We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 522 - The Muppet Christmas Carol

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

On this week's special WHM holiday episode, the gang is chatting about one of the greatest puppet-led films of all time, The Muppet Christmas Carol! How incredible is Michael Caine in this movie? What's the breakdown of Muppets you can and cannot eat? Are those offspring biologically accurate? And is the Ghost of Christmas Present smoking weed in there? PLUS: Have a look at the latest UK food sensation, Potato in a Boot! The Muppet Christmas Carol stars Michael Caine, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, The Great Gonzo, Rizzo the Rat, Fozzie Bear, Steve Whitmire, Jerry Nelson, David Goelz, and the legendary Frank Oz; directed by Brian Henson. WHM is donating 100% of our 2020 merch income to causes fighting for racial justice. For more information on how you can pitch in, head over to our website. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program. They just don't make puppet movies like this anymore, everybody. It's the Muppet Christmas Carol. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Scrooge Scott. And we love movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Love movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. Merry Christmas. This is the Christmas episode, we'll call it, right? Getting into the holiday spirit here with the Muppet Christmas Carol from 1990. directed by Brian Henson. This was his directorial debut, I should say. And how, like, he went from this, which was, this is like anyone's career high, to the happy time murders. And if you haven't listened to our episode on the happy time murders, seek it out.

Yeah, and that's sort of exactly what I was referencing with they don't make puppet movies like this anymore because they make them like that. Yeah, they make them more like meet the feebles now. weirdly because come on man it's cool and puppets safe fight that's the thing dude there's not like an uh fucking ounce of cum that is slung in this movie and it's the better for it what is the other one that's perverted it's like oh come all ye faithful or something oh no you're talking about let my puppets come yes that's the one i pardon me we discussed this i think on that other episode with the melissa mccarthy movie there's or maybe it was a mailbag or something cabin i don't There's a movie out there called Let My Puppets Come.

I can't keep track of your cumb movies, guys. I just can't. It's like a pseudo, quote unquote, sexually explicit. It was a male bag. It was definitely a male bag. Oh, that's right, because it was like a teacher showed it in a class or something. Is it a Pornhub exclusive? The 4K is coming to Porn Hub.

Oh, God, in heaven. Better be verified, dude. Mm-hmm. That was a good move on their part, by the way. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. yeah um so you know this is a movie this was the first um puppet movie that was made after the passing of jim hanson uh so the the film was dedicated to him and richard hunt um and i gotta say

right off the bat uh i love this movie i watch it every year i would as a kid watch it like multiple times in the christmas season i can never get over how fucking great it is to see these opening credits where you're just crediting a puppet as playing another character it's fantastic God damn. I will say this was not that for me. I didn't really grow up with this. I guess I'm not a huge Muppet guy, even though I like the Muppets. Like if you ask me if I like the Muppets, I like the Muppets, totally fine. I just don't like seek them out and I haven't, I've only watched the Muppet movie with my wife. I only watched this. My wife is more of a Muppet person, so I've watched it more than, but I didn't really grow up with it. It's kind of weird because like you figure in the Steve Sadek algorithm, oh sure. Muppets are right there. Do you have any idea as to like why that didn't happen? Was it just like, like your parents didn't care as much? No, sure, yeah. Oh, that old crutch. No, no, I literally don't know. Like, I remember liking Sesame Street probably more,

for sure. See, we didn't do Sesame Street in my house because it was like almost like constantly Nickelodeon. So you're saying he likes Batman and he doesn't like the Muppets. Yeah, the parents aren't together. I guarantee you this right off the bat. They're not together. All right, we got The Justice League, the Buffet the Vampire, but no Muppets? Oh, yeah, that's a divorce. That's a big-time divorce. Big-time divorce. Oh, really leaned in hard on that Batman, too, huh?

One of them might be dead. Criterion Collection at 14. It's not looking good. I got to tell you, not looking good. I had a casual Muppet household where we would watch the Muppets here and there. It was never a traditional thing. So I always saw this movie like a few times and then since I met my wife, her family loves it. It has become kind of a Christmas tradition.

Yeah, totally. This almost, I definitely saw this in theaters, but I didn't see it again until my wife is a huge fan of this. This is her family's Christmas movie. And mine was always National Lampoons. Oh, yeah. from the beginning, you know. And I think the Christmas curl I remember most is like the, the 70s one. What's that one with George C. Scott?

No, it's not that one. There is a George Codd Scrooge. Alistair, what's his name? Crowley. Yes, yes. Alster Crowley is a Christmas carol. Oh, yes, I cannot wait to be visited by three ghosts. Oh, dude, he's going to get a fucked by three ghosts for sure.

Oh, yeah. Dude, like one of those ceremonies. Mm-hmm. Oh, spirit. Spirit, may I eat you? I would say this is my favorite rendition film, like, adaptation of a Christmas Carol, bar none. Last night I did the thing where you're going to turn off the lights to really pay attention. I really appreciate this.

I just grew up with Mickey's Christmas Carol gang, and that's the one for me. It just because you know why in that version, Goofy plays Jacob Marley, which presupposes the goofy is in hell, which is a lot of fun for me to do. Oh, yeah, that's nice. I mean, that's right, Steve, because in this movie, like, they add a Marley brother, Robert Marley, or is Robert Marley the fake one, or is Jacob? Jacob is the real one. So you can have Statler and Waldorf play them. And, like, Statler and Waldorf toiling in hell, you totally get. Sure.

You see those guys in all the chains, and you're like, yeah, of course they forged that many Hellraiser-esque chains in life. But poor goofy man, I feel like that guy was like a patsy for someone else to go to hell. Gores, Mick, I thought she was 18. I was thought it was more wholesome, maybe he killed himself. I has a good old, wholesome suicide. I can't take it no more, Mick. I'm going to put this weird shock collar around my neck and throw a TV to the bathtub. I forgot this version even existed.

I think, like, I saw that as a kid, and then it went right into that Disney vault. Yes. Well, it's also a weird thing, because that. thing is the Mickey's Christmas Carol is your traditional like like Disney characters television special thing where it's like under 45 minutes oh yeah so it's it's like it's less than a half hour actually 20 tops yeah is it really Jesus Lord yeah so it's like basically like two and a half Disney shorts like strung together to make a thing I think I think it's awesome we rewatched it uh maybe last year but like yeah I mean it's just I feel like if you had

one of these two as like your fave like you know if you were into like Christmas Carol type children's you know entertainment fair growing up in the 90s you were either a Mickey's Christmas Carol a household or Muppet Christmas Carol Household or Muppet Christmas Carol House

or none I mean also Charlie Brown is a big one in that but like Christmas Carol's stories yeah not that's sad fuck having a terrible Christmas The whole like legend of the Scrooge And, like, I totally, I forgot a lot of the specifics to that whole, this whole story. Really?

Like, yeah, like, you know, what am I going to remember this for? There's plenty of other ghosts to memorize. Three ghosts? How many fucking ghosts is this guy going to get? We better get this old bastard of proton back. You know, I mean, the specifics of the ghosts and the ghost rules and stuff. It's all good stuff, right? Oh, you know, actually, yeah, my brain is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is,

Swiss cheese with it because Scrooge was the thing around my house. Sure, sure. That makes sense. I always found Scrooge's unpleasant. That's just me. I think it's like intentionally unpleasant. Well, yeah, it's a very unpleasant. Aggressively so.

It's a movie where like, you know, I watch it here and there. It was never a staple. I understand that a lot of people really like it. But like, it's just so off-putting to me. And I'm like, eh. It's realistic. I like it. It was definitely a Will Cabin favorite.

a big well he was a bill murray guy so i watched that a ton i definitely have seen that more times than i've seen either mickey or muppet wow nice got some good uh david johansen in that motion picture yes and carin allen yes and uh bill murray's brother uh which one was it again isn't it brian doyle yes brian doyle murray who's who's playing his father who comes in on christmas day and he drops down this fucking package from the butcher and And it's like, what is it? Is it a chew, chew, treat? No, it's five pounds of veal.

So I've been thinking about every Christmas, I think about five pounds of veal, and that's not a joke. Do you ever take the plunge and buy that five pounds of veal? No, it seems unethical. I will say when we got older, it was a thing where, like, my siblings and I would come together to watch Lampoon.

Yeah. That was like the thing. but this still like Muppet Christmas car was still like in the undercurrent of all the Christmas program but I do love this movie this movie is really excellent I think it's I love how serious

it plays it against the Muppet stuff it's a really you know the black shows up against the white kind of stuff you know what I mean like there's it's grim and it's just grim enough it pushes that where it easily could not be you know what I mean that's why I really wanted to ask Steve the first time did you see this were you scared of the ghosts no i get no the first time i saw this i was 30 years old or 27 years old so yeah i think i was

okay answer the question steve i was not afraid of the goes thank you i will say though as a little kid watching this like the ghost of christmas yet to come man i was shitting my romper really scary very good design it's fucking terrifying and the funny thing is like you know we'll get into it but like the whole uh thing of like geoffrey katsenberg cutting out the love is gone song thinking like kids would find it like too sad or whatever i'm like i don't know man how about the pants shitting terrifying grim reaper thing you have going on look look look look look here we can't have a woman emoting in this movie okay it just cannot happen that's probably the real reason because kids should be sad and kids should be scared because that's what the future is yeah i mean christmas

is a is a time of feeling like shit welcome to this year everybody uh totally Well, so let me ask you, could she become a mother eventually? Oh, yeah, she's the devil's spawn. Yeah, yeah, we can cut her right out. I do, yeah, I mean, I actually really love a way to play this in a way, a lot of things that I would say the Mickey's one plays it is like, Scrooge is a meany. You know what I mean? He's just mean and he's not nice. Well, no, this is really about money.

It's about, you know what I like? And I like that about this. It's like, it's about money and how you use it. being a cheap fuck means everyone wishes you are fucking being rich in general means everyone wishes you are dead but being a cheap fuck means everybody wishes you are dead uh and you know i cannot believe we're you know nearing like 15 minutes into this episode and have not mentioned him yet but of course sir michael kane as ebenezer scrooge in this movie i think for me it's it's one of if not my favorite michael kane performances i can't imagine

imagine this movie working the way it does with anyone else doing this with these puppets, you know? Yeah, I considered this and I was like, we could do an American version of this and just get Charles Groden in that role. Ooh, man, that would be something.

Well, Carlin was up for it, apparently. Like, they were thinking about, it was like David Warner, somebody else, George Carlin, but Michael Kane was in what he'll call tax exile when the Muppets were being filmed in the UK, so he wasn't in the UK.

He always kind of was bummed about that, and he kind of, like, actively worked for the role. By the way, his career was in the effing toilet when this movie came out. Yeah, does anyone have his, like, IMDB up around this time? What the fuck was he doing? Because isn't the, uh, the wizard movie around here? The Mr. Destiny is 1990, and that's also the year of a shock to the system, both previous episodes. That's the one I was thinking of. What's he saying?

What's he saying? He's like, oh, I'm a magician. Yes. A sosavercabra. Oh, man, Kevin. wow um 94 so this is 92 94 is on deadly ground also previous episode i believe and then it's like let's just point out you know we had a fun episode with that but that's not bringing you back to the academy awards no i mean it's it's bad for a while here blood and

wine little voice little voice is kind of when he comes back because that movie at least was like seen by the oscar 99 is when he comes back for cider house rules yeah what the was little voice it's like a a woman who has a little voice it goes like this yeah it's like that wait so michael kane's going around talking like that no he's the coach who's helping her do what it's like a singing movie i think yeah oh great and then she like he so he does cider house rules and then like a couple years later he's in miscongeniality which is a humongous it and then i think he's eaten out for the rest of the for time after that you bet your ass is Wait, wait, wait.

Who is he eating out? I think Chris meant dining out. Yeah. I've actually never seen Soda House rules. Does at any point, Michael Cain, be like, The Sider House rules! Yeah, it's like an Airbnb list of rules he puts up. No smoking in my cider house.

Please treat my cider house as if you're staying in your cider house. No extra guess in my cider house. no gang bangs in the cider house okay only one gang bang a year in the cider house if this is your first time at a cider house you have to fight the Wi-Fi password for the cider house

is no gang bang 69 underscore cider house I would love him in fight club now that you mention it Steve oh yeah absolutely my big bitch tits I'd type Lincoln But, you know, the thing that he said to Brian Henson

Muppet Fight Club would be fun. Oh, Muppet Fight Club would be very fun. You know, he was like, listen. I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Hey! Yeah, see, that's the thing. Yeah, there it is. He said to Brian Henson, look, you know,

I'm going to act in these scenes with your puppets as if they're raped people. And he was like, yeah, dude, like that would be great. like don't don't make it like winky winky pretend like you are just acting among you know your peers and that's honestly why this works so well it's not like in the other muppet movies people are like hey look puppets but like you know there is just the the inside joke of like we're all making a mupp movie it has that feeling to it and in this it's just like he may as well been you know bob cratchit played by lawrence olivia you know what i mean like he's just

he's considering it working among the greats with which he is is because it's the Muppets you know I think Tim Curry believe they were real people as well that seems really indebted there that movie's not great though we yeah we watch that in quarantine that's fine which one's that's Muppet Treasure Island like off the success of this movie they were like let's do another thing from literature and it's fucking terrible the kid is trash in it so I mean like I guess that this is like the last watchable Muppet movie besides I guess 2011. I think the, yeah, the first Segal one I also enjoyed Muppets from Space is another trash one that's in there. That was like the late 90s, I think. Yeah. I've never seen space.

Like, I think one of the main human characters is fucking Jeffrey Tambor and like one of the bears like plays a big role, but it's not fine. Good, good, good, good. Even Treasure Island kind of kiddies it up. And like you were saying, like, he's just playing this like, these are other people. And, and, you know, there were jokes in like the Muppet movie back in the day that were, you know, referencing that they're Muppets. But they still kind of all treated each other with respect. And the comedy's funny and smart and sharp. And then once you get to Treasure Island, everything gets dull. And you put the kids down and you go to the other room and have a glass of wine.

Yes. No, I think that's exactly right, Eric. Because I feel like this is the last Muppet movie that was made specifically for children, audiences, and adult audiences. I feel like the Seagull movie brought that back, but those two in between, you're right. I mean, those are straight up, like, movies for kids. I don't think there's anything about either of them that are, like, you know, interesting. The parents that would be sidled with the watch. This one takes the text very seriously, too.

Whereas, like, Treasure Island, it's not like they're quoting directly from the original. This one, they're very clear about it. And also, honestly, having people literally so poor that they're sleeping in, like, on roofs and in rafters, like, some of these puppets are, is actually more accurate to what poverty was like at the time. People sleeping in the street? Yeah. Absolutely. Like, I mean, literally, puppets are, like, sleeping up, like, in the gutters. Can I ask a question about the, so, like, and look, I get their Muppets.

I'm not, you know, it's just that baffling thing where there are animal Muppets that are. animals and animal Muppets that are people and like they're selling turkeys that are Muppets for for sustenance sure but it's a Muppet but then like why am I not cooking up Miss Piggy then because she would be delicious

well because she's got makeup on I got it okay the pig literally has lipstick I just it's a thing I mean like it disturbed me like that's one of the first shots like turkeys for sale oh Jesus well it's funny because then at the end of the movie when has the rabbit go and get the turkey. It's just an actual, like, thawed turkey.

Exactly. Somebody fucking killed. So I guess it's pretty delicious. Like that old state sketch, if you remember that one. It's Michael Ian Black who is hunting Muppets, and the way he would do it would be like, boy, I hope somebody could help me tie my shoes and then somebody who pop up and he'd, like, break their neck. I do not remember that particular bit.

That's awesome. Do you think it's a thing where, like, when a Muppet dies, it transforms into whatever the reality of it is? so like when piggy expires she just like turns into a hog yes the wig falls off you're like oh my god yeah i think they were just like the victims of some type of magic spell right yeah dude i think it was nanny man she was doing some experiments in the

nursery i was happy to see at the very least of this world like you know muppets can because i was like are so is like are the muppets the underclass of england here but no some of those pigs are doing are pretty well off oh those pigs that are laughing because Scrooge died absolutely those are some wealthy and it's great too right because like they're supposed to be like the upper crust of London or whatever and it's just fucking disgusting pigs

I love that's not a mistake love those pigmen I feel like Kermit would be a bit of a bummer IRL I don't think I'd get along well because you'd be like you know what Kermit I get it man you had a bad day at work but we're trying to have a party right now

and you're just fucking being sad on the couch dude yeah it's either that How are you singing a song and it's like, Jesus? Is there any middle ground here? A little too earnest for me. Another question about, so like, you know, we'd have to go to the whole, we're not going to go beat by me because it's a Christmas Carol.

But my question, these rats that are working with Kermit are, you know, obviously added for comedic value because it's usually just Bob Cratchett in that office. Right. Do these rats, like, you know, Kermit's like, well, let's all go home, rat friends. And they go to their place and he goes to that his. Yep. Do they have like an apartment?

Are they living in walls? Like, what's happening there? Yeah, I think that's a, that's a, we're living underground, Steve. Yeah. We're living in the sewer. Under floor boards, in the walls, stuff like that. Because the actual inside the bricks are the mice. The mice have that territory all take out.

As everybody knows in the animal kingdom, rats are below mice. So, like I said, they would have to live in the sewer. I'm now imagining Mr. Scrooge coming. Hello, hello, cratchit. Hello, rat. Oh, my God, it's a real fucking rat. Oh, ew, ew. There's a real rat by fucking, oh, he's doing text.

He's fucking swinging a broom at him. Get the fuck out of here. All these Muppet rats in one real one, like this hissing, disgusting rat. Well, that's the thing. He would keep on talking to rats and if they answered back, he'd be like, okay, you're fine. But if they didn't, he would beat the ever-loving shit out of it and got it. That's right. It's like, Jerry, where's your time card?

Thank you. Alex, where's your time card? Thank you. New guy, where's your time card? Get the fuck out of here! God damn it He's got my sandwich Oh Jesus

All right I'm trying to get some Some bacon here Are you a pig No I'm your friend The banker Are you a pig We play bridge together

Every Thursday Are you a pig A kid Ket That's how you got to do it I guess It's a real fucking slippery slope Dude

I mean that's the thing Like you have to figure out out whether or not they can speak English. I mean, like, if Scrooge actually, like, took out a gun and shot one of these pig people, what, what would happen? Like, is it like, oh, my God, that's, that's, you know, a pillar of society. This is, uh, you know, some fellow will to do. Or is it just a pig? What is the, what would be the criminality? Again, if he can speak English, you're going right up the river. So, co-bo, who's ta, usta, you're going to shoot that thing in the head, you're fine, I guess the idea? Okay. No, let's correct. So if it can communicate in a spoken language, got it, okay, fair enough.

Then it has, like, person status kind of thing. I killed a Muppet Pig. Get its trousers off. We got to pretend. Quick, now put this apple in its mouth. Nobody will know. All right, all you got to do, go in his wallet, right? He's got a person card.

Just tear it up and burn it. Take his pants off. There you go. Please eat the evidence. Please. Tell my wife, uh-huh, oink, oink, yes. heard you. Uh-oh, looks like your person card

has expired. Now you're just a fucking pig. Shoes on the other hoof now, isn't it, pig? You better watch it, Cratch out of a fucking frogleg soup. Take your person card. I had 20 children. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Okay. Another thing that I love about this movie and to tie it more to the source material, this is such a great call by this movie which is a screenplay by Jerry Jewel who I kept fucking mixing up with Gary

Glitter. You definitely don't want to do that. No, I know. And I was like, oh man, it fucking sucks what happened about that Jerry Jewel. And I was like, no, that was Gary Glitter. But anyway, I love the decision to make Gonzo, like quote unquote Charles Dickens as the narrator of this because

then the, like the majority of what he says in the narration, not like his bits with Ratso Rizzo, but like just his narration is just stuff from the book. Yes. You know, so you still have, you know,

the Dekensian prose kind of tossed in throughout the narration, which just makes it that much more like fuller of a thing. Yeah, and it gives you more to play with because then like, yeah, he's doing bits with Ratsor Rizzo, but like you get Scrooge was dead to begin with, or the Mali's were dead to begin with.

And that's just a really kind of, there's meat on that bone like you said yeah yeah and the the thing that Chelsea and I were laughing at about last night watching it is like aside from just there to move the story on with Gonzo's narration they're just there to be like pulverized physically yes which is just the funniest like it it doesn't bother me that the movie has to stop dead because it's always worthwhile every pit stop you take with the two of them it's always fucking hilarious I forget what what

It was where I read it. It was Brian Henson said he related some incident where he met with a bunch of people who hated him because they thought that he was denigrating a classic by doing this. What? Denigrating the Muppets? Yes, yes, Eric. Exactly. The Muppets. No, a Christmas car like, like Dickens.

What are you doing to Dickens? You know, kind of shit. Oh, please. I mean, how many people, I mean, how many versions of this have this? There's been countless. I watched one this year that had Tori spelling in the Scrooge roll. Oh, but it didn't have a bleeding rut, and it did it. What if Donna was actually Scrooge?

You know, one year, Donna got a little feisty with me around the holidays, and even though we didn't celebrate Christmas, I was like, Hey, you're being a real Scrooge. Donna. Maybe Donna can be crotch. Oh, what is it? Crotch it. Oh, Crotch it.

Sorry. Go on. Oh, she could be crotch. I should quickly imagine that I did that for our friend of the show, Sean Sullivan's podcast, 25 days of a Christmas carol. He watched 25 versions of this. That's an incredible project. Fucking funny ass dude, by the way. Love that guy.

Check out his comedy album, Song and Dance Man. I think you can get in anywhere. Digital media can be streamed or downloaded. It's interesting. Yeah. but you're right though like i mean like fucking they did this Sean can do 25 versus you could do like

and then are you adding like TV specials that are just doing it anyway like you know what I mean like this is not a precious text no and that's what one of these episodes was Gumby so yeah and that's oh hey pokey I was uh visited by the ghost of three spirits last night

one of them was your dead mother and that's the difference you know but that's what this is like it takes it a lot more serious is using the text as opposed of just like using the bones like everything else does. Exactly. And you know, I don't know

I can't pinpoint what exactly it is. I think it's just the combination like the totality of it all but like one note I had was the production design in this movie like it's all soundstage stuff obviously but like it just does such a good job

at making it look at all times like it is fucking freezing in this movie. Yeah. Like I watch this movie and I feel a chill through the whole thing you know I mean so great that opening shot of the of the

city scape is really kind of great you know it's a really nice long shot of you just get to see these puppet houses kind of a thing not as easy as it sounds kind of I guess what I guess yeah exactly right

one of my favorite parts in the little bit of the opening there is like there's like a Muppet that is like a in debt to Scrooge or something oh yeah these whole thing of like please don't yell at me

and Scrooge just picks him up and throws him out of the building. Oh, no, it's great. Thank you for not yelling at me. Like, as he's being thrown. That's, this puppet gets like jazzy jeffed out of the fucking office. This is before he punts the rabbit,

right? It's, yeah, it's the same scene, but when he fucking throws the wreath at the rabbit. Yes. Dude, he's like Nolan Ryan, winding up for a fastball with this fucking wreath. It's great. Kane's entrance itself, though, I mean, he, like, announces himself in this

He fucking stomps into this movie, man. I thought it was Jack the Ripper first. Dude, I know. Same-ish time period. Same-ish clothes, probably. Hat, the same kind of a thing. Who knows? It is the time of dead prostitutes.

No one will ever catch me. I'm that fucking good. Her head was over there and a neck was over there. Yeah. I was just some fucking rich guy, but who the hell cares now? He's in the Whitehall district pulling the cotton out of all these Muppets. Oh my God. The Ripper was out in force that night.

Dude, Muppets from hell. Ooh, I like it. You need to say something. Yeah, so this whole introductory scene of, you know, you get to. to see what it's like to work for Ebenezer Scrooge. Scrooge in the workplace. I guess the idea is what's going on here? It's like a bank that he runs or like a money lender. He's a money lender. So he's out to just screw all these people on all these loans. Exactly. Oh, you want to go to college, do you? Well, of course you can go to college. Why did you just take out one of my

loans? I want you to take out this federal Stafford loan. You'll be totally fine. Trust me. Now you owe me good. You fucking Muppet. Oh, I'm sorry you didn't read the fine print about 35% interest. Student loans. How Ebenezer Scrooge made his fortune. And this is when Fred shows up.

Fred is his nephew, played by Stephen McIntosh, who's in a bunch of stuff. He's in Underworld or one of the Underworlds. Is that right? Yeah, he's in Lockstock and Two Browling Barrels, which I actually rewatched this year, and other stuff. I think he's the bad guy neither.

one or season two of Luther? Probably. He works with Luther in one season. He's in Luther, yes. You look at him in this movie and you will lose, I bet people have lost money out there as to whether or not Paul Bettney is in Muppet Christmas Carol. He's kind of a dead ringer for him,

at least like as a young lad in this movie. And I love this guy, man. He comes in, he's making the effort with the relative that he clearly hates. Yeah. know, and it's a great thing too because he fucking knows that Ebenezer Scrooge is going to turn him down for this dinner invitation and he throws it out anyway, always remaining with the upper hand as far as the family relations.

This guy, I mean, because I was screaming at my TV, lost cause. Get out of there, Freddie. You got nothing to do here. I'm glad he tried. Give us the classic line of that people who say Merry Christmas should be cooked with their own turkey. Dude, it's amazing that Ebenezer Scrooge thinks. Anyone who utters Merry Christmas should be cooked, cooked, and I guess possibly eaten.

Well, Friends play in the long game. He's like, look, this old fuck's got nobody else. Maybe, just maybe, even if he hates my guts, he's got to give the money somewhere when he dies. There's got to be a will. It's got to go to somebody. Right. You know, I think, what does that will look like, dude? Because I feel like there's some sort of Scrooge Clause in it where he's like, I need, oh, my money.

to be taken out of my account putting the fucking coffin with me and back. Yes, exactly. Take it to the afterlife, like the ancient Egyptians. Bring my fortune to the pyramid. I think it gets buried with the singing lockboxes.

I think he stuffs all the money in the lockboxes in there. Two bars! That's why they're a cursing for the Marley brothers. But my thing is that's why he shows up. Everybody's, oh, it's me. I'm screwed just nephew. I am.

so that when that old fucking bastard croaks he can adjust the will to whatever it says like I'll give it all to Fred who is always so kind to me kind of a thing you know that's the move I think you're totally right and meanwhile like scrooge is sitting there talking about excuse me talking about eviction notices on Christmas and it's like you know his busy time a year because of this and I was like where the fuck do you think you are the United States in 2020 I mean we are ripe for a new adaptation of this I guess would it be too hokey to do it now? Did they, well, I feel like the Jim Carrey version burned the

house down. Like, oh, because it was that good. Yes, if it was that good. No, I mean like, like, I feel like that was it. Nobody was going to do it after it because it was such a disaster. Like, I don't think anybody saw it. Here's the thing. It's because that was the whole like animatronic or like we're

doing CGI cartoon people. What do they call that? Motion capture. Yes. Yeah, the polar expresses and whatnot. No one wants that. That's why it tanked. It's incredible that he got what three of those movies made and nobody was like Robert nobody gives

a shit yeah I mean the thing well I think Polar Express was super successful I think it did money and then Christmas Carol did nothing and I don't think Beowulf did anything either that's what's astounding is you got you got a third one out of this shit though people saw Polar Express found out what it was and said no

thank you for the rest of their lives I mean that was the trajectory the trajectory was like Christmas classic in motion capture sounds great it made money Fantastic. What do you want to do next? A poem from God knows when? Sounds great. Let's do that. I mean, I remember

specifically working at the multiplex when that Jim Carrey movie came out. I'm pretty sure. And it, like, yeah, yeah, because when was that movie, Kevin? That was like the early aughts. Like late Otts, I want to say. Baywolf or Craryl? No, Christmas Carol. What I want to say is like late Otts? You know, I didn't be like 2010 or something like that.

Really? Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm not the Christmas Carol. Polar Express. I remember Polar Express being super successful. We did so much business with that movie. It was fucking bonkers. Well, because it's like a, I mean, it's from a book where like

it, you know, it's already stationary. Like, it already feels fake in the book. Like you're not trying to make it feel realistic. Whereas Christmas Carol, you've seen actual people do this before. But Eric, were you asking though, like, could you make a Christmas Carol and like set it and like, you know, someone do

like a real deal, not a Tory spelling thing, like a real Christmas Carol. Yes. Christmas Carol structured movie, but it's like set in present day, you mean? Yes, yes, exactly. Like set now with all of our problems now and how divided we are as a country. I mean, it would probably come

off as like cheesy and hacky to do it now, but it seems like we could use it. I don't know. You would just have to change the ending so that Bob Cratchett shoots the fucking rich boss in the head and he just says, ate the rich and that's the end of the

that's the end of the movie yeah you you bowls a Christmas Carol starring like the cast of Supernatural or something like that sure why not I just threw up in my mouth opening opening directly on Pluto TV I just checked IMDB at Christmas Carol

2009 was the the Jim Carrey cartoon men one and honestly if they just put them with prosthetics and made them look like lemurred Snickerts or whatever that was lemony Snicket Maybe that'll, you know, I feel like that would have been a little bit different. Yeah, I mean, I do, I think to your point, like a straight adaptation of this is kind of overdue.

Patrick Stewart would do a one-man show, and you can actually, he did an audio book where he does or, or, I think, you know, it's a pretty short little thing. It's like, you know, an hour or so. How long is the actual book, Steve? Have you ever read it? No, I mean, it's really not that long. I mean, would you, like, would you, like, categorize it as, like, a novelette or something? I think you would, and I listened to, I listened to the Stewart thing, you know, and it's good. You know what I mean? I mean, yeah, it's a nice little Christmas, you know, get a little whiskey in your hand kind of a thing. Didn't he actually do a movie with a Christmas carol?

Probably. I think he did. I think it was like a BBC thing. 1999, yeah. Ooh. The Alsters, the Alster's Sim one from 1951 is really good. Chris, it was not the BBC. It was America's version TNT.

What the Patrick Stewart one was TNT? Yeah, could you believe it? Oh, I cannot. actually. This is the TNT. Whatever. So yeah, he's like a rat, like he, I do love these rats asking for heat. This is more of your jokes. They're like, it's this funny joke where it's like

every time that they they kind of keep asking for stuff, but when he says no immediately, oh, it's great, that's fine. You know what I'm because they'll die on the rat street if he doesn't do what they want. Yeah, because he, you know, Kermit's like, you know, oh, sir, the bookkeepers and I were wondering about a extra shovel full of coal

it's getting a lot colder outside it's a kind of a great thing like he does this twice in the scene where he like starts the sentence calmly and then the last word or two words of the sentence he's screaming and so he's like how would the bookkeepers like to be

unemployed and then they it's the this was a trailer thing they cut to the rats like heat wave they're all like dancing in fucking Hawaiian shirts which is great and then there's another thing about

like well you know we'd really like a Christmas day off, sir. The retort is, well, you know, you can always be celebrating Christmas on the unemployment line. That's funny. By the way, at the end of the movie,

he then gifts them coal. And I was like, this little mixed message in my noodle here, because I always, like, is coal bad or good? I think that's only if you were gifted coal by Santa Claus. Well, I mean, it's also, like, kind of shitty,

Oh, Cratchett, you're a, you're a frog. You can get a full, you know, you can get a full partnership. You know, we'll work together. Those fucking rats, they don't deserve it. Here's a little coal for the rats. What am I going to do? Fucking give a rat a raise? I don't think so.

That's why they're rats. You can't move to a nicer part of the sewer, and we ain't going to let them live above ground. That's for the mice. Here's a little marble bag full of coal. Ain't I so nice? He should have just killed one of them and said, burn him. Dude, you know what?

You really want to fucking send a message to these little fellas. You pick one of them up and you bite their head off in front of the rest. Oh, definitely. This is Michael Cade with fucking blood streaming down his chair. You like this? You like what they do you here? That's your fault. Fucking rat hairs flying out of his mouth.

Mr. Scrooge, you've tested positive for the plague. Oh, fucking great. It's a fucking farce. The whole plague thing is way overrated. People get the plague every year. Just because I found a piece of cheese in the gutter and ate it to save some money. Listen, people freeze to death, people get the plague. It's the same thing.

The numbers are the same. I mean, it's kind of interesting that he's a guy who, you know, he's not just cheap publicly. like he's not just cheap with his employees he's not just cheap in the fucking hilarious donation uh negotiation with benson and beaker when they come asking for money for the homeless but like he's also cheap personally like in his own life to himself like there's the great line about like you know he decided to just you know he prefers living in darkness because darkness is free you know have to fucking light the lambs and pay for all that oil and it's like dude if you're gonna have all this money like i understand like being stingy to others but like i don't

know man treat yourself to some fucking light in your house no no that's not what the smart ones do give yourself nothing and just fucking save and save and save until you have power over everybody that's the real way to do it well that's interesting in the buds of the beaker scene he's like and this is obviously all dickens dialogue it's like well don't they have that what send up the depression or the poor house which is what i think jeff bezos said last week yeah Yeah, send him to the prison or the poor house. There you go. Now you have, like, make your new one.

It's a dude that runs a big company like that. Absolutely. That's what, yeah, it would have to be that, right? And like, let's, you know, have a nice holiday prayer that fucking Jeff Bezos is visited by three ghosts. I do it every year. I feel we get more people involved, you know, maybe something would happen. But we're supposed to be praying for the Christmas carol-like ghosts, not the Hellraiser, Freddie Krueger's and stuff that I keep praying. No, they're welcome also.

So it's totally fun. Merry Christmas, you bald fuck. I am sorry to say that the ghost of future past and ghost of the future. What's the last guy's name? Future past, it ain't no fucking X-Men movie, Cameron. The ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of Christmas future. And Christmas yet to come, my friend. Yes, yet to come.

Those guys are also all working for Bezos now. Would thou like to celebrate Christmas deliciously? No, it's too fucking expensive. What are you doing of my nipples? Get off my nipples. You put that skin back on my face. It's my skin. What is with this dye job?

And I know it's obviously to make him look like shit and look monstrous. But man, is it a Scrooge die job or what? There's a couple things that are going on here, Steve. And I'm glad you brought this up because there's like, I feel like the die job is most noticeable in the sideburns that are much. darker than the rest of the head hair but then also i think this is like like you look at like the top of this noodle this is what it looks like like when trump doesn't have somebody work for three hours to fucking get his dumb head all fucking hair sprayed out like you are seeing i think like real maybe it's not but it's a really good job if not like real bad looking michael canne

bald comb over stuff happening uh and i'm not saying i don't think he like grew his hair out like this It's a very long Scrooge-esque haircut. I don't think he was rocking this necessarily. But, like, I want to say there's some real baldness that you're seeing there. Oh, sure. I'm sure he's had plugs in his head for a while after that. I think it's just sort of like trying to make himself look as shitty as possible in this movie. Right.

And it's great because he looks like fucking garbage. He really does. So he does go home. And this is when, you know, you start, you get some business at the door. there that there's some funky shit going on this this like right away like i remember so like watching it as a kid the things early on that would scare the shit out of me before the marley brother show up is like one him just bounding into the movie like he comes around a corner he's got his big walking stick it's fucking terrifying he's stomping through the snow pushing past

all these puppets but then like the doorknob turning into jacob marley freaked me the fuck out And it's great. I mean, you know, it's great. He's fucking scared here. It's Kane does a good job in this scene of like, you know, he's big tough fucking Ebenezer Scrooge. He's a big grouch and whatever. But then like once that happens to him, like in between then and like when he's eating alone, like he does a good job of being like scared alone old man. Like the guard is totally down at this point. Oh, sure. Well, you know, he's gonna get fucking like clobbered with a candlestick by by robbers. well yeah you gotta be worried about it does look like gonzow and rizzo are trying to break into his house oh definitely so they're like they're they're like climbing up a tree nearby to look to look at the window get a peek of him and his negligee they get the glass cutter out and they're just well rizzo let's change the story from a christmas carol to the strangers what on this potato sack he's gonna shoot fred in the head by accident oh my goodness a weird looking blue

furry child and a rat are trying to kill me i'll be honest i figured he had like a somebody else in here to be the live tyler but nobody nobody at all uh anyone see that stranger's sequel no it's bad yeah i thought so right yeah it's not good that's a bummer his new movie the guy who directed His new movie is supposed to be good, the dark and the wicked. I don't even know what that is. It came out this year. It's out. I haven't watched yet, but I heard it's good. Yeah, it's about my ass, I'm a balls. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Wow. Merry Christmas. Yeah, we're having fun. I do love your dark balls, Steve. No, they're wicked. I think your balls should die and decrease the Serpaws population. Of balls, yes. there's too many balls out there I've heard about this a lot

so in that case I'm sorry so it's a dark dick and wicked balls is that's an ass my friend a dark ass a dark ass okay I'm sorry yes the cavernous innards Jesus got some fucking stalactites stalagmites stillag mites hang it inside there yeah

um everyone does they do I do love and this is like a very Christmas carolie thing where he's like when you know the ghosts show up He's like, who knows, you could just be indigestion. I think he's right because, like, he keeps waking up every hour. We've all been there.

You have a bad fucking night with some fucking, some bad food. You're waking up every hour, going to go, oh, fuck again. Absolutely, dude. This is me like, oh, son of a bitch, tacos at 1145, huh? Great idea. Oh, that cheese I've been leaving out for months is bad now. Oh, no. You'll be visited by three shits.

Today it's ghosts. Tomorrow it's UFOs. I do love him getting freaked out and fucking beating the shit out of his bathroom Yeah I do I kind of want this I mean this I mean obviously like I need a bigger bedroom But I want this like be cloaked uh bed set yeah the curtains the curtains around the bed Oh yeah bring it back guys like to just like really get into that fucking total darkness to to finally find some slumber also oh my God I was jealous Steve, I think this would keep our cats off the bed.

That would be awesome. They would be scratching at it to be a big fucking problem. It would be a problem, but it would be like maybe I won't wake up in five in the morning for fucking once. But you are saying that to someone off camera who's a cat. But you're also asking for nonstop bed curtain bills because you are going to be replacing them all the time. Yeah, that's true. But you know, tattered rags and duct tape. I think that's my future.

we're no scrooge's here we're podcasters despite having a few advertisements some listeners don't like i just that's i just have michael k now like with elmer's glue trying to put it back together because a rat shit chewed through it can't fucking believe this uh you know but he before he gets into that awesome bed you know we have him eating alone by the fire just some bread and cheese like he's in fucking prison. My God. You know, that's a decent meal. You got a nice cheese dinner every now and again. It gets a good winery right there.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is, I'm telling you right now. It's his every fucking night. Yeah. The man, the man is a millionaire, and he cannot be bothered to feed himself a nice meal. Because he got to, I mean, again, you can't go to, he can't order fucking seamless, you know, he's got to either cook it himself or, or, like, go to the pub,

but he doesn't want to go to the pub because I was like, oh, he screwed that piece of shit. All right, fine. I'm just going to take my pint and my buffalo wings and I'm going to do takeaway. That's a good idea. Maybe that's the answer. They spit in all of it.

They spit in the pint he's there drinking when he's waiting for his food. It's just spit everywhere. Spit is just dripping off his face by the time he leaves. Yeah, yeah. Take out at that point in England. I'll have a steak to go. I'll just carry it in my hands back to my. it's a giant turkey leg

right? That's actually true that's the move. You want that or you know what are those famous English pies they love so much? Okay here take off your boot we'll put the potatoes in there that's how you bring it home. Well that's classic British food Chris the potato in a boot yes you haven't had your potato

in a boot yet all right bakers what we're going to make today is the classic take on potato in a boot why this one was really hard I never heard of potato in a boot before, but Prue was pretty high on it.

I guess they ate it a lot when she was a little girl during the start of the Industrial Revolution. You know, the recipe just doesn't tell you how many boots are in there. You know, my mother made a potato in a boot with eggs in it, and I don't know what these people are doing, putting pepperoni

in it. Makes no sense to me. Damn, your potato in a boot is raw. Now, to make a perfect potato in a boot, you need crem fresh. where the chives yeah listen to like if you ever want to if you're a yank listening to this

go look up Gordon Ramsey making scrambled eggs it'll blow your fucking mind that's how dude I've that's how I make scrambled eggs now and it fucking rules really I'll tell you this Steve you told me about it because I am not interested in the world of Gordon Ramsey whatsoever and I never will be so you told me about it and I was like cool

got it and I did it one time and I was like ain't nobody got time for this come on come on come on fucking 25 minutes making scrambled eggs. Get out of here. Answer truth is a classic drop two in a glass and drink it, man. That's right, dude. A couple of little shots of Tabaski in there.

Absolutely. I'm so sorry that you have to fucking whisk and egg. No, it's the whole thing. You cook it for a little bit. You take it off the heat. You do it again. You take it a little bit. You know what, dude, it's going to be fucking lunchtime before my breakfast is ready.

I'd rather have a potato on a boot. Exactly. You eat the potato. that you put the boot on, you're on your day. I couldn't believe it, you know, for not knowing what a potato in a boot was, I got the handshake from Paul Hollywood. All these cheese,

these Polish people from London, they don't know what it's like a Manchester where you actually have to eat the potato from a real boot. It's not a maid boot. You have to actually eat the leather boot. The boot is underdone. It's raw. You ever see that movie where the Werner Herzog

eating a potato in a boot? Yeah, it's a good one. If we're talking about English cooking, And, you know, we've lost all our English listeners. I love you. I'll talk to you next week. They're going to write us, they're going to be angry, not because we're mocking them, because someone's going to be like, potato and a boot is classic.

What? My question is, what the fuck is a pudding? Because everybody, it's just, I watch these shows and it's like, oh, here's a discount of pudding. It's a fucking pork pudding. And it's like, that's a ham sandwich. No, it's a pork pudding. Oh, here's a word pudding. And it's a book.

Like, everything's a fucking pudding. The problem is, you know, they just got different words for you. stuff, dude. Like, putting over here to us is just like shit you made in a jello pack. Sure. You know, it just means different things over there. I understand. I'm being incredibly ignorant as always, but, you know, I just... Yeah, he's actually

inquisitive. He wants to know. I think it just means it has a sauce. I think it means stuff, right? Exactly. Like, oh, I got to pop in to the shop, get my pudding, and it just means anything. Let me just use my money pudding here. You yanks

call it a wallet. Oh, yeah. I have fish and chips. Oh, pudding. A fish and chips pudding. Oh, let me just put this pudding on my cock. Yeah, it's what you yanks call a conman. In the Suicide Squad movie, didn't Harley Quinn have pudding on her ass or something?

Putin, that's what she, there was her nickname for the Joker. Oh, yeah, her nickname for the Joker. Now, is that because he reminds her of British cooking? Yes, for sure. I think that's definitely 100%. I wonder if they overdub. it in the UK so they could understand it. Listen, okay,

her boyfriend is not like food stuffs. Okay. Oh, a bit cold. I forgot my my head pudding. You yanks would call it a hat. If you'd call it a hat. The UK print of suicide squat, she has like top mate on her fucking underwear or whatever.

They love saying mate. They do love saying mate. We won't know because none of them listen anymore. We've exiled them. We've exiled them. the show, thank you. No, listen, if COVID has ever cured and if COVID two and three are cured as well, maybe one day we'll be there and I'd be happy to hear about your puddings. I will also eat a potato in a boot. Absolutely. You know, like some, like if it's a really high quality boot and you cook it long enough, I'm sure it's fine. I'll just say that last year

Chelsea and I were in London and we ate incredibly well. I'm just going to fucking put that out there. Before Brexit, mate. Now we eat pudding in a boot. We can't even fight the potato. No more potatoes. It's just got put it in a boot. We ship it out of it. So what's in it?

I don't know. It's just kind of sauce. It's a thick sauce. Yeah, we just drink it. It just continues to be stupid. You know, we apologize. And I'm sure they have fancy words for us, like the colonies. And what else is?

derogatory about America. Oh, everything. Everything. Yes, I mean, like, we're an offensive-ass country for so many reasons. And we're disgusting, and our food is gross. We steal, the only good food we have, we've stolen from other places, so don't worry about it. Just like them. Exactly.

Here's something that I fucking loved that Chelsea pointed out last night we watched it. If you have a ghost encounter where your two, like, old co-workers come back from the grave, sing you a song, tell you more ghosts are on the way how the fuck is this dude fast asleep when this first ghost comes

I'd be in a chair in the corner of the room with a fucking fireplace poker ready to go well remember these are the days when you could just get a good old bottle of heroin to sip before he went to bed at night that's absolutely true oh he had to get he had to get fucking blackout

high dude is what you're saying well that's just your sleep aid at the time yeah let me ask you this mate you got any of the good pudding you know what I'm saying you have any um put in for me putting up the poppy you got any of that good black tar pudding

I love here's my question and this is a real question about would this be better or would this be worse so clearly they went with new puppet designs to keep it closer to the Dickens

story you know what I mean like that's where you break them up anything but originally the costume Well, the puppets themselves of each ghost of Christmas past President of Future. Oh, the ghost. Oh, I thought you're talking about just like the Muppins General. I was like, I don't know,

dude, Kermit looks pretty much like Kermit. Too far from Marley and Marley. Let me just say that that was the least good song of this movie. Yeah, it's just, it's kind of tedious. We're Marley and Marley. I do really love

the singing lockboxes though. They are like top five creations for this movie. I'm like, I fucking love that because that's even below like a Muppet animal yeah now it's just a Muppet fucking object exactly that's talking that's sentient now I'm going to worry about my pens that I'm using it makes me think you know what will be fucking rad is a Muppets beauty in the beast you get all their little household items singing and dancing Disney owns them all now why don't they do that they should they just might I don't know dude you should submit something to the

Disney suggestion box yeah they just asked to be wrong Just get Dan Stevens to do it again. He was in that one? He's the body guy, yeah. Okay, I did not, I did not watch that. Chris, did you say that he was the body guy? Because it's motion capture. Yeah.

I mean, it was also his voice. He's also in Call of the Wild as not the Beast, as just a guy. He's the talking dog? No, no, he's just, he's actually a villain. Oh, really? Yeah. We're just talking about Dan Steve. I'm sorry.

Where were you? I'm sorry. Oh, no, it's fine. No, my question was, so the Ghost Christmas past, present, and yet to come are all just, like, very literal designs of how they're described in Christmas Carol, not Muppets. Would it be better if, and I read this on IMDB, originally it was supposed to be like Miss Piggy was going to be the Ghost of Christmas present, you know, I think Scooter was going to be past, and Gonzo was actually going to be future or somebody else is going to be future.

no that's terrible idea no that's yeah I agree I think that's awful because what's great about the way they do these is because none of them are things you've seen before it makes it more great you know because the movie it can either go more towards a Muppet movie or more towards a you know Charles Dickens adaptation and the fact that these three things while all puppets in their own way two of them are people under puppet suits like it just makes it more more a fuller thing so it's not just like the entire Muppet show and also I think if you make Muppets

as the spirits it just totally cheapens it. Yeah because like the reason it's so scary when Christmas yet to come like that is an incredible design it's towering over fucking Michael Cain if it's like Gonzo you're like what the fuck is this little

crook-nosed blue furry mutant telling me to do? I agree with you guys but you know everyone cites the the ghost of future whatever is the scariest one because it's the grim reaper guy but honestly this fucking past ghost is baby floating ghost no thank you see see i totally think you're right dude because ghost of christmas yet to come like that's scary ghost of christmas past that's bone chilling no thank you this fucking dead baby that looks like it's fucking swimming in clam chowler you know what it reminded me of i somebody one of you saw this recently. God told me

to. Oh yes. Yeah. The little floating guy at the beginning when he first sees God. It looked a lot like that and it really made me this watch eerie for me. I don't remember what you're talking about from that movie dude. It's been a real long time since I put that on. It's a must watch. Not for Christmas but it's a must watch. This is a good movie. I do, yeah, it's chilling and like

it's just, it's got the baby voice. Oh, hey, hi. And the superpower. the way i can remember every christmas ever from the start to jesus that is fucking hilarious dude it was something i only noticed this time around but we are making multiple references to there have been a little over 1800 christmases and you're just like i get it the year zero or whatever but like that fucking like imagine dying and they're like okay yeah welcome to ghost life your power is uh you know for every fucking christmas all right get out there

it sucks yeah hi i'm the ghost of christmas pass i saw cheese jerk off and shit christmas miracle

right there happy birthday i've seen everything i know when you jerked off scrooge hi he i saw when gonsel was born boy was that weird

dude i think gonzow what happened with gonzow is he was rosemary's baby so remember how that guy was like a little furry and whatnot oh sure then it's just a real nature versus nurture situation because i think rosemary got away in this alternate text grabbed the devil baby and then just raised it to be a little gonzow yeah it was very kind to it too it seems oh and jesus was into some wild stuff He was actually, he was, David Cardin himself. He didn't even, he just wanted to be tortured. And it's very sacrilegious, and I apologize.

Sure, that's, yes. Auto-erotic crucifixion. Oh, yes, yes, he was holier than thou and just hung out with sex workers for the fun of it. Aha, yes. I, you know, like, guys, that E that's next to this podcast is always in play. It doesn't care if it's Muppet Christmas Carol or Batman Magic. of the phantasm look out for that episode by the way don't don't think like oh cool a family title i can listen with my seven year old because here comes the jerk off joke it's the e stands

for explicit and erotic and everywhere oh yeah everywhere it gets everywhere it gums up the works we had to delete the dumbo episode no we didn't i'm kidding i know stopping rumors but yeah so she comes around and she's like hey let's go and you know I'll show you your past and that's you know it's kind of creepy you see him like as a little kid

and I don't know if he's an orphan or not there's two songs that were deleted that nobody cared about not the one that you were talking about Andrew there's a Bunsen and Beaker song which sucks and then there's a Sam Eagle song that comes up right here that sucks ass too

where it's just like no thanks for this it's just like when you learn you'll know everything what could Sam Eagle sing he was like a voice like Leonard Cohen I don't know man that's a pretty popular musician

who sang a lot yeah I don't think it would be great in a Muppet movie necessarily so long miss piggy I couldn't tell you aside from how old are you a single fucking Leonard Cohen song so I cannot participate this bit and an avalanche came down over the Kermit

Wait, so, and then what was the first one you said, Steve? It was a Bunsen and Beaker's song about giving. That's also get the fuck out of it. It's on the soundtrack on Spotify. You can just listen to it. Oh, interesting. They didn't film them. They did the soundtrack first, I guess, or something.

It was in the script. They just made them, but they never actually filmed the bits. We should say that all these songs were by Paul Williams. The great Paul Williams did a ton, if not all of the Muppet songs. A great musician in his own right. Benton with the Paradise, of course. You know, king shit fucking dude on the music scene. I love that he's been

affiliated with the Muppets. I love the line as they're flying into the past, they're like going over London and like the there's a great one two here from Gonzo and Rizzo where I think it's Rizzo's like, hello London. And

Gonzo's like, goodbye lunch. Which I just love imagining. He's just like vomiting down on people in the street. oh cheeky we're gonna be eating well tonight that's some sky pudding no it's just a heavy sauce you see it's just a heavy sauce you put your mouth open underneath a sick person's window and you get the pudding right in your mouth oh that's awful uh but yeah so little little little kid scrooge here i love that like even as a little child, he's like, get out of here with that

fucking Christmas, that shite. He's yelled, like, because all his other, like, little school chums are like, oh, hey there, Scrooge, are you going to go home for Christmas? Because is that, like, a boarding school or whatever? It's like, oh, humbug, fucking Christmas. I think, I mean, because they say, like, go homes. I don't think

it's like a Charles Foster Kane sold to a bank kind of a thing. No. You know, you don't really get mention of his parents. I don't know if it's in the book at all, but it's not in the story. Can I ask you guys something? Sure. What the hell's a humbug?

Is that like a really loud insect? Sounds like that. I mean, I think it's just, it's a, it's kind of a bullshit, I think, is the idea. Is that you, yeah. That's like a British curse, huh? I don't think they're doing it now. It's the C word and humbug. Uh-huh.

I'm looking up Hema, a humbug definition. Um, please. A humbug. Oh, you got it? Yes, I do. Are you, you want, unless you want to do it. Well, I mean, I've got a Wikipedia history thing. Oh, okay.

Uh, a humbug is a person or object that behaves that behaves in a deceptive or dishonest often as a hoax or in jest the term was first described in 1751 as student slang and recorded in 1840 as a nautical phrase it is now often also used as an exclamation to describe something as hypocritical nonsense or and I think this is where Scrooge comes into play gibberish yes yeah I'll be honest with you if I had a son even if I had you know has the name Ebenezer I don't want to hang out with him. Yeah. I know I gave him the name and everything, but still, you know, regrets come up. Well, then why are you giving him the name Ebenezer? I know it might have been your grandfather's name or something, but you know what? Yeah, Ben is a fine, a fine name. Do you think there's a bunch of like fucking Brooklyn hipster progeny out there named Ebenezer? Ebby. I bet there's one or two, but, you know, everyone else is named Francois or some shit. Or stapler. Or like McKenzie or

oh yeah you'll get a lot of you mackenzie's out there yeah i don't understand it i really don't get it see that's the thing is like listen uh uk listeners you think we sound crazy and ignorant but we trust us we detest the the rest of the united states far more than you uh yeah so you know sam eagle telling him about business and i love there's a fucking great joke here where he's just like business it's the american way and then like gonzow comes in and whispers in his ear and he's like it's the British way and it's such a hilarious thing I mean that joke works so well because it is just like Sam Eagle is like the most you know rah-rah American Muppet character in that way so it's hilarious that he's like

the headmaster at this school ah that joke just always works so well for me um you know so that nothing really happens here we go ahead in time he's an adult now we do get a line you know as he's like maybe a teenager or so like oh you're getting like some I don't know if it's like a job opportunity or you know an internship or something in London and then this brings us to London he's a little older and I love

like Michael can't the here's the thing like this I think this line that he has around here is a great example of how well he sells this whole thing because he's like they get in front of you know this factory or whatever and he's like oh this is old fuzzy wigs rubber chicken

factory and like he says it with such legitimate awe and wonder, you know, but he has to say rubber chicken factory? Yeah, it's for sure. And you're just like, this guy is one of the greatest actors to ever hold the job, you know? And I love Faziwigs party we get to see a little bit of. It's like Jabba's Palace level of debauchery. Oh, for sure. Hey, can I help you with anything?

I mean, I do love one that we have. Fuzzy's mom because Fuzzy's mom is also in that other Muppet Christmas special where they all go to their house and get snowed in. Yes. Now that is a classic in my wife's household and I see I've seen that one countless times at this

point. I totally love it. Family Christmas. Family Christmas, that's what it's called. It's so great. And I love the whole, there's a great joke of like, you know, they're playing like very period appropriate music for this party and then

like of course because it's just the fucking you know what are they doctor teeth the electric rhythm whatever the band is like so animals on drums and he's getting pissed off playing this triangle and he just has to go into this solo and then it just turns into hot jazz music yeah we're just we're just now here comes the fucking the hooch man anybody likes a mccoy tyner here we go um yeah so i mean this whole thing is great you get there's a lot of like one one and done sort of Muppet cameos here, like the Dr. Teeth band. This is really like Fazi's only scene.

Also fucking Swedish chef and them creepy-ass human hands, dude, he's here, serving up talking grapes. So I have a question. So this guy, the young Michael Kane guy that walks in here. So this is like his first, like, early job at when he's done with like his studies. So he's supposed to be like, what, 17, 18 in this? Well, they do say he's been apprenticed to a whatever. and that's that is citizen cane you just got sold basically it's like you're you're an apprentice

fossey wig now yeah exactly indentured servitude that's yes i guess that would so i think it's supposed to be like some years have passed so he's firmly in his 20s now i guess so that makes more sense now because i was like if this string bean is supposed to be like 16 no no no yeah i think this is like a post post uni situation oh it's good he's probably got like what 15 years left to live that's nice. It is kind of shocking that Ebenezer Scrooge lives to be as old as he does,

regardless of changing his ways. Those old fucks, man, and they hold on. They hold on for dear life. Yep. All these evil crooked fuckers. Well, because they're, they've got access to the secret cabals of the underworld that we don't as poor men. Like, they get stem

cells from children and what, shit, anything you want. You want some frog stem cells, Kermit? I can hook you up with some frogs. I mean, there's Jenneron. If you looked at pictures of Trump, Rudy Giuliani, and Chris Christie, there's no way all three of them are going to beat it. There's no way all three of them are going to beat it.

And they did. Well, you forgot cryptkeeper Chuck Grassley as well, who was like 97 years old, and who just fucking flew by it. There's still some steam left from Epstein's Island that they're all sucking down. They all the doctors sleeped him. Yes. so you know this is a great thing you know i love michael kane here because the ghost is like hey i seem to remember another christmas you had with this girl and he immediately knows what

it is and you do not show me that christmas you know and then this is um we get a little further on in time like maybe a year or two and it's like they're engaged uh you know he's engaged to this woman bell he's putting off the wedding because he you know he's his stockport portfolio isn't where he wants it to be and he wants more money for the wedding and it's like you know all under this guy's stuff like well i just want to give you a good wedding you know and she's getting pissed off and this is where they cut off the love is gone song where she's like hey motherfucker this sucks i'm tired of waiting around for you and i'm not feeling the same way anymore and what you see after they cut this out of the theatrical version

is just like the song even sort of like starts to swell up and then it just cuts to Gonzo and Rizzo crying and they cut to Michael Kane and the tears rolling down his face but like she has said something so innocuous before that cut

that it just makes no sense you know it's basically like I don't know Scrooge I'm getting tired of waiting for you Ebenezer or like whatever it is and then they're just like weeping and then I became an in-cell it would be funny if they just made that cut and it just a loud voice says she broke up with him yeah fucking recorded by geoffrey catsenberg yeah i mean you could still put two and two together

there but at the same time i think the song might add a little more to this and especially since it's kind of a reprise in the ending well that's the other thing right they bring it back you know for a rejoinder there and it's like love is found and like you can tell just from the way that it swoops in, that it's like, this is a song we should have heard before. So it just, it doesn't, yeah. It doesn't ruin the movie, but like, come on. All right, all right. So you want me to sing it for a fight.

She broke up with him. And then they broke up together. And Algonso. She has to break up with him. She's 18 years old and she's about 15 days away from being an old maid. She's got, you know, she's got time, no time to spare here.

Yeah. That's very strange. So she's going to be cast as grandmothers. The whole town is going to be talking about what a fucking loser. You're not wrong. The rocks at her house because she's unmarried at 19, dude. You can't do it. I think she fucking broke up with Ebenezer and went on to marry Fazi wig.

Dude, nice. I don't know, dude. He's fucking a little too obsessed with his mom. Look at my mother. It is weird in that party scene looking at a younger staff. That's unsettler and Waldorf. That's unsettling. A boy's best friend is his mother. You eat like a bird.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ebenezer, I'm 23 years old. I'm almost halfway over with my life. I have to do something else with it. Oh, you want me to put my mother in a home? Just more totally not famous Norman Bates dialogue. That's what you want. I would like to see Fossey, like, jerk off watching someone through a peephole and then, like, stab women.

Dude, why do you know? Muppet's psycho, dude. So it would be Fuzzy as Norman Bates. Sure. I guess it would be Miss Piggy, obviously, as Janet Lee for sure. Yep. Who would be the investigator? Would that be Kermit maybe? Old Martin Balsam there, fallen downstairs? No, Kermit's got to be, uh, the love interest. Sam Loomis. That makes sense. All right. So Kermit's Sam Loomis. Who's falling down the stairs in that great shot, though? It's my question. Ralph. You know, Rolf is a good one. Ralph!

Yeah, you know what? Actually, I think you're right, Chris, because wasn't there a bit on the old Muppet show where Rolf was like a detective or something? That sounds right. Or maybe that was on Muppet Babies? I have like a memory of Rolf being a PI. It looks like he would fill out a trench coat. I think I remember him in a Sherlock

cap, so yeah, maybe. Yeah, so yeah, he could be the Martin Balsam character. You can have, so then who's the sister? It's also Miss Piggy, but she doesn't have a hat on. That's the way to do it. Oh, man, now I want Miss Piggy in Vertigo, and it's like, I found another pig. Get your hair done like that.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, look at that. The pig jumped off into the river. This backshot of this pig with a wig on with tight knit back hair. It would be rad, dude. You have the big fucking painting of Miss Piggy. and it's like the big bun. I can see it all happening.

Oh, no, she fell off the fucking church steeple. Here it is. Now she's just a bunch of bacon on the ground. And Disney, I know you're listening. I want to cut. It's a series of half-hour specials on Disney Plus. Muppet Hitchcock Presents. Yes.

Ooh, yupp. And it's just like 30-minute adaptations of all these Hitchcock classics. The Marty one's going to be weird. I'm going to tell you right now. Yeah, you know what? Yeah. So the birds is happening. But Gonzo's fucking them all.

Yep, that's exactly right, dude. The birds are replaced with chickens, and Gonzo's just horny through the whole half hour. Gonzo and Kermit in rope, that works. He's shooting ropes over those chickens. Oh, like the film rope. Yes. The frog could be too much.

Why did you have to set it up right here? If you had, like, the end of Muppet Hitchcock Saboteur, and they're on the Statue of Liberty. and it's like the Statue of Liberty just looks like Miss Piggy. Yeah. See, this is all, it's all, it all writes itself. It's super easy to do.

It really is super easy to do. So, you know, then, you know, whatever. Now we're going on to the ghost of Christmas present, of course. Come on in and know me better man. That means roll it up, dude. That means roll it up and we're going to enjoy ourselves. This is nuts, man. Seen the spread of food this guy has.

I thought I was watching seven. gluttony scene but this is oh my god it's your classic unsettling guy in a muppet suit though and that's where I get a little

creeped out even he's a little creepy it's a person mascot it's a little weird but why I love it though is like the dual performance of whatever poor bastard

has to be in this costume clearly sweating to death and then like the robot head to do all of the facial expressions and I mean like it's so impressive it is very impressive I'm just saying it's like Sweden's always creep me out

same situation is a literal monster but it's a full on dude and a Muppet suit always creep me out the bigger they are dude the fucking more I pee my pants you remember fucking Brendan Gleason had to drop out and by the way this song like to borrow a phrase from the kids you know it slaps it fucks it shoots

inside me whatever they're saying sure of course it's a good tune it is a good tune i do like michael kane is kind of doing uh remember that dance jack nicholson does in tim burton's batman that like he pretends to be a mime a little bit that's the dance he's doing

where it's all arms and shoulders it's great because it's like you know his psychopath veneer is like melting away this is also where he he makes his first joke of the movie right here because um

you know the guy, the guy, the fucking spirit of, you know, Christmas present is like, you know, I have over 1,800 brothers and sisters or whatever. And Michael Cain goes, imagine the grocery bills.

And like, the way that he says it, where it's like, oh, this is the first joke I've told in fucking 58 years. And I'm nervous that it's not going to go over well. Like, he timidly says this joke. And of course, then this guy just starts laughing because he loves life. Sure. And I love that it's just,

it's a money joke. course. Yep. Yeah, exactly. Well, he's got a, you know, a dusty old book back at his flat there. That's just 101 killer money jokes. So this guy, he's the money monster, I think we were he is a titular money monster. Julia Roberts is telling him to be calm, be calm, stay it in there. So what was, wait, so this guy lives for a day every year or is it a different guy every year? different guy, dude. That's why he says he has over 1,800 brothers and sisters. Lucky fuck, dying in one day. Yeah, that's nice. I would be doing more. I would be doing more than just hanging out with this old man.

But sure, that's nice. I've got to fucking get it wet real quick. That's why he's fucking sleeping with all that food. He's like, I got to break up for time. That's, I mean, fuck anything that moves. Get over here, Scrooge. Well, that's the thing. There's a deleted scene why Scrooge's veneer starts to peel. They come in and know me better, man. Hit this real quick and we'll go flying. All right, Spirit, I never hit this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, this is some sticky, icky shit, Spirit. Good job. Spirit, do you have fish? Excellent. I mean, P-H-I-S-H. Put on a record. No, he just says fish pudding. Oh, yeah, dude, definitely.

Oh, birds of a feather are flying outside. Oh, I love this song. Tray is unbelievable, man. Run like the adobe spirit. There's a great thing where so they go to, he takes him to Fred's house. Fred's house.

And it's fucking great because the guy is like, he's like you know, oh, you know, we've eaten dinner, we've opened presents, we sang carols, what's next? How about a game? And fucking Scrooge immediately turns to this ghost and goes, do people play game? at Christmas. But this is

like every, and I'm an anxious person with the capital A, every anxious person's like literal nightmares like, you finally get to see what everyone does and what everyone's doing is talking shit about you all the time. When you're not in the room, they are talking so much shit about

you. It's crazy and they call it yes or no, but it's basically like a 20 questions type. Try to guess what I'm thinking of. It's like yeah, that fucking Scrooge sucks. Yeah, we know. let's play a round of fuck scrooge huh certainly there must be some other scrooge oh it's that ted scrooge that son of a bitch ted scrooge old man his second cousin ted scrooge i was saying ted scrooge yeah ted scrooge right his father was the zodiac killer ted's

yeah that's the one um yeah it's just you know it's great too because they're like so let's get this straight it's a sentient being it's totally fucking disgusting to look at everybody hates him oh it's epithy's scrooge meanwhile like they are having Christmas with two like deformed toad people hey are you talking about me in this game oh i'm also unpleasant to look at fred does it have a tiny dick oh why yes he does he certainly does about his violent death every night? Yes, you do.

Would the world be better off without him? Oh, it certainly would be. So they fucking shag-ass. He's like, take me, you know, somewhere a little more happy. They go to Cratchett's neighborhood. I love fucking Ebenezer Scroo's immediately disgusted. Like they warp to that part of town

and he's like, what? Spirit, where are we? This is disgusting. Smells like shit. It's like, that's where your employee, Bob Cratchett lives, you ignorant fuck. And, you know, this is the debut of Miss Piggy in the movie as Mrs. Cratchett. This is another great trailer thing of Rizzo falling down the chimney and burning his feet on the goose. Would you look at this shit, man? And I have to, kudos where kudos is earned.

The Disney Plus transfer here looks really well done. You can see, like, just the disgusting ash that is falling on this bird that these people don't know about. they're just going to eat it and it's covered in dirt. Oh, it was driving me OCD crazy. Well, I mean there are half of the people here are pigs, dude. They're not caring. Yeah. Why would you? Literal pigs.

These aren't literal pigs. These are people pigs. These are Muppet pigs. You would go to jail for killing these pigs, Stephen. Remember this. Here's the other thing, too, guys. We've got to talk about it. It's Miss Piggy and Kermit finally fuck after all these years of will they

won't they they fucking have children somehow and we're doing the lady in the tramp method where like the girls are her the boys are him but like you got to have half pig half frogs here that's the only way this makes sense oh uh Steve could I just interject an offer up okay sure you don't how about this how about green uh green pigs like the Gimorian cards green pigs and pink frogs now that's something yeah that that I'd sign on for you give me a half frog half pig child I'm gonna be screaming for it to be murdered I would be taken right out of

the movie because now I'm watching a fucking xenomorph in this muppin movie what would it even look like like if we're trying to like assign attributes from a frog and from a pig into one being I guess you would have to go the snout would be there well I think yeah it's a it's a pig that can like

jump really far big tongue with a snout either way either way you are waiting with baited breath for tiny tim to die. If that's happening, you're just like, please die. Kill this kid, Scrooge. That's why his life is in dangerous. It's like, it's like

it's an abomination against God. Yeah, for sure. It's like a, you know, it's like a mule that don't live that long. Oh no, the poor green pig on the crutch is going to die. That's fine. Moving on.

And it's kind of funny too, because like, there's like Tiny Tim who's played by Robin who like in the show is like Kermit's nephew. So that's like a real Muppet. But then this other one Peter and then these two little girls are just like fake

creations. Yes. Uh, which are great. Benina and Bettina like these twin pigs. It is hilarious like Miss Piggy forgetting which one is which I've always loved that. I do like they're like agreeing with their mother in the same exact way like you know like they do that little thing. Um, and I

you know it always gets me man like again I don't know what Katzenberg's got up his ass but like you're fucking worried that kids think that song is too sad motherfucker the existence of little Robin as Tiny Tim is the saddest most heartbreaking thing and you know obviously you can't cut that out of the movie

but like let's fucking be realistic man like you're making a sad scary movie and it's okay what you could cut out is the slow pan in on the empty chair with the little crush when he dies and I'm like Jesus Christ dude not a dry eye in the house

that little crutch just and you know what the other thing Chris you're totally right because you know what they are never going to move that chair no they're never going to move

that crutch that's there till they have to fucking sell that house Lars von Trier's Muppet Christmas Carol man it's a dark and sad world look you're lucky

you're really fucking lucky I'm letting you know Miss Piggy talk a missed piggy I made display you know it's a Disney production let's remember wasn't that Fox

and Antichrist a Muppet? Yes. Chaos. I think it was like... Chaos reigns. Yeah, fucking Europa or whoever Ventures production company is there. They had to fucking... They hung outside the Muppet Studios back door and waited for them to throw out some old

Muppets in the dumpster. And they were like, finally they tossed a fox. Let's grab it. This will yell at Willem Defoe in this movie. Centropa makes a huge fucking buy on all the leftover puppets from Meet the Feebles. Zentropa. That is his production. company thank you i recognize this spirit this is the house that jack built oh my god muppet's house that jackville oh that's something you would have oh my god now i'm just

picturing it right the fucking the you know the titular house at the end of the movie it's just made with all dead muppin cups oh man yeah i'd watch that too bonzi as bruno gons wellness uh piggy welcome to you dogville hmm it's a lot how more horrid than you think. Stick around. I think you'll be quite terrified. Break all of her little

statuettes. Ooh, Miss Piggy in the dark. That's a bad one. I was thinking about Miss Piggy fucking someone on a golf course. Also that. I've seen it all.

I've seen it all. Oh, yeah. Maybe we just stick to the Hitchcock pitch for Disney. Yeah, that's a little too much. Info Maniac's going to be a hard sell of to tell you right off the bat. It's just fucking Bunsen hitting Beaker to Death with a sock full of pennies or whatever. Who's doing that in that movie, Jamie Bell?

Yeah, Jamie Bell. I love the whole, you know, so they go and, you know, Scrooge goes into the house and they're, you know, getting ready to start dinner. And, you know, Scrooge is like, you know, to the founder of the feast, Mr. Scrooge. and like Miss Piggy fucking loses it. It's like, dude, I'm fucking sick and tired of being married to this guy who will do nothing but fucking take it from this boss who's terrible and they just

she just starts going on about him and this is like the daughters are like agreeing and everything and again it's Steve's worst nightmare of like just standing in a room invisibly and like everyone is shit talking exactly. I learned some hot goss from you today's spirit oh they're spilling the tea are they

and then this is you know the tiny tim starts off this great bless us all song which just god damn little robin I will always tear up with this guy it's unbelievable and you know Michael Kane is fucking crying watching this song be sung by this family

and then you know it's the great you know this is like you know tell me spirit you know what happens to tiny Tim you know and he's like I don't really know man but I got to tell you if these shadows aren't altered, I suspect the child will

die. I just kind of want him about, Spirit, does he live? And he just kind of gives him a creaky hand, like, I don't know. I don't know. What are you asking me? I got the lifespan of a moth. I'm not going to live. I'm dying now. And by the way, everyone dies.

If you got a spirit, is he going to live? Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm fucking dying! I'm fucking dying! You just be happy that it wasn't the fucking green pig fucking singing the song.

That's your song. Everywhere. You're right, Chris, because the other thing is you're mashing up them two animals guaranteed breathing problems. It's like a pug or a puggle even. Kill me!

Sing us a song at the holiday. So this dude, I love too, that they make the puppet is aging throughout this whole sequence so by the time they appropriately get to a graveyard this guy's like you know all the gray or the

red is all out of his beard it's just a big white bushy beard now he's looking more like Santa by the second and he fucking eat shit and he says you know I leave you with the ghost of Christmas yet to come and then I'm getting my fucking diaper on because this goddamn grim reaper

spirit is terrifying even as a 36 year old adult terrified of this thing kind of looks a lot like the Grim Reaper, which I believe is also a puppet in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, I want to say. I think it's a similar, like, person in a big puppet suit.

Yeah, I think it's a humongous suit. It's like the inflatable rat. It's humongous. But, you know, the Grim Reaper canonically, that's just a Muppet. In general. Yeah, that's true. The quietest Muppet of them all.

I love the, uh, there's a great it's so fucking awesome. like the whole notion of like Gonzo and Rizzo being fucking terrified and just Gonzo turning to the camera and being like well you're on your own folks we'll meet you at the finale yeah that is kind of great

which as a kid too again it's like I'm sitting there watching it like oh shit well if it's too scary for the Muppins who's in the movie yeah it does put a hat on it being like this is going to fuck you up dude look out yeah totally and you know this is he goes to an alley he says to the spirit you know like

all right, I'm ready to learn, you know, show me what you got to show me. I already feel fucking terrible about everything. And they're in the alleyway. And this is where you over here is like the four or five pigs all talking about somebody who died and just laughing about it. And like, they're asking, I love the one thing of like,

oh, are you going to go to the funeral? And the one pig is like, yeah, if dinners serve. Right. There's not mentioned of a free lunch. Totally. And that reminded me of a thing. When I was younger, we went to a, funeral for a family friend who passed away and there was a guy there who we knew like from our church but i wasn't aware that this guy knew this person that we were there the wake for and i

remember saying to my father i was like oh there's that fucking weirdo from church or whatever you know you know i didn't know he knew this person and my dad was like yeah he didn't know her everybody knows that guy in town he goes to all these funerals so he knows where the fucking like reception is afterwards and he goes for the free food. I was like, oh my God. That's the next Saffty Brothers movie is this guy who goes to and like steals trays of meatballs to bring back to his house. Dude, that's a good move. Also played by the Sandman. Yes. Get it back. Get it back together. I would love that. Finally get John Amos's Oscar. Bring him back. Dude. He's the guy

that's going all these funerals. That's right. Dude. Yeah. John Amos funeral food thief. If anyone questions him, he says he's just doing reconnaissance for his own. I was thinking of going with this funeral parlor and wanted to see how they execute these things. Yeah, so these dudes are all laughing about it. And then this is another disgusting moment of like they go in this little like basement area of this building and this disgusting old Joe the spider

who's like all these people are coming to him and he's like, so what do you got for old Joe? Give me some scrooge paraphernalia. I love that old Joe can still be surprised. Like, because they're all like, they're like, we, you know, I got his coach and I got his teeth. And like, what does the last the lady have? The bed curtains. I got the bed curtains.

Jesus Christ, honey. The bed curtains? You took his, but you take his wood too? The one. The corpse blanket, like his blanket that's still warm. And it's like the only warm. And it's like the only warmth he ever had, they mentioned. It's pretty funny.

And then they just have a big old laugh at his dead expense while he watches. By the way, my favorite Spider-Man right here. Oh, nice. Oh, old Joe, huh? Yeah. He's going to be in Spider-Verst, dude, or whatever the fuck. They're going to call that third movie. This is a spider guy with like multiple limbs and stuff.

Like a spider. Pretty cool. Look, I would, you know, I crawl over dead bodies all the time, but I wouldn't take it. Like, Jesus Christ. I love that this fucking disgusting death merchant is horrified by these sheets. A moral backboat. This fucking crazy spider, the fagin spider is fucking. Moral backboat. Incredible. So this is, this is the part, I misremembered, this is the part where he's like, please spirit, like, show me something good in this world. And he takes him to tiny, you know, the Cratchett Residence. And, you know, it's, you know, it's,

It's the, you know, a big contrast from the last time we were there. You know, people were out in the streets. You hear the joyous, you know, sounds of Christmas Day, whatever. And this is like, it's fucking raining. They do a good job of, it's raining, and there's almost no snow anywhere. Like, it's just, it's so not the, you know, happy white Christmas kind of a thing. And he's like, why is it so quiet spirit? And the fucking puppet just points as if to say, like, the fuck you think it's so quiet for.

And it's just, I mean, this is just so. incredible to me that you're using a bunch of like animal puppets and like it's so just this dramatic scene of like it you know from what you can gather Tiny Tim dies like two days before Christmas

you know and Scrooge died recently too so I was like what were they in the same car what was going on there you know but he's like you know come on spirit like you know a life can be made right and everything but this is like you're just watching it Miss Piggy's like crying over the

stove and the girls are like you know oh you know it's all right you know tiny tim wouldn't want to see you cry why is dad late and the the other kid peter's like yeah the past two nights he's walked home from church a lot slower and you're just like yeah so affected but like these were puppets that do when fucking pigs pigs in the 70s you know what I mean no no no no no no the lady breaking up with the guy is the sad part we get rid of that we got a good movie here is what we got we got a happy ass family Christmas movie. Slow pan on the dead child's chair. It's no

surprise that that fucking idiot then went on to think that Queeby was a good idea. You thought cutting that song good was good. You thought fucking Queeby was good. Why don't you retire? When money's gone. When money's gone. One of those guys who you would not be surprised if it turned

out to be the actual devil. Jeffrey Katzberg, like just awful human being. Yeah, that checks. that totally checks but yeah you know they you know Kermit comes home and you know it's just this like

incredibly depressing like well we'll always remember tiny and like fucking Kermit is getting choked up and this was the guy you know this was the first outing for the dude who replaced Jim Henson of course as you know the original voice of

Kermit this was his like first time doing it he's good he's fucking great I mean you hear the story about how he gained confidence to do the role when you think it's a little crazy Wait, is he a confidence man? No, dude. So it was like he was sweating it, right? He was very ner-like, I mean, as you would be.

Like, you are the new voice of fucking Kermit the Frog in 30 years or whatever. Like, it's a terrifying undertaking, like a big responsibility. And he says, and hey, if it worked for him, whatever, man. But I just think it's kind of funny that he fucking was like sleeping one night. And he said that Jim Henson came to him in a dream. Okay. And was like, you know, hey, man, you're going to do great. and then the next morning, like, he woke up and felt like he was ready to do it.

I'll have what he's having. Can we get, like, Mel Blank to fucking go and haunt those people who did the second takes on, like, bugs and Daffy and all them? Some of those get really bad, man. I don't know, Daffy. It's like, get the fuck out of here. What are you supposed to do? It's crazy, though, because then you look at like these, you know, videos of nobody's on YouTube, like, doing all these impressions, and they're great. Sure.

And it's like, I don't know, man, like new bugs kind of sucks. I know, I watched an episode of the of the latest Sony tunes and I loved when Yosemite Sam was like, oh, Tarnation, I'm Yosemite Sam. An everyday guy can't succeed in this world. You have to be related to an Ebenezer Scrooge, at least back in the, you know, oil barren days. Or it related to a henson, it seems. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Shots fired, dude. Fuck Bright. But no, you know what? I would say, you know, like, he's a fine, he's a fine dude. But then I saw that happy time murders, and I'm saying fuck him. Yeah, that's actually true. Look, every once in a while somebody thinks they have a good idea.

And then, like, some other person is like, with money, is like, yes, that is a good idea. Go make that great idea. And it's not until everything has been put to bed that you realize it was one of the worst ideas of all times. I got to meet some people with money. Look, when I heard about the horny octopus coming and the shotgunning of the cow, I thought it was great on paper. At least no one got broken up with. It's very important.

So, you know, this is he starts pleading with the spirit, you know, a life can be made right. Spirit, oh, spirit, no. You know, and he takes him to the graveyard and, you know, it's the great, you know, whose name is on that tombstone, who was that, who was that old codger that they were. we're all laughing about, you know, and the guy, the poor fucking death is sitting there like, uh, who do you think, Scroo? It's, uh, it's like, have you been paying attention? It's that scene in heat when Waingrove goes to the parking lot with Robert De Niro and Robert Diderot has all those fucking garbage bags in his trunk.

What are those for? And it's like, you know what, dude, that's on, I'm sorry, the heat. That's on you, Robert De Niro. You have to play it a little cooler. They're going to kill that guy. You got to pretend that you like him or else he's going to run away. That's exactly. Big, big fucking goof and heat.

I'm so overdue for a rewatch of heat. They should be, Michael Mann should be fucking sending me a bill. You are because that's a perfect quarantine movie. It's three and a half hours long and made by Michael Mann. Totally. I got to get on that. I think there's a 4K out. Drink for the person on the Twitter

who's a drink every time I said fucking 4K on the Batman Returns episode. And I get it, but I was enthusiastic at the time. you know so yeah i mean this is the end of a christmas carol right please please spirit you know give me another chance yada yada yada and i love this is this is the greatest cut in this movie he's grabbing onto the spirit's robes and he like you know puts all his weight into it and they bam cut to michael kane like pulling a drape down in the bed and he's back and it's such a such a great cut

i love it so great and you know then it's it's the fucking the rabbits outside this is the Christmas Day. Oh, great. I didn't miss it. There's still time, you know, and he throws a little sack of money down to this rabbit. And he's like, go to the grocery store, buy me that turkey. Still being a rich asshole. I don't know. Go get your fucking turkey. I'm going to try this this year. I'm going to open up my window on Christmas Day. And the first person I see him going to throw money and says, I am a white guy. Go get me a turkey. Dude, your fucking HOA is going to call the police on you. Yeah. When that rabbit comes back, he's going to be he's going to turn it into a rabbit duck. You know, but he's got other stops to make, man. He's running around saying Merry Christmas, everybody. He finds Bunsen and Beaker on the street and says, hey, you know, put me down for this much and, like, whispers and like Bunsen shits his pants. Last night, I began microdosing LSD.

It is really open my eyes. I realize I've been such a piece of shit. I'm off the liquid heroin. I'm on the liquid cocaine. And this is another touching moment, too, you know, because he's like, you know, considerate back pay for several missed Christmases or whatever. And, you know, Beaker or Bunsen is like, you know, I wish there was something we could give you. And Beaker takes the sweater off his own neck and gives it to this guy. And like, Michael Cain is just receiving a scarf from a puppet, but still is legitimately touched.

He's kind of like tearing up like a gift for me, you know. You're just like, Jesus Christ, the excellence on screenings. Who would have a guess that Beaker would have a huge emotional moment in this movie? I never thought it was possible. I normally find him kind of annoying. But he's actually okay on that Disney Plus show that they had like six episodes of that they made like in quarantine, whatever it's called like Muppets Now or something. Not a great show, but kind of okay enough. This is the first I'm hearing of it.

Yeah, it's a show. I don't know. It's like, it's very much, like, influenced by quarantine. They're all doing, like, various isolated, like, web show kind of bits. A little too real for me right now. I mean, also the guy playing Kermit for this, there was some hubbub, I think, because the guy playing Kermit and this replaced this dude from Muppet Christmas Carol

who's been doing it ever since, and everybody was, like, it infuriated that that guy got fired in face of this new guy. I'm a Kermit D. Frog here, how's it going, everybody? Also, you know what? In terms of quarantine, whatever, and if I hear one more, um, you're on mute joke, I'm going to fucking shoot somebody. I'm really, a joke in what way?

Just the joke is like, oh, someone, you know how we all are these days on our zooms and someone's talking, but they don't know they're on mute? Are you saying you're hearing jokes about that, or just the notion of someone saying you're on mute and everybody's time? I think it's in one of those progressive ads. It's like, um, you're on mute. I'm flow. You're on mute or whatever bullshit.

It's like the hackiest quarantine. The hackiest joke of 2020 is you're on mute as a joke. There you go. You know what? Why don't you fucking keep flow on mute progressive? I fucking hate that character. Sucks. She could buy and sell your ass, dude.

No shit, dude. Absolutely. What happens now? Like, Scrooge starts like punking people too. Yeah, he does. Well, the best is I love the. he goes to. I'm Scrooge and welcome to check age. He goes

to his own only living relatives house and he's like, hello, Merry Christmas. I've clearly turned myself into a completely different person. By the way, smoking hot baby, my wife love that. Adioser. Like, he just fucking leaves. I was like, shouldn't you be having Christmas

with this person? It's like you got body swapped. And some dude's like, I'm spending all this money today. Oh, fuck dude. A Christmas body swap movie? Does that exist? Probably on the Hallmark channel. So does it exist in the real No, no, no. Copyright,

we ate movies. Ebony's a scroach, and this is humbug. Humbug, yes. Humbug is what it's called. It's like a mandolin. It's like an old. And it's just him doing his cruel japes. Like, I'll pay your mortgage.

Oh, that's a big cane, isn't it? Oh, it's a big cane that got hit with you. You want a borrow five shillings for your daughter's surgery. That's a no. Uprook, putting in a boot for everyone. All right, here's what's going to happen. I told the Cratchett family I'm going to pay all the Tiny Tim's medical expenses.

Truth is, I ain't paid a lick of it. Now the family's going to come in thinking he's had a successful surgery and instead, he's dead. They pulled the plug because he didn't pay. They certainly would. hook him off life support That's the fucking American remake man There it is

Next Jacob Marley He's going to put his foot In a bath of Peronus Stay with us on humbug Stay with us Also funny is he visits I guess it's Sam Eagle And Fuzzy Wig

And like an old folks home Yes Yes It's a brief thing And I love that Fuzzy Wigs Got the old I don't even know what the fuck You

The fucking tube you The fucking tube you stuck in your ears so you could hear better whatever that old person thing is from back then. You're going to bring that back. Fuck hearing aids. Yeah, totally. I want a big fucking dumb horn sticking out of my ear horn. There's a Vuvu Zela

from the last World Cup. Stick it in your ear. Oh, my God. Yeah, so then we have the last stop of the movie as we go to the Cratchett's house. Uh, you know, there is a great fucking gonzo line here where it's like, and tiny Tim, who did

not die. It is so fucking funny because it's like it's very clearly like all right kids kids it's fine he's alive kind of thing. Yeah totally it's just so we want to make sure everyone is either leaving the theater or turning off the VHS tape and not fucking crying about this dead baby frog you know and it's just it's it's it's kind of

this fucking this is the greatest punking right here though because it's like Scrooge knocking on the door does a little bit of a cop knock on the cratchets door and then, you know, Cratchett answers and he's like, I thought you were supposed to be at work today, like really fucking with him. And then Piggy comes in and starts telling him off, you know, it's like, and I have

decided giving you a raise. You know, that sort of fixes the whole thing. But it's like, I don't know, I still feel like striking terror into the soul of your, you know, employer or employee on Christmas morning, even though you are a nice guy now, still a little bit of a dick move.

Oh, you're getting a fuck off for Christmas. that's for sure that's that fuck off thank you get out of my house I do love that that's what Miss Piggy wants to do

she's like I'm going to tell you what to get off and shove it up your ass kind of a thing she's really about to do it

but she you know obviously is like I'm giving a raise you can't be mad I'm giving you money here now go to the store and buy me

fucking something I'm rich I'm a good rich guy now cook this dinner I bought hey cook it cook it

cook it you pig you stupid cow cooking or I'll cook you Maybe we'll kick one of your little children You know, I usually prefer A Christmas ham

It's better when... She starts screaming. It's better when they talk. Oh, he leaves him alive when he puts him On the spit. Absolutely. Yeah, you know, then we sing the love Love is found, which makes no fucking sense, but that's fine. Thanks, Katzenberg, you idiot.

And, you know, that's the end of the movie. It's a beautiful fucking 86 minutes. Nice. Which, you know, we've managed to talk 40 minutes longer than the movie as it's going to happen. As is the, as was the style at the time. But man, you know, I don't know. It's weird like I, like we've been saying all month, we're not talking about whether or not these hold up. They've made it to this month.

So clearly they hold up. My thing is now that Brian Henson confirmed, I guess it was out of BBC radio interview. Not TNT? No, not T&T. This was actually on BBC. The T&T confirms. Also sourced at TNT and they confirmed that they found the original negative of the Love is Gone sequence in like a Disney vault. Yeah, it is a negative song. But I would, I mean, you know, it would be great if like this time next year there's like a 4K release of this on Disney.

It's put back in. Yep, thank you. It's put back in. I'm going to say something different. Y'all say ultra high definition. Nice. Marion, it's U.H.D. But I would love to just own this movie, like, as a whole thing, you know,

it would be rad to have that again. It's so dumb that on that Disney Plus platform, you can watch the deleted sequence in, like, the bonus material. And it's like, if you're going to put it there, just fucking drag and drop it back into the movie. I didn't even notice that, and I watched it on YouTube. like an ass well I mean the Disney plus interface is garbage we were talking

about this last night like when you're on the movie like after you like scroll down past the description it should be like the more information so like cast and you know crew info the next thing over is there's all your bonus shit and then the next thing after that is you know suggestions what you know if you like this also watch this yeah and the way that the platform does it is suggestions are first. Yeah. And it's just like, it's that whole mentality.

It's the same thing of why, like, you can only watch four and a half seconds of the credits before the fucking screen goes tiny. Audience retention. This is what they call it. You know, it's just sickening. And it's another reason why I like owning my own shit. So I don't have to, like, grab the remote

because I'm, like, missing part of the movie. To be fair, I don't think I've ever looked at the description or cast on a streaming site ever in my life. No, actually, that pisses to me off. Amazon got rid of it. Oh, they did? Amazon, it's just like, it's a movie. In this movie, someone does something.

It's like, who's in it? When did it come out? What the fuck is going on? You know what I've noticed about Amazon? That is really a fucking problem. I don't remember what movie it was. It was something that was very much not from like 2013, but that's when they remastered it or something.

So that's the new date, everyone. Yes, that's a problem. Oh, yep. That is fucking terrible because they will also have other transfers of the same movie and it'll have like a different year on it yeah it's garbage it's all it's all just a computer program as your workforce as your qc and it's it's it's very much a problem whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa are you trying to tell me that casso blanket did not come out in 1996 i think the thumb version came out in 1996 uh i mean but those are my fucking parting shots about this movie steve sadak any final thoughts on muppet christmas car

i really enjoyed it i mean it's it's not one of those ones that i grew up with but i think it's really it's like I said it's it's incredibly sweet it's very affecting and it does kind of have you know I like that it stays in the realm of money and what money can do because I think it's so easy to make this about cute and nice and it's more about like no if you've got the means you should help people at the very least around the holidays and it's it's easy to lose that message with the Scrooge tale and this movie actually sticks with it which I like well because it's so easy to focus right on like the magic of Christmas or whatever and like that is in this movie but it's not like you said the driving force of it

and I think you're totally right on like if you have the means help other people and you know the notion of like carry Christmas with you like throughout the year right like just be a fucking good person that rule that would rule man eric cisca final thoughts on muppet christmas carol yeah I think this is like top three Muppet movies if you haven't seen it obviously you should of before listening to this. It's really good. Like, I think it's like Muppet movie takes Manhattan in this for me. But, yeah, it's a great movie and Tax the Rich.

That's all I got us right. Chris Gavin. Yeah, I mean, it's less than 90 minutes, so you're already on my bright side there, especially with Christmas movies. Yeah, this is my wife grew up with this, so I've watched it a lot. It's probably the Muppet movie I've seen the most at this point. Me too. And, yeah, I like it.

It's very sincere. It does actually care about Dickens' actual prose. Like, the Marley's Were Dead is the first line of the book, too. First of all, the Marley's were dead, right? Well, it's one Marley, but yeah, yeah. That line that they use is the first line in the book, I'm pretty sure, or the novelette that Dickens wrote. Yeah, I mean, I would say probably Muppet movie Manhattan.

and this and then caper for me uh i feel like muppet it's i would go oh boy i forgot caper that's a good one too caper i caper is fucking hugely underrated but i would honestly have to say factoring in rewatch and like motivation to rewatch i'd say it's for me this manhattan uh probably movie and then caper although caper i you know totally underrated muppet movie. Charles Groden fucking phenomenal in that movie. For me, Muppet Strangers on a train. Muppet Psycho

and then Muppet family plot Muppet Rebecca is my best. Muppet Muppet Rempsie is some weird shit, I'll tell you. Oh my God, dude, Kermit's just strangling those women with rope. It's fucking weird. You know what? I would

believe Army Hammer is like one of the human Muppet people. Yes, dude. I would believe that too. Yeah, I don't know. The whole future of the Muppets is very sad thanks to Disney. But this, you know,

you go back to this movie, even though it was like released by Buena Vista, it still feels more Muppety to me, you know? For sure. But that's going to do it, gang. That is The Muppet Christmas Carol from 1992, directed by Brian Henson. Now, we have one more week of We Love Movies releases here on

the program. Of course, the Patreon.com slash we hate movies there's been all sorts of bonus w lm related material on there the big old three hour plus lord of the ring's fellowship of the ring episode that's right we should let people know that like if you like this month it's every month on that patreon feed we do a we love movies episode every stinking month absolutely that's right and we also just released a 90 minute episode on batman mask of the phantasm we've got a nexus a full-on star trek 2009 the abrams one coming up soon yes that is also clocking in at about three hours

I think 250 55 and I'll say judging from when this episode is coming out if you're listening to it on this Tuesday when it releases this Thursday that is when our diehard commentary the diehardmentary will be released on the Patreon

that is us talking over the I'll say it I'll fucking say it the Christmas classic diehard also three hours long I said the good news That's exactly the length of the movie. It has to be. It has to be, Chris. Uh-huh. Sure.

No, there's a fucking 47-minute intro, Steve. Oh, right. You forgot about that. But, Steve, so the final WLM main feed episode of 2020 on the whole is dropping next Tuesday. And how is it we're capping this year? Well, it's been a nightmare. So we are going to go to a nightmare on Elm Street. The original, I'm sorry they made a remake.

have to say the original but the original yes yes the seminal west craven 1984 classic film with heather langen camp john saxon john dep a couple other folks in there lynn shea i think is floating around in that movie briefly one of my all-time favorite horror movies that's going to be a ton of fun and you know what steve you're totally right i was thinking like you know it's kind of odd like ending on a slasher note but you are right man this year has been indeed a living nightmare so let's let's all celebrate having our dreams haunted as well next year next week on the program with west craven's a nightmare at elm street but until then i'm andrew jupin stephen say that eric cisco christ cabin take it easy

That was a HeadGum podcast.