We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 492 - The Expendables

Episode Date: June 30, 2020

This week on the program, the 2020 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza heads to Team-Up Town with a discussion all about the first film in a trilogy of dried out beef, The Expendables! What's going on with Stallone's facial hair in this movie? How many of the Expendables are the "Knife Guy" on the team? Was that really just Jet Li asking Sly for a raise? And look at all those gasoline trenches! PLUS: Somebody! Call! Dudikoff! WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. The Expendables stars Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, David Zayas, Giselle Itié, Charisma Carpenter, Gary Daniels, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger; directed by Sylvester Stallone. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, holy cow, look at all that plastic surgery. It's the Expendables. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Eric Siska. And Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the program. Thank you for the program. Thank you for tuning in. As always, our summer blockbuster extravaganza 2020 gets to team uptown because here we are talking the expendables from 2010

directed by Sylvester Stallone. Directed by Sylvester Stallone. I think it's a film by Sylvester Stallone. Ah, yes, of course. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. What's this? Steve, what are you doing here? I thought was here. I thought we had a special guest.

What's going on here? Yeah. I was just trying to let the audience know how futile it is to understand anything coming out of half of the character's mouths in this film. No, no, Steve, you fucking catfished us, man. Steve's right though, man, because there should be like hard-coded subtitles on this movie. Subtitles, you cannot turn off because nobody speaks fucking Botox mouth like we have in this movie. Yeah, they don't even have an SDH track on this because they didn't, they couldn't understand what it was actually being said.

They couldn't take it down. No, I mean, it's ridiculous how little you can understand in this movie, not just from Stallone, but to get us started I guess Stallone we're talking about this last night a little bit I don't think he's looked any worse aside from that 2008 Rambo

oh that that's that's an un that is the nadir of him looking like a human person he does not look human in Rambo he looks like this fucking weird the movement of his body is just like other world and that movie more barnyard animal actually

he looks at that super ork at the end of the first Lord of the Rings movie. Yes. And that came out two years before this. Looks like first slugs back on the menu, boys. You know, the orcs trample a lot, you know. So it makes sense. Well, they would have to,

yeah, he came out of mud. They had to, like, tear down all the trees. The trees screamed. And then he became whatever this shit is. I mean, yeah, he is much smaller in this movie, thank God. Because he really was looking like a fucking centaur without the horse legs. Yeah.

But now you're right, though, the Botox is kind of the problem here. Like, his face is all smooth and weirdly puffy and just sort of. And like his mouth, which never had any room to give, is much worse in this film than anything else. Oh, dude, his mouth is so cinched clothes. It's like a little butthole trying to talk to you. And the facial hair is very odd. I've never seen Stallone with this. I don't think.

He's got something going to Get Carter, I want to say, right? Yeah, I love it. But see, the difference is, though, because Get Carter was like, what, 2000. They had like a whole 10 years. Like that, I think he's got a goatee in that movie too, but it's not this like hairline fucking porn star goate

that he's got. This thing is just repugnant. Everything about his look in this movie is awful. It's fuller and Gitt Carter too. It's got a it takes up a good amount of his face. This one, it's more like stenciled in. Yes, it looks like a stencil. Yeah, like a thin little stencil

pencil, pencil line goatee. Anyway, this is the movie from 10 years ago, were all these fucking beefcake dudes at varying levels of being washed up came together to make this throwback 80s action movie type thing and it's the expendables there's three of them here's the first one

what are you guys because it's kind of fun to do these 2010 movies because the show was pretty much almost going on and or at least I was living in that apart with Chris and Eric at this point you guys all saw this without me I believe it was very much like that part in Knocked Up when they're all going to see Spider-Man 3 and Seth Rogen's like,

nah, I can't make it. I feel like there's something similar with the expendables. Well, for me, I was in Texas and it was the first time I went to an Alamo draft house. Oh. I just happened to be down there when this movie came out

and I was like, well, I want to go see what all the fuss is about with the Alamo draft house, not the expendables. Right. And funny story about that screening. I got a milkshake. I don't know why,

but I got one because I was like a kid in a candy store with this movie, maybe. Yeah. Well, milkshakes are delicious, by the way. Just put that out there. I actually felt really, like, sick to my stomach afterwards. Oh, well, you were eating at an Alamo Draft House. Right, but not once did I ever think my food was tampered with.

Oh, that's of course. I see. I mean, accuse them of poisoning you on a massive public platform. You were also looking at Mickey Rourke's face. So, I mean, that's true. Oh, my God, speaking of plastic surgery nightmares, good Lord. The seed between Stallone and Rourke is just. just like,

manga, manga, man, maim, maim, ma'among, ma'amon. No, you don't understand. They sing to each other. It's a singing language. It's like throat singing. They do it to each other. It's like a mating call.

Mickey Warren comes into this movie on that motorcycle with a weird little hat on. He is like a human scarecrow of some kind. This asshole cowboy hat that he's got on somehow is not the worst hat in this movie. Just putting that out there. We got away from something. Chris and Andrew, share your theater experiences. If you saw this in the theater.

I did see this in the theater. I was recalling I saw this. Speaking of the timeline, Steve, of where everybody was at 2010, I was still in Astoria, which meant I saw this at the Five Burroughs' worst movie theater

the Kauffman Historia. Yeah, same for me. I was drunk out of my mind, though. Thank God. Were you guys together? Because I kind of remember at least there was a group outing that I skipped

because I wasn't into this, movie. And I thought Eric was a part of, but I guess I was way wrong. I don't, did we see this together, Chris? I didn't think so. I saw it alone after going through a bar that was right around the corner. And like, I was just like, I need air conditioning. Hey, Kevin, he needs some air conditioning. Cabin, do you talking about Sunswick 35. 35? Yeah, yeah. Great bar. Great bar. Nice place. I know. So Steve, this is your first, you only, you watched it for the first time yesterday. One end done. Yeah, I've never seen. That's crazy. I haven't seen neither of the sequels, which actually, like, I guess I just got all the timeline and the castes mixed up.

I always thought that the first one had everybody in it. And the first one has almost nobody in it, not to be an asshole. No, you're not wrong. I mean, because they do expand as the movies go on and things like, you know, like Arnold comes back, but he wasn't the governor anymore. So it's like more than a cameo. But yeah, I mean, in this movie, you have the core expendables being Stallone, fucking Jason Statham, Jetley. uh, Dau Flandgrin,

uh, and this fucking Randy Couture guy? Who the fuck? I thought this guy for 45 minutes was Kurt Angle. Wait, which one is this? Is this toll bridge? This is a toll house cookie?

What the fuck is this guy's dumb as donkey dick name? Toll Road. That's it. You forgot to preheat the oven. Toll house cookie coming at you. Your chips are getting melted. My, uh, A therapist gave me the name.

You know, my therapist, Dr. Who Knows the name, but my therapist told me to be called this. That's one of my three lines, I have a therapist. Goodbye movie. Here's my dumb hat that I got from my therapist. He's the guy that's got the dumb as dick hat. He beats

Mickey Roy for worst hat in the movie. He was the guy who had the worst hat in the expendables. In a film filled with bad hats. Now, but seriously, though, who the fuck is Randy Couture? Was he a Rassler? M.MA guy. I did some

looking up. You know, which is sure. And I mean, great. But, like, I would rather, like, also Stone Cold, Steve Austin is in this movie, and very clearly the move should have been the rock. You know what I mean? Like, there was a time when it was like, who's going to be

the star? And it was clearly the rock pretty early on. Yeah. And it should, they shouldn't have invested in Stone Cold. Stone Cold should be an expendable if he's in the movie, I feel. But the problem is, I mean, maybe, but I think the problem is though Stone Cold can do like villain well because that was so much of his wrestling either, you know, the villain to Vince McMahon like, you know, being the antagonist that he was or sometimes just an outright heel. And I know The Rock also was a heel from time to time in WWF, but like Dwayne Johnson's film roles are more or less like the hero role. He's rarely a bad guy in that way. So for him to be, you know, you know, Eric Roberts number two in this movie, I could see why

he would turn it down if he was trying to build a film career out of being a hero. This is post Doom, right? He's already learned his lesson. Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, I totally fucking forgot he's a bad guy in that movie. Yeah, exactly. And suddenly Randy Couture, beating you up, down goes

you, down goes your career as a leading man. Yeah, I mean, that is correct, dude. Honestly. So maybe... Back on the Robin, bang, so maybe you with the Rock come and make movies in Rome. Oh, fuck, that would be pretty cool. We'll team you up with Nanny Moretti.

He's a great talent. Listen, you come to my studio. We'll put you in a tutu. It'll be called the Tooth Fairy. It'll do good business. It'll change your bitch family. I got to say, I mean, 2010, though, maybe it wasn't so much a, I don't want to play a villain as it was a, I'm just fucking busy. If you look at Dwayne Johnson's output in 2010, varying levels of, you know, roll size here.

But Tooth Fairy, why did I get married to the other guys, which I know he is in for two seconds. Well, what, turn on your TV right now. I am watching your pacifier right now. That movie Faster, where he doesn't even have a character name, he's just the driver. Like, there's a lot of bad shit going on. he had a few random weird yeah those weird title ones they're like what are we even doing was there one that he was running around on a subway or am i thinking of jason staten that sounds like a stathen there is one where he's like a one man like war on drugs oh right that's like the snitch

or something snitch yes that was 2013 Wikipedia is letting me know this is steve austin's last theatrical film release until grown-ups too this is like him kind of sputtering out steve austin was that so speaking of steve austin movies there so Steve Sadek. Because you saw that Steve Austin on a fucking island prison movie in theaters? What the fuck was that? You saw that, but you refused to see

the expendables was pulled beneath you. Yeah, I don't know what fucking, what was up my ass about this movie, but there certainly was something. Yeah, I saw the condemned in theaters with a buddy of mine. We were wasted and had a lot of fun. That's kind of a stay tuned. They definitely stayed tuned. That was 2007.

Yeah. Also, we, much like the movie itself, are forgetting Terry Cruz. It was barely in this movie. Actually, and you know what's hilarious, you're totally right. That was a mistake on my part reading it. But like the way IMDB like positions everybody, you got to scroll a little bit before you get to Terry Cruz. There he is.

He's got five lines. I think he's got five lines, but he's like one of the best parts of the movie because he actually is doing a jokey kind of performance. That's what it needs to be. way too much we're making a real movie here like kind of thing and honestly flush that attitude I mean everybody I feel is like in a different movie like literally every character is in a different

like make your work is in like a wrestler type of movie maybe this is brilliant thought Chris like it's like no no just pretend it's we're all to you got a movie going on I got a movie going on and sort of like we're in the area where movies meet reality is a collage of experiences time is a flat surface Oh, man, Sylvester Lowe has Russ Cole. Look out.

But it makes, see, it's actually a great example of why sometimes when you do these like favors for friends or whatever with movies while you're doing something else, it's a bad idea. Because Mickey Rourke was making Iron Man 2 while they were making this movie. And he flew to wherever in New Orleans, I think they filmed his scenes. And they had 48 hours with them. So like, of course it's going to be terrible. Yeah. well also it's not like he was rehearsing for iron man too either it's you know he's not like just sitting in a in a black box studio with him and downy junior going through it oh you didn't think that russian accent was really honed you didn't think he really came to play with that one well he

worked really hard to make it sound consistently terrible throughout the entire sure speaking of state tuned by the way tuned yeah sooner than you think ladies and gentlemen um yeah go ahead oh no i just i sort of love um to the everybody's got a different movie like there's a better way to make this movie by and large and it is a little jokier and everyone should have a thing and like I don't know what everybody's thing is

like when I'm reading the MDB it's like oh Randu Cotor the demolition expert I'm like well that's never ever said nope you know like that kind of stuff there's also you could be a little bit more reflexive like these are a group of actors who were beloved

by a certain amount of the populace but never got the respect of a say Harrison Ford or like a top line players like that like a Brad Pitt a fucking who my the guy's Sundance guy right they never transcended trash action

is what you're saying but there was yeah Redford and like they never transcended that like they were always just like beloved by a very specific like sec and considered low art to actually like talk about what it's like to be like that in this venue would be cool but they don't talk about themselves

and all they're just bad asses. Yeah. What kind of movie does that make, though? I guess is the question. Well, it makes it a little, like, instead of just talk about how badass you are and how sad you are, all you do is talk about like, oh, you know, I burned, yeah, talk more about like, I lost this job because I was addicted to this thing. Yeah.

Well, that's, see, because that's another totally unexplored thing is apparently Dauph Lundgren's character in this movie is a junkie. And they don't really specify like what that is? Yes, that's why he gets. Yes, they do say that once. That's why he gets fucking partially fired at the beginning of. of the movie and like he tries to like there's a scene where he confronts Stallone

and he tries to get back on the team and Stallone's like oh no way gunning man you're using again man you're high right now and I'm just like high on what what are you talking about does that stem from some sort of shoulder injury

you got in Nicaragua and you're hooked on pills maybe but he's also referred to as a junkie later on by part of Monroe's group yeah oh Monroe Eric Roberts. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, so it's like, it's like world

renowned that Dove Lundgren's character as a drug problem in this movie, but the audience doesn't get to know what the deal is with that. And also the thing is like, what I always kind of thought this movie was, and again, I only saw it last night, was like all these guys are in a fucking team and fucking and fighting and all sorts of stuff. And like,

that kind of doesn't happen. You know what I mean? No fucking. I want, well, yes, the fucking for sure. But like, I want, like, Chuck Norris. I want Van Dam. I want Seagal. I want them all, kind of in a room together and seeing who the toughest bad A is and it doesn't happen

because Randy Couture's fucking sucking air. You might not survive hiring Seagall. Well, that's the thing. You're not going to... None of these movies... I'm sucking air. I need to help. I'm Toll Bridge. Toll Road. Okay. It's the... It's the

combination of words that are impossible to say without sounding like an idiot. That's his character's name. Toll road. You're just swallowing that R into the double L's. You can play exactly. If you hear that

closely, that is toll road making its its mating call to the Stallone. Oh, look at that. The toll road

has come out of its borough. Oh, yeah, yeah, uh, and yeah, yeah,

and I'm in the road, oh, oh, the Jonathan Davis has come. But now the toll road is safe for now. Yeah, it's kind of surprising. I think Toll Road is in all three of these movies.

Why? That's a shock. Steve, the point, I lost track of my thoughts for a second, but what I was trying to say was it sounds like you were a guy, you were a guy who was built for expendables two and three only. Yes. Yeah. Because that's what those, that's what those are.

That's when it's like, oh, that's all everybody was talking. talking about when that first movie came out, got it. Let's amplify that. Well, it does sound like Stallone tried to approach multiple people that Steve did name, but people I think weren't convinced this would be successful at all. So once it was a surprise hit, then everyone came on board, including JCVD at set. I'm a little surprised Norris and the other Canon boys didn't hop on this thing. Yeah. I would even take a Brian Thompson, man. Yeah, what the fuck? well actually see Brian Thompson could have been

there's a guy here who it's like a secret one of these dudes like you thought Randy Couture was obscure this fucking Gary Daniels as the Brit yeah and then what what happens though

is you look at this dude's IMDB profile there are so many secret garbage action movies that this guy's in just nothing title after title year after year. Like a Scott Adkins type is what we're

saying? Yes. I mean, we're looking at some of these things. Forced to fight a game of death with fucking Wesley Snipes. The Lazarus papers. Across the line. Hunt to kill. Definitely starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. It just goes.

And it goes all the way into the 80s. I mean, I have never heard of this person, but he's been in a thousand movies. Nobody could call Dutnikov. Did nobody make a call to Dutnikov and say, buddy, we got something for you. Well, that's the question, Cabin. You raised a really interesting point about the expendables is what letter level grade are we willing to stoop to here? Because you got like your A guys, right? So you're like Stallone. Arnold is in this for two seconds. Bruce Willis is in this for two seconds. You know, I would toss Statham into that. I mean, I'll, you know, I'll take a Jeff

speakman in this thing who's that who's jeff speakman oh he's he was a martial arts dude um he was in some of he was in a van dam movie or two but he's also in this movie called perfect weapon which is excellent insane out insane more you can do the john wick three route and get mark de cascos back let's fucking do it

see that's the chairman himself i was actually thinking about mark de caskas while watching this movie because all the crazy knife shit in this movie made me think back to that John Wick movie. Eric Roberts shouldn't be here. I don't think. I think instead you should have a Thomas Ian Griffith. I like Eric Roberts in this.

I think he fits. He's at the best of the best cred. I like Roberts, fine. But like Thomas Ian Griffith has made his career off of being this guy. But that's what I'm trying to ask though is what level are we going down to? Because Eric Roberts, that's a C level star.

I guess because... Thomas Ian Griffith, that's a fucking D. That's a hard D. I should, like, an action. film aficionado should be able to spot everyone and recognize people not Randy blah blah there you know yeah exactly but that's the thing right is like I'm sure there were

a metric fuck ton of UFC heads out there that went to this movie like oh fuck couture's in it you know what I mean like he's just not from our world but it is the problem of and Terry Cruz kind of dodges it because he's a much better actor than Randy

Couture the problem of casting athletes as actors on top of the fact that we're like, you know, juggling all of these washed up action stars that were just only actors, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's weird. It's like they're trying to launch new people

within this as well. Exactly. When all this really should be is like, I mean, the last action hero kind of did the spin on this genre better earlier, but I don't know. I feel like there should be more in jokes than there are, and I know that's silly to say, especially because the sequels get very jokey.

Yes. Especially you want like a cigar, for sure. I mean, I know he turned this down because of that the producer, whatever, Avi Lerner, who is he the guy that, is he the guy that sexually harassed Terry Cruz or was he involved? I have absolutely no idea. Okay, yeah. That might be the case, though. Yeah, just there's some sexual harassment allegations on his Wikipedia. It's a little unclear. But anyways,

it's one of those things where it's like, you want, the way this is, it's a canon comes alive. That's the movie that I want. You know what I mean? Exactly. revisit that shit and get, and like, yeah, you'll probably make, you might have, it might have been less successful because I'm sure people are coming out for Stone Cold and to your point, Andrew, maybe someone's

coming out for Randy Couture, maybe he's got a lot of cousins in Nebraska that came out, but I mean like, I just I just know that me personally, I will never give two shits about ultimate fighting. I never have, I never will, but I acknowledge that it's massive. So like, just

by sheer statistics, like there had to have been people in the theaters. The Venn diagram of people who watch Ultimate Fighting and the people who enjoy action movies is pretty overlapped. You know what I mean? But all the Couture cousins must be fucking pissed off because he's in it for three scenes

and he doesn't really do anything. Jeez, I don't want to say anything a Thanksgiving, but I'm sure that Expendables movie. Randy's wearing a really dumb fucking hat. Also, what's his name? Toll House Cookies. This is going to be the worst Thanksgiving

ever. I, Eli Couture, thought it was an F. Eli Kouture. They should really stoop low. I know they're going to be developing another one of these or a spinoff of this at least. They need to get the guy that does the Charles Bronson impersonation movies.

Yes. Oh, he could be fucking murdered in the cold open. Yeah, I mean, let's, if we're going to go for it, like go for it. You know what would be a really awesome way for them to structure these movies? At least this first one and then maybe

it wouldn't take off and they drop it for the sequels. But it's a movie that is sort of structured like maybe not revisiting throughout the film the way that the Princess Bride does, but it's a movie where there's a fucking bumbling dult

in his basement where he keeps his DVD collection. And like he's getting ready for a great night of action movies, you know what I mean? So he's got like a DVD of the one and you know, maybe a couple of Rocky movies. cast Nick Frost and I'm there

I'm totally there. Dude yeah you get Nick Frost to do this right he's carrying all these DVDs and then like he's like you know going up to his living room or something and then like a fairy godmother comes into the room and he's like you know what would be cool actually is if all these guys

were in the same movie fairy godmother and she's like got it and does a magic spell and then this is the movie she belches magic dust all over all the DVDs and suddenly we have a piece shit movie. It's all these DVDs like melting together into one movie and then it forms the poster of the expendables. DVD magic.

Badaum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, da-da-dum. Hey, you know, uh, Randy, hey, Gary, you know, your cousin Randy was supposed to be in that expendables movie. I spent $9 on it. He's barely in it. By the way, you're done in the break room, pal. I got to get in there. You know, he's on the poster. You think he's on the poster. He's in the movie. He barely in the movie. And he's on the poster. You see the poster? It's actually kind of wild. I'm looking at the poster right now, at least the one that they have on IMDB, and it's the one where it's like all the names or whatever. And Randy Couture is right dead in the middle. Yep, exactly. Stallone, Statham, Lee Lundgren,

Couture, Austin, Cruz, Rourke, and Willis. What in the world? They probably like, okay, the eye doesn't go to the middle. They're going to start at the edges and work there. So it's kind of building him last. And it's also like, and this. is short they're like, hey, Sly, you keep me off of the poster, okay? It's just for the fans. I've got seven lines. I'm good. That's a thing I don't remember. Does anybody remember the lead up to this movie? Was it known that Arnold was in it? Yes, because part of the, I think you see in the trailer, the scene of church and

mouse talking about, like, who's going to take it. And, like, Stallone, I'm not kidding you, Stallone is most, is a good portion of the trailer. No, Schwarzenegger, I mean. Oh, Schwarzenegger, yeah. Yeah, my name is, I'm almost doing Ventura there. This is the name Trent Mouse. This Arnold Schwarzenegger being, yeah, my name is Trent Mouse. I am titmouse.

I am playing the role of titmouse. Isn't it fantastic that I named this character name that I can't even pronounce and I've gone 50, 60 years with it? And those are the agonizing cries of the Schwarzenegger. So we start with what? Like fucking this Somali pirate whatever. Yes, it's a real previously on the expendables. Which is kind of, I mean, honestly, if you're sticking to the formula of like classic 80s action movies, this is the way you want to go.

And yeah, they are, well, it's really fucking dumb because the first thing you see is a badass motorcycle. And before you can even like make sense of where this motorcycle is, who may be driving this motorcycle, anything like that. nope, now we're on a boat and there's dudes in a cargo hold that are being held hostage. Transitioning from the motorcycle to the boat, you need like a fat guy, harmonica going on. Oh, definitely.

I mean, this has a wonderful divorced guy soundtrack right here. You're talking about Credence. You're talking about Mountain. You're talking about what, the Georgia satellites, Jesus H. Christ. This was designed for that DVD guy that got a divorce.

It's scientifically engineered, you're hanging out with all your muscle buds and you're listening to your fucking music and everything. I can smell the divorced dad mahogany furniture right through this movie, dude. This movie shouldn't be called Better Off Without Her.

Yeah. Better off without her. I'm going to watch parts of it while I make this model airplane by myself and Huff glue. It's missing evil ways by Santana, but I'll let it slide. And I am making a bunch of ground meat and onion.

in a bowl. That's kind of it. That's a dinner. Ground beef, onions. Got a can of frihole's in there. I am sad. Got to call it a hash. I thought these were beans, but they're dog food.

Well, too late now. It's all mixed in together. I'm getting dog food again. You know what? At least it's wet. I need wet meats. Nothing better before a workout than eating a kibble. Oh, and it's going to be a hard workout today. I'm going to blast the credence because Sharon has served me with papers.

Oh, she got engaged on Facebook, fired up the expendables again. I finally got my alimony is tyranny bumper sticker. Well, look at that. My 15-year-old daughter called me a piece of shit in front of all of her friends and maybe a science teacher. That was embarrassing. Time to go fire up the expendables, W.D. There's only one safe space for me anymore, and that's the official Marshall Tucker Band Facebook page, where I leave the forum. Tough day.

My Sharon's mother died, and I actually had a pretty good relationship with her, but I actually can't go to the funeral because of all the difficulties we've had. Better fire up the expendables. Ah, the sweet warming glow of the expendables as I cry over being bad. from a funeral. He'll cry even more when he gets banned from that Facebook group. Yeah, yeah, John Wick, that's what I'd be if I ever met Jeff. Well, they're turning on the mods.

Better turn on the expendables DVD. Well, just got back from Sharon's house where I stole Jeff's Blue Lives Matter bumper stickers off his car and went home and put it on mine. Time to fire up the expendables DVD. And afterwards, I would have pretended to be a police officer. Bumper stickers are expensive these days. Oh, all of this is a more interesting movie than the expendables.

You know, Jesse Ventura should have been in one of these movies. A thousand percent. I cannot believe we've managed to get through three of these movies without him. And that just leads me to believe that Stallone must really hate that guy's guts. I can't believe we got 30 minutes without talking about him. Yeah, I mean, they probably, Stallone probably cut him out of demolition. on purpose, right? Oh, we never, yeah, we crossed swords after that, I'll tell you.

That was a hell of a fight. Yeah, hashtag release the Ventura cut. All I'm saying, there's a copy of that movie out there, and I'm in it rat tail. And all Dennis Leary tries to eat my rat tail. Turns out when you call Sly at 3am in the morning and scream at him in a Coke rage, he doesn't return your calls after that. I bet it's something really petty too, like, like Jesse, took the last Eclare from the fucking craft service table.

Hey, look, I'm the big cat. I eat first and last, Jesse. Hey, wait a minute, everybody. Hang on. We shutting down production. We shutting down production for the day. I specifically left an eclair right on this table and it is gone. Production is shut down for the day.

I knew what to jail you. Hey, buddy, that was getting a little close to the garbage. I thought that was okay. I thought that was a kosher eclair, if you know what I mean. So it's like the Seinfeld episode where like Stallone sees Jesse Ventura eat like a declare out of the garbage and he's like, what? I don't know about this guy. Yep, just going to go on record saying that that was not the first time I lost work due to eating garbage.

but yeah so it's a Somali pirate thing it's kind of stupid there is you know they the expendable show up they're about to behead these guys on camera so we're doing a lot of that it's 2010 everybody absolutely we are loving fake terrorist videos and movies

yeah but like the the motivation for these terrorists is just I mean they're not there's pirates and it's money and greed and whatever there's hostages I guess but it's muddled I yeah I wish I had any semblance of knowledge of what is happening sure but here's a question and I'm pretty sure the answer is accidental because it's a bad movie but is it possible that when they were like constructing this movie was like all right what did those old movies we used to do have oh vague villains with no real motivation I got it let's put that I mean I'm going to guess that it's just a

it's a shitty movie so no but it's just the opening so who cares right I guess just get over it savvy sure we do get some fun what you call it Terry Cruz has three lines but he has this fucking super gun which rules I love this super gun it turns

people into spaghetti it's fucking awesome it's really great I'm not made a stone doesn't Lundgren has it at this point Dolph used it yeah yeah he totally blows that one guy like the leader the guy who's like making the video you just see this guy explode

and while there are I was like warning shot because they're doing a thing where it's like there's your money release the hostages sort of a thing and this guy's like not doing it he blows him to pieces I will say while there is a lot

of legit pyrotechnics in this movie there are some decent action scenes going on there's also a real hefty amount of people turning into computer cartoons and exploding. Yes. And that is straight from the 2008

Rambo because Sylvester Stallone figured out whatever Adobe Premiere patch that was or an after effects patch to make people explode on that movie and was like I gotta give my monies where that it is. Because people are popping like grapes in this movie too.

I guess Squibs got too expensive. I think that's the general argument, right? It's like a computer shit is cheaper, but it's 2010. It doesn't look horrendous in this movie, but it doesn't look great. I think it looks pretty terrible. I can't take it. But the Squib thing, it's

like it was too expensive because of all the clothes, you know? I think you have to redress the set. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and the last thing people working on the expendables want to do is laundry. It's just like, the last thing they want to do is give a shit about their movie. No.

What is what this like super night vision purple shit going on? It's only once in the movie and has never explained? The purple and orange. like sunglasses that they're all wearing. Yeah. I don't know. Talk about straight out of demolition man. Also, they fuck this up. Like, I'm like the, right out of the gate, they fuck it up. Because they all have, uh, these heat vision, uh, glasses. And that's how they kill most of the

pirates. But then they cut to a shot where it's the heat vision of them propelling down to shoot the rest of the pirates. I'm like, who has this fucking glasses? The predator was there off Oh, of course. Oh, that checks out. That totally checks out. I knew that alien was around. I offered the predator top building. You was a little busy.

Hey, Sly, just got off the phone with my buddy, the predator. Hearing some rumors around the old rumor mill that you offered the alien a role in expendables. As far as I can see, buddy, and I saw the movie, no aliens to be found. You know, I was aggressively following Sven Oli Thorson, and I heard him on a phone call with somebody talking about Predators going to be in this movie, and I'm not, and Sven's not. Yop, so then I went down to Sven's house, and I knocked him unconscious and put his clothes on and pretended to be him, and yet the phone didn't ring. Listen, Predator, you're in and you're out in an afternoon. It's just a came here. Listen, don't play hardball with me, man. Yeah, all right, predative, fine.

You can have the last Eclare at the table. You can throw your little knife thing at a randy culture, whatever his name is. All right, I promise we're trying to fix your spaceship, burn. There's a weird part in this scene where Delf Lundgren wants to start torturing people, and they're all totally against it, which was good news. Well, he lost to hang a pirate. He's like,

what, we're not hanging pirates? It's good to hang pirates. Yeah, it's good to hang pirates, right? That's his line. The thing is,

he watched the fucking Pirates of the Caribbean movies and was unfurbly on the British Navy and East Indian Tea Company side. The way that he says it's good to hang pirates is like,

it's like information you would give about bears. Like, oh, no, no, you want to hang a pirate. It's just safer that way. to hang the pirate. If you don't hang the pirate, they come back as ghosts and they'll rob us.

Did you see what they did to that poor Norrington in that movie? He was the hero of the movie and then he gets killed. I heard that they're making a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie. After you lose Norrington, you lose me,

buddy. We've not talked about Dolph Longwood in this movie. He looks like six people stitched together. It is... Dude, I thought I accidentally turned on some sort of modern-day Frankenstein movie. absolutely he does look he looks like frankenstein it's insane i mean he's so big and i mean i guess because the rest of the cast is like relatively short he looks like he's nine feet tall in this film

that's well yeah he's huge i guess the weird thing like i kept up looking him and he was making these weird faces and i'm like it i didn't understand it but now that you're saying it's drugs is that his high face like these witzing smiles and like open like mouth like ha ha ha ha i mean i think I mean, I think, yeah, part of it is like, again, the plastic surgery. Sure. So there's that going on. So your mobility in your face is fucked up. The thing is it might, he just, he just needed time to like let that shit rest because

he didn't look terrible and what, like Aquaman. Yeah. Now he looks normal in Aquaman. I followed him on Instagram, which was great because recently did a video like, hey, happy midsumar to my Swedes. Going back to L.A. It's pretty cool. it was awesome. He looked great. I mean, I don't know what the contest was to like look who can look like the worst Halloween costume out of these guys. But Dolph is not looking good here. And I think it's a thing where like maybe Stallone was the culprit. He's like, hey guys. Maybe put a little bit of this fucking horse semen in your body or whatever I got in trouble for that time. You know, Dutnikov's looking a little too good these days. I think he's got to get on a boat and get out of here.

Listen, I wanted the Predator. I absolutely did, but he refused to do Botox and then you can't be an expendable. Sorry, Predator. And everybody's asking, Slay, where's Steven Segal? Slavre, where's Steven Seagal? And let me tell you something. Uh, Botox can do nothing for that man. You ever stick Botox in a donut, my friend? Bad news. Yeah, one time. Of course, Mickey was an immediate yes. Free Botox, sign me up. I do love, so like the number two is here is Statham, and he's a knife guy. But the thing is like, if you've got a knife guy, no one else can be knife guy.

Later, fucking Longgren's got this big fucking knife. Does Lundgren have the fucking Aladdin sword, this huge thing? Yes, yeah. Then he gives it to, what was his, Lee Christmas? Yes. Yes. I'm sorry, man. You, after dumb and dumber, you can't have anyone with the last name Christmas.

Come on. Apparently, they're doing a spin-off because Jason Statham spin-offs are all the rage. Hobbs and Sean whatnot. So they're going to do one from this with him and the lead supposedly. No, get out of town. Are you kidding me? Spendables, colon, a Christmas story. where he's literally saving

Santa Claus from terrorists. No, no, no. I saw you were both joking when you were talking about that on the text. I think Chris is joking. No, go to letterbox right now and look at the plot synopsis. Right.

It was Ernest P. Worrell in that one, too? Maybe. Maybe they got them. And you know what? And Santa Claus played by the predator. They finally got it. They made a deal that he couldn't refuse. How, how, how.

I wish Jim Varnie could have been in the expendables because then Vern could be like the government contact Hey Vern, I'm getting stabbed in the heart Oh yeah, he screams the disguise guy Oh, that's what this movie's missing by the way Is a disguise expert Well that's like if you got knife guy And you supposedly have explosion guy

You're absolutely right You absolutely need disguise guy And that should be earnest Oh not just Jim Barney but just Ernest Oh no they're trying to hang Pirates Ernest was the best at disguises. You ever see those movies? Because then

suddenly he's dressed as a Roman centurion somehow. Absolutely. Or he often was disguised as his own mother. Oh, right with like the neck brace? Yep. Listen, we, Jim played hardball. We tried to get both Jim and the character of Ernest

in the film. But he really is a real stickler for the creator rights is all I'm going to say. We had Weird Al Yankovic was to play our surveillance guy, Simp. And, you know, those were just on the cutting room floor, but it just wasn't good enough for the expandables.

I mean, not that I don't believe you guys, and not that it's a totally trustworthy source, but there's nothing on IMDB about this movie. It's in Wikipedia. That's where I saw it. So, you know what? It might be an elaborate prank. I choose to believe. I believe.

Well, I mean, the people who, like, monitor his career are the ones who get his IMDB updated, which is why I'm going for that. Sure. I mean, but like maybe they're negotiations, but I just feel like Statham, like that dude can't walk down the staircase without appearing in another movie. No, you're absolutely right. Oh my God, he's

in another fucking Guy Ritchie movie that's already in post-production. Of course he is. Christ. With the great title, cash truck, by the way. Oh, you better look out for the cash truck. Here comes the cash truck. Wow, look at this cast by the way. Was that his payment or was that the movie time?

Statham, Josh Hartnett, fucking noted car actor, Scott Eastwood, burn notice himself, Jeffrey Donovan, and Holmichelaney. Oh. What's his face from Mine Hunter?

The 50th film from Guy Rich, Muddy Pay. Dude, Let me tell you something. We tried to watch his The Gentleman, because I was like, let's see. I thought for the longest time that this was a

spin-off movie of whatever that those English action movies are there. We did one of them. What the fuck are they called? Oh, the Kingsman. Yeah, I thought it was that because the poster and the font are exactly the same. We turned that movie off after like an hour when we realized

that even though we were both sitting there doing nothing but watching the movie, we had no idea what was going on. Not a fucking clue. You think, like you think you've seen some poorly structured movies. Try to make sense of how that movie is structured. So, Chris, you can back this up that

the plot doesn't make sense of the gentleman. Yes, it makes no sense. Also, it's just bad. It's all like bad Guy Ritchie jokes that weren't funny in 98 and still aren't. So, whatever, this cold open finishes. We're all heroes

of the day. Blabity, blah, blah, blah. Dahl Fongren has only taken into custody for a little while for trying to hang this pirate. he's flown back to the United States in chains which is I feel what you have to do to a Frankenstein monster

who's addiction to drugs yeah the way the way that they are justifying is freak out and I think why he's not like turned into authorities or murdered or anything like that

is they keep saying the life just got to him you know like you can only do this mercenary work for so long the life just gets you I think Stallone has some line about like the life's going to get us all. And I'm like, so you're all planning on turning? Well, I think because they all go, you eventually go crazy.

Like once you hit like 12,000 souls harvested for the devil, like something snaps in your brain. Well, yeah, the joke is like, oh, Randy Couture is such a weirdo. He's going to therapy. It's like, you should all be in therapy. You kill people for a living. There should be a guy on the team who's called brains. And that guy's just a licensed psychotherapist. You know who it is?

Stephen Tobolowski. Exactly. Yes. Tobo plays brains. The in-house counsel slash you know, psychotherapist,

do the expendables. He's got an office in the back of Mickey Works tattoo parlor. This is all making so much sense. And he's got an office in the back of that plane

they have. Oh, Yin Yang, that does sound dramatic. You know what, you know what, Yin Yang? It's not your fault.

it's not your fault yin yang that grade was that grenade was going to blow up other way yin yang i think

i think it's a good thing that you're thinking about becoming a father what is that horse shit in this movie oh yeah but that's probably an unfortunate name they gave jet lee

uh yeah it sucks a touch on the racist side yep it totally sucks um just realized by the way i really like jetley's i'm db picture i like jetli period I do like Jetly a lot, yes.

Jetly in this movie, I like how he's just like, you know, I can't do the job. I need more money for my family. This is important. He keeps doing, and he finally admits he doesn't have one. It was a nice little, that's all he does in this movie, really. And it was a funny enough moment. If anything, I'd say that this character,

who they have named Yin Yang, uh, maybe isn't making as much money as some of the other expendables. You know what I mean? That makes sense. Right. You know, like, hey, uh, you know, Jetley's like, hey man I'm fucking busting my ass kicking the shit out of dudes and meanwhile Mr. Christmas

didn't even come on this mission and he's getting a huge cut of something I just realize it's just gently it's not even part of the fucking role he's just telling Stallone I need more money to keep filming this scene we had all these documentaries filming the production

of the movie and a couple of times me and Jet were driving down to Waterberger and he'd start talking to me about the old money game again. We left it in the movie. Yeah, Yan Yang and fucking Rudder or whatever Terry Cruz's name is.

Oh, he's, Expendables Union. Hail Caesar, by the way, I believe. That's his name. I didn't hear it in the movie. I saw it on a Wikipedia. I saw it on his razor blade. And I thought that was just a stupid thing. Like, I like Caesar, so he's on my razor blade.

H-A-L-E is the first name. And then Caesar. But by the way, the most probably possibly, I should say possibly I've never met him. Possibly the most accurate name for any of these guys. Mickey Rourke's character's name is Tool.

Because he owns, here's my question. Does everyone live at this facility that Mickey Rourke is running? Oh, like is it an expendables clubhouse? Yes. It looks like Sly is sleeping there, at least for a while. I don't know if anyone lives there, but it's like

Mickey Rourke is sort of their handler because he eventually answers a phone call to coordinate a job. So I guess that is the clubhouse and he's the connect. He's the guy on the dark web or whatever. I think he's a former knife guy. Like Statham was the replacement knife guy. I can't be the knife guy no more. I just, I can't get through it, brother. You're definitely right, Chris. I think there might be something to that because they are doing like battle of the knife tossing a lot in this movie. And Stallone asks him like Gunner's out, do you want back in? Yes. Oh, right, right, right. When when

Sly gets a fucking back tattoo I had a real problem with this fucking back tattoo scene and Chris Cabin is the only other WHM member who has a tattoo can attest to this. There's a thing because he's trying to get this like big

expendables tattoo like on his back and it's like the logo and blah blah blah and Rourke is like oh you know finally get the rest of these letters fixed up or whatever and so like Stallone sits down in the chair and Rourke starts going at it and everything and you seem like starting to work on like he has expend

i think and then he just needs like a bulls to finish so he's working on the a and then like statham comes in there's like three lines of dialogue and then it's like Mickey work being like well you're all set to go and then like he stands up and the tattoos finished and i was like it's been three minutes and there's no way i know aloe applied to this thing at all or no just put you're putting your fucking t-shirt back on to you because that's how a man gets a tattoo i thought it was like just a touch-up but like maybe he was paying in installments he's like i could only do the e and the x today there he opens up his head he's got like 90 cents and three buttons what'll this get me oh wait i uh damn it he's like pat in his fucking pockets he's like oh

thought there was a coupon somewhere uh but meanwhile jason stay He's got this Z story between him and Crisma Carpenter where he shows up to her house and she's like, hey, we haven't talked in a month and we're barely going out. He's like, yeah, but I'm here now, baby, and I've got your favorite champagne.

And it's like, okay, then there's this dude, it's my favorite guy in the movie. I love this dude. He just goes, Lace, Lace, what's going on? What's with the guy? Lace. Is he calling her lace? That's her name? It's Lace.

Oh, just Lace? Not even Lacey? Like she's like a fucking American Gladiator. Everyone has a dumb expendable name. Even people don't even know about the expendables. It's insane. Oh, well, at least on IMDB, she is credited as Lacey.

Oh, okay. That makes sense, I guess. I've had intercourse with you four times. Yeah, you're lace now. Yeah. You're honorary expendable. You are. We either need way more of this like trouble on the home front plot line or way less of it.

Absolutely. Because it's only two scenes. it's this scene and she's like listen you know you go away I don't know who you are blah blah blah and I can't be bothering with you and he's like don't let me kill your boyfriend baby and he rides off on his

motorcycle yeah okay yeah I'm sure whatever he does is ethical and the other scene is what he I mean because we can just talk about it now it's one of my favorite scenes in the movie is that he comes back because it has nothing to do with the plot at all it's like I think after the big first siege on the island he comes back and it's

this dude playing basketball with all these dudes, and he like, she's got a bruise on her face because of course she does. Yep. And it's like, who did it? And he knows, he drives. The guys are like, what, you want some? And then he beats the fuck out of all these guys. Dude, it is quite possibly the best scene in the movie, honestly.

Because one, again, it feels like a completely different movie. It is. It takes place just on a basketball court in the middle of the day so you can see everything. And Jason Statham lays waste to these weekend warrior basketball. basketball dudes, and it is hilarious. It is great. This fucking shit belongs in like the wrestler-esque movie, but about like a retired

Blackwater guy that's just getting into fights at the supermarket and shit. I don't know. It was weird when it was weird when Chris McArpenter had a voiceover where she goes, it should, you know, most girls wouldn't have enjoyed when she watched her boyfriend beat karate fight 12 fat guys

on a basketball court. But I have to admit, it turned me on. Steve, that's actually in the sequel. Okay. I, oh, hide this some way. They are stealing way more from Martin Scorsese in the second movie. And it sucks too because, like, I'm a fan of Buffy. I'm a big fan of Angel.

I, especially with also the watching of Angel, really had me come around to Cordelia, the character that she played on those shows. And I actually grew to like her quite a bit in that kind of a role, like doing a little bit of comedy here and there. like sort of playing the dits, but proving it's like she could be better than just playing the dits. And in this movie, like, it's really just a thankless nothing role. Yeah, it's two scenes.

It's the, I'm the girlfriend, oops, I got hit. You know what I mean? Like, okay, cool. She's in the second one. I don't remember, like, to what extent, though. She probably gets kidnapped. I'm going to put money on her getting kidnapped. But it's a big lesson, though, for any of you folks out there that are thinking about dating a mercenary, man.

That's just not the life that you can also settle down with a partner. The funny thing about the names is that they all have stupid names, except for fucking Sylvester Salone's name is Barney Ross, which is like, that's a guy who wants a delicatessen. That's an Ernest Borgnine character name. Yeah, Barney Ross. The best could filter fish is that Barney Rosses. Yeah, actually, you're totally right, Cabin. That does sound enough like Barney Greengrass.

Yeah, I could see this happening. That's a better movie, too. So, Sylvester Sloan trying to, he's, for whatever reason, it's a fish out of water thing where he's this big jacked Italian in a fucking old Jewish deli. I got a double liverwurst here. Nobody's a claimant. Hey, hey, who here had a double liverwurst? Fets up. Wait a minute. You tried to, wait a minute, or Ernest Bergnan, you're trying to tell me that that fish is supposed to smell like that. Whoa. that he cuts it in half with scissors his car in this by the way looks very much like the cobra car

it does oh the little black truck that he drives yeah yeah so like there's a lot of stuff we're farting around the expendables clubhouse and then finally it's like i got a job for you guys you want to go get it and he goes to this church and it's bruce willis and he's like oh and he's like yeah you can call me mr church because that's where we are I used to, wait, hold on, is that Mr. McDonald's, or is that a Mr. Burger King? Mr. Wendy's, looky you go. Nice to meet you, Mr. Hardee's. Oh, Mr. Hardys, dude, look out for that guy.

Mr. Staples, Mr. Beckettist Staples. Mr. Back of the Staple's. I remember in 2010 when this came out, I was like, Bruce Willis is too good for this movie. And then I was like, no, this is exactly where I'm going. Does he amp up in the? in the sequels and do anything? He does. He does more action. There's one big action scene with him and Schwarzenegger

in a miniccar. Oh, yes. Oh, actually, I do remember that. Yeah. I don't remember it. I really got to revisit those. I kind of might after this, too. I'm kind of on a track here. Yeah, the dumb names continue. Steve, I don't know if you know this. Actually, I might have

texted you earlier, but his name is Jean Villan. Oh, Jean-C-V-D. Yeah. That's cool. Because he's a villain. Oh, I get it Long time no see, Mr. Sex Dungeon

Yeah, that's fucking right Here I am, finally I've filmed all my scenes in a basement in Russia Is he still in Russia, by the way? Is he still in Russia? I think so. He can't come back to the United States, right? He's an enemy of the state.

Oh, look, it's a Mr. My Mom's House. I'm your father. Yeah, Mr. My Mom's House. Oh, hi there. This is my mom's house. Nice to see you too. I'm your mother. Why? What is with this? What is going on? Bonnie, what's happening? What's most frustrating to me about this scene where Sylvester Stallone meets with Bruce Willis is that it should be my favorite scene in the movie. Yep. Arnold, to me, is the guy. Yes. Yeah. Arnold has been the guy. I don't think that's up for a debate in the movie. more honestly. I think Sly's

number two, Arnold's number one, period. End of story. Sly has made more movies, but like Arnold is just the guy. And like it fucking sucks when there's these dumb teases like this and then it's like, well, I have to go back to being the governor. Here's all these

other dudes in this movie you kind of didn't really want to watch anyway, Andrew, but here you are. Exactly. You know, it's like so frustrating. Mr. I mean, it's such a brief moment. I mean, Mr. Church is like, does that, either of you know this, And Arnold goes, yeah, it's so good. It's like this only line.

But I love hearing a fucking Arnold, yeah. And then he leaves. And they do this line like, oh, what's his deal? And he's like, oh, he wants to be president. Oh, yeah, hilarious. My favorite put down is before Schwarzenegger goes, like, all right, Bonnie, you can do the job. Hey, let's have dinner in about a thousand years. Loser.

Hey, high five, tooth law. I mean, hey, hey, hey, up high, up high. Oh, no, just adjusting my hair. Hey, Bonnie, Bonnie, listen to this before I leave this church. I have one request from you. Pull my finger. Ah, Bonnie, you fucking idiot. Bye.

I like the idea that when he says, when he says, oh, you can give it to this guy. He likes playing in the jungle. That was a specific dig at the Rambo movie. Yeah. Right? That guy over there, I'm too busy. listen everybody we are working on california bringing it back to its former glory and by that i've been running it into the ground in about 15 years i'll look like a reasonable republican though

don't worry about it just trust me i'm going to come out the other side i'm going to have a couple of friends who are actually small horses they're going to live in my house it's going to be great trust me or going to love me again don't worry about it yeah isn't that right lulu Come here, I'm whiskey, let me get you in a headlock. Let me say that this guy loves playing in the jungle, even though this movie's ripping off my movie, Commando. Comando. Dude, fucking Commando has the exact same plot of a fucking tiny island dictatorship

running drugs or whatever, and they go down there and shop up all their military men. Well, that's what's interesting, though, dude. And great point, because, you know, what that movie was referencing, you know, to a degree, I feel, was, you know, what this movie is also trying to reference was just shit with like Noriega, right?

And the United States was specifically the CIA's interest in you know, profiting off of drug and weapon running and all that good stuff. I give this movie credit for weaving in the CIA as being villainous. Yeah. I think it's great too, but you're referencing shit that

happened 30 years ago. There's got to be other fucking scandals you can and that's why I mean you're saying like it's aping commando like and I think part of it is because so much of the political commentary that they're going for

not that we're done with South America and fucking ruining those people's lives but like it's just an outdated story to be ripping from the headlines I think they want to stay fictional because they're not going to throw in Maduro or something like that that's just not going to happen we're not going to do the Middle East or anything like that we're not touching that shit

it's still going on. The expendables aren't going to train Osama bin Laden and all them because Rambo already did it in part three. Well, if there is that. Yeah, 9-11 definitely happened because of John Rambo. No, but it's just, it's a weird, well, because like,

Commando was a fake country too. So I'm not saying that you have to address it directly. You can just use it as an analogy for a more current event. I guess is my argument. Really, like, do real country names, but like wildly fictionalize it. Like, yeah, we've got to go up and kill a bunch of Canadians.

Someone's taken over Canada and we got to take it back. Take it back. We have to defend Never, Neverland. This is it. This is it. Santa Claus is taking over Canada because it's near the North Pole. Sure. And we have to fight back the Elvish horde. I first met Captain Hook in Bosnia.

He was slaughtered. You don't know what he did to the. the Serbs over there. Jim Hook hated Serbs. Man, to speak of that, you know, those conflicts in the Balkans tool, Mickey Rourke has a big

weepy story about it and within it he mentions that he drinks Schlivivovitz there, which was a nice localism. Well, let's just talk about that. I totally miss that. It's so crazy. It's just like it's in the middle of the movie. It kind of turns the thing like, Stalin doesn't know if he wants to do the job and he's just like, hey,

too, how's you go? And he's like, yeah, just thinking about all the mistakes I'm made and he does this whole story about like he witnesses woman committing suicide and didn't do anything about it and he's like in tears it's like this real Mickey Rourke performance and Stallone just kind of backs

out of the room and doesn't say anything oh you're talented oh shit okay I'm gonna get out of here oh watch your woman kill herself you gotta pay extra for that I got that the black Dracula soul brother yes that is like the silliest line but i love it black heart black dracula heart i mean this thing

i mean he is really going for it right here he's like and then i just kept walking over the bridge and then i heard the water splash she was dead yep and that's my story and right after that Evan Rachel Wood wouldn't talk to me and then, no, Mickey, Mickey, Mickey, a wrong movie. Wrong movie, buddy. The bad days, the gladiard days. Y'all are nothing. No, Mickey, wrong movie.

Wrong movie. He's almost sounded like sling blade in this. Like, I saw that woman killers. That's not right. Suicides always preventable. Maybe he should be, Billy Bob Thornton has sling blade should be one of these guys.

Yes. Oh, fuck. Dude, yeah, the real life expendable? wasn't that based on true story that movie? I don't know, probably. Sling blade, I thought it was. I mean, it sounds, I bet you a sling blade happens in every state once he... Yeah, I don't know. You know, here's a thing, by the way,

Andrew Jupin, cinematic skeletons in the closet, I've actually never seen that movie. It's okay. It's good. Good movie. I've just done... That's not right. He's just a boy for like 20 years, but I've never actually seen it. It's based on a short film by Billy Bob Thornton. That's maybe what you're thinking? Because I don't think that's a true

story. Oh, okay. I'll look it up. Okay. You know, I bet it's, you know, Texas chainsaw massacre, that's a true story. That's true story. I feel like all this shit has happened before. I feel if Slingblade was a true story,

Werner Herzog would have already made a documentary about it. Oh, right. That would have been right up as we all knew, it wasn't right because he was just a boy. It is called, yes, little Slingblade needs to slash. He sits near the window and he talks to his pervert friend all day. Show me the baby.

Well, I'm buried in the backyard. You shouldn't hear this. You shouldn't hear this. You never listen to this tape ever. Herzog should have been in one of these movies. Oh, hell yeah. Well, if he can be the villain in John Wick, or not John Wick, Jack Reacher, you know, and so great in Mando, if they're going to do an expendable's four, can't Herzog to be the villain? yes look at all this testosterone

it is quite offensive so whatever so Mickey works like by the way here's the fucking job there's this fake country this island named Valena or this is what Bruce Willis explains there's a general there or something or other he is partnered with the CIA

Eric Roberts to get drugs out of his country everyone's making a bunch of money but he's being terrible to the people of Valena So Sly and Jason Statham, Mr. Christmas himself, decide that they're going to take their huge expendables playing and do a little like retcon, a recon rather, like go down there, check out the scene, see if it's as bad as Bruce Willis is actually saying it is, and see if it's worth their time to do the job.

How about send like two guys that don't like look like complete slabs of meat going in there? Like this is so stupid. This is where you get Ernest P. World as the disguise expert. Yeah, yeah, definitely. dude. I mean, it's got to be tough, right? You can't send Jet Lee. Yeah. No, send, yeah, Jim Varnie

and, like, Judy Greer, who's, like, codename is decoy. Decoy. That's like a bad G.I. Joe. Yeah. Look out, decoy. Well, you know, a different character like that would add more of a comic relief that this movie is crying for.

It really desperately needs comedy. And, like, it tries, but, like, you can't, like, everyone's being witty, but it's that stupid, macho witticism that's not funny because no one can commit to a joke because they're too fucking tough, you know, like that shit. I don't appreciate dudes telling jokes, but they're like too cool and macho to be funny. Yes. So it's like, this is a line that I'm acknowledging is funny, but I'm too macho and I think it's stupid, so I'm going to deliver it poorly. This sounds like one of our iTunes reviews.

By the way, in one of these scenes, Terry Cruz is wearing a shirt that says, penthouse. And like, I'm all for pornography, but let's not do PR for pornography. I think maybe not. So the shirt should just say like breasts. It should be like this is the

publication that shows penetration. Female body inspector. That's what I want to. There you go. No, because that's something about Terry Cruz's character works on a boardwalk if he's wearing that fucking shirt. Oh, geez. He's part of you have a Betty Boop shirt on. He's part of the order of boop.

Oh, God. look out for that. They're coming for you. They go to this island nation. It's Stallone and Statham, who the number one and the number two, it's like, oh, we work for the World Wildlife Federation. We're here to take pictures. And like, they let him into the country.

It's very, this fucking poor, what he called it? The customs agent really gets it later in the movie, and I don't think it's warranted. I liked it. It's pretty great, I think. But to what you're saying, Steve, I was, I was thinking about it last night. I think when Stallone shoots that dude, he very pointedly shoots him in both shoulders. Okay. Those aren't kill shots.

He spares that guy. Got it. The rest of them have murdered instantly. But that guy that gave him a little guff at customs, he just gets two shoulder shots. Are you sure? I thought he was down for the count because he went for his gun too. Yes, he does. Because he, well, at this scene, like when they're giving, when he's going through it's like,

Oh, what are you here for? They're like, oh, we're here to take foot of the life. It's like, what are you nervous? And then later when he's about to murder him, he's like, what are you nervous? I do think he kills him. Yeah, I think he murders him too. You think he does kill that guy? I think so.

I mean, that dude dropped like, you know, like that. Well, you drop if you got two bullets in your fucking shoulders too. I don't know me well enough. I'm not going to remember it because I also have to listen to fucking Randy Cotter talk about his avoided personality disorder and his ear story. Yeah. Dude, I don't need to hear the science behind cauliflower ears and the expendables.

Thank you very much. But first of all, back to the guy really quickly, he's like 68 years old. He's at high risk for getting shot in both shoulders, okay? He's not going to, maybe a younger man will walk out of that, but I don't know about our friend.

I mean, also, this is such a small island republic. I think Vatican City is bigger than this place. So those hospitals are overwhelmed from the carnage of this rampage. Well, that's, it's so because they go around and they're looking at things and they see Eric Roberts at Stone Cold. Like, they fuck up a fruit stand for some reason.

I don't know what the fuck's going on here, but it is hilarious watching Stone Cold Steve Austin yell, Vaminos. Well, that's, hey, Vaminos, God darn it. That's a callback to when, uh, you see General Garza shoot those three guys with Eric Roberts because they were all farmers and like their whole thing is like, all your goods go to us. So they're literally like taking all the fruits and vegetables for themselves to sell. But it's so stupid.

Why are you killing fucking farmers, man? The whole beef that Eric Roberts has right here, he's talking shit to the general. He's like, hey man, where's all the fucking cocaine? Like all the plants aren't ready for harvest. And he's like, you've got to talk to these fucking farmers. And instead of just straightening them out, they murder all the farmers. Now who's growing the coke? Yeah, they have to like bring people in from out of country to farm.

seriously it's so dumb his whole plan is there will be a lot of cocaine here eventually and eventually we'll make a lot of money I think I mean Eric Roberts is just like a really stupid villain and he's he's trying to

he's trying to will things into into existence it's 2010 he probably read the secret and he's not a fighter anymore that's why I'm into Griffith is because Griffith would be able to fight still I think I don't know this version of Roberts could kick some ass

He doesn't do it, though, however. It doesn't do it. So I feel like that was a choice. I just like Roberts. I like seeing Roberts pop up in places. I do think Thomas Ian Griffith would be great. Maybe as a number two. I mean, I think Stone Cold is really wasted in this.

The weird part about... He's definitely wasted in this movie. The weird part of... He wasted role-wise. I don't think he's intoxicated. Eric Roberts. I just want to get that out there. Eric Roberts only says one thing to each character,

but he can't say. it again and when they ask, look, I don't know, that's just the rules. Talking cat reference, anybody? Nope. A what reference? A talking cat. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I saw that once.

I was really wasted and not the, you know, the actual getting wasted sense. I was trying to figure out if that was an inherent vice line for some reason. No, no, no. What are you talking about here, dude? You're on fucking sweet Mexican brown. Why you don't have, you know. Yeah, I am. Oh, that's what you were on when you were watching that? That's right. So you got high on heroin and watched a talking cast on Eric Roberts. Yeah, that's right. That's the only

way you're illegally allowed to watch that picture. Oh, I see. Fair enough. I'm kidding, obviously. I just, I drank two beers and fell down on the mat. That's what Stone Cold does, right? Yeah, Mexican brown beer. That's right. Yeah. So, you know, Robert says this whole thing where he's trying to like you know bribe Garza and Garza's like you know sometimes things just aren't worth the money and Eric good delivery from Eric Roberts

in the scene he's like sure they are like totally brushes this guy off like I am in camp Eric Roberts in this movie I think he's a decent villain he's just not like fleshed out enough like everything else yeah I I like watching Eric Roberts do anything he does all those bad lifetime movies

I'm an Eric Roberts Stan ooh look at you yeah he's a he's He does the stalked by my doctor series, which is really good. I'm sorry, there's a series of what the hell? It's at least three. There's like the first, it's like him. He's in everyone?

Yes, he's the doctor that stalks. Wait, how do these movies end then? How does he keep getting more stalking? He's like the stepfather? Kind of, yeah, sort of. He goes from town to town as different doctors. I think the first one, it's him, like, attracted to a young girl, and he thinks he's in love with her. and then like he plays like his multiple personality a lot like it's like you got to kill that girl brother

and he's like I can't I'm in love with her it's fantastic way and I believe the second one or third one is called sleep study or something like that and it's about insomnia it's fantastic well the way to say these are like lifetime so they're not like real movies no no they're lifetime movies yeah all right my favorite I was about to say I'm gonna get around to him but now I'm definitely not going to get around weirdly one of my favorite Eric Roberts performance is him as the two brothers in the lifetime, the fake lifetime movie and Cable Guy. Oh, yes. He's incredible in those scenes. Brother, sweet brother. Yes. Oh, shit. I haven't thought about brother's sweet

brother in a really long time. Instead of the Menendez brothers, it's like the sweet brothers. One of them's named like Michael and one of them's got another name. Okay, so he was in stalked by my doctor. Stocked by my doctor, the return. Yeah, sure.

Stocked by my doctor. Patients And then where is it? Stocked by my doctor A Sleepwalkers Nightmare Four movies? Four films. Was he like a Hannibal Lecter and like the new Doctor who's stalking has to go see

him to get like good advice? He just gets away every time man. That's fucking crazy. Stalked by my doctor five Doctor saves Christmas. Team up with all the themes of those bullshit television. Stalk by my doctor versus a talking cat

You know It's important to mention though When Statham and Stallone go Their handler is this woman named Sandra It turns out that she is The daughter of General Garza Is the idea here And this is Giselle Ite

She was in this She was in a lot of other Mexican productions that I have not seen including something on Netflix called The Chosen One Might not be a Mexican production Yes, it is. Anywho, so yeah, that's her. I think she's only in this movie.

She's kind of, she's good, but like she's got nothing to do but get waterboarded for one scene. Dude, I believe it's Stone Cold Steve Austin that enacts that waterboarding. Like, come on. That scene played a little too smooth for me, Stone Cold. Just put it out there.

It's intense. But it's like, I guess, it's definitely dates the movie, but it's also like, are we, we're trying to say something about the sins of recent America, which is nice to see, I guess. It's a good point, dude, I have to say because surprisingly in this movie, written and directed by Sylvester Stallone and company, and starring and company, that this movie, such as it is, has a scene where waterboarding is portrayed negatively. Yeah, that's nice. Very surprising. It's not displayed as a thing like to get the job done. Oh, they made me rewrite it

and expendables where there was waterboard and ever was original. Look, I was for the war originally, but then they didn't do it the way I said they should do it. So now I'm against the war now, even though I was for it for like,

I don't know, fucking three years. There is a decent fight here where it's your first kind of like big thing after the opening, you know, the cold open action where like Statham like jumps out of

the woods to save Stallone's hide because like all these dudes roll up on Sandra and Stallone and there's a lot of Jason Statham throwing knives at people in this scene. It's pretty cool. I mean this is a good scene like there's a lot of body slams and all sorts of shit yeah and we get to like there's a big chase

to like it back to the plane Eric Roberts and Stone Cold and the rest of the army are after these guys and you have this hilarious like Stallone running down this dock and like jumping on the side of this plane like it's a Mission Impossible movie. He cannot move the way he needs to move.

No, dude, it's really awkward watching him run down the dock on this scene because that is definitely Sylvester Stallone running and it looks very weird. I like the idea of like Tom Cruise saw this and I was like, I bet you I can do that for real. It's entirely possible. And then he like calls Stallone up and bullies him a little bit

about it? He's like, oh, yeah, you couldn't actually get on the plane, could you though? He couldn't hold onto it. I could. That's interesting that I could. Saw a lot of computer shots of you trying to hang from that plane. I actually hung from one. You make fun of Scientology

and see what it's given to me. All of your thetans are slowing you down, but Tom, stop with the hard cell, okay? I went to a meeting. I got red. It didn't work out. That shit, I got to say, did that shit. It's a little cookie.

Tom, it's 2 a.m. in the morning. Could I please put my daughter to sleep without you calling? They do an insane thing where they're like, they've gotten away. It's all like totally scot-free. And then they're like, you want to go back and murder all those people? What the fuck? It's insane too, because it's like,

well, where's Sandra? Oh, like, she couldn't leave. She stayed behind. Let's double back. She might be in the body count now. Oh, she's not going to come because she's afraid of her prize a lot. Let's make sure she's going to be, let's make sure she gets waterboarded. Let's blow some shit up. I mean, I see a couple of children down there, but I mean, it's just a couple.

We can just level the place. Everybody can stand to lose a couple kids, right? I mean, it's crazy. Like, they swing the plane back around. Jason Statham gets up in this, like, compartment where he's like sticking outside the nose of the plane. It's insane. I actually kind of. I like this.

sequence. It's pretty cool. The action in this movie is actually decent. My argument is I think this should have been at the end. It's clearly a this is how Eric Roberts should have met his his mind. This is too big for the middle of your movie. I agree with

that because the ending kind of starts to get bogged down for me with the like the shooting in the dark shit. Yep. Yeah. And they have to like do it for like every like Austin has to have seen. Then we have to watch Roberts do his scene. And then it's all the like military guy it's just it's too much well i have to say though we'll get to it

when we get to it but the demise of stone called steve austin's character in this movie is worth the price of admission alone pretty wonderful but when they so they swing back around like statham guns all these dudes down and they're like dropping uh like gasoline out of the plane at the same time and then statham like throws a or stalone i think maybe throws oh it's a flare that's right I was confusing with a cigar. Yes, Statham has a flare that he tosses on the dock and the whole thing blows up. And everyone is killed except for Eric Roberts and Stone Cold Steve lost. It would be great if like in the beginning of the movie Stone Cold has this huge head of hair.

And then after this scene, it burns off. It's like, God damn, I got to get that son bitch. He took all my hair. It's going to draw on eyebrows and it's like, well, now you're just being difficult. Difficult. I'll show you difficult, you some bitch. Rattlesnakes coming after you. It's the same wig they gave Brendan Fraser and airheads.

Just really long. They fucking deformed here, god damn it. How am I supposed to head bang? Oh, I like to head bang. I can't head bang no more. You guys ever see that show he's doing that broken skull ranch? No. I know that he has like a podcast that's also called something similar.

Oh, really? Oh, I believe. I'm pretty sure this. him and it's just like he it's it's it's it's like um it's sort of like an american ninja warrior but with no money and it's just like yeah climb up that pile of gravel go for no way are you kidding me i'm not and it's also i believe on pluto tv convent oh man oh i got to tune in i have to say stone called steve austin steve austin as he is i believe his real name is steve williams he may have had it legally changed steve austin he's a guy that'll surprise you he's a guy that is

100% for things like marriage equality. He's a dude who fucking despises the current arguments for the Confederate flag. Very surprising. He's more progressive than you would think, which is to say at all.

At all, but also like beyond just like the bare minimum. He's kind of a fascinating guy, I have to say. Well, I mean, he's definitely one of the best politically of this cast then, because I know Stallone is probably pretty right wing just judging from his brother's comments. Well, he said no

to, Trump wanted him to be like the head of the end, like of the arts like part of it. Oh, I remember that. He did turn it down. Yeah, he turned down. He's not an idiot. No. Frank Stallone's the idiot. Yeah. They wind up going back to Avengers Tower. I mean, whatever the fuck this thing is

Expendables Mansion, which is a fucking pile of dirt. Mickey Rourke's tattoo parlors. Yeah, slash, I guess also bike shop. Yes. And this is like, maybe pool hall i don't know and this is when like jet lee is they remember jet lee needs to be in the movie and he's like giving jet lee the stone's giving jet lee the rundown or he's like okay and this is my favorite part of the movie i tweeted about it last night stalone cannot because

his mouth is so deformed say the word general and that's hard it's got a general uh he's like i don't know this we're not going to do the job it's too hard they've got this journal there is going to be very difficult. And if the journal is going to get her. Yeah, we got to steal this little girl's journal and read it. We have to face up against a journal Garzer and fight Journal Garza to the end. Jetly's like, wait a second.

Are we battling a newspaper? What are you talking about? All right, the San Francisco Cradicles amassing forces on the border right here and there. and then they're like oh hey let's go for a drive and they do and oh they're going to go tell Bruce Willis that they're not going to take the job and on the way

no no wait a second no that's that's not correct Stallone is saying he's going to do it he's going they're not doing the job Stallone says he's going back there to get Sandra because this is right after the whole conversation

with Mickey Roark about how he ignored a woman committing suicide all that shit happens good luck with all that Exactly. And he's like, so he says something about like, you know, I'm not putting, uh, you know, a guilt trip on you guys or whatever. I'm just going to do this. This is my thing. You know, no guilt trip. Look, fellas, I'm just confused as anybody. I don't know if I think of her as a daughter or as a girlfriend. I can't. I, I'm all confused. I'm just doing what my heart tells me. Uh, yeah. And so then, so Jet Lee is like, you know, fuck you, dude. Like, I'm coming with you kind of a thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, and then this, because this is where Duff Lungren comes in,

sort of chasing them in the car. Stallone's hilarious bulletproof car, like it's the 1940s Batman serial. It's great. Lungren has already gone to Velenna on his own and teamed up with Eric Roberts, and that's sort of a something. And yeah, he's just driving around. He's got a bunch of guys. This is actually a pretty good action scene as well.

It's a great action scene. I do have a question, though, because it's, It's Dolph Lundgren is chasing Stallone and Jetley and Dolph's like driving some truck or whatever. And then there's this other guy who's also just a middle-aged bald

white man that I thought for like half the chase scene was Stone called Steve Austin. Yeah. And then it's just some other random dude. This is where you put your Jeff Speakman or Dutakovs or something. Give them one fun scene. Anybody. Get in and out.

Because it's one of the most memorable deaths in the movie the guy's like calling out Dolf's character for like being crazy and whatever and he's like you're going to get his killed, you've got to stop. And Dolf stumps this dude's skull until this man is dead while also

driving the car. And he goes, you insect. Oh yes. But also Gunner Jensen's like turn towards James Monroe. Is that the name? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. It's funny name.

It's like a president or something. It would make more sense if Eric Roberts actually had drugs. Yeah. That'd be cool to see some drugs in this. There's a big sign outside of Valen and says drugs coming soon. It's like we're going to listen, guys, we're going to bring the drugs back. We're going to make America drugs again. That is kind of the funniest thing, though, is like there's no drugs because the crop wasn't ready, like, which we learned.

So, like, what are we doing? There is, there is, why are we killing anyone? There is one drug shot. There's a bunch of bricks at the end. Oh, that's right. When they're fighting in front of like a wall, a bricks of cocaine. It's in the basement where Terry Cruz is loading up the big gun. Oh, okay, yeah.

Roberts had to go to like the next Banana Republic over. He's like, listen, I made a big mistake. I just need, listen, just give me a deal on a bunch of bricks because I got a buyer coming and I'll take a bath on it. But eventually we will have cocaine. And please, honestly, I'll have cocaine. And please honor this gap promo code. I got this booger sugar from Bolivia. I can't get it from here because you killed all the goddamn farmers.

Look, I'm getting caught with my pants down here. And I just need somebody to make a move on something. Please take my shitty cocaine. My favorite, and he doesn't sometimes, Eric Roberts. He has that, like, squeaky voice occasionally. And my favorite part is here when he's like, you got your daughter and she wants to kill you. And it's just bad shaking. Spear.

And it's like, Oh, yes. That's, that's, uh, the, uh, they're gonna take my thumbs energy coming back at him. Exactly. I've never actually seen the Pope of Greenwich Village. Good movie. Good movie.

Yeah. Oh, also with Mickey Rourke. Um, so yeah, this actually leads to, there's, I mean, there's a big chase and everything. A lot of cars get tossed here and there. They wind up in some foundry or warehouse or something. Uh, and I got to say pretty rad fight scene here between Dolph Lundgren and Jettley. And for the most part

Jetley is beating the shit out of Dolf Lungren. Every loving shit out of this guy. It's awesome. It's funny that he keeps on saying, friend, friend. He's trying to light a cigar. He's trying to hand people flowers. And then

at the end of it, like Lungren gets the upper hand and is about to impale Jeff Ljitley on a pile. Jeffley. Jeffley. Jeffley. It's Jeffley. Lillado. I love it.

Jetly. He's going to impale about a bunch of pipes, and then Stallone shoots him, and then there's this scene where, like, Stallone goes to him, like, comfortingly, is like, you don't want to die, villain, you got to tell me all about Verlena. And you think that this is Dolph Ungren's death scene, but then at the end of the movie, he's there fucking around with the guys, and like, nothing happened. But even in that scene, you're talking about, he's like, listen, listen, just give it up. We'll bury you right. Like, you'll get a hero's funeral

as if you never left the expendables. And then we just like, oh, no, he's fine. We got a miracle cure. Necromancy, fucking Mickey Rourke threw around some fucking chicken bones and whatever else he had laying around. But, dude, well, they give you, it's a weird, like, tug of war because Stallone has some comment about, like,

like, oh, yeah, you know, it was like two inches above. your heart. And I was like, oh, okay, so he's fine. And then it was like, well, I guess I'm dying now. And I was like, but you just, all right, whatever. But fucking fine. Eric, I'll use you as an example because you're blonde and I'm short. If you ever tried to impale me on a pile of pipes, you're not part of we hate movies anymore. Or I'm not. It's a one of the other situation. Because I'm like, hey, remember that time that guy tried to kill me? Whenever I do something that you don't like, it's because I was on drugs.

I'll be fine later. It's cool. I mean, what they do, though, Steve, is like they are, they're all like believing this idea of like he's just this way because the job got to him. You know what I mean? And I feel like that's just kind of like what it is. Like, well, it's just the job. He's fine now. Oh, the job. If you didn't save me, I would have been impaled on spikes like I'm a fucking Friday the 13th victim. I mean, you know the risks of this job podcasting. It's true. It's very true. So the job. So the job made you want to hang the corpse of a pirate. Yeah, it's the job.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was the job. Yeah. Can I have a job on this police force now? And you know, I guess maybe it seems almost like a callback to like universal soldier. Like he was the bad one because the war got to him and he made all those ear necklaces. I got to go back to I've got to go back to that. I haven't seen it in forever. We went back to it for the first time of forever, and I thought it was really, really good. Yeah, I enjoy it. I need to go through this. I got to go through the series.

Oh, I'm sure that's a thing that goes downhill pretty quickly. I bet. So, yeah, then it's basically like, all right, well, all the expendables are, they're on board. And my biggest question, I was like, well, before they all, like, take off to do this mission, is Stallone telling them that Dolph Lundgren's dead or what? Yes, exactly.

I don't think there's anything mentioned about it. You wait in the plane, I guess. That's more of a plain conversation. Or like an after the success of the mission convo, maybe. Yeah, I think that's more like it. Terry Cruz talks about this cool bullet that he has

that I wasn't quite sure whether or not is actually used in the movie. It is. I believe that's what he starts blowing up guard towers with and some people's bodies. The gasoline trenches at the end of this movie? I thought, okay, I thought it was a thing where like this was like one, like the cricket in men in black or something like that

is like you got to use the thing one time. I didn't know he was talking about like multiple rounds of ammunition. The thing is men and black's a well written movie. Yes. Oh, that's true. Ed Solomon is a great screen. And the thing is like that bullet thing he said, it's an explosive device. It's not just a like a one shot at somebody. I see. The description is so stupid. It's like this little bullet here has a fucking warhead that a microchip arms the second it leaves the chamber or whatever and it's like why would you have a $50,000 bullet yeah i don't speak soldier of fortunes i'm sorry yeah dude the fucking police department in nothing wisconsin has fucking missile bullets probably yeah

you know that's an idea an expendables type movie where where a mercenary group robs a police station so they could get the weapons of war that they need to go fight on their mission with It's fucking Stallone driving a huge tank and it says Palookaville police department on it. What a stupid fucking country we live in. What a dumb-ass stupid country. The small county I grew up and I saw as a, they're like sheriff's department as a tank and it's like, for what? What dear? What if the King of England starts coming around and poke at everybody, huh?

Oh, yep, that's true. You don't want to get poked by that guy. You just got to make sure. or maybe a black person might drink a soda that might be trouble. Oh, yeah, can't be not having a tank for that. We can't have a squirt gun either. Can't be doing that shit.

So the expendables infiltrate this compound, whatever. Like the last 30 minutes of this movie is like the third act of the movie entirely almost. Yeah, what's her face? Sandra. Sandra has been waterboarded. Her father, who is the general, David Zayas, I believe.

of his name is, is going kind of crazy because he knows that his time is up and he's like a painter like Hitler and he makes all of the, the soldiers that are loyal to him paint their faces. It's a lot really soon and it doesn't really amount to much. They get a lot of fun costumes. They get to have, you know, a lot of face paint. You know, it's fun to be under Garza or journal Garza or whatever the fuck is. Journal Garza. The Journal Gazette, where is the villain's name again? If everyone on the plane is like, wait, are we going to get a journal? Are we trying to get a book?

Like, no, we go get the journal. No, slow down. Write it down. I can't write. His secret plans are in the journal that we need to get. No, no, no. The journal is the guy. So he's a man that's a book?

The journalissimo, you know? You know what I'm saying? journalism. And now isn't that guy like he's starting to turn on Eric Roberts? Yes. But we're still just going to use him and his men, his fucking dog meat in this movie anyway. That's what's fucking

stupid is like they never have the general understand that the expendables are also against Eric Roberts. And he just sees it as like, oh, here's more Americans coming to fuck up my country or whatever. It would have been more badass. Because also you can cut like 30 minutes out of

this movie. You know, if you really wanted. You really gave it the old college try here, you know, because you could cut a lot of this out, and it's like, oh, the army then turns on Eric Roberts. The problem is Eric Roberts needs more people, like a larger goon squad, aside from just Stone Cold Steve Austin, because everybody else around him for the most part is just the general's army guys. Call up Dutnikov. What the fuck? I don't know, man. Maybe his fucking answering machine was broken. What do you want me to do about it?

I want you to call Dudacah. One 900, dude. No, I think it's more like his phone was turned off. Oh. And the fucking sick irony is he could have had to turn back on with his expendables paycheck. Oh, man. And his prepaid card ran out. Yeah, it's a fun where we're all lay in waste.

They're all putting these mines on things, which are... A lot of remote mines, dude. I was getting hankering to play some golden eye. Oh, for sure, man. It just, it's, it's, they're cool looking. And then, like, Jet Lee is like, he is making gas. Trenches, which is very important. Yeah. I love a quality-built

gasoline trench, man. I have to say, pretty cool. No, no. You do not understand. It's not for the tanks. It's for the trenches. Not for the motorcycles either. It's just trenches. I do want the scene where Randy Couture puts this hat on and everyone's like, you're going to go with that.

You go with that. You go with that. You go with a hat. Dude, you're going to go with that hat. Does he wear two dumb hats in this movie? Well, no. Statham is wearing a beret. Statham's got the beret, but Couture, there is like a... Wait a second, doesn't Stallone also have a beret? I thought so, yeah.

On the poster, I feel like he does. I feel like Statham's going hatless, most of this. On the poster that I'm looking at on on IMD, there is a single hat and it is dedicated to Mickey Boer. Single hat. I got to look at this poster. I'm looking here, like, there's some photos from like the final action sequence. So, like, Jet Lee's got a black baseball cap on.

as does Terry Cruz. I'm trying to look because because I could have sworn because doesn't Randy Couture, isn't he the guy that's got the fucking bad cab driver hat? Oh yeah, maybe he has that earlier. Yes, he does have that earlier but I think like now he's got this like

beach bum good vibes hat. Oh, a bucket hat? It's a bad like it's like worse than a bucket hat because like the brims floppier. Yes, it's a floppyer bucket hat. Whatever you want to, a fly fishing hat. whatever you want to call that hat.

That's what I think he's wearing during this action scene. A bucket sombrero. Yeah, it's a Jimmy Buffett sombrero. He's a mercenary, right? So they all just shop at Cabela's. Oh, yeah, that's true. Actually, so look, there's a shot here on IMDB from the final action sequence. Stallone hatless. I repeat, hatless.

Okay, so I'm looking at it now. It's the posters for expendables two and three. Stallone has a beret on both of them. Well, I think he stole Statham's berets. He's got enough going on with you. I want, if you're coming back for number two, I get the beret. It's a pretty cool beret, man. I got to say, now for nothing, we got similarly sized heads.

Yeah, a sly, we got all the tests, you know, we got all the cards back and they, they love Statham's beret. They fucking, that's the number one thing on all the cards is the beret. I am so goddamn furious right now. More like a britt, bray, ain't, right, ain't, no. Maybe not. They're not always going to work. They also wanted us to cut out more Terry Cruz. I'm sorry.

Although you're not wrong, though, because now here's a screenshot of Sly Stallone and he also has a beret on in this movie. I don't know what's going on with the bray swaps here, fellas. It's just going to be a mystery, I guess, forever. But yeah, I mean, we're just like blowing shit up, killing people secretly planning these minds. Well, there is the first scene where Stallone gets captured

by Stone Cold and he's like, where are your guys? Where are your goddamn guys? And this is like, oh, I'll tell you, they're at your hairdressers because you're bald. Yep. Yep. Oh, dude. And that's right after Stone called goes, look at me, your piece of trash. And I'm like, man, this is the expendable, sir. It is rated R. You could think of something a little, a little riskier than calling someone a piece of trash. I mean, the dialogue is not really there. I guess because, alone doesn't like the bad words, but the body count is outrageous. You see people's whole bodies explode. Yeah. If we can't say fucking shit. Whenever Barron comes back, he should

switch it up to, where are your guys? Where are they? Yeah, are they in prison or are they canceled? Underdeep the ground? You know, any one of those things are possible. Um, so Jet Lee and Randy Couture save Stallone right here. This is my favorite death in the movie. It's like, is it, yes, it is the Brit. It's Randy Couture and Jetley are fighting the Brit at the same time, probably, although a lot of

these guys merged together. And Jetly kills him by breaking his neck by kicking him. It's fucking cool as hell. Oh, that's how that dude gets taken out? It's him or some other underling where it's like, he's like being held back and Jetly kicks him in the throat. his head just kind of wobbles a bit

and it fucking moves. That fucking kicks ass, actually. There's a lot of fast editing right there and I was having a little trouble following it. Austin has the black shirt and this guy has like a blue button up going on. Yeah, yeah. There's also a fucking great thing

in this whole sequence where Randy Couture just takes a dude's arm and snaps it open like he's opening a slim gym. Like this, he just gives this dude a hilariously brisk like compound fracture. It's the only cool thing the dude does in the movie.

And then he tells him about Tony Robbins. Yeah. Oh, it's, it's, is it not, it's Jason Statham and Jetty that are fighting that English guy when he's dead. Oh, it's Statham. Okay, got it. Yeah.

By the way, in all of this fighting and everything, I cannot believe, like I guess the Stone Cold Stunner is out of the question because it's way too much of a setup kind of a move. Sure. But he could have dropped an elbow on somebody Yeah, you want it You know? And like he does the old

Like middle finger up to God or whatever that was all about It would have been kind of cool Yeah, I'd love to you, you said a bitch But I can't because Vince owns the stunner And I'm not getting I'm tired of giving money to Vince Who was it Goldberg who did the spear Goldberg did the spear yeah

Because he does a spear to someone Oh shit, you don't want to fuck with Goldberg Oh well that's the funniest That is the funniest move, aside from his hilarious death. The funniest move that Stone Cold has, Kevin, you're totally right. He uses his body, like, as a torpedo at one point. He just, like, throws himself. I think it's, I think it's in the fight that he has with Stallone.

Well, he's aerodynamic, right, with his head. Oh, yeah, he'll fly right through the sky, dude. I got my ass kicked. That's what he asked, dude. I kick my ass. When Stallone escapes this, doesn't he, like, stab some dude right through the throat? Yes. I remember a throat stab that was extremely impressive.

Yeah, there's a couple of good throat stabs in this movie. Maybe it's around here. Sure. But yeah, it's this fight where Austin does sort of torpedo him. And then he, Stone Cold Steve Austin hilariously runs away. Yes. And the expendables are like, oh, we're kind of pinned down, blah, blah, blah. There's all these dudes.

And this is where Terry Cruz comes in with the insane gun here. And he's just laying, these are, this is when the dudes are popping like grapes. This is liquid people, man. It's pretty fantastic. I do love it. There's a quick scene because, like, we got to get rid of these characters where the general is trying to, like, make a speech to the people to be like, I was wrong. I was greedy. I'm only a human, blah, blah, blah.

And then Eric Roberts just assassinates him. You kind of want to see the general fall all the way over, old school action style. I need him to do a Mr. Burns off that balcony. Exactly. You just sort of see him fall a little bit. But no, I want to see, like, the third. thing and the impact, the whole bit. Oh, yeah. Let's get some dummies

people. He needs to pop like a like a water balloon on the sidewalk. Mm-hmm. It'd be pretty sweet. And then Sandra gets kidnapped by Eric Roberts for some reason. I guess he wants leverage. But that's, but that's the thing. I don't understand this part. And maybe someone can clarify this, but like the general's

dead. The jig is up. The whole thing. Why is he dragging this woman around still? Isn't she like the general's daughter? Yeah, but he murdered the general. Yeah, but now she's like the next head of state, I guess. Also, she's a witness. Yeah.

She's a witness. Stallone took a shine to her. So, kill her. Does he know that? I don't know. That I don't know. But I do know that like the character is essentially worthless. I don't think politically she's the next in line to rule this country.

Like, he could just murder her and then like be on his way. But like the last 20 minutes, he's just dragging this woman around by the hand. Why not? It's about time we get like a female military. dictatorship, right? That'd be cool. See how that shakes out. Higher more women. Oh, at some point. Oh, yeah, this is actually a weird thing. We're like, so

Stallone really wants to blow up the compound and they're like, just wait a second, just wait a second. And then it's finally like, all right, her and Eric Roberts are clear. Like, I guess, well, just her is clear. It's fine. He blows this place up. They are barely out of there, though. Both Eric Roberts and Sandra go flying

through the air. Pretty cool. This is a decent explosion, everything going up. They're literally lighting this place up. Pretty badass. I mean, then, you know, whatever. Like, there's the fucking end of it is like they're running, they're trying to get to a plane. Or a helicopter. The Stone Cold and helicopter. The helicopter. The helicopter scene

is amazing because Terry Cruz, like, so Stallone's trying to lift up this giant bomb that's just on the ground. Okay. And he wants to throw it at the helicopter so he could shoot it and set it off. And Terry Cruz then has to help throw the bomb and they do it. And this big explosion.

there are effective moments in this film. Sure. And also this is when Stone Cold and Stallone get at it. Finally, the big fight, right? Yes. I'm sorry, Stone Cold and Couture go at it. Yes, it's, yeah, the Stallone fight ends with Stone Cold running away, which is hilarious.

Uh-oh, you're on the toll road now. Yeah, exactly, dude, get ready to fucking pay up, because here we go, Couture versus Austin. Exact change only or easy pass. Pay the toe. Pay the toll. What are you saying to me? Pay the toll. Oh, man. It is

fucking great though because they are fighting and there's a moment where Randy Couture like is able to topple Steve Austin and he falls onto this fire and Stone Cold just lights up like Johnny Blaze. It is hilarious.

God damn. My God, Stone Cold Steampson is on fire. His body is completely engulfed in flames. Oh, Randy could tour that nuts and nuts, real cool, a light and cold on fire. Somebody called Stone Cold's mother. He's toasty tonight. Looks like I bought the farm or the Broken Skull Ranch because my skull is broken. Get the marshmallows.

By God, Stone Cold is on fire. Oh, yeah, dude, marshmallows. with that scent of burnt human flesh. Oh, yeah. Nothing goes better with graham crackers. To be fair, though, charred rattlesnake is really good. Sure. You just, you're in charred rattlesnakes? No, no, no.

I've heard that it's good. I thought you were trying to sound like, you know, you're a real bad ombra. Well, no, I mean, he's known as the rattlesnake, charred rattlesnake. Oh, okay. I thought it was your time down in the bush killing. By God, Heritable Lecter's

going to eat good tonight. Oh, he's also on the island? Oh, I'm having a professional wrestler for dinner. Ooh, too fatty. Love your bald head. Nothing but fat and gristle. You know, Stone Cold, you come down here with yourself on fire and your cheap shoes. Self on fire.

Statham, that's a lean cut. You know, so they continue trying to. to save Sandra after all of this Stallone going after Eric Roberts here Eric Roberts has a hilarious villainous I created this speech Yeah it's not really good

Because it doesn't make any sense We are the same like who are you Oh yeah he does definitely do Like a Batman and Joker we are the same Like what are you talking about Well I guess because they're both instruments of the US government That went kind of rogue and bad Sure

Oh yeah I guess that's true they're both dead inside he says as well which is absolutely true that's definitely true that's actually right yeah Eric Roberts character was right on that point and so and he has like Sandra sort of held hostage here you know and she jumps out of the way

Stallone fires into him a bunch of times and at the same time this sword just explodes from his chest and Jason Statham has been on the other end and he had hucked it at him so he gets like double murdered kind of cool I was kind of hoping that that was

a Mickey Rourke's knife and he was just able to throw it from that far distance He threw it from New Orleans I kept expecting I kept expecting him to show up at this last hurrah and be like yeah you can't have a party without me baby or whatever he's going to do

you know I kept expecting for Ernest P. World to show up and disguised as his mother that's just like do you boys think you should be playing in the backyard like this? Um, so he's dead. You know, and that's just, it kind of wraps up. Stallone is like he fucking dumbly promises this woman that he'll always be around. Like, you're not going back there.

Yeah. Come. I've successfully cloned myself. He can't really walk. Uh, my phone. He's got he slides around on a stunt. We come slide stillone. Come on. Slides stillone. Here he is. Uh, I got the idea for the little roller thing from Eddie Murphy in a little movie called Trading Places. Kill me. I am not a person. He sings better than my brother Frank. So I have to say it's kind of nice that there's no romance between Sandra and anyone

in this movie. Nope. And it's not even like at the end you would think it would be Statham and Carpenter like, let's go babe, we're going to Puerto Rico for the weekend. It's like, nah. It's grab-ass. It's grab-ass time. The last seven minutes of this movie is just total grab-ass. Yeah, it's delightful when they're back in the garage. Yeah, I mean, we are just back. We're at Tools Place and we're just drunk probably throwing knives at a wall. You know, like, dudes do. Oh, dude. The fent is flowing like a fountain. Just guys being guys.

The funniest part about this is they try to make Dolph Lundgren being alive a reveal, but there's already a shot earlier in the scene like before you see his face, where it's just you clearly catch a massive

blonde guy like in the mirror. Like you get the back of Dolph's reflection, like in a mirror. And I was like, all right well that could have been cut like what are you doing and then like three minutes later it's like oh by the way fucking gunner's still alive and I'm like I know I saw him in that mirror three minutes ago I want you know what I mean like the thing is the expendables you expect it to be like a suicide squad kind of situation where like some of these dudes are fucking getting killed on these missions you know what I mean like and you can lose Randy Couture should just totally die at some point it's outrageous and a blaspheme of cinema law that this character makes it. And Lundgren should just be dead. You know what I mean?

No one is like, oh, we got to bring him back. Like, maybe Statham. Like, people should just be dead. And then you can fill them in with other action stars because there's a bevy of them due to Koffa among them. But that's the thing is all of these guys are the types who have it in their contract. My character cannot die. Right. Like every single

one of them, even fucking Randy Couture. And they can't lose the fight, blah, blah. Yeah, it just cannot happen. Or they're going to go do movies are in Rome. It's, it's, that's why it's also surprising that Stallone loses that fight against Stone Cold Steve Austin. Like, and then admits that he got his ass kicked.

Like, no, in, in regular movie situations, like the status of a character like Stallone should just murder that guy. I guess it's because he's like, he's the director. So he's trying to, I know, know what a movie is. It'll be more dramatically. interesting if I lose this right. This is actually it's this scene where Randy

Couture is wearing the dumb ass cabby hat. Got it. And he's telling Dove Lundgren about like, isn't it great you started therapy or you've agreed to or whatever? Got to get the fourth and final therapy joke into this movie. You want it. You do want it. And then the movie just ends with Jason Statham throwing a knife at the camera and fucking

boys are back in town starts playing. The boys are back in town. And then they fart around in their motorcycles for like six minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, wild hogs, but smellier. So he throws the knife from outside the bar to prove how good he is. And then you get the fucking garage door going down for the end of the credits.

You remember that with expendables painted on the garage door? Oh, is that what? Oh, I remember that. It's like movies closed for the knife. Oh, oh, after all the motorcycles drive out. Oh, man, that's dumb. Oh, it's great. and then they do the boys are back in town

and it's so aggressively stupid that I'm like I'm like yeah they'm vibing with this But the boys are back in town is the song that you use at the cold open of the second movie Yeah It was it was most recently used And that's at this point In Toy Story 2's marketing

Oh Jesus So like she's I mean yeah I mean it's ridiculous stupid But you know Did everybody else notice who did the stunts for this? No No Chad Stahelski of who directed all the John Wick

movies him to direct this movie. All of a sudden, this is a good movie. That's totally true. I'm into it. Stallone didn't direct the sequels, I don't think. He's got writing credits on both of them. But I don't think they got in

anybody of note for either sequel to do. I don't think credits is he put on a fucking napkin, a helicopter crash. Like, okay, we'll work it in. Here's your story credit. Oh, the second movie. Simon West, I just looked it up. yeah dude con air

laura croft tomb raider the general's daughter speaking of general's daughters nice uh that's kind of interesting third movie patrick hughes uh oh hitman's bodyguard dude another movie that i fucking turned off after an hour of it wasted a lot of time insufferable

he's also doing the hit man's wife's bodyguard sequel or some shit the selma hack yeah it's gonna be terrible yeah you can fucking totally keep it you can totally keep all of it. But would anybody recommend this first Expendables

movie? I had more fun with it than I thought I would, but I ultimately would not recommend it. I kind of want this to be a big dumb canon movie and it's not. Or like canon adjacent movie like Hired to Kill where Brian Thompson plays a

fashion photographer or a guy playing a fashion photographer and seven models travel to a South American Island Fortress to go on a fashion shoot and they overthrow the fucking government run by Oliver Oliver Reed. It fucking rules.

Watch it on Amazon Prime. But yeah, there's other like dumb, fucking dumb shit action movies that I like a lot more than this one. It didn't hit it for me. Chris Cabin? Yeah, I agree with all that. And also like, I just you know, I wanted, you

could have just had some of this, again, like a little bit more character stuff, a little less of like General Garza and his daughter like it just doesn't matter to me and like it does the simon west one i think is actually the best because he knows what he's doing with that kind of material oh whereas like stillone like he's he's too image conscious like he's he's going to cut around himself a little too much i feel yeah yeah uh eric cisco yeah i understand the uh points my colleagues are making but i am going to recommend it it is trash uh i think it does have some legitimate good ad

in it. It's nice to see all these weathered old faces. It's really nostalgia trash. It's dad trash. I get it. But I had fun with it more than I thought I would upon revisiting it. So I would recommend it. Also nice to see the CIA as bad guys. Yeah. Yeah, I think I kind of agree with everything Eric is saying. I see where you're coming from, Steve. And to a lot of what you're pointing out, I would say, if you're up for it, check out at least expendables, too. Yeah, I might. I think it kind of like, you know, fixes a little bit of that. And plus, you also do have JCVD as the villain in that movie.

You have Chuck Norris as Booker. Nice. You know, so there's that. Oh, and actually your buddy Scott Adkins is also in this second one. So, you know, there is that. But, yeah, I mean, these movies, I hadn't seen it since the theatrical experience and like it held up fine you know for what it was I do think like Eric said

too there is a lot of good action to be had so if you're just looking for like some good action choreography it's under two hours you know you could do worse it's not as CGI heavy as you know these kind of movies tend to be in present day which was also sort of cool but you know take it or leave it's not it's not a must watch I would I would say that although oh shit part

three I forgot Kelsey Grammer lookout Cali Gramer and Harrison Ford. I guess that was supposed to be a joke. Like, who's the most non-action person? Yeah, I don't understand like why they thought it was a good idea. Like, he's never played a tough guy, really. Like, even when he fell off that stage, he did it like a wuss. I love that video.

Oh, it's better than Expendables 3. Oh, actually, though, also on Expendables 3 is Antonio Banderas. And fucking piece of shit, Mel Gibson plays the bad guy. Yes, he does. And is that the one with Wesley Snipes or is that the suck? He's, it's Wesley's in it. Yeah, he's in third one. I think the third one has everybody you want. Uh, and, and people you might also not even care about. Also that. Like Glenn Powell, the guy

who, uh, is, uh, he's in this new top gun maverick. He was, uh, I believe Neil Armstrong. Or no, he's John Glenn in hidden figures. Somebody fucking get Dutnikov a call. Fuck. I don't know, dude. Is Duda cough still? making movies? I mean, the last time I saw him was in the electric boogaloo documentary. And that was like six years ago. Well, he might be Dunacoff now. That's possible. Yeah. I want, I definitely want people to speak to Jeff Speakman. Get him in one of these. That could be something. I don't know. I mean, we were texting before we came on the air about like Cynthia Rothrock and stuff.

Get them in there. Jeff Fahey has a pilot. Come on. That's something. I'd see, I'd see Jeff Fahey in these movies. That would totally make sense. Dutnikov, by the way. way in 2019, something called Green Valley looks like a some sort of weed comedy that never really got off the ground. That's unfortunate. Dude, where's my Dudikoff? Dude where's my dudikoff?

That's our documentary, Finding Michael Dude. Dude, you parked Dutnikov right out here yesterday. Where is it? Your tattoo says dude. Your says a cough. Dude. A cough. Dude. A cough.

Dude. Echo! Oh, mercy me. American Ninja 1 and then American Ninja 2 and then American Ninja 4 and then I tried to rewatch American Ninja recently and I found it a little dull

but I need to go back and give it a fair shake because I'm a sucker for ninja outfits in multiple colors which is the American Ninja franchise has in spades. I would say dude you should check out if you haven't Part 4. I believe the villain is a child molester who has a horrible death at the end of it. Eric, all you need to do, and this is what I do occasionally, is type the word ninja into Amazon Prime and all this crazy shit shows up.

Dude, it is a wild, wild ride. Check out Tobe. It's sort of like Pluto TV, but they got tons of movies, and I think American Ninja is living there lately. These excellent hacks to find your quality ninja movies online, folks. But that is going to do it for the expendables from 2010 directed by Sylvester Stallone himself. If you would like more we hate movies, of course, check out WHMpodcast.com or head over to our Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. We've got a lot of stuff going on in celebration of the summer blockbuster extravaganza and so on. A lot of things on the feed. Eric Siska, what some of the stuff we're talking about this month? Oh, Lord. What month is it? Is it July

now? No, it's still June. It is still June, folks. That means The Katzman Terry is up there Our full length 2 plus hour episode On No Country for Old Men is up there Oh yeah Yeah we got also We got basket case coming up on a side order of sleaze It's probably out pretty soon

Animation Damnation on Scooby-Doo A Gloop Glouclocery on Salacious B-Crum A ton of shit Tons of stuff so just be sure to check all that out Also big thanks to everybody who tuned in to our live commentary on YouTube and Switch where we were talking over

Can't Hardly Wait to raise awareness for our merch donation initiative. Of course, as we've said, all of our proceeds we receive in the year of 2020 will be going to Black Lives Matter and racial justice adjacent charities. So head on over to whmpodcast.com

and check out all that info if you'd still like to pitch in, if you can. Still got a lot of year left. So we would greatly appreciate that. Now, Steve Sadek, the summer blockbuster extravaganza next week. We're in July, buddy. What are we talking about?

In July. Hold on. And I'll go down on you. Wait, I'm holding... What? That's the Orson-Wells bit where it's like, tell me how to emphasize Ian and in July and I'll go down on you. Hold on here it comes. I'm pulling it up.

It is... We are smoking. Because we're talking about the mask. Oh, shit. The gym carry vehicle from the early 90s. Wow. Does anybody recall the last time they watched the mask in its entirety? I have not. I will say I was at a I was at a Comcast store canceling my subscription

and they had it on and I kind of got I got a little bit caught up. I was like, ooh, the mask. Maybe I won't cancel my cable just yet. Jesus, is that Amy Azbek? I got to watch the mask again. I'm excited to reevaluate this just because I remember liking it so much as a child. I loved it as a kid. Me too. Yeah. And it was like, I mean, I would honestly

say the last time I have seen this movie in its entirety, I don't know, I think like in Living Color was still on the air. Wow. I mean, because like, that movie was like, what, like 93? Yeah, it sounds right. Something like that. It was early. Yeah. I mean, I just, I saw it.

It was whatever. I wasn't as obsessed with it. I think as part of the reason was it really freaked me out. Fair. Yeah. I It was just, I was a kid and I was like, ah, I don't know about this one. I like the pet detective one better. We should mention if you want more mask content. In true we hate movies fashion,

we've somehow done the sequel before the original. So there's an episode on the son of the mask if you check out our back catalog. There you go. So until next week, when we are smoking, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Cisker. Chris Cabin.

Take it easy and put a fucking mask on everybody. That was a hit-gum podcast. Thank you.