We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 477 - The Commuter

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

This episode is for Matthew Woodard, friend of the show & Muldooner through and through. On this week's episode, the gang wraps up the 2020 Listener Request Month with a conversation about the ridiculous Liam Neeson action mystery, The Commuter! Why did they not bother researching any kind of New York geography for this script? Could they have made it any more obvious that Patrick Wilson is crooked? And how about that electric guitar sound effect? PLUS: Is Mike the Cleaner addicted to prostitutes? The Commuter stars Liam Neeson, Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Jonathan Banks, Sam Neill, and Elizabeth McGovern; directed by Jaume Collet-Serra. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, don't even get us started about this New York Geography. It's the commuter. I'm Andrew Jupin, Steven Zadak, Eric Cisca, Chris Cabin, and we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Welcome to the first quarantined edition of our fine show. Wait a second. We're doing the commuter on the show this week, and we can't commute. What's that about? Dude, it's cruel irony is what it's about, my friend. Does everybody have tinfoil up around their studios like me?

I got a tinfoil hat on my head and my testicles. I keep newspapers on the windows just as a matter, of course. Yes. That's Steve's interior decorated. I don't want to get a fucking sniper after me. Oh, and they are, dude. Absolutely they are. I take all my safety nods from William Freakins' bug.

with the tinfoil like reflect the sniper's laser back at him oh that's like wait wait wait this guy's used a laser now like the scope thing and then he's like oh someone's shooting at me now sure i will say it is tough to uh because just me and my wife and two cats in this apartment it's hard not to feel like you're in bug sometimes it's just like i know we in bug Dude, you know what, Steve? As long as you two don't light each other on fire over there, I think you do it all right. We're on day three. We'll see how it goes. Yes, we should say this is being recorded March the 18th, 2020 for posterity sake. We are knee deep in this global catastrophe right now. Talking about the computer. We're talking to our computers. Yes, that's correct. About the computer. Quickly up top, I want to mention there was some concern over this. We have a tour scheduled for June. Sure. We as of now, it is on.

It is on as of now. Yep. So, you know, we will see. And then you know what? If shit continues to happen, we will figure it out from there, folks. But let's not try to get ahead of ourselves here. But in the meantime, this is the commuter from 2018, directed by Hamey Colette Sarah. You may remember him from a few weeks ago. We talked about his movie, Orphan. This movie also is terrible.

I was requested. It was requested by our buddy Joel from Longdale, California. let's hear what he had to say hey guys this is Joel from Wondale California and I'm calling into request

2018's The Commuter starring Liam Liam Mason it's about him trying to figure out a mystery on a plane or train rather and it's really reminded me of those

mid-budget load of mid-budget action movies of the 90s like Steven Seagulls some of the lesser Bruce Willis and stuff and yeah it's a stupid goofy ride

love the show thanks bye and here we go yeah this is a it's a Liam Neeson movie this is Liam Neeson stars in The Boomer and I can tell that he is definitely a boomeresque

older figure because the opening montage of this movie is him waking up to 10-10 wins every day this is insane this is like Groundhog Day but with Liam Neeson. Oh my God. It is cold out there, Liam Neeson.

Yeah, you're going to see a shadow. I'll tell you that much, punk's a Tony Phil. I'm in this diner eating whatever I want. I just put it anywhere, pal. Morons, your bus is leaving. I am an immortal. It stinks to be in this redneck Pennsylvania town because I can't find any blacks to get into fights

with. Oh, man, just find me a black wandering the street at night. Liam Neeson. I literally said that. Oh, God. Under, I'll never get over this. No one, there is no mind Charles Xavier's

machine doesn't exist. No one knows what you fantasized about. So don't say you're racist fantasies to people and you'll be just fucking fine, you idiot. He thought he was like being confessional. He thought he was being a good guy by saying this. Yeah, this will score me some points.

Wait a second. Are you from the Catholic Church or Axis tonight, the Hollywood program? Uh-oh. You've got one of those Charles Xavier mind machines. Better come clean about the racist fantasies. Liam Neeson was doing a novena before I interviewed him. Yeah, Liam Neeson was picked up on the Nixon White House tapes. There's another weird thing is, speaking of the Nixon White House or the White House in general,

this is a movie that came out in 2018 and part of like the the news radio shit you hear is like yeah this or that about Hillary Clinton's campaign and you're like wait what why what the fuck are you talking about that for well it's skipping around i mean it's supposed to be like is it's like a couple years all the years is it years is it years i think it's supposed to be or or yeah it could be a couple years because it's like him and his son and his son have they have this cute thing anyone notice who the sun is by the way i'm looking at at Eric right now who's this no tell me I didn't

and by the way I want to ask you Steve now that we're not doing this at Andrews did you print out a bunch of IMDB at home? No that's why I'm a little off my game today I can't I can't sit around on a train I can be a commuter I think that commuter over there

is part of a fat guy podcast Is it up on the cork board like true detective What's that? Is it up on the cork board like true detective? Yes there's a little strings no this son is Tomin Barath, is it Barathean? It's been a while. Oh, yes, yeah. Torman Giantsbane? It depends on who you ask. You know, some people will tell you this lie that is really Toman Lannister, right? Because, you know, the twins there. You know what I'm saying?

Yes, he was, and he's also the fat guy in 1917, which I didn't realize at the time until just last night. Oh, that's who that guy is. a fat guy by the way man throwing stones there's two guys in that movie one guy's skinny and one guy is not you could say the plump soldier I'll understand it I mean George McKee is very thin yes and also I'm I'm Stephen Siddack reading for the plump soldier yeah you could have just said the one that looks like Ben Shapiro oh man that's unfortunate

so yeah that's his kid his wife is played by Elizabeth McGovern See, of course, previous episode, A Shock to the System. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. She's the lady interest in that. And then, of course, she's on Downton Abbey. One of my favorite parts in this thing, so one of the bits

he has with his kid is like, we're reading books together because I'm a commuter on a train, so I read the book that you read in school. I have to do all your schoolwork because I'm in a Billy Madison-esque situation. I really need to pass the third. grade. More like Borofil. The best is he's

they're reading Lord of the Flies and he's like, what part are you at? And he goes, oh, midway through chapter 5. And he goes, oh, the part where they almost kill that kid. Yes. I was hooting and hollering. Also, as a 60 year old man, if it takes you more than 41 minutes to read the Lord of the Flies, you're illiterate.

That book is like 49 pages in triple space. It's good to know that I have a little over 20 years to read it that fast. Ah, yes, I love the part when they meet the Lord of the Flies and he gives them the magic sword. Dad, Dad, stop it. Just fucking stop, okay? It sounds like a better book. What are you talking about, dude? They fucking drop a rock on that kid. It's awesome. Oh, the Count of Monte Cristo, a great book about that sandwich. Dad, you're not doing this.

No, I'm not. Really, turkey and cheese. I came at cosplaying for naked lunch. Boy, was that a mistake. I came, I showed up as naked gun. Yes, for Halloween, I'm going as naked gun. Yes, I loved all the talking mison of mison men. They thought they were wonderful characters, fantasy world like that.

That's right. I'm playing Frank Trebin in Naked Gunn's second, second, second, and a third or whatever. where he reads the sex book. Okay, so his purple-headed warrior. I actually think that now that he's tosses around, now that he's in his older days and he's such a serious actor, if he ever wanted to reboot the Naked Gun series,

he'd be not so bad. Oh, sure. As Frank Drebin? Yeah, kind of sort of. Like, you know, that's what Leslie Dill sort of was. You never had the race problem, but, you know. I mean, Frank Drebin as a character, kind of plays everything straight.

But he's, and it seems aloof, given the scenarios. So as Liam, he's never done a comedy, like an intentional comedy? He's popped up in some. He's done bits. He's not a big, he can't carry a comedy. He was funny in the Lego movie. There was the commuter. That's one of them.

Sure. Non-stop, unknown. Who did he do in the Lego movie, Steve? He was the cop. And, like, he's like, I don't remember it's been a trillion years. I think he's, like, sort of a bad guy in that movie, but it's like he's really serious and it's very funny the way he's so serious. I can't believe I forgot it.

Shindler's list. Oh, come you know, I thought it, Chris, but I knew better, man. Man, Kevin, you know, we're in a midst of a global catastrophe here. It's just... All right, no, I'll save the mood right now. Yeah, I'm the Lego Coppa. Yeah, you're blocking off in there and I can

hear it. You're blocking off, indeed. This movie also, see, so I was complaining at the top, my little zinger, at the top of the episode about the geography, which is dumb. But this movie's one of its biggest sins also is presupposing that New Yorkers fucking talk to complete strangers on their commutes like this.

That is patently incorrect. I'm vaguely, I commute every day to work or I had up to a point. And I'm vaguely aware of like, oh, it's that woman. Oh, it's that guy. You know what I mean? Like, you know, you know, you know, sure. I recognize the faces. the patterns but I don't say a fucking word to these people let alone no I have a

particularly unique set of skills that I could explain that there are there are such a thing and I can say this with authority because in this movie the commuter the commute ends up being to Cold Spring and I'm gonna out myself now that I live in Cold Spring it's a small small town north of New York City and there are like track buddies like you hang out on the platform waiting for the train to new york and sometimes people strike up a conversation if you look like me not so much but i see plenty people socializing uh me again not so much i've had like maybe two people get into any type of real conversation with me and i mean some people have said hi if you see somewhere from the town i get it but like generally like i don't have a commute buddy i don't

have jonathan banks i'm hanging out with i can actually back this up because i i i know I'm in Connecticut, and I take MTA too. And one thing I thought was ridiculous the first time I saw this movie was like the chummy ticket checker. Oh, yeah. That, I now have a chummy, like, straight out of Frank Capra movie. Like, I like, stay there, Mr. Cabin? I think there's something in place, though,

so you don't get too familiar with your ticket taker where they, after a while, they will change their shifts. I remember it was like three months with one guy. And then three months with another guy. I don't think they want you too familiar because then maybe they'll let someone off the fair. Sure. Although the one, I totally buy that.

The one time, though, that any of this was really made an exception. I saw a story in one of those, like, you know, Metro A.m. Or, you know, one of the local papery type things that you get when you're, like, going on the train. And there was a story about a Metro North train conductor who was retiring. And the people in, like, one car that, were like the regulars, like, threw them a retirement party.

And I was like, you have got to be kidding me. All of these people are breaking the agreement. I could see it happening, dude. I really can. It's unbelievable. I mean, I took the train. I've worked out of the city at the Burns for 13 years. I've often owned cars to drive there.

But for a large portion of it, I took the train. And I didn't talk to a single fucking soul, man. I really did not. Well, I mean, you're Westchester. Me and me and Chris Cabin live in Capra country, basically. basically, like more of a small town. Westchester still kind of feels like the city. There's that abrasiveness to the people.

God, and I need it. I will say this. I mean, like, seeing the same, like, seeing the same tick-a-taker every day, I get talking to that person because that's like, it's a service industry thing. Like, you don't know to be an asshole. Like, you don't know what, that's fine and have a back-and-forth with the guy. Yeah, politeness.

But, like, yeah, I'm not talking, and I'm the last person, absolute last person I'm talking to is Jonathan Banks, an old guy who's just talking about how soon he is to death like no thanks dude I'm cool absolutely also what does he do and going downtown every day like I don't understand his thing of going from 42nd Street to 125th Street I'm addicted to the prostitutes Walter day in and day out I just go and meet with his sex worker you know back in the day back in the day you used to be able to just do it in Grand Central Station you just get us up against

wall and you do it. But now you need a motel room. You need the fucking to buy some champagne. I'm wasted money, Walter. Walter, all you had to do was sit down to one of the shoe shine spots. Someone will give you a ball shines.

By the way, confusingly enough, his name in this is Walt. Yes. So it's like Oh, that's Jonathan Banks' name? Yeah. Did not notice that at all. Oh, you know, it's fun hanging out with your Walt. Can you shut the fuck up, please. Exactly. I'm trying to read. It's taken

to be an hour to read the fucking, the Lord of the Flies over here. I'm getting made fun of on podcasts and it's because you've distracted me. So this is the second time I've seen this film and the first time I did think his commute was to 125th Street which would make no sense. But in this scene he says that he's going to get out for a beer or go to a bar somewhere. See that's, I noticed that too and I love this because it's like oh man walter i fucking went three stops on this train and now i got to get off and have a fucking beer already exactly i mean like that's a problem and you spent like 20 you know

those those long uh communities are not cheap you know per ride so you spend in 20 bucks you're like i can't make it walter correct unless you have a like a monthly pass which costs like three to four hundred dollars a month and you can ride the train all you want you flash it you can get on and off wherever in two years zone. Yes. But conceivably he could have spent $20 to go a few blocks in the city if he bought

like a single ticket. But also by the way you can drink on those trains. It's fucking it's Shangri-La on the Metro North you guys. It is kind of lawless with regard to alcohol. Absolutely. I'm also pissed off not one single joke about the quiet car in this movie

which leads me to believe the person who wrote it is not actually familiar with New York commuting. Not at all. Was that the one where the AC was out? Oh, was it the quiet car that was broken maybe? Oh, it couldn't be. No, but it should have been a thing. You know where like Liam Neeson

kills a guy and he's like, I said this was the quiet car. Which was my fucking fantasy. You know what? We're going to keep going, but my cat's about to jump into the cabinet, so that's got to have to stop. Well, see, this is the thing. We'll close the cabinet. This is a working

from home episode, everyone. You have to Bear with us. So in a stroke of pure hilarity, Liam Neeson is a callously fired from his job of 10 years as an insurance salesman. Yes. He says he has two mortgages, by the way,

which is like, why? I took a bath in 2008. No, I think a second mortgage on the house because it just got fucked up. Yes, I believe that's what the deal is there. I thought it was like, oh, no, I'm going to lose my cabin in the woods. That's where I keep my merman. how else am I supposed to support my second family

I'm going to commute to my second family I've got one family in Terrytown where I live and another in cold spring dude all right let's just get to that really quickly before we go any further every single person in this movie mispronounces the name of that town the accentuation is on the word cold not the word spring it's cold spring

Everyone in this movie is cold spring Hey, we're going to cold spring We're going to cold spring Drive to me fucking up the wall It's a lot, it's a lot Yeah And I guarantee you there had to be at least one person One person on the crew of this film

That was had to be familiar with the area And I should have taken it upon themselves To be like, hey, uh, Hwameh, Mr. Coletzerra Sorry, it's cold spring Not cold spring All right, I'll take it again. Are you going to Colsprang? You know where Eric Sisker has a meager apartment.

You know what? Just go back to the first thing you were saying. Go back to the first one. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's so weird. I see one fat guy with all these IMDB pages, but I'm going to another fat guy's house. It's a type of fat conspiracy.

I do like that they, in this one movie for one, For some reason, they're like, you know what, dude, just be Irish. They're like, because they say in the beginning, it's like, ever such, I came over from Ireland. I'm like, fucking thank God. I think, you know what, dude, right there, it's like everybody can let their guard down. This movie can breathe a little bit. His fucking weird voice makes sense, finally. I'm John Thompson and I was born in the middle of Kentucky.

Like, it's so dumb. And that movie, what the fuck was that movie we did years ago with him and Swayze? He's he next of kin? Yes. Yes, I'm just from this holler. Yeah. Maybe they fucking self-isolate there. Yes, I'm from the south side of Chicago.

So he gets fucking fired and he's given some severance and this is a whole thing where like his kids go to college. They've got two mortgages on the house. They're living hand to mouth kind of a thing. He goes to a bar and meets with Patrick Wilson. playing Alex Murphy hilarious. I got so excited. I got so excited. Secret Robocop

movie. You're going to become Robocon. Yeah, I mean, if you are like doing a script like this, somebody on some team needs to be like, this is the name of we can't, he's Robocop. It's got to be that same guy that knew how to pronounce Cold Spring. Exactly. Also, point. Fucking Patrick Wilson would be a great

Robocop. That is a great call, Chris Cabin. Fuck. He's got a good lower third of his face actually. That's what you want. Perfect. Yes, he needs the jaw. You're totally right. And actually that mouth too, too, not too shabby. Not too bad. I would also I would take Liam Neeson as

at Clarence Boddicker. Oh, yeah, man. Fuck, bitches leave. Him as a bad guy. I would really, I really want to see that. You think you could fly, Bobby? Well, he's kind of... Hey, Kevin, you want to see Liam Neeson as a bad guy, man. Let me point you back to that press junk and he was doing it.

Well, sure. What a villain. Sorry, what were you saying? No, he's a bad guy in widows, right? Yeah, but he doesn't like ham it up. I want to hang it up. Yeah, I want him twirling a non-existent mustache. Also in this scene, Sam Neal, who says,

Liam, freeze. Yes, Sam Neal as the, he's like a police captain who they both kind of hate. I wrote in my notes Sam Neal as Captain Scumbag. Well, he's captain. in red herring because like yes because when you see Patrick Wilson immediately if you're me I'm like oh so he's a bad guy you know what I mean like okay so he's a bad guy he's like oh my old friend Patrick Wilson is like well he's the bad guy he's gonna betray you yeah and then I guess the ideas they bring in Sam Neal to sort of take some uh heat off of Patrick Wilson there

narratively yeah they definitely do because like he comes over there all the bar and he's like oh Patrick Wilson I need to talk to you about something blah blah blah and then like Patrick Wilson talks shit about him, says like, oh, yeah, they already made him a captain, blah-b-de-blah. So, yeah, he's trying to throw some heat that way, definitely. Yeah, it all depends on whether you're a possession fan or an Aquaman fan. Is, uh, is, uh, oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. I forgot about him an Aquaman.

Yeah. Patrick Wilson? Yeah, dude, he's, he's like James Wan's muse. And also he's in, uh, he's like, he's riding a sea horsey in there. Oh, yeah. Vera Formiga's in this movie and they're like Patrick Wilson and Vera Formiger are like the Spencer and

Hepburn, the Tracy and Hepburn of mid-tier thrillers. Absolutely true. And it's kind of crazy because they don't share a scene in this movie. They're like fake talking over the phone to one another. But yeah, it's weird because I see her in a movie and I've previously seen him in this movie already.

So when she comes in, I'm like, is this a paranormal thriller? I wish it was, dude. Oh, and as a matter of fact, yes, you're trying to hunt down this witness to a crime, but also, this train is haunted. Yep, absolutely. Haunted train, better movie by a million percent. Definitely. The witness is a ghost. Oh, fuck.

The witness, yeah, the witness threw themselves in front of a train, right? No out a window. Yeah, but in my news. Oh, sure, sure. Now their ghost is stuck in the train, and now Liam Neeson has to communicate with the gun. Oh, totally. It happened 20 years ago, tonight. Yeah. At midnight.

Or a night just like tonight. Okay, Walter, get out that Ouija board. We're going to communicate. You got it, Walter. Wouldn't be the first dead girl I tried talking to. By the way, I'm addicted to sex workers. So they get to the artificial 86th Street. and Lexington Station for the Metro North Line.

Not only that, there's 68th Street, which, by the way, they shot at Hunter's Point, Queens, which is a connection, I believe, for, it might be the subway station they're using as a green screen background, or it might be, I think there's a Long Island Railroad hub out there. There definitely is, yeah. And then they stop at 86th Street, and then they stop at 110th Street,

and it's like, these are like local subway routes. It defeats the entire purpose of a commuter train. And it just, it drove me. up the fucking wall. It's very local. I understand that. Yeah. I love taking the commuter train, Walter. It takes me three and a half hours to get to white planes. For out of state listeners, that's a 30 minute train ride. So, but at this 86th Street station, you know, he makes contact finally with Vera Farmiga,

who's kind of been eyeing him. Like Jonathan Banks is like, oh, hey, Walter, you get a look at that sexy broad that's watching you or what? She's looking at you like a sex worker would. Trust me, I know. I think you got a pro on the train, Walter.

She'll probably give you a discount there, man. And her character's name is Joanna. She introduces herself as some sort of social scientist or something. Yeah.

Like, he gets a seat and she's across from him. And he's being a real pig on this train. He's got his big fucking bag. got a four-seater. He's got his bag on the other side of the aisle. No way, dude. And these motherfuckers exist in train commuting, man. They should be expelled from trains. Yeah, so she's like, hey, what kind of a person are you? And like lays out this whole thing

that at first is like a hypothetical. And then you realize that's the plot of the movie. Well, she's like, oh, well, psychology tells us there are this many personality types. I was like, ooh, you got a, you got a cytosaurus here. You just can't say psychology. Yeah, I don't know. She says, yeah, it's like 16 personality types as accepted by psychology. And I'm like, all right, movie, I guess I have to take your word for it, but, you know. I don't know.

I mean, it was just weird because I would expect her to hand me a note card with a smiley sticker on it, telling me that if I want to give to her, I can give her, take this sticker and give her a dollar. to happy dude so you're telling me there's only 16 types of skulls and phrenology and I have to feel everyone going to cold spring so yeah the basic layout is like hey there's 25K in the toilet you can go grab that

and then you got to identify someone on this train who goes by print and you have to identify them and give them something and they're on the train until cold spring. Right, and it turns out to be like you put a tracker on them or whatever. Oh, right, put a tracker in their bag.

Yes, because then the conspiracy is like someone's going to show up to kill them to stop them from testifying about a murder. Yes. Of a city planner. The thing about this, she starts it off as a hypothetical like, what would you do to somebody

you didn't know for a bunch of money, which is like, sort of I guess you could call that like something that like is somewhat relatable, but like every second she keeps talking, it becomes less relatable and less of a hypothetical. And it's like, well, what the fuck? This is stupid. It also becomes closer and closer to the plot

of that Richard Matheson's story of the box. Yes. Right. That's all I thought about. Like the whole time. I was like, this is just the box. It's super stupid. Where's Frank Langela with that fucked up face? Yes, please. Is that a good movie? It's a better. I remember it in this one.

I liked it also, Cabin. You used the word great, though. Is that what I just heard? Yes, you did hear that correct. I remember really liking it. I don't know why that that put I mean, I think it was just three strikes in, or two strikes for box office receipts, why Richard Kelly's in movie jail. But it's funny, that poor bastard, though,

because it's, I mean, because one, Donnie Darko there were no box office receipts, but it was a thing where it was like, hey man, you didn't come up with two more instant cult classics, you're in movie jail. Yes. You know what I mean? that guy really got the shaft. Yeah. It's true. I wonder if he's a famous

a-hole. That's possible. Yeah, I don't know. So anyway, yeah. So that's like the whole idea. And he goes in the bathroom. He finds the money. And basically, well, one, before we get into more of this, there is, does everybody recall the terrible CGI shot of like, here's all the people on the train that he has to look for? And it's just going back through all the cars.

that was pretty dumb. It took a fake David Fincher shot kind of. Yes, definitely. But so there's a girl that gets on at 110th Street and she's like, it's like a little teenage girl. And she's like, hey, so Liam Neeson, did you make your decision yet? Are you in or are you out? And he's like, oh, you know, you've made your decision or whatever. And she gives him an envelope and jumps back off the train. And the envelope is his wife's wedding ring is inside. Dun, dun, dun. Well, this is after he starts fishing around in the, and the, and the, and the, in the Metro North bathroom he's on his hands and knees. It's disgusting. Yeah. Oh, also though, I should, again, I want to point out, I know it's a movie, everybody, but that bathroom is way cleaner

than any IRL public transportation bathroom in this town. You took the words right out of my mouth. I was about to jump right in and say, that is not authentic. Yeah. Any, I mean, if you did this in an actual MTA fucking bathroom, it would be like you chose the

wrong cup. I think an MTA bathroom was actually how the coronavirus got started. It would. It makes sense. I mean, we'll contextualize it for people. It's a moving train, and I have seen toilets on these trains so full that it's a sloshing with piss and shit and starting to like spill over, and you're going to be digging for money on your hands and knees.

It sounds like a great game show. This might be in Japan already. You get out of there looking like Bruce Campbell at the end. Evil Dead 2. You just be like full of like black tar laughing maniacally I mean I'm sure people who have commuter rails and their

towns deal with similar bathroom situations but I just feel like New Yorks are particularly terrible yeah so and he uh grand is oh that's a lot of dough and it's 25 now but you'll get 75 of you do the job so it's 100 grand it's a real

oh right right right right right um so he kind of has an encounter here with one of several shitty stock characters that they use of this movie and it's a weird thing where like when he's getting on the train initially and he's walking around like the camera stops off at characters

to let you know that they will be characters later in the movie. The most obnoxious of which is Tony like just this like short little business guy or whatever and like Liam Neeson's calling him Tony so they're on like a first name fucking basis. Get out. of town well he goes hey Tony after he gets they take his wife's

he finds his wife's wedding ring he's like hey Tony I lost my phone can I use yours and the answer is nah dude also this is a great excuse great reason why you never talk to anybody on the fucking trade I'm not your buddy no way dude I am not helping you out there might be a chance that this dude also

lives in Terrytown or something yeah oh Sam my neighbor in the apartment complex I know him very well he lets his azaleas grow a little too willy-nilly if you ask me if it was music oh you know what I know Sam takes the 615 even though it kind of makes me late for work

I take the 630 because I don't want to be that close to Sam all the time well that's Tony but Sam funny enough Steve is the conductor that he's buddies with oh right right right this is the guy who's like something something 32 years on the job

la-di-da-da and you're like you'll probably be dead by the end this movie oh for sure this actor is in uh batman begins and has a hilarious death in the dark night um he's the commissioner lobe oh oh he's got that he's got this like gruff voice he's got a great gruff voice excellent gruff voice yeah he gets poison oh yeah one one thing about the rings i was like i'm like it maybe just shows that maybe i'm a shitty husband uh if i was maybe My wife's ring, I'd be like, am I supposed to put this on? Like, it's going to unlock something if you put it on?

No, like, it's just a wedding band. I wouldn't be like, oh, I wouldn't just immediately be like, oh, that's my wife's wedding band. So, Chris, you just throw it out. You wouldn't recognize your wife's band. Yeah, I would be like, oh, am I supposed to put this? I really would be. Is this like a GPS? Am I supposed to put this on?

Wow. I don't know why I need a second GPS. This is why no one selects you to be in their murder conspiracies. all right he didn't get it what what do we do um i don't know do we have any of our hair no all right mr cabin when i stomp on your feet and say uh oh so he i love so this is mike the cleaners final bow here in one of the greatest moments of this movie so leiam nison sits down next to him and they're kind of like shooting the shit for a little bit and leiam nison thinks he's like slyly writing out on a newspaper

like call the police they have my family this then the other thing and he's like all right I have to do some more train inspection now have a good day oh my god but look how much has transpired right like so much of this movie's plot has occurred before we even

get to Harlem which is 10 12 13 minutes from Grand Central Terminal yeah it's under 15 that's for certain exactly it would take again it would take you fucking two hours to get to colds Right. Instead of the usual 80 minutes. He does, you know, like he passes him the newspaper and he walks away and then Jonathan Banks gets off the train and Joanna calls back. If you're a firemiga calls back and she's like, hey man, FYI, we have eyes on you. You just got your fucking friend killed. And he's like, whatever do you mean? And, you know, she tells him which way to look out the train. And it's Jonathan Banks like just waiting to cross.

the street and someone pushes him in front of a bus. This was so funny. It is fucking hilarious. It really is funny. We saw this. Eric, Eric wasn't there. I believe it was Andrew Chris and I, right?

I didn't see this in theater. I think maybe it was just the two of us, dude. The two of us and we were pretty drunk. I remember laughing out loud in the theater. Oh, yeah. Kind of getting a look because everyone's like, oh, no, that's the sweet old man. Come on, it's funny. His head popped open.

Absolutely. dude i do think we got some like are they being serious right now a man just lost his life i just love that he's like muttering to himself while it's about to happen he's like oh now they make you buy condoms before you see them used to be able to go free willy nilly but yeah walter the last girl told her i gave her something i'm getting blacklisted walter because of the clap you impregnate six prostitutes all of a sudden you're the bad guy yeah i told walter i told her that that i given her the clap was like an applause you know getting uh getting stink guys at the movies for laughing at inappropriate times reminds me of a cabin were you there when we did the big staff screening

of snakes on a plane and by staff screening i mean a bunch of people that worked at the multiplex went to a public screening of the film and like everybody was fucking laughing at this movie and one of the managers came in at one point and like chastised our entire row and she's like uh someone came out and we received a complaint that you're laughing during this movie a movie in where people are losing their lives uh and that's not something to laugh about and we were like who the fuck narked on us that's fucking snakes on a plane I mean, that's the whole point, isn't it? Yeah.

That's what I thought. It's a serious film. It's a serious film to be taken seriously. I'm just picturing some like Hans Mole Man motherfucker like, why are they laughing at the movie? That man was bitten by a snake. I came here to be frightened of snakes. It's not fun.

I want to be frightened of the snakes. These millennials, they forget what it was like back in the day when there were actual snakes on planes. And they would just attack you in the middle. of a flight. You could smoke on planes. You could snake on planes. Don Draper selling snake repellent for planes for planes in the 1960s. You're there. You're alone. You're in your zone. You're closing your eyes. The last thing you want to think about when you're on your cross-country flight to do your business is whether

or not you may be bitten by a snake while you're meditating. Don't you want to want to feel safe on a plane, safe from snakes. I would love it, man. I kind of, I'm almost like itch. I haven't rewatched Mad Men. Steve, you're rewatching Madman. Yeah, that's why I came up. I saw, I saw your tweets on that.

And I'm kind of getting jealous. I'm like, I want more seasons that. It's kind of a relax. It's like both tense and relaxing and especially in the, where we are right now. It's like, oh, the 60s are fun. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, man.

back when the, you know, the biggest threat against us was, I don't know, I guess Cuba and what smoking in the office. Yeah. And I, you know, Kennedy's going to get it eventually. But you know what's going to happen. Yeah. Right now, people listening to this have no idea what's going to happen. Although you know more than us because this is like a week out or so. That's true. So, yeah, a dude, Ovira Farminga, like kind of makes more veiled threats again or I guess not veiled threats, whatever.

She's like, you have to do it now. She's calling him on the phone now, right? On Tony's phone. And again, I'm like, dude, my fucking minutes. Are we still worried about phone minutes in 2018? No, but I mean, Tony might. Who knows a plan he's got? That's true. That phone look kind of shitty. Honey, sorry, that fucking Irish guy. Use my phone up. I can't call you. Oh, yeah, your best friend Irish Mike that you talk about from your commute all the time?

Yeah, he's tall. He's good looking. He's kind of creepy. But they used my phone. I was too afraid to for a back. I thought he was going to beat me up, honey. Oh, we have this little thing. He's Irish Mike. I'm Italian Tony. Go back and go back and forth. It's, you know, it's something from the train gang. That's what we call ourselves. You know, it's kind of like chain gang, but train. I don't know. We think it's funny. Yeah, because work is like prison. And old Walter got murdered today. Who else sees Walter get it? I'm curious. Because I feel like that would make everyone a little

uneasy on the, on the train. Well, Tony has something right after it happens where he's hey did you see what happened but i don't think he actually did like people down on 125th street see it yes oh yeah i guess yeah i guess you make sense because it's like in a crowd of people and you just see this dude shove him um so one of the conductors he's asking this conductor like so hey there i'm looking for a friend who's getting off at cold spring uh and the dude's like go fuck yourself man we don't keep track of you know who's getting off at what stop but he tells them about what he takes the tickets and puts the little like you paid piece of paper down he has to you know do a little stamp on which zone they're supposed to get off at so they know if they've

ridden past their stop what i love about this too is like i knew that of riding the train for like a year and he's been riding it for like 10 years yeah i don't get it you figured that out pretty quickly yeah you ride it twice you're like oh they gave i'm in a three because i'm going this far and oh now i'm a five because i'm going even farther i was like i fucking figured it out. Exactly. Also, by the way, the end of the line on this particular train is Cold Spring, which also makes zero sense

because Cold Spring is like a super local stop. No, they're in Beacon at the end of the movie. Well, that's only because they blow past it. Yes. Oh, oh, it is supposed to be the end of the line? The conductor says that it is, the train is terminating a cold spring and that's the end of the line. I don't understand

it. That is pretty stupid. I might as well stop, but spite and dieble. Yeah. There is a mention, like, in Grand Central, there is an announcement of Hudson train to Poughkeepsie, and I'm like, that's more like it. Yeah, that's the end of the line.

He starts amassing a list of who is going to get off of this thing in that zone. And this is when we meet kind of our cast of rogues, which is one, is this Wall Street guy who's like a total fucking flim flam straw man that I can't even deal with. Yeah, this character is fucking obnoxious.

And what's worse is that this actor looks like a 30-year-old Ralph Machio. Yes. So that was kind of throwing me. So he tries to like interrogate him for a little bit. And the guy is basically like he's, Liam Neeson is pretending that he's like looking to invest money or whatever. And the guy's like,

I work for the biggest hedge fund in the world. I don't deal with people like you and blah, blah, blah. And this is, I remember this specifically, Steve. Let's see if you do. I have a very vivid memory. So he leaves this guy and then he comes back and he goes, oh by the way mr goldman sacks on behalf of the american middle class fuck you and he gives him the finger steve do you recall as i do

definite applause in the theater it was embarrassing yeah i love it by the way great local joke the goldman sacks asshole guy gets off at garrison you know if the people who also read that train no people like me now. Financial crisis stuff makes total sense. It makes total sense. I love it. It's a nice, realistic touch. Financial crisis stuff is fine, but it's like,

it's, I don't understand the whole like, let's make Liam Neeson one of us kind of thing. He's not one of us. He's a fucking six and a half foot fucking Irish god. I don't know. He's never going to be me. And also, I mean, I'm sorry, but like this movie takes place in 2018 and like, yes, fuck those people till they're nothing but dust. But, like, that shit was 10 years before the release of this movie.

Like, when the story is set, like, nobody's still telling those people to go fuck themselves like that. They should be, maybe. Well, that's, maybe, maybe this movie wants us to learn a little something. I've been in a coma. It's fine to fucking do it. That's, that's fine. But, like, you stop the movie dead, unfurl an American flag, throw confetti and say, fuck you, Goldman Sachs. It's fucking stupid.

It's like the Spider-Man moment of the movie. Yes. Yeah. Oh, hey, oh shit, Spider-Man. Hey, you mess with one of us. You mess with all of us. Exactly. Actually, wait a minute.

Lift up that mask real quick. Okay, yeah, he's one of us. All right, Spider-Man. Wait a second, Spider-Man. I saw what happened. Stock industries. Okay, fuck you. You are those magic fucking glasses.

On behalf of the people who lost their lives in the incident fuck you how the fuck does Peter Parker not have those glasses destroyed at the end of that movie that movie's trash I'm sorry you're talking about far from home yeah yeah

I have not seen it yet I'm he gets glasses that like it's these like Tony Stark invention of he can basically like hack into whatever with these glasses and violate anyone's fucking privacy whatsoever and Colin drone strikes which he does yeah and then it's like like the end of

movies should have been him being like, these are dangerous and destroying them. But if I'm remembering that movie correctly, and I was drunk because I was at an Alamo draft house, back when you could go see movies in theaters. It was a different time. Like, the movie just ends without him destroying those.

He gives him back to it. He's like, oh, you know what? I feel so bad, Mr. Stark. He's, he's, Mr. Fury, you're part of the fucking American, the American industrial complex. Why don't you have him? Oh,

that's the fucking worst idea. You can't even fucking shield. I don't trust. You know, you guys fucking just kill people willy-nilly Eddie's ways. Why don't you take them? I'll just give it to the actual deep state. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Good idea. Deep actual deep stick. Good, yeah, take them. If only that was a real thing, folks. If only. Catch him in bed with the Spider-Man. We should say, actually, the Wall Street guy, there is a,

what do you call it there, a younger girl who's like a high school girl who he, like, is sitting next to and he offends her because he's like being loud on his phone. She's trying to read. And he's, yeah, you know what, you know what offends me is? You're cheap fucking perfume because I'm from fucking Wall Street over here. Oh, yeah, no, it's fucking ridiculous, dude. She's like, do you mind? And he goes, yeah, I mine your fucking 99 cent perfume. Oh, bear market.

Oh, man, now we're watching the big short. and so she gets up and that's like sort of an important thing for the end of the stupid movie correct we also then meet a pre-fame Florence Pew who has some dude with his fucking paws all over her

and she's not having it and this fucking lady another like friend on the train of Liam Neesons is like millennials huh fuck you again like I understand this movie is for older people I very much get it like we don't need to have the golden

Sacks thing and like the Millennials bit. Hey, millennials, on behalf of our boomers, fuck you. But that's what I don't get about part of this, though. I mean, aren't boomers like fine with all that Goldman Sack stuff? There's no fucking complaining there.

They got greased pretty hard. Oh, I guess like their retirements and whatnot. Yeah, totally, man. But yet they keep like voting for the people who continue to fuck them though. Well, when you get misinformation, you're going to do some bad ideas. Sure. I guess so. Yeah, so Florence

Pugh's whole crime is that her boyfriend like Liam Neeson fucking follows this girl on the train. He's like, give me your bag. Oh, no, give me that's a bag. And all these fake IDs fall out. Well, he goes, he's like going up to everyone like a cop, like can I look on your bag?

He's like, absolutely not. He's like, but why not? And the thing is he used to be a cop. Yeah, so yeah, we should say that. And then he went to this insurance salesman job. I mean, I mean, he should have known this was a dumb move but I guess he wanted to make more money question mark but no I think they say something of well I guess maybe it is a money thing because Patrick Wilson's like you gave it all up for the family

yeah so that's why I think it's or maybe the threat of not being murdered yeah that's also possible probably a little bit of that as someone who grew up wondering if his father was going to come home from work every night I can understand that so like what I'm trying to get at is like just impersonated police officer dude just say you're a detective yeah exactly you've been there before you can have that cadence or whatever because you actually work that job yeah exactly he doesn't be like oh excuse uh pardon me uh excuse me would you mind ah oh please pardon me he gills he gills this poor conductor guy into searching random people's bags and he doesn't want to do it but then he does it and everyone's freaking out and yelling at him and he's like oh it's a random

security check ma'am which i also think conductors can do either i think the cops need the conductor can't search your bag like you know what i mean like i've never seen that happen No. Because this woman, there's this other woman who's a nurse and he's like, excuse me, miss, there's been a complaint. Can I search your bag? He's like, absolutely not. You fucking weirdo. I've been deputized.

No, you haven't. Sorry. I'm a conductor of panty inspection. Like, no way. They were rounding up a posse and I'm part of it. I'm deputized now. It's a, it's a pussy posse. Leonardo DiCaprio gave me a badge

Oh this is Oh fucking ridiculous though here in this moment When he's trying to like wrestle away Florence Pugh's bag or look in her bag or whatever She fucking pepper sprays him Yes he recovers immediately from being pepper sprayed No way I've built up an immunity It's happened to me once or thrice

Every night when I go home I pepper spray myself in the face build up a tolerance the only way i could feel anything and this is when he fucking pulls a see something say something with his conductor and he's like i don't know sam i'm just saying the poster's telling me if i see something say something so i'm saying something tip from new yorkers say nothing yeah absolutely nothing and keep your fucking self just walk away the one time i ever did that it was at New Year's Eve. I was walking through Time Fucking Square.

And this is probably 2000 and like, call it 2007 maybe. So not that far off from 9-11, but you know, certainly close. Sure, but let's just pause one second. Steve Sadegh, as a native New Yorker, especially, and I grown adult at this point in the story you're telling. What the hell are you doing at Times Square on New Year's Eve?

I was under, I was taking the train underground. I was actually in it. It was like, it was like, So you were in on the train or you were in the station? In the station. Like transferring train. Yeah. And there's a huge like plaza,

practically to get from one train to another. Got transfer transferring. It's pretty early. And then it's probably five or six o'clock. And I just, I'm walking past this long, long hallway and there's a bag in the middle of it. And I'm like,

well, that's not okay. And at the, when I get to the end of the long hallway, I go up to a cop. But I'm like, hey man, I just want to let you know, there's a bag in the middle of the hallway there. you know and he looks at me like i'm a mcdonald's customer that said my burger was too cold

he'll get to it oh man sure pal hey buddy you know what buddy thank you but mind you fucking business okay mind your fucking business okay nobody likes a rat sir what not to just uh have a good night happy new year i am here to serve you definitely sir thank you are you italian uh yes sir not enough get the fuck out of here excuse me officer a plane's about to hit that tower you ain't seen nothing you didn't see nothing get out of here uh oh this is around where he gets in a fight with this dude who he thinks is this pryn character and he's like pryn and the guy goes what did you say and they just get this huge fight i mean there's the payoff is terrible on what on the pryn thing anyway but pryn is such a dumb thing to say throughout this

entire movie. It sounds alien-like, and it's just, just, it, it doesn't roll off the tongue in a cool way. It's just, it's awkward. I have a theory on that because you said alien-like, and spoiler alert, at the end of the movie, the one girl that ends up being Prynne, kind of just like blankly stares and can't communicate, so maybe she is an alien. Oh, that's something. He's an alien. This is in the cocoon universe. It is. If he was a ghost or an alien, better movie either way. Absolutely. And after this fight, it's kind of great because they're like, hey, Liam Neeson, this is a commuter train. Why are you sweating and bleeding? Well, there's, there are so many times when like, I mean, like, I know different cars, you can't hear stuff, but like you would like, he's throwing this guy around into stuff. You know what I mean? Like, he's bleeding. It's like, they're fighting. They're fighting in between the cars too. Eventually in this movie, people start shooting guns throughout this train. And a car, a car like up, everyone's just sit.

and they're like, yeah, this is fine. I don't hear a thing. And this is the greatest line. He's like, scumbag tried to steal me wallet. That wasn't a wallet, inspector. Yeah, and he like, he fights this guy. And then, like, later he goes to look for this guy and he's dead. He's under the train thing and his phone is ringing.

And it's, it's Vera for my guy again being like, you, you call him. his death because you identified the wrong man because he thinks it's him his whole thing is he's supposed to put a GPS on the bag of the person he thinks it is

and in this scuffle he puts a GPS on this dude's bag he's like well that settles that and then this guy winds up dead and Vera Farmeiger's like well you did the wrong thing and I'm like

Beer Formiga this is a bad plan like you know clearly I don't know the whole thing is you're supposed to blame this you're the V lane anyway but like this is not a great plan and also you don't need two people you have an assassin, figure it the fuck out.

Well, yeah, just get the assassin to do all the investigative work as well. That's the thing. It's the assassin. There is an assassin on the train. And this is the first, he was paid for one kill. There has to be some, like, she must be contacting him to be like,

oh, look, I know, I know we fucked up the first one. No, but there has to be a second one. This is not the right guy. And he's got to, like, he's got a benefit from that. He's got to get like $200,000. It would have been cool if they saw, if like you knew in the movie who this assassin was early on

and then like you're seeing his conversations with her also. Yeah. That'd be something. And I mean like also the other thing too is like the guy who kills Jonathan Banks like was just I don't think he follows him off the train. I think he was waiting there. So I'm thinking like does she have an army of other assassins at every stop in case she needs to prove a point? I think this is part of

the John Wickaverse. Yes. Got it. Got it. Oh. Fuck. Well it could be a thing where she's like you know, Liam Needs. and could, you know, try to get off the train at any moment, maybe we need to have somebody like, you know. On there kind of thing? Yeah, like at the stations just to monitor stuff. I mean, if we're talking about 50 guys now, this is an expensive

operation. Well, absolutely, but I mean, at the end of the day, dude, spoiler alert, we're trying to cover up for dirty cops. And when you're trying to cover up for dirty cops, that money is fucking endless. You know what, let's get a little bit to the end here, not the end, but just like, the idea is this is to cover up the murder of a city planner. Okay. All right. The city planner who had like info on something, something, money going missing. It is so insanely vague. Like at the end of the movie, there's like some newsreel clips all put together to make no coherent sense. But it's like, oh, there's collusion and

there's corruption. And it's like, I guess there was money in local politics that was being misappropriated. Yeah. So then this cop, spoiler alert, Patrick Wilson. and drop this kid 35 stories out of a window and they're trying to make it look like a suicide. However, there is a witness who saw that it was a murder and that is this Prynne character and they're trying, V-R-Fer-Migas people need this assassin to kill Pryn

so that the only witness to the crime is snuffed out. And they have to kill her before she gets to kill the witness before they get to Cold Spring because at Cold Spring, and this is one of those things you can't do in this movie, If you're doing the train movie where it's like, who's on what train and what's going to happen and blah, blah, blah, you cannot just cut to two random FBI agents at Cold Spring being like, huh, can't wait for the witness to get here. You got it. Dude, they have two scenes. One is that.

And then the other is like, oh, hey, I'm Agent Garcia. Let's talk. One of these dudes, by the way, I just want to point out, I don't know. I mean, I don't think either of these FBI agents have names. in this movie per se. I think it's like FBI one. Actually, no. Agent Garcia. And it's

Agent Garcia, who I'm thinking of, is the actor Kingsley Benadier. He is the guy who plays Mack on that new High Fidelity show on Hulu. Okay. Fucking solid recommend. People love that show. We just started it the other night.

Zoe Kravitz is fucking awesome in it. Solid, solid supporting cast. Total surprise. Big recommend. just in this time of quarantine if you're looking for something to watch you know so yeah that's the whole thing so these dudes are just like standing there waiting for this train to come in

and also the other thing is you know when this train is supposed to get in just show up around that time or like can someone get a fucking cab or a fucking police escort to drive this witness up this like ow well look all right we want to make sure because the idea at the end they're like well listen it's too hot to be in the

city right now, you got to get to Cold Spring. Why don't you get this, get this agent in a car, pick her up at Grand Central, and let's drive to Cold Spring together. Budget cuts, we can't afford gas. So when you get on the train, just, I don't know, make up a fuck. How about Pryn? No one else is Prynne. If someone asks you your name, maybe you say Prim. Well, similarly with the fucking Goldman Sachs guy, because I believe the conversation you wind up realizing that he's having is something with his mother. And he has some line with like, you got me out here. here in the middle of nowhere and blah-bony-blah and it's like okay rich dude car service man if you're so pissed off about like slumming it that's not how you save you're gonna save some

money and you gotta use public transit good good point by chris that's why he's a rich man yes oh yeah and you know what just he's uh he's a hard worker too yes oh yeah and he doesn't pulled himself up by his bootstraps he doesn't spend eight dollars on coffee andrew oh Oh, that's what I'm doing wrong. Yeah, that's the thing. Hey, millennials, fuck you. Yeah, you're millennials, you're using a car service. Don't use an Uber, just walk in the streets.

And also maybe fantasize about killing a black man. Oh, wait, Uber Black isn't what I thought it was at all. Cancel request. Cancel request. Oh, my Lord. Now I'm picturing Uber Poole and walking outside. swimming, swim trunks. I'm ready to go swimming in my Uber

pool. Oh, no, you know what that really freaks me out? Is that Uber eats? Who wants to get eaten by Uber? What a fucking weirdo you have to be. Let me, okay, the car eats you.

Oh, great. Uber X-L. Now some fat guy is going to be driving me around. Or maybe, just maybe it will be Magic Mike. guy's got a real hog show me that ding-dong here's a successful sequence of this movie

where he is stuck under the train for a little bit sure I was having some fun with this why the hell not it was you know it's fun moment of suspense it's kind of crazy too because he's like okay so this guy's dead he's hiding now the police are searching

the train for specifically him because he's getting in fights with everyone on the train great point And then he's like, oh, no, the cop steps on the hidden passage way to under the train and it's locked. So he has to get out under the train. Very dangerous. Don't recommend doing this.

No, not at all. Do not try this at home. The train starts moving and he's like kind of like running his feet a little bit. And then he falls down and he has to do like, all right, I'm going to roll over this giant railroad track while this razor blade is coming towards my face. It's scary. I would say don't do this in general. If you're 60 years old, maybe just die of the heart attack you would have. I'm half that age and I would die instantly going under one of those Metro-North trains of a heart attack. This motherfucker not only gets out from the train, which she would be smashed in half and we all know it.

But like, not only does he do that, he runs at the pace of a fucking train and catches it after doing it. That is a good call, Chris Kevin. There is some not great greens. screening here, but, dude, Liam Neeson keeping pace with this fully moving train? I don't think so. In defense of that, he's so, he's such a huge guy, right? He's like seven feet tall. It's like a horse. It's like a horse chasing a

galloping after this train. You've got me mid-stride. If he got down on all fours and started running like that, oh man, that would be great. He should play a centaur. Oh, dude, yes. Yes, it's, it's me, Liam Neeson. I'm an animorph. I guess

the Centaur would be too much like that terrible Clash of the Titans remake. Yeah. I thought he was some crazy like crab person in that movie. I think he's just Zeus like a god or whatever. Oh. Oh, I'm confusing it with the Scorpion King, starring the Rock. Although, dude, Liam Neeson

in an Animorphs movie where he's turned it into all sorts of cheetahs and stuff, better catch the train. That would be pretty badass dude. Also, if in this movie, it was like a surprise Animorphs movie. Yeah, of course. And he's like, I haven't used this ancient power in far too

long. Better turn into an eagle real quick. Now that's a question. What was the deal with animorph, Steve? Did you have one animal that you could turn into or could you turn into several? Sadly, you're asking the wrong guy. Fuck, fuck.

You know, I don't know either, but I think the covers of those books always showed someone turning into one thing. Yeah, so you got to pick or choose it. Maybe you're like born and you're, hey, you're turned to an ostrich. I remember Or maybe fucking Liam Neeson's like the god

of animorphs or he's like the one he's like it's like a Shazam or something and he's like the guy in the cave assigning animorphs and he can do everything. Well wait wait wait but I remember Ben Stiller turns into a lion David Schwimmer turns into a giraffe. You're thinking of Madagascar Chris

Oh oh fuck yeah that's animated right? Yes yes animated I thought it was reality I'm sorry It's almost as animated as your personality Chris. Oh, thank you. Oh. The other thing about this train sequence, the on-off train thing is because, like, he's on the phone with Vera Formiga, and she's like, listen, this is your mess. You've got to clean it up, blah, blah. And by the way, you can't leave the train. Because like the, this is trying to be like a speed situation where we're

like, you know, there's really clear rules and it's like, and it's a, oh my God, you can't stop the train kind of a thing. And someone's on the phone with you, by the way. Good call. The rules are never that. clear and they kind of always change and it doesn't make a ton of sense, so it's kind of a waste of time. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's just it's to keep this movie

in any kind of forward motion. Sure. Hi, Joanna. Hi, Kimberly. You remember we met at the meeting today? Look, I saw your budget and you're spending 200 billion on goons. Could we instead

hire somebody to make it look like she committed suicide, like her cousin. No, we can't do that? Oh, stupid me. Sorry. You know, we're not gunionaires over here. So we killed the head of the five families in Brooklyn, just in FYI. That cost us $200,000. It was a really good hit, man. For this city planner, we're up to $2 million. So let's maybe think about this a little bit better, just thinking about it.

Also, Patrick Wilson, I don't know, man. Why don't you first try bribing this kid? yeah i mean when this whole thing gets revealed you're like that's what this movie was a city planner okay dude this movie ends with me going hey wait a second exactly in a big bad way um he's moving around now he oh he loses all of his money when he's getting back in the train he's hilarious he like his bag gets stuck on something and he pulls it and the bag rips open and all of this money goes flying into the air and i was watching it pretty intently last night because he was like and he's doing all this crazy

shit to get on and off the train. I'm like what does he give a shit about his messenger bag for and then like and I guess you're supposed to remember the money's in there and then the money flies out and I was laughing. Well the funniest little button on the whole thing is he grabs a single hundred dollar bill. It's the only thing that's left

which he then goes back into the train and starts like playing poker with these guys. Everybody's moved to the back of the train. That's right. He He does something where he kills the AC on all the other cars because he's a fucking train genius all of the good. Exactly. Like, come on, man. How the fuck do you know how to do that? There have been instances in the summer where AC is out. And there have been times that I just stay in a hot car because I don't want to be around all these fucking people.

Totally, dude. I'm setting many a hot car in my day. That's smelly cars, though, no way. Oh, yeah. That's the thing is you see an empty car and you're like, ooh, bonus might be a hot car. be a smelly car right see empty car on the subway definitely thinking about smells right metro north though you know it's harder to sneak on not as many homeless people sometimes it's the bathrooms though some of those bathrooms that is never clean and it's so much shit and piss just and then like people leave the door open to those little bathrooms and it's just like the whole the whole car is

gone um eric just because nine percent of our listenership really enjoys uh these really deep-cut metro-north queries. I want to keep that going as much as possible. By all means. The tables in the cars, I don't think that's, that's not a thing, right? No, they are not a thing. There are old-timers that do ride the cars that ride the train still that will regale you

of a time when there was a bar car in the Metro North trains, but no longer. And I've never seen a table like that. Other than that, the color of the seats and stuff, pretty realistic. You're right, yeah. The Amtraks. Amtraks will have that bar cars and they'll have little tables and stuff. Amtraks have dining cars. That's what it is for, is a dining car. Absolutely. But Cabin, I want to ask you specifically, though, because you were on in local parlance here, the New Haven line, which is the commuter line that goes from Connecticut into the city. And at last I checked, which now we're talking like the early aughts when we were in college, but those trains were the last bastion. of the bar cars. I mean, when I'm getting on the train, I'm sitting down and putting on my headphones and trying to forget that everybody else is there. I'm maybe not the one to be asking. Is that the only way you could shoot? Yeah. But I do remember that those old-timey New Haven line cars, because eventually

the New Haven line comes into New York and makes some stops in Westchester. So like we would sometimes get on there. Forchester and Rye and stuff. Yeah, and so when we were at Purchase, you would get on the train around there and I always remember there were barcars there. But I guess progress has eliminated those also. I think people got too drunk.

So I think it kind of just Which is hilarious though, dude, because also something they have in this movie that's inaccurate is this train is going to Yankee Stadium on a game day. And there's very few drunken assholes around, which come on. There are some people in the Yankees stuff. But

But my, the line that does go to Coltsbyn does stop at Yankee Stadium when there is a game. And they are quite annoying. And you're right, it doesn't encapsulate the exact feeling of heading to his stadium while you're just trying to get the fuck home. Well, you can't really express the smell of overwhelming piss. There's a lot of piss smell. Yeah, my new movie, The Commuter, it's coming out and smell a vision. 4DX. Yeah, I'll just piss on you on the movie theater.

You feel that light mist coming out of your seat, it's piss. That tinkle vision. Yeah, this is exactly like being on the MTA. Yeah, exactly. Oh, wait, oh, the movie stopped for 20 minutes for no reason. Yep, let's be like being on the MTA. Oh, you want to be like, it's like being on the MTA. Now in the movie, some people are talking and laughing way too loudly.

Just gabbing. People are losing their lives in this movie. It's a serious film. Stop ye laughing at it. So yeah, he's playing Poker with Tony and this other guy who he thinks is this big suspect He's this like huge fucking hulking Russian guy

Or I don't even know what the It's a yeah Was he French? I don't know if we have a Any sort of radar on the ethnicity However He looks like Dan Geif From street fighting

He's in Norbert Well it's one of those things where Liam Isid is like Look at that guy Tattoos must be a villain Yes Well, that also is what led him to kill a fucking FBI agent not too far, not too long ago. Yeah, absolutely, dude.

This character does not learn from his mistakes. And he's like, oh, so, what are you doing? Hey, we're just playing poker. Here's a bloody $100 bill that I'm going to throw on the table. Yeah, if you're commuting and doing like some, like, innocent gambling and some guy comes in with a bloody bill and says, this is all I have left to my name. Maybe don't let him buy in. Don't worry. It's not my blood. It's FBI blood.

Jesus, Mike, were you just in a dirt bike race? What's going on here? No one questions how fucking filthy is in this movie. I don't get it. They saw him like 10 minutes ago, perfectly clean. And he's harassing everyone on the train. I'd be like, yo, Mike, honestly, thanks, but no thanks. We're kind of done for the day. Absolutely. And be in train buds. Well, maybe everyone sees him like filthy and dirty and stinking and blood Oh, you use the bathroom.

That's just what happens when you come out of one of those things. Oh, it got you, huh? Oh, crap. You know, I was pretty okay. I thought I had good footing in the bathroom and then the train took a quick turn and oops, look at me now.

Oh, Ben there. So take a look at me now. Covered in shit and piss. So he basically lays out his entire plan loudly to these guys so the whole car can hear it and he's like you know step one I'd kill the AC so everybody

has to go into one car I would then figure out who has to get off at Cold Spring and blah bitty blah blah blah and then like this dude with a guitar just gets up and leaves and he's like well there's the next person I have to go follow and murder

at this point too like they take as he's talking about it they're trying to keep this suspense and even though the suspense in this movie is totally gone and they show there's like, I don't know, like 12 people left on the train, but once we get to the hostage situation coming up, there's like 70. All of a sudden.

There is a magic number of extras in this movie that appear out of thin fucking air, and it's a real continuity problem. Yeah, so he goes in the next car with this guy with the guitar, he's like, what's in your guitar case? It's a guitar. And he's like, are you sure? Did you sell your soul to the

devil? This train don't stop at the crossroads friend. And so like they kind of get into it and yeah, eventually it turns out this dude is indeed the assassin and they start fighting. And let me tell you something, points for this movie, Liam Neeson hits this dude with his own guitar. And at the first sign of guitar making contact with this dude's noodle, there is definitely an amplified guitar sound like a bw-a-o-cabong. I wish you would say, cabong. Yeah.

time for a sticky licky solo here I go oh Sam you're here hello how you do that'd be great some shitty little white kid crawls through the window and this is when this guy this assassin is fucking firing

wildly and everyone else is just reading fucking I don't even know what do you words with friends la la Jody Pocult in the next car like nice fucking try yeah you have to tell me there's like a dimensional vortex between these train cars for no one to even fucking notice

this, not even the fucking conductors. It's fucking crazy. Because yeah, he's like shooting out windows at this point and then he eventually throws this man out of the train window. Well, the way thing is this guy... No ticket.

I was kind of expecting a no ticket. Yeah. It could use some one-liners. This movie kind of takes itself too seriously. I agree. Well, also it takes 40 minutes for Liam Neeson to throw a punch in a movie. no thanks movie absolutely not you know and here's how you you uh sort of uh wet the appetite for that Steve there is some sort of uh and it can be quick I will say this movie is under two hours you can be a real quick prologue where it's Liam Neeson he's on the beat with Patrick Wilson

and then like something something he's injured and has to retire but like you know yeah like a little bit at least that way you have some you know well wouldn't it be better to see that him reading books with his son is that better isn't he so relatable don't you do that like he's like chasing down some dude that like robbed a bodega or whatever you know they have a little bit of a fight i would love it if it was just like he stubbed his toe cut he's an insurance agent i have to retire murf it's it's over for me man leumnees and saying murph throughout this movie. Realistic with his whole

disbandment from the NYPD or retirement would just be like, I shot a kid. Yeah, exactly. He had some sort of ray gun. Oh, no, actually it's, oh, it's the NYPD, I got a raise. I'm the commissioner now. They told me to keep doing it.

But when he's fighting, before he fights this assassin, the assassin's like, who is it? You got to tell me who the person is to kill, blah blah blah blah blah and I'm like we're still doing this and also like what an appropriate metaphor what a way to run a railroad you've got one guy with the gun that has to ask the other guy who to kill come on and the other guy clearly doesn't want to do it like I always love these movies where it's like you know who's the best person to do a murder is someone who absolutely doesn't want to do it well yeah and that's just like it's the same with this assassin it's the same thing

with Patrick Wilson at the end of the movie where they're both characters that are like, listen, man, this is far beyond you or I, the people that are running this scam, you have no idea what they're making me do, like kind of a thing. And this assassin's pulling that. And I'm like, no. Exactly. It is pointless. You're right. Like, just have Patrick Wilson chasing this girl and give this girl agency and something to do. And now she's looking over her shoulder trying not to be murdered and make it that. We don't need all these characters. Exactly. Hi, Joanna. Kim again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember? So, thing is, did you send

five assassins to take his family? That's a two assassin job. Could you fucking tell me what you're doing here? Listen, Joanna, we're going to need the receipts when you're back in on Monday. This is just really blowing itself out of proportion here. And at the end, they don't even fucking accomplish that

mission. The FBI apparently gets there before and arrests three men outside his house. So it's just like what these these goons are being so misappropriated. Yes. And they're bad goons. They're just fucking bad at their job. Yeah, you know, Joanna, last year, when you asked for 200 goons under your supervision, Greg and I really were, we fought about it, but we gave it to you.

But now, I think I would have to bring Greg in for another meeting. We're going to have a big meeting on Monday. I mean, Joanna, did you say we would cover his travel? We just don't do that. You're paying for his gas money now. That's what's happened, by the way. Yeah, welcome to a discount goons. sometimes get the job done but to be completely honest with Jews, sometimes we will

grossly fuck it up. We're based in Gotham City. They all garish names like you would imagine this is an obliterator. This is a tough, a classic tough. This is a knifie.

The obliterators are extra expensive I think. But this shows you these fucking goons, man. Like the mafia, they know what they're doing, get it done. This has been a pro-mafia show since inception. And it's like, why stay out of the crime racket amateurs. Exactly. You know who's fucking finding this girl and murdering her immediately? The mafia. Exactly. They're great of killing witnesses. That's one of their strengths. It's never like, oh shit,

we got to find that witness. Let's get some fucking Irish fucking cop on a train that doesn't want to kill her to do it. Like, no. Actually, let's get fucking veto that killed four people last week to do it because he's really fucking good at it. The mafia has never sat down to have a planning meeting in where they're like, all right Johnny, finally we're going to let you execute your elaborate plan

to kill this witness. I guess they're trying to do like a north by northwest type of thing in this movie. Look, I can get you 10 snipers for like $500 but they can't aim. Well, the other thing too is they never reveal whom

Joanna is working for or is and that's sort of something you need is she like all you need to do is be like she works for the governor or something you know what that is the thing right there dude the governor like the next highest up in some sort of statewide scandal or even say the mafia if that's the case or something like you know just drugs vague drug I'll take but city planner my eyes are glazing you have to make it something

you just have to I'm sorry folks this is a baseline There's a city planner, and anyway, end of the movie. Bye. There's a surprising number. Maybe Eric, again, you and Chris take the Metro North far more than I do, and Aaron Drew has as well. I've taken my fair share. Have you ever seen quite as many train axes on these trains? Absolutely not. I've seen a total of zero train axes.

They definitely don't look that cool. that's part of this fight Leibis is like well I better use this train axe I guess it's supposed to be in like a fire emergency kit or something or like break glass in case of assassin but it's a hatchet

it's not even a fucking axe yeah so he finally fucking figures out that Prin is the teenage girl who's had her earbuds in this whole movie lucky her and you know

like it's now he's basically been like okay like I know who you are I'm not going to kill you we just have to figure out what's going on and Vera Formiga calls back and she's like hey man uh everyone's gonna die just FYI everybody is going to die and so Liam Neeson in this last

act of heroism is like well if we never get to Cold Spring then we don't have to worry about this and he makes this fucking conductor this dude who's been on the job for 32 years Sam pull this emergency break but uh oh the emergency break is rigged to the front of the train and it blows out the like

engineers area and dude this old guy who we see here and there throughout the movie cooked up like a crispy critter he kind of looks delicious he does dude he looks like some fucking Chinese barbecue this guy I mean like if no one the train's gonna derail anyway you always wanted to know what human flesh

tastes like oh you know what this train may derail, better resort to cannibalism while I can. It sounds like I'm not going to eat dinner for a long time. Hey, millennial, you want to split this this fucking MTA worker with me? I know he's not spread across

avocado toast or whatever. Why don't you pay me $30 to eat this guy? I mean, my God, millennials. The best meat is in the ass. Just watch this. Look at me, eating ass. Hey, Millennials, I thought you liked Eatin' ass.

Well, here I am, a boomer, eaten ass. It's so succulent. Come on, have a chop. Oh, wait, hold on. You mean, you say, eaten ass is tonguing the asshole. No, no, no, no, no, no. I put it on a plate and eat it like a fucking loaf of bread. Well, this ass is so good,

it's as good as those horse carriages in Central Park. man, I forgot that's another dumb opinion of his. Yeah, he's very adamant that he wants horses running around Manhattan. Which, hey, soon enough, we might be back to it. That's true. I'm waiting for the fucking wolves to come out of the park, man.

Pretty soon me and Chris are going to be splitting a fucking carriage down to your place. We have to get capes then. You and him are going to be riding down the road like fucking Oswald Cobblepots parents. Exactly.

Oh, whatever. man so he you know the the explosion happens or whatever and they're trying to separate you know the engine car from you know the rest of the cars so everybody can be safe and this thing can just crash and like he needs more help so the sam the conductor is back on the job and this guy right here oh man he's got this line where he's like he's like I've always said it would either be the people or the trains that get me I always knew it would be the train and I'm like so sir In your storied career as a conductor for this railroad, you always knew the train would be the cause of your death.

Like, I mean, like, you know, again, we poke fun of the police. But, like, you know, those guys really walk in and be like, hey, this might be the last day I sign up for this job. You know what? And that's a real fear. And similarly with firemen, and that's a brave thing to do. When you're a train conductor, you shouldn't be, you shouldn't be suiting up in the morning. Like, is this my last day on?

earth every day? Well, you don't understand. You see, this train was briefly part of the Uber Eats program. I was expected one day to be eaten and consumed by this train for sustenance. So Uber Eats, that's why

they added so many fucking local stops that make no sense. Absolutely. So yeah, there's a massive derailment. They get everything kind of unhooked. This conductor is killed because the engine part of the train like flips over and this guy just goes sky high.

I want to see Liam Neeson gets back to safety somehow. I want to see him bite it a little harder. It's a quick cutaway and I'm like, I kind of want to see something go through his brain. Yeah, absolutely. So they have to like dislocate the train cars and then there's like just a random chain that flies out and connects them again so they have to disconnect that. And then that guy goes flying up and Liam Neeson goes flying forward and makes it into the rest of the train. He's invincible in this movie. There is some bad fucking, like Liam Neeson's cartoon makes it back to the train, though.

The CGI is terrible. I think he starts chewing on a carrot. And I mean, like, guess what? Everybody's dead. Not just Liam Neeson, but like you see this from like a bird's eye view and like, holy shit, everyone is dead. Everyone's like kind of holding on these like tables and shit. Like, nah, no, son. They're dead.

You're seeing a train car. This is, it's a huge missed opportunity. We're talking about how this movie. has some previous missed opportunities for some levity or even some flat out comedy right here is where you need it because there's a shot of

a road with the railroad crossing and the things are down so people don't drive through and whatever and then the train comes through sideways because of the derailment you need a gag where it's like an old couple in a car and they're waiting at the train crossing and it's like oh Harold

these trains always take for ever to pass by. Yeah, you want that. Broken train passes the wrong way, you know, and then they're like, my goodness. You want the movie would have some levity, and we can't have that. You want the Ghostbusters couple.

We'll take the next one. Absolutely. There's a bear and there's a pop. Yeah, that kind of shit. You need those kinds of things. You know, like there was a joke like that and unstoppable. Oh, is that right? I've never seen it.

I don't think it's stopping, honey. Was that the joke? Yes, it is. Eric, good one. There are people that swear by that being a great movie. What say you, Chris Cabin? It's fine. What? It's fine. It's trash bag, dude.

Oh, trash bag. I probably should revisit all these directors' works of, because it's the same director, right? Non-stop. No, that's Tony Scott, isn't it? You're getting nonstop and unstoppable mixed up. Oh, yeah, I'm talking about unstoppable, the Chris Pine Denzel movie, I believe.

Okay, so nonstop is the Liam Neeson airplane movies. Yes, which is essentially this on a plane. Unstoppable was the other train movie, which I remember I saw it and I was like this is not for me but then people are now raving about it so I don't know, maybe I should go back.

In any event, so they're, yeah, I don't know. Welcome to the movie four because like this is like now the train stops and everyone's like stopped and like all of a sudden all this NYPD, FYI, Beacon, that's not how that works. Pull up.

Sam Neal's got them surrounded and it's a hostage situation. And also Pat Kiernan becomes really important at the end of this movie. Pat Kiernan, local New York One News broadcaster, part of the MCU officially. He's just like, well it seems like there's, oh, hey there

now I'm doing a bad Canadian accent. But like, it's like, oh, there's a, um, the train derailed and there seems to be a hostage situation. Now, like, how do you get any of this information? Dude, not only that. He fucking straight up is like, and it would appear as if there's an ex-NYPD officer who's taken hostages. And I'm like, really, dude, where is the information being relayed here? All right. And now let's two, what is in the paper? Okay. Well, Garfield just ate lasagna. We now cut to Roger Clark petting a kitten. Yeah, just no one for the Roger Clark jokes, huh? All right. No, sorry. What's that?

He's like the, he's like kind of a living, he's a really nice guy, but he seems like a living joke on the New York One offices, because he always does like, he kind of looks like what's that character actor, Saul Rubenek a little bit. Oh, is that right? And he gets into like silly, anytime there's a silly story on New York One, it's Roger Clark, just an FYI. Oh, I don't remember that guy. The funny thing is now my cable provider does not give me New York One. Really? I just got it up here, which is crazy. I'm waiting, man. I hope someday Fios gives it to me so I can have. that sweet, sweet New York one Zen monotone news delivery bag. Hi, Joanna, have you turned on the television today? Before you leave, I would like you to turn on and remember, we could have hired one

motherfucking assassin. And this would have been all over, but now we've got a PR disaster the size of fucking World War II on our hands. That's fantastic. But no, Joanna refuses famously to work with Italians. Now everyone knows we got bad goons.

Oh, you try that. You don't want to try that, Sid, you get, they have bad goons. The goons aren't great. I tried the goons are not great. It's because they don't slice the garlic thin. And so, like, it's this thing where, and, like, Liam Neeson knows the score. I mean, he's like, all right, there's going to be snipers.

Let's put newspaper on the windows. And I'm like, oh, okay, okay. Yeah, sure. And there's still 20 minutes left to this movie, and it feels like 45. Yeah. The third act of this movie goes on for five. fucking ever and by the way they put up these newspapers and then the NYPD which obviously why are they here but they take out of their sniper takes out this super scope like we're in we're in

the fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger movie a racer and we get to see like everyone's skeletons and shit with this x-ray shit yeah I don't know what's going on with that and everyone's got this yellow thing this yellow aura and then Patrick Wilson like is like I'll go in I know the guy and he's wearing like a body cam of some kind or like a little tag so he's blue so the guy knows who's who it's like what the fuck's technology is this yeah I have no clue if this is real or not I'm leaning

towards movie magic here the girl Sophia is her name this print because she's reading the scarlet letter Hester Prin wow does everybody get it even Liam Neeson is just like okay but even the scarlet letter doesn't really apply to

what is even happening in the book it doesn't it's just like the name I guess they were like by the way, before you get on the train, we need to know what book you're going to be reading because that will be your codename going forward. Ah, yes, the scarlet letter. I remember that.

It's a lovely romantic comedy book between two people and he writes some letters on red paper. It's a lovely story. I read it for my son's class. Yeah, exactly. This whole fucking movie is like a shout out to basic lit. Eighth grade

mandatory biach well even what's his face Mike the Cleaner's got some line because Liam Neeson's reading Wuthering Heights at one point and he's like yeah Charlotte Bronte or whatever and he goes Emily

it's right there on the front of the book let me tell you how books work all right so in the front it's a cover and ordinarily if you want to know who wrote the book you'll look right there and the information will be pretty prominently displayed. To be honest with you, Mike, I only know that

because my favorite girl was reading it. So Patrick Wilson's like, I'm going to get in there, I'm going to solve this case. And you know he's crooked immediately. And he gets on, he walks onto the train, and he's like, hey, Mike, we're in a real fix here, buddy.

How are we going to get out of this one? I'm like, just reveal yourself to be crooked. And that's the movie. Exactly. You know how you know he's, crooked Steve because he's appearing again in the film. Now I'm remembering actually when I saw this when I saw this in the theaters we'd had a few drinks to start. Sure.

And I was, I very, very clearly remember like really having to piss at this point and I'm like, shut the fuck up Patrick Wilson. I've got to go. I gotta take a leak. That'd be good for like your stand up album name. Shut up Patrick Wilson. I gotta go.

Also, it's weird because here is Sam Neil, this NYPD captain. They say that he's in command in this situation, which yes, he's out of his jurisdiction, but also not for nothing. The fucking FBI is on hand. Yes, the FBI is all over

this thing. Yeah, they're subservient to the NYPD in this. And where's the state police and all this? You see the state police for two seconds in the scene where he is, they're in Terrytown and he's hiding under the

train. Yes. And I believe they're wearing the wrong color uniform. No, I think they're correct. It's the gray with the purple. It looked. I thought it was green today. Oh, maybe I was, I don't know. Maybe I was greening out. Oh, that could be. But yeah, so like we get the whole scoop

and, you know, uh, Murph is on the scene and he's trying to do the whole like, well, you know, we got to get some passengers off here. He had asked him previously, this is where I was like, what the fuck did he say? Because he goes, you know,

oh, how many people, Patrick Wilson says, how many people are on the train? And Liam Mason's like, ah, like 15 or 20. And I was like, well, that can't be true. I think there's like five. And then all of a sudden, you see all of these extras

just booking it off this train. And I was like, where did these people come from? Yeah, the 20 other people leave. And there's still like the eight to 10 people we've been following. And I'm like, what the fuck happened? And Patrick Wilson does this thing where he fucks up because like when Prinn reveals herself,

she tells the story about how this guy said something that there are no noble people and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then Patrick Wilson's like, well, you know, Mike, there are no noble people, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, oh, right. Yeah. And so it's like, done, da, he's crooked. And then he's like, all right, so which one is Prinn? This girl stands up and is like, oh, you know, I'm Prinn, it's me, blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden, in a sickening turn in this movie, they have a fucking I am Spartacus moment. started up by that fucking the big tattooed guy

that he's playing poker with? Yes. Fuck you. No, I am Prynne. And then Florence Pugh is like, I am Prynne. Can I be in a better movie now? Soon, very, very soon.

Sure. Sure, you can. Absolutely, Florence. You can be in two of them. You can also do that wrestling movie. Sure. Yeah, so they have their Spartanus moment. And then, like,

Liam Neeson gets in a fight with Patrick Wilson. And Patrick Wilson out of nowhere is like this masterful knifesman. Yeah. And he's given him all these, like, quick stabs, like a ninja. And everyone's getting involved in the fight now. Like, Tony gets involved. Oh, I'm sorry, there is, it's the worst part of the

I'm Spartacus moment. I have to say it. Where I was like, I am printing. I am printed. Everyone gets up and does it. All the main characters, except for the wacky other conductor who's like, well, I'm definitely not print. Let me let you know that. Oh, yeah, that's a fucking bad joke. And I vaguely remember a huge laugh in the, in the

theater at the time with a little, really a mild applause broke out god damn it and you guys saw this in new york yes so it's like i guess these people just never ridden the metro north or anything well yeah i don't know i mean you get some people in this town that never leave the five boroughs i don't know the same people that the same people that literally always because this joke always kills

for some reason that m&m commercial that's in front of every movie ever uh with like this is your mission no this is an envelope people fucking lose it at that line i've never noticed that really people appreciate that m&m humor yes they do and also my wife is now in the in the audience and i've stolen that joke from her and she's mad at me oh jen gets full credit for that joke at long last because she doesn't listen to the fucking carlos mensie of podcast everyone knows i'm gonna get outed everyone knows people love m&m comedy they love m&m babes i mean Have you seen the green one? Oh, dude, she's so sexy.

It's unbelievable. I can't, I can't, whenever that comes on TV, I got to throw brick through it. Oh, man. Have you ever tried the green Eminem tab on Porn Hub? Oh, yeah. It's just a bunch of fucking losers fucking bags of candy while an 8chan tab is open on their computer. Like I said, wild. Yeah, you want to, you want to spend a few months in containment.

Check out the green. green Eminem tab on Port Hub. We'll see. Yeah, so whatever. He and Patrick Wilson get in this fight. And it turns out, whoops, Liam Neeson ripped the little blue thing off of him. And all of these snipers murder Patrick

Wilson. It's kind of funny. And then, like, everyone from the FBI just knows immediately that Liam Neeson was good the whole time. And they're like, don't worry, buddy. We're not even going to bring you in for questioning. It's totally cool. Dude, they're not bringing anybody in for questioning because there's an FBI agent who's asking this girl.

print like right there about all the shit and I'm like get this woman to safety at long last you saved the money on gas can you now get her to the safe house like this fucking detective Garcia or whatever he's doing this this interrogation in the middle of a flaming train yard

that's true but I do think that like Liam Neeson would get the Ethel Rosenberg treatment for this oh for sure this is just too much and the destruction of property no it's oh sure property it's really easy You know, the FBI agent comes in. He's like, and Mike's like, I swear I'm good. And he's like, yeah, I know.

It's you and Patrick Wilson. Patrick Wilson is clearly fucking evil. Yeah. It's Patrick Wilson. You know him from Aquaman? Have you seen a movie? He's the bad guy. Yeah.

There is a kind of funny, like, around the horn with like sort of the more famous of the train crowd here, including like, yeah, the aforementioned like wacky train conductor is hitting on the nurse. And Liam Neeson's like, ha, young love. And then you see, dude, one of the funniest shots ever. He turns his head, he looks. And they cut to Florence Pew dumping all of those fake IDs in a dumpster. Leo Neeson just changing lives left and right. He's so proud, too, in that moment.

He's just like, yep, it was all worth it. Well, because he's like, when he has the encounter with her about it, she's like, they're not mine. My boyfriend made me carry this bag, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, well, he's not much of a boyfriend. friend, if he's making you do schemes like this, now is he? He sees her dumping out all the ideas. He's like, ah, yes, now 200 children will have to find another way to drink liquor illegally. I also love it.

It's like, all right, I want to transport these 200 fake IDs, you know, cost a lot of money to make them pretty illegal. Do I want to spend the 60 bucks on the fucking Uber up to Cold Spring? No, I think what I'd like to do is put her on a fucking train. where she has to go through three fucking checkpoints seriously and also I don't know what this like mail order fake ID shit is back of the day man I just went to a fucking head shop

down on McDougal Street and some dude took me behind a curtain and took my photograph and that was the end of it what I was the only one with a fake ID wasn't a nude photograph no I mean maybe it was just my face I had a nude ID that's it I had a brother my brother was a couple years old than me

so I just would use old ones and that would work like 17% of the time. Stopped working out, huh? Yeah, you're significantly shorter. Oh, right, your height is on those, isn't it? Yeah, sure is. That's a problem. Says here, you were born in 1952.

Yeah, I was wearing stilts when I got my ID taken. Yeah, that's right. There's a garbage exchange. Like, so his wife and son show up and they're kind of like taking him home and Sam Neal's like standing there and he's like oh just give me a second honey

and they kind of talk and but Sam Neal it's just like you know we miss guys like you in the department guys that do it right. I'm like all right so just like you're missing not crooked cops that's what you're saying. I mean you've seen the news

right I mean we are just like a fucking nest of vipers oh man and then we do get we do get a fucking great pat kiernan with a potential sequel set up because there's like this news montage again of like you know all this like television news so you hear some audio and it's pat kiernan being like also uh police are trying to figure out the whereabouts of this possible joanna while we ask does she even exist and you're like man nobody cares and then there's speaking of nobody cares it's a stinger scene oh yeah it's not it's not even stingers epilogue it's a button yeah it's it's it's an epilogue it's it's it's

it's it's it's leam nason on another train um in chicago and he comes up to uh vena joanna who's reading uh the count of monte cristo he's like i like that book good ending and it's like oh man shut up everybody good ending better sandwich And he's like, well, let me tell you something. Do you want to, what would you do in this situation when you're about to get arrested? And he shows her, his New York City Police Department badge, which has no jurisdiction in Chicago. Who are you fucking Axel Foley? Like, what is happening?

Like, it's one thing if you wanted to make him like, oh, he's now part of the FBI, like, make him have more of a connection with Agent Garcia or something. Yeah, exactly. Or maybe she's on the subway. You know what I mean? like the regular, regular subway, she just gets on. Why did she have to be in Chicago? Greg? Yeah, it's Kim. You are sending Joanna to Chicago office.

I'm not dealing with this again. Okay? I'm sorry. I think part of it is like to scare the audience. Like, oh my God, I'm a commuter, but thank God I'm not in New York. Oh, wait, what? It's going to even happen in Chicago or another city? Yeah, I guess so. It's just, it's so dumb that he's just part of the NYP. like yeah i don't know i'm just like that doesn't really solve his money woes either FYI no well that should have been a thing that see that's the thing is like sam neil you should have seen sam neal offer him the job right there yeah yes because then it's like all right you're at least

employed the money stuff you know you'll be able to put your kid through college and whatever maybe him and sam neal are on a different take you know oh yes they're like maybe with the mafia against these new upstarts and that way he could pay his two mortgages. That makes sense. Well, there you go. Yeah, they're double secret corrupt. I was only lying about being a double.

Would anybody recommend this movie? No. I remember seeing it the first time and kind of enjoying it for a silly romp. And again, I was pretty lit up. But having to see it again knowing where it was going and the silly

beats it's a no for me maybe it's worth it the first time around but it's I can't distance myself from this last watch which felt like a slog it's it's also a no for me I mean it's okay to like a movie I know people do enjoy this movie and

I just feel like it's tired after seeing Liam Neeson play this basically same movie like 15 times there's better versions of this movie with him in it that I can't recommend this and also I know and by the way yes we we nitpicked about new york geography and but it's and i know this probably pisses

some people off but it's so easy to get it right why get it why do it wrong why do it wrong why alienate the people who live in the areas where this takes place you know the place where there's over eight million people i mean also because like not for nothing you have the internet now you can check this stuff you can have someone do research when you're writing the screenplay you know uh chris Kevin? It's a yes for me, actually. I think this is pretty entertaining. Contrarian. Contrarian. Yes, that's, that's me. I'm a contrarian. No, go on. Why do you love it? I think it's, I think it's well-directed trash. I think that I think it works up until about when the assassin fight happens. It's engaging. I mean, I actually didn't like it the first time I saw it and

liked it better this time. And with the accuracy of the things, I don't give a fuck. Like, I honestly, like, if the fucking subway flies, great. If it flies. Who fucking cares? I don't give it. We're in the future. I actually, I liked it better on

rewatch as well, but I'm definitely not singing its praises. I would say, I mean, Steve, I think I was in your boat the first time we saw it, which was the booze cruise that we were on. That was the boat that we were on. And, you know, yeah, sure, like, you know, liquor helps with these kind of movies.

I'd say it's kind of like a soft recommend. I think this is actually kind of a hangover movie. Yeah, but, especially because it has pretty much the singular location that you're kind of like dozing in and out. And you can wake up and be like, well, I guess he's still on the train or whatever. And like, you know, and I actually, I think I also kind of agree with Chris a little bit in that it is kind of a decent enough mystery, you know, trying to figure out. what's going on here you know because she's on the phone it also has a little bit of that

like die hard with a vengeance or like phone booth kind of you know the terrorist is on the phone kind of thing which keeps me engaged even though like I'd rather see Vera Farminga doing more than just you know 99% voice performance yeah but you know I

will say if you're looking for like you know a better movie in Mr. Colette Sarah's you know filmography I do think Orphan is a better movie. I think House of Wax is a better movie, but also as far as the Liam Neeson collabs. I remember kind of having fun

with Run All Night, which they did three years prior to this. That has like the best cast, I think of all of them. Commons in that one? Ed Harris. Oh, yes. Only one I haven't seen was that one. You got, yeah, it's common. You got yourself some, oh yeah, Bruce McGill.

Isn't Paul Walker in that? No, Joel Kinnaman. Joel Kinnaman. Got it. Joel Kinnaman, Vincent Dinoffrio, Ed Harris. So you got a little bit of a deeper bench to play with. But overall, I don't think this is that terrible. I could see the hangover situation. I think I could co-sponsor that legislation. There you go. And that is the commuter from 2018, directed by Huame Quelet Sarah. Thank you so much to our good buddy, Joel from California, for calling this one in. And that, my friends, concludes the 2020 listener request month,

unless I'm mistaken. No, that's it. That's the end of it. That's it. That's done. So thank you so much for everybody who called in about all that.

We do have some listener requested things, of course, on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. We had back-to-back TNG episodes requested, which was great. We got the gummy bears on animation damnation. We got Ferris Bueller on We Love Movies.

It's a movie about somebody pretending to be sick, which is a nice. A nice change. Did you say Nisa the EWalk Princess? Oh, right. Yes, of course. Could I forget our super exciting friend, Nisa the EWalk Princess? Yes, on our Star Wars Shide show, the Gleap Glossary, where we read about silly Star Wars characters.

And you folks at home requested the Nisa EWalk Princess. And of course, not part of Listener Request Month, but this month we are indeed wrapping up our coverage of Star Trek Picard, are making it so side show that we're doing. But as always, here on the main feed, you know, the show will be continuing. We should say also, if you missed the announcement, we're doing a bonus

show on the main feed for everybody while we're locked inside here and practicing responsible social distancing is a show called Melro 210. Steve Sadek, this was your baby. Take it away. Yeah, it's going to be a twice a week release

one kind of like the nexus but for melrose place the 902 and oh however it's going to be one one hour or 45 minutes each per episode twice twice a week release that way you got like some more stuff kind of metered out throughout the week for you to listen to as we are so we don't like turn into bug people that's right and it's just last thing until containment is over for the northeast right yes exactly right yeah so look forward to that coming out. Stay tuned to all of our social media for show updates just like that. So you always want to

be on top of the WHM releases and the prime feed will continue next Tuesday as well. Steve Sadek, what do we have going on there? We are unlocking something from the vault, speaking to trying to do some stuff. We are unlocking a previously patron's only episode on

Man of Steel, a very highly rated episode on that small subsection of people that are on the patron, which should be much larger. But now everyone gets to listen to it It's going to be super fun. Yeah. That was one of our first full-length episodes we did on Patreon. By the way, also the Justice League commentary.

Did we mention that already? No, that's right. Yeah. Reminding me, I have to put that together. But yes, the Justice League commentary is coming out as well. So that's another thing for you to do during our containment here, of course. And yeah, you know, we will just, we're going to take this a week at a time, gang. but as far as we're concerned with this remote recording technology,

WHM is staying on the air. So next week, you're going to enjoy, and we should say this in case we don't get a chance to make a bumper, though, Steve. They're going to enjoy Man of Steel. We're going to unlock the vault for that. But then next week after that, what new content will we be tossing out for people? And I'm hoping that my cats meows are getting picked up,

which I think that they are, which is awesome. We are going to be releasing vampires, John Carpenter's vampires because in April our next patrons only next month's patron only episode which all announced now. Actually Chris Cabot and say what it is.

We're still doing the thing, right? That is getting kept in. John Carpenter's the thing. There is most people have wanted that episode as a we love movies for years. And talk about

a great movie to do for isolation related reasons. It's my, it's my favorite movie to say wimply. Oh, boy. So we will see you guys

in a couple weeks. Please enjoy the unlocking the vault. But until next time when we are talking about John Carpenter's

vampires. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy and stay healthy. That was a hate gum podcast.