We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 497 - Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

On this week's episode, the 2020 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza comes to an end with a spirited conversation about Guy Ritchie's 2009 feature-length fist-fight, Sherlock Holmes! Why must we sit through so much slow motion punching? Why bother so obviously dangling Moriarty throughout the entire film only to save him for the sequel? And what's with the heavy lean into all the Harry Potter aesthetics? PLUS: A Tubi TV discrepancy causes a major scandal! WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. Sherlock Holmes stars Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong, and Eddie Marsan; directed by Guy Ritchie. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program. Wow, look at all the slow-mo punches. Ain't that cool? It's Sherlock Holmes. I'm Andrew Jupin. Uh, Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska, elementary Eric Siska. I've got a great school education. Uh-huh. Professor Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. Thank you for tuning in, especially to the final episode of the 2020 summer blockbuster extravaganza. We're talking about the 2009 Sherlock Holmes adaptation directed somehow by Guy Ritchie. Here we are. Look at this one. Look at it. First, first, what you do is you introduce the show and then what you do. Two, you introduce the movie. Three, you introduce who is with you and four. And then we're going to do it. No, no, you do. discombobulate. Discombobulate. I'm going to tell you all of my jokes first, and then we'll just do the joke after that. So it'll be kind of like deflated when it actually happens,

but it'll be cool and slow-bow. If you haven't seen this great motion picture, what they're all referring to is the technique in this movie where you have like the inner monologue of Sherlock Holmes, where he's like thinking a bunch of moves ahead, and you see them all happen in slow motion, and then you have to sit through that shit happen again, sometimes additionally in slow motion.

By the way, this is fucking spide spidey sense, right? Yes. Yep. Yeah. It's also like it should be consequential at some point, which it never is. It's never like at the end of the movie like whatever Mark Strong's got an axe over his head. It's like, oh no, what should I do audience? Should I do this?

That would actually like bring it together. Oh, you wanted to be a choose your own adventure? Oh, no, no. I mean like just. I really do. No, but I mean like it should matter at the end of the movie that he has this. ability to read out a situation and this kind of format would work, right?

Well, sure, but the move is, if you're at the end of the movie, he's like fighting Mark Strong or whatever, the move is you have him fucking do it all and then when he gets to a certain step in it, he was incorrect. You know, and it doesn't play out the way he, you know, assumes it was going to.

That's at least something. But then he's not perfect and cool and that just goes against everything in this movie. Yeah, yeah, I do not like the fact that he is super cool. not like the fact that they are two fucking bar brawlers throughout this whole movie. Like, I understand that in the original text, like Holmes did have a mastery of a martial art.

I don't remember which one. But, like, these guys are just two fucking drunk dudes fighting in a bar, this whole movie. And I cannot stand it. It's Guy Ritchie Town, baby. Let's start dancing and fucking in a pub, baby. How much is the, like, do they throw their swords down and just get into fist fights in that,

what was that the King Arthur movie did? Oh, kind of. I did not see it. I did not see it. It's really bad guys. It's something else. Is it worse than this movie? It's about on par. Because Downey Jr. is a better star that fucking Charlie Dunham. Or whatever is it. What's his name?

Charlie Hudham. Charlie Hunnam. Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham. You were trying to say. Yes, I got those two cross. Hello, it's me Charlie on him and he is all me racist puppets. It would be a whole different kind of racist puppets, though. The thing about... For me to operate my big Pacific rib monster machine,

I gotta use me and synchronize with me racist puppet. Oh, look, here's my puppet, Sir Slurlott. Oh, man, Sir Slurlott. That's exactly what it would be, dude. And then he'd be like, like, Sir Slurlott says something. And then he's like, oh, Sir Slurlott, you ain't supposed to say that no more. we're just supposed to call it a shop not what you just said oh man exactly

you just reminded me speaking to Jeff Dunham I got a beef with the fucking 2B TV that I got to air out here no so I was downloading could you just be clear that you're speaking for yourself not for the whole show because some of us love 2B TV that's right and we would love them to be a sponsor as well well first of all I think I mean I'm just talking me here Pluto TV's Superior your fucking format. I mean, this is

apples and oranges. Pluto TV's got this all, like a whole guide of stuff contemporary. And Tubey, you have to select what you're going to view. I totally understand you, but if I have to say a dipshit name followed by TV, I'm going to say Pluto TV over Tooby TV every time. Is that it? Just the name? No, not the name.

No, I was, I was perusing the actually pretty great wide selection on Tubby TV. And I was like, Rad, look at this. A documentary section. And I'm flipping through that. And fucking me running, there is a Jeff Dunham comedy special in the documentary

section. Okay, Tooby TV, whatever you say. Was it done by the guy who did Man on Wire? Yes, yeah, the exact same director did this. Got it. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Yeah, James Marsh is just Jeff Dunham, scary racists. I want to say like Jeff Dunham

in between the World Trade Center and like dangling a gigantic peanut or whatever racist puppet of the week is, and it's humongous, you know? That'll be pretty cool. I'm going to spend six months hanging out with Jeff Dunham. No, miss, you cannot listen to this tape.

It is far too racist. This tape will instantaneously also make you a racist. Oh, man. I feel like people like this movie, by the way. I feel like we're going to get a little bit of shit, which is always fine. It's always fine. As Eric likes to say, it's okay to like a movie.

And I actually think this is totally on the bubble. of like it's fine it's just so not for me that's exactly what i feel but go ahead eric sorry i want to say you know let's say some nice stuff up front you know i mean you know it's got a good enough cast i think the production design is is not is is pretty good it's i actually like this world that they're building but it but it but it's it's it's slow and it draggy and and it wasn't for me but i understand where people could get into it you know i can get on board with the cast i think it looks like trash. I'm on with Chris on this one. It looks like

garbage. This gray blue nonsense. I don't know. It's not for me. Eric's right though. That's fucking gross ass London in the 1860s. Well, if you're going to do that, then they actually should be stepping in shit constantly. It wasn't the fucking middle ages, Kevin. It was the 1860s.

It might as well have been there's a bucket of shit. I'm throwing in the street. That's what I want. Oh, yes. It's Mrs. Hatchet, the shit wife. She just throws shit all over the streets all the time. Oh, I thought she assists you in birthing shit, which I could use one.

You don't need a professional, dude. You just got to rock back and forth a little bit. It's all right. It's all right, Master Eric. It will come. Don't worry, Master Eric. Maybe tomorrow night you'll shit. Oh, bloody hell.

Where's the to-ky? We got just some prunes, Mr. Eric. Some prunes for you. All right, Mr. Eric, use this broom handling, bite down. We're going to get through this together. You're going to electrocute me. This here's called the gape method, Mr. Eric.

Oh, no, that doesn't work. You can't trick it to fall out like that, Cameron. But everything else we said is definitely true. No, absolutely. 100% medically accurate, just like, human sense you can use me as a footstool master eric i'll be like what of those squatty potty's for ye oh lord so uh uh what any other shit talk we want to get out of the way i'm sure he'll come back around yeah we may swing back around i do like this cast i will say i don't entirely know

and i'm sure the answer is no but you know UK listeners give us give us your best guess here what's this accent? Is it okay? Is it not okay? Is it sub-W-H-M? I don't know. You mean Robert Donny Jr.? R-D-J, the only person in the movie faking an accent? I like that he's playing British in this because so many British people play Americans. It's time they get what's coming to them. I kind of agree. I don't, although I don't, I kind of don't like him. He's likable, but for some reason, like, it's so self-aware. It's the Robert Downey Jr. problem I've had the last couple years, it's also self-aware he's kind of like bugs bunny and a new a new adventure a little bit you know does that make i agree i agree with that but i think that works for sherlock homes because you're not supposed to really like sherlock homes that much he's a total asshole and he's an arrogant dude and i think i think it

totally fits uh i remember like when the ads came out for the movie i was like oh yeah i buy that like i buy that persona fitting into that character perfectly but the thing is is i don't think he captures the loneliness of Holmes very well. No, no, no. That's totally, they don't do a lot of the stuff about the character, right, like in the screenplay, like that specifically. And also like, I'm sorry, you're eliminating the drugs. Yeah.

He fucking, he injected cocaine. Like, let's do it. I guess you're supposed to like suppose that he has like something in his pipe. That's not just tobacco. Yeah, come on. You're supposed to assume the drugs because he's found in a dark hole that is his

apartment there. And at one point he was drinking something that Watson referred to as for like eye surgery like anesthetic or something which is it's cocaine that's that's cocaine but in the the you know

writing he injected it which I would have enjoyed seeing I like the 1800s all right time for your eye surgery I just do a couple of rails with us we're going to put on a hot glass for you and now we're going to take out this eye Bon on, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bonum, bum, bonum, bum.

All right, got the fog machine going. All right, all right. But at the same time, like, some of the stuff about the characters in this world are accurate, like, you know, stuff they've done before is stuff like Watson getting married and Holmes not, you know, being fit to live on his own and trying to disrupt that, which they sort of get into in this movie, but not really. Was this the grand return of Jude Law? Cause then I'm way in favor of this film And if that's the case It kind of feels like it was Was there a good bye to Jude Law at some point?

I feel like once he got in his like kind of late 30s He wasn't like a leading man anymore But he wasn't old enough to be an older actor Kind of there was kind of a dim period Between Closer and this That's that's exactly what I'm talking about Right like yeah I Heart Hockebees

Yes I heart Huckabees was the same year as closer Yes It was closer the aviator which is good I like him. He's in that Lemony Snicket movie. No one could remember that. Aviator he's in for like five seconds. Yeah. Yes. Errol Flinger's too. But that was he had a big 2004 though because it was Sky Captain in the world that tomorrow. Huckabee. I want to rewatch it. I remember liking it but I'm likely wrong. Yeah. Uh,

the Alfie remake closer the aviator and Lemony Snicket. Yeah, all in the same year. It's kind of crazy. Yeah, he did a sleuth which nobody liked. Something I, I, I am a like, I feel like probably one of the lone fans of the Sleuth remake. Okay. We saw that. I think Chelsea and I saw that at the old sunshine theater actually. Oh, I love that theater.

But then, yeah, so 09 was he had this and he was one of the tonies in the dreaded imaginarium of Dr. Parnassas. But then, yeah, because he was like repo men came in after that. And then, well, the same year that

he had the sequel to this was also Hugo and the contagion maybe I just overblew that he kind of went away for a little bit but I feel like he wasn't that big of a bankable star but then he kind of came back

in this way he didn't really lead like breaking and entering I think is one of the few things he was leading in yeah oh I forgot about that movie awful movie okay so he broke and entered

his way back into Hollywood okay with you so far that was a failure but then when he broke into Sherlock Holmes he did very well but Steve I think what you're saying though Steve he was I mean you're right

because he was in movies. It's just movies we didn't care. I mean, like all the Kingsmen, breaking and entering, well, I will say the holiday, which Chris and I saw in theaters together. He was in the Wongar Y, English language by Blueberry Knights, which is no good. You know, so like, yeah.

This is like him really like co-headlining a movie. Oh, dude, Dom Hemingway. How about that? That movie, that movie is something else. I'm quite eccentric, ain't I? I forgot this existed. I think I might have saw this.

That movie totally sucks except for Richard E. Grant in it is awesome. Oh man, it fucking stinks. That movie stinks to high heaven. Anyway, it is, I will say, refreshing to see Jude Law in movies because I feel like I don't watch a lot of Jude Law performances. I haven't seen any of those Pope television movies. Oh, I've been dying to get into the Pope TV. Yeah, I have to. That's another app to download, dude.

I'm going to be, I'm going to be Contrary and Steve Sadek. I think he is fantastic in Vox Lux. I think it's an awesome performance. Oh, yeah, he is. Hi, I'm Jude Law. Hi, I live here. Hey, I'm a New Yorker, you know? Hi. All right. All right, guys. I knew it.

I knew I would, you know what? No, you know what, Steve? It's totally fine. You can just bury that movie in the Staten Island dump. I'm a slight Vox Lucks supporter with Steve, but I'm not going to go out on a limb. oh you know what he's good and actually that just came out this year one of the

last movies I went to a trade screening for and then like it was slated to come out I think like end of January it did like nothing but what you call the the rhythm section oh I was going to ask about that that looks like a fun one that's with what's her name

there Blake Lively yeah it's directed by Reed Morano she did a fucking hell of a job making the movie Blake Lively's good in it it's like it's basically like Blake Lively doing like a you know spy assassin type thing i'm into it jude law is like another assassin that like trains her to go get revenge it's it's fucking solid man i have to say like nobody got a chance to see that movie i think r dj like i don't i don't get his career like i mean it's great that he came back and

he's one of the richest men that ever lived now which is awesome sure for him nobody saw that coming you know his his career wasn't in the toilet and you know he resurrected it by by charm and all that stuff but like it's like he doesn't want to do good movies like he was like oh god i'm so sick of those marvel movies let me do a movie where i stick my hand up a dragon's ass instead that is so much better did you see that do you see do little no i i will in january i'm pretty sure yeah that's why i've been holding off i mean like it's just a complete disaster on it even for what i was imagining it was way worse really there's a horny dragonfly in that movie I like it.

Dragon fly or a dragon? Dragon fly, there's also a dragon. Oh, I see. There's a horny drag fly that I think is Jason Madzukas. That sucks. That sucks. You know, he probably just wanted to stop doing Marvel movies so different types of people would approach him in public.

He's tired of the Steve Sadek clammy handshake. Listen, I guarantee you he'd cross the street if he saw you come of a blockhand. Most would, for sure. But yeah, I think you're right. So, yeah, now with Doolittle, he can get, like, horny kids, I guess. I don't know. Well, I think Hormy moms would be the idea. Yeah, I guess, okay.

I don't know that anybody saw that movie, though, man. I haven't looked up box office receipts, but I just have a sneaking suspicion. Nobody gave a shit about that movie. Do Little. I mean, if I meet Robert Downing Jr., I'm going to say, fist my dragon. Oh, fish my dragon. Oh, fish my dragon. It's kind of interesting to watch, like, the movies that he did.

like from when the first Iron Man started and then like up till like now like Doolittle was his first Tony Stark is dead movie yeah um but like man I don't know like the soloist do date the fucking chef the judge he's got some good ones kiss kiss bang bang that's pre oh yeah that is pre yeah no that's a great movie I totally love that movie but also like Zon That was before the Marvel craze. Isn't a scanner darkly like the same year or maybe even earlier? Scanner Darkly was aught 6. If I were to get murdered.

Just love that line. Not a fan of that movie. Love that line though. But yeah, it's just kind of weird to just see him just like this slew of Marvel movies. Like you forget how many he was in. And then, oh, would you look at that? He's going to be in Black Widow.

Oh, what? Would you look at that? Would you look at that, everybody? fart. But so this movie this particular post Iron Man movie, post Iron Man one movie, because this was aught 9. So Iron Man is in the world, and now he's also

Sherlock Holmes. And it was actually weird thinking now, like Jude Law wound up getting fucking roped into that Marvel universe also. Yes, you'll forget he's in that Captain Marvel movie. It'll consume us all. I mean, the Marvel Cinematic Universe is like Galactus. Yes, absolutely. It's also made IMDB trivia just so useless.

is like, do you know he's in a Marvel movie and she's in a, because Rachel McCannes is also in Dr. Strange, and it's like, oh, no, nah, nah, and then you know that a Judelaw fucked a guy that you used to know somebody who knew pre-Larsin. How do you like that? Well, there's some. There's a bit of trivia.

It's kind of surprise, because you have to imagine that this was in the works around the time that, like, Iron Man was being finished too. Like, they do kind of do a Thanos thing with Moriarty in this movie. Oh, man. In, in, in, in, the worst way.

It's terrible because the next movie is like very little of him even then. This is more of a, and this is how they started that shit, which was the, and Nolan never gets a ignominious credit for this, which is the Batman begins, I'll look into it, the Joker's and the next one guys. Right.

So that's the thing now, and that became the trope of like, you want to see X fight Y, why is going to be in the shadows this time around, but he'll be there for the sequel. Don't you worry about it? Yep. You can clock that in 10 seconds, the scene of him, like, turning over the fucking car and be like,

oh, for sure. And this, it like takes up 15 minutes of the movie, then be like, Moriotti's about, but you're not seeing him, you pigs. One of the writers of this movie is Simon Kinberg, and he's done, you know, the track record. This movie makes sense when you think about it in the context of his previous work before this.

Triple X state of the union, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, X-Men, the last stand. Jumper 2008. I would say that's to stay tuned. And then this, after that, this meets war, previous episode, and then X-Men is a future past, et cetera, et cetera. Hachy, Machia. Fantastic Four

remake as well. Like, uh, yeah. I mean, like, it's just like, I'm a, hey, I'm a terrible writer. Why can't I do this? You know what I mean? Like, I don't know, Steve, I've read some of your stuff over the years. It's not too bad. But I mean, like, you know, if you are known to be a terrible writer and you keep getting work, there's a lot of terrible writers

out there. Let's just spread the love a little bit. Let's try different terrible writers is all I'm saying. I agree with that. Fair enough. Let's give some other losers a shot. Can't make that many blood oaths, Steve. That's a good point. You know who I like in this movie actually is

fucking Eddie what's his name is Lassard. Eddie Marsan. Yeah, he's great. Commissioner Lassard? No, Lestrade. Excuse me. There's a point in this movie where you think that he's crooked. and I forgot like how this movie ended

and I was like they fucking made Lestrade crooked I can't even believe this I can't even I'm just like yelling at myself in the living room the dog didn't care you know but he's fucking great man I love him popping up and stuff it just sucks that so much of it is Guy Ritchie movies

I you know I'm I haven't done it in forever I've not watched this I guarantee you just my 19 year old brain will never let lock stock and snatch go I'm sure if I rewatch them I'd enjoy them on some level snatch is still good Like yes It's just a matter

He like The slow motion stuff Really fucked him up Like they did it a little bit In those movies And like they had some emotional resonance Like Brad Pitt watching his mother burn In the trailer

Like that's an actual reason To slow something down Or when what's his face Is playing cards And he realizes he's fucked As all of his friends It goes really slow And like that song kicks in

Like that stuff I agree with you Chris It makes sense As opposed to like Isn't that cool Hey, look at him, punch that guy on the face. It's pretty slow. Looking cool. Look at Downey. He's got muscles. Oh, look at the muscles. Here's a Guy Ritchie question, because I've never gone back to it. And I don't even remember why at the time I felt this way.

But I remember when it came out, I saw and liked rock and rolla. Is that incorrect? That sounds incorrect. I'm not a fan. I will say that. I don't think I've liked any of his post Snatch movies. Yeah. I think I'm not down for any of them. I didn't see that Aladdin. I didn't see that Madonna movie. Swept away. Swept away. Oh, I

forgot he did the Swept away remake. I never saw it. The Aladdin is terrible. It's awful. After Snatch, the only thing that Guy Ritchie swept away was the Razies. Wow. I love it. I never saw a revolver.

Yeah, I saw this. fell asleep during the sequel to Sherlock Holmes and never went back. Oh man from uncle. We both, Chelsea and I both agreed at the same time turned it off due to extreme boredom. Wow, people love that movie. That's another weird. I know a lot of

a lot of people I've seen online. Yeah. Sort of recently for some reason talking about that and I was like that was one of the dullest fucking experiences of my life. There's a lot of hot guys in that movie. I will give them that like Henry Cavill fucking Army Hammer and Jew Grant all being together. That's fun for me. to look at, but it's also a boring fucking movie.

Yeah, I mean, there's sexy people all over them. You got Lisea Vikander, Elizabeth DeBickey, also Jared Harris. My God. I got Pornhub here, though, guys. I don't need to go that far. Oh, man, the Jared Harris tab on fucking porn hub. Oh, you know, somebody has the fucking lane video of him just hanging from the back of that door. It's working for someone.

That Aladdin is truly bad, although it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. But, and then, you know, I mean, my, actually, I'm looking at this now and realizing my track record of just up and turning off Guy Ritchie movies is pretty solid because we definitely also did that with the gentleman just a few months ago. I turned, I turned this off. I was watching it. My brother called. It was like 2010 or whatever was on video or whatever. I rented it or something. And my brother called me in the middle of it. And we got in like a 35 minute conversation. And I was like, I'm not going to turn that back on. I'm not going to do that back on I turn this off today and thank God this has become more of a career retrospective episode I don't know what happens

in this movie well because like there's so little I mean it's not that there's little plot here but like I feel like it's kind of hard to go through a Sherlock Holmes investigation which at least this movie still sticks to like it still walks and talks like a Sherlock property

in that way it's Sherlock mixed with Harry Potter though like there's so much Harry Potter influence on this I feel I totally agree with you and I think also that kind of speaks to one of the complaints that you and Chris had Steve which is just the way that or maybe it's yeah

just the way that it looks and that that like dreary blue gray shit that's that's Harry Potter through and through but also you've got this Judd Apatow tone of like ribbing each other constantly yeah there's way too much of like old boy

and calling people a cock and whatever, you know, other expressions. Yeah, I mean, well, they're buddies. I didn't read Apatow on that. On the Harry Potter angle, there is magic, you know, or supposed magic throughout the movie. Yeah, and that's a thing, like, you know, there are Sherlock stories out there that, like, you know, and it does exactly what this does, which is the Scooby-Doo, like, oh, it's a paranormal thing. But then at the last second, it's like, oop, never mind, here's a totally practical explanation. I mean, that's like,

Hound of the Basketville is like, it's that. But like, I mean, you're starting out this franchise to be like Sherlock Holmes is back. This ain't your mama's Sherlock Holmes. And I just feel like Mark Strong as Lord Blackwell being this occultist. Like, why not just have Moriarty dab on the occult?

Is that too outlandish? You're totally right. And also like Mark Strong would make a fucking awesome Moriarty. Yeah. He's got the voice. He's wearing a wig in this movie in a big bad way. You know what's funny about this wig, though? it's a wig that still makes him

look like a bald guy. That's the thing is I kept that you guys kept not talking about wig. I'm like wig, what are you talking about? He's just bald, isn't he? And then I like looked at stills. I was like, holy shit, he's got a wig. Well, because like, yeah, because like IRL, he's like the toch fucking bald.

Like he looks like Stanley Tucci. Stanley Tucci's like sexier brother. You know what I mean? Oh my God. Here's what I want on Pornhub. Stanley Tucci and Mark Strong getting it on. Oh, do they get all slick. up because they're just there's there's so much aerodynamic like that's it man man the fucking

canola oil is all over the place brian grazer just signed a production packed with porn hub and he's going to get them together finally both of them in a slime sack like the start of the matrix when they unplug me oh dude you get rid of those eyebrows we're in real trouble uh but yeah like it's kind of hilarious because like he's just somehow wearing a wig that makes him have a six head It is one of the funnier props in this movie. Yeah, he, like, he's like an occultist. He's, like, about to kill this lady. It's, it's Sherlock's last case with Watson.

And Sherlock busts it up by using his cool, uh, fighting techniques and using like two night sticks at once. And I'm like, it's getting a little too much for me, even from the start. Dude, he looks like, uh, he's doing the fights with those, uh, the billy clubs there. He looks like, uh, what's his name for Mortal Kombat 3? Uh, Striker. Yeah. Stryker.

How about Stryker Holmes? Oh, that would be something, yeah. Yeah, just solving mysteries at a bicycle outfit. Yeah, yeah. And then he could send to hell that's like outworld. Was he like a bicycle cop on that game?

Was that what that outfit was? He's a cop. His future cop, but it looks like he's like a bike messenger. Yeah, because you know why? I think because he's wearing that dumbass racing hat. I think he works on the beach or something.

a future beach yeah it's just the oil water yeah but they're like you know they break up this whole thing the huge fight happens and you know

this is like the little prolog that ends with like them getting their picture taken and it turns into like a quick newspaper montage and it's like Sherlock Holmes is here I mean this really is opening and just telling you

this ain't your mama's Sherlock Holmes because this is the first thing you know about is that he can kick ass and like that's not what I'm interested like I know like I sound like I'm just like I want it to be the books but like that's not what I really wanted from this you could be a little smarter than this

I think is the idea like the movie itself could just be a little more clever more puzzle boxy because I mean the thing is too like all of the clues and stuff are there but it's not something you can really piece together it's like you're being kind of lied to the whole movie and then it's like well actually it was actually

something else well see yeah that's the thing is like you should be able to go back and rewatch this and pinpoint the things. All the mystery and the Blackwood stuff feels like it's in the background as compared to Watson and Holmes. It is because they're trying to make it a cool...

And again, like this like paranormal shit. Like it's kind of... That's also like Harry Potter-ish, right? Like magic and occult whatnot. And also got like Hellboy vibes a little bit. Big time Hellboy vibes also in this movie for sure. The newspaper opening is super Harry Potter.

You're waiting for fucking Gary Oldman to be screaming in fucking Asgaband there. Totally. Fucking serious black is still locked up and Sherlock Holmes got this guy over here. But yeah, so we are introduced to Mary Morston, who's Watson's lady friend who he can't seem to propose to, but keep saying that they're betrothed anyway. Here's the thing. This movie should end with Robert Danny Jr. and Jude Law 69ing, and then it's a three-star film. I feel like the BBC show underlines it way fucking more

than this movie ever tries I actually disagree because they're not like so physical with one another in that show like that's another thing about is that it's such a physical movie it just makes me think about more when they're just like being snippy at each other well they do I mean they do get down the whole

like bickering like an old married couple in this movie no doubt about it yeah anyone ever finished that the BBC show because I checked out I checked out we never caught that final season because when they did that fucking scam of a holiday special I skipped that too

it was always like oh you want to watch that like yeah we'll get to it and this just never happened I'm pretty sure I watched it you know some family likes to at the time like to watch that show around the holidays so I'm pretty sure I got through it but I couldn't tell you anything that happened in it well the last thing we watched of it was there's an

episode where episode installment of this you know it's like 90 minutes just like they all are where it was advertised as being like a period thing and I was like oh that's actually interesting you're taking all the actors from the show that is set in modern times

and you're putting it in late 19th century England you know making a period appropriate and doing a Sherlock story wow isn't that neat and then spoiler alert the end of it is oh Benedict Cumberbatch was just asleep on a plane oh that's fun and I was like then what the what the what the fuck

like what you like you did it need to even tie it back. Yeah, exactly. I would have got it. You know what I mean? And then years later, it was like, we were browsing, you know, Netflix or wherever. And I was like, oh, they made a whole other new season of that show. And we never went back to it. I'm pretty sure it shits the bad. Yeah, that last, like, I think the first two seasons are really good series, excuse me, England. And then that third series is not great. And then it was after the third one that this period piece thing happened.

And then I think they made another three installments after that, which we've never seen. But it was always, I feel like that show, people turned on it really quickly. Yeah. And then like it was like super cool at first. And then all of a sudden, like you were an asshole if you dare said you liked it. And I was like, well, I still liked it. It just kind of got crappy. Yeah.

I mean, that's kind of where I was. I just sort of like fell off of it. And I never dared to go back. Yeah. You know, and similarly in that they have him eventually, I think meet and marry someone, I think, who's also named Mary. That's what I think. That's when I stopped watching is whenever that happened. There is, yeah, they do do a, there is a wedding episode, I think that happens. But so they go out to dinner in this movie and it's like Sherlock trying to show off his, you know, powers of deduction

and whatnot. And then like, winds up totally humiliating this poor woman. It's Denzel Washington's love interest in flight. I have to look this up. Kelly Riley, I think. Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. She's pretty good in this, I think. actually. Not a lot to do. No, not a lot to, but I like her. I think she has presents. Yeah. I mean, the Mary character was never super big, so it's enough of Mary as

there ever was, you know? She does come back in the sequel and has a little bit more to do. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. But it's a weird thing where he's like, you know, oh yeah, like, oh, looks like you decided you wanted to be married to someone else for a moment

and tried that ring on, but then, oh, that didn't work out because he left you or whatever it was and she's like actually that dude totally died I'll see you later have a good evening she splashes wine in his face which is kind of fun it's kind of a thing where like it starts and he's like they never

really go full hog with this which is he can't like live in the world because like he's like just sitting in this restaurant and he's like deducing all these things about all these people but it doesn't like they don't do anything about it because it's not cool you know what I mean like it wants to be cool all the time yeah exactly like you can't

he can't be like a broken you know, weird, socially awkward pseudo-spectrum-y type character, because that ain't cool as hell. You can't do all that shit and be cool as hell. Hey, you know what? Why don't you leave this dinner and go punch a big Irish dude in the face?

Well, that's the thing. He goes to this like fuck club, I mean, a fight club, where it's just like, everyone gets greased up and just hashes it out and it's like, oh, well, John goes there all the time. Not anymore. Not anymore. I haven't been there in months. I mean, this felt very, um, snatch. Like, I wanted, like, a spinning shot with the stranglers playing or something.

It's nearly the same scene. Like, literally, the setting looks exactly the same. I wouldn't have minded, because it would actually, like, make this a little, because it's a lot of, like, fun, plinky, like, Irish-y kind of music. That sounds smart. But it's like, but it's not, like, I think pop music would have probably helped us a little bit because it would have solidified what we're talking about. You know, I can't, I can't sanction fucking anachronist. music though, dude? I feel like we'd be bitching about it if it wasn't. I feel like I wouldn't, but that's fair.

But you got to think about the time, too. What is it going to be? Well, I guess 2009, so I guess it's going to be Jet. It's going to be Jet. You know, it's going to be Jet. Oh, no, not, I don't want it to be Jet. I mean, like, you know, like, you know, it's going to be Jet. So stop talking about it. You wanted this in your movie. You could have a Jet in pop or something,

you know. 2009 were placing Jet in a motion picture, Chris. I don't know about that. In 2007, 2008? Yeah, I think so. I like the Iggy Pop idea. Maybe he should play Watson. Oh, yes. We don't know about that Sherlock. It seems like it's probably going to be a bad idea, man. The game's afoot, baby. It's me. Tom Waits and Sherlock Holmes.

Oh, now we're talking, dude. Tom Waits and Sherlock Holmes. Iggy Pop is Doc Watson? Absolutely. Well, good doctor. We've got to go down to the sword fish trombone. all right man whatever you say I'm just gonna be smoking cigarettes the whole time

and just kind of hanging out Lord Blackwell has been manufacturing trombones out of swordfish bones Hey man you can't be smoking here

this is a crime oh man and Roberto Benini as Lestrade yes okay this is exactly the movie I want you are under arrest

Sherlock Holmes Jack White Moriarty, we can get that going on. Oh, sure. What was I going to say about this whole thing with the fight club? Oh, did I read the Tribune trivia correctly that this place, this like secret location

is named after like a pub in England that Guy Richie actually owns. Okay. Exactly. Yeah, you know what? It doesn't even matter, does it? I will say they're playing the Rocky Road to Dublin, which is like a traditional song. They do have the Dublin

version at the end of the movie. So there's your anachronistic. Okay. Pop music there, Steve. Oh, by the way, Guy Ritchie Bar, I'm thinking Snatchers. Welcome to Snatchers. Welcome to Snatchers.

We have fishing chips and the warmest of warm beer. Come right in. On the television here, we have nothing but Guy Ritchie movies playing. And as we always say, we are not going to kidnap you. We swear to God we are not going to kidnap you. You know, it's called snatches. I do, oh, you're an American, you're a Yanks.

I want to let you know because you're not in on it. You want to order your food as soon as you can because it does come out in slow motion. So it's going to take you a very long time to get your food. It's also cooked in slow motion. We also have an activities area over here, so while you're dining, you can watch some excellent Irish bare knuckle boxing. No, Jason Staten will not show up here.

No, he will not be here. I'm sorry. we got him for the ribbon cut only and even then he didn't get out of the car just once in my life I would like to gamble on illegal bare knuckle boxing oh sure just once I don't even want to win I'll throw a hundred dollars away on bare knuckle boxing right after COVID is cured we should definitely all go to some like underground boxing well wait until we get off there and I'll tell you a little something excellent so he gets a note that Sir Blackwood

needs to see him in jail so that's like, you know, where we're going and, you know, he's set to be executed and he wants to see Sherlock Holmes before that happens. And it's just a lot of Mark Strong being like, oh, don't worry Sherlock Holmes. The storms are coming. I'm going to take over the word from beyond the grave.

They hang this dude in a leather jacket like he's the fucking dice man. Like, I don't know, dude. You got to take that jacket off. That's how the dice man needs to go out, by the way. Andrew Dice Clay, you've been sentenced to hang by the neck until dead. Oh, all right. A leather jacket, a female body instructor t-shirt, and

tidy whitties. That's how Andrew Dice Clay goes out. I was in a star is born over here. All right, you're going to kill me. That's fine. I do love that they are pretty quick to this hanging, too. They're like, all right, have you said all that you need to say to Sherlock

Holmes? Excellent. We're going to take you upstairs now and kill you tooth sweet this is when Rachel McAdams shows up she hires Sherlock Holmes there's like a back and forth she's crunching walnut with her hand at some point I'm like what is what is she fucking Georgie animal steel

I did not notice this way she's taking a walnut and just squeezing it in their bare hands yes I guess to show that she's stronger than you'd expect but like that's almost too strong like the girlfriend from Seinfeld that cracked the lobster yes it didn't it's right oh doctor Watson She had manhads.

Yeah, his last words also just really quickly is death is only the beginning. And I wanted to say, I wanted him to say, death is but a door, time is but a window, I'll be back, which he does not. I mean, it's sort of the same thing. But I do like him being all spooky in this movie. And apparently there was a guard that was like, I'm burning from the inside that he had paid in the twist. To act like he was possessed, right?

Because this whole thing is he's going around, that he has like magic evil powers is the idea but yeah so yeah this is Rachel McAdams of course is Irene Adler this is a character from the Holmes verse of course she's from Jersey dude Jersey strong

oh Irene Adler I was like Rachel McAdams is Canadian no yeah she's like oh yes it's far better than New Jersey and I'm like all right so maybe she was just passing through so she's like number one on the fictional Jersey characters

number two is Jersey Mike Number three is Tony Soprano. Okay, that's good. Jersey Mike, I just saw something recently about the Jersey Mike sandwich chain. What they do? What they do this time? I honestly think it was something about like, yeah, you don't need to wear a fucking mask. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Here's a shitty fucking sandwich. You paid way too much money for us. Do you like your sauce to drip on your pants? Then come to Jersey Mikes. We'll make sure that happens. one of the saddest memories I have is coming back from tour or we were on tour

I know this memory and we were at the fucking Philly train station well we should explain this this is a funny story for the folks at home now we were gonna get a flight back from Milwaukee when we played our show in Milwaukee on Tank Girl previous episode

we did release it but we couldn't get a flight back to New York so they sent us to Philadelphia instead And we had to take the Amtrak from Philadelphia to New York after that. It should have been like a 90-minute flight from Milwaukee to New York. It was like a, it was an all-day event. We didn't get home like 11 o'clock at night. Can I ask you when you got back that Steve Martin asked you in for Thanksgiving dinner?

No, he left. But we were sitting in that fucking train station all sadly eating Jersey Mike subs. And I think like the Goldbergs was on the television. And it was just like, I wish I was fucking dead. And it was also one of those things because we'd been together for like five days or whatever. And we just weren't having it anymore. So it was just a very quiet Goldberg's meal. Oh, yeah.

We were all really wrapped up in the plot of that Goldberg's episode. I forget why, but I wasn't with you for this. Yeah, you and your wife probably stayed in Chicago or something. That's true. Oh, you son of a bitch. I evaded this one. You're lucky this is remote right now. The only positive part about that experience.

was we sat in, was it an airport applebees, I think, or like a pizzeria Uno or something and just drank all day watching the World Cup final? It was margaritas and it was, I believe it was of an apple bees. It was oof. Oh, was it a Chili's actually? It was a Chili's. It was some weird like airport grill. Yeah. Oh, hey, speaking of eating at Chili's, in this scene with Irene Adler, their little dog that they own totally makes a fart joke here. Didn't need that in my Sherlock Holmes movie. But, you know, the drugs are

confirmed for the dog. He's constantly drugging his animal. So there's that. There's animal abuse. Isn't he cool? Well, Watson, of course, chocolate will help the dog. She winds up contracting him to find this guy, this ginger midget, as we're calling him in this movie.

Dude, I don't know what we're doing here. It is 2009, everybody. And we're just saying, and midget. I'm just going to say to make this easier because they are just saying Ginger Midget throughout this whole movie. The man's name was Luke Reardon. Yes. This missing person that she

wants him to find is the idea. She gives him the case. It's like interesting. And then they like do this scene three different times that it's totally inconsequential, which is him going down to her stage coach and finding what is the shadow of Moriarty. And now so here's the interesting thing about this

is she has a little bit of, she gets in this carriage and it's like the shadowy figure talking shit to her and what's funny is when I saw this in the theater they didn't know yet that Jared Harris was going to play him in the sequel so it was just a voice and now that they've had

this other movie like for the Blu-ray release and everything and streaming releases and shit they dub in they had Jared Harris do all of these lines and he says McClunky he definitely does I couldn't believe it I was like what is that Sherlock's cousin it's when yeah and then

Sherlock it'd go he walks over Jabba's tail and he goes, ooh, hey! Putting Mariarty in this movie is kind of stupid if you're not going to use him or make him the twist at the end that he was helping finance Blackwood's efforts or some. Do the thing or don't do the thing.

I'll be with you in the next movie. It'll be fun when you're like, and it's Moriarty this time. Yay. You know what I mean? Yep. Like you just, you, and this happens all the time. And that's why the way Nolan did it in Batman begins.

is the best way to do it because the movie didn't distract itself with setting up the second movie. Exactly. That first Batman movie ends and it's like, and in the last two seconds of this movie, we will tell you this is what's going on for the second movie. All you have to do is end with like Sherlock sitting down to dinner at a nice restaurant. And like, a Somelier comes by and like gets his wine order. And then like a hand comes by and drops a business card on the table. And he looks down and it says, Professor Moriart.

contact me here like it's such a simple thing it's just like the batman thing leaves a calling card has a flare for the theatrics exactly like you turn it over and it's the mariardi card the moriardi card the card deck but i do kind of agree that like the difference there is like it's a tack on it's a fun wink like hey there's going to be a sequel if there is come see it it's going to have this guy in it as opposed to like him weaving in and out like where rachel mcadams plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense because we're holding back because it's got to be Moriarty, it's got to be the big thing. It's like, we don't really know what that relationship is.

So this movie isn't complete. The really stupid thing is that she, she and Moriarty are like tied together in this movie too. And the whole, the first five minutes of the second movie, spoiler alert, he kills her. Oh, really? And that's it. Yeah, I forgot about that. And like, and that's, she doesn't, I mean, I don't think she comes back. But like, that's, that's it.

So like, the whole reason was just set up. Moriarty and have it or kill her at the beginning of the next one. The thing is when you talk about a property like Sherlock Holmes, you don't need to set up Moriarii. Exactly. You can just do it. You know, it's like you don't need to set up the Joker.

Actually, in Batman Begins, it was nice that it was only the card and it wasn't even more. They could have gone really heavy handed with it. Yeah, like you don't hear him. You don't see anything. You know what I mean? There's not scenes of like the Joker in the shadows or something.

And this movie's almost, what is it, two hours long? Two hours and eight. god damn minutes that's longer than star wars and it is ridiculous because like just take those scenes out just take them out make this movie go a little faster and then maybe i'll feel more of this connection they're trying to establish between r dj and rachel macadams because this romance doesn't really feel there no it's it's not there i mean it's never gonna be there like that you know isn't a thing that happens but like yeah i just if you cut out all of that stuff if you've cut out also the replays because we're in the middle of talking about

of that a replay scene right now. If you cut out all the replays, you could get this movie to under two hours and it's totally fine. Because, like, he goes down, like, there's this guy who's clearly, it happens twice in this movie, it's like, is that Robert? Yes, of course it's Robert Downey Jr. It's like, this guy with a big dumb nose, like, hey, give me

a shilling or something. And then, like, they brush him off. And you have to watch the 20 minutes of him putting the nose on, putting on the hat. And he goes to... He runs through, like, a circus at some point? What is that shit? Is this a Circus in the middle of the city

in the middle of the day? You know, that makes you a magician, not a genius, and magicians are not geniuses. Yes, and they're not cool. Well, Lord Blackwell is kind of cool, and he kind of ends up being just a magician in the end. That's a good point. Yeah, so they hear from this,

they're back at the house, and they hear from this cop who walks in. Officer Clark, I think, is the guy. He's kind of... Mark Griswold. Yeah, it's Chevy Chase himself. this dude walks in and he's like, hey man, it turns out Lord Blackwood is back from the

grave and it's like they go to the cemetery there's Eddie Marsan you know as Lassard and everything and they're trying to figure out like what's going on. The tomb that he was supposedly buried in like was blown out from the inside

and I gotta say Robert Donny Jr. in this scene is they're inspecting this graveyard he's wearing these like tiny sunglasses and this dumb ass hat He looks like fucking Bernie Lomax in this scene. He would make a great weekend of Bernie's Bernie Lomax if you can just redo it. Absolutely.

Oh, man, that's some dream casting. He looks like he's about to perform in an all white prince cover band. Yep, I totally see that. If we remade a rebooted weekend of Bernie's with R.D.J. as Bernie Lomax. Who are the two boobs

out on the island with them? You got to diversify that cast. Maybe like a Kagan Michael Key a little bit. I was actually going to say a dude who has a new show coming out and I don't think gets enough play in the pop culture conversation is Lamorn Morris who was a new girl among other things

I think that dude's fucking hilarious and if it was Lamorne Morris and then get some other guy to do Weekend at Bernies, oh yeah I'd be down I would totally watch that oh dude people would be so mad at black guys and weekend at Bernie said lose their shit

I mean Weekend of Bernie's is a great an electoral property that is left untapped. Just totally untapped. What if there was a dead guy that you had to pretend was alive for two weeks? That movie, that like property as it is,

is one of the greatest examples of like fans not being able to let shit go. Because I remember we're talking like, I don't know, around like Y2K. Now it had to be a little after that actually because this was like, I remember very clearly like reading this on like a like a nicer looking website I want to say but it was somebody like

interviewing Andrew McCarthy and like he mentioned it would the interviewer doing the interview didn't ask him this but he brought up how people would still ask him if they were going to do a third weekend at Bernie's movie and he was like what are you talking about like how how would that work unless me or Jonathan Silverman was one of the corpses yeah well no what you could do is I guess you could recast and just all you would need is Andrew McCart he needs to get like a John Wick series and then they will make the third weekend at Bernie's. Or just do the

Skellington, you know, make it like Jason and the Argonauts. That's fun. Maybe the other thing is the trick is this time they've got the urn with Bernie's ashes and it gets mixed up with some coke and they have to fucking get the real earn back for some reason. Because you can't be lugging around

in post-Y2K you cannot be lugging around a body that died in the late ages. You snorted Bernie. I can't believe it. Yeah, get Bill Irwin to snort Bernie. He can do all the funny physical stuff with them. Love it. Love it. Richie. Richie.

Richie. I think I just snorted Bernie. That's my Andrew McCarthy by way of Brooklyn accent. It's good. I think we could be the guys with Dead R. DJ. Oh, sure. We'll carry that guy around. It'll be great. I think we're also weak. It would take four of us to lift him up. And he's not even

a big guy. so they find the dude that Irene asked him to look for he's inside this coffin so he's dead they go to his apartment which has all sorts of like he's like some sort of a bullshit alchemist and this is where we're getting a lot of fun kind of stuff some frogs are in a copper pot that's kind of cool

bullshit alchemist I have not seen the show but I heard it's good it's a quality of the anime yeah I'm glad everyone thought of full metal alchemist to make that same joke. Yeah, this is, this is where fucking the jigsaw killer would live. Honestly, this dude's house is really

disgusting and as they're looking around these two dudes walk in and it's kind of a funny moment because Sherlock is like, oh, okay, like you're the fucking arson department here to burn this guy's house down. Got it. And this is where we're introduced to walking punchline dredger, this huge

scarred up French wrestler dude. It's kind of amazing this character. Kind of start the show, honestly. He rules. Not enough of him. I mean, like, but the problem is when he comes back later, it's kind of inconsequential. I'm like, aw. Because this scene is like 60% of the movie,

this sequence of this fight. Yeah. And this is, I mean, this is kind of like. He's kind of a sexy Andre the Giant a little bit. It's like I took care of myself a little better. I just don't have access to the new kind of creatine that makes you sexy.

I look at Creotita, I'm back your fight. Either way, I still love my one. This dude actually was a, or still, he's still alive, but he has retired from professional wrestling. Well, he had to have to. He's like, fucking nine feet tall. He was like, he's a French Canadian dude who wrestled in Canada for ages. And I think if you look on his IMDB, there's some like brief, two brief notes. One was he studied under Brett the Hitman Heart. pretty cool and then the Stella Adler school was right after that I guess right

immediately after that yeah I want to see the Finding Forrester of those two you're the man now dog put him in the sharpshooter and then he was part of some like famous wave of firing from the WWF in the late 90s

oh wow I wasn't aware of it was like a bunch of people got laid off at the same time I don't know it's on his his IMDB, but this dude is massive and it is hilarious to watch Robert Downey Jr. try to fight this guy. But at the same time, like, I was starting to get the same feeling we got watching those Pirates movies where it's like,

Jesus Christ, another fight? Like, we just finished a fist fight four minutes ago. No, you need it. You need it and you need to run around this obstacle course that is this science lab where we can find fun objects for our fights. Like, instead of a red hot poker,

which you might see, poking a donkey, in a Pirates movie. We've got a little Tesla cattle prod instead. This dude is shooting across the room with this thing. Like he got fucking hit with a Star Trek stunner. Wouldn't that just explode the house you're in if that guy was moving at that speed through it? I think so, dude. He should have gone out in the street. Three or four times he keeps getting zapped. Like his heart's going to stop pretty soon.

Or balls are going to fall off. But to your point, Andrew, the the piracy part of it is, like it's it's one thing to have it in the house like it's this big fight like uh watson's fighting two dudes and uh homes is fighting this big guy got it and then we move out to the street and we're going around and then it turns into this boat caper that takes 22 minutes this thing is so insane and i think part of this was from the trailer too uh but it was it's a totally phony baloney moment so it's the like after this whole fight happens or whatever they wind up like accidentally pushing this boat like out into the river and it sinks and Holmes has a

joking line to Watson where he's like Watson what did you do I distinctly remember the trailer using that line but pretending as if it was some like oh my god Watson what did you like a totally serious like oh it's tits up now baby she's dead Watson exactly and that's the way the trailer played it. The ship is dead. That's, that's what I meant by she is dead. It's so dumb. It's like he says that line and you're watching it. It's like, there you go. The main problem with this fight is it kind of doesn't make sense. Like the, the French giant is mad at him. So he keeps like smashing these beams away from the ship. And it's just like, I mean, you know what's going to happen with that. Like, why are you going to damage property just because you're mad at this

guy? Well, I mean, it's fine to damage property. By the way. I condone it fully, but it just seems weird in this instance because he's only, he's knocking it down on just one side. And I was like, what, do you want the thing to fall on you? He's in the service of Blackwood. He just wants general chaos, I feel. And sure, also that that shot from when R.D.J. throws like a hammer at him and it doesn't hurt him. That was a huge trailer moment. Absolutely. Yep. I'm just tired of big guys. Like, you know what? Like, how about going to really get Wallace Sean in here that is like and he's

fucking shit up like Robert Tyler Jr. punches him. He's like why don't you try actually hitting me? Steve that would be inconceivable. He's just got a little razor but he's really good at duckin. Exactly. Awesome and he's like cutting your Attili's tendon and shit.

And that's it. Dude he's called like the butcher or some shit and he's just like oh oh I'm going to cut your skin off. That's it. John Wick 4, Wallace Shaw third build. Yes. Oh, absolutely. Man, what was

I watching just recently where someone was getting their face cut off? My dinner with Andre. Yeah, that's totally right. They got upset with the service at the restaurant. They fucking killed the buzzer boy. You know the thing about Uncle Vanya. That fucking entree did not come out, did it?

I would love that, dude. My dinner with Andre, produced by Sylvester Stallone. Damn, what was I... Oh, yeah, birds of prey. We're cutting faces off in birds of prey. God damn, that movie rules. So somehow, we don't see this happen,

but they, like, wind up in jail? I guess they got blamed for that boat thing and got arrested. Well, they destroyed half of London. So, yeah. I guess so. It does seem weird, though, because you think, like, Sherlock Holmes' famous detective

and Watson and whatnot, and they're in, like, the drunk tank, pretty much. Right, yeah, and it takes forever to fucking Eddie Marsand to shake his little, cheeks down there to get him out. Mary, but this is another trailer bit. Actually, I do think that the

interplay between Jude Law and Robert DeN Jr. is not only sexy, it's good. Like, there's a part where he's talking about like, oh, why would I criticize you stealing my clothes and all this other stuff? It's just, it's a fun monologue he has there.

That's really big in the trailer as well, I believe. Yeah, because, you know, it's more amping up their old married couple thing, but yeah, because it's like Sherlock doesn't want him to move out and get married and I do like our DJ's line after the stealing my clothes thing where he says something about like you know we have an agreement about like the clothes switching I forget what the line is but it was a good retort but yeah Mary Bales Watson out of jail but Holmes is stuck there and you're like okay he's stuck there I guess that's something and then two minutes later Eddie Marsant comes in he's like all right you're out too and I'm like what's great about what's great about this moment too is because he's like all the prisoners and he's telling jokes and you just hear like the end of a punchline that sounds pretty dirty yeah dude i was trying to envision that joke and i was like that's filthy as far well the punchline is may you put to the bar to the bar man he says may you push in my stool yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and everyone uproars and laughter you're laughing i get your shit shoved in i mean that's what it is right yeah that's the joke

that's the joke you're just telling the second half of the joke so it's not as filthy with the full thing. It's crazy. Keeping your PG-13 rating. Is this like a, I mean, this is like, it feels like this belongs in dirty work with, you know, not this movie. Yeah, no, it definitely does. I also like Sherlock Holmes, not really a famous joke

teller. Speaking of stools and shit shoving in and all that, is not the guy who plays Blackwood's dad, the guy who fucks. Ian McShane in the ass and the sexy beast and it rules. Yes, absolutely. That's him. Okay, I thought so. Okay.

He is the top of that scene and it fucking rules. Yeah. Oh, yeah, James Fox. I was just looking at the back of your head. Yeah, oh, right, is Harry. Oh, you know what? He's also the father of Varuka Salt in the totally unsettling Tim Burton, Charlie,

and the Chocolate Factory. Oh, boy. So he's responsible for the worst character in that story. I think he's been around for, I think he's in The Servant. Oh, really? A great movie. But, yeah, he's been around for forever. he's still around now actually

James Fox still alive and he's fine in this and I I kind of like the angle of like oh blackwood it was this like this child conceived during a ritual because this guy's part of the occult but like Blackwood is like pushing the occult too far I guess

dude I love that he was conceived during one of our rituals the boy was a curse I'm like come on Lord Blackwood you know you're just a rich guy shut up just like the fucking like and this I mean it's and confirmed now with the certain arrests that have happened in the United States.

But, like, there are eyes wide shut shit happening everywhere and there always has been. Absolutely. I just feel like anyone who makes more than $100,000 in a year, you go, like, what are you up to, dude? Yeah. It would be up to. This will be turning into a Q&N podcast next. You know, if that happens, I'm out. I'm just out.

I can't. I cannot suffer those. Welcome back to where we go one, we go all with Steve and Eric. I mean, how about this, Andrew? What if we riff on Q's posting? I mean, I guess so, man, but I think you are just also becoming part of the problem if you're doing that.

True. You know what I'm saying? Because those people, there's some scum, dude. When their whole world is a problem. You go for friends in high places, which is what happens here. Because he gets to like meet the secret society. Well, I guess part of it.

Including this dude, man, I am laughing at the character named Lord Coward The third guy is this guy who's an American Who is clearly only here To wake up the American audience Because it's like He's an ambassador from America

Yes The dude is played by the guy One of the guys from aliens The guy who plays the Like the general that gets them fucked over Yes The crappy general Also a lot of us

Well I know at least 50% of this cast right now, has seen this guy most recently, I think, in re-watching Hellbound Hellraiser 2. Oh, right. He's totally in that movie, yeah. I actually have the character's name here. It's an ambassador piece of shit.

It's Lord Coward an ambassador piece of shit who are working for the Blackwoods. Wait a second, a pizza shit. This kind of Italian-American. I've been there. All right, Master Eric, it's just a pizza shit. I'll just stroke your hair while you get through it.

Oh, it's coming out cross. Oh, it's all right, Mr. Eric. Oh, it's all right. It's the pepperonies, Mr. Eric. Oh, it's the pooparoni. It's mostly water, Mr. Eric. Don't worry. It's mostly water.

Oh, so much cheese. I told you to go just for the Chicago style. Much less cheese in that, Mr. Eric. Much less cheese in a Chicago style of pizza. I don't know about that, Steve. Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. But you know what? You're doing an impression of an English person,

and they wouldn't know. And also, they might be poisoning me to keep themselves as a shitwife. A shit wife. Yeah. Oh, and then there's this other guy. Where does this guy come in? Because he's like next on IMDB's.

He's right under. So the guy who plays Ambassador Standish, the American guy is a dude named William Hope. So I was looking up his profile. But right beneath that is this actor Clive Russell who plays Captain Tanner. This dude's IMDB picture. He looks like fucking Sergeant Slaughter.

I don't know what's going on with this guy. I'm into it. Anywho, so yeah, the Secret Society's like, hey, man. Sherlock deduces that Blackwood is this Lord whatever's son. And he gives the whole story or whatever. And he's like, Blackwood will use magic to alter the course of the world. And you're just like, all right, dude. Exactly.

And I mean, that's the thing is like, I know that it winds up being a fun twist at the end that he wasn't using magic the whole time, but you kind of have it both ways because it turns into this sort of like big, you know, event movie, uh-oh, he's going to take over the world with magic, but uh-oh, it's just kind of silly anyway, you know what? Also, like, why do the, why do the stakes have to be that high? Exactly.

You know, like, fuck over London or something. Like, why is it always, we got to save the fucking world? You should be genuinely confused by these crimes and, like, you just don't care. Yes. Also, in 1890, who wants to save the fucking world? it's shit. Who wants to save it in 2020, dude? Yeah, I mean, I think it's irredeemable at this point.

Later on, there's a meeting where Mark Strong reveals that he wants to take back America. That's kind of an insane thing that goes nowhere. But again, it's to get the American audience invested. Hey, you can't do that. Yeah, because I'm with Sherlock Holmes now. He's trying to fight for America. Oh, man, Sherlock Holmes. He is the greatest American hero.

question about this scheme though because what Mark Strong says here is interesting he's like because I don't believe it's the 1890s what he says right here is he's like they're tearing themselves apart with their civil war right now it's the perfect time for us to go in and take America back

you know and continue our reign and whatever and I was thinking like where has this story come up before was it in a movie is there an actual historical account of this something about during the civil war people did try to come in and fuck with them. Is that a thing? Where am I remembering this from? I think France backed the Confederacy. That's, yes. That's exactly what I'm thinking of. Thank you. Yeah. They back them because of the cotton industry. Yeah. And also, you know, so chaos, less competitors. Exactly. Yes. It wasn't a plot from the United Kingdom like this movie. No. But yeah. We're going to take back what once was ours. What once was definitely not really ours in the first. Hey, I wasn't paying attention till now, but now Americans are in trouble.

I'm way invested. Holy shit am I invested now? Sherlock Holmes is getting a pint of ye old bud light. Oh, God damn it. They should have like a real, like a wisecracking, cigar chomp and American character come into this and help them out. Dude, that would be rad, dude. Then it's like fucking League of Extraordinary Chish. Yeah, exactly.

I would just say go full golden eye and get fucking Joe, Joe Don back, Joe Don Baker. oh man Shirley boy Shirley boy is exactly right what you got there Shirley you're another mystery adventure that's the thing and he's corrected several times

over the course of the story to please stop calling him Shirley and he refuses to do it that would be a funny call back to audience that were you know alive in the 70s that don't call me Shirley Sherlock can say that it's funny you say that because

in the second one Mike Croft his brother calls him Shirley all the time. Yes. Mike Croft and the sequel, I believe, played by Stephen Fry. Am I remembering that right? And he's great in it. He is the best part of that movie. Hey, Shirley, I know you guys there, fishing chips there. What do you got a barbecue ribs wise? Hey, Shirley, where can I get three pizzas right now in the middle of the night? Shirley, real quick, I heard you got something called a shitwife here.

I want to have one of them on retainer. Bangers and mashed potato chips. I don't try that. That tastes. Shirley, where do you keep the Mountain Dew? It's just a thing. You can fucking like drill for it in the mountains. It's just, yeah, it's

all period accurate, but then like he has like a little refrigerator full of like nice new Mountain Dew Baha blast. But it's in like glasses that he's made himself. Oh yeah. I've invented the perfect

drink. I'm going to call it Mountain Dew. R.J. does have a great line here to this dude at the end of the scene. He's walking out the door and Sherlock turns around and goes, hey, Sir Thomas, if the rest of his family is dead, how long do you expect to survive? And this guy's like, great point. I may be dead soon. And he dies kind of, I mean, it's almost cool, but not really. He's at a bath and then like something happened. He sort of boils or drowns or busy. That's the thing is you don't understand what happens to him until like the ass end of the

movie when Sherlock is explaining shit but in this instance like we see the scene of this man's murder and you don't understand what happens but it's just like the guy put an Alka-Seltzer in there yeah I mean it was something where like there's a chemical compound that reacts when water

touches copper and the dude was he was poisoned but it looks like he's being like boiled I believe they said it was like paralyzes you and then I guess he drown he drowned in the tub yeah that's what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which it's like, okay. You know, I definitely would have preferred acid, but whatever. I don't know. It sounds like a good way to go out. Yeah, honestly. I'd do it. That's not a bad one. Yeah. Sign me up. So while that is going on, R.D.J. has gone back to Irene Adler, and he's like, hey, I found you guy who was in Lord Blackwood's tomb there. She drugs him, knocks him out cold. He wakes up. Turns out she pulled a fucking George Costanza.

on him. He's completely nude handcuffed to a hotel bed. Yeah, then like he, at this point, Watson has like kind of it happens like twice in the movie. It's like, I am no longer being in this movie. It's like, well, you're going to be in the movie. Yeah.

Come on, we have to pretend like you die. Come on. Just hang out for a little. Dude, that part. I mean, we'll get there. But like, yeah, so like, whatever, like he's going along. This is, there's another scene. This is the scene where we talk about the plot against America and the other American guy shows up, tries to shoot

him and lights himself on fire, that's kind of fun. That was great, dude. That's like kind of the best death in the movie because he starts freaking out. He definitely, you hear him yell like somebody help me or something like that, which is just terrible. And then he jumps out a window

and lands on like a horse-drawn carriage. Good Lord, what a death. It's pretty good. It's a great little death. Holmes does a crude autopsy on this dude and this is what like kind of lures Watson back to the case because like Holmes has

the body like delivered to the apartment and he's like all right good I'll take it from here and he starts like investigating and like talking out loud and you see Jude Law being like say he's doing this autopsy I love doing autopsies Oh Watson would you like to cut up an American

with me Oh you're talking about language now I don't even know what the anatomy is, Jim. Hey, Shirley, so long as you're cutting up Americans, I'm going to give me a spare rib off that guy. Yeah, I'm a cannibal, too. Yeah, see if you can find any cheese on that thing. Shirley, what are you going to do with that there, pork butt, if you know what I mean?

I'd like a pulled American sandwich if you can get me one. Oh, my God. It tastes like home, Shirley. I'm eating freedom right here. It's great. so they realize like oh it looks like this dude was hanging around

some sort of factory by the river oh there's a slaughterhouse by the river let's hire some old drunk to take us down the river so we can check that all out the big slaughterhouse scene here is kind of like the biggest action set piece in the movie they go in there's some like this is kind of a dumb thing

where Mark Strong is like his voice is like amplified and modulated to a point where it's like oh hello there's Sherlock Holmes want to play a game. I'm like, how are you doing this in the 1860s? What are we talking about? Come on. Because it's a steampunk horse shit where everything can happen, but it's a little steamier. I mean, this scene is stupid. I really hate it. Because this, this, like, slaughter house is like a fire factory. There's like time. It's like, it's like trying to escape into the

well, it's trying to break into the rock or something. Yeah. Oh, you need me to take you into the slaughterhouse, do you? Because there's all these fucking contraptions and do hickies. And I know they, you know, that's part and parcel for a slaughterhouse, but there's all these stupid fucking like a conveyor belts and band saws and all these different things that they have to truck homes

and all of his genius has to figure out which basically comes down to, I don't know, get a bunch of people and like start pulling down on this fucking pipe. And then ultimately Mark Strong just blows up the place anyway. So just blow up the place anyway. Yeah, like blow up the place

while they're still. in it. I mean, the only reason it explodes is because Watson runs over a trip wire. And I mean, I will say, I do think that the, and if, here's the thing, if you used it just this one time,

it would be awesome. But unfortunately, it's the ninth time in the movie you're seeing slow motion, but it just happens to be the coolest part of slow motion. I love the visual of all the barrels exploding and Jude Law is like trying to get him to get out of the way and he blows up. But I mean, do you think

Chubacca's dead. I'm not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because it's not for a second pretended that he's dead because in like the very next scene it's like Holmes is alive or Watson's alive, don't worry about it. They pretend for a second. For least literally, because it's what to go? So, yeah, for some reason.

Oh, there's a thing where Lord Coward is, he says to Mark Strong, he's like, by the way, dude, have like the whole police department in my pocket don't worry about it so after that whole explosion happens uh clark this you know officer clark comes up and he's like uh hey sherlock holmes uh coward issued a warrant for your arrest you better get the fuck out of here man and like you know saves saves his hide right here and tells him to ski dad this is when uh homes visits watson in the hospital and puts on like current day oscar isaac makeup did anyone else get this like What? Oh, I see.

He looks exactly like he's got like the silver hair and like he looks exactly like Oscar Isaac now. Oh, yeah, he's dressed as a doctor. Yeah, I can actually see that. You know, they give him like nice kind of like deep bags under his eyes. Like Oscar Isaac sort of got like those dark cavernous eyes too kind of a thing. Yeah, I can totally see this actually. And it's a really bad like what is the worst disguise of these two? This doctor or the dude that he's pretending.

be the guy at the beginning. It's the other one, because he looks like a clown. It's like a silly nose. Yeah. That's true. And the way they shoot him is you're like it's Robert Downey Jr. Yes. It's the same sensation I had when you're watching, um, Patch Adams. Inception. Not inception. What the fuck is his magic

movie? Oh God. It's gonna kill me. Chris Nolan's fucking magic movie. David Bowie. The prestige. Prestage where like it's, you're supposed to not know that that dude is Christian Baylor. Just spoiler. Yeah, the spoiler alert.

Yeah, the cushion bail thing, yes. Like, that was so bad that, like, it took me out of the rest of that movie. It's one of those things that I noticed now, obviously, that I've seen it, but I didn't get it at the time. Maybe I wasn't, you know, maybe I was kind of drunk. Who knows? You were awake, so. I just remember that was the only time that I've seen that movie.

And, like, after that moment, I was like, well, there's not, it's just, it's hit. Ah, right. that movie rules FYI I should go back I'm a fan we're never gonna get to see tenant

so I might as well bide my time and do like a full Nolan rewatch or something circling that as well because inception has turned 10 years old now etc

Jesus it seems like just the other day we were non-plused by that movie at the Kaufman Astoria yeah I still liked it but I thought it was fine yeah

I'm a fan it's a movie where I bought it on Blu-ray and I haven't fucking taken that disc out of the case I just recently took that Blu-ray out of the case for the first time. And it's much better than I remember, honestly. Interesting.

Well, maybe this Nolan rewatch, you know, there's something to this idea. Tom Barringer's in it, right? So that's kind of why I'm like, let's get back to that. I thought you were going to say Tom Barringer's also doing a rewatch of Christopher Nolan movies. He might be. Dude, oh, my God. The Barron cast is just Tom Barrenger talking about Chris Nolan movies, except for Inception, which I am in.

And now we're doing our mailbag episode. No, we will not talk about Major League. Just to want to be really clear, I will never mention Major League or Sliver or Shattered Glass. Oh, welcome to Interbarringer. It's time to talk about Interstellar. It's one of my favorite movies ever made. Interbaranger. I'm a fan of movies that when I leave the theater, I'm like, the hell?

I do that with most of Christopher Nolan's movies, which is why he's. He's my favorite director. What the hell? Ask an old lady next to me. Did anyone get it? Which is actually what happened at the end. When I first saw Memento when it was in the theaters and oh, back 20 years ago now, can you believe that? Jesus.

I, I, the credits hit and some old lady, uh, went up, yelled, did anyone get it? Did you throw a soda at her? No, I was polite. Did she do that? I want somebody to do that at the end of a Dunkirk. Did anybody... The end of downfall. I don't know

what I just paid a ticket for. So it was a war between countries? In the fucking bunker the whole time. You might as well yell out, where am I? What day is it? Take me home. I pooed myself. I need a shit wife.

That did save a private, right? Was that old man in the war? just watched. Oh, Agnes, it's time for you to switch to nothing but home video. Wasn't a match to the future situation? Not Damage's a hero. He was in the World War II. Matt Damage of

hero. Earned this. The picture's changing. I don't know. Is he supposed to be Private Ryan in Interstellar? Is it the same character? Oh, God.

This poor lady's super confused about these Nolan movies. And then that Private Ryan became the Martian? That's a lovely ending to this. I saw a movie the other day where Private Ryan was a janitor who turned out to be

really smart. And then he won the war. He was so smart he won the war. So whatever. Mary is like, hey, you know what? You're definitely Sherlock Holmes in a bad doctor disguise. You need to continue solving this case for

Watson. She kind of gives her blessing, I guess, for this to continue kind of a thing. We get a montage of Sherlock Holmes getting fucked up and trying, like, dabbling in the occult a little bit here. He's, like, trying to do all these spells and stuff. It's kind of cool. It's cool, but again, like,

is magic real, or what are we talking about? They've been, like, circling it a little bit. Like, they're like, oh, back at this place that the French giant attacked them, they were like, oh, they were trying to marry, like scientific like knowledge with with occult spells and I'm like well show me yeah go please proceed tell me more about that yeah I mean you need to like if you're not going

to keep this whole thing a mystery like then you need to show pieces of that like there needs to be more scenes in this movie that don't have Robert Dunny Jr. in them so you can let that part of the story's idea breathe a little more actually I see I wrote I wrote it down combined sorcery and scientific formula. There is some there's some throwaway line where Watson

says like well Holmes as you and I would agree the existence of a paranormal outcome for this case or whatever is certainly possible

and Holmes is like yes it definitely is and I was like wait a second you're both agreeing that like paranormal activity is a thing yes yeah okay but he was

winds up figuring out the secret society. It's four pillars and there's a ram, an ox, a something or other and he's like, okay. I think there's a lion in there maybe. Yeah, an eagle. And he's like, okay, so it's going to be parliament because I used all their magic to figure it out. I'm going to be

fake arrested now by this guy, Clark, uh, to get to Coward's place and then this will be a fun scene. Uh, yeah, so he sort of deduces like, yeah, there's like a bunch of shit going to go down like under parliament like that's where they were sort of setting

stuff up um i like this scene a little bit because i like uh well i mean it's not anything major but there's a cool shot of so he homes has dropped off like in uh lord cowards chambers or whatever and when the dude isn't looking because he's like stuffing a pistol he's loading a pistol um i think of 22 minutes yep uh Sherlock closes the flu to the chimney. Oh, yeah. And the office starts filling with smoke. And I

really dug the shot of like, here's coward, he's got the gun drawn, he's looking around like, you know, where is he, where is he? And through the smoke, you just see the handcuffs get kicked across the floor. That was pretty cool. Just like now, you can't see me. I'm out of these handcuffs now. I'm going to do it. It was fun.

It's very Batman-y, which I think again, there's a lot of that. It's like, this is like Batman meets Harry Potter kind of, equals Sherlock Holmes, question mark. Yeah, it's like you just, you know, in name only in a lot of respects, is this Sherlock Holmes. So, but Lord Coward survives this, right? And that, but Minister Scareddy Pants does not survive. That's correct.

Yeah, we lost Minister Scareddy Pants. It's an attack. Horrible news from a Piccadilly circus. Yeah, what was the news? The news is just coming out of a traffic circle over there. Lord Scanty Pants has been killed His body washed up on the shore of the Thames Again, Lord Scarty Pants, dead at 98

The Queen is weeping He is survived by his shitwife Who was a little disappointed because he had a burrito for lunch And never got to drive a shit It's gonna be a messy autopsy governor He was also survived by his other shit wife He knows it's just his wife. He just didn't like her.

But instead Sherlock jumps out the window right here and, you know, lands in the Thames and then swims. They hired that old drunk again with his boat to pick them up. So we're like, now we know, like, what the deal is. We have to stop Parliament because at noon, you know, shit's going to go down. And they go into the sewer and they find this device. that's going to send you know

aerated chemicals up into the parliament and kill everybody is the idea and more fighting stuff he fights an actual Asian man that's kind of fun with karate stuff you know yeah it's just you know it's like the sixth fight

scene in the Sherlock Holmes exactly I'm spent I really started to check out around now but it is kind of interesting that apparently the idea was to have like gas this parliament but black blackwood supporters would have would have been slipped this antidote so they will survive so we'll establish him as this magic entity right the whole thing is like back in that scene where that

american dude lit himself on fire and jumped out the window he's like all right well now that that dude's dead everybody drinks some wine and we're cool and in that chalice or whatever was the antidote to this poison but he's making them think like because they survived they're one of his his loyal followers and he allowed them to live and didn't kill them with his magic is the and then he'll be known as the blackwood uh who we shall not name yes very much so it's such a and especially in this seat dude when mark strong like is just standing on that platform above parliament like look at me everybody i'm a creepy looking bald guy just like the other person for a minute there i thought he had uh Dracula teeth

this is too much he's got some wacky tooth that they put in to make him look a little uglier than Mark Strong. It's a little snaggletooth there. I'll grant you that he sucks. It's true, Eric. Good job. And then, yeah, this is when the giant comes back because we liked him and he's...

Bonjour. You're all. I'm again. I'm going to fuck you on. So this is the third fight with the giant. Yes. Third fucking fight with the same guy. And it's Holmes and Watson kind of subdue him by doing

like leg locks around him. It was pretty hot. There is a hilarious line though when it's like I don't what the hell's going on here. I think Watson gets like a jacket tied around this guy and he's like holding him at

Bay for a little bit and he yells at Sherlock, nut him and Sherlock just punches him in the face which I didn't, you know, that's not how our slang works. No, dude, you got to nut him. You got to get going. You got to get, you got to work that hog, dude. You want to nut him.

fucking two-hander with the looks of this guy and while they're fighting this guy the whole thing is Irene Adler gets to do all the cool like tech work trying to disarm the chemical weapon which was nice that you know she she does have plenty to do in this movie it's just not that

you know some of it makes sense she does not get kidnapped at some point right yeah because she's in the slaughter got it yeah she gets that's right she gets kidnapped then so you know some points off for the kidnapping, but most of the time she's got stuff to do. Then she winds up stealing a piece of it

and we will wind up going up on top of this bridge and we're fighting and Mark Strong reveals himself yet again. It's just like, you know, I don't know, man. I did not need this movie to end in a not yet constructed tower bridge, which I do

think this tower bridge look is cool, but like you fucking pause it right here, everybody, 20 minutes left of this movie when they get to the bridge. You got to be kidding me. Because you have to wait for the 15 minutes to explain all the Moriarty ship before we actually get to see Moriarty in two years.

Oh, that's right. She has a whole monologue. Like, she's running away with this chemical weapon and Sherlock is following her. And before Mark Strong gets to the bridge, she has this whole parlor scene about like, yeah, his fucking name's Moriarty. Yeah, he's definitely

a professor. He's way more fucked up than you are. He's like, but twisted Twisted. You don't want to see how twisted Professor Moriarty is guitar solo. That's right Holmes. I only use the

insane tab. It comes in on a skateboard. Radically awesome. Do you have rancid tickets, old boy? You know, they have a big fight here. he fake and again

this is another like of course not like he pushes her off the bridge and I'm like where's the platform like you're not killing her right here? I thought the Dolorian was going to come up he gets hit the face with the door and so they have it out there's a line

that's kind of cool it's a long journey from here to the rope just talking about how he's going to be hung a second time or hanged excuse me a second time and then you know there's just a bunch of bullshit and then he falls through the fucking the boards

there the you know the scaffolding and his hung wrapped up in chains at one point before he's finally yes hung but hung by chains too I think he's the first centibite yeah dude Mark Strong would make an excellent

pinhead just just putting it out there you're totally right he would have some sites to show you it might be too intense for anybody maybe those movies would actually be scary Yeah, I'm not ready to be that turned on by Penhead. I do, yeah, but when he gets hung by chains, he should get decapitated because there's no way.

Yeah. You're falling, chains are catching you. Your heads pop it off like a great, my friend. Absolutely, dude. I would have loved to have seen that. I do, I do kind of like this scene in a way because I feel like them being on top of the bridge. It's fun. There's interesting perspectives of the view, you know, the CGI version.

of London. Yeah, no, it looks pretty, like, I still think it looks pretty cool. It's, it's rad that, like, you're seeing a great, like, London landmark, like, still under construction. That's kind of a cool thing. I mean, but Mark Strong, it looks like he's made of titanium. He should have broke this rope and he should have plummeted into the bottom of the sea and not be able to buoy up.

See, that would have been kind of cool if it's like, oh, I mean, there's your cliffhanger, right? He, like, falls in the river and it's like, well, nobody found him. I mean, the shot of him, like, just actually dangling there off the bridge scaffolding is kind of still pretty cool. It made me really, it made me think of the Disney opening a little bit. Oh, you're totally right, dude. Yeah. That's what they should do for that next Pirates movie. Just have someone at the Magic Castle getting hung in the background.

Absolutely. That might be the only way out of fucking Disney at this point, dude. Well, either that or you just come out of there with a fucking rancid case of COVID and do it to it. those fucking pig people those pig people that video is bone chilling what video the video of the welcome back welcome home no I didn't see this it's all it did not see this it's insane it's a bunch of people like at

Disney and it's like we're reopening it's people with masks saying welcome home welcome consumer welcome to Disney World where you are home not your actual home I saw this but in a parody form where they removed that audio and they just, every time they cut to people working at Disney World, it just says like, please don't come, don't come,

please don't come, please don't come. I mean, you can blame the people for coming all you want. You got to blame the government for fucking letting it be open at all. Well, that's actually true. But like, I'm not rushing off to Disney World right now. I'm capable of independent thought. Hold on a second. Blame the U.S. government.

What have they've ever done wrong? Name one bad thing they've done. You can't do it. It's true. We get this epilogue where it like it doesn't matter at this point. Like he's fucking dead. Like Blackwood is dead. And the epilogue is R.D.J. being like, I'm still trying to figure out how he faked his own death.

And I'm like, I hate it. You can't do this. The movie is over when you're visiting is best. It needs to just end on the bridge. You need one parlor scene. That's how that works. Exactly. This movie's been kind of like a bond thing with them back and forth.

Just explain it. or someone, you know, figure it out in the moment and let's finish the scene. And again, it's all shit you never got to see in the movie, but like when they ran out with the, when Rachel McAdams runs out with part of the machine and then Sherlock chases her, oh, wouldn't you know it?

Moriarty snuck in and he stole another piece of the machine, not the poison part, but a different thing. And the whole idea is, you know, oh, it's a device, you know, they've invented like a little radio transmitter, you know, And that's how Mark Strong starts the device when he's back in Parliament, like through a push button thing. And he's like, oh, a device sending a command via radio waves. The future is here, blah, blah, blah.

So it's like Moriarty is going to use a, you know, a radio remote control for something. And Moriarty bankrolled Blackwood and all that stuff. Like he was behind a lot of it, it seems like. Oh, sure. That's exciting. That's nice. I mean, it wasn't the movie that I watched, but that sounds cool. Yeah, I guess so.

So I guess, you know, you tricked me into seeing this movie. And I don't know, it sounds like you set up a cooler movie for me to go see in two years. So I guess you got me, Warner Brothers. I don't know. I just know that also in that sequel, Numi Rapace is a big character and I don't care for her. I mean, she's barely in it. She gets like two big scenes. But like they, one thing I think that is good about the sequel is they kind of do away with any kind of like love interest thing, the way Rachel McAdams is.

I like, I like, I like Numi Rapace fine. I like her in Prometheus at least. Yeah, she's good in Prometheus. I just feel like it's just the... I don't know. She's fine in, you know, that first dragon tattoo. Those other two movies are fucking total busts.

I didn't think she was good in what I saw of her in the sequel to this. I don't know. Sure, fair enough. I don't know. But, you know, this ends. I was actually surprised, I mean, we're firmly in 2009 now

when this movie comes out. Not a stinger scene. Couldn't believe it. I fast forwarded just to be sure. And I was thrilled. Yeah. I feel like that was. because they were like, well, the only stinger scene

we could do is something with Moriarty, and we still don't know who's going to play that guy. And also like we've already we've done it. The whole movie was a stinger scene. Exactly. You can't pepper stinger scene throughout the whole movie. Like, just let it be the stinger. So dumb. So fucking dumb. But for

the unwatched, would anybody recommend people check out this movie? Steve Sadek, we'll start with you. I wouldn't recommend you check it out, but I think it's a fairly good hangover movie. I think like if you're on sci-fi, and I mean you're certainly not leaving your house not for the next 19 months but if you're like you know you're just you're really at home you you overdid it the other night I can kind of see this being an okay hangover movie that's that's me hmm uh Eric Siska um I could I can kind of get behind the idea of a hangover situation but in general I wouldn't recommend it and I'm not a big guy Richie type of person but I would prefer this over something like a Stephen summer's movie like a van helsing or whatever i i think the major problems in this movie come down

to like pacing really totally uh chris cabin uh no don't watch it uh i would say don't watch most guy richie movies if they're not snatch or lockstock there is one thing i felt they needed to point out this movie made a good amount of money uh mostly because of international audiences uh but it did there there was a movie that did a little better about 10 paces better on the box office, and that is a movie called G-Force, which is about a tactical squad of guinea pigs that tried to save the world from a billionaire. I believe played by Will Arnett, I might be wrong on that. Oh, what? Yes, yes. I had this movie briefly scheduled for us to do at one point, and I was like, well, I have to watch it to make sure, and I was like, eh. This is the gerbil

movie? Huh? It's a gerbil movie. It's a gerbil, yeah. It's a gerbil. A guinea pig, a guinea pig movie. Oh, guinea pigs. Pardon me. It's very important to know that. Is Richard, is Richard Garrett it? Oh, man. He might have a cameo towards the end. I don't know. Bill Nye's in it. Yeah, Richard Gear does have a cameo towards the end. Oh, Jesus Christ. The end of Richard gear. I also would say, I think this is a firm hangover movie. You know, we've definitely done worse movies on this show. I just, you know, I am a fan of Sherlock Holmes in, you know, all sorts of properties and whatnot, you know, across mediums. What's your standing on Sherlock Gnomes

precisely? Oh, well, that's a skip. That's what any Sherlock fan would do is not fucking watch that trash. Not dedicated fans, I don't think. You know, yeah, I think also just like with Eric, I'm not a huge guy, Ritchie person. Although I will say looking back through

the cast of rock and rolla, I might revisit this movie. You know, you got fucking American Mike himself as the lead character, Gerard Butler. Tom Wilkinson, looking one, 100% like tobo in that movie. He's got a fucking Tobo haircut. Like exactly. It's kind of awesome.

But then you got Idris Elba, Tandy Newton, Mark Strong, Tom Hardy, for some reason, Jeremy Piven, for some reason, ludicrous. You know, so it's a deep cast, I think. I might check that out. Oh, Gemma Arderton in the small role. It's a for some reason movie, so it should have a for some reason

cast. Fair enough, Chris Kevin. Fair enough, I guess. And that is going to conclude our episode on Sherlock from 2009 directed by Guy Ritchie if you would like more We Hate Movies of course check out WHMpodcast.com or head over to patreon.com slash we hate movies where

you know we have had a lot of fun on the summer blockbuster extravaganza maybe not as much fun anywhere else except when we did the We Love Movies episode on Raiders of the Lost Dark which is out now you can catch that full two hour and 20 minute discussion of the film

that was a lot of fun it's a banger it's a banger folks total banger we also who's uh eric who's on the old bleep glossary for this month oh well we have bib fortuna that is what we come to find is Jabba the hut's major doma

oh shit I like that um and unfortunately you know we have to close the book here on the summer blockbuster extravaganza another SBE in the book uh and yes by the way we know that this movie came out at Christmas nobody cares don't bother tweeting about it

but the cool thing is We Hate Movies rolls on next week. August begins, just like Batman did. Steve Sadek, what do we got going on in the month of August for folks? Because normally, this is when we try to take a little bit of a vacation. We usually air live episodes, but we couldn't go on tour this year. So we are going into the attic and just seeing all those things we kept talking about. It's kind of a stay tuned month, actually. Ooh, yeah, it is.

Three out of four weeks will be a stay tuned. The third week of the month will be our five. 500th episode, which is a super spectacular that we cannot tell you about. That's right, keeping it under lock and key. But next week we're super excited to bring back to the show Justin J. Case. Oh, yeah. Our disaster expert, because we're talking

Dante's Peak. Oh, this is a long time. Stay tuned coming. Absolutely. We do 90 minutes on the old lady. Oh, dude, that old lady in that boat. Fuck, that's awesome. I saw that movie in the theater for my birthday. Happy birthday

to you, dude. I watch watched that lady cook right up. I was eating some candy. It was a great. It's a great. It's a great. Look at her go. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She's dead. Yeah. Yeah. So that's going to be awesome. It's going to be great bringing JJ back on the show via the internet, of course. And it's kind of crazy because it doesn't matter now. Like he's in Chicago. We're all still around here, but we're all on the internet these days, everybody. We'll never see each other again. That is right. Unfortunately, that's just the way it works. No, that's, we cannot No, no, no, we cannot think that way. Well, I want

to point out something real quick. I think it's this fucking week or whatever. August 2nd will be at the Middletown, New York drive-in theater, the Fair Oaks Drive-in, that's right. Scream and Jason lives. We will be there masked, socially distanced, but we will do

you know, little talk, talk about the movies in between them. Exactly. That's going to be a lot of fun. Head over to our website, WHModcast.com. Click on that tour tab. that info is there. And by the way, as folks know, we're just going to keep hammering this home until it ain't 2020 no more. But all of this year's merch proceeds that we get from sales in our merch store going directly to Black Lives Matter and Black Lives Matter adjacent organizations.

Check out our merch store. Anything you buy, we get a little bit of that. And we're going to send all of those little bits to those fine organizations. And if you want to donate directly, head over to WHMpodcast.com. There's a little bar at the top of the old website. Gives you a direct link right there. If you want to just kick in directly, that would also be greatly appreciated. So until next week when JJ Case returns to We Hate Movies to talk about Dante's Peak,

I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Sherlockska. Chris Cabin. Somehow you made it more Polish than usual, actually. I really appreciate that. Take it easy and put on a mask. That was a hit gum podcast.