We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 478 - John Carpenter's Vampires

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

On this week's all-new episode, the gang is chatting about the sleaziest of scumbag vampire hunter films, John Carpenter's Vampires! How about that gross/awesome week-long motel party, huh? Why couldn't we get more with the vamp hunting team? And was this really the first time Mark Boone Junior has been decapitated in a major motion picture? PLUS: Don't miss out on our companion episode, a We Love Movies broadcast all about Carpenter's The Thing, dropping tomorrow—4/14/20—for patrons only! Sign up today and keep the Carpenter Party going! John Carpenter's Vampires stars ::ugh:: James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, Sheryl Lee, Thomas Ian Griffith, Maximilian Schell, Tim Guinee, Mark Boone Junior, Gregory Sierra, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa; directed by the Master of Horror himself, John Carpenter. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program has a film about the undead smelled this much like stale beer. It's John Carpenter's Vampires. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. John Carpenter's Vampires from 1998, directed by Preston Sturgis. Oh, wait, no, also John Carpenter. This was the one he did. after of the what the Gulliver's Travels? Preston Sturches.

It was the follow-up to it was the follow-up to Gulliver's Travels. Got it. By the way, this ties into our Patreon episode this month, which is going to be on The Thing, another John Carpenter, a better John Carpenter film. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, that's a movie about being terrified

about catching something. So that'll be just in time for Halloween. I mean, vamporism is also something that's like, oh, am I going to catch it? And it's like, I wish that was the pandemic right now because I already can't go outside in the daylight. Sure, fuck it. You know, I might as well like have a nice ravenous nightlife, like a vampire would. Yeah, and then you're a sexy person for the rest of your life. First of all, I've never been a sexy person. So I think becoming a vampire would make me sexy. It would be life changing and death changing as well. I mean, you have to

become an expert in capes. Yes. Like you need to know which one for which kind of night. You have it's a lot of stuff to believe although these vampires aren't terribly sexy well that's the thing about this movie and why i will say up front i i didn't see this in the theaters but i have seen this movie probably close to 20 times what in the world that's insane because i can't remember it was the thing where i had it on like the early days of dvd or if it was like taped off of HBO or something this was a big t-b-s t-n-tier i remember that huh i've never liked this movie somehow. I never and last night didn't change my opinion

but I never got into it. I never saw it in full. I only I saw parts of it and then I're watching it today I realized why because I had to bail because it really drags at a certain point. Yes. And for a movie that's 108 minutes to that's unfortunate

because it's such a contained story but you know it's very simple like we have to go do this before this time and then that's it. But at the same time you're like we are dragging ass. say I was, the one thing about this movie is I actually was never bored. I, I, this movie does not bore me. It's just stupid as all hell. Were you entranced by the hair dye?

I was, I mean, well, also, I mean, it's Thomas Ian Griffith. We're talking about here. Yes, true. I just look at him. Chris, I want to run something by you. I wrote down in my notes. I came up with an alternate title for this. Uh-huh. From dust till don't. Uh-huh.

You know what? I think we should workshop it a little bit, but I think it's a good starting place is what I think. a beer. It's the apocalypse, guys. Yeah, we should start drinking on the air, you're right. Oh, I've already drinking. Oh, I've been drinking. This owes a lot from Dust Till Dawn. That's a really good point. There's no doubt about it.

I mean, it's like, what I was going to say was it's why I think it kind of appealed to me is because I don't think I saw from Dust Till Dawn until much later. Oh, that's the thing. But it's a movie where I was just so sort of fascinated by

scumbag vampire hunters. Yeah. Because that's what this is. These are scumbag vampire hunters hunting scumbag vampires. See, the script and the movie was supposed to be filmed in 1994 like from Dust Till Dawn. It was supposed to come out at the same time. But there was fucking four years of negotiations between James Wood and Daniel Baldwin about who gets to say bitch the most in this movie. It went on for four years and they were like,

We're going to top it out at 700. Jimmy, Jimmy, I need to take the crown here. Jimmy, I need the crown. Here's the thing, though, about that crowd. Because, Steve, you mentioned something similar yesterday when you're watching it about them saying bitch all the time. So I was on bitch watch when I was screening it today. The first bitch does not happen until like 52 minutes into the movie.

But from there. It is a cavalcade. Dude, yeah, the fucking plug from the damn, man. The weirdest thing is I think that Carpenter is. a misogynistic director like he's a dude director in terms of like he's done movies that are mostly centered around men etc but like women are either like done justice or not but like it's not like this is like a straight up like misogynistic vampire movie but why that is though is James Woods well yeah but I think what they're doing here is like oh it's fine because she's a monster

sure but then the thing is the way to fix that part of this movie is you make this pretty priest character, the second priest, he needs to be a woman. It's a nun, and now we're doing something. Sure. Yeah, that's a good call. Couldn't use a super nun. Who could hold the screen like Tim Guinea, though? Nobody. I mean, come on, look at the guy.

A pencil. By the way, folks, I went on a Wikipedia right before this, and there was a little thing about this movie was almost. And I think this was like when Carpenter wasn't involved, but it was almost Dolph Lundgren with Willem Defoe as possibly the vampire.

Better movie. Yeah, better movie. Yeah, better movie. Well, also, this is based on a book. I mean, the movie is really simple. It's John Carpenter's vampires. It's just, it's a James Woods is a vampire hunter with Daniel Baldwin as kind of a sidekick. And they're hunting down a vampire played a vampire king kind of dude played by Thomas Ian Griffith.

But this movie is based on a book, which I do want to read only for the title. I do too. because it's vampire dollar sign as the S and you know that's excellent. Oh, absolutely. And also, I would hope that whenever I get around to reading Vampire Dollar Sign,

the movie changed it completely because you know what Vampire Dollar Sign is? That's a story about a person working at a vampire casino. Gambling for the undead, ladies and gentlemen. Shit, this is a million dollar idea. Like old folklore, how Vampire Vampires have to count, like, beans and stuff you throw on the floor in front of them?

Like, they count cards. Vampire Casino, we'll bleed you dry. Yes. And instead of craps, they play Crips. It's all right there. I don't know if you guys, because I'm in Jersey and they do online gambling is legal. I get all of these, like, scumbag, like, you could do an online casino, man. It's going to change your life.

I fucking won a lot of money. My mother won money. We're all winning money here on. the online vampire casino. Online vampire casino or just online New Jersey casino. Sure. Just reeks of the McMillian scandal. Exactly.

You know what I'm saying, dude? Like it's, yeah, it's me. And then my ma and then my aunt and my aunt's neighbor. We all won at the Vegas Jersey. So a quick story. This guy I knew in high school did not like him. his father worked with my mom his father uh doctor's or lower it's like fuck you doctor kids so i find out what maybe five years ago i just like for some reason we're talking about this guy and so

what what's going on with the what's his name you know the son it's like oh yeah he had to sell his beach house in a nervous car because he got into online gambling and he thought and like he thought he was going to be like the like the guy with the shades in the poker tournament oh man it's a bad problem especially i can imagine right now people are like well that's how i could make money and it's like dude do not fuck with the online gambling yeah you too could be the next uh what's his name nagranu daniel nagranu yeah what is that guy he's a professional poker player wow he's with the shades man right cabin they're all wearing shades so we start at a uh as james woods

puts it a new mexico shithole right and he's wearing shades because he's a professional vampire and how I would always love to be introduced in a motion picture Daniel Baldwin taking a piss on the side of the road another IMDB trivia did you hear that did you hear this do you see this

oh you see about this it's late some guy crossed the street they Alec Baldwin took this role and then had it for a little while and then was like oh I can't do it why don't you cast

Daniel Ball. Wow. I would say, I would say what happened probably was that John Carpenter got Daniel Baldwin and just was like, act like Alec. Just do an impression of Alec. That's the best thing you can do. Well, that's what his career. That's what life told him to do, not John Carpenter. I'm like, but I don't think it's good anywhere else. Here it is. Well, he was in, now, I, since we did Death Wish for the Crackdown, I watched that Charles Bronson impersonator's

movie Death Kiss, which is a loose sequel to the Death Wish franchise and Daniel Baldwin plays like the Man Cow-esque radio DJ talking about the scum of the street and whatever and it is straight up just an Alec Baldwin impression that's I mean

it's weird because like they're brothers so like sure they might sound a little the same I don't know even Baldwin he sounds a little different and so does Billy Baldwin I feel like Daniel is the one that because he looks the most sort of like Alec or at least like rotund Alec

like it's sort of could you say that again rotund Alec I love it well he was the one that the only clone of Alec that they kept yes the rest of them

they had to go away you know they were in the jars and everything well he even has the same like gate that Alec Baldwin like I always I didn't really notice this

with Alec Baldwin until 30 Rock because so much of that show was like walk and talk like the way Alec Baldwin kind of carries himself Daniel Baldwin carries himself exactly the same way in this movie

And like it's Well because he plays the same kind of characters Like Billy Baldwin is always like the hunk of the baldwins If you will Sure Then you got your your Stephen Baldwin You know he did some like He was like always like the young Baldwin

But also would like do cool Like try to be the cool Baldwin I guess Right biodome Biodome for sure Was he the only one? The Lord Jesus Christ Was he the only one who tried to be funny? I think that's true too

Yeah I think he's the funny Baldwin I think, do you think at some point in the 1980s, Adam Baldwin was at like a diner? And then like all four Baldwin brothers showed up like, hey man, wrong name, wrong decade, wrong diner. And then they kicked him out. Hey, Alec, come on, you got to patch me in. You got to patch me in with you guys. Come on.

I would love to see like a Baldwin battle royale. By the way, Alec is pretty funny, right? We were just talking about 30 Rock. He's very funny. that sort of came later though for him true was like yeah that was like his turn so yeah i mean he's i will say just really quickly he's very funny in jonathan demi's married to the mob and also beetle juice is pretty comedic that's yeah fair oh that's true i'm wrong how about that no but you are right though steve that those roles for allegable them were few and far between earlier on and now

it's kind of like well now it's just fucking Donald trump on s and oh they were second to the fact that he was a hunk. Like Stephen Baldwin is not a hunk, but Alec was a fucking hunk. Oh, yeah. My fucking God. Isolate that audio. I mean, have you seen working girls, ladies and gentlemen? Ladies and gentlemen, have you seen working?

No, I haven't. I'm going to trump you hunk wise. Billy Baldwin was like a model. But that's a different type of hunk. That's like the slender model. Got it. And like, Alec is like, you want a big guy to bump you or whatever. You get bombed by a slim

guy, dude. And also, Billy Baldwin didn't get like a good I'm trying to think of movies like other than sliver and then he got good in like the squid and the whale. He's got backdraft which I think is a stay tuned for this feed. Oh, virus.

Yeah, both of those are stay tuned. He's fucking Cindy Crawford in that one movie. Fair game. Yes. My God, I watched that a lot as a young man. Do you know here's a little bit of a tidbit. Did you know that's that is uh based on the same book as cobra i did not yeah wait what movies based on

fair game is that right yeah is billy baldwin cutting pizza with scissors is my question and cindy crawford is the pizza if you're what i mean so they're uh scumbag vampire hunters there's a ton of them in the beginning of this movie it's a real team here and this is it's a thing where it's like i get it economical storytelling you want to pair this team down but it would be rad to have like some kind of prequel to this movie where these guys are going around killing people especially very entertaining in these early scenes a very young mark boon junior yeah well it's weird it's because they're not nobody's you know what i mean like they cast people here one of the guys is the dude who played shangsoon in mortal combat yes who's also awesome i feel like if carpenter calls

even if it's like low pay like you you get in there oh yeah no doubt about it, dude. John Carpenter asked me to be in a movie. I'll be there yesterday. Well, this is a dark time for Carpenter, which I guess sort of still is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The clouds have ever really truly lifted since the moment. I was, I was looking at that myself, actually. And this is, it is right after Escape from L.A. Is when he does this. And then after. I still like Escape from L.A. I'm kind of a contrarian in that regard. But after that, he doesn't really have much, right? You got Ghosts of Mars, which is bad. the ward which I straight

up turned off. Yeah, I heard nothing but bad things. I think I didn't go in for it. I could, yeah. I'm not crazy about the word, but I do kind of like Osama. Really? Yeah. You know, so much of that was that fucking heinous soundtrack. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You have to get

fucking, this is the carpenter fart guitar era. I gotta give it another chance. This guitar is nuts. I'm sorry. Because it starts in the mouth of madness. That also has a fart guitar, but it's a little better in the mouth of madness was better when I rewatched it pretty recently

I know that's a really good movie it's a good enough I think that's a good movie that's I think his best movie of the 90s because he did that right before Escape from LA or no sorry escape from LA 96 Village of the Damned 95 not a good movie

fun casto yes absolutely in the mouth of madness and then you can catch this on a shutter I think it's kind of it's like half worth your time body bags It's exactly half worth your time.

Yeah. But so much of it, I think, is Carpenter acting in the movie as like the cryptkeeper surrogate kind of character? Oh, and then also, Jesus, you can't forget, 1992. A definite stay tuned memoirs in a invisible man. Woo! Woo! So this team is, they're hunting down a nest of goons, as they're calling them.

Looking for a master. Looking for the master. And you see the whole, like, process here. Like, it is, it's a fun way of hunting vamps, you know? They're like dragging them out into the sunlight and... It is. It's fun. But, you know, it's kind of horrific in that regard because you're looking for the master and you got a house full of subs. It's like, dude, come on.

I want to get domed here. I want to get master baiter out here. Oh, my God. But I do like, I do like the idea of shooting these vampires with arrows that have this retractable, like, wire that is attached to Daniel Ball Baldwin's pickup truck and he backs up in reverse and brings them out into the sunlight and they explode in

quite a fashion and Andrew James Woods even says Crispy Critters. He does oh man I did light up at that crispy critters line I love that here's an idea for I mean it makes sense yeah the idea is you go in

you hook them and like someone has a truck usually it's Daniel Baldwin like let's go fucking fishing and they drag him out and they burn and if they burn hilariously why not burn the house down that's the move and then like then what's going to happen they they can't go anywhere it's fucking two p.m. Do you think David Koresh was a vampire? Absolutely. And the ATF is a secret like vampire hunting organization. That was uh you know one of the disappointing parts about that Paramount network mini series uh starring Taylor Kitch is they left out all the parts about David Koresh being a

vampire. And it's just weak in the story. Yeah, he needed virginal blood. Me. They both called a bunch of women their brides. Yeah. Very true, Chris. One thing we do have to mention so

James Woods is whatever the Jack Crow. But dude, Daniel Baldwin playing Montoya. Okay. Tony Montoya. Yeah. I can't I kept thinking about Al Pacino, even though that's Tony Montana, but still.

But I don't know what fucking bacon grease he's putting in his hair, dude. It is jet black, which is not the Daniel Baldwin I know in love, I guess from homicide. But, you know, like, it's just, you know, he's just not, it's like, it's a bad look, I think. Steve, it's always bacon grease. It's actual bacon grease. That's what he does to suck on that. One for you. One for me.

One for you. He's just scooping bacon out of a jar. I prepared this bacon while I baked. The other thing I fucking love about fucking Montoya Is that he has a fucking customer service headset on Yes And it looks so silly on his huge head It's so fucking hammocket

This little headset is hanged on by a thread Did you put a heavy load in your dryer? That might have done it Well you know what? We're going to send out a technician Oh wait hold on I've got a vampire on line three burn motherfucker burn are you calling about Maytag repair or vampire hunting

please press one or two look it's hard times out here I have to have two jobs it takes all day to do this dragging these vampires you know if you're not gonna unplug it I'm gonna hang up if you can unplug it and re-plug it back in or else we've got nothing to talk about look you put

the dishwasher liquid in the little space you don't drizzle it all over the dishes that's not how it works oh and I can't stress this enough garbage goes in the garbage care folks, okay? I had a customer service thing. I was ordering a bookshelf from a website

I'm not going to name. Went through four different variations. It kept coming in wrong. First, they sent me the wrong pieces, then they sent me the wrong bookshelf, then me sent me a metal grate for no reason. Did you have to send any of this back? I threw, no, they were cool enough, they're like, just throw it away. So, like, okay.

Oh, that's great. Exactly. So, but like, the Latin, every time you call, it's a very, like, sweet Midwestern woman, like, oh, my goodness, sir, that's terrible. How, oh, gosh, did that happen? Oh, that's ridiculous. And the last one I got was this guy, and I'm fucking at the end of it here. I'm like, I want all my money refunded. This fucking thing is ridiculous. And I don't blow up on customer service. And I'm not doing that at the time. I'm just explaining, but I'm pretty heated. And I'm like, listen, I want my money back. He's like, oh, gosh, sure, that's ridiculous. You know, I, this sounds like something out of a movie. I got to get. I got to give you your money back. What kind of movies does this guy watch? Boring instructional videos? The other thing was he was like, oh, sir, you're going to have to give me a minute.

Oh, geez, I cut my finger the other day and I had to get stitches. So I'm a little slow in typing this down. And I'm like, dude, I have no type for this. We all watch Fargo. This guy watches Far Don't. Am I right, folks? That's like something out of a movie.

You mean Far. even work? Yeah, far stop. Far don't. It's if the show is called Far do. Hold on a second. Don't has an O in it. I almost said zero, but I realize that's not a letter. You've got a big fucking zero in it. So they fucking kill all these vampires and

we are cutting heads off. The violence in this movie makes it sort of worth watching. It's pretty extreme. I do. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I do want to point out that we do have special effects here being put on by Kurtzman and Nicotero. So you know that these dudes know what they're doing. And the practical effects in this movie are fucking awesome. It looks great. It really does.

By the way, James Woods in this movie throughout is dressed like how you would dress Arnold Schwarzenegger in your movie. Yes. It's like a black t-shirt, leather jacket, and stonewash jeans. It's a cobra look, actually. it doesn't work on James Woods does not at all that's not how James Woods tells it he doesn't really work in this movie

doing what he's doing I don't know something about it just he's not meant to for this type of leading man role I don't I don't see him in like paranormal action movies normally hold on did Chris Cabin just say it works I think he works in this I think because of the way it's written like a scumbag

you have to have a scumbag like this But it's like, I really do think it lines up. It's like a sympathetic scumbag and it's like, so I don't find this guy's sympathetic at all. I don't think he does anything to make him other than he is the lead. If you just assume the lead. He's fighting evil gentlemen. You're supposed to be on his side. But the villains were betrayed by his like he was like, spoiler like he is eventually.

They were betrayed by the same people. By the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church. So yeah, they have this whole thing I love Mark Boone Jr. He's like, nine goons, man. Like he's so excited. And he's like, something's wrong.

Where's the master? All these goons, no master. And we do find out where the master is, hiding in the dirt. I mean, this is another thing that I like is like so much of this movie feels like kind of a weird cross between vampires and zombies.

Like, it's mostly vampires. Don't get me wrong. but I love all of the shots of whenever vampires are rising out of the dirt like that you know like it takes a very unromantic approach to vampire shit versus just a couple weeks back my lord we're talking about queen of the damned

yes it does but it also almost doesn't the way the master it's like the master has to wear an old European suit or a cape or something instead of like when they were going through the bodies of the quote unquote goons I was like how do you fucking know which one's the master like why can't a regular what kind of guy in a t-shirt be a master that's what i've been saying my whole life like fucking james woods has this truck this fucking swat team truck well there's

wait there's no truck there's like a big van a van and then daniel baldwin's driving a jeep right like a wrangler the fan i think it's like an armored car like an like a bank car oh yeah and has the iron cross on it and i'm going to be nice and think that he's just a fan of prussia I believe it's supposed to be more like a Knights Templar kind of thing I don't it's it wasn't I have an eye for an Iron Cross that was not quite it that was more of a cross of Malta babe I see sick brag dude much like the man portraying yeah much like the man portraying him I don't want to know too much about Jack Crow's

politics yeah yeah absolutely so we we cut to the Sun god motel you guys and let me tell you something. Nothing like a week long dirt bag motel party. This is insane. I love it. The sheriff is there. When are these guys leaving? Is this now, am I understanding this scene correctly? Because the sheriff is there tolerating everything. He's kind of talking with this motel owner. Because the guy's like, when are they going to be gone? And James Woods is like, you know, we're rolling out tomorrow or something like that. Is this a thing where it's like this town

was like, fuck, we got a really bad vampire problem? We got to call the vamp busters. That's how I read it. So the town is they've hired them to come in and do this. So that's why they're putting up with this at the motel. It seems like they're getting paid double. Like we're getting paid from the town and the Vatican. Yes.

That's definitely for sure. But he is definitely, he knew this was a nest because he's been plotting some system at this vampire cult has been following to find a cross. Dude, hearing James Wood's say logarithmic algorithm. Fuck, that's a stretch. And it's just like, it's just hookers and beer. It's a hookers and beer party. You bring one or the other.

Absolutely. And I'm shocked, shocked at the non-existence of cocaine. Yeah. You don't see it, though. It's there. It's probably there. This party is so rowdy. It's so ridiculous.

It feels like something like Frank Booth and Blue Velvet would embark upon. Oh, of course it is, dude, because they are. seconds away from a gang bang before the fucking master shows up and kills him all. Even the priest is drunk out of his mind. This dude's fucking great. This guy's Benin' stuff. This guy playing the original Padre? Yeah, he's pretty good.

I do you think that the couch was rooting for the vampires in this one. I was just like, oh, thank God the vampires showed up. Yeah, cover me in blood. It's fine. As long as these prostitutes aren't here tomorrow. I don't want Daniel Baldwin's taint on me.

No more. Mark Boone's Your farts, please. Please. I can't take it. He farts and looks at the couch. What? You don't like falafel? Some days I wipe off the farts. Some days I wipe off the cumb.

And the blood. Oh, dude, couchy driver? I don't know. That's... Couchie driver. I love it. We got, of course, Cheryl Lee, Laura Palmer herself is in this movie. It's hilarious because I was so excited to see her in a non-twin, A, like, literally not be dead.

I was like, oh, cool, she's alive. And she's like, not alive for more than five seconds in this film. And she's also pretty much comatose and weird throughout the entire thing anyway. Yeah, John, this is Cheryl's agent. Yeah, she has to be dead. She will not play a living person. It's just that she's technically dead in the winter's bone. You don't know that, but, you know, it's in the script.

she is Katrina she's one of the prostitutes servicing the party she's of course you know going straight for James Woods I mean that's that's where you have to go in that scenario you got Mark Jr. and Daniel Baldwin I go for Shang Sun actually

if I could shang soon or like the Padre see if he's a game all right hot take hot take I'd rather get fucked by Daniel Baldwin than James Woods absolutely yeah sure no I agree James Woods is fucking yellow ass teeth in this movie too Daniel Baldwin would be grateful.

You'd be thankful. You look at that pudge. You look at that thing? Yeah, I mean, that pudge is kind of comforting. I could be that small spoon. You know, if we're really opening it up to the floor, then Mark Boone Jr. over the two of them, I think. Is that right?

The thing is like, I would like to hear Mark Boone Jr.'s adventures in life. But I don't know if being slammed by him, I don't know, maybe. Maybe if he's from behind. You don't want him on top of you. Daniel Baldwin on top, maybe. I want the breakfast the next day with Mark Boone Jr., I guess, is what I'm going for. Okay. I think the thing is, the fantasy should be we could just hang out with Mark Boone Jr.

Oh, okay. And nobody has to fuck anybody. Can I fuck them? Yes, you can fuck all of them. Thank you. So, yeah, the master comes in. He starts laying waste to people. Mark Boone Jr. is the first to go in spectacular fashion.

It's the best death of the movie, I think. It is great. There's a knock at the door, and everybody's like, oh, we're out of beer. And he's like, no, I've got beer. And he gets up and opens the door. This dude cuts him fucking scrote to throat, man. I couldn't believe it. His body just falls apart. It is exquisite. It's a nice Johnny mnemonic. Yeah.

Yeah. Sweet. This dude's laying waste to everybody. Another great kill, though, I have to say, because I've never seen this happen in a vampire movie. The master himself takes a shotgun and shoots the Padre in the throat. Oh, dude, that's really something. I guess it's to make him commit suicide. You know what he's sending him to hell, dude. Absolutely. Yeah. Now, Thomas Ian Griffith in this movie is mostly without dialogue. But I feel like this must be like what he considers like his, the biggest part of his career you think so over karate kid you know karate kid three three excuse bad boy mike barns was kind of jockeying for the top slot in the in the baddie category in that i just feel like this movie's like he's like okay you did karate kid part three now you're really fucking breaking dude you're working with john carpenter you're playing the master vampire named yon valick or whatever right apparently is the original vampire and dracula doesn't didn't exist but we all know dracula exist. But you know, here's the thing. I do appreciate

this movie not bothering with the D word. I agree with that, but then why set him at the same point in history? Like, 1300s, medieval Europe. It's kind of the same character. He's dressed like vampire, Dracula anyway. But they're also rewriting

Dracula, like Vampire Rose all over the place. Like, he clearly wants to make it his own thing. But it should have been like, oh yeah, vampires, they started in the 1970s. It's a guy in a t-shirt. Serpico was the first vampire. There was a dude who did some bad ludes in a discotheque bathroom and fucking bit this lady's neck.

And it was all downhill from there. If you don't suck your blood, how do we know we can trust you? Exactly. It's all corrupt cops is how vampry is in the spread. Yeah, so, you know, James Woods and I guess Daniel Baldwin try to get in here and save the day. It doesn't really work out so well. Shirley at this point also gets only bitten by Thomas Ian Griffith. He gets her on the thigh there.

It's a very sexual scene. Oh, big time, dude. And after, you know, a couple weeks ago with Stuart Townsend and possibly one of those unsexy vampires of all time, I was pretty okay with this. I was like, it's a vampire. We're doing like an oral sex nod here, you know. Yeah, she knew that fucking James Woods was. wasn't going to be doing this year. Oh, no, dude. That's not for, that's not for guys like James Woods, if you know what I mean. But Daniel Baldwin might just do it. He looks like the type to me. Absolutely. And good for him. Nice. So, yeah, so Crow, Jack Crow. So Crow, Tom Servo and Joel, along with Montoya and Katrina escape. Don't, by the way, don't forget Gypsy and Cambo. Roco.

Yeah, so they escape from this dude. He kind of like tries to latch out of the car and Daniel Baldwin shoots him in the face, which is pretty great. And then they get in a car accident like immediately. So like the next day, it's like the sun's up. They're walking down the street and it's like a lone desert highway. And it's two dirtbags and a pretty lady walking down the street.

Like this is a fucking Rob Zombie movie. It is. It looks very much. Well, because they take Shirley, James Woods wants to take her. He knows she's been bit, but he's like, she's got a sec. And he says this like really quickly as he's sort of like, she's got to have a psychic link with a vampire. We got to get it. We got to.

We got to. What? What? Yeah, so the lore here, right? And I guess this is, this is sort of, I guess, throughout most vampire lore is that in some way, if you're doing vampire lore in where there, there is like a master vampire or head vampire, the other underlings are like psychically linked or either that or like emotionally linked or something so yeah yeah i thought this was kind of a cool thing like he they can track him through

her connection with the master vampire and that plays into the whole talk about the master shit before i read that on wikipedia they mentioned in the book the differences between vampires vampire dollar sign and there's like a vampire detector in the book and i feel like this is much more in line with lord to have it be a psychic connection oh like vampire detector like a device or like it's a person? It sounded like some type of egon shit. Oh, fuck, dude. Get some Dr. Spangler on the case.

This town is gone. After this slaughter, this town has got to be Ray. Like, there's nothing left. They killed all the hookers in like a 50 mile range, I would say. So you think that's like the economy for this town? It seems like it. What else

is there other than the Sun God Motel and dirt? I mean, you know, for a town of 30 people, cabin. Maybe that's all you need to stay afloat. I suppose. Yeah. But you're right. I think, well, they do James Woods like sees the news report later or maybe it's Daniel Baldwin's watching TV and it's like, yeah,

19 people were killed and oh, by the way, they were all decapitated. The motel was burned to the ground. It would be national news. Yeah, yeah, no, everybody would be hearing about this. So yeah, they got to figure out how to get back on the road.

Jack is suspecting that they've been set up in some way because he says, you know, because the master, this dude knows, he's like, oh, hello, Mr. Jack Crow. And, you know, he's like, all right, so this motherfucker knew my name, knew where we were going to be, so on and so forth. So what they do

to get back on the road is steal a car from Frank Daribon. Everybody catch Daribon? Nice. Is this gas station guy? Yeah. That's amazing. I do like this scene of just dealing this dude's Cadillac. Yeah, pretty cool. Oh, man, season two of Walking Dead scripts are in there.

Give it back. Oh, I got fired off that show. But I'm going to take all the money. Oh, I'm going to take all the money. Created by, dude. What a credit. Absolutely. I can't believe that's still on the air, by the way. I was thinking about that the other day for some reason or another,

but it's shocking to me that that show's still on. And none of us are watching it, right? No, I gave up after a season like, whenever, the mom died I was like yeah I'm done I'm you know what everybody I came to this party with has left so I'm good all of my friends are dead

yeah I have been off it for the better part of a decade yeah whenever the Nagin season one that's when I stopped yeah oh so you saw Jeffrey Dean Morgan oh yeah I did too oh yeah you guys blew right past me so yeah so they they go back to the hotel and Daniel Baldwin

is basically assigned to get this woman to safety and go into hiding or whatever while James Woods like takes care of the scene so there's definitely a montage and again great effects here of James Woods staking hearts

cutting off Mark Boone Jr's head now here is a question though because I just I don't know if it's because I've seen this movie so many times or if it happened someplace else has Mark Boone Jr. been decapitated in other films Not that I know of. I mean, I'm sure.

I'm not going to take the money on it. If we're doing New Jersey gambling on that, I'm not going to gamble on it. Fair enough. I think that might be how Sons of Anarchy ends? Maybe. I do. I love that there's this thing because like when they split up and he goes to Daniel Baldwin, you take it back to the hotel, I got to take care of the scene, blah, blah, blah.

And like, Daniel Baldwin's like, hey man, vampire rule number seven. You never take care of all. you never you never bury a team by yourself and it's like can you tell me what these vampire rules are they'd be really helpful very much that is a thing that it's actually always annoyed me with this movie because it annoys me in any movie where there's

some character has a philosophy that's a bunch of rules or whatever the fuck and you're just like throwing those rules like rule number 283 you know and this it's fucking littered throughout this movie it means absolute nothing. Like he could just say,

hey man, we shouldn't bury this team. You know, you shouldn't bury the team by yourself. You know, they were my teammates do or whatever the fuck. But yeah, vampire rule number seven. Never been, I hate that shit in movies. Eventually we get like vampire rule number one and it's like, that's the thing

is you don't know the other ones. I think it's like one and seven. And one is like, oh, if your teammate gets bitten, you have to kill them or whatever. And right, there's a whole part of this movie where Daniel Baldwin does get bitten and just hides it so he's violating rule number one which is also a thing that happens a ton in zombie movies and that was another thing that made me feel like this was like a real weird

half and half kind of thing i will say i'd like that they don't explain stuff like him cutting the heads off and burying them that specific way because right this could have gone exposition town really quick that's very true and they do not explain much in this i kind of prefer that to them over because they were never I don't think they were ever going to hit the juicy middle I think it was either going to be way too much or way too little I kind of agree with that because you're like dropped right into the action in this movie and we kind of just it's like pick it up as you go so it's it's it does have to it even though it does slow the fuck down sooner well that's the thing is once once this like I think the first 25 minutes or whatever are fun it's

like and it does feel like dust till dawn we're like stealing cars and shit and it's like okay and then like the middle of this movie is so soggy and the end doesn't even actually bring it back up that much I agree with that I kind of don't but we'll get there we'll get there so the Alec Baldwin has to go back to check in oh which Baldwin oh shit no drink drink drink I actually I will you just failed the Baldwin test that was Baldwin rule number one all right get the fuck out of this diet Or did you just say Here's the thing If you make mistake

One of the prime Baldwin's You gotta drink a beer If you mistake us for Adam Baldwin You gotta take a shot Did you just say Stephen Baldwin Was in Firefly Where you're drinking that whole ball, buddy Also Steve, way to

Way to have Alec Baldwin say Here's the thing Oh yeah Do you think Daniel What you need to do Is watch human centipede It is a phenomenal movie Daniel

it's kind of shocking that Daniel Baldwin escaped being in any of those movies because couldn't you see him being like the guy or you know actually the other thing he'd be swallowing shit at the back of the line Daniel Baldwin dudes as like a shitty detective in a later saw sequel oh definitely kind of surprised that did not come would they have to be releasing that that well that saw movie is going to get released directly right they're not going to Looks like he made them saw themselves. Well, they already pulled that shit.

They already got the lesser Wahlberg to be in the second saw. Yeah, that's true. You can't have an entire franchise populated by shitty brothers. Is that Donnie? Yes. Donnie Walberg's a cop and a bunch of them. Steve, to your thing, though, I don't know what the situation is with the Chris Rock movie. That's what you're talking about?

I'm wondering if they're going to pull it or just VOD it. Does anybody know what the original release date was supposed to be? It's in May. Oh, that's cooked. Yeah, I think I got pushed. I think I heard something about getting pushed. I saw the trailer in front of the Invisible Man. It was the first and only time I've seen it.

And I got to say, it looked kind of interesting. I didn't even know there was a trailer. It's pretty cool. It's a pretty cool. Yeah, spiral, Eric. You should check it out. It's very not giving too much away, which I was pretty surprised about. So, I'm sorry, James Woods goes to visit with the Catholic Church.

He visits Maximilian Schell, and I have to admit some real stupidity here. In the beginning, when they're, you know, in the opening credits, John Carpard is vampires, it's James Woods, it's Daniel Baldwin, Sherryly, and that it's and Maximilian Schell. And I'm like, oh, wow, they got the guy, the guy who played Nosferatu back. That's pretty interesting. And I looked at it. I was like, oh, no, that guy died in 1936. Oh, yeah, Max, Shrek. Yeah, he was dust when this movie came. I was excited for Max Millian Schnell being in this because, of course, of his great performance in the Blue Max, I believe I'm right about that.

Maybe I'm wrong, but wasn't he also in Deep Impact previous episode? He was. He was. He definitely is. What is the blue what? The Blue Max, it's a war one drama with him and James Mason and a bunch of other people. It's really good. I certainly do like James Mason movies. Maximilian Schell by the way passed away

I totally forgot about this 2014 yeah but he's somebody's dad in deep impact am I remember leone's dad

yes they hug on the beach when it all goes down oh here's a question I did have for you guys though because he's in a movie that I have been and I know we're all over the place here

but he's in a movie that I've been circling the drain on for a really long time but never never bit the bullet that Disney black hole with like him and Anthony Perkins. I've been dying to see it. It's on Disney Plus. It's a nice rolling up movie. I'll tell you that. It's not very good

all things told, but visually it's pretty it's pretty wild. Thank you for planning my evening. I understand. We're all so busy going to restaurants and just going to concerts, going to movies outside, being outside in general. He was also a cross of iron by the way. Good movie. He won an Oscar for Nuremberg. right right right right also a good move so he is slumming it in this uh he's but

steve did you i imagine you were last night like yeah man he looks good for 300 well no i actually kept thinking like well no that's not him that's that other guy like where is this 90 year old or 200 year old man i mean there's a lot of corpses in it did he just play a corpse wow by the way i totally got these movies confused he's not in the blue max i guess i confused him with George Babbard. Oh, shit. Easy mistake. He's also been dead for years. So they're like,

hey man, your team got cut up, it sucks. Why don't you, I have an idea. And they keep saying this, even Daniel Baldwin keeps saying this too. He's like, why don't you go back to Monterey and recruit more vampire hunters? I'm like, what the fuck is going on in Monterey? I guess that's where the home base is or something?

That's where the main basis. And they say there was another team Yes, the European team. Led by Tall Tom Callahan and they got wiped out in Europe. Some mission went a ride. They got wiped out. I think it turns out to be Ballack when. Tall Tom Callahan? Fucking Brian Denny.

That's his name. His name is tough. Yeah. They say Tall Tom and then James Woods keeps on calling him Callahan. Oh, I totally miss that. I mean, yeah, the European team, it was very. wiped out. They were trying to bust up a nest in Cologne, we're told.

And yeah, so I guess, are we to believe that Vallick was responsible for that, too? I think that's what they come to say at the end. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. There's a great, my favorite exchange in this scene is they mentioned something, it's like, yeah, of course Jan Valick,

he was a former priest, we get a little bit of history of here. He was a former priest, something, something heresy. He was the first vamp. empire and James Wood says created by the Catholic Church to which this other pre this tiny other priest is like by accident and James Woods he is a scumbag but great delivery here he just goes shut the fuck up just yelling at this priest I fucking love it right that's the only thing I like Woods as is scumbag that's all about casino this

yeah that's it because he's best well video able to play it so well because that's what he is in real life. Yes, and video drum. He also a huge scumbag. Has he ever tried to not play a scumbag? I'm looking at it up right now. I mean, I'm sure there has been, but it's kind of funny because I was realizing this is definitely the James Woods movie I've seen the most. And it's also, I'm going back, like, I was like, what James Woods movies have I seen?

Have you seen the one with him and Michael J. Fox? Which is what? The hard way? No. He's learning how Michael J. Fox is learning to be a cop. And he follows corrupt fucking cop James Woods. No kidding. It's insane. It's fucking nuts.

I completely forgot he's in the Virgin suicide. Yes. Oh, he's so good. And he's the dad in that. Yeah. Oh, I, he's in. I was like, wait, he was in that. I saw that.

But it's the remake of Straw Dogs, which I did not see. You're fine. Anyway. He's in previous episode, Cat's Eyes. as well. Oh, yes. Smoker's Inc. segment. That's right. The hotbox. Anyways. So, but, yeah, there's this other priest. A little uptown. There's other priest named Father Adam Gaito, which Daniel Baldwin, or not Daniel, but I get him and James Woods and James Woods and Daniel Ball. Actually, both call him Padre the whole

time. Well, because they call the other dude Padre. It's just because they're from the Southwest or I guess these particular priests are. It's just like, like fun, I guess. They're calling him Padre. I don't know. I can't pronounce your name. Fucking your Padre. Padre or father. Which one you like? It's the thing. And Steve, I guess you didn't have this in your Catholic community. But like when you wanted to be at least me growing up, and it was never kids, kids could never do this. But like the adults, if you wanted to be like casual

with father whoever, you called him Padre. Yeah. Ironically, a lot of of the people that I grew up with in the church call him the priest Padre would also be the first person to fucking scream at somebody to speak English. Do it that what you will. See, in your community, you guys

said father and then you casualized it to Padre in Steve's community. It was father and then daddy. Well, I was an altar boy, Eric. We'll leave it at that. So this guy's like, I'm coming too. And actually, James Woods

is ordered to re-up at Monterey, which I guess, you know, the Cardinal's crooked. I guess he knows here that James Woods is going to betray his orders no matter what. I think that's the idea. Yeah, he knows what kind of a fucking pain of the ass Jack Crow is to work with.

So they get off together and like James Woods is like beating the shit out of this guy. And then like James Woods is like favorite joke in this movie. Hey, hey, when I beat you up, did you get your heart a little bit? give it a little wood, some mahogany, some ebony. This is fucking insane. It's all of that shit and definitely Well, obviously it did to you.

I mean, if we were bringing it up, man. I mean, you're right on top of me. I can feel it, fella. Whoever smelt it dealt it. Shockingly, though, the only character in the film to do this is James Wood's character. The constant homophobia.

Oh, yeah. remarks to this priest because he's saying this is the scene where they do the ubiquitous this ain't your daddy's vampire story you know he's got to do all the shit about like it's not like in the movies garlic blah blah blah and it's slur in rented formal wear that's what it is referring to like

you know these vampires that we deal with in the real world aren't like Dracula and all these European guys you've seen these Fs in rented formal wear and I'm just like dude I mean, you're James Wood, so I'm not surprised. But then it turns out to be exactly that. Not saying that it's the slur related, but it's like a dude in European garb from the medieval era.

Medieval 1300s formal wear. Yeah. No, it's true. But yeah, so this is where he says, though, he's like, the only thing that works is sunlight turns them into crispy critters, or you drive a stake through their heart. So in this world crosses me nothing, clearly, because this vampire is fucking partnered with the Catholic Church at the end of it and garlic does nothing.

John John, yeah, it's James, it's James. Look, there's a lot of nice words in here. There's one word that's not in here and I need you to play in the script. Listen, I know it's 1995, but I will hold this up. I will hold this fucker up if I don't get my word. Actually, I was reading that

the way that Carpenter and Woods worked was they do one take how it's written and then one take James Woods, to improvise, so I'm going to guess. Steve, are you being serious about that? No, no, no, no, that's very serious. Yeah, okay. No, because that could easily have been a joke, but also, like, it's not

surprising. I'm going to need one slur from the audience, please. Hey, Padre, did you get hard when I kicked your ass? Okay. So, yeah, so Katrina's getting the psychic link up and running pretty much while Daniel Baldwin

has stripped her nude and tied to a bed. That's my question. She wakes up and she's like, you know, she's not a total vampire at this point or barely a vampire at this point. She's like, oh my God, what? She's like hog tied to a bed and he's like, listen, sweetheart, I had to bring you here. You're a vampire

now and I cleaned you up and I'm like, okay. First of all, like, I would rather wake up covered in blood than be naked in front of Daniel Baldwin. I'll be honest with you. I'm also sexually into knots. Just love them. Love them all. I just really liked them

and you looked like the type. Yeah, I'm a real Nazi. He also does this thing which is something that drives me nuts in movies and I need to bring it up here which is when we're like some got you know, we're on the lamb or something and whatever and we have to get takeout

we just get a bag of hamburgers. It's like a bag full of hamburgers. A sack of hamburgers. Like this is a fucking Popeye short. And it's like, I will gladly pay you on Tuesday for Oh, your hamburgers today. For me, hamburgers, it's a very specific.

I was, and we, you know, we get lunch often, us pals. Yeah. It's a very specific order. It's like, Eric, what hamburger would you like? Chris, what hamburger would you like? And I get four fucking hamburgers, and that's the end of it. Yeah, yeah, put me down for bag. Bagged burger.

I will tell you something right now. Getting a copious amount of food in a sack like that is pretty rewarding. I can speak of it. experience because Chris Cabin, you were present for this. We had a good friend of ours in high school, worked at the local Wendy's. Oh, yeah. And we would drive up

to the fucking, the drive-through, you know, and if we heard him on the radio, we knew it was him, you said to this dude, sack full of nugs. And then we'd order other stuff, right? And then you'd pull up, pay for it, you pay for the shit we ordered, but then

also, this dude would just load up a bag filled with chicken, Dude, it was decadent. Now I'm wondering, like, if there was one time at the end of this where, you know, you and cabin are high out of your mind driving in a car and you're like, hey, man, sack full of nugs, the guy's like, you got it. And once you get the sack, a SWAT team swarms you and your friend. It was a sting the whole time. This has been a decade into work. Finally, and we're going to give you a $5 fine.

Yeah, we just brought the premier nug thieves of Upper New York. A friend of ours. We need to wait for him to say sack full of nugs. Do not move until you hear sack full of nugs. All right, that's it. Go, go, go. I will say, though, a friend of ours got another dude that we knew at that Wendy's fired because he went inside. You get discounts all the time.

They'd give you like a senior discount and employee discount at the same time. You paid like nothing. Sure. And a friend of ours was like, hey man, no discount. And the guy was very like, I don't know what you're talking about, man. And our friend was being a real asshole and pushing him, pushing him. What our friend did not know was behind this poor bastard was the district manager. Oh, no.

And this guy got fucking fired. Our days of getting double spicy chicken sandwiches were over. You didn't know nugget in chief was right behind it. Yeah, no, exactly. So anyway, all this to say, I got no problem with Daniel Baldwin's sack of hamburgers. He eats one of these hamburgers and he spits it out. And I was like, it's going to be a veggie burger line, isn't it? Oh.

I was bracing for it. I was like, here we go. It actually also, the other thing, too, is like, you know, at the time of this recording, we're like two and a half weeks into this lockdown. And, man, just a fucking McDonald's cheeseburger right now. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh. Oh, I'm good. Fair enough

One of my favorite things happens right here too So she's like Hey man Can I fucking go to the bathroom And please get dressed already I'm not gonna go anywhere You know just let me go to the bathroom And he agrees to it

And he's like all right You gotta keep the door open a little bit And I'm gonna be right outside So that happens She has like a quick vision Of like a small town church And like this old lady gets murdered in the vision And it's like vampire cam

Like this is this is you know Jan the Impailer, whatever this dude's name is, killing this lady, and then she snaps out of it. And I'm like, how long did this vision last because Daniel Baldwin has fallen asleep in a chair? Oh, wait, she's not getting... Oh, she's dressed.

I'm really tired now. Plus a second hamburger's hitting me like a fucking rock in my stomach. Burger coma. Well, they finished jerking off to looking through that people at her. Take a nap for Danny Boy. So sleepy. Let me get a stack of hamburgers Diet Coke

You don't make a two stacks of hamburgers And a bucket of fries How about that? A bucket of fries with that You got a pallets back there What's the pallet situation? So she's like out on the ledge She's going to commit suicide Good idea

Yeah she doesn't want these visions and everything So Daniel Baldwin like opens another window And grabs her and they kind of a bit of a scuffle he falls back inside and she has bitten his arm and so this is he fucking hits her this is the first bitch of the film he really hits her too it's like all right movie and this is the bitch avalanche and the rest of the movie

that's half the dialogue yeah exactly but here was something I noticed because I'm fairly certain there were no special effects here so he Daniel Baldwin's like all right his whole thing is like cauterizing the wound kind of a thing I'm pretty sure when when the character takes out his lighter and burns his arm wound and is screaming this is indeed Daniel Baldwin burning himself with a lighter

I think it is a little bit but you got to figure on that arm wound there's got to be latex and poor shit anyway sure but I feel like it was a thing where they were like hey man like you know we can do it in post or something he was like no no carpenter just give me a go and actually doing it yeah let me burn myself I'm really into this role I used to do this all the time don't worry I'm ready for it I mean I do think that this I mean like we said this is kind of Daniel Baldwin's biggest role anyway I can imagine him throwing

himself into it there's again it's carpenter James Woods the known quantity totally oh so so Woods and the Padre new Padre get to this hotel James Woods immediately hits this guy with the phone which is fucking great but this is we're basically exploring the link between this dude valik is the name yon valik and katrina we see him fucking decapitate this priest again pretty decent special effect yeah and this is when i start falling asleep to be honest well with the mystery unfolding yeah oh definitely the mystery that is unfolding is valic is trying to find this special cross that was from old europe that's now buried in the southwest in order to complete the ritual to make

make him like a day walker and an immortal vampire that is not affected by this side. Why not fucking break the cross in half? Put half in Europe and half in fucking South America. Call it a day. But it's nice. You want to show it to people.

The thing is no one was as smart as Stephen's Satan. In the Catholic Church, no. I don't think so. They had other things in mind. Yeah, yeah. So, because I paid attention. So the cross, it was used in the ceremony that turned valic from a priest who was like working with the poor he

became like a priest for the bohemians they say uh and they and they tried to like it was like a botched exorcism and they or like a reverse exorcism to that effect and they turned him in doing this and it was a frame job because just because he was helping the poor uh they turned him into a vampire and this will turn him into the vampire like the best vampire well right because he's a master who can also walk during the day so essentially he'll be unstoppable it was just another whoopsie daisy by the catholic church in a long line of whoopsie daisies oh absolutely dude look we have to deal with the problem now let's not think of what we did let's just do what we're doing now cabin is that right though that they say that they did this reverse exorcism on this guy because he was helping the poor yeah he became like he in that little uh maximilian shell thing it becomes revealed that he was like he became bohemian and he was like I believe in all of you know God's children deserve everything like

it was an equality guy and they were like well fuck that shit and they put a demon all right so Valick was cool with like same sex marriage I don't know back that who knows? Listen listen listen anything resembling communist values you get turned into a vampire ladies

that is rule number one rule number two you molest kids you sons of bitches we are going to move you to a different church and it's going to be really annoying. And we're going to keep up, plenty of notice. We're going to keep on paying you. You're going to keep on getting paid. What does Bohemian even mean? Is it like, oh, he's aligned to like the Hapsburg crown in

Czechoslovakia or is he just like a hipster? No, I think it means that that word that James Woods used earlier in the film. Yikes. Yeah. Yikes. So like now they're like they know what he's after. So they have to go find what he's where he's going and the priest. The Black Cross, we're also told is the Bersier cross. There's this other big scene where Vallick actually gets the Bersier cross. It's kind of hilarious. It's outside of like it looks like a Franciscan

kind of monastery kind of a thing. And it's all these vampires who were told our masters wake up and it's like six to eight different people, men and women, coming out of the dirt, like with their eyes closed and their mouths closed like, mah, mah. I kind of want one guy to like

with both eyes open. It's just like chugging dirt. Like, oh, fuck, I wasn't in front of my mouth open. It's fucking terrible. Oh, I did it again. I did it again. Speaking of Laurel Palmer, this kind of reminded me of David Lynch, right? Like in the new Twin Peaks with those Dirtman Lumberjack guys.

Yeah, totally, man. Get a light. Dude, I love, honestly, the scene of the vampires storming this monastery, dude. these guys are like sitting ducks to these vampires they're just you get a whole sequence of them like just being slayed by these monsters all these monks being thrown and ripped apart it's not bad it is not bad I agree with that the sequence is pretty there's one dude it's kind of great because there's one guy who's clearly just been like pushed over

but his robes like land on something that's on fire and this dude just starts cooking up this monk's just on fire it's fucking great. All the pyrotechnic work in this movie, phenomenal. It is. It's pretty fantastic. It's A grade, man. It's A grade. And the real problem with this movie is they're so cold on these footsteps for so long. Yes, it is a lot of just playing catch up. I mean, because like when the team gets to the monastery, you know, everybody's long gone.

They're so long gone that they're putting in the sound of like flies buzzing around. So these dudes are now just like rotting. that's how long they're behind these vampires there's like the whole scene like they're trying to get laura palmer to like see what valic is up to through the psychic link they see like oh he's he's he's got to get the cross because there's the map and he kills father malina so then we just go to a church and that father malina presided over and it's just like talking to a state trooper it's just kind of it feels like padding yeah this this cop character in that priest in that priest's church is hilarious because James Woods

is like, yeah, we're going around the country investigating hate crimes on Catholic people. I was like, yeah, okay. Wait, wait, do you mean that they're doing the hate crimes? Is that what you mean? You have it backwards, right? Okay, yeah, yeah, go right this way. It's kind of a funny exchange

though, because the cop is like, oh, now wait a second, all right, any new information you get, you're going to share it with us, right? James Woods is like, uh, yeah. Because they mistake him for like a fed I guess. No, he's straight up says he's working for the Catholic Church.

It is amazing. Like, oh, right this way. You work for the Catholic Church. Like, I don't know, man. How about the fucking federal government steps in? Exactly. You work for the Catholic Church. Okay, cool.

Wait outside. Fuck head. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Say, Sheriff, do you have any quote, unquote, vampires you need me to kill? You know, we got a little bit of payments just to me if you had some quote unquote vampires that are in some rate, rent stabilized. apartments we could take care of those quote unquote vampires you know Kevin you just reminded me there is a thing in that opening motel scene where Mark Boone Jr. and some other dude are

trying to impress the sex workers by saying that they're vampire hunters and it brought to mind like this is still a world where vampires are not a known thing right yes like it is still a mystery kind of thing. So I feel like why are they telling people? Because well let's be honest, the Catholic church doesn't keep its mouth shut. They've let leaks out before.

This is it fucking, they were also getting their rocks off and I feel like it's like whatever. Like we could tell we've stepped on the moon man. Yeah, sure. That's true. So this other Padre, this dude from Hell on Wheels

Oh yeah, your favorite. Yes. Of course, my absolute favorite. This guy was in late seat. What was the actor's name again? Tim Guinea? Yes. That might be a slur, but yes. We accepted it as a slur. He played in Helen Wheels. He didn't really emerge towards the later seasons, I think like three through five or so, where he kind of played like a check to Sir Thomas Durant, of course. Of course. Thomas Durant is doing the expansion out west, making the railroad. The thing is this guy is doing it from the other way. And this is when the show finally decides to address the whole Chinese labor of creating the railroads. It took them three seasons to address that?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I never said it was a good show. Well, we're not going to get a four season. So why don't we do something worth a damn? I think like the first two seasons or show was very much like, we're in Kansas, okay? We're just hanging out in Kansas.

oh gotcha gotcha gotcha um this guy a play in one of my favorite law and orders he's one of those guys who like killed uh his wife his like his girlfriend her daughter and like their employer and then like act like seduced everybody to like the the not his lawyer the jury and everybody like because he's such a nice guy uh oh really it's a really good episode if you can find it it's it's uh it's uh o g law law law and order. Oh, G. Law and Order. I love me some OG Law and Order. Oh, wow. You know, speaking to vampires, I just noticed in 2016, there was a show that started, which according to this is... How on wheels?

No, no, no, no, no. It's a show called Van Helsing. Oh, yes. It's about his daughter. Yeah, it's his daughter. I believe it's on the sci-fi network. People love it. It's one of those shows that, like, nobody watches, but if you say it in a room with more than 100, people, 20 people are like, hey, you're like, what? Oh, yeah, look at this. Vanessa Helsing,

distant relative of famous vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing. Oh, so it's like modern day, oh, I don't know, everybody. I'm looking at this picture. There's a dude with horns. People are tweeting at you right now. In real time. It's not that bad. Wait for season three. It gets really good. I'm sure

it's sexy as fuck, folks. Not from these promo photos. I'm sure it gets all your steampunk giddies out. Is it steampunk if it's steampunk I'm in? It might be. It looks kind of a little steampunk actually. So I don't even know. Like they kind of just show up at this town.

They lay siege on this town. That's where he has taken the large cross to do this ritual. Santiago is the name of the town. And they guess, I guess they, it's actually another interesting thing that I wish I could see is they realize like the whole town is gone and they're either dead or have been turned into vampires and James Woods is basically like all right so you know he has been working on this for a long time he's been working on taking out this town bit by bit so he's got this like entire town as his home base kind of all interesting shit I'd rather watch yes exactly like and they come

apparently this is a movie where right before it started they slashed the budget by like two thirds so that probably has something to do with it oh yeah that's a good call and i didn't read that that's unfortunate but the funny thing is even for a slashed budget i mean thankfully they kept so much of it in you know just the production value of the special effects well does it those don't look cheap carpenter doesn't do movies that look cheap i mean like find me one like on any budget he'll find something to make it look like something ghost of mars actually is probably the worst it's the most cg i you see him use i think i will say, though, that I think

the, what the fuck, the 2010 movie, the ward? The ward is cheap, only in the sense of, like, you can tell by, like, the quality of the digital camera that he's using to make the movie looks very cheap. You know what, Netflix? Give fucking John Carpenter a movie. If we're going to fucking

make a fucking movie. I don't know, man. I saw him in concert, which ruled, by the way. I think he's just kind of happy smoking pot with his son playing music and just, and just doesn't want to do shit. That might be. Yeah, I totally, I totally feel that too. His quote was when the new Halloween came out and they were like, oh, are you excited about this new Halloween? Blah, blah, blah. I'm excited that they paid me. Like, they consulted him, but it wasn't very much like, yeah, I get consulting because they get fucking paid. And that's cool because I'm John Carpenter.

I'm 100 years old and I'm just hanging out. Well, yeah, back to 1998. So John, I'm just about to sign this contract over for a seven. million dollars to make this vampire movie with Alec Baldwin right yeah Daniel Baldwin you said yeah oh man I love Alex yeah no yeah Daniel's great what yeah you are saying Alec right yeah we're doing the movie with Baldwin married to the mobs Alec Baldwin right yeah now now no Baltimore technically you can't get mad at me because I said a Baldwin was circling the role so they're like gearing up to take this you know down this town of goons they realize the safest place for all these vampires to be sleeping during the day is in this jail which i guess has like multiple floors below it or all the cells are or something we really don't see a lot of this jail there's a lot of elevator business and i'm like what what are we spending so much time on this elevator for this is a downpoint for me this is a lot to fucking yeah this whole we got to do this elevator action

bullshit. Great game. Totally great game. But this is, I noticed it at the beginning of the movie, but this is where I finally made the note about it. Dudes, James Woods fucking fake as fuck

crossbow that he's got. This is a bad, cheap looking thing. It looks like a toy, a straight up Nerf gun. It probably isn't just painted silver or something. It's probably just a really nicely painted Nerf gun. I wouldn't be surprised. It just looks so,

fucking cheap and it also looks like a tad too futuristic like it's cheap looking but also the design of it looks like it's something you'd see in like a men in black movie yes right it's sort of like in Predator 2 when they gave

Danny Glover like the gun with like the weird scopes on it's like yeah it's sort of future I don't know yeah no no John we made these like full beautiful wood arrows for you and you're going to just sign this and Alec Baldwin's in the movie. Yeah, so there's all this fucking horse shit

where like the priest is like, all right, I'll be the bait in the elevator and we're going to like lure them up one by one. And this does drag a bit, friends, I have to say. Because it's like the system is like, and the weird thing is like, I understand like the best way to kill a vampire in this lore

is to use sunlight. But like, you know, fucking get your hands dirty and fucking start staking people. Yeah, absolutely do. and the only person who stakes anybody in this scene is the priest when he hilariously starts going at this one vampire like a million times. There are multiple stakings throughout the film

but it's boring and ineffectual like when you take them out into the sunlight they like really burn up and explode but then you stick them to the heart and they're just like I'm still here that's the weird thing is like it doesn't automatically kill them it just appears to like bother

them a little bit yeah it's just I don't understand the decision in that, but okay, all right movie. Well, there's one or two that do die from it and then they also just burn them because I think you just burn vampire bodies. Yeah, just to be on the safe side. Yeah, because like the one guy in this elevator thing

where it doesn't work because they fuck it up because of course they did because it's a fucking elevator gag. But there's a guy in there and they shove one in his heart and he does seem to be dead. Oh, okay. But yeah. Oh, there also is a. fucking great thing though where is it the priest

yes it's during this first encounter with the elevator or whatever they're trying to like kill this vampire and everybody's kind of like surprised or whatever and this priest takes out a gun I'm pretty sure the priest shoots this vampire

in the crotch like 12 times yeah that's what you want but nobody acknowledged it guns are like you know they distract the vampire they slow the vampire down so you might go right for the crotch It just reminded me, though, that's Simpsons where they do Mr. Burns

Dracula and it's like Oh, Homer's going to stake him And then at least is like, Dad, that's his groin. I kept thinking of the line From that exact same episode where it's like, No, I'm the head vampire. You know, go to the master vampire bullshit? Totally.

Padre, when I said you could kill him by sticking his dick and shooting his dick It was a joke. I meant that as a joke. You know, we're going to know each other. Yeah, Padre, I'm talking about it. about hard dicks over here talking about hard dicks all the time is your dick heart all this shooting does lead to james woods to be like hey use the steak hit him in the heart

with the steak and that still really doesn't do much and then i think around here daniel baldman is still like pulling guys and vampires out into the sunlight and there's a moment where where james woods is is being dragged by a vampire and it's like oh my my God, it's a ticking bomb. He's going to go out there and be exploded with him. Yes. Oh, right. It's kind of badass. He like rolls off at the last second. But he's staking her as well. And it's really just like, whatever. Yeah, he's a maniac. The way I'll understand it, it's a stake in you're done. That's how I, that's how it should be. Sure. That's the way I do it. Oh, you're one of those old-fashioned garlic should hurt them types, aren't you?

No, no, no. Thank you, Chris. I think vampire should be sparkly. and I think they should have fun and vacations. And I think they should go to school and get a diploma. And when they fuck the bed breaks, there should be hipster vampires. There should be a sub

and dom vampires. There should be every kind of vampire. Sub and Dom, definitely. I like it. So, yeah, this all kind of comes to nothing because they're like, well, fuck, we didn't get all of them and now the sun's going

down. Uh oh. And according to rule number 10 you can't even kill a master at night. Okay. Why is that? I don't know. Because an old priest said it once. Yes. So they try to hightail it.

The master rises, Jan Vallek. And again, like, here's the thing. He either talks and he's talking a lot and he's got character with agency or he never talks at all. Like, this half in, half out is actually kind of bad. Yeah, you're totally right. I mean, in here, they just come out and he's like, hello, Jack.

Yeah, exactly. Also, no deal with our friend, what's that guy's name? Mike something, the karate dream? Mike Dexter. No, come on, Eric, you know the guy. The number two. Marys bad boy, Mike Barnes, thank you. Vampires bad boy, Mike Barnes.

What if he showed up in this movie? That would be pretty badass because Terry Silva could use a fucking little sidekick. You know, I'll tell you what, he'd break. break brick. That much you can tell you. Break fucking brick. All right, Padre, it's time to release the special weapon. Ref Machio's with us. Come on, Rob Machio. Go out and get him.

Just physically fighting all of these vampires. Oh, and we also have Tim Robbins saying vampires. Vampires. Yeah, that dude's definitely going to slice of vampires via freaking them out. Yeah, so somewhere around here, Katrina finally

fully turns into a vampire and bites Daniel Baldwin. Yeah, they all kind of separate. The Padre jumps behind like a store window thing and it's kind of hanging out laying low. James Woods gets knocked out by Vallick and Daniel Baldwin finally succumbs to his vampire injuries. Thank God. And so it's kind of great. I love this part of the movie. It's James Woods hog tied to the front of a truck. Not too shabby. And this is when dun dun dun maximilian shell comes out oh yeah the cardinal himself is crooked and it's because classic vampire selling point maximilian shell is getting on in years you know more sunsets behind him than ahead of him and he wants to live forever forever so of course he does a deal with the vampire

community yes and he mentioned how like his faith has waned over the years it's it's interesting and then And James Wood is called like a lone crusader. And this is like part of the ritual to have like this one super believer that they would crucify on a burning cross. I don't know why it has to be a burning cross. Well, you know, because vampires are very showy. Yeah, my attention was waning at this point. And then I was like, James Wood's getting crucified. Hold on.

But not before. Putting my phone on silent. but not before saying that our valic here is a quote, pole smoking fashion victory. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. And I'm like, I'm getting more and more okay with this crucifixion as we go. Oh, by the way. Light it up, dude.

Like, how reprehensible James Woods is in real life and as this character, there was a mention of his backstory, which I thought was pretty fascinating. that his parents were killed like his father was bitten by a vampire and his father turned and killed his mother and then he had to kill his father and then ever since then he became like a ward of the vatican and was raised to become a master slays raised by the church man i don't want to be a ward of the vatican i'll tell you that much uh absolutely not oh man oh man if they should have gotten him to be a special guest on buffy the most fucking racist slayer there ever was

oh man here comes fucking jack crow buffy you're going to hate working with jack crow it's me giles hey buffy buffy can you can you feel me can you feel me inside you can you feel me I know you're 16 but uh come on you're cool right you're good you're good also keep that fucking Kenya away from me don't don't don't go back don't go back to Robert De Niro just stay here with me Kendra apologies

She wants to get that everything right It's all right Are you in school To go to school Buffy you go to school Oh Oh Oh

I know 2 and O show for that Hey Buffy It's me Daniel Baldwin I could pick you up I could be in school I got a vampire car Yeah Yeah I'll help you study

Oh yeah You say my breath smells like a beer It always smells like that That's a condition I have Hey, Buffy, who's got a cooler car? Me with my vampire car or angel with his tinted window angel mobile? You know, a lot of ladies these days, they find burping erotic. Do you want to take a burger out of this bag?

Only take one. Only take one. All right, Buffy, you can go in the bathroom and change your clothes. I'll be out here taking a nap immediately. Oh, wait, I got a date with a high school girl. Yeah, let me get a bag of hamburgers plus one hamburger on the side. side please I want my bag and her hamburger

completely separate you're in love with a werewolf huh you ever want to be with a figurative werewolf oh fuck

so oh so yeah another great Daniel Baldwin cauterizing a wound thing he like fires off

a fucking gun and then just puts the barrel to his neck it's pretty great Oh, man, not too shabby. He's going to be the cavalry to save James Woods. James Woods is getting crucified by the vampires and Maximilian Shell.

First of all, if you're going for a crucifixion and you're a fucking vampire, let's get some nails out. What's with this fucking rope or shit? Absolutely. I mean, you fucking, I mean, if you're the first vampire, maybe you knew somebody who knew Jesus. Yeah. You saw how that shit went down. This whole thing is an issue of ego because Maximilian Shell should not be outside. He should be like really until the last.

That's minute. You shouldn't know because by fucking doing all this, Padre hears it on is like, it gets up on the roof. Yep. And fucking shoots Maximilian Shell in the back. Why wouldn't you have like bulletproof vests? I would have vampire surrounding Maximilian Shell. I mean, dude, I know he's only a cardinal, but you need the fucking Popemobile for this man. Please. It's a great point. He should only come out during the ceremony. It should be like, oh shit. I have precious jewel here, man. Him in fucking woods. Or it's done. My favorite thing is during this crucifixion is when the cardinal cuts James Wood's thigh and then puts a chalice up to it, thus getting some gene juice out of James Wood? Dude, I thought the same thing. This gene juice, oh, God.

Like, does that, I mean, I would assume for this reverse exorcism, you know, you need fucking pure blood, man. Not some fucking dungary dust in there. Actually, in this part of the United States, we call it denim drink. Look, I'm just a plasma connoisseur, okay? Yeah. Let me get some pop. Oh, you mean some blood out of James Woods's jeans? Oh, no, I guess you call it gene juice?

Yeah, gene juice. They got that. I love, there is, there was one time in this movie where James Woods did make me laugh. And it's like he, it's after the Padre has killed. Maximilian Schell and the, you know, Valic is like, oh, look, it's another priest, oh, you know, whatever.

And like, nothing is kind of happening. And then James Woods just goes, come on, Padre, my nuts are on fire here. I guess it played funnier for me than you guys. No, I like, I actually have it on my notes here. And it's like my nuts are on fire. But then I, for some, it

says my nuts are on fire here in my notes. But I had read it trying to back my chicken scratch. I was like, my nuts are a fine wine. I'm like, was that a line? They age well. So yeah, he disrupts the thing. Yeah, the Cardinal gets fucking his back

blown out, which rules. It's pretty great dude. Maximilian Schell explodes. That's the end of that character. And Tim, go ahead. Go ahead, Cabin. And Tim Guinea, it's a great scene because Thomas, you're like, well, you're a Padre, you come down here

and do this thing, or I'm going to kill him or I'm going to kill him. Either one. And then he's like, well, I mean, I don't want him to die, but it's between that and the end of the world. Like, he actually has that opinion. He's like, yeah, yeah, why the fuck would I do that? Why would I ever do that? He also does, he threatens to fucking commit suicide with that shotgun, which is pretty crazy. I mean, it's the right move there. Yeah, but it is dumb stakes at this point, pun intended. Yeah, no, it pretty much is. I mean, and then in a weird instance where I'm like, wait, so how long was this fucking ceremony taking like the sun starts rising again and I'm like wait what well no they actually say at

some point because I was the same thing as like you want to give yourself some buffer guys but no the ceremony has to climax with the rising of the sun that's how this shit works okay fair enough but like when this whole sequence starts when they're like when when valik is like hey jack you know from behind yes the sun is just right then setting well they knock him out I think They just kind of hang out, you know. Ah, sure. Put on a couple records. Yeah, some doobie brothers.

Hell yeah, dude. Be kind of great. I'm a big fan of Crosby still isn't Nash. Not that disgusting Neil Young, though. Ah, ah, ah, ah. The solo career was this. So, yeah, there is a thing. It's kind of funny, Vallick's trying to, like,

grab at this cross. You can't get it. We have a James Woods line as we start to fight this. guy where he goes, hey, Valick, after 600 years, how's that dick working? And I was like, what is your obsession? And it's such a dumb thing to give a

character. I think he's compensating for something. Possibly. He's compensating for being fucking James Woods. So yeah, and then Daniel Baldwin shows up and they're like, they start fucking fighting everybody. This is when you've, and it kind of happens really fast.

And again, I'm happy for this movie to end. But like, it happens really fast. It's Valic the James Woods at this barn and I'm like also Valick go underground you know the sun's rising yeah jump in that fucking jail or whatever

but yeah it's you're right Steve it is kind of it feels like it's done in haste and I wonder if there was some sort of cut situation because like James Woods just pushes this column over and the ceiling falls in and Valick just is cooking up

yeah that's the end of it there's not even a fake out or anything like that I'm sorry Chris I was just because it's extremely anti-climatic. Like, do you imagine this fight is going to go on for a while and it's just like, oh yeah, I just throw myself at this fucking pillar and that's it.

Yeah. And Steve, to your point, too, there isn't any like surprise scare or comeback or anything. And also you kind of expect the priest to have his own mini-adventure while this is going on. You don't even make it feel a bit bigger. But no, the priest is just kind of done. Yeah, he's just kind of hanging. I mean, his

character is so underutilized and it's like, why is he even here? I know he's like bait at some points and he adds a little plot detail of like well this is what Valic is really trying to do but right I don't know he just felt tabled he totally and Daniel Baldwin

is just kind of dying Cheryl Lee was a full vampire for a while he like knocks her out a little bit right is that I'm there yeah yeah there's some gross fucking vampire kissing going on oh yeah his saving of James Woods was kind of fun when he shoots the

the cross with the pickup trucks retractors metal wire to drag James Woods out of this ceremony to safety and then he just has this standoff with James Woods where he's just like yeah alright fuck yeah I'm a vampire right but give me two days to go on vacation yeah I mean that's it's pretty much it

you know he's like I really need a vacation you know I want to get out of here with my new vampire lady friend And James Woods is like, all right, you have two days notice, and then I'm coming to kill you. And in the meantime, I'm going to hang back here with Padre, kill some vampires, talk about some dicks, you know. Well, it's kind of weird. Like, you know, I'm a vampire hunter. That's what I do. I take care of vampires.

Yeah, you can go and kill like, I don't know, 20, 30 people for the next couple days. Yeah, totally. I think his motivation here is like, well, you know, we killed Valic, which was like the big, big, big master vampire. That probably took out a bunch of people. So, hey, start up some more. I need work, you know. Oh, that's what you say. Drum up some business.

He said Vatican gold coming. Yeah, look, Montoya, honestly, as long as they're quote unquote, vampires, I'll kill them. You know, there could be any kind of quote unquote vampires. Well, why don't you bite some dogs and rats and I can kill those and build the Vatican? And I mean, it seriously ends with this Casablanca-esque new friendship between the two of them, you know, and. they're like trading they're on the opposite side of a dialogue they had earlier in the film where it's an erection joke he's like oh yeah when you uh hey he's like hey podra i gotta ask you when you were uh fighting that when you shot that carnal did you get any wood and he's like oh yeah man i got fucking mahogany totally it's like in a polly shore movie when another character who's not polly shore starts speaking in paulie sure ease yeah he ends up naming other wood like like teak and then he says major chubby oh dude yeah major chubby get out of you're in your fucking 40s

what are you talking about erections with your buddies for fucking mary j ply just real love starts playing they fucking talk about their dicks to each other and it just i mean that's it that's the end of the movie it goes to credits the best credit of the movie though because of course it's a carpenter movie he's doing his own music you guys catch the name of this band no Oh, it's, dude, it's John Carpenter and the Texas Toad Lickers. That sounds right. Because it is a twangie, bow-wang-wang-wang guitar,

bah-bang-wow-w-w-w-w-migh. Yeah, I'm much more of a fan of his fucking synth work, dude, I have to say. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. But, like, my favorite thing of this, it's almost in every single Carpenter movie. You know, you'll have, like, a bracket of, like, these were, like, bike riders or tufts or something. Yeah, oh, yeah.

And this one, it's hookers. And there's like nine names listed. Hey man, it's just an honor to be cast in a John Cooper movie. I will say that motel party, highlight of the film. Oh, sure, dude. It doesn't get any sleazier than that. And that's my opening line about stale beer.

You can smell it coming off the screen. It's great. Would anybody recommend this movie is the real question of the evening? I would say no. Only for two reasons. One, I think the first 25-ish minutes are, okay. It feels like a bad comic book for that time. I'm like, I can get with that.

But you just want to be watching from Dust till Dawn. It's the same era. The vampires are really similar. High octane action vampire stuff. It's a much better movie. Not that movie's great. I haven't watched it a little bit, but like that's the movie I saw like a hundred times as a kid.

Yeah, it just doesn't work for me as a movie. It just, after that 25 minutes, I am out. So that's, and Daniel Baldwin and James Wood. So, yeah. Eric Siska. I would agree that from Dust Till Dawn is a better film. I also haven't seen it in a long time.

So maybe I'm full of shit. But I could see an angle of this movie being Hangover Territory. You could pass out for a while. You won't miss any of the mysticism or what the fuck's going on. Because it does have that sloggy middle. I would kind of say if you're like, oh, this is going to be your banner movie. of the night you're drinking and having a good time i would say no but if the morning after i would say put it on excellent uh chris cabin i would recommend it uh but i i put it as this um i love

looking at john carpenter movie like i see i just like it like the way he directs movies i like the feel of his movies so i it's lesser him for sure um i think it's a little better than something like village of the damned which is only interesting for its cast and it's you know it gives me what I want from a vampire movie pretty much Daniel Baldwin Daniel Baldwin I think Daniel Baldwin and Woods work in this movie for the most part I wish they had some balance with other characters but hey I get what I get I kind of agree with you a little bit there and I

feel like this is the best I've seen Daniel Baldwin be yes oh for sure yeah no no doubt about that I would recommend this movie you know this most i want to say i rewatch this maybe like a year ago uh maybe two years ago um but yeah yeah watching for the show i'm always a little more critical it's still more or less holds up for me i don't think it's a perfect movie it is annoying watching james woods and anything now um but i do think you know chris just like you said he works here i think daniel baldwin also works here um i do wish though there was just more of a team than the two them and Cheryl Lee. I want the movie that

the beginning is. You know what I mean? Yes, exactly. That's why I was saying like I want a prequel of this. You know what I mean? Where it is just like this team fucking doing shit. And again, we did the same thing on Queen of the Damned and I'm going to do it right here. Another

movie where there's a little bit of a vampire hunting team is Dracula 2000. Just a little bit. The start of this movie kind of reminded me of Twister, which I caught part of on TV recently. And it's like, that's kind of an interesting concept that vampire hunting would be modernized to the point we're using gadgets we're doing this we have a huge team we're going out and we're doing it right and it would be it would be

something i feel like i mean this this movie's still fine boiler played fine but yeah eric can i ask you have you seen excessive force because you're the thomasian griffith head in the in the room no i do not know if i have that that movie that movie title sounds familiar because every action movie ever made is also called excessive let me tell you about this godson of a movie 87 minutes I like that Thomas so far so good are rated

Thomas Ian Griffith is the lead karate kicking the shit out of everybody and let me tell you about the five people cast next to him Lance Henriksen James Earl Jones Tony Todd Bert Young

and Antonio who you might not know but you you know who you you've seen them before. I just pulled up the Wachapedia and it looks great. It's got a 20% on rotten tomatoes. It's such a lot. Just a quick Daniel Baldwin thing, by the way. Has anyone seen family of cops with Charles Bronson? No. It is sucks ass. Yeah, it's not a good one. I was just going to recommend to stay away because I know we've been we've been Bronsoning a lot during this quarantine. It's not one you want to check out. Oh my god.

I just went to Daniel Baldwin's Wikipedia page and the photos him like at the airport. It's hilarious. He looks like fucking shit. His IMDB photo itself though is him in front of a step and repeat at some sort of Sopranos premiere. Why is it him

at the airport? It's in front of the Delta Terminal. What the fuck's happening? It is right. That is the Delta Terminal. And by the way thrice divorce. Yeah. Oh, well, nobody's perfect. That is John Carpenter's vampires directed by the king of screaming himself, John Carpenter. He's got five children, Daniel Baldwin. Nobody cares this much about Daniel Baldwin, dude.

The show's over with it. Welcome to Daniel Baldwin podcast. Yeah, there you go. Right into another episode. If you want more, we hate movies, though, hang on this feed for new episodes every Tuesday, along with every Monday and Thursday during the quarantine. We are releasing Melro 210, our recap show of Beverly Hills 9-0-210.

and Melrose plays. And of course over on our Patreon, there's endless more content, patreon.com slash we hate movies. Including John Carpenter's the fucking thing. I'm so excited for it. That's right. We're going to do a We Love Movies episode on The Thing. That's at the $5 level. At the $8 level, you get so much more. Go check that out. Patreon.com slash we hate movies.

And next Tuesday, we will be back with an all-new episode. Steve Sadek, what will we be slogging through then? We're bringing a dear friend back. Also, connecting via quarantine. We're bringing people together. Jamel Bowie of the New York Times is coming back on the show. Yes. What are we talking about? And I'm going to say it's his fault because he wanted to do raw deal.

Yes, Arnold. Dude, we're going back to Arnold. Pre-recommend, check it out before we do that episode. Lo-key, one of my favorite Arnold. Yes. There you go. So until next week where we are talking raw deal with Jamel Bowie over the internet, that is. He is not going to be in studio because there is no studio.

I'm Andrew Juppin. Stephen Siddharicca. Daniel Podwin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.