. This is 1991 tour. I guess this is, yeah, number two, he killed two scumbags. I guess it's the same thing. Hannibal fucking Lecter. I mean, the guy ate people.

This is just some tinkerer in the back. Oh, I killed two poor scumbags. He killed Darby for Christ's sake. I mean, fucking Darby. Hannibal Lecter killed doctors, okay? Men Estate. Darby, the guy that went to the Gladiator Academy. High marks at the Gladiator Academy.

He, and like, this is the sort of beginning of the tete-a-tete between the two. You know, I like Jamie Fox, but I always am like, somebody could do just as well. I don't know why it is. I feel the same way for Gerard Butler. That's exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I think Jamie Fox, when he's not being.

funny is a mistake usually. I honestly think they're both kind of fine in this. Yeah, Ray was hilarious. I mean, he's jovial at least. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I don't know. I was actually surprised I was totally fine with him in this movie because I'm normally not really a Jamie Fox fan.

Horrible bosses is terrible. I think he's good in it. I think he's good in baby driver. He is very good baby driver. Yes, he seems a little restrained in this like comparatively to some of his own. Because he's a straight man. Like this is just him doing like it literally is almost the same character as Denzel watched in Rick would say actually think about it. We got to do ricochet.

Apparently, Gerard Butler was supposed to be this character, Nick, whatever the fuck. And Jamie Fox was going to be. Oh, really? Gerard Butler, but if they switched for some reason. That would have been so much better. There would have been a huge difference. It would have been better too, because, like, you can understand why, you know, as a black male, he'd be disenfranchised by the system.

Sure, sure. Yeah, you're actually right, because it's this rich white dude who's like, yeah this system's got problems come arrest me in my fucking forest mansion yes i killed like million literally millions for the department of defense oh yeah that's right that's a secret job later right yeah they mentioned that he had like a d o d contract or something it just killed that free will it seems that's when all the wheels of the movie just fall right off and i'm like what's this it's almost like in the rock what's this pardon give me my party Pardon pen. Barron, get my pardoned pen.

Okay, we're pardoning Clyde Murdered Family, Clyde Murdered Family. He's getting pardoned today. Mr. Murdered Family here is also the Presidential Medal of Freedom. I was seeing a, there was a big feature on him on whitecomplaints.com. And we'll get all my news. It just redirects to Fox News. And we'll all remember, poor little Tina murdered family. was killed with her murdered family.

Did someone say Murder Lago? I'm going there later today. Oh, but don't even ask me about that Mrs. Murder Family. She cheated on Mr. Murder Family like a dog. I'm glad she's dead. Dogs are cheaters.

Like that poster of the dogs playing poker. Oh, yeah. Those are cheating. I don't think fucking 12 dogs have all. aces, dude. That's not how it's Jacks work. It's four dogs. Oh, whatever. Literally the name of the painting. Oh, it's four dogs?

Yeah, four dogs playing poker. That's the name of the painting. I'm pretty sure, yeah. You are a man of culture. So, like, Jamie Fox is like, you know what, man, good on you for killing Darby. You're the best. I hate this shit. It's like, uh, listen, before any of the brass gets here, let me just say,

I'm on your side, crazy murderer. And again, Gerard I mean, it's because he's got his plan What he should be doing is like, I want to talk to me lawyer I want representation I'm not giving you nothing But he's like waived that

Yes, exactly. We get this courtroom scene Because like he basically like fucks over Jamie Foxx Like Jamie Fox thinks it's an open and shut situation And Gerratt was like Ahk, ah, ah, ah. Well, because he's like, oh yeah

He's like, did you, he's like, yeah, I, I thought about killing him for years. And he's like, but what did you really hear me say? I said, thought about killing him. Check, eat him. And everyone's like, is this guy a lawyer? Oh, my God. Is he a wizard? How'd he figure, what?

He put a word before the other word and it changed the meaning of the sentence. Going back to seven, get Richard Schiff in here as his lawyer. Ooh, I like that. His weak is his wet noodle spined fucking lawyer. Yes. Richard Schiff does a great job. playing a dude who's shitty as hell at his job in that movie?

I just watched the end of speed the other day. Richard Schiff plays the train attendant that gets shot by Dennis Hopper. No way. I swear to God, he gets shippening. It's great. That's amazing. He comes up with shiffing.

Everywhere where you just, you never expect him. He was just in everything in the 90s. But yeah, so like, yeah, he basically tricks him and the thing he has a confession, but he doesn't have a confession that at the bail hearing, it's the same judge as the one that let his whatever

that let Darby off and he's just like I want a bail for these reasons and she's like well that actually made a pretty compelling case I'm gonna grant your bail No he's against bail You did I want bail for these reasons

in Gerard Butler's voice No he does say that At first he does I want bail because I'm not a flight risk I would never do this Oh I see sorry sorry I understand what you're saying yes He's trying to throw like the system

in her face like oh, I'm a law-abiding citizen. He says the title of the film. Boy, we could have fucking escaped that in the screenplay man. And he's just like, and they want to hold me without a shred of evidence.

And then she's like, well, I guess you are kind of right. He's like, oh, really? Am I right? I just killed a bunch of people, you fucking B word. Yeah, he calls her. He's like, oh yeah, and you probably take it up the arse. And it's like, what are we talking about? Dude, you know what, man, you can fucking mouth off to this judge without bringing anal into it.

But it's also like, she's doing her job. She's like, yeah, I don't have enough evidence to hold you. That's how the law system has to work. I don't have a fucking crystal ball when I know who's guilty and who's fucking innocent, Gerard Butler. Butler. But now he's like in contempt of courts. He's not going to get bail. And it's just like he, it's the whole thing is just this performative crap. Yes.

For no audience but himself. Well, no, it's for all the white guys And then I was like, yeah Oh man, I read about that one guy You got off jail and it fucking drove me nuts for years And it's like, okay I fucking hate that Netflix documentary I don't know, all of them

Just murderers, just getting off. Bullshit, I've watched them all. I mean, I have watched all of them. I watched them all, of course. Yeah, and he goes to jail and at this point he starts like saying I'm gonna kill somebody unless you do X right that's kind of what the motions are

well it starts with he's like hey I would prefer you gave me a cool mattress in my jail cell he doesn't Edward Norton counselor yeah of course he's like Jimmy Fox's about to leave him he's like counselor

and he turns back he's like look you might not know where Richard Portnow is might want to call his wife or get me my fucking bed Oh, right, because he's asking him about the mattress. Oh, wait, I guess that's different. No, because he says, he says, like, I will give you your confession if you give me a matter. That's the thing.

That's what it is. So he gets the mattress and then he's like, you love making deals, don't she? Get me a mattress. And he doesn't, but Bruce McGill loves making deals. So it gets done. I want the one where I could jump on one side and leave a glass of wine on the other. I saw the commercial. Listen, I listen to a podcast.

And I want a Casper Mattress. It comes in a ruddy box. You better not use a promo code. I want you paying full price. You can take that promo code W-H-M and shove it up your arse, which you're already taking other things up. Counselor, throw in a pillar.

They have nice pillars. Now it's just being unreasonable. It's the second, it's after that. I also want coffee, because pow, I just hit me, Bats. So he also, after that whole mattress thing,

he's like, I want a fucking steak from so-and-so with all the fixings and pom-freets, to which Jamie Fox replies, fuck your palm freeds, which is another hilarious line. But then,

so this is where he's like, oh, would the life of Bill Reynolds suffice? And it's like, oh, what's up with that dude? And he fucking give, man, and this is when I was like, this movie's getting crazy.

And because I'm acknowledging, It's challenging it right now. I am ready to ride the crazy train because he's giving fucking coordinates. Yeah. And they're like, all right, let's run to these coordinates. My favorite part in the meeting is Calmini just says some little thing and he's like,

oh, is that right? Dumbass. Oh, dude, him calling him a dumbass was a hard laugh out loud. In reference to the mattress because like Call Meen is like, I think the mattresses that come, like the cots that are in the cells are bolted to the ground. Yeah.

He's like, that's what the wrenches are for. Dumbass. That's right Yeah, that's what a wrench is like waiting for him to call Jimmy Fuck the butthead But he does get his steak And he's having a... He's like, I want a steak in an iPod team

I listen to me music With I eat my cream spinach and my plum fritz This is gonna make no sense But I want late who And early death tones on it And that's it dude the music of this movie fucking stinks what does he play it is the who in the death tone

that's exactly right yeah i didn't know they were that bad oh the who sucks man you can fucking shove it late who specifically but yeah he's listening to the who but then i don't want to spoil it right now because the thing happens before but we'll get to while he's eating the dinner and some action happens that's when the deftones kick in there is a great he's like i want steamed despaticus and he gets gets it, and that's what he, like, he's like, the coordinate, it's a 14, take 20 pieces, and he takes a bite

of the steamed asparagus, and it sounds like, he's eating an apple, and I'm like, that's not what steamed asparagus tastes. It sounds like, Folly, also, bad continuity editing here, because he's like, and he takes the bite. He's like bugs funny with a carrot. They cut to fucking Jamie Foxx looking like,

oh, what's this motherfucker like, one is pissed a stink or something? Yeah, asparagus. But then it cuts back to Gerard Butler, and he takes another bite, and it's the fucking whole Asparagus again. There's also a line that's like, like, what time is it? I said to have it by one. Yes.

It's 108. Oh, right. Which plays into the whole thing because Mr. Richard Portnow's character. You should have kept you, Fred. Did anybody, wasn't anybody else waiting for him to like make a stink because he didn't get palm frets? Oh, right.

Yeah. He just gets macaroni and cheese and asparagus. It's truffle mac and cheese, though, dude. And that will replace as much as I love Pumfries That will replace Pumfries any day of the week But you want, I don't know, you kind of want I mean, I guess mac and cheese is a bit of a starch But with the cheese, it's more savory

I kind of, even a big potato would do I think there is a little bit of a plot hole here Because I believe he orders a steak like medium little seared Yes And when it gets delivered, the waiter that comes into jail That Give this to him says that it's medium rare and sear. Yes. So the cook might be a little off. It's all I'm saying.

Well, he's going to... I mean, where this goes, that cook is on the list. That cook is definitely on the list. Absolutely. That dude's fucked. He's going to somehow explode. And here's the thing. Movie. And I know you're a movie and you're going to do very movie-esque

things. But like, okay, this whole thing is this fucking crazy criminal mastermind has ordered this meal. Fair enough. You do not need this fucking waiter in his fucking waiter monkey suit, pushing the meal on a cart with the silver platters. It comes in a brown paper bag with handles. And Roscoe, the fucking

corrections officer delivers it. Do you get this waiter the fuck out of here? It's like a room service scene. It's like we're in a hotel room. Yeah, it's so weird. Oh, give yourself a 30% tit. What are you talking about? You're not giving any tips to it. What the fuck is this? A rich report was dead in the ground by the way. Yes. They They go to the coordinates and he's dead and he's like, oh, when it was the time of expiration? It's like, oh, it was five minutes ago.

I was like, you know, if we gave a mistake on time, we would have made it. What a genius. And that's where it gets really fucking like saw-esque because he's like, oh, he had exactly enough oxygen to live until 1.15 p.m. Gerard Butler demanded by 1 p.m. we have it. It took us 15 minutes to get here. We were 8 minutes late. Because the non-character of the warden was like. put it through the detectives twice.

Oh, right. Yeah, this warden who they're like sort of revving up to be a more piece of shit character. It kind of goes nowhere. He doesn't get his, does he? He disappears, I think. Yeah. He died. But he's on the list. They're all on the list. He dies on the way back to his whole planet.

Yes, there is. And like, so he's got this cellmate who you've seen in one other scene when he gets the bed and he's like, I thought this dude was fucking Hunter Hurst-Helmsley, man. You see this guy? The big fucking dude. He's like, Gerard Butler was like, hey, that beds for one only.

Yeah, no, guy, and guy, fukin. And then he's like, oh, cool, let's hang out. He's like, you're probably going to be mad if you don't get any of me steak. And first of all, this guy, if this guy is doing mastermind shit, he gets a private cell. Like, you don't put him with anybody else anyway. Yeah, they learned this lesson a little too late, though, unfortunately. Because he's like, oh, yeah, you want some steak, and they're eating steak, and the steak is pretty good. It is like,

it is like back to back gay jokes. Yes, it is. Because he's like, oh, it's a dad movie. It's a shitty dad movie. Yeah, he's like, oh, he got yourself a girlfriend on the outside. Yeah. And he's like, oh, yeah, I got a couple of bitches back home or whatever.

And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah. No boyfriends inside, right? And they both like have a hearty chuckle about it. Yeah, it's like a cutesy, but oh, shut up. Oh, shut up, you. Shut out.

And he's like, oh, and do me a favor. I'm just put me music up a little loud. This is the deaf tones, I believe. Yeah. Is this awful white pony this happened? No, this is adrenaline. This is engine number nine. Oh, yeah.

This is also not good. Shut up, Eric. Eric, shut up. I'm with Eric on this one. Steve, shut up. Eric shut up, too. But it's like, I thought, like, maybe we would get Gerard Butler building an inmate army of some kind and impressing these folk because he's like the Joker in Arkham.

Yeah, totally. When are we getting corn tickets, by the way? When's that going to happen? We got to, we should do that. What is the venue? I am actually seen the duct doors in August. The fucking audacity. What?

The Barclade Center? Daring to play the Barclays Center. Does the Barclay Center have windows? Because it's better. They're going to blow them out because it's fucking awesome. Now, honestly, like, would people be interested in a Patreon, like, after corn concert, review? Little corn cap, dude.

I like a little corn cap. Corn recap. What's the other but Faith No More? Faith No More. That's not a bad bill. We could show up late. I would like to leave early actually. Corn over Faith No More.

Damn. No, no. I mean, Faith Omore is, are they opening for Corr? Yeah, Corny. Corn is a drop. Corn victory laugh. Dude, they already won the war. That's okay.

We honestly got it. We got to get tickets. I saw a dude, where the hell was I? I was at a discount store. Yeah, that checks out. You know what story checks out so far? This dude is wearing a follow the leader shirt. And I was like, wow.

Was it like tattered or was it like this dude re-uped? No, I think he was. Was he a time travel? It was smoking because he just came from a time tunnel. No, that was the stench. Doc Brown's following after this dude. It's air cold. I need.

Doc Brown pulls out a fucking suitcase of. of merch for all the other eras. No, no, no, no, no. Don't wear the freak on a leash. Not in 2019, or 2020, whatever year it is. All right, we're the junior senior headband.

We're in 2003 now. What's the date of the concert? September 3rd. Something to think about. If I'm not at the Toronto Film Festival by then, which I don't think I am actually, I will go see Cor. We should jump on this immediately.

The guy in the pit. No. I'll be far away. Get us nose, please. I can eat fucking chicken fingers and drink Pepsi. Yeah, I'm not going to be on the floor with these people. Are you kidding me? The diehard's, no way.

You've got to get the experience, man. I might buy Jinkgo jeans and wear them. I can find Jinkgo jeans. I might buy Jinkgo jeans. Amazon.com. You should see if... I look the idea of also cosplaying at the corn concert. If you...

I'm sure at some point they did a crossover between big dog clothing and corn. All the big dogs Corn dogs, dude Yeah, see, I would try to walk in with Bugle Boy, but they'd beat the fuck out of me That's a big dog They'd take that horn and shove it up your ass, dude. So, at the same time

As they're discovering Richard Portnau's fucking expired corpse in a hole Hilarious Portnard Corp's by the way. Absolutely. Is it a puppet made to look like him Or they put that old man in a hole? I think they put that old man in a hole. They put a old man in a hole.

Unless... Where am I going? Hey, you'll eat after. You'll eat after. You get the hole. I told you I'm not dead yet. Uh, yeah, at the same time this is happening, Gerard Butler's like,

Ye comfortable. He liken my white pony track, or not white pony. Adrenaline. Damn it. Anyway, this all happens. He fucking takes this T-bone and jabs in it into this dude's neck

like a thousand times. And I was like, where do I sign? is still on board for this movie. A fountain of blood, it is impressive. It's kind of the best scene in the movie, actually, the best kill. You think it's going to be Darby, but you only see this leg.

I mean, if you hear about what happened to Darby, it's bad, but this guy gets it going. Did anybody check out the Tribune trivia about this scene? Apparently, this scene was, like, way more violent, and was the sole cause of this movie originally being rated NC-17? But why? Again, like, I mean, like, his point,

is he wants to get in solitary confinement for reasons like again Darby didn't get it that bad you know what I mean like fuck the corpse in the original version I bet he fucking ripped his throat out and played it like a goddamn duck call by the way they sent you to solitary confinement

if you beat somebody up yes yeah you don't know nearly decapitated guy with a steakbone my wife and child died so therefore a bunch of more or less innocent people that have nothing to do with me should also die Absolutely.

Oh, the paper boy who delivered the paper to the judge. I tell you, he's going to be strong up. He's going to die. All the other people in paper boy are you going to die. The guy's carrying the two big panes of glass back in the war. Totally that fucking nasty ass dog. He's dead. Cubert.

Cuberts dead. He's on the list, too. Oh, all the old arcade friends? Super Amaro brother, Zelda. Zelda and Link. Oh, no. Shit. He thought that was, he thought that was a potion, but it was a poison.

But it was a boy. This is unedible food. That's not going to keep your warm in the mountains. Your arrow broke. Oh, little Mac isn't going to fucking be able to knock anybody out because he's dead.

Oh, sorry about that burger chef. Looks like your burger times up. Looks like Tapper tapped his last beer. Tapper tapped out. There, that's the one. That's correct. so yeah both of these dudes are dead and like um there's a lot of like oh man and like

gerard butler i think at this point he's like listen if you don't get if you don't let me out tomorrow by 6 a.m i'm gonna kill everybody sure yeah and this is so in the meantime now we're on the clock and they've around here they've already discovered about he has some wild past they get in contact with the dude who played Doug Stamper on House of Christ. Michael Kelly. That's it. I shared a plane with him one time. Two and from South by Southwest. Oh, cool. Two planes.

I saw him outside of a bar once and a friend of ours bothered him. And like, he was just sort of like, he was really nice about it, but he was like, the second he saw me this guy looks a lot like me and the two of us are standing outside, so we're going to sticker,

he's like, oh, fuck. He's like, oh, there's two of them. Exactly. He was getting off his bike and he was like chaining it up he's like oh fuck this is the wrong place and then immediately he was like you're awesome and house a car yeah I know I am buddy he was very nice about it but you could tell he did not

walk okay that one's a house of cards fan that may be a law abiding citizen that's what I'm thinking here shit you're fucking reminded me the time I drunkenly accosted Todd Barry in the village that scared the shit out of that guy but he's like yeah man he's the greatest fucking a

lesson we ever had. He's a genius. And if you want you dead, you're dead. One time he killed some guy with a weighted tie. And I was like, what? And it's like a carbon fiber tie. I think it's a thing where he's sort of insinuating. This is what I took away from it. Maybe I'm thinking way too like James Bond here. But like the way that he describes what he made the tie out of, I thought it was a thing where it was like Gerard Butler had to press a button and the tie just kept tightening and strangled the dude. Like the Brad Pitt thing from the counselor. Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something to that effect.

That's a great, oh, man. What a classic fucking great movie. I never saw it. Still haven't. Bad movie. I need two great heads. I disagree highly on that. It's a good movie.

It's an Oliver Stone movie? No, that's a Ridley Scott. With Corby McCartney doing the script. And this is, they have sex with cars. That is one part of it, which is fantastic. That's pretty cool. Someone's smashing on that gear shift. They fucking smash mater, dude.

Hey, cool. I'm getting laid. Finally, as a truck. I'm finally getting my tail pop smashed. Nice. Yeah, you would, mate, daughter. Taking it up, ye tail, peep. Just like the judge, beta.

Anyways, so... Here's where the judge gets killed. Oh, that's right. It's a great thing where it's like... You know what? This is the best death in the movie. Absolutely. Yeah, without question.

It made me jump, and then I laughed, then I ran around and watched it again. I still understand the logic or how this is happening. I guess he's pulling the trigger because he's got a secret way out of the phone. The phone has a gun in it. The phone has a gun in it? They say a bomb. Oh,

a bomb. I thought there was a sniper out the window. There's a bomb in a phone. It's a little bomb you have to wind up. I mean, listen, it was the thing where I looked down at my laptop to take a note and I looked back up and this woman was dead and I was like, well, rewind away. Because it's her, it's Bruce McGill and Jamie Fox go to. to the judge, like, look, we just need to hold him for 24 hours. We want to, like, make sure he can't

talk to anybody because this is crazy, da, all this stuff. She's like, well, I guess I will come to your side this time. They make a joke about, they all have a laugh. And this is what I think this movie does a bad job, but what it's trying to do right here is get everybody,

my fucking, you know, impressionable ass included, on Gerard Butler's side, because the three of them have a hearty laugh after one of them is like, I think the judge is basically like, so what you want me to do is use my judgery to violate his civil rights. And they're like, well,

yeah. Well, the thing that, like, she gets a phone call and she gave Jamie Fox shit at the beginning of the movie for taking a phone call and things. She's like, well, I'm the judge, so I get to take it, right? She says, I'm a, I'm a judge, I can basically do whatever

I want. Yes, and immediately her phone, again, either an explosion, it just shoots her in the head, blows something up. They call it a bomb later. Yes. And she just jumps off the chair and she is D-E-A dead. It's fucking awesome.

It's a good death. Wow, I was surprised. And then it's like, oh my God, you killed a judge. This is when he's like, yeah, let me go by 6 a.m. or else it's going to be real fucking havoc. I'm going to kill everyone. He does say everyone. Because this is very important.

Because the next morning, they're all looking at the clock like they're all going to drop dead at the city. Like, it's a curse. Christopher Walkins the prophecy and he just said you will all die You're totally right Chris I was thinking they all thought there was some sort of like fucking hacks put on them 6 a.m.

It'd be cool of like he was up all night painting pentagrams and like Lord Satan Come to me He's cutting himself Yeah and then the drag me to hell devil The goat-legged fucker comes out I'm due for a rewatch It's a great movie.

That dude, that movie rules, that dude rules in that movie too. I'm excited for Sam Ramey doing Dr. Strachian. Absolutely. But he should make, by law, we should compel him to make a drag me to hell type movie every seven years. Absolutely. Every seven years. You know what? You just give me one.

Five, every five years. Yes, exactly. What are you fucking doing, dude? Give me a 90-minute fucking horror fest. I'm in it. I forget how involved you was with Ash versus Evil Dead. A little bit. Yeah, that was a good.

I didn't finish it yet I have it. It ends well too I need to finish it. I'm still in the first season and I fell off it for no other reason than I just like... Too much TV. Yeah, I really liked it too much TV. I was halfway through the end season I got a few episodes left and somehow I didn't get to it but I am going

I mean it has everything that makes those movies awesome in it like I was surprised how well it transferred over but like it's fucking hilarious it's brutal like comically violent you know. Totally, totally. And fucking half hour episodes. It's where do you want to be?

Fuck. So it's the next morning like, well, six o'clock, we beat the clock. And there's this thing between Jamie Fox and Leslie Bibb has this team where she's like, did we do the wrong thing here? Did we? Yeah.

She's like, you know what? I'm 35. I'm not going to have kids. I just need. And Jamie Fox is like, you know what? No one told you not to. she's basically like I threw my whole life away

so I could work for you and I love working for you but did we fuck that guy over and he's she turns around looks at him I don't want my career to blow up and then like everyone this whole team of like 10 people

who have not been in the movie up to this point all get into various cars and they all start exploding and Leslie Babe gives a mother yeah oh man It's a zoom in. I also thought, and I mean, like, this better movie coming up here.

There's this thing about, like, she is a secret boyfriend named either Chip or Chester. No, Chester. Nobody knows. It's like, oh, Chip, Chester, da, da, da, da, da, da. And I kept thinking that she was secretly in on it. Like, because there would be something. Oh, yeah.

Oh, good call. I didn't think that at all, but it would be nice twos. Yeah, exactly. That might have been like a script change or something. Because it's a loose thread almost. They play with it. They keep making mention of like, oh, you have to be working with somebody. Exactly.

And then he's like, oh, you're not going to believe who I'm working with. Also, we'll never say this again. Like, they just drop it. Well, it has because the payoff for this thing is an email. Yeah. Literally an email. So she explodes. And even at this point, I was like, did we really see her blow up?

Because I was on this thread. Like, I wrote it my notes. Like, she's in on it. Yeah. And I was like, did we? And whereas I rewound to watch that judge hilariously get murdered, I was like, well, I think she's dead. I missed it. But you know what?

If she doesn't show up for the rest of the movie, she's dead. Thankfully, they do go to her funeral in like the very next scene. The other guy is the guy who just comes on to say the N-word in American Gangster. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, wow, is that guy? It's just, he's just there and he's just, like yeah fuck it

we got him exactly well in the beginning there's this thing where it's like oh you gotta take my job huh Jamie Fox

I'm like is he gonna say it again there isn't mention that Jamie Fox's car is untouched so Gerard Butler is

saving ye for the last and yeah so then the next scene is Leslie Bibb's funeral or maybe it's a mass funeral or maybe it's a mass funeral for all these people and like

we're putting them all in the same grave actually the next The next scene is Viola Davis dressing them down like their fucking Zach Morris and A.C. Slater. Yes. And it's, she's great in this movie. I was really happy to see her show up.

Totally at 2009, Viola Davis. Not enough, Viola Davis. No, but like she wasn't a huge actor at this point. Sure. Yeah. She just comes in as a fucking idiots. Like blah, blah, blah, blah. You get like a doubt portion of her about.

And then yes, of course. It's like Bruce McGill being like, I don't know. Maybe we're at the funeral and he's like, I don't know, maybe we did fuck up. He puts his hat on, which is great. Yep. And he gets in the car in front of Jamie Fox. And you see this robot.

That's like fucking Johnny Five. To contextualize this for people who also read the Star Wars EU, it's like Daharhand show. Oh, of course. Obviously. Excellent. Everyone knows who that is. Spot on reference. That's the bounty hunter that had a gun for a head.

For some reason, they didn't bring this into the new Disney era. I have no idea why. Thank you. That's my exact read on the situation. Mandelorant season two, you might see it. If a hard hand shows up, I'm losing my shit. Something tells me it's not happening. But he might happen on the Gleap Glossary.

Oh, yeah. Well, that level on patreon.com. By the way, J.B. Fox and Bruce McGill, like high ups, they are like under attack. You think they have some security. But no, nobody sees this gigantic gun. It's an enormous robot. And like, they're stopped for a second. And Jamie Fox was like, what the fuck?

fuck is that it is insane you are in a cemetery where it's like white tombstone white tombstone white tombstone gigantic silver robot with like fucking tank treads on it rocket watcher how do you miss this fucking thing it's like a chain gun and a bazooka next to each other sitting on like a fucking thing and it starts it starts chain gunning at the fucking procession lights up bruce me how did it get there Exactly. You see someone... Practice. I thirst for blood.

I kill every cast member of Animal House. I used to be... Oh shit, he got Needemeyer. He did. He fucking fought for the Vietnamese. I was, I used to be a pun master 5,000, and they turn be bad.

Now instead of 101 knock-knock jokes, I present to you 101 ways to kill a cop So he gets fucking lit up And then like after he's laying They're dead in this car pretty much The robot is like Uh uh uh uh rocket right to this fucking car

It does the Car explosion where it flips over on itself Which that's that lets you know That's movie language for you know what Everybody's dead I'm on fire today Swish Still got it

Swish Don't let them tell you You can't have two passions I know I was supposed to hate this robot But I kind of love him He's charming as hell And he followed his dreams God damn

That robot lawyered up immediately I want my lawyer Tonight on Jimmy Fallen The fucking killer robot Get your fingers out of my antennas Hey Jimmy I'm not gonna sing karaoke I'm gonna fucking kill you

What is password Jamie Fox is sworn in as like the temporary DA like Viola Davis is like Get in here we gotta do this real quick It's a great it's like the fuck you Promotions you fucking loser I hate you so fucking much Here's a promotion

I am doing this under protest. More Tribune trivia here really quickly. The dude who's like in the middle of that scene, it's like Jamie Fox, Viola Davis, and then there's a dude in the middle holding the Bible. IRL, mayor of Philadelphia. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

There's a scene where there's this thread where she's like, everyone's afraid in the streets. I'm like, why? I don't know. Like, I'm not a police officer. I'm not a fucking thing to do with this dude's botched court case. You know what? I'm still going to the 76ers game tonight. I don't know.

Well, I did kill a woman and her little girl. Wait, that wasn't his, right? No, you're good. Oh, good. All right, then I'm... Wait, did I kill that guy's family? I read half of Philadelphia. I don't use that every day, right?

They're tough as nails out there. Wait, I threw batteries at a little girl at a Phillies game. Wait, no. Okay, no, but did she live? Oh, but I... Oh, you know, I threw up on that little boy at that Flyers game. Can that have... No, he didn't have a boy perfect.

I strangled the Philly Fanatic. Oh, that's the key to the city. I suffocated a woman with a cheese steak once in. Oh, if he fucking... If in this movie he killed the Philly Fanatic, what a... They'll kill a robot gets Philly Fanatic. All right, killer robot.

You've got one more job. He's going to try to entertain you with a bunch of weed dancing. and horn hunkin' The Phillies were playing that night And he wasn't there At night my family died He must die I have to clear the way for Gritty

Oh man Gritty That's been his disguise He tumbled out and got on the Gritty suit Oh my God Gerard Butler in the movie adaptation of Gritty He's the voice of Gritty Absolutely

It's just it's like a Vin Diesel Guardian situation Except for I Am Grut He's just saying I don't know he should be the Kathy cartoon adaptation Well Kathy had some other lines from time to time Yeah like you killed my family Where's me ice cream

Chocolate This diet sucks Ahk Oh man she's saying what we're all thinking She is that diet does suck Me knitting clubs said they cancelled But they just cancelled on me.

A double milkshakes life saver rights. She got married at some point. She did. She finally found happiness and avoided suicide again. Old Kathy. This is Kathy. Paramount

loses $400 million on Kathy adaptation. Analysts say It was the hiring of Gerard Butler As the titular Kathy Yes My snacks will black out the sun Then we'll snack in the shame

Done that before I don't know So whatever But like this is the like the sort of end of it Where it's like It's like oh man Let's go to all of his words Chester sends an email like, hey.

Well, I think Chester, by the way, because there's all this shit about Leslie Bibb is investigating financial shit in Panama. Sure. Oh, the Panama stuff. Because it was like shell corporations that he was involved with, bought all these industrial properties.

Thank God she's murdered in this movie, man, because you finally stop hearing about all that shit. And he's like, oh, the email, it's like, these are all of his properties in the city. You can go look them up. And he gets a list, the prices, and then he has to look through recent real estate. Dude, yeah, there's a scene in this movie

where Jamie Foxx was doing research in a library. And come on. Yeah, it's like, let's look up all the industrial zones purchased in this town. Compare those prices with the amounts from his bank account. You are asleep. I'm like, where is that fucking kill a robot? I was probably, you can't just give me that guy at the middle.

Show me him getting cuffed. He should be your side. at this point. Dude, there's a deleted scene where a bunch of crooked filly cops like in the middle of the night take that dude

and they've deactivated these like tank treads and they just leave him on train tracks. This is inhumane. Good thing you're not humane. Will anybody help me? Will anybody help me?

What's that? Oh my God, it's gritty. He's saving them. Lifts of Killbott and now they're together. Love lifters. Where we below. Oh.

Yes. They discover that Gerard Butler hilariously has purchased a property that's next door to the jail. Next door to the jail. Oh, by the way, we should say that he's in solitary confinement in fucking the prison from fucking

the Pirates of the Caribbean. I don't know where this is. There's a lot of blue lighting here. It's an old-timey cell door. and like Colmini and Jamie Fox find this hatch that goes inside of his cell and it's like he's been getting out the whole time I think there's a line that like he

he dug into all these cells I think it's multiple cells Okay so he's got every one wired Which is like so he dug into every cell while they were occupied installed doors Just you stay there and hey hey stay in solitary you're a bad guy

This is for a future plot I'm not breaking you out. Look, Jamie Fox, we thought about everything. Holes in the wall, no, we didn't think about that. The Shawshank Redemption Special, no, I did not think about that. I apologize. Come to think of it, it's kind of weird that a man in 2009 would have a poster of Raquel Welch. Yeah, so they, whatever, the end of this movie is they find out that Gerard Butler has planted a briefcase bomb in,

they say this at least three times the caucus room it's under the caucus room and guess what it is like napalm like you never saw before and take out this floor

and the caucus room which by the way the mayor it looks like fucking admirals of the Navy are fucking eating in this caucus room the doctor Strangelove

yes I was going to say it's the war room because she's like the city is under siege we need to find something I don't care if it's the Patriot actor or whatever. We're going to get him out of Philadelphia.

Gentlemen, you can't caucus in here. It's the caucus room. There's no caucusing in the caucus room. Look, we've tried everything. Oh, Cameron is in his cell. No, we didn't think about that. No, we didn't think about that. Oh, fuck, 24 hours surveillance. Son of a bitch. Didn't think about that.

A guy that just stands out in front of his cell? No. Keep it open, no. That's why it's hysterical because what Viola Davis says in this very brief scene is like, how can one man be smarter than the FBI, the DOD? the Philly people and I'm like

well none of you thought to have a single soul watch yeah they had the Epstein guys garden those guys fought for their three hour breaks and they should take them and now they're all transferring to other prisons weird he's just leaving

whenever he wants out the door he's installed in solitary confinement going down into his own facility where he's got an array of costumes the most amazing thing we've find out is that he has been holding down a full-time job as the

janitor of the fucking city building just to get this done. And also he's been doing the Ferris Bueller thing with the pillows under the blanket and like, you know what, dude, you see someone just all tucked up in there. You give it a poke. Speaking of Ferris Bueller,

that's going to be our We Love Movies episode this month that was requested at the $5 level on Patreon, FYI. Oh, well, we tried everything. I'll poke in the bed. No, we didn't try that. We didn't try poking in the end.

It's the beginning. It's Gerard Butler giving himself a mohawk in the prison shower. Wait, Kevin, you're saying that you believe that Gerard Butler's punching the clock as this guy? He has to be. People are like, hey, Reg, and he's like, ah, yeah. No, Moes. Nope, no, Moes, which is the fucking name of the company. He's just a dude to them.

No, no, but he's like, oh, you have a black guy. I didn't, I saw you yesterday. He's been there. at least one more of the time. Really? I thought he was just in disguise as the regular guy. Oh, Christ. All right, I've got to plant bombs in Leslie Bibbs car tomorrow, but I've also got an eight-hour shift, maybe on me lunch break.

These floors aren't going to wax themselves. It's fucking stupid. All right, maybe if I switch with James, he'll take care of it. I owe him from last time anyway. James, could you cover me? shift. Speaking of fucking corn in Faith No More, he is dressed up with some bad chin facial hair

in this little get-up. And he's got a skull hat on too. Yeah, dude. He's got the life all right. I got the car explosions tomorrow. You better get the job of Jiffelube today. There's not enough hours in the day, really.

So they find it and like they are pretty confident about moving this fucking explosive. Yeah, okay. I They have this one dude who's like the timid bomb guy. They're like, where's the bomb squad? And this guy's like, me. Yeah.

And he's like, oh, this way he's like, it's napalm. It'll blow up this street, that street, the whole thing. Activated by cell phone, we're told. Gotcha. So it's the last scene of him and Jamie Fox and Gerard Butler. And like, Gerard Butler comes back into his cell. It's kind of amazing. He's like, ah, good day, a crime.

And he's like, welcome back. He's like, oh, oh, oh. It's like when you would sneak home after like being out late partying and your fucking dad, maybe this is just me, your dad is literally sitting in the living room with the lights off. But the car has no scratch on it, I swear it. So they just have this big talk off kind of a deal and he's like, you know, I'm telling you right now, don't call in that, you know, bomb. Yes. It'll be the last thing you do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

He fucking calls it. And what's that beep boop up? they fucking put it in Gerard Butler's cell. Well, they say something about it, it's going to be 30 seconds after and he hits it. He's like, I think you've got like 30 seconds to live. And he's like, ock, ah, yeah, and closes the door. And Gerard Butler is just consumed in slow motion flames. That's, I mean, it's really a Simpson, you diabolical.

Yeah, because he does give a, huh. And the very slow motion flame thing with the, there's like CGI flames behind him. Probably also seen in a corn music video. for nobody. And also, I'm sorry, but at least 10 guards are dying in this blaze, right? Well, no, maybe they evacuated. They knew what was going to happen. Or all the people in the solitary

could find them. Oh, that's for sure. Okay. Maybe when you found out the tunnel thing, maybe you call it in. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Maybe you're not a couple. Although, cut to the funniest shot in the movie is Cal Mini running through the tunnel like after having placed the suitcase.

Yes. Because he's slow-mo, like, he got 20-fives. seconds and he's like oh you better believe he's beat red well he's moving yeah he's got the three jackets on him too he's not standing behind the transporter panel in this movie jamy fox walks away from the smoking building and goes to the recital yeah he makes his daughter's cello recital which by the way i mean what is the timeline once we get to that 10 years later and he's missing recitals yeah what is the timeline between recitals here because i feel That's too, too many recitals within the span of a month.

We actually don't know that he went directly from killing him to... There's a wardrobe change. I don't know. It might have been another night down the road after he murdered, like, 10 people. We can all agree. Perfect screenwriting. It's true. Jamie Fox has now probably killed more people than Darby as well.

It kind of like this movie falls apart because, like, the end of the movie shouldn't be like, I outsmarted him. It should say something about the legal system, right? No, we're not here to say something. But it's like that was the whole premise. Exactly. It's to say something and it turns out we don't. Michael Kelly says what they're like, what can we do? He's like, go in and shoot him in the head.

And that turns out that's exactly what you're supposed to do. That's what you do. But like then he has to deal with that maybe somewhat. Oh, you want this to be longer, I see. The theme of the movie is bad stuff sometimes happens to good people and makes good people bad people the end. I guess that got, you know, you know who wrote this movie? Kurt Wimmer Yeah

This might be one of his honestly Best screenplays Absolutely It's better than equal It's actually Bolt by bolt It's not that bad The fucking tunnel system

Is stupid and doesn't work In general I say anti-tunnel systems Wait a second This movie 2009 Yeah Anybody else recall A famous tunnel-centric movie

That came out in 2009 Friday the 13th remake Yep Vietnam 2009's Vietnam Oh the sequel shit No but that's kind of funny man Two fucking tunnel movies

True Where well these movies in where tunnels Play a big part in the third act Both of which have serial cases Like Tarantino says that guy In like a virgin He's digging tunnels right Charles Bronson's digging tunnels

Right yeah Great escape Yeah so he attends that concert That's the end of the movie sure I fast forwarded because I knew there weren't going to it wasn't going to be like a stinger scene or anything but you know sometimes you catch some crazy credits a special thanks in this movie to a flashlight company really yeah I don't know what no not maglight never heard of them the off brand my favorite thing with the credits is we go from like this very self serious like I'm gonna fucking kill you finally for killing all yeah and then it's just this fucking beer belly rock yeah dude with the fucking crunching what are you people thinking like you're trying to end this movie one way

and it's like which death tones album is this album? This is from around the fur, Eric. That is the movie, man. Would anybody recommend this movie that was requested to us, of course, by Jack from Chicago? No, sorry, Jack.

And it sounds like you would neither, Jack. but I just it's don't tell Jack what to think yeah come on leave Jackal though you know it just Jack call back why you bully and Jack

the end of this movie should be Gerard Butler dressed like fucking lady justice doing something but also like you set up the whole thing it's like he's got a wife and daughter like you assume

that's gonna ever be part of the movie no he just showed him a snuff film and then they left tag at some point Gerard Butler drew a cartoon a lady justice or something Yes, with a, yeah, with like big old, no, a Jamie Fox's big jugs, yeah, interesting. Lady Jugstice.

It just, it falls apart. Is that a Stormy Daniels picture? Google that one. It just, you know, it's fine. There's some good kills here. It's not the worst thing ever seen. I just can't in good conscience, recommend it. Eric Siska.

I would recommend it. It's not good. It's dumb. but the kills are kind of fun I was surprised by this movie it's got it's got some thrills it's dumb it's not a good movie sure

looking at Steve I know whatever you need to say just keep on going I would I mean I rated two and a half stars on Letterbox I think that's where it belongs okay but I think it is you could find a worst way to spend

a dad for noon it's very much a dad for noon okay well there are much better ways to spell a bunch old westerns out there everybody of course this movie sucks I did not like it this is like the second time I've seen it I think but hey death tone song

so that's a D plus the plus is for the death tone song it would have been a D minus otherwise you get two grades yeah sorry I enjoyed watching this movie it was dumb as fuck, man. But I think sometimes some of the greatest joys

in doing this show is when you haven't seen it and you don't know what it is. Sometimes dumb is better. Yeah, dude, sometimes dumb is better. And I was like, this is fucking dumb as donkey dick, but I, you know, the judge has a phone explode her head off.

I do get that. A dudes chopped into 25 pieces. I thought that phone exploding was a sniper rifle until we talked about it. A kid watches a snuff film with her mother. I love that. It's a ridiculous motion picture. It's dumb, but yeah, it's a dad for noon.

And it would be a dad for noon where you would feel not regret from the way you spent the afternoon. You know, the dad for noon is the old westerns. Yes. The dad after dark. Oh. That's when this fucking rears its ugly head. This is dad for dark, dude.

Do not walk into, dad's got his bourbon. Yeah. And he's watching his law. Biden citizen. Dad's watching Law Biden's drinking his bourbon, got Breitbart on his phone. Absolutely.

Not browsing it in that Safari Safari app, he's got the actual app for Breitbart. He's got it on his background on his phone. He took his family off. I poured myself a large drink and I had a Geron Butler double picture. Oh, I love that stuff.

The shooting and the bad racial politics. I don't think race plays anything in this movie. What are you talking about? Most of his movies. had an original 35 miller of a priest of angel has fallen I mean what would be the perfect Gerard Butler double feature oh good question Angel has fallen yes Angel has fallen for sure

I actually sort of enjoy that movie as a lead him as a lead we're talking yes okay maybe second banana but nothing under that I kind of like Dracula 2000 but it's not really him yeah it's pushing the boundary I mean, if we're talking about Gerard Butler action, like Coriolanus, I really like. So I would put that up. But it's long. It's not.

Yeah. We're going 300, aren't you? No, I can't. I can't. That's where I go Dracula over 300. Mine will be Angel is Fallen in Dracula 2000. Almost right, I think. I would say Angel is fallen.

And you know what? Let's mix it up a little bit. He's Johnny Romcom. Get the ugly truth in there. Yeah. Okay. You know? that again no

I mean Angel is definitely the top of that bill yeah I mean fuck maybe this I don't know what else yeah that's true besides the rom-com stuff is done and stupid city stay tuned gamer gamer would be number two

gamer is number two I've never seen game I watched like half of it and I was like I don't want to watch this now because I know I have to watch this for the show wait so it's a stay tuned yeah wait to you hear Michael C Hall's accent in this thing. Just you fucking way. Well, we have our schedule worked out to almost November. Who knows

if it'll happen this year? But that is law-abiding citizen from Ought 9 directed by F. Gary Gray. If you want more We Hate Movies in the meantime gang, heading over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. A treasure trove of exclusive bonus content on

there, including this month's listener requested, we love movie selection of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which will be airing a little bit later this month. And don't forget last month was Back to the Future Part 2. Totally. Before that was once upon a time in Hollywood

which I really, it's like a central listening man. And before that Empire fucking strikes back. So there's a lot on that. Yes. Yes. And also we're doing Picard Recaps if you're watching that show. You know, a lot of good stuff on that feed. But on this feed, you

stay tuned as well because Listen Request Month continues. Steve, what trouble are we getting up to next week? We are continuing our dad for noon with death wish for the crackdown. Or is that the face of death? No, that's the crackdown.

Crackdown. Face of death is five gods episode. Because it has to do with beauty. Charles Bronson's beauty. Oh, it's a fashion. We're doing a fashion. Michael Parks is the bad guy. We did it. We did before. Yeah, this one is not bad. I believe The crackdown is my face creaky.

Oh. I think this movie features a rocket launch. probably I think ah fuck now I don't remember but I'm very excited to dig back into the dash with death wish world because man bronson that guy's a good time he's excellent he you know like

you can't you can't get that again like Gerard butler with these movies like he's you know he's trying maybe but he's never going to get that Bronson oh he's way too tall he's a pretty boy you got your bronson a little troll a little monster person yeah we got get ugly people back in

thank you where's the we hate movies movie that was That was made in the toxic sludge of the 1980s, my friend. You can't make that shit no more. But, I mean, that's a great point, Andrew, because we need more ugly people in cinema. It's true. So until next week, when we wrestle with The Crackdown,

I'm Andrew Jupin, Stephen Siddak, Eric Sisker. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. That was a hitdown podcast.