We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 473 - Death Wish 4: The Crackdown

Episode Date: March 10, 2020

On this week's outrageous episode, the 2020 Listener Request Month continues as the guys chat about the completely ridiculous Cannon Films classic, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown! What does it say about Kersey that he's now dreaming up plots to other Death Wish films? How many dummies were destroyed for the creation of this film? And why is Bronson so bad at tapping the mafia's phones? PLUS: Paul Kersey goes undercover with the class of Beverly Hills, 90210! Death Wish 4: The Crackdown stars Charles Bronson, Kay Lenz, John P. Ryan, Perry Lopez, George Dickerson, Soon-Tek Oh, and Danny Trejo; directed by J. Lee Thompson. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey gang before we get going today just a quick reminder tour dates have been announced the start of the 2020 tour is happening Steve Sadek where are we going get your bathing suits out because we're going it's the summer it's in June on June 6th you always have to wear a bathing suit this summer that's just I'm sorry that's I'm constantly wearing bathing suits because they have that mesh lining you don't have to wear underwear exactly that's right once June 1 I'm wearing a bathing suit to late on we're not going on June 1 we're not going on June 1 We're going on June 6th to Detroit, Michigan. Yeah. The majestic theater. We're going to be talking about Robocop 3, the Robert John Burke joint.

Loving it. Fellow purchase a lot. Famed swimmer. And on the next day, we're going to Cleveland, Ohio, to talk about Nightmare and Elm Street 3, the Dream Warriors. That is on June 7th at Hilarities. Look at you knowing that. Good for you. And you're right.

We're super excited. And then we have a travel day. But on June 9th, Chris, where are we going? what are we going to be doing? We're going to Pittsburgh and we're going to be talking about a little movie called Taken.

Taken. We're going to be at the Rex Theater. We're taking the Rex theater over. And it's the OG taken, the number one, not none of them sequels. Marco from Tripoyas is going to get what's coming to him. Totally. Then we're heading

south. A couple of days off, 615, June 15th, we're going to the comedy zone in Charlotte, North Carolina to be talking about, under siege Andrew Jupin's favorite movie. Fucking loving it, dude. I'm telling you, Tommy Lee Jones

plus electric guitar equals Bonertown. What the fuck am I doing on his boat? You're the fucking chef, dude. And then if you're in North Carolina, you're like, oh, I just get one, we hate movies, show, fucking wrong. You better get in your car and you better also go to Asheville the next night at the Orange Peel because we're talking about Junior and it's going to be

a gross fucking show. Yeah, that's right. I'm having a baby. and you're invited. By the way, come to both shows. What the hay? You might as well. What's that? You're taking the whole week off of work

because you're going to Nashville, Tennessee. Nashville, Tennessee, 617. We're going to be at Zanis. We are talking about the original footlooms. Fuck, that's going to be fun. To end this leg of the tour. Probably a little bit of a WLM there in Nashville. Sure, yeah.

Maybe for you. So Kevin Bacon. The dancing is going to be out. We might ask the. audience to dance. I don't know what's going to happen. You never know. Party. By the way, uh, tickets are kind of flying. So don't sleep on these gang. All of these have VIP meet and greets. It's a VIP. Some of them get you preferential seating. Some of them don't. I'm not sure. But you get to meet us after the show. If you want,

exactly. Maybe if you want to sign up just for the preferential seating, I understood. If you just want to wave at us, come to shake our hands. We're creeps. But yeah, those meet and greets are a lot of fun if you want to do that. But those go really quick, usually. So those are the ones you want to get first. If you're, into that, but also get those tickets. Yeah, don't sleep on that stuff. All tickets are available right now. Go to WHMpodcast.com. Click on that tour tab. All the information is right there. It's all laid out for you.

Our 2020 tour kicks off in June. We're super excited to get back on the road and we cannot wait to see you there. June 6th, the We Hate Movies 2020 tour kicks off in Detroit, the Motor City. Do not miss us on the road this year, gang. We'll see you soon. on the program. Oh, fuck this rules. It's Death Wish for the Crackdown. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska.

Chris Gavin. And we eight movies. Ba-boom. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, if you're new to the program, we are in the throes. We are in the throes. The fucking throes. I hope they're not death throes. A listener request month. Oh, that'll be the end of the month. We're in the death throes. Yeah. Yeah. No. This is. that's the earliest.

Start throws? The start throws. Sure. We're fucking fist deep in the middle of listener request month. How about that? And you... And we were putting into the death throats

until November. Oh, politics. I forgot about politics. November. Oh, politics is happening. Politics is happening. Oh, wait, is this one of the years there's politics?

Yeah. It's one of the politics years. Oh, I heard politics might get canceled for the coronavirus. I'm not sure. All the candidates, they keep trying to cancel them, but it doesn't work for some reason. Trump, Bloomberg, et cetera. Anyway.

So we are here to not talk about any of that, but maybe make fun of some of it later. Sure. What we are here to talk about is fucking death wish for the crackdown from 1987 directed by J. Lee Thompson. Dude, J. Lee Thompson, it's just, it's a guy in a Law and Order episode like J. Lee Thompson, where are those girls? what did you do those girls Jaley Thompson it's the last and worse of the John Ford clones this guy's been he was a huge

director yeah he was around for a while I'm trying to like he did a lot of canon movies too so J. Lee Thompson you just like to hang around a schoolyard don't you Jayley Thompson so did Michael Winter do all three of the first death wishes and then this guy does four and then Eli Roth does the remake

which right by the way should we tell we should we say who requested this? Oh, yes, I'm sorry, let's get to the call before we do anything else here. Before we let it, we let the night get away from us, man, which always happens here and we hate movies. This movie was directed

by J. Lee Thompson. It was requested by a kind gentleman by the name of Corey from the great city of Seattle, Washington. Let's hear him now really quickly. Hi, guys, this is Corey calling from Seattle, Washington. I was going to see if you guys would do Death Wish for the Crackdown.

Is it the third one? The first one, the remake, wanted to see if you guys would do this one. I think it's terrible, but it's really enjoyable too at the same time. I'd love to hear you guys talk about it. Thanks, bye. Nice, to the fucking point, polite, love it. I like... Could have been intoxicated, you know, that would have made it better, but whatever.

I am right now. I do like that he points out the previous episodes. Yes. So Death Wish, we did the remake. We did. On our Patreon feed. It's one of the sleepiest movies I've ever seen, man. Bruce Willis is asleep of the switch in that movie.

The Eli Roth movie is available now on our Patreon. Patreon. patreon.com slash we hate movies. Man Cow is really holding that movie up. You know? Totally with both teats. Lee J. Lee Thompson, by the way, just want to put out there. Big Bronson collaborator. Because he directed

this. He directed Kinjait forbidden subjects. The best. Dude, that is one of the most racist movies. It's incredible. Anyone's ever made. Let me tell you if there's a movie poster with Charles Bronson but then

also Japanese characters on it probably racist. And even more racist than that is my wedding video also directed by Jay Lee. Hey listen Jay Lee I've had a couple of scotch and sodas. Put the camera down and I'm going

to tell some jokes. Now Chuck you're not thrusting like you used to okay? So do it slowly this time. Slow with that. That's My buddy, Jay Lee Thompson films me fucking. Some of those commercials he did. Sure. I find them on YouTube are like, fuck commercials, dude.

I mean, I gotta keep going here, though. Hang on. He's got some more. There's the fucking collabs are through the roof, dude. 1988's Messenger of Death. Never saw. He also directed a Chuck Norris, Lou Gosser Jr. movie called Firewalker, back to Bronson with Murphy's Law in 86.

He's the genius behind. fucking Richard Chamberlain and King Solomon's minds. Oh, wow. That might be an episode. He's a canon guy. Yeah. These are all like Bronson, the evil that men do. He did do 10 to midnight in 1983.

Wilford Brimley's in that, I think. Fucking Robert Mitchum and the ambassador, that's a fucking crazy movie. Yeah. Oh, happy birthday to me, crazy slasher movie? He didn't do assassination, did he? Because that was the same year as this. No, I think that was the same year. This was a great Bronzen.

year. Yeah. It was great vintage. Oh, yes. It's a great year for me. No, I mean, and it just goes and goes and goes. I mean, this guy fucking worked a ton. Great career. Oh, 1976. St. Ives, also with Bronson. Yeah, they were like fucking best buds, man. We were running buddies. We ran and we were buddies. Hey, let's do some calisthenics. They work hard and they play hard. Now, Chuck, when you eat that college cheese, I want to see the spoon go in your mouth. Oh, man. Bullying. in the mouth. Oh, just dribbling all over the place. Oh, could you imagine fucking Charles

Brunton eating cottage cheese? Yes. Yes. What I was alluding to before is there's like a deodorant commercial or something that he did, I think, in Japan or something. He's shirtless and he's spraying his chest and stuff. Yeah. He's gorgeous.

What's the cottage situation? It's not bad. That's pretty cool. It's not early. In the 70s, Bronson, probably. Technically pornography. Maybe, yeah. It might be early 80s.

Yeah. Yeah, so this is the fourth outing for the Paul Kinsey character. I got to tell you, all Kinsey. That's the Sexy. Paul Kersey is the sex. Sex, doctor. Yeah, you're right. Paul Cursey.

It's all fucking forced. Yeah, that dude was assassinating all sorts of other things. You say you can jerk off any time, hey? Dude, that's William Sadler, man. I'm fucking roll. I've fucked my whole family. I fuck chickens, dogs, cats. Does he really?

I didn't see that movie. It's a thing where, like, this guy comes in, and they think that he's like, oh, this is the fucking, this is the man. Like, he's the answer to all of our sexual queries and whatnot. And he tells this whole thing about like, patient zero. Yeah, he's like, no, I fucked my, I fucked every member of my family. I fucked dogs, cats, chickens, all this shit. I can get an erection and come to completion in 12 seconds, all this crazy shit. Superman.

And it's kind of crazy because who's the woman in the movie? Laura Linney. She's like. He's a muting. She's like, hey, Liam. Listen, I think this guy's a liar, and he's like, no, no, no, no, this is the guy. This is the guy I've been looking for. This is my thesis.

Cain and Hackman on TV together. This is my thesis. Honey, you didn't see it. He whipped it out, and it just went. And I think William Sadler does then proceed to jerk off. He does. By the way, Paul Kinsey in Sex Wish. Nice.

You've got the Sex Wish. And yeah, I'm going to complete it. But this is, so it's the third. sequel to death wish this movie pretty much erases the events of the third film previous episode

wouldn't you have to why what the fuck does it matter because he starts a war zone yeah he blows up a couple buildings in that one but it's all it's burned out New York City but that wasn't the fifth one

I can't even keep you straight the fifth one is where he takes on Michael Parks who's deeply rooted in the fashion scene okay previous episode I'll listen to us talk about it. I believe he melts an acid at the end of the end. He definitely does.

Okay, now I remember these differences. He fights Alexander McQueen at the end of it. Yes, the end of... The third movie's post-apocalypse. It's like Mad Max. It's because they were like filming. In England, right? I think it was England, like some burned out set and it's like, yeah, that's Brooklyn.

That'll do. But this is, he's back in Los Angeles and the second one, the first one's in New York. It's part two. It's in Los Angeles. And then his daughter gets killed. Part 3 is back in New York. Yago cross around, back and forth. Odie, the cross-country flights back to New York, back to Los Angeles.

He's a bi-coastal. He's back in Los Angeles. I kill men and women. I killed my family. I killed all cats, dogs, chickens. You know, I can shoot somebody right here or right now. Wait, with a gun or your dick. with both.

I can kill somebody right now and then I could kill them again in 20 seconds. Dealer's choice. Yeah. Last night, you know, I've been having a rough,

kind of a rough week. Oh, fuck, dude. Are you right? I wasn't in the mood for this. And then like the Canon logo came on? I was like, I'm in the mood for this.

Dude, it is like getting a B-12 vitamin shot right in your butt cheek. Oh, fuck. I saw that logo. And it was like, it's that like, I'm not because I knew because it's still fucking.

and 30 years old, but like the kind of better animated Canon logo. Yeah, and it's like flying at you like it's 3D loving it. I was actually disappointed because at first it was getting a beer in the fridge, who would have guessed? And I heard the...

Who would have guessed that you keep beer in the fridge? The MGM Lion, because I guess that's a distributor and oh, that's... Yeah, it's just another and then I heard the can and they goes, oh shit, I'm having a good night. Just another day with the lion. Lion noise is just Charles Brown. Johnson yawning. Yeah.

That's my bad impression. They should have done a special one. You know, they do specials of the Universal logo or the Warner Brothers. Right, right, sure. Have Charles Bronson shirtless be the lion. Yes. Actually, it would be great. You replace him visually with the lion, but it's still, like, in audio, the lion roar.

Yes, that's it. And it's just him yawning. Yeah. It's the James Bond, like, I thing going at him. It's just him in sleigh. and like an old work shirt. You know, we were robbed because of Bronson died, obviously in the early thousands, I think, or maybe the late 90s.

But he missed the animation boom. I guarantee you in his later years, he would have been like, oh, it's me the oldest, I don't know, what am I, a snowman or something? Wow, yeah, if he was on some, like, crazy. It's me and LeBron James in that snowman picture from last year. Yes, I'm voicing a snowman and LeBron plays, an elf that goes missing.

I team up with a sexy reindeer and we try to find him. Zach Ephron plays an elf. Yeah, I'd watch that. Elfron? Zach Elfron? I'd do a fucking animation damnation on that

non-existent movie. His name, his character's name in the movie is Zach Elfron. You see the joke, don't you? Listen, I was paid. I left. I went to bed. No. I haven't seen it.

Bronson in like a dirty grandpa-esque situation. But here's the thing. That man was devoid of a sense of humor. At least his on-screen personality. But I'm laughing at all of them. Yeah, you're not supposed to be really. I feel like he's more of the like the guy who does, at first,

doesn't want to get in on the crime and going the distance. But at the very end, he helps out in some small way. He's kind of silent in the old people's home. I could see that. I'd be, yeah, I mean, he could be like kind of what Walkin did

where he was like the funny, heavy kind of a thing. Yeah, okay. See, the thing is like with this movie, I think they know it's a piece of shit when they're making it.

Absolutely. But they're not winking at the camera like bad movies today. Yeah. They're like playing it a little more sincere. But I think Johnson knew it was trash. He did. He absolutely did.

So it's funny. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. You know, I feel like everybody knew on the set of a Canon production just what the fuck was going on. Sure.

Mainly because you were high and coke through all of it. Right. So there's that. But like... Like me now. But it's like... I don't know.

There's still a certain, like, love and care to these movies. Like, you can always give that to Canon. It's the same thing with like... And I hate these movies and I think they're garbage. But like the people that make those trauma movies... It's kind of the same thing. It's like, we're in it.

We're all. in on it. We're doing the thing. It's like a family production kind of... Exactly. I feel like that was the thing with canon pictures as well. I noticed a theory... I've created a theory that I think for Bronson is that the best

lines of delivery and moments in this film and all of his movies and deliveries are as if he's saying three words or less in a sentence. You know what I mean? Like, take the bus. You know what I mean? It's like, oh shit,

do you need to tell me you. the fucking bust. That's where his career came from. What's the time of the West? He says like seven lines in the whole movie. Totally. But like think about it this way. Like the best line in this movie is him going using the toilet. That's fucking awesome.

Or just death. Yes, exactly. I am death. Or like, I don't know that girl. I do. Yeah. The last line of the film. It's just like all that shit like it's all I go do what you have do. Like once he gets like but when he's like, oh you road a

pretty good article on bedded wives. It's like, you know what? Once now, we're out of it. So this movie starts. I love that the credits just roll over a dark parking garage. It knows that it's a Death Wish sequel, man. Like here we are in a fucking parking garage. This is an insane start because this woman's trying to leave work or presumably work or something like that. She gets into a BMW. Doesn't start. She starts flooding the engine. And then men appear. It was just vaping to walk. Sorry. Men just appear in the parking garage.

Like one second she looks. There's a guy there with a, with like a, I guess it's like, what if not. Yeah. nylon stocking over the face. Another one appears. And then another one appears. One psychopath. Two psychopath.

They're like multiplying. It's like eerie and like what's going on here. And it's a great fucking reveal of what this is. Now, I love. to this part it was pretty unsettling like the dudes just appearing we're using a lot of good editing to cut back and forth but then and this also says

a lot about what we're actually watching when it's revealed what we're actually watching it says a lot about the person coming up with all of this that we see what we see in this scene because after that these dudes start battering this woman's car with baseball bats till they break

the window drag her out rip her shirt off and attempt to rape her right yeah Chuck I know in the other movies the rape comes a little in there a little bit, a couple 20, 30 minutes and we're thinking two minutes in Jay Lee Thompson, Chuck, we're back it is everything you love and everything you

hate about Death Wish movies just right there and then here is Bronson, the fucking Angel of Death himself. It also appears. Just appears and it's like, who are you? Death and he starts shooting these dudes gets one dude in the leg

so he's kind of like chasing him like oh, now you are the prey kind of thing. I'm not wearing hockey pants. But at the end of the day, it's a fucking dream that Charles Bronson is having and I'm like, dude, you're dreaming about Death Wish movies? Because he shoots this guy. Actually, speaking of Batman,

I kind of reminded me that scene of the Joker when he's chasing that dude on the subway platform. Anyway, the new joke. Yes. And he shoots this dude and he rolls his body over and it's Charles Bronson. He shot himself. Oh, shit.

His fucking facial expression is hilarious. It reminded me of Luke in the cave versus Taylor. Yeah, totally. And then you wakes him with a dream. Well, he doesn't say it, but you just see it in his face. It's acting here. And I'm like, man, so this Death Wish movie started with a fucking fake Death Wish movie. Come on.

And it's just like, the weird part about this is like there's actually, thankfully, no rape in this movie whatsoever. Besides the attempt Yeah Besides this This fantasy Just cut it out Dude just like literally Because like usually it's like

Somebody gets raped and murdered And then he has to avenge it That's what almost all of these movies are And this is the one story Wherein that doesn't happen And Jay Lee Thompson is like Ah well hold on Is this a Death Wish movie or

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa I sure at the front page of the script It said Death Wish ain't seeing no rape just saying it is shoehorned in but at the same time he's like haunted by the past of course rape and murders that he's had but like what is going on here though is this a memory that he's dreaming about this is just a dream that's what I'm saying he's just dreaming plots of death wish but but he's lived death wish so it haunts him of course he's the at this point he's the America's most prolific living

serial killer. He's killed like I don't know, 200 people at this point. I lost Count and Desh with 3. That's a lot. Chuck, look, we got the cards back from the test audiences and they all say more rape. I don't know why. I don't know why they would

put that on a test card, but... It was the 80s. Well, look, in Death Wish 3, this is J. Lee Thompson talking. In Death Wish 3, you know, his whole motivation because this old friend of his gets moitered by New York gangs. No rape there.

We are bringing the Death Wish franchise back to its roots. There will be sexual assault in Death Wish for the crackdown, or I may be stricken dead by the Lord God Almighty, Jay Lee Thompson. And here's an interesting idea. You know, there's a movie that's going to come out in a long time called Jacob's Ladder. And we're just going to pretend this is a fantasy, you see. I mean, Vietnam. That's actually, this is two.

weeks in a row we've had a sexual assault in the first five minutes of a film. Law-abiding citizen as well. Oh, sure. That gets a little death-wishy at the beginning, doesn't it? What is with these listeners, you guys? This listener request months? I don't know. I think we have to end it. I think so. So he actually, he's gone back to architecture back, actually, and he's using his real name, which I think he

shouldn't be doing it. That's a big problem. He used to be fucking Jerry Saunders, like nobody's business. It's before the internet. You could just do whatever. You could Don Trooper anything. I would just, he should be in the fucking like, you know, like, just like France. It's like, oh, it's me, Paul Cursey in France because America got too hot. Oh, hey there, Roman Polansky. You want me to design a house?

Sure. The thing that is crazy that I was about to talk about before my brain fucking farted. Oh, Bronson, I love the fact that Paul Cursey, not only is he back to architecture, this motherfucker is working at Cursey Architecture. This is his firm. He's got people under his thumb. I mean, congratulations to him.

He moved to a new city now. He's in L.A. again and he's starting a new industry. And he's got a young girl under his wing named Erica who's got a portfolio of architecture stuff. And he's like, it's pretty damn good. It's not great. It's pretty damn good.

It's not cursy material. This is Hold on. Where are you putting the door. Oh, you've fucked it up. The door is in the wrong place. The exchange, though, is fucked up because this girl, Erica, is like, so,

Paul, what do you think of my drawings? And he first says, yeah, they're not great. And it's like a bronzonian pause, like you wouldn't believe. And then follows it up with, but they're pretty damn good. So for like a second, he's like, I'm going

to break this girl's heart. Classic nag, dude. This death star is pretty good, except for the exhaust port. Didn't think of that, didn't you? I hope they serve only schlitz in hell. Oh, they do, dude. Don't worry. Charles Bronson under director Krenich in Rogue 1.

Fuck, that would be pretty great. Yeah, right? We stand here in my achievement. Hold on. This is my, oh, oh, Mr. Krenick. It's him and Galen Erso jockeying for who's actually the genius behind the best. Wait, I'm sorry. your name is Orson

I mean, who did the bathrooms? Jucky did the bathrooms on the Death Star. It was beautiful. You know, it was my idea to put a little circle there for the laser. Hold on. The emperor is coming here. We're not even done with the ex-oh, geez.

This fucking prick, let me tell you. I like this idea. I just want to see if it is, in his Star Wars drafting. table. Well, look, if we can have a fucking Tarkin tune, man. Totally. Get that dude. What's that dude's name? There's like an impersonator of him now that's making movies. Yeah, this dude that looks fucking exactly like Bronzer. I haven't

watched any of those, but I kind of want to and I kind of don't. I just feel like it's the voice. That's the thing that he probably doesn't have it out. Maybe the Shettlement does. I don't know. Listeners at home, have you seen this dude's movies? Let us know what the score is. Yeah, we're tweeted us at W. H.M. Podcast. By the way, follow us. It's 2020. Let's get 20K followers. Come on like that.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Dude, totally possible. Erica is not just his pupil. He's his girlfriend's daughter. Nice. So there's a nice domestic scene. They're looking, well, we have a big old newspaper here. It's 1987.

The movie is at 8 o'clock. Dude, I love that for a second in this movie. I'm voting for ducaucus. Donnie Darko with Paul Cursey Celladour

I don't know about Dad I'm going to kill the rabbit What Killed my son Kaboom Who put this Dukakis sticker on the fridge What are you doing in the middle of the road

Is what I want to know Oh look at that It's an old witch Oh we call her Grandma Death Wish there it is something happens and I'm head over heels

head over heels Hey, cheerita chin you're going to be all right let me just let you know you're going to be all right it's going to be okay for you take off those earmuffs blambo

kitty porn dungeon I'm going to put an end to sparkle motion Well, your ammo test scores are intimidating. Now I just want James Coburn as the rabbit. Wake up. Wake up, Brutzen. You get your ass out of bed.

It's today today. Fuck, man. I was watching Married with Children and I mis-debated. What? No, that's a deep cut. You've seen Donnie Darko more than anyone in this one. I have. It's what it was, that was one joke too many.

What is this watery transfer out of my chest? This is umbilical cord. Somebody explain this movie to me now. Pronto. So they're going to go to this movie and, oh, sorry. Erica, we have to mention, gets picked up for a date. Right. And it's fucking hilarious because Bronson is,

peeping out the window. And this is this dude's fucking flub and his arrogance. Rookie mistake. Lighting the J before you pull away from the fucking parents' house. Are you kidding me? Schmock and doobies. Well, he's on the list. At the bottom of the list, but on the list, not the less. But like, stop villainizing marijuana, folks. Well, because this whole, we should say up front this movie, what is he cracking down on drugs? You better believe. It's a huge war on drugs movie. I am teaming up with McGriff, the crime. There's one sequence in this movie for four minutes where it's just like drugs kill kids

Yeah So I mean it establishes that marijuana Is the gateway drug here Because they smoke weed And then they go to a carnival ground I guess I don't know Erica Erica's about to leave Yes I want to get to this

And she's like hey why don't you two fuck Well Matt why don't you do just to fuck each other All over the house What she's like oh Is they're like you better be home by 1030 all right 11 you know we're doing some curfew stuff sure she's like you know instead of going to that movie

why don't you you got me out of the house and you're going to go to a movie come on guys oh Bronson and the lady friend here yeah want Charles Bronson to have sex with your mother yeah dude he's digging tunnels I mean I don't know I mean I guess she she's taking a shine to him

architecture thing she sees she's dollar signs in her eyes she's also about to get high. So she's probably like, well, whatever the fuck. Yeah, fuck guys. Well, because if like they fuck, then suddenly her coming home at midnight is not as much of a big deal because they've gotten their

Xima. Exactly, dude. They fucking they both rubbed one out. We should say this just this actress Erica is Dana Barron's of, oh yes. Of slight Dana Barron of vacation obviously. She was Audrey in the first vacation

movie. And she was also on Beverly L's 10-0 for a spell. Just a quick spell. Oh, is she one of your favorite characters? You don't remember the episodes? No, the titles of the episodes? Early on, she was like a younger

girl, which is insane. She must have been 30 at the time, obviously. But she was like too young for Brandon if I'm mistaken. Oh, one of those deals. Yeah, exactly. They dipped into that a lot. Oh, yeah, definitely.

I haven't watched the show. I can't date you. My father's Charles Bronson. Man, great excuse to turn a guy down. Let me tell you. Now I'm going down to that creek to fix Dawson. you know

because everyone was so much older hey it's me I'm a new transfer student here at the Beverly West Beverly High Charles Bronson I am a high I am a senior How do you do fellow kids

I'm here at the Beverly Hills 90-2010 Yes I'm hanging out at the Peach Pit And yes my name is Jaden Do you think we can get some booze for the party this weekend. I don't know. I'll have to but use a fake ID.

I'd like a keg of beer. Teen Wolf. I love that Bronson is sweating being late to this movie. Yes. But he's also like he's doing some movie meth here, which I, there's

a flaw in his system. But he's looking at the newspaper and he's like, okay, movie starts at 8 o'clock. back here, two-hour movie, back here by 10.30. Still plenty of time before Erica gets home. And I was like, Charles Bronson, I know it's the late 80s, but you are still not factoring in the pre-show, dude.

You're fucking fucking fucking fingering this woman and her daughter's going to come home. He stinks. Lock the door. We're going to CVS first to get some candy. Oh, absolutely. I'm not paying the movie. ridiculous concession stand prices. They don't even have

Wothers there. A dollar 50 for a soda. What am I? J.P. Morgan? He walks into the theater like Marge Simpson with that giant coat at the candy convention. See you in hell, Candyman. I watched that recently classic app. I desperately want to

watch Charles Branson take the slate to a movie. Absolutely. Or he's either, Chris, you're right. He's either sneaking stuff in or he's like, well, why are we going to get dinner? I'll just get a hot dog at the movie. A hot dog, a big popcorn, and some maybe a cinnabon.

That's dinner. No, keep, get the popcorn at the bottom. Oh, I cut a hole in it. My dick. So Erica goes to an arcade. It's this like carnival boardwalk thing. And this boyfriend, I got to tell you this boyfriend, he's not long for this film.

Having said that the pig parking in this movie, This guy is pulling right up like he's fucking Homer Simpson. He's rocking an IROC Z, dude, so you could park wherever the fuck you want. It is hysterical, though, because this dude is pulling right up. Like, people are walking by, and this guy is driving. Remember where we park, kids? I'm the fucking pedestrian walkway. A lot of parking mishaps in this film.

And maybe because it's in Los Angeles. But there was the parking garage at the start with the potential rape scene. Sure, her car wasn't in the lines, correct? Unless that was a huge... That's part of his... That's how I always dream with... Ampo parking. That's in my dream.

My parking dreams include people parking outside the lines. Like, she was in the lines, but it was like pulled up in a way that, like, there was so much other space that I was like, she's got to be in the other fucking... Oh, honey, I cannot fucking sanction pig parking, man. I cannot do it. You can't park in two spots, dude. And listen, there's... First off, Chris. There's nothing wrong about getting out of the car and being like, oops, you know what?

I fucked that up. I should readjust it. If anything, you're the fucking parking lot hero at that point. Of course. Don't pay for under two hours barking. Fantasy world. I readjust all the time when I park. You know, let's got to get it just right.

Oh, honey, her left tire is on the line there. That means we're watching a dream sequence. I'm good at movie language. A woman is driving correctly It must be a dream But we should get into the drug dealer at this point This dude Wait which guy because we got Tim Russ

We recognize Tim Russ I spotted him yeah Tim Russ who was Tuvok on Star Trek Voyager I did not recognize He's the African American gentleman That is like greeting people At the drug dealing hot spot I know who you're talking about

But I don't remember him I think the character's name is Jesse I believe Yeah he was a Vulcanan on a voyager. He's the manager of the drug deals. He has a hilarious death at the end of this movie. One of the many. But, no, I guess, like, the main guy here who's like...

Oh, the guy that kind of looks like Lou Ferreigno? He's like 50 years old. Yes. And he's a drug dealer, which is fine. I'm not... You know what I mean? You know, America, it's really hard to retire. But, like...

Seriously, totally. But, and it's totally cool to sell drugs. But you've got to sort of up your... You can't be the guy that's... selling drugs at the arcade. No, that's a young man's... You got to be at the dance club, at least. I will say selling drugs.

Parental permission, obviously. Obviously, but at least, like, if you're the... If that's still your racket, right? If this, like, wannabe Loufriigno guy, right? Like, if that's your thing, you have to hire, like, a younger underling. Because as a 50-year-old guy, you can't be walking around arcade machines. Exactly. You're giving up the ghost already.

You have a younger guy that does it. Exactly. Four younger guys at four different arc. kids, they all give you a little piece of the action. If you find yourself eligible for, or close to being eligible for senior citizen discounts on coffee at McDonald's, and you are also slinging Coke by the Gallagher machine, that's a problem. Exactly. That's a real problem. I figured out the solution to our problems about us a baby.

Just going to hold his baby while we do the because they think we're young. Now we have a drug dealing baby. Wow. I would watch that. Draguelan baby. Totally. So this dude, little slingers.

Erica go up. This guy, because he's also a scumbag, goes to Erica. He's like, hey, baby, I got a special one. Just for you.

And also Erica, by the way, isn't there's some real shit, dude. Erica is down to clown, dude. Holy macaron. She was smoking pot at some point.

Yeah, about it. Five minutes ago, we just saw it happen. Yes. And now this is pills she's getting? Coke. Oh, is that?

No, no, she's getting something else. It's like, it's brown. I think it's, Horse, dude. Really? Like horse pills.

Spoiler alert, though, in the very next scene where she dies of an overdose. Yes. The doctor says she's overdosed on cocaine. And the mother says she doesn't do cocaine. And the doctor just goes, well, I guess tonight she did. At least the doctor says it's coke. Look, honey, it's called super cocaine. It's all over the country.

It's just heroin. Also, this doctor has a mullet to. Quote my good friend, Andrew Jupin, to beat the band. Dude, it's exquisite. It's fucking exquisite. I know, I mean, it was something that happened in the 80s. I just can't imagine having my life in the hands of someone with that kind of a haircut. I can't take you seriously.

Or at least he's got to wear one of those, like, doctor, like shower caps all the time. Well, it was so shitty that I just, like, I was like, is he, like, trying to kill her? I got a two-step plan. First, killer, then dater. Because he's trying to, like, he's clearly like, oh. Oh, yeah, come here, honey. Well, this is a good question, Chris, because he gives her, like, a huge bag of this shit.

Like, you just give her a little bit. But that's the big question right here. Is this on this Lou Farigno-looking motherfucker, or is this on Erica? Was this dude, like, here you go, have fun with it. I think she just ate it all? For a long weekend. Yeah.

You know, and she was like, like, and just blew it all. Well, Lou Farragno is like, he's like, this is special just for you. You don't got to pay me nothing. I mean, maybe you want to go, come to my house. Kids, no, know your limits. Start slowly.

Just smoke weed. Start smoking weed. That's it. Period. That's my favorite part of the seed is his man, the guy, the front guy, with the suit and everything, is talking to the boyfriend. He's like, no, just let them hang out, man. No, come on. You're a white loser.

Stop. Come on. Let them talk. I will say my favorite part of getting drugs is fucking paying for it. I will never take free drugs. No, thank you, my friend. Absolutely not. That is, I want everything set up nice and easy.

This is a service I am buying from you. I don't owe you anything. And I don't need a special- People on tour. Yeah, and I don't need like a special whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I am here for my fucking strain that is going to make me melt into the couch

and that's totally fine while I watch Star Trek or whatever. I don't need your special fucking who-do, whatever. Exactly. You fucking whipped up special for me. Oh, how much is it $50? Here's a $50 bill. Well, that concludes our relationship. Sorry, we don't take any bills over a 20.

This is why we need legalization in this country because this is, you know, the upselling wouldn't be as extreme. Are you sure you don't want a large pot? I can get you, it's only 50 cents more. 50 cents more, you get a free refill. If they ask you to supersize your drugs, you got to do it 30 days, dude. It's wild. The indoctrination that Chris Cabin and I had to experience

working at the multiplex when you learn how to do. do the concessions. Really? And it's like, no matter what they ask you, you got to fucking up that. So it's like, yeah, I'd like medium popcorn and a medium soda. And your instant response is 50 cents more. Get free refills. Because there are spies.

There are popcorn spies. Secret shoppers. Yes, who will come up. And if you don't upsell them, you're gone. What if some guy and a big cowboy has it? Let me get the largest soda you got with the refills and the largest popcorn you ever seen. No, no. Bigger than that. You got a bucket in the back?

Here's the thing. A hundred dollar bill. Give me as much popcorn as this bag. Give me that mop bucket full of soda. There's a fucking response to everything, though. If they maxed out from the jump and it was like large popcorn, large soap. Do you want to buy a house? You get it. You get it.

Okay. You get the drink and the popcorn. And then you come back to the concession stand and go, would you like any other candy or nachos with that? Was the fucking line? I think I'm done eating at movie theaters. Wow. because I went to the movies today and I was like I'm just getting warmed up

I was like you know what popcorn I don't know that's messy I'm going to have to go to the restroom and wash that shit off my hands let me just get a slice beforehand this is why you never get popcorn I don't get popcorn you shouldn't get popcorn but what are you ordering at the concession stands a soda and be done with it

the problem is when I'm going fucking high as a kite to the movies man you know me and the munchies right but what are you getting you say mac and cheese bites, I'm leaving. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Door clothes. I don't Al-L sound. Chris has left the check. No, I don't fucking rip that shit. Okay. But I got myself a large-ass popcorn. I put way too much butter on it,

large-ass soda. I ate the whole thing. You got to know your shapes. I'll get a small popcorn and a large soda because I want more soda than I need. Or I'll probably want to drinking the whole thing because I am, you know. But I shouldn't do that, Steven. I prefer not to go to the bathroom during the film. And if I have the soda, guess what's happened? That's what happened, dude.

I take a leak in the middle of birds of prey. It was horrible. What else are you fucking with, Steve? You got the small popcorn. I'll go to small popcorn sometimes. I'm looking actually for tips, by the way. Oh, I forgot. I totally got candy.

I got peanut M&Ms. You didn't put it in the popcorn, did you? No, man, I'm not a fucking savage. Well, there are a lot of savages out there. No, I know people like mixing this. the salt and the sweet. I don't do it. Because I neurotically have to just keep all food stuff separate anyway.

It sounds good in theory. But then I'm like, okay, now all my Eminem is at the bottom. Continues to you. What's the rest of your order? Yes, sir. What will we be having today? Oh, they see me. They start licking their lips.

Here he comes. I'll take the whole popcorn machines. How much is that? Well, you know, for a 50 cents extra, you could own the movie thing. So Erica is dead. Oh, right. She ODs immediately. She ODs immediately.

That's it. I'll have, I have, I went, for a while, I had a weird, sad Christmas tradition. One time I was sick and the other time I was about to go to my sisters and I had like a couple of hours to kill. Watching those Hobbit movies as they came out around Christmas. And I would have a large soda and a pizza, a little personal. Dude, do you get personal? Personal. pizzas at the movie theater?

I did a couple times. Do they have these everywhere now? No, no. These were at the Times Square. Today didn't have that. Right. And good on them. You're fine. But I have to ask, dude, what is the diarrhea situation with movie theater pizzas? With me,

you never know where it's going to go. You're a ticking time bomb no matter what. Wow. So how big are those things? They're a personal pan. Fair enough. Close your eyes. Think about a personal pan. And it's that size. When you think about a personal pan

And then put a pizza No, it's like, you know I don't know I don't know what the radius is Authentic New York pizza Oh yeah, dude, definitely from from Rays By the way, Steve, just because now I share your mutual appreciation

I mutually appreciate with you The Sinopolis and Chelsea Oh yeah. Did you see they got to sign up And it says bar coming soon? Shit, I had no idea and I'm excited. You better believe it, dude. I will now go to that theater Even more than I do. I was actually just reminded when I was waiting online to get my concession stand items before Birds of Prey,

which is a great movie that everybody should see, by the way. Behind me was this younger couple and they were in this like fierce, not debate with each other, but just like this serious discussion weighing the pros and guns of whether or not they should like apply for the Sinopolis like value program. And the guy is like, he's like reading this sign. And he's like, well, if we sign up today, I mean, we're going to get 50 cents off the whole order. And then the woman's just like, yeah, no, yeah. And it just seems like, oh, what is that? Every Tuesday, a free popcorn.

What? This sounds like it's a pretty good deal. Well, we get up there. What are we going to do? Are we making money at this? Shoot. And then they're like, don't let them know. We're going to be okay.

They're trying to figure out like, it's like, well, we get up there. If we want to sign up, but we're not signed up yet, how's it going to work? And I want to turn around. Is the place going to close because of it was? I was going to just be like, this woman is going to ask for your fucking phone number and you're signed up and that's the end of it. It was just the funny.

It was like they were diffusing a bomb. Honey, honey, did you bring your social security card on? If you don't have it with you, I don't know if we're going to be able to sign up for them. They might need a birth certificate. Fucking two forms of ID, Sharon. Go back to the house. Open the safe.

Get my dad. Oh, they have to take a picture. I'm not wearing what I should be wearing. You know, let's worry about. about this now. Let's not actually wait for the one question that's actually clearly going to happen. Fuck, Karen. Are we saving $2 today or not?

Okay, what was your job 10 years ago? So Erica's dead. Erica is way dead. Right, this movie. So Bronson is upset as much as his face at this time in 1987 can allow him to be upset.

Sure. It's a weird, like they are allowing, so like she's brought into the emergency room. They're doing a bunch of emergency-ish work on her. The paddles come out, all that stuff. I could not believe that, like, so like the door to the, you know, whatever, it's not an operating room, but whatever, the door closes. Bronson and his lady friend, the mother of Erica, are allowed to just, like, peek through

this window, watching this girl get zapped a bunch of times. They usually try and keep you away from that. In these movies, and I assume IRL, someone comes out and is like, hey man, you know there's a place where you can go sit is that my lady friend's daughter in there is that my lady friend's daughter in there

but then like so she dies like immediately and then it's hilarious this fucking doctor with this mullet opens the door back up like they've just turned around to walk away and he's like ah hey lady yeah totally dude it's like so ridiculous and it's like how about a little compassion

hey sweetheart your daughter's dead in here never mind come back get the coffee later she's dead you listen I'm going to tell you right now your night is ruined looks like we are not making

the movie so she but he notices her boyfriend skips out he's like I am going to follow him because I saw him smoker joint therefore he's in trouble also

I don't know if you could just drop like if you're 17 or so you can just drop your girlfriend off for a death OD and then make it out of the hospital before the police are asking you a couple of questions. Well, I don't know that it's so much you can,

but he definitely does. Yes. He just fucking high tails it, dude. It's like you're returning a movie five days late, you're just kind of throw it in the slot and walk away. He does have the crisis of conscience.

He's telling the other drug dealer that, hey, I'm going to go to the cops. Well, this whole thing. So he goes back to the fucking arcade, carnival, boardwalk, whatever this is. Again, drives right up to the ring toss game like Homer Simpson. I love the parking that this guy has. And he pulls the guy out. He's like, hey man, you gave her a bad shot. What'd you give her, man? You didn't give her what she gave to me. Why are you giving her special

stuff? You know what, dude? Fuck you. I'm going to the cops. And I'm like, dude, don't tell him. You never tell anybody. Go to the cops. Don't go to him. Why are you going to him? This is bad parenting. Every father should tell his son. Son, if one of your friends dies from a drug overdose. You forget they exist. You shut up and don't talk about nothing. It's beyond, though, he just says I'm going to the cops.

He's threatening this guy, like, taunting. Like, fuck you, I'm going to the cops right now. I'm going to fucking tell the world. La la la la la la la la la la. Uh, stab me. Hey, uh, stab me. And this dude is like live streaming it today. This dude is instantly stabbed in the gut by Lou Farragna.

it's fucking great. Bronson sees it and then like the guy he shoots at him and then the guy runs up. He starts running away and it's one of my favorite parts of the movie. Bronson not for a second does he check in on this

boyfriend. He's just immediately running after this guy. There's a little bit of a shootout here and this is where I knew at this moment that this movie had my heart. Yes. Because Bronson shoots this drug deal and this dude falls on the top of a bumper car's cage that's electrified.

Fuck me, that's funny. This was like the most confusing thing in the world to me because they keep on cutting to bumper cars. They set it up really awkwardly with the editing. Like they cut back to people having a great wholesome time on bumper cars. Is he going to fall through it into the fucking bumper cars? No, but he falls. I don't even know. This is what this is so much electricity that's going to do this thing.

I mean, I don't know how much you need to power a fleet of bumper cars, but like, I'll take it, man. This is fucking awesome. This dude fries right up. That's true. We killed Ed Gein. We threw him on the top of a bumper car and 800,000 watts went right through him. And hey, man, you know what? That's kind of cooler to look at than a boring old chair.

That's true. It probably saves money for the taxpayers. All the lawyers with, like, ice cream and, like, popcorn. Well, we were just here. I might have to get some fun fitting. Cotton candy. But I wasn't supposed to order cotton candy for this execution. Wait, I'm not supposed to be playing ski ball while this is happening.

Look, it was my lucky day with the darts and balloons. I got myself a nice teddy bear here. Yeah, it's the size of a house. The warden just grasping this huge teddy bear. Well, you, uh, Ed Gein, you'll, a sentence to death by the state of Mississippi here are four tickets for

the raffle later fucking four tickets he can't get nothing with four tickets I got a big fucking comb little question are the tickets made of my mother's skin because if not you can burn them I don't want anything to do with that this is the beginning of many times in this movie this great ADR

this is the guy's on top of the thing he's we hold on this shot for a while he's jumping around with sparks He's fucking jump jive and wail, dude. And you just keep hearing these guys go, oh my God, turn it off. Turn off the machine. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God, you got to turn that off. It's so awesome because my thought was like, is it really this difficult to deactivate bumper cars, man? It's probably a big old switch you throw. Right? I mean, you know, I remember I worked a fucking shitty job at this indoor like funplex thing called Jeepers a thousand years ago. And I was the dude who operated the indoor roller coaster.

You were the creepers? No, that was a good friend of ours who was in a fucking animal suit. But I was just, I was like roller coaster dude. And dude, that was one button. Yeah, yes. It was one fucking button, man. They know teenagers are working there. Well, they can't turn it off unless they get a call from the mayor.

The governor. So this dude's dead. The cops investigate. Mark Pellegrino shows up out of nowhere. I love Mark Pellegrino. is this like punk guy who has like some information? Who is this punk talking to the cops

fucking narc punk? That's that is no thanks to narc punk. It looks like not cool. Looks like Matthew Laird and SLC Punk. So yeah. Yeah, exactly. A little bit of a Dr. Frankenfurter thing going on, not for nothing. For sure. And you know, he sees

Bronson's car, he sees Bronson. He gives the description. He talks to you later, cops. It's fucking awesome Because the guy's like, is Mark Pellegrina's like, you know, it was a blue car, whatever he says. And the guy's like, oh, did you get the license plate? It's like, yeah, I got the last three thing, six, six, four, like whatever he says. And the detective is like, do you have anything else? And he goes, no, man, I'm not a fucking detective.

That's your job. Fucking awesome. And there's these two detectives. Phil is the crooked one. Yes, Phil and the other one there. The other guy, I don't think, is really mentioned by name all that much. He's the main detective in this who ends up hunting cursie, but he was also the detective slash Lord Dern's father in Blue Velvet.

Oh. So he's got a detective. The Japanese dude is Phil Nazaki. Yeah. Right. Is the one guy. And the other dude is blibbidi-blow. Officer cop.

Detective Reiner. Oh, Detective Reiner. Reiner, played by George Dickerson. Right. So George Dickerson also in Blue Velvet and a couple of other things. I'm not naming them. I'm just assuming he's had a career

beyond Blue Velvet and Death Wish 4. So we go to the funeral. The mother is obviously very upset. She's like, it's all my fault. He's like, no, it's not you. It's those damn drugs. Listen, Lisa, it's been two days. You have to get over this.

Yeah, he is kind of like, yeah, he's like, well, because he's like the old pro, he's like, look, I know what it's like to have a beloved family member, moydid. It's happened to me several times. I know nothing but death and misery. Let me let you in on a little secret from the pros. Don't take justice into your own hands. It becomes a bit of an addiction. Also, that's my racket. Are you edging into my turf? He's like, oh, you know what you should do? You should, you're a writer. write a story about it just write about drugs

which is one of our favorite scenes of this movie this woman is about to be out of the movie for about 70 minutes she's a journalist she goes to her the editorial chiefs like ah nobody wants to hear about drugs what are you talking about everybody's doing drugs like this street exactly the LA she works for

the LA Tribune and the editor is just like everyone does drugs okay it's like a non story which thank you I was kind of like yeah I'm with this editor dude nobody gives shit. At the time, no, it's the biggest story of the world. Of course they fucking run it. Well, especially, again, when a

fucking 17-year-old white girl dies, people are going to give a shit. Oh, right, that is the biggest of tragedy. That's true. But it's like 87, the newspapers all war on drugs shit anyway. Do you need to have another thing? Right. Another thing. I guess. She goes

to a morgue, and this is the most war on drugs-y war on drugs. This is ridiculous. I love this. It's the dumbest shit in the world. And again, look, she's not, she's going, she's in the beginning of this movie. 70 minutes happened, elapsed without her because it's a death wish movie. Yeah. And then she's back at the end.

I thought they were going to show her her daughter because this whole scene is like, well, you sure you want to see these victims of drugs? Well, that's what's ridiculous. A California Cheeseburger. It's not even like just ODs. It's like, this girl was selling herself on the street to get drugs. She was 13 and then a John sliddered throat. It's like not even drug related. Yeah, it's like, oh, well, that's a fucking, like, sex crime.

It's a murder, yeah. Oh, this guy over here, this 16-year-old boy was freebasid when the pipe exploded in his face. That guy is fucking fucking fucking great. Remember, glass pipes just explode like fucking shrapnel bombs. Every time. Just destroy your face and murder. Well, actually, he got a glass pipe from the Joker, and it didn't set of it saying bang, it exploded in his face. Who's laughing now?

No, Joe. The best is the little kid, though. He's like, yeah, he tried to rob a convenience store to buy drugs. And it's like, and look what happened. And just like he pulls the curtain back and it's just a kid that got shot in the head by some these are all economic problems. If that kid had enough money in the family, he could have bought drugs, no problem. He wouldn't have to do armed robbery.

Yeah. That's right. Smoked a marijuana cigarette once. Ten years later, it's bonoct. Contaneous Gumpuskin. And this kid. He stayed in his system and turned into fire. And this kid here, he turned into a jazz musician.

Well, I still have John Belushi's corpse here. Hold on. You want to cover your nose. It's been a couple of years. But then she's like, oh, my God. What? These are all just children. He's like, yep, that's drugs.

I am a soulless mortician. We got Chris Farley, warm it up in the bullpen you hang out a few more years. Wow. So Bronson goes home. Also like there's this one amazing scene where it's before Eric died

she's like so the woman is like the girlfriend is like so where is this going? It's been two years like oh shit it's that talk. And then like when Erica dies is like oh fuck now I'm in it for the long haul. I got to come back.

It's like him and George Costanza and a coffee shop like so how long do I have to stay with her after her daughter overdoses on cocaine you see george i was going to break up with her after that two-hour movie which is why i was timing it to see if we'd be home the problem is also erika came home also she eats popcorn with her mouth open disgusting right i was in the pool i'm a listen to this one i'm pretty sure the ginger rail at the coffee shop is just Coke and Sprite mixed together. It's funny you should say that

there were lobster in those eggs. I'm sorry, I cannot spare a square. I do not have a square to spare. I was fired for having sex with a cleaning woman on my desk, Pally. Yes, yes. We did make out during Shinla's list, but my parents were in town.

Had I known that was frowned upon. Oh fuck I love So Bronson goes home After all this nonsense He gets an obscene phone call Which is great Well he gets a letter that says

I know who you are Which is great He gets a letter that says that He does What was I smoking? Marijuana I just remember the phone call Yeah

I remember the phone call The guy's like Is this Charles Bronson Yeah I want to meet you I sent you a little letter He's like Who is this

I famously don't open mail. Doesn't that render this kind of moot? I really love this because then he goes to this dude's house and it's like a Ted Turner-esque figure with this mustache. Yeah, like a fletch set up, I thought for a minute here. And he's like, oh, I run the L.A. Tribute. He's like, oh, my girlfriend works for you. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she does. She's a great gal. Oh, right, because he's like, you own, because the guy says his name, and he's like, you own newspapers. His name is Nathan White. Right. And he's like, oh, you know. Or so we think. I like, I do love this twist.

We might as well just say it because later on, Charles Bronson eventually goes back to this house. And there's another dude there that's like, why I was in Europe three months. Who are you? Dude, all of a sudden, it's like north by northwest in this. I was like, no, mother, they didn't give me. and chaser. It's a hitchcockian film. But it's almost like a prank. They just kind of sneak into this dude's house. I love it.

It's great. Just breaking into someone's house, posing as them, hiring a vigilante. Multiple times. He meets with this guy multiple times at this house. And he seems to have a staff that's working in the house for him. Well, at some point he does say, I think it's like the second to third time, he's like, uh, we will not be able to meet here ever again just because of appearances. Also, the owner of the house

the guy who owns his joints coming back from vacation so we're going to have to get out hey crystal wake up yes they kind of got this white guy almost doing a Bronson like yes

imitation because he's just like yeah I don't know what this guy's voice is I've spent all my money getting the information on all the drug dealers two of them actually we can't kill them all different you and I well that's the thing he's like either

A, he's a rich industrial, whatever, that needs somebody to kill him, kill all these drug dealers, or B, he's a third drug dealer trying to get two other drug dealers that are actually running the drug racket, killed, and he's like, who can I hire? Should I hire the Akusa? No. Should I hire the Italian? No. What if I got a guy that's, I don't know, three years younger than I am? You know, he's only 64 years old. It's like, what are we talking about? Why are you putting so much energy? I know he's the vigilante and all. but he's a fucking old man. It's kind of amazing because if this guy is like a big so-and-so kingpin whatever Yeah, theoretically you know, yeah, the fucking Yakuza, some sort of Chinese triad, whatever you want,

you know, the fucking Mexican cartels maybe get them involved. You're in fucking L.A. They're around. Get some honest to goodness hit men involved. You know what I mean? Like, again, someone who's under the age of 60. No, no. Give me that senior citizen. This guy is going to get the job.

Please always disrupt everything. As everyone knows, this is a pro-Mafia podcast. So you go to the family to resolve any issues. I like an idea of a smoking aces, but everybody's over 60. Oh, I like this. It's like smoking ais meets the crew. I can see us doing an episode on that movie. Obviously.

We're trying to inspire people to make more episodes. Well, actually, wasn't that that fucking piece of shit movie? Red. I guess Red is kind of Red is kind of like that What is the movie though With it's like Christopher Walkin I think Al

Seven Psychopats Is one of the guys No no no It's like It's not knock around guys Is this Natalie Woods death tape? Oh man Man

Oh man No there was some movie It's like Chris Walkin and two other old guys And it's like we're all kind of old assassin I think I know you're talking about I don't know Fuck, I mean, it is really bad. It's just like that fucking Alan Ark and Michael Cain movie we did where it's like...

Going out in style. Yeah, where it's like, I'm not too old to do my thing. Yeah, you know. Oh, fuck, it's going to kill. I'll have to look at it up later. Yeah. Stay tuned for that apparently. This guy Nathan White or is posing as Nathan White said,

oh, my daughter was killed by drug gangs just like your young friend. It was also Kakain. He's like, you know, how about for the next 50 minutes of the movie, I give you fun character bios and you go into a series of vignettes that kind of don't actually add up to a movie. And that's all that this movie is. And it's fantastic.

It's like kind of a greatest hits almost. Because again, like this stuff, there is sort of a plot unfolding. But again, you would expect that to like cut back with the mother. Right. The mother, by the way, we find her, she's like, I want to do this story.

She goes to Tim Russ and she's like, hey, give me all the information on all your drug dealing stuff. pals and he's like maybe later and then that's it. And then she's gone. Yes. Because it's not a movie at this point. It's really just I've introduced to like the I guess this is

the Italian mafia with what was his name? Zacharias. That's a Greek name to me. Yeah, but I guess Greek mafia. Yeah, I don't know. They're just busy running diners dude. Yeah, I guess that's a racket. That was the Greek mafia in our hometown. They had the fucking diner racket. Let me tell you something, man. They'd not fuck around.

I love lemon potatoes and gyros. Look, there's still potatoes and there's still meatballs, they're just lamb. I found it, by the way. The film was from 2012. It's called stand-up guys. It's Al Pacino, Christopher Warkin, and Alan Arkin. Blink

and you'll never miss it. Directed by, you all get one guess. Adolf Hitler. An Academy Award winner. Ben Affleck. Mostly known for acting, but Ben Affleck is incorrect. Matt Damon. No. Sidney Pollack? No.

Zach Brad Hold on It was Fisher Stevens, by the way Here I am wearing the same shirt As the wallpaper behind me What the heck? You said it was an Oscar nominated actor Oscar winning

Because he won for a documentary producing He directed it It did The Cove, I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure All right, let me look it out All right, all right, well Just watched an episode of Frazier

with Fisher Stevens on it It was quite delightful Brownface? No, but I learned last night after watching that episode, Chelsea told me he publicly apologized for that. He said he would not take that movie ever again. If like the role came up again.

Stay tuned for sure. It's Sir. God doesn't forgive. Neither does Eric. So there's two gangs and he's like, well there's two gangs you want to rub out. I'm not sure who killed your young girlfriend, but it's the Zacharias gang. I mean, he does

have a good point here. He's just like, okay, sure. you killed the pusher, but like, what about the guys behind him? What about the guys that keep putting those guys out on the street? What about the guys that are edging into my turf? I mean, that killed my daughter. Exactly. I mean, it turns out to be a whole thing where he's actually trying to move in on the turf and become a new drug lord.

But yes, Steve, what are you saying? I was just going to say, Eric Sisker-Sik, correct. Fisher-Stevens only produced the cove. Yeah, he's got money. Talent, not so much. No, I'm joking. I love Fisher-Steven. I mean, he's great in hackers as the plague.

Yeah, I'm not a big Fisher-Stevens guy. Zacharias, who's got his own gang. Right. The Romero brothers. Yeah. Who are fun. I love these intros. It's just the best part.

It's like you're playing a video game. They say the stupidest, like it's all like, he's killed 15 people. Yep. He's traffic from, you know, Nicaragua, Guatemala. He also likes to paint portraits. the side. Dude, the little, like, extra details on all of these guys is fucking hilarious. I heard you paid houses.

He's also known to be a famously bad tipper. Well, no, the best one is this guy who's... The Super Achiever. Yes. David Fontano plays, I think, what's his name? Frank Boggs. Who's like the big... Oh, Boggs, yes.

Which is one of my favorite scenes of this movie, which you'll get to. But he's like, Frank Boggs is an upwardly mobile. this and that he's a baritone singer and he could do this and I'm like what on earth are you talking about movie it's one of those things that I love in either movies or other mediums like needless details that actually go nowhere like I love the back of a card you know what I mean like totally I want to know I want to know what Cyclops's weight is for no reason it's just ridiculous though because it's like this guy pretending to be this other guy sure what is what is his thinking there and like, I'm going to give these extra details in these bios to get my like competition snuffed out. I don't understand the motivation. It's just fucking hilariously bad screenwriting. He, so he, first he goes to a party at Zacharias's place. Yes. And he's dressed as a bartender. Is this a boat that we're on or no? It's an estate. It's a state. It's a house and it's like a birthday party and Zacharias blows out the candles and one

It's an erotic cake. On a porno cake. First of all, yeah, let's talk about this birthday cake. Was it a porno cake? It's a fucking nude woman spread eagle. The candles are her nipples.

Yes. The fucking titty tassels are the candles. Everywhere I look in this world, I inhabit his pornography because I live in America. I know it when I see it. I didn't notice it.

So he blows out the candles. One of them is not blown out. So he takes a fucking badass move. takes it and he eats it. And everyone at this party is like, oh my, they're like so blown away. You know, oh my God, this guy's a fucking badass. You know why I lick that one, don't you, everybody? Because that was the vagina case.

Was it really? I think so. Nice. Yeah. The other guy's like, how's the cake? Not as good as the candle. It's a great life. Also important to mention right here, Danny Trejo alert, playing an Italian.

Love it. David Trejo when he was only 48 years old in the late 80s because he's not a young man in this film no but he does have a terrible haircut it's a bad but the iconic mustache is in

full of facts absolutely he must have been like three years after doing crime because he was like a legit criminal for a really long time right totally well I guess when was bulletproof I guess that was 88 with Gary Buse's a so he's got all these

rolls around the same time where he plays like brief parts of gangster. Didn't Michael Mann find him in thief I want to say? Possibly. He was one of the first guys that's 81s. He was one of the first guys to find him. Is that Gary Busey movie the one where he calls somebody butthorne?

Yes. Your worst nightmare, butthor. He says that too, Danny Trejo. Oh, does he? Yeah, so that is an absolute stay tuned. It's been a stay tuned for 10 years. Seriously, I remember greening out to that movie at the old apartment back in the day. We watched it recently, and it is a masterpiece. Just, oh, how did you find it?

Did you get the Sith Wayfinder to fucking find that thing? I went to a, God, what, I think, who. Quick question. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to play a little Price is Right. Please. Okay.

How many acting credits does Danny Trejo have? He has 238. Price's Right rules. If you go under, you, you don't want to go over. 2.10. Danny Trehow has 165 movie credits. You cowards,

409. I win there. You want the highest. I'm trying to find the first one. It's going to take me... 409. I did not. I thought I was going way too high.

You're going to spray in your thumb with all that scrolling. This is Danny Trail's first for all he's getting off the tray and it's come in the station. Yeah, the Lumiere brothers found this guy in jail. He thought he was very authentic. He was going to be hung for stealing chickens. Yeah, you see that moon there?

That's that Danny Trejo. You know, when Thomas Edison electrocuted that elephant, Danny Trejo is the one that pushed the plunger down to fucking set off the electricity. No. 409 That's fucking so stupid Oh yeah so this film stars Mary Pickford

and Danny Trello It is his hundredth film He was in the jazz singer Danny Trejo was in the original cut of greed And then they cut it down to four All the fucking Vance von Stroheim

And Bissig Reels had David Trejo. He was Hitchcock's first choice for the lodger back in the early 20s, but there was a scheduling conflict. I don't know how, but he's in Shoah. Wait a second. So what's the first credit? His first credit actually is in 1983. 1915? A Jackie Chan, 83, a movie called Project A with Jackie Chan in the lead.

Oh, that's a good movie. 85. He's in a movie called Runaway Train. also a great movie Wait is runaway train the John Voight movie Yes and the Mr. White from this is the evil warden from that

Oh really? Because they're both canon pictures And then so it's bulletproof Penitentiary 3 The Hidden and Death Wish for all in 87 All four of those movies There's a busy year for Danny Trejo That's how you get to 4009 You're not just fucking sitting around

Doing one movie a year Ladies and gentlemen You are quadrupling up That's a great point because he's never, it's not like he's starring in any movie. No, certainly not. But also like, can I tell him a shetai. I want to get like an egot like

treoing for if you get four over 400 credits. That's what it should be. If you pass 400 you've treoed. Yes, that's absolutely true. No one could 400. You're going from like set to set. You're doing fucking two scenes in each movie. You know what I mean? Like,

that's the trejo method, dude. It's trejo and Edward G. Robinson. They're the only ones. I see, Danny Trejo. Almost beat me for the starring role in Scarlet Street. Good boy, though. I worked with him on Key Largo. Him and Bogie got together well. It was interesting in Shadow of the Vampire.

He reprised his role from Nosferrako. He was the only actor to do that. He was in both. Oh, fuck. We got Danny Trejo out of retirement. Played Nothferrake. I'm doing it. Max Shrek was a

pseudonym for Danny Trichel. Of course. So at Zacharias's place, Bronson is really crap. This is the thing. This is a series of misadventures for Charles Bronson where he does terrible covert work. It's awful. It's almost

as if he shouldn't be doing this. I'm going to bug all of your phones very slowly. And like the thing is and I don't know what the... Oh, you came home early? I don't know what the phone bugging means because the guy's like if we bug their phones we've got them and I'm like you got them how

I think it's a thing where you know like so then like this guy as the secret drug kingpin pretending to be this other dude will know like who all the contacts are yeah and could further like wipe out people at the end of the movie when they meet at the oil

fields they know that they're meeting there because of the phone button so so it's like Charles Bronson's able to place where people are going to be Yes. So he's bugging these phones as a bartender. The Romero brothers show up. There's a little meeting inside this room where Zacharias is like, did you kill my guy, which is one of the guys. Bronson's already killed. Like, no, no, it wasn't us. He stabs some other low level enforcer as like a message. Yeah, like some guy comes back who from business trip in Colombia and was just like, oh, how about that guy that was skimming? And it's like, oh, you were the one skimming. So he stabs that guy. With a screwdriver, he drops dead. Hold on, I'm going to pull up some audio here, actually. During this entire time, Charles Bronson is hiding in what Steve will help illustrate for us.

And they're talking about, I mean, the Romero brothers, they're like, we want peace, we've had peace. There was a war at some point. That's the thing is this other old guy, the drug kingpin himself, is kind of like the Woody Woodpecker instigator. because like there is peace in the Los Angeles drug community. It's true because it shows you that this like one vigilante guy and one hungry wannabe drug lord is destroying the stability that exists between these mafia families and stop it. Let them exist.

Stop fucking with these people. Look, I'm going to say it. Team Romero. Yeah. Not team Zecharias. Yeah. I'm a team. Absolutely.

Wait, did you get the audio or what? I did. But I also wanted to let you guys know just because of talking of cartoons. Yeah. that Mel Blank was good friends with Danny Trejo way back in the day. They would go... Of course, yeah. All right.

So they stabbed this guy and they're like, oh, there's some noise in the other room. And they decide to intrude on Bronson, and this is what happened. What are you doing here? I was just using the toilet. I was just using the toilet. Just using the toilet. I was taking a steamy shit. It kind of sounds like he's trying to decide if he's going to say toilet, John, or crapper.

Yeah, he does have a little bit of a hesitation there. What would these guys respond to best? I was using the toilet. Do you think that's acting, like, on his part? Like, okay, these guys. No, definitely not. These guys are busting in. I should be startled because I'm just the bartender.

Well, he is getting, he's getting fucked over right here. Like, it's not like a big setup. you know, plan for him to be caught right here. He's getting caught with his pants down. Because he's bad at Covert Works. It's like, all right, hey, bartender, how about you, uh, we gave you a hundred bucks, you take this corpse out of here. He's like,

sounds good to me. I love the zero apprehension. It's like, yep, uh, I'll carry the corpse. But it's awesome because Bronson totally catches a glance between Zacharias and this other hoodlum who's helping Bronson carry the body. Yeah, they're going to kill him. Yeah, it's a look

of like, yeah, fucking please kill this guy. Obviously. This Hothelm is like scared to death that he's on screen. Yeah. Because every time you see him, his eyes go bug, he's like, whoa. It's awesome too. I did not pull audio for this. But when Zach Rice is like, who the fuck are you or whatever?

Bronson just goes, my name is Leo. Fucking just yells. Like the emphasis is on Leo. Another terrible delivery. It's great. He dispatches this dude kind of a lame way. Like he hits him in the stomach. and then like hits his head on the thing.

He closed. I like this. He fucking closes the trunk of a car on this guy's neck. That dude is instantly dead. My name is, uh, my name is Leo. Da Vinci. I like, I like the shot where he just walks out of the garage. He puts up the fucking garage door.

Dude, he opens the garage door and then just fucking hauls ass. And it's hilarious because it's old Charles Bronson running away from the scene of the crime. And then the next one's like, all right, you'll have to take out the Romero brothers, three big enforcers, which, who they all love, Italian food. I have it. This is great. They are efficient. Always work together and have a preference for Italian food. And then Danny Trejo is one of these people, by the way.

They also, back in 1971, won a pine box derby at their Boy Scouts. Just want to let you know what has been going on. Looks like they're about to cross the finish line of life. At least in this situation saying like, oh, they have like a, you know, preference for Italian food. He knows enough to, I guess, like, like steak out Italian restaurants or some shit. Well, it's L.A., so there's two. He's at Dantanas, dude. Great place.

My brother saw Al Pacino there the other day. Are you kidding me? I would have lost my fucking mind. We dine at Dan Tannas with Mark Sadek and who is the best week? got? Sebastian Bach. Yeah, that's... How does anyone recognize Sebastian Bach? I noticed him. You watch a lot of I love the blank and he's all over those fucking things. I was just going to say, Chris, Steve Sadek loves himself

some VH1 original programming. Well, no, the story of my brothers, which I'll take credit for it because I'm sort of related to him. This is the legendary Mark Sadek, by the way. Allegedly related. He's sitting at Tantanas, he's on a date or whatever, and there is next to him, he was like, oh shit, that's Sugar Ray Leonard. He's like, holy fuck, that Sugar Ray Leonard. And then Al Pacino comes the guy from Seinfeld instead. No, but then Al Pacino comes up to talk to Sugar Ray Leonard. Sugar Ray, it's been a long fucking time.

I love your music. I love all the times you put with the punching. Oh, the punching. Wait, so, man, so your brother got to witness Al Pacino talking to Sugar Ray Leonard in a restaurant? Yeah, that's incredible. I got a 35 millimeter print. of your fight

poured myself some cognac and his sugar A letter double feature Fight festival A fucking fight festival The 14

Fist's of Sugar A letter That's an incredible story What a sighting And he kept My brother was very stammered He wanted to

The transcript He wanted to bother him But he didn't Which I think is the right Alpicino or Sugar Ray Leland Al Pacino. You can't bother any of them. You can't bother any of them.

That's incredible. So Bronson dresses up as a liquor distributor and you see him kind of in his shitty car fiddling with this bottle of wine. What is this all about? Wine bulb. Oh, God damn it.

How do you do this? Ilein's the one who usually uses the goddamn. And yeah, Chris Cabin, bringing up this fictitious Eileen begs the question. the fuck set this. Like, where did he get this fucking bomb?

What are we talking about? It's a wine bottle that, it's a fake wine bottle that unscrews the bottom half and he could put a bomb into, yet it still can pour wine. And he goes into this place and he's just like, yeah, I represent a new little winery up and napa. Give you a free taste. All your customers might want to taste too. Boy, this is some egregious, like shit, dude.

Holy Christ. Well, the bartender tastes like, eh, that's. It's okay. Kind of taste like there's a bomb in here. No, no, don't worry about that. TNT. It's a little bit of a tri-nitro-tallewing hint to it. Cartoon stick of dynamite in my glass.

It tastes like oil and ball bearings. I represent the ECME company. We are branching into wine. It's kind of awesome because he goes into this fucking disgusting Italian restaurant. and asks this clearly sleazy bartender He's ever been up to Napa And the guy's like Nah

And he's like Oh, you gotta get up there It's a beautiful country Let me just So he goes to Danny Trejo and these two other guys Like gentlemen Can I interest you in some free wine And Danny Traer's like

Don't I know you Because I think he saw him at the party He did see him because he's getting Handled at one point by Zacharias's dudes. So the guy makes him sit down at the booth and he's like, Don't, Treo makes him sit down to sit down at the booth, not the guy.

God, this is the great. Sinema's great, 409 credits. Fucking 400, fucking 409, dude. By the time this episode comes out, it's going to be 450. Seriously. So, and he's talking to him and he's like, are you from, where are you from?

He's like, oh, I don't know. The other guy's like, I got a cousin in Idaho. What shitty? I'm from North Kiltown. Boise. And then like the conversation, it takes him like three lines to be like, fuck it. I'm going to blow you. He throws a glass of water in Danny Trejo's face, runs out of the room.

And suddenly we get the cheapest looking fake fire thing. Dude, it is, first of all, it is a dummy of the two of these guys. There's a dummy Danny Trejo. Who is in 200 movies, by the way. do you like red white or dead come boom that's a good line

that you should have used this explosion is the fakeest fucking MS paint thing I've ever seen well that's the thing that's crazy to me if it's just

cartoon fire anyway which it clearly is why do you need a dummy that's a great because you want to see the thing blow up yeah I guess so and here's the thing

like canon pictures obviously you know they spared no expense when it came to outside explosions Sure. Oh, the indoor...

Yeah. You got the restaurant. You know... There's a real restaurant there is. Oh, I watched that documentary. They spared all expenses. That's a fucking great movie, man. What's the name of it?

Uh, fuck. Electric boogaloo. Which actually, they go over Bronson being like... I think it's J. Lee Thompson. They're interviewing. Probably. Charles, you know, he was really depressed. He had to do a fourth and fifth that wish.

I remember, I talked to him. He was not happy about that. He got on this thing. of like these movies are inspiring violence and like felt bad about it but i guess didn't feel bad enough to not do these fucking movies he made four million bucks off this movie dude which was like the majority of the film's budget yes i believe that and it shows i uh yes i deplore gun violence i also love having seven garages now look forward to my next film assassination so the next hit is just, it's like some guy from

Vegas who operates out of a video store when he's in L.A. Yes. You get this. This video store was sending me. I was like, oh, fuck. Absolutely, dude. It looked beautiful. And we get to see Charles Bronson going there with an Uzi and just light it up. They throw cocaine at each other for a

little while. It's kind of funny. Dude, one of the things, by the way, so in this, the main kingpin pretending to be this other guy, when he's listing out the bio for this dude, he's like, yeah, Man, this dude's got a lot of bad things going on. He did time for this.

Did time for that. Definitely dabbled in child pornography. Definitely did this. It's like, okay, movie. What does that have to do with anything? Turns out he makes a good key lime pie. But it's fucked up to think, though. Like, we're told that this dude went, did a little time for some fucking kitty porn.

And he's at a video store that definitely is a back room. What is going on? Again, I'm saying Paul Cursey, Hero. Total hero. He's killing a child pornographer. In a video store in the 80s, you go behind the beaded curtain, you see the regular pornography, and then you go to the guy and say, what else you got? The what else you got, dude, absolutely.

And that sends a sign to that guy to open the vault. And then it's Patrick Swayze, Kitty Porn Dungeon from Donnie Darko. Not that I ever get him. So he's dead. Now that we get the Frank Brog's. This is one of my favorite sequences in the film. Was this dude in anything else? because this guy's got a great presence.

Has been in some of other stuff. It looks like a lot of episodes of The Good Wife, it seems. Also, they keep, they're saying Boggs, which is great, because I'm just thinking of fucking little old Wade Boggs. Yes. Third baseman for the Yankees. And so this guy is like, it's him and his girlfriend. They're going to go to the opera and he's treating his girlfriend like shit.

It's a great lock-orne's bit. It's a whole, like the two of them are just trading. She says, like, how do I look? And he says, like, shit. But then she's like, you're a fucking scumbat. Like, it's just like the back and forth kvetching. You eat like a hog or something. Like, he calls her a pig or a hog at some point.

Drop dead, why don't you? This is a great part. They're having this fight. They're getting ready to go to the opera, whatever they're going. And she says, drop dead, why don't you? Yeah, he forgets the tickets upstairs. So he's to go back. But this drop dead, why don't you thing, it's like this woman

saunters towards the camera and it's just like boobs oh the boobs are great they're everywhere but it's it's also the thing is like bronson's like i will wait in the whole way and then when they leave i shall put the bug on the phone and like bronson the move is you always wait if you're if you're waiting for your parents to leave to go to go out or you know whatever you wait 15 minutes for the obvious key problem you've got to see the car leave He can't just start fucking around in this guy's apartment And that's exactly what happens This dude that get down to the car

He fucking insults this woman some more She throws it back at him And then he's like oh I forgot the fucking tickets I gotta go back upstairs And Bronson's totally called his fucking pants down Yet again he's like oh shit I was just trying to put the bug on you phone No he walks into the kitchen

And sees Bronson there He's like I was making a sandwich which is great and he fucking whips the oven door down on this, because the dude's got a gun on him and he whips the oven door down to make him drop the gun he kind of like pushes him or a little bit and runs away.

And this dude's built like a fucking linebacker too. He's a big guy. Totally. Huge. He starts throwing him into like these like the little bar carts and shelving he has. Great 80s Coke apartment.

Everything is glass and sheen and shimmering. This apartment is fucking very magnificent. And it's fucking awesome. Sadly, we don't see the Coke room. No. Every apartment had one at the time. But the balcony is great and it's got a good view.

He shoves this, Bronson gets the upper hand at some point, shoves this dude's head into a television set. It's great. It's fucking awesome. And that's what these plasma screens are good. You know, you get your head shoved into a plasma screen, it'll hurt, but it's not going to like shatter and cut your fucking main artery. This dude's like fucking Tony Goldwood at the end of ghost, dude.

He's got, like, glass hanging out of his shoulders. And then the fourth dummy in 20 minutes. I have a dummy count, by the way. Is that right? Don't spoil it. We're up to four dummies. This dummy goes over the balcony and you're, ah! It's so good.

It's so good. It's so canon. Wait a second, though. So that's dummy number one. Yeah, the two dummies. It was Danny Treahoe and other dummies. There's three dummies there. Oh, there was three dummies there?

Yes, three dudes. Oh, up to four dummy number one. dummies here. That's fucking cool. This is more dummies than a Jeff Dunham special. We got more dummies than a Jeff Dunham special. Isn't that right, peanut? Yeah, shut up. I'm peanut. That's my impression of a fucking Jeff Denham doll.

I would love to watch Charles Bronson versus Occamette the dead terrorist just to take that dummy out of commission. God damn, man. I can't believe that racist still gets work. a lot of work apparently stop booking these comics don't tell them that because it's mad's going to be like acmead the resurrected fucking terrorist or something sure there's some horseshit so uh the next one is wait a second wait a second wait a second hold the phone sure yes we see a dummy plumbing out of window we also have the car it's great this woman is still just we cut back to her in this car complaining to i guess Ronnie the limo driver yeah anyone who will fucking listen with this lady and she's

like I wish he's a scumbag I wish he would drop dead and this dude lands on the windshield? Fuck that's awesome pretty great and then the cops show because the cops have been tailing Bronson because they're kind of like cold on his trail. Nizaki and other guy

yes and Mizaki Seizaki Nizaki sees Bronson very gingerly walk to his car what this is it's it is astounding dude he goes in like you know anticipating I'm only going to put these bugs

whatever but like you should plan for what if I have to kill somebody because he has parked right in front of the hotel like you know what dude walk walk for like three blocks I know it's LA they're long blocks I understand it but you've got to give us some room

it's insane he's just right there and so Phil Nazaki sees him I bucked in the handicapped bucking spot because of a senior citizen and nobody gives me guff, do something about it. I dare you. Oh, no, someone is looking at me. I'll walk with a limp for a second.

Oh, I guess I shouldn't have my license plate say, Cursey One. By the way, 100% my dad totally did that one. Oh, man, parked in a handicapped spot. It was like, it was admittedly a we're going to run in and out, doesn't make it right. And I was like, Dad, that's a handicapped spot. And he immediately acted into a hard limp walking.

Dude, he's Kaiser Sozay, man. Absolutely, dude. Yeah, so this, yeah, this dude spies him. Nizaki, and again, Nizaki goes to Zacharias, and he's like, I know who your trouble is. By the way, because, yeah, Nizaki's crooked. Yeah, she's crooked.

He's like, you find out here, he's like, oh, I know who your trouble is. We can take him out. And he's like, you do it. It's like, but I don't kill people. Now you do. He goes to Bronson's architectural firm after hours. His secretary of whomever leaves.

You'll just put on the world's largest glasses to do some real architecture work. Are these like, and you know, fans of the show. Bound in human flesh and written in blood, that's what his architecture is. No, I was going to say fans of the show who are hip to architecture culture. Are these like architect glasses? Because it looks like he's ready to use a buzzsaw. Like they look like safety goggles, but he's just looking at drawings. And Azaki shows up.

He's like, ha, Bronson, I've got the upper hand now. And, like, they go back and forth. Who are you working for? Who are you working? He's like, uh, nobody. Hey, guess what? I'm going to shoot you through an architecture table in the middle of my office. And then also somehow bring you to a barren field.

He's found miles away, dropped on the side of a road. Fine. But we see how Phil Nazaki gets lit the fuck up in this office. Where is the cleanup crew here? I guess it's just him. Sorry, everybody. I was eating strawberry jam last night in the break room. And then I fell over.

Yeah, the jar exploded. He's feverishly calling people like, yeah, fumigation. The office is closed for the next week. Paid vacation. Yeah, exactly. Christmas break came early. I got so excited about the jam that I just started wild. running around and hitting things.

Oh, and I got some human hair all over the place. There's a great quick scene where Bronson has to check in with this dude who's hired him, right? And it's supposed to be, and I love this,

it is supposed to be Bronson meeting this dude at like a public movie theater. It is clearly the Golan and Globus screening room. It is clearly a private screening. It's the fucking funniest thing. I'm like,

there is no, movie theater in the late 80s that had glorious chairs like this that was open to the puzzle. And that's also four rows deep, period. Totally. It's so fucking funny. But yeah, he started meets with him and he's like, yeah, so far, I killed this

guy and this guy and I threw that guy out of window. Oh, you know all those covert operations you keep sending me on? They end in the murder of the person I'm supposed to surveil. What are we watching here? What is this? Is this a fancy movie?

I haven't been to the theater in a while. It's a Swedish movie. People bring, yeah, to dates, people bring people over this. Hold on. Is that Danny Trejo up there? That guy was in everything. Yeah, it's a classic film. Why are you keeping your popcorn buckets over your crotch?

It's modern times with Charlie Chaplin and Danny Trejo. Yeah, Danny also wanted to go through the gears, but Charles was very specific that it was just his cat. character, the tramp that would go through all of the gears of the machine. Yeah, he stood in the background with a giant wrench. Not many people know it, but in the Great Dictator, Charlie Chaplin played the

fake Hitler. Danny Trejo played the real Hitler. I'm just, you know, I very rarely do this. But if I don't get some fucking sick Photoshop art of all of this shit, you're all dead to me. That's it. That's it. He's talking to you, listener

land. Not the three talentless drawing hacks in this room. I mean, you can't see him, but he is in all quiet on the western fronts. So, Bronson has to infiltrate this factory because it's like, if you go to this, the back room of this factory, this is like, this fishery

thing. It's amazing. It's a fish factory. It's a fishery that makes pet food and like Bronson signs up like, oh, they have a bunch of day laborers, you'll be fine. I kind of just want to watch, I'm making fancy feast for cats. It is me. Pow, meow,

mix. He should have to add extra gravy. He should at least fucking like have to spend a couple days working the floor. He's getting to know

some of the guys working at the factory. Instead he goes in he immediately starts like heading towards the back room some guys like hey what are you doing here? What's your name?

He's like oh I'm new. The guy goes what's your name? And it's one of the funniest things Bronson goes Davis Kipple and knees this guy in the balls. Oh dude you didn't know

who the guy was? I'm shocked. You're off your game. What? Who is the, oh, the guy that he says Davis Kippel to? It's Skinner from the X-Files. No, it's Mitch Pilege. It's Mitch Pellege himself. I didn't catch it. So in the back there, they're

fucking cutting cocaine out of fish. Brilliant mood. Stacking, because they've been, I guess, shipping it from wherever through fish. I love the Romero Brothers Cocaine. It gets you really high in a cocaine way. I don't listen to awesome music. it's got a fishy smell kind of right like I like it but it just I don't know like it just smells like fish it's so weird like I snored it and I feel fucking great and I'm ready to take on the world but at the same time I instantly feel like I'm hanging out on the dark but like but you know what it's better you know I'm complaining the Zacharias one that smells like condoms and assholes that's much better I like that one much better you know that's just a new fragrance called the beach

new Zacharias cocaine fragrance it's the beach you'll smell like condoms and assholes Jackie it's my face from the smoking I think I got a case against the tobacco companies oh yes well I had sex with your wife the jerk store

called and they're all out of you okay Mr. Zacharias why don't you just tell the movie you'd like to see. But like, yeah, I mean, like, fuck it. I mean, I know that it's all bagged up, but fucking out of a fish, there's gonna be a smell. I think you're right, dude.

And you know what? I don't appreciate it. I don't appreciate fishy drugs, man. Tell me, Steve, what do you think they do with the drugs after they take it out of the fish? I mean, what, rinse it off, I guess. Yeah. Rinse it off. Well, it's in like plastic, right?

They rinse the bag. And they probably break it up and do other stuff to it. But, well, you got to put a bunch of fucking, you know, tilex in there. It just sounded like you knew exactly what was going to happen. I've lived a life. It's all I'm going to say. Okay.

But the mule was based on you. It was one of my favorite sequences. Only that threesome scene. Oh, dude. Fucking Clint East with two fucking old, young prostitutes. No thank you. Yeah. Let me just take my teeth out for a second.

Yeah, this is, it's pretty. glabrous. Speaking of fish, seeing you two young ladies makes my blood boil in my dick, which gives me an erection. Did you know there was two lines of Batman back

in the 1970s? Once he had a red cape, and the other one, he had a black cape. He passed the cocaine. Isn't it weird that Diane Weist is 40 years younger than me, but she dies in this

movie and yet I'm having threesomes. Well, what with me being the titular mule and all? So, this starts off, Bronson starts... He throws like a bomb. He fucking oozes the shit out of all

these dudes. Yes, that's right. Great Uzi scene. It's the 80s. I love an Uzi scene. I do too, but let tell you something. When we are receiving drugs and like getting them ready, for transport and whatever else. You got these guys in the back of a warehouse. And I don't see one naked person.

Yeah. Like these dudes are all in like, you know, work suits and whatnot. They're skimming off the top. Yes. Yep. You got to keep these people fucking naked, man. The operation, operation wasn't tight yet. You have to give some time.

It's fucked up. So it's good that Paul Cursey just shoots all these people in this factory. Yeah. Well, especially the people in the front that are making the fucking cat food, man. Those dudes are like, wait, what's going on that? I'm just making whiskers here. Excuse me. The guy, the manager of the whiskers factory,

comes in, sees all the blown-up fish and says, we're ruined! And then one person's like, but how are the cats going to eat now? How the cats can't? Oh, no, I mixed up the cat food, the cocaine. All these cats are fucking wired, man. Cocaine candy.

News at nine, 700,000 cats have died in the L.A. area. No, they're fucking crazy, wild, coked up cats, dude. It's like that movie, white cats. God, yes. All these cats are listening to the Eurythmics on loop. One of my favorite parts

of this film is right here because Charles Bronson again qualifies for getting a fucking coffee at McDonald's for 68 cents at this point. Fucking fights an entire factory floor of people.

It's actually a pretty well-directed sequence in terms of an action thing. This movie on the whole, I will say, is well-directed because this dude has the, you know, experience Jay Lee Thompson. Yes. So it does feel well-directed even though it's a shitty movie. It's less gritty than the Michael Winner joints. Yeah. But it makes up with it with pretty competent action stuff, I think, and this is one of them. And like, yeah, he's going through.

He's like fighting all these people and all this stuff. There is this great, like, again, more bad ADR. where there's an above, a PA system that's like, get him. Hey, everyone, get him. A thousand dollars for the man who takes the life of the vigilante. It's like, okay, that makes sense why these people will turn into zombie. Oh, he's shooting me now.

Oh, God. Oh, no, no, no. Attention, Wisk us employees. If you look under your desk, there will be rifles. Get him. So this dude Detective Reiner you know finds out that

Phil Nazaki's been murdered he is suspicious of Bronson the whole film kind of a thing so he's like I'm that's it I'm out now for the vigilante blah blah blah he shows up at Bronson's house around here this is the oil field scene is first

is it first okay so the oil field so this is like the the Zacharias gang calls the Italian dudes and they're like all right We got to get together. We got to figure this out. Let's meet at the oil fields after school.

Well, the guy is like, Zechariah's like, let's meet at Tony's place. In the middle of the day. No, no, no, no. It's got to be neutral grounds. How about a place where there's nobody there and you could bring whatever weapons you like? Perfect.

I don't know. What about the McDonald's on fucking Wilshire Boulevard? You know what I mean? Sure. Let's go by the playpen and just talk it out. Can't have a chain fight in a McDonald's. That is true. I have tried. So, yeah, these two sides meet up.

Bronson has a sniper rifle. It's a very lethal weapon, by the way. High-powered sniper rifle. Little-weapon 87 or earlier or later? I think 87 actually sounds right. Oh, look it up. The same year is this very motion picture? Wow.

That's going to turn to do. Who ripped off whom? 87, yeah. Oh, fuck. I'm getting too old for this shit. Like, seriously. But I have no one to talk to. I wish I was in a sequel where there was a bomb on a toilet

and I just had to sit on the toilet. I tested for the roll of rigs, but they asked me to cry, and that's just not happening. I was born without the use of my tearducts. I got to say I was listening because we were talking about factories and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Good role for Charles Bronson, if he did it, like a bad, like, Bakowski kind of a thing, like a barfly kind of a scenario.

That could have got him an Oscar, right? Like, you know, I was confused for a second Because Charles Bronson's real name Is Charles Buczynski Exactly. Exactly. He's like right there. He's like, oh, I've been work at this fix. Yeah, Henry Cheneyke. You could work at the post office, you know. I am delivering mail and having sex with some women.

The post office by Charles Bukowski. And I'm drinking a lot, by the way. And like, I believe that guy has lived that life. Absolutely. The problem is my voice and behavior do not change as I am high or drunk. it's always this to all my friends to all my friends

so it's a setup well Zachorized like look we're being set up the Romero brothers don't buy it but it doesn't matter because Bronson just shoots

one of them but all the needs is the one bullet dude and then these motherfuckers what a genius plan by Charles Bronson here Purple monkey dishwash they all just start

killing each other it's fucking great and it's a tremendous it's a setup It's a setup. And they start shooting each other. So, yeah, it's like the whole, and funny enough, we cut back to our detective,

the one from Blue Velvet. Yeah, right. The one that's alive. And his boss is like, I told you, stay off the vigilante. There's a gang war going on. It's kind of brilliant that he's orchestrating this gang war instead. The thing is,

this whole thing is kind of too smart for this character. It is. up with. Well, I guess because it's really this fake Nathan White Yes. Well, it's a rovah of Ujimbo and Oh, yeah. Yeah. And also that terrible Bruce Willis movie, Last Man

Standing. Oh, that's a stay the fuck tuned for the bathtub scene alone, dude. And like, it's a lot of great debts here. We're shooting everything. Fantastic executions up and down the board. But the last man stand.

Zacharias is number one up to this point. drives off. He's like, Jimmy! No, it's Nick. And the only reason I remember it is because I was laughing my tits off this entire sequence is Zacharias, who is kind of like a, oh, fuck, Nick Tortelli. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dan and Clueless. He's kind of like a poor man's Dan Hadea. And he's like, he's limping through this oil field yelling after this fucking driver. He's like, neck neck

like he's just yelling Nick like 12 times Bronza shoots him in the leg and then he comes up to him and he shows

him the picture of Eric and he's like I don't even know this by the way this was and I know

this for a fact the WPIX 11 promo for this feature well done had this because this part

is burned into my brain where he shows in the picture he goes I don't even know this girl and he goes

I did And he shoots him. Yep. Totally all over the previews. There was a lot of Bronson on WPIX, by the way. Wow. Just an FYI. Well, I was watching the wrong channel back in 1994.

So he's daddy. Oh, cool. The movie's over. And he goes up to, he calls Nathan White. He's like, hey, you're totally Nathan White. Right? He's like, absolutely. You got it.

And he's like, well, let's meet up and celebrate. He's like, yeah. Why don't you come to my? my golf course is like, excellent, I shall do that. And he goes to this limousine and like, right this way, Mr. Broughton, look, this is all on Nathan White, or the criminal who is Lathan White. Yes.

Like, right this way, Mr. Bronson, they put him in the fucking limo. He doesn't know anything because he's dumb as fucking dirt vigilante. He's sitting in the back, fucking wind is going between his ears. While the guy is running, the driver gets into another car. He's like, well, that's pretty odd. His internal monologue is like, is there a draft in here? Well, that's not the wallet inspector. Dude, it is astounding.

Like, watching this character, watch what this supposed limo driver is doing. And it's like, the car comes up and he still hasn't put it together. He's like, wait a minute. He was like, hey, hey. And he's yelling, hey. And the door is locked, obviously. And I don't know who set this bomb to blow up, but a 55 minute timer was more than needed. Also, what is this fucking monkey shit, man, that this fucking limo driver doesn't pat this

dude down? Bronson whips out his gun and shoots out the window and escapes. And he gets through and he has time as a 90 year old man to get out of the car, walk a safe distance, and then the bomb explodes. Like, come on, guys. This is what he goes home. He goes to the rock. He goes back to Nathan White's place. This is the North by Northwest scene. Yes. It's also kind of very Lebowski-esque a little bit. Yeah, I was also feeling a little bit of Lebowski right here. The bum's lost, Bronson. Because he comes in, like, raving like a lunatic. He's like, I killed everyone you told me, too.

Wait, who are you? Oh, it's so awesome. Yeah, some old fucking skeleton is like, I'm Nathan White, and I've been in Europe for the past month. And this house smells like cigarettes. So to him, it sounds like someone's been reading his newspaper and, like, murdering everyone. There's clues inside of it or something.

Young man, I don't even know what the wine bomb is. And then it's so like the pacing of the rest of this movie is weird because that happens and he's like, oh, weird. Yeah. And leaves. Then he's immediately arrested by what turns out to be fake police officers. Yes. Oh, that's right.

So it's like the same thing of him escaping a car all over again. This movie has kind of too much. on in it even though it's like not that long no but it kind of like at this point you're like I'm kind of done with the movie that's the thing because when this happened I texted you guys this last night like when the twist happened I was like the last 20 minutes of this movie is fucking crazy and then I'd go to the bathroom when I paused it I was like oh fuck there's another half an hour left in this movie oh shit the oil field feels like the end of the movie it should just what a spectacular ending it is you know what you could just have that gang war and then

have the fake Nathan White come out and then have that confrontation right then exactly at the oil fields exactly but he's like oh I'm in a back seat of a car wait you said we're going downtown but we're going west hold on yeah which was hilarious and then he's like oh don't I know you from the precinct on sunset boulevard or whatever and the guy's like uh yeah maybe and he used to get there you want to take the four five to the one 10 what do you doing i would love it if in the fifth death wish like a taxi comes to pick up paul cursing he's like everybody getting back and he's like i don't get in the back in the cars anymore i am constantly riding shotgun i don't sit i get strapped in the back seats of cars often mr taxi driver

also i like any seat that sounds like a gun shotgun the best seat in the house are the back ones So he's like fucking with these dudes who are pretending to be cops and like they wind up flipping this car. Yes. Bronson, of course, escapes unscathed. He kicks out the fucking mesh whatever and I'm like, not this old man. These fucking old man new balances he has on. Dude, yes, thank you. Because so the car flips over and like Bronson opens the door and the first thing you see to get out is his fucking orthopedic sneakers.

Yes, please. Yes, please. With the Velcro and the whole bit. The cops are like unconscious or dead and he uses their key to undo their handcuffs. He goes home. He gets confronted by the real detective. He's like, now I've got you, blah, blah, blah. While this is happening, the fake Nathan White also has dropped the pretense of like this hoity toward the accent.

And he's just talking like this now. Yeah, it's ridiculous. I love it. He was wearing a suit before. He's like, oh, fuck this shoot. I need my sweatshoot and he's got this enormous chain It's a great turn by this actor

He even has like a collar popped or something He looks fucking ridiculous He looks very 80s crime lord Which is cool I could eat a peach for hours I could eat a peach for hours The dude has this fucking hilarious moment Though where he gets a phone call

About like the police Like the fake police cock up that happened or whatever And he hangs up the phone And it's just one of those things where it's like The director didn't call cut the actor didn't know what to do and they left the whole fucking thing in the film anyway because the guy hangs with the phone and he's sort of just like eh like leans back in his chair like he's coming yeah i'm like cut this is the end of the scene the guy like doesn't know what to do and then he's

like oh wait we got to get bronson uh hey how about that woman from act one and like act one like yeah yeah yeah she remember the dead people the dead kids you remember the dead kids you remember the dead kids So Tim Russ calls her up. I was like, yeah, I've got information. Come outside. She leaves the thing. She gets kidnapped immediately. She's back in the movie for 30 seconds.

It gets fucking kidnapped. Absolutely. Bronson is held up by this guy, Reiner. So did she ever write that story? I guess not. That huge expose. Yeah, it did not turn the tide in the world drug, sadly enough. I can't recall where this exactly happens.

It's somewhere around here. I think it's, it's the, this fake Mr. White guy calling Bronson to tell him that he's got the lady. And he has to, we hear Charles Bronson's answering machine message. And then it's this drug dealer leaving a message. I don't know. Well, when he gets home, he's going to be really pissed is what I'm going to say. Don't know when you're going to get there. Just want to let you know, we got your girlfriend Karen kidnapped.

call me back. I've never seen a movie where the villain is leaving a message on the heroes answering the stream of my face. I hate these things. Hi. The one I'm saying hi. It's not casual.

Hello. All right, I messed that up. So what we're going to do, we're going to break into Charles Bronson's play. If he comes around, you yell tippy toes. Oh, no, no, no, lemon tree. And I'm going to switch out the tape because I was on there like Mussolini

in the balcony. Ha-da-da-da-da-da-da. Tip-a-da-da-a. Hold on. We're going to sneak a marble rye back into your apartment building. Going to take the fishing wire and put it down, you're going to hook it up to the rye. This mission should call on my old friend, Art Van der Leigh. So he gets... By architectural association.

I always wanted to be an architect. So he gets a drop of the detective, the knocks a detective out, and this is the final scene in, and it's almost thematic. You know what I mean? Congratulations. Almost.

Because it's a parking garage and you're like, oh, the dream sequence, that's death, blah, blah, blah. Right. But then it's not the last scene

in the movie by a long shot, so it's useless. Good God. It's almost like end already. Yes. But you have to have just the ubiquitous scene of again, him driving around in this fucking

hilarious sedan that he's got through this whole movie like give this guy a cool car man he's driving on this boxy fucking Buick piece of shit and they're like 87 it might have been pretty cool oh yeah they love boxy they flashed our lights like come over here

that's where we have the girl and he drives and all these people shred his car it's obviously empty right and he Bronson's got the he doesn't have the magnum in this movie but he's got this fucking I don't even know this Terminator gun that's a machine gun with a grenade launcher on it. Yeah. Love it. It's fantastic. Love it. He lights these dudes up. Tim Russ is like, fuck this.

Yeah. Which is a, and this is the fifth dummy is Tim Russ in a car. And the Bronson's like, Kaboom and blows this dude up. Not so fast. I guess because he has to get him. Of course. Also, look again, Bronson, you don't know what the situation is. Maybe your girlfriend's in the backseat. But he was on the list You do not understand If he is on the list He must die Even if she was I'm used to loss

So Fake Nathan White In a couple of the remaining hoods Go to a roller rink Which is right above How How Did the people in this roller rink

Not hear the fucking Multiple explosions Happening like two floors below them. And this is, I have to say, some superb roller rink footage right here. This is some sexy roller skating, man. You wish you're in the 1980s roller skating, my friend. I love all of this. It's sexy roller skating. We get a fucking pan off of the roller rink into the arcade where a woman is playing Ms. Pac-Man. You know,

I never heard all these explosions and you dropped the bomb on me. The first time I heard it, it's really cool what they do with the production. Hey, honey, I got a kill screen on Donkey Kong And the fucking, I heard it's the ground shook It's so, I mean, it's so just a completely different movie right now It is, and I love it And Bronson is walking around this enormous gun in this roller ring Oh man

He shoots one dude and like everyone starts to pass And like, wouldn't you think, I mean, I know Bronson again Or Paul Cursey is a fucking bloodthirsty maniac Sure You come out, you're like, oh shit, it's a whole totally packed roller rink. Maybe I shouldn't be firing this weapon. Maybe I'll pull the fire alarm to get the

people out. Yeah. They would hear the guns better, so I'll just shoot into the crowd in this criminal. He is totally, and he's like, you look like a bad guy. You do. Exactly. I also love. Oh, wait, you were just trying to light a cigarette this roller rink. Well, now you're

dead. Close enough. Fake Mr. White and like his number two dude, trying to play it cool walking through the roller rink to not be suspicious it's great and then there's like this weird thing again this should be also the end of the movie it's the roller

rink empties out mass panic at the roller rink now the lights go off and there's smoke everywhere and you don't know where anything is Bronson gets the drop on the number two and I'm like that's the end of the movie everybody but no's like I'm going to take her outside now and it's like

all right this is he takes her outside and it's just Bronson and fake Nathan White is like I'm going to take her back inside now. That's not like some office park. It looks like Century City. I don't know where they were filming this. It's definitely not wherever the roller ring was. No, no. And it's like, I'm going to, hey, back off, Bronson.

I'll shoot her. I will shoot her. I told you I'd kill her. Well, he, she scratches his face and runs away. He shoots her in the back with a machine gun and like, she's fucking confetti. It's fucking great. And then that's where he starts yon. I warned you, I would kill her. I warned you. I would. would kill her.

And we think Brons is like, oh, wait, you know, he's right. He's got me there. I'm not going to kill this guy. He gave me the heads up. Seriously, I mean, he shouldn't have shot her because then Bronson just shoots him with a fucking rocket. Which I don't think he would have done had it not been for the murder. So you have to show something because his emotional response to it is if he lost

the raffle. It really is like, oh, that's unfortunate. By the way, sixth the dummy of the film. Oh, man. Well done, dude, with the dummy counting. I love, he explodes. And then Reiner, and like, he, and this is the thing. Like, in a movie, he should go up to her and be like, oh, my sweet Jessica, or whatever her name was.

He doesn't acknowledge corpses, dude. He didn't look at that fucking dead boy either. And he doesn't give a shit. Reiner gets the drop on him, and he's like, cool it, Kersie. You're outnumbered, I got you. And Kersie drops his gun. And he just goes, I'll shoot, I'll shoot, I'll shoot.

He goes, do whatever you have to do. Well, done. And he finds a walking bridge and that's the movie, dude. That's the movie. It's fucking over with and what you're left with. Why? Doesn't he shoot him in the back? Wow. I guess he's like one of those rare good cops, you see.

You're right. My partner that I loved, he was crooked. Yep, that's right. I just, for no reason, I've convinced you now. I mean, there is that weird scene where he's trying to convince this dude. that Izaki was crooked and the dude doesn't buy it. And then nothing happens and he does.

Except something miraculous happens dude, which is the totally inappropriate insertion of some of these sexiest saxophone. Oh, it's a sexophone. This side of pornography, man. Oh, fuck, it's great. He's walking across the long bridge.

The saxophone kicks in, death wish for the crackdown. Well done. Is he working on, is Paul Kersey, I'm asking here? Uh-huh. What kind of building is what you're going to... No, is he working on a...

Architecture? It's a dead wife project, not unlike Sufian Steven's State project, where he wants a dead wife in each state. I'm going to have 50 dead wives. Fucking bullshit. Finish it off 50, asshole. Well, that note, much like Sufjani, just goes back to New York and Los Angeles.

Do it Chicago every once in a while. And that, of course, is Death Wish for the Crackdown. Would anybody recommend this movie? It's a hearty recommend. And it's got all the problems of the entire Death Wish series. The way women are treated is deplorable. But if you like shitty cannon movies, you like explosions, you like dummies, this is the movie for you, ladies and gentlemen. And it's great Bronson.

He's kind of also barely in this movie a little bit. Like a lot of it is just this narration of this guy. Yes, we do have a lot. Because of that narration, we have a lot of scenes of like non-Bronson, which is very weird. I think that's why they have him doing a voice like Bronson's. So you think it is Bronson. You feel safe. It's a hard recommend for me, for sure.

It's a co-sign on that. It's a big recommend. This movie is a lot of fun. For some reason, it feels long because it just keeps going. But maybe if I started it a little earlier in the night, I wouldn't have felt that way, you know? Maybe I rode the drugs a little less at the start, maybe pick it up in the middle. Yeah, it was fine. Eric, you got to the crackdown, dude.

Yeah, you go work on your pacing there, Eric. Exactly. I got to work on my pacing. the movie could have worked on its pace as well. But it is recommended. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. No. Whoa. Look at this dude hating fun

over it. The fucking crackdown on fun. Why don't you give it, Eric, give him back his contrarian crown. Definitely. Thank you very much. I like off, I don't like on brand Bronson. I like off brand Bronson. I like, look at this. I like 10 to midnight. Do you like his

early stuff? Yes, yes. Hard times is great. Kinjite. Like those are like where I'm like Gingite however you say Those are all so strange and weird Assassinations is to stay tuned Assassination is amazing

10 to midnight is also amazing But like these I just I didn't like The first one And I never liked any of them I was just kind of like okay cool violence But that's the canon way Like I can get it any other canon movie Right

So you know it's it's fine I like seeing Bronson but like I don't really care about these movies But there are definitely lesser canon movies Than this A lot of shit with ninjas i don't care about like the chuck norris stuff it's like all right i can't that's norris doesn't have the presence bronson i agree with that he thinks he does though that's the problem

it's just it's just vanilla nothing like bronston he's got whatever fucking i have no idea what this accent is but it's lovely but it's real it's like a real america the thing is is that bronson very clearly fucks yes chuck nor is never fucks totally yeah he he fucks and cries about it or something You can just copy and paste What Steve and Eric said I think this movie's a lot of fun Yes, problematic with treatment of women But this is a Death Wish movie

You sort of know what you're getting into But the larger picture here Is that this is a fucking late stage canon movie It is right where you want to be As far as the dummy quota which Steve mentioned I think this might be my second favorite Death Wish movie actually I think this is my favorite

Because the farther along you go the less, like, serious it gets. Like, one, it's a, it's a tough movie and it's kind of whatever. Two is kind of just doing one, but less good. Three is where you get into the dog shit. He's got that rocket launcher. It's too much, and this almost brings it back a little. Yeah, it's a grounded movie.

And then five is a little, like, we're still doing this. So I think this might be the best. I guess that explains it to me because three is my favorite because it's the most Rush Limbaugh-esque. Yeah. Like, if you're going to do this shit, just do it, I'm saying. That I will say, the race stuff in this movie is kind of

okay for a Death Wish movie at least. I think it's totally fine. I didn't notice any... At first I was like, it was Tim Russ and the guy, the Loufragno guy was like, is he Spanish? Uh-oh. But then it turns out to be like, not that.

Okay. But that is Death Wish for the Crackdown. Thanks so much to Corey from Seattle for instigating this fun conversation this evening. If you want more We Hate Movies, of course, check out Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies, where this month, during Listener Request Month, at some point, possibly already. I don't know, we're recording this in advance.

The WLM episode at the $5 level will be Ferris Bueller's Day Off, of course. Nine times. Everything this month is curated by you, the listener. Steve Sadek, speaking of which next week, on this main feed, we continue with listener request month. What do we have to watch? We sure do. we're going to be talking about a sound of thunder.

Fuck. It's a fucking whackeronian cheese science fiction time travel movie, is it not? With Edward Burns and Sir Ben Kingsley. Oh, fuck. Well, that's a sign

that you know it's going to be great. So until next week, with a sound of thunder. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Cisco. Chris Kevin. Take it easy.

That was a hate gum podcast.