We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 481 - Cool As Ice

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

This week on the program, the gang descends further into madness when chatting about the absolutely bonkers Vanilla Ice alien movie, Cool As Ice! What planet is Ice's character supposed to be from? Are these guys a band or what? And does somebody owe Tim Burton a check here? PLUS: An update on the 2020 tour! Cool As Ice stars Vanilla Ice, Kristin Minter, Naomi Campbell, Deezer D, Kevin Hicks, Allison Dean, John Newton, Michael Gross, Jack McGee, and S.A. Griffin; directed by David Kellogg. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, this movie gets by on the horrendous jackets alone. It's cool as ice. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. Strawberry Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. We finally got around to this fucker. It's cool as ice from 1991, directed by David Kellogg, director of previous episode,

Inspector Gadget, multiple music videos, and several Playboy video specials. Have we done all his narratives now out of curiosity? I think so, yes. There's only two. We knocked out the narrative of David Kellogg. But how would people feel about us doing those playboy videos on Sidewater's sleeves? Oh, I'm sure there's a bunch of fucking perverts out there that want us to

review skin videos. So then she goes in front of this waterfall, right? And it's like, what? What is with the oil being poured on her back? Well, that doesn't work. We could do the Michael Jackson Jam video. There you go.

There you go. I think legally we would have to do, by the way, legally you have to drink when you're talking about cool as ice. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. We're all cracking open because guess what? I heard those cracks and I cracked too. Hey, man.

530 fucking whistle, man. Hey, I will say, this though, not only do you have to be drinking to talk about this movie, you definitely better be fucked up on something when you're watching it. And whether that's booze or whether that's fucking flower or whether you are just huffing

spray paint. Because I watch this sober this morning and I was like, what am I doing with my life? Huge mistake. Huge mistake. No, I know. And I mean, the only other time I watched this was in the old Astoria days back in like the early baby days of WHM. But I do really think the spray paints the way

to go with this one. I think that's the one you really need. This is a party movie. Speaking of, can I ask, have I seen this movie before? Because I swear that I haven't. I'm telling you, Steve, the four of us were watching this movie at the old Astoria apartment. I swear to God, you were

next to me on that bad futon. It happened. Don't tell me it didn't happen. The real question is, do you remember? No, no. Oh, no. That literally everything was brand new to me last night. I swear to God. I had one section that was brand new to me and I'm going to go out on a

him here everybody and say that it was a complete and total green out situation I had zero memory of child kidnapping in this movie. Yes. That was a pleasant surprise. Well, something had to happen. This movie's got nothing going on. Absolutely.

Something had to break the windows. Something had to break the stereo. Somebody had to ride the motorcycle in the desert. Somebody had to hang out at the abandoned construction site. That's where we should start really is it does. Take the romance angle out of this.

Okay. They relate to him much as if he is Howard the Duck. Yeah, he's a total alien or a mischievous dog. One or the other. Like, there's one part where the girl, Kathy, says like, he doesn't know what he's doing.

And I'm like, that's what you would say to Beethoven. That's what you exactly say to Beethoven. To add on to this theory of yours, Chris, when they're driving through this suburban town and there's a bunch of like older people, like a businessman, a guy in his riding mower and a little kid and they're all gawking

at him and the whole gang like they are from outer space. Dude like there's a thing on the IMDB Tribune trivia that says that this is like a loose remake of the wild one and I'm like no, this is a fucking loose remake of the man who fell to earth dude. Well he even says when they're

at that construction site right when before I can see that they get it on at that construction site. Oh yeah they're getting wet. She loses her virginity. She loses her virginity that afternoon guaranteed. But he's sitting, and so one of the only times he ever reveals stuff about himself or is, like, being sensitive or whatever. And he's like, so what's it like, what?

Having parents. And I mean, like, that is, I mean, I guess it's supposed to be, like, he's, what do you call the hard scrabble, like he didn't grow up with anybody. But it just really says, like, so what's it like converting, like, food into energy? Yo, I was hatched from an egg, kid. Yeah, what's it like being, like, mostly walking? Water and shit. My mother was a large chicken beast.

Hatched me in the middle of a field. Yo, my heart is in my ass, son, because that is the physiological makeup of my alien race, bitch. I have never had a haircut. This is how it came out from the beginning. These are actually horns. What? We've got to talk about this haircut. I know.

He's like McEless. Oh, my. Oh, my God. Oh, my fucking God. Holy shit. Did confetti fall in your house too? And that happened? No, I just shit my pants. We, you know, we have to have fun while we're in quarantine, right? Oh, sure. Actually, you know what, though? But the McLelless is actually pretty funny. Thank you.

And this episode might be either 26 minutes long or three hours. I'm not sure. Hey, we'll see, man. I think the running time of the motion picture itself is around 93. Dude, but that's a lie. Like Chris said, because we don't. don't start we start with this music video that the movie proper starts six minutes in and then it takes then like seven minutes before the credits you get another music video so there's really like what is that like 70 something minutes of like quote unquote story and then the last the last 10 minutes are a music video I mean it's it's crazy it's like this movie's like 19 montages strung together with bad jackets and shitty music I will say they have to have

this beginning, they have their biggest stars in the scenes, Naomi Campbell. Dude, the credit is, fuck. Dude, I get a real, a cackle out of special appearance by Naomi Campbell. Okay, thanks for gracing us with your presence. She says hi to him. Like, that's literally

it. That's the whole thing. And he's, he's dancing around in this video. It's, you know, like a lot of music videos in the early 90s, in some abandoned factory. Oh, sure. A CNC music factory, possibly. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. The old CNC music factory, that burned down 40 years ago.

But it kind of looks like the set of when he did the ninja rap and Teenage New Ninja Turtles. Yes, it definitely does. Dude, the turtles were hanging out backstage, blowing rails waiting for me to finish the set. The Xi and she music factory constantly asked if you could feel the vibration. Those were the flames. They made us dance all the time. Dude, he's dancing with his baseball cap on and it's that obnoxious trend of leave the tag I mean, that kind of came back

that hugely came back like the last couple of years. I haven't seen it a little bit, not that I'm on the pulse of anything, but this was like especially egregious where it's like it's like pretty much like a flap to the hat. Yeah, you're making a baseball cap into like a little beanie. Versus now where it's like a sticker or something like that.

Yeah, so you keep the sticker on the show, it's official, etc. Either way, it's very gross. Yeah, I guess I'm also against the flap cap. I guess so. We should point out, by the way, another shocking credit is that the director of photography on this movie is Janusz Kaminsky. Fucking Spielberg's dude. Yeah. It looks gorgeous.

They tapped him for Schindler's list because he already filmed atrocities. A lot of experience. It's, I mean, this movie, because of that, it's illegal how good this movie looks like. It has no business looking this good. He's having a lot of fun, too. like those dark scenes with just like the flashlights going everywhere he's having a lot of fun absolutely now here's my question though so this music video vanilla ice is vanilla icing all over the cake and

my question is him as this character of johnny right is johnny like a performer or are we like not acknowledging that every once in a while this dude is just singing a song i think he's a i think he's a rapper i think the idea is there a rap band going i mean again i'm making all this up because none of this is even remotely explained in this film right they're a rap band going going town to town doing stuff and when and watch out when they break down because if one of these motorcycles break down then guess what he decides to feed on the young women of the town and he's like 24 when they're making this movie so

but like she's a senior in high school it's a little it's still a little yeah no they they definitely have sexual intercourse in that fucking uh the field uh the field there yeah but he preys on the town folks children. Well, an alien's got to eat, dude. Yes. And I'm going to push back a little bit on the band. Rap Trubadors. Okay. That's what I think we're dealing with here.

Because it doesn't seem like he has like a career or that he has reports to anybody. No, well he's something going. Well, that's the thing. Dude, they will wrap anywhere anytime. So it's like a legitimate club or a fucking warehouse or in front of those old people's garage. So he's like

a medieval bard. Yeah. He's like a medieval bard. Yeah. He's like the, it's like the actors from the seventh seal. Yeah, exactly. Welcome back to giving them more credit than they ever deserved. Oh, shit, we wound up at this castle. We've been dead the whole time. Yo, damn, death, this chess game is whack.

Yo, damn, son, we got consumed by the black death. Yo, death's on the beach. Oh, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, fam, let's run up this hill with the people's choice. Oh, my God. Yo, for real, you know how to play chess? I don't know. I don't know. It's like checkers with horses. I think I died in that storm.

Damn. But I do, that's another fan. And I very rarely go in for fan theories and films. But when there's nothing in the movie, I think he might be dead the whole time. Because everything is so, it's like Tim Burton, what do you call their? It's like otherworldly, yeah. Edward, Edward, Sister-Hands-esque this, like, suburb, you know what I mean? very much is and that like the first

let's say I don't know 15 minutes of this movie when you're trying to like your brain is trying to adjust to what the tone is and yeah it's kind of like the town from Edward Cisorhands but like even fucking weirder it's a real like here's another thing I mean talk about

Seventh Seal I truly believe that this band is in purgatory because they're just they're stuck in this no name town right and it's like these people are taking forever to fix this one guy's motorcycle they're kind of just like living there

there's so many weird sequences where you're just watching these kids like hanging out waiting for this motorcycle to be fixed by fucking Godot the mechanic who is one of Ratchett's boys from One Flew Over the Cuckooke's mess

I want something done Sidney Lassick was the guy's name the actor that is playing Roscoe in this movie I think what was his name in Cougain? Cheswick or something Cheswick, yeah. Nice. Excellent. I will say, like, aesthetically wise, you certainly are not surprised to find out that this guy goes on to do Inspector Gadget. Yes. It does look awfully like it.

I read that he disowned this film at some point, and I'm like, why? Like, I don't know. You're not in a position to disown anything. Exactly. I tried to find a source and I couldn't. I was like, is there an interview? I could dig in on like the Kellogg stuff, but no. That seems like it's probably, oh, I ran into this dude in the fucking mall. and asked him about cool as ice and that's what he told Excuse me sir Are you David Kellogg

Director of Coolas Ice? I'm sorry to bother you with his whole foods I disown cool as ice But that Michael Jackson video Yeah I'm close with Michael I like him Oh and Playboy

Presents oily asses volume 7 Yeah that's my masterpiece Is it oily asses Oh right okay Interesting It was a different take for Playboy because they're just skin oil. It was just kind of,

they're just kind of oily skin. It's kind of gross. It's always like sensual surprises or something like that. Oh, they're all, I mean, it's all garbage. Well, that was a surprise,

but a sensual. At least it was a sensual surprise. Or like twilight times or like some fucking, you know. Somehow, oily asses resurfaced. Well, it's a sensual surprise.

Now I'm trying to find one, because, okay, so let's see. His work featured in Playboy, colon, the best of wet and wild from 1992. Excellent. Excellent. He didn't lose on that. Let's see. Playboy video playmate calendar from 1991.

You know what? Janus shot that too. Oh, here's the one I was thinking of. Playboy Wet and Wild from 1989. That was a good year for the Wet and Wild series. I bet. Oh, can we talk about how this movie starts off with uh vanilla ice committing attempted murder on this girl it's crazy so they they go they're right into town and the the the the the the fat one will call him his bike breaks down this guy is

played by hold on uh because he's uh he's a big er guy uh d's yeah he was he was it on er as like a nurse or something but he's also like a christian rapper yes uh his name is amazing he's jazz he's the fat one in this one and his uh bike breaks down they think because he's so fat. Oh, is that right? I miss that remark. No, they're like, oh, you're breaking your bike because you're so fat and stuff like that. Well, I guess that explains

why he makes the worst sandwich in cinema later in the film. But he, yeah, but they're driving past, and it's very like, um, it looks like that's seen in hot shots, like that's trying to parody the hot, the top gun bit. Yep. Yeah, totally. And it also remind me a little bit of adaptation because it's like

motorcycle versus horse. True lies. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, like, they're, like, driving along, and it's like, oh, scope out that babe on a horse. Let's go fuck with her. And, like, this is insane. This is, like, murder. Dude, for the first of two times in this movie, Vanilla Ice commits a sick jump on a motorcycle.

He, like, drives over this woman, scares the horse, gets her throne off the horse. Could have fucking killed her right there. And then he's like, yo, what's the problem? Why'd you punch me in the stomach after I did that? Oh, shit, I got kicked in the head like Don Draper's dad. Oh, I'm dead now. Yo, do you name your horse? Dude, yeah, you cannot fucking go around scaring horses while people are on them.

Do you name your horse? That was so good. Chris, did Mr. Hans name his zoo animal? I forget, honestly. It's been a while, Eric, I got to tell you. I was just curious if it had a name. It probably did. Hands back with a brand new edition.

They paid him enough. He would have done it. Ripping your insides out with your huge horse dick. This is your first episode. Zoo was a documentary film that comes up a lot. It's from 2007. Don't watch it. I can't believe we didn't celebrate the 13th anniversary yet, Karen.

Sucker MCs can't fuck these horses. It would be cool. fucking a horse right then in front of her like well because he's an alien he doesn't know he's like yeah this is what you're supposed to do yeah stand back miss I'm here to romance the horse so like they have this

exchange and like she punches him in the stomach and he goes yep yep she likes me and I'm like Jesus Christ by the way the actress playing the character Kathy the actresses Kristen Minter who some of you may know as one of the

bevy of children in the McAllist family in the home alone movie well she's the one that sets it all off on the wrong foot because she does the false count oh she's the fucking count fuck up yes fucking patient zero man she also was on ER for a bit

I think big ER movie this one it's I she's I sorry Gwyneth Paltrow passed on this a lot of people passed but apparently Gwenith Paltrow was like really kind of recruited for this movie and her dad said do not do this movie which is the smartest thing Yeah, good job.

Bruce Paltrow, you're a genius, dude. Now, she's not the one who says Les incompetent. You know what's a French call Les incompetent? No, yeah, she's not one of the teasing ones. She's like the old eldest one trusted with the count

and then that kid's like, does this car get four-wheel drive? Yeah. And like she thinks it's Kevin. What it is is I think she's like the oldest kid of the aunt and uncle. Oh, right.

Because that's the thing that's hard to distinguish in that movie because you got like cousins and the McAllister's all together. Those McAllers breed like fucking rats. Dude, that family's disgusting. I was just about to say, if you can't recognize a member of your family, maybe they're not, you know, maybe you guys aren't really that much of a family. Maybe start wrapping it up, John Hurd. You need less kids.

You can't keep track of them. That fucking cavernous house, dude. Fucking either burn it down or have like five families live in there. Absolutely. Come on, Donner. Just get the snip. It's not that bad, so I hear. So let's talk about Home Alone for 40 minutes.

I'm going to go. I'm going to do with that. There's an annoying thing. Like, when this dude's bike breaks down and they're, like, looking at it in the middle of the street, and, like, all these people start honking the horn. Amazing. Just to stop in traffic like that.

What are you doing? Dude, it's insane. But at the same time, it's like, you know what? Other cars, like, you can just drive around these people. Yes, you definitely can. By the way, the female member of the gang, princess, That's what I read in the credits. I don't think she has a line.

I think she just laughs a few times. She played Patrice the Young Horny Sister in Coming to America. Oh, yes. Which is a great, great movie, aka the best movie. I've got to rewatch that. It's been like 20 years since I've seen.

But I saw that movie like a thousand times 20 years ago and then I stopped watching it for no good reason. That's home alone for me. I haven't, I hardly remember that movie. I'll tell you the thing, funny enough, coming to America, just came up recently, I like flipped the input on my TV

like from the Apple TV over to the cable box to put something on and the TV the cable box landed on BET and I got doing something to my iPad so it was just on and then like coming to America was on and I was like oh cool I'll keep this on for a little bit I haven't watched it in a while dude coming to America

edited for television is one of the most pointless things you could ever fucking watch in your life it was I was sitting there it's like the entire thing was just bleeps. At least they're bleeping. I find a bleep more soothing than

changing into like forking or whatever. I think it was like it was probably a healthy mix. A bleeping, I should say, like the where you like drop the audio out, not like an actual censor bleep. Audio drops all the rage now.

I feel. Lur Louis Anderson's face out of that movie or they just put they put like a cartoon dog over it. No. I mean, well, I think, though, it must have a famous television edit where they are changing lines because I tweeted about watching it on like BET, just broadcast, and it was censored. And all of these people started tweeting at me, what can only be like the adjusted lines.

That's funny. I was like, okay, that's a lot. I just, I wasn't paying attention long enough, but like, Jesus, totally pointless. Also pointless, cool as ice the motion picture. So, yeah, so they break down and they break down. right outside, like, this old couple's house, the aforementioned dude from Cuckoo's Nest and this other lady, and they, like, get in...

Also, this is kind of like the beginning of a horror movie. Yes. Because they're, like, invited into this old couple's house to wait while they do these repairs, and I'm like, when is someone coming out with the sledgehammer for these kids? Yeah, it smells of motel hell. Yes, Kevin, good reference.

Their house cannot be explained enough. It's got a globe theme. It's pee-wee's... playhouse. This is like peewee's dad. Yeah, it's a white trash peewee's playhouse. So it does lend to the whole serial killer vibe, but this is more like these

kids are the horror because, and the horror just ends up being like, yo, yo, yo, yo, we're living here now. We live with you. But no, they want them there. They're like, oh, you know, we can fix your bike and blah, blah, blah. And they're like, yeah, you can fix this. And like, no one's actually like having conversations or saying things to each

other. And they start like fucking hammering at it. Like, it's a fucking Lars Ransurer movie and then like we're here forever. Then Levinel Ice like goes to sleep in a wedding dress at a bathtub for an hour. One of his members and his crew eats a fucking peanut butter, pickle and sardine sandwich. Excuse me. There's also a pineapple and disgusting yellow mustard. So this is the alien angle.

It's there. Yep. You're totally right. It all is starting to come together. A bunch of poochies. one of my favorite like we're just doing a thing and like you're just looking at something

and it's not even a movie is like there's dead silence there's kind of like maybe a little bit of music in the background while they're waiting around while the repairs are going on it's kind of when this guy's making a sandwich and ice is just like dancing out in the driveway

to nothing just very quietly it's so quiet you can like hear his feet shuffling on the pavement and this is when the fucking Corvette shows up. Well, this is how he communicates back with his mother planet. Because he dances. It's a dancing language and it's quite exquisite, I have to say. And this

is our introduction to Kathy and her boyfriend, Nick. You know what Nick rhymes with? Dick. Oh, yeah. We'll find that out soon. But Kathy was introduced when she fell off the horse, but yes. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. This is like the big conflict of this film

is that this girl has a boyfriend right now. There's no other conflict. And again, like, not only did I think that not only do I do I not have any recollection of seeing this movie seven to eight years ago I also really just thought that this was like a movie where it's like there's country clubs it's a snobs

versus slabs thing and this kidnapping and witness protection angle I do not remember a lick of it yeah dude it's it's here to stay my friend and it's versus slabs would have been way way better oh of course bigger cast at least at that point bigger cast like you get someone who's like

and you know no offense to Michael Gross I think he's a total legend, but like, you get someone in that dad role with like a little more gravitas and he's like the president of the country club? It just makes sense. And then it's like, oh, you know, the only way there's a battle of the bands at the country

club and blah, blah, blah, and Nick's band's gonna play, but ICE's band is going to play and yada, yada, yada. The movie writes itself. We just made a better fucking cool as ice in under seven seconds. It's one of those situations too where because it's vanilla ice, you have

to make this guy the worst person on earth to make vanilla ice even somewhat of a good option. Dude, like, they're one step removed from making this character a child murderer just so vanilla ice can look good in this movie. We're coming up on the Twin Peaks scene with him. Yes, yes, we are. But that... Well, hang on a second, though. I just want to point out that Nick, this boyfriend

played by actor John Newton. I swear, because who knows how long this quarantine's going. on. We should say recording this episode April the 15th, 2020, for quarantine posterity sake. This actor plays Kyle in the last season of Melrose plays.

Oh, wow. He's or is he Ryan? Same difference. No, no, no. Sorry. The character's name is Ryan. He's Kyle's long-lost brother. Played by Rob Estes, who we have not gotten to yet on the show. I thought he would be like Jake's bastard child.

At what point does, ice run steal her her planner her file effects much like the film file effects also known as taking care of business it's it's pretty much when was it the horse no it's I don't think it's the horse I think it's when he's out in front of the it's right here it's where he tells her

very hilariously to drop that zero and get with the hero I think it's around this exchange right here to ICE originate that phrase or what are we talking to here? I don't know. I want to check it out on phraseopedia. No, no, no.

You know who that was? That was Philip Roth. Oh, okay. Chuck that one up for movie magic. But I remember that line from the plot against America, Kevin. Nick is immediately unlikable and he's immediately doing this thing

where he's just like, you have to go to I don't even know, like, you have to go to the same college as me because couples that don't stay together in college, break up, and blah, blah, and she's like, clearly not having any of this. She's like, yeah, that's sort of the point. I thought he was advocating to break up with her.

No, no, he wants her to go to the same college because... Oh, I see. Because he's like, you know, he understands he's a little above his weight here and is trying to stick with it. Right, he's like a stupid rich guy. Yes. And she's like a hard working middle class chick.

But, yeah, I guess she's... Do they mention it? Like, she's on her way to an Ivy League school or something like that. This news report that her family watching. It's exactly where we are right here.

So there is a weird... Did you guys catch this? It's a totally unsettling... It's just a thing you would do in a music video, but it's like the fast camera of like the family sitting in the house.

And it's like when you... Generally, when you're using stuff like that, it's to display like, you know, frantic, you know, environments or so... Or a wild situation. Sure. This is literally, it's just being used to show a family sitting in their living room. It's a big music video thing. It's an effect that you would find all the time. So of course he's using it. He's doing what he knows.

It is a thing where, or like it's, you know, it would be a passage of time thing. But like, yeah, it's just sort of a show that these are a white bread, middle American family, yada, yada, yada. Oh, generally you don't also appear on television if you're in the witness protection program. Thank you. Oh, yeah. So I think there's no point in beating around the bush here. I think we just have to explain what's going on here. Because she's on, and it's just like a good kid police report or a news report. It's like, this is a good kid in our town. Yeah, well, she's doing great. Look at these grades. Oh, my God. Teen of the month or something. Oh, dude. Teens of the month club. I'm subscribed to the teen of the month club. I get it every single month. But that's, yeah, it's a weird, like, you know, they say that she had got like a. 1,600 on her SATs.

Whatever. She's a fucking horseback riding champion. She is doing well in school. She's got a 4.0 GPA. She started home alone. Things are going great for her. Was a child actor in home alone? But yeah, and they're like, it's this woman

interviewing her, and right next to her is her dad, and the dad is just like, it's kind of funny, and Michael Gross, A, does rule. He's the dad on family ties. Absolutely. Tremors. Trammers. A hundred Tremors movies. Oh, Steve, Michael Gross question for you. Sure.

Was, uh, if you remember back to our, uh, totally speaking of Pee Wee's Playhouse, our fucking totally rad senior year college apartment. Did you have a picture of Michael Gross on your door? Was that James seeking? Oh, God. I think it was Michael Gross. I think

it was Michael Gross. Was it? Yeah. Okay. So only Michael Gross or you could enter that room. And sadly, only I entered that room. We never could secure Michael Gross for a public appearance. Or so you think. I am Michael Grouse and I've been sleeping in your bed. Whenever you go to class, I take a nap.

Oh, you've got a lot of pornography, Stephen. I've watched all of it. It's sensational. Could you imagine a Hollywood caliber actor like him settling in those dirty sheets? Hollywood caliber is exactly correct. because that dude is doing some fucking hallmark movies oh man so they watch this thing and while they're watching it we have a cut to uh jack mcgee who was like the chief

on rescue me and some other guy and the guy jack mcgee's like guess who i just saw on tv and then it cuts away from those dudes for a long while so you don't really know what's going on there by the way i love how michael gross when interviewed is like still trying to be in the witness protection program All right, let me just cover my face ever so slightly while I'm talking. Well, it's like, the move is, hey, dad, I'm getting interviewed for teen of the month. That's great, sweetheart.

Don't, you know, just give your fake name and everything's going to be fine. And like, you have to be on it too. Like, well, I can't because I'm busy. Yeah, exactly. Or it's like, oh, no, sweetheart. Like, this is your moment. It shouldn't be a thing for a 50-year-old guy to be in. It would be hilarious if it cuts to the gangster or the corrupt cop as we find out.

and he sees Michael Michael Gross with the fingers over his face like that he's like why are they interviewing this lady alone where's the father? Where's her foot? There's nobody else here with her? There should be some parent. Weird disembodied voice.

Or he takes out a photo of Michael Gross and puts his fingers up to the face and hold on a second. Hold on a second. Dude, that would have been the move. I would have been laughing my ass off still right now. But yeah, so they're in the witness protection program because Michael Gross used to be a cop and there were corrupt cops and he

kind of ratted on everybody and they all went away and yada yada yeah so he's a he's a piece of shit dude it should have been the backstory should have been what they did for uh mike the cleaner on better call saul which is that he's an ex philly cop who finds out that there's like some crooked cops and he goes back to philly and he just fucking murders them in the street that would have been the move but instead yes witness protection program which we find out in a fucking hilarious heart to heart scene later

but so they watch this news thing and then yeah honey now I'm eating my egg noodles with ketchup like a schnuck well that's probably what they're eating for dinner dude the parents are like oh hey Nick you want to stay for dinner and he gets out of there so it's just the daughter Kathy and the

son I think is Billy do you guys catch us by the way I don't think we're paying for the rights to see it but we can hear the theme song from Super Mario World 3 for Nintendo. I was unsure if it was three or two. Thank you for confirming. I'm pretty sure that it was three. The timeline makes sense.

Yeah. And so she finds that. She's like, oh, fuck, I can't find my planner, blah, blah, blah. And the kid's like, ah, fuck you. I don't know. Why don't you retrace your steps? And there is a line in here, which I was truly shocked made into this movie. She's like, okay, so, you know, I didn't have it here.

I didn't have it there. where was I before that? Oh, I was at Nick's house and she goes, and I didn't touch it at Nick's house and this little brother starts laughing hysterically. Yeah. Well, he's like a little sex crazed little fucking cretan is what he is. He's a little pervert dude.

This kid was in the sand lot a few years later too. Yes, he was. Which one does he play, Cabin? You remember? I think he's, oh, fuck. Is he the sand or the lot? He's the lot, Eric. Okay. But yeah, I forget his name. He's not one of the main ones. Yeah, he's a backup guy.

have to bring it up because I'm going to watch this movie eventually it is oh god what is it called Prairie Tales Pruder film no it's a oh yes it's a it's a it's a movie that Yannis What's this guy's name? Janus Kaminsky? Janish Kaminsky shot this

before Koolazis it's called Grim Prairie Tales and it's got James Earl Jones and Brad Durf and it's an anthology movie about cowboys sitting around an anthology horror movie about cowboys sitting around a fire telling each other is scary stories. And the wig I could see

from James Earl Jones is pretty exciting. Oh my God. Yeah, he did like a I looked this up too. I forgot the details. But there's one like maybe after this, after that one, before this one where it's just like, ooh, the dreaded night stalking person. You know, it's a horror movie. One of those deals. Yeah.

So yeah, she's, you know, she realizes that ice has it. Ice comes back to her. What happens here? this is when the the goons show up it's very yeah so the goons come up

because she realizes that ice ripped her off and she goes outside and he's there and the goons are there yes and so Michael Gross it's very important Michael Gross spies that that vanilla ice is talking to the

goons but it's insofar as like hey what are you doing here I don't know kid what are you doing here? He wants to know the directions to the sugar shack which should only be a cocaine brewery. A place where they fucking brew different kinds of cocaine for you

to sniff at the table. Welcome to the Sugar Shack. All of our Coke here is family style. So we just put it out in the middle of the table. Yeah, I'll start with a schnazbrow. And we are proud to say that all of the cocaine here at the Sugar Shack is indeed airport to table. I'll have a hunker stout.

we ask if you have a heart attack please do it outside it's a little distracting for our other patrons now if your ticker's pretty strong though and you can get through a couple of our boiler makers back to back to back you'll get yourself a free sugar shack t-shirt and we have bags here for you to stab when you need

just here at the sun because you know you get a light up I know we have a special dessert as well which is sort of like a creme blu-lay but it's a burnt cocaine known as crack. Yep, and just to let you know because it distracts some people sometimes but most of our patrons love it. Yes, heart of glasses on repeat.

Just on repeat. Oh, I love it. Yeah, so that's what happens. She goes to meet Nick at the Sugar Shack and then Ice shows up at the house and the mother is like, Horny is all get out for vanilla ice, even though she's kind of scared of him. But she's like, she's at the sugar shack.

And he's like, and he's like, damn, the sugar shack. Oh, right. And then like, he asked these goons for directions. That's what it is. Yo, fat Italian. Tell me how to get to the sugar shack. And they're like, yeah, why don't you go up your mother's asshole and take her left, all right? The most disgusting thing in the world happens right here.

This band that's playing at the Sugar Shack? No, the serial killer next to the main guy, the other corrupt cop. The tall skinny guy, yeah. They are eating fast food. And as they're getting ready to go, this guy, like a bird feeding it's young, drops fucking food out of his mouth onto the fucking pavement. I don't, I miss that entirely. He spits it out like it's a cigarette or something.

What are you talking with its food? I missed that too, my lord. Was this the same guy that was going like, oh, I want a bag of hamburgers? Yes, that's the guy. The big theme going on this month is a bag of hamburgers. You're totally right, dude. The two guys, one of them, you know,

the rescue me dude is like just totally regular, like you're classic. And it's very home alone-esque, right? They're goofy, they're goonish. Absolutely. I should say, he's Clark, played by Jack McGee. And then the other guy is Morrissey, hilariously. Who is scary as fuck.

Like, I don't know what movie he thinks. he's in but it's not cool as ice this dude's like oh wait a minute I didn't finish reading the script we don't kill that kid I kidnapped a child and now the boy is dead he's dead he's dead he's dead he's dead

oh Morrissey jokes so yeah they go to the sugar shack there is a twin rock band playing anyone get this look at these twins yeah it was disgusting they were eerie they were and this dude that like singing, he looks like Noel from

Frazier. Oh yeah, and those two girls are at the are at the booth and they're like, James was always cool. Excellent Twin Peaks season three reference. I mean, this is, this, the Sugar Shack does kind of feel like that bar yes, if that bar sucked.

It's that and like fucking like the fireman's ball, like the fucking old Polish bar movie. Yes. Oh, the Milosh Foreman's Yeah, yeah. It's like union representatives there.

It does have a Satan Tango-esque kind of vibe as well. It's because all of these people in this town I've been suffering in purgatory for centuries, dude. My big question about this scene and the dynamics of this film, because you know, ice tea is supposed to be this bad boy. Oh, I don't hang up, vanilla ice. Oh, shit. Ice tea is not.

disgracing himself in this film sir vanilla ice maybe i'll call what is his character's name johnny johnny johnny johnny van something and and the actor vanilla ice rob van winkle oh i was going to say rip but i think you're right uh so he's supposed to be a bad boy from out of town and then this nick guy is oh he's drinking alcohol maybe he's bad dude and it's a thing that i cannot stand especially when someone's bragging about it, which I have seen in person, when you're sneaking alcohol into a bar and you're like, man, look, I got my own stash. And it's like, dude, go to the bar. Yes, obviously. But what do you think fucking Johnny's up to? He's this cool, quote unquote, cool, like a rap personnel. He's doing something. Well, that's a weird thing is he's the, that's the only, and again,

this movie is like, it's, I don't know, I didn't check the rating. It's probably PG or PG 13. So Johnny has to be totally clean, which doesn't make a ton of sense. Right, like he's straight edge or something. I will tell you the coolest thing about Johnny is he has a Jim Jarmos jacket. He's got this jacket with down by law on the back. I think I saw only lovers left alive on the sleeve.

Yeah, on this sleeve over here, it says limits of control. Yo, Roberto Bonini is brilliant. Yo, check out what it says across the left pocket. So there's a really uncomfortable thing where Johnny's like swilling vodka out of this bottle. No, we're getting into mixed up. Nick is drinking. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you're right.

Oh, by the way, that movie Ghost Dogs based on me. Oh, he does fight just as well as the same guy himself. Dude, the fight scene. But he's, Nick is like getting tanked and whatnot. He's like, where's the matter, Kathy? Don't you want to take a ball? And she's like, I don't know, man, this club clearly sucks ass. And he's like, yeah, well, why don't we go for a drive or something? And she's like, dude, you have been drinking. Yes. And it's, again, it's like, we have to make vanilla ice look so awesome in this movie

that now this dude, this like Villain guy, is like getting super excited to drive drunk. And there's this other band playing just, again, the bad rock and ice and his crew are not having it. this is when they unplug their music in the middle of their takeover in their set. And then, and again, like, this goes to your point of, like, being troubadours, like, they're not booked to play this club. And I'm not sure what they never talk about their manager or their next gig is like, let's just sow chaos. That's exactly right.

It's nothing about like, yo, we got to play this place so we can someday get a record deal. Yes. Or any, it's none of that. It's just like, yeah, we're doing it for the love of the music. the fact that there's no timetable is insane like maybe they got a gig they got to go there should be a ticking clock of some kind that's exactly what it is dude they're on tour and it's like oh man we broke down in this weird tim burton town you say so chaos i say liberate minds got it right they freak out they freak out a lot of squares in this chris they do they break them out of their fucking routine right like like like neo in the matrix

they start singing or he starts singing his band doesn't do shit the people's choice which is a song so let me ask you I've never actually looked this up but the thought occurred to me watching this movie so at some point

Vanilla Ice had like a full LP yes with presumably more than like eight songs on it yeah are all of these songs coming from the same album that Ice Ice Baby is on no they are not I don't think

the first song is I'm going to say this word interpolation of a small track on the first record but the other the sex song and the people's choice I think are

not on that record okay so you're telling me that in the early 90s vanilla ice then had at least two albums yeah that's fucking crazy and we don't even get Ice Ice Baby in this film Well, I think that's part of the thing, though, right?

Is like, yo, I got to do something to get me away from that song. That was, I mean, that was bothering me. I kept expecting at some points, he's just going to do it. You know what I mean? Like, do it, dude. I mean, but it's like, you can't, though. I mean, this is, it's his big movie thing. It's like, I got to prove I'm more than Ice Ice Baby, baby, baby.

Vanilla Ice is, like, kind of amazing. Like, his second record was a live album. Is that right? Yes. It's awesome. He must be great live. He must be a great performer. I mean, here's the thing.

To say something nice about Rob Van Winkle, aka Van Winkle, I don't care for his fucking horrible rap, but this dude can dance like a motherfucker. And he's dancing up a storm in this movie, and it actually is pretty great to watch. I will just say that. And the whole thing is like he's a good looking white dude.

Oh, he's handsome as hell, too. That's kind of crazy. That is a big fucking nog. And when I saw that giant head come on, I looked up his age. I was like, this guy's like 30 in this movie, right? No, 24. Wow. That's a huge head. He looks like the son of Max Headroom.

Yeah, he does. He's kind of, you're right, Chris. He's kind of like a sexy Matt Fruer. Yeah, a little bit. Oh my God, you're totally right. I mean, not to say Max Fruer is not sexy. Well, did you catch Matt Fruer and Honey I Shrunk

the kids? Good Lord. Matt Fruer and Tom, and Tom Noonan used to hit the town and just pick up babes. Oh, dude, the two of them could have gone out. You could concoct a great story about how they were brothers. You know, they do look well enough like. Dude, if you're a tall, skinny guy, you're just going to do all right, no matter what.

Yep. Matt, we're going to Poundown Town, get in the car. Hey, hey, man, witness me, right? Yeah, witness me. Look at this. Hey, honey, you want to be in a real lifeful tower because we're so fucking incredibly tall and scary? So he takes over the performance space here. They do this song.

Which song is it? This is a people's choice. And everyone's going, everyone's so upset that they're like, oh, my God, what's happening? Except for Christy, who's like, I want to fuck that guy. Kathy. Kathy. Yeah. Jack.

Oh, he's calling her cat this whole movie. And she's always like, that's not my name, dude. But it's like, he's going to give you a sexy nickname. Oh, for sure. you're getting a sexy nickname. Even you, Steve, you get one. Oh, well, that's exciting. I don't know what it would be, but a little Stevie.

Oh, no. Or Teave. Teave. Oh, dude, that would be my sexy vanilla ice nickname. We get into some sexy dancing right here, though, dude. He spies Kathy in the crowd, and they start going into Dance Town, and poor fucking alcoholic Nick is just staring on. Nick wasn't good. He was beyond the poor. point of coming back from that for that evening at least yeah no you're totally right uh but it's

here too that she's like by the way you have 24 hours to return my fucking planner and at that it's kind of funny the the clock which also doesn't matter you think to eric's point this movie needs a clock because at some point um during this night uh the goons go up to michael gross like oh hey johnny how's it going that's uh not my name anymore and it's like um you got a 24 hours she gives us 500 grand. Talk to you later. Yeah. Oh, we're coming back to this pie shop. Hey me, Jimmy.

Oh, dude, it's fucking a history of violence. So Nick acts like a total asshole in the parking lot. Doing one of those, like, she's walking away because he's wasted and she's going to walk home and he does the scream out, get in the car! And you're like, oh, man.

And so Kathy walks home. And like, here's where these corrupt cops are like behind her with the headlights on and I'm I don't think they're going to entirely run her down but try to like scare her a little bit and this is where Vanilla Ice like rides in and like cuts them off on his

motorcycles like get on we got go I will say one thing I realized what I learned today is that Vanilla Ice did most of his motorcycle stunts because he was apparently like a motocross guy oh that checks yeah so he's doing he's doing a lot of this work because he's not wearing a helmet at all in this movie

by the way no and it's clearly a lot of this is him definitely driving the motorcycle. Although some of the hats he wears could cover a helmet underneath them. That's very true. And one of them has armor on them. Like one of these caps. Oh yeah. Reflective armor plating.

He's also wearing these like Jean-Paul Gautier sunglasses the whole time. Oh, we mentioned the haircut, but like he's even got a little like rat tail. We have not talked about the haircut enough because it's Wait, wait, a rat tail? Yeah, dude, he's got like a little he's got like a little like tied up big, like The hair

Yes, his hair is short But he's got like a rantail In the back And then he's got these mazes I mean I think you can see I mean I think you can see anything In that haircut if you look at it at the right Like I think the Zelda triangle is in there somewhere

Yo Barba give me the magic eye Oh shit a sailboat It's a schoon Eric I think one of them is supposed to be Like the one side of his head is supposed to be shaved Like a brick wall Yes and the other one's like Spikey stuff

Yeah, and the other side is the map to Westworld or whatever Ed Harris was looking for. Fucking haircut by M.C. Escher. Yes, yes. Yo, look at this haircut. It's an infinite staircase. It's like, what is the perspective I'm I supposed to be looking at? Oh, wow. Yeah, it's a bunch of geese, but if you look at it this way, it's like they're flying and then they're swimming like fish. Figure it out. Hypnotizing. No.

so ice comes out of the club at one point and he sees uh i guess he drops her off for some shit because the next thing i'm recalling here is that uh he finds nick bashing all these motorcycles i think he's going back to get his boys and stuff because he drops her off and she's like you got 24 hours buddy and like they're flirting they're into it she wants to fuck them for sure yeah but then there's this like street fight out in front of the fucking sugar shack this is the real twin peak scene because there's this fucking train going by in the background. There's this old couple in the dark watching the fire.

Yes, dude. This old couple they're sitting in rocking chairs saying nothing. It's happening. Like, it's outside of a house it looks like. Godalight. Yes. It is the God of Light people are watching Vanilla Ice beat up these fucking dudes. And like, yeah,

like he's just obviously awesome. And that's a problem in the movie. Like he never fails ever. He's just great at everything aside from emoting and acting. But like, you know, he's catching. their punches like one guy gets him from behind but he just has all the moves yeah uh there's a hilarious shot

where kathy's laying in bed trying to think about uh vanilla ice but instead she's just listening to her parents fight about being in witness protection in the other room they're like call the agency he's like I tried it didn't work first of all what fucking why they really cut these people loose huh is it the next morning

or this or maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but I just want to quickly mention that he like dips ice into her mouth to wake her up. That is, that's this next scene. It's how he wakes her up. I do, I want to, I tweeted about this. It's, it's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen is she sleeps with a, a plate, a flat plate with three lemons on it next to her bed. I saw, where an alarm clock might be. I saw you tweet that last night, dude, and I was waiting for it. And I got to tell you as insane and amazing as that is, which also, it must just make the room kind of smell nice. Oh, whoa, wait. You guys

don't know how to use the three lemons. It's really easy. You don't eat longfucks anymore. Something that I think totally tops the lemons though, Steve. I'm sorry to break it to you. Oh, please. Is the fucking no more than a medium sized fish bowl with about

40 little blue fish in it? It's torture. Dude, it's total torture. They'd be eating each other alive. Speaking of torture, this fucking, the water treatment he gives. Waterboarding this woman. It's ice cream. And it's like, super sexy obviously right he puts it all over her lips and it's like oh and he's like oh you can't be

quiet we can't let mommy and daddy know i'm here and it's like shit dude this is pretty getting creepy i could have sworn like the way that this happened because she's like like when it cuts from the parents arguing right it's like the middle of the night she's trying to go to sleep she can't and then immediately cuts to a close-up of this actress and he's fucking you know putting the ice cube down and whatever and she's got there's like a fucking little little rule line of water that's left over or whatever. I thought she was like supposed to be having a sexy

dream about him. Because it's so insane that he would sneak into her room at the crack of dawn. You were making it sound almost romantic. This is a guy in his mid-20s doing a breaking and entering and molesting a high school student. Yes.

That's absolutely true. It's fucking crazy. And he used the words mommy and daddy, which you should not do in this scene, ladies. gentleman or or you know what Steve in any scene that doesn't involve like an adult talking to a little kid yo yo good morning my love i broke into your house guess what your family is dead yo this house is on fire literally we're gonna make love on your brother's corpse yo that would be hot i took you i took your father down in the basement like in cold blood and

fucking shot him. Book was dope. Yo, I watch this film Funny games and I hit your father in the fucking face with a golf club. I asked your mother for some eggs. I just love the idea of him also just reading

Truman Capote. Yeah, other voices, other rooms fucking rocks, yo. Shit. Music for chameleons is my shit. but so like is they're talking and he gives the he gives the uh day planner back she like stole some business cards from him i didn't understand what this was i was confused i think it's his id and at some point there's a business card for somebody else named

monique and she uses this the entire movie as like her own thing that she could do in this movie because she has nothing to do anyway well i'm just like start in the music video a girl gives him her number she's Monique and so she's like oh I'm jealous now you got a girl's number I guess that's that's Monique played by an actress named Bobby Brown

and I got to tell you just really quickly this filmography of course an appearance on Baywatch Nights she plays Video Babe in Last Action Hero and in Eric one of your all time favorite movies

one of the films from the Oove of the Barbarian brothers. She plays Peter's girlfriend in Double Trouble. Oh, interesting. Now, I don't remember Double Trouble too well. Now, think big. That was my show. Oh, I see. Yeah. I want David Caridine and

with the Barbarian Brothers. One of them just died, I think. Oh, fuck. RIPD. Oh, but wait, you skipped the big that she married, she was in Houston. Yeah, she did. Oh, right. I totally forgot about that. And then what, like, sold, like, the home videos or something? Jesus. Yeah.

Anyway, yeah, she's someone you see at the beginning of the movie and then never again. And, you know, that's kind of their thing. The little brother shows up and he's like, hey, how's it going? Oh, man, you got a cool bike outside. And he's like, yeah, little kid, maybe I'll keep you a ride sometime. And he's like, after you're done making sex with my sister? Oh, man, douche, chill. That's uncomfortable.

And she freaks out and, like, kicks this little sandlock kid out of the room and whatever. And he's like, yo, I'll be outside. waiting for you whenever it is you're ready feel free to take a shower you don't worry little man I'm going to describe what I did to her and he jumps out this window and this I have to say is the most beautiful shot in the movie I agree like he he steps outside and it's like dawn and the camera does this nice like turn around and I was expecting like when it's done doing this like 180 you're going to see Michael Gross standing there like disapprovingly but he's not And it's just this great shot of, you know, an American suburban neighborhood.

And then the sprinkler turns on. He runs for the hills because, dude, that is too close to take him a shower for this guy. The best part, and he's definitely wearing the clothes from the night before, absolutely. Because they have no bags or anything. Like, what are these people just exist on motorcycle. That's a great question. Not a lick of luggage. I don't understand it.

It's very weird. they are so otherworldly. Like, what are they doing? Yo, it turns out these humans wear more than one uniform. It's just insane. He calls the kid slick like he's Tom Seismore and Heat.

It's really... This relationship with the brother really irks me, man. This is the one part I was really not into. But it's another thing that he's good at, though, dude, because the other boyfriend, Dick there, Nick, is like, oh, yeah, you can take a ride in my car some other time. He's like, you always lie to me, Nick.

And like, again, because Vanilla Ice is the best every single time, he's like instantly great with the kid, buddy, buddy with him kind of a thing. And like seeing Vanilla Ice have sex with his sister is so inspiring that he even gets a haircut to mimic Vanilla Ice a little later in the film. It's a fun moment for everyone. It is a fun moment for everyone. He goes, he takes her on a motorcycle ride. They go to a construction site. This is sort of their like falling in love montage question mark. Now this is, this film released in 1991, so figure production in 90.

But man, a fucking glorious holdover from the beautiful 80s. The second ice hits the fucking pedal on this motorcycle and they go off on this montage adventure. The saxophone. kicks in so gloriously right here. I kind of perked up a little bit. But this is the... It's the best music in the movie. Oh, absolutely.

This is the heart to heart. Like, yo, what's it like to have a family? Which is just... I just got to ask, what is it that you people do in the bathroom at all? I go in there, I just see a bowl of water and I'm like, what? Yo, do you eat with your mouth?

Hey guys it turns out we don't eat with butts Stop putting food in your butt That dude's taking that pickle sandwich out of his ass This like montage of fun That they have is so great He like there's a lot of like Isisms that get thrown out right here The best of which I think is

If you live your life for someone else Well you ain't living Excellent And he's really speaking to Kat right now here because it's like yo you're gonna always do what your daddy says or what again it's like the thing through this whole movie and that is the way this movie ends at a country club where her dad is like harrumph i cannot believe you're worth vanilla ice and then like she she tells him she's gonna live her own way but that does not happen no no and it needs to dude and i can picture it now like he's

harrumphing in the corner of the country club ballroom and he's like yo pops this one's for you Check it. You know, and that's like a fucking phenomenal Ending of Motion Picture Cool and Zikes. Mic drop and say, I'm taking your daughter to Isis. That's that. This scene culminates with her kissing him and it's one of the funniest fucking things I've ever.

Well, it actually doesn't because they continue making out later in a separate montage that happens three minutes after the other montage ends. But when she lays one on him initially right here when they're talking. He goes hmm. Like he just smelled like good cookies. Oh, I was laughing

again. Yeah, but in the second montage they're in a field. They fall down together under the, you know, into the brush and it's like they fucked there, right? Or this is when the fucking has to have. Absolutely. But it's not just the fields. They're like on the salt flats at some point.

I don't know. Yes, it's both. And I'm like where does this movie take place? It's very weird, but this is also where you see even though I's learning to ride a horse. The alien species, of course, can just, like, blip and go to another. It's part of it. Oh, right. I definitely think it's an alien situation.

She actually says, like, where are you from? And he says, around, yep, yep. And I think yep, yep, yep, might be the name of the planet. In the around galaxy or constitution. Yo, I'm from Yep, yep, yep, yep, I'm a yep-yp-ypien. It was a secret gleepe glossary episode. I love it. Dude, yeah, the Yip Yep Yep 7 clan, man.

They fucking fought for the rebellion. Yeah, I was a Jiz player. What? Yeah, I played the Moss-Eisley canteener. It's a Gleeve-Block's choice. Figuring Dan, drop it. The overload of Yop-Yop-Yop-Yop said that you got to be yourself. A jizz whaler, really?

A man of your talent? Dude, another fucking hilarious thing about this extended montage of them in the desert is he definitely just has his shirt off at one point. And he's like, yo, this is how you brought a motorcycle. Let me teach you first shirt off. So he drops her off after an entire day of hanging out in a field, in a meadow, in a desert. Grade A harumfing from Michael Gross here is where have you been all day? Harumph. Yeah, and this is where he tells off vanilla ice. He's like, you stay away from my daughter, all that stuff.

I thought it was her choice. What? I mean, his suspicions are right because he sees this mysterious stranger who looks like and talks like he's from another planet. Talking with these, you know, the bad men from, I guess, I don't know, where in New York. I don't know. Yeah, you never really get an origin. It is so ill-defined. It is so old-defined.

Also, like, I don't know, man. The thing is, like, if I'm in witness protection and the guys that I'm hiding out from find me, it's fucking highway time, everybody. Like, we're not, there's no next day for Christy to have a fun, for cat to have a fun time with vanilla ice. We are on the highway that fucking night. And to your point, dude, about that,

that's why later in this movie, when this fucking, the younger son is kidnapped by these guys, guys. It's like, wait a second, Michael Gross. You and your wife fucking went to work. Yes, I know. And you left this kid at like Little League and your teenage daughter was supposed to pick him up and you come home

you've been grocery shopping. Like the fucking cops are after you. Well, Kathy, the quarterly payments are due. What do you want me to do? I got this mixed up. I'm Michael Gross. I thought it was Michael Grocery.

Oh, my God. That's Wow. It's good. Eat it, pigs. It's quarantine time. Here's your podcast, slop. I know how you like it. Extra sloppy.

This is where Michael Gross has a little confrontation with the misses, and she's like, we have to tell her. And so he has just like this fucking hilarious Mondo. This was the scene where I noticed all the fish and the fish bowl. but he's like my name was James Hackett James Anthony Hackett and tells this whole thing about they were Jimmy and Sarah Hackett

and he was a fucking rat X cop the whole thing and the funny thing is like at the end of it she's like but why can't I see Vanilla Ice? My reality has been like she gets over this pretty quickly like the fact that everything she's been told is a fucking lot that your last name is fake yep your parents aren't

who they've been telling you they are for the last 18 years. It's quite amazing. You got a secret serpico in your house. It's a bit of a thing. Oh man. Oh, so then because of this, because of Michael Gross's

suspicions, he's like, oh, and by the way, your fucking friend Vanilla Ice, Johnny, is involved with them. So you've got to stay away from them. And so the next morning, like, they've, they've tentative made plans to go fucking the field again and instead like

Kat tells Johnny that it's over with and you know he there's this kind of great shot where like Vanilla Ice is just pushing this motorcycle backwards to follow her down the sidewalk and like he just goes back to the house where his friends have been staying in hell with these old people

really just pound and again like it's it's so like art film ask the way that they're playing these doofuses they're like pounding at this fucking motorcycle with toasters trying to fix it. It's like so bizarre. I just don't know what Mr. Kellogg was going for here. It's like, it's truly something.

And at this point, I should mention something I wanted to talk about with the interior design of this house. The fucking living room that has like motivational lines like all over, written all over the walls and the furniture. There's just like fucking sentences painted on the walls. What is that? It's your madness. Fucking Tim Robbins' house. It's just like it's so we're like someone just like vomited. And that was the fucking production design for this house.

It's totally crazy. They have another montage where vanilla ice is like brooding while, you know, cat tries to go hang out with their friends. And they're like, oh, you should talk to Nick and try to get him back. blah, blah, blah. I think Michael Gross had a line on. Like, Nick was hospitalized. Yes. Right. Amazing. For a broken nose, apparently. So Johnny comes back to the house and the little boy Tommy is there and he's like, oh, you know, cat went out or whatever. But you promised me a ride on that motorcycle. And he takes this kid out. And it's kind of funny because they see Nick like in his corvette. The kid like gives him the finger.

Well, here's the thing. This kid comes up to him and he's like, yeah, what sucks? And he's like, yeah, I told everybody I was supposed to be at Little League, but I'm with you. Let's go on your motorcycle. I'm like, nah, son, you got to go back to your parents. Because if I took you anywhere, that'd be kidnapping. Or so I understand it from the rules I've read on my space way here. Like, it's totally illegal to take a kid somewhere without his parents knowing. It's not all right.

The kid doesn't get to make that decision. Little man, call me when you're 18. And then I'll still talk about your mommy. and daddy to you yeah they go off and he does give him the middle figure this is when he gives himself this horrific haircut

it's not even a haircut it's like he just puts like gel in it yeah it's disgusting is what it is this kid looks disgusting fresh cut little man says Rip Van Winkle and he's like oh yeah you like it Johnny

I did it myself vanilla he's like yeah I can tell can we talk about I think it's in the what do you call it scene the construction scene when they're flirting. It's like, well, so what's your, what's your real name?

Johnny what? And he goes, I think she says, oh, so your name is Johnny. And like, it's this weird, like, fucking kill bill volume one shit where they don't say his name properly and I don't understand it. It turns out he's Johnny Rockets. Yeah, I don't, I don't know what, why we are going to such length to make this guy like so mysterious. Like, it just, it doesn't make any sense.

But so he drops the key. kid off and when he does like Kathy has given him this ring that she had and she you know when she gives it to him she's like yeah well this is something that Nick doesn't have so like he sneaks into

her room and drops it in the fish bowl and kind of like bounces another breaking and entering yep absolutely yeah we're no longer married or so I understand it from your primitive earth culture what ring was this it was just a ring that she was

Oh, okay. Just like some jewelry she had. God, yeah. I don't want your great grandmother's trash. Yo, I don't care if this came from the old country. I'm going to throw it in this fishbow. Am I supposed to eat this? Oh, it's great food for you.

And so this is so nobody's supposed to be home, I guess, is the idea. And these fucking corrupt cops come in, break into the house. They're threatening the kid. And he's like, I'm going to 911. I saw it on America's Most Wanted. And this other guy who's definitely in a fucking

totally different movie is like oh yeah, did you see the one that I was on? And I'm like, what are you doing? It is totally disturbing. And he pulls out the phone wire. It's amazing. It's amazing performance by this man. It is so scary. It is so so scary.

Oh, so they fucking kidnap him. They kidnap him and she comes home and she's like flopping all over the house. She finds the ring immediately somehow. She's like, I guess she checks her fishbowl for rings every day. And she's just like, you know, she's just a sad, moody teen, blah, blah, blah. And again, yeah, the parents come back with like groceries, they rented videos. They're just like, they're in, they're just hanging.

They will not be deterred by this, by their past life catching up with them. I guess that's what they learned. I mean, I get, dude, it's like the dumbest fucking move. Like, there should be, you know, and maybe there is, I don't know, I've never had to be in witness protection. that you know of. Oh. But like, you know, maybe there's like a binder,

like a break in case of emergency binder. And it's like if the people who were originally threatening your life show back up at your house, here's a number that you can call and we'll get you out of there and, you know, whatever else. There was some line about like, like, oh, did you call the Marshall or whatever? He's like, well, yes, I did. Nothing happened.

It was some weird, like, it seems like they may be implied that they tried. Hey, you got Marshall McCathers. I'm out of the office this weekend. And if your life is in danger, just wait until Monday. I'll talk to you later. Oh, we swear we would have called, but we have a game night with the Johnson's Friday. Listen, gentlemen, could you extort $500,000 for me,

perhaps next week? It's more convenient. We have a game night with the Johnson. So the two guys, the two crooked cops, have left an envelope on the doorstep. So this is another like vanilla ice shows up at the front door, picks it up to just be like, you know, like, oh yeah, I'm giving this to you.

You know, but again, like you should, you, I mean, he doesn't know to specify this because he doesn't know he's under suspicion in that way. But I would be like, this was on your doorstep. Exactly. You know, right when I got here, I'm not giving it to you. Now it's like mistaken identity type of thing. But right before that, he was convinced to go over by his,

his group of followers, I guess, because he's kind of a David Koresh as well. And the proprietors of this garage, question mark, house. And they say, like, you can't leave without saying goodbye. You got to go say goodbye to her. You got to give her a real goodbye. We got to go to the next planet, dude. The next, the next system needs us.

So he fucking takes off after this. And they listen to this fucking text. Oh, is it funny. And it's so chilling. He's being forced to read his own fucking hostage tape. Oh, God. I am doing well, father. How are you?

Mother, I am being fed well. And it's like, oh, if you come, if you give them what they want, I'll come home. If you don't, I won't. And I'm like, hey, cool as ice. Awesome. It was at especially the reading of this hostage tape. listening of this hostage tape that I was like I was really fucked up

the only other time I saw this movie I don't remember this at all so they freak the fuck out Nick comes by and he says and again this is another wrong man situation he's like oh I saw Tommy a little while ago

he was with vanilla ice on the motorcycle so this like cements Michael Gross's position that vanilla ice is you know in on it with the two cops but she takes the fucking tape to Vanilla Ice and Friends and has them listen to it

and this is like Vanilla Ice has the audacity to tell this lady that she needs to see a psychiatrist That's right when she shows up She shows up and she's like Johnny I need to talk to you You need to talk to a psychiatrist Oh my God

It is fucked up And then like fucking George C Scott and the Changeling Re-listening to this fucking tape Over and over again and he's like, yo, what's that sound on the tape? You hear that banging sound? And he's like, rewinding it and playing it.

No, no, no, shut up. Listen, I think a ghost is on this tape. Yo, yo, yeah, yo, computer, enhance. He's like Travolta and blowout. Is that an owl I see here in the background? Okay, let me, let me count it down. Hoot, hoot, hoot, puncture sound, tire screeching, car goes over bridge,

bam hits that water. Yeah, so obviously the stranger to the town can pinpoint the location of by sound. Yep, absolutely. It's the one place you fuck, Derek, so he always remembers that. That's how this scene starts and it's so awkward when you're watching it because you're watching this piece of machinery like slam into like a metal panel on the ground and it happens repeatedly as they're like driving up and you're like, what is the point of that? And it's only so at the end of this movie, you the audience member,

sitting in the theater during opening weekend of Cool as Ice can be like, oh shit, the kids at the construction site. Well done, Detective Ice. Dude, Detective Ice better movie. Absolutely. I'm new on the force. Yo, he could have been in a movie with like fucking Jim Belushi or some shit where they're two fuck up detective. Absolutely.

The only thing I remember him also being in is one of the Sandler movies. He's in That's My Boy. in what I'm told is a very extensive role. I've never seen that movie. I mean, we talked about it a little bit. He's also in the same year, by the way, in Ninja Turtles 2. Yes.

That's the best movie. Better movie, yeah, for sure. It's just kind of crazy that they are at the same year because you'd figure like somebody, you know, a producer on this movie would have seen him in Ninja Turtles 2 and then it's like, oh, he could be in a movie. But, I mean, same year.

That's very surprising. wanted to get it because that song was huge was huge a year before and it's like that's that guy's going to be it he's it they tried to push him and then it got gave way to this and they're like never mind i mean that would reinforce the alien thing for kathy yo i'm friends with talking turtle yeah that's actually true uh so yeah he realizes that you know he's like oh to the construction site motorcycle gang yo should we call the cops absolutely not so they go up there and like the machine isn't turned on so they can't find the clanking noise or whatever and so then it's like these two goons have this kid in an unfinished house and they're like

you know this uh what's his name jack mcgee whatever the actor is is like uh you know oh there you are my pretty babies yeah look at you on your sexy motorcycles yeah can't find us without the clanging can you know marcy turn around oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah motorcycles. Oh, yeah. Don't look, Morrissey. Don't turn around. Morrissey has a great line around here about how the fat's gone to your head because he gets paranoid. He's like, hearing something.

But he's also like, I'm going to, he's just taunting this child. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. Yeah, that's actually pretty great. Because like there's no lights on. It's an unfinished house. So these dudes just have flashlights. And he's like flashing it in the kid's face. Like, woo, he's going to get killed. who's going to get their face cut off and it's like again

dude someone tell the guy playing Morrissey that this isn't fucking seven show him home alone like you're Daniel Stern that's what you're doing you have to be goofy and garish absolutely and it was just the year before it guaranteed the actor

S.A. Griffin playing Morrissey fucking saw that movie although this is what Kevin McAllister deserved oh for sure absolutely oh so I love it man just fucking out of nowhere these motorcycles drive through this drywall

it is hysterical and there's another fight scene it's even worse than the first one I don't know it takes an hour for some reason it's like two dudes versus three guys three you know three guys game over you got and that's he kind of kicked him again

oh no oh wait no he's kind of kicking him again that's what's insane though is that in that first fight scene vanilla ice beats the shit out of everyone in that fight circle like very swiftly, single-handedly, whatever. And they're like young dudes, right? And so like this scene, he's fighting Morrissey,

this fucking 50-year-old dude, and he's kind of getting his ass kicked. And I was like, no, you can't do it that way. Like, if he very swiftly beats up these young guys, this guy's no fucking match for vanilla ice. There needs to be a gun. There needs to be a knife, something. Yep, exactly.

They're shown to have guns. I don't know whether they don't use them. No, a gun is not fired. in this movie. You got to keep that PG-13, dude. Which is weird also because this movie was universal. So it's not like a thing where it was like Touchstone Pictures, which is like actually owned, you know, it's like a Disney thing.

And, you know, we got to keep shit. Like, those are like the secret Disney's pseudo-adult movies. Like, this has been going around because like Splash is on Disney Plus and they edited out Darrell Hannah's ass at the end of it. Oh, I saw that. That's really stupid. Dude, they get, did you see it though? Like the clip,

they give her like it's a digital digitally, they like digitally lengthen her hair? Why are we like, why are we making like a, we're stigmatizing asses now? Like, an ass doesn't necessarily have to be a sexual delight. Sure, it can be, but. But it doesn't have to be, look at Larry the Cable Guy's entire comedy career. Exactly. You're not blurring him out.

And I guarantee if Disney Plus acquired all the Larry Cable Guy movies, they would even add crack. Hey, cool, I'm blurred out. And guess what, dude, you don't get to, if you, if, you don't like the ass in Splash, you don't get to show the movie. How about that? You know what I mean? Yep.

That's it. The movie is ass. Mr. Iger. Mr. Iger, we have to keep the butts. No. No, we have to. It's part of the movie. No, they don't exist.

Butch don't exist. No if fans or butts. And I mean it. That extends to actual butt toss. B-U-T-S and B-U-T-S. but yeah so like jack mcgee gets his fucking head thrown through the wall by the the gang which is pretty cool and did i catch this right does vanilla ice kick morsey in the balls at the end of this it looks like it looks like it could easily be you know uh take it as like a kick to the stomach

but it looks like he fucking lifted his leg up and stamped this dude right in the balls man i got to rewatch it thankfully i bought it on amazon straight up by why did you buy it dude i was able to rent it classic film Dude, if you thought it was so classic, you would buy some fucking disc media, my friend. That's fair. I'm thinking it doesn't happen because I don't remember the cartoon bird sound being played at any time.

Or like a boi-o-o-o-o-o-lo-ha. Yeah, exactly. You don't get a nerds in there. Oh, my nerds! He hit my balls. He hit my balls. I would love in one of these movies, it's a totally regular kids comedy movie.

movie, right? And, like... That's fun. He gets a fucking sledgehammer and the nuts and the bolloo-yo-yoing sounds. And, like, you keep expecting him to get up, but he's, like, bleeding through his mouth. I can't make it. I fucking can't make it. Oh, dude, does, like, the testicles come out of his mouth? Exactly. He just dies on the floor.

Because the balls, the balls, the balls, it's the balls that'll bring us together. It's like, it's like Quint when he gets the second bite. Oh, my God. just screaming as blood comes out of the sides of your mouth it's like well everything in cool as ice was PG up until that happened and now it's a hard R rating yeah you gotta get it somehow better movie man it's still all appears on Disney

Plus but it's blurred so he brings everybody back and everyone and like Michael Gross is like well I guess I was wrong about you and he like they shake hands and he's like yeah whatever dude it's actually kind of a fucking confusing line or whatever because he's like uh uh like michael grows apologizes to vanilla ice and says thanks and vanilla ice just goes doesn't really matter yeah yeah don't know what that means i was like what i mean i get it he's an alien he's still trying to get a grasp on the english language yeah exactly hey daddy daddy now you owe me 500 000 oh Oh, shit. And the Vig is running, dude.

Absolutely. Yo, this movie hasn't had a clock until right now. That bitch is ticking. It's good for you. My planet's currency is ketchup. That's why I came down here. I'm a billionaire. Oh, wow.

This is perfect. I'm Michael Grocery, and I happen to have ketchup. Yeah, so then Michael Gross is like, you know oh not too late now fucking this grown man and they kind of have a little conversation here and she goes

he says something like yeah well aren't you going off to college and she's like college doesn't start tomorrow smart ass to which he replies then let's G-O yeah oh yeah I meant jerk oh is that jerk off

is jerk off with a G you only loses say go. It should be longer. You're a school girl. I'm going to teach you the alphabet. And Nick shows up just to be like, what is going on here? And he says he's got, there's a great exchange right here actually with him and vanilla ice because he's like, he's like, he's like, all right, Kathy, well, you know what? You're never going to see me again. If you go off on that hoodlum's motorcycle or like,

whatever it is. And he just goes, a mess. imagine that and fucking drives off. He drives off and then he's like, I hope you enjoy being a biker chick or whatever. It's like, that's not what a biker chick, whatever, man, fine. And then like Vanilla Isis goes, hold on. I just realized I got to end the movie.

And he drives back around and he uses Nick's car to do another sick jump. It's pretty fun. It's pretty fun. And he doesn't scare the living daylights out of a horse this time. Oh, that horse has to be killed, by the way. Oh, yeah, that horse is definitely. And then it just ends with another music video.

We don't know where this is, but it's, it's in, it's in the narrative because she's there and she's like, I'll call it iced out. You know what I mean? Like, she's been dressed conservatively this whole film very like wholesomely and now she's got like a cool, you know, fly girl's haircut kind of a thing going on. Absolutely. She's got some makeup on. She's wearing like a tight dress. She's at a vanilla ice concert. She's finally her own person Just living under the thumb of another boyfriend Well listen You gotta meet my parents on my home planet

You gotta dress like us And what I realized actually As this movie Ended right here Was that as the movie's dumb Fucking mafia Or corrupt cop Child Kidnapping thing

Like really kicks into high gear There's a long stretch of this movie Where there's no Vanilla Ice Dancing or singing. And you're like, wait a second. They should have just made this like a full on Vanilla Ice musical movie where they're really punching in songs and dance

numbers and shit because you just lose sight of it. And then it's like, oh yeah, I forgot. He kind of like sings and dances in this movie a little bit. They should pepper it throughout for sure. That should be like a staple. It should be like Blues Brothers or John Waters' Crybaby or something. I mean, totally. I don't, that's the thing. I don't understand why

Kellogg with this on this. This is essentially a reel. Yes. Yeah. It's a really good looking real also. So why would you? Did you guys sit through the end credits? I did. Yes. I just wanted to mention the be cool, stay in school at the very end. Oh, absolutely. And school is spelled S K. K. Yeah, yeah. Wait, it's O is not O's. Not O's. Not on our point. Yeah, we're in isolation. I'm going crazy. Are you sure that wasn't just a plug for a skull? You stay in skull chewing tobacco Yeah

I mean It's kind of funny To misspell Every word of Be Cool stay in school Oh man You actually just reminded me I did

Chewing tobacco one time And almost vomit I can't I never never did It was the worst fucking thing I've Because I had a buddy You used to do it

And he was like You just got tried sometime man I was like All right And I did I got like Super lightheaded

Immediately animals vomited. And I was like, this is not for me. They call it like the dip, right? Yeah, dude, that's exactly what it was. You tap that little canister. You get a little dip there. And it's just like pure nicotine hitting fast, right? Yep. That's exactly. And yeah, because you're getting that like,

you know, all the stuff's going like sublingually and whatever. And I was like, no, thank you. No, baby. Some chewing marijuana. Yeah. Oh, that's a different story. No, baby. We have to dip. That's the only way we can breathe on my planet. When I dip, you dip, we dip. Nice.

Planet Skull Would anybody recommend this movie? Because that's the fucking end of it all right. That would be the planet of ugly smiles. Let's look at the big book A Skull Smiles. I would.

It's a scene is believing for sure. It's one and done. Really has to be after. It's like it's Gremlin rules, but it's like kind of reverse. Like it has to be after midnight. You have to have consumed something. Or, you know, you're just having a fun time. I don't know.

I'm not telling anyone to break edge here. But that's the only way to watch this film. I don't... It goes without... We haven't touched on it that much how bad of an actor he is and, like, barely fills the frame, doesn't know how to look at things

or breathe properly. Like, all of it, every time he's on screen, you're like, wow, this is just ill-fitting. So, yeah, it's a recommend for me. Eric Sisko. Oh, it's an absolute recommend. It is seeing as believing it's fun. I think this would be great with a lot of people, but that's illegal.

So if there's like a Zoom or some way to do that, I would recommend it. I mean, obviously, imbide all you can. For some people, that's chewing tobacco, some people that's smoking wacky tobacco. And some people, it's drinking. And for you at home, it's nothing. Just because I agree with Steve, we got to, we got to show, you know, tell people, you don't have to do this stuff to have fun, folks. True.

Be cool. Stay in school. Chris Gap. Oh, absolutely. You have to see this thing. It's, I mean, all the oddity of it, you know, it being Januszkiew, who shot it and watching him be an actor, which is amazing to behold. It's, it's all worth it.

it's complete nonsense and incoherent, but yeah, it's totally worth seeing. I will say sober Andrew at 11.30 this morning watching this movie, absolutely not. What a fucking supreme waste of time. This is terrible.

It's incompetently made. Yes, it looks good, but everything about it is awful. Andrew eight years ago, fucking stoned off his ass. And, you know, Andrew stoned off his ass any other time. Absolutely. I think though

to Eric's point about seeing it in a group that really helps if you guys want to get a Zoom party like a watch party going on this movie I don't think is on Netflix so you can't go that route but it's on Amazon Prime and maybe set something up with your friends and check out the movie

because otherwise it is just fucking insufferable but I do remember the first time seeing it having a blast with all three of you in the room God damn it! But yeah, other, I just, I just can't sanction his fucking buffoonery otherwise. Or in watching Ninja Turtles 2 Secret of the Ouse, you get your fucking fill of him for sure.

Better movie for sure. Plus Ninja Turtles. But with that, that is cool as ice from 1991 directed by music video directing pornographer, David Kellogg. Whatever, man, everybody's got to make a living. If you want more, we hate movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or head over to patreon.com. slash We Hate Movies. Tons of bonus content flying around that thing this month. We got

John Carpenter's The Thing for our exclusive We Love Movies episode. What are we doing for the April animation damnation? We did a Gumbi, my friend. That's right. Gumby. I forgot. It's already the middle of the month. I'm like, surely we haven't released Animation Damiation

yet, but it is out. It is Gumby. That is a fucking wild ride. Quigon Gin on the Gleap Glossary. That's our show. We talk about Star Wars characters, it's a lot of fun and that one gets a little crazy. That one gets really crazy. We also did we got our regularly scheduled Nexus

and back from the dead, Chris Cabin. What feature do we bring back? We're bringing back side order of slees. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. An episode on The Exterminator 1980 is coming to you. Pretty wonderful little movie, honestly. I'm watching it in like T-minus 10 minutes, so I'll let you know.

Although I probably already saw it. This is, I'm telling you right now, Steve, this is a movie that I know for a fact. We watched at the Astoria apartment. God damn it. But no, Steve, no, here's the thing. For that side order of sleaze, I will be you because I know that I've seen this movie, but I have no idea what happens in it. This is something, something Vietnam veteran.

See, that's it. That's all I got for you. There's a dude who was in Vietnam. All those are at various different tiers. Check out Patreon.com slash me and figure out which is which. But $8 gets you everything, including the Justice League commentary and a ton of other shit. You better believe it. And also, we should mention that the dude who wrote this movie also wrote the third episode of a little show called Beverly Hills 90210.

He is the guy responsible for writing the first episode with Dylan McKay and at the Green Room, which we covered on our brand new main feed show, Melro 210. It's a quarantine podcast we're doing on the free feed to give you guys a little something extra during this crazy time. and every Monday we are talking about a Beverly Hills 90210 episode and every Thursday we are talking about a Melrose Place episode so check that out that's on the free feed Isn't that funny though that like it really shows you how important the performer is

you get this guy writing cool young dude dialogue Luke Perry nails it yeah fucking vanilla ice forget about it. Absolutely now Steve as far as you haven't said otherwise I feel you would have brought it up by now at no point was there a vanilla ice Camio on Beverly Hills 9-19. No, the closest you get is color me bad, which is a pretty good.

Oh, interesting. I'll look forward to that. But so, oh, also speaking to the free feed, though, of course, as like every Tuesday here at We Hate Movies, the show rolls on even through this quarantine time. So, Steve, what are we talking about next week? Quarantine announcement, ladies and gentlemen, things are changing around here for the next, for the month of May. Oh, do, do, do, do. I forgot. I forgot, technically, this should be. The start of the summer blockbuster extravaganza. Yeah, usually summer blockbuster extramaganzas starts in June, but we want to, you know, everybody's fucking going out of their mind at home. So we want to start a little early get the party going. And we're doing it by doing every single Pirates of the Caribbean movie back to back to back all the way through the first week of June.

So fuck you, everybody. We're doing it. Yeah. You got to deal with that. If you don't want to, Patreon, there's a lot of bonus episodes you can listen to instead. Yeah. But absolutely, dude. you know starting next week for the next five weeks we hate movies hits the high seas my friend oh yeah

we're getting shipwrecked oh dude i guarantee you by week two i'll be fucking sick of it oh i i've only seen three of these and i hate them so this is it's gonna be truly something i remember kind of liking that first one when it came out because i was like oh this is a fun adventure movie i'm kind of into it but then man did this this series sink so i'm excited to kind of dig into this thing again absolutely i haven't seen any of these movies in years so it's going to be really something. But until next week with Pirates of the Caribbean, the Curse of the Black Pearl. I'm Andrew

Juppin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy.