We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 505 - Ricochet

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

On this week's episode, the gang's unofficial Stay Tuned month kicks into overdrive as they chat about what just may be... one of the greatest films of all time: Ricochet! What on Earth is with that incredible gladiator scene? Who runs out of a Port-O-Potty screaming mid-sentence? And did everybody get a good look at that extra who was ROCKING. OUT?! PLUS: Lithgow's execution line to Miguel Sandoval's character may be one of the most incredible deliveries in cinema! WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. Ricochet stars Denzel Washington, John Lithgow, Ice-T, Kevin Pollak, Lindsay Wagner, Mary Ellen Trainor, Josh Evans, Sherman Howard, and John Amos; directed by Russell Mulcahy. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, is this one of the greatest movies of all time? I might think so. It's Rikashe. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska. Earl Talbitt Blake. And we eight movies.

A celebrity. Hello, program, as always, like I said, up top. This is Ricochet from the year 1991, directed by Russell Mulcahy. Of course, you know him is the helmet of the first two Highlander motion pictures. Hell yeah. This is like, written by Steve DeSuzza, this is like the Avengers and the X-Men teaming up for We Hate Movies fans. Totally, man. This is like, I think one of you guys, Eric, maybe you said it last night, like this is our thesis. This fucking movie. I mean, the cast alone. And by the way, we are thrilled to welcome our new member, Earl. Hey, Earl. Hello.

Hey, Earl. Hi, how are you? How are you, Eric? Thank you for having me on. I love your fucking weird pseudo-red crop top haircut you have. Thank you. The person at the salon had to be eased into the idea. I'm wearing a wig in the beginning of this film.

Oh, man. This is, this is an, a little. Lithgow all-timer. I mean, it's like a Denzel Washington all-timer in a way, but this is a John Lithgow all-timer. He's on the ascent in the like hammed it up

a roller coaster because he's about to do Raising Kane, which is just off the charts. And he's already done blowout. Yeah, that was seven years before this movie came out. It's just full on like he's just like getting the psychopath work. It's like, if we need a psychopath, we're

going to Lithgow all the time. It's so funny. I mean, for me, like my understanding of John Lithgow started with Third Rock from the Sun. Me too. You know, innocent Dick the alien. I started there with me too, but there was that cliffhanger in the background. Yeah. See, I didn't see cliffhanger until I was like an adult. So like the whole notion of this like genteel alien dufous character that I only knew Lithgow as, that playing all of these crazy psychopaths is like mind-blank. I'd kind of like him to go out. I mean, he's getting up there not that he's anywhere near the end but like I'd like to have one more psychopath performance from him yep oh yeah just a fucking old lunatic of some kind totally

and John Lithgow as Rudy Giuliani oh my god he's about like two feet too tall for that so you'd have to be on his fucking knees like like what's his face in Moulon Rouge there Eric don't say that Eric don't say that fucking SNL will do it oh yeah of course it's a fucking it, don't do it. You're going to wish it in. John Likwazama, that's what I was thinking of. Before we get started here, I'm just going to hit play real quick. Coming soon

to theaters. Oh, we've got ourselves the VHS game is happening. The VHS trailer game. What is happening? Please, explain. On the while you're a sleeping

episode, we redid our VHS trailer game, which is a game that we used to play kind of casually whenever I had this movie on VHS. Enough people, and I mean more than six, we're like, please make this a regular feature. So for those seven or more people, we're doing this once a month going forward, baby. I just say, I almost like choked on this beer when you said six people. I almost died. Because, so the way it's going to work this year, I am looking at the schedule in advance. I'm I'm breaking my rule. My rule usually is I like to just get stuff from,

from, what do you call it there? Thrift stores and fucking garbage bins. Okay. Well, you can't be going to those places with COVID. Dude, who's bad enough during the bed bug epidemic. Steve, I thought your number one rule was that you wouldn't kill people. Dude, that's number two. Number one is I will not buy.

But no, so what I'm buying now is I'm looking at the schedule and I'm buying one episode a month, the movie on VHS, and we're going to go through it. We're going to play this once a month. And I'm going to keep score. What's going to happen at the end of this, by the way? At the end of the season, which will probably be in August, yeah. The we hate movies member with the most points gets to use the we hate movies,

what do you call it, their debit card and gets to go on cameo and gets to call, gets to put in whatever they want for one cameo appearance. We're talking a lot of cool people are on there, Dolf Lundgren, Gary Busey. and a lot of cool people. The sad celebrity is Wally Sean that you think? Oh, I would love it if Wally Sean.

I am invincible. Something tells me he considers himself above cameo. Happy birthday! He's not, but he thinks he is. But so the idea is the winner gets to do this at the end of the season

and we all get to hear it and that winner could write whatever they want the celebrity to say they can trash talk their fellow opponents. et cetera, or whatever they'd like to do. I love this idea. So we're going to keep, I'm going to keep score here.

By the way, going forward, I will be referred to as the game master during this segment. Of course you will. I think I see why you set this up. Also, should be clear, Steve, you can't win fucking jack shit. I can't. I'm the game master. I'm above it. I will say sometimes there will be a guest on, and the guest will either feature as a spoiler to, you know, to take points away from these rotten sons of bitches.

sure right or if somehow at the end of all this which seems almost mathematically impossible if the guest team wins we'll have the guest be able to choose that we'll have like some sort of poll to see which guest we want to be able to choose it it's never going to happen don't worry about it so I was going to say that as of right now is not my wife Chelsea in the lead in this game that's the old season that's not all that's all that's thrown right in the garbage that's season 10 I forgot Chelsea throw your points in the garbage if you're listening if you have if you have anything in your hand just throw it the trash. The way this is going to work, I'm going to give the first clue of every trailer is going to be the game master's clue. That's going to be worth five points. I wish we had a buzzer, you know? Oh, buzzer would be great. Maybe we'd work on that. Like my finger on a fucking trigger. Oh, actually, you know what? Guys, we can do it in cast. Just click the raise your hand function. And Steve, all you have to do is watch the screen names and see who raises their hand first. Okay, I can get into that. All right. So this is how this is how it's going to work.

But so you can, for every trailer, you get to get one guess, okay? So then once, if you guess after the, the game master's clue, you're out. Okay, so you're going to give us a clue and then if no one gets it, you'll give us another clue. Exactly. So it's five points if you get it off the first one. Four points, I will read you a piece of Tribune trivia. Ooh.

And nobody gets it there. For three points, I'll read the IMDB tagline. Okay. If I answer just off the first clue and I'm wrong, I sit out that round. Yes, until the next trailer. Then for number, and then for two points, I will give you one star, one star of the film, and then for one more point, I'll give you one final star. Obviously, everything will build on itself.

You could probably get it by that point. So it's 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and then if nobody gets it, nobody gets it. and there is there are movies that I've never heard of which not that I've not seen if I've never heard of this movie everything's worth double so that's good at the

Steve I have to say I sincerely appreciate the thought that you've put into this ridiculous idea yeah this is pretty intense the fucking rules the VHS for Rickashay House it has how many trailers it's got three trailers great question Eric I'm gonna try if I don't want this to be the whole

show so there's like five trailers six trailers. I'll call it down to three, but we'll try and keep it at around three trailers. By the way, I tried to do this with Toy Soldiers, but Toy Soldiers had no fucking trailers on it. Wow. That's bullshit. That's weird. By the way, like, if any network execs are listening, which I know you are, this would be a great, you know, no one wants to watch the prices right anymore. We want to talk about movies. Totally. I don't need to guess the price of patio furniture. So this is also a TV pilot. Go ahead, Steve. All right. So for the round one, This, the game master's clue for the first trailer, because I'm the game master, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, thanks for reminding me, dude. I almost forgot who the game master. And that's a capital J-A-M-E. Don't get funny. Game Master. Who's talking? Did you say J-A-M-E? Did I say that? I meant to say G-A-M-E. I think he literally spelled the word game wrong. You're a jam master? This is going great. Networking sex.

I got the answer. Strawberry. Okay. fuck faces here it comes sure uh so the first clue the game master's clue for the first round is a buddy cop movie we the show have passed on numerous times because it's too racist to do there's even a slur in the first line of the trailer uh uh i got Andrew first uh I'm gonna say collision course he's got it he's got five points big five points yes wow that fucking never happens to me so that's pretty fun. Because the first line

of the trailer is some guy being like I know who you are. I speak your blank language. Honda. In the trailer? In the fucking trailer, the first line. Fucking Christ. That's one of those secrets. I don't think we've

ever announced on the air we'll never do that movie because it's too racist, but we can never do that movie. It's too racist. No, we can't do that. There's nothing else to talk about aside from like how badly Jay Leno is dressed and acts in that movie. Otherwise, it's just racism top to bottom. I once rented that movie, and I never seen my father more disappointed.

Really more disappointed than that? I mean, yeah, that was the start where the life left his eyes whenever he looked at me. That was the first time. Does he know what you do for a living now? Yeah, I mean, he says he's proud. I don't know. Hey, hey, hey, this is a cabin boy household, okay? As far as light night starring vehicles.

I like cabin boy. To this day, probably. Pretty fun movie. All right. So that's one. Andrew gets five big points there. Okay. Two trailers, right?

Two trailers left. Two trailers to go. Okay. I can get this. I could get this. So the game master's clue here is a sleek 90s buddy cop movie that involves professional football. That's Chris Cabin. That's the last Boy Scout.

That is the last Boy Scout. Eric was right on his heels. Did you have that as well, Eric? Yeah, I did. It's a bummer. That's all right. slow. The tribute trivia, just to say it, the word fuck is used 102 times. That is one of those famous movies where the fuck count is incredibly high. By the way, I just want to point out that

both trailers were buddy cop comedies. Yes, totally. On a sort of buddy, this isn't a buddy cup movie, but it's sort of going, all right, so last one. This is a buddy cop movie where I was so excited the buddy is fucking brutally murdered. We'll get to it later. So Eric, you might be feeling pretty bad right now but guess what the third movie is a movie i nor no one has ever heard of so the points are doubled okay all right so the game master's clue here is an erotic thriller starring two almost stars that centers around erotic photographer so so obscure and unwatchable they have clips of these actors on like shows like the dennis miller show and regis and kathy lee explaining the movie. It's insane. Oh, no.

Wow. So it's a what's it about again? It's an erotic thriller starring two stars, you know, mid-level, low-level stars. Stars-ish. Can we ask, here's a question for the Game Master. Okay. I can't believe I just said that. Can we

clarify something in clues that you give? Sure. I mean, and especially for these crazy ones. And I can ask the question and then you can just like choose not to answer it. But my question is, are we talking these are almost movie stars or are these like almost television stars that accidentally made their way into a movie fair point no these are people that

were in movies that probably that were stars or almost like really close to being movie stars but weren't okay um it centers around erotic photography and that's kind of it okay so erotic photography can you give us a year uh I mean this is all around ricochet so this is like and I will try when they do announce this on that sometimes it's like oh it's coming soon to theater sometimes it's coming soon to video cassette but this didn't have that so we're just going to all right so that so no wait a minute oh wait are you well here's the thing Chris do you want to do you want to chance it now or do you want to wait to wait what do I lose uh your dignity no if you guess now you can't guess

again for this round until you get a new clue well no until until you're totally you're out of this done I'm going to try it Okay. Is this that Madonna, truth or dare movie? No, it's not. And also, I'm going to need more than that Madonna, truth or dare movie. I think it's called Madonna, Truth or Dare. Okay, got it.

I think, yeah, in that case, I think, Chris, you're totally right now that I think about that. Okay. So that's Chris is out of the game. I'm out. So now for eight points, here's the Tribune trivia. This film, I mean, it's not, no, it's ever going to get this movie. This film is listed among the 100 most amusingly bad movies ever made in the Golden Raspberry Award founder John Wilson's book

the gold the official Razzie movie guide oh John Wilson that's a that's a dude I trust with them recommendations for sure so it's it's about photography yes or it centers around erotic photography it's a thriller so there's like murder going on too oh okay

so it probably has like a generic ass name yeah you're getting closer I mean I do think by the end of this both of you should try just name what this movie might be called Okay, so then the IMDB tagline, he's a master of seduction, every woman's fantasy, every woman's nightmare. In order to trap him, a female district attorney will have to make the ultimate sacrifice herself. Ah, hmm. So, okay.

All right, we're going to get up the actress pretty soon unless anyone wants to make a guess. Well, these aren't like real stars. then I think it's not even that huge of a clue to hear who the actors are. That's fair. So are you going to make a guess, or are you going to wait? I'm going to, well, it's not, well, I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait. So star number one for four points, Patrick Bergen.

Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. Holy mother. Interesting. That's the more well-known one? no he's the least known more well known that way it's sort of you build on it okay oh okay you're out shut up i know i just i think i yeah um oh i'm trying to remember who that dude is and i know it's not this movie so this isn't my guess patrick bergen is the guy a guy in sleeping with the enemy yes he is the bad guy and sleeping with the enemy he's the husband a boyfriend or whatever okay and the next

star and this it'll get you two points two full points all right Sean Young oh interesting now this title uh how many words is it yeah oh no all right i would just be a little in a sentence uh no it's it's it's two words i'll give you two words all right i think i'm just gonna i'm gonna guess uh-huh i'm gonna say i'm just gonna say something totally generic like i don't know black man no it's good good good good choice uh so that's up to andrew sean young and Patrick Bergen you'll never get it oh fuck no yeah that's Chris looking it up on IMDB like I don't is Eric you can guess like totally nothing you guess a fake title yeah I was just like yeah let me go with a fake-ish sounding title anything bland sex crime yeah exactly

So what's yours, what's yours going to be, Andrew? My fake guess was sex crime. Okay. Chris, do you have it or no? Chris is out. No, I know. I'm just curious before. Oh, I see.

He's totally out. I'm out and I wouldn't win it, but like this, we're all giving up at this point anyway. Yes. Is this fucking love crimes? Oh, shit. He got it. It's the film Love Crimes. Sex crimes.

You were close, Andrew. Very close. It is the weirdest fucking movie I've ever, one of the weirdest. movies i've ever seen the trailer is bonkers he's like it's patrick bergen he's running around he's making girls act like horses it's crazy because it's lizzie borden it's a born in flames working yeah inside out yeah oh totally oh i didn't know it was a lizzie borden movie so that's been the trailer game that's been the trailer game so uh chris and uh chris and andrew uh tied for five points eric yet to score but we we have october to look forward to we got quite we got some time to do this

So what were the movies again, Steve, that we got this round? It was collision course for the first one. That's what Andrew got. And then the second one was Les Boy Scout, Chris Got that. Oh, okay. Oh, right. Fucking love crimes. And you know what's funny?

I have heard of that movie. That is a like, I've seen the VHS cover or something. I didn't know was a Lizzie Borden movie and I certainly did not remember it now. I always got it mixed up with that the Lynch, Boxing Helena. They have very similar looking covers. Yeah, okay, I buy that. All right. So that was a trailer game, guys.

We're going to keep that going. I'm loving it. Unless more than six people say don't do that. So that's going to be different. No, no, no. We're going to go for it. We're going to do whatever the hell we want on this show. Yeah, I mean, there you go, folks.

20 minutes about the trailers on the VHS tape of Ricochet. You know, and Steve, if you wanted to do this more than once a month, I could give you the 99 cents to buy the other VHS tapes. point we'll see how this goes I'm just saying that because I had a ton of fun there you go games that was a good game games are fun games are fun we could do

some sort of movie trivia thing live on the internet I feel we can I feel we would excel at that just put it out there so yeah so this movie ricochet whose VHS trailers we just talked about for 20 minutes is fucking great I will say

I always love getting people's histories of these movies and or you know the experience with movies that were doing his episodes and I watched this for the first time last night and this was in my letterbox to review too. I am disgusted with myself. I waited 29 years to watch this movie because it fucking rules.

This to me is like Last Boy Scout level like outlandish crime movie action crime movie like I love this. I would say it's better than the Last Boy Scout for me. I think so too. I think this is great I mean I've seen it I saw it a few years ago and I've been just waiting for us to do it. So I'm so glad this day

is here. It's my first time, too. It's my favorite kind of 90s action movie. It's hard as nails a dirt stupid. And it's like I love that combo so much. It's so funny because it's like at certain points of this movie, you feel like saying to the movie like, will you take it easy?

And then like seconds later you're just right back into it like, no, forget I had any hesitation. This rules. They made, they learned all the right lessons from Canon. Like this is a movie where like they really got like it's a little bit more mature than you would think from a cannon, but the

violence is correct. It's smart too because it's got two really good actors obviously leading it and excellent actors I'd call them. Oh yeah. Which ones? Ice tea and Kevin Pollock. The duo back again. I was trying to get someone to say Denzel

Washington. Oh, of course Denzel Washington. Because on our Patreon this month we have Inside Man directed by Spike Lee is our bonus episode there. right so this episode uh is airing on a tuesday and that episode uh of spikely's inside man we love movies will be out at the end of this same week i'm excited about that we do talk about the trailer to inside man some background on it no game right nice connection there yep totally this uh ricochet comes out actually weirdly between two spike his first two spikely movies i think which is no better blues and um Malcolm X is the year after this. And in the same year that this movie came out,

he also had Mira Nair's Mississippi Masala. The movie. And what's weird is like, I mean, it's kind of funny, actually, because in 1990, yes, he was in Mo Better Blues. And the year before that, he was in glory. But in between those two movies, he was in fucking heart condition. But I feel like there's something about, like, right now, like a 1991 Denzel Washington, that's a 1992 Denzel Washington and a 1990

Denzel Washington and it's just it's weird to see him having been in like such great movies and then be in this like weird like uncomfortably violent cop movie yes well I think that part of his taste because he continues to do this a little bit because we got virtuosity also in the 90s that's true that yeah that comes four years later I think we have our rule about we imagine our inside man like for every two Denzel Washington cop movies one or for every three one is good. He plays a cop a trillion times. I don't know this is definitely not his first because heart condition, I believe he's also

a cop. No, he's a lawyer. He's a lawyer in that movie? Oh, okay. Well, in here he's a cop that becomes a lawyer. Yeah, he also plays a ton of lawyers. Obviously Philadelphia, very famous. He's a lawyer in that as well. The lawsuit, the Chris Cabin famous famous costume.

What is he in the Pelican brief? He's a lawyer, reporter, what's going on? He's a reporter. Okay, yeah, that's a movie that might be a stay tuned. I don't know. I really, that is like my premier fucking hangover movie. That is up there with the fugitive for me.

I mean, it is an Alan J. Pecula early 90s, two and a half hour conspiracy movie. Oh, yeah. Sam Shepard is in that video, John Hurd is in that movie.

Tony Goldwyn. I'm seeking himself. My hot take is that that is a better movie than the firm flat out. Oh, yeah. The firm's not great, honestly. It's not very good,

but it's got one of the best casts ever. Oh, for sure. Yeah. So just for anyone who wants to know, this movie is about Denzel Washington is a cop who then becomes a lawyer who busts John Lithgow and John Lithgow becomes obsessed with him and destroying his life in a Joker-esque fashion.

And that's all that's all there is to it. And it's an hour and 40 minutes and it's wonderful. Yeah, another big bonus for this movie, man. Under two hours, Primo content. Was the Joker's, like, original name, Earl Talbot Blake, that could, I could believe that. Dude, that is, that is, when you're named Earl Talbot Blake, you are asking for the electric chair. Just to, not lethal injection, not fucking hanging.

It is you are asking for the electric chair. Look, honey, we knew when we named it that, that he was going to assassinate a president, okay? We just knew that was going to happen. We just got to curve him away from that. We got to work with him. It's important for kids to dream. Yes, it is. Now, Earl Talbot Blake, electricity will,

pass through your body till dead it was because I was thinking about the electric chair a lot while watching this movie because he should totally get the chair in this movie just by his namesake alone but he does not but I as my

as you guys know and as my wife knows and as people who follow me on the internet know I was super stoned and I bought the entire creep show series on DVD and so I broke in You mean Tales from the Crypt.

Oh, Tales from the Crypt, excuse me. Oh, right. See, now you had texted about that last night, and you said Tales from the Crypt, and then today it would change. And I was like, oh, he was high last night, and it was a creep show. Well, no, I was high, but it was Tales from the Creep Show series. Isn't that, like, just on Shudder? Yeah, and it's not good.

Yeah. No, so thank you for correcting me. No, Tales from the Crypt, the seven seasons of the HBO show on DVD. Get ready for it. The fucking, I mean, it was incredible. I only watched the first two episodes that it was amazing. instant flashback. I remembered both of the episodes very well. Were there

any trailers? No trailers to speak of, but the pilot episode is an episode about William Sadler plays a dude who's an executioner and a jail whose job is just giving people the chair and then the state that he's in. It's a living.

Yeah, totally. The state that he's in Texas. Removes the death penalty, so not Texas. Okay. Never happened. Yeah, Vermont. I think it's supposed to be California is where he is. I'm kind of surprised that the disc doesn't have like a trailer for like Dream On or something. No trailers, but it's a DVD.

It's a standard deaf DVD box set that was clearly made like probably pre-9-11. When you turn that disc on before you can play any episode, you better believe you're taking an entire menus length tour through the cryptkeeper's house. Anyway, all this to say, William Sadler starts like electrocuted. people that he finds like that have like gotten off of crimes or something so he's just like sitting in courtrooms like listening to verdicts and then

electrocuting people who he feels should have been given the chair it kicks ass classic episode it's a really good one no ma'am you jay walked and that means you get the chair see I would say that's a good idea to give John Lithgow the electric chair the problem is that his brain is so

powerful that he would turn into the West Craven villain shocker and that we just know that's going to happened because his brain's too big. That movie rules, but that's a total stay tuned. Oh yeah. Hell yeah. So we start off. I want to say really quickly, sorry, but just that

the opening title sequence here. Oh, please. The score and the titles, I'm telling you right now, the estates of Bernard Herman and Saul Bass had a fucking case because they rip off psycho so hard.

It's ridiculous. And it's not psycho. It's It's ricochet, guys. Like, you know what I mean? Like, this is the silliest movies get, easily. Exactly. And it's not even like Brian De Palma, like, Raising Kane, another fucking psycho Lithgow film.

Yeah. That is silly, but it's De Palma anyway, so it kind of is, you know, elevated to that. It's not that. It's interesting, though, that you mentioned De Palma, dude, because there's two, at least two, maybe more instances in this movie where they choose, and I don't know if this is, you know, Russ Mulcahy or whoever,

you know, working with, you know, the DP, whoever shot the movie, there's definitely at least two distinct split diopter shots that they have here, and that's like De Palma up and down the board. The dude loves using those. Yeah. And they're here in this movie, and it just,

between that, like, that and Lithgow being in this movie, and then, like, thinking about Raising Kane, and, like, this, this to me totally feels like a Brian DePalma movie. It would be great if it ends And it's like, towards the end, Kevin Pollock comes in to see Denzel Washington. He's like, Nick, it looks like you, you did all this to yourself. You killed all those people.

You're Earl Talbot Blake. Oh. And then it's John Lithgow's voice comes in his head and it's like, they're just kidding you. They're just trying to get you away from me. Yeah. But Kevin Pollock would have came in and like done his classic impressions, like Captain Kirk's telling him, you're Earl Talbot Blake

You're out to lunch It is It's your classic Your what do you call it there Like it's a working comedian That's famous for stuff You want to get him into movies And for some reason you're like

Well you want to see him do the thing he does Even in the film Rickashay Okay so he's a cop He does funny impressions of celebrities And he's doing him all day long It's just so weird Because it's poor Denzel Washington You know Denzel fucking Washington

It has to go up to Kevin Pollock in one scene. He'd be like, you know, it's like that silly show you watch Star Trek. And he's like, it's just really like, come on, do the thing. It is like you can see these setups. It's like Kevin Pollock is being asked to play T-ball in this movie. The setups are so terrible, too, because that one is like, you know, women love uniforms because they're cops. And they're talking about uniforms. And he says that, oh, like that show Star Trek you watch.

And Kevin Pollock's like, that's right. captain kirk would have never gotten laid unless he had that uniform and i'm like what are you talking about it's a fucking gold sweatshirt um we start which is where you want to start is a two-on-two basketball game with denzil washington and uh kevin pollock yep versus ice tea and this enormous dude yep and you know it's outrageous to me that by the end of this street court match somehow Denzel Washington and Kevin Pollock are the winners. There's no way Kevin Pollock has ever won a basketball

game. Like, get out of town. Dude, he is dishing to Denzel Washington like fucking John Stockton these outlet passes. I'm like, get the fuck out of town. That was his Stockton impression. It's so insane. And like, at the same time, as

unbelievable as it is, it's also hysterical because Ice-T is doing like the, yeah, we're playing street court rules or whatever, and him and this huge dude are throwing Kevin Pollock all over this basketball court. He gets shoved into a fence at one point. Laughter for minutes, I'd deposit almost. But it also looks like, I mean, just because of the time and everything, it looks like white men can jump, like are got next. You know what even? Like, Wesley and Leslie Snipes and Woody Haralson are just waiting and Woody

Hawkinson's wearing that dumb hat. I think is Ice-T wearing a similar stupid hat in this scene kind of sort of? He's got a few stupid hats in this movie. Sure. Towards the end two. Let's play the stupid hat game. Let's hear the soundtrack.

The hat master. I would never imagine myself to be the hat master. Oh, you know what? If we're the hat game, it would have to be called Haberdashers. I do I said that they're playing and like

they end and like basically like Ice Tea is like yeah we're not friends anymore because you're a stupid job and I'm like what's happening

it's a lot really quickly it's a yeah it's a weird like they don't set it up too well but I think the idea is that Ice Tea

playing Odessa and Denzo Washington's characters grew up together and now it's a thing where it's like Odessa has chosen the street

and Denzel Washington is a cop so they can't their paths shall not meet anymore kind of a thing it took me forever to realize what what Denzel Washington's actual character name was in this movie because I think in the first scene what you're gonna call it I see is calling him PK which we find

out later is this is like a dig for preacher's kid and I'm like so his name is P.K. what? P.K. styles like is it Perry? Is it Paul? I was confused about that too and you figure it out when John Amos has that rally at his church like 50 minutes into this movie

It's like a telethon What's funny about that is like 50 minutes of the movie You don't know what his name is besides PK And then they won't let you stop hearing it It's Nick Stiles Assistant DA Nick Stiles A new scandal Nick Stiles scandal I also understand that because like

Nick Stiles also sounds like a nickname Like if I said that it was like What's it at the end of that? What was it going on here? Well that's a good that's a good call, Chris, because unfortunately the name Stiles has been ruined by the film franchise Teen Wolf. Ruined? This is true. Pardon me?

It's been elevated. Exactly. I mean, it just sucks that here I am watching this fucking crazy Denzel Washington movie, and I'm thinking about styles from Teen Wolf, both of them. Oh, you just introduced my new game, Teen Wolf Rules, where I just talk about Teen Wolf for 20 minutes. We did that

in L.A. That's a good point. Um, and around here, uh, is also, you know, is, it's kind of weird because it's like Denzel Washington meeting the woman who will be his wife for the rest of the movie. But right now, like, she's just sitting on a picnic table reading Moby Dick and watching them play basketball. This is really confusing. I thought they were already together. Yes, totally. Like the, she's there. She's his girlfriend and they're kind of hanging out. But it's very, very easily, not easily starts, very clear. flirting with her right after the game. Yeah, she has a killer line right here. I was laughing my tits off when Denzel comes up and he's hitting

on her and he's got, I think he's like getting ready to go to work with Kevin Pollock or whatever, and he's like holding a pair of shoes and she asks him if he bought those shoes in the dark, which is like this movie's equivalent of Rodney being

like, oh, you know, a nice shirt did it come with a pair of pants kind of a thing. Right, yeah, it looks good on you, though. Look, look, honey, pay less shoes. They take 30% off if you look for the shoes in the dark. Save their electricity bill a little bit. But this conversation is dripping with sexuality.

Oh, for sure. In this movie, he's got so many, like, sleazy pickup lines to almost every female character. Dude, I was so horny watching this movie. I can't even tell you. He finds out his future wife goes to USC, and he's like, oh, I love their mascot. the Trojan. Dude, and that is low, man. When your pickup line involves the brand name of condoms, very low.

I mean, he's flirting with everybody. It's not just women. I mean, all the men, too, are going to get his father gets it a little bit. Dude, we see some Denzel dick in this movie. It's incredible. It's insane. I rewound. Multiple times.

To be fair, counselor, I was watching this on a VHS tape. It could have been anything. Okay. I freeze framed multiple times. and I think there might have been, like, he was definitely naked, but he, I think he had, like, a little, like, cover. Yes. Flesh-colored, like, he's just got a bump, basically.

He's doing a flesh-colored red-hot chili peppers. Rub my bump. And it's like, so you can see his dick, but it's, like, in a sock. So it's like, Alan Rickman as the Metatron in Dogba is what we're saying, the bump. Something like that, yes. No, but it's not a bump, though. Like, you can see column-looking slong-shaped. It's shaft-esque.

His dick is in a cocoon. It's also not, it's not slick like Rickman's thing is. Yeah, it's drier. I think maybe his character has a medical condition where he's got like extra four skin. You know, he's got like five skin. Oh, God. So, whatever, they go on the job and it's, they're just walking around. It's Denzel and Kevin Pollock walking around a fair, just kind of patrolling it a bit.

Yeah, and this is, I got extra alert here. Oh, I love this guy. There is a guy. So, like, when it cuts to the fair, there's like a band stand and there's some bands playing or whatever. There is a guy who kind of looks like a really young, like maybe like a Louis Anderson type build. Rocking the fuck out to this band. It is the funniest extra work I have seen, I think, since Dante's piece. He's rocking out so hard, he's got to hold on to a railing.

He's holding. I know, he's holding this railing. it's incredible i want that guy's movie right dwight can we go no i'm still going they're so fucking good oh yeah and it's just some terrible band playing like tody fruity or some shit this guy's losing his mind and then like denzil watches oh so i here you have a a captain kirk impression god what do you think about airline food what's dumb about this is it presupposes that like at this point Kevin Pollack's character has not been talking to Denzel

Washington's character about Star Trek repeatedly for like all of their partnership because you're right Steve he has that line of like what's that show you watch Star Trek like you would be inundated with Star Trek information and also like Denzel sorry dude like you know what Star Trek is you may not watch it but you know what Star Trek he does he does have that uh Pollock does the line but it is that great Kirk line, the, you belong in the circus, Spock, next to the dark face boy. That's fantastic. Legend to the dark face woman. I feel like Pollock was one of the people that invented that impression, kind of.

Like, he was really early on on, like, doing the halting way of talking kind of a thing. He popularized it, I guess, with, like, Comedy Central specials and shit. But, like, it had to have existed, like, when that show was on the air or incident. I would imagine, right? I mean, when they were doing Star Trek on like early S&L, wasn't like Belushi was doing him. Oh, like that way, yeah, that makes sense too.

But I think he was just like talking. One of the most interesting things I've ever heard was that both, what do you call it, that Dana Carvey and Kevin Pollock were on the phone and they both kind of came up with the George H.W. Bush impression together. They forgot who was each one. It was like a body swap.

comedy that's weird so they like they were just kind of workshopping it like they collaborated on an impression i mean i mean we do that here you know what i mean yeah you hear somebody do something then you could do it kind of a thing right yeah you're just kind of mimicking the other person but i love the notion of like stop you know us stopping and me being like so steve like when we're doing jim balushi uh you really got to remember to accent you know what i mean like a picture of them like workshopping and uh uh affectations and impressions you could just imagine danikarp be like nah that's more of a that's like like a Prescott or a Jeb

even. That's not quite there. It's Jeb-esque. It's a little too Jeb-esque. Got the eviler. Eviler. So they're walking around and then like you cut to this warehouse full of drugs. Obviously it's the vague drug trade. You see one of the guys is the guy

Little Yerry Seinfeld. Yeah, dude, the great Miguel Sandoval. He's awesome. Love him. Definitely not in this movie too long as Vargas He's the villain in clear and present danger And like I watched that movie so much That like he became like To me he's his big as Christopher Walken

Wow Because I watched the movies he was in so much Yes I know that rule Yeah I just I have that with him Love it And he's great I mean he's in this movie for two seconds But it's always great seeing him and stuff So it's John Lithgow in his partner

As Earl Talbot Blake And his partner Kim This young guy, this young short dude who's like his sidekick sort of. A Renfield, if you will. Yes, it is a total Renfield situation. I'll need to know what magic is bonding this dude to this fucking tall creep. I don't know, man. But it totally freaks me out.

And this guy, like, he's been in a couple of Oliver Stone movies. The actor's name is Josh Evans. Like, he's in the doors and born on the 4th of July. There needs to be two things need to be clarified in this movie. One is, is Kim in love with Earl Talba Blake? I think that's implied. Yeah, hang a hat on a little bit. I'd like that.

And also, too, is Earl Talba Blake a racist, like a full-on racist, and that's what this movie's about. Kim, Kim wants to be in early on what he assumes is going to be the Blake cult that is coming. I see. So he wants to be really early on. He wants to be in, like, the higher echelons of what he assumed will be a. major, major player in the cult game. He wants to be the Allison Mack in this cult. Yes, he wants to be the Allison Mack of John Lithgow's fucking cult.

But I think, Steve, to answer your question about the racism, I don't think that John Lithgow's character is supposed to be racist because it appears that he does have a real disdain for these neo-Nazis that he meets up with in prison. Yeah, I guess he's got a disdain for everyone. I guess that's also true. Like all life. Yeah. I mean, this character is really,

if the end of this movie was like, hey, surprise audience, this is an alien that's been stuck here for a hundred years and he despises humanity. I'd be like, yep, checks out. I think it's like a Daniel Plainview thing. He has a competition in him. He's coming into this thing and like he goes up to Kim.

Like, Kim's like, yeah, we're going to get these guys and he grabs him and shoves a key in his mouth. That's a lot of something going on there. And it's like, this is my big night. You better not ruin it from me. It's a big night. Like, what? Is this like your hitman audition, maybe?

Why don't you just fucking announce that this is an inside job? When he finally sets up to, like, do this cat mouse with Denzel and get his revenge, he said that, like, you were just starting and I was just starting and I wasn't allowed to. Oh, so this is like his big move tonight is busting up Miguel Sandoval's gang. Look, if you're going to start a new cult, you have to make it big. You have to make the first event big. And then I'll go to jail. obviously when I come back, oh my god

the cult times will have. I love, so it's like Lithgow just busts in with a shotgun. Miguel Sandoval is like oh, you'll excuse me fellow gang members I have to use the restroom and like hides and then Lithgow comes in with a shotgun and just starts

blasting these dudes and we are seeing this. Seeing squibs, a lot of squib work, a lot of canon-esque squib work here. This is like robocop level. Yes, yes. It is. And that's this moment exactly. When John Lithgow goes into this room, I was like, I am here for the rest of this movie. Every last second of this movie, I am here for it. The 1970s knew how to film live music. The 1990s knew how to film shotguns. That's what we were really good at. That's like shotgun related trauma. We love. And I love it. I mean, I'm thinking of T2, by the way. That's some of the greatest shotgunning. I mean, you get a,

whole shotgun explanation in a second here and it's fucking great so like all these dudes are dead and then like Miguel Sandoval comes out of the bathroom like drying his hands and he's like Gracious Amigo oh my god fucking Lithgow just going

De Nata and blowing him away that was the first actual howling in my apartment oh my god dude day Nata indeed sir it's just a great like smash car

Danada, and he just blasts him. You can just imagine it on like an oldies rock station as part of like the mix of like the big intro package. Coming up today on the river, Dana. We're talking with. Oh, that would be great. Someone used that in something. So they hear all the shotguns like, hey, maybe we should.

I mean, also like if you're the world's greatest criminal, John Luskeller, like, uh-oh, a town fair is next. to me maybe I'll wait on the shotgunning totally like it's an I couldn't believe that I was like a silenced pistol asshole yeah totally you're like 50 feet away from this carnival like no carnival's gonna be that loud that you're covering up shotgun blasts maybe wait till tomorrow but is it that maybe he views the carnival as like this there's stuff going on I can get out of like that's a distraction I can get away yeah and it's also like oh there's rides and people yelling in whatever like

maybe they won't hear it and I think he's right if all he was shotgunning was Miguel Sandoval. Right. But he blasts like four other dudes before he gets to him. Yeah, because he's, he's, Sandoval has hired him, right? That's the assumption. That's question mark, yeah.

Well, I mean, hired him or they're like in on it together or whatever. And then, you know, Lithgow just like dupes him. Yeah, it's like a joker-esque like you're the last guy kind of a thing possibly. Yeah, I think that's, yeah, totally. So whilst, um, Kim is like the getaway. driver and then Kevin Pollack was like, freeze. Oh, you're going to look real good to sell sweet cheeks. And it's like, oh, Kevin, Kevin Pollock really? Yeah. Yeah, come on. I love the, like, so Lithgow like freaks out and jumps out a window to escape. And the fucking stunt double is like

front and center. There's no effort whatsoever to cover up this person's face jumping out the window. Which I appreciate honestly. Oh, totally. Give these guys their due. Whatever. It doesn't take me out of the movie. It's funny. It is kind of funny that this movie is kind of it starts with the third act of blowout and it's like, well, what if he doesn't die kind of thing? You're totally right. What if he doesn't murder that woman in front of the fireworks?

Yeah, so like they get in the standoff. This is outrageous and Denzel. I love it. Him just taking off his clothes? This is nuts. Well, first, he's got him. Like, Denzel Washington has him by gunpoint. And, like,

like he's like he gives him the shotgun explanation like you can't shoot me i'll kill you first and he's got the hold on him but then a woman comes out of a bathroom and like it's not like you're just on tracks it's not like you're just an airhead you know what you're doing when you choose to walk in the middle of a shootout yeah like she just walks in the middle of this thing and if i was Denzel Washington, I lose my quote, but like, really, lady? I had him. I had him right here. She also comes out of the porta potty, like saying something. Like she's, she's like, she's been in an argument with somebody because she comes out. And you hear her say something like, hey, Karen, or something like that. And then John Lithgow's like, don't mind if I do. The Lithgow line

to Danzel. Oh, my God. I rewound it like 10 times and put the captions on and everything. She's going to need a paper bag over her head when her boyfriend fucks what's left of her. Oh, yeah. That's one of the Lithgow lines of the century. I was going to say, if I'm a boyfriend, I'm just probably going to respectfully not have sex to their dead corpse. I'm just, yeah.

It's like, are you going to be like, like in what scenario? He's like, well, I don't know, paper bag. I wouldn't normally fuck this headless corpse, but I have this paper bag here. This is I want to do the trick. I'll be honest that the paper bag doesn't really fit over

one piece of what's left of her, to be honest. Like, I can just put it on top. if that's what you're talking about. It's now red and wet. Yeah, I don't like this. It's a red and wet bag. I'm going to respectfully mourn her and go to her funeral, John Lithgow. Thanks anyway.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we'll get there. We'll get there. But before that, I got a paper bag. I'm dying here. Lithgow, you know, there's like a cornucopia of incredible lines here. Throughout the whole film coming out of Lithgow's mouth, but there's a thing here where Denzel's like got the gun on us. it's after what Chris said

he gives all like the shotgun specifications or whatever and he goes you know so I'll you know I'll put three in your head and I'll be you know back at the precinct filling out paperwork and eating donuts and he goes Denzel says I love donuts but I hate the paperwork

and that's the woman comes out of the bathroom right here and after Lithgow gets her he goes now back off donuts yes I was waiting for that to be his nickname for the rest of the movie I know it Should have been, man, it's right. Hello, donuts.

Oh, my sweet powdered donuts because they're doing cocaine. Progresso donuts. Dude, progressor donuts. Ew. Minustrone donuts. Dip them in soup, dude. Chicken noodle donuts. Oh, God.

I do. But, yes, he's like, listen, all right, you got me, you got, you got her. All right, I'm going to put, I'm going to put, I'm going to go down. You know what I'm going to do first? I'm going to get naked. I'm going to show you. kid. I got nothing under here, nothing under there. And he gets like all the way down to his boxers. Not bad, by the way. Oh, no. No. If I'm John Lithgow, I'm like, man, what the

fuck are you doing? Yes. Please stop this. Please don't do this. Please stop. I'm getting horny. What are you fucking doing. Denzel goes, uh, he's like, oh, now I'm naked. He goes, uh, the only weapon I got left now isn't helpful to you unless you're a pretty girl. And I was like, my God, dude, we are spending this whole movie. Just like inside. man talking about your fucking dick and balls. And it raises the question if you went back through the filmography, how many of these Denzel Washington characters

are talking about their dicks? It's a great question. Probably a great question. I think it might come up in the Mighty Quinn. Oh, yeah. Safety's off too on that dick, dude. So he has some weird burrata in his boxer shorts that he like just shoots Lithgow in the leg a couple

times. Yes. Lithgow had taken out a knife at that point. And then after that he says, I don't know, to someone, I don't The lines in this movie just happened. It's a barretta in the butt is better than a butterfly in the boot. Yes, a butterfly knife, I assume. Oh, sure. Now it makes more sense.

I was thinking of the insect. I like that Denzel-Uston, like Nick Stiles has been working on his act for when something, when something like happens. Like, he's got a few lines just ready to go right off, like fired off. And those don't just come to him. He clearly worked on them at home. Well, that's, you know, his lady friend is home, you know, reading classic literature, and he's writing zingers for criminals. Or maybe he's calling Kevin Pollock. They're working out of it together. All right.

All right. So, so you say the line about your only weapon left is useless unless you're a pretty girl. And then I jump in with a great Captain Kirk impression. You know what would be hilarious is a burretta in the butt, Denzel. Yeah, okay. All right, I like that. I'll cross that out. He's got a little notebook little mole skin he's working. I realize that saying but sounds a little more childish than ass, but sometimes it's really great to use alliteration in your zinger. What's the knife that has a B in it? What do you think?

I mean, the blade, but that doesn't have any flair. Bowie knife. Bowie could work. That's too big to be in your boot, no. But Butterfly! There we go. There we go. We're working together.

Working together here. So I got a question. Now, Andrew, you had texted last night that this apparently was, is potentially in the diet. hard universe yes this is indeed a shared cinematic universe with die hard because what is it there's a character that like character crossover yes so the uh the late mary ellen trainer who we know is the mom and things like the goonies and she was the psychiatrist and several lethal weapon movies in this movie she plays a reporter by the name of gail wallens television reporter this woman plays this exact same character in the first die hard Now, this got me thinking, was this one of those famous scripts that was supposed to be a diehard movie?

Oh. And they rewrote it a bunch. It actually was supposed to be a dirty hairy movie, but it was too grim. And Eastwood said, no, thanks. I'm not taking off my fucking pants. Or, I'm not working with Kevin Pollock. It's the same movie they're playing. He's playing basketball and iced tea and that other guy.

All right. I'm dish it to the hole. You better not be a pretty lady because my blood is boiling down there. You say someone gives me the clap in this? That goes too close to home. All right. You know what? Maybe John Amos shouldn't be my father.

Just saying. Yeah, I was going to say it wouldn't work if Clinties would and ice tea were childhood friends. But also, it definitely does not work if Clinties would is the son of John Amos. John Amos, another diehard connection. Yeah, Harry, we diverged in interesting ways. Also, you're 35 years older than me. See you later, Harry. Did you just call me P.K.?

That's a pig killer. I used to work at a slaughterhouse. John Amos, by the way, is great. I just rewatch coming to America. Oh, nice. God, man, that dude is a treasure. I love that he gets a nice fucking. a little victory lap

in uncut gems where like it's just it's so amazing that John Amos lives in that building and the guy and Adam said it was like oh fuck that's John Amos it's just so cool he's also in he's in one of the Conan Barbarian movies or both I don't think he's I just watched the first one

he's in the destroyer that he's definitely in one of them okay he's the bad guy in the second one he's no he's not the bad guy I think he's a good guy and isn't he the bad guy and die hard too yes he's one it's him and funny enough speaking to william sadler it's the two of them now but darth vader's a villain in one of those co yes he's uh

james little jones isn't the first one for sure because that's what i just watched speaking of coming to america right it's all coming together i love so they there's this guy who films this whole exchange and then you kind of cut to the d a's office and they're like he's a star this this william styles is a star that little character i love so much because It's like Italian nightcrawler. Oh, yeah, this pudgy guy that looks like character actor Michael Bottoluca.

Listen to me. I'll get rid of the evidence of your cops shooting here and nothing to that, but you got to give me a large sausage pizza with some dollar bills underneath. You understand me? You understand me? I can get a sausage pizza right now. I love that. I love a sausage pizza.

Fuck. Holy shit. Let's just end this. Just go get a pizza. Thanks for tuning. But yeah, this is like, this is where the DA comes into the locker room. This is the fucking Wienergate happens here. And, you know, yeah, she's like you and Kevin Pollock are both being promoted to detectives. There's like a nothing chief character that she's like debasing the whole scene, which is pretty funny.

This is the actor Lindsay Wagner as the DA. And meanwhile, Lithgow is like in the hospital, kind of like pretending that he's comatose, I guess, is the idea. and then his clams just really get steamed because he sees Denzel like being honored by the mayor like on TV Oh right, he's like promoted to detective, etc. Yes, and we get Lithgow is friendly with this old bookmobile guy.

Right, by the way, I want to quickly mention to paint a picture for everyone at home. Lithgow not only looks like, you know, a 10-foot nightmare with red brown hair, he's got a little cross-earing and like a glassy eye. Yeah, that's right. He's blinded one eye.

They're doing it all. I mean, he's exactly, I mean, the last act of this movie is the last action hero. He is Tom Nudan's character and last action hero. Almost.

Yes. So good. It's fucking great. But it is, so yeah, I don't understand what he does here. He gets, like, he realizes that his life will now be destroying styles

his life, sure. Right. But like, I don't get, what he's doing, put in the books and the leg? I never got it. I have a notion here. But at first watching this scene, like this gentle old bookman, like, oh, I just bring books to inmates. And he's like, I need the heaviest book you got.

He's like, oh, Tolstoy, Anna Carinoran, no, no, no, war in peace. Okay. Oh, and the big Bible there. And I thought he was going to beat this dude to death. That's what I thought, yes, dude, I did two, actually. That's hilarious. I have to get into solitary. I guess his knee is fucked up

Was he shot in the knee I guess And he like tapes these books around his leg I guess to bend it better To make it bend and he screams And I guess he's trying to force himself to heal I'm desperately confused by it I don't know what it is Because it looks like it's going to be

Like he's laying down like it's going to be stiff For a while and knock it up I almost feel like he's breaking again So that it will just turn into a limp Because he does have a limp later Yeah I think it's like he's like just so super motivated to like get up and exact his revenge well what they really they they later suggest that at that moment he already planned everything because he's planning

for the bullet in the uh arian's knee when he escapes yeah yeah he really and i don't know what the time what's what five years is the idea so he has five years to come up with this plan there is some weird thing in the beginning of the movie when like they're playing basketball you hear like the radio And they do this a couple times where it's like, President Reagan is going to be at the 84 Olympics this day. And I was like, what time, where are we? And then I realized it's going to be a time jump thing. It's very, there's a few time jumps that are very weird and disorientated, including one where we get like footage of Nick Stiles' career going on. And this is like they couldn't know this at the time.

But the bottom of the screen says the time stamp on it, and it's 9-11. Oh, really? Yeah, 9-11.85, though, or something like that. Is this when he's appearing, him and Kevin Pollock, and this is a thing that happens in this movie that's completely unexplained. Him and Kevin Pollock appear on a fake cop's ripoff called Busted. That's what this is from. Like, what are you talking about?

Like, you can't, you can't just tell me that this guy is on a hilarious cop reality show and never explore it. This is why I was thinking it was a John McLean movie or something like this big hero cop. What would happen next? Well, it's so insane because it's like, it's like, oh, And there's so much dialogue going on Because again, this movie's only an hour and 40 minutes And so much happens Where like Kevin Paul's like

Oh, it's your last day on the forest Before you become an assistant DA Good thing we're on this reality TV show Let's go get these drug dealers And it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's nuts. I cannot believe that this is the way They chose to relay this information

And you also, because it's like a hard copy type show Like they're you assume later Like when things go bad for fucking Nick Stiles That they're going to come back But like they just didn't put the insert back in like all you have to do is do another busted and then people would understand what you're doing but it's just like regular footage yeah it's so dumb but like and then it goes to nothing because then it's like five years later he's promoted to ADA at you know in line to be like the DA

probably pretty soon and Lithgow's just been rotting in jail and it's great because meanwhile as he's riding in jail uh they show they shove him in this other cell they're like all right you've uh you've uh made too, you've put too many of your other cellmates in the emergency room. So now you get to meet up with, I don't know what this character's name is. It's, I don't think they give it one. He's credited

as Chowalsky. And they're like, oh, look, and as they're showing John Lithgow to Chowalsky, who's played by none of the Jesse Ventura, it's like, yeah, Indy cute, Chowelsky, indecute. And it's like, they kind of shove him in there. It's like,

uh-oh, what's going to happen? And he goes, hey, weren't you arrested on America's funniest whole videos? That's awesome, dude, because they, I don't think that they got the clearance from ABC to use it because he goes, yeah, I saw you on America's funniest videos. Either that or like, all right, take 12. Is it funny America videos? No. Why can't I just say the Bob Saggett program?

Yeah, you were so funny on USA Video Store. Because his initial bust, someone filmed. Was it the fat guy from the start? Yes, it was. Yeah, it's the guy who's not Michael Bottolucco. And they sold it to the news or whatever. So that's what that's in reference. Take 68.

Yeah, you got busted on. Oh, shit, I shit my pants. Okay, John, you're a great actor. We're going to try this one more time. I swear to God, I'm going to do this take. I'm going to try my best not to shart in front of you with him. All right. You're going to be arrested tonight on

No, Ren and Stimpy, is that it? It looks like you got busted at Blockbuster video. Was it Hollywood video? No, wait, what? America's what? You think this is bad. You should have seen the lines I was blown in Commando. In Predator, buddy, I was really fucking up my lines of Predator.

I was blowing so many lines on Predators, so much cocaine down in the Mexican jungle. Yeah, you know, I was really excited to work with John Lithgow, but it got to the point that he couldn't. they had to have a body double which was just a bunch of sticks and a wig you know a lot of people think that John was the one who came up with the term cream cake

but I actually was the one who told him to call me that because much like Martin McFly and Chicken that's the one way that I'm always to get angry yep that's right I also ate a bunch of creamed cake last night I used I bake cakes and I creamed them with my blender Arnie showed me. And then John Lithgow beats the ever-loving shit out of Jesse Ventura in the cell. It's fucking great.

I love him. Lithgow, like, Ventura is totally out for the count on the floor. Lithgow is throwing shit off the shelf. Like, all of this guy's possessions, like, nope, because I need a shelf for my various manifestos. And you would think, okay. It takes the top bunk, too, by the way. Absolutely. Oh, yep.

I got it. Okay, so he's a tough guy. He just beat up this big guy. Ventura's got this, like, skull tattooed on his forehead. like and he looks like ventura so it's like i've i've totally got that information and you would think that is the end of this part of the movie also in real i don't know i think ventura would have taken him i rl oh sure yeah of course there's no doubt about it dude uh around here is when kevin pollock does a fucking columbo impression and i wanted to die

yeah this movie's a roller coaster you're like loving every second of it and then there's certain parts you just want to die because he's like sitting out he gives Denzel Washington a ride home and they're like sitting in the car like having some beers for a second or whatever I think and he's just like you know you know the one thing you have

to do is wonder what Detective Colombo would have to say about all that you're just like Jesus Christ just do the Peter Falk and get it over with it. What would Jack Nicholson say to all this? I think it would sound a little something like this. Do you remember Christopher Walken? Do you think you could do

something for that? No but I can you know what how about t j hooker i'll just do captain kirk again just run back the hits so um that's you know and he's excelling now denzil has this great um house he's doing a some serial killer case um uh and like he does this insane uh what do you call it their closing argument where it's amazing the the the guy from seinfeld who's in a ton of movies including uh canineine and other stuff and i think he's in true romance as well and like he's just like the the the defense attorney and once oh yes the guy he's Roy from Seinfeld he's the guy who gets the junior mint dropped in him and he's once he's doing Denzel starts doing this insane fucking

what he called their closing argument and like this guy as the defense attorney's like fuck I just lost the case I don't know do not do that you see this dude throw in the towel right there it's funny you're just missing him saying he's just too damn good yeah you're totally right man and like Denzel is like sashaying down the aisle of the courtroom, like really going above and beyond, and there was an hysterical cut to this judge. Did you guys

see this? No. Well, Denzel's like, you know, singing and dancing and whatever, like doing this closing argument. And when he gets down to like the end of the courtroom, like by the exit doors or whatever, he kind of turns around and makes a big scene. And they cut to this judge and the guy is just like, well, all right,

Denzel Washington. Like this guy, the judge is totally into it. You cut to the judge and all of a sudden you just hear, there's no right answer to closing argument like we still have to let the jury deliberate no you know by the way denzil has a mustache now yes that shows the time has passed yes yes it's a killer 90s denzil washington mustache also not to uh i don't want to uh get the tweets from the horror hounds the junior man guy is also bub from day of the dead there we go and he's the columbia necktie guy from k9 it's important to remember that's a thank you the formative moment

The Belushi Hounds will tweet it as we don't mention that. So we cut to back to prison. And it's like this is like two other movies. I don't even know how many other movies this need to be to get to this movie. But it's just this guy you've never seen before. All right. When two Aryans got a grudge in this prison, there's only one way to solve it. And we're having all these insert shots of people making body armor out of phone books.

Dude, what? I mean, this is like. Exactly. Great question. This is like, what is that movie, it's on Shudder, it's called like Bronx Warriors 1999 or something like that. That is, I think that movie was also an MST through K, right? Yes. Oh, okay, yeah.

I mean, it just that like, it instantly felt like a hyper low budget near future post-apocalyptic movie. Yeah, it's like we're just like these gladiators and we're building armor out. of phone books like and this is all being allowed to happen in a jail this is horses I love it and it's just like and only one area it's gonna survive and they pick up these swords that they've fashioned I honest to goodness this is what I literally my wife wasn't watching the movies me like I'm like hey hold on you gotta come out you gotta come see this you just gotta come to I'm gonna have to rewind the movie we're gonna start from the beginning just so you understand what's

yeah you should I mean I made my wife watch this I was like no no no no no Oh, no, you don't. Eric, this reminds me of a movie that I didn't finish that you've seen as a bunch of a kid where it's another like prison fight movie. Yes, fatal combat. You didn't finish it? No, it was like 3 o'clock in the morning.

I have a piece of shit. Do you still have it? No, I have to rent it again, but I probably will. This is also similar to the prison fight and tango and cash, which is around this time, I think. Were there swords in that, though? No, but there were like electrical currents.

there was enough bad shit stuff. But the film you're referring to, Steve, has Svenoli Thorson and like spears and shit in prison. Wow. So I guess this is based in some kind of reality or fantasy. I don't know. Like it's, they've got these swords they've made. It looks like they've made like bed frames. They've kind of sharpened them into swords.

I guess that's the only way I could make this into any kind of a thing that makes sense. Wait, you don't remember the story how the bird man first fought a bunch of his friends with homemade knives and stuff. stuff before escaping. No, he was known back then as the sword man of Alcatraz, actually. It was until he escaped. And this is like, when two Aryans got a grudge, there's only one would it do it. And that's in this warrior combat. And I do believe this is, if Trump wins re-election, this will be on the history channel in the

9 o'clock slot, Aryan Warriors showdown. Yep, dude, totally. Welcome back to true Aryan warriors hosted by Stephen Miller. It'll be on the history channel for sure. Exactly. And hilariously, Lithgow just murders Jesse Ventura immediately. There is no fight here whatsoever. What is also crazy about it is like, not only is the body armor phone books, but it's also some crumpled up newspapers.

Yes. Oh, right. Just happens to have a story about Nick Stiles in it. So he sees Denzel on Jesse Ventura's chest. And I think that's when he's like, I'm driving this spear right in through this newspaper because fuck that guy in the photo. And fuck you. God, yeah. I originally had Roger Ebert's review of Billy Bathgate there. I hate that movie, Stab. Billy Batsgate. Yeah, there was a bunch of lines of mine that got cut because I kept fucking them up.

And sharding during tapes. Lithgow was a pro, though. He only called me a piece of shit a few times. What? Was I the only one? one that ate the beans from craft services? Oh, I was. Oh, those weren't from craft services? Oh, I brought them myself, you're saying. God.

In my defense, I lifted my leg every time I had to toot. You knew it was coming. Oh, come on now, Jesse, please. Blowing the lines by blowing wind. Look, I took your advice. I had a progresso black bean soup. We can't breathe back here.

beeferino and i love so it's this guy who is like a bootleg mark pelagrino like a ted fanta yes oh my god i thought it was mark pelegrino for like way longer than i should have because it's clearly not but he does kind of look like him and he's like oh i'm the head of the aryan nation listen you want to have friends in prison he's like well i guess i do want to have friends and this is what we realize also his buddy kim is still around and he's in with the arians I guess, question mark. This is a weird moment where I'm like, really, you and your buddy are in the same

prison? I don't know. This is kind of like saved by the bell of college years. Oh no, screech. Well, much like Renfield and Dracula, they're, they're like connected. They're drawn to one another, essentially. Yes, John Lithgow is going to get his revenge on Mr. Belding. Dude, absolutely.

Mr. Belding and John Lithgow is Aryan warriors showing down. I'm into it. because he does Kim turns to him and he goes wow man you truly are the great Aryan warrior and I'm like what are you talking about American Aryan warrior also the funny thing is for both Lithgow and Jesse and I mean I guess it's prison so it's a little different but like those guys are just white they're not specifically Aryan we're talking about the Aryan brotherhood I'm sure those assholes have like very few rules except don't be Jewish The numbers are down. We're going to have to take a few brown-haired people, okay? I apologize in advance, but we just got to do it, folks. I mean, that's the whole thing, right?

I mean, like, look at Hitler, look at Goebbels. Those are all brown-haired motherfuckers. Yeah, I guess that's true. They, yeah, they dictated the rules but didn't follow them themselves. The blondes were the good guys. Oh, right. If you think about it. Don't break your back stretching to do that justification.

we cut to a church John Amos is playing as we said Denzel's father he's also a reverend he's doing a baptism on the baby that Denzel and his wife have just had

so you see again like you know he's got a mustache he's got a better job he's married he's got a kid the timeline is fucking crazy because that happens and then later these kids are like young

young like actual talking people yes you're totally right This is like this movie takes place over 15 years. Or maybe seven. If it's 91 and we're talking with the 84 Olympics, it's at least six or seven. Because it's a two-year jump between him going in and this, right? And then I don't know what the jump is when the kids get older. I don't, that one I miss.

It must be another five years then because that puts it at seven years and that's the exact amount of time between 1984 and 1991. This is a project for you, Chris. I want you to get like a, like print out the newspapers, like zoom in on the footage of the newspapers and stuff and reassemble the entire timeline on the wall of your kitchen. My true Pepe Sylvia moment. Exactly. And we should say also that he's got this buddy John Cothran, who's Councilman Ferris, who's like sponsoring him kind of throughout all this. Like he's like, oh, you're going to make a great, you know, you can see the, what do you call it there, the great, the greatness in him. like he's going to be a great politician like there's like when he's like at the church

like oh man he's a religious man too like all this kinds of stuff there's talk about him running for president yeah well uh the first thing he says to his is his soon to be wife is like i want to be the first black president right um and john carth he's been in some stuff like he's in boys in the hood i think yes he was kind of around he's been around for a while yeah um not a huge role here but i do like this actor he's I mean, he does have a very, very important role to play before this is all over with. Oh, absolutely.

I'm just shocked that they let him in that close to like this Christendig. Like, it's like the inner circle of your best friends and then your new boss just tapping his watch. Yes. Like, well, the fucking, when your dad is dipping your baby's head into water. Right, because the other thing

that's going on here is Denzel and this other, this other character, Ferris. They're combining the resources to try to open like a children's community center on some property that's like, you know, dilapidated or whatever.

These two, I guess it must have been a well-known enough L.A. thing. These two, they keep calling them Twin Towers. I don't know what they were. I don't know if this was like a was it like an electric area or something. It must be because at the end it turns into a very electric situation. I assume it was like a power plant of some kind.

Yeah, I don't really know what this location is supposed to be. I will say it is awesome. in this movie. Lots of nice on-location LA. Well, you know, now that you mentioned the Twin Towers and the earlier footage said 9-11, this could be in Loose Change. The new version

of Loose Change will feature footage from RICOchet to prove it. Yop, you got an interview with a guy that had boots on the ground there. This is Rcochet Hour on R.T. Yeah, Denzel was a hoot to work with. I'll be honest with you, you know,

He gave me half a donut. Yep, but they knew what was coming, and they were planning it from the start. Russell McKahey directed all the news footage on 9-11. Yeah, speaking of Pepe, Sylvia. Nobody knew about the quickening until McKayee came into the picture. But it's okay, me and Oliver Stone's son are going to solve it. There is an amazing documentary that just came out a little while ago. I can't figure out all of this.

Now you as being Steve Sadek always need to clarify what you're talking about. a real film or something? This is a real film. YouTube documentary. No, no, this is on Amazon. I have to look it up really quickly. Hold on.

Documentary. Also, have you seen some of the trash that's on Amazon? That's not really a qualifier. That's true. But if it is over 45 minutes, then we might be in real movie territory. It's a conspiracy theory documentary.

I have to look it up. I'll post it. I'll tweet about it, but it's basically like, they follow the guy from loose change as well, like the documentarian. And like, this guy's just a fucking loser or living like in Sogertes or something like filming. Oh, shot against

Sogerties. No, but he's like filming rock videos now. And he's like trying to like distance himself a little bit like, I don't know, man. I just made a movie and it's like, no, you didn't. But you know, I agree with you, Steve. Fuck Sogerties, Woodstock Phoenicia Alliance. That's what I'm

proposing. Tannersville, get in on here too. There you go. Denzel, like, so he has to leave his own child's baptism because they have to have some call about the community center and it winds up going into a thing where Denzel goes into

this like dilapidated housing project to meet with Ice Tea to be like hey man we're opening up this community center down the road and I don't want you and your dudes banging or like slinging on the corners or like fucking with these kids like it's a real remember

Ice Tea is in this movie he's got to be important later we don't have anything for him right now hey listen IceT we don't have anything for you right now just hang around I promise later we'll have something for you there are some great Denzel lines when they visit iced tea here

like like oh we start you start out hot wiring cars now you hotwire cocaine right yeah because they're like making crack there's like a crack facility or something definitely also very important to tail here there is a massive drug lab at the top floor of this building

I love it because it's so crazy like he goes in there and they're like you're gonna get you're gonna get killed right now and like he brings up they used to be friends and blah blah he saw his brother die and then it's like oh yeah that's not enough here's this grenade i brought and i'm like movie can i get a minute can i just holding a thermal detonator no you know what dude uh i gotta politely disagree here because my seatbelt was already fastened and i was ready to take it into the next gear with this grenade i was like here we go i think denzil even screams he's like let's all die tonight i was like absolutely weird but nine and a half minutes oh away from fucking Aryan Warrior Showdown. I'm like, grenades in a crack house, honestly. I wrote it down the line is, ready to die?

Raise your hand. Raise your hand of you're ready to die. I mean, I felt by the time this movie was over with, because Steve, you're talking about, like, just ramping it up to grenades from the previous sequence with the Aryan Warrior reality show. And by

the end of this movie, like the combined effect of all of these insane moments that just keep escalating. Like, we have haven't even gotten to the paranoid thriller part of this yet. Like, I was exhausted. Yes. In like the best way possible, but I felt like what people who jog must feel like. Theoretically. We, theoretically. Yeah, I don't have any hard evidence about how that actually feels. This happens right after they get the, the murderer that they were trying, goes to jail, is going to jail, found guilty. And as he's going out, that his friend, that friend of his, the, the DA,

with the Ferris Yes The city councilman Ferris is like So what you're gonna do And like he's like I'm gonna go home And kiss my babies

I'm gonna make love to my wife I'm like yes Jesus but dude Really I've never told As far as anyone knows I've never had sex I'm not like hey man

Guess what I'm doing I have sex with my wife tonight Cool dude text you that later Yeah I just I've never understood The need to broadcast Intentions to have

sexual intercourse Man we won the softball league championship. What are you going to do? I'm going to fuck the misses. I'll see you guys later. Okay. Yeah, I'll see at the office on Monday. See you fucking the wife. Hey, I want you to think about me having text to my wife. We'll talk to you later. Enjoy that. Okay. You have a great night, man. Just imagine my dick and my wife. I'll talk to you soon. I love you, buddy. Yeah, I'm coming real quick. All right, talk to soon. Also, first I'm going to kiss my baby, so have that nice juxtaposition

going on right there. Yep. That's just to light the mood. so iced tea sort of agrees to the whole thing they're not going to mess around with the kids at the community center and denzil goes out and kevin pollock's waiting for him and of course the grenade was just a lighter the funny thing is that scene just like kind of cuts and i'm like wait did he like put the pin back in like how does like how do you defuse this situation and if you're just like

it was a lighter don't think about it let's go on with the movie So it takes, we jump forward and John Lithgow is in this, like, prison hospital and, like, distracting the doctor with Kim to swap medical records with this Mark Pelagrido-esque Aryan dude. Yes. You just put that in your back pocket? Sure. Now, what is the line? Because I don't, I don't remember who has this set up or why, but this was a, I was laughing so hard, I had to fucking pause it. I think it's just some jail guy, like some prison guard or something, says to John Lithgow, I hope you remembered DeFloss.

And then Lithgow goes, I did with your wife's pubic hair. That is. Had to pause the movie. That is what he's about to go. Because that's the next thing. It's like, they just terms of one scene where blah, blah, he flips it around. And then the next scene is like, all right, it's your parole here. And hope you remember DeFloss.

When they're bringing him out of the cell there, you see his, the wall of this. sell is just newspaper clippings of Denzel Washington and also like edited with pornography. Hard core pornography. Like Denzel Washington. I would call it hardcore pornography. Head down, ass up with Denzel's face on it. That's an erotic pose, dude. I don't see any penetration there. Sure. No penetration, but it's still like hustler level. This is not Playboy. Yes. No, no. It's all that. The Milo Manero Spider Woman cover is there. All sorts of stuff. It's medium core pornography.

Yes, medium core pornography. Thank you. That's exactly. But, like, that is the funniest detail that is never really addressed. There are two pictures that are like that. You get a close-up on one later also, like, when Kevin Pollock has all this evidence or whatever. And I'm like, I get the whole, again, funny enough, Pepe Silvio, like, obsession, the wall of Denzel, all the newspaper clippings. But to put his face on the pornography takes it to a whole other level of crazy.

I wanted the scenes with Chikovsky or whatever fucking Jesse Ventura's name is, like, fucking... Shalzky saying like, show you want to fuck that guy? Is that what your, the end game here is to fuck this guy? I've been trying to put it together, you got a hard on for him, like sexually. Trying to figure out what's going on here, bud, and I have to say, I was more than happy, especially after you beat the shit out of me on your first day, to loan you. of my pornographic magazines, but had I known you were going to cut him up for your weird collage here, probably would have denied the request. Yeah, my brother baked me a cake and put a Costco

franchise thing of Vaseline in it. So if you need any help with that there, you know, I'm here for you, brother. Right. That is a great detail in this cell. Jesse Ventura does have a giant thing of Vaseline. Just a tub, you would qualify that as a tub of Vaseline. Nice, dude. So this is when, yeah he's introduced to his like court his public defender guy is like you know what just shut up and we'll do our best here kind of because he knows he's not going to get it and also like i don't know if you're obviously uh lithgow's other plans i wouldn't do the pubic hair line to the guard that's walking me into my parole hearing because like the guards go like you know what this guy just said to me you know what i yeah but you know i i would wager though steve like john lithgow at this

point you know he's he's injured several of his cellmates he's murdered a man in medieval combat in the cafeteria. This guard is probably like, you know what? Please parole this guy. Get him out of my hair. I just don't understand. Like, if somebody said that to me,

I'd be more confused than angry. I'd be like, what? So you got my wife's pubic hair somehow and then flossed with it. Could you please put this guy somewhere? Like, I don't have to see him. I don't know what he's saying to me, but like... Well, my whole thing is like,

the only way that's working is if you have one of them floss picks and the pub is mounted in that. That's right. That's right. Because otherwise if it's if you're doing a handheld job how long is that pew? It depends. Maybe she's a giant woman! Rapunzel, let down your pubs. I'm glad we're getting into the technicalities of

this, the specifics of how this would work. Yes, Chris started it. I just don't think he would get angry at that line. I'd just be like so like what? Really? What the fuck was that? I'm saying like there would be prickish, you know, prison guards

that would take issue with that, but I firmly believe that this guard just wants John Lethgow to be out of it. It's also super important to realize that they're giving these while they walk into the parole officeing room, whatever the hell you want to call it, these prisoners are doing

routine maintenance, I assume, with like power drills and bandsaws and what have you. You know what? We're moving to another conference room. Yeah, yeah. the thing. We're going to have you take out the cameras all over this place in the parole room as well.

I know we're not working in there, but you know just in case. But the pubic hair line, I think, is like foreplay for the extreme fucking of the variety that's about to become here. Dude, this movie is like John Lithgow's driving a boat.

And then like every time he's on camera, he's jamming this throttle forward. Like, it is insane. like this whole thing is first of all funny detail this stupid like public defender guy is like so you know he's been bothered by the Aryan brotherhood the Aryan brotherhood for those of you who don't know I was like they work for a prison board they know exactly who the Aryan brotherhood is let's move on with the details and then the guy is like you know it's like so

when you get out like are you going to whatever and uh you know I don't remember what the setup is but the line of no to fuck your wife and your daughter hell maybe even your dog and i was like i'm going to go to you he's like what are you going to do when you go out he's like well i'm going to go to your house and he's like well why are you going to do that to thank me and he's like no to fuck your wife and your daughter and maybe your dog dude and then i was like ding ding ding dude fucking ricochet bingo i just got the beastiality square god damn it they never want to come to thank me every time i think they're going to come to my house and thank me, but they're always

fucking my daughter and wife. I want to thank me. He's got like the approved stamp in his hand. He's ready to do it. That's like a Simpsons joke with sideshow Bob or something. He instantly somehow shoots this dude in the head. What is this

little device? Got a John Lickickin gun, man. John Liffkeg. It's insane. The funniest thing is this guy, this parole board guy is such a fucking weiner. Like he doesn't know that he has seconds to live But after John Lithgow

Threatens to rape his whole family And the dog The guy is like Well, I don't like that kind of language Lithgow again right here Is like, then you'll probably hate this And he pulls out what looks like They didn't have these back then

I don't think but like a car fob And just like pushes it And a bullet comes out and shoots this guy right in the head It's like a zip gun maybe Yes, yeah Oh is that with those? I feel like there was one of these in Leon the professional, definitely one in in the line of fire. And he, he shoots in the head and then like, yeah, like these other, these other inmates who are part of the Aryan Brotherhood, who are just doing routine maintenance with power tools, start sawing and drilling into these people.

Oh my God, there's this one dude is holding a fucking buzzsaw and jamming it into this guy's chest. It's hellraiser shit. It's like, what? is and I just wrote in all capitals right here in my iPad oh my god this movie is flipping out like I could not believe that this and it's again they are going full throttle I'm like the blood is flying all over the place this dude's getting sawed he's fucking squealing it's driller killed yes yes there's a guy that gets drilled and this is what's so insane about it too it's like there's a few people alive but not many like I think one of the women on the

parole board there and he's just like telling people to take their clothes off and presumably they're also taking off the bloody fucking clothes of some of these victims and then dressing up as the parole board and leaving and the the guards just like all right bye I thought I heard a gunshot and a bunch of death screams but now yeah you're good to go like they walk out to the gate and lithgow just goes six to exit please John lithgow like must have like a like if he took that big fat guy's suit, then he must look like David Byrne coming out of this. I've got a tape I want to play you.

I do love, and it's a psycho killer indeed. It's amazing. It's the number one rule. Like, if you see somebody that looks like they're busy and you're like, oh, I remember that guy from improv school. Oh, you know, I think I'd had a class with that guy. Oh, we used to work together. And he looks

busy. Don't bother that person. Because you know what's going to happen? You're going to get shot in the head. Also, if you just see anyone, you know, maybe shut the fuck up, keep your eyes down. Keep walking. Because the book guy is like, oh, hey, John Lithka, remember me? I'm book guy. And he's just like, not now, book guy, not now.

And he's like, no, book guy, remember? I ever going to bring back the copy of Lady Chattelie's lover. He's shotguns this guy or something. It's fantastic. He's dead. And then obviously it's an amazing shoot. out scene. They flee in the bookmobile. They do

flee in his bookmobile. And then of course he grabs the public defender. It's like, oh, by the way, you're fired. Shot in the face with a shotgun. It's great. It's incredible. And I think that here's the thing. I think that you were getting at something like there needs to

be like yes, there's the Oscars and that's for like the real great acting performances, the Razies or for the bad acting performances. We need like the silly Oscars. Like you know I mean, it's like, it's a great performance in an incredibly silly movie and John Lickown needs to sweep to silly

Oscars. I think we could call it the Hot Shit Award. I like the Hot Shit Awards. Because this is like a hot shit performance. Yes. And like the Hot Shit Awards can encompass like silly stuff like this or like just like real badass stuff that would not be honored at a

like traditional award ceremony. Actually, they revived Spike TV on Pluto TV, so give us a call. We'll do the Hot Shit Awards. There you go, dude. Absolutely. Just like these Bar-in-Burner performances that, again, are good, but also are in the most insane movie. You cannot honor them properly.

Or bad, or, like, outright bad movies. Like, I feel like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Along Came Polly is overdue. Yep. That's a great, that is a great example of something you can honor at the Hot Shit Awards. And instead of, like, the Cecil B. DeMille Award or the Thalberger Award or whatever, you got the Nicholas Cage Award. Yes. Yes. Yep.

God damn it. This is a great idea. Oh, dude. Faceoff would have swept those awards. Swept them, I say. So they, they, just they, there's someone makes mention of,

uh, oh, so they, they pull over to the side of the road and, you know, it's Lithgow, this, the Renfield Kim character and then this,

uh, this other, uh, Nazi and he's like, all right, Friday the 12th, we meet at the white nation bookstore. I mean,

like, okay. You want to call that like Perkins or something. Don't call it. The White Nation Bookstore. Like, oh, Flaherty's bookstore. Then you go and you're like, oh, I don't want to be here. I mean, originally it was Nazi Ned's book, nook.

Nazi Ned's book, no. So people know what they're getting, you know? You want the Nazi book you come here. Perfect. Come on now to Nazi Neds. I think that's the store. We've got Ezra Pound on sale. You have not seen deals like this anywhere else.

Nice. It's definitely just an offshoot of the store from fucking falling down. Yes. Yeah. So, yeah. Give it to me. So Lithgow fucking shoots. This is an awesome thing too. Shoots this this dude in the throat, kills

him. And then this is where you realize what's going on because he shoots the dude in the knee because he's like, just in case there's any overzealous medical examiner. So it's like you get what's going on here. He's mimicking the knee bullet wound, you know, that Denzel gave him. Dental records have been switched. Right.

So this dude is going fucking off this cliff in the bookmobile that explodes before it falls off a cliff. Of course, because we're in ricochet, guys. It's not any other movie. It's going to explode before it hits the ground. I mean, you really could just have them in, like, charcoal. Like, like, they just got, like, Lithgow and Kim are both, like, and, like, they were just, like, a cartoon in a, explosion like all city and stuff yeah yeah yeah and there's a reporter now is this the diehard reporter or someone i think it it is they want to set her up she wants to come up and come she's got the

fucking last line of the movie for some reason oh god she like walks up the denzil and asked like like oh give a statement for the you know the death of earl talpud blake or what and he's like who is like oh your first huge bust or whatever and he was killed by the aryan brotherhood and he's got some funny line like like my father used to say uh i guess there's some good in everyone yep yes totally and she's she's kind of like yeah i guess that's an appropriate response yeah i don't praising praising the area of brotherhood or whatever yeah i think you might be landed on busted soon again so the next thing is this this big telethon they're running and it's for the community center and you know it's denzil and his wife and john amos are all there along with the city

councilman friend and they're just doing this fucking thing and meanwhile uh the wife gets a call and it's like uh oh the power is out uh at at their house and this babysitter is like oh hey the power is out or not if you guys come home oh wait the power man's here don't worry about it oh it's john let's go oh man and i got to tell you something you know progressive power The Progressive Power Company This babysitter is a terrible babysitter. This girl should never get a babysitting job ever again. You know what I think is the truth that we're all avoiding.

Is there all bad babysitters? There's no good babysitter. It's somebody you know from the neighborhood that is old enough that you can reasonably say you won't kill my kids. Can I do drugs and get fucked in your house while you're Kid sleeps. Look, this goes double if you have a nemesis. If you have an outright nemesis,

you got to up that. You might want to get like an armed guard for a fucking babysitter. Well, that's the genius of John Lithgow's plan, though. Dude, is everybody thinks he's dead. Ooh, you know what? Blackwater babysitting. They should expand. Absolutely.

Oh, there you go. Baby water. Baby water. Baby water. Dude, I am so into baby water. It is going to be unsharmament. tank whatever they restart it blackwater babies will kill your kids for you uh well sharks um we have uh we started a little thing called black water and that didn't work out so well so we did baby water

wait a second wait a second wait a second wait a second so no one should be surprised here that i've never seen a fucking second shark tank are you telling me that these people yes pitching their Yeah, it's been on the air for like 20 years. Yeah. Yeah, I got fucking better things to do with my time. Do they have to refer to these people as the sharks? Oh, you certainly do. Oh, yeah.

Stupid. You're in the tank. You better have some information about your audience retention, man. Marketing research, ready to go. What's your fucking Mark Cuban's going to eat your head from your fucking body. Why is that a fucking show?

I think I've only seen like one episode But it's deplorable. It's trash. But there's a thing, it's like, oh, I'm a struggling businessman, and I got this idea, Mark Cuban. Maybe you'll give me a little money. So I get, oh, no. And now I broadcast it on TV and it's international. And now someone else is stolen it.

Okay. I mean, sometimes it is really, like, unbelievable. Like, it's like, yeah, here we're selling sunglasses made of wood. You're like, okay, great, man. You know, I'm glad Chris Kamen has the fucking balls to say he's seen a lot of Shark Tank. Oh, yeah, hell yeah. I really have only seen like one episode. Steve, I just told the entire world that I bought the entirety of Tales from the Krypton DVD.

If I, in fact, had watched this show, I can assure you I would have the balls to admit it. It's just, it's a silly show. It used to be a good making dinner on a Friday night when you're an older person, kind of a show. Like, I use a product called Cheers, which was something that developed on Shark Tank. They never, ever let you forget it. Oh, yeah. Oh, they'll let you know. But, like, I don't need to see the program where they pitched this.

Like, just let me buy the finished product. Now, Sharks, you think you've tasted dog cupcakes before. But let me tell you, our dog cupcakes are the best out there. Oh, no. Sharks, you, have you ever been in a situation where you're worried? about your kid's safety because you have a nemesis. Black baby water allows you're a fully armored man

into your home to protect your children while you go out on events. I'm the big bald Canadian millionaire. I don't know the name. Oh, that guy fucking killed someone recently. No, his wife killed somebody. Oh, right. It was a boating accident or something. Boat water.

So what if you throw the baby out with the bathwater? What's going to happen there? Yes. Do you think about that? Thank you for your producer Fedline. Can we move on with the presentation, please? Next up, on Shark Tank, a war widow who thinks that you need a backpack for your purse.

Stay tuned for Chartank. Oh, God, that sucks. And everyone else sucks. Anyway, God. So John Lithgow is in this house. He's pretending to be the fucking electric repairman, power repairman guy. and he is just like sitting down for a tea party with these little kids. Fuck you, babysitter.

You should go to jail for this. Okay, the power box is down there. And then he's like, all right. Well, let me just tell you. No, no, no, no. The power box is down there. Thanks so much. Here's the thing, ladies and gentlemen, the power company never has to come into your house.

That's true. We are, but we're from New York. You know, we're a little cynical. Everyone out in California and the Midwest, they're like, oh, yeah, come in for a year. Move in. Also, moving. We're so nice. We're so nice. Also, I think in 1991, you would ask a power man

to come in and move into your house. Like, they had more power back then, I feel. There was more power back then. Now there's rolling blackouts. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because, like, he's like, he's got like a cupcake with candles in it and they fucking blow it.

He's like, yes, it is my birthday little girl. I would have preferred a cream cake. And she goes, oh, what's your, what's your fucked up eye? babysitter has to be like, that's mean. I'm like, she shouldn't be in this situation to have a conversation with this creep.

Oh, but then, like, I don't know how many fucking hints this woman needs because he's like, like that happens, it's kind of a douche chill moment, and then Lithgow's like, oh, this, oh, it's my magic eye again, no. And then the very next sentence is like, I can see

through people and tell whether or not they're lying to me again, get out of this house. But it's cute. because he's like, you know, he like uses it to be like, it's past your bedtime and I can see that or whatever. And this babysitter's like, you are so good with kids. You know what I love about you? You towering nightmare. You're great with kids. And this whole sequence is happening simultaneously with the, uh, the telethon and Denzel is, or John Amos, I think, is given an envelope at the, they're having the telethon at a church. It is being

broadcast on TV. And John Amos is like, oh, here, Denzel Washington, there's an envelope with your name on it. You know, you should go check it out. I think it's a donation. And it's like multiple wads of cash, adding up to like $10,000. And then Denzel Washington is like reading this letter that John Lithgow wrote. And like, it's all basically, like, it's all creep talk. But when you don't know that it's John Lithgow, it just sounds like it's some secret admirer that like Denzel Washington changed their life. Yes. I mean, And once I hear the first, like, I've been thinking about you, I'm going to be like, well, that was great that they did this. It's fantastic. I'm going to stop breeding this now. Enjoy the $10,000. Thank you so much.

You need, if you're in this situation where you're reading an unknown document on live television, you need to skim that beforehand and make sure it's not written by a serial. Today, Sharks, I've got docuskim. It skims your documents and lets you know whether or not they turn threatening. If you get an orange, it's a little threatening. If you get a little threatening. If you get a read stop reading immediately is the document written in come is the document written in blood you could never know until you use our product then mark cuban's like here's two million dollars i'm gonna need that uh yeah but personally i'm out because someone could make fun of you and say doc you scam so goodbye oh do they get do they get denied based off stupid names anything you denied in the tank dude You don't know what's going to happen Of the tank

Oh God, is that you Or is that them? How about this? We do a version of this show called Shark Taint Right? And we decide And what's going on?

We would decide Whether or not you could sell your taint online. Okay, maybe we should pitch this to the sharks. All right, sharks. Inspired by your great show. Would you buy my taint?

Okay, how about this? Like, I want to. How about tainted windows instead of tinted windows? Our team, our exclusive team of fat men rub their taints on your car window. I don't know how that's even physically possible. Do some yoga. We'll get there.

Some fat gymnasts, I guess. We do tainted windows for church, but they all only feature sharks. So I guess John Lachin's point here, he drugs the nanny and the kids and I guess the idea is he bugs the house which he uses sometimes

but not really because again he bugs the house and this is also where he makes the video of him pretending to Oh right of course With the hatchet to the children's heads

Yeah yeah yeah Because this is what this movie By the way after Aryan Warrior Showdown has turned into a fucking psychological thriller Welcome to this part of the movie Yeah it's almost like We're just gonna now start talking

about a completely different movie Because the guy, the councilman friend, is like, all right, I'm going to go off and deposit this right to the bank and, like, what he called, Kevin Pollock is like, you want a police escort? He's like, this is my neighborhood. Nothing could ever happen to me here. Oh, man, come on. Yeah, I know. There is a hilarious thing, though. And this is, this was the one time the movie faked me out.

I thought I had this movie dead to rights at this moment because this guy is like, they get all the whole thing. they're very celebratory right here because the 10K that John Lithgow gives them puts them over the top for the community center so the guy's going to make the drop at the bank and he's like all excited about you know the things that can come and Denzo Washington you know he should be

the mayor and blah blah blah and he goes he's getting in the car and he goes City Hall here we come my question is how does this guy not blow up in that car? Yeah great question that is a seconds before a car bomb line if I've ever heard it well that's I mean he is only talking about

how much he loves Denzel Washington for the next, like, for the last 20 minutes of his life. It's just him being like, oh, man, we're going to be in the, we're going to be in the big house and we're going to be in the state house. And then the president's mansion, oh, God, I fucking love him. Oh, God. Oh, God. Maybe I'll marry him. Maybe I could get him to leave his wife. I don't know. Maybe someday I could do it. I don't know. Who knows? It is, it is important to know that he is in that locker room scene. So he's seen that fucking slippery dick. That's for sure. Totally. That's absolutely true. Even when he's going up to the bank where Kim gets him, well, Kim and John Lithgow get him, like he's still being like, fuck it's Statehouse.

God, I fucking love him. I love him so much. And he's putting it in the fucking drop box. Yeah, and then this dude, Kim comes out of nowhere. Like, oh, hey, man. He's got a great line that's like, fuck off. I got business here. Yeah.

And then Lithgow gives him a little, the old chloroform. And we find him, he's hanging in his. office in like he looks like he went to a a rocky horror picture show because it's he's got the corset on and the fishnets i'm like oh this guy's just a fan he's got a little too excited yeah i mean he is hanging from a fan which is the problem uh yes and he's dead and like kevin paulip calls up dental washington and there's a note and it's like and it's it's this note where it's it's like uh it's like yes uh i couldn't take it it anymore. All those things we did

in Florida will haunt me till I'm dead. All those things we did with those kids in Florida. And like, and like, you know, blah, blah, blah. I can't take it anymore. I kill myself. And like, you know, the idea is like, oh my God, who either impersonated his writing or, and it's

the thing that comes up off and is like, somebody made him write this. Like, there is no way you're going to make me write my own suicide note where I out myself as a pedophile, friend. Try again. Yep, totally. You are just going to have to hang me from that ceiling fan or shoot me in the head or whatever.

I don't know. You've got some torture methods that might. They pull a fingernail out. I don't know. What if I ask nicely? Oh, okay. Well, if you are right, here's the thing. If you're writing your own suicide,

like you got to, I know it's like, it's seconds before you're going to die. So like, I know there's a lot on your plate. But like, try to think clearly for a second and be like, oh, well, I'm going to write my own suicide note.

I can kind of see what's going on here. have also changed me into fishnet stockings. Maybe I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, I could have happened after they killed him. But it's like maybe I'll write, not in my handwriting. Because if in fact the message of these murderers

is you have to out yourself as a child molester, I am going to fake do bad handwriting. You know what I mean? Oh, that's a good idea. Because like if this dude's memory, I don't care how this movie ends up, they are remembering this dude councilman Ferris was fucking

hanging himself from the ceiling fan in his office in Fishnet Stockings and was a child. Okay, you know what? Children is spelled with a K. I know that. You know what? Stop. Stop that. I'm almost at a paper here and patience. They also left magazines with his body. Yeah, there are some weird props you see right.

I was like, where'd you get those from? They're faded like they're from the 1960s. Dude, they trade him around. Maybe John Lithgow founded in the woods. but it was one of them was called chicken little yeah it's like a little boy pornography thing the DA gets the female DA gets really involved here she starts doing an interview and all of a sudden

the fucking guy from Seinfeld is there and I'm like what are you doing here and there's a line and again like just don't even do this in your movie he's like well ever since you became part of the DA's office I'm like would you stop already movie it's too much it's too much for me to keep together

Because they also say that he was, he embarrassed Denzel Washington embarrassed this guy on the night strangler case, which I first heard as knife strangler. This guy's strangler people with knives. That would be interesting to see. I'd keep trying to strangle them, but

they keep bleeding. Well, you know, and the funny thing is, the guy from Seinfeld here, Junior Mintman, embarrassed himself in the Nightstocker case because everyone could see him waving the white handkerchief in defeat. I just don't know what to tell you. keeps on killing butchers. All the butchers in the lane,

anybody with a knife, they're done. It's a knife strangler. So, yeah, and then they're like, you know, they're really interrogating him. Like, well, what did you guys do in Florida? And it's like, nothing. And there's a picture of them with some kids. And it's like, oh, shit,

it looks pretty bad for Denzel. Yeah. There was stuff about this that confused me. Like, how does John Lithgow know about the Florida trip? And did the audience know about this Florida trip? No, no, no, no. We didn't know about the Florida trip at all. Because they speak about it as if we were supposed to have heard about it beforehand.

And it was a little confusing. It could have been just a deleted scene or just, again, like, this movie is so fucking spring-loaded. Like, there's no room for anything other than the craziness. I mean, I could have just been, I could have missed the line while cheering for something insane that was happening. But, like, they speak about this Florida trip as if, like, the audience was supposed to know that Denzel and this dude Ferris went to Miami for something.

I mean, Earl might be just that good that he did the research that much. Yeah, he just knows. So the next thing is, Denzel gets dropped, him and Kevin Pollack go for some beers because they're upset about their friend being dead, and Denzel gets dropped off,

and then gets immediately picked up by John Lithgow and Cameron, like, oh, this is an interesting surprise in this film. This is a great moment. Like, they, like, speed up on Denzo, Washington, and then he get, John Lithgow gets out of the car, and Denzel says Jesus Christ and John Lithgow says

almost I know and then the other guy Kim like they're getting him in the car whatever and he goes I bet he shit his pants I can't wait to look

and I was like nope I don't need this dude to be some sort of scat enthusiast Hey Arrow did you really mean that do you think you're Jesus Christ you think you're almost Jesus Christ

you think that you are the beginning in the end oh wow cool okay we're easing into the cult thing very easily here so denzil wakes up and this is when there's this arm wrestling scene that's kind of something it's kind of interesting because it's like lithgow makes himself known to denzil that's what's kind of cool about the movie is he's just like here i am i'm totally alive and not dead like everybody thought i was and it's like here's what we used to do in prison it's called arm wrestling and again it's another like blainer thing and I was like movie we know what the Aryan nation is we know what fucking arm wrestling is it's 1991 we already saw

over the top America was already in love with arm wrestling this is actually where we get the it was the beginning of both of our careers like you made me and I made you like the Joker Batman dynamic totally dude yeah you're totally right and then

he fucking John Lithgow loses and then he's like no you lose and he injects him with something. A lot of Denzel getting injected in this movie. He injects him with cocaine and heroin. Yeah. Right. Who's going on a Speedball Express? As we get a line, which is great.

And so Denzel doesn't come home, obviously. So the search is on kind of a thing. Kevin Pollock embarrassingly is on the case. I would have no confidence in my husband's recovery if Kevin Pollock was on the case. And this is when this

sex worker shows up and she's like, hey man, it's going to be extra, 200 extra for the S&M stuff and he's like no problem it's actually a lot more extra to rape this man like you know what I mean like it's the S&M stuff you want to fucking choke somebody in a dress that's cool but that is 200 bucks but raping someone is a different animal but is raping what they

the S&M is referring to because otherwise she's just riding him yeah she's just because he's like fucking coked out and whatever and he's he's saying I don't want this I don't want this like yeah you don't want this, but your Willie wants it. And she's, like, starting to get on him and stuff. I've rejected you with Viagra.

By the way, we cannot forget to mention that this whole scene is taking place in the deep end of an emptied swimming pool. It's unsettling. Gee, Earl, this is a very weird bachelor party you got going on here. You want me to fuck him in an abandoned pool? Okay, okay.

I'm inventing the It Follows monster. Sounds interesting. Yes. Listen, my friend has a fetish wherein he says no, no, no, no, but also he wants it badly. Do you believe that? Yeah, that sounds good. Let's go. Let's do it.

This whole thing is so insane. And they're fucking filming it. And I'm like, I don't know, man. Can't you sort of tell that that's not a room? Yes. Like, I guess it's when you see the footage of the sex tape, it's, I guess, close enough that maybe you would be fooled by it. But like, it is hysterical that you're just looking at this. empty Olympic-sized swimming pool

and John Lithgow has like a bed and there's a nightstand like he's built a whole set for this thing. He just seen a big painted three feet on the backboard. No diving. Earlier in the film like Denzel went out to like

lunch or dinner and he's like aggressively hitting on this waitress. Oh important detail because Lithgow was like recording the conversation and this is we didn't mention it when it happened but this is a really dumb moment in the movie because like They're in a back room. It's like, you know, some political wheeling and dealing kind of a thing,

trying to get money for this community center. And he's flirting with his waitress, really hardcore, really inappropriate. And Lifkow is like on the other side of the wall with like a huge, totally obvious, like, bright, cream-colored earpiece and a wire kind of a thing. And he's just, you realize he's in a bar. And if I'm like the bartender, I'd be like, what are you doing over there? I'm listening to the Met game. You're also assuming that. fucking desolushing, it isn't going to get lost going to the men's room or something.

And find your ass. He gets crystal clear audio from this too, which like, man, I wish I had John Lithgow on some of these live shows we used to do. Seriously, where is John Lithgow when we were doing that atrocious scream three recording. I think that basically the idea is he's, he probably hired the waitress and wired her maybe. I guess so. That's like the guess. I mean, again, this is a total fan fiction.

But he's got the recording device like right up against the wall. Like he's picking a safe I don't know what that's about But he But one of the lines is Denzel says I'm the ADA You gotta do what I say

Yes And that's what they edit in To the sex tape So he wakes up They like drop them off somewhere And like he wakes up like totally High on heroin He goes to the hospital

And like his wife is like What the fuck has been going on Yeah what a lightweight What are you moring gow Okay Okay honey I'm sorry I should have told you this earlier

I have a nemesis He's trying to kill me He'll probably try to kill you and the kids We'll probably lose one of them If I'm being honest with you I can't do this forever It's sort of weird also Like this part of the movie

Kind of forgets about the part Wherein Denzel is definitely Under Investigation For being a child molester You know what I mean It's like too many balls For the movie to juggle So it's like ah whatever

So that guy's poor Ferris His whole life is ruined for nothing Yeah Oh that guy's That's what I'm talking about. Like, that guy is completely disgraced forever. For no reason. Like, again, like, it doesn't matter.

Like, again, like, it would be one thing if John Lithgow kept with the child pornography thing with Denzel, like, that would be something. But I guess, like, then you just have a whole fucking movie where this dude is trying to prove you're a child molester. And, like, I don't want to watch that either. I agree. You just put it, like, fucking Denzel Washington goes to Ferris's grave and then, like, Ferris's son comes over and spits on it. Um, so he wakes up and he's like, yeah, the, the guy's like, yeah, the doctor's like, yeah, you're, you're high on cocaine, blah, blah, blah, they injected me. And they're like, who injected you? He's like, Blake did it. Blake's dead. And that's kind of like the movement of this is like, he gives me it's Blake, it's Blake, Blake is dead. At some point, Denzel, well, he recalls, uh, a logo that he saw on the side of the swimming pool. That's like two dolphins or something. And he's like, oh, Kevin Pollock, what was that fucking hotel that had two dolphins fucking as they're, logo and he's like, oh, it's this hotel. And Denzel, like, is leaving the hospital and the reporter is there and all this other media. And he's like, no, no, no, like, follow me. I'm going to

take you, I'm going to show you this empty swimming pool where they fucking, like, help me hostage, blah, blah, blah. And he marches the media into this hotel swimming pool room. And, like, there's an old person, like, aquasized thing going on. Yeah. My question is how the fuck John Lithgow got that pool filled up overnight. Yeah, it's a great question. And at that point, you have to ask the sex worker to help you. You're going to be like, all right, here's the money for the sex. Could you also help me get this bed out of here? Like, I just need some hands.

I need some bodies. Move in a bed, honey. That's going to be another $200. I just raped that ADA. That's going to be an extra $4 grand. Progresso chlorine. Come on. It also comes in a can.

Oh, it happens. You have to open it up. So whatever, the ADA is like really hot. The district attorney's office is really pissed at him because this turns into this whole media frenzy because he's like, come with me the media. I'm going to prove my innocence. Everyone goes like, well, no one was here.

It's a regular pool. So I guess he did just do heroin and it's also probably a child molester. Well, I mean, the case is not strengthened by the fact that the DA calls up and is like, oh, Denzel Washington, by the way, dude, you totally have the clap. Yes, I love that detail.

his wife is like he goes up to his wife's like listen honey yes they did also they had this woman have sex with me but i didn't want it is nothing and she goes well maybe you didn't want to you got the clap so a couple of inches of you wanted it and it's like ew and you don't know how that works relax it's another his fucking dick joke though dude because it's not a couple she goes i know several inches of you that wanted it and i was like lady even in this moment of pure hatred for this man you're talking about how how huge a shlong is. I already want to have sex with him, lady. You don't have to, like, sell me here. I'm here already. And this actually kind of comes to nothing where he gets drunk at the TV and starts, like, just talking nonsense?

Yeah. That's what's weird. It's because, like, this is where you see that Lithgow's, like, listening and recording, but none of this drunken rambling, like, is used against him later. But what's funny is, like, Lithka is listening in the van,

and he's just going on these bewildered statements. And, like, Lithka's, like, I understand. I know what you're saying. Hey, man. Yeah, totally. This is crystal clear to me. Oh, I like this podcast.

It's like you're talking just to me. I'm in the room with you. Now we're best friends. It's kind of great because, like, he wakes up the next morning and you get a classic 90s trope of the posted note that says, Play Me on a VCR. Love it.

Love it. It's pretty awesome. Also great detail here, Denzel Washington, and wearing a flamingo pink bathrobe. It's fucking, he's living the dream

with this bathroom, I gotta say. So it's pretty great. He's running down the street and like he's just like with a gun and he's just like barreling down to go find his wife and kids. And they just,

it stops. The camera stops for a moment. He goes by. And then Kim, like in like a bugs bunny cartoon like comes out like, I got the real tape, neck, neck. And like fucking runs back.

to put it in the fucking tape. Right. So the first tape we see is Lithgow with the hatchet at the children. And he runs upstairs and they're not there. So he's running to their like recital or some shit with a gun and a bathrobe. But it's like, dude, take the fucking tape. Don't leave it at all. Yes, you need to take the tape seriously.

You already know someone broke into your house. Exactly. And also, I don't know, man. I know your family's in danger, but let's put some pants off. Absolutely. Don't fucking hurt yourself. By the way, drunkenly pissing yourself at a. Roy Orbison tribute at the Grammys is bad, but you know what's worse is fucking assaulting

a clown at a public spaces event with your children. Yeah, this is pretty embarrassing. You think he's going to hang himself with Lady Gaga gets an award? Probably. That's probably how this all ends. Because her manager was mean to him. That's how that works. That's just love, man.

That's how it works. yeah so he tackles this clown this dude's like please don't shoot me in the face I'm just a clown and I was like hey man that is not a deterrent just an FYI that's a 50-50 on whether or not that's a successful deterrent

he also does it in a very clownish manner it's like look I'm a clown and it's like no now you're dead and then he's like he gets hauled back into the DA's I was like listen I've got the tape I'll show that Blake is alive right here he hits the play button and oops it's him having sex of that prostitute and like this is what you know it's fucked up because his mouth

isn't moving he's got like heroin face and you hear like you always do what the DA says it's like the fucking it's like the penguin in Batman returns like a harp from hell rick and rick and like a harp from hell you're totally right dude I'm watching this and I'm like how is this woman falling for this shit like his mouth is not moving he's like fucking passed out and it's clearly just a dub like you know and again you're we're nipping thinking like a thing that doesn't matter for the movie. But like, it's just so sloppily done. I was like, guys, that's not real.

It's like all these jackasses that fall for fucking Trump campaign videos. And is it so much worse? Like, if you just had the footage of him fucking this lady, what is so much? Why did you have to have the audio, the avant garde audio overlay? What the fuck? Yeah. And we also cut now, oh, oh, it's on national television.

We're showing this dude's full on sex tape With barely a black bar This lady's nipples Dude, there are like A couple of little black dots over her nipples And like you know And like ass crack Like like you're watching

Like 1999 E entertainment television At 1130 at night You know what I mean It's like a commercial for a Girls Gone Wild video And I'm like this would not air On the 6 o'clock news I know we're cynical yada yada but holy shit he has a hilarious line though when he puts that tape in he goes bingo proof and then it just cuts to the fucking hysterical and his whole thing here is he's like oh well you know what we got to back up a little bit this isn't it and I was like what do you need to back up this tape what are you talking about oh the damn kids are always fucking around with my VCR yeah let me just play with the tracking like oh there's a lighthouse there in the corner that is where Blake is

Oh, there's a dead horse on the beach. That's where he is. He gets suspended. Pollock shows up to him and is like, hey, man, I found out that Blake is probably alive and he's actually going to this white nationalist bookstore if we catch him right now. This is where Kevin Pollock dumps all of the Denzel paraphernalia on the floor, including all the doctored pornography. Which it's like Kevin Pollock, do your friend of favor and tell literally anyone else but him about this as well.

Exactly. Great point. go to the chief of police and go to his boss and be like listen this is all this information i've got i know that he's doing all this stuff yeah but no it's just the two of them they go they beat up this uh uh white nationalist dude that's kind of fun but oh my god dude there is a fucking great actually you know what i got to say i don't care for his impressions i think he's a pretty witty guy overall and it proves it right here because kevin pollock has a great line where denzil is beating the shit out of this nazi and it's fucking awesome and this other the nazi is like hey me

goes to kevin paulik he's like hey man why don't you help me out here or whatever. And Kevin Pollack goes, sorry, mine furor, I'm off duty. Awesome. I had a good laugh there. Yeah, and Blake apparently is going to pick up two passports there at some point. Yes. That's why they're there. Yeah. He's beating him up. And then

like for some reason we run outside and this is when Kevin Pollock gets fucking, it is, it's on par with Jim Belushi and thief. It's really good. Yes, that's totally correct. Dude, if it was in slow motion, it might be the same exact same more or less. Like, they shoot Kevin Pollock to ribbons.

That's great. It's a super murder. Super murder. And then, of course, John Lickr goes, hey, catch. And Denzel catches the gun. And, like, it's empty. And he's like, now your bullet, now your fingers are all over the, whatever. It's like your prints are on the fucking gun.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because he's, you see him, like, ripping off the plastic gloves. And this is, well, let me tell. it like there has to be some afterlife penalty for a soul that has a dumbass final line while they're alive because kevin pollock like falls over and denzel's like oh you know stay with me don't you know don't go don't go and he's like well i got to tell you denzil Washington it turns out you were right john lithgow is alive otherwise how could he kill me i don't want to die having been murdered and my last lines are a bad joke.

Yes. That's not... You know... The fact that you waste your last breath on that is fucking sad. It's also... They say earlier, like, he's got his fiance. How about, like, tell Rebecca, I love her, one of those? Drop one of those in there?

Or, like, get him or whatever. Yeah, sure. Totally. No, here's a fucking killer gag to go out on. You know what, me and my father's 20-year grudge, tell him it wasn't worth it and I love him. How about one of those? You know, like, something. Let me tell you about how my friend

partner for many years died it's a howler so this is kind of like the end of the movie here so he knows he's going to get arrested for the death of his partner he goes we we don't he runs to his house and he's like listen guys i know you guys hate me because you think i'm this philandering asshole you got to do also a child molester also probably a child molester let's just go to this crack house and we'll all be okay kind of a situation it's kind of funny because like you see him make the call to ice tea before he goes to the house and then he's like trying to get the wife to pack up the kids and everything like that he's like you know alison get in the car it doesn't matter and the news has the story on of like discovering kevin pollock's body and so washington

just throws the tv on the floor it's like can't find the remote don't want my wife to hear this better just throw the tv on the ground and break it and this movie is like if you are making an arnold palmer and you had all you put a little drop of ice tea had way too much lemony like oh that's not oh i need more iced tea and you start fucking dumping a bunch of ice tea in at the end just to even the ratios out that is what's happening right now because there is so much ice tea coming up it's like he goes from a character that was just kind of in the beginning of the movie yes to like now that kevin pollock's that he's the second banana well he i mean he'd be third build after um and i was shocked by that i think he is actually because it's definitely there's

the poster is definitely the three of them it's denzil washington john lithgow and iced tea all at the top take that kevin pollock uh so like uh you know basically his wife he you know ice t explains to his wife like listen i would do anything for this guy even though i don't really respect him but he keeps me honest something something don't worry you guys are going to be okay and then it's like okay let's do the plan cut to john lithgow and kim in this s and m club and like guys it's true too late. It's just, it's way too late for this to be in the movie. You can't have a scene that takes place in the first 15 minutes of a blade movie at the end of your Denzel Washington cop movie. I'm going to disagree with this because I feel like it woke me. Not that

I was asleep at all because this movie's a nonstop thrill ride, but it continues to be a nonstop drill ride because I'm like, holy hell, what is all this? I mean, there's just, there's nudity everywhere all of a sudden. I'm like, what? I mean, if you are going to, to just you might as well just put like a hologram go go dancers all over the place just that i mean who cares at this point you know i was expecting a robot bartender yeah what'll you have john lithgow i mean also it's crazy because like this whole sequence with this insane club is like less than two minutes long and like you cannot have this wild of a space and i can't see it for at least a full length scene. But also the idea is what

it is, it's your classic movie thing where two characters go to a bar and some, the news report is important and someone character goes hey, turn that up. But meanwhile, it's a fucking nutso sex club, which does not play the fucking six o'clock news.

Totally. Dude, they are, there are like, there are VHS tapes on loop of other quote unquote movies. When I go to a crazy ass sex club, one of my, one of my Kinks is watching Chuck Scarborough and Sue Simmons do the fucking six

o'clock news. And what the fuck are you looking at? Indeed. Because what you're doing is more of a private because he tells them to turn it because Denzel Washington is on top of the, of Ice T's building. And he is ranting.

Now, I think Busted has enough material for two years after this rant he's got here. Oh, totally. Dude, there's, there's going to be several specials. Like, I don't know, like, I understand that at the end, he's like, yeah, I was, I was framed and all this stuff, but I would stop to explain this rant where I'm like, yeah, I'm a child

pornographer, yeah, I fuck that guy, yeah, whatever, yeah, I killed a hundred people, whatever, yeah, like, he just goes on. Yeah, he's admitting to all the things that John Lithgow did, and John Lithgow said, no, no, because the idea is he's got to go to jail and suffer like John Lithgow suffered. So he runs down to the, he knows where this crack house is, apparently, he gets there immediately, And everyone can hear what Denzel is talking. I guess he's a bullhorn or something. It's insane.

He starts putting on makeup at this point. And I mean, like, this is now a crazy thing where, like, Denzel in this Denzel Lithgow Batman Joker relationship, now Denzel is becoming the Joker. Like, screaming on this rooftop, putting the lipstick on laughing maniacically. Like, I don't think, you know, I've seen a good chunk of Denzel Washington movies. Like, a lot of this more recent stuff where it's kind of just the. same action movie 12 times I haven't watched. But like, this is kind of the craziest performance I've ever seen him give.

I don't know if there's anything nuttier out there, but this was crazy. I mean, the way he acts like he hasn't been jerking off until Denzo Washington is in prison. Like that's when he's going to do it. Because he gets like a real sexual thrill of it. He's like, yes, yes, take him in. Yes, do. Oh, wait. Oh, no.

Oh, no. He's going to kill himself. No. No. And like, that's what he says. because you can't die, you have to live, you have to suffer for years and years. And meanwhile, Ice-T's gang is aware of, who John Lithgow is, I guess they have photographs at some point,

and who Kim is, because they knock out Kim immediately. Oh, it's kind of great. They just fucking take this little turd-down. And Denzel jumps down some emergency shoot while the building explodes, and it's not even the end of the movie, everybody. Dude, he throws a road flare into Ice Tea's drug lab, blowing it up while he jumps. It's a shoot for like if the building is under construction.

You see a similar thing at Home Alone too. Where like a building is under construction and you have like a thing you can safely throw it down the shaft and it'll fall into a dumpster. So then while people who were alive when John Lithgow was like brought in on live TV, the thing that everybody saw, hundreds of people see him hanging out in front of this fucking building and are like, who-hoo-hoo. Wonder who that fella is. He looks nice.

Yeah, and the idea, like, ice tea helping, sure, but he's also like, and you could take my entire business. Yeah, let's do that. A million dollars in fucking crack cocaine and the building that I've been using pretty effectively. No problem, dude. You owe me one. I feel like that phone conversation when he calls iced tea

before he goes back to the house to throw the television on the floor, I think like that must have been a much longer scene when Denzel negotiates with iced tea to like change his ways a little bit maybe get out of the crack game or something like that I was almost like so much so I was thinking about that that I was expecting an epilogue for this movie where like ice tea is working at the community center

you know what I mean like just throw out your whole drug business tonight we're going to get there this movie needs an epilogue sorry guys there is a great iced tea line when they which should be longer what you're saying is correct but he said he says helping you i can mind fuck the mayor police and fire department the idea that he wants to fuck over the fire department is so hilarious to me yeah you can fuck them all over in one shot it's just so great yeah yeah i i'm mad at the mayor for uh all obvious reasons the police again obvious reasons and yet the fire department they didn't get

that fucking cat out of the tree and he died uh and there's somewhere around here there's like I'm just, like, writing down iced tea lines, but, like, yo, you missed the wrong man, motherfucker. That's fucking great. And then this one, ooh, I know where it's going. I've never seen the trailer for this movie, but if they were smart, they put it in. He goes, you try to take away my home boy's dreams. Now I'm in your nightmares or something like that about dreams and nightmares. And I was like, good God, this is amazing.

John Lithgow picks up a pay phone and it's iced tea. And he's like, you, he says, you, he says that line about the night. nightmares and the dreams. Then he's like, you want to find out who has the power? Come to the tower and hangs up. Yes. And it's like, John Lithgow knows he has to go to the tower where the kids were going to be. And that's when Denzel has set up this Donkey Kong-esque fight scenario. Bannan-na-na-na-na-na-na-da-da-da-da. Oh, no, I've got to jump over the springs. Oh, my God. And also, they have tied this little kid, Kim. He's not a little kid. He's like probably 20-something.

They've tied him to the side of this thing like, Jesus. Well, the thing is like, he's like, hey, man, I looked up to you, and you're just a blah, blah, blah, and John Licka just kills this guy. Yeah. Right. If I'm from Denzel Washington, I'm like, all right, look, knock that kid out, put him in custody.

He can corroborate everything. Anything else I can get away with, but I need Kim to be alive. That's true. And Kim might want to sing the praises and, you know, relive these crimes because he admired John Lithka so much. Totally. Like he basically just sets him up like, I'm totally fine with John Lithgow executing this kid. Which makes no sense. Yeah, because you need this kid alive. So Kim is now dead. John Lickau climbs up to get the princess.

With the line. With the line. Stiles, you bastard. Where are you? Oh, because he is doing a weird, and again, it's totally impossible, but he's like throwing his voice all over the place. because like as far as Lithgow knows like Denso Washington is dead at this point yes and so like he's like oh I'm over here Stiles no up here look over there and he's like where are you and yeah he's like climbing up this thing

and then like Washington reveals himself and now we're just fighting on these two metal towers which is just so crazy we arm wrestle at the top of this tower yes oh dude this is insane when they do this arm wrestle and Lithgow

puts John puts Denzel Washington's forearm through this spike at the top of it. This was like a third act moment of gore that I did not see cops. It is brutal. That is like a Terminator type of violence right there. Yes, it's crazy. It's like two inches of steel going through his arm. Denzel should be not human. No. Because he just him taking his hand out of this and then continuing on. But you know, he's fighting for his life and reputation and so much more.

And he's got this like harness. system something something and then he goes to like ice tea hit the power now and they electrocute John Lithgow which should be the death of John Lithgow by the way. He would be dead you'd be dead. Yep but

instead Earl Talbot Blake runs through the electricity and now he's in every house in Los Angeles. On the electricity Grumlin now oh what was that movie we did? Ghost in the Machine. Yes. That's

kind of the plot of that movie. That is. But can you buy a microwave where there's progressos soup inside? He gets electrocuted, but he doesn't die. And then Denzel just throws him onto this other spike where he gets impaled, which is pretty cool. Does Denzel toss him off that or does he fall? Oh, good question. Because I think it's like he gets electrocuted and is like, whoa, that was something.

Because he's definitely alive when it happens. It's very important. And then I think he's just like, oh, shell shot. Shell shot and falls. Because Denzel's already like jumped off the thing at this point not to be electrocuted. And my God, the impaling. Again,

I just did not see it coming. It's really good. It's incredible. It's really good. Everybody got Denzel's line right here though. What's that? You got the point now. Oh, nice. Fuck, that's fucking cold. I love it. And here's the thing. The movie's over

with. And like, there's no, like, Denzel Washington, gets off of this thing and a cop runs up to him and immediately puts a blanket over him and i'm like no no no no like it's not like you were some fucking hostage dude like there are a lot of questions to be answered let's back up three weeks to the pedophilia and then that reporter shows up again yeah yes he he puts up like he needs medical attention immediately he's going to lose that arm for sure oh yeah totally dude you're going to be the fucking one-arm district attorney man there's a sitcom Yeah, and the reporter shows up

But she's like, well, now that you've been exonerated And they start filming the two deaths of Kim and John Lithgow, again, just putting it on the news, totally fine. That's where the news report starts. It's like, and we're live. Two corpses in the same shot. And then it tilts down to the reporter. Like, well, that carnage up there, which you just saw totally uncensored.

The blood of Earl Talbot Blake is now dripping on my head, live, five. And she's like doing the news report And Denzel like just walks into the frame Like without saying anything being a real creep here Ruining the broadcast And she's like Stiles you can't do that We're live And then it just cuts to black

And they keep talking Like it's a loony tune Like like like Like oh what's this channel 11 or whatever news network She's with and he was like nah And like turns off the camera Which is also turning off the movie Yes, which is like, I guess so. It really wasn't the news's fault, though. It was the guy that was trying to destroy you who you just murdered. I don't know. It's a very bizarre millie mouth, the media these days thing. Well, he killed his first enemy. Now he used to kill his new nemesis, which is them who they have that thing he yelled on top of ICE T's house. They have that on camera. Yeah, that's true. That's going to be parsed around. I mean, I think Nick Stiles is kind of right here about.

his you know blaming the media because he know you know a few years later they're going to railroad richard jewel i get ready he's just he saw that coming because yeah and i guess that's the idea is but i mean like yeah his life is ruined rude oh sure totally sure no matter what happened did he get medication for the clap by the way to get that clear there was a mention of penicillin so i okay but yeah i think the movie tries to have you believe he's going to be totally exonerated but it's kind of impossible i don't know he just murdered two people i don't know what to tell you but not only do you at the clap somehow you have dengue fever i don't know where earl would have gotten that but it would be rad if they made a sequel now and

like he has been in jail for 30 years like it did not work out it's like he still went to jail after all of it. And then, I don't know, something, something, maybe Kevin Pollock's alive. His cellmate is Jesse Ventura. Ooh, and no, but you know what? Guess what happened? John Lithgow did when he got electrocuted.

He did become, now he's inside the computers and he knows how to get him. That's true. I'm using the internet. Oh, wait. Jesse Ventura died, so it'd have to be another wrestler. We should just try to remake the format because what we have here is so good.

Get mankind in there. Oh, yeah, McFoly could do it, sure. You could film McFaulay getting stabbed with a sword, I bet that's fine. It should just go through exactly the same motions as the original ricochet, because it's just too good. Speaking of Just Too Good, man, I feel like a little silly asking, but shit, would anybody recommend this? Oh, it's just the best. It's so silly, it's so stupid. And it does, it is elevated by two really great actors doing really silly performances, both Denzel Washington and John Lothgow. I'm not coming to Pollock. Sorry, but, but yeah. it's super fun um it gets crazier and crazier and even though we outlined all the lunacy for you

it's still worth watching a thousand percent totally uh eric oh yeah this his i just i love this movie you put it on and it's like it you're really taken for a journey and not every movie does that and now i feel like when i watch other movies they're all failures because i've seen ricochet seek it out yeah absolutely uh this is uh one of the most fun movies I've watched in a while. I feel like it does hit that, like, good canon level violent sweet spot that was kind of missing from Toy Soldiers, if I'm being honest here.

I also do think that John Lithgow should start a podcast about soups. Oh, sure. Just Superview. I think, you know, you're looking for new projects these days. I wouldn't trust him. He would always be, oh, you know, it's great progress. I know where that's coming from, asshole. Yeah, I'm certainly not trying any Campbell's day. But if he finds this and he somehow listens to this,

we will launch you on our network. Come on over. Welcome to podcasto soup. I'm John Lithgow. Podcasto soup. Yeah, now we're talking. Yeah, man, I'm a total disgrace for, you know, waiting almost three decades to watch this movie.

I've been working in and around various parts of the film exhibition industry for 20 years. I've never seen this movie until, last night and god damn i'm so glad that i've made up this blind spot watch it as soon as you can i wish there was a 4k release of this special edition denzel lithgow commentary ice tea commentary only i would i you know i don't really do bonus features these days i would do every bonus feature of a new special edition of i feel the best you're getting is this is one of those like four packs it's this heart condition the mighty quinn and like one good one like glory well i think we need to use our combined presence on the internet here and the power of we hate movies to make people

demand ricochet in a new transfer new release absolutely i'd you know what this time next year at the new york film festival when they're doing all their restorations ricochet needs to be what if we went on shark tank and pitch this oh how do you can pitch DVDs it's not a DVD Steve sorry sorry k disc ultra HD apologies sorry to all the sharks out there That is Rickashay from 1991 directed by Russell Mulcahy. If you would like more We Hate Movies, of course, check out our Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash We hate movies. Like we said, in a couple days from this episode's release, we have a new We Love Movies episode

for our subscribers only on Spike Lee's Inside Man, also with the always excellent Denzo, Washington. What do we got going on in the Gleap Glossary this month, Eric? We've got Chewbacca's nephew, Lobaka. It's a great episode. We're very, very drunk, so tune in. Yeah, we've also got animation, damnation on Garfield and Friends that's already out. And we've got our re-release of the Chudmuntary, our very first commentary of all-time single-ball commentary of the New York-centric classic Chud. That's right. By the way, there will be a commentary track in October.

Yeah, totally. And this, just to say, because this is coming out, like, sort of towards the third week of September, I guess, the chudmintry will be out of the end of the month, just an FYI. So keep your eyes peeled for that. And I do want to say, we haven't said this in a little bit. FYI, every single dollar that we get for merch sales this year will go to Black Lives Matter and Black Lives Matter adjacent charities.

Go to WHMpodcast.com, hit that merch button. There's also a separate link you can click on for Act Blue that you could just, if you want to skip giving us money which is a great idea and just donate to those charities, directly you could do that as well. Right, but all proceeds we would have received are going to those charities. And by the way,

speaking of charity, come on, you know, come on, come on, come on. Rate and review the show, iTunes, wherever you get the show. If there's an option, too, there are certain elements in our society trying to take us down a peg on those review boards.

Oh, you're right. Now, Steve Sadek, as always here in We Hate Movies, the show rolls on next Tuesday. What episode, or what film, I should say, will be part of next week's episode? I think I have to say, this is the mother of all stay tuned. It really is.

It's been forever. This is also absolutely 1,000 percent. the most requested title we've ever gotten. I guarantee you on our... Really? We've looked at these listener requests of things. The polls are nuts for Cool World, which we're doing next month. Next week.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Cool World next week. Sexy animation meeting live action sexy people. I'm sexy Gabriel Byrne. Oh, yeah. And it's got Bradford Pitt in it, too, right? It does.

Is this the first time we'll be covering a movie that Brad Pitt is in on the show? No, what's by a time in Hollywood? which we did oh no of course that was on our we love movies uh feed on patreon by the way great episode if you want some double up the pit next week oh yeah totally there you go uh so until next week when we get a little animated with cool world i'm andrew Steven sadac Eric Sis Chris Cabin take it easy That was a hit gum podcast.