We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 480 - Raw Deal (with Jamelle Bouie)

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

On this week's episode, friend of the show and New York Times columnist, Jamelle Bouie hangs out with the gang in cyberspace to chat about the criminally underrated Arnold Schwarzenegger action thriller, Raw Deal! How many times has Arnold's character casually dropped cigars onto gas puddles to catch the bad guy? How is it that Arnold can just apply for a job to work in the mafia? And who throws a perfectly good cake? PLUS: Jesse Ventura gets snubbed by Arnold during Raw Deal casting! Raw Deal stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kathryn Harrold, Sam Wanamaker, Paul Shenar, Robert Davi, Ed Lauter, Darren McGavin, and Steven Hill; directed by John Irvin. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program nobody gets a raw deal when you're watching this one it's raw deal i'm andrew jupin stephen sadek eric siska gris gabin i'm jemelle buoy and we hate movies Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always, to this. That's right, quarantined edition. And since we're quarantined and we're using the magic of the internet, we're welcoming a good friend, Jamal Bowie, back to the program. Hello, sir. How are you? Hello, I'm very good. Glad to be here. Glad to be here. to be talking about Schwarzenegger as the world falls apart. We're all getting a raw deal lately. It's true.

I always knew I was going to go out this way. Talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger as the world ends by being eaten to death by a plague and rich people. Yep, totally, dude. So in the meantime, before that inevitable conclusion reveals itself, this is Raw Deal from 1986, directed by John Irvin,

director of previous episode, by the way, the also Chicago set next of kin. Oh, nice. Also a movie where a person from Europe is pretending they've lived in America the entire time. Liam Mason, yeah. He's a British director, I was noticing.

British feller. Oh, is that why it's so nuanced and cultured. Yes, that's why. He also directed Hamburger Hill, which is like a great war movie. I was like kind of surprised that he did something. legitimate. I like my medium

rare, please. Oh, man. You like your war medium rare? A little bit of a pedigree going on here, aside from Mr. Irvin, written by Norman Wexler, who did several things, including Saturday Night Fever, and Serpico, pretty

interestingly, and then edited by Anne V. Coates, who did Lawrence of Arabia and in the line of fire and out of sight. So, like, weird pedigree for this early 80s or mid-80s Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Very weird. Like, what? Why? Why? Hard times.

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Cut in Schwarzenegger and cut in O'Toole, same thing. You'd be amazed at the star prowess that is happening on both of these levels. It's just amazing. So I'm going to do my first of many attempts to get Jamel fired from the New York Times. Jamel, you gave, you were like, let's do raw deal. So this is your pick. Yes.

But I'm just curious why this specific. specifically. So a couple reasons. The first is that this is one of those Schwarzenegger movies that I find really weird. It's like really fucking weird in that the fact that it has such an unusually high pedigree gets to its weirdness. It does not feel like it was written for Arnold Schwarzenger whatsoever. Totally. Like most of the movie feels like we'll get to this. But the even the very end, which is like this weirdly out of place like touching scene, feels like it was written for like who someone who would have at the time. I'm being a real actor, right? Like put in, I'm trying to think of someone, put in, you know, like, uh, De Niro. Yeah, Peter O'Toole. Bruce Willis, kind of a real actor.

Yeah, Bruce Willis or, uh, whomever. But like, it just, it doesn't feel like a Schwarzenegger movie and be the incongruency between the script and the style of the film and then Arnold Schwarzenegger, like I'm a truly fucking massive Arnold Schwarzenegger. who towers over everyone in the movie makes it hilarious to me and I really enjoy it. And the other thing is it's unlike most

of his of those 80s output, this one is really not, it's somewhat obscure. Like no one really talks about or watches this one. I haven't, I didn't see this until like I watched it for the first time like a year ago. Wow. It was sort of hidden and you're right. He's like at his beefiest here.

This is like Conan the Barbarian level of beefcake. Well, we're post-terminator at this point by two years. Right. Post-Terminator just before Predator. It's also a very good-looking. It's shot pretty damn well. It is. I thought most of it was like, I could watch this.

I don't even care about this. I think the opening sequence is legitimately great, like, for what it is. Well, I was a little bummed. The movie starts with, you open on an Amtrak trade. I'm like, oh, shit, murder on the Amtrak. Get me going. And it's not that. It's just like some guy gets off the Amtrak.

It's like, okay. That's what's awesome about the introduction to this. It's just a montage of dudes getting in position. I am Arnold Schwarzenegger and I am portraying Perot and I'm going to have to go through all your bags and find out who tequila is. Dude, I would rather they did that remake of Mortar on the Orient Express with Arnold instead of Johnny Depp.

That would have been great. So it was Branagh, who is Perra. Oh, Branagh plays? Who's Johnny Depp in that movie? Yeah, who's Johnny Depp in the movie? He's the gangster. Spoiler alert. He dies.

He's the person who dies and who's murder they're trying to figure. He's like the mister. Yeah, he's like the corpse that he's like the Mr. body from Clue or something. I mean, honestly, who would care though, right? Like if I were on a train

and a guy like that got murdered, I'd be like, ah, too bad. When's the next stop? We're going to continue, right? Leave a lone guy like that. Hey, Johnny Depp died. I don't know.

I don't know. I feel like. if Johnny Depp died on the train I was on, I would tweet about it. Oh, of course. Yeah. I would tag it. Corpse photos, dude. Yeah, totally. I would, yeah, I would send precisely two tweets. One of the initial like, wow. And then like a 10 minute follow-up just to let people know if I was on my way or not. This body bag is the best thing he's been in in years.

Oh, come on. This movie, in a nutshell, is Arnold is a, disgraced FBI agent who has reinvented himself as a small town sheriff who is brought back into the FBI sort of like in an unofficial way by Darren McGavin because there's this

mafia syndicate that has killed this dude's father, yada yada Arnold Revenge. I think the funniest thing about this movie though, it's a movie that tells you that Arnold Schwarzenegger is playing a guy that's supposed to be like infiltrating the mafia? Yeah. If there's one thing the mafia doesn't have

it's like bodybuilders. You can have like fat guys, you can have in shape dudes to a point. No bodybuilders allowed in the mafia which is the most hysterical incongrual. You know what's time for it. That's a lot of work. Exactly. Muscle's an expression, you know? It's not

an actual physical quality of these men. Totally. This is what gets to what's so funny about this is that there are these serious mob scenes like in offices and sort of like, hey, who are you, who are you, where you from? And then you'd have Arnold Schwarzenegger and some, like, you know, pinstripe suit with wide lapels and slick back hair and, you know, just like staring straight at the other actress and, you know, I am in the mob.

No, you're not. Come on. Come on. It's also, like, it's very specifically an Italian mob, too, and you got this big German dude walking out, Austrian specifically, but like, you have this guy walking around, not necessarily. I don't know. I mean, we got, you know, I know, yeah, he's Australian and everything. They had our back in World War II So why not, you know

All you have to make sense to me Also like when Arnold is cast In this role all you have to do is flip One tiny thing with the script And that is just have him get in With the Polish Mafia Yes Because you've got like the Italian Chicago Mafia

Versus like Polish Jewish Mafia Arnold at least could be like Yeah I do him from Europe Of somewhere His last name is Minsky in this, so that would fit. Totally. He could be like the world's largest, like, Polish Jew

mafia guy, because like that's what the other, it's like a Jewish mafia by Stephen Hill. Like, he's just like, yes, I am with you now, Stephen Hill. Let us keep it kosher and start exterminating. Yeah, I need to pay off Jack McCoy. He's

on my ass. Dude, it was weird Kevin watching Stephen Hill in this movie because I don't know that I've seen him in anything outside of Law and Order. And I just wanted uh you know jack mccoy to rush in and just be like adam i need a favor did you know that his name is actually adam shift in that show oh really no i'm almost i'm like 100% positive on this i do love so speaking to our like mob type guys these these guys that perform the initial hit the dude that's leading them is victor argo and i'm like where is victor when is he coming back

he's so cool in the in that first scene and he's just totally gone None of the mob dudes in that first scene are in the rest of the movie. And it leads me to believe that this opening scene was like the sizzle reel. Like Dino de Laurentis was like, oh, I need to see a little something before I put my money in the movie. And so they did this, which is a totally awesome scene that kind of feels like ripped from a way better movie. I mean, I liked this movie, but this opening is like something, if you told someone like, Oh, this is a deleted scene from Godfather, too. You'd probably fool some people.

I'd like that your Dino D. Lerentis is like the old Gary Oldman Dracula and Bram Stoker's Dracula. I imagine with this big fucking white hair up here. I wish he was immortal. Well, I think Dino DeLorentis and Dracula have in common that they are indeed the one true evil. Sure. So, yeah, so there's this big thing. I love the dialogue going on between some of these dudes.

It's like there's, it's like a shed or a shack, a cabin of FBI agents keeping this informant who's going to testify in protection and the mafia swarms in and shoots all these dudes. But you've got these two FBI guys sitting there like, hey, you know exactly how many ASCA nominations John Wayne received? And this other guy's like, not enough. And then they're murdered. And it's like, could you imagine that being your last conversation? Yes. The best part is they're not just murdered. He puts the card away.

Like, that was a correct answer. They were playing trivial to your seat. That's right. I don't think it was for a piece, though, Jamel. I think he moved on to the next square. But yeah, he does put the card away. That'll take it. You know what?

That's a wedge. Take a wedge. You earned it. Put that wedge in. I don't know how you don't give him the Oscar for the Conqueror. I don't know. Do you see that performance? Phenomenal.

Andrew, I'll say just on the, it looks like it was ripped from a better movie point. I've been trying to think of what movie he could have been ripped from. And what it looks like is it was ripped from an episode of Miami Vice. Yes. Oh, no doubt. Yeah, that's totally, that's like the cold open of a Miami Vice episode or the movie. It's so like process-centric. Like, they get off, they do this.

You see them put the guns together and all this stuff. And that never happens ever again. No, no. The next seat is Arnold fucking chasing. a guy on a motorcycle like it's a smoking in the bandit seed it's dude and here's the thing i need this arnold movie like we've seen arnold do small town sheriff like what was that movie with arnold uh is it arnold and johnny knoxville where last stand is what you're talking about yeah where he's like a small town sheriff there but this feels more like walking tall this

opening it's like buford pusher fucking arnold as buford pusser would be amazing dude when they did the remake with the rock they should have just had Arnold do it instead. Age be damned. Yeah, totally. I think he was governor then, right? 2004? That sounds right. Yes. Yeah. That's right. Because Gray Davis had just been recalled the previous year. See, the thing with the last stand is, I believe him more of as a sheriff as old Arnold. Young Arnold, it looks so alien. Him doing anything lower than alien or bodybuilder just doesn't make sense to me at all. Well, it is weird that he's like, yeah, I am the sheriff. Like, hearing Arnold have to say the word sheriff is in itself kind of funny.

Because it's a long scene where he chased this guy down and eventually this one, he turns him in. You don't know, he's chasing a cop, so you're really confused, a cop in a motorcycle. He's like, he's arrested for impersonating an officer. And it's like, okay. And the guy's like, you got it, sheriff? Like, hey, audience, I'm just letting you know he's the sheriff, not me. It's one of the best Arnold line readings in the movie is when he's telling this deputy, like, what the charges are. And he's like reckless driving, impersonating a police officer and lying to the sheriff, the sheriff, which is me, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

That's a line. I heard that line a ton. I think it was in some of the Arnold soundboards. So I've heard this line before I saw the movie. The punishment for lying to the sheriff. Yeah. Dude, well, the way he captures this guy is fucking rad as hell, right? Like, he basically drives into the woods and, like, just run some gasoline along the road.

The stogie? Oh, dude, my stogi. I mean, my hot tub, practicing social distancing with my stogies. And I have a stogie here, and I'm pouring gasoline all over the road, having a stogie. The thing about that capture is it so casual. This must be a thing that happens a lot. Yes. Yeah, he had to, he's like, oh, I got.

him with the old cigar trick again. I feel like the idea is they catch this guy because he's been doing a lot of bad shit on the road because this is way too much of a resource, even for the sheriff's office to, like, for the sheriff to spend this much time on a guy just depersonating an officer. Well, that's the thing.

What's the story, dude? I mean, is he like Harvey cartelling, like, bad lieutenant or something? I think so. I think he's jerking off on windshield or whatever, but we also, they mentioned or whatever. Whatever. One of the crimes that he perpetrated, Arnold says, is he got like $50

from someone to get out of a ticket. So this guy's trying to profit off of pretending to be a cop. Which is where only cops can profit from being cops. That's the problem. That's right. I just think that if Arnold is willing to set fire to a road to stop this one guy who's

just speeding, then someone who I don't know like rob the candy store must be executed on the spot. Oh, this town has a lot of public hanging. absolutely he gets it like full on Conan garb and decapitates people yeah a payday

I hope it was worth it we get a glimpse into Arnold's home life when he goes home and his wife is sitting in the kitchen icing a cake or over icing a cake

I should say while also with a big glass of something that she's been going at for a while, it seems. And Wagner, at 11 in the background. Yeah, she's going for something, man. She's going through something is what's going on. Well, she's miserable.

I sympathize. She's been isolated in a house for some unknown amount of time. Absolutely. I would make a cake and, you know, what does the cake say, like, shit on us or something? It's just a shit, which I thought, you know, there's a bakery up the street. And for my wife's birthday, we had them,

a cake, and I went and I picked it up. It was all very socially distanced and whatnot, but we didn't have anything put on it. And I was like, I wonder if this bakery would write shit on it. And I would be like, absolutely. You know, I'm not going to, like, call you out if you don't want me to, but I would love to have a cake that just says shit written out. They wouldn't say anything. They would just give it to you full price.

And then the guy would like, I love raw deal too. And he would like hand it to you. Like, oh, that movie rules. Dude, if that happened, 50% tip, guaranteed. They better be drunk while making that cake, though. Oh, you think that's bad. I handled divorce cakes, buddy. Don't worry.

This is light. But this cake scene gives us the exposition of, like, they've been living there for five years. She's miserable. They used to live in New York and this whole prior FBI thing. Yeah, to Jamel's point, I'm like, dude, doing that in the 80s without fucking any kind of Netflix or whatever, just like the three main channels,

I would be pretty lit and pretty upset baking as well. I'm kind of drunk all the time now so I can't even imagine I'm sort of rapidly going to my edible stash You gotta do it So we Arnold gets a phone call Oh well she throws the cake at him by the way

And it ends with Arnold Great, the more you know Public Service announcement Down to drink and bake I do love later he like kind of puts her to bed She kind of passes out They show this house they're living in she is a little bit fly out of the handle

because these built-in bookshelves are pretty gorgeous. Oh, it looks nice doesn't it? It does look nice. It's a Nancy Meyer shit in there. Yeah, we have this house. We bought it from a Nancy Myers movie. I mean, it looks like they have a lot of land. I don't know. I'd be pretty outside.

Well, you're supposed to, I guess, glean, like, she's a city gal and loves the go-go life of, I guess, being married to an FBI engine. But country living is the life form. me. Green Acres would have been awesome. Oh, you switch, you get an

American woman and an Austrian sounding man, now it's different. And they've moved to rural Austria. The other question is but in that, like in this large scene where she throws the cake, she's upset, he does reveal he's like,

he was, or do we find it out here or do we find out of the Darren McGavin scene wherein he like really reveals what, what it's later it's later but it doesn't matter Steve so if you want to just let that rip right now it's just basically he find a guy who

murdered mutilated and killed a little girl or raped murdered mutilated a little girl and he beat him up really bad may I do it please molested murdered and murdered I've been paying for beating

up Freddy Kruger for so many years I was kicked off the force For the Kruganing I didn't I didn't push him into the furnace I wiped my hands of it matter Like Pontchus pilot

Listen how is I supposed to know He was going to come back Periodically and haunt people in their dreams I had no idea that shit was going to happen I offered to come back to some of those sequels And eradicate the problem But they never asked me to go I always I also love

and it is something where Arnold is upset at this prosecutor played by Frank from Murphy Brown if you watch you thank you I was wondering

if anyone was going to recognize Frank dude so he was the prosecutor who wound up like letting or they're like

yeah because he's like the ADA right yes he's a prosecutor that did the absolute right thing which is get this

guy off the fucking force and out of there and he does him a favor to he says Arnold listen either you resign or I'm going to prosecute you for the assault of

Frederick Krueger. So he resigns and he's able to recoup his law enforcement bona fides by getting at this job as a small town sheriff. Are you telling me you kept his fucking sweater? That should be an evidence. Derek McGavin's character, Harry,

gives Arnold a call and he's like, hey man, we got to talk, you know, come meet me wherever he winds at me. It's at like a weird like, I guess like it's a town hall where he goes into the office where it says like divorce counseling or something or marriage counseling. Yes. And he's like, I don't know. Is this like he's just renting a room or is it like the FBI secretly names their offices different things? Like I didn't get the joke here.

It might just be like a random little at the city hall building some sort of random room for some somebody who lives in kind of a small town. those places do exist kind of just like hey ever all legal things happen in this room right yeah it's a multi-use kind of situation i love arnold pulling up to the the town hall here did you guys notice one of the absolute worst park jobs i've ever seen he pulls up like right in front of the curb and it's like he could do a totally front pull in totally fine and it's like angled like his car pulls in at one of the absolute worst angles I've ever seen. And he gets out of the car and leaves that. And I was like, Pig Parker!

He's the sheriff, dude. What do you do? Write him a ticket? Yeah, that's true. I could park whatever I want. We already know that he is the law in this town. He can set people on fire. I love the, well, the idea is like he left the force, blah, blah, blah, or the FBI, rather.

And I guess this works like being in a big business situation where in like you, I don't know if you could just become the sheriff somewhere else just because you're in the FBI. I don't know how that demotion system works necessarily. Uh, yeah, that's a great question. I mean, maybe they say five years, right? Maybe you had to build himself up a little bit. Okay. All right. On one hand, that does sound dubious. On the other hand, Stephen Seagall in a real life as a sheriff's deputy, so I don't know. That's very true. That's true. That's true. Oh, my God. The dog, the dog burner himself. Oh, wait. What is this now? Him and Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Another fucking great American. What about? They did like an ep, there was something together they were doing and like Joe Arpaio like forced a dog back inside a burning house. What? This is this wild story? You got to find it. Was this on Steven Seagall law man? It might have been.

And they might have cut this part out. Like it was while they were together. Jesus Christ. Well, you started the fire. Rosco. you better get in there and fucking fix it. I don't want to hear it. Dog's desperately drooling on the fire to try to put it out.

I've been saying Darren McGavin, it's Dabney Coleman, is it not? No, it's Darren McAvon. All right, I was writing Dabney Coleman in these notes the whole time. That's embarrassing. Yeah, Darren McGavin, fuck Cole Jack himself. What threw you is Darren McGavin in this role has a mustache. Yes.

Oh. Oh, you know, it's probably what did it. That is Damny Coleman's, like, corner. I feel like he would get, like, he called Darren McGavin late one night as you better shot. You get this one movie, but you better fucking shave it. What I didn't have, he didn't have like a 90 watt bald head

that end time light hits it just goes there. I do love the first damn, now you got me to it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The first Darren McAvon scene is after the Victor Argo massacre, and they're like, there's like 80s CSI, which is just dudes in red jumpsuits without gloves on. It's just basically like, yep, that's human blood. That's all we got.

It's 1986. Every time I see a dramatization of like murder police before 1990, I'm like, how did anyone get caught for killing anyone? Seriously, you had to be a really terrible murderer before DNA. You needed like really obvious shoes. You know what I mean? You had to like specialty make your shoes. Like, well, that's the only guy in town.

that's got those shoes. That's all we got. BTK got away with it for like ever until he'd taunted the media again. Did you see these these footprints? It says, I am Robert Wagner. Just like that? Oh, my God. Who would have those shoes?

So Arnold now has to fake his death, right? In order to start off this plot of him going undercover for the FBI now. Right. So Darren McGavin is like, look, dude, I have saved a paltry $45,000, which I did the inflation. It's like a little over $105,000 in 1986 for this whole thing that has to like fit the bull for Arnold to go undercover. He's also, here's the thing. Is Arnold getting any of this money or is it just the promise of Darren McEvin will get him reinstated into the

FBI? Because it's the main thing. Okay. Getting reinstated and then also Darren McEavenan's son is killed in the early massacre so it's sort of a personal thing for him and Arnold loves him like a dad I guess and so it's a personal for him as well what he says is when he's trying to sell him on and he's like all right Arnold look I have $45,000

if you infiltrate the mafia and so on and he goes to pitch it and I was like all right so is that a payday for Arnold but it's clearly to expense this scheme no no no no I will be paid in souls every man I kill in the field is mine in hell my favorite thing about the darren mcgavin is when he gets so he calls arnold first to set up the

meeting and it's like a doctor claw scene like you only see his mouth and he's and i'm like we just met this guy like two minutes ago what it it was and it's like a dark room and he's like yeah come to this place i'm like dude just go with it chris weren't you just saying how great great greatly shot the film is i mean it's a lovely shot it makes no fucking sense whatsoever, but it's a lovely shot. I do love when he gets that call, he sits down in his house, and Arnold sits down in his house, and there's

an American flag in the back, just like, hello everyone, it's me. This is my American flag that my father gave me, because he too was also American. I was named after my father's favorite president, George Washington. Yeah, you know, my father, he took off

his uniform, put on dead American uniform, crossed the zone. Oh, wait, no, no, I mean, I mean, born in Kentucky. The best thing about, the other thing about his home life that I just, I couldn't get over is his,

his wife says something about the cake and he's, and like, oh, we'll just eat cake from now. He's like, well, then we'll get fat. And then she's like, well, he's like, no, like, emotionally fat. Right, right, right, right. He's got this whole, like, thing where it's like, we'll get fat. And she's like, no, we won't.

He's like, well, but our souls will get fat. Dude, you don't want a fat soul, man. Let me tell you. It's hard to drag around. There is Darren McGavin lays everything out and like first Arnold is reticent but like Jamel says he's like oh it's his son and that they had a thing

there's a really harsh cut to black and then like they come back to the same scene and McGavin's like I want him dead and it's like okay that's a bad cut in this movie. It's amazing dude. It's not just a cut. It's a fucking commercial break cut because he's like oh yeah and

How was your son? And he's like, dead. And it fades to black. And it's like, next time I'm a raw deal. And he comes back. The bad guy, we should say. The top bad guy is Sam Wanamaker. Anybody know who was the, who was featured in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood?

He's the director of the, of the Lanser episode. Yes. No, no, no. Like a Zapata like mustache. Less hippie-ish. and more Hell's Angels Room, room, room. Because Sam Wademaker did indeed

direct episodes of Lancer. He did. Oh, wow, yeah. He's also a huge Shakespeare guy. Like, he is responsible pretty directly for the Globe Theater being rebuilt. Like, it's that and raw deal.

Like, these are the things that's been in done. He was in sound of music as well as the older. This is so funny, though, because my wife and I were in London in October, and we visited the, new globe and his shit is everywhere there like in the lobby and stuff like honoring him

and talking about his big push to you know restore the theater and everything I did not put it together that it was the same person at all that's incredible now you're a huge I want to make Mr. Wanamaker for rebuilding the globe you may know him from such films as raw deal where he's playing

a mafioso Lou Patrovita by the way right now I mistakenly conflated the two that an actor who was in The Sound of Music portrayed him in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, right? Oh, that's a young kid. Yes, that's correct.

So, yeah, so the whole thing, Arnold, go undercover. And it's basically just like, he doesn't want these guys brought to justice. Arnold is instructed to like, fuck up this dude's operation. Which is the way you want to go with something like this, I feel.

If you're hiring a bulldog like Arnold Schwarzenegger, he knows what he's going to get, which is just endless piles of bodies. We don't want to skip the fact that before Arnold even embarks on this, he has to fake his own death. This is great. This is insane. Without telling his wife, by the way, and that's the funny thing.

That's how you got to do it, dude, because otherwise she knows and, you know. Yeah, it's for your own protection. Also, I'm tired of you and I'm likely going to cheat on you pretty quickly. I have to imagine that some of him saying yes to this proposition is a relief from having a nightly cake thrown at it. Yeah, I think had he not got this shit cake before, no raw deal film. No, actually, we're pretty okay here. A cake every night, what is he complaining about?

Well, he doesn't get to eat any of it unless it's off the fucking floor. She keeps throwing him. I would eat floor cake. We are in the time of containment that I would eat floor cake right now. It could have been a sex game. That's why she writes shit on it. Like, you know what I mean? It's not actually doing it.

Oh, honey, this is so romantic. It's like how old Scott days. Oh, my lord. Come on. So he fakes his own death. I love this because he's like, oh, I'm checking out the robbery at the oil refinement place. And he goes in there and he's like, okay, I will park the squad car precisely so. And it's next to all these oil drums.

I will throw a stogie, walk away. They will think my body has been liquidated. Now look, Arnold. It's not, you can't just set your car on fire. What you have to do is destroy property that would just kill any other man financially. They don't exhum a body. Then again, maybe any DNA didn't exist yet, but like nothing, nothing, just a car. The same dudes in red jumpsuits showed up without gloves and were like, ah, that's a burning car.

It was his car. He's dead. Well, an explosion that big dude, you're not finding teeth or anything anyway. Hold a second. He was a big guy. Is he the car? Put the car in the body back. That's him. It's just such a casual way to like fake your own death too. Like he just, he's fucking

in and out. It's almost as if he's thought about this plot before. Like okay, I have my stogie. I'm going to drive to the petrol plant. Done and done. Bing, bang, boom. Fake my own death. Excellent. They're just looking at a windshield like, yeah, this looks like his teeth. Yep. That's

we'll have to get that to the lab. I mean, before getting even getting to the teeth though it is it is the strangest death faking like the police investigators come they're like i guess he must have just parked his car next to this leaking gallon of oil is that what happened sounds right to us not mention of any like night security guard that like may have eaten shit during all of this oh hello otis no i'm good to just park my car by leaky you know the big vat i like to call leaky they don't also it's not you don't have a scene of Arnold checking around like, anybody in this oil

refinery? One last time. Is there anybody within a mile radius? Jesus, Kaminsky. 15 people died in your little stunt. It's like when Harley Quinn fucking blows up the chemical factory

and birds of prey. Like one of the biggest explosions I've seen lately. Oh, it's beautiful. Now we don't have energy. We're all staying home. no more gas for anybody. Yeah, this is only a couple of years after the gas crisis, dude. I'd watch it with that fucking

oil. Not that far removed. Was it a dig at John Irvin to have, or was he making fun of himself by calling it Irvin Oil Industry? I think it's just one of those movie things where it's like, oh, that's cute. Yes, yeah. Which is to say, no one but the people involved in doing it,

and the person whose namesake it is, give a shit. So Arnold wants to, you know, he gets more of a dossier from Darren McGavin saying like, hey, look, it's this guy by Sam Wanamaker. He's got one mob and he's getting moved in on by Stephen Hill who has this other mob. So the best way to get into Sam Wanamaker's good graces is to take out something of Stephen Hill's basically. Right. Right. And the first of that is fucking up this like illegal gambling house. So it's like you have the Arnold transformation, which is one of the funniest things you'll ever see. It's Arnold, like, getting out of the shower. And I think there's, like, voiceover from Darren McGavin. Like, you're going to have to become another person or like, whatever. He parts his hair differently and just looks at himself in the mirror like, yeah, I can barely recognize myself.

Good job with his disguise. He takes it like a taste of tomato sauce, it's job done. Hi, how are you? I'm Clark Kent. The move should be like he has a mustache in the beginning of the movie and then he shaves it for it to become the raw deal. That's fair. Yeah, he's like, oh, maybe some remark about like, I've had this mustache since high school. I have to go into hibernation so I don't work out for a year.

So I look like a different person. And he's just like a normal guy. Yeah. Him fucking up this gambling outfit is one of the most entertaining scenes of the movie. and he starts it like just slightly like he goes in and he's like yeah I have a feeling

this craps table is crooked and he has the great light he throws these like two little like magnetic like marble looking things into the table and they stick to the table and he goes magic or magnet and fucking flips the table

sir sir no no this is a magic table this is a whole fantasy realm you've wandered into this is the beginning of the scenes where you could tell this was written for someone else because in a proper Arnold movie he would have said that line and it would have been like a nice beat for you to take it in but it happens like there's no pause it's just sort of like it's almost an afterthought that he says it you're totally right yeah he just goes into flipping the table and just like murdering people yeah he kills everyone in that in that in that bro he throws a guy

into the ceiling. The guy in the ceiling makes the Jay Sherman being hung from the ledge and the Simpsons and he's just up there like Lance over it. Someone is bad mouthed

and McGiver again, Kevin. He beats up everybody in the house and it's an amazing thing. And also like I wrote down like at least three times in my notes of anyone ever invents guns Arnold is in real trouble in this movie. Because everyone's like,

I'm gonna go try and fight that enormous fucking gollum that is fighting me like, no, dude, shoot this guy in the head, and that's the end of your problem. Holy shit, this guy's like some sort of Terminator. Say, Tony, do you want a flame throw? Nah, fist a copse.

And, you know, he demolishes everyone in there. Then they do get their guns. Like, we've got to get him. And he drives this fucking dump truck into this establishment. And it's wonderful. What I love about this, too, is like, when he's getting into this truck, and he's like,

pulling it up and like, oh, excuse me, could you move off the sidewalk? Please, I have to go across the street. And the guy's like, oh, you're a light turn on. Oh, thank you. And then he rams into it. It's so awesome. And it's like, it's weird because like there's not a ton of comedy in this movie. So like tonally the movie's kind of off.

But like I feel like the movie, again, which I do like would be better suited if it was funny or shit like that throughout. Because that lights gag is so funny. He's like, oh, thank you. And then you realize, like, what he's, because you don't know what he's doing at first. And then it's like, oh, thank you. Lights turn on. And you realize he's positioned the dump truck, like, right in front of the building.

And you're like, oh, that's a funny joke. Well, to Jamel's point, like, it definitely feels like it could be written for someone else because Arnold is so good at comedy. And it seems crazy not to lean on that as much. Yeah. No. Because this is just a hard. Did anyone watch a trailer for this at a curiosity? I watched it right before we.

No, no, no. I didn't, uh, I didn't go to. to the theater at 1984. No. First of all, I'm very, I'm afraid that I aged myself with my Murphy Brown jokes. I'm afraid to talk. No, no, but this is a YouTube clip that I use.

I'm officially, by the way, I'm officially younger than you. Um, is when, uh, yeah, it's just, it's like Schwarzenegger got a raw deal. It's, it's a very Schwarzenegger centric trailer. Like, they're using the word Schwarzenegger a lot and that's interesting.

That's, that has to be a product of just, total post Terminator Yes. Because I feel like that was the first time they could probably do Terminator and raw deal

he's a small town sheriff I almost was this shot first and then like he became a star and then we're pushing it like I don't you know I didn't look it up Steve did you get a chance

to print out your IMDB for the week? I did not I'm saddled without a printer but I did look at the IMDB oh you looked at it yes I did well this is a very like this is a De Laurentis movie, but it also feels

so much like a canon movie a little bit. It definitely has a canon vibe, which means, like, you could have put any old scumbag in this role. Charles Bronson would have been perfect for this movie. With the last name, too, Kaminsky. Oh, yeah, it's me, Kaminsky. I'm going undercover as a, what's that say? An Italian.

Oh, boy. Is it magic or magnets? Oh, see, he could say that line. It would actually work better with Charles Bronson. It kind of would. So we have, there's a really great thing where like the two, this is a funny scene that you finally see the two families meeting on some Chicago docks or something or like construction yard and doesn't really go so well. There's a hilarious assassination attempt on Petrovita by Adam Schiff or Stephen Schiff where it's like. a school bus full of assassins

which was pretty great. That's some straight up John Wick shit and I don't mean the action. I just mean the world where everyone's an assassin. Yes, totally. That you could fit a school bus full of them into the scene. Oh, you know what? Because this is what? This is 1986.

What are years? Yeah, 86. Yeah. So that's when all the John Wick assassins were like in elementary school and they would later get older and then become actual everyday hitmen on the streets of Manhattan. And the John Wickaverse. Hey, hey, hey, oh, you back there, back in the back.

Stop stabbing each other. Stop stabbing each other. Stop at that. Don't make me come back there. I will stop this bus and I will break up you assassins. It's kind of like, well, maybe the bus driver then would be Angelica Houston because it's a little like Russian dance school of assassins or whatever the fuck's going on in that third movie.

I completely forgot about that. All that stuff from that movie has just like left my head. I just remember, I remember Holly Berry fucking up shit. and that's like in the final fight that's all I remember from that movie I remember NBA star what's his face to the enormous Boban Bogdanovich the enormous

nine foot tall dude that fight is tremendous in that movie that movie kind of is like eh I don't know but there's a lot of fun stuff at that movie so Arnold's antics continue he gets in this dude's limousine as this woman is coming out of like

the jewelry store or something or like shopping I will say that this movie has more locations than any movie I've ever seen in my life like they don't even use the same location twice it's really weird like yeah single time it's something different like patrovita's got like multiple fucking hideouts that he's using the one that gets reused a few times is patrovita's like underground bar like you see that that's where like the main uh end conflict occurs and also when he gets in the good graces of this mob yeah yeah yeah but like it's actually pretty awesome i mean kind of funny enough the same way with next of kin there's a lot of on location chicago shooting

which is pretty great and then all the times that it's either supposed to be like arnold's like small town sheriff's situation or the end of the movie where they're in that like uh what of that rock quarry yeah uh hideout though that's all i think north carolina um so lots of on chicago location which is pretty sweet um but this is one of those things They're like, you know, driving through the streets in this limo and he's got like the gun on the driver and everything. Oh, he steals a Stephen Hill's lady and then like takes all of her jewelry or whatever and leaves them in the in the dirt kind of a thing. Right, right, right. Speaking of freaking birds of prey, it looks like an abandoned circus is where he fucking abandons them.

Yeah, what is I was like, what is this like outskirts of Chicago where you can still like see the city skyline? But they're just, and again, it looked like it was a dock. so I don't know if it's like something like near the river. I couldn't tell what this location was. Yeah, that is when I first fell in love with Mr. Jay. Ah, yeah, I have some bad news to report. Me and Pudin broke up. Man, I just rewatch that movie the other night

because Chelsea hadn't seen it. It fucking kicks ass. It was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, fantastic. Yes. Totally. I kind of wanted more of her because I'm a hundredist fan.

but I thought, yeah, I thought she was fantastic. And Rosie Perez, the fucking rebirth of Rosie Perez. I know, dude, isn't it something? I watch White Men Can't jump. That movie fucking holds up. Oh, really? Yeah, and she's just great in it. Great hats and all in that movie?

Yes. She, her wearing the t-shirt throughout the running joke of her wearing the dick t-shirt in that movie is so fucking great. Yeah, so he goes to Petrovita's

like casino hideout whatever you want to call it to basically apply for a job which is like the funniest way I've seen anyone try to get into the mafia number one way to tell someone's an undercover cop

if they just show up to you be like I would like to do some crime with you hi that's just not how that you get recruited yeah it's so weird he's like uh yeah I'm from Miami

just checking to see if anyone here in the mafia is hiring right now I mean, you have to put yourself out there, you know? You can't just send resumes all day. You have to go into the store. This seems like a really professional mob. So maybe they do just take applications like that. Listen, we see you did not finish your bachelor's degree.

So we just see a little information of what happened. It seems to be the gap in your assassination career. Listen, we don't have anything for you now, but we're definitely going to be looking in six months. Oh, yeah. And if you're curious, this accent is their Florida accent. Yeah, accent. Yes, because, yeah, of course, I had some bath salts in my mouth. I come from St. Petersburg.

Here's a headshot in my last five crimes. Just put it on the file. Yeah, okay. Well, the manager isn't here right now, so just fill out this application and we'll make sure he gets it. If you turn the headshot around, you'll see me in a tennis outfit that shows that I have range. So before you leave, would you like,

to take some good and plenty with you, a handful of good and plenty for you? This fucking candy bowl. Oh, it's Micah Nikes, I believe. No, no, it's, you see it later when it spills. It's good and plenty, which psychopaths to begin with. Yeah, totally, dude. I don't think I've ever eaten or seen good and plenty.

I don't know. That's the thing is, I thought those are Micahenikes. I've never seen a good and plenty. Oh, my God. It is like, whenever I would get one in like a Halloween bag, you wanted to burn that person's house down. because it's Mike, it's Mike and Ike shaped candy that just tastes like licorice and it is, it's rotten. Candy coated candy. Candy coated licorish. Yum, yum, yum. Everybody wants it. I would rather wipe my ass with these things. I see why there's plenty of it.

Oh, man. Is that that that's not bad. That's kind of bad. They, um, we entered, we were introduced to internet toilet, uh, uh, Robert Davy in this scene. Absolutely. Oh, my God. I mentioned. to go check out to see his latest ramblings and I totally forgot. I don't want to know what he's up to in the COVID age. Is he like a Q guy? He's like a crazy Trump guy

who does like videos of him like front facing the camera pointing his finger and it's like, you Democrats don't know. Yeah, he like threatens Nancy Pelosi on a regular basis like just get me in a room with Nancy Pelosi. Because his acting career totally shit out. And then he was like, well, I'm going to be like a lounge singer Krooner kind of like doing Frank Sinatra

covers but turns out that audience for that's all dead so then he's like I guess I'm just going to be a right wing lunatic on the internet by the way Jackie Mason tried to rebrand as that too but no one fucking noticed wow really Jackie Mason yeah Bobby has his his fingers on the pulse more because he has dashboard cam videos and every Trump lunatic does dashboard cam video well sometimes you got a

You got to rant in your fucking car, man. Like, those brilliant thoughts are not going to wait until you get home. Yeah, it's Robert Davy, the star of Maniac Cop 3, The Badger Silence here at a Wendy's parking lot to tell you. Yeah, he is like the number two's number two, which is kind of where it gets confusing. I mean, the whole middle of this movie is so arcane and confusing. It is, there's a lot going on, ins and outs.

Yeah, so, like, Arnold has this interview. The guy doing the interview who talks out of the side of his mouth at the entire movie, really obnoxious. You know, it's kind of like impressed with him. Robert Davy's sort of not having it. And Robert Davy, like Arnold leaves the interview and it's kind of like a, well, we'll give you a call.

And he leaves. And Robert Davy sends like three, like, you know, mafia hitmen after him. And it's like Arnold beats the shit out of these guys pretty quickly in an alley. and this is where Ed Lauder is introduced in the movie, Rest in Peace. And he's like a cop. You kind of don't entirely know his deal right off the jump.

He's the same character in Death Wish 3 as well. Oh, that's right. It's one fucking extra ingredient in the minestrone too much. Yes, I agree. He's in it for three scenes and I'm like, what are you fucking doing here? What like, oh, he's a cop. Okay, I don't see him investigate. He just pops up at the.

that seems to be like, this is some guy, huh? And I don't know if, like, they're just trying to keep it a mystery or something as to what his deal is until later in the movie. I think it's just, like, kind of unclear is more the, more of the thing. What is, uh, what is Arnold's name that he uses, like the fake name? Joey. Yeah, that's right, because they're like, uh, uh, I believe it's Ed Lauder is like, uh, what's the Pee's stand for?

It stands for pussy. Pussy, that is a hilarious thing that, men would say to one another, okay. Yeah, I'll be on my way now. You know, I was kind of like the boy named Sue. My dad wanted to toughen me up, so he named me pussy. Like literally, I never thought anyone would ask me that question. And the first word that came out was boozy, sorry.

Yes, I was named after my maternal grandfather, pussy, goharment. So there's a, so. a thing that complicates things for Mr. Petrovita even more is we have a scene here where there's like this babelicious jogger and she like runs up to this dude in a car and is like, you know,

like, oh, you know, like when was the last time you had a good piss and like sort of to get like into this house kind of a thing. And it turns out like she's undercover. It's a whole bust. They're busting Patraveda's like drug up.

It's interesting because it's like a suburban brothel, they're busting. Which, dude, we had suburban brothels growing up upstate, definitely. Those existed where it was like... How many did you visit? I visited none. I don't understand what that... Don't you need to take a piss line?

I wrote it in my notes and then this morning I looked at it and was like, what was I on last night? I totally forgot what that was. I think it's a thing where... And I have the movie on right now on mute, so I'm kind of watching it. But I think it's a thing where they use it to like see where the guy's going to get. I think it's like the guy's taking her and he goes into the house

and they like bust them once they know like which house it is or something? She's a cop and she's like don't you need to take a piss as in aren't you going to let the door open for the cops? Oh, she pulls the gun on him. Yeah, I forgot about this gun. This is totally a middle of the nowhere

like drug house though. It's pretty great. There's a great line. The guy goes, one of the cops goes, call the president. Looks like we just fix the deficit. It's like a nice try

That is a very mid-80s joke Yes it definitely is I'm actually surprised this movie contains None of the classic 80s comedy that you would see in a cop movie like this too Where at some point he's got to eat sushi And it's just a whole like Ew Japanese food

Yeah We also have I mean it's kind of This movie is so episodic it doesn't matter we go to a gay club and nobody drops an F-bomb, I was shocked. Like, I, the second they go inside club kink or whatever it's called, and you realize pretty quickly it's a gay club, I'm like, here it fucking comes. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just getting ready for it.

I could not believe that we came out of that slur-free. It was shocking. And it's actually pretty almost progressive because it's just like, it's just treated like another house of vice. You know what I mean in that regard? You get one look of disdain from Arnold on the way out. but that's it but that also might be disdain

for Davy because like him and Robert Davy have to go to this place to bust it up on behalf of the mob they're working for and Davy's going to like stab this dude and Arnold just like no stand back and he grabs this dude and like takes his whole body

and runs him down this entire counter full of makeup and stuff that these people that go and drag are you know to perform in and he gets covered with everything and covered in like red makeup everywhere and he's like, look at this, look in the mirror. That's what you look like dead.

Dude, what a great fucking lie. He's covered in like nail polish or something. This is what you're going to look like dead. That's what I just saved you from. My partner, he was going to murder you. I mean, Robert Dobby's piss. He's like, I was like, I was like, I was like getting ready to kill that guy.

Yeah, totally. He's red. He was like, he was like, that soul was mine, Arnold. Look, look, if I don't take souls, my pot marks just. get deeper and deeper. Oh, man. I need to eat souls.

And then eventually they become a portal to hell. So I do love that one of the most off-putting parts of this movie is when Arnold is back at Patra Vita's gambling outfit. And he meets Monique, who he's kind of flirted with in the first meeting. He gives her like $1,000 in chips. So they like kind of meet outside. He's Arnold has a smooth as fuck thing Where he like passes this cab driver some money And he's like, we won't be needing you anyway

And the guy's like, you got it, have fun, fucking And they go back to her place And he's like, he's like, oh, you know, I don't understand why people take sleeping pills All these chemicals, they just make your brain hurt Just three bottles of champagne does it for me Three bottles of champagne, I would not be able to go undercover for months well dude it's like getting a fucking horse drunk with this guy

but yeah that is Andre the giant levels of like drinking you know what I mean yeah absolutely I need more wine I can't fall asleep but so like they're having like a flirtatious night kind of a thing and he passes out but before he's got like drunk giggles and Arnold having to play like he's like drunk laughing is truly unsettling. Like Arnold's just like

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I am so intoxicated. Isn't it crazy being human? It is, it is, I mean, this is before he found his like comedic, pre-twin, pre-any of that stuff, wherever, like, whatever fucking stand-up comedy class he took in like the late 80s hadn't happened yet. And like he was just stone-foot-face.

murder guy. That's the joke. Exactly. In this scene, right, he falls asleep and Monique is absolutely pissed. She was like ready to get it wet. And totally. Yeah. She's like, I think the line is like, oh, great. Well, because he, I think she takes his shirt off. She's like, holy fuck, this is going to happen. And then like, he passes out and she's like, come on. But she had two missions. I never had sex with a horse before. One of our objectives was to have sex with a horse. And the second was to go through his information and relay it on the phone to the mob and just to do a background check on them. She, like, reads his passport numbers, his license ID number and that whole thing.

She's working for Patra Vita. Yeah. And we also see her ID and it says her name is Monique Hans. Yeah. Oh, the famous. Ms. Hands, yes. That was a great reveal at the the rise of hands.

Mr. Hand's mother. Yes, another classic zoo joke from Chris Cabin. For anyone who's normal that might be listening and obviously Jamel as well, Zoo was a documentary from the year 2007 about a guy who has sexual

sexual intercourse with a horse. And Chris Cabman was like, this is the best movie of 2007. it's the best movie period I'm pretty sure no country for old men get the fuck out of here Zoom

Michael Clayton go fuck yourself I want Zoom so like yeah but he he does also some hilarious fake snoring in this scene because he's pretending

he's passed out and he's like Habazazza blah blah blah and he kind of like I guess that that horse is asleep and she like goes on the phone and he kind of

he knows that she's in on it or whatever they go dress shopping which is fantastic at this mall. I love this fucking scene dude. This is like another where could we place a fight scene that would be equal parts action packed and hilarious at the same time and it's like yeah he's like dress shopping with her and also it's like Arnold the whole thing with Arnold's character and like you know when Monique later like tries to make a move on him again and he's like admitting that he's married and everything like you're going dress shopping with this woman like

what the fuck did you think she was thinking this was? It's a pretty big signal. It's not a friendly thing to, like, buy someone a dress. Or even just go dress shopping. I think I've gone dress shopping with, like, three women in my life, and one of them is my wife. And the other two were previous girlfriends. Right. Yeah, exactly.

So it's like, what is she supposed to think, really? This is what a human friends do, right? They buy each other dresses and suits. It's also at this scummy mall, and he starts, like, and I don't even, know who these goons show up who i love this they're goons represent at this point because there's so many ins and outs of this they're like walk well i mean the thing is like because there's there's sam wantemakers mafia and there's this other guy's mafia and they're like at odds so yeah you kind of don't know who or what i want to say they're the same uh robert davy goons because arnold is like all these

guys again yeah i think that the guys yeah trying to test him slash wouldn't mind him being wiped out anyway. But what I love about this scene is these goons walk in with like bags of McDonald's and shit and they're like eating and they just sort of throat in the fountain into the fucking store's fountain. That to me is the wildest thing of this movie. If I'm walking

around enjoying a burger and then I see someone I hate, I'm like you know what? I'm just going to keep eating this burger. Yeah, totally. That guy's going to be there, man. Finish that quarter pounder. I do love, I mean, this mall is so shitty and he tears it

part, it just kind of reminds me of what, or makes me imagine what Arnold Schwarzenegger would be like in the movie Chopping Mall or something, like him versus those robots? Well, that's like, I mean, the dream you get at the beginning of Commando. Yes. You know, when he's got them in the same mall,

I believe. You know, but I, again, to your point though, you slap Arnold in that movie. He's like fist fighting those killer robots dude. Excellent film. No, no. He decides to join them let us eradicate these teenagers

you want to kill kids yeah there's a really bad moment at the end of this fight scene when they're like running out of the store there's really bad ADR I believe from Arnold like yeah it's definitely Arnold they're running out of the store

and like the saleswoman is right there and you just hear like total ADR Arnold just go out of my way bitch I guess we need one oh you're like okay there's a The fucking fight scene was over.

Arnold, we're going to need to call you back. Yeah, no, we need to add this line. No, there's just that. Well, no, there's a ton of bad ADR in this movie. Like, this movie must have been cut to ribbons and, like, restructured and stuff. There's a lot of Sam Watermaker lines that are just totally, like, he's saying one thing and you're seeing something totally different. Right, right, right. So basically, you know, the whole thing now is, like, Patra Vida and his goons and everything.

he wants the money and the drugs back he's like fuck this I paid for that stuff paid for those drugs like I want it back the problem being it is being housed in a police headquarters and it's like well how are we going to get it out of there

and there's a great line where the number two is like reading the newspaper and he's like boom there you go New York City literally what we want to do just happened there yesterday somebody robbed a police station. But then there's the stress of like, hey, that was an inside job. We don't have anyone on the inside.

And then they go, they go through the logistics. And I like, like, what is Arnold in the corner and he's like, a bomb. A bomb. And they're like, if they believe it, you can't just call in a bomb, right? Which is fair. If you call it a bomb through the cops, they're like, yeah, sure, whatever. Get back in the line. Yeah, exactly.

All right. Okay. So that's a very good point. All right. If I want to continue my undercover operation, I guess I will have to blow up one police station first and then blow up a second, and then threatened to blow up another police station.

Then I could become head of the FBI, question like. Look there in McGavin. I just had to kill 20 police officers and we're all set. Because, yeah, they do, he's like, I have an idea. We'll blow up a, we'll put a bomb in a police station. You see these other guys, these bomb dudes, who kind of rule. Yes, I love the

bending machine refiller guys. Oh, yeah. And they just put a bomb like one soda can's a bomb and like they find out a little later that it was a small bomb

but again like you're definitely going to kill one cop with this bomb. I'm sorry. Totally. This is not a great idea. He just wants a mug root beer.

I imagine they go through that soda so much that like some guy actually gets the bomb and he's just like just drink it. Well, that's what you need to do. If you're doing a soda machine bomb

you want to see the guy who's like, tipping it over. Like, God damn, I want my soda. That's how it actually went off, dude. Some guy was shaking the machine. It ate my dollar. But it's also on the desk guy's part right here for fucking up because like these guys walk in. They're like, oh yeah, we're here to service the vending machine. And the cop is like, oh, well, what happened to the regular guy? And a tip for anyone out there, when you ask a question like that and the response is like, yeah, that's what the boss wants to know too.

that dude is crooked your regular guy has been like murdered or like it's a different day or something like that and the cop is just like well whatever you go ahead and fill this vending machine

total stranger I just imagine he has to be the guy who gets the soda bomb and is like oh god well I'm really thirsty the device isn't really on where you pop the top

maybe if I just do it just so I want to do the do but not like this. Yeah, all of a sudden, it's the beginning of the X-Files movie. And then this is when we find out Frank from Murphy Brown shows up. Whatever this other guy's name is, Matt, Michael.

Marvin Baxter. Marvin Baxter is the DA and he shows up. He's like, this is going crazy. And they're like, yeah, we think it's a Petrovita gang war, blah, blah, blah, blah. And there's this new element. And you kind of find out this guy is crooked here is the idea. Do you find out that he's crooked here that Frank's crooked?

Oh, no, you don't. I'm sorry. No, this is when Darren McGavin shows up and pretty much tells him immediately, like, by the way, I'm doing an undercover operation that is totally off balance and not on the books, and it's just going to go totally fucking wild. Yeah, because he, yeah, because this is when he's like, because Frank is like, you know, oh, what are you doing here, the FBI, you know, is this in your jurisdiction? And he basically, they get in this whole fight about like, you know, oh, justice, is that what you're looking for? is it revenge you know so like he's sort of in on it there's also

this weird subplot right around here it really kicks into high gear or high-ish gear with Robert Davy and Monique's like sexual history and she's got a great line where she goes the only way we'll be lying next to each other Max is if we're

run over by the same car excellent line well he even says you know that horse we saw the other week, I'm going to buy it. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Oh, right. You know, I heard you wanted to have sex with horses, so.

Oh. And I got one from the Preakness. I love this. I fucking, the scene where he tells her that he's married. Oh, and the restaurant? I have to tell you about this restaurant.

This is a fine dining establishment that is also apparently a nightclub. that's pumping Grace Jones in the middle of your fucking me like I would love that but I'm not thinking that the fucking yokels in the 80s are gonna like that

it looks like the same restaurant from Ferris Bueller and the Blues Brothers except for it has a dance floor in the middle of it well you know they were trying a different business model cabin they're entrepreneurs Arnold Schwarzenegger I would totally buy as the sausage king of Chicago

yeah I am Abe Frommin sausage king that I mean but that is sort of like the weird like you know not Arnold Arnold movie thing is like this romantic subplot that kind of goes nowhere

is not an Arnoldy thing like he's usually he's usually a sex bot in movies you know what at least in this phase of his career it's like he shows up women like their eyes bulge out of their head they ball it's great that's the end of it yeah

total awuga situations none of this like yeah I'm married but you are my friend and I care about you shut up she takes her dress off in the middle of this bizarre restaurant and throws it at him which is awesome oh I really love that oh I love that because you can see even Arnold gives a great look right

it's a great bit of like just visual like you know it's physical acting for me he's like like the look of like oh what is this person doing this is I'm really embarrassed in this restaurant right now I have to say you should not wear clothes and drink No, I did not ask for your clothes, your boots, or your motorcycle. Put that dress back on.

And the way we left it with the wife, I'm not expecting him to go back there. Of course. Why would I be thinking about that? No. They hate each other. She threw a cake at you that said shit on it. That's over. That's a divorce.

I'm saying, I call it divorce there. There's a crazy thing kind of around here. They're like spying on Lamain. here. And he comes out of synagogue. And they're like, oh, can we get a shot at him? And there's like too many people around. And Robert Davy's pissed off. And he's like, what's with so many people? And Arnold's like, do you own the calendar? I bet that's a Jewish holiday. And Robert Davy's like, yeah, well, for his sake, I hope it's the day of atonement. Yep. Kind of a great life. I just love how adept Robert Davy is at everything. He's just so, he's so angry at Arnold being like

capable. Yes, which I mean, it's weird because that's Robert Davy's life and real life now is, you know, being angry at others for being better than him. It does lead into a great chase scene though where they're riding after this dude's limo, shooting the

shit out of each other, kind of a great scene that has a fucking hilarious line. I've never heard this expression before. They're like, they're about to drive under a piece of machinery and clearly like most of the car isn't going to make it.

And so you have Lamansky yelling, grab your hats as a as a euphemism for duck. Fucking awesome. There's also one guy that gets a Primo headshot here.

You see like blood come out of his head. I'm always in for that. We got two of them because the guy in the beginning gets one of those too. To this movie, there are some very good kills throughout. Absolutely. Yeah. And this is, this is Lomanski's last, like, dance right here, right? Because this car, like, they grabbed their hats.

This car goes flying, but then it, like, explodes. It goes through some sort of a factory, obviously. Sure. It gets the top bit ripped off by a beam. And then it drives into a gas tank and explodes, which is very, and this one, this movie goes really, like, 70s-esque, like when they're trying to run them off the road, these big Oldsmobiles. I felt I was watching Mitchell from.

a little bit. Yes, dude, because it is as cool of a chase scene as it is, much like Mitchell, it's pretty low on the miles per hour department. So this is sort of like the last-ish act, I guess, right? I mean, there's no structure to this film whatsoever.

No, not really. I mean, Robert Davy brings in, it's kind of great, like Robert Davy brings in some crime guy from Miami and he's like showing him pictures of Arnold that he's had taken, and the guy, from Miami's like oh no I knew such and whatever

Joseph Pussy Brenner I busted him twice in a week and that's not the guy right right right right right and he's like oh well where's you know Mr. Brenner now or something and the guy's like he's in the Caribbean for all I know or you know whatever it is so Davy knows that something's

up here this is where you also somewhere around here is where it's confirmed that Frank from Murphy Brown is working for Patra Vito also yes so that's like another weird, crooked turn that this movie takes? One good Robert Davy line here is when

this crooked copy brought in from Miami, he's like, oh, I got to go back to Miami today because in the morning I got a softball game versus the Dade County police and Robert Davy says, huh, cops versus cops. I got no one to root for. Yeah,

totally. But by the way, during the stealing scene when we get them trying to Rob, the police department. Anybody notice who's running the operations there? No. What part of the operation?

The police department. Oh, the guy behind the desk, you mean? Yeah. Do you know who that guy is? No. You a filthy animal. No way. Is that dude from the fake home alone movies?

That's him. A hundred percent. Angels have filthy hearts or some shit. Angels. Angels with filthy souls. Angel with dirty faces? That's a real movie. No, that's what it was.

All right, good, yes. I think it's what it is. I'm going to check the Google box. In one Home Alone movie, he's watching one, and then another, in the sequel, he's watching, like, I guess also a sequel to that movie or something. I want to say it took me like 15 years to realize that neither of those movies were actually real. Oh, I was a grown adult before I knew that they were fake.

This in from the internet ticker, Angels with Filthy Souls. Oh, fuck. Chris gets it. I learned this last year Oh yeah see I mean it is it's very like oh that's just a wow they sync that movie up perfectly This is kind of stupid

And home alone too lost in New York It's angels with even filthier souls That sounds like pornography I'm sorry to say Yeah when something's advertised as being even filthier Yeah absolutely Oh we have a great so So the whole thing now is like We're really going to test this guy.

We're going to make Arnold take down Darren McGavin. Yes. Is what we're doing here. They pick him up in a graveyard. They pick him up. We're going to go to the graveyard. I want to kill somebody. He's like, excellent.

This is more undercover work that I am doing, murdering people. I think the robbery of the police station does happen first. Yes. We should do the robbery of the police station, which is pretty fantastic. It's so good. it's again it has nothing to do with this movie kind of like well it's like all of uh petrovita's all of his money and his drugs and they want to get it out of there and then they have all these guys pretend to be a bomb squad right right how does this even work do you get like you're on the police radio band and you're just like no no real bomb squad stand down we got it yeah we got it well aren't the dudes in the van like intercepting the phone call though because you see the guy and he's like oh well that's fair that's fair like there's there's one guy who's like uh like receiving a 911 call or something and then there's another guy that's like oh yeah they're like making prank phone calls at like a sleepover

they're like yeah yeah bomb squad we're on the way sizzle chest so so they get in there and they they steal all this all fucking uh want to maker stuff back and my favorite thing is like all right we got it all and they just just rush out like, hey, I guess we don't have to talk to the bomb department after they're done. I guess I did. Bye guys. See you later. These fake guys are like, then I stand back until we're out of the area. Yeah, totally. Even though we've already heard an explosion because they blow this safe, it's kind of cool seeing them like cut through

the lock with this torch and spray out the cameras with black spray paint. It's kind of like cheap heat. There are a bunch of these moments in the movie that it's like Whoever, you know, the director clearly saw thief and watched a bunch of Miami Vice. Ooh, thief. I'm due for a rewatch of that. That's a great fucking. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. Speaking of Miami Vice, you want to put somebody else in this other than Schwarzenegger? Don Johnson. Oh, yeah. He would be great. Yeah. Yeah, this is kind of directed by, what was it, Michael Mant? It'll be like a contraction.

I don't know. Yeah. I got it. They're not all things. I would like to watch Just Thief but it's just the Jim Belushi getting shot by a shotgun like kind of on a loop for like two hours I want to make an art film that that is that Dude well there's all those

Like those YouTube videos where it's like Oh here's this obnoxious song for 10 minutes Or something on a loop or 10 hours or whatever I would watch Jim Balushi Take a buckshot to the gut for fucking 10 hours on YouTube Don't worry about it I mean in the movie itself it's in slow motion too That makes even better right

It does Oh, man, if like, okay, so Schwarzener gets the assignment. He's like, okay, I'm going to have to eat a bunch of ham sandwiches and some hostess cakes. And like, cut to six months later, Jim Belushi walks out. Oh, he's the guy. Hold on a second. Yeah. How about face off, but with the red heat guys.

Yep. Nice. So, oh, no, I have to become Jim Balushi. Better start eating. kid. Exactly. Better start eating. What would like Jim Belushi be like in Arnold's body? I mean, that's the thing. It would be impossible. You would be the murdering

rapist madman, probably. You'd have to kill him. The movie would then become, we just have to kill this guy. It's like Frankenstein's monster run a fucking muck, dude. Five stars on Grand Thefts Out all the time. I mean, that actually gives, I mean, that gives me the idea that Arnold would be an excellent Frankenstein. Oh, yeah. Surprised that never happened.

Yeah, well, watch, you know, a lot of those earlier movies and just pretend. Hercules in New York, he's kind of just Frankenstein. Yep, pretty much. I've never seen that movie. Is that pornography or? No, I mean, it also wishes. He's in like a toga walking around Central Park. There's some interesting shots of New York, but I don't remember it being even eventful.

It's not. It's a very boring movie. You do get like the beginning. where he's in wherever you know, Greek gods are said to have lived or something

I'll call it Olympus. I don't know, whatever. It's a good diner. I kept wanting to say Valhalla, which I knew was wrong.

But the point is there's like all these like babes all over him and he's like in this garden and you're like, okay, like this could easily drift into pornography.

No problem. He does have that one good line. Friends. Friends. So we're at this. If there were, a Frankenstein starring Arnold, it would

have to be incredibly horny. Like, is it, you know, it's a question, like, so Dr. Dr. Frankenstein, all right. So you, you collected assembled course pieces to make a person, I get it, I got it, make sense. But your monster

here looks like a sex toy. No, it's literally, it's Rocky Horror Picture Show at that point. It's exactly it's made Adam. Yeah, it's like, Science fiction, double future. Yeah, I mean, you're building something for sex, clearly. And I think that was the intention of Frankenstein in general. Absolutely.

I mean, come on. That guy? It's been a long time looking for the hogs. It's got an abnormal brain and an abnormal hog. It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, a bucket full of dicks. He's like, which one would you like? Honestly.

Pick your dick, my master. Paul Giamatti is Dr. Frankenstein. Oh, yeah. Going to make a sex bot. And so why. Oh, yes. Not too late for that. I also would like old man Frankenstein.

If it's like artled now as Frankenstein, like, oh, we can only find the corpse of this 68-year-old bodybuilder. Like, it's like it takes place in an alternate reality where Frankenstein like kills all the townspeople. It takes the pitchforks away and starts sticking them through. Oh, fuck. I would so watch that movie. Then he retires, sort of like his role in Terminator Dark Fate, and he's just hanging out. This is Frankenstein's carpeting surface, and that's my son. He's at the, he's at a cemetery, and he's at the graves of Wolfman and the creature from the Black Liquid was like, all my fans are dead.

They all died. All right. I want this movie more than the magic. Oh, he's so fucking awesome. It seemed like the magic in the world was running out with all the other monsters left. I'm into it. I'm very into this film. I would watch this in the heartbeat.

20 tickets. I'll buy it at theater. So, yeah, the cemetery thing, you know, it's kind of a hilarious, like, Darren McGavin is at the grave of, of his son. It's kind of confusing because he's at a grave while there's also another funeral happening simultaneously. I think that's

like sort of the fake out is you think they're going to attack this like a mob funeral thing but we're actually just attacking this one mourner. I feel like if I'm I would know you from behind Andrew. If I was said to kill somebody and you were at a graveside I wouldn't just be like ready to kill that guy

but I'm pretty sure that's Andrew because I've known him for 20 years. It is it's such bullshit that it's only when he like turns around and you see Arnold like, duh, no, it's my good friend, no. It's like, come on. And he even says to him too, like after he's gunned down

and, you know, everybody kind of escapes and whatnot, Arnold is just holding him and he's like, uh, yeah, sorry about that. I didn't see it was you until it was too late. And I'm like, come on, man, you definitely knew it was your friend. This is great, though, because there's another another goon that gets taken up by

Arnold or Darren McGavin. And then Arnold has to take out Robert Davy and it happens very quickly but we get like these slow-mo shots of Robert Davy being shot with this weird sound effect like oh like this weird like music orchestrated too. Yeah, yeah it's pretty fucking rad though

so like all these dudes go down great hilarious things so the actual funeral service that's happening they hear the gunshots because they're fucking six feet away and so clearly they start running. Did you catch the thing? One dude definitely falls in the grave. And then he peaked

out at the end. And he's like, is it over? Is it over? There's a guy he fucking faceplants right into the grave. It's amazing. So this is kind of like the last. So now that Darren McGavin is down, Arnold is going full on monster man. Yes. And there's one thing I had to point out, just speaking to the music, because Eric, you mentioned music cues in the scene at the cemetery. Did everybody know, crook their eye, but then appreciate the fact that when Arnold sets him down and it's like, okay time to go into monster mode like speaking of monsters it sounds like this is orchestrated by Oingo

Boingo right here he walks out of the cemetery and he's like It's the dead man's Arnold There's big dick since throughout this movie The theme is like I love that one

It's like so it's supremely 80s But in a way again Back to Jamel's theory That this movie was for somebody else this is like a score for a movie that stars somebody else. This is not a score appropriate for a dude that's two years off the fucking Terminator.

But it's really fucking De Laurentis trying to steal the Golden and Globus's heat too a little bit. He really is. I bet he was pissed off that those dudes were making so many movies and also making them so cheaply. Like De Larentis was always running

out of money, including making this movie. So he had to envy those guys, I feel, on some level. I think that's why Arnold puts on a pleather jacket instead of a leather jacket for his rampage. Yeah, he goes into his hotel room, whatever, and he, like, opens up this big suitcase full of guns. And you know that there were action movie heads because, like, he pulls out a machine gun. He's got it. He pulls out an Uzi, he's got it.

And then last, he pulls out this shotgun. You know some guy in opening night. He's like, yeah, fucking shotgun time! I just going to ask, absolutely. As somebody spends a lot of time in hotels, who did in the before times, it's, really strange to me that no one at the hotel noticed that he was lugging the suitcase full of automatic weapons yeah totally because you get a shot of this thing like on the bed it's massive and the only thing that could be in it is tons of guns i mean it's like a cartoon like it should have like the rifle

like coming out of the side of it and like this shotgun coming down there he tries to hide it by putting a hat on top of the barrel it's like when the mask pulls out all the guns at the end of the mask and he spins it, it's that. He's got all these guns and he goes to the, and you get this amazing voiceover of Darren McGavin being like, shit always goes down at the quarry. And he's like, I will now go to the quarry voiceover.

Thank you for the reminder. It's so great though, because I don't think that he's said that in the movie. No, he doesn't. It's not a memory. Someone does mention the whole like the pit or the quarry. I think it was Robert Davy's like, oh, if Arnold doesn't work out, we can just throw

in the pit. Because there is like this rock crushing machine that we'll later see a dummy fall into and it's just... Oh, man, it's fucking prima. But yeah, this voiceover's hilarious. It's like, yeah, if he ever tells you to go to the quarry, quarry, quarry, quarry, quarry, you're never going to come back

from the quarry, quarry, quarry. And then on his way, Arnold raids Martin Scorsese's tape collection because he's got this fucking, he starts playing satisfaction of like, what movie am I watching? Dude, I'm sorry, Raw Deal, too little too late.

If this guy needs rock and roll to assassinate people, which is awesome. I have no problem with that. That has to be, like, he's putting on headphones during a scene earlier or, like, turning up a radio somewhere before he starts killing people. The fact that this is like a one-time occurrence in this movie, unacceptable. Oh, have you heard of Huey Lewis in the news? I think they really came into their own on this one, four. exactly i mean it's so crazy he's like kicking out this windshield uh beforehand which is great so

he can you know shoot people more easily and he just drives around this quarry shooting dudes off of like cliffs and like they're landing on stones and shit amazing amazing this is where we see one guy fall into the gravel crusher and get like chomped up by this thing great kill excellent Yes. We're a few years from being like video games are what movies are and movies are video games, but this felt very video gamey to me. It definitely is. Yeah. I mean, so much so I was, I was reminded of a game that I just started playing on PSVR called Blood and Truth. And the opening thing in that is like you are driving, someone else is driving you and you're in kind of like a rock quarry looking place and you're shooting like out of a. car at dudes who are trying to kill you. But I think like the critique of like movies like, oh, this movie is just like a video game, which you'll hear a lot nowadays.

It's just like that's you're just saying video game instead of fun because this is fun. No one was, no one was really playing any type of sophisticated video games in 1985 or whenever they shot this. No, no, no, no. I'm just saying. So it's just fun. I'm just saying like it's fun. Like, your critique of 1917 is it's fun.

Sorry. Oh, is that a critique that movie received? Is it like a video game? Yes, yes, yes. Now that it's on rental, I still have to check it out. I like that movie. It's fine. Yeah.

I enjoyed it. Yeah, three and a half, four-star movie. Had a five. Oh, here's a weird, like, sort of rare for this character and this kind of a movie. Arnold, like, makes the mistake of just accidentally driving into a bulldozer and is kind of, like, wounded for a little bit. I kind of like this. And, like, I usually don't like when a musical cue. changes so fast and it just

he hits into this thing and boom that song is off and I guess because it's diagetic because it's on the radio on the radio is fucked now sure yeah yeah well no because then it goes into perta purta perturperter get down here Bowser come on

I'm down in your sewer I'm below your castle in your sewer let's go what would watch you get the Super Mario brothers Who's Luigi in that case? You got to go Stallone, I think. I think it's Arnold.

I don't know. You've got to be taller than Arnold. Maybe it's... Tom Noonan. Oh, fuck, yeah. Yeah, this is my brother, Tom Noonan. We are the sewer brothers. Speaking of Michael Mann, dude, absolutely.

We'll take care of Bowser. We'll take care of him really good. Luigi only comes out at the end and does really weird shit. Yeah. my brother Luigi, I'm just going to wait over here. It's about to get really unsettling. I'm going to hold a red dragon. Yes, Stallone. If Stallone has to be

in the movie, Stallone can be Wario. Oh, yes. Yes. Now we are talking. Now, friends. We have a movie on our hands. We have a movie on our hands. This is what they should do if they redo Super Mario Brothers is lean into that Wario stuff.

Do like a weird Doctor Strange parallel mirror lands. make it trippy as fuck I would fucking love it dude I would absolutely love it then John Totoro can be Wall Luigi yeah yeah yeah yeah

I don't know I don't think I don't think Totoro is sexy enough to pull off Wall Luigi Fair point a fair point Steve So like the only The only scene that's left is the big scene of infiltrating the hideout the last level of the video game

He still I mean the only piece of consequences here is he takes all the money from the drug thing that's been going around. By the way, this movie has the fakesst-looking money I've ever seen. It's really bad, right? Okay, I thought it was crazy. It's really bad. I need to say that before we close. I didn't even notice, because I'm one of those saps

that's just like, hey, money, cool. This is when, yeah, so it's a meeting with Sam Wannemaker and all of his guys. Like, we got to get rid of this guy. Oh, my God, he's outside? And that's when he operates, which kind of rules. And this is just, and everybody's here. the number two is here. So is Frank from Murphy Brown and everybody's just kind of hanging

out and he... So is Frank Frank from Murphy Brown. Yes. So is Arnold Schwarzenegger best friend in confidant Sven Olthorson is one of the bodyguards. Businessman Sven Oly Thorson, which is pretty great. He's got this like power mullet going on. It's working for me. It's so awesome. And he's

just like, you know, he's wrapped up in the shenanigans at this bar. He and Arnold, you can tell it's a thing where he's like yeah, you know, it would be really great if there was a scene in this moment where me and Sven could kind of have a little fun. I'm of course going to kill him, but we have a little cat and mouse because it's like he's the only dude left standing at one point and he has to like he's like dodging Arnold and Arnold's like hiding behind part of the bar. Yeah, you know how like so Sven is good to be in every movie of mine and you know the expression swan dive or we need a Sven dive.

Every movie needs a Sven die. You know, Sven, we have this, we have these joke yes. I say he marry a squid because I always kill him. You're going to marry a scream of Sven. He does have a fucking hilariously, like, theatrical death because Arnold shoots him. And then do you see this? Like, Sven, he raises his arms in the air and pulls down a rack of glasses. It's amazing.

And his stomach is all shot up. It's great. Dude, it's like professional wrestling. By God, Sven Al Thors and fell into the glass cabinet. Uh, it looks like there's a lot of bad guys in that movie. Is there anything for me by any chance or not just Sven only, huh? Uh, Jesse, I'm having trouble hearing you. I think there's a bad connection.

No, I just got this car phone from Carphone City, buddy. This is going to work. Uh, yeah, I guess I'll have to call you back. Don't pull this shit on me again, man. You definitely wait for my call, though, Jesse. Yeah, it's great. I mean, there's a lot of, I mean, and this is a great, he's plowing through people

with machine guns, it's fantastic. It's pretty glorious. It's another great, you're seeing it. Like, he only goes in with so many guns, goes through that shit immediately. And then he's like picking firearms off of corpses and continuing the mission. Yes.

He genuinely gets the party started. Because he shoots lights and they turn. not. That is an entertaining and dumb as fuck moment. What the fuck is this? One light bulb can get shot out and then a bunch turn on and start twirling. I love it. His number two doesn't even get as good of a death as Sven Al Thorson.

He's just kind of part of the fodder, which is kind of a problem. This guy's been part of the movie. Yeah. And he's had a lot of lines. He had that classic Arnold job interview at the beginning of the movie. and he really just kind of gets wasted as an afterthought while Arnold is chasing after Patrovita

who gets a stellar shot through the back, just ripped up. He gets shot to soup. Yeah. He becomes fucking Campbell's soup in this movie. That is what you want is your hero to shoot an old man in the back, isn't it?

Well, he's in the mafia. Hey, listen, crime doesn't pay. That's true. Thank you. I'll learn that. No, I will let you retreat. I was kidding. What's rad about it is

like he totally just fucking murders that guy gets the job done. There's no like, and again, because I think, you know, it's a movie that wasn't made for Arnold. Like, there's no line. There's no standoff of any kind. He just fucking rips this dude up.

He's dead. And that's it. Mission over. But the last guy he kills is Frank from Jeffrey Brown, the DA, that he's That exiled him to the FBI And he's like whimpering and crying

Obviously because he's seen wholesale slaughter. I mean, I feel like if you're not crying in this scene, there's something wrong with you. Am I incorrect here? Did I catch right when they go back and Arnold notices him? Like he notices him before Arnold notices Frank

before Frank notices Arnold. Yeah. And is this guy not trying to kill himself and like the bullet, there's no bullets the gun. I might have missed that. He's holding like a little pistol and it's like I think he pulls it and there's just no bullets left in it. He looks like he's looking like he's robbing corpses. Like he's just like feeling up the

corpse a little bit and I was like what is he? I think what yeah, I think what he's doing is he's looking for a gun and he tries to kill himself and there's no bullets and then Arnold gives him an actual gun and gives him the same ultimatum, resign, which in this case is kill yourself. Or be prosecuted anyway, any way you want it. Arnold turns around and, uh, because it looks like he's going to kill himself, he turns around, but then Frank obviously pulls a gun on him and then he shoots him right in the chest.

Just wasted. So it's like, okay, and now you also just murdered the fucking Chicago DA. This is going to go over real well in your... Promotion, please. Yeah, totally. I don't think I understand the choice of, of, if I'm the DA and I've been handed a gun and kill yourself where I'll kill you, but he's just walking away. Just like, just hang out. I'm going to sit this one out.

Yeah, exactly. Like, you know what, dude? I'm going to take the credit for this. He's got his story. I got mine. There you go, right? Yeah, exactly. And I've fucking destroyed this guy's life once before.

I have his name. I can, like, call him out. Like, you know, it's all right there. I mean, he just, I think he's been hanging around the mafia a little too long. He thinks he's king shit. You know what? You fucking dance with the devil, dude. How do you shoot the devil in the back?

What if you miss? Oh, and when the crime scene investigation happens, we get that cop that we've seen multiple times during the whole P is for Pussy interaction. And he's like, oh, I think that leak we had has been plugged. Yep. Which is another good line. That's almost like what you'd want the action star to say.

Exactly. Instead, it's like character actor Ed Lauder, who's like ninth banana in this movie. And then we get this fucking ridiculous Casablanca scene. Dude, I was loving it, man. Because earlier on, he's like, all right, go to the, go to the airport. I will meet you there. I had to charter a plane as well.

Don't forget to charter a private plane. Like, if I were her, I'd be like, well, how the fuck do I do that? How do I go about chartering a plane? Can I stretch this over a Visa, Discover, and MasterCard? I mean, it's a Casablanca saying where the husband is money. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, better money than fucking Vichy.

French, man. Come on. I guess. But yeah, so, like, she takes off and then Ed Lodd lands in a helicopter, and they basically have, like, I believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship kind of exchange. And then,

like, the movie, man, the movie really needs to end at this air stream. Absolutely. She's gotten the, like, a quarter a million dollars, just go on the plane. I'm not coming with you. Yep. and it should probably end

because they just have an exchange and Ed Laudder's kind of like oh you know the second I saw you I knew that you were working with somebody I knew that you were going to slaughter the entire Chicago mob that's why I just let you hang back and do my job for me

also the DA and a couple of cops but hey I got my revenge I saw you eat that glowing star which meant you were invincible so I was going to let you run for a little while I broke so many bricks with my

heads but the movie does not end there and unfortunately ends with Darren McGavin in physical therapy this is kind of great too though I mean this movie keeps delivering you did not even see this guy known to be shot

I mean he was shot like you assume he lives like maybe it should just be a hospital room scene but this physical therapy scene is a bit rich because the whole thing is like if they kill Darren McGavin, no one's going to know that Arnold was helping him because there's no official record. So that should be the whole

thing is like, oh no, you know, he could be dead. How am I going to prove that I was, you know, quote unquote, undercover for him doing this whole thing? And then all Ed Lauder needs to say is like I, like at that air strip, like Arnold, I know that you're one of us because, you know, Darren McGavin

has lived, he was at the hospital, he told me the whole story, blah, blah, blah. Instead it's like yeah, okay, now you walk. a couple feet to me. Also, my wife is pregnant. She's no longer throwing cakes at me. Her drinking is cut back significantly because of the pregnancy. My reunion with Amy has been a big success. Oh, yeah. I guess she dried out and I guess, I don't know, was his death something that made her. That was the real wake-up call. Maybe. When she threw a cake at him again, it was a gender

reveal cake, I guess, is the idea. Yeah, we're having a baby shit. And, yes, he's like, all this stuff. And by the way, you have to, because he, you know, McGavin's like, I'm just a useless cripple. And it's like, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, oh, no, you have to walk again. Please, you have to be the godfather.

You can't be that in the wheelchair or something. Would you be a quitter if Blair was seeing this? When he starts to get into his dead son, it's like too much. He plays the dead sun card, dude, and he's like, oh, yeah, you want to quit? Did you ever quit in front of Blair? Arnold Schwarzenegger having to say the name Blair is magnificent. He's here with us now, you know?

I sense him. He's standing in the room. You ask him a question. He will answer it, and I will hear Blair's response and tell you. Camera pants to the right, Blair's force goes. Okay, now Blair is saying. something with an M. What do you have on that? Come on, give me

something to work with you. Blair wants to know, I'm getting the name Louise. Do you know a Louise? Ah, yes, I'm getting the sound from Blair. He's saying, stop be a pussy. That's what he said. He says from heaven, stop being a pussy. But Darren McAvans

had like six lines in this movie. It can't end on him and this fucking awakenings -esque like hospital scene. Dude, the best part of is the physical therapy nurse who just starts crying at Arnold's feet.

And then fucking force goes to Blair and Yoda in there looking at looking at it's Blair Yoda Abe Froman Quaghan gin So yeah it just

I mean this freeze frame It's like speaking to Sylvester Stallone This is like right out of a rocky movie I don't know what this is It's not the end of raw deal where he's killed 70 people You know what I mean?

Again, yeah, yeah. It's sort of, we just not five minutes ago saw Schwarzenegger methodically kill dozens of people. He shot an old man in the back. He doesn't get to do this fucking, like, you can do it scene. He knocked a man into a rock grinder. Some of those guys were just... Unless the scene as him transferring the souls he took into him. Oh, I like that.

Yeah. I mean, some of those guys were just bookies. like not all of them were like cold-blooded killers some of them were just like pushing money around sure sure that's true um but yeah i mean it just ends on this freeze frame the score is you know sexophon delicious right through to the very end which i loved um but it just yeah it kind of just like craps out on this dumb freeze frame with the two of them and i'm like all right so it's the main character and like yes a dude who was a character that was the cat for this story, but maybe he's, you know, back with Amy and you're pregnant on the porch, you know, or maybe yeah, he decides like small town sherifing is for him after all. That would be something. That'd be kind of

a growth of the character. And also, you need to, if you're, if you're keeping that wife around, you got to show her again. Yep. You absolutely do. That's, I say the last shot should be him coming, going back to the house. Uh, and everything's gone. She's not there. And it was a lie. they told Darren McGavin to make his life not seem like the saddest most bloodthirsty thing

that's ever existed fuck that would be awesome actually Kevin I like that I'm all alone every day is a new hardship of pain I hear you Arnold sorrow

as it stands though that is the end of raw deal so I will put it over to our good buddy Jamel it was your picture would you recommend this movie to the movie watching public? Absolutely. It is a lesser

Schwarzenegger. It's a minor entry in his brand filmography, but I think it's a lot of fun. It's so silly. And so like I said at the beginning, like incongruous, like sort of nothing really fits about the movie, but I think it's a lot of fun. Totally.

Eric Siska. Yeah, definitely. I agree with everything that Jamel said. It's also like it's like a perfect movie almost for me because it's like I always have an arnold itch and I'm always dying to scratch it but I also have like 80s mafia

actiony movie itch and it's like it's two great flavors together yep so definitely I would definitely recommend it uh Steve Saneck yeah yeah it's it's a recommend for me it's also a seeing is believing because this movie is so incomprehensible it's like a weird labyrinth of stories

that you're like wow they really did it like yeah it's super fun Arnold is great in it. Not really, but great. Anyway, a lot of deaths. Really, really fun. I've killed the minotaur in this labyrinth. Chris Cabin? Yeah, this is one of my favorite Arnold's. I like him, like Bronson, like most action stars, actually. I like when they go peculiar, when things just don't seem right in any way, shape, or form. Like, congette for Charles Bronson.

Oh, sure. Like, the stuff where it's just, what is happening here? And also, it's great. The Chicago shooting is actually really good. And you get to see Navy Pier before they fucking put a mall and a Ferris wheel there. It's kind of, it's barren. And it's amazing. It's kind of amazing.

Is that where he drops off the two people in the limo? When there's the big car chase, when they're trying to kill a Lamanski. Oh, okay. They go through the pier. And I was just like, that looks really familiar. And I'm like, oh, yeah, there's not a humonger. his fucking park and a ferris wheel in the background.

Yeah, I would totally recommend this movie. I had not seen it a really long time. And not only is it underseen Arnold, I think it's underrated Arnold. Nobody talks about this movie. I think it also just suffers from having bad poster art for the cover.

Yep. Like, if you look at this, like I've passed by, it's just him in like a white tank top with the gun and it's very like unexciting. And this movie, I think, is exciting. It's a weird not, you know, like, the character isn't necessarily supposed to

be fish out of water because he's undercover, but like it's actor out of water. You know, because like he just, it's a movie that's kind of too complicated, you know, plot wise for Arnold. It's just a different kind of crime movie. But to Eric's point too, it's a great mashup of Arnold

and like vague drug trade action movie as we say around here. And I, I, I had such a fucking ball with this. I cannot recommend it enough. And that is Raw Deal from 1986, directed by John Irvin.

Thanks so much, Jamel, for hanging out. We always love having you on the show. And it's great to see you, you know, on camera doing well during all this crap. Thank you, Sam to y'all. Glad to be here. Glad to see you guys doing well. And so you can, of course, find Jamel's writing on the New York Times. Once a week, you have the column up, sir.

Is that correct? Twice a week, technically. Oh, okay. Excellent. lately not so much but fair and you do awesome Q&As which I always love those

you do on Twitter Live pretty much right yeah yeah usually once a week I do one of those although now because I think everyone in opinions going insane everyone is doing them and they're happening and they're not necessarily about my column each time so I think last time someone grilled me about cereal that I like to eat

hey you do those cereal reviews man and they are comforting as hell I will say I love those. You find such weird cereal. Well, I got a box shipped to me from General Mills full of Oh, nice. Sponsored content now.

And that's going to wrap it up for us. Of course, head on over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. For more content there. We got a new episode up on John Carpenter's The Thing for We Love Movies Months selection. The Nexus is still going. All of the usual Patreon suspects are

still going on and we should yeah go ahead see oh and if you like if you like shitty action movies we're doing the exterminator on a side order of sleeves at the $8 level just an FYI that's coming that's right side order of slees is coming out of

mothballs we are bringing back a really old feature during these quarantine days and it's very exciting so look out for that in the month of April and of course the ongoing quarantine project here at Wee Hey Movies over on the free feed is Melro 210 where

each week twice a week we cover one episode of Beverly Hills 90210 and one episode of Melrose Place to give you that 90s nostalgia when we could be outside in the sun just having sexy times again so check that out that airs every Monday and Thursday right here on the main feed where you got that episode so that's going to wrap it up for us Steve Sadek what is going on next week on the program what do we have here on the main feed

we are talking about an oft-requested film cool as ice with vanilla ice There it is. Great movie. Very excited. I've never seen that movie all the way through. Oh, man. I actually do kind of enjoy it. Oh, dude, it's campy as hell fun.

And Steve, I'm pretty sure I watched it at the old Astoria apartment where you lived at least twice. I'm sure. Actually, I probably, I haven't seen it. This Steven Sadek, but that other guy who doesn't exist anymore, he saw it a couple of times. Yeah, there you go. So until next week with Cool Is Ice, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Cisca, Chris Cabin, Jamel Bowie. Take it easy.