We Hate Movies - S10: Episode 498 - Dante's Peak (with Justin J. Case)

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

On this week's episode, the gang kicks off an unofficial Stay Tuned month by welcoming back dear friend and Disaster Movie Expert, Justin J. Case, to tackle the lesser of the two major 1990's volcano movies, Dante's Peak! How horrendous is that grandma character? Why does the mayor have to work at the diner? And what's with all the water-related kills here?! Where's all the lava? PLUS: Grandma's got skeleton legs! WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. Dante's Peak stars Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, Elizabeth Hoffman, Charles Hallahan, Grant Heslov, and Tzi Ma; directed by Roger Donaldson. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, how can a movie with this many explosions be also this dull? It's Dante's Peak. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. And just in case. And we hate movies. Hello,

As always, and welcome back to the program, our dear friend, it has been too long. Justin J.K.S., here he is in, well, I almost said in studio. Fuck me. Coming to us live from Chicago, Illinois. Hey, buddy. Hey, how's it going, man? Good. Dude, we are happy to have you back. Congrats on the 5-0. Is that true? Yeah, big milestone there, the 5-0-0. Oh, yeah, that's coming up real soon. But, you know, it's been forever since we've done a disaster movie. and we used to call you, you know, the disaster experts. That's me. Don't worry. I did my homework for this one. Also, I can tell you this, almost out of spite, I've never seen this movie until about 4 a.m. today.

Oh, really? What was the grudge? There was a time in the late 90s, like, there was a time where you couldn't walk down the street without somebody even like, hey, hey, volcano or Dante's Peak. Yep. Yep. Right? It was, and I had already seen Volcano. So out of a spite, I was like, Volcano, I don't know. I mean, I didn't argue that you were right the whole time.

I was right the whole time. 100%. Yeah. You know, I'll argue this is probably a better movie nuts and bolts in terms of like a movie, like filmmaking and acting, maybe. But what I want is Volcano. Roger Donaldson is probably a better director than whoever did Volcano. Let's see.

Yeah, we should mention Roger Donaldson did Species, previous episode. End of future episode Cocktail. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Cocktail. Yeah, this guy, yeah, Mick Jackson is who directed Volcano and he did the Bodyguard,

L.A. story. I like L.A. story. It's fine. Yeah. Oh, Temple Grandin. You love that one, Chris? No, I do not. Yeah.

Don't be throwing that around at me. Yeah, I think Roger Donaldson may be the better director here. This is also from 1997, by the way, and there are things in this movie that just, like, firmly root that shit. In the late 90s, specifically the obsession about, like, weird coffee drinks and whatnot. Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.

That's Grant Heslov, annoying this shit out of me. Yeah, that's a weird line. I was wondering what was up with that dude. That was comic relief, guys. Oh, sure. That's right. Because this is very much like previous Justin J.K.'s episode, Twister, where you've got a team of scientists, and they're all kind of crunchy and fun. But none are crunchy or fun enough is the problem for me.

anyway. In this movie. Yes. Yeah. I would also argue, like, you were on Deep Impact way back when, and this is, the split is almost exactly the same. Armageddon versus Deep Impact, Volcano versus Dante's Peak.

Because Dante's Peak is more like family values-ish, is more about the characters, like, keeping close to them, whereas Volcano is all about the action and fucking John Carroll Lynch. It's a solo, in the solo scene to end all solo scenes.

So, Chris, you're saying this is like the deep impact in that. Okay. You know what's funny is I was an Armageddon boy, and I was not a deep, deep impact person, but I was a Dante's Peak person and not a Volcano person. Ooh, a peeker. I too was a peaker growing up, you know, peeking around. Peekin? We're looking up windows, dude.

I also would say that Dante's Peak was Clerks from 1994. Yeah. I love it. Taking the role of Eric Cisca this week, Steve Sane. That's good. Dante, oh, what was his name? Oh, Hulahann or something? Dante, oh, Hicks was. Hicks, right. The actor was. Brian O'Halloran. That's what I'm confusing. Not a Clerks 2 fan here, ladies and gentlemen. I'm fine with Clerks 2, whatever. That's a conversation for another day.

So we start with a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a, of a prologue in this movie. And I think the thing that you sort of lose in the Dante's Peak conversation over the years is the fact that this movie is kind of about Pierce Brosnan wants revenge on volcanoes

for murdering his girlfriend. I would say assassinating his girlfriend. It is a rock-related assassination. This time it's personal. It's a fucking drone strike kind of a thing. It's targeting her. Well, we're

going to pretend that some of these drone strikes or volcanoes blowing up. That should fool some people. No, that's John Rock's Booth. Gets it right in the back. Come on, I'm drinking a beer here with John Rocks Booth. Oh, that's the guy that killed Aberrocks Lincoln in the Flintstones. At the Natural History Museum. Oh, that's what you're doing. Yeah.

yeah j j is standing in for 78% of the audience today i'm sorry i kept like is it a what jf jf what i do like that cold open though because it's like it's like the world is ending and i also appreciate now this i think it's raining in that that cold open we get a little volcano experience there? Yeah, it's like that ashy rain that you see a lot of at the end of the movie kind of thing. I love that dirty rain. Seems'll never be the same.

Because it's like, you know, just a big Badda-Dodda's Peak score kind of a thing while we're going through the credits. And there's a lot of people doing like vague volcano-related whaling about like, oh, the magma, ow the magma! The thing is, this kind of is my favorite part of the

movie like there's the most going on in the movie in this scene it's a pretty action-packed cold open yeah it's got the best death i mean a woman gets hit in the head with a rock through a car through a car it hits her in the head and it's also uh it's entertaining in that there's a there's a like how long do i like i mean she's there to get hit with that rock I mean, that's, you know, and that's, that's, that's, that's my biggest great, but this movie is, like, I'm just, I'm just punching a ticket every beat by beat. Totally. She got her rocks off. She did.

And also, when you're a love interest named Mariam in the beginning of a movie. That's a giveaway dead meat alert. Dude, you know this lady's Marion because Pierce Broson is driving through all these people. And then he parks next to, I mean, like, it's a huge flaming nothing. And he parks right next to it. um there's other places to park in that area but he gets out he's like marian we've got to go now mariam mariam there's no time for the readings no mariam mariam get the car marry him but she's obsessed with the readings she's like no the readings the readings i'm like what do they

say that a volcano is happening what the fuck is going on here i think the results are in man the data if i could just save this computer we could cure volcanoes no no no the readings the readings well because it's like what do they keep saying it's like oh well at least you got to see the dance or see the show is what we're saying yeah we're taking a life stop it god's big show they refer to it as later right

because at least in Twister it's like oh if we get this data we could use it for advanced warnings or whatever but that's not what they're doing here it's just like no volcanoes are really hot you guys and I want to know how hot they are. What's going on with the temperature of this magma? Dude, an hour and 10

minutes in to, like, actually see lava? Absolutely not. That's a big problem. Absolutely not. Big problem. Especially because the movie blissfully is like an hour in 48 minutes. That was a big surprise to me this morning. It's like, oh, it's a big disaster movie

and it's under two hours, not too shabby. I could have sworn the fucking lake scene happens like halfway through but no it's like 30 minutes left of the movie when that happens oh when grandma worst person on earth rightfully eats shit yes and I had

I had so many different memories of this movie like being like I swore she died in that fucking lake yeah dude I also had a false memory of her just melting into the water I guess it's the combination of like that lake and John Carroll Lynch's death and volcano yes isn't there something

that happens in Lake Placid the film oh there's like there's an alligator that like eats a I think doesn't isn't an old woman I think the old woman's Betty White yeah I know yeah yeah but somebody gets it in it

I don't know because then the boiling the boiling the first boiling the first boiling happens almost immediately I love this yes these are those people who boil up are like definitely extras from like a

Friday the 13th movie. By the way, I just looked up the runtime for Volcano and points to Volcano 4 minutes shorter than No kidding. Yeah, 144. The Superior movie. Come on. It's perfect. I think we're no contest territory at this

point. I need a minute to watch it. Oh, Steve's a holdout. I like the cinematography here. I don't, something like this movie is very relaxing to me. It's like a wicker chair volcano movie. I kind of like, yes, dude, I felt like I was like sitting on the back porch, like, sipping a cool

lemonade and just watching a movie. I mean, anything 90s right now, I think, would get me there. Yeah, that's actually true. And, and I mean, looking at Pierce Brosnan's face, it's just, I mean, it's a treat. It's a real treat. It's a real treat. It's a real treat. It's a real treat. I mean,

the 2020 Pierce Broslin look out below, to be pretty good. He's a great face. He's doing anger pushups because he's remembering when his wife was assassinated or whatever. Right. Yeah. It's like, we cut to four years later. and he's doing like fucking knuckles down pushups just waiting for the day

to get his revenge on that volcano. It feels like he's in prison at the start of this with how he's working out. Well, he went to jail for attempted murder of a different volcano, dude. That's where you don't see. Deleted scenes. How do you shoot a volcano in the back?

What if you miss? What if you miss? So yeah, he gets a call from the geological office that he works for. I guess we find out later it's in Portland, Oregon. It does not matter. But they're like, hey man, like, you know, something's going on at

Dante's Peak. We want to go take a look. And it cuts to the Dante's Peak Pioneer Days Festival. And I'm like, yet another celebration of white supremacy. Here we go, Dante's Peak. Thanks for this fucking parade. It also has nothing to do with absolutely anything.

You would think that it would have been easier not to have had that in the script. except if you had old doilies around, I don't know. It's just to introduce the, like, the money interest is there. Right, tourism. The idea of, like, she knows the community enough that she's popular. People listen to her.

And, like, there's a guy, there's some, like, rogue audio of some guy. I'd be like, oh, hell yeah. When she comes on stage and I'm like, what the fuck? What was there when Hamilton hits the stage? It's great. She is a politician. She looks like the lady from Terminator. Oh, yeah.

It is. I mean, they were voted number two of places to live under 25,000 people in Money magazine, ladies and gentlemen. That's pretty good. Money. You're getting into money. That's a big announcement. That's a lot of coverage. Also, who's going on vacation at Dante's Peak? What hell are you doing there?

I mean, camping enthusiasts, I would think. That seems like, maybe. Well, I mean, these two come up there to fuck, right? I mean, it's just kind of like a fuck safari out there. Yeah, grandmother mentions a lot of, yeah, well. Basically, my woods are just one open-air orgy. It's just nothing. That's it. It's the little hint of chauffeur that gets you horny.

It's a cute little mountain town. Plenty of them have tourism. Stuff in upstate New York does as well. It's not mega-tourism, but it's tourist. I would just like to know like something something other than like Custer's last stand motel like tell me what you're

doing. I want to hear the tourism pitch. Was Custer anywhere near there? Are you just doing like a false are you using stolen valet stolen Custer Valor there? Probably some stolen Custer-related valethe. He's got it in spade Stephen. But it's also a weird

like the guy who I think it's like the guy who owns it is like Bob Custer or something. some shit because I had the subtitles on for the movie and there's one point where that the old man who runs the place is yelling off screen and he was credited as custer. He was the guy who died a little big one. I thought that was a custard place in the middle of town.

I'm one trillion percent did as well. I thought it was the custard's last stand. I thought it was an ice cream shop. It's a daring title, but okay. You get a little big horn of ice cream kind of? That's definitely got to exist. I don't want to say that. If it's a little big horn, is that like a medium size?

If you're just making it go? I guess so. Yeah, I guess that would be the compromise. So, yeah, we are introduced to Linda Hamilton as Mayor Wando. That's a tough name to say when you just definitely want to say Waldo every time. Or Wanda. Wanda. What is it born?

Rachel Wando? Rachel Wando. And, like, she's a single mom. I don't know how this mayor is late for her own goddamn party. This is ridiculous. Sounds like a Harry Potter parent. What do you mean? Rachel Wando.

I thought you meant like Harry Potter's parents like this woman was fucking dead. No. We're making this kid sleep under the stairs. It's a woman who married a wand. Oh, like Wando like Dildo. Right? Right. Okay. Yes.

It's phallic. Also that. All right, Harry, here's your, here's your wand, ears your owl, and here's your wando, if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, what's that, Egred? I surely don't know what a wando will. You're sticking up your bum, Harry.

You're going to have to learn the vibration spells. You're a vibre, Harry. You're not a teacher here. No, he's definitely not. Why does this janitor give me a magic dildo? Coming to be a little Achback out here And we'll talk about your Wando, Harry.

Oh, man. Yeah, so she, there's like some, it's like a weird, we're rolling in our celebration of frontier times to also announce that some dude is rolled in And he's bringing like millions of dollars in development deals and 800 jobs are going to be created. I was like, for who?

The small-ass town, you're going to be bringing people from, I guess the idea is maybe people will then, move to Dante's peak? You develop it, you build it up kind of a thing. You're going to be a shopping center. Well, ruin it then, dude, because then if too many people come, you don't qualify to be

in that money magazine tourism bracket. Well, you're in a whole new weight bracket. Yeah, you're at the bottom of the next weight class. You don't want to do that. Do you imagine if they were about to be disqualified and then they had to have some, like, real difficult conversations with people. We got to shave four or five to get

that under 20G. The movie is missing an asshole from Money Magazine that shows up being like, I don't know about this. I don't know about that. So he could have an epic like death like a shiffening or something. Oh, yeah. Do the volcano terrorism too for some reason? I like that idea.

But I also like the idea of like this weird, it's a town that's trying to get into this money magazine piece and has to like kill 10 people before they get there kind of thing. Yeah, that's what I like it. That's definitely a movie I would watch. among the crew on the town council is also the dude who played Dan the high talker on Seinfeld He's like less scumbag is his name in this movie This guy stinks

Yeah he's just I mean basically like you know she just shows up She accepts the award and like she's like a mayor but also she like runs a diner And she's the only one that could take Pierce Broston around it seems That's a weird thing right so she's like been tasked on top of attending this award ceremony to like drive Pierce Brosnan around the town like don't you have like a deputy mayor to do that like your shift at the diner might be started or a deputy

like a cop or something yeah totally like he's just there to do science stuff like what is the mayor dude fucking mountains that way see you later I'm here to see the mountain why you can't see it all right so what you're gonna do is you see that

enormous rock over there you want to drive towards that you should be good well I'm glad I got to help you today do you need me to call Charles Hallahan for you you can talk to him about this if you want to do anything

we'll get to him but Charles Hallahan in this movie is a fucking son of a bitch I love but I think the point is that I think she's proven right she gets a phone call like oh hello I'm from the National Geological Institute and she's like oh well and you have to come to my town

well yes I do to look at you Well, I'll have to take you up to the mountain personally. That's true. Well, I suppose I must. This geologist with the sexy voice, dude, he sounds like James Bond. It's crazy, dude. Like, is my town in Ireland all of a sudden? I do like that he doesn't try to hide the accident in this at all.

I mean, because it's one of those roles where it's like, what's the point? A scientist can be from anywhere. Exactly. Yeah, so the thing that does start dragging this movie down, again, and this is superior in Volcano because in Volcano Tommy Lee Jones just has the one daughter played by Abby

Hoffman if I'm remembering this movie Linda Hamilton has two two shit-eaten kids including this precocious daughter which you can just leave in a dumpster these characters. Not kill the kid and leave the kid in the dumpster leave the character in the screenplay

dumpster. Andrew is don't kill them he's called for the death of the actor I believe. Well, that girl's probably 35 years old right now, so she's probably much less precocious, I would wager. Don't kill them, but they are terrible. They're absolutely terrible, and I hate to watch them. They're absolutely awful.

Like, they're driving in the car with the daughter, and this girl is immediately like, hey, Pierce Brosnan, you got any kids, you married? And I'm like, just shut up. Put your seatbelt on. They're annoying because Pierce Braston gives them, you know, an inch and they take a mile. Like, this dude is really engaging with the kid.

He's already, he's like, I'm just visiting your town to look at the mountain, but I'm going to raise you children now. It's almost frustrating that he pays them so much mind, and he's so charming. He really is a charmer. And there's a little bit of, I actually don't think that, okay, there's one too many,

which is a really good point that you made. I don't think that they're terrible child actors. It's funny that that kid hangs out in a mine, and he's like, is he's in that mine. And then I laugh for a second, but I can't enjoy it because I know it's just setting up the third act. Yeah.

Like I wish that mine was a throwaway line. It really would have made me happy. But like I hear it. I was like, oh, okay. But yeah, he spends, he's like dating the kids,

man. Like he's like already stepdad day one. Dude, yeah, he's not, he's not in Dante's peak 45 minutes, but there is an unspoken social obligation that he is these children's new father. Steve, I actually disagree about the getting high thing.

I don't think that's what they're doing. I think it's much stupider. I think they just like going into mind because it's like a place that's like forbidden. Right. They're going low. They're not getting high. They're going low because they got to go under all the stalag. Is it, it's mites from up upstairs?

No, it's the opposite. JJ's shaking his head. I don't know, dude. I don't know. Tights and tights. Tis are at top. Tites are at first. from the top ceiling, I believe.

Oh, yeah. That's it. Yeah, that makes sense. It sounds like another topless thing. What's it happening? It's like tights attached to the ceiling, but I don't know what the ones are on the bottom. Here's my thing, though.

You get a bunch of 13, it's like three or four 13 year old boys hanging out in this mind. You get them in a place without parental supervision that they have to like shimmy off to. It's either drugs, there's pornography involved where, you know what I mean? Steve, I completely agree with you that there's smoking weed in there. It's maybe not an all-the-time thing, but weed has been in this mine. But what is a 110% guarantees in that mine is pornographic magazine. Water-damaged. Water-damaged pornography.

Oh, yeah. Fated as the day is long pornography that is still getting the job done for those guys. Up on a collapsed beam, they've hidden it away. So no other people can come in here and get their penthouse 70s. They're making their own stalagmite might have come. Oh, I knew it. Yeah, I just do know it. I didn't want to know it, but I knew it. JJ, that's the thing, man.

It's been a while since you've been on, but it's just right back where you left us. It's like Ryan, a stalagmite might have come. Yeah, people like it. This little pile. It dries. The next guy goes. You know, they work through that man.

Dude, I don't need the recipe, man. Every one of us adds to it when. we come in here. I do like Graham and come on the father. Your father's father. Custer did it. General Armstrong Custer. He made his Armstrong beaten off

in that cave. That's the thing though about that pornography that they have to keep hidden into mind, man. You know that all of the models in the magazines are long out of the business. Oh, sure. Old mags. stole him from my dad when he left

the stalagmite is the only thing that survives the volcano you know it's just the volcano can't even destroy it yeah it props up the cave to save brasna at the end all right just everyone have to climb it climb it everyone there is your Dante's

peak tourist attraction put that shit on the brochure that's the peak it's the mountain everything's just flattened by lava and that's the one thing in the middle of all of it. But the human seed, human endurance in the face

of danger stood strong. I do. So this kid comes, you know, she's honking the horn, like come out of the mine. This kid comes out with a floppy haircut, a thumb ring, and a sub-pop t-shirt. This kid's smoking pot in that mind. I didn't see the sub-pop t-shirt. Are you kidding me? But the other two kids

don't look like pot smokers in me. They look like drinkers. They're definitely also an older boys. Yeah. Like, they're clearly two dudes who are like probably 16, maybe even 17. They're more punkish. They have like cut off sleeves, black cut off sleeves, like

messy hair, but not long. Yeah. That's why I was kind of like, I don't know about pot here. I don't know. I'm more like, like, I want Linda Hamilton's like, let me smell your breath. Let me smell your breath. There should be some sort of like, let me, give me a whiff. Yeah, totally. Because then you could totally work it in like, oh, he's

been shitty ever since his father. abandoned us, like a little bit of characterization there, you know? This father, we learn, not only did he abandon them, but this grandmother doesn't even know where he is. I think this guy's dead. I think he maybe like skip to the Bahamas or something, dude.

Maybe he was like, you know, stealing money or something. Oh, that could be embezzling from the new development in town. I like this. I mean, because how the hell do you just up and leave Linda Hamilton? Come on. The Idaho Mafia kills him. that's got to be kind of real right like the mafia like fargo and shit definitely i mean this was shot in idaho um i was kind of i was like such an idiot this morning i was like okay now where's the real

mountain at if you asked me two weeks ago i would have been like so where is the real mountain on dante's peak i would have said the same thing yeah i did not remember how much of this was like faked landscape although i do i would argue it looks good um oh one of my favorite like deep level characters in this movie is Dr. Fox the horniest doctor in Dante's peak, this lady sees Linda Hamilton

with a man in the car and she goes full text Avery on it. It's either a deleted scene or it needs to be in the movie where she dies, right? Where she like something she has some sort of volcano related mishap. Maybe it involves having sex with a sexy man. It's like, ooh, I'm hot

tonight, yada, yada, yada, love expert. Are you talking about Gene? Yes, Gene Fox, yes. Because she's kind of, you know what, to equate this character to another disaster movie, give her equivalency, is the friend in Independence Day of Vivica A. Fox, the other stripper who's like, we're going to the building tonight, and she's like, don't do that, you know. And then you do see that woman you can put it together that she has a fucking horrendous death in Independence Day. I just imagine her saying, like, oh, Rachel, like the lava's coming. Like, Rachel, you're getting awfully close to that lava. How about you take him home and let him spice up your back?

Someone with a sign like, Dante's Peak, take me. Take me. I like that we've just painted of intimate portrait of Rue McClanahan and Golden Girls. Yes. Yeah, that's what I expected because she's just like, I'm going to run over to your car because I see a male figure in it. Like if you had a scene in the Golden Girls where like Rose was driving a car down the street and then Blanche Devereaux comes out of nowhere

and throws a fucking brick through the window Like there's a man in there Oh Rose there's a man in there Dorothy come look Rose is driving with a man Yeah that's what that's what the scene is You know pussycat we had a mountain back in Kalawesi We had a mountain that almost blew up in Calabria. Sicily.

Sicily. Oh, of course. Picture this. Sicily. Nineteen-19. The whole fucking town went up. I'd believe that they would do like a Pompeii fantasy sequence at some point in Golden Girls. Oh, dude.

I can see that happening. So now we're talking about it. Was Sophia a fascist? Was she pro-Buselini, you think, back then? I don't think so. She did what she had to do to survive. Yeah, that also could be true. Close to the chest.

Yeah, she fled to avoid, like, retaliation. Pussycat. We strung them up in town square and by their red hides. Pussycat. We are currently going through that show on Hulu is like our watching dinner, like having show on. Sure.

We're, like, almost done with season four. And there is so much just Italy bashing in that show. It's kind of fucking funny. It's always, like, they'll say some line about, like, you know, like, it's not this. but it's like the golden girls encounter a really disgusting porta potty that they have to use and it's like

it's like you know Rue McClanahan being like my stars that toilet and then you know Sophia then has to you know the joke is always like oh yeah well in Sicily this would be a five star hotel and it's just a tipped over port of body

this portapati would be in its in totality a reception desk of room that's a pool over there yes for sure I do I do love the idea

of the golden girls even using a porta potty that is an episode I still have three seasons left to go Chelsea and I are going through it and maybe there is an episode where they have to use a portapati

they go to the county there's no place to flush Rose you idiot Rose you just pee in the hole did any of the golden girls do the famous is Jackass stunt where they walk into the Porka Pottie and let a

a crane shake it back and forth? They did but not on the television show. Oh, okay. That makes sense. That seems like unrelated to the program. They did do that. I'm Ruh McClanahan and this is jackass. Oh,

somebody wash my back. Somebody washed my back. I want to see that video. And then it would have to be Bert Reynolds as in a gorilla suit in Japan for the for that for old person jacket. He takes the gorilla hat off and he goes yeah

which one's the slut this famous line on that show. Yes he actually said that on the show you're quoting it direct. Yep. Yeah it's a weird thing where Sophia's like oh yeah like I went to this party last night made friends with Bert Reynolds and they're like fucking no you didn't you senile old lady and then at the end of the episode he shows up. We also passed the episode where Quentin Tarantino plays an Elvis impersonator.

Oh, wow. Yeah, very weird. Anyway, Dante's Peak, everybody. So the thing is, they're like going around town, and Pierce Brosnan's like, kind of smells like a volcano is about to explode around here. Like, he's, they're going around all the hot spots, and it's like, oh, dead squirrels here. I love that. Boiled nude lovers here.

What he does is he meets up with, what's your face is Linda Hamilton. He's like, oh, say, all right. I'll go out a ride with you. It's like, I just have to take. go pick up my kids and he's like oh that sucks and then like the kids get in and they're like can we go uh can we can we can we go to grandmas and she's like yeah we'll drop you he's like okay okay they got dropped off that's fine and then grandma's like can i come to he's like oh fuck deal deal might as well throw this condom into the volcano itself

although maybe i could seduce both of them and become a right granny shagger oh yeah dude Prasen becomes a granny shagger in this movie that could happen. I'd watch it. The grandmother is the father's mother, the father who left, who is presumed dead. And like she's immediately like some volcano truther of some

kind. She's like, nothing wrong with our mountain. What do you look at our mountain for? What political ideology does she represent? Great question. I really, this is it. I'm bringing this question to the table. I do not know. I mean, it's... That was my guess is libertarian.

You can fucking run a direct line between Dante's Peak and what is going on right now. It's just like replace it. Replace volcanoes with masks. Same shit. I'm not leaving. Because to the point

where they were like, do you know what that would mean? That would mean 7,400 people would have to relocate temporarily. It's like, yeah, okay. that's what that would mean but yeah so they take the stubborn own grandma around

she's got a great line that is oh people come up here for a hot dip and hot nooky this was right before they discover the hot springs with a dead couple this is like one of the best moments in the movie because like you as the audience know that

there's two dead people there and then the two kids are like yeah we got our bathing suits on grandma we're gonna go this kid's ready to like fucking cannonball into a hot spring? Like, who just jumps into hot water? And Brosnan grabs the kid at the last time. He says, no, don't, because he sees

these two dead people. And like, these kids are not, like, if I was a kid, this takes me out of the rest of the movie. I'm just like, I just saw burnt human flesh. I mean, even right now, but who I take me out of the whole fucking movie? You know what I mean? Like it's, yeah.

Because they're boiled and also they're waterlogs, so they kind of look like the woman in room 237 in the shining. Yeah. They're like overcooked hot dogs in this thing. Dude, when you leave a precious hot dog in the microwave for too long. Speaking of, they show, they walk past these

burst squirrels, which I want to see happen in real time. Be active in the storytelling. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, don't just show me squirrels that have burst. Exactly. Show me squirrels that are going to burst. Bursting. Bursting squirrels. It would be awesome, dude, if we just cut away, like after the, the

hot springs incident maybe and then it's like just this little squirrel movie for a second it's just like these two squirrels like another day on Dante's beat yeah they just blow up at the ending when they're like running he's like

we have to go the squirrels are popping don't you hear them and like all these tails are flying around oh my god dude Pierce Brousson's like carrying this little girl in slow motion he's running away and he's

just like throwing squibs in the air Yes, yes. Roger Donald's just got those clay animals that Bill Murray had at the end of fucking caddy shack. I know they're all squirrels. I would love it. Oh, man. But that doesn't happen. Yeah, but so then they call the medics or whatever.

And they're like, well, that's weird. And he's like, well, this volcano is going to blow. You need to put your town on warning. And for some reason, this is a big fucking deal. I don't think that it should be necessarily Again, dude, I mean, this is like It's like in Jaws Where they're concerned about the tourism money

It's like they don't want to have like a townwide panic Because they don't want people to leave They don't want the developer to pull out And they're going to lose all this money and these jobs and stuff It's not going to be a problem It was only one squirrel in China that had it We have it very under control Only a few squirrels have exploded

This volcano no, one day, like a miracle. It's just going to disappear. The whole Dante's peak will disappear. Let's not go nuts, folks, okay? It's supposed to smell like farts. It's supposed to smell like farts all the time.

Guys, I think you're losing your beers, brazenant accents. Listen, the mountain is going to blow up. Come along, Linda Hamilton. I would just like the highlight that we were talking about, exploding squirrels and Eric said, don't go nuts. Oh, there

you go. Thank you. Thank you. Loving it. So yeah, this town council, including Dan the High Talker and a few other folks are like a sheriff. The sheriff who I kept thinking was, um, he needs to die by the way. Yes. Yeah. I thought this dude

was Scott. Um, oh, Lord. He's been in a million things. He was in a daredevil playing the blind guy. Scott Walker. Yeah. No, no. not Scott Walker Scott Glenn

Although Scott Walker For a you know Dante's peak resident Refusing to leave Gonna protect my freedom Yeah He would just make a bunch of hardworking people Go out and get killed instead

No fuck that So yeah They're not happy about this And then the team rolls into town And the boss Is the guy Something Hallahan is this actor's name using the thing.

Charles Hallahan. Yeah. He's playing like Paul or something. They all have, they're all like Paul and Biff and Bill in this movie. He's a classic American names. I need like a weezy, like a,

sir pumps a lot, like some weird fucking stupid names for these people. Sir pumps a lot? Yeah, yeah, sure. What is he, what is he named for? Playing with his Wando too much. Yeah, yeah, he plays with his Wando.

Oh, all right. Oh no The volcano took Sur pumps a lot You want one of these At least a couple of these guys To be wacky and fun Like there's a big fat guy

He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt But he's not doing anything wacky or like They try to make it But it doesn't happen There is nothing fun about this fat guy In the Hawaiian shirt I just can't believe it You gotta change that shirt out

If that guy's not gonna be fun It's a fucking crime I think that guy's name is like Ted No it's Terry Even worse even worse. Pierce Brosnan's name in the movie,

what is the character's name here? Is it Harry? Yeah, that, it's Harry. So it's like, there's one scene where the two of them are like doing some crazy stuff on the volcano. And it's like,

like, Terry, Harry, Terry, Terry, Harry. And I'm like, you gotta name these people, something else. But yeah, you're right, Chris. He should be called Spunks or something. You know, it just isn't fun. Give him like a hacker name. Like, he's fucking, here's,

Sarah, Larry, Harry, and fucking Zero Cool. Oh, nice. Do not introduce Larry into Terry and Harry. Now I'll have no idea what's going. Dirt boy. Harry, Dirt boy. Dirt boy. Dirt boy will be great, man. I love Dirt boy.

Oh, no, they got Dirt boy. Oh, Dirt boy's dead. Oh, Dirt boy got to see God do the show. That's close enough to Dusty from Twister. You're totally right. Dirt Boys taking a dirt nap But that's the thing Is I feel like you know

Like you get If Philip Seamer Hoffman's in Twister Jack Black should be dirt Dirt Boy in this movie You know what I mean And this was 1997 Jack Black was around He was in our lives at this point

It could have happened Steve He was in the jackal You know He's got his fucking spectacular death in the jackal Yes It's upsetting He's got an upsetting death Yeah he does

I've got to rewatch that, man. That was, that movie was so redonculus, right? Because it's what, Richard Gear and Bruce Willis? Bruce Willis, yeah. Ooh, and Bruce Willis with that fun haircuts?

Yeah, he's got all sorts of wigs on and, like, Richard Gears doing his best with an Irish accent. Hoof. Ooh, I've totally erased the Irish accent from my memory. I don't remember that at all, but why bother? I literally only remember

Jack Black's death in that movie. That's the only thing I remember about that movie. I would argue that that's a pretty good hangover movie, but it's definitely also a stay tuned. I can see that. So the dude Charles Hallahan's character, which is like Paul or something again, just a nothing name,

he's furious that Pierce Brosnan has brought up the possibility that they might have to talk about evacuating the town and he tells this city council some like story where back in his day he chose to warn the town. and then it was a false alarm,

but the town almost went bankrupt and this, that, and the other thing. And it's like, dude, it's your job to save lives. But again, like, I didn't see this movie in years, didn't remember really anything about it, except for Pierce Broson's compound fracture that he gets towards the end. Because that was the first time I ever realized

that that was a thing that could happen. Dude, we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. He pops the baller thing. But, like, again, just like JJ said, though, like, you know, just from the way this dude's being a piece of shit, I'm like, all right. Well, I don't remember anything about this movie, but that dude definitely dies at some point. One of these guys has got to be somebody. Like, Dan the High Talker, and

the guy who plays the investor is just a nobody. He has a few lines, but he has to, you have to get some scenes alone with him. He has to have some presence before he just blows up in a fucking helicopter at one point. Like, there has to be something else to him, or it doesn't fucking matter what we're doing here. I know more about that helicopter pilot that I do. about the reason we're not saving lives. Absolutely. The meeting is pretty humiliating, though, because Paul stops, imagine you're doing a meeting at work,

and then your boss who's like, I don't know, like a year or two older than you, stops you like, he's an idiot, don't worry. Listen, thank you very much, Justin. You did a great job. Disregard everything he said. He's an asshole. I feel like that has happened to me when I was working an office job.

Yeah. That's a good point. Look, I'm telling you, people boil in hot springs all the time. It happens all the occurrence. It's called hot springs for a reason, people. That's what's nuts about this, though. It's like, I'm sorry, two people were flash boiled, sir. What more scientific evidence do you need? What are you going to sue McDonald's for the coffee next? The hot springs industry does not want you to know the seriousness of what happens here, okay? It happens all the time.

Big hot springs. Big hot springs. The hot spring industrial complex. That's all hot springs doesn't want is a sign in front of the hot springs like caution you may be boiled a lot. How we've learned nothing from the rainbow event of

1989. They've been suppressing. Big rainbow came in. They've been suppressing it since 63. I'm telling you. Surgeon General's warning, you may be burned alive if you go in this hot spring. Testicles first, by the way.

Oh, sure. Testicles first always. Oh, boy. Rocky Mountain Oysters. Oh, yeah, dude. Here's Brosons, Rocky Mountain oysters. When the crew arrives, they mention like, oh, they're right next to the mountain just like Pompeii.

That's a big line of the movie. I bet that might have made the trailer. Yes. I bet I feel like... Oh, it probably did. Yeah. If I'm in a hot spring with my lady and it starts to get really, really hot. And I'm like, my God, I'm being boiled alive. What I'm doing is I'm grabbing my nose and going under the water

because I want my brain to stop immediately. Like, I don't want to boil legs up. You know what I would do, Steve? I'd get out. This is the when you would kill yourself in a movie. Exactly. Yeah. If my fucking balls are being boiled, like

it's a fucking Chinese soup, I am going down. What's the point of living with my balls have been boiled? then you know also like the feet and the legs and whatnot your asshole is decimated but mostly yeah the boiled balls although the decimated asshole that's also a real problem oh i definitely need like something to shoot the waist out of that's a good point yeah yeah so the meeting like kind of just comes to an end they're like hey you know we're not going to evacuate your town this guy he's my best guy but yes like i said he's a fucking moron go home moron go on vacation you dumb fuck you are the best but fuck you you're dumb goodbye don't worry i'll buy you some drinks at the bar in like uh five minutes yeah listen we just keep him around because he's hot he's the hot guy in the office you know how that goes right jean it's like how many chances do you get to see a hot scientist come on that's it that's what he's hired for just some odd candy huh

he totally beefed the interview he came in He's not even a doctor, really. He's a complete fucking idiot. They send him to every single town. He's like, yeah, it's going to blow up. We don't we have a mountain. He keeps spelling volcano wrong. He replies all on all emails.

But he's the hot guy. You want the hot guy in the office, right? Totally. So, yeah, they do have a quick thing where, you know, they're at a bar, and Hallahan's character is like, say, would anybody care for an adult? beverage. I'm still a fun boss, right? I sent home your favorite co-worker. Please donate me.

But then he meets Brasana at the bar. I'm like, listen, I'm sorry that it was so hot, but you know, it just sort of had to happen. Blah, blah, blah. And he's like, well, I'm not going anywhere, Harry. I'm going to find out what's... Get to the bottom of what's going on to the mouth. I'm going to figure it out. It is kind of weird

because he gets to the bar and he's like, oh, you're still here, and it's kind of like a make me leave. Oh, you want me go on Hallahan? You fucking make... Because he has some line about like, I thought you'd be fishing by now or something like that. It's like, well, we are in the middle of nowhere, so

it takes a little while to get out of here. Two and a half hours later, unfortunately, I'm not, hey. And I think this is why I enjoyed this movie. I really like this roadhouse that we're hanging out a lot in. This roadhouse is the real deal. They're just like shooting pool at one point.

Like Charles Hallahan fucking orders a whiskey at a bar from a real person. That was crazy. I think he's shelling peanuts at that bar Not pre-shelled Nice We just described nothing spectacular About a bar and we're all salivating

I can't I just need it There's a door and seats There were lights on Bathrooms for men and women Fancy pants Yeah it is a real It's been six months Ladies and gentlemen

And I see a fucking roadhouse That has a fucking roof on it and I want to go. Totally. So, you know, they just kind of politely tell each other to go fuck themselves. The next morning, Pierce Browson shows up at this cafe so he can apologize in person to Linda Hamilton.

And this is one of, like, right away, it's like, it is fucking 1997. Frazier's the biggest show on television. You better look out for this. There's a sign that's like, voted best espresso east of Seattle. And then like, it just continues from there, just the coffee obsession? It does

because she's like, oh, he's like, could I have a coffee, please? And she's like, oh, do you want an espresso, a cappuccino, a Marchitio? It's like, actually, just a regular coffee, please. Ha, ha, ha. Also, what a crazy claim, right? Like, you know, there's a lot east of Seattle, but this

one place, it's got it all beat. All right, only 75 more to go. And then we'll be outside east of the city limits. And then we'll just keep going. I just imagine Eric breaking into the story and be like, how do you

know? How do you know you're the best? It's true. I mean, this is folks, you can't just hang a sign. Chuggles up to Eric's world's greatest dad problem. You know, he just doesn't like that. How those rankings go. Those rankings.

Number one, dad. So it's around here. We take a little helicopter trip up to the volcano to see what's happening. and JJ, like you mentioned, we learn a whole lot about this helicopter pilot. His rates, the fact that he gets overtime on his lunch break. Nice.

Also, though, like, I'm sorry, helicopter pilot. Like, your lunch break, just fucking eat when you get back. You're not working in a factory, dude. Or bring a sandwich in the helicopter. You're not eating in a helicopter while it's going. I do not think you should be mashing food. with propeller on. Is that right?

If you want to pop a sandwich in your mouth and kind of like, you kind of like move it into your mouth with your lips, you know, just jolt it in. It depends on the sandwich. I mean,

if he's got a grinder or a hoagie or whatever they call it out there. Yeah. That's a problem. The bread, you really have to evaluate in this scenario. Yeah, the bread is the lip-bin.

What's, oh my God, what's that beeping noise? Oh, I got mayonnaise on a console. We're going down. What a delicious death. If that's the case, if you cannot eat on a helicopter,

you should either eat before your mission up to the volcano or fucking eat after. Don't charge these people overtime just from some random lunch break that you're taking. Yeah, I mean, if we can not eat on this podcast, which I've been tempted to, oh yeah. Then you can fucking fly whatever thing without eating. I mean, like, it's tough though, man.

I remember I used to have like martinis when we'd be recording. And when we get to the olives, you know, you got to eat them olives. And then one day someone was like on Twitter like, who was chewing? And that was just the end of that. I'll, I'll permit one way of eating in a helicopter. And that is if you have the old like, spaghetti, 1930s thermos, the 1930s thermos with either soup or spaghetti in it. Oh, wow.

Oh, man, chugging it. Yeah, shugging spaghetti. Yeah. But that helicopter pilot, I just realized, because they're in the air for not even a second. And then he's like, oh, I'm on my lunch break. So their day went like this. We have to find out if this volcano is active and it's going to kill people. What time do you want to meet?

1130. Yeah, it was no like we set out at dawn because we're so concerned about saving this town. When I first watched it, in my mind, I went. is it 6 a.m? Like, it's like, why are you eating lunch? Because I just assumed they would have got to it quickly. Right. No, they want to read the paper,

get their Wando's coffee. Oh, my God. You're like my dad at the drum me to school. A small town helicopter lunch break. It's like, are you helicoptering all day long? Who needs these helicopter rides? You know what, dude, you guys are

anti-worker right now, anti-helicopter worker. I am an anti-helicopter, because It's an elitist contraption. That's very true. I've seen succession. Those people suck. I do think, though, the reason they get a such a late start is he does,

Pierce Brosden wants to go hit on Linda Hamilton. He's like, I'm quite sorry. And she's like, would you want to come over for dinner? He's like, you want me for dinner? It's like, yeah, you're fucking hot, dude. You're hot, she's hot. Please, just fucking figure it out. Let's hot it up together.

I'll make a chicken parmesan and an old newspaper. It doesn't matter. Nobody cares. Which is Eggplant Parmesan is the dinner that he's invited to And it's like Eggplant Parmesan in Idaho

Not on your life Yeah seriously dude I will not be consuming Any Italian food in Idaho A stew bounty paper towels Cool I'll be there I'm ready to go Just a pot of steam

What should I bring? I will say I think it speaks to the still Just the boyhood crush I have on Linda Hamilton and re-watching the scene today where she's inviting him for dinner. I was getting all, like, flustered. Oh, my God.

A date with Linda Hamilton at her house? Yes, please. Her kids are there? Yeah. But they're going to bed. Don't worry. They're going to bed. They're going to bed.

So this helicopter trip proves fruitless. They're like, eh, there's no evidence that there's any activity. There's a lot of like, she's quiet. She's quiet, Harry. We're not getting anything. She's quiet. Yeah. micro quakes.

Right, which apparently just happened all the time, we're told. I should say that this is, and I think I've said this a million years ago on this show, is I saw this in theaters on a school science trip. The educational standards were as such.

Interesting. By the way, that's your private school education, everyone. Private Catholic school, by the way. Exactly. I will say, I have to offer an honest air correction because I think I said at one point that I saw this movie for

my birthday and then I was doing some release date research and that wasn't possible. So I just saw this movie for some reason in theaters. But you loved it so much you thought it was your birthday. Yeah, I was like, dude, how lucky am I? It's my birthday watching this awesome

Dante's peak movie. I did your birthday with Pierce browsing it around. That's actually very true. I got to underline it. Both of them sexy as fuck we don't see there needs to be a little more in the romance department maybe yes totally well he goes to this dinner and he breaks out his what to do when you're dating a woman with children uh like magazine articles he shows up with magic tricks and dad jokes galore and it's just sort of like oh wow he's so charming dude fucking pull this cord if this lady has kids this magic trick is fucking obnox you know what the thread the needle yeah because he's just like oh i've with this invisible needle oh

why don't you hold that for a second oh and i just need a pluck of an invisible hair and then i'm gonna move the napkin with my fucking thumb and aren't you amused oh that's how he did it yeah yeah i was watching that thumb the entire time that charlatan i was watching that thumb since the beginning of the movie oh yes uh the trick's done uh where's your mother where are you where are you I have something else to do with my fingers Bedtime is soon right Aren't you getting sleepy

I brought some robot testing with me Also brought a Wando Here's my next magic trick It's called Robo Trippin Glugglagg glugg glug kids And they're just hanging out on the porch And they're just kind of She tells the story about her fucking husband

Disappeared on a night not unlike tonight kind of a thing. I think this husband, dude, he's a fucking subject for an unsolved mysteries. Like, this dude of banished into thin hair. Was never found. Walter Wando. Where's Wando? Wait, did they go to W. W.W.W.W.W.W.W.com. Before this, did Rachel Wando run a tiger preserve by any chance?

Yeah, I was thinking it. It was, yep, yep. Hey, you cool cats and kittens. That was hanging up by a volcano with my husband. If you have any information on Walter Wondo, please contact the Idaho State Police. And he's like, oh, yes, I. And I mean, I guess because he's like in his mid-fortage,

you have any kids? Like, no, ever married? No. And it's like, ever get close? He's like, well, yes, one. and a volcano took my ex-girlfriend. Oh, it's a, it was a crazy

story. We were in... Now he's James Mason for no reason. I'm going to continue it. I'm going to continue it. We were in Columbia at the time and, well, a big rock assassinated her. It was such a disaster. But you know what? We got a little too close to the

action. She wanted to see the show as a girl. Yes. Well, she does, he goes, yes I never had time for a wife I've always bounced the ground anywhere I find a volcano with an attitude Oh yeah volcano with an attitude dude

He lists countries too Which is fine But he lists not too Too many countries But then he's just like And then it goes It goes and then he's like New Zealand

Belize Argentina And anyway No I'm not done I'm not done telling you Every country up then, dude. The problem is, whenever you say Volcano with an attitude,

like, I just imagine a volcano putting, like, a pair of sunglasses on. I can't, dude, stop it. The lava's coming closer, but it's on a skateboard. Oh, my God, that volcano's got such attitude. It was smoking behind the school yesterday.

I don't like that volcano. attitude, mister. The volcano needs an attitude adjustment. Yeah. Or it's like... Goes to detention. Or since there's so much attitude duty, fucking, it's the volcano partnering with the Ninja Turtles.

Yeah. Volcano, yeah. Volcano can make a whole new sewer for them. The world is a sewer of a volcano. Volcanic volcano. The latest fucking villain for fucking teenage new ninja turtles. Steve, did you just say that the whole world is a sewer? Because that's correct.

Yes, I did. Definitely a correct. statement. We got too close to the show, old boy. There's a crazy thing that happens here. So, like, it's the next morning and whatever else. And she, Linda Hamilton shows up. So they've, like, sort of posted up at the motel as, like, their base of operations kind of a thing. And she makes a really, really crucial error here. She shows up on, like, sort of like the official, like, just day two of the investigation. bringing them all coffee you better believe

15 minutes later when it's the next morning in this movie she's stuck bringing him coffee again crucial mistake now you're just in it now it's a cycle now Grant Hezlov is so excited

that he's getting free coffee every day and yeah it's a free coffee but the thing is like yeah the team is Grant Hezlov that dude Charles Halloran this woman named Nancy I think her name is

and then like Sima is in it the dude the dad from the favorite and he's also in arrival as the chinese premiere there the farewell you mean what's that the farewell you mean the farewell what did i say the favorite oh yeah i got that amazing yeah sorry uh but two f movies but um like nobody's like exciting or has anything to do like grand hasloff's doing the wacky guy stick but that's it and it's really drinking coffee that's his wacky guy that's what i mean like it's just like i love coffee coffee coffee of a yummy, yummy, yummy. He needs to die.

He needs to die. All this crew needs to die. Well, because speaking of like pseudo-disaster, sci-fi kind of movies, doesn't Grant has love eat shit in Congo? He does indeed, and he's also annoying his shit in that movie. Yes. Before he became George Clooney's

producing partner, right, now he's just annoying behind the camera. Nobody can hear it anymore. I don't know. He's probably a good person. You know, they were probably college. They're probably roommates. They would go out, and George Clooney would like just hit on everybody and he'd be like, yep.

I was in Congo, you know. I don't mind him when he shows up, but he doesn't have anything to do in this movie. No, just aside from liking coffee. So we go up the mountain again. Now we're taking this robot with it. The fat guy's got this robot, which is really exciting. Give it a voice.

Make it something. We're trying to do a little twister thing because there's a thing called elf that is like, not like Dorothy, the whatever. there. It's like an elf. It's from NASA. It's a tracking beacon, but it doesn't work. So they just put it back in the hotel. Remember that, Justin. Remember we're telegraphing literally everything. That's such a crazy telegraph. So they go up and they run, it's just him and

Pierce Brosnan. There's something about like, the guy, Terry's like, oh man, Pierce Broson and the mayor getting it on. And he's like, oh, quiet, Terry, you don't know. You set me up with that crazy woman and he says what she was into geology no she was into crystals terry crystals which has a meth reference possibly or probably not no i think it's just like she was into like crystals like uh not crystal meth but fucking you know uh like what's his name uh from breaking bed oh yeah hank traders crystal thing but later in the movie the young son the youngest Wando? Yeah, Wondo. Graham. Yeah. Graham Wando. That sucks.

So Graham Wando is a bit of a crystal head himself because he gives his sister, if you're afraid you can have my crystal. So he's got a crystal. Well, because Pierce Brasen, that's some more of his whoops, I'm accidentally your stepdad already. Because when they're taking that drive, he's like, yes, here's a crystal. Isn't this crystal cool? Oh, it would keep you

safe. Yes, it will indeed. It's me James Mason, I know. And he gives he like gives him the fucking rock. It'd be cool if like Lollita got killed by a volcano. So this is when they run into trouble and I thought this fat guy was dead. This fact guy should have been dead.

Absolutely. The fact that this character escapes with just a broken leg and then does nothing else for the rest of the movie of consequence. So like kill him off. There's a rescue with the fuck helicopter guy again, and apparently he's renegotiating his rate now. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's pretty shitty. I'll agree with that. During an emergency, and then there's like, give him what he wants, and then they airlift them out of there, you know, Brosnan and this, this fat dude who should be more fun-loving. Totally. He's fun-liking,

but not, yeah. They need to be, they're lifted out of there, and it's like, that dude's having a heart attack. I'm sorry. You look at that height. I wanted Harry to go. to Terry and for for Terry to be like so did you eat the mayor's

parmesan or what that's like some thing dying words yeah just some little goose here and there did she before I died

did you wear the sash before you she fucked I get it now so Chris you're saying the Parmesan represents her gentle

genitals that's what that's what the yes and he uses an eggplant yes yeah that's exactly what I was thinking oh I guess that's how you did it you know nowadays the kids will just emoji each other eggplant

but now back in the 90s you got to be like do you want to come over eggplant parmesan oh yeah I know you're gonna say you're mailing someone in eggplant like wrapped up in a newspaper like the mafia that would be so terrifying Tim why are there so many peaches on the front door Carla likes me. What do you want? I think around here, Pierce Brasen has this great line of dialogue

about like a fucking frog boiling. Yeah. But he acts like this teacher of his came up with this whole idea. And this whole expression. Well, the dude love boiling frogs. It's the whole thing about like if you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water,

you know, freaks out and dies immediately. But if you, you know, put it in a pot of water and then slowly boil it, it just dies and it doesn't know any better. But he's like, you know, one thing my fourth grade teacher definitely made up on their own. And also, like, he's telling this to a bunch of scientists, like, yeah, we know. I know the fucking frog thing, dude. You don't be a science degree to understand the idea of things happening gradually. This is as close as the movie ever gets to, like, whatever. the education youth they thought

you were going to get Steve at this is when Pierce Brosnan is like yelling about whether something's tectonic or magmatic and I'm like okay there's your research good there was definitely a worksheet afterwards where you had to circle what it was really? Yeah man

this is some lazy ass teaching dude that is insane no wonder you're a podcast was the worksheet just one question Volcano or Dante's beak are more people killed by lava or boiling water filling the answer

Steve this is the question though like if that's like the gist of the science exercise why couldn't the school just wait till video like why were you going to the theater I don't know that we did two trips I think it was they were like trying to do

a new program because we did twice that year we went to see this Dante's Peak and then we also went to see Titanic when that came out because it was also 97, I want to say. Yes, it was. Yeah, so then we went to see both of those. And that was for history, and Dunday's Peak was for...

I only went to one movie for school, and it was... I was taking German, and they took us to run Lola run in the theater, which was a good experience. That's kind of cool. You get to experience the language, really, as opposed to, like, oh, here's some science words and a little bit of barely any history about the Titanic, by the way. Let's go to the Bay Plaza Cineplex and go see what it is. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So some crazy fucking excitable science teacher had seen Dante's Peak the week before and had planned a fucking trip to see this movie.

Based on the trailer, maybe alone, right? Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah. It wasn't, was it opening weekend? I don't remember, but, you know, it did make geology fun, I'll be honest. Okay, that's good. Well, learning should be fun. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, and that's why you're a geology. biologists today. Inspired by that class. I wish science was always as high as Pierce Brosnan. Exactly. Yeah, so like whatever. This fact guy, he just breaks his leg and it's fine.

We get another bar scene. A week passes because they're like, all right, you know, things are looking pretty crazy. We'll give it a day. And then it's like Charles Allen is like, we're packing it up.

We're leaving. It's been a week. Nothing's going on with a stupid volcano. Then we go back to the bar. Yeah, so we're back at this roadhouse. Pierce Broslin's, like, doing some pool hustling, or at least he thinks he is, but he's so goddamn horny, misses the eight ball, and he owes Grant Hezlov 20 bucks.

That's an expensive pool table, man. Totally. What's going on? This is a small town America, $20 in 1997? Nice. I play with fucking with scientist money, baby. Oh, yeah. They wrote a bunch of rocks.

They wrote like a whole grant proposal just to get gambling money. Yeah, because egg heads always have nasty. Stags. Oh. So that's my problem. Got it. No, no. Not an egg egg.

More Johnny Walker Blue. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's good. Now, man, we're rock people. Don't you? Rolling in it. There's always going to be rocks, man.

We're going to be paid forever. He just did a pool. Think about rocks, dude. But yeah, so he's like going to like sink the ape ball. and he misses the shot because Linda Hamilton's giving him like Linda Hamilton eyes, you know, you're going to be distracted. There's no two ways about it.

So like he says something about like, what do you do for fun around here or something like that? And she fucking sadly just goes, fun is what you have when you don't have two children, a business and a town to run. No one told you to be the mayor lady. Yeah. Also, you're at a bar.

Also you're at a bar. Aren't you having fun now? You're looking, it's a real you're looking at it situation, right? You're in Dante's Peak, Idaho or wherever it's in Washington. Like, come on. But is this where he, he's like, you know what? Like, no, I'm not going to continue playing pool with you guys. I'm going to, because Linda Hamilton's like, I got to go.

And he's like, oh, I'll walk you home. This is where they get fucking cat called by that horny doctor again. She's like, honked at the horn. Like, yeah, fucking get sucked off you. because they're about to kiss in the middle of the road and she does honk the horn and say, yeah, get sucked off, I believe, is the actual...

I'm going to ruin this moment. But two lead to Hamilton, which I think is kind of cool. Very empowering. Go get sucked off from the Hamilton. She just screamed, are you fucking? And then, like, drives a little past,

but then breaks and reverses. He's like, did you hear? Are you fucking? Tell me. Are you fucking? Peg him! Pag him! I like the idea of yelling peg him at somebody. That's a good one.

More movies just have someone screaming, Peck him! But this is where they go home and she's like, oh, we should make some coffee. And he's like, yeah, I don't really feel like coffee. And she's like, no, like, let's, I really like to make some coffee. And he's like, in his head, he's like, oh, this is a line that'll get me laid. Well, frankly, my dear, I've never quite.

liked your coffee. Yeah. I'm sorry, coffee keeps me up at night. But then, yeah, this is the, they're about to start making out. They're like embracing at this point. It's like, it's like old Hollywood embracing here. Like he's like fucking smelling her and she's like hugging him. They're about to make out. And then it's like, mommy, is that you, Bip? And just like that fucking boner goes in the garbage. this is what you need to have

sleep darts in your house just like a little thing just whip it out oh using a blow gun on your child that's okay just checking smart is that three for the daughter or is that one for one for each kid and the dog

no two for graham you just strictly shot three two two grand two for Graham because he's the older child and you don't know what he's been drinking and then one for the young girl the young girl isn't going to put up too much You're so good at that.

This is when he pours himself a glass of water and, uh-oh, it's brown and it tastes like sulfur. It's like, get me to your town's water supply. Oh, right. Yeah, it's filled with sulfur dioxide, we're told. And he calls up Hallahan's character. And he's like, hey man, I got that scientific evidence you've been demanding I the scientist give you. Which is such horseshick. He's been providing scientific data the whole movie.

I would love if he was still making eye contact. contact with into hand to them. Actually, nothing. Nothing's happening. We're okay. We're okay, Charles. Oh, can you give me 30 minutes? How about 30 minutes? How would that be? And then we'll talk about. Maybe something is going to become really dangerous in 30 minutes. Right now it's fine. But there's a great, he like shows Hallahan the data or something on a computer or maybe Hallahan just looks at the water himself in his hotel room. There's a great, oh my God. Yes. Not as good as Commissioner Gordon in Batman 89, Pat Hengel's delivery of it. Oh, my God. But it's a solid, in shock, oh, my God, moment. How am I going to brush my teeth? Do they have bottled water at the front desk?

I have to go talk to the guy that makes the custard or something. Brushing your teeth with custard. Brush my teeth is custard. So they call it. town meeting. Well, they're like, it's the morning, and they're like, listen, everybody at 7 o'clock just come to this town meeting, because we're probably going to

tell you the volcano is going to explode. Can you tell us right now? No, no. Come into this meeting. 6 p.m. at the town gymnasium or whatever. Linda Hamilton goes on a local news affiliate, and it's like, is Dante's peak big enough to have its own

CBS or whatever the fuck? Great question. Well, maybe it's Dante's TV, dude. DTV It's all like local access Steve makes a good point about the The like kind of the What's the where I'm looking for

Just the way that they're like We're not going to tell you now But you have to come to this meeting We're sort of linked back to the first town meeting We're like the city If anything it's tethered to this like libertarian We just we call too many meetings meeting but the cop is like just come to this meeting you'll find out what it's about

you'll find out what it's about when you get there and all I can think of is like not so long ago when I got fired and I got a meeting invite from my boss's boss and the meeting invite subject was meeting yeah I was like I should have saw that one coming but it's just a meeting the cop is driving around like the fucking blues brother are putting on a show that night. Totally. Town meeting tonight at 6 p.m. The town may explode.

Also at 6.45 p.m. The Blues Brothers Rhythm and Blues Band. And you in the Red. Bring a friend. He's driving on the beach. Tito and the twisters are opening. Let's all cram ass into this tiny little gymnasium.

Everyone in attendance. please. And then I'm going to say, by the way, let's evacuate. And then everyone freaks the fuck out. Well, I think the volcano starts to erupt here when they're in the... There's a great moment where this one woman is like, hey, is it all right?

She's like, hey, little Hamilton, can we leave now? And she's like, yeah, you are free to leave the town limits at any point. Thanks for the dumbest question of the meeting. Wouldn't you have to show your papers to get out of the town? Can we leave now? Dinah Papyrin, Peter.

Oh, you're not a resident. You must stay. Yeah, maybe they only immediately let evacuate all of the rampant tourism that's coming to Dante's Peak. All the tourists are out. But during the day, while they're thinking about possibly evacuating,

Linda Hamilton calls her mother-in-law and is like, hey, Ruth, you know, got to get out of town. You're sitting right at the tip of Dante's Peak, so you want to, like, get out of there. And she's like, Oh, I lived this my whole life on this mountain. And, you know, it's even worse, dude, these fucking people that own property.

It's like, this is my mountain. I'm not coming down from my mountain. This happens all the time. What are you dense? This is exploding all the time. This is nothing. It happened in 91, too. Oh, wait.

Hold on a squirrel just blew up on my window, shall. God damn, I've got to hose that down. All these squirrels. popping. So many popping squirrels. This old lady sucks shit, man. Awful. She sucks. They're trying to call her to get her down off that mountain

and she's not answering and the kids are trying to call. Well, this is when, yeah, so everything's going ape shit. There's an earthquake during the evacuation meeting. So everyone's rushing out of this tiny little place that she had to have this meeting at. And she's like, no pushing.

No, fuck you a pushing. And now for the first time in the history of Dante's peak, there's traffic jams everywhere. They don't know what to do with themselves. Dude, they've never seen such a sight. Not only that, everyone's trying to get out of the fucking high school parking lot. Holy fuck, there's more than four trucks on Main Street. What are we going to do here? This is where the movie starts to get exciting.

I do like the freeway, like on-ramp collapsing, and you see a bunch of cars die. You don't see people die. We were talking about this before we started. All these buildings start collapsing too, and I guess it's from the earthquakes, but it's just like, what are they made out of? I think it's toothpicks. Yeah, hey, maybe. Welcome to Dante's Peak,

the first town made entirely of graham crackers. That's right. Our gramcracker factory, they closed a couple years ago. We built a town around it. Let me try to explain this to you, people. You're about to become s'mores.

But yeah, they are racing through the streets at this point to get back to Linda Hamilton's house to grab the kids. And there is a great moment here where there's like a fucking old town tavern or like a motel or something like totally crumbles. And there is a Linda

Hamilton reaction that is fucking so hilarious. Holy shit. There is one third of the last part of this movie is Linda Hamilton's reflection in a window while you see something cool happen. Yeah, we're doing that one too many times, are we?

It happens like three or four times. It's a lot. We found out like we could do this little like window effect here. And like you do it the one time and it's kind of cool because it's like her in focus in the window. And then it, you know, jumps focus racking to, you know, the background. You see the volcano and I was like, oh, pretty rad. And then it happens six other times. Yeah.

It's a lot. Getting less rad with each reflection shot. I thought it wasn't confident in its special effects. I thought that was like a diffusion mechanism. that's a good point I very well I don't know it would be off

but it was it is just like because it's just it's just her almost covering the non the non mountain that's true

you get like more explosions for your buck by cutting to her there I do like the miniatures of these buildings going down as well it's always it's just charming to me

it looks really great dude a bunch of models are blown up and stuff light's hit and stuff yeah light it and stuff they get to Linda Hamilton's

place and they write the kid writes a note he's like we went to go get grandma fuck off and it's like you cut to them and this little i mean this kid's 13 he's a real young 13 yeah and he's just like he is driving better than i've ever seen anyone drive up a mountain in a fucking ash storm and like totally makes it this these kids would have driven right off this mountain look no two ways about it it's a truck too it's a big fat fucking truck yeah it's like why did they think this? Like, if you're going to have this scene and it's like, I get it. It's like, oh, we

got to go save grandma, whatever. Then this kid is 17 years old. Yes, exactly. Look, Linda Hamilton has lived with what was either a degenerate gambler or an international con man. And maybe both. Everybody's got vices, dude. And she's had this life

with these two shit eating kids. You know what? He does shit like this. Let him go wherever Ruth's going to go at the end of the day. You've got Pierce Brosnan with you. Get out of town is what I said. I'm sorry, dude. There's a volcano erupting.

I see that note. I'm like, oh, my God, they killed themselves. And I kind of just think it's right. I think Andrew's right that aging up the son would be a good move because then maybe he's not feeling this, this scientist becoming a stepfather all of a sudden. The girls, the young girls into it. But the older son is like, I don't think so, bud, you know? Yeah, that should be a dude. Like, you're not going to be my new dad.

I'll go save grandma on my own. Yeah, exactly. And then you get like a, a, a, a, a, a bud nick in there. What's his face? Oh, uh, oh. Salute your shorts. Yeah, salute your shorts, bug, yeah, he's got a red mullet going, you know. Exactly.

I'm trying to think of the actor's name. I keep wanting to say Danny Tamborelli, but that's a little Pete. Oh, yeah. He whips it up the mountain in a dirt bike. Oh, definite dirt bike, dude. And then he eats hot rock. I'll look up his name. But they're driving.

Danny Cooxie. Danny Cooxie. I remembered it without the help of the internet. So should I not look it up? Are you... Yeah. That's my final answer due to a million dollars. Bum, bum, bum.

All right. Regis, by the way. Totally, dude. There's four answers. Who was in? Salute your shorts and terminate it too. A. Was it Edward Furlong?

B. Danny Tamborelli. C. Danny Cuxie. D. Chris Cabin Well, I know Chris Cabin's out

He's a personal friend of mine Guess what, Andrew? You just want a million dollars It's Danny Cooxie You seem real sure of yourself I always loved when Reed tried to get him to backtrack to We're gonna pull the audience

Chris Cabin is off the board Okay, good Everyone knew it wasn't Chris Cabin Because he's young You're a real smug son of a bitch Are you sure you don't want to call a friend? Still could be David Faustino, though, right? Could be David Faustino.

He didn't totally work in married with children, is all we're going to say. I'm not sure about that, actually. I'm not sure for that, Regis. You really showed your hand, Rich. They've got a Faustino head here, all right. We're not going to pull the audience. Danny Cooksey. Oh, man.

So, yeah, the racing up the mountain out and get these damn kids. This is one, my favorite part of this movie is the helicopter bit because it's like, it's set up and it's set up and paid off really quickly and you need more of it because it's like the guy, Charles O'Hara, it's like, you got to shut that helicopter down. Oh my God. If anyone gets in that helicopter, it's like, no, my God, the rich guy and the other town guy that nobody likes got the helicopter guy who's another guy who's another guy. guy nobody likes and they're all going to go and they're going to get out of here but they're all going to die and you cut really quickly it's never in the hunk after and the rich guy only says can't this thing go any faster and then they crash oh it got me the right way oh my god and all the inmates from the local prison are getting on the helicopter too the pedophile wig of the

prison it is interesting how like economical this is right here it's like let's Let us get the three people that we know the audience will despise, get them all in one place, and just murder them at the same time. But we need some other people. We need just to see some guy walking his dog and get fucking clipped by a fucking rock. We need to see, you know, like, oh, you know, the old couple that can't make it out of the house, you know, something. Yeah, yeah, Steve. That's a good idea. But they teased us showing some girl's head get caved in at the start of the movie.

I need more. yeah i agree i'm bloodthirsty here there's a decent like the bus driver the bus driver uh the bus driver's dead and that is supposed to count there's a lot of that's supposed to count yes like like eric said i think we see a bunch of cars

die that's supposed to count they should have been made or they should have put a bunch of like little red paint on all the car models just to show that like they died people were in there and they did suffer Oh, the car's bleeding. They, yes, they're fucking up this mountain.

There's some like, they have to drive through water here. Oh, dude, Pierce Brosden's amphibious car. I don't know. I don't know what this is either. Is it a real thing? Oh, no, no. It's okay because the engine has a snorkel. He says.

Yep. I don't know about that. Does it have goggles, too? He also gets into an underwater car accident. He does get an underwater car accident, Steve, but it's to their benefit because he's, like, stuck in the sand trying to drive this fucking car, and he's like, well, I guess we'll just drown in my truck. And then, like, she's like, Linne Hamilton's like, people follow them. People follow them trying to cross the river without the bridge, yeah. Which is amazing because it's like, here's this gigantic truck. And like, yeah, maybe you can see the snorkel, like, exhaust thing happening or whatever. But then there's like a fucking Toyota Corolla that's like, oh, great.

that guy's going to hell the night and he crashes into them but it helps push them forward to get out of this quagmire i honestly was waiting for one of the cars to go underwater and like just to see bubbles come up and like that was it that's the end of it hey that would have counted as some pretty cool volcano related deaths that'll work i mean but there's enough water deaths i've not i don't want to add anymore it's mostly water deaths if i'm being 100% sure here that's true There's a great moment here where and this is like, I don't know if it's supposed to be the character's like frustration or whatever, but it sounds way too casual

to be frustrated. Like Pierce Brousen is driving up this mountain and there's a part where like all these rocks start falling down and Linda Hamilton's like, you know, oh look out for the rocks or whatever and he's just like, I got it. And he says it a couple times because she's like, the fucking roads out with the fucking I got it.

Like I would be shitting my pants. I'm a pretty darn good driver I would be shitting my pants trying to do this But that's the thing is this guy is always around Volcanoes with Attitudes So it's not you know It's surprising to him

About the Volcanoes with Attitudes Dude fucking VWA I totally forget If I'm Pierce Brosnan I get like not even Like half a mile up this road I'm like oh oh no The truck is breaking down

It's not working anymore I guess your kids are dead Why don't we go out of town instead Yeah or I'd be like Oh, man, there's no way up there. I guess shit, they're all dead now. That sucks. Oh, and that awful old lady died, too?

That's a bono. That awful old lady. The ash will get into the snorkel. Yeah, that'll be a problem. That'll be a problem and we won't be able to go anymore. Yeah, we got to turn around, lady. Sorry. You know what, though?

Let's start a new life. My girlfriend died from a volcano. Your entire family got wiped out from a volcano. We could just start fresh. No, I do like when they get to grandma's house and then it's like, lava's pouring in the grandma's house. Well, she's doing that thing

where it's like, oh, you guys are being ridiculous. It's like the whole mountain is on fire. It's awesome. She's got a picture of her and her husband. In one moment, she's holding an old photo. It was like, I was here when they built

this house or some bullshit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then the next second, the entire wall, for lava collapses. It's fantastic. But I mean, I feel like this lady knew what was up. She felt the rumblings.

She didn't ask these kids to come. She had a fucking joint, a big glass of wine, and she was playing Frank Sinatra's My Way, ready for it to happen. She was going to ask the volcano, it'll pull my finger. It is interesting how she's like not Linda Hamilton's mother. She's the father's mother.

Makes her more expendable that way. as screenplay rules. Oh, I guess that's fair. But, like, she has this moment where she's just like, oh, I'm hurt. I guess this is later. But, like, she's like, I don't understand why he ever left you guys. Yeah. On my death bed, I'm going to shit on my son.

With my dying breath, let me just state that my son is a piece of shit. It's the right move, man. You're right, Steve. I paused it right here. when it happened, because this is the first glimpse of lava is when it breaks through Grandma's kitchen. One hour and nine minutes.

Unacceptable. You know what, though? You know what that time code is, though? That's 69 minutes, dude. That's pretty nice. Nice. I guess that's nice. Get some fucking Parmesan on that. Egg plan. They

kind of get into Grandma's truck here because their truck is all waterlogged or something. They're just going around this is when they're driving around through lava and they're doing really well? No, that's later. That's after Pierce Brasden Hotwire is the car.

So they're up there. This is the boat. Yeah, because they're like, well, the road's out, what are we going to do? Oh, there's a boat here. Let's get on that shit. Very important, by the way. They're like, oh, hey, where's Ruffy? Where's Ruffy? Dude, you're naming the dog Ruffy?

I just call it Bark the dog. Well, that's The I had caption Who's Roofie? I don't hear Woofie barking. Your foster parents are dead.

It's totally a placeholder thing, I feel. Like, it's called a fucking dog Ruffy for that. Titanium Alloy, a living volcano. He's coming. He's magma at you. It's mad. That's what bad is for a volcano.

When I hear Ruffy, I think RU FFY, but the captions on the when I watched it was like R-O-U-G-H-Y I'm like Yeah Ruffy like the Ruffie

Dude Like he's out of rough life He comes home with a broken leg like oh that's a ruffy Well he was a rescue We don't really know much about his life But we can glean it was kind of horrible So roughy it is

Yeah He was like one of those dogs on those commercials Oh God, Sarah McLaughlin dogs Those are some roughies, dude She has a lot of dogs, man She's like for a dollar a day You can help me pay for all my dogs Sarah McLaughlin

Pay for my dogs, send me money Send me money I make a lot But these dogs cost a lot I'm trying to break even here We're in this boat And it's like the sloth lowest motor boat I've ever

I've ever seen. And the water is turning to acid, to Chris's point, way too much water death in this movie. I thought this was about a fucking mountain. I'm not watching the River Wild over here. This is, yeah, and he's like, all right, everyone, put your feet up. It's that acid is eating through

the boat. Oh man, I love when he starts to pedal with his fucking coat. It's the most useless thing of a planet. Yeah, they're like almost there, and they're like, oh, why did we stop any looks and like the propeller is just totally eaten away. I don't know why it's just the propeller,

but the rest of the motor mechanism is totally fine. Yeah, good question. They pull the whole thing out of the water and he's like, oh, would you look at that? The prop is busted. And I was like, well, the rest of the shit should have melted off too. That's science for you, dude, man. It doesn't make sense.

Well, right there. Hey, Andrew. Good point. Really good point. No, no, science just doesn't make sense, phone. Got it. Right about now, if I'm Pierce Brosnan, I'm like looking at, I'm like, Graham, little girl, let me tell you about death and oblivion.

Like, because I'm like, this is over. Unrelated to the volcano. I'm going to have to use this little girl as a paddle. Okay, back off, back off. I don't know you people. I just got to this town. I totally agree, Eric. Or at least I'm in Pierce.

brazen in shape. I think I'm going to do a running jump off this boat and yeah it'll probably push the boat further from the shore yeah I mean sorry everybody he should maybe start well he should maybe well Jesus Christ Steve that's crazy but he should at least try to sacrifice himself a little but he's the fucking hero but instead fucking grandma jumps off to drag him to shore and I remember sitting in the theater being like right call movie yeah like this lady fucking stinks she jumps off and it's like guiding the boat and it's like it's it is this movie's

as we say John Carroll Lynch moment in a volcano when he jumps off and he like real but I would much rather be John Carol Lynch honestly because this is again you're waiting in shallow water up to your genitals

that is acid and it is eating you inside out or outside in red John Carol Lynch became Darth Vader after that yeah not bad because again A you get to say oh wow I got lava, and it's got to be pretty quick, you know, it's probably really painful, but it's

got to be really quick. Who are you saying what to? What? I would rather do the jumping lava than No, no, I know. Oh, I thought you I thought you were proposing that both of them get to gloat about how they Oh, well, yeah, I guess no, that's true. Yeah, I mean, I guess.

You're gloating to the devil, dude. Yeah, I guess when you get to the afterlife, I mean, I got fucking eaten my lava, dude, it's pretty fucking cool. As opposed to acid water. Yeah, acid water, cool. That's cool. The problem with the acid is they don't go far enough

because Granny's just sizzling by the shore. Yeah. And there's no like, she needs like skeleton legs or something. I want her to walk out of that fucking lake. And it's just two skeleton legs under her dumb flannel shirt that she's wearing. Harry. What was it? Ray Harryhausen?

Yes, yes, Jason and the Argonauts. Yes, totally. I would, but it's great because they're walking a little bit. She's like, ow, oh, ow. This old lady's screaming is one of the funnier things I've seen all week. They kind of realize that she's not going to make it. They pull her aside. And the kid, the boy is like, come on, Grandma, it's just two more miles.

And she's like, absolutely not. It sucks, too, because he's like, it's only two more miles to the sheriff's station. I was like, guess what also is not there anymore? Now, listen up, Graham. I want you to remember this is all your fault. You're a stupid, stupid boy, and I can't wait to... I would have been dead from lava high out of my mind. That's how I was going to go.

You know why I jumped in this lake? Because I'm high as balls right now. Why is there something wrong? That's what it needs to be. She doesn't know that half of her is just a skeleton. Why are you carrying me, Harry? You picked me up, I just went with it. I just remember to distract the children from the threat of death on acid lake.

They start singing row, row, row your boat. Yes, not the time. It may seem like the time and the place, definitely not either. But you're reinforcing the children that life is but a dream. This is not real. I'll be back. Death is but a door. way.

Time is but a window. And this is what she has to repent for her own shitty son. Her last words, this is so infuriating. Her last words are, I get to stay on my

mountain. And the best thing that I can think about, though, is that fuck you, lady, that mountain's no longer there because it exploded. What I need is, I want to see the lava just gently cover her afterwards. Like, they all leave.

Yeah. And it's just kind of like, she's dead. It's like a warm blanket. Exactly. Just turn her into a fucking Pompeii fucking statue, dude. You make a good point in that that would give some finality to it

because admittedly I can't tell you 100% but my interpretation do they just leave her? They do. I don't like that as much. Just let her fucking rot. Maybe the crows will get her eventually. Buried in ash.

It'll be cool. cool if they left her and then like some some dudes came by and like stabbed her. And then the lava got her. Oh no, that was definitely the lava. The lava had a knife. Get the good half. Some serial killers.

Oh, a granny. Oh, we. Oh, lava. See, that's something I was thinking about earlier, Steve. What a great idea for a movie, right? It's like a Dante's Peak -esque situation. But there's also a serial killer on the loose. I like it. And that guy's having fucking fun. And every country town is like one,

emergency away from a right wing militia going wrong, you know? Yep. Absolutely. It could have worked, man. Like, you just have a serial killer trotting around the woods here? Yeah. Bayonet and grandma's and shit. This is when they find the truck, they hotwire it, they're plowing through all this.

Like, he starts driving through lava like it's, ooh, it's the new tourist, the lava vehicle. Like, there's no way, like, he, you would go like three inches and then you would just sink. That's how that works. This is another, I got it. Because she's, Linda Hamilton is screaming. She's like, what about the tires? I think there's lava.

He's like, I got it. And he fucking just drives right through it. Classic man, refusing to stop to ask for directions. No, no, that's snow. That's just snow. Don't worry about it. We're going through snow. That's fine.

Don't worry. We're going to be fine. We should say Charles Halloran actually takes a left and accidentally finds himself with the third act of a sorcerer because it's like him on this fucking bridge. This is insane. And I love that we cut back to the. the crew and everyone's surviving, except

for this dumb fucking idiot who won't get out of the truck while the bridge is moving. It's so dumb. Like, roads are collapsing all around you, this, that, and the other thing, why do you care about your dumb Ninja Turtles van that you have? Get in the Army vehicle with everybody else.

Yeah, and he's not far, like, when the moment's happening, the big sorcerer moments happening, he can, he's, from the vantage, it looks like he could just get out and jump and land and be saved, by his friends, but he keeps on trying to make the fucking car work.

And then when he eventually does get out, the fucking fridge flips over. No, Grant has love. I deserve this. Goodbye. Yeah, exactly. You get the look of his face. It's totally a Looney Dunes. Mother.

Again, we get a, we get the Wilhelm scream, which is amazing. Yeah, dude. It's a tiny one. Yeah. Yeah. It's there.

It's there. It's totally there. Also, we should say that that's all happening because a dam totally gives way. Again, more great model work in this movie. But again, it's water. It should be a fucking volcano lava river. That's right.

The model work may be fine, but the, you know, the city planning I have some issues with. So here's the thing. If you're going to build a dam that will take out a bridge and there's only one bridge, well, work backwards from there. Don't be what I've just described. Don't be there. Oh, you wanted a dam? They say, well, they don't say

the bridge has a sign that says one bridge way. Oh, you wanted a damn, not a damn with an N on the end of it. Yeah, yeah, we're not a damn with an attitude. But you're totally right, JJ, because there's some line where they're like, oh, there's only one,

I think Linda Hamilton says it, like there's only one road out of town. Oh, they say it. That's a problem. That's totally a problem. Your town should have at least two. exits, especially when you're building around like JJ, I said, a damn end of all fucking

Cano. And you know that she said to go back very, very briefly, she says something to the woman that asked the dumbest question in the world about, can I leave now? And she was like, yes, but you have to get your packet.

Oh, right. There's like printouts. If the first, if you have an evacuation plan, before you fire up the Xerox and there's only one bridge, start building a bridge there should not be you shouldn't get to the point where anything is on paper until you have two bridges what i don't get about the whole bridge

sequence it's like that that's not acid that's just a regular river fucking swim for it or something yeah yeah i was sure if that was acid or not oh i don't know i guess you're right it's not it's probably not it floods uh pierce brosston and lennon hamilton's like legs and they're fine. That's true. I mean, everyone's just so car-dependent. They just didn't want to pay for stunt work as what I imagine. Yeah, right. Yeah, so we return back to Pierce Brosden,

stars in a series of trucks. And they're in like the next truck. This is the craziest thing where it's, they kind of get past that lava. Somehow the car is still able to go. And this is where fucking Ruffy comes back and jumps on the truck. And they're like, yay, Ruffy. And I was like, dude, that dog should have perished.

My favorite line in this movie is Everyone's like, yay, Ruffy's gonna jump and Pierce Prasden is going full speed And he's like, we're only gonna get one shot at this I, e, I'm dad and I am not turning this car around I'm not slowing down Did everybody pee? It'd be cool if that dog jumped and lit on fire

And then it starts setting the kids on fire The dog brings lava into the car The dog gets in the car like, oh, give us a kiss, Ruffy, and it spits lava. It's got grandma's bones in its mouth, and they're gripping with lava. What are you chewing on there, Ruffy? Oh, grandma's femur. Make it, make it something like a full-on hellhound, like its skin is just, like, craggy,

and you can see the lava pulsating for its blood. Come on, Sreberus. We're only got one chance of this, Cerberus. Oh, shit, how did Ruffy gain three heads? Oh, we've got to go back for a... No, we don't. I said one chance. We had one chance at it. Pierce Brosnan does pull over

at one point to go grab that elf device, the tracking device. This is where Linda Hamilton... We have to go get Elf. We're going to watch it all Christmas Day. Oh, no. That DVD can go right with Grandma on the fucking acid pit. There's a

Linda Hamilton line around here where she's just like, wow, you know, it took eight years to get this town. on its feet and look at it. It's kind of just like the saddest line of the movie because she's like, I've been mayor and a diner waitress

the whole time and this is what happens. Over 8.5 billion gram crackers. And we couldn't figure out. I like when she looks back and she just has this kind of like she's thinking and it's deeply and she goes over a little bit of money.

But it is fucking amazing. because like, Brasden has no rejoinder and not like, well, you've got your health that you got your... Fucking town's done for it, sorry. Oh, I got it. Wait, how do they end up in that fucking cave? I forget.

This is like, the end of it. Like, they're just driving and all ways. It's a pyroclastic cloud. Yes. I was like half of that sounded like English. Because I guess the pyroclastic cloud will like eat through shit so he's got to drop, he's got to escape it. It also seems like that's the thing that brings the,

the rock assassins from the beginning because all the sunnows are coming down. Well, it's so weird because they cut to like the team at one point or something and the woman Wendy is the character's name. I think so. She was on an episode of Seinfeld. I think she was the woman who had the toy collection

that Jerry was like drugging so they could play with the toys. She has some line where she's like, oh, the volcano's about to go. And I was like what was this the opening act i've already seen lava what are you talking it's about to go my goodness yeah uh and so he just sees the mine and he barrels into into it yeah and like the car just kind of gets stuck and you don't really see but they kind of escape the car all of them do and they go into the porn warehouse i mean uh wherever graham hangs out and he's going i got some chips over here and stuff and water if you need it.

And, you know, here's another great moment to, you know, to add like a richer characterization for this family. Linda Hamilton, like, discovers that, you know, he's keeping food down here and there's a lantern and pornography and whatnot. And she's got to be...

Walk around to come. She's got to be like, you know, you appear to spend a lot of time down here. And then he can say something like, you know, this is where I go when I get mad about dad or whatever, like anything. Yes. See, that's why it would make sense for that kid to be aged up as well. I feel

like this kid's a little too young for a cave journey so many miles from grandma's house. He's a little too young for a porno dungeon dude. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he's popping some, but I mean, cultivating pornography a whole other rack.

And then Pierce Brosden's like, oh wait, he pats his pockets. Oh, I forgot that enormous generator that I brought. Ooh. It's like you left his cell phone in the other room, so he's like, I thought he was just going to leave him for dead. It's like so ad-fist.

He's like, oh, oh, oh, yeah. If you hear the car starting, it's not. It's just the volcano itself. As a volcanoologist, I know what they sound like. And it's like cars starting. Running out for a pack of cigarettes, I'll be right back. I'll be right back, queen. Don't worry.

Not again. Gram is like, can I go with you? He's like, no, no, but listen, when we get out of all, of this, which we certainly will, since we're now encaved in a tomb. We're the protagonists. We'll get out of this. We're going to go fishing, all of us.

How does that sound? And I'll be your new stepdaddy. Oh, yeah, and he says, like, and in the fishing boat, we'll have all the best yummy things. We'll rule over this city of Ash. We'll put the center to death. How does that sound, kids? Listen, we'll have cool ranch Doritos and the nacho cheese.

kind. And you know what? Even the cool Taco Bell kind. All the yummies yummies. If I would step in as Linda Hamilton is swept away as I am by Pierce Brosnan. Sure. If I putting myself in her shoes

he's like, and all the yummiest, I'd be like, yummy. Yeah. What did he say? It was going so well. And then he said yummy. Oh man, he's a 40 year old guy that said yummy. Okay. Okay. Please just don't say tummy.

Don't say in my tummy or anything like that. Oh, no. You know, dear, I sure love having sex. I love having sex as you, Pierce, brother. Yes, yes. Going down on you is quite yummy. And it's like, oh, God, all right, you got to get out. It's quite yummy.

It makes me want to comey. Oh, no. But then deservedly, he gets fucking crushed in a cave in after he says yummy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is easy to activate the thing. And it is kind of that Simpson's joke. Every time we speak, even more avalanches are being caused kind of a thing. We must not speak too loudly.

It's kind of, this is a harrowing. I mean, we were doing a lot of movies lately. People getting fucking buried to death in cars, man. And I was freaking out. They do a good job at, like, making the claustrophobia feel pretty real here. although the dumbest thing about it is all he has to do and all he does is switch on

this device. So hey man how about back at the motel when you grab that thing? Just fucking turn it on. What are you doing? It's from NASA. It's not battery operator. You're not worried about it, right? No, I have to get it plugged into the cigarette lighter, yes.

I didn't think he for a second he was going to have to hot wire it with the car, which would have been kind of cool, I thought. Needs a jump. But yeah, he just kind of gets crushed in here. I was, I was so pissed at this because I was like, if he fucking dies here and nobody

in this movie dies from lava, I swear like three wet deaths and a dry one. That's all I don't need. Three wet deaths and a dry one. The Chris Gavin story. Give me a lava dead. The Chris Cabin weekend. So like Pierce

Prasden's bones sticking out. That's something. God, it's brutal. Man, this compound fracture. I've never seen that before. in a movie. And then in an interesting turn of our events, our hero is rescued by other people. Yep.

Before the women and children. Yep. Totally. He is found first. You come back to the scientists and like, it's the fat guy. He's on crutch. He's like, hey, what's that? You red light doing? And they're like, oh my God. I think that's Elf. He's like, thank you

NASA. Thank you, NASA. Thank you NASA. And he says it over and over and over again. I was really hoping for a hot rock to just come down right there. It's just like a road one out of nowhere. The old Columbia special. We cut. We find it's been two days since this has been going on.

That's the insane part that I want to bring up, dude. Because when the guy sees, like Terry, the broken leg guy, he asked the other dude, he's like, hey man, how long has this light been flashing? And he's like, well, I don't know, two or three days. Holy of Christ. Maybe a month. I don't know. Well, yeah, that volcano was, what, six weeks ago.

So, yeah, about that long. I do love... They find Pierce Brosnan eating his finger. Oh, yummy. They're trying to crawl out. I've 127 a hoard myself. I've eaten my own legs I have. My favorite part is, it's so annoying because he goes,

thank you, Des and thank you, Desa. And then, like, this lady, Wendy is like, oh, we found you. And you know when Terry found you? You know what he said? He said, thank you, Nezzer. Thank you, Nasser. I'm like, stop fucking saying it!

And that's twice, it's so obnoxious. And there is, like, that is the right in between two Pierce Brosnan lines. This is my favorite part of the whole film is right, right here at the end. Because as soon as they pull them out, everybody's clapping because we clap. And rightfully so, the first words out of his mouth are Rachel and the church. children are still in there. And then she's like, guess what happened?

B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-T. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, NASA. Thank you, Terry's so funny. And he goes, Rachel and the children are still in there. Oh, I thought they were just dead, and I was just having fun. No, but the thank you.

Did you hear? He said, thank you, NASA, though. It was really funny when he said it, the way he said it. I got to be there. Still in there. We're going to put it on a t-shirt. There's a line He says

He says to the group He's like Where's Paul And Zimon The rest of the dudes Kind of like Look at their shoes And

Like the dude Terry goes At least he got to see the show Come on Like no I'm sorry Dude a bridge collapsed And that guy drowned horribly I died as I live Drowning horrifically

Totally screaming for my mother Under a River It's insane Insanely stupid But then they save the kids and whatever And this is very Jurassic Park Which a lot of this movie has been kind of circling around a little bit He's very much an Alan Grant character

Pierce Prattman Because we're in a hell We're in another helicopter and being airlifted out of there And it's like can we still go fishing Yes Yes we can I can't believe you remembered that Damn I thought you'd forget

If you look closely at the end Like Since everything is like completely leveled. The only thing that you see is the stalagmite it's the highest peak at that point. The kid just looks back and is proud.

Absolutely, dude. Oh yeah, then the it ends with Elton Johns. I'm still standing. It does do that as well. Yes. Yeah, it does. It's great. It's just like a slow push in on the formation. I'm still standing. Honestly,

kind of a kind of an anti-climbinger. ending. Yes. Again, the lava. The show, if we're going to talk about seeing the show, it's the lava. I do appreciate, though, that it's like helicopter and we are out of there. There's no

six weeks later run a fucking boat in Florida fishing with yummy snacks. I was very much expecting, like, I don't know what it would be, but like a fade to black and then white text of like over 65

thousand americans are effective by volcanoes over here hot springs and rachel and the children are still in there well you can uh that's why you can bring your science class to this movie thank you very much see you later from universal pictures use a stupidly easy quiz 65 thousand and then end credits it says Graham Wando was later killed in the Iraq war there are two bits of

awesomely terrible extras things I wanted to point out in the rescue scene really quickly. One is after Pierce Brosnan is like, hey, by the way, there's survivors in there. You just hear's ADR of some firefighter be like, we have

survivors back here. Get out of the way. Which is great. But then also finally the biggest payoff of the movie is when Linda Hamilton and Pierce Brosnan just start making out at the rescue sight in front of everybody just fucking

tongue kissing it's what you want there is a dude in the background he's just an extra like a firefighter or something who's just like making the dumbest face like yeah fuck yeah he's pumping his fist he's like they're fucking kissing you're using your

tongue you're using your tongue buddy yeah get it in there so maybe Rachel and the kids had enough water and snacks and yummy to kind of be fairly comfortable these last two days. Pierce Broson has been

the compound fracture in a car no water, no food. He's got the driest fucking chapped I can't breathe in mouth. And you're sticking your tongue down there, dude? How about a glass of water first? Yeah, well, that's fair. But it's also to hydrate him.

You know, like see, it's like mouth to mouth for like... Got it. It's like a more world. Yeah. You got to moisten that dude up. He's on death story. He needs some spit. So you start to spit in down his throat.

He needs her spittle is what he needs. Oh, Spittle, great. It's like, oh, spit on it. Spit on it. And that's the end of the movie. I am glad there's no epilogue. Would anybody recommend this movie?

We will start with our esteemed guest, Justin J.K. So would you recommend this movie to folks? Unless you really don't want to teach class that day no no I really I really didn't I didn't I didn't like it there's just there was just it was all bone and no meat

which is disgusting now that I think about but it's it's just it's a it's a it's a Robert McKee story structure that has nothing to hold off dude people find lava people lose it uh Steve

yeah I it's a light hangover movie recommend if this is on TBS you could do a lot worse it's pretty quiet I do agree like it's not it's not a movie you want to watch with buddies like you would with say Volcano kind of a thing yeah

it's a light recommend for me maybe I don't know I found it it's really short it's easy it's breezy I could use five more deaths the grandma death is worth the price of admission for me so it's a light recommend for me Eric Sisker yeah I think it's actually kind of a god tier

hangover movie I could see just laying on the couch again like not a lot happens you get to see these beautiful people in peril, but it's not much happens. So, yeah, I would say light recommend, but if you're really hungover, I think you could do worse.

Totally. Chris Kamman? No, this is like a radioactively bland. I was bored. Because like you said, like we get to when the thing actually explodes and you're like, oh, there's like 35 minutes left. You have to rush through it to get to the end of this fucking thing.

And I'm like, why wasn't this from the beginning? Like, they're already on the ground there. Like, she's the beginning of it. And then he comes down. That seems like a better idea. But no, fuck it. It's boring as hell. Like, I guess if you were in a, like, a really sleepy, sleepy hangover mood, then maybe.

But, like, otherwise, just watch Volcano, please. I mean, I guess it's kind of splitting the difference with me because I will say, of course, Yes, just watch Volcano instead. But I'm with Eric here. I do believe that this is indeed God-tier hangover movie. It's just because there's just so little. There's so little stakes.

There's so little action. There's so little to look at, really, aside from the pretty people and a bunch of smoke clouds that like, I don't know, just looking at like the smoke pluming through the valleys and stuff. It's kind of like relaxing almost. That's how boring this disaster movie is.

It was relaxing. It's like sitting in an old chair, you know. Yes. You're putting it out of the DVD box. That is going to do it for Dante's Peak from 1997 directed by Roger Donaldson. If you would like more We Hate Movies, of course, check out Patreon.com slash Wehay Movies. We got a lot of stuff going on in August. We're still around.

We're still in the workshop through August, not taking the normal summer break because we didn't have any live shows to cover the fucking week. man. So we're getting into some interesting territory here coming up on episode 500. Steve Sadek, what do we have going on in the next few days here at We Hate Movies? Well, actually, 500's in a couple weeks, but it's going to be on patreon.com. What you want to do is get on Patreon now because we're going to be releasing as episode 501 after the 500th episode, Superman the Motion Picture, because as you

You may know we are releasing Superman 3 and 4 as a two-part 500th episode on Tuesday and Thursday the week of August the 18th. So look out for that. You want to sign up for that. We also got all sorts of great animation damnation stuff and the Nexus is coming up. All great stuff. So that was, of course, 500, but we still have a week in betwixt to get us to 500. So Steve Sadek, 499, what are we talking about?

We are talking about some cloning. We're doing some multiplicity next week, guys. It's kind of this pseudo-stay-tuned month we're doing. And this is... Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I mean, this is one of the biggest stay-tunes. We have state-tuned Dante's Picaton. We've definitely stayed-tuned multiplicity.

So we're getting... We're getting these in. It's kind of like a little extra stuff. So multiplicity next week. I am very excited because I'm a fan of Michael Keaton. I'm a fan of Michael Keaton. And I'm also a fan of Michael Keaton. But that Michael Keaton, though, that dude stinks.

I'm not too much of a fan of Michael Keaton, but on the other hand, I like Michael Keaton and Michael Keaton. I like Andy McDowell. Oh, no, you don't. No, no, not really. Do you clone me, Andy McDowell, now we're talking. Oh, yeah, now we are talking. But JJ, thanks so much for coming

on, man. It was so great having you back. It's been too long. We will not have this long of a gap next time. Okay. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. I mean, it's been great, honestly. It's always a pleasure when you're here, and it's so fun catching up.

Yeah. Yeah, this movie, I can't believe that I watched it. That's the response for most of our guests, actually. Tartled and stunned. Stardled. So until next week, when we return to the airwaves with multiplicity, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek.

Eric Sisko. Chris Cabin. Just in case. Take it easy and put on a GD mask. That was a hit gum podcast.