We Hate Movies - S10: Quarantined Mail Bag #1 - Puking During 4DX, Meeting Mr. Crisp, and Going On a Blind Date to "Multiplicity"

Episode Date: March 29, 2020

On the first recorded quarantined WHM Mail Bag, the guys read letters about someone puking during a horrendous Rise of Skywalker 4DX screening, someone meeting the guy who played Mr. Crisp in Kindergarten Cop, a guy's date farting through Multiplicity, and more! NOTE: We attempted to record video for this episode but it didn't shake out, so please excuse all remaining references to any visual gags! If you want your stories read on the air—or have a question for the guys—write into the mail bag: [e-mail]. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to WHM Mailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin, joined in quarantine separately by Stephen Sadek, Eric Siska, and Christopher Cabin. Fellas, how you doing? Doing all right. Yeah. Doing great. I'm drinking beer.

You're drinking beer. I'm going to drink beer, too. By the way, if this does become a video thing, it'll be available on YouTube.com slash We Hate Movies. And you should be subscribed anyway, man. Absolutely. So we got four letters here. We're going to read them out to y'all.

Chris Cabin, you are our curator of letters, as always. Do you have any indication of who should start first here? Usual, Steve, me, Eric, you. Okay. Quick question. Eric, do you have a printer? I do. Wow.

Look at this guy. Just some news here that the president, Kennedy, has been dead for a long time. There's not me, it's. Okay, so I will start out with upcoming projects. Hey, gang. I've been listening to this show for several years, and I'm a very satisfied Patreon subscriber.

That's very nice to say. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. We've got a ton of great content on there, including Veris Bueller's Day Off of this month. That's a lot of fun. We love movies episode. It's a good movie to watch when you're in quarantine. It's like, look at all that stuff he's doing.

And look at them being outside doing shit. That's cool. Wouldn't it be nice to run through someone's backyard and tell them that dinner is ready? Look at these people safely walking down the street. God, I wish I could be stalked by my principals. Hey, remember parades? They're gone. I just got done watching the last mailbag and the talk of celebrity encounters.

And work-related struggles reminded me of this story. So for a few years, I was running a small independent film site writing and making podcast. So good for you. during that time, and thank you for not plugging yourself. During that time I think maybe it's because this thing doesn't exist anymore. Got it. But if you write in with a good

letter, we could plug you. Sure. Just don't plug the dead is what I'm saying. During the time, I was back home visiting Mobile, Alabama. I had happened to run into actor Richard Tyson while downtown, who was also from Mobile. I don't know who Richard Tyson is. You're about to find out. Oh, Chris.

It's Chris from kindergarten cop, who I just watched that knockoff Charles Bronson's first movie or the first big movie called Death Kiss which is trying to be a sequel to the Death Wish movie. Is he playing like Paul Cursey? He goes by Kay. And then

a female character is like oh I guess I'll just call you Mr. K. So it's supposed to be Mr. Cursey. He doesn't use any accent and I think someone dubs him and it's such a flat American accent. Because I feel like if they use the Charles Bronson impression

they'd be sued by the estate. Yes, that's also why you can't call him Kursi either. Yeah. Can you get sued for doing an impression of someone? I hope not. On our Patreon exclusive episode on Back to Future Part 2,

we do get into the whole lawsuit of Crispin Glover versus Spielberg and Bob Gail and Zemeckas. So I feel like if you got a guy who's made up to look like Charles Bronson, I mean, he does look like him, but like the mustache and the haircut, and then doing an impression,

that's just like kind of stealing. someone's mojo. It makes no sense though. Just call him Paul. You can't call him. That's true. That the estate of Christ will... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. One of the apostle estates are going to get after you there, you know. Remember the pearly gates? I should talk about it right now, actually. Never mind. For anyone who doesn't automatically place it, who would automatically place it? Eric and I just did. Yeah. My go-to bad guy from, he's the, he's my go-to-bad guy.

from kindergarten cop We chatted for a bit and I ended up mentioning to him that we had done a show of another film of him 1987's 3 o'clock high By the way I couldn't imagine plugging a podcast

I did do a celebrity like hey man I spent some time talking about this movie you may or may not remember making called 3 o'clock high I got his number he definitely had a few and he agreed to do an interview

which is, whoa. Sexed my number. Yeah, dude, did you sext him, man? Sext me, Crisps phone number. He agreed to an interview, which was definitely a big get for the Saitos trying to run. So a few weeks later, we did the interview, while I was excited and felt he was very giving to do this for me, while it became pretty apparent that this guy was kind of off and was speaking very highly of situations and projects that were weird to bring up and or would probably never materialize

like his like just an ego stroke and a way to complain about the industry to one of the only people that would listen. Yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger had me fucking blacklisted man. That's all Arnie's fault. I'd be as big as Arnie right now or bigger. Yeah, I'm kind of in the talks for Iron Man 5. We'll see how it goes. Look, I had crisp for president t-shirts made up by the whole.

hundreds, ready to sell, and he fucking sued me. I had crisp the breakfast this morning. I also found out later about some not-so-savory behavior, including an arrest later an arrest later while in Mobile that kind of tainted the experience of the conversation I had with him. It sounds like a bad arrest, is my guess. We mentioned it on our live episode on Kindergarten Cop in Portland, Oregon, which is available on the main feed

but he did get arrested for I think drunken disorderly conduct but the interview brought a little bit of light to the site and even led to another interview with an Italian movie producer involved in a never released film Tyson had mentioned

that interview had a similar sketchy vibe and snuff film and I make a move is what do you want to see you want to see a girl I bring a girl to your house We cut up the kid in the movie. The craziest thing is the interview, which that was exactly verbatim, was with Dino de Laurentis. Do you take, you sit around waiting for kindergarten cop two, or do you go to Italy and make some movie? I had a little cognac, went into the screening room, had myself of Richard Tyson Festival.

This week I get punched by all of Schwarzenegger. Then it's Sylvester Stallone. Down goes you. Down goes your whole career. Soon enough, a Charles Bronson impersonator is kicking you around. And see, Chris did not fucking listen to Al Pacino, man. He did not do it. 35 millimeter print of 3 o'clock high.

It'd probably be valuable. They're out there, dude, guaranteed. Similar sketchy vibe. And it was about a producer. involved in a film Tyson had mentioned that interview had a similar sketchy vibe and was about something that still hadn't happened several years later. So my question is, with

all of you working within the film industry with different regards throughout the years, can you recall any opportunities you took or people you dealt with who try to get a leg up or movie ahead in this letter is just written terribly

trying to get a let up or you need some fucking commas dude try to get a leg up a leg up or move ahead in what you were doing later that made you feel gross regretful for using it as a stepping stone. Thanks for all the great content, Marcus. Okay, so is Marcus using this interview with him as a stepping stone? What is the question exactly?

I guess this question is, have you ever, like, dealt with somebody that's like, oh, cool, I'm getting to deal with this guy, but he's doing something unsavory. And you're like, oh, okay, this guy's kind of gross. I thought he was asking if we've used an encounter with a celebrity to, like, stepping stone something we were working on. No, definitely not. That way. Well, I had mentioned it to some people. I used to work at Showtime, and I had some of them come to some shows, and I kind of mentioned a bit.

No one cared. There's the answer. No one gives a fuck. The only one that I vaguely have was I was doing something as part of an internet radio show years ago. and we went to Comic-Con et cetera, et cetera, and it was like trying to get interviews with anybody and we got Virgil from the

WWF or the WWE who was the million dollar man's like number two and it was like oh cool this guy and like it was just like hey man we want to interview this thing is like $200 like wait I don't really have and he got really mad that we would even talk to him about

doing an interview without paying him yikes I mean he was there to make money obviously there's a thing where like, you know, hey, a picture's this, this is that. Sure. Conversations, $200. Exactly. I mean, I guess at that level.

Yeah. I mean, it's shitty. It's shitty. I always hated inviting people to things, you know, like Steve back in our improv days, you know, begging people to fucking come to shows and shit. That was always humiliating. I mean, the closest thing I can think of to what Marcus

is asking us. One time we did a sketch show a quotation mark is there for at this nothing theater in the village where the woman who was running it was a character actress who had appeared in the film Basketcase and I remember us kind of being like well she's been in movies we're not in movies this could be a great opportunity and then she was like we get there and she's like you know hey guys you got any money to help me cover the bar. I'm taking a real bath on this show. And we were like

nah. Nah. Tonic water, $10. Yeah, exactly. All right. Chris Cabin. You got the next one? Oh, yeah. Okay. So,

all right. Rise of the seat puker. Uh-oh. All right. So, hey, guys. I love your show, especially the Mandalorian Recaps. Thanks for all you do. You're very well. It's funny that they should mention that because we have Mandelary and Recaps on patreon.com

slash we hate movies and I believe that show is now finally premiering in the UK so if you're behind smoke of a pen and check out our fucking recaps. I've got a puke story for you that happened

at the midnight screening of the rise of Skywalker in 4DX Brave Soul. Was it on screen. Yeah. All the story is, is they watched that movie and then everyone fucking collectively threw up. I will say every day that passes my, I sour on that film a little bit more.

Every ding-dong day, dude. Every Disney story that comes out was like, actually, guys, guys, Palpatine is a clone and he never adds, and it's like, dude, just shut up. The movie's over. They got to get a tourniquet on that thing. It just will not stop. and I don't care. I mentioned this on Twitter

and I feel like that movie there's never been a better case for a special edition. Like, you have the precedence. Yes. You've released how many versions of the original trilogy. I don't care if it's four hours long.

Give me a coherent film of what you were trying to do at the rise of Skywalker. Like, I feel like if you go back to the drawing board with that, if you have that fucking footage shot or whatever, I mean, I'll watch it.

I'll give it another try, but I'm with you, Steve. My boyfriend and I sat down and prepared ourselves for our first 40x experience. I wonder if their first 4DX experience like mine was also their last 4DX experience. What did you see in 40X?

I accidentally saw the most recent Mission Impossible movie that way. Which one was that fallout? Yeah. Yeah. So what is that experience? I haven't been to 40X. I've accidentally bought expensive tickets.

I was like, why is this $26? Okay. And it's just like the Dolby Atmos. I haven't been in the I haven't been in the 40X. So that's where like the seat spits on you or something. Well like if you're at like Godzilla King of the Monsters when it's raining like you get

misted. Why would I want to get wet in a movie theater? Great question. Well, if you're on a date it makes sense. But I guess. But like it's not just that though. Like the seats move like you're on a roller coaster and it's I didn't

know what to expect and they have like a preview thing where it does all the movements there's massive like fans in the ceiling to simulate wind and shit and you know I got like my good buddies Diet Coke and fucking Mr. Popcorn and I'm like

what the fucking gone on? I mean you're just like flying all over the place and I'm like I did not sign up I mean I guess I signed up for it but I didn't know I was signing up for it you know although like seeing Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill fight my butt could jiggle Yeah, it might be okay.

It's doing it on its own though. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Chris. We weren't sure exactly how intense all the action was going to be with the moving seats missed and sense. I forgot about that part. It turns out the man sitting behind us didn't come prepared either. The film begins with some rather intense spaceship action, which made the seats jostle us around a fair amount. I don't know how anyone was able

to consume popcorn during this with that, hold on, Mr. popcorn. Dude, I was really, you have to find your moments to like take a sip of soda and shit. It sucks. And you better believe you're not going to the bathroom that whole time. You know what, dude, when it's a fucking

actually made experience, I get it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, those stupid, like, great adventure rides or Disney World rides or Marty, we're going to figure. Oh, this smell is weird. It's weird. It's planned by the filmmaker like the 40x like who is running that show who picks when you get spit on it's it's a thing i think i think it's all like a computer program and it's just like when the time code hits this

you know when they in mission impossible when they were just like driving in a car you're kind of like so it just it just knows like just like a soundtrack basically see this the things movie the theaters are trying to get you in there through all these different things but that doesn't sound enjoyable it's kind of like if a massage chair was trying to to attack you. That sounds exciting. About 20 minutes in, we heard an unmistakable retching sound from behind us. Oh, boy.

Somehow, Palpatine has returned. Blank! Oh, my God, he looks like that. Wait, how many wayfinders? Oh, Jesus. Puging. Puking, vomit. That's Sith technology.

When I turned around, I saw a huge man puking into his bucket of popcorn. A huge man. I like the details. There's this huge fucking refrigerator of a person vomiting. Is he enormous like the guy from the hills have eyes or what? Maybe he went as a wookie. Oh my God.

You got to hold all of his hair back. Oh. Now, true, this is going to hurt, pal. I got to cut this out of you. You refused to take a bath, so I got to cut out your dirty hair. I thought he was also getting it like a C-section. You bit my shoulder last time I tried to shampoo you, you bastard. Nobody had much of reaction the first time, nor did the man excuse himself.

Well, come on. He just vomited. It's not a big deal. I'm just going to remain seated and be fine. Oh, he's just excited. I'm excited too. But you can't be breaking balls about the fact that this guy didn't excuse himself. He's obviously-

He's obviously humiliated. If I'm seeing a Star Wars movie for the first time, you can be puking on me. And I'm watching the movie. I'm not leaving. Another 15 minutes later, we heard the same sound, only longer and wetter sounding.

Excellent. The man had thrown up again into his popcorn bucket. This is when the person next to him shot up and moved a few seats down. Dude, talk about fucking free refills, by the way. Oh, nice. I mean

I think, do you feel it, put it on the puke. Put the popcorn on the puke. No, I'm not going to go home. I would never. It's Star Wars. I'm staying right here. I mean, I

guess this is helping us illustrate a point that being sick people in public. No thing. No way. Stay the fuck home. Totally. What's happening? I'm sorry,

would you like me to puke halfway through, fill out the rest with the popcorn and then puke on the top too? Eric, you say he might be the patient zero the whole situation? It's not the Chinese virus.

It's the rise of Star Wars virus. They're Star Wars puker. They're out there. They're puking up the theaters. The molecules are poop. Poop and poop. you go everywhere and it's going in your mouth

folks that's exactly where it's going JJ Abrams made a Star Wars movie so bad that the whole country has to stay indoors that's right no more theatrical exhibition it's over folks no more we did a Skywalker and it sucked

we've gone thankfully the Puket man got up this time and left we were hoping for good we were wrong he showed he showed back up 10 minutes later with a new popcorn bucket no way and completely reeking a piece yeah i'm gonna need a new bucket i uh threw up twice on my popcorn let's it man you got help me i'll pay half for i'll pay half price i mean just going back for more you're already been puking you're not going to hold it down look in my defense

there's nothing left in there. The other person he was sitting next to sharply whispered at him, you're not fucking sitting by us. To which the man replied at full volume in what I can only describe as a cartoon elephant's voice. Fair enough.

I'm sorry, I'm sick. We were both praying. was only motion sickness and this monster didn't puke flu germs everywhere because he absolutely had to see Star Wars opening night I understand it but at the same time given

what is happening. Yes maybe not the best idea. Look man I think I think we're all learning lessons here wash your hands if you have to see Star Wars okay you could go see Star Wars okay you could go see Star Wars my youngest son

Greg or whatever he's excited about it the Rise of the Skywalker is an impeachment hoax um that this all happened pretty early on in the movie so we

had to sit through the rest of it with faint puk smell wafting near us as the smell o'vision for the film needless to say it kind of tainted the 40x experience for me and I probably won't be clamoring

to try it again. Have any of you tried 4DX yet? What would be your idea of movie to see that way? I hope to see you guys again in Chicago next year at some point. I had such a blast at the Child's Play show regards Allison H. Excellent. That was a fucking fun

show man, I gotta say. Thank you Allison, by the way. Thank you for writing in and thank you for telling us about the puking. And I will say all of our June June shows, June tour dates are still not canceled. So as of now.

As of now. Still not canceled. The venues will refund if something were to happen that we would then cancel them. So I would say better to be safe than sorry in many ways. Wash your hands and buy tickets now. Yes. I will say I thought that I was

at a fucking 4DX theater last it was two weeks ago now when we saw The Invisible Man which is a great movie loved it, loved it and we're hanging out we're at the AMC

the 13 there which is Oh on 3rd Avenue? Yeah, it's a nice little theater Yeah, totally. And this guy like the movie starts it's like three seats away from me

it's my wife, a buddy of ours and then next to him is this guy and immediately the lights go down the movie starts, It's like this quiet opening of her alone in the apartment with the boyfriend.

You hear a soda can open and you're like probably would have done that during the trailers, FYI, also to bring a soda can. Absolutely. You sure it's soda? It's very beer, right? No, it was soda because it went very well with his fucking family size bag

of kettle chips. Oh, come on. The guy, dude. And he's just going, it's just like all this tension rustling car runch dude no there's so much fucking silence in that movie

no way there's so many reasons that are killing the theatrical experience and bad people going to the movies is chief among me I will tell you

at the end of it which was the most outrageous thing I've ever seen he did the let me tip the bag back thing oh I'm going to drink the dust

I'm drinking chip dust hey cool I'm drinking chip dust Why did you buy Larry's new patenting chip dust I'm a golden corral We got chip dust A chip dust fountain you would never want

Was he like tapping the bag He wanted every last bit Good to the last crumb That's your money's worth You went to a girlfriend who I can't imagine What she was thinking We're going to you want some I got a lot of kettle chip

here you want some dust honey you know the best salt's on the bottom it was an outrage what uh you get a you get a confirmation on that flavor of kettle chip by any turn it might have been jalapina well yeah yeah but then you got fucking burning asshole in the theater too maybe I don't know about that

this guy didn't care no he did this guy didn't care about fucking anybody yeah i think we covered the question about 40x it fucking sucks ignore it forever yeah i have not been and what movie would you want to see in 40x though if society it's kind of related i never did but um there the film form they did the tingler the vincent priced movie where you have you had the actual like seat stuff from i guess the 50s yeah when the initial release i would maybe do that I think it's better than 40X.

Yeah, that shit's like fun and campy at least. Yeah. Yeah, at least it has a place in history. I'd kind of like to see the fugitive in 4DX. You know what I mean? The bus is rocking. Like, oh, you know, he goes over. When he jumps off that, the fucking sewer thing, dude, you are getting a ton of splashback,

guaranteed. Yeah, a little splash. You get to smell the beer on the St. Patrick's Day scene. Smell his steeping cream at parts. That's kind of fun. You know, what's probably great is Speed Racer. I still have not seen it. People love it. Use your quarantine time to get super fucked up

and watch Speed racer. It's visually a great thing to fucking green out to, but also you get to see John Goodman other than line, Ninja, more like non-ja, after he murders a person. I like it. Yeah, I don't have a huff some paint back there and then I'll get to it. I don't have a connected Jersey City sadly.

I won't be enjoying that. Fuck, these are some hard times, everybody. Yeah, they are. I'm putting that out there. Comment below, no, don't. So who are we at? Eric Siska? Eric Siska.

Where are we? Another bad blind day. Hey, guys. Longtime fans started with episode 15 boys and girls. Wow. That was forever a guy. I haven't heard that name in a long time. Seriously, shit.

Wow. Episode 15. So this person has been listening since 20, probably 2010, 2011, early, early 2011. I was listening to one of your mailbag episodes where you were recounting some of your bad movie dates. It made me remember the worst movie date I had. I was set up on a blind date, a double date by a couple I knew back in high school. Wait, a blind double date. So does that mean like, blind double date?

Does that mean you don't know all three people that are involved? It means you poke both your eyes out. You got a vanilla envelope and it was just like, this is where you have to be and this will be your blind double date. Jigsaw setting up dates. The couple set us up and we agreed to go to a movie. The four of us went to see multiplicity starring Michael Keaton. My date was cute and I paid for the tickets because I was a gentleman.

done. I also offered to buy her snacks. Did she start puking in the popcorn? I'm a clerk bar. Now we were at a small town theater that had four screens.

I saw multiplicity in a small town. So clone of Michael Keaton in a slow small town. There was a slow clone in a small town. Fucked in McDonald's small town. I would love, like, someone should update, like, what's Richard Chees doing? Come on. Update the John Cougar Melanchamp catalog to be relevant for new generations, such as was just transpired.

Yep. This town was only 5,000 people. It's a big town for me. so the snack counter offered drinks popcorn and a very limited number of other various snacks okay one of my pet peeves is people who take way too long to order movie snacks my date decided to take her time dude cool it listen babe I am paying for these snacks but only if they are ordered in the next 20 seconds if you're going on a day with anyone and if you're if you're actually interested in them they can take a half an hour to fucking pick a chill out just relax a little bit yeah i might freak out after 30 minutes that might just

do it actually i don't know when we read ahead here this is pretty egregious oh okay i'm sorry i apologize and apparently your date is trash she finally decided what she wanted after 15 minutes of having it hawn. 15 minutes is a long It's a long time, but it also might be an exaggeration. Playing devil's advocate tonight on the show. Excellent.

Wait, no, wrong Al Pacino. Thousand pancake. Sorry. While staring at a compact sign above the snack counter, even the guy behind the counter looked like he was about to lose it. I mean, we all say what we want to see.

Well, listen, you know, I worked at a multiplex for six years. Those people look like you're going to lose it all the time because you're about to. I let that go for the sake of the date. For all I know, she was just nervous as me. Anyway, I sat through 120 long, long, boring, unfunny minutes of the movie, during which my date farted loudly, at least six times without any. you go to the movies with fucking Rodney Dangerfield? Yeah, okay. No, do you want popcorn or baked beans?

I'll just take the baked beans. Like, what snack is this? Do you have a broccoli and cauliflower? Yeah, I'm just going to have broccoli and cauliflower. You know what'll do it, dude? Fucking jalapidio kettle chips, guaranteed. Oh, that dude did. After the movie I ended, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

Sorry, I just can't get over it. I apologize. after the movie ended I excused myself to go to the bathroom while the other three went outside when I came out the couple that had set us up had just loved so I guess it was a blind date but you were on a double

day yeah you're it was blind oh you would the couple was like oh you'd love Mary she's great she farts all the time you like farters right oh wait Jeff you're not our friend with the fart fetish fuck actually wait a second this is bullshit though he's saying

he got out of the bathroom and those people had just left? But I think that's a move. It sounds like they were waiting out. Oh. Okay, let's find out together. Okay, okay, that's, oh, I guess. I guess the couple did just leave.

When I came out, the couple that it set us up just left. Okay, that's fine. I guess that's sort of like a let's see how it goes. You got, we don't want to interrupt you guys. We heard her farting before. She sounds pretty around. She's ready to go, dude. Yeah, we forgot to tell you.

you buddy our friend sally whatever she gets horny she farts uncontrollably oh you're good a good job we decided to go to a nearby coffee shop and talk boy was that of a stage oh yeah exactly don't put coffee on that fart that turned a fart you put coffee at a fart you got yourself a shit that's exactly right and she and she shit five times while we're there she's sitting in the popcorn bucket. I understand if this gets taken down from YouTube and iTunes. We're just talking about. No, listen, we're just talking about farts and whatnot, man.

Like, there's, there's, like, actual supremacy on this website. That's true. Okay, so. Cabin, are you drinking meat or something? What the fuck is in that? You're drinking meat. I thought meed. I thought he had some mead there.

No, no, no. It actually looks like blood. No, it doesn't. I haven't seen Chris in a while. It could be a vampire now. That's true. That's true. Yeah.

He looks it. All right. So where was I? Okay. So they were at the coffee shop and it was a mistake. I tried to start a conversation several times and all I got back was one word answers. It was 20 minutes of. So what kind of things are you into?

Not much. What do you want to do after you graduate? I don't know. Oh, that's fair. I mean, young people are indecisive. Finally, her mom picked her up and I got the hell out of there. Okay, so where was I? Finally.

Okay, I never called her back. I heard later that she had a great time on the date and I thought that was very interesting. I just couldn't see myself on a second day with someone who took forever to order, farted uncontrollably, and then couldn't even hold one kind of. conversation. Hold on. Now, my question is, what does farted uncontrollably mean?

Are we talking to one fart or like? It's a sadiacan level. If we go back through the text here, it says farted loudly at least six times. Sixth, nine times. I'm sorry, but after the first fart on a date especially, you're checking things out in the restroom, trying to get the rest of that gas out of there.

Totally. A tip for the kids. Also, you're watching multiplicity, man. You can go to the bathroom. Wait, how many clothes? What did I miss? Who's the stupid one? What?

He didn't even get that I was doing a fart for every clone. He didn't even put it together. Which one is Andy McDowell fucking. All of them? Okay. Okay. Never called her back. Okay.

So I never once did a blind day to get in my life. It's like bad chicken. I know you have already talked about your worst movie dates, so I thought you could ask for your thoughts on buying snacks at the theater. I believe that if you don't know what you want, you should step out of the line until you do. Do you agree? D. Mack from Kingston, Ontario, Canada.

And I do agree, step out of the line until you know what you want. Yeah. That's just movie snacks. That's everywhere. Yeah, absolutely. Do not show up to any counter being like, what do you have? Because I can't. I can't. Also, a cousin of this that I want to throw out there, if you're the kind of person that goes into like a restaurant

and you're like, so what's good here? Like you're asking the server. Like, so what's good here? Fuck you, man. That person doesn't fucking know what you like to eat. That problem doesn't know if you have a shellfish allergy. You know what I mean? If you're like sitting down with a weight staff and you ask them like the specials or what they recommend i can understand it but then you're also in the trap where it's like oh you know you should try this and then you immediately not order that yes exactly you're kind of in a trap hi i have no uh opinions or inner life at all could you tell me what to eat please also the other thing though with like a movie theater concession stand line uh i don't know there's only like tops four things

right yeah i mean soda popcorn also fucking candy nachos. This is back when multiplicity was in theater. So there was popcorn and milk duds and get the, that's it. Yep. Get the fuck out of here. No, I think you got the free bag. You had the bags that you could weigh at that point. Oh, Bult Candy, man. That was a fucking dangerous mistress right there.

Do they still do that? I don't think so. No, they don't. No. Because it's like a germ trap probably. I can. Yeah. All right. The last one of the evening. From the Department of Criminal. dumps. I feel so honored. It's a great

theme that we have on this show. Hi guys. I heard you mentioned Mailbag is choosing only the finest selection of emails. So this probably won't make the cut, but I'll go on anyway. Well, look at you now. You're in the final slot, dude. This is the hammer. Exactly. That's why, you know, it pays to just

take a chance, man. You never know. I heard Steve's story in the Ferris Bueller episode about coming home early from school to take a dump, and his sister thought he was a burglar. Well, they were, they were both homes sick was what it was. Yes. Someone joked about how

burglars don't stop burglaring to take a dump. My evidence proves otherwise. About two years ago, I had to leave my house semi-abandoned for about six months for family issues. Even though I still came back

to check up on things once a week, word must have gotten out that the house was vacant. One night while my neighbor was on her porch listening to a police scanner, don't ask. You know what? He says, don't ask. I say, what the fuck?

I don't know. Semi-aband. neighbor with the police scanner it's all fitting together she heard from the she heard the sound of glass breaking coming from my living room she saw a strange car

Austin 316 by God Stokeold Steve Austin is robbing that house she saw a strange car was in my driveway she called 911 and then moved her giant pickup in front of the driveway

to block the robbers Because no one has ever driven on a front lawn. Well, also, but that, that fits with the police scanner mentality. Totally due to real fucking hero on her hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She probably was screaming like, burn the fields. The cops are coming. Yeah, burn the crops behind you as you were true.

Classic warfare attacks. The crooks were arrested and maybe my neighbors should have won a medal for heroism or something. But I think she just got chewed. out by the cops for getting involved. Yeah, they don't like that. No, no. Anyhow. Nobody wants to Paul Cursey running around.

No, absolutely. I thought somebody was being burgled. So I parked my car in front of theirs. Oh, no, it's stone called Steve Austin. I got a stunner. Excuse me. Do you have a young daughter I could flirt with? Who will inevitably be murdered later?

Uh, bah-b-da-bah. Anyhow, when I came in, a lot of my stuff was staged in the living room to be taken. When I went upstairs to the bathroom, I found the toilet had been totally defiled in a way that my models have not been able to account for. Completely dominated around the bowl, on the seat, and even under the seat. Wow. It's completely dominated to dominate. someone like shit squat like like in the air to like get it on the seat but this seems like it's a thing where they are like and I hate to be talking like this ladies and gentlemen but like pinned it up and was throwing it you know what I mean did the toilet forget the safe word like like just writing shit on the wall with shit. What was that movie? Savages? Quills. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, quills.

Both of them. Yeah. Right. Wasn't that like retirement home mom and dad shit movie? What was that? Oh. Oh, are you thinking of the Savages with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Lauren Linney? Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. Oh, there's rights and shit in that. Yeah. Oh, really? I forgot. Don't forget, dude. Never seen anything like it. Have been to punk shows. bathrooms. Yeah, been there. I thought maybe if they hadn't stopped to take a dump, maybe they would have gotten away. Anyhow, you're wrong. Burglars do stop to take a dump. Great show. Thanks. Pete

in California. You got to go. You got to go. You're nervous. You know what I mean? You're in the middle of a crime. You know, I'm not. Oh, you're not nervous. That's a good point. That's a good point. Maybe it was a rookie burglar. Well, no, but the language she uses, it sounds more like it was planned. Like, they were eating a lot of fiber the day before. I think it's a thing to add insult to injury, man. It's like, I'm going to rob this dude's house. And also, I'm going to fucking smear shit all over this guy's bathroom. Really stick it to him.

That is dominance. That's real dominance. Just speaking of burglaries, I just want to say, a nice quarantine wreck from Steve Sadek. The Repair Shop on Netflix. Is anyone else watching this? No, what is that? It's a British show wherein people, bring in stuff old antiques to get repaired by this

very charming staff and like nine out of ten people is like this was my grandmothers before she got burgled and like something either stuff got ruined or there's like a rash of burglaries in the UK but it is a very relaxing show for times like this when you say British show I'm out oh no I'm in I'm in baby no I'm pretty much in especially if granny shaggers might be involved but As soon as you said when it was, though, Steve, I do recall, I think it was a thing where it was like, maybe we were watching some of one of the various, you know, Zen baking things.

And it was like, oh, if you like this, you'll like the repair shop. Yes, it's exactly in that vein of the Great British Bake Offer. Everybody's very nice. It's very sweet. And it's like, let's relax together. Here's a question, though. It would be better, right, if that guy was like breaking shit accidentally all the time. Well, I tried again, and I broke something else at the repair shop.

If it was like the Great British Apology, that was the show, I'd be in. I fucked it up, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am, I shat all over your vase. I right buggered your clock, mate. Sorry, I wrote Van Halen Rules on your antique water chest. Apologies. The one thing, though, about that show is they do. this thing in the last act where it's like

they better hurry fast before Simon comes back to check on his grandfather's vows and it's like I don't know if you come back and it's not ready like give us a minute like it's not like oh my God this guy's gonna lose his shit yeah if he comes back and this cuckoo clock is infixed we're gonna

be murdered what did you go around the back get a cup of coffee we'll see in 10 minutes do you get to like urgent reality TV stuff like It's not there, but it's pretty close. Oh, man. All right.

Well, so that's going to about do it for the first quarantined mailbag. This is a promo for what we're doing. We are doing a lot of extra stuff for the quarantine, specifically. A new free show called Melro 210. That's right. We're in. We're talking about these guys. You have a 90210 lunchbox.

A friend of mine gave it to us as a gag gifted. we've never gotten rid of it. Is the friends you're talking about your bank account? Yes, no, exactly. No, but Melro 2.O will be talking about 902 and O. It's a twice weekly show where on Mondays we'll be talking about Beverly Hills 902 and O order. And on Thursdays we'll be talking about Melrose Place in Order. So that's probably even out now depending on when this thing comes out.

Who knows? You never know, man. You never know. But so that's going to do it for this round of quarantine mailbag. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Thedek. Eric Cisca. Chris Gabbin.

Take it easy. What is that skeleton?