We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 515 - Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

On this episode, Brimsgiving hits its worst film in the lineup, the absolutely abhorrent Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins! What in the world were they thinking with this Joel Grey performance and makeup? Was Fred Ward really that much more recognizable than Bruce Willis? And why did they place all their action sequences completely out of order? PLUS: Marvel as Brimley never stands the entire film! Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins stars Wilford Brimley, Fred Ward, Joel Grey, J.A. Preston, Kate Mulgrew, George Coe, Charles Cioffi, Patrick Kilpatrick, and Michael Pataki; directed by Guy Hamilton. WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program you know i usually have some sort of intro thing here but this movie is just a piece of shit it's rimo williams the adventure begins i'm andrew jupin stephen saddock and yellow face eric ciska piece of shit uh rim my williams and we hate movies Hello, everyone. movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. Thank you for sitting with us as we gather around the table and say what we're thankful for. And this year, we're thankful for Wilford Brimley. It is Brim's giving in full effect here on the show. We're talking about Remo Williams. The Adventure Begins from 1985, directed by Guy Hamilton. This is the

worst thing we've touched in a while, friends. Well, I was like, you know, this is, I think Chris, you said this last time. It's like, it's a perennial all-star request, right? Like, The flown lines in January light up every year for Remo Williams. And I was like, so it's got to be something. And I sat down the other night and I watched it. I was like, that, that's what you guys are talking about. Dude, I had the same reaction, Steve. It was just like a real, what the fuck are you talking about everybody?

The headlines are big in this movie. Like the big problems are humongous. Yes, as Steve mentioned. There's just not little stuff. There's no like little details that you're looking for. No, I mean, I think the biggest fish to. Frye here as Steve referenced in the intro is Joel Gray, legendary white as fuck Broadway superstar Joel Gray, portraying an elderly Korean man in full on, you only live twice

fucking Asian makeup. Oh man. Not only is he playing an old like Korean guy, but he's playing one from a guess a legendary town where all martial arts stems from. Yes, or yeah, do you like on top of it all it's fucking like mysticism too yeah it's all the same shit you know all those cultures yeah fucking same shit probably came out of a hole of the ground I don't know

my favorite I do I like the fact that like he he makes a point he's like I'm Korean and then he says not like those Chinese dogs yeah Jesus man okay well this is based on a novel series called

the Destroyer which just sounds like dad airport horseship from the 70s. Yeah. So, you know what it is, dude? The Destroyer, it just sounds like it's a fucking dirty Harry sequel. Yes, exactly. You know, like the Deadpool, fucking, you know, maximum force, whatever, magnum force, you know.

Back of the day, it used to have, like, like, you could have cool spy, like, cobra or, like, you know, the Skem affair or, like, stuff like that. Like, now it's more like, Ted Beecher, Navy Investigator. Jack Reacher getting up to all sorts of shenanigans, reaching around, give him reach-arounds. But that's just what I made. He's like, he's not like a super spy who's badass. He's just very good at being a Navy investigator. Oh, is he actually a Navy investigator? Something like that.

Yeah, that's right. He's like a, he's like a jag kind of dude, which is weird because he's just also like this shit kicking, whatever. I thought that first Jack Reacher was fine. I didn't see the second one. Hold on. So the series description of The Destroyer. The series hero, Raymond Williams, the newer cop framed for a crime and sentenced to death.

His death is faked by the U.S. government so he can be a trained as an assassin for cure, a secret organization set up by John F. Kennedy to work outside the law. Why would you exclude that from this motion picture? Exactly. Make it like Kennedy's alive even. It's like an older guy with a mustache. I faked it. Yeah, totally.

Do you. Ira, talk about faking your own death. three woe actually me and Sam Chiacona were good buddies it would be something if they fleshed out this organization literally at all in this movie but that is actually very scary because we all know that John F. Kennedy Jr., his son

actually did that when he founded QAnon. Yes, that's right. How could we forget? Speaking of shit, I wish we could flush forever. One of the biggest insults, I think, as far as them trying to adapt this book series into a motion picture franchise is of course the intention of well

we're gonna make them like a blue collar James Bond so like what do you do you fucking hire a dude who wrote a moon moonraker and another bond you hire Guy Hamilton who directed Goldfinger diamonds are forever live and let die

and the man with a golden gun like you're trying as hard as you can to like fuse that DNA here And you know what? You're fucking missing any semblance whatsoever of exciting action. Well, no, you hire all those people and then you tell them, don't worry about it. Take it easy. Don't try too much. The stakes are so low, the entire film, the charisma. I mean, and I like Fred Ward. I actually like, I thought Fred Ward was in the Mandalorian recently. I got excited for two seconds. I was wrong.

By the way, listen to our, we're doing this new, not new. Last year we did the Mandalorian a half. hour on patreon we're doing it again for season two out now and you can hear steve be absolutely confused and think that tamara morrison is fred ward and i was really excited oh fred ward so i like fred ward and i i think you know he's got he's got some spots here but like this is not for him it's just it's he's totally wrong in the role he's not that charismatic to lead this kind of a movie i mean yes he's wrong for the role but they literally get everything wrong everything is flatlining the script all the other actors joel gray and this weird thing also the movie is 90 something minutes of him training which i know our star wars fans are happy about that nothing much happens but like also blue collar james bond goes against the very nature of james bond yep like what's what are you trying to do here one that comes out to john melon camp rather than the fucking little scope thing you can't do american james

James Bond just kind of doesn't work. With Jason Bourne, it's like, you see the villainy of America in that, right? Yes. It has to be that angle. You can't just have some dude fucking get into scrapes and it being like, cool, American imperialism. Yeah. And I mean, the other part of it, too, is like, you know, okay, you're kidnapping this dude, faking his death and then saying, like, we're the people that keep our eyes on all the people.

We report directly to the president. Like, whatever this horse shit is. But then, like, you take away all the other things that are exciting about watching James Bond movies, which are, and I already touch on the action, but like the clothing, the locations, the lifestyle, you know what I mean? Like, this movie is him fucking living in a disgusting Soho loft with Joel Gray, you know, eating like bowls of rice every day, sleeping on a fucking cot. And it's just like, none of this is appealing. Also, the sexuality of James Bond, too, is nowhere to be found. Absolutely not. They try and force it at the end with Kate Mulgrew, and they are just two sticks hitting against each other, man.

Which is, I mean, you have yourself a 1985 Kate Mulgrew. She's absolutely stunning in this movie. It's like nothing. Like, she's going up against Remo Williams, and you can hear the fucking flatline from the EKG. Also, I think she's in a different movie. Yeah, she cut in a whole other. movie into this movie. She thought that too, Cabin. It's insane.

She's in like an episode of Night Rider and they cut out all the parts with the car and they just like, oh, we could use this Knight Rider footage where like Kit is walking around a base with this, is driving around a base with this really

important major who's played by Kate Mulgrew. Oh, we'll just use that and we'll just get Kate Mulgrew at the end. We'll tie it together. It'll be a Rima Williams movie. I think you're right, Steve, because if you look at parts, like if you're looking at the way her mouth is moving. It appears that the line is like, well, what do you think, Kit? And instead, it's like, well, what do you think, Remo Williams? I will say, back to the charisma of Fred Ward, lack thereof, who auditioned for this movie got close, didn't get it, because he was

too unknown at the time, Bruce Willis. And that my friend is a better movie. It just is. The other thing, I mean, you're totally right, because the other thing that they insist on making Fred Ward try to do in this movie is, funny with the one-liners. And as much as I like Fred Ward, too, he's not a comedian in my book. And it's these fucking snappy lines that he's thrown out at

Joel Gray throughout the entire movie. It just does not work. He also, it's just Fred Ward is always in charge. That's what he is good at. Like him learning stuff and like having to be a guy who like hears something and it is just like, okay, okay, I'll

give it a shot. Like that is Bruce Will's to a T. Exactly. But Fred Ward is very funny in Naked Gun, 33 and a 3rd, just because he's the butt of every joke, basically, and he's got dry deliveries. Papshmeer! Oh my God!

You just fucking triggered a fucking, a time quake in my brain. I thought I was having a fucking acid flashback. Dude, I haven't not watched that movie in 25 years. That is a great ending to a great question mark.

If I was, if i was standing up chris i would have needed to sit down and that's unbelievable and that is the thing sorry i i can't go on i can't i that is the thing about bruce willis versus fred ward fred ward is like 43 44 when this movie was made right and like him being like this like wet behind the ears whatever doesn't make sense you get a younger bruce willis in his 20s or early 30s at least we're doing some of that. That's the thing dude because it's like so you got this guy

Mac whatever the fuck and then Wilfred Brimley are the two guys in this organization and I wanted to be like was he really the fucking only candidate you had for this program was Fred Ward beat cop Fred Ward like there was no one else in the entire country? Well

we had Ted Kennedy but there was a problem my God. Could you imagine Ted Kennedy pulling anything like I guess him covering up that murder, I guess, is a good spy thing, actually. A lot of experience with assassination already.

I take it back. He would have been great, Chris. Well, okay. Yeah, he passed the first test. He covered up murder pretty easily there. But then it got blown right right to fuck open, so we had to cut him loose. Steve, what are you going to say? Oh, no, Steve, I just had a question, though. It was something you

made me think of. Like, when you said Bruce Willis, they passed on him because he wasn't that big yet. what fucking international sensation was Fred Ward? It's a great question. I mean, he's in the Great Escape, you know? Like, he's like, he's a known quantity at least a little bit, right? I can't guess so.

But you're transitioning at it. Like, this is like where like you're starting to come towards Tremors and player territory, right? This is 80. What's this year again? Tremors is 90 and this is 85. So we were off. When was not? Sorry, he's not in the great escape.

He's in the right stuff and escape from Alcatraz. Right. And he's in Carney with Gary Busey. I mean, there's not. There's actually not a lot to go. He was always on, like, the peripheral of these films. And I guess this was one of his big, well, here you go. And it kind of just is a swing and a miss.

And I don't think it's entirely his fault. And I don't think Bruce Willis could have pulled this off either, because I feel like this is a script problem from the jump. Absolutely. Well, no, it is. Yeah. And once you put that, once you cast Joel Gray, you're in real trouble. But I mean, like, I'm not putting this all on Fred Ward versus whatever,

but it just shows you how miscast he. Yeah. Yeah, you're not really like, I don't think they're putting too much into the fact that he is Korean, like they don't have too many details about Korea in it. Well, of course not because fucking nobody who wrote this movie

knew jack shit about Korea. So just change the script and get like Maco or somebody to play this character. Get James Hong in there, we're having a great time, and yes, he could be Japanese and we're done. You know what I mean? Like, it's a totally fine little movie. I mean, you can also just

have an Asian person who's not Korean also just doing it and it's way fucking closer than Joel Gray with this may I remind the people in the courtroom an Academy Award nominated makeup job

and a Golden Globe nominated performance? Yes oh yeah dude incredible absolutely incredible fuck this we love that in the 80s though what was it Linda Hunt yeah Linda Hunt and Killingfields oh fuck I forgot about that was that another

killing fields uh year of living dangerously she won the oscar she did win the oscar for that she and i mean like they put him in this fucking cling on makeup and it's like guys he's just korean i don't even get a fucking korean person i don't even get why we need to have martial arts training in this movie you don't really see much of it i mean the closest you get to pretty much is rimo williams holding onto a log at some point towards the fucking third act well and that's the other thing eric If it was like actual martial arts training and that he was using in these, you know, operation scenes, fine. But all that Joel Gray is teaching him is fucking mystic magic bullshit, fucking pressure point. Yeah.

You know, poke of death stuff. And then like, he's like diving headfirst into, you know, piles of sand, just like garbage, bugs bunny physics. Yes. It's all like this Asian mysticism nonsense where, like, Joel. at the end of the movie can walk on water because he just knows he just you know you be like water i guess it's maybe it's a bruce leeism or something but it's just so fucking dumb it's so dumb and it's very different from the end of being there where it's actually a point god damn it thank you another great fucking spy movie being amazing incredible

Monsie Gardner was the CIA asset. Siop. Yep, exactly. Oh, we're getting to the sci-ups. That's kind of episode. I will say, to say a nice thing about this movie

because it's fucking shit and I hate it top to bottom. I really did. I hate it so much. I like actively had like a reaction watching this movie. But I will say I do appreciate the on-location

New York City shooting we're doing here. Which is where we start, which is kind of... And it's not fun. It's a scene. So he's got a... Here's my question. Because he's got this mustache, and he's listening to Marve Albert. Great Mar-Valbert cameo. Yep. Mar-Valbert is on the radio

calling what it sounds like a disastrous Knicks Laker game from L.A. where the Knicks are just getting their ass handed to them. Sounds about right. Surprise, surprise. Steve, do you recall, Steve, who was like floating around the team in the mid-80s? Are we talking like Earl the Poro Monroe or was that earlier?

It's probably Bernard Kingish here is my guess. I mean, I would have been won when this came out. A little before by Nick's fandom, but I believe that's a round Bernard King. This is before in your face, Mason? Oh, yeah. Very far away. So there's also a little Jets

Piggy on his dashboard. So this guy is a solid New York sports fan. Oh, that's right. Did you have the little Jets Miss Piggy Dash thing, whatever it is? Yeah. Yeah, that thing is weird. I don't know. That didn't creep me out. But also like, so he's got to

mustache later on they said he has plastic surgery. Did anyone notice anything different about his face here? I think his nose might have had like a bigger bridge or something. Got it. Okay. Absolutely. I wanted to go back and rewind Steve because I had the same thought when they're telling him that and I was like

what are you talking about it? It was just Fred Ward. Where is this plastic surgery? We surgically removed the mustache. Yeah, so he's like sitting there. It's sort of like he's uh it's like he's in brooklyn it's like back when the brooklyn navy yards were still incredibly you know worn down to crime dangerous place to be he's sitting in his car listening to the game eating burgers and he sees like a dude run by and then like two dudes chasing him

so he goes to check it out and this dude's like getting the shit kicked out of him by these two guys he steps in and then you know beats these guys up and it's like a well whoops we're tricking you actually this dude is going to hit you in the back with a board with a bunch of nails sticking out of it. Was this just a trick to get a cop or something? Or was this like honest? I think it's a gang initiation or something. I thought

maybe it was honest to goodness, like class solidarity, like yes while we are beating each other up now that a cop is here, let us combine our forces for the good. Right, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Let's feed up this cop. My favorite thing about this, Steve,

is that Fred Ward is in his car and like he sees a little something happening he's like eh but I got this egg sandwich yes I'll get to these Tufts as soon as sandwichly possible it is it's real man I felt that it's like you got an email

at work and it's like you're kind of eating lunch like I don't know it's got an exploration point on it but I don't have to do anything about that well the building's not on fire sandwich what do they got a couple wallets I got this egg sandwich and when it's cold you can't eat it after that so they you know he beats the shit

out of these guys and then like gets in his car and it's like uh-oh now like a fucking huge dump truck comes out of nowhere rams his cop car into the river and it's driven by j a preston who yes who is like is like the bad guy not the bad the his lead contact by the way j a preston you know i was looking i've seen him and stuff and you've seen him and stuff he's in a few good man he plays the judge a bunch of stuff he is on a list on i love i mdb user lists and my favorite thing in the world Actors slash actresses Over 80 Still Living

A list of 9 A list of 985 people created 10 months ago What a stupid thing to make Because then like Are you updating that when people Like check out, you know? Insanely, number one on a list of

985 people James Seeking Doogie Houser's dad Number two, M.M.M. at Walsh. Nice. Yeah. Michael Constantine, Tom Scarrett, Philip Baker Hall. I could read

this whole thing. Wow, Tom Scarrot's over 80, huh? According to this IMDB list. Wow, that's nuts. He's also in Air Force One. Yes. He's also in a suit. We will do it one day. Stay tuned.

Firebirds, the top gun rip-off with Nick Cage. Oh, I never saw that. I never saw that either, but I want to see it now. Yeah, it's quite something. So, yeah, he goes into the bay. You cut to his funeral, L.O.L. And it's like, yeah, whatever's name is like, Marken, I think. Samuel Edward

Macon, so he could have gone on to actually be a presidential assassination. And Rima wakes up at a hospital bed. Now, so he's got facial reconstructive surgery, sure. Right. But he's got shaving cream all over his face. Like, oh, no, they shaved my mustache. I'm like, did they do the surgery

before they shaved your mustache? Because I feel like that's got to go first. They must have done it initially. And now she's shaving him from the year, years, the the weeks of him just sitting there a little bit of like a Stephen Segal marked for death situation

yeah no was that marked for death am I thinking of the right movie? Hard to kill. Hard to kill yes yes a Coma Cat episode there yeah yeah previous episode if you're new to the show check out that hard to kill episode

the most embarrassing part of all of this and like I would be well I'm not gonna lie I'm not curious but I guess I wonder just now and won't follow up with research if in the books he is given the name the same way he's given the name in this movie which is this dude

mccrady whatever j a preston's character name is in this movie it's like con mac crady yeah and then they call him mac for short mac right right right and uh he's just like yeah your name is uh and he's like usual suspecting and he's holding a bedpan and it's like remo bedpan from williams Nevada or like whatever it is and he's like Williams Remo Williams yeah your name's Remo Williams now this is where Kaiser Soze

came from yes exactly and like Fred Ward's got a line here we've made fun of this kind of line so much but it's been so long it's one of these where you just list government agencies and he's like who are you FBI CIA Salvation Army is

everybody laughing in the movie theater that's the thing man this movie is an action slash comedy and the comedy is dreadful absolutely like as you think about something like I mean I talk about it all the time because I guess it's my favorite movie but Austin Powers does this right

it's the I mean doesn't the action it's like James Bond but funny and like they lean really heavy into the comedy the jokes are Joel Gray talks like that yep yeah exactly it's like this fucking

screenplay was written by noted famous comedian Mike Huck Yeah, Huckabee and Mark Wahlberg got together and put a good script together. Yo, Governor Huckabee, I have to say. I read the screenplay. Great pass, bro. But how about this? Maybe that Vietnamese guy gets beaten up. Well, actually, he's Korean. Oh, well, can we make him Vietnamese and then beat him up? What's the difference, Mike? Well, Mark, yeah, this is Mike Huckabee. This is suddenly a Mike Huckabee impression that doesn't work. how about you beat up some dogs instead

how about you and my boys just rassel around in the backyard kill some dogs I'm gonna say the size of those boys one of them ate those dogs I'm sorry absolutely that is a that is a dog chilly situation here's what happened fucking Mike Huckabee walks out of the room

everything seems normal he walks back in and one of his big large sons is swallowing a dog's tail What was that? Daddy, Mark, you don't understand. If I eat a grilled dog, I get the dog's soul. And it becomes part of me. Daddy Mike, pet my head.

Now, Junior, I am such a religious, pious individual that I always love to give any of God's children the benefit of the doubt. But when I came back from the kitchen, son, did I see you slurping a dog's tail into your mouth like a thing of spaghetti? No. No, no, I didn't do that, Daddy, Mike.

Am I hearing rough barks coming from your stomach? No. Get me out of here. I ate the dog's soul and now I'm part dog and that's why I poo in the yard. Daddy, can you get me some bully sticks from the store? I got a hankering. So, yeah, Remo gets taken too. And this, here's something, this movie last week, I think we gave 10 to midnight a one on the Brimley scale on our Patreon episode.

That's like a, we didn't say it, but I think that's like a 10 on the Brimley scale. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Our Patreon episode this month is the China Syndrome and it's on patreon.com slash we hate movies. And yes, that is a fucking movie with Wilford Brimley in it. Yes. This movie, this gets like a six or a seven, I think. Here's the thing. No, he does not stand up.

He will not. I checked it first. Steve asked me to check last night. I double checked you, Steve. Not one stand in performance. Are you shitty? He's not standing once in this movie. All sitting. Because I watched this on Thursday. Chris, we're doing this on Saturday. And Chris was like just starting. I was like, hey man, can you make a huge favor? I just, it's, here's the thing. Like, I can't rate it that high, Steve. I have to disagree with you. Okay. Because he doesn't leave that office. I mean, you had Wilfred Brimley for fucking two afternoons, man. Top.

This is what you got out of it. And it's just so obvious. So much of this movie is him, like you said, sitting there staring at this clearly fake computer system that he's got going. It's like a supercomputer, but it's like doing things that computer technology could not do in 1985. It's almost exactly like the computer and the thing. Like it could do all this wild shit apparently, and it's just there. But he is watching crystal clear surveillance footage on this computer monitor, and I do not think so. Oh, no. And like, yeah, this is the definition of a Brimley four.

Yeah, that's about, okay, that's fair. Because he's not, not only is he not leaving an office. He's not leaving a chair. Like, I don't even get to see those nice muscular haunches going at it. And he doesn't raise his voice. Yeah. Okay. I think you're right. I mean, he's just so clearly bored in this movie. He's basically like, the James Bond equivalent of like an M sort of figure, I guess, the closest thing. And I don't want to back us up because I hate this movie and let's just keep going. But quick thing, he gets to Wilford Brimley's office in an ambulance that he is stolen from the hospital. He breaks out of the hospital.

And this dude Mac is in the ambulance. He points a gun on him and he's like, you know, just drive. The only fucking shining light in this movie that gave me any brightness at all was the ambulance driver who goes, hey, wait a minute, played by none other than the legendary Reginald Val Johnson. And that's it. You don't see that guy. Anyway.

And so basically Brimler's like, yeah, you're dead, but now you're Rima Williams. And we are an association of three people, now three, because you're here. Congratulations. Right. Going to need some, see some ID there, Chief. Well, that's the thing. He's like, we're secret assassinations, assassins from the president himself.

All the orders come from the president. I swear. He says he's worked for five presidents, he says. And it's just this random beat cop that then is dead. You see his funeral briefly. And it's like, you never once does Remo Williams, or whatever his name used to be,

grapple with any sense of his prior life whatsoever. And the screenplay sort of carefully circumvents that and sort of absolves themselves of any responsibility because they're like, like Brimley is very clearly like, well, goddamn, Mort, you know, we needed to recruit somebody and you're great because you were a tough as nails cop with absolutely no family, no friends, no social life. So it's like it absolves them from having to have a scene

where like maybe he goes and checks in on his daughter secretly. Yeah, that's right. We are a secret organization of losers. I also don't have friends. We report to the president because we are teachers' parents. We are, yeah, we chose you because remember five years ago you hit on your, your brother's young daughter at a party and you lost your family and you lost your friends and literally no one could even speak to you anymore and you've been thinking about killing yourself. Yeah, that's why we chose you. No one's going to miss you.

But as it turns out, like this is another, you know, like grossly fascistic movie about like circumventing society. little norms to get fucking justice. Well, mommy, I think we're going to send Remo Williams into Iran. Yeah, yeah, we're selling, he's there to sell the missiles. That's exactly right. Yeah, Ronnie, I got, I got the best boy on it. Don't worry, Ronnie. Oh, Ronnie, you would love him.

He's got all sorts of sort of funny one-liners. That's amazing. Oh, that's fantastic. What's his name? Remot, Will. I forgot all. already, I don't know. Let me check the bedpan. But don't worry, sir, he's a loser. His name is Tommy Rubber Maid.

His name is Magnum Condom. I just looked at what I had in my pocket. You know what? Never mind. I'm just going to call the company. And like, yeah, I mean, it's just like, you know, the whole thing is like, I got this super secret computer that tells me anything I ever want to know. And like, what we do is we influence events throughout history by making assassinations and making it look like accidents, you see?

Making it look like accidents is such a great part of this organization. Yeah, totally. I mean, I don't know, man. Just shoot someone in the head. The central whoopsie-daisy department. We're part of the CWD. Oh, yeah, dude. The CWD and D.

Yeah, we specialize in things like people, falling down the stairs, you know, someone stands up on a roller coaster when they shouldn't. You know, and all sorts of believable accidents. When a really important person at a really important dinner party farts, that's the CWD. Whoops shit, Daisy, here we go. If you could smell it, you know who dealt it, CWD. He's just handed out fucking business cards.

And then like this guy, Mac is like, the cool thing is, Remo, you never get days off. have to just do this for the rest of your life for some reason and remo's like sounds good to me who am i like i don't know like how about like what what am i get paid who am i supposed to kill and also like what kind like i really need to be sure that i'm not being recruited by a weird militia here i really need exactly and the problem i mean i feel like the rimo williams character in general and it's not just fred ward he's got there's literally nothing there it's an absolute blank slate he does and i know i said grapple before but grapple with something man have something going on in your fucking head you're totally right because he should be like who are these guys i don't maybe he's

like maybe he has to like do his own research on them or something like that well i mean because the thing is like like yeah like mac is like yeah you have no fucking life you work every day and brimley because of course there's the you know fred word has to be like and if i say no And, you know, Brimley's response is like, well, then we'll just murder you. So it's like, okay, man, then you need to have it. Like, there's got to be something in it for Remo Williams, right? And that's where I thought he was going to get like a rad apartment, cool car, bunch of money, some ladies, you know. Not even that.

Make him vulnerable. Like, if he's like, yeah, we're going to kill you if you don't say yes. Like, you're being forced to do this then. And that never comes up. Like, he doesn't really care that he's being forced to do this. He's just thinking his whole struggle in this movie. is that it's kind of weird that this Korean is here.

Yep, totally, dude. I mean, Andrew, you also have a good point about the whole like cool cars or something or gizmos or anything because, like, if we're trying to do like a James Bond thing, James Bond didn't fucking share an apartment with some dude. Yeah, totally, man. He's not driving around

in some shitbox car. And I mean, like, the way, and like, that's the thing is I think you're supposed to really get off on this training stuff. And it's just, it gets really boring really quickly. It is so long, and it's a bunch of just nonsense. It's just like, oh, I'm from Sinju, Korea, where everything's from. Don't worry about it.

I mean, it's just one of those things where it's like when you have these fucking creeps on the internet, kvetching about, I didn't fucking see, you know, Captain Marvel do this and fucking Ray in Star Wars. I didn't see her do that. I'm like, motherfucker, you want to watch this shit? Watch Remo Williams. Watch someone train. It's boring as balls.

And I mean, like, so, like, his first assassin assassination is supposed to be on chun or on somebody he doesn't. He's not even given a name. He's not even given, like, a dossier. And, like, what do you call it? Like, Mac just gives him a gun. Like, hey, man, just go in there and fucking kill that guy. Like, hey, sounds cool. Secret government agent.

Like, I don't know, man. No questions asked. Like, yeah, I guess I'll just blow this guy's brains out. That's exactly what the mafia told the ice man. Like, just go up to this guy in the street, just shoot him behind the head and get back in the car. That's it, baby. Listen, don't worry about this. Just take all this ecstasy, take this gun and go into that club.

No, it's cool. The government will totally support you in this one. Yes, you'll just figure out who to kill in there, man. You're a secret agent. It's going to go with the president. Yeah. And it's kind of a bullshit, like, sort of fake out here, too, because, like, they pull up. And, you know, it's just, it's someplace in Manhattan.

It's a nice looking, like, townhouse building. And Remo even has the line of like, oh, wow, like a nice place there, huh? And then that's when Mac is like, yeah, the guy up there. You see that fucking guy up there with my wife? Go kill that guy, that kind of a thing, right? So that when, like, he sneaks into the basement to, like, try to climb up and, you know, get this person. You know, this is when we meet Joel Gray. He's in the basement.

And, like, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, Rimo Williams doesn't understand, like, that he's the guy that he sent there to kill because Mac leaves no instruction. You know, so there's this whole. thing of like, well, I'm the only one in the house, you know, I guess you're here for me kind of a thing. And you're just like, okay. Like, I thought this was going to be the opportunity. Like, I was still holding out hope, I guess, that Rima Williams would get to live in a cool apartment because I was like, oh, he's going to walk in. It's going to be like all the stuff that will entice him to keep doing this job. And this, this was a real, like, weird moment for me,

because I'm like, okay, this person's here. Wait, what? Is that? Yeah. That? That's Joel Gray. Dude, you text us all of that. I was just like, it doesn't even look like Joel Gray. If the point of this was to have him there because it's Joel Gray, who's a star, you would maybe want him to look

like the, but like, no, you could have just gotten an actor who's Korean. What the fuck is wrong with you? This is why they got that nom for makeup, because they made him look like someone else. But it doesn't, it doesn't look that convincing either.

And it's not a very Joel Gray performance either. You want to hear about a great Joel Gray performance? There's a story that Chelsea told me the other night when I was telling her I had to watch this movie. I did not subject her to this movie. But she was telling a story that Leslie Odom Jr., the actor who was in Hamilton had, where Hamilton was still downtown at the public and hadn't gone to Broadway yet. And he knew he had a friend who was online. line to see the show. And in front of him

was Joel Gray. Joel Gray goes up to the box office and he's like, oh hi, Joel Gray, there was some tickets for me. And this was like, you know, when Hamilton was at the public, it was like, it hadn't exploded, but like in the community had exploded, you know. So the box office attendant like

sees him. It was like, oh, fuck, Joel Gray himself is here. And it's like, oh, here you go, Mr. Gray, like, carry your tickets. And Joel Gray turns around to this friend and just goes, I didn't have any tickets. fucking just goes in. Can you believe it?

That's a fucking baller move. Yep. That's the performance of a lifetime right there, not this racist shit. I thought you were going to tell me he like jumped up on the stage and saying you'll be back. Or two tickets, Hamilton, $200. Two tickets, Hamilton. Two dollars a piece. Oh, Joel's got to eat tonight.

Not a lot of Rima Williams residuals coming in lately. Yeah, totally. welcome in Hamilton to $100 it's Hamilton for $200 for $200 Oh that's another thing That guy's not German

That's a fucking phony I mean It is just so insane Well apparently The story I mean against IMDB He turned the roll down a couple of times I'm like good for you Jill Gray Until they showed him in the makeup

And he said wow I've got to do this No Oh God And I mean like It was the so it's like it is what it is and clearly we were all on board the man was nominated for a fucking golden globe

we were definitely all on board until like a year ago yeah it is I mean and it's just like he's dropping the yards he's doing all the stuff you know what I mean I mean there's a but there is still a stark difference between

what the fuck was that garbage Cameron Crow movie that nobody could care about Aloha yeah yeah where Emma what the fuck's her face is playing a woman who's like Was she supposed I thought she was supposed to be like

Oh Japanese I don't know Yeah I don't know Asian descent I forget exactly And it's just it's just Emma Stone And it's I mean it's terrible And it's whatever But like the fucking prosthetics The prosthetics

And the transformation such as it is Like just takes this into a whole new strata Of like you fucking morons Thought this was a good idea It's a difference between like Aloha okay that's a horror to watch, but like this, you put effort into

the horror. Yes. Like, Aloha was just like, oh yeah, we don't care. So it's a horror where it's like, we're working hard. We're working hard to make sure you're horrified. Lazy racism versus hardcore, like we need to make this as racist as possible. And I'll tell you, man, you know, to talk about we were cool, we were on board for this

for a long time. A little movie called the Cloud Atlas, which people will tell you as good loves this shit. A whole segment, it's all people. Is that right? Oh yeah. I did not see it because I was just like, I just fucking can't. I like the Wachowski's fine, but everyone needs to relax

a little bit with the film Cloud Atlas. Well, I mean, there's a lot dude. Go ahead. Sorry. No, no. I wasn't saying anything, Kevin. I was just stunned that that's in that movie because I just, I read maybe like fucking 30 pages of that book and was like absolutely not. And then when

that movie came out, I was like absolutely not, but I didn't know that was going on in there. Is Tom Hanks like playing a Chinese guy or something? I'm pulling up on the image right now. Yeah, you've got to It's going to come through the chat. It means we're going to be on a list. I am glad that we brought up the Wachowski's because multiple times in this film, Joel Gray dodges bullets.

And Rimo Williams eventually learns how to do this too. So I think this was a definite influence. Oh, yeah. Oh, you think so? Maybe a little bit. I mean, it's kind of matrixy in the way that they're dodging bullets. Obviously, they're not doing full-on bullet time. But it's sort of like that idea, if I get enough fucking martial arts from

obviously this is from the source of all martial arts. This is like the Primo martial art. If I get that downloaded into my brain, I can fucking dodge bullets. So this is, I just forwarded in the link. It's, what am I looking at?

That's Hugo Weaving and I believe Jim Sturgis. Yes. No. Both of them. Yeah, man. No way! And this is in the year like 2012 or 13 or something like that.

I forget. Yeah, yeah. This article was written eight years ago. It's 2012. Oh my God. This is actually real. man, fucking Hugo weaving, dude. I thought he didn't pass as an elf and

looking at this. This is awful. It's terrible. And I mean, look, I mean, look, and that movie. Jim Sturgis. Oh, my God, though, too. I mean, first of all, casting Jim Sturgis, you should be fired immediately.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Whoever thought that was a fucking good idea for anything. A lot of people did, and they were all wrong. What was he? Well, he's in that, he's in that fucking trash heap. is across the universe, that Beatles movie? Oh, yeah, I didn't see. He's in that card

counting drama with Kevin Spacey, yes. Oh, yeah, he was just a guy that people kept trying to make happen and it never did rightfully so. Yeah, fucking flip the switch on that shit. Much like two weeks ago, sometimes the voters are right. Just, you know what?

I mean, look, the Matrix is fantastic. I haven't seen Speed Racer, which people love. Dude, speed racer. Listen, Steve, you know, you just brought up the election. You are a gentleman who lives in New Jersey. Get ready for those dispensaries. When they open, stock the fuck up, go home, wait till the sun goes down.

I also know, Steve, you just invested in a beautiful new 4K TV, put on Speed Racer, and I'm telling you, have the time of your life. I'm kind of excited. Like, Jupiter ascending previous episode, dog shit. I'm sorry, folks. That's the thing is that Wokowski, it's desperation because Wokowski's make original movies that are very outlandish and bombastic. and therefore people are like, okay, this is better than just the normal shit, every single, just another franchise material. Which is fair. And I want to stop some tweets there.

I'm just saying, that's fair. But at the same time, it's like don't act, though. The movies suck. Don't act like they're hitting home runs every time. Exactly. Originality does not a good movie make necessarily. Speaking of the casting choices, too, man, what the fuck's that guy's name, Eddie Redmayne? Yeah.

Hoo! Hoo! Oh, God. I hate that guy. He sucks. That guy fucking sucks, dude. I was kind of hoping when Johnny Depp said, I'm not, I'm resigning from fucking Fantastic Beasts. I'm like, where is Red Minton's fucking letter? Yeah, exactly.

All of them. Flush all of those things. Where is fucking Fantastic Beasts resigning from Warner Brothers? How about that? It's a franchise. It's a franchise. They have to keep it. It doesn't matter what happens.

It has to stay. Well, I mean, clearly they were trying to start a franchise with Rimo Williams. The Adventure begins. you know that didn't come to pass so you it's okay to cancel a franchise it is all i'm saying so yeah he's got all this mystical powers he's like dodging bullets he like and again like the choreography is it good that's the problem like it's supposed to be cool and fun and like fred ward is just like keep you know he and he's doing like a bunch of one-liners at him and it's kind of whatever he disarms him and then he realizes that he is going to train him this is when they move

into the shitty Soho Loft and we've got like 45 minutes of training stuff. I mean I timed it dude when the first like big action scene happens in the movie which is him farting around on the Statue of Liberty scaffolding 63

minutes into the movie over an hour before the move the over an hour before the movie that's over two hours starts. Not only that the Statue of Liberty fight more interesting than the climax of the film. the movie blows its load way too early because it's so that's actually it's the best part

of the movie it's pretty good I can see people who like this movie like having that overshadow it like well that sequence is really good and it is because you know they actually get to use the Statue of Liberty a little bit and also all that stuff but man oh man is that it's so far away from where we are and I think I think your suspicion there is correct Steve because when I was watching this movie similarly to cabins when he texted us like oh, that's Joel Gray. I tweeted out, like, I'm watching Rima Williams The Adventure Begins for the

first time. This movie is stunningly racist. And a lot of people were like, yes, most definitely, but that Statue of Liberty scenes, I think like that really does hold on. And I'd be curious if those people think that that's the end of the movie. Because if

it was, though, like maybe it's something. I mean, probably not, but maybe. But like, having it come directly in the middle of the movie? Absolutely not. That's the end of Remo Williams. The Cape Mulgrew story keeps on going for reasons. I don't understand. We should quickly mention that, but at least outline it a little bit because that is essentially the plot of the film somehow is, okay, so there's a defense contractor.

What's good about the movie, and I will say this, is it's kind of anti the military industrial complex. There are evil defense contractors that are manufacturing the AR-60. Get ready for that future folks. You're going to fight for your right to own that for some reason. They have an actual like a James Bond villain, George S. Grove. And, you know, note of realism here. He's from Albany, New York,

a center of evil in the universe. I was like, excellent, dude, I cannot recall the last time there was a fucking movie where the bad guy was from Albany. Well, that was, isn't that nexium show? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess if you

want to go in nonfiction, you got that, that, You got Alex Gibney's client nine, the Elliot Spitzer prostitution documentary. Quite a rogues gallery you're developing up there in Albany, New York. Yeah, I guess that is very true. It's more non-fiction horror. I think even fucking ironweed was based on a true story. Yep. That sounds right.

This villain needs some charisma. This guy is not doing it for me. No, I don't know where they fucking found this dude. It's like sub-buddy garrity. like yeah i'm like just you need a better actor or like a more charming fat guy here this is charles chaffy and then there's some other guy who's his number two who looks exactly like him and both are so unappealing i keep mixing up who is who well so there's yeah there's charles chaffy who's who's george grove you may know him uh he isn't we were actually just

talking about this uh we're doing back-to-back records today we just did the China Syndrome episode and where we bring up the film Clute. He's in Clute. He's in Shaft for fashion. He was in the Newsies movie. I mean, again, there's nothing on the page. That's the problem. Right. And then there's the other guy, though, who's like

the, like you said, Steve, the number two. And I think you're referring to Michael Pataki, this other guy, Jim Wilson. Yes. Who's the dude that he's in, oh, he's in Rocky Four, because he's one of the Russians, I think. And then he's in like Halloween. He did a of horror. He's at Halloween 4. He's in graduation day. But also like, this is one of the most interesting credits I found from this guy and I want to go back and see him in action. An easy

rider, he's credited as Mime number four. But you're right. These two fucking old ass white guys look exactly alike. And it's just there like, and he's like the boss that he's not. And like, that's it. You know what I mean? Like that's the structure. And like meanwhile, oh, you go. Are you referring to the henchman at all? The guy with the diamond in his tooth. No, that's a third guy. Okay, yeah, that's the other part of this nefarious military industrial complex organization that is fully embedded with the military in this movie. And this guy is like a garbage, like, jaws knockoff.

Exactly. And what's her face? And Kate Mulgrew is like, you know, she's ahead. She's like an up-and-coming army officer on a base and, like, they're about to do this. She's doing pretty well so far. So she goes into this general's office played by George Coe, who I would have, I mean, there are so many people that I think. are Lassard from Police Academy

and this man is definitely him. Really? George Coe pulled the wool over your eyes too? I thought it was Lassard. I really did. Is he Punky Booster or not Punky Brewster? He's not Punky Brewster either. Okay, that's what I was. No, the guy from Police Academy is literally Punky Boosters

grandfather. Lassar and Punky Brewster's adopted father are the same person. And then you've got the guy from Empty Nest. Is somebody else also in this realm? Yes, that and those two guys Lassard and that guy from Empty Nest and the Golden Girls

was who I always got confused with but like George Coe was in like the first Stepford wives and like Kramer versus Kramer he died like five years ago he was on West Wing for a fashion I think he voiced Woodhouse on Archer which is kind of voice yes yes that was one of the bigger

modern things yeah yeah I mean so this dude just weren't oh funny enough actually just looking at his IMD he also was on the Golden Girls at some point George Cole was like kind of the John McCain in the West Wing. It was kind of weird. Oh, okay. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. That's exactly right. But he's the

general who's also in on it, and she's just like, listen, there's some irregularities here and there and I want to figure out what they are. And he's like, I better alert my devious master about this information. And meanwhile, Wolfram Breed is like watching on a computer and, ha, that's some hell of a movie I'm not in.

He may as well have like a big old, like, Dr. Pepper and Mr. Popcorn situation because all he is doing is watching the movie along with us. Now, Mr. Director here, do you want me to pronounce my left butt cheek be a little up in the air or my right foot cheek be a little up

in the air for this take? I can go in the way this is my process. And Kate Mulgrew's whole thing as this major is she is responsible for sort of overseeing the weapons that the military is purchasing from this

Dude Grove, so she's like, well, you know, Mr. Grove, there's going to be the A.R. 60 test pretty soon. We'll be checking that out. I'm sure it'll be a very stimulating scene in this film. I can't wait to do it with you. It's an excellent Kate Mulgrew, by the way. Because she's just Catherine Hepburn. She really is. It really is. You just like, sort of dial back the mid-Atlanticness of a Catherine Hepburn impression, and you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a Kate Mulgher impression. I actually looked her up today because I was like, where is she from? This is not America. I thought you might have been Canadian

like Shatner. No, she's from like Iowa or something, isn't she? That's correct. Love that Kate Mulgrew, man. She's coming back by the way. They're doing a cartoon series, I think. Of Kate Mulgrew? Of Janeway.

Yeah, they're doing it's a, it's CBS All Access. I don't entirely know what it is. It's like a Star Trek show that's like geared towards kids in some way and she is returning as Captain Janeway to do something with it, which is pretty badass. She is very similar to Catherine Hepburn. minus the opportunities. Yeah.

They never gave her any chance to do this. I think she was stuck in TV. I mean, in a way that a big franchise like Star Trek or Star Wars is a curse. I mean, it really is. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, no. I mean, you know, Star Trek give it, Star Trek taketh away, man.

She would have been a good in like an Alan Parker movie, Robert Altman type stuff. She's been great. Also, she was also famously tricked for narrating a documentary claiming that the sun revolves around the air. Oh, yes. got about that. That was like recently. That was like a couple years ago. I didn't know it. I listened, guys.

The check came in, blah, blah, blah. It's pretty fucking funny. Wow. You know what's not funny is the running gag of Joel Gray's character Chun or to hear Wilford Brimley say it, tune.

The gag of him like being obsessed with like soap operas. Yeah. Oh yeah. And it's the mid-80s and maybe that joke just aged poorly, but Like, I feel like I've seen that a trillion times. Oh, here's this, like, butch whatever guy. Uh-oh, he's really into soap operas. That's hilarious.

Well, yeah. I mean, like, the core of that joke is like the other is a fan of a thing that's not, quote, unquote, for them. Exactly. Like, that is, like, the thesis of that joke. And I feel you get this a lot in movies. And, again, I can't pinpoint any in the moment. But, like, a movie where, like, an alien is taking in culture or, like, a Harry and the Henderson's, like, Did Harry watch television

Anybody? You know, like that kind of a thing. I think a little bit. And it's always like soap operas or daytime TV. Imagine Tommy Boy and like Christopher Farley and David Spade like pretending not to know the carpenter. Christopher Farley. Christopher Farley. Yes, Christopher Farley.

Wait, wait, wait, okay. Continue that. What were they not knowing? Like not knowing like the carpenters because it's too like it's vulnerable or sensitive to know who the carpenters are. Imagine that except for they're not playing it for comedy. Right. You're referring to when they're driving around. They're listening to the radio and they pretend like, what is this music? And then they both really love it. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Which is that is such a fucking great joke. Yeah. It's hilarious. But like for Joel Gray to just be like, yes, this is a dumb thing too where he's like, oh yes. This is the most honorable of all American entertainment or the only valuable contribution to the arts America has ever given. because it's about family and honor and business and respect. And then the gag is,

Rimo Williams is like, it's a darn soap opera. And it's like, I wish fucking anything else was on my television. The only thing that Rimo Williams has going for him as a character is he wants to eat like pure shit all the time. Right. And like cheeseburger head.

Well, not even cheeseburger. Like he's getting cans of shit. Like, like he's trying to sneak it in with Chun and Chen is like no you have to eat brown rice and whatever else and like he keeps like downplaying American food which he's

probably right about there's a fun scene where he's fucking around in Chun's apartment he has to go on all these poles to like ascend to something and that kind of never comes back like you expect that to be like oh and then at the end of the movie he's going to do that right right I think they try to call that back

with the scaffolding on the Statue of Liberty but again a thing that should happen at the end of the movie if that was the of the movie we might have something here you're totally right man just what a fucking botch job and i'm sorry like if if ending your movie on top of the statue of liberty was good enough for alfred hitchcock it's good enough for you remo william as opposed to a fucking dirt fucking field you know what i mean like totally in the middle of like i don't know suburban pennsylvania like nobody cares also he's hanging off a log that's the end of the movies

he's throwing logs at people like donkey con in this non-stop running we also get like ledge running of course a very important scale oh yeah but joe gray also mentions that the house of sin and jew which is the korean what town he's from that originated everything and this is sort of like a razzal ghoul type of thing that they were responsible for the deaths of notable historical figures such as alexander the great napoleon and robin hood gangus khan also they fucking killed gangus kong they killed robin Yeah, what is that about specifically? And the joke is, like, well, he was a bad debt.

It's like, Jesus Christ, who am I working for here? Exactly. And there's a bullshit thing. Like, Rima Williams is like, oh, that's ridiculous, Chun. Everybody knows Napoleon died in his bed. And Chun's like, but did he? And he's like, oh, man, I don't give a fuck. Okay, okay, Rimo.

In, yes, honestly, yes, maybe we should have intervened with Hitler, but we decided to let him roll. Honestly, really? Hitler, I trained Hitler. Adolf came and he did the house of San Anjou very well. He did the polls. They had zero beef with Hirohito, huh?

He ran around on the polls and then he ran around on the polls, if you know what I'm saying? It's Hithar Hirohito. Very good, but Stalin was the best. There's also this gag where like, you don't know how old he is, he could be hundreds of years old because you could

know what those people, I guess. Yeah, that's exactly what that joke is, dude, and you can fucking stick it up your ass. So basically, Kate Mulgrew has to go to New York for, oh, first of all, there is a training thing of the AR-60 that kills some dude, which is kind of fun. It misfires and fucking blows this dude's head off. And it's kind of a funny thing where, like, they're running the training simulation or whatever, and all these dudes are firing this AR-60, which I'm sure makes all these militia people in Montana hard watching this movie. And then, like, this one guy, they're like, a guy, like, kind of strays off the course and he's like, geez, there's something wrong with my gun here. And all the other army people start making fun of them, like, oh, hey, Johnson, you know, you're going off track there. Oh, Johnson's fucking it up again.

This guy is just like, click, boom, and his fucking skull explodes due to the backfire of it. This is exactly where you can tell what the difference between this and the James Bond stuff is. Because usually, after something like this, and she's like, I'm going to tell everybody about this. this is you know this we have to go back to square one and like you would just see like the military be like no we aren't yes yeah this time it's the actual villain like stuffing his shirt back into his pants have a hot dog in his mouth being like ah yeah you can't do that because you please not do that to me please yeah yeah we'll kill you ah like no subtext whatsoever no subtlety just like blam we'll kill you yep and it's great because so she goes to new york

and to do something, I literally can't care. We get some great footage of Brian Park, which would be very homesick. Yes, dude, man. I saw those shots of 42nd Street, and I was like, oh, yeah, that's where like the fucking eye doctor school is right there. I was like, oh, man.

There is a lot of good on location, New York, in this movie. Eventually, we see one of the dudes leave via a ferry. I mean, actually, Remo, Rima Williams gets tossed into the fucking East River, at the start so there's good new york moments at least you get um there's uh i mean it's in the doll as dog dick training sequences so you can't even think about it but like he uh chun takes him to coney island and he's making him like climb the wonder wheel uh and everybody get a look at this carnival barker oh yeah uncle lewis from christmas

vacation the blessing william hickey yes dude i couldn't believe it it was so and he gets a at the end of the movie, he gets in the credits, and William Hickey as scumbag carnival Barker, like, whatever the line is. They didn't move to a new house. It's a popover. Grays.

You're not doing anything constructive. Why did you go in there and get my Stogie? Oh, man. I watch that movie every year and it's a masterpiece. The best. yeah oh actually around here nothing to do with anything because it's just more training sequence stuff but we're really reinforcing the fucking horribleness of it all

Joel gray watching television again back to his soaps while he's like sitting on his fingertips I just I really just hate it I just just hate it around the Brian Park scene he runs into the the henchered with a diamond tooth they kind of get into it so now like they are aware of the because they would follow in Kate Mulgrey they're now aware of this other organization that may or may not exist called cure that's out to get them so like the heat is kind of on this leads to the statue of liberty scene which is the best scene in the movie by a mile big time and like uh chun is like you have to get over your fear of heights so we're going to be at the top of statue of liberty with all the scaffolding which is right right and so while the while he's up there with the scaffolding mr fucking diamond tooth guy hires i guess the three most crooked construction workers in the five

burrows. Because like the scene cuts to like the base of the, you know in Liberty Island like the base of the statue and it's just this diamond tooth dude like paying off these three guys and it's like I think he's counting like the number of $20 bills because it's like

a you know 25 26 kind of a thing. I just love how it's like oh American James Bond who would he fight? I don't know. Construction workers? Yeah. But these like construction workers are doing like proto parkour and like they're acting like pole cats from

Mad Max Ferry Road. They're like I mean it's I guess you're supposed to buy the idea of like they're just up there all the time they're much more comfortable on the swinging from the rafters. Yeah, we specialize in construction assassinations. We only do it at

construction sites. We can't do it anywhere else. Sorry. But they're also like demons from hell because they're like giggling the whole time. It's very creepy. I will give it that. They go like one to ten on the evil scale pretty quickly. Yeah, I think these are the guys that got Hoffa. Probably.

Put them in the foundation. So they're like chasing them all around and everything and all I'm thinking about is like man, the movie Saboteur is really fucking great, which that was on anyway. So, you know, they're chasing him and everything. And then like at one point he jumps on something and like a bag of wrenches

falls off and they think that he fell to his death. And they all kind of like, you know, they give up like, ah, job's done or whatever. And there's one guy that just goes, okay, guys, it's Miller time. These two other assassins are like, yeah. So I guess, like, a bag of fucking wrenches fell,

and they thought that that dude was dead, whatever. They get into elevator, but Remo's alive, and he starts to attack them. And again, I mean, like, this is, they cut between, like, obviously, a model of the Statue of Liberty, and the Central Liberty was close, so they do get a lot of really close shots.

It's cool. It's very cool. Yeah, it works out well. for all the stuff where they had to be close on the statue I was reading they built like a life size replica of that part of it in some space in Mexico or something like that but you do

get a ton of and it's very interesting like time documentation through cinema like you just said Steve like the the Statue of Liberty in when they so the movie like 84 or whatever was under construction and like that scaffolding was real all over it which pretty great to use it in the movie And most bonds, at least these days, would not let, like, 30 minutes go by without a scene like this coming back.

Yes. And also, you would have more of fucking Remo Williams talking with the villain, like a Ted, a Tet. Like, you're supposed to know each other. But since this guy is, you know, might as well be a used car salesman. Yeah. I mean, I think they try to get at that. I mean, we kind of jumped over it. But in Kate Mulgrove outside Brian Park, Remoimo Williams does try to hit on her unsuccessfully in the elevator.

And then he starts strangling the diamond tooth. guy who's in a car and a police woman tells him to stop and it would be cool if like maybe she knew him. Maybe there was some tension at all with his past life in New York. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Of course. Like, he was a cop. Like, yeah, exactly. You know, like Martin or whatever his name was. Yeah, I mean, there needs to be, there needs to be something of his past to come back and bite him. I know he was the perfect candidate or whatever, but I need there to be a movie to be a movie. Yeah, I agree with this being

a movie would be cool. And he just quickly dispatches these dudes and it's kind of funny, throws them around and but here's the thing, man, he doesn't kill them. Yeah, you're an assassin, right? Fuck this, right?

Fuck this. Like, kill these guys. Like, he knocks one dude unconscious and the guy just like falls in the floor of the elevator. Another dude gets knocked out. And then like, there's one guy that he pushes and I was like,

oh, red, he fucking, because there's like a rope involved and you can't tell what's going. on and he pushes him out of the elevator car and i was like oh cool he just hung that guy and then when they cut to the exterior and you can see what's going on it's the guy's hanging from his ankle and i'm like no murder these men you know how we murder them you know how easy it is to make like an element i don't not that i'm speaking from experience but you know how easy it is from to make an elevator go haywire and go crash like do that it would be easy to film

it would not cost you a lot to up this body count the one guy that loses a his life in this scene dies accidentally because he's getting chased by some goons and you see Remo Williams use this magic shit before Joel Gray does because Remo fucking runs across like these dudes are

working in the construction area he runs across some wet cement all these guys are like hey man that's wet cement what are you doing and he runs across it and this other like goon chases him and he goes to run across the cement and whoops it turns out it's very deep cement Remo Jesus Christ did his

across it. And this dude just drowns. Yeah, it's pretty cool. And no one, okay. No one there tries to help him whatsoever. Nope. Nope. Dude, it's like he fucking went down for the count pretty quickly. Just take a quick look around. All right. Nobody saw it. Nobody's, no cameras. That dude was never here. Fellas, does anybody have a really long stick? Or a pole or something to stick that? Maybe he could get out. I don't know. It doesn't take, you know, it's not lava. like that dude had to drown that cement for minutes dude that is a rough way to go it's pretty there's a lot of time to save him i'm thinking yes yeah exactly and then there's one more guy who's about to get him but uh-oh chun gets him with a karate kick or something oh that's right chun

does interfere yeah and that's this is sort of like so the next scene is wilfr brimley and mack and rimo sitting down together and being like oh man they're on to us you know this is such a secret society i'll fucking kill myself if we're found out and and mac'll kill himself and remo guess what you're also gonna kill yourself i have to have to correct you a little bit here steve okay he you said sitting down together he's already sat that's fair wilford brimley's already on his ass he remained seated while they sit next to him but the idea is like i'm we're all going to kill ourselves and i'm You know, Jim Jones, you want to fucking cut me in on the picture before I take my own life? Exactly, man, because Brimley's like, you see it right here?

God damn what's around my neck at all times, a good old-fashioned CIA heart attack pill. And then Matt, the thing with Mac, though, is really weird because, like, Wilford Brimley is just like, I'm going to take this pill. It simulates a heart attack, and I'll be dead. And then Mac's like, yeah, or how about my plan? All of a sudden, a sales clerk finds a man laying, he fell over. in the dressing room of a haberdashery a bullet through his own. I'm like, why are you going

to those lengths for that suicide, sir? Well, Rimo, you might find a new story that's told of a guy who was split in two because he tied himself to two horses and spake their asses. Oh, yeah, Remo, my thing is I'm going to go,

I'm going to change my name to Mr. Hans, move to the Pacific Northwest, and be fucked to death by a horse. You like that, Chris? Yes, I do. That's a good one. I like that. I do love, but like, and like the idea I think, I think Brimley even says it's like,

we will not embarrass the presidency. And I'm like, I don't know, man, they can withstand whatever this scandal is, which I'm not even clear about again before I kill myself. Just having three people as part of an organization, that's not a real. That's not a real thing. You need more than three people. Exactly. You need somebody in accounting.

You need somebody else. You know, like. Even a secretary, an overworked secretary. Give me something here. At least M had money. Penny, exactly. Also, I love that in all of this. Brimley and Mac

keep saying that it's like this three-person organization. I don't know, man. Does that mean fucking Chun doesn't get the invite to the Christmas party? Technically speaking, he is a contractual employee. He's not on staff.

You know, he comes up for review every year. Now, he might have killed Robin Hood. He does not get a check every bi-weekly like you do, Remo. We cannot be just going to pay it for health insurance for everybody. I'm glad that's what it is.

Temp to Purb is what he is. Well, it's the pre-existing condition of maybe being 200 years old or something. I don't know. But the funny thing is like, you know, Fred Ward is trying to play, you know, his, Remo's reaction to like the suicide plan, right? As like, he's like a little

sort of like shocked and disturbed by it but like you don't know anything nor do you care about any of these characters so that weighing on this character doesn't matter to you as the audience member well there's this weird part it's around here they're like all right we have to

infiltrate whatever Grove's secret space to find information and by the way he's like oh well who would kill me is like well Chun would that's why and he's like he would there's a scene that's cut from this movie, which you'd probably want, which is where Rimo calls him little father earlier, and

like Chun kind of like spurns him. But you know at that point, at least in the deleted seed, that he loves Chun at that point. Right. Yeah, that could have been helpful. Because like at this point, he's like, you would kill me, wouldn't you, Chun? He's like, yes, I would. And it's like, okay. And he gets like really sad. And Chun's out of the movie for a real long time. And that's something I need in the movie. Yes. I mean, it would be any type of emotional weight whatsoever, which this movie has none of, and there's no reason for this movie to be two hours long.

Absolutely. Put that scene back in, cut out some of the training. Their relationship is essentially that of two employees, one who made a good excuse for them being late. That's about the bonds they've formed in the fucking hour and a half we've been watching this movie.

So Remo and Mac have to break into this facility to get some information on grove which this is yeah you guys pick up on this it was like there's like a satellite or something that grove is working on called a harp oh harp dude i was thinking of you the whole time every time they said it because harp with two a's was an actual you know government conspiracy theory about controlling the weather and right i mean i don't even know why we're going through the ar-60 shit which comes up again later in the movie yes when we have harp here like why don't we pick the one thing and harp could be a more of a scary thing i mean brimley earlier

in the film alludes to that grove is big in the star wars crowd he doesn't mean the convention search that he means you know the program yeah the reagan military program i feel like we could have gone a little bit better than rifles and we try to here but then we give it up so fast well i see remote here's the thing is what er ronny has up there is a big volleyball net for whenever a missile tries to hit the United States of America. It's a big volleyball net and it stops them all.

And then Superman grabs it, wraps it around, tosses that shit in the sun. It's all part of the quest for peace, you see. You're totally right though, Eric, because like a weather control thing or even getting more involved in the Star Wars defense system,

that's more bond territory. This whole notion of like this arms man manufacturer might get fucked over because there's a design defect in his fucking killing weapon. So basically the rifles are being assembled like not perfectly. Oh, great. I'm glad we have a movie about this. Good. But they go to the secret facility where they uncovered this satellite.

And I mean, like, this is probably the second best scene of the movie. Also not the ending with the dogs is kind of fun. Some great dog acting here. These like, you know, whatever they are, Doberman Pinchers or whatever, like chasing him around and whatnot. And they're like super smart, which is kind of hilarious. Like every time he thinks he outsmarts them. And this is good for word acting. I love this scene in Father of the Bride.

It is. Really? You're totally right. Wow. But there's a great line where like he jumps up, you know, onto some higher scaffolding. And he looks down and he's like, well, let's see you get up here. And then these dogs like literally like team up, like do some dog teamwork to pull this other ladder down and like crawl up.

It's kind of funny. It is. It is. And like, meanwhile, Mac is doing other stuff. And Remo, I'd literally, I'll be honest with you guys, I looked away for a little bit. And all of a sudden, he's in a room with the, uh, a satellite and lasers are shooting at him. Like, what movie am I watching? But did you miss the fucking him getting his dick bit? Yes, I did.

Oh my God. Dude, there's, it's fucking ridiculous. So you've got these attack dogs, right? And then he fucking falls through this window. And then this guy grove. I mean, I guess money can buy you anything. because this guy in this facility has attack rats

because these rats just come in and the rat like goes up his pant leg and he falls over because he's all scared about it but then this rat is chomping on this dude's fucking schlong nice it's ridiculous and I guess the thing is though you're supposed to be laughing

I wasn't chuckling I wasn't chuckling I was yeah I was turned on for that scene I was going to say if you're going to have this and it's going to be a bomb movie like you would have your grove you know your big villain like he explains like this is my moon evaporating ray

show him training these nut eating rats I want to see him with the cheese and like the little like testicles that he dangles up in their face like oh hello Mr. Williams so glad you could join us today while I'm training my rats

I mean that's a great point because Grove is so he's he's a piece of toes. Nothing. Vapor. Yeah, he's nothing. He's nothing in this movie. Give me something. Give me mustache twirling of any degree. I don't, he doesn't have to know Remo Williams. It doesn't have

to be directly a James Bond thing, but flesh out this character. Well, give me a scar on his face, even. That I'll take. Exactly. Make it, you know what, honestly, especially because it's called Remo Williams, the adventure begins, cartooned it up. Maybe instead of having his handler just die

in the field in his scene, have him get like taken by grove and grove tortures and kills him well he does get taken by grove and he kills himself chris oh like but yeah but like at the point where you're just shot you're like oh he's probably dead right i'm he's oh man like i'm like okay i'm over here because it does i mean it doesn't matter right because it's not like uh grove is like i'm going to definitely get information out of you uh mac you know he's just it's this nonsense scene of he's in a hospital bed and everybody leaves him unattended and he fucking cuts the life support

and kills himself. Okay. And like the whole thing is like, well, he's going to die anyway. Okay, next scene. Yep. I'm like, what the fuck? Who cares? He gives, he gets shot in the back. He falls over. He gives Remo Williams a tape with like, I guess, some sort of

harp-related information on it. And he says, you could stop him, son. Right. And then, uh, Brumley gets the tape. He's like, oh, this is such interesting information. My goodness. What a movie we're doing here and he's just like oh wow you know like and the thing is like well you know that harp was always supposed to explode and he's just going to make the american people pay for

hop two and hop three and all sorts of right this was a nice moment because it's just like no one's going to be caring about whatever happened to hop one because by then they'll have a contract on hop two hop three and it's like probably i mean i feel like that's a good good point brimley that's good realism here yeah and absolutely is, but again, like, it doesn't exactly raise the stakes in this action movie. He's like, you know what? Instead of us getting a big tax

bill on some phonyist satellites, why are you going to kill that guy for him, and Remo Williams? Goddamn, hoot, I'm tired of paying taxes on fake satellites. And this is what's crazy about it, too, is because then we're getting into the third act here, where Remo Williams has to, like, go undercover on a military base to

kill this guy, and it just feels like there should be an easier way to kill this guy. All this army-based stuff just bled together in a mess of nothing to me. I like... There's a Lee Ayacocca reference at some point. I almost died. Eric, this reminded me of the third

act of a T.J. Hooker episode. Like, you know what I mean? It's just... We're in a really cheap location. We're going to stay there for a really long time. And it's just you know, a couple of fights here and there and the credits are going to happen. Yep. Yep. That's exactly right. Because again, like you guys,

we've been saying the entire time, like, Statue of Liberty is a big fucking thing. That's an ending. Even like the weird facility with the laser thing, big enough. You know, it's like getting smaller somehow. Yeah. If I was able to restructure this film in some way, even though I wouldn't want to keep all this stuff,

move the military base in the start of the movie. Exactly. Do the fucking harp satellite explosion in the middle and then end on the fucking Statue of Liberty. It goes, you're right. It goes decreasing from the Statue of Liberty to the laser room with the satellite to a gas chamber.

Yes. Now, this is actually an interesting. Now, this is where it gets the most bondish, I feel, is Kate Mulgrew and Rema Williams meet up and they're walking along and they get trapped in a room by the Diamond Tooth guy and they're going to gas them is the idea, right? Yes. He does gas them. They're gassing that there's no way out, but Diamond Tooth guy, I guess it was really close to those guys on the fucking Statue of Liberty. Oh, right. Because he puts out a gas mask and gets to the like Mulgrew passes out Rimos surviving barely and the gas back guy comes in like I'm going to beat you up because this is for my friends of the Statue of Liberty. Just let him gas to death. Yeah. Like it's creepy because he's laughing the whole time.

Like that's creepy dude. But this is the best part of the movie almost. Oh my God. This is like too much. He grabs the dude. It starts using his tooth to scratch the fucking glass pane to make it crack because he's got a diamond tooth. so he's using the diamond to cut the glass.

And you see this guy's mouth like slide off and you hear the noise and literally every hair on my body is standing up right now. I'm not kidding. It's quite effective. Perhaps not quite worth it for your friends who had a rolled ankle in a black eye. Yeah, exactly. They weren't even murdered. And I feel like Remo Williams kind of like bets it all on that tooth because he's like,

Okay, I scratched the glass twice. I'm going to jump into it head first at full speed. It's so dumb. I mean, he makes an X, so it's like there's a part where there's like, it crosses over it's the, and now there's a definite weak point in it. Yeah. But like, then just take that dude and throw him through it.

Yes. Do you think, yes, that would be, we could get some dummy work. It would be, it would be a more fun movie if he actually really punished the flesh of these men. You know what it reminded me of? But I think this movie must have been in whatever prison they keep Sean Connery and in The Rock

because he does that with the quarter. Womack, why am I not surprised, you piece of shit? Oh, Womack, I'm going to hunt you from beyond the grave now. They're hunting each other in the afterlife. Oh, Womack, oh, right. Oh, man, I forgot he was dead. Then it's a sweet at the Fairmont Hotel. Some snacks and cold drinks, Womack, and hands.

hell for you. All the best people are dead. They are sadly. Stay tuned for some Sean Connery programming. Are you thinking about it? Yeah, so he throws himself through this window and then I guess

gets Kate Mulgrew out of there. They escape into the woods and because you know everybody in the theater was fucking clamoring for more chun. Where's chun? Here he comes at the end of the movie for no reason. He's, yeah, he like rescues Remo again he's like you're here and he's like well I've always oh no not not yet like he's like

you're here blah blah blah and now they're all together in a van that just kind of gets like run off the road here and here's here's the thing here is the thing like there's so much of this movie where like you can sort of get a whiff of an action sequence about to start yeah and then it stops right like that gas chamber sequence if it's a bond movie bond not only has to break out of that gas chamber, but then he has to get himself and Kate Mulgrew out of the facility, which is him encountering more thugs along the way and whatever, right?

That doesn't happen. It's like he jumps through, and that's the end of it. Then it's like they steal the truck from these two dudes. This is the Lee Ayacocca joke, and he drives off, and you're like, okay, well, I guess they're going down like a kind of crazy, like mountain range, the brakes go out on the car, and you're like,

oh, okay, so here's the big action scene with the truck. Nope, that just fucking goes off a cliff. They all jump out or whatever and then like any kind of car chase momentum is just stop dead again in the movie yep absolutely oh and also the all the shit

with Chun right here where he sees Kate Mulgrew and he's like oh my god it's a disgusting woman what are you doing here women should be home fucking making babies and whatnot aren't I a stinker and the best part of doing this while wearing Asian face and making you and having a horrible accent

isn't that fun yeah come on now spank let's go home and they sort of realize Chun survives kind of a thing and this is when he's like you are like my son or whatever and it's like

in Remo gets all choked little father yes little father comes in and so he's Remo Williams is like all right you guys hang out here you know I'm going to go

fucking blissfully finish up this movie as fast as I can and so like Chun is there with Kate Mulgrew and she's going you know she's just saying like i can't believe remo's leaving us here what are we going to do blah blah and he just does a i'm going to do a magic pressure point to like shut this woman up it's like that is the joke is like this fucking woman yes is running her mouth too much and i'm going

to just like grab her wrist so she like goes fucking paralyzed what stops talking what i was expecting to happen here is earlier in the film when chun is making like dinner of like rice or whatever he's saying like oh sex and whatever you want to know about sex like if you touch a woman if you if you touch a woman's like wrist and and you you mimic the the the pace of her pulse she will have an orgasm or something so i thought chun was like fucking getting her off here but apparently not uh yeah so like he's running through the forest there's just this nonsense scene where he's like dodging a bunch of explosions because they're all like firing these guns again i think is the idea like the base is on full alert

everyone's trying to find him. There's like Bandit One and all these troops going to try to find him and eventually they get to the point where it's like, I've detected a human signature, 50 feet above the ground. Oh, right. Yeah, and he's hanging onto this tree trunk that what is going on here? Is this a logging

operation that he stumbled upon? Why is this military base moving this log around? It'd be cool if we knew anything. But we don't. And George Coe and villain number one and villain number two all get in this in one van together to stop him.

All right, soldier. Nail that commie son of a bitch. That's right. And he won't do it. They throw this guy off and then they start firing. I like this. The soldier's like, well, he's not going anywhere. Yes. And Grove hits him in the face with the butt of the rifle. I thought it was pretty extreme.

Yeah, dude, a little bit of an overreaction from Grove here. But then so Grove starts firing at Remo. You guys get this fucking Fred Ward delivery here? No. He's hanging out of his log or whatever and it's like the gunfires raining down on him and you just hear Fred Ward go

oh no. Like that level of like oh no. But yeah then he like takes out a fucking machine gun that's on the truck and he's really trying to kill this guy and it just does not work.

Rima Williams decides the move is he's going to let this log go right on like a bunch of other logs, those logs, then fall down a hill, nail this Jeep, all these motherfuckers go flying and explode. Right. Now, this is like, Rimo Williams is like, I'm going to eWalk these fuckers.

He does. EWox him, dude. Cleaning their clocks with the magic of the fucking power of the EWox. But then like, you think Grove is taken out, but of course Grove comes back for one last scare. Dude, and this, the

makeup department here. I mean, I guess they just, they were so concerned about making Joel Gray look as impeccable as he does in this movie, that they couldn't bother to make this motherfucker look like he had just been in a Jeep explosion. I mean, this guy walks out of the woods, like he's fucking hung over.

He's got like a little bit of blood near the side of his face. Right. Like I said, hungover. Oh, ow, yeah. Just holding his arm. You're like, wow, I think I messed up my wrist. And now we got a call back to Chun's

ability to dodge bullets and Rimo Williams is now full on dodging these bullets that Grove is shooting. It's a bit fantastical. Well, honestly, Eric, we saw two hours of him in training. So was that enough for you to understand that he could do it or no? Great point, though, Steve, because there is a, there's a mention at one point. So when he's running around, he's diving through piles of sand out on Coney Island or whatever. And Mack is like, hey, I need to borrow Rima Williams.

Like, there's a mission that he has to do already. When do you think he's ready? be ready and chung's like uh chun's like oh yeah maybe in 15 years four and a half if we're lucky it seems to me like the month of training because remo is like i've been living in his apartment for a month at one point so that's it he's at a month of training seems to me diving magically through piles of sand running on uh wet cement you know all of this shit maybe is going to take more than uh 30 andrew you're completely right he's a marty sue uh And I fucking hate it.

So, you know, he kind of gets it a little bit of the bullet dodging. Like we said, he does the same thing that Chun does at the beginning of the film to Remo, where he grabs the gun, you know, comically flicks all of the rounds out of the whatever the fuck and puts it back in the gun, you know, and kind of like hands it. He doesn't hand it back to him. He just kind of like holds it or whatever. And the guy goes like, you know, who are you? Oh, no. Well, this is what's weird. there's a the flaming jeep is like standing on the beach or whatever and the remo like pushes this guy over it like like some fucking rowdy frat guy bending down behind him and remo fucking trip this guy like he pushes him over this car and then the guy like stands up a little while later and he's like you know who are you and he just goes remo williams and fucking takes a twig yes and uses his powerful hands that jol gray trained him to

to use to like sort of just rub this stick until it sets on fire and tosses the stick down in a gasoline pile and boom that guy finally goes to dynamite he finally dies like off screen you know you see the big time you see the truck explode while remo's walking away and it's such a let down this whole movie is a let down it is it really really is we get one shot which is the greatest shot of the movie we cut back and like like the rest of the Wilfred Brimley has been watching the movie play out on his little supercomputer that he has

but the difference is he knows the mission was a success because he celebrated smoking a little bit of a pipe there god damn I'm gonna get my pipe out's my celebratory pipe Rimo Williams did it and there is Joel Gray does run on water here at the end just to make it really

right just he left to go try to find where's Rimo Williams and that's oh my God that whole like i thought the movie was over man this is this is abuse so jol gray and and kate mulgrew were waiting by the boat where is remo williams right so they see you know so they see the explosion in the distance or whatever and joel gray goes to try to find him and remo williams comes to the dock he's like where the hell is joel gray and then he's across the fucking lake and he's and the military is moving in because you think this is like holy fuck now the heat is on

And Jolgay runs across the water, but uh-oh, looks like the military doesn't care that you infiltrated their base and murdered a defense contract. They're like, they like, they're like, okay, they're like, okay, before they roll up, they're like, Kate Mulgrew is on our side, so be careful. They're fully ready to assassinate Rimo Williams. But they don't. They don't even pursue him. It's crazy. Well, I mean, they're kind of stunned because they just saw a fucking human being run on water. I guess. But then like, so Rimo and Chun get away,

Rima Williams' last dumbass line because Kate Mulgrew's like, who are you people? And he goes, would you believe we're the good guys? Yeah.

And fucking drives off. And then this military dude runs up like, oh, Major, are you okay? And she's like, oh, I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine.

And then the movie just ends with Joel Gray standing on the fucking top of this boat being like, oh, we have to get back home because I'm really excited about all these soap opera plot lines and that's like the end of the movie that's the joke it's

like oh man i want to see if little johnny can walk again or blah blah blah he's like oh boy can't wait for the adventure to continue chun keep that racist makeup on ice because remo two is coming baby all right uh remo you earned this here's your own heart attack pill yeah exactly dude in case we ever have to kill ourselves for lord god it Reagan. This movie didn't have a sequel. It had a follow-up failed TV movie that I guess they tried to make it into a

series. It was a no-go. So it's like this 48-minute nothing thing called Remo Williams, The Prophecy. I haven't watched it yet. It is on Netflix or on YouTube with Roddy McDowell as Chun. And you better believe we're still fucking fixing his face up. Like

fucking the garbage people that we are. Who plays Rima Williams, though? An actor named Jeffrey Meek. He in 1998 to 1999 did some sort of mortal combat thing. I don't know. It's just really a name you can see up on the marquee. Jeffrey Meek. Wait, what is this, though?

Hold the phone. Hold the phone. Okay. I'm holding. Holding for Andrew Jupin. Oh, no. I thought what I was looking at here, I thought was a made-for-TV movie

to expand the Taken franchise. I know there was a Taken TV show, but this was something in 2013 called Taken, colon, the search for Sophie Parker, which is not... Oh, it's a TV movie. Julie Benz was in it. So yeah, this guy, I mean, nothing.

TV actor, soap opera actor. They should do that, by the way, for numerous things, like, taken, colon, the Natalie Holloway story exactly yeah I was looking to see if there was anyone else of note in it and what a shock definitely not

haven't seen it isn't full on YouTube that's the end of this movie would anybody recommend it no my god no I mean like yeah the racism is pretty deplorable very deplorable in any respect so there's that's a one strike but like it's not even like 80s racism that like is

hidden in a jewel of a film like this movie is trash top to bottom it is boring as sin fred ward is unconvincing as a lead nobody gives a shit and it is b a d bad nice uh eric siska yeah i'm gonna agree with that i mean the thing is like yes is this movie racist of course but if there was anything else that like if if it had more to it could i overlook some of that maybe not but but at the same time like it would be something maybe and this is just not something and I know why people have been requesting this for so many years because it is definitely a bad movie and this is sort of a bad movie podcast and this would have been probably a great like 40 minute episode 10 years ago anyway I'm not recommending it Chris Kevin an enthusiastic no

like just stay away from it at all there's not even yeah like like eric said like maybe you can forgive it it was the time and the place all that stuff if there was something of worth in the movie itself there is not at all uh everything sucks it's terrible yeah avoid yeah no it's it's a serious avoid um it is totally unwatchable in looking at fred ward's i mdb filmography i would say there's probably more value in screening 2004's Funky Monkey with Matthew Modine

and Roma Downey. Say what you will about the year of living dangerously. It's about a humanitarian crisis. Oh shit. This is kind of a deep cast in Funky Monkey actually. We got our good buddy, friend of the show, Gilbert, Godfrey, that is. Fred Ward, Jeffrey

Tambor. Just like, wow, man. Funky Monkey, indeed. Oh, Tommy Davidson's in it too. How about that? how about that yeah no fuck this movie it's absolute fucking garbage and you know all i would say is like if this is something you grew up on because the other thing i was i was i was noticing was a lot of folks on twitter being like that was the thing that i loved as a kid and i've never revisited it and i would say if you want to keep that in a little jewel box and whatever your fun little childhood memories are with remo williams don't revisit this movie yeah do not

good call. That is Remo Williams from the grand year of 1985, directed by the James Bond franchises Guy Hamilton. I mean, go watch all the bonds he did. Goldfinger, diamonds are forever, live and let die, the man with the golden gun. They're all a fucking blast. But that will conclude the discussion of this rancid film. And I think the other thing is, I'm glad we got out of the way and folks can stop requesting it. I never have to watch it again. That's cool. Yep, yep. Get some fresh blood in the old listener request month lines. early next year. But if you want more we hate movies, of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. On animation, animation damnation, we've got the EWox coming at you.

That's another one that's been sort of long gestating, kind of a tangential brims giving, just because Wilford Bribley is inexplicably tied to the EWox franchise, but not in that show. Exactly. And in the Gleap Glossary, kind of going off of that mold as well, we did Sindel Tawani, the young girl that was in EWox, the Battle for Endor, with Brimley. So we get a little brimley in the Gleap glossary. And so you folks know at home, our Patreon is stacked more than anyone else is, dare I say. And you don't like people, I think sometimes people get this notion like, oh, they're plugging this stuff for the month. If I pay this amount of money, I get this stuff for the month. No, no, no, no. You unlock everything we've ever did. So if you pledge at the $8 level, not only do you get the mandolian half hour, which we are recapping now, you get the Gleap Glit Glossary, you get commentary tracks. You get all the commentary tracks. You get all our past premium episodes. Hundreds of hours of content. No joke. And I want to say, do a little tease here as we're looking out towards the end of the

month. We're getting, or the end of the year, rather. We're getting close. You're going to want to be at this $8 level for the Q4 commentary. Oh, yeah. The last commentary of the year, you're going to want to be there for it. Our good buddy, Philippe Sobrero, has already designed the cover art for it. It's gorgeous and fucking hilarious. And it's going to be a banger, man. That's all I want to say. It's going to be so good. Our December content, it's the We Love Movies Month across the board.

It's going to be quite something. You're going to want to let that pledge ride. So Steve Sadek, I think we got, what, one week left in Brim'sgiving? It is the finale of Brim'sgiving. And happy Thanksgiving up to you guys coming up later this week, I believe. That's how that works. Wow. That's right.

All you motherfuckers better be staying home, by the way. I don't need no super spreader Thanksgiving dinners out there. Oh, it's wrong. This will will be our Thanksgiving episode coming up next week. Apologies, I guess. Oh, okay. So next week is Thanksgiving. Well, still plenty of time to cancel on mom. Exactly. If I could enjoy a Zoom turkey like the fucking rest of us. Yeah, spread those turkey legs instead of COVID. We are watching the firm for the finale of Brim's giving. There you go. Probably one of the longest movies we've had to cover on the show.

I'm excited about it. It's got you. It's a banger of a cat. with Wilford Brimley, Tom Cruise, Gary Busey. Ed Harris. Ed Fing Harris. I am excited and dreading it. Exactly, man. It is a movie you are going to want to start at 6.45 p.m. So until next week with the finale of Brim's Giving, where we cover the firm.

I'm Andrew Juven. Steven Sadek. Eric Siskin. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. That was a HitGum podcast.