S10: WHM On-Screen: Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker
00:00This is a headgum podcast.Welcome to W.H.M. On screen, everybody.I'm Andrew Jopin alongside Eric Siska, Christopher Cabin, Stephen Sadek.Sit up here. God, get some good posture.That's right. God damn it. You better sit up straight.You should have like a fucking mechanical thing, like Emperor Palpatine shoved up your butt hole in order for you to fucking...It's my butt plug.Oh, I'm afraid my butt blood will be fully operational when you're friends of life.
01:05Yes, Mike.Some of them vibrate.The vibrating egg.This is an on-screen conversation about, of course, Star Wars Episode 9, The Rise of Skywalker.Really quick, vibrating egg, Darth Vader's head.Carry on.Oh, no, I got another vibrating egg.You're ready for more vibrating eggs jokes, guys?
01:27The Easter bunny.around the corner.We've received the plansfor Emperor Palpatine's vibrating eggs.Many Bothans diedto bring us this information.You know, Richard Grant,you can control it by iPhone.
01:43Many Boffins diedfrom anal orgasms.That is a lieand a misnomer.Oh, shit, man.I don't know where to begin.This movie's kind ofIt's, yeah, Star Wars Rise of Skywalker, unless we've said it already.
02:01I did. It's all right. Just to remind people we're talking about here, especially becausewe're just talking about vibrating eggs and anal orgasms. People, that's what people want.The movie didn't give you what you want. It's been two weeks. I'm sorry, I mean, thankfulthat I brought it up. I saw this movie twice. Same. And the second time I was, I was a lot moreforgiving. I was in a better headspace. I think I had a third. I had a third.session beforehand.Nice.Did you talk about the movie?
02:30No, I didn't.Although I was tempted it.Oh, this week he's talking about fucking Star Wars again.I was just like, am I going to get kicked out of therapy for this?I was like, no, I'm not.No, but I went to the Alamo was my wife and a friend of ours.And I was drinking during it.And I knew all the stuff that was going to happen.
02:48All the things, the pain points I was aware of.And I enjoyed myself a lot more than I thought I would the second time around.Even though this movie,this movie, DeAndre's Point is kind of a done.I agree with that. I feel like the second time I had more fun with it.I realized I don't necessarily need to have a strong opinion.Like, yeah.It's just whatever.
03:09It's totally fine to shrug your shoulders at a Star Wars movie, I think, is the lesson I learned here.Because I, to piggyback off of you, Steve, Chelsea and I went to Alamo, Brooklyn.I got a blue milk milkshake that had a bunch of vodka and blue curicatia.and then I just dranklike three more beers after thatand it was goodit wasn't a Star Wars moviein where I was crying at any point
03:35really I don't thinkI think maybe I'd likeone little tear up momentI'm usually kind of a mess with these thingsalso we should saybecause we're I guess about to get into the actual story stuffSpoiler alert if you have not seenRise of Skywalker we're going to talk about
03:49any and all things that come to our headthis is a completely improvised conversationif you're finding this on YouTubewe're just going to riff.So if you haven't seen it, you know.I'll say, I saw it twice.I saw it once.I was furious.
04:01I fucking hated it.After the first time you're saying?I fucking hated it.And I guess the quote unquote good thing about this is the second time in, I was like,I remember nothing but what I ate.What you ate or what you hate?What I hate about it.Because I can picture you eating in a movie.
04:18Well, I do.Occasionally, as we all do.Sure.We all just joking.You know, the Skywalker Sliders.I know.And so I go back to it.And, like, again, like, I think my opinion is that up until Kajimi,
04:36Kajimi, once Kajimi ends is when I start having huge problems.Cajmi's where they run into Lando.Yes.No, no, no.That's the, that's a Carrie Russell's home planet.Oh, yes.Where it's like, it's dude.It's a dude.
04:48Yeah.Bobu Frick.Frike.Babu Frick.By the way.Bobu Freak.Bobu Freak.Cajmi, dude.
04:53You know what that was.Hell yeah.Closest thing we're going to seeStar Wars at Christmas time.Yes.Because it's like gently snowing.It looked like Dickensian London Townfor a lot of it.
05:01I like that.I also,Kijmi,I thought you're going to say,is the closest room I'm going to seeto Kathy Nijimi in a Star Wars movie.I thought you were going to gowith the Kathy Noghijmi joke.
05:09Nice.There we go.I saw this.I will say,personal story.First time,where did you see it?Just the Regal Union Square.
05:17Yeah, nice.It's shitty theater.Nice.They're revamping it.They're going to try their best.They're going to try their best.But so I went andReally nice gentleman
05:26The movie ends I'm really disappointedMy brother is in from out of townWe made a plan to go see itIt's right before the holidaysAnd I'm getting upAnd I've been holding a piss for likeYeah 48 minutesAnd this really nice dude is like
05:40Hey man are you Stephen SadekAnd it was really nice and it wasn't so awestruckAre you Steven Sadek? I was likeYeah I am manAnd I'm just doing this and he's likeI really love this show and he shook his handI got to go out of thisI'm like, I just say,
05:54eh, hang out, hey.May I come with you?No, no, he was a very nice guy, butI felt bad. And then I met a fan again.Because he was like, what did you think? I was like, it was all right?He was like, dude, dude. You know what you should have done, dude?And this would prevent anyone from talking to you in the street.Yes, you are right. Just fucking, yeah, I'm just even saying that.
06:15You just start pissing yourself in the lobby.That's awesome.You miss yourself.Dude, now, we're on YouTube as well, folks.Dude, they're taking down, though.I'm wearing black jeans.It wouldn't really scan.I should have wore my light jeans.
06:28I could tell, though.You can smell it.I could smell it.That is the worst time.Oh, my God, he's doing it.At the end.That's a black or black on your jeans.I am not pissing my pants.
06:40Well, the camera can't show the floor, but there is a pool happening.That is sort of the worst time, and it's not his fault.To talk to somebody is after a blockbuster, because I always have to piss.Absolutely.The end of any blockbuster, I am belie.lining it for a bathroom. I got screwed overat the Alamo Brooklyn because, and I know they'reexpanding, but the fucking bathroom situation
06:58in that theater is abhorrent. Igot out, walked to the bathroom,you just open it,and there's just a dude there that's like, sorry,full, you know, and I was like, Homer Simpson, and the HomerSimpson versus New York, I went all the way up to theone tower, and I was like, nah, and I had to go all the way backdown, run fucking downstairs. Yeah, the
07:16downstairs is the trick. That's a blessingbathroom, though, man, because not a lot of folk use itand it's usually pretty open. Here, sir.Here's a bucket in the closet's there.Hand me your bucket.When you come back, we recycled on it.I want to say another thing.You have to use it for popcorn the next day.
07:32Theater etiquette, man.We're walking into the theater, okay?And there are people right outside, like, in the lobby,just talking about the movie.Yeah, you can.And I started yelling.Because, like, Chelsea and I were both like,and I was like, why don't you take it outside?
07:47Like, just fucking screaming in this lobby.How can you do that?What do they say?it was terrible it's fucking awfulit was no no no I didn't even stickaround but it was likeand Princess Leia and I was likeno yeah
08:00I've gotten into the habit for these movies at leastput my headphones on the way inand I'm even with a person and I'm likeI'm sorry friend I'm crazythrough the trailers you gotta go through theI leave them in yeah sothe dead speakhow cool would have been to actually
08:17have heard that message and seeour intrepid heroes and villainsexperience that instead of having it in the scroll?It's tough. And I mean, I actually kind of like thatKylo Ren's silent murdering all those weird fucking peoplein Raiden Hat situation. I don't know what's going on on that planet.It looks cool. But I hate that. It's in slow motion.Yeah, I don't mind that. Like, I kind of think it slows down.
08:41Slow motion is no business in Star Wars. It's so early too. Like it's the secondshot of the movie. Or was that him trying to find the SithWayfinder? He was him trying to find the Wayfinder. He's killing a bunch ofguardians of whatever.Sith P.S.Dude, I mean, like, and that's the thing.We're saying, I mean, the dead speak,my, my asshole clenched.
09:00I was like, oh, I, because, you know,Palpatine's back. It was, it wasn't a surprise.Yeah. But I was like, the Dead Speak.And it's like, the Palpatine that might,may be back, ladies and gentlemen.But it's funny, though, because we were just talking about thisReturn of the Jedi on the Return of the Jedi episodethat we dropped in December. And in that scroll,
09:16it's like, by the way, everybody,there's a second death star right in that fuckingscroll. Sure. It's kind of the samething. It's a big storyreveal that's just presented to you and textand you do it. But it's different because that'sjust a fuckinga base. Like it's not a humongous
09:33character that you didn't seelike come back. He's just like, yeah, he's back.I don't know, man. The reveal of asecond death star is kind of a hugedeal after not having one in the Empire StrikesBack. Here's the thing. And I thinkmy two times watching this moviein both times, the emperor
09:49sucks. He totally sucks.Yeah. It sucks. He sucks. And not, not McDormid specifically, but like the way they dress him up, all of his dialogue, all of his movements. Give me some explanation. I understand Snoke was a clone, called it. Or whatever. But like, give me something. Make him a clone or like he blew up and was fine. Question mark. His fingers hurt. Now that's his only thing. I have bad arthritis from being blown up.One other thing.I like the planet.I hate his lair.I think it's really messy and garbage.It's dark.You can't see it.
10:25You know what's going on.No, both times.There's no detail.And especially the second time,because the second time you're aware,like, you're not like,what is happening?Right.
10:32But the second time,like, wait, what's happening?Because, again, it's really dark.I don't know,he's got these, like,thousands of people that are around himand it's like,Coliseum.
10:40I don't know.So I guess they're,yeah, I guess they were inhabiting.This is just my conjecture.I don't know.I didn't read any of the supplemental materialthat I guess...And you may never.
10:51They're doing a rise of Kyle O'Renncomic series.Okay, because that's the shit I was more interestedin anyway than the emperor in afucking claw machine.Oh, wait, you almostgot me. Sorry, got to the teddy bearthat time.
11:06Getting a hold of thisChester Cheetah plus, hold on.So I guess they're just likeSith worshippersthat lived on this planet and thenAre they Sith?I guess it's a Sith planet.They're like Renfields.
11:21They're not like real Sith.They can't be Sith because they would have powers of their own, et cetera, et cetera.Yes, sure, in a year we'll do a review and see where you come up.Unless they're stealing children like the First Order did, but I need to understand what's happening.There's just not enough there.So did they build this Sith fleet of Imperial Star Destroyers?the fuckingsupplemental materials
11:51for the last movie set upthe aftermath trilogy of novelsmentioned a contingency plan by theemperor in which they dosend starships into theunknown regions. If I am in theevent I am thrown off a cliff.It's kind of cool though like in the
12:06in the books and stuff it's just like oh he's justgoing to break the chessboardand start a new game out thereand it's like okay cool. Do youmaybe mention any ofof that shit, maybe mention Thron.If you're watching this tape,it means you're in a horror trilogy.
12:24By the way, this is my emperor impressionbecause that's what he's doingthis entire movie.It's like a little hamster.Yeah, with the hands, yeah.I mean, I don't...Put me in my wheel.I just don't...
12:34Because it's just Dracula.It's just Dracula.It's not great.I mean, like, he's got this black shiton his mouth.He looks terrible.He looks terrible.And I mean...
12:41Well, I guess it's a point, but like...I think...It's not interesting to look at it.That's the thing.It's not...It should be disgusting.Yes.If it's going to do that,
12:49it should be disgusting.Danny DeVito as the penguin.Yes,he should have like fucking oil coming in.Ian McDarmid, I think, is great.And I actually think he's the best part of the trilogymovies, actually.Like, he's having a ball all.
13:02No, the prequel.He's having a ball in those three movies,especially the third one.And he's worth watching.If there's a reason to watch that trilogy,which I don't think there is,no, it's him.Him and McGregor, I would say.
13:12And I mean, like, yes.And in this movie, you're going to bring him back.it's he's got to be bad and being not just bring him back in a force ghost capacity or or awhatever capacity he's the big bad and he sucks yep well that's really disappointing what johnsonbroke in that second one which was a huge radical move is fucking the mythology of this all so likeyou have if if the whole point of this it's a stupid thing to fucking do but if really is what abramswanted to do was to make the mythology build it back up this guy is no presence he's a littlemachine. Like, you have
13:47to center him as a great being of humongouspower, not just to have the lightning stormat the end. Snoke heldcourt in both of those movies.We don't really see that in this movie.No, and I mean, also, like, to your point,actually, Snoke looks great as a CGI creation.I think make a CGI emperor. It would have been
14:05blasphemy in quotation marks. But like,then you could light him properly and likeit would look like something.Also, though, if you...If you're a tier rate part of his body, make him look gross.If you're saying,Oh, man, what if he's just a skeleton?And a robe?
14:17I'm into it.And it's just like, Harry has a skeleton.The shittier the better.Yes.That would be in line with the whole Star Wars tradition of like this is based off of fucking shit.George Lucas saw growing up.Yeah.I'd be into it.
14:31I mean, I think the whole, oh man, I had a thing of beef, something, emperor.Beef cheese.It was interrupted and lost it.On a roll.Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.I can't remember now.Yeah.Oh, with, uh, uh, right there.
14:45Oh, he circled.This, four-sucking Snoke.So you see that likedead Snoke in a fucking tank or whatever, right?And so it's like, if the idea ishe's a quote, why can he have likedupes like Saddam Hussein and Snoke is still the fucking bad guy?The fact that Abrams had to look at what
15:03Ryan Johnson created and then was like,nope, it's just a clone and bring back another thing.He's a creatively bankrupt fucking B-Team Steven Spielbergfrom the 80s and he's never been anything else but.He's got these snoke.in here like gherkinsThey're packedHiled them in there
15:19Dude they're in like a little like garlicDo you want a bread and butterSnoke or?It's a dill snokeOr spicy?I will say thoughIt's quite telling the last coupleNow I'm kind of glad we did this two weeks out
15:34BecauseThe fucking paper trail on this movieIt is like the fucking Panama papersIt's like you did itNo you did itIt's like Kathleen KennedyThat bitchCandlea, she was a bitch. Because she wanted
15:47her Palpatine back. And Chris Taylor's like, no, no, no, it'sAbrams. And Abrams was like, no, no, it's Terrio.And like, nobody knows who did what.Yeah. Because it just, it's afucking mess. That's a thing.And I saw a mess on screen. The movie isa mess. If the movie was clear, like,I don't even think Palpatine is the worst idea. Even
16:03the Ray thing, which we'll get into, is bad,but I don't think it's the worst thing that's ever happened in theuniverse. Yeah. It's just performedpoorly. It's executed.Not performed. She's good. I will say she's good. It's executedshittily. And also, another thingbring up because it does tie in to allof this. This movie is really
16:19poorly edited. Yes. Oh, God.It is so slapped together. You can fucking smellthe glue coming out of this. Haste withan idiot's fucking dude. If youwant to really resurrect Palpatine, I thinkit could be done well, but you need to devotetime to it. And we just learnedthis past day or two that 30
16:35minutes was cut out with the whole JJAbrams kind of release the JJ cut.Okay, everybody. I know they're not going to,but I almost want them to because I feel likethis movie needed to be longer for the all the amounta fucking shit this shityou're absolutely rightit's only like two hours
16:49and 25 minutes and like I'm sorrywe were earlier this year's slammingfucking infinity war and whateverInfinity war ratherand end gamebut like make two movies honestlywhat is this fuckingwhat is this beholden to a trilogy
17:02also you just got cucked by Martin Scorsesewho made a three and a half hour masterpiecewhy not make your stupid moviethree and a half hoursI'm fucking your wifeYou see me up thereIn your window with your wifeSee that emperor up there
17:18That emperor is up there with my wifeNo but like that movieI think anywayAnd I know people disagreeAnd that's fineThat's like what we do hereYeahAnd it's okay to like a movie by the way
17:29I didn't fucking feelI didn't feel the lengthOf the Irish manI saw it in the theaterIn Alice Tully HallIn New York CityOne of the worst fucking seats everI didn't have to get up
17:40To go to the bathroomI just fucking sat thereIt movesthis two hours and 25 minutes you could have fucking left shit in here people will sit in the theater for it it's star wars i'm sorry i agree but i also think another move would have been delay this a year you get carrie fit like here's the thing you guys backed the wrong horse you you killed you killed ford you killed hamill and you're like it's gonna be the carrie fisher show and then she dies tragically yeah after you make that second movie and very clearly they a were watching the fan reaction up to that second movie as they were writing the script and b we're like well how the fuck are we gonnadeal with this character that we set up to be this bigimportant character that is now deadand they just wrote it and they're likewell it's got to come out in two years no matter what like
18:20put it on 2020 put it on 2021like you had the mandolarian coming out this year anywaylike we take some Star Warstake some fucking time and write the movie properlybut but I take issue with thatbecause they had she diesnine months later they hire a writeryes that you have so much time
18:40that's so much time to rethink your storyIt would have been great if they thought about everything a little bit.You know what I mean?Well, even hiring Chris Terrio, the guy behind Batman versus Superman,is a nod to the assholes on Reddit being like,you like those stupid awful movies, right?We'll get the guy who brings stupid awful movies here.And Argo.
19:00Well, no, Argo, too.No, and here's the thing.No one's ever going to think about Argo ever again or rewatching.I think that's, that movie has a good script behind.Yeah.Argo, I think Argo has a good script.It's crazy how Argo opens with like the dead story.speak.
19:14It's about likethe Ayatola Kamanicome about.The Ayatollahdude he's in theclaw machine.SecretTransmissions
19:21from theAyatollahhave been heardthroughout the galaxy.The clawgets stuck inhis beard.It's like a
19:28whole thing.We're beingreally negativeNancy's here.Again,I saw itthe second time.The one thing
19:31that I likedthe first timeand I reallylike the secondtime, which Ithink this moviedoes wellis it finally
19:37gives Finn,Ray, and Poa lot ofstuff to dotogether.Sure.And I mean, maybe that's fan service, maybe that's not.It probably is fan service.
19:45And I think that those three actors play off each other really well.I like, and it's kind of funny because Oscar Isaac hasn't said word to Daisy Ridley in this entire, the first two movies.Yeah.And in this movie, they're like, hey, remember all these adventures we've been on you haven't seen?Which it's fine.And I actually think that I think the three of them play off each other well.I think that that that dynamic is really fun.And I think that all those scenes when they go to the fucking the, the, the, the, the, the, the ones where they go to find a McGuffin to then.
20:12find another McGuffin to then go to theMacGuffin planet? I mean, this is the problem when you, yes.When you have a whole MacGuffinplanet, big problem.There's a term for this.Fetch quest. Fetch questing.Yeah. Something like that.Like just, you have to go on a quest to fetch
20:28something. And then you just throwa bunch of those into the movie.And that's all you're doing. The dagger to theway find. Dude, just go to the Wayfinder.I didn't see Kyle get a fucking dagger.Yeah. The Wayfinder is stupid.I'm sorry it is. And so is the drag. I mean,You get one.
20:44It's a wayfinder or it's a dagger.It can be both.Either one of them can tell you the map to the whatever the fuck.It doesn't matter.And even in when I rewatched Force Awakens, that map to Luke Skywalker is kind of stupid too.Like it's just, it's sort of a thing where like that's not Star Wars.We're not looking for maps.We're not looking for ancient ruins.
21:04We're just going on an adventure.Oh man.Hans Frozen.Oh man.You know what I mean?And we know where things in are magically.We know where Degab is.The whole like maps to what treasure maps.
21:15It's not, it doesn't feel Star Wars to me.It's video game rules going into Star Wars now.Yeah, and that's a big problem because, I mean, like,video games pull it off because you're like interacting with itand it's giving you the thing to do.But honestly, that's not a way to tell a story.It's not, it's not an non-interactive story.I mean, it's all over like Aquaman does the same thing.
21:34Sure.Like, it's all that.But you can play, like, this is not the movie I was expecting it from.Yeah.So watching it, I was just like, I don't know why you're doing this.I think you get one.Also, I do more positive stuff.I love and I want to talk about a side character
21:48that I want a comic series.I want a movie about.I want the assassin for Ray's parentsto have a whole fucking...The second time around, I'm like this guy...I like the cut of his jib.I like the cut of his jib.They could...
22:01I feel like that could definitely be a hunterfor baby Yoda in the timeline.It would work.Oh, that's kind of cool.Yeah, I like that.Season two, season three.Of the mandolary.Totally.
22:11And I like that.that guy. I like a lot of the characterdesigns. I like Carrie Russell a lot.I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about.I mean, you know, that's a positivething I'll say. I think she's great. There's definitely notenough of her. There's just straight up and not enoughof her. Her entire character is like,
22:26hey, I'm here to tell you kids out there thatPoe is not gay. He's not gay.I don't necessarily. Stop talking about himlike that. I don't necessarily buy that. I don't necessarily buy that.That's how it felt like that. I don't necessarily buy that. Because she's not acharacter. She's not a character. I mean, she's a Star Warscharacter, which means she's not a character, first of all.I mean, there's not a ton of development throughout this franchise, really.
22:46And the big cap to her fucking story is when all the people come, hey, yeah, I mean, she'sLet's go.And not only that, Babu freak or whatever is fucking.Babu Frick, can you say his name right?He's a character from Thumb Wars.He's not a character from Star Wars.I like Babu Frick and I will fight you for him down with it.This jib jab jumps up in her cockpit that looks superimposed for him.
23:10He's adorable.You're ridiculous.Dude, Silesia's crumb is a jib-jab, man.I'm up at jib-jib.I'll say, I'm with Eric because Babu-Frike should not be put in danger like that.Also, leave Babu-Friq with the computers.How about Babu-Freek does something that fucking matters?Like, wipe C-3Po's memory forever.
23:27Can there be any finality in this fucking shit?Here's a thing that really bugged me.Like, I feel like I am, I'm okay with this movie.I do have problems with it, and it's fine.But the takebacks with the deaths really bothered me.You know what?Like, my jaw hit the floor when that transport exploded and you think Chewbacca is dead.Sure.
23:48And I'm like, kill him.Fuck, that's effective.Did you think he was dead?I did for a second.I really didn't.I was like, there's no way.My heart was broken for about three and a half of it.They're not going to kill Chewbacca like that.
24:01They're not going to do it.Why not, though?That's what I'm saying.You know who would have killed Chewbacca?Ryan Johnson.He might have, but this is not him.I would kill Chewbac.But I need, you see his face.
24:11He has to have like,heroic end or like a bigmeaningful end like the other one heresomeone here killed Chewbaccaand I'll keep Stanfieldclose the door no one's leavingwe're gonna find a donutinside of a donut inside of a
24:26donut and find out who Chewbaccais here's the thing thoughit would really and it sounds dumbbut it would be a littlebit realistic because sometimesthat shit fucking happensand I think Chewbacca is a characterthat's on a level where you could do that to it
24:42And you wouldn't have fucking Chewbacca got done dirty.I would have been the, I would have had a tattoo that said Chewbacca got done dirty.It's okay to have sudden tragedy in your story.Look, look, I agree with you.But I know for a fact, Star Wars isn't going to do that.They're not going to just kill this beloved character like that.Even if you have Chewbac potentially dying in this car accident,credit to Steve Satech for texting that a few days ago.
25:07But it's just like, so Ben Solo grew up with Chewbacca.obviously. Rayknows Chewbacca. Yeah. They're pals.They're both just like, oh, I guess he'sin there. I guess I can't use the force to understandwhat other people are. And laterthey do! They're like, oh, I guess he was on anothertrend. To be, fuck you
25:28with this. There was another transfer.But to be fair, though, that's allover the original trilogy wherein, again,Darth Vader is this closeto his biological daughterand cannot figure out that he's this closeto his biological daughter. Yeah, but they're notblowing her up and then bring her back
25:43to life as seen. Also, you're supposed tolearn as you go along.I get it. All right. Listen. All right.So regardless of the fuckingmagic movie detective over there.No way!You're right away.Could you put him like that? Could you put on your
25:59detective hat before we continue this?There's a donut and donutyet again. Listen,it's dumb that there's a secondtransport. It's alsodumb that C3PO makes this giganticsacrifice. And I'll say it. I hate that robot. And I still say it's a giganticsacrifice. Yes. To get his memory wiped. Dude, why would it be
26:19the end of the world to just leave that fucking robot? I think that's a great one. And that's howthe prequel's ended, right? Didn't he get his memory wipe? They both do. Just to fuckingwipe their memories. Who gives the shit? I think that makes so much more sense. It'skind of poetic. And Art two, like, I think somebody had told me that there's analternate cut to the end of this movie wherein R2 is explaining thethe trilogy to 3PO at the end of it.Right.And like that's, he has to relearn it.
26:44You know what I mean?Like, I kind of like that idea.And maybe that's fake.Who's telling you there's this alternate cut?All this knowledge about these alternate cuts and what?Are you on Reddit?I am not.You better not be.
26:57Not in this house.Stephen?Don't you lie to me.I have a Reddit account, but I barely use it.But I think I just, the takebacks, I think it's totally.No, but I mean, like, and it's such a coward writing.It's a small thing.like blowing up C3PO would have been
27:10like, holy shit.Erasing his memory is totally fine.Like it'll make people a bit sadbut it's the third movie. We should be a little bit sadsometime. Well, he's been blown up before we saw himput back together so that wouldn't work anyway.I'm going to put that fucking robot back together.I think
27:26that, I mean, I think theand it's all becausethe robot can'ttranslate Sith. Is Sith a languageladies and gentlemen? Is that what we're doing?It's a religion. It's a religion.It'slanguage. I don't, you know, I don't even know what it is anymore. And also, like, the whole
27:43development of like Snoke and Kylo Wren not using the Darth name, I felt like we were gettingaway from the sin. We were. Right. Because you can, you can do evil shit without worshippingthe devil or whatever, you know what I mean? Yeah, totally. Look at evangelical Christians.Absolutely. Perfect example. Uh, speaking of Kylo, we're jumping all over. It's fine. That's how it is.Let's see. Come on. Another beefthat I really had. Why the fuckdoesthe laying in state
28:16body of GeneralOrgana notdisappear right when she dies? Why doesit hold off until Kylo-Fon?Well, this is a big conversation. It's the lay-a-convers.This is the lay-a-conference. It's theconvenient to the plot.That is, that's the reason. That's the reason. I'm sorry.
28:35There's no other fucking reason. What is thefucking Star Wars reason? No, I would saythe Leia conversation, which is... I can tell you theStar Wars reason, though. Like, apparently, butlike, she's, like, using the force to transferthe goodness back into Ben Solo or some shit?Whatever. I didn't buy that. Yeah.Yeah, I know. Well, it's about, how was a dead body doing?
28:52I watched that twice, and it was never clear to me.I think, and again, like I said, like,they got, I get it. They got caught with their pants down. They,they backed the wrong horse. Carrie Fisher tragically died.And it, but, like,you can do the Lydia Sopranothing. One,it's got to be a short scene
29:10to do it to have her bein two thirds or a third ofthis movie where it's like thisfucking bizarre conversation she'shaving with nobody and by thatI mean Greg Grunbergno worry his mother callshim that too but like it just
29:25it is and it's nonsensicalhe says something and she says something elseno exactly and I mean like I wasactually and this is the wrong thing in the Star Wars moviewhen Leah died I was relievedI was like thank God she's fuckingdead because the characterthey just changed the character totally because she's a
29:44Jedi now all of a sudden. And she's trainingRay which we always wanted to see right everyonewe read the post and by the way Chewbacca'sgetting a medal because Maz saw your Reddit postthe metal thing worked for me sort of the second timebecause it is what why do you think it sucks? Because it's justfan service it has nothing to do with anythingthere's why are we suddenly giving medals? I mean it is a joke that we've been
30:06telling for 10 years though that he should have got that medalBut also, I'll say what you guys have been saying.What I say that dog needs to be in a cage.What I hate about Mazz in this movie is that, like, for the last, like, it's implied in Forced Awakens that her and Chewbacca have been fucking.Like, wait, no, it is not.What the fuck are you talking about?She's like, where is that?Co-siding this.
30:28I didn't notice, but I like it.When he's, when he's, when he's, where's my boyfriend?Where's that?Where's that, who's that, who's, right?But that's, like, a cute thing that people say, dog would split.That thing open, man.He might have.But here, maybe that's why she's so short.
30:43Force healing has been confirmed.So maybe, like, Leah fucking fixed her.You all waited two weeks for this?No, okay.So maybe they don't fuck.Okay.Maybe they just know each other well.Just suck and play?
30:56But all she's doing is like, Leia wanted you to do this.Leia wanted you to do this.I am not a character at all, you see.I'm just a funny looking thing.That's a great point, Chris, because she was a...Her eyes do look like pineapples.She was a completely different.character in those first two movies, and now she's
31:10just exposition box.Well, to be fair, she lines to a robot.Wait, I'm sorry. In The Last Jedi, dude, sheis just seen on the Skype call for two seconds,kind of fighting a thing, and it never matters.Fighting a union being a piece of shit, probably,right? Like, fighting a union.This union dispute, blam, blam.
31:26But, totally. These workers are trying tounite. The fact thatthat is her character in that movie leads menot to believe she's going to be fuckingthe resistance water boy in this movie.I couldn't believe she was even there. What the fuck is theThat's what I'm saying.She doesn't belong.
31:40No, I actually think, I mean, I think that she should be training Ray, if that's the case.Like, because you set her up in this first movie, a super force sensitive, super, like, I know all about this, that.The other thing, like, she would be fine.She had the lightsaber.It would make sense.And also you have Lupini Nongo to do something.That'd be nice.But, I mean, like, the thing, here's my question to you, mostly to Eric, because he's the Star Wars guy.
32:03And we're all Star Wars guys.But what do you think about Leah being a.a full-on Jedi.It was one of the parts...It's currently happened in this Air to the Empire book.I'm reading...I didn't mind it because of those recent.But it's not in these movies. That's my problem.
32:18Apparently, it is now, dude.She's got her own lightsaber.I didn't mind it so much.And I know people take problem with, like,the flashback scene of herTarkened-faced young with...Her mannequin for writing Mark Hamel's mannequin.Yes, exactly.
32:32But it was a payoff of the EU.And by the way, even Palpatine coming backas a payoff of the EU, like, with theDark Empire comic series, just to nameone. But like,I've conflicted emotions onthis, but I'm okay with it.It's not in those, if it was in those
32:48first two movies, if she, like, she's veryclearly in those first two movies,really force sensitive and hasspurned the entire Jediness. And like,you know what I mean? Like, she's able to do stuff.She could sense when Han dies. She could flythrough space. Yeah. I get all that.But the fact that she went through all this training of,
33:04that's like me telling you guys I was a medicaldoctor the whole time. I don't practice.I podcast. I work at book publishing.But no, no, I went to eight years of medical school.Oh, you're Dr. Ken?Yeah. Dr. Ken Gion.Chris, I've cut you off, I think.No, it's going.
33:18No, but I mean, that's, but I don't, like, it's a little too fast.It's a little too late for me, for her to be.And I don't mind her being a Jedi.Again, like, it's been set up in the EU, but it's a nice end for the character.Your point there points us to, they should have thought about this as a trilogy.You're paying $4 billion for a property.Yeah.And I know, like, I don't think Lucas had it all planned out
33:40despite his propaganda campaign that he did.But he surrounded himself with competent people.They did reshoots.They worked hard to make each movie good on its own merits.Yes.And this is not that.Exactly.This is more like the prequels.
33:55This is like episodes two and three where we just rush through a bunch of shit.Right.Just to get to it.Yeah.But I guess the weird difference is like we knew what the end game was for that.and this is like you had all this time.I mean, I think the greatest lessonto be learned from this movie is
34:11there's a reason whythere are certain people that get paid to writethings and then the people whoare complaining on the internet and notwriting stories aren't beingpaid to write stories. Like, this is clearlyjust crafted from Reddit. Like, the bestthing I saw, the best meme created
34:27was the famous, like, blue titlecards and it says written and directed by Reddit.Yeah. Yep. Because that's whatall this is. Like, it's a... Jamming in all thisEU stuff out of nowhere.It's also just like fucking Sonic the Hedgehog.Like you just like you listen to these people who know nothing.Let me be very clear.
34:45They know nothing about hedgehog teeth.And we know nothing as well.But like why are you bowing to these people?What is wrong with you?They're going to see your movie anyway.It doesn't matter.You could make it you could.I'm not kidding.
34:57You could put the human centipede part two back out and put Star Wars over the title.And they would see it in droves.It's true.I am Darth Laser.Shit, dude, Dieter Laser as Emperor Palpatine.I was like, Dieter Laser as whatever,maybe like some side villain in Mandalorian season two.I will make a human centipede out of three snokes.
35:19And now this snoke has to go get my paper in some morning.Wookie centipede.Yes.He did use dogs at the start, dude.That's true.It starts with wookies, and then he graduates to Snokes.JJ, I got this friend.This is me off.
35:34Baldwin, JJ, could you get a friend of mineinto your movie? He just wants a small part.The human centipede.JJ, it is brilliant.It is a brilliant film.I'm going to send you my 35 millimeter printout.Here's a thing that should be adaptedinto a Disney Plus television series.
35:56Human centipede.Yes.The second thing should be a series abouta very interesting group of peoplewe come to know nothing about all of the stormtrooper people stormtrooper who are like finyes you know and they find them all on that island it's a cool idea it's a cool idea that doesn'tget exported i like that woman who's like the leader of them is awesome finn being force sensitive nowi'm okay but i'm fine what yeah i'm whatever way they didn't seem like it seemed pretty stupid
36:26it's pretty stupid to develop it but lena training ray why not just train fin to just say that there'syears that have passed. Are youtalking about the ones with the boar horses?Yes. Okay. Yeah, I like themenough. I'm not sure about the endingwith them with the fucking ridingthese boor horses on the fucking topof a Star Destroyer. Which is not that windy, it turns out, up
36:49there. It was badass. I kind of enjoyedthat. I also... I didn't mind. I understandyour point, though. I will say I likethe idea of Star Destroyers withDeath Star capability on them.It makes sense. It's not explored at all, though.like what a cool fucking technological development for Star Warsand it's like one line of dialogue.
37:06Well it makes more sense if it's just that the first order do it.I actually like that there is in finally there is aFinal order.Finally there's a final order.There's a boardroom.There's a first order and now there's a final order.There's a boardroom scene with all these generals and like some of them are thereand this is that we introduce Richard E. Grant who I do like in this movie.
37:26Not enough to do.I do like him a lot.I just wish he was more because he's like a palpit.sicken sycophant in that he's like, oh, I served you in the empire and I'll serve you again.Have him there from the start.Have him to be responsible for this return.I just feel like it's weird.Like, where did he come from?
37:44Because it was Hux kind of ruling the first order and then Kylo under.Yeah.So it just seems, wait, odd to me.Oh, you want him to be a character?The fuck are you talking about?It's Star Wars, the third fucking night movie.Can we mute this, Mike?I'm getting close.
38:02I'm getting real close.I do agree.I mean,I think that he's a bit rushed.I do like,because he's such a great fucking actor.He's,he's great in the movie.
38:11Hux,I wish,did more than just be a spy.I liked Hux.I like the Hux.And here's this fuckingunceremonious surprising deaththat works.
38:21See, it can work.I just think it would have mademore sense for him to fucking bounce.Yeah.He's killing the or troopers.I was kind of after he.And then think about the dynamic.And then think about the dynamic.
38:31And then.the white ribbon wrapped around his injury.Like he's in the fucking civil war.Are you kidding me?That's badgerage.But like if he defected, it would be something.It'd be interesting.Like, obviously we see Kylo Ren defects to the light side.
38:49And that's also killed in the cradle.Dude, you know what?Now that you're talking about it, I like it.You start this movie off and it's General Hux and he's got a red mustache.And he's like, I'm part of the rebellion now, baby.Right?Now he's like sleeping with slime.monster. Exactly. Yeah, all sorts of strange. I like it over here. Yeah. Hey, so here's another
39:09incredibly positive thing I'll say about this movie. Three little words, my friends. Babu Frick again.We love Babu Frick. Don't we? You guys do. No, here, get ready for this one, though. I think we can allagree. Billy D. Williams. He's good. Oh, yeah. I would like some explanation on, I wish theywent into that that'sapparently there were scenes that likehis family had been abductedby the first order, his daughter, and that'swho that girl is at the end? Because I'm
39:39sitting there seeing the final Star WarsSkywalker saga movieand I'm like oh cool now Billy D. Williamswants to fuck this kid.Well, I mean that scene is soYou have to cut that scene out entirelybecause they cut her off bid sentence. He's likewell why don't wait and then they just cut to whatever.
39:57Why don't we find out in the back of theMalayette. Yeah, it is very. We find him at Burning Man. What do you think he's after? I love that.I love. By the way, though, how is it that when someone says, like, I don't know who my family is, and then another person says, well, why don't we find out?Grant is it's sexy talk, but that's Billy D. Williams. That's all he speaks in. How does that translate to I'm going to fuck this person?Yes, just how I read this. Yeah, I mean, let's find out who your family is translates to I'm going to fuck.I said, we're going to make a family, buddy.What an odd pickup line.It's Oscar, Oswald Cobbott.
40:35I need to find my parents.Well, why don't we find out, Mr. Cobbobot?Oh, my God.I've never been touched like this before.You know, I don't have the normal holes.They're different.They're a little different.Steve Sadek was doing the correct.
40:52This is the penguin.Chris Cabin was doing this is Star Trek.Either or.But I mean, so Billy D. Williams is like...He's fun.Yeah, he's fun.I love that he shoots a stormtrooper with an arrow at the start of this introduction.Pretty sweet.
41:05But he's just like, hey, guys.Yeah, no, I, Luke Skywalker was looking for a Sith Wayfinder on this planet.And I just stayed there for 25 years.I think he's just like, well, hold on.Is it legal here?Well, that's, this is the thing.This is where I'll plant my flag.If you have to retire, do it on a fun planet in the galaxy.
41:23You know what?I can order spice and they just come.and deliver it to me. Actually, that is the part. I just remembered it now, just speaking of Billy D. Williams,when he rolls up with the Armada at the end, I did get a little teary, the galaxy coming togetherto fuck these people up. You know what? Also, JJ Abrams, like, we all have friends. I get it.And the fact that Dominic Monaghan shows up, that is, that's anathema.Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, never the Twain shall meet.Well, it's like maybe you could have, I don't know, him and like Greg Grunberg, like, could
41:57been rose scenes.We could have been rosethat we should talkabout rose.I mean also we spent10 minutes on thedeath of Greg GrunbergOscar Isaac is ready
42:05to call off the attackbecause Greg Grunbergis dead.I'm like give me a fuckingbreak.And that only mattersto people who've readthe books and comics
42:14and auxiliary materialsbecause he snapped Wexleywho is raised byWedge Antilles inOh really?Yeah, it's likeso Wedge shows up for his cameo.That's what did it for me
42:26specifically was when INice flying, Lando.Oh, my son is dead.Cool.Maybe he doesn't know yet.Well, yeah, that's, that's, that's completely.Wedge, after this, after the events of this film.Is that my snap in there?
42:42That's the thing.After the events of this film, Wed Gentile has got some really bad news.You know what else is unknown and dead is the Knights of Wren?I would have loved.Oh, Pete, Chuck, Snapper.Listen, like, Greg.I don't.care about knowing everything about them
42:59or if they're force sensitive, which they probably should have beenbecause didn't he burn down the academy?Yeah, with them. Yeah, they were allthose other students. Great question.They used some force powers. But like, we couldhave had a fight sequence set pieceakin to like the throne room in the last Jedi.Yeah, some fucking force fighting. Can we see
43:16some fucking good choreographfights in this movie? You're telling me there's noReddit fucking post that said, I wantto see the fucking knights.I don't know that's the thing. It's like, you saw them.There they are. One great thing about the Knightsin real quick. Frank, theReggie. Reggie. I love that guy.
43:31Frenchie. Frenchie's good too. Flippy.Zepo.Two times.But their fucking shipis like spewing outlike cold exhaust or something. It's like afucking train. I meanI enjoyed that. Dude, more trains
43:49in Star Wars by the way. Something to think about.I do thinkthe Knights Run are okay. I thinkthey're just okay. They're nothing.They're nothing, but so is Bob of Fett.I mean, like, come on, guys.You're right.What is Bob doing stuff in my, no, no, no, no, no.
44:05Fet has agency in terms of he has something to do.Yeah, and he wants to do stuff.He has something to do in Return of Jedi.He's taking Hans Solo.He's a big instigator of the plot from Empire to Return of the Jedi.The Knights of Wren are extras in the background.Yeah, they're standing in doorways.That's fair.
44:23I think.Pudgy, Graham.I do think that Rose.Befer.Rose we could have done a lot more withand I think Rose is thefingerprint of Reddit isto me anyway. And I mean like I don't think
44:35that she needs, I don't know if II'm going to watch the Rose TicoDisney Plus series that everybodywants to have happen. I meandepending on what it is. But I mean likebut the fact that she is sosidelined is the fingerprint ofReddit. It is. It doesn't feel
44:51cohesive. Well likefucking you know Dominic Monaghangot this fucking roll from a betwith JJ. Well, yeah, that's, I mean, that's a hyperbole storythat they told each other. Really? I mean, just a story. Well, anotherstory and, you know, it's the internet and everyone, like you said,everybody's toss and blame and whatnot, but just to be fair to himand throw it out there, Chris Terrio did say that
45:14one of the reasons that happened with Ray is because she had a bunchof shit to do with Leah. Rose. And that hada, she had a bunch of scenes with Leah. Even though that she wasdead before the five, before the, and that's the thing. And that isthe fucking JJ Abrams calling cardbecause it's the same thing that happened with Lostwhere it's like yeah this was all figuredout. You know what I mean? And like
45:35clearly this wasn't either but like ifif that's true Chris Terriothen like we've said like take another yearrewrite your fucking movie man.And also like Rose I mean again I don't think sheneeds to have like a three hour cut of this moviebut like you can give her something to dothat matters because in the last movie she had something to do
45:53that mattered she kind of sacrificed herselfat the end and like even like you're notsure she's alive at the end. You know what I mean?Like she's injured and like they takeher off and like blah blah blah. It's like kind of like Finnat the end of the first one. If I'm remembering thatproperly. But anyway like just have herbe like she's the one that
46:09blows up the thing at the end or she'sthe one that like or even cares thatFinn's doing it. You know what I mean? Because they set upa romantic thing that they totally nicksin this one. That's completely gone.It was also very hard for me to walk intothis movie without without havingall the like Johnson hate
46:25in my head coming in andhaving that, like, oh, you know what, Chris?Good. Good.Hey, Chris, do you like the part where Luke Skywalker as a ghostshowed up and said everything I saidin the last movie was wrong.It was all bullshit. No, you can'tthrow a light sword.
46:44It's a sacred thing.That is, that's a lot.That's another fingerprint. That was really, that's the fuckingReddit calling card right there, I think.Because I mean, like, it's one thing, like, you could say, oh,well, he learned more in the afterlife and blah, blah,blah, but like what he learns is again that theJedi shouldn't exist. You know what I mean?
47:01Like even Yoda's like, ah, it's horseshit, dude.It's all over with. The two of themsit there in the lastJedi and watch that shit burndown. The last shot of that sequenceis the two of them sitting on a log, watch itall burns. It's a simple fix. Shethrows it in and then she decides
47:17I have to go back to get it. I have to put myhand in the fire literally to getthis thing back that I believe in.It's so easy. We've been dancing around herquite a bit. What do we think of Daisy Ridley? What do we thinka granddaughterPalpatine. I mean, listen, here'sthe thing, and it's kind of just like
47:33aping a joke you've been saying already, socredit to Steve Saneck already, butlike, nevershould Ross Palpatineuse the wordgranddaughter. The wordgranddaughter.She would Palpatine.
47:48With Sheave, excuse me. Ross is his son.Which apparently the force skips a generation.When she shows... Oh, I know it, but not forSkywalker. When she shows up exigal and he'sWelcome, my grand...Both times.I think he says grandchild,which is a little more dignified.
48:03Sure.I am laughing.I laughed both timesbecause I was already out on the moviethe first time.I think he's like, oh, maybe this movie...And he's like, oh, man.Welcome back, my oogie-buggy, sweet-ups.
48:17Miss Big City Jedi decides to visit people Palpatine.Oh, well.Oh, couldn't send a card on Life Day.I see.FaceTime.I've been trying to FaceTime with you.Granddad, you didn't give meyour stupid fucking Sith GPS
48:36so I don't know how to get to you.Also, my VCR is blinking 12.You're supposed to come over and fix it.I want to record my stories.I told you not to move to Exigal.It's so far away from where I live.I'm going to take fucking two transportsto get to Exigal, you son of a bitch.
48:54Why do you think I never visit?The climate agree.with me. Get morefor your money.I'm a bit of a snow sif.It'smy lord. I think she's good.I actually, I do think she's good.
49:08She is good. She getshigher. In this movie,even more so than the first two,she gets handed a pile of shit and she makes it into something.I think it's a lot of them in this movie. And the characterand she makes the character still makessense somehow, which is a shockingthing for an actress to do because the character
49:24doesn't make sense. I like her.being a reluctant Palpatine.I like her meeting her evil selfon the debts. I kind of like that bitwhen we're on the Dead Star and likethe idea of a sunken Death Star isreally cool to me. I think that shit's reallyawesome. I did. I did think it was
49:40pretty neat. And it feels like it should be where theclimax of the film should be possibly.Oh, no it did. Oh wait, but I left like 30 minutesbefore it ended.There's more. So when didPalpatine? So Palpatine had a kidand he was just likeoh my dad is so mean
49:58even though I got the keysto the umpireI mean they could be livingin pig shit luxurybut the kid didn't want togo to the take over the hardware storelike he just wanted to fuckinghave sex with Eve or whatever
50:11I'm gonna Jody Comeryes so I'm just gonnasell my childto what was that guy's nameUdo UdoUdo KeeWho yesI'll take this child
50:25why not it'll be a lot of funMr. four quarter portions or whateverSimon PeggI'm speechlessI mean it's plot detailwell because the thing is like in you knowlike obviously the last one it's the great Adamdriver bit of like you know who you are
50:44you're nobody your parents sold you for drinking moneyand this it's like well actuallyshe was she thought that but she was actuallymy granddaughterI feel like they should just made her a cloneIf just say Snoke's a clone, say she's a clone, and then she is kind of nobody, because she's just a copy.I mean, I mean, it does do the Star Wars thing of a, from a certain point of view.Right.
51:06And it'll, you know, the fucking prequels, we're all about friggin clones.Yeah, that's true.Why aren't we more openly cloning if we're going to fucking bring people back from the death?If we have this technology, just keep cloning people, like whatever.As Dominic Monaghan says, cloning, dark technology, that's what Palpatine's all about.Who are you again?Dude, it is fucking redonculus that he is in this movie.It is so stupid.
51:29I do love also the Oscar Isaac line of somehow Palpatine has returned.Somehow I'm running out the clock on this contract,which ends of the strike of midnight and I'm thrilled.When I saw the Death Star all broken on the ground,I was like, who somebody had fun.Here's a question.Play a game of does this work?Okay.
51:54Harrison Ford in this movie.It's the only way thismake, like, the problem, here's the thing, is theproblem is. A non-force ghost.He's a non-force ghost and he says,I'm a memory and you're like, wait, what? Don't worryabout this. No, it's a ghost. It's not a forced ghost.It's a normal ghost.
52:11I mean, the thing is, I think that there's a wayin which this makes sense in whichLeah is projecting that onto him.That's her final kind of a thing.Okay. That's a way to, maybe that'spossibly what's happening, but it seems like a stretchlike, just explain. It's the onlyway you can redeem this character, which I
52:30actually think shouldn't have been redeemed. I likeAdam Driver a lot. Obviously, I think he's great.I think he's a great villain and likelet's call him a villain. I kind of like the redemption.I feel like, ifanything, if you're going to do that,go all the way. Because at the end ofReturn of the Jedi, Vader is
52:45redeemed, instantly dies. In thismovie, Kylo Ren is redeemed,instantly dies. Yeah.You know, subvertthe expectation and have him live.It's harder because, like, you, I mean,Vader had the death of all drawn on his hands.It's kind of hard to walk around.
53:02I'm like, no, I'm cool, man.Look, I'm wearing a white. I was wearing a black shirtbefore that, man. I was bad. Yeah. White shirt.So cool. Change your heart. Yeah.It's kind of hard. It's messy.You know what? Drop them off on that fucking Luke Skywalker Island.That's a good. Exile. That scene with Hans.That scene with Hansel would work
53:18so much better if there wasnobody because he's all alone.That's like the point of the whole.moment is like, I killed my fucking dad.My mom said, I am allthe fuck alone. Yeah. But no,you have to have another goddamn forwardmoment. Yeah. I mean, I drove me nuts.
53:34I'm sorry, guys. Yeah. You saidthat the Han Solo momentwould work if Han Solo wasn'tthere. What are you saying? Like his not, it'sKyle Lorenz moment. It wasjust him talking to himself. Or just like not eventalking like just like looking around and like knowingthat he's all alone for real.
53:50Like he fucking did it to himself.He did all of this to himself. Yeah.No, you don't because he's got to be a nice little fucking boythat you're going to do. But it is at least a great, I thinkit's a great moment after he hucks thelightsaber in the water and then he turns aroundand he's gone. At leastfor that moment, he is
54:06totally alone. Well, when he's afterwith Ridley, but like then I don't knowwhy you have this moment with Hansel other thanjust be like, you know, you love Harrison Ford, right?He's back, everybody. He's back. That's howI kind of felt about it. It's hardbecause he did the most unforgivablething, which is kill Harrison Ford.
54:22So you have to have him onYou don't have to, but the only waythey thought that audienceswould buy him as a nice guyis if Harrison Ford was like, I'm cool beingdead. You know what I mean, guys?It's fine. It's actually really great.I did like the... I can go be
54:38Indiana Jones. You know thatmovie Dracula Dead and Lovingit? I'm Dracula, folks.I love it.I... Oh, man.I lost it again.Hans Solo dead bastard.Oh, I liked how
54:54those like final moments of their interactionis just mirroring the dialogue from Force Awakens.I thought that was, and it's something.And it's sort of like that makes it more of a memoryif we're playing the memory game.Memory.Oh, la-da-na-na-da-ha.Oh, fuck, yeah, Kevin.
55:11It's definitely a lesser problem for me.I didn't really mind.On the list of stuff that I...I'm going to say something positive I liked about the movie.The hyper-space jump.No. The hyperspace jump.That's fun. That was pretty cool.It's cool. And it
55:27carries over one thing from the lastJedi that the first order Thai fighterscan enter hyperspace and catch upwith them. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it'ssomething. And alsoat some point, I think whenwe're notnegating Last Jedi entirely because we say
55:44the Holdo maneuver, which is also hilarious thing.They're like, well, how are we going to do it? Some guys, like,I think it's even Darwin like, Monaghan's like,hey, I'm in this movie. Like, fuck.And he's like, what do we do?why don't we do a couple ofholdo maneuvers and then everyone's likewell no it's like
56:00that there's a one million shot also likethat's suicide we're notgoing to be suicide bomb we don't have those bigships you understand you had a big ship thatis almost fan service to be like hold them we don't knowthat's stupid that's stupidfrom a stupider movieyeah that's right
56:15that's kind of how I read itI don't know I thought that that and thenthere's that part when he's talking toCarrie Russell's character who I don't knowZora or Zori I thinkZori, and he's like...Zori Bliss.And again, I like Poe in this movie.
56:29I think that...I think Poe's good.And he's much more of a slapdashkind of like, ha-ha, kind of a characterin this movie, which I think makes a lotmore sense for the character.And he's just like, you know, we had...At the Battle of Crate, we called out
56:40nobody came.You know what I mean?And like, that still sticksin his craw.Right.And it seems really weird that Billy D.Williams, Orlando Calarizian,can just get the entire universe
56:50to show up in a second.I guess because he's had sex with all of them?I think it speaks to the fuckingsuaviveness of Lando Calarizian manYou got Oscar IsaacYou know fucking Po DamranLike he's just like thisSwindler scoundrel kind of a guy
57:04But you knowAnd he's handsome in his own rightBut he's not as swogBut as Lando CalrissianWhen they sent out the distress call about CreteOr whatever did Lando get itAnd be likeAh no it's not dirt
57:16It's carnival hereSo I'm not comingI'm not gonna convince anyoneIt's possible manHe's off the grid thereWell, you see, it'sFat Tuesday here. We can'tbe doing that. What do you think of
57:28Robots wasted in the back?Dude, Lobot should have came back.What do you think about Po? It was executed.Po is a spice runner, man. He's a drug dealer.I'm fine with it. I think it's rad because it adds tolike he, I mean, because he is theHan Solo of this. Sure. Yeah.So it's nice that like that, you know,
57:45it plays into the piratey scoundrelstuff and, you know,of those kinds of characters in the Star Wars universe.They made Poe like the Han Solo.he's the X-wing pilotand Finn they wereI guess he'sa fucking Jedi kind of I don't know
58:01I liked him in this movieI'm not saying I disliked him I'm just saying they could havedone something better with this character I think he'sgood with PoeI think the scenes with Ray are not goodthere's for the most partapparently that when he was likethey fall into the quicksand or whatever
58:16the thing he wanted to tell Ray was not that he lovedher that is Jedithat he has force powersIt would be cool if it ever came back.That's that moment in any way.Ever paid off.That's the problem is that like, okay, he's force sensitive.Do something with it.
58:31No, totally.Why don't you do something except for just saying, oh, I'm going to say something?Oh, I'm going to say something.Oh, I'm going to say something.That was another thing that I read on the internet today, so I don't even know if it's a true thing.But in when they're on top of the Star Destroyer and whatever, he supposedly did use the force to fix the thing that was wrong.Yeah.And they just animated BB8 over it, fixing it instead.
58:55That makes sense.I mean, again, this movie, like, here's the thing.I don't know if that's true, but there's plenty about this movie I like.I will say, capital P, plenty.This movie's a fucking mess.It's a mess.And they put it, they rushed it out.It is okay to like it.
59:08And I know this is probably the hundredth thing you've seen of people yelling about it, butit's okay to like it.I think it's worth yelling about, but it's enjoyable.I still would say that I liked the movie.Yeah.I just, I had a lot of problems with it.That's okay, because there's nofucking flawless piece of anything, you know?
59:26I think I fall ondisliking the movie, butI realizethis, this, this, this, this trilogy is overand I don't need to have such a strong opinion.I can let go.Yeah.But I also think, I can finally live.
59:41Yes, Eric, you can.Finally today.Yes.I just don't, I don't like it.I hate it, in fact.But my whole thing is like,you wouldn't give this kind of like excuses to any other movie.You would not allow it.
59:56It would not happen.So when people are like, okay, there's one or two excuses I have to make to make this work, that's fine.That's what I expect from Star Wars.There's a couple conveniences.This is convenience after convenience after convenience to make this thing that nobody fucking wantedexcept for these idiots on Reddit.Chris has a good point here because like so many people speaking of J.J. Abrams,hated Star Trek into darkness
01:00:21and it's a fucking cohesivemovie despite whatever problems you havewith it it is notit's well madeyou can dislike that he's calmwhich I kind of doI just like to do I decide in the theaterall fine to think but it is a cohesive
01:00:40well made movieit's really well pastehere's my thing on this movie I think the floorwas always it was going to be the sixth bestStar Wars movie, and it's not.It is the sixth-best Star Wars movie.No, no, it is. Disagree.So wait, hang on a second. In the saga,
01:00:58you're saying nine saga films only.Well, no, no, no, no. I'm counting all the other properties,Solo. I put Solo and Rogue One above this. That's fair.But let's, but just talk.And by the way, I also, I think this is better than Solo and Rogue One.Okay. I didn't get a chance to rewatch Solo.I'm the weird guy who rewatched Rogue One.And I think it's really fucking great.
01:01:20And I liked it a lot.I rewatched Rogue One and I hated it.Really?I rewatched everything.And I actually, I liked Rogue One.I put solo above it.I know I'm weird.But so let's just say, though, for the sake of argument,
01:01:31Skywalker Saga only,where does this land betwixt nine movies?Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back,Return of the Jedi.Last Jedi Force Awakened.And then, yeah, this.Yeah.So it is.
01:01:43That's kind of where I'm, that's where I've been.But I mean, I also think,I think that the characters,are enough to carry me through a messy landing.I think that they do, I mean,and it's a messy, it's a messy movie.I'm really curious how we're going to perceive this movie 10 years from now.Oh, totally.
01:02:00And I'm sure I'll soften on it.Maybe someone will harden on it.I don't think people are going to soften.Like, I kind of feel like this is one of those thingswhere people cannot perceive of how bad it isbecause, like, you're comparing it to the prequels.Some of the worst movies, like at least the first two.But you have to.
01:02:15It's all part of the same thing.You don't have to do.nothing.This is chapter.It's chapter nine of a thing that started with chapter one, two, three.I'm saying in a couple of years, you might come to the point where you're like,this is as bad as those prequels.I can see that.
01:02:31Because like, it's too new.It's right here.It's just happened.Then you are comparing it to the prequels.I am.Of course I am.Yeah.But I don't know if people are ready.
01:02:40Like, I think because those things are so bad and they have such a story, a backstory of being bad,like, it's the biggest deal in the world that those.movies suck.Yeah.So I think you're not ready to see them on the same scale as this is what I'm saying.But here's the thing.I think those prequel movies are bad for a lot of reasons.One being like the leads are terrible.
01:03:03You know what I mean?And like they're wooden and they're not fun.And that this movie doesn't do that because I think that the leads at least have arcsthat sort of makes sense even if you don't like them and also the character,the characterization and the acting is better.Yeah, well, that's exactly right, because between these, so 7, 8, and 9, two of J.J. Abrams, one of Ryan Johnson, and I don't, you know, I don't think J.J. Abrams is a great director, but he and Johnson, I think both can direct actors really well.Yes.And so that, even though, like, this Rise of Skywalker is not great, there are good performances in it that at least don't feel like, love me like you did when we were on Naboo.
01:03:47Like, the fucking deliveries.And again, attack of the clone specifically is wretched.Yes.And it's because George Lucas can't direct actors.He can come up with all these cool ideas for the story and whatever.And that's awesome.And, you know, we owe a lot to him.But he cannot direct an actor to save his fucking life.
01:04:03Yeah.You know, that's all.I don't know.That's a weird fucking rant to end on.So I guess maybe, you know, we're over an hour here.Final thoughts and maybe a letter.Where?Branking her.
01:04:16We could do it.I already ranked.Yeah, we all said the six.People complain when we rank.I mean, how about this?How about like final thoughts and where,maybe do a letter grade if you want to and where you see Star Wars going from here?Okay.
01:04:30Final thoughts, again, I think this, I think top line this movie is a mess.I think that there's no way to spin this aware in this movie is not a mess.And that's a problem because the other two movies were not messes.Force Awakens, I think.I rewatched it.I found it a little more wooden than I had in the past.But at the very least, like Abrams has a...And the thing that I like about Abrams as a stylist
01:04:53is he has really impressive shots.He's got a really impressive ability to compose a shotthat gives you that G-Wiz wonder.And this movie is a little too fast for that.It's not slow enough where you could stopand be like, holy crap.Like the Darth...The Death Star in the water is like such a cool idea
01:05:11and it happens so fast.You don't get to linger with it,which you want to do in an Abrams movie.Ultimately, it's a mess.But I like the characters.I like sort of, I like the ultimate end of the film.I do kind of like Ray with her own lightsaber.I kind of hope it's the last time I ever see her,
01:05:29even though I really like the character.I would like, I think what the Mandalorian has shown usis the best way to do Star Wars is to stay away from the big totem poles.Leave those as the totem poles and build on top of itand find characters that could have existed in between those things,races that could have existed between those thingsthings in the nooks and crannies that wealways wanted to see that we never saw. That is
01:05:53the way to explore the story furtherand leave the Skywalker's, the Palpatine'sFacts, all of them out.I agree on almost all those points.I'll say one thing, two thingswe didn't talk about that really stuckwith me and I really didn't likethe ending where
01:06:11she takes the name Skywalker. I'm likewell that just inverts everything you were justtalking about. Could I find it? It was kind ofof a laughable moment. I was like, what the fuckare you talking? Like, this is supposed to be the end of theSkywalker saga and you're like, no, no, no, there's moreSkywalks. We swear. We swear. We swear. Here'sthe thing. The funny thing, that moment could work
01:06:26in either a way where she isPalpatine's granddaughter or this whole movie happened where shewasn't from Kalpatine's granddaughter and shefelt the legacy and like, maybe shewas nobody and she put it away and they're like,I'm a Skywalker. Like, that's actually kind ofnicer, but I'm sorry. But likeshe's no, like, the
01:06:42switching of the nobody thing is probably my biggestissue of the whole thing.The other thing I want to talk aboutreally quick is Kylo. We didn't reallytalk about him that much. The helmetis stupid. But two,like,they plod
01:06:59so much from the Kajimito the end with likewe're going to be here. Um,be bad. No. Be bad.No. Be bad. No. Be bad.No. I'm good.You do what your mother tells you, dude.I just didn't. I found it really
01:07:16limp like I felt like they just like coughed this out I I felt I never felt rush I never felt like anythrilled the way I usually feel with Star Wars I'm over talking but like yeah I really had a lot ofhatred for this movie I didn't have as much hatred as you obviously I there's a lot I likethere's a lot I dislike and your point about the ending I think it's kind of right because we kindof like get there and even though there's the Sith fleet and shit it feels like nothinghappens. It feels like wehardly get anythingto this. The fucking action literally never gets
01:07:50off the ground, dude. That fleet doesn't fucking takeoff. Go to Coruscant or something.Show me something. Oh, dude, the Star Wars CityBattle? Fuck. 75-9-11.I'm but a siege. Yeah.Do a blockade again.I don't know. And then like Palpatinelike four sucking power out of people
01:08:06and then he switches from suck to blow.Dude, I mean that partis so ridiculous. He comes inand he's like, if you kill me, you'rebecome me unless youreflect energyfrom a lightsaber which is totallydifferent than killing
01:08:21okay no no I'm actuallyDracula now I'm actuallyI saw it twice but I guess he doesdoes he dies rightdisintegrate sort of you see him like meltyes yes yes yes yes yes butit's probably a problem thatI saw this twice and don't even remember
01:08:38how the villain dies because there's so muchshit happening that we can't breathe for a secondand tothat end, you can't have a well-crafted dogfight in space or something. You can't havea lightsaber battle that is interesting to look at because we have to get to the next plotpoint because this is something that should have been like two movies, right? Just splitand half, Infinity War endgame, like, I don't know why we're so beholden to the idea of atrilogy just because that's what it was. Branding. Yeah, it's branded. Exactly. I mean,
01:09:09it's all just nostalgia poisoning. I think a lot of people have gotten over Star Wars.And probably, obviously myself included, because I'm a pig and shit with Star Wars.Yeah.And that's also my own problem because then I watch this movie and I'm set up to be disappointed.But I don't know.I mean, you're talking to a lifelong Star Trek fan over here and like, you know,I only know disappointment for the most part.Like a lot of those fucking TNG movies are fucking terrible.
01:09:36This is kind of why I want to flood the gates with Star Wars content because there's been so much Star Trek.And you can find good shit in those.Nooks and K-N-G, T-O-S, whatever.Maybe you don't have to be a Voyager guy if you don't want to be.And it's like, maybe if we make enough of these movies, I can have the ones I likeand I can just not give a fuck about anything else.Right.And, you know, I think you do have that.
01:09:58There's plenty of these movies that you like.Yeah.Right.There's also, you know, this one that you don't like.And there's the prequels that you don't like, which, sure, people like.But the hours of Star Trek.Right.Compared to the hours of Star Wars, even with the new Disney output.
01:10:13There's more.No, I know.way more. There's way more. That's all I'm saying. A lot of it's bad too. I know.But I get what you're saying. But that's what I'm saying. Yeah. And who's on first?If the pool is really big, I'm not going to taste the chlorine as much. That's all I. That's perfectlyor the piss, actually. More more likely. I think these movies are mess. I think it was a totallyfine experience seeing in the theater. For me, now I'm kind of in a place where I'm totallyhappy to wait till October
01:10:42when the Mandalorian comes outagain, season two. And, you know,I'm reading these, like, books now and I'm kind of going backthrough stuff, so I don't know. I'm in a weirdplace. Keep reading. Yeah, I do.I don't know. I think there's a...Yeah, I don't know.Yeah. We'll see.
01:10:56We will see. That's a great place to leave it, Steve.We will see.I think it's a perfectly fineplace to leave it. So thathas been the W.H.M. on screenfor Star Wars Episode 9,colon the rise of Skywalker. Until next time,I'm Andrew Jupin.
01:11:11I'm the dark clone of Stephen Sadek.I'm just Chris Gavin.I'm Eric Siska, disintegrating at the end of the movie.Take it easy.That was a hate gum podcast.
There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click any sentence in the transcript to leave one.