We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 524 - Wonder Woman 1984 (with Angelica Jade Bastién)

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

On the first episode of 2021, the gang welcomes back friend of the show and Vulture writer, Angelica Jade Bastién to chat about the real let down that is Wonder Woman 1984! How bad do they do by these classic hero AND villain characters in this sequel? As incredible and handsome as he is, did Chris Pine really need to be in this? And what were they thinking with that Egypt sequence? PLUS: Come on with that cameo! Catch the WHM gang LIVE (on the Internet) on Friday, January 15th talking about the outrageous and unnecessary sequel, Terminator: Dark Fate! Click here for tickets! Wonder Woman 1984 stars Gal Godot, Chris Pine, Pedro Pascal, Kristen Wiig, Robin Wright, Connie Nielsen, Ravi Patel, Lilly Aspell, and Natasha Rothwell; directed by Patty Jenkins. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, we ring in the new year with, wow, this was pretty terrible. It's Wonder Woman 1984. I'm Andrew Jupin. I wish to be Stephen Zadak. Eric Siska, 1984. Fuck this movie. And Angelica Jade Bastien. And we hate movies.

Hello everyone, welcome to we hate movies. Thank you for. Happy New Year, as it is. Happy New Year as it is. We'll see. We'll see. what this year brings. But if it's anything like some of the movies from last year, we might be S.O.L. This is Wonder Woman, 1984 from 2020,

directed by Patty Jenkins. And we needed to do this episode with our Wonder Woman expert Angelica Jade Bastion, who's back on the program. Hello, pal. Are you ready to fucking tear

this movie a new one? Hold on. Just one second. I just need to spark something up. Set in the mood. Yeah. There we go. Now I'm ready.

Let's rip this bitch apart. I can say bitch, because I'm a lady. That's right. That's how that works. I wouldn't go 10 feet of that word. Here's something. I will say, I was really, and because I think people are like, oh, you're just camping on the bed way.

You get there with the hate. I literally really wanted to watch this movie, really wanted to like this movie. And when, Angelica, when your review came out, like I think yours dropped like middle of December-ish, and I was so bummed to see that you didn't like it and I was like oh man I was like oh no is this going to be bad

and even still you had your headline because I didn't read the review until after I watched the movie the headline was an empty spectacle I'm like I could get behind an empty spectacle you know what I mean I was like I could do an empty spectacle and I've gotten behind empty spectacles in the past I have too but that was like the only title I could come up with that didn't have the words

fucking shit in it A deeply confusing spectacle is different. Yeah. Well, before we get too far into this, it's okay to like a movie. Have you enjoyed? Not this one. Nope. Nope.

No, it's not okay to like a movie. It's okay to hate them, though. Eric, you might get voted down today. I'm just trying to keep the hordes at bay. That's all that expression ever was. I am armed with the righteousness of God, Eric. Don't worry about me. The hordes can come.

This movie fucking sucks. If you want, if you're going to kill people over movie opinions, you know I'm fine with everything. I, on the other hand, have extensive weaponry and will fight for my taste, because my taste is right. Yeah. See, I'm just a coward. I'm collecting, I'm starting to collect knives, so let's go for it, dude. Fucking show up and find out. You look like you collect knives.

You laying down like the Joker? Jared Leto with the knife It's a bunch of knives And then like fucking baby clothes or whatever that shit was in that movie I don't get out I'm trying to be cool You know what? Here's a daring statement

That movie is better than this movie Suicide Squad Yeah I think that's right I think you might be right It pains me to say so I go one woman on that Nothing is as confusing as this

Nothing I would say Batman versus Superman, I even say, makes a little bit more sense. No, I feel like, I feel like grading these movies on a level of whether they make sense it or not, like, they all fail. Let's be honest. I'm not even talking about like the logic within the movie. Like, I can say that. There are just so many mistakes in this that I'm like, I know.

Anybody would have picked this. Like, anybody else would have picked this up. How did this get through? I want to tell the out. They obviously were not invested in this fucking movie. Like, Patty Jenkins is like, asleep at the wheel. I don't know what she's doing. It's such a weird.

I do think the Batman versus Superman, which I did rewatch in quarantine, is worse than this. It's more offensive to the characters, at least from my perspective. Yeah, it's tough. But it's close. I would imagine as a big Wonder Woman fan, though, from just what I've been able to grasp from not just like Angelica's tweets and her writing but like what other people have been saying it's kind of not good by this character no

it's really really really not like this is i think i enacted a monkey's paw wish when i was like man i wish we actually got some wonder woman live action movies oh i want to see wonder woman live action yeah yeah yeah and then they cast galgado who can act as well as a fucking paper bag like She's so stiff. It's astounding how bad she is, which I think I was like really looking over that in the first movie. Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about that before we get too far into it. Like, what did each of you think about the first movie and have you revisited it?

Can I say specifically about her acting in it? It was because I was like, well, she's from otherworldly places. Yeah. She's a fish out of water. This acting style at least lends itself too. that idea in a way it doesn't work I watched it again yes you're looking

you want to get through the camera yeah I'm really like wanting to slap you because that doesn't I think look on second viewing I really didn't like the first one and it still works and it's still probably the best

DC movie other than Birds of Prey Aquaman Aquaman is up there too Aquaman Birds of Prey arguable the first 30 minutes of the first Wonder Woman. I think the first 30 minutes are like actually present an interesting movie, but then they don't actually follow up on what makes those first 30 minutes

intriguing. And it's just astounding to me that they call this character Wonder Woman because she's like nothing like the character. It's just a hollow pretty shell who breaks out her lasso and is so hungry for some fucking dick she's willing to lose her powers. Yeah, that's the character, baby. I'm making a movie I rewatched the first one

and I still like it I agree it's one of the better of this new iteration of DC movies that we've seen I do think it just sort of continues to unravel as it goes on I do at the very least think and I'm not

I'm a DC guy but I'm not I'm a piece of garbage I'm not I'm deficient in my Wonder Woman reading like solo Wonder Woman a lot of Justice League stuff I would say, like at least when she fights in that movie,

she looks like Wonder Woman. Like she unlike this movie where she does not. Like, she like moves like Wonder Woman and does like Wonder Woman-y stuff in a battle, I think. In this movie, she's Spider-Man. She's throwing around boomerangs. I have no idea what the fuck she's up to in this film. That's me.

I still like the first one, this movie not so much. I had a chance to rewatch it but I remember liking it enough. I just remember thinking like, man, I wish there was like a villain in this that mattered in any way. Was good or interesting or dynamic or had some stakes about them?

That would be fun. Imagine making David Thule is boring. How do you do that? I only saw the first movie once and I remember liking it, but I think she works in that movie more so because it's more of an ensemble. It's like a war movie. There's a bunch of people with her.

And this is just her talking. And if her side's just written, phonetically, the way she pronounces things like Stone. Oh my God, that part is that line reading was beautiful. Never never spoke in English to another human being. She's an alien.

They're pretty tall. She's from Mars. I do think the script does no one any favorite. It's hard to judge anyone on this movie. Like the line, give me the stone is difficult, but like she's on a car and I don't even know why she's on a car. And she's like Could you give me the stone, please?

I do not, I do not understand. In that moment, she isn't even registering that, like, what is going on is, like, a dangerous situation. And this dude, uh, Mando's character here, Pascal's character. Maxwell's character. Maxwell Lord. Lord, there it is. Like, is doing, like, an incredibly insidious thing. The way that she delivers that line is, like, she's asking a neighbor for a cup of sugar.

lady you were just fucking flipping all these trucks and killing all these guys and lassoing dudes and then you're like give me the stone and i'm like i don't believe that for a second by the way also max lord he's the man with the name you'd like to touch yeah totally i had to look it up the this is a real character this is a real character yeah this was so bad that i was like i was like i was like i can't believe you had cheetah in this movie, but you centered the whole story on this fake thing that you made out. I was like, sure enough,

this has to be like Christopher Walken and Batman Returns, where it was just a made-up character. I thought I had heard, because I knew the Duke of Deceit I had heard. Destruction. The Duke of Destruction is a Wonder Woman villain. Okay, that's what, when they're talking about his other forms that

he takes. That's what I was like, I I heard that one. Max Lord is like a business guy, from the 80s like Justice League comics that like he's not not in so much of a villain he's kind of like just like a nefarious kind of near do well trying to profit off of superheroes

and then he becomes a villain later. Wonder Woman breaks his neck at some point which some fans really hated. Some fans did really hate it's like one of the most interesting points in Wonder Woman's history people will always ask well no they fucking won't like two comic nerds have asked me in my entire life what do you think about

when breaking Max Lord's neck and I'm like a bitch got to do what a bitch got to do and this was like a fatal neck breaking he was mortal he was killed he was dead

but then there was the blackest night series where he did come back as a zombie that Wonder Woman had to deal with and then we reset everything so I think he's back now so none of this matters

not of it matters but it's a Wonder Woman villain sort of and obviously Cheetah is like the Wonder Woman villain because I remember a conversation in another life where the five of us read a bar

and Junkah you were telling me about Cheetah and I was like wouldn't that someday make a great character like we knew at that point that she was going to be in the movie and it was like here's this big villain isn't that cool because the first movie didn't have a villain it was just some guy doing a thing and then you sideline

this huge character in this Kristen Wig role where there's like almost nothing in favor for like a GoFundMe for oil or a Kickstarter campaign what is this business Venture. Is that in the comic books where he's talking to everyone on television, send me money?

I get it. I get it. That's the only time the 80s make sense to me, which it doesn't often in this movie. He's like a Tony Robbins type, like a snake oil, a literal snake oil salesman where he's like, oh, and I guess since I've watched this twice in 39 hours, I now know what it's thought is, is that he wants

you to, if you, if everyone gives him money, he's drilling oil all over the world. And whenever he strikes it, everyone's going to get something. it's kind of like a pyramid scheme kind of a thing. He's running a Ponzi scheme. That's what the guy that he makes him wish that he was involved in the Ponzi scheme and that's how that guy goes down like just that

white guy. Don't you want me to be successful? Yes. Don't you wish? Don't you wish? I mean the wishing I mean that's the thing is that I mean like all these movies are silly. All these movies have all manner of silly plot devices and Infinity Stones and what have you but this is bad this one is using this wish thing it turns it into like kind of high fantasy where it doesn't matter where it the actual superheroism stuff doesn't matter anymore like it's too like it's it's it's it takes it out of the genre for me you know what i mean that's interesting

that makes me wonder how you'll feel about wonder woman comics because the one thing with wonder woman is she like that leans into fantasy i mean there's literally Greek gods she has to deal with and like she has a power to talk to animals which they never show in live action. Oh, that would be rad. I don't know that. I'm good at that because at least like that's like there's that's

her world and this is not. You know what it is? I've been saying it since we watched it. I've seen this twice now in the span of like four days. So it's been driving me crazy just this whole time thinking about it. But I truly believe that why

it doesn't sound right to your ear and why it doesn't fit and why it takes you out of it is because it is unnatural for this many adults to spend two and a half hours talking about making wishes. No, worse. They keep saying monkeys' paw in this movie. They say it too much for me

to take anybody fucking seriously. Also, with the wishing thing, you've got to set it contemporary then. Don't use the wishes to get us to nuclear war and conflict, which she has to then solve. Like, have that make it set in the 80s in that way. I just don't

understand adding a layer of wishing on top of all the myriad of problems that could have investigated in the 1980s they also are also constantly trying to convince you it's not stupid yes constantly trying to tell you like no this makes a lot of sense because we thought of this thing and the other thing and the other thing and then it makes no fucking sense just so why just be stupid just be stupid your dumbest tendencies and have fun don't you don't act like it's self-righteous at the same time but you have to be smart enough to realize shit is stupid. Yeah.

And I don't think James filmmakers are smart enough. James Juan, smart man, knew it was stupid. Yes. Yeah. Go stupid.

Full stupid. It's silly at least. At the end, is it Julie Andrews? Who's the big C-M-Ockon? It's hilarious. And it's like, oh,

they know it's tongue-in-cheek that she's the big reason he gets his powers and all that stuff. It's like, it's funny. This is like very much like, looks a little bit like

a certain someone who's currently in the White House if you know what I mean I don't want to say it but I think like I don't want to say it but a certain someone if he saw this silly movie

he might get offended Pascal and Whig totally get it but they're forced to do those characters like those performances in a movie where none of anyone else

is getting it so they wind up looking ridiculous but you're like no you're doing it the right way like everyone else just should be following suit with you and they're not they're taking it to this completely different direction and so like these people who are the only ones who are in on it like stick out like sore thumbs

well they didn't put the uh uh humor uh matrix into galgadot when they created her they forgot to put it in oh my god she's a friend bot yeah she's like some weird science creation i think she's funny in the first movie there's still jokes that land and again it's all fish out of water just like you say and it's all everyone and I mean half of that movie is like wow she's gorgeous and like that's kind of what the movie is you know what I mean

try to do the reversal here by having Steve what's his name does you have a last name I forget Steve Trevor Chris Pine's character he's now the fish out of water which they explore for I don't know five minutes just a quick quick montage yeah so we started out this really

stupid fucking Paradise Island Island scene and can we not call it Paradise Island though, like for my, that's like 10 to my Wonder Woman obsessed ears. The mascara, please. Yeah. So what is Steve's fucking slander there? Where does

that come from? It's just like I'm operate, you know, I'm a Wonder Woman fan who grew up in a certain time, so I have a specific, you know, I'm very much steeped in the work that George Perez, Phil Jimenez, Greg Rucker did with the character, Gail Simone.

They, in modern age, it's always smicera. It's never, it's not really Paradise Island. Have you heard of super friends by any chance? Yes, I have. Unlike some people, I have taste enough not to watch them. Excellent.

Interesting. It's a little like a car street. No, I mean, it's this sequence, which is 20 minutes long, it's like the fucking hunger games or whatever. It's very Jim Cata-ish. It is, it is Jim Cata. It is the Amazonian circus.

It's the Olympics. It's part Quidditch. It's part Steve Stone Cold Steve Austin's Broken Skull Ranch Challenge because we're just running up hills for no reason it. Get after it, Wonder Woman. All these adults and this little girl doing this horse race thing,

which takes forever and all it lets you know is she learns not to lie. But at the same time, the last movie covered this ground. This is like showing Bruce Rain's parents being shot again in a sequel to a Batman movie. I'm always I never like the kids, like going

back to childhood unless you're really saying something and you're saying nothing here. At the same time, I think this might be the best action set piece because it's coherent enough for me. Yeah, I can follow it. The editing was slow-paced enough where it all made sense when you were looking at

it. Also, is this little girl the girl from Florida project? No, this is Galgado Young and that she's going to grow up to be wonderful. Exactly. God, you're so smart, Eric. This is Lily Espe. who is in, I'm going to guess

it's not because, yeah, it's not. I have to put a new coat of paint on the Themisgara arena here. You're just going to have to wait for me to get to your soda machine. She's the same girl from the first movie. Oh, okay. Yeah, I thought so.

She looked like the same girl. Also, I don't know why this is cheating. Like, if they don't want people to slide down that fucking thing, don't put it on the side of the obstacle course. Oh, the Mario Warp pipe she finds? totally guys you missed the checkpoint you got to replay the entire mission i'm sorry i agree oh my god yeah shot that one checkpoint though then they wouldn't have known no she's just

not a good liar me no i'm actually terrible but this whole thing is great like i'm loving the contest even though i don't understand why it's like a bunch of grown-ass women and then this like one child in the competition but okay he's that good dude i guess so is this like an annual contest or is it like at every four years situation like the Olympics every four years they have child soldiers do the course never know when you need them but the actions all cool I like the archery and shit I like the horseback riding it's all practical stuff too which is great there's no fucking fake spider man swinging from her rope stuff yeah I don't have Robin Wright stops or like she's like listen you cannot claim

victory here these women will kill you like that's what it's like these women I've been training for this for 30 years. You come in with this little bullshit victory as a 7-year-old girl, they're going to slit your throat. That's what's going to happen. Can I just say, yeah, can I just say, though, like, it's weird to bring Robin Wright

back and have her only basically do a pep talk. Yeah, this is the thing with Connie Nielsen. What are we doing? Like, I would have been offended if I was them, like, really? This is all you fucking need me for? Yeah, I was like, didn't you all remember that, like, across the board, people were really interested in the Amazon.

you would think if you're going to do an opening with this one fucking don't do young as hell Diana she was there when galgadot was like played by galgadot they should have had a scene like that like it's weird because we don't well Lord Jesus this movie is testing my patience excellent

but I'm just such a diehard Wonder Woman fan and the reason I like her character is how her entire mythos is really based on ways as she relates to other women. So Amazon's are so important. Her mother is such a lightning rod in her life. You would never know this.

What is it with Diana? Dick, Dick, Dick. It's not even every dick. Because if I was her, I'd be fucking all around the world. It's just one dick. It is one dick. You've obsessed over one dick for 70 years. Come on.

And one turnaround on that dick. Yes. You had some time to really get to know the dick. Dude, 80 years, and I'm positive. Every time she walks out of a store, people are throwing their dicks at her. Just like, get out of here. Leave me alone. So much, boo.

So much dick. Every kind of genitals. She can be going to moths and get her to genitals. That woman is fine, okay? This is why it upsets me, though, because, um, bitch, why are these superheroes so sexless? This is, like, I think, one of the best examples of it, because it's like, this bitch literally. was up in World War I and all the way past World War II, which apparently she didn't give a shit about.

And she just was like laying low because they didn't tell us what the fuck this Bob was really doing in the intervening years besides looking cute at a museum that she quote unquote works at, but we don't see her ass working. Okay, we see her walking around. Yeah, true. The problem was I kept thinking about Steve during World War II. I couldn't participate.

I was like, oh, that reminds me of World War II. where I met Come on, you cannot have her just go past World War II and there's no fucking file photo of Wonder Woman liberating the camps or something. Come on.

Didn't they buy like someone's spec script where it was set in World War II? Wasn't that some news at some point? So they're sitting on a script for World War II and they went right to 84. Yeah, it doesn't actually make sense because most of the time we don't, like the first movie obviously did World War I,

but usually it is World War II that you see her fighting and so it actually would have made more sense to do that. There's like so much Wonder Woman storytelling with me. We're like in Nazi, and fucking up some Nazis, I don't know why. Instead of wasting

the first like 25 minutes of this movie on this Hunger Game sequence, just do, you know, get fucking license Bob Dylan times they are changing and just do whatever she's been doing since World War, like in the intervening 70 years,

just show me a little montage of her like going around the world doing shit and we're over the fucking like loving the 1980s we've been past it for a long time now we're in the 90s if not the a aughts already I am I am currently watching

and loving a reboot of Saved by the Bell so yes 1984 is not relevant anymore the 80s that whole year like fucking five years too late with this movie I thought the side machine was over a decade ago that is a good point. I think you guys bring up

a lot of good points though. It's just that they could have done so much with this sequel. I think that's why it's so disappointing and like frustrating. Even if you're not like coming at it from my angle, which is I'm a Wonder Woman fan with a knife drawn ready to cut anybody who dares says a word about my fucking queen. I'm one of those

crazy nuts. Like Lord Jesus help us be like our sad as fans because DC straight does not give a fuck about us. Maybe we cared about Batman, but we don't got any of that juice. I mean, the thing is, it's like a thing where, like, the first movie was, again, like, showed a lot of promise, right? It's like, okay, we could work with here.

She's a star. I could watch her do more stuff, blah, blah, blah. And this is going to go on. And all she needs is a good villain. And this sidesteps all of that. And it turns into this retrograde, like Richard Donnery kind of playing in the world. It's not a bad, I mean, not a terrible instinct, but we have it. And then we drop it immediately, too.

Like, that first secret of her in the 80s is super. Richard Donner, like, when she's like saving the day a couple times over and she kicks that car and it spins around. That was fun. I would like to them to explore that type of stuff. Do that kind of Donner. Instead, I feel like it becomes more a little like quest for peace.

Yes. Big time. Easy sell. We're going to solve all the problems very easily. Just good vibes. Everybody just have good vibes and be nice to each other. That's exactly right. That'll be fine. You're totally right, though. And like the shit

with like the nukes and everything and the way that this movie i mean it just it feels a little cheap at parts too which also adds to the quest for peace feeling of all of this yes you know because that movie also did not have much money the quest for peaceness of it is very much like okay here's a couple of things that the fans can enjoy but we're going to tell a story that is totally devoid of any kind of comic mythos or comic book uh sensibility and it's just going to be it's just It's like, ah, it's a wish story. Everybody knows a wish. You know what I mean?

Like, he's a genie now. And it's like, why? It's like, who is this for? Like, I honestly don't know who this is for. It's definitely not for diehard fans. It's not really for fans of the first movie because they made a mistake setting that in 19, what, 18, 17, whatever. 17, I think. Yeah, 1917.

Because it means she can't have the same supporting cast again. It's like, you know, so they really like, they put themselves in a weird position with this movie, but I think there was actually a way to make at least an entertaining, somewhat coherent movie with this sequel. I don't, and I don't even think that the 80s

is the problem. Like, I think if you actually did the 80s in a way that isn't rendered as outright parody, I mean, the first thing to see is some red, red leg warmers as this woman is jogging. I'm like, this is like some fucking kids 80s party. This doesn't feel like

the actual 1980s. Like, I'm walking into an urban outfitters here yeah this is her big montage like again because the movie has to start all over again because the movie hasn't started yet because we had 20 minutes of fucking Jim Cada

sand dinses oh but we learn something important no true hero is born from lives and also you can't see what you're learning until you come out the other side from Robin Wright-Pen.

Or Robin Wright. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, get it right. That's right. No, you're right. Robin Wright. Get it right. Or pay the price.

There's also these girls who shoplift and cause a bride to drop to her doom, which is odd. Dude, and this is some Richard Lester shit speaking of bad Superman decisions. Because this is just. that like it's all in like this like Virginia suburb right and it's like here's all these wacky shenanigans going on about town and that is it's definitely one of them like these girls steal something from a store run out there's a couple getting their wedding photo taken on a bridge they push this woman off the bridge I guess because they're cheesing it from the fucking store clerk here so she like saves this woman she you know and then goes on to do all the

mall heroics which like you show me an action sequence in a mall I either need to be watching chopping mall or Commando. This was just like whatever. These fucking bumbling thieves that robbed this K jewelers that also has this black market fucking antique dealer thing in the

back room. Like whatever. Like that's a thing fine. In commando, the mafia was having meetings at the Italian restaurant in the food court or whatever. So I get that. But like these guys playing the robbers are some of the worst actors. The one guy, like the older guy who starts everything off, he's got

really bad like troll two sounding like no like with this got the other guy who loses his fucking mind and starts Michael Jacksoning this girl over the fucking valve yes yes just like holding this girl like over for because he's

freaking out about this like it goes so bonkers like zero to 90 it's wasted potential there too because like you're setting chapping mall and commando it'd be interesting I mean if it'd be interesting to stay in the mall a little more and have more to do in there than and also just

winking at like kids in the food court it's just like it's just so that's a cheesy fucking move I just watch Stranger Things season three I don't need this shit I was just at the mall you're totally right I was just at the mall I'll be honest with you though I love the guy that's trying to go to hell tonight with a little girl

because it's like I'm not going to jail and it's real real quick I'm like dude and everyone like all of his like compatriots are like dude what are you doing Madding was a legitimate lap. When all your other, like, robber friends are like, dude, you're taking this a little too far.

I don't want to go down for a child murder. Child murder beef. Yeah, exactly. So what is the deal, though, here? This was an understanding of the character I didn't have. So she's, like, not, she's not supposed to be a public figure. Okay.

So that's another weird thing I don't fucking get. Because she's like pushing that cute little girl in the mall after she chucks her into a fucking huge stuff to him. She accidentally didn't kill her. So she was like, thanks. I'm about to sound like Eric does on the Mandalorian half hour. Thank you. And the Glee Plocery, which I listen to religiously.

Please sign up for their Patreon. I swear it is $8 as well. Motherfucking spent, y'all. Oh, thank you. But so, like, you bring up a really good point because the thing is, Wonder Woman is not usually, she's not usually like a vigilante. who hides under secret identity and works under that cover

and tries to keep herself secret. That's not usually how she is. There have been times where she did do that, but it's actually more of a rarity. She's like, and typically, she's a literal ambassador for Themisgira in parts of her history. So she's always been a very forward-facing figure.

Like people knew who she was, where she came from. Like, it's not like this. which I think in a weird way sort of hobbles the character because she's so bright but then they're making her operate as if she's like a fucking Batman Street vigilante

where she has to like although I like the throwing of the tiara I would also throw my tiara to like knock off cameras in people's hands if I could I was totally cool with the tiara batterang

or whatever the boomerang that was fine but like yeah I just I don't understand because in the mall like she's shushing the little girl and like winking and like this is our secret that I saved your life but like everyone fucking saw you

yeah exactly just because you broke those cameras like the feed still went back to whatever BHS tape was being recorded she followed everyone home that night and murdered them in their sleep except for the one girl gotcha

that's why she's like I'm going to get you next I wouldn't send you to Hades now I mean that's Diana, why are you so tired, everybody? I got to get this blood off my face. But she's six-foot-three gorgeous and half-dressed. People are going to remember her.

You know what I mean? Those old perverts were looking at the, you know, aerobics girls. Like those same dudes at the food corner, like, well, garsh, look at that. But to your point, I mean, I know enough to know that the ambassador thing. I think that's really cool.

And it does hobble the character because she doesn't have a mission in this movie. She had no, like, kind of agency to be like, you know, at least Batman's like, oh, I'm avenging my parents. And Superman's like, I'm just trying to write every wrong I can write. She's just like a do-gooder in a vague, vague sense. Tell her dead boyfriend tells her that she isn't just. Before we get too far away from the sequence, she drops those dudes on a fucking car from like the roof or something. Like one of those guys might be succumbing to his injuries.

Yeah. I hope so that would be funny. Kid me exploded, dude, you're right, because they fall. not on that car they fall like through that car yeah like that whole like the top of that car gets totally crushed and windows break do you think she wound them up like i need to get more momentum yes totally i'm gonna do arnold schwartz for later i do i kind of want there to be like a 30 seconds of them on the cop car like so jerry you kind of went nuts with that kid there what the fuck was that about man like i thought it was about jules well i'll tell you later i uh currently

can't move my legs i think i'm paralyzed from the waist down my lungs are punctured right now Wait, who's on the bottom? I mean, they can't be breathing. They can't be breathing or doing good. They must be breathing, ma'am, I'm doing fine. Dude, and then they have that reporter who's like, so, yeah, there was a crazy thing that happened at the mall today. And if you ask people around here who stopped it, it wasn't the police, but rather a female vigilante. Can you believe it, folks?

A female vigilante. And again, it would make more. much more sense if she is like oh and there's wonder woman yet again stepping in because she's our ambassador to let us know that the amazons care about the world of man or something also by the way if you do make her this themascarian ambassador it makes all of the stuff that you're trying to do with like the world politics a little more accessible because like she would already come at it with a knowledge base of like you know goings on in other countries and stuff like that like i think if you just had it so that like he

Lord makes just the one wish to have because there's that whole detail about how he's bought all of those bogus oil sites where no oil was coming to them. If his wish is just hey, I wish all those dead sites were suddenly ripe with oil, then he becomes this billionaire. Then he could go into like arms dealing kind of a thing and like you could still work in some of the like 80s nuclear politics if you wanted it to and then the movie isn't just everybody running around making wishes about shit. And also but then you don't get any skin-crawlingly weird racist

kind of vibes about the Middle East. Oh, that Egyptian royalty dude or whatever? Meanwhile, President Mubarak was running around in 1984. If she had the ambassadorship for that scene, she could have been diplomatic immunity.

There's your fucking Richard Donner, dude. Yeah, so then we're like, we go. I mean, I think that there's a world in which you can have a fun movie where Diana is working at the museum with Barbara and like you slow that down and then eventually she becomes the cheetah and that's a totally fine movie you know what I mean it's just the two of them you get to really

see how the museum works and like how their friendship kind of sours and then they have to fight each other and I've written a movie by the way I just wrote a three-act movie where no one wishes about anything I wish but like I think oh oh oh you're going to lose your greatest possession you're going to lose your most prize possession what that's is whatever I say, I guess. Yeah, and so I'm like, what if it was like her height or something? Exactly, great. Oh, my God.

She shrinks to the size of Alex Boorstein. That's how I got, like, Angelica. I used to be six, too. But I made a wish. Oh, sure. Yeah, you really look like you used to be six, too. I'm sorry, I'm being so mean. I love you.

I love all of you. That's how Steve got the podcast to be so popular. Thank you for that. I think the whole thing with not focusing just on Diana and Barbara or Wonder Woman Achieve it, however you want to call them. It's because these studios do not actually have faith in a movie being that women for. Yeah, yes. Where even the villains are women and the co-workers are women, which in a Wonder Woman movie that works,

like in my Wonder Woman movie, Steve Trevor, by bitch we don't like your ass in the comments we don't want you here no way we only tolerated you because chris pine played you in the first one fuck your little blonde ass he has no reason to be in this movie it's like it's the it is the new like if you looked up shoehorning in a dictionary it's just a picture of steve trevor in this movie like and i like chris pine i think he's great but like absolutely not absolutely not with this movie no you don't want to be there he's don't look like he want to be there at all nobody i feel like everybody was like i guess we're here like let's do it's all the it's all the contractual obligations that were set with the start of the first movie and you can just feel that energy hey uh chris pine goes to galga no i i searched uh i control f the word wish in our script it's a 240 times this movie is terrible it's a lobowski with the f word thing with chris pine i'd rather him come back as like a zombie or

something. The fact that it's a body swap thing, I guess that's an 80s commentary. I guess. I guess. Like that could have been explored. That could have been a movie. Like when she makes the wish, like her hair blows a little bit. I'm like, that could have been anything.

My favorite. Say it out loud. She's like, I just know what I would have wished for. Exactly. With me, with me. I like, okay, I guess that's how this works. Even though everybody else has to say, what they fucking want to this stupid rock. I love the scene where, obviously, we meet

Kristen Wigg, who is Barbara Minerva. They kind of become fast friends. Not really, like, it's a bit awkward, it's awkward at first. Yeah. Do they ever really become friends? No, not really. Dinner does not a friend make. No, not at all.

Colleagues. But I love... I think it's people, two people like this that are, like, so in need of friendship of any kind. It's like, yes, we had this early dinner. now we're best friends. I do love when they're having dinner.

It's like, you're so funny, Barbara. Oh, wow. Being with, I never talk to people who aren't Steve Trevor who is dead.

I just sit at home and I think about Steve Trevor who died 70 years ago. Apparently talking to people is kind of fun. I can only date guys who are born in 1890. Oh my God.

Like, she's granny shagging. Like, get them on a good day. Yeah, dude. You got a lot of vets still around. Exactly. Making it with the VFW, you think?

I like that. No, absolutely. There is the, it's the saddest thing. And it's like, do you really need to make her this pathetic in this movie is when she's like at this like nice little outdoor cafe and like it's sad. It looks like Georgetown. And she's like sitting by herself like reading the wine list. And this guy comes up, this waiter and it's like, uh, excuse me, ma'am, will someone be joining

you? And she's like, no, it's just me. And he's like, very well, I'm going to take this whole place setting. You lonely ass old witch. It's crazy that we just focus on that for like a minute. Like this movie's long enough. Yep. And we need this whole scene of her being lonely at dinner.

First things first. A, I miss restaurants. B, I miss eating alone at restaurants. Oh, my God. Yes. I feel like a maniac if I do that. I feel like I got to sit at a bar and get like bar food. If I go to a restaurant just myself, people are like, oh, the Unabomers here today.

There is a singular pleasure to eating at a fine restaurant by yourself, maybe a little bit high with a good book, a nice cocktail. Yeah. Eric, Eric, also, the Unabomber would never go to a restaurant because he knows the recycling syndicates are controlling that restaurant and are going to put all the chemicals. in his food. He knows that. But also you don't, when you go table for one, they're like, oh, okay, right this way, sir, or ma'am.

And they take the place setting away. Not some other guy being like, so it's just you, huh? Ew. I get overreve these. That's not how that works. We got other people around here want to eat. Excuse me, man. You're going to have to eat in the bathroom if you're going to eat by yourself. Sorry.

Side character that I really like is the museum administrator that doesn't remember hiring Christ. in Whig. I think this lady's got like some funny delivery with the few lines that she has and Whig being like, yeah, you just hired me last week

because she comes in and she goes to Galgado like oh, hey there, do you know where Barbara is? Do you know this Barbara lady? She's like, yeah, that's me. You hired me last week. Oh, yes. Natasha Rothwell plays that character. Yeah, she's from insecure. I actually wanted

to highlight her because she's like too big of, not big as an actor, but noticeable enough as an actor for me, that I was like, why would you cast her for such minor, minor, minor goings on? It was just kind of weird. I feel like she had more scenes that ended up on the cutting room floor. We're spending

enough time at that fucking museum. She must have. I think so, like, blah, blah, blah, all the stuff that was stolen, Barbara Minerva has to look over and Diana is kind of intrigued by that. There's this great scene when they find the wishing stone. They're talking about it. And some guy grabs, he goes,

ha, wish I had a cup of coffee. And then he puts it down. And some guy's like, oh, here's a cup of coffee. He's like, oh, wow. And like, he goes home later and his mother is dead. Because he got my greatest possession for this fucking hot cup of my show. It was actually because it was too hot. That was his bad thing, apparently. Oh, we burned my tongue. Oh, that sucks. I wanted to be that his fucking huge ponytail fell off.

That's how it should be. It should be something like, because, What does that have to, you know? Well, it's his price possession, his aversion to heat? Apparently. No, dude. No, no. It's that tongue. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Yeah, he likes the little mound

on the focus. He's good at something, you know. You know, everybody got to be good at something. I mean, and that's one thing that's good to be good at. Steve Trevor has to be able to put a fucking, like, a thread into a bow with his tongue for her to be hung up on

him. For his fucking law. it's insanity totally I would rather see that yeah but superheroes aren't allowed to fucking movies or even have a hint of real eroticism because they're making these movies

for like eight-year-olds and they're like it's fine if it's shitty it's colors and objects I was an eight-year-old well not eight but like when I was really young and watching superhero movies what was I watching Batman returns that shit gets everybody a hard on

like a absolutely that's a great point eight-year-olds 36-year-olds whatever man everybody me you everybody exactly we got to get back to it

I will say I will I'm not going to fight you on it but I will object and say this movie and the last movie both at least feature Wonder Woman having sex once alludes to it very I mean or at least like

confirms that she does have sex and most of these movies don't even do that I have Pop-Tart mouth that's what I do after I have sex I don't even know what that is and it sounds sexy we shouldn't accept

crumbs this is how Hollywood gets you that's not even good she has that fucking sheet up to her motherfucking chin I don't know what they went under there he's like

I totally agree with that but I'm just saying like against like Avenger movies where nobody even lays next a man must not lay next to a woman unless they are mommy and daddy what's crazy about what's crazy about it

too. It's like classic Hollywood would do more. Like you'd see them get to the better, like a pan to the window or go to black or whatever. But this is just like, cut to the next morning. I like Pop-Tarts. I don't know. But imagine, imagine waking up like after fucking somebody and then they're like, you turn over and they're like eating Pop-Tarts like a madman. Like what?

And she wants to fuck him like immediately. I'm like, girl. That is the craziest part is he's still got Pop-Tart in a his mouth and he's like oh come here and they start like making out and i'm like no no swallow that frost and strawberry pop tart first and then we'll talk about swirl it in her uh yeah i renounce my wish yeah i'm gonna stop this all dead in its tracks i renounce my wish goodbye pop tarts jesus fucking christ i do want to see steve trevor like emerge from the shadows and infect this man like you know like like like uh at the end of ghost with all those shadows bring tony golden down to hell

that's how Steve Trevor like takes control of this dude's body this this dark haired guy I gotta see that too because you know what like however you want to show it you got to show it because I know that Steve Trevor is in this movie like Chris Pine was all over the trailer like so no surprises left there heaven forbid so just show that show this dude fucking getting home maybe he's got he opens up the mailbox he's the kind of guy who's getting like pornography mailed to the house like a real loser also like this guy doesn't when you see him at the end of the movie he doesn't really look like how the rest of the movie shapes him up to be which is like a real like losery like gross bachelor different guy at first yeah but instead he just comes out he's like this suave dude i mean i guess he did own those clothes but like he's way swaver than they set him up to be and like i guess they're trying to show him at the end but you can't do body possession without me knowing anything about this body oh yeah like i guess we should get into i know we're kind of skipping ahead because there's you know Pedro Pascal and his I'm a daddy issues and uh I don't even know what you just you just

covered it with that one cent exactly I think he's one of the best parts of the movie he's fun he's having fun with it yes I'm like torn on him on one hand like I actually think he's really good in the opening commercial he pops in yeah I think that's when he gets the tone and there's a few little moments like you can tell he's really trying to hold on to something and bring something to life because you know he's a fucking good actor but it's like they're so ill served by the movie that it's just like i don't think anyone can i just don't although galgado could be served billy wilder could come back from the dead having ridden a movie just for her and she fucking fail at it so i think you're right i i don't like that first movie i think she gets by

because of everyone else around her everyone else around her everyone else the writing is tailed they have they do it in this movie too where the other Amazon's have to have that weird accent to somehow sound like Al-Gadoe because Gal-Gadot is too bad of an actor to do any other accent

I guess I don't know I didn't remember whether or not the accents were in the first movie and Robin Wright is like really pouring it on in that one scene and I had to text everybody and I was like were they doing this fucking accent in the first movie or what and Steve had just rewatched it thankfully confirmed but, like, I don't know why I noticed it so much harder in this movie.

I don't know if people were doing a worse job at it or something, but it didn't work. You need charm with the accent. Maybe she had in the first movie, like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I think it's a charm with his accent. I mean, but that's also someone that was dubbed for American audience initially. And also, Mel Gibson had too much of an alien accent for American audiences in 1979, 80, when they released Mad Max in the U.S. Whenever that was, yeah. Yeah. That's early 80s, I think.

It's not a, it's not a thing to do with her accent. It's just, she's not good. I get, you're right. You're right. That's what it is. The accent is just like this frosting on top that's, that's distracting me from the end. I mean, it makes her sound more interesting than she, you know what I mean? It's, it's an interesting accent that you don't hear quite often.

So you're like, oh, that's kind of interesting. But then like, it does come off stiff as a, and again, I go with it. It's the script, but I also, I can't imagine watching her in another movie. I wouldn't be like, ooh, uh, Gal Gaddo's, playing Mary Curie in a new biopic. I'm going to go to see it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to do it. That movie will give you cancer.

So she winds up going to this gala. So, oh, I'm sorry, Max Lord meets up with Chris DeWig. And, you know, he just wants to get this stone. And it is incredible that he gets this far being like such a phony baloney that he is. Yeah. Because, like, he gets, you know, he's saying like, oh, I'm going to be. you know on one of the biggest like donor levels for the Smithsonian that's no fucking cheap fee you know and we've already heard about his like money struggles and like his office isn't

entirely furnished and finished and all that shit like i guess because he's on tv they believe him but i would be like yeah money up front dude like you're having this fucking gala in his honor where he's announcing this shit and i'm like you know the fucking check has to clear before i'm throwing you a party man i mean that's the idea i guess is that it's the age of of invisible money, but, like, still, like, we also went by, I mean, she has already made her wish that she wants to be like Diana. Yes. And by the way, this also comes with the major revelation that Kristen Whig is attractive.

Yeah, I mean, thank you for that. It's a fucking shit. She's all that all over again. It's so, so bad. It's like, oh, she has stringy hair and she's clumsy. And, oh, look at her and she just spilled all her papers over the floor. What is she going to do? Oh, I hate myself.

God, fuck. I can't believe they did this to this character. This character has been so many things, but she has not been this. Yes. It's the same thing I've seen on the internet, so I'm not making, it's Jamie Fox in Amazing Spider-Man, Jim Carrey in Batman Forever. It's just like a bumbling nerd who gets something happen, and now he's a super-confident, blah-bitty-blow. And that's it.

It's the only one that works with that because you buy both transformations. you can buy because of how great her performance is that the cat woman you see later could exist within that woman before and it's amazing work And the information in Batman returns is almost immediate

Like you get the one scene of her Going into it And then when she gets that guy who's trying to stick up the lady And she does the thing with the hands Like she's Catwoman now Like this whole time is like Maybe she'll be cheated eventually

I don't know Maybe. I like Whig. I think she's wasted in this. Because when you finally see her, like, as the fully formed Cheetah or whatever, it just feels like in Spider-Man 3 where Venom shows up for the last five seconds of the film. And that's the same thing, too, where that's a major villain

for those characters in that world. And it's totally thrown away. And that's what it is here. Like, she is so inconsequential in this movie. And they don't even have the dignity to fucking. murder this character when Wonder Woman makes it I think incredibly clear that that's what she's about to do yeah let's not get there yet let's okay fair enough they could have just made it about this Whigs character and coming to terms with the new superpower you can have Chris Pine back and

that's that that's your cast you don't need Pedro Pascal and the world saving necessarily yeah I think I think the thing is also like like Chris was saying like she's the idea is which they only kind of put a hat on halfway through the movie where, like, Gallagadale's like, oh, but you've lost your humanity, Barbara. You used to be so funny. And it's like, that's fine. Humility was being a drag on everyone

else in the office. But I mean, like, it's just, that's not what it is, because like, at first she's just really confident and funny and, like, sexy. And I was like, oh, wow, she's sexy. And then, like, later on she becomes sort of evil, kind of sort of maybe. And, like, it just, none of it makes sense. It's not

a clear delineation of what this quote unquote wish is the whole message of the movie is wanting more corrupts you that's fucking disgusting like i'm sorry like that that mentality is fucking disgusting when they go to dinner together wig and uh galgado i just looked at my notes and i have this one line written down that galgado say you are so personable this type of thing you say to someone you meet right you If somebody said that to me I'd jump off a bridge. Oh my God, that's like an insult.

It's like a fucking passive-aggressive, bitch. I'm sorry I'm not six feet tall and fucking gorgeous. Yeah, like I'm sorry. I'm not like you tall gazelle looking shit. I don't even know. I'm even thinking about pretty people who make my brain short circuit or something. Like at least Barbara Minerva

hasn't spent the last 70 years abstaining from all forms of sexual pleasure, including, and I will say this, my theory running is she is not even masturbating in those seven days. They make her really, it's funny because, like, one of the flaws in Wonder Woman writing is that sometimes writers make her weirdly virginal.

Like, they're so obsessed with her being a beacon of femininity that she can't really have romantic relationships. It's really strange. It would be strange. Yeah. I mean, if she hasn't had sex and sex, in 70 years and then has sex here for a whole night with

her patrol here, I would be taking the rest of the movie off. I just got laid for the first time in 70 years. Should we want, Pedro Pascal, I've got a real sweet marathon fucks as she's going on. We're ordered a pizza and call it her today.

I mean, I do think the thing, like, you could start this movie and like maybe she just broke up with a guy and it's like, another guy that's not Steve Trevor. You do that at least exactly no one is living up to the d of steve trevor but at least she's trying the fact that she's this fucking hot nun working out of museum is just the dumbest thing i guess because yeah i guess because the corporate media it's all it's like you're either the virgin or the horror and where do we put you and you're to be looked up to by children so you're the virgin also my

my wife's speciality is museum education and she knows we're in the museum very well she was screaming this entire like the whole Oh really they didn't get the museum administration correct? They didn't get it right like I was like that's kind of minor compared to everything else She's like everything else is terrible too But this hurts

The dreamstone is accurate Everything else I don't know They are treating this dreamstone like it's I don't even know what like a coffee cup in the office Are you using this dream stone I'm just going to bring it to my office Oh yeah like you don't even like Yeah where are the gloves where is like the

you know fucking air purifying chamber or something. You might probably have to sign it out if you want to have it leave that area kind of a thing. You can't just take it home. No, no, no. Go for it. Go for it. Anybody using this, Rembrandt? Hey, it's really

it's a dumb line so I didn't want to miss it when after their dinner date, Kristen Wick decides it's a great idea to walk through the park in the middle of the night and she winds up getting like harassed by this dude and then like Diana comes and saves her whatever wig is like wow Diana

what are you doing here and Wonder Woman just goes forgot my keys where the restaurant I was so confused because I didn't remember that like the first apparently like the dynamics what I noticed like the first two times I watched it was that the spatial dynamics of the scene make zero sense and it's which speaks to i think all of the action sequences which we'll get

into more of them later but they're all very weightless and staged and the sloppiest most incoherent way i've seen in a blockbuster in a while which is really saying so really jarring edits here like this completely discombobulates what you were going for here like yeah it's weird how they then like cut to like Diana holding Barbara and it's like, well, what? Like, how did it wait? She oddly comes up like from the opposite direction of where she should have if she was indeed like coming from the restaurant area.

You know what I mean? Like all of a sudden she's on the wrong side of the frame. It's like they don't, they're not like breaking the 180 rule or anything, but it's just awkward that she comes from like the left hand side of the frame instead of like from behind the guy. And I guess it's just because so she can kick him in the stomach. I guess she was Spider-Manning around and then swooped back. That seems it.

So whatever. And then, like, yeah, Maxwell Lord comes the next day. And, like, he starts hitting it off with Barbara and then we get a lot of him doing it. And I think they're having a lot of fun together as this sort of pseudo couple and, like, him hamming it up with her. And she's, like, doing that thing where I like, and it's very funny, Kristen Wigg stuff where it's like, she's, like, obviously infatuated with him. And, like, a lot of that Kristen Wig side talk, which I do, I do. enjoy, you know what I mean, that like sort of under your breath? Yeah. Yeah. I think

she's good. I think it's fun. I don't know if it lives up to the character at all. I haven't read any of the books, but I thought so. But Wonder Woman here has an interesting line. She doesn't even own a TV. Oh, man, these fucking people bragging about not owning TV. She doesn't like parties.

Like, is she just a nun? Just make her a nun then. She just sits in the dark on, Steve, Steve, I miss you. Oh, I miss my Steve. I cannot watch perfect strangers because I think of Steve. Steve and I were perfect strangers, I have to do a satanic session to rise Steve back from the dead.

Steve would be the American Larry Appleton, and I would be cousin Jalchi Butakamu's. She's just in the dark, like nibbling on pieces of fucking iceberg lettuce like a rabbit. I cannot watch television. television until Steve is brought back to me. She stares like blankly at the ceiling in the complete dark like Jim Carrey and the cable guy and a spider goes across her face. I do love, uh, there's a good, there's a good Pascal joke where he goes, well, I know I have

a good relationship with Sears that I can get you a nice 19 inch TV. Oh yeah. The idea of saying if you have a good relationship with Sears, that's a joke. It made me laugh. Yeah. That was pretty great. I get you, I get you, I get you a, get you a TV by the end of the day, I think is what he said. And like, and that's the, the 1980s comes. into play with the nuclear shit and then just that, you know, just those little

side jokes of like, remember this? They remember years before it went bankrupt? Remember that? Remember body swaps? Yeah, and like so like they're going to go to this gala and she's, uh, did we sign no, did we mention that

Max Lord has seen the stone, I think, at this point like in his office and we see him put on the fake smile and so he's obviously knows he has some desire for it we learned it's kind of good at this layered acting here of him like trying to impress wig and stuff but being

an idiot yes totally it's her office next to her sandwich and next to her soup like in between those two things this like priceless thing because the stone is holding down the bag of chips that she's already open he's got the window open she doesn't want the chips to blow away so you use this artifact as your fucking

paperweight you know what I mean well also you have to remember that she's already made a huge deal about the fact that this is a piece of shit. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I don't know my job, don't you know. Yeah, they make her bad at her job, dude. She's like, oh, this costs $75. I think it's really funny

for chips to blow away from open. What's going on today? I do love there's that line. Kristen Wigg is like, because Diana's like, oh, it's Latin and she says it. And then Chris Wig's like, you know Latin? And I would be like, don't you? We work at the fucking Sputtonia. I don't know, not to be a dick or nothing, but like,

this is kind of a high-end job here, you know what I mean? Well, I don't know, you get a lot of Latin written on gems. She's a gemologist. Yeah, that's fair. Gemologists, cryptozoologists on the side, and there was some other fancy science terms that this writer just don't know.

But isn't one of the interesting things in the stories is that Barbara, and I could have totally just misread someone's article about it, isn't she, isn't Barbara kind of like a Themisgira expert? Like she knows about the culture a lot. Do you want me to answer that question?

Yes, I do. I wasn't looking at the other three. Okay. So the character of Cheetah has been all over the fucking place. And she's been rebooted a few times. And the time you're mentioning. Chester Cheetah, right?

Yeah. He did take on the mantle of the Cheetah for a moment. Actually, that's a messy time. That's a good question, though. Has it always been Barbara Minerva or have other people? No. Other people have, not that many. Even a dude wants, it doesn't matter.

Fuck that you. That would breathe. Yeah. Yeah. Now I want some Cheetos. Oh, man, I should have brought snacks. Oh, damn. But one of the more recent incarnations, and actually my favorite,

which I will heartily recommend to everyone, which exists in Greg Rucka's 2016 run, 2016 through 2017, the rebirth run when D.C. rebooted for the 15 millionth time. And you meet Barbara Ann Minerva, and she speaks like ancient Greek shit, and she's obsessed with finding proof that the Amazon's exist.

Because obviously they exist in myths somehow, but there's no... And so she... And what happens is Diana event... And, God, her origin is so perfect. And Greg Rucker's run. Like, seriously, you guys got to pick it up. If you're even slightly interested in the character,

it's a perfect distillation of who she is. But what happens is... Perfect. Once Diana comes to man's world, so to speak, and takes on the mantle of Wonder Woman, Barbara's obsession changes, and she wants to find out if other gods and other pantheons exist. And doing so,

she crosses paths with a very bad god and gets cursed to be the cheetah so she's given both extreme prowess but thirst for human flesh or hunger for human flesh is way better are you kidding me and what happens is diana narrowly saves her but another villain finds a way to kind of intersect barbara trying to get diana's help and that's and then diana goes into the jungle trying to find Barbara and she hears the hiss of the cheetah. And then she comes out blood dripping

from her ma saying you lied to me. You said you were going to save me. She says I am now the flaming hot cheetah. And this is this is like this is your first act of the movie

right? They're already co-workers and good friends. You can like rush through. I mean, because they They really build a beautiful friendship in the comics so you like buy, you feel the weight of when she becomes Cheetah and gets cursed, which is more interesting than a fucking wish. They should start out as just friends because like Wonder Woman has done nothing. It's like we're introducing her in this movie. Like she's never been to Earth before just because like you'd think if she lived from World War I to 84, she would know a few people. Yeah.

No. No. It is hilarious when you get to her apart. when you get to her apartment the first time though there was a fucking hilarious photo of her and old ass lucy davis like an age makeup like on the fucking stat island fairy or something you're just like oh she's long dead hi i missed that i didn't even know that was lucy davis i was just like who's that old woman like what is it your grandmother it was like them in like the 50s or 60s or something it looked like and it's so like they go to this gala or whatever

and this is when Max Lord kind of seduces Chris Nwig and what you call creepy Chris Pine reveals himself as this other guy and the thing is like he looks different but then we do like a switch and it's like oh she sees him for what he is so for the rest of the movie he's just Chris Pine

but again like the way that she wishes for him I paused it because it's HBO Max and I went to my wife was like when did she make a wish and then she's like oh remember she closed her eyes I'm like, did she? It's stupid. It's definitely there. But yeah, Chris said it. It's like she just like closes her eyes and thinks of the wish and doesn't

I was super confused at this moment. Yeah. Because you could, I tell you exactly why they didn't have her say it. Because you can't have her say, I want Steve back, but not Steve. He has to be inside somebody else. Everybody sees somebody else. And then I just see Steve. It's like,

how does this work that's the monkey paul chris because it's like you wish that guy's back okay he's back but that dick you like ain't here yeah yeah dude yeah that's such an important part of this story thank you eric you're an amazing man for bringing up one of the most important points of this movie how is that dick hanging because if i if i was my mind was so blown by one time having sex with a man which i girl i don't know i've had sex with many men and many times it is Not that all. Yeah, it's just below average. Yeah, it's just like, oh, I guess that was a fuck. Hey, how about a pop tart? You know, but you're obsessed with this dude and his dick. But now he's possessing some strange guy's body, some strange guy with a really nasty apartment who probably has dick cheese

because his apartment seems gross. They keep talking about it. You're right. He's got Pop-Tarts at the ready. Better movie. It's just like, Diana, Diana. And she turns around and it's Danny DeVito now. And then he's just like, we didn't have enough time.

And like they're doing the thing, they turned to be Chris Pine. But then all the while you always know that she's having sex with Danny DeVito. You know what I mean? Let me not say, you know what? Everyone has their own thing. Sure. Or you could de-hite him like a Hobbit too. Like it's Chris Pied, but he's Danny DeVito.

Dude, it would be awesome if it just cuts to them in Venice. cuts to them in vend he's like hi-oh silver away I ship it dude I ship it that shit you can you can buy that shit at the end of ghosts where Patrick Swayze is in will be for like five minutes and they just dance and have a kiss

and that's the end of it but like she's following this dude around for like a week it's so dumb Why does he have to be possessed by someone else? It's magic. It's dumb with shit anyway. Just bring him back and whoops, I'm here now. And it's my fucking D that you missed for the better part of a century.

It's 80s reference bullshit. And I'm sorry, if Steve's dick was not like literally limp hanging out the end of his pants, this doesn't make sense. And whatever, this other guy's hanging is not going to be good enough. I mean, you know, you want to do 80s bullshit references? how about he's a mannequin that comes to life? There we go. And then it's Chris Pine.

It's like, oh, that's cute sort of, right? That's something. And you could have someone who's like kind of like the Hollywood character? That'll be awesome. I think the problem with a lot of the 80s references is they enact them without parodying them. Yes. They're really making fun of it.

They're just doing it. There's no levity at all to referencing 80s fucking comedy. You just assume they're making fun of it because it all looks so funny, but it's not. They're just doing it again. I will say the fish out of water, Steve Trevor thing,

I got one legitimate laugh and it's been a trailer line and I've been laughing at it every time because I'm stupid. But when he thinks they fucking trash can as a sculpture. That's pretty great. That I'd be going. I also liked him learning what escalators are. I thought that was kind of funny. It's

funny, but like Chris Pine's a good enough actor. We also brings like legitimate wonder to the notion of an electrical staircase. But I mean, like, he's from 1917. If he's walking around 1980s, Washington, D.C., he's going to have some problems. He's just

got, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, I just Not with starting up that fucking jet plane. Apparently. He should be scratched immediately. But if it's great, and then she's like, I don't know, Steve, we should probably find out how you're alive. And he's like, yeah, I guess we should pop tart. And he's just, you know,

These are amazing. Oh, my God. If he was actually, if he stayed in the 80s, he would just be like 700 pounds. It's amazing. Well, dude, like you all of a sudden are dropped 70 years into the future and there's all this like processed food that's been invented and you don't fucking know any better.

Because he could do that because all she sees is Chris Pine from the last time she saw him. So this guy Ken turned into morbidly obese, eating dominoes like four times a week. She would never know. She would never know. It's true. You know, it's so weird.

You eat dominoes. It's 4 o'clock in the morning every night and we never gain a pound. It's the perfect grift. Make your lady think you're crispine somehow. But this is like expert level somehow gaslighting. I don't even know how, but it is. It's crazy. This is, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Now Max Lord, you know, he has a son. And, like, there's a, you know, he's obsessed with his health kind of a thing. And he's... Alistair. Dude, can we just call this kid, Jeff? Why that's my name? Alistair. What is he, a fucking 1870s English barrister?

What are you doing? There was a dude I knew in high school who was named Alistair. I'm pretty sure I wasn't middle school. He was such an asshole to me. Makes sense. Well, he had a real asshole name. I knew a guy in high school named Elister Crowley. I'm a little older than everyone.

I would plot back on a wish. I learned some spells. You learn some spells. And it's the whole thing where, like, yeah, like he's divorced dad. He gets the kid every other weekend or whatever. Clearly, like, has no time for him but wants the kid to love him anyway kind of a thing. I just need one scene with this wife. I just need one scene to hear whatever that was.

I'll settle for a phone call. Yeah, please. Because it's always like, oh, your son is here. It's your weekend. And it's like, okay, but like, there needs to be some sort of talk between. Like, I do want to know what that life looked like. What ghost keeps dropping this kid off at the fucking office all the time? Because, oh, they make a thing of that later because she drops him off.

And the guy's like, yeah, she dropped it off with a boyfriend and left. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Yeah, there is a boyfriend mentioned. maybe the mother hates this kid too is the idea I'm sorry this kid seems unloved he's real desperate especially at the end and their tender singing I'd be like bitch I'm gonna slap my daddy

he just shows up in a t-shirt every time like I don't know like does he have a place to sleep is he just roaming the streets when he leaves I don't know he roams the streets when those nukes are going off and it's the funniest the best part of the movie. It is. It's so fucking funny.

Every time this child was running around, say, Daddy, Daddy! Losing it. Which is so mean. And also, while the wish apocalypse is going on, this woman and her boyfriend

aren't worried about this little kid. You know what I mean? Well, here's what the movie does not get into, and you definitely know it would be happening in both directions. There would be people, well,

it does happen one way, actually I sit corrected you would be getting but you would be getting way more people wishing others were dead sure and people wishing that some of the dead were still living sure

there'd be way more necromancy in this movie than just Christmine they don't address that at all but Steve my point is though maybe Pedro Pascal got one of his co-workers to be like don't you wish my ex-wife and her boyfriend died in a car accident yes I do wish that for you and then like they just get wiped out

that's that we do get one moment of of later in the movie doing wishpocalypse when that's happening i love that british lady is like i wish you irish people were round up in camps and deported or whatever because we she says set back to where you came from yeah same idea but here's like that moment it's the camps but andrew she says then he says i wish you were dead and she starts dying so there's that's what I meant there's just there's the one but I'm saying like globally during the wishpocalypse oh yeah some of these motherfuckers wouldn't be able to get to making their wishes because someone else already wished that they dropped dead also true yes we we so horribly handle our are any sort of knowledge of mid-east and north african politics of the time let's also

throw in the troubles and just tap dance all over that and make a fucking joke out of it but like before we move on did we mention the Pedro Pascal's delivery of I am not a con man I'm a respected television personality the way he he switched like that I was like okay he's like he's seeing something that nobody else is seeing not on his wavelength

yep no that's absolutely right I love some of the most entertaining moments of him in the movie are when you know he's at the museum office and they're making him do the line. Yes. Oh, stay the line. You know, and he does it and you can see him like turn it on and it's fucking great.

Like, yeah, he knows what this movie is. It's kind of cool because it's very unlike Pedro Prescal is what I've seen of him. Like, you know what I mean? Like this role is really, he's stretching here, which I like. You know what I mean? Very hammy. It's very big, which he doesn't often do. He's not wearing a mask. I'm sorry, Eric.

Sorry, my thing with the mask is like, I feel like it applies to that character. And this characters completely different. I'm not saying he can't show his face in other movies. I would say what I kind of was wanting was for him to get uglier

and like the little like the bloodshot eye the ear blood. I'm like you're going, he's doing as much as he can and they're giving him nothing. It just makes the other. Oh, bleed from your eye. Yeah.

That's another thing though. They set up and I unless I missed it twice, they don't address like why does he need those supplements what's that about and what happens when he doesn't get them well no the supplements were i think 80s i think 80s i think that's health he's a health conscious that's why when he makes the wish to be the wishstone he starts to lose his health because that's the thing that's most dear to him that what that is okay i totally didn't understand that i wrote in my brain to make this movie make sense oh nice dude it's also in your video

adaptation that I have to play into the video game adaptation by the way if someone hasn't seen the movie and they're listening to this we're all over the place don't watch it but he wishes to be the wish stone and I don't know how that doesn't make him

into a rock of some kind you're going to turn into a monster and dude that is he's pulling a fucking Jafar in the first 45 minutes of the movie Jafar did that shit at the end you can't be doing that at the beginning of the movie because you're turn into a monster.

There's something I want to note about the gala scene before we get too far from it. It's interesting seeing how Barbara changes as like after making her wish to be like Diana, which is basically like I just do my hair differently and then wear tighter outfits. But there's like, I don't know if you guys noticed this, but in like the beginning of the movie, there was a really big obsession with heels. like they point out Diane Barbara points out Diana's heels at at the museum

ooh animal cramp that little moment and then like you see Barbara trying on heels and I was just like there's something so strange about the eye of this movie and I don't know what it is quite yet

yeah there's a good one though well this movie is a third foot thing when Barbara like passes out in her office like that first night and she wakes up and she's, like, starting to get some of the powers and that janitor spills the mop bucket.

And he's like, oh, wow, Barbara, at least you're good in heels, huh? Yeah. I think it's trying to be feminist in a way that it's like the, it's like a, it's what a career girl would wear at the time. Like, what are they trying to say here? I don't, I mean, I know, I think it's more about them.

This movie was co-sponsored by WikiFeed. Um, I don't know if you said that. Yeah, they, the WikiFeed puts a lot of money. A lot of money. that's the only explanation i mean i don't know what i mean other than just like we're really into heels i get you're right steva i remember uh at the end of the movie like the tail end of the credits that says uh no feet were harmed in the making of the emotional picture i think you know eric you bring up a good point about like what is this movie really

trying to say when it's trying to say shit about women because obviously there's the whole like we mentioned before, Barbara walking home from the dinner, she had with Diana, and being accosted by some man and nearly assaulted. It sounds like the way it's going, it's like this is going to get very ugly,

very quickly. And then, but, you know, it doesn't do, it doesn't go as far as say Captain Marvel having a very girl power e moment where it's like the just a girl needle drop before she starts

beating everybody's ass because that's just like so cool you guys because they're girls. I will still say I think Captain Marvel is a little bit better than this movie that it's my personal. I mean, marginally. I'm a Ben Mendelssohn head. Sure.

Maybe. Arguably. I don't know. I don't know. I just don't like any of these. They make me depressed. Yeah. Oh, I wish they didn't exist. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Check on your cat. Eric, they're going to take. No, they're going to take

Star Wars away from you. Oh my God. That would be amazing because then in this universe, Star Trek would rule all and then we'd have good Star Trek shows. Eric, do it. Eric, wait a second.

I already wished. It's done. Eric, would you wish, knowing what would happen, would you wish away Marvel movies if it meant Star Wars disappeared along with it? Now, I might actually because I

can't stand fucking Star Wars fans and I hate the discourse around everything about Star Wars, even though I like the movies and the TV shows, I do generally enjoy them. I mean, there's obviously tons of bad ones of the movies.

So it's just like, yeah, you know, why not? Let's see what else happens in a world without Star Wars, without Marvel. Oh, that would be such a weird cinematic world, right? 1870s and it ruled. Yeah, totally.

We get way more fucking, you know, China syndrome movies. Oh my God, we get way more fucking in a movie. That's right. Smoking and not wrapping it up. It's awesome. Basic instinct universe is what I want. Really just erasing

the blockbusters in general, right? So the rise in the 80s and I'm fine with that, you know? The beautiful mid-range movies of the 90s take hold and that's all we can. We don't have mid-range movies anymore. That shouldn't happen. We don't. We sound old, you guys.

talk, man, we're in those mid-range movies. Oh, those erotic thrillers. Remember those? Turn us on as kids. After 1999, there was a man named Robert Altman. And he could do it all. He could do it all.

Right. We should pivot to try to sound like younger and like to attract new listeners. We can just be like, you know, we like, all we like is anime and whatever, worst cartoons are coming out I'm gonna just start lying and saying no I'm

27 I'm convinced everybody I already said I'm watching that new saved by the bell and I think it's legitimately good it's just weird man I know like I know this is so but like seeing our

childhoods ravaged for like new shit like when I saw the new animaniacs come out I was just like oh no It is now you and Jolica You are old It's certainly something I mean it's a combination of that

And then when you realize that all the songs you listen to growing up Are now on all like the classic stations That's another Yeah I'll never forget the day I heard like smashing pumpkins on a classic rock station And I was like oh I'm dead That's a little weird I'm trying to think because I'm a little younger than you guys

and I feel like, I, like, unfortunately grew up, like, in the death now of, like, the height and then death now of, what is that strange genre called? Isn't a new metal? New metal, yeah, new metal. Oh, so you were alive for that entire year and a half, is what you. But I was at the wrong age. I was at the age where I was just like, ooh, hot topic. Yeah, I'm a weirdo. I mean, you're saying you're younger than 22 years old because that's how old.

I am. I am a 22 year old fan. Oh, my God. Have you heard what I called you in my head? But if you're 22, I'm 15, which I am not. And none of us would be doing this podcast. I think we're all young at heart here. We're engaging.

in substances going on and on about Wonder Woman, like we're kids at a diner at free in the morning. Yeah, what does it say about like us as adults? Do you ever think like about that shit? I think my life is ruined. Yeah. I think every day is another fucking private tour

of the ruins of what could have been a life. And I've embraced that. Yeah. I've really got it. I did, you know, it's no longer new to me. It never smacks anymore. It's nice. He just lean into it. I don't know. Eventually it gets comfortable. Yeah. You know, I'm going to end our weird little discursive conversation on this note that I have written on my talkboard wall in my office. Let's just ride the wave, man, you know.

Totally. You know for it, man. The COVID waves? No, not that one. No, not that one. Just like the general wave of the universe. Like all high people say. Like Steve Trevor, how he flies.

you know, he feels the wind. I don't get to this flying shit because I was like, what? That's kind of where we are because he's just like, I am now the wishstone and he makes a wish that his company is much better than it used to be. The guy who yelled at him in front

of his kid, he winds up like being like, don't you wish I was more success? I was like, yes, I do wish you were worse to them. I'd be like, I wish you were the fuck out of my off is what I wish. That's what I wish me in that moment. I think he, he says something about He wishes that the scam was successful.

Yes. Because that's how the feds, like, show up at this guy's office immediately and get him arrested. Some sort of tax thing or something. So then basically his next thing is he keeps looking at this article of the new King of Crude, who is this guy from Cairo, whose name doesn't matter because he's barely a character. So that's where he goes. And Diane is like, we have to go talk to Maxwell Lord.

I guess he's in Cairo. Better go there. And I'm like, why is it? any of this happening. Like, I just don't think I need this globetrotting nest element to it because it doesn't add anything. We just get to racial stereotypes. It doesn't, it doesn't

make the movie feel any bigger that they went to CGI Egypt for a few minutes. I know what I mean? And this all looks like trash, by the way. The only thing, the only thing I could think of, because it is, I was screaming when I first saw this.

But the only thing I can think of of why they felt they needed this was because it is a backdoor for Black Adam. Yeah. The line, he said, the Amir of fucking Egypt, the Amir of Egypt. Okay, whatever, whatever. But I almost did a pesci there. Whatever.

Whatever. Like, he says, I will regain the Bian Empire or something like that, Bayanian or something like that. That's Black Adam. Oh, really? Nobody cares, though. they do because they're setting up a black adam movie but they're already making that movie though man you don't need this making it we'll see like they're making that flash film we'll see they're making that one for a while

you say they don't care but they clearly do they always do this shit where they're setting up you know what you know what chris the reason i'll push back on this though is like when those setups happen and i don't doubt what you're saying but like when those setups happen and they're doing it for like to get the larger audience excited about something it has to be way more point blank than a random fucking reference to a character that not many people give a shit about like that is so just a passing reference like no one no like lay person like me was like oh the black Adam movie they're doing it clearly not like these movies are now made for

Easter eggs. True. But are you Are you a black Adam? I'm not a black Adam head. Easter eggs for who? Like with this movie specifically because I'm like,

there's like if you're, besides a certain cameo mid credit sequence appearance we can talk about later, it's not like they're like catering to Wonder Woman fans, which I keep going back to the question. Like who is this really for? Like the DC fucking chuds who live in the sewer

who are obsessed with the Snyder cut? Yes. Yes. Yes. Because what happened with Justice League? It happened. They do care. They care. Chris has a certain point here because I think that Easter egg is for someone watching this again after Black Adam happens. Yeah.

Yeah. And getting some thrill out of the connective tissue that they're imagining. True. But I feel like this is just a two for here. For sure, you might set that up. I would have never known. But you also get Max Lord taking this guy's security detail. Yeah. And then they go on the row. with them and it's just a setup to like recreate almost

shot for shot Raiders of the Lost Dark that set piece with the trucks Indiana Jones with the whip and now we got Wonder Woman with the whip and she's under the truck Trevor's crawling over these trucks it is also I mean we do have to mention

that he does ask that no he wants to have the sovereignty of his land and no more infidels can show up and it's like we don't need that this geopolitical element in this film period not in a movie where a grown man is making fucking wishes every 10 minutes

do I need this this horse shit in this movie I also love I mean again so Diana's like we have to go to Cairo because that's where he is oh if only we could get you on a plane but you don't have a passport I'm like this guy has to have a passport he's 40 years old he lives by a guy yes that's such a good point

like I didn't even catch that and I've seen this little read three times. You can tell I was texting during the last time I was not but that's a good. That makes me wonder about like was this whole thing where it's a body possession always exists like that's a weird that's a weird thing to miss because yeah he would have a passport. Totally right. You're a man I mean you know most people have passports

but it's only to do the invisible jet thing which we've we smartly got around it last time, but we had to do it this time, and it is so she makes up so, not makes up, because they are in the mythos, but she is just pulling, and we're told that her wish to get Steve Trevor makes her weaker, right? She's more mortal, she's

bleeding now, but she's pulling powers literally out of her bunghole in this movie, left and right, and I'm like, Bung hole. Dude, her, like, sitting in that jet, like when she's getting ready to do it

and he's like flying and he's like what are you doing and she's like oh my father used to play with magic and she's like she looked like she's playing in visible fucking accordion getting this mojo going or whatever I was like is this really like how you did this like I know it's not

at all but like she looks like she's starting a bad lawnmower yeah can I just have a side note explainer very brief the invisible jet is really not used anymore because Wonder Woman gained the ability to fly like as part of her power set in 1987 so you don't really see the invisible jet

that's very much a part of her earlier iconography wow I cannot believe I can rattle that off it's always the joke with Wonder Woman right it's like oh the invisible jet and like they didn't do it in the first movie but they had to do it here for some reason isn't it though is there a joke somewhere Maybe it's in one of those abhorrent Batman or Justice League movies. Doesn't someone make some crack about like, oh, what, like an invisible jet or something like that?

I feel like I've heard that. I feel like I've heard that too, but I have, I don't think I've really rewatched any, besides like Birds of Prey, which I may or may not have seen five or six times in the theater before COVID hit. I haven't really rewatch many of the deep So like that sounds familiar But like I I really like these movies are just I don't even hate them as much Although I hate this fucking movie I don't like overall hate them as much as you'd expect

It's more just like bafflement Like wow this is like a lot of money Going a lot of bullshit This much money man exactly Imagine if an invisible Jet fell into the wrong hands. It probably has happened because, side note, another little Wonder Woman fact for the three diehard Wonder Woman fans

who were probably listening to this. When you see the Invisible Jet in more modern times, like it does pop up in Greg Rucka's run, but that's because Diana doesn't have superpowers when she's going into man's world. She gets them because the gods grant them to her, so she needs a jet. And the Amazon's are far more technologically advanced than anybody in our world.

So, hence them having... Are they ancient aliens? You know, there's probably going to be a storyline in the future in which they are ancient aliens. But no, they're not surprised. A story about ancient aliens, way better than grown adults making wishes. It's better than, well, I wish I this plane were invisible. Oh, now it is. I have done that with my mayor.

Oh, no, Steve, it's like the whole world is a birthday cake. He's about to blow out the candle. They get to fucking car, like we said, yeah, this is a big action sequence, which this one sucks. I'm not crazy. Hang on. There's another dumb thing. I'm sorry. I don't want to do real.

No, please. But this is the, it's the dumbest shit. So, like, yeah, one, I don't know how he's flying this jet plane. That's impossible. Oh, of course. Yeah. Two. I don't know what an escalator is.

He's flying a flight. fucking jet. Exactly. And he's just like, what? Yep. Here's fuel. Got it. Okay. And engines over here. Got that. Okay. Like, you needed to do a thing where he's like, I don't know, this button and a missile launches off and hits the fucking, you know, hangar. You could probably not drive a car. Like a modern car. Andrew, it's not the machine. You just feel the wind. You don't even need to know anything

about the machine whatsoever. You just feel the fucking wind and you can be a pilot. He's just that good, baby. That's how he is. with a woman that's how he is with a plane that's how he is with a car because they're all the same thing I do appreciate how this shit's on the air force because it's just like anyone can do that for your face against bitches

I do want to say it really quickly just because I rewatched the first movie in the first movie like traditionally in Wonder Woman lore Steve Trevor is a pilot but in the first movie they go out of their way to tell you he's a spy like he's a spy first and foremost oh right yeah

it's just like oh he was a pilot he could fly anything it's like he flew in those movies in that movie but not like that wasn't his like identity interesting that's a good point that's a really man did they rewatch their own morning? I think they did oh no

there's two things there's one entertaining thing and one dumb as dirt thing that I wanted to reference one is the hilarious like Smithsonian security police force and their beat up ass pickup trucks like chasing after them on the runway and he goes will they shoot at us?

Well, shit, Diana. The delivery of that was fucking great. The delivery of like your goal, so, oh, sorry, I forgot your mom's present under the Christmas tree. Well, shit, Diana, we're almost there.

Yeah, exactly. That's great. But then the dumbest thing of all time is fireworks start going off. And she's like, oh, the fourth. And he goes, of July. And then flies this jet through

a fireworks display? Like, I don't think you should be doing that. I'm not going to do it July 4th before. It's a holiday now, you say? Are we made to believe that he doesn't know what fireworks are? Because they were definitely around in World War I. Very vague. Why is he asking why he can't fucking buy liquid heroin anymore and shit like that? Do you have any cocaine leaf I could chew on? Yeah, please. Uh, go to the Blainery here. Anybody else need laudanum? Laudan him anybody?

I do have, and I mean, she's like, oh, Steve, the one thing I've always envied about you, aside from being totally obsessed with you for 48 years, is you can fly. And he's like, well, it's just the wind. You've got to feel it, make it happen, do the thing. And she's like, I will now use that to fly myself as a person. Thank you very much, Steve.

Do you want another weird Wonder Woman fact? Do it is what you're here. Unfortunately, that's actually happened. Like, in one of the 40s comics, where she literally rides the wind to save Steve. But you know what? Those comics were very strange. You know, the creator of Wonder Woman.

It's a very fascinating man. Is that movie any good? It's kind of interesting. I kind of like that movie. I'd watch it. I never saw it. I know the story. Yeah.

I think it's worth watching. Yeah. I've heard a lot of people saying, like, with the release of this movie, like, you know what's a better use of your time watching that movie about the creator? What's a better use of your time? Is actually reading good Wonder Woman comic. Ah, there you go. Also that. No, we don't do that anymore.

We just watch the bad movies. The bad movies. So he wishes the infidels go away. Yeah, a big wall comes up around this dude. property, that's great. Her and Steve are in a cab and they see the convoy driving the other way and she's like,

I will now buy this cab from you. Here's $29. Yeah, that's amazing. She just says to this dude like, can we buy this car from you and just like whips out a bunch of money? Like, okay. Yeah.

This dude is like clearly a cab driver. This is his living. But like, sure, buy that car from him, Wonder Woman. That's fine. I do agree with Eric. This is a total rip-up of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It's almost beat for beat.

At least Indiana Jones and all those Nazis driving those trucks didn't magically know about manual or a standard or automatic transmission. Also, I think in general, we have to avoid the fast-running look. It looks mad. It looks weird. It never looks good.

fast running never looks good this what they're doing here when she runs to catch up to those cars in the caravan like it looks like the 70s TV show it looks so bad I think there I think it's a little bit of a little nod and it doesn't look good I'm just I'm thinking

that might be a little specific no you see it's bad on purpose is the thing you know it's crappy because we wanted it to be here's the problem with you know that's meant to look like shit yeah no that's yeah

Here's your problem right there. See that right there that you have a complaint about how it looks. It's supposed to look that bad. So the problem is actually on you. Welcome to Biali Stock and Bloom Pictures. But you guys are right. The action in this movie is like, and that's why you at least hope like the action is at least dynamic or intriguing to watch

or at least easy to follow. Like this movie, the action scenes are so. weightless, it's astounding to me. It's like nothing matters. And it's like there should be more stakes to this. We should feel, especially because we learn

she's losing her powers. This is the sequence where she needs to get seriously injured and fail. Yes. Like just rescuing these kids part of this sequence is the most insane thing I've ever seen. She falls

from this last, so I guess that's her starting to lose her powers. And the way she tucks her rolls with these kids, she puts the kids down. Dude, she lands on these two dummies. She lands on these two dummy children. Those kids explode in blood. Those kids are upside down on the road.

Yep. She just goes, Steve, and Steve's like, got it, Diana. And he fires an RPG that she knows, that he just knows when she goes, Steve, RPG time. she could whip on it and ride it like a slim picket at the end of fucking strange love. It makes no sense.

I mean, you know, the translation there, like interpreting what she meant? Yes. It's impossible. You know what else is impossible? Him operating this weapon at all. This motherfucker was born right after the Civil War. Where do I put the gunpowder? Do I have to like throw the gunpowder at the missile before? Exactly.

Like, it's just, why does this dude know these things? He's a soldier, Andrew. He's a fucking soldier sue, dude. That's what he is. Big time. Yeah, she's just swinging around. The thing is she loses grip of her lasso. I kind of, they don't resolve this in the action sequence,

but, like, she needs to go and, like, pick that up off the ground and, like, roll it back up. Like, I would love it for everything. She's just like, oh, I save the children. See, we don't hate all Arab people, just some of them. set them aside. But she just be like, oh, that's my hold on. Let me just get, okay. It's funny because

I thought there was going to come a point where she couldn't handle the lasso because she's so denying the truth of what needs to happen that she can know long, especially because if her powers are being lost, like, girl, how are you swinging and whipping and

twirling and twirling and twerking that lasso like that still? It would be awesome if, like, she lost her powers to the point where the lasso just turned into a bunch of old rope. She's just looking at it. It's just fucking stringy old rope. It'd be great.

And then she's like, oh, hey, Barbara, could you look into where the stone is? We'll be there tomorrow. And like, they just, they just go, she's like, oh, I have to go to this exposition factory in the fucking in the middle of Georgetown and we'll have a scene tomorrow. Don't worry.

It's just so stupid. And then so like what? You're invisibiliting the plane again and flying back? Are you bringing that jet back to the museum? Like they steal it from the Smithsonian? Are you stopping up for lunch? What's the situation?

Yeah, I mean, you're in Cairo. Come on. Makes no sense. This sequence is where we get like, Wigg is telling about like the research from the stone and it's like, oh no, the fall of Rome was the stone. every civilization that ended was the stone.

Yes, it's like the Mayans, the Roman Empire. Oh, no, it was made by a bad God, the God Alize, the Duke of Deception. But there's no... When they said the Duke of Deception, all I thought of it was the fucking Stevie Wonder's song, Sir Duke, because why not? I was more under 10 thinking about that fucking song than watching this movie. we must talk to a Mayan. Oh my God, this whole fucking scene.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Poor Ravi. Fuck is going on in this scene racially. There's some weird shit happening here. The situation ended, but I found one. I found one, but he's not really, but his great, great-grandfather. So, yeah, sort of, whatever.

We're doing some blood science shit, I guess. He's got this book. Look at the book. There it is. There's your answer. Goodbye. It says your name is Frank. Are you really a mine?

I'm like, yeah, fuck you. What do you want to see? My goddamn birth certificate? You weird? I'm just like, what's happening here? I don't understand why does he have these dreadlocks? Oh, that gave me real fucking jack black and I still know what you did last summer vibes. Yeah.

So just one moment, Eric. This is a very important message for Hollywood. If you're going to do this shit with dreadlocks, y'all motherfuckers better at least make them dreadlocks look good because that shit was ugly as fuck and that's offensive. It was a bad racist Halloween costume is what that fucking wig looked like. It's like a mob. I apologize.

I just had to. I agree. I was just going to say that like eliminate this character and give wig a little more to do. Like now she's got the book. Maybe she is smart instead of just being a dumb lady at the office. exactly but she's also like helping diana like is she good is she evil is she whatever this is where the turn starts happening because this is where you know diana starts figuring out like what they have to do to stop him and she starts this is one of the funniest fucking parts of this movie and again unintentionally hilarious but this is incompetently made so so much of it is laughable when they're having this big scene and wig starts wigging out and she's like she's like you know like no like why why Why would we do this? Why would we renounce our wishes? You can see like the fear of like, oh, if I renounce my wish,

then I'm just back to be in my old mild manner itself, blah, blah, blah. They are filming Galgado, like talking to Chris Pine about something. And she turns back and Kristen Wigg has vanished from the scene. It is the funniest, funniest thing. And even like Ravi Patel's like looking around his own home, like, where did that other woman go? Like, it is so dumb. She's Batman.

it happens right out of the scene it's ridiculous this is when we start saying monkey's paw a lot and I feel like you can say it once like you can you just be like oh it's kind of like a monkey's paw and like everybody knows what you're talking about your spine says is that one time and that's all

it should be right there never leaves Ravi Patel's garage so then it's like oh I guess and you know we cut back to Pedro Prescal and he's like making all these wishes he upsets his son and he's like don't you doesn't someone there's a big montage of

wishes he's making with a minister with some guy from Iraq who's like, Iraq needs to defend herself. And it's like, could we just leave the Middle East alone for four fucking minutes movie? That's a weird thing where it's like the Iran-Iraq war is going on.

And this dude is like, oh, Iran is encroaching on our territory, blah, blah, blah. But then there's some like, I don't remember what the details, but there's a bogus detail about like who is getting weapons from the Soviets at that point and it's like we know America was fucking doing that too right like we're not

we're not mentioning that in this movie okay also it would just be easier narratively just focus on the Soviets and that makes it kind of more iconic 80s to me absolutely we did not give a shit about the Middle East in this way in 80s movies so like if you want to do that shit

absolutely man do either that or you could do China maybe or you either dig all in and you make Rambo 3, you know? And she's like, she's dedicated to the brave fighters at the Mujahideen. Oh, can I tell you guys something?

Please. I've never told anybody this before. You've never seen Rambo 3? I don't think I've seen any Rambo movie. You're probably good. The first one is good because it's like veterans being shit on by cops and shit. And then by the time he gets to this newest one,

the last blood, Like, actually, we're all right Nazi fascists. We should go kill the cartels in Mexico. Let's invade Mexico. That's his plan in the latest one. Oh, God. That's gross. It's really.

I think the first was the legit great movie. Yeah, it's an incredible movie. That's not going to watch it. No, if everyone is fine. Okay, cool. You're fine. Either way, watch it or don't. So he wants to go meet the president.

Wait a second, though. Is that what you were going to say, Angelica? You were going to admit to not seeing Rambo movies? Or were you going to say something else? No, I was just going to say. I interrupted with you've never seen Rambo 3, like, making a joke, and then I thought I derailed what you were actually. No, I have legit, I don't think I've, I've seen, like,

clips and bits, but I've never, like, watched one all the ones. Clips and bits are all you need. Yeah, just watch Hot Sharts Part D. That's all men are good for. Speaking of which, even the fact that, like, all the, sorry, see, dead, but with it. No, just my, my belots. love it Steve.

But it's such like they make a joke like all men in this movie except for Steve are like terrible which fine but like okay all the guys who grew up in like the 60s and 70s are horrible. The guys who grew up in the early turn of the century

good stuff. Yeah they know how to treat a lady. So Kristen Wigg gets finally like sequelitis is all over this like Superman 3, Superman 4 and Batman returns are all in this. This is the only scene where I kind

of feel Cheetah being like a catwoman level character is when she finds the guy who almost raped her in the park and she's walking down the sidewalk and he's just hanging out I guess doing the same thing. He always does every night pinkie look for women to rape.

I mean that's what those fucking scumbags do dude like he's got his territory that he prowls at and all that shit. He's shifting locations I guess but like yeah she kicks the ever-loving shit out of him which is the best part like I was like this is nice but she I mean she murders him pretty much right

no no I hate this this drove me nuts she fucking kicks him down the road like four times kicks the teeth out of his mouth kicks him into the open road and then the nice homeless man she saw before is like you've changed

Barbara what happened to why would you ever want to kill the man who tried to rape you. That's not like you. That's not like you at all. That's such a good point, Chris, though, because that's what bothered me about this. I was like, well, what's

wrong with what she's doing? Like, why are we making her turn to evil about defending herself from not just a cat collar, but someone who seems like he was going to assault her. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And this dude is just like, oh, I'm so disappointed

in you. Meanwhile, did you catch the She says, find your own business, and I clapped in my home. Exactly. That was a great response. Shut up, homeless guy. When you see that dude the first time, though, and she, like, gives him food or whatever, which, like, you got to watch it in these situations. You're on a first name basis with somebody. You bring him food one time like that.

I think she's giving this guy dinner every night, first of all. Oh, totally. Yeah. Totally. Did you catch this, though? This dude is sitting on this park bench reading, waiting for Godot. I did see that. Are you serious?

I noticed it this time I was like, that's another there's another thing for the stupid column, everybody. Oh, that's insulting. That's like, here's something for you dumb bitches. Oh, it's the same two names.

Those are the trivia people, too. That's the same. That's who they're really after. You're right, the fucking IMDB trivia terrorist, dude. I have the same name. You cut from this guy rating

waiting for you do, and then you cut to Wonder Woman in her apartment. waiting for Steve? He's just wondering around in a trench coat and a hat like the president shows up so Peter Preskell's doing this thing where he's like

don't you wish I had a meeting with the president to all of his employees I'd be like I don't know I wish I got made more money or I wish I had been but whatever he's using all these people he gets an audience with the president and this is the movie at its most gutless black spike

you've got to do Reagan here you have to do Reagan I thought this was Reagan at first and I thought this was like a really bad casting but I don't understand this role at all because the guy who's playing the president was kind of confused of where he was at first

so I was like is that Reagan or did he wish to become president I wish I was president of the United States or he kept like a cartoon mouth Or is Reagan inside that body? Mommy, I want to look like Brian Regan's dad. Dude, I mean, he just looks like stand-up comedian Brian Regan.

I don't know who that person is. Are they white? No, it's about as white as it gets with that guy. I'm going to draw my black card because, yeah, black people have it, right? Yeah. I don't know. You have to have the guts if you're doing. Wonder Woman 84 and we meet

the president to say something about Ronald Reagan. Exactly. Hopefully negative. But unless you're like call of duty and you fucking worship his dick or whatever. That bitch, he's burning in hell. Absolutely. He's cooking up for all eternity. He's an absolute

shit. His wife too, she was a piece of shit too. Fuck her too. That's why we joined drugs on the war on drugs. And we won't. I was those fucking white people. Fuck the Reagan. And fuck this movie for not having the ovaries, cajones,

whatever you want to call him. Yep. To actually put Reagan in the chair. So it would at least have some sort of something to say, maybe. And they gave him the chair.

The electric chair. Oh, God. Yeah. Hey, I like the way you think. Ride the lightning. We'll get to that later. What substance. What they have him do, though, as the president, like his wish is,

clearly something Reagan would have wished for anyway so it's not outrageous to have Reagan be like yeah yes you know what car salesman I wish that I had more nukes just more nukes hey mommy about some more nukes and you'd be like okay yeah obviously

like he wanted to win the cold war like yes that makes total like the fact that it is just some fucking red haired guy like get out of here only one wish you say magic wish man okay is it age to kill every person or

it's the crack epidemic to destroy. Oh, I don't know. There's just so many wishes I could make right now. Look, how about I put them all in a hat and you pick one for me? Anyone who's not like me is dead. How about that? Maybe, you know what, though?

What would be taken away for him is fucking getting out of that assassination attempt, Scott Free? You can have your more nukes, but you will be murdered in the street. Dude, that guy had the right idea and i bet you that would have impressed jody foster is all absolutely if it happened jim pretty we got to say this is joke satire and parody we

it would have been totally wasted because that dude would have just uh wished for jody foster that's true that's true damn it's the cycle it's just a cycle is what they're saying here is going to come from these wishes you know what if there's anything i've learned wishes or shit, but maybe if I hop to a different universe, I'll have a better chance. Yeah, I'm going to figure out how to do that. Then we're set. That's what I'm doing.

Mystical planes, we got to get there. And not airplanes, but like planes of reality. Actually, yes. Fly a mystical plane. Like anything. So, also, a pommeled pagan

shows off their Star Trek system them that they have here Star Wars? Yeah, well, that's like it's not, it's, is this like Star Wars? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, fucking come on, everybody. That's a thing is because it's,

see, ah, that's even fucking dumber though, cabin, because if the Star Wars program exists, Ronald Reagan is the president of the United States. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. That's why I'm like, toothless movie. Like, what happened? Was he in Pete? Did someone

wish prior? I wish Reagan. wasn't in the fucking White House. So then this dude who might have been, I don't know, some congressman just suddenly appeared in the White House. Like weird janitors keep becoming the president because they keep making the same. Oh, he's the president. Now he's the president. Now, she's the president. Now he's the president. Now, that's someone

that could clean up the country, Steve. A janitor, absolutely. A good janitor. It's hard to find. It looks like the last movement is Pedro Pascal now has this super beam that's going to allow him to touch everybody all. because that's what he wants because for some reason and like they keep saying and I get at the 80s

and that's sort of the moment is like don't you have enough but now it's like oh if I can he even says and I only call it the second time he can wish my health back wish by wish so it's like so that's kind of his motivation here this is the big I guess fight scene in the White House which isn't very good and I'll tell you what's a better one X-Med 2 mother fuck yeah absolutely it's ridiculous it's ridiculous it's ridiculous. I mean, this whole

fight sequence in here, it was stunning to me re-watching it this afternoon. I fucking fell asleep. I just flat out fell asleep watching the action sequence here. I like that Chris Pine grabs a sword. And she's like, no, Steve, you can't, you kill

the Secret Service with sword. It's not their fault. It's not their fault. Like, you know what, Wonder Woman? Like, these people are trying to shoot you in the fucking hand. Yeah, girl, what the fuck are you doing? Like, you're, like, trained at the warrior. Like, you, you're being a bitch. Like, what's it doing to you? Oh my God. Does she, uh, Angelica,

does she have a, like, Batman no kill policy? Is that something that comes up? Oh, that's a a, that's an argument for a day. Because obviously, there's an example of Max, of actually snapping the neck of Max Bell lore. right and so people love to bring that up they love you know and they have made her at times very zina the warrior princess light so she's very bloodthirsty and willing to kill so depending on the wonder woman fan i think personally this is my opinion does not have to be your opinion um she's willing to kill but it's her last resort that has to be something you can't use let's say if i was doing a trilogy it's not going to happen in the first two but maybe in the last one she'd actually kill somebody right but this whole line to chris pine right here isn't like out of the ordinary for wonder woman to be like hey man don't fucking decapitate those people yeah no it's not weird for her to be like you know sometimes other writers really lean into oh she's she's here on a mission of peace sort of thing and so there's a big so when we get to the ending

there's something i'll know that it is sort of echoing like how wonder woman can be where she kind of like bows herself to the person she's fighting with in a way and is like, I can show you the truth and you can move beyond this or we can, I can kill your ass. Right, right, right. There's not like complete, oh, God, but this movie is shit. It just sounds like, Steve, Steve, that can be no stakes. Stop, Steve, that cannot be stakes.

Steve, Steve, your dick used to be curved. I don't know what's happening. Steve, quick question. Didn't you weren't you circumcised last time we tangled? Oh, but uncircumcised. It's like a little transformer. It just comes down. I mean, I will say I don't mind seeing Kristen Wigg do the Hidukin to Wonder Woman at the end.

That's fine. You did do a homeowner? It's like honest her level Because you know, Wonder Woman puts her wits up And usually that would knock a hoe out Like every hoe like a god A demigod I thought this movie could have gone in that direction

Because they keep hinting at gods Because of the language of the gods Is on the inside of where the crystal base But she never translates it We talk around who the god is but we never mentioned, I mean, we say Duke of Destruction, but, like, who's going to know that besides, like, people who read comics, so it's not what someone's going to be like,

oh, that's like to Aries. That's one of, uh, Aries's bitches who just always did his bidding. But I know. Where are we with this stupid movie? Well, they're about to have their, like, their first fight here, because she's, like, kind of fighting with the Secret Service and, like, Pedro Pascal's security detail guys and whatever. and I guess Pedro Pascal a little bit

and then like right when it's all about to be over with like Cheetah bursts into the room she also just walks into the White House apparently everyone's getting in real easy to the White House today and she's just like I can't let you do that Diana is like her line like she wants to hold on to the power so we have a big Cheetah versus Wonder Woman fight where like you can't I mean they're throwing each other

it's not as bad as the final fight where it's also night time and you can't see shit yeah it's still like you cannot fucking follow this editing at all. We should say that now she's wearing a cool cheetah jacket with spikes on it. That's sort of something. No, I hate this fucking outfit

so much. I even wrote it down in my nose. I'm so glad you mentioned it because I was like, you know, these patterns are like, not patterns, but these textures are so contradictory to one another that it just does something weird to my eye. I get

what they're going for, but it does not work for me. She looks like a St. Mark's gutter punk. Which could be a fun interpretant of a cheetah, like a cheetah who, like, came upon learning about the Amazon's and shit from some weird shit and, you know, just some random, I mean, I would take like a true gutter punk, but this is like, you know, Hollywood version. This is too clean. It's gutter punk mixed with, like, a model from Andy Warhol's factory. like the coat. It's like a twiggy. The coat is very fancy.

Like everything else is a little jagged. The coat is very fancy. I know it's fur. But like. It'd be cool if Wonder Woman objected to the fur. That's the whole thing. I have to pull red paint on you. Oh, my God. I would love that. Barbara, what does happen to you? You've lost your humanity.

meet this murder what are you doing Barbara Barbara don't you remember the Smith song Oh has it been written yet actually So they go fuck off at a helicopter The bad guys get the helicopter Because now we're just like teaming up Like I believe it's Air Force 2

Is it not? And he's like oh I like your style And this is the part of the movie that drives me Absolutely nuts The only thing about this wish Technology or Power a mysticism we know is A, it costs something, your thing that is most dear, and B, one wish per customer. That's all we keep saying. It's one wish per customer. And then he goes, I'm feeling

generous. Would you like a second wish? And I'm like, what are you talking about? I know the answer to this. Really? It's awful. Don't get me wrong. It's stupid as shit. Whatever you're about to say, you're making it. It's so stupid. You're going to die. The wish from the rock is different from the wish transformed, the rock transformed into him. The rock plays by the rules, but he does not. Or it's under new management now. Yeah. Under new management.

Which also, though, but that's stupid because if that's the case, then earlier in the film when he's like, oh, you know, I'll grant you something and the guy's like, oh, I want a Ferrari or whatever. And he goes, oh, did I ask you for your wish already? And the guy says, like, yeah, last week, it was a Ferrari. And he's like, what is with you administrative assistance in your Ferrari? It was Porsche. Porsche, yeah, you're right. I don't know cars. But like, if you're doing that then, what is the thing that happened to you between then and now where you're breaking the rules from Kristen Wigg?

I think the thing is horniness. Wow, that was better than that. my explanation, which was, wow, there's shit people making this movie who don't give a fuck about the movie they're making and don't care about the character whatsoever, or the universe they're supposedly building. So, who gives a fuck? You're probably more right than I am. She's like, you know what? I want to be an apex predator. I don't want to be second to, I don't want to be like anybody else, like anything ever before. I want to be a person who's a

cheetah now. Yeah, I want to be like, actually, all of my body to be covered in a cheetah. You know, make someone throw up. I want my fucking genitals to change. I want my reproductive system to be totally cheetah-like because I'm a fucking mania. Why are you bringing it there? Why are you bringing it there? I have literally been reading Wonder Woman comics since I have been like 12 and I have literally never thought of that happening. That's how it happens, man.

Sorry. I'm literally like, yeah, I want to pop my pussy like a fucking fucking. They're mastopolis. Well, that's a thing, dude. She looks like fucking Taylor Swift and cats, and it's outrageous. So there's nothing about the genitalia in the comic book. Nothing about the differences between. No, because it's like, she'd be, like, hitting up some other villains and shit.

Like, there's a moment where she teams up with reverse flash or one of the evil flashes. And I think, hmm, who's wrong? God, I've read so many Wonder Woman comics recent, like, re-read them. So they're all blending in with my mind. So I'm like, yeah, she was probably fucking him. And I was like, but he's human. So I guess they have to work out somehow.

So maybe she still has a badge. I don't know. That ain't a costume. That's fucking for real, dude. Whatever's going on. But she has fur. She's like a cat person. So there may be some, like, maybe this is really graphic, but maybe when you get

inside of her, you realize, oh, this is a little different. That could be, yeah. Sabretooth, there'd be a good pair. There you go. Oh, there's a sharp turn there. Oh, boy. Okay.

Oh, no. Sharp turn. There's also this moment in Justice League Unlimited. Where, like, Cheetah's flirting with Batman, and Batman is flirting with Cheetah so he can get out of this trap he's in.

I remember this. And it's really, it's kind of hot. at least it was when I was a kid and I was like but then Batman was like it'll never work because it'd be just like fucking a house cat down there no he was kind of like man I like I like cats

I had a weird thing I had cat woman now let me have cat cat am I ready to go there am I ready to go to all the way to my fantasies end am I a fucking crazed billionaire that desperate that I will fuck a cat now at the same

I'm fucking catwoman is fucking man bat. And she's gone all the way through her. Yeah, you're totally right. But like, doesn't that make sense for Bruce Wayne that he would be fucking some, he'd be fucking like aliens once he was like real deep in Justice League shit. I feel like he'd be doing some bonkers shit. But he would always come back to Selena Kyle because I truly believe they are meant for each other. But they both be fucking other people.

That's the whole thing. That's how my one would go. crap the Batman thing Bruce Wayne is fucking aliens like you get that much money you just fuck aliens I just I honestly believe that that's what SpaceX is about it's

Space XXXXX X I got to find a way to be my girlfriend So somewhere out there Someone In the middle Yeah definitely aliens have fucked astronauts that went to the moon

You won't tell me otherwise I believe you I can believe you. We set up the armor here, which I think is kind of stupid. I'm not crazy about the armor. I don't think it works. I know where it comes from. It's from Kingdom Come, which rules.

I've read that one. Brazil. Yeah. And I love how Alex Ross was like, oh, they use my design. I guess I won't get paid for that. I'm like, yeah, no, dude. Yeah, you ain't getting no money from it. I'm sorry.

It's always that thing where it's like when the movie starts, it's like Wonder Woman created by William Marston. And everyone's like, wow, that must be really nice with DC to really like, no, no, he sued the shit out of them. And that's how that works. Like, you don't know what? None of these comic companies are like, you know what? You gave us such a great gift. Here's some money.

You know, we want to put the created by. Like, no, no, he sued the fuck out of them. That's, Bobb King's. Yeah, same with the estate of what's his name with Superman, where like every Superman appearance now says by courtesy or whatever. Yeah. The Siegel estate. Yeah, it's really interesting. And it's like, oh, yeah, they sued the fuck out your ass.

Because carnival companies are bonkers. When you think about it, they've been holding onto characters for like 80 fucking years. Sure. I'm sorry, but we need to, like, overhaul copyright law. It's something I think about a lot, actually. You do some cool shit with them as opposed to them living under one thumb. Exactly. I mean, imagine, like, Wonder Woman.

Disconnected from these men What I would do with Wonder Woman Damn, she'd be fucking My Wonder Woman fucks It would be like Sherlock Holmes Everybody would have a crack at it Which would be kind of cool That'd be fun, why not?

I feel like y'all motherfuckers want to say Oh my God these superheroes They're like modern day myths Well, if they're a bitch Then why can't I write about them? You know, that was actually the weirdest thing about Twitter was seeing people drag fucking Johnny Appleseed

in the name of Marvel. Like Paul Bunyan and Johnny Apple see. What? They said, ask anyone who Spider-Man is, every kid can tell you, but no one knows Paul Bunyan or Johnny Appleseed. The new American myth is the MCU.

And it's just like, you are fucking brainwashed. That is some delusional shit, I have to say. And also, like, nobody's making money off Johnny fucking apple seed, dude. Johnny apple seed fucking rules. You was planting more than

fucking apple trees. Oh, hats. I like it now. Okay, Johnny Appleseed. Planting apple trees and laying pipe. I guess you can call me the Johnny apple seed of fucking cats. Oh, God. And this movie is like cats, but like not really, but

sort of, but giving you a taste. Yep, that's exactly right. It's like if you could take this for the last like whatever, 15 minutes of this movie and you don't throw up looking at it, you might be able to handle a dozen of them

in the film cast. Can I say, I fucking hate this, like the thematic imagery here is horrible. Like, the Kristen Wick, who is obsessed with animals, the natural world, and like so obsessed that she actually wants to become part of that is evil and corrupted and as set

against this woman who has like military great super military armor weaponry like the industrial thing i don't like this look yeah i really find that disturbing well except for the rad part of like all we have to hear is you know because she gives chris pine this whole fucking backstory about this armor and this other you know warrior that stayed behind behind, you know, getting beat up by all these dudes while all of the women were fucking off to Themisgura. You know, she provided their safe travel, blah, blah, blah. Asteria. Thank you.

And where is I going with this? It's hilarious because it's like, you know, she fought off all these guys and this, that, the other thing, and safe society with this shielding that she had. And Cheetah tears this shit to ribbons with like six blows to this. I don't know, like, you shouldn't be fucking around with these antiques, or maybe, like, you should have kept this stuff up better than just leaving it in the side of your office that we see her. Like, she just got it, like, in storage. I know.

Can I just say, like, there's a few things with this that I want to say. One, that fucking last fight scene with Cheetah is so fucking ugly to me. It's terrible. From, like, you're mentioning how the armor is, like, totally fucked up by her. And there's moments where we get, like, Wonder Woman point of view shots with Cheetah trying to rip into the golden armor and it just looks like a shitty video game to me sometimes

like some fucking cut scene from like at least five 10 years ago. Like it doesn't look like there's no kinetic energy to it. It just looks like it's muddled in a weird way. The color choices are strange.

The staging is strange. When they get underwater, I'm like this is so fucking ugly. I don't even understand. what's going on. Why are you making her fur look madded like this, but like digitally madded? So it's like, I don't know what's going on. This is just really ugly textures bumping uglies or something. I don't say I felt more comfortable in these scenes because it was grim and dark and I didn't see anything. So I'm used to that from the DC universe. There's a lot of sunshine in the earlier parts and I could understand what was going on at least as for this one scene. Here I don't understand what the fuck is going on. Well, that's also your class. like, you know, cover up for, like, we don't have confidence in our production design. So we're going to set it at night. Like, there's no reason why it has to be dark out during this fight scene.

No, it doesn't. And it's just so strange because it's like, this is the movie, like, which definitely that first one had its faults. I bitch about them recently. I'm not going to get into it because there can be, people are going to be like, girl, like, I read your Twitter, like, shut the fuck up about one of one. but it's just like it just shows they don't have faith in the character

the mythos like there's a certain laziness in like parts of this movie that I'm just like how did this happen when this was the movie that people seem to really like from DC Universe so you would think they would like really want to support it and make it interesting and wild and maybe correct things

from the first movie that people bitched about like that you can easily do some like weird slight retconning with like i just don't know why they didn't take advantage of the position they were in no it was some guy who had taken seven adderall this morning to be like kids like 80s let's put in the 80s the kids like the 80s now let's do that we should say uh at this point wonder woman has said goodbye to steve trevor because after the whole big fight uh and it's really like it's really not even her decision like steve is like i'm out kind of a thing like yeah and like

you're being stupid dead guy I was it he doesn't mention that he was somewhere like it sounded like he confirms heaven in this movie yeah which was weird I was like did he is this some Buffy season like six shit I was in heaven but it's not like Jesus and God were there it was just like some weird good vibes

sort of thing like I was happy you know thanks a lot wonder woman you fucking brought me back into this world i was happy in the afterlife god damn yeah it's also like damn why would you i'd rather be bad he literally says though he literally says though after she goes on this whole like tirade about like oh i care about you and i've had she keeps going on about how she's had nothing like him and there's nothing there and she gives so much and he says but that's crazy that she would like spend so much time, not fucking.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's a whole great big world out there. Men and women. Yeah, he's failed. I don't know, you're a god being, whatever you want to do. Yeah, do it all. Lick it all, lorpe it up. Take a taste from everybody's plate.

It's fine. Nobody can. Quick question, Diana. Do you have a mirror? You would do just fine without me, FYI. you know what I mean like she's like she's like I will never love again and he's like I fucking certainly hope not like don't put that on me like when I go back to the afterlife I'm going to be sitting there thinking like well this woman's just rotting away now because I'm dead

like he's fucking people in heaven that oh my god that's why he's like girl like I have been like fucking Marilyn Monroe for the last like I don't even know how long he's got like ectoplasm babies with so many people like all the all like all of them everybody he is kind of dumbfounded though he's like you were what oh oh I didn't think we were you know we had sex one time right one time Diana so like you know it was a lot of fun because you know you're a god being so it's always going to be fun but this other time I mean I don't know like it's been a while for you so I can kind of, I don't know. Girl, maybe you should have some

fun. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the sex and the Pop-Tarts were fantastic. I'm fucking Amy Winehouse and Marilyn Monroe up there. It's phenomenal. He goes back to heaven. He's like, oh, Jesus, you wouldn't believe this. And I'm talking to Jesus.

This fucking girl's so obsessed which brought me back from the dead. From the dead. No, you're right back from the dead for real? is like James Baldwin is like wow, like what the fuck? She wants the deed, the dead. It'd be great if he did the first line in the movie, he's like,

why are you obsessed with me? What? Why are you like obsessed with me? That's like pathetic. It would be great if like because also it's there's like dubious explanation as to how he tracks her down. Yes. Initially

it would be awesome if like she accidentally bumps into him and he like somehow gives up the ghost that it's actually him. And she's like, wait, Steve? And he's like, uh, hey baby. And she's like, Steve, how long have you been reincarnated? What? Three weeks? And you didn't track me down? That'd be awesome. He's like, oh, cool. Second least on life. Oh, I'm not going to fucking talk. I wanted to my parents, when I would

do my parents, my sister, my cousins. Like, I don't know, I got other shit to worry about here. Yeah. I went to the supermarket and I have these things called Pop-Tarts. And they're like, I can't stop thinking about them. I'll be honest with you. That's what he's doing. He's going back to heaven.

He's just having sacred Pop-Tarts. Telling Jesus about Pop-Tarts. Hey, Jesus, you got to try these. They're like pastries, but worse. Andrew, why did you put that image in my head? Because I am literally seeing Chris Pine pumping into a strawberry pop-tart. You know that would be like one.

thrust, though, and he would destroy that big heart. And then it would be like, oh. So wishpocalypse is happening. Everyone's gold ape shit. And then, like, Diane is, like, so upset because, like, her boyfriend is now gone. And, like, literally, it's very much like that scene at the end of Man of Steel where everyone's

screaming, like, my God, help us! And she's, like, crying. And then, like, she kind of just fucks off out of there. Like, she, like, is doing the super run thing. And, like, the blood she had on her is gone because, like, she's got her powers back. and she like lassoos her way out of there and this is when she's like

I guess I now will learn how to fly for some reason which she does pretty well and then she says and to Chris's point the thing she learns how to fly whatever I know it's canonical to the story she cannot whip off of lightning bolts ladies gentlemen that doesn't make

any sense no it doesn't make any sense it's been two hours and five minutes and now she's doing this Now she's pulling the shit. Can I just say, though, can I just say if that looks cooler and felt more epic and they leaned into the moment more,

I think I would have bought it. But it's like actually weirdly brief despite being such a like part of the trailers that you would think it would have something else going on with it. It's totally brief. And there's no fucking real close up to it. Like I would love a thing where she's like

getting right by like a bolt of lightning or something and swinging off of it. Like, you could do cool visuals with that. Instead, it's like she's just way far away because it just looks like garbage video game cutscenes. It's a where's Waldo in the clouds? And like, by the way, my favorite character in this whole movie

is in this goodbye scene. There's this cop. Yes. Yes. This cop is doing exactly what I would be doing. And he's just screaming in the middle of the street. What is happening? No, no, no, he says exactly.

I wrote it. down what you want me to do I don't know what to do he sounds I love it it's dialogue you would give an NPC in a video game like a non-playable character he's just like what do you want me to do I don't know

what to do and he's just like screaming into a fucking radio oh and it's just the funniest shit and I was just like I didn't notice him for whatever reason earlier but watching it this time I was just like oh my god like this dude is really at wits at

it's so funny because it's bad ADR also like the actor just has the radio like up to his mouth and Wonder Woman like just runs by him there's not even a closer we don't like cut like in farther on this guy and you just hear that audio play and you're supposed to be like oh I guess that that's that cop talking okay whatever that was dumb that was the best line of the movie thank you sir and then she does the cry run yeah to fucking go and like and it's I suppose it's supposed it's supposed to to be like Man of Steel after he says goodbye to his father and everything. Sure. And learn to fly.

But like I just like, I'm like get to it. Like I'm tired of this movie already, man. She also, she could possibly pull, this could have gone really south for her. Like when she does the running or whatever and she whips off of like a church

steeple and throws herself into the sky, she then grabs the whip like she like sticks it on the back of an airplane. to like really get up. She's like flying with this thing and I'm like, DWA Flight 800.

Yeah, we can't just be lassoing airplanes, my friends. That's just dangerous. So whatever. She learns to fly on the way to the island. Well,

no, but she has to stop off in her apartment get that fucking armor on, dude. Oh, you're right. Oh, shit. I was halfway to the island and that I realized

I had armor that allowed me to fly anyway. Oops. doodle. So she fights Cheetah, she wins. It's the thing where like she gives her one more chance to run. And we are saying, I mean like, it's a silly phrase, but like, renounce your wish. Oh, my God. This is what I'm talking about. Renounce your wish.

This is the core of my argument as to why this movie is so terrible. At the core of it all, it's because we're talking about renouncing wishes and we're not little children. And it refuses to. She gets electrocuted. but she's alive anyway. Here's the thing. The intention, with that line of dialogue that she has, though,

she's setting up to kill this person and they change their mind. She's like, fucking renounce it. Say renounce your wish and she won't do it. Krista Whig looking, as Chelsea pointed out, like fucking Ann Coulter in this outfit. She won't do it and she goes, well, in that case, then I'm so sorry.

And fucking drowns her. Like, I'm sorry. And then the electric of the, whatever thing that you have. Yes, power line. I should have remember power line. Sorry. But like, yeah, she's like drowning her and then electrocutes her. The body even does a like falling limb into the darkness. And then she just drags her back up and you see her like coughing for a little bit.

And I'm like, no, no, no. I thought she was dead. I really would like, oh, did they really do that? I actually, that wouldn't have made the movie more than one star on Letterbox for my Letterbox. sad people oh hey hey what's up but maybe it would have gotten an extra half star yeah because there'd be

some consequence to any of this the fucking villain doesn't even get arrested at the end of this movie she's just hanging out on the rock she's just like oh I'm so wet oh I'm just fun what's happening at least you are gifted with not having to hear Kristen

Wiggs say I renounce my wish. I know. I thought he was going to cough it up. Yep. Yep. And like, thankfully, when they cut back to her and you see that she's not an Ann Coulter cat person anymore, you're like, all right, she already fucking said it. You've spared me at least one adult in this movie saying, I renounce my wish. When we get to the Pedro Pascal wishing well thing. Yeah. It's ridiculous. The power of wishes is making air velocity in this room. It's a Tron thing. Yeah. It is. Like, it's the, like, it's the, literally the cover of Tron is him up with the fucking ring. And basically he's got, he's hacked into every television set. And because of the particles are touching people,

then he's theoretically touching people. And he's just going, granted, granted, granted. It's just kind of amazing. It is so stupid, man. And she's fighting him.

And like this is the end of this movie where she's like got him roped up and she's like talking to everyone. And she's like, everyone you must renounce your wish oh my goodness you have no idea this reminds me of a movie

and I'm going to go on a rant here there's a Christmas movie I watch terrible Christmas movies over the season called Twice Upon a Christmas where Kathy Ireland plays Santa Claus's daughter and at the end of the movie the events of the film are as such the end of the movie the North Pole is dismantled

by the evil villain and the only way Kathy Ireland can get the North Pole back is to go inside every single television set and go, you have to believe, you have to believe in Santa Claus. No. And that's

exactly what this scene because it's like, it's so baby childish nonsense. Like, you have to renounce your wish and it might as well be Kathy Arlen and Santa Claus. It's, I mean, it's you're welcome to nine people's ever seen it, by the way.

Wow, that was a fun. It's about to be 10 after this fucking part of it. it's a wild ride she's saying shit like the truth is enough the truth is beautiful please stop this accent y'all doing you're getting to the levels of wolfsmith and what's that movie what is that movie concussion yes you're almost there i'm looking a little bit of to tell the truth but i'm trying to do a slightly uh softer sounding verner herzogging I'll tell you, I'll tell you what, this, this Wonder Woman movie gave me a concussion.

You got your cards? I wish I did. And then it was like, I guess I, but also like, the world is horror. You know what I mean? Like, people are like, oh, I want to be famous. Like, the world is on fire. Like, I don't know. I want to wish this to stop is what I wish.

But when they are going back to all of the wish, renunciation, I don't know if that's a word. But like, we're, we're renouncing all these wishes. And like, yeah, there's the woman in the restaurant somewhere in Asia who's like, oh, I wish I was famous. And then there's like, paparazzo. That's one thing. You want to undo that wish, whatever.

But like, they cut to the guy. There's, again, man, the fucking optics on the Middle East in this movie is atrocious. They cut to this dude clearly in the Middle East with a fucking rocket launcher. And he's like, I renounce my wish. Is this a chain reaction because Pedro Pascal renounces his wish? That's the thing. It should just be get him to do it and then it destroys all the other wishes that were made, right? Because the thing is, they find out if they, back at the fucking heinous scene with Ravi Patel,

they find out that they can either kill him and undo everything or get everybody to renounce their wishes. So all Wonder Woman needs to do is just fucking kill this guy. break his neck break his neck ooh make it trap mix if there's see but that's the thing that you're saying

there's even precedent in the comics that she does this to this character at some point it'll be interesting I don't care because the other option is you have to convince

the entire world through a speech you're giving in a television broadcast that they should just renounce their wishes I'm telling you there's going to be tons of people that are like no you

that was my way you, bitch. I don't give a fuck about this shit. But damn, that cat, I, you're rocking, looks good. Because when she was closing her eyes and I was like, oh my God, her makeup is on point. How did it save this great? Like, during, like, an underwater fighting.

Yeah, you're right. That's a mystery. That's a movie mystery. Yeah, I'm going to renounce my wish there. I wished for a horse cock, and it didn't work out the way I want or dies. I just call a double oopsie on that one there. Renounce his horse cock situation. It turned out the only way to get the horse cock

is I had to actually just become a horse. Oh my God. But that's the thing too, the monkeys, Paul, like, the whole point is it's chilling because you can't renounce that shit. Like, you know what I mean? Like, at the end of the story, when the fucking dead son's pounding on the door,

it's like, oh, fuck, what has we wrought? Not like, oopsie-doodle, I renounce it. Yeah, they should have made it more complicated to renounce the wish. Like, there has to be some weird thing they could have done. But again, they didn't think this movie is shit, the story is shit, the acting is shit, blocking it's shit. I also love the too little too late. You see his horrible childhood to like sympathize with this guy.

Where his mother is beaten by his dad. I was like, this is so, this is so fucking craving to me. And I didn't mention this in my review, but I'm sorry, but that's actually kind of disgusting. It is. To use that to gain sympathy or interest in a movie at the very last minute. As someone who actually watched their mother get beaten by their father, fuck you. Fuck these filmmakers. I'm sorry, but that really pissed me off this time.

It's so cheap, and, like, you went to a whole movie without showing domestic violence, and the movie's not about domestic violence, so then don't do it. It makes no sense. In a movie, this waitlist, to put something in like that is just like, it's like, it's like you're fucking somebody and then somebody throws cold water on you from behind. It's like, what the fuck is happening? What?

And then they follow it with him being shamed by pissing the bed. And then I totally detach from reality. Like, I was just like, okay, I don't know what's going on now. Like, I'm just gone. Here's the thing, and this is a wild notion, maybe in these movies you can just have villains that you don't need to sympathize with. He's a bad guy.

Isn't that fun, though? I love a good villain who's just like, I'm a villain. Fuck you guys. I want what I want. That's how I would be. If I was a superhero, I'd probably be more of either a John Constantine or an outright, like, just like terrible villain who's just like, you know what? You know what? Let's do this shit, bitch.

Let's fuck you're not. Money, money, money, money. Like, by definition, I'm a superior being. Like, fuck all of you. Ant people. Exactly. If I had any powers whatsoever, the world would finally pay. Wow, I'm scared.

It would. Please don't hurt me, Eric, when you get powers. I lived with Eric for quite some time. I've heard his plants. Not bad. You'll get used to them. So whatever, he does. He realizes his son's in mortal danger.

And he's like, oh, no, what have I done? I have to save my son, which is. He renounces his wish and he just kind of runs off and Wonder Woman's like, thank you for killing half the population. Bye now. Hope your son's okay. After renouncing his wish, he somehow still gets Air Force 2 to drop him off. Very nice.

They're very forgiving. Like, in the little dumb field that Alistair is in. You're lucky we're going back to DC and he's ways. Cop in. Oh, wait. So he's not on the highway anymore. He's on a forest. Okay.

No, okay. An open field. Dude, this kid wandering around, man, I was laughing. It's so funny. It's so funny. Daddy, daddy, I wish you were here. I wish you were here. I'm like, what the fuck's going on?

Doesn't anybody notice this child? Like, I would just be like, there's like a very young child running around, calling for their daddy and it looks like an absolute word. So what's happening? And then he just runs and they have their like moment in the field, I guess. That's like, oh, I'm not a, I'm not a, what does he say? He's like, yo, I'm not a great man. I'm not a number one.

I'm not a great man. I'm a pretty messed up loser guy. I was like, I don't feel nothing for you, though. So, you know, sorry. And he's like, oh, I just love you anyway. It's like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, like, oh, you didn't need to be number one for me, dad. You're my dad.

That's enough. I love you. Daddy, don't worry, you're definitely better than Tina, my mother. I was thinking about, oh, I didn't have to do anything, huh? You just love me? I could have just not become this crazy supervillain. That is information that would have been helpful to me yesterday. Remember all the early shit with him in like, I'm going to buy you a pool and a helicopter?

And like, that's before you became the Wishmaster. Oh, I wish he was the Wishmaster. Actually, that would have been very fun if the Wishmaster was in this movie instead. Yes. I mean, it would be sick. Angie Gibbaugh, it would be great. Yes, exactly. He would be damping it the fuck up.

And I think you need, like, I feel like Pedro Prescott is like, he gets there in moments. And then Kristen Wigg gets there in moments. And then Gal Godot is at home drinking tea, apparently, when she makes me seem. I don't know. going on with this girl. And Chris Pine is just like, you know, I'm here for the ride, I guess.

But like, just imagine, just imagine. Just imagine how different it could be. It would be pretty great. Are you going to sing the imagine song like Gallagherta? Oh, no way. Wouldn't that be really like fucked up in meta

if I like did that after trashing her for like a very long time? But, um, no. I'm not. I'm really not going to do that because I love myself and I love the listeners out there. There you go. So he gets off without any consequence whatsoever, by the way. Hey, Wonder Woman, why don't you follow up and fucking bring this guy to jail? What are we doing? No.

Aren't you all about justice, right? He almost destroyed the world. Like, World War Scream? It's so dumb. And he did it all on purpose. it wasn't like he was possessed by anything like he was like totally in control it's easy the entire time.

We mentioned but like there were the nuke the nukes were in the air between the US and the USSR while this was going on so. And then they just disintegrated in the air while this was going. Oh that's just a classic unwishing. Oh I thought

it was the I thought it was a shitty Soviet missile just breaking up in the atmosphere. That's before in 1968 kind of a security. I mean that's The fucked up message of the movie is like forgiveness means that you never have to face consequences. Yes, which is not

true. Terrible. Fucking terrible thing to think. Yeah, dude, that's the, and all the tenets of Catholicism right there. And if I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed. So can we stop talking about this movie? I would love to. Yeah, it's a Christmas scene and that's fun. We got to cut over to the Hallmark Channel for a second, Steve.

I know. Oh, my God. I put that in my review. I was like, what is this Hallmark? channel as Christmas motherfucking bullshit. What is happening? You know what? I now decide not to be Wonder Woman in the big city. I'm going to live on this

Christmas tree farm, which is Canadian hunk. Oh, God. We're going to grow pointilletist. What, I was I going to say something about this? Oh,

has it been confirmed whether or not this was a we changed the release date from May to December so we're going to end it. It has to be. There's no way this movie if it hadn't been fucked over by COVID is ending at Christmas. The only evidence I have against it is there's a lot

of extras in this and if you were to film it via COVID, you would probably have not quite so many extras but I have no confirmation. They're just expecting this to become a holiday classic. When we watch it in December, you'll smile. It's just so fucking dumb and she's walking around and whatever. I mean, there's a snowball

fight. The little, the dude who was possessed by Chris Pine like walks out in the outfit that she thought was nice that Chris Pine didn't. And all of this ultimately comes. Like that whole scene should be he asks her out and she accepts and move on. Instead of it's just like we get a happy holidays. He smiles awkwardly four times and then leave. Also, if I'm, if I, if I walk outside my house and a woman who looks like Galgado compliments me on my outfit, I'm making a move. You know what I mean? It's like, so, you want to get some coffee or something?

Exactly. And I'm sorry, that's like how you show progress and growth of your character. And how you flub that on top of all the other incompetence. That's just basic writing. Oh, it shows they don't care. They don't care. this character. They don't get a fuck about her ass. Literally the last

literally the last thing she does on screen is make a guy happy. And they put a button on that. He's like, you just made my day. Chris. It's not even in a lot of making a guy happy, though. It's not even fun.

No, it's not. Trust me, I know. We haven't like, even we've sort of touched on this, but the weird like optics of women in this movie and like what it's trying to say is just like really disappointing it's just like you've made your female superhero all about this man she fucked once in world war one and it's 1984 like did you guys think about how weird that looks that she's that obsessed yeah it's a weird idea it's a weird idea that would be lessened if this dude asked her out at the end and she said yes like yeah If you want to start your movie with like, oh shit, she's really hung up, you know, Steve Trevor died tragically, whatever. Like, it's weird that she's like celibate, but whatever.

If at the end of it. Like, oh, you're celibate? Like, what the fuck, dude? Like, fucking is amazing. Like, I mean, it is, but still. You can be celibate for all sorts of reasons. It shouldn't be celibate because some guy fucking laid pipe 70 years. ago. It was so awesome. That's exactly.

That's exactly right. It's not the celibacy. It's not the celibacy. You're right. It's the reason for the celibacy, which she had one D 70 years ago during the big one. It was the big one. Yeah, she had a big one during the big one.

And it was just bad luck that she was dating Archduke Ferdinand when that all set off. Hold on. Let me look this up really so I can get this right. You're looking up whether or not she had sexual intercourse with the Archduke friend, Ferdinand? As a Wonder Woman expert, I don't

know the answer to whether she did. Put that in your version, Angela. No, I was going to say that she had sex of Michael Kane ago, but that was 90. He's almost 90. So like when you try, you see what I'm saying here. Yeah.

I'm measuring units of time and Michael Kane is something I really like. Okay, good. The Civil War was like, what, two and a half Michael Keynes ago? Oh, I love it. Oh, I was rather than something so dark. I was like, when will my people enslave? How many Michael Keynes?

Oh, my God. Jesus. Yeah. All right. We got to do it. Linda Carter cameo. Oh, God, that's right. Shit.

Ugh. Like, the thing is, the movie is over. I mean, like, I don't understand. Like, Linda Carter is a legend in this field and all that stuff. And she's really important to people a lot older than us. You know what I mean? Like, I totally get that. And, like, having one movie without her might be a problem for some people.

You put a scene where she's Diana's boss. And she's like, Diane, I need those tomorrow. And you know exactly what that is. Like, that's fine. Or, like, she's a crossing guard. Or maybe she's going to the story. The story doesn't have to stop her. This is kind of weaved into the story a little, right?

Wasn't she one wearing the armor that went back? Yeah. She's still alive. And she's in America now, I guess. yeah i guess yeah no accent notably maybe they were like uh so miss carter um what we're doing in this film franchise is because we have gal here

playing diana we need you to talk like nope no i will not be doing that to be fair she was like that was a default the birth of the riskara that she even had to fight man that's like sparta and shit so that's many michael canes ago that's like i don't even know like several dozens of michael canes really by like 20 Michael Keynes. Does anyone

know when if they added this afterwards if this was something added on? Didn't we just talk about that? Eric, I think what we're losing is because I noticed we kind of circle back around plot wise and I know somebody's going to call us out on that. I think

we're losing our minds and we're old. Yeah, but like also like those things are true. Credit to give Linda Carter like looks bootleg. It looks completely different from everything out. It's like because it has to call it out and be like

it's Linda Carter. It can't just be the elbow nudge. But the funny is, yeah, you're right. But the funniest part about it is it is the first thing you see right after we fade out. Yeah. It's like, and special appearance by Linda Carter

as whatever the fuck. And you're like, I know. I just saw. It's the last. thing I saw before text took over the screen you see it's so dumb and yeah she like a fucking pole falls down

and she grabs it and puts it back up and this the funniest part of this is the other lady who's like honey honey take the kids I have to ask this woman something excuse me ma'am where did you learn how to do that you're like shut up

the way just to be like oh it's just like a position of weight or whatever just say you were in the circus lady, let's move on. That'd be a good one. I don't like that, better. I was in the fucking circus and she rocks away.

And it's so dumb. She does a, because the thing about Linda Carter and the television show, right, is when she turned from Diana into Wonder Woman, she would like spin around. She very much does the pirouet turn around when this woman

like taps her on the shoulder. She definitely does it. I was like, this sucks so hard. and nothing against Linda Carter but it's just like you know I already sat through a two and a half hour bad movie and that didn't fucking move the needle I get it

I just don't know like other than tipping the cap like is it because they just put Wonder Woman on HBO the original Wonder Woman HBO Max oh synergy I have to imagine like that's the only way I can think

about it is like that or my God, you know, a year from now, a season order for my drunk Anasterea, I fucking HBO Max, like, that's like, like, those are the only new options I could think of of why you would have this like this is either like, I want you to watch the stupid show we paid money to put on this fucking thing, or we're setting up something. Also, Linda Carter's show was in the 70s.

Make this movie in the 70s, there's something right yeah i i don't know it seems like another thing is it's just it's too little too late like we've seen wonder woman in what now three other movies including one of her own like that cameo is in the first movie like that's where you put that yeah the fact that it put you put it at the end of the second movie like that unless it was like we really made a concerted effort and linda carter was busy which i don't know it's a cameo you can kind of film it whenever like it seems just like an afterthought at this point to put her in the sequel

especially just in the stinger like that exactly yeah I don't know but that is Wonder Woman 1984 directed by Patty Jenkins sort of we'll do some I think some parting shots here Angelica we will start with you as our Wonder Woman expert would you recommend it right that's what I got to add

oh right you know what Steve it's been so long since we've done one of these but I guess in this case the writing's on the wall but anyway yes Angelica would you recommend this movie I did my best evil laugh for you guys And I hope you enjoyed it But no, I'm not going to recommend it You know, I know people sometimes look at critics And they're like, oh, there's a pile on

They don't know what they're talking about One day this movie is going to become a cult favorite Or some other bullshit And I'm here to tell all people like that And you can put me on the record you're wrong this is just a shit fucking movie it does a disservice

to the character to the point where I don't understand who this movie is really for I know we kept going over it but I just can't imagine that Warner Brothers can be that dumb that they can be interested in these bottom dwellers who are like obsessed with a Snyder cut

like is it really that dire in Hollywood that like people are grabbing onto whatever they can hold to I don't know I mean it seems like there are a larger number of better fans out there to cater to they're just not insane maniacs on message boards

so their voice doesn't get heard as well which is unfortunate. It is unfortunate but I want to say also thank you for indulging my Wonder Woman fetish obsession maybe I don't know hey it's all cool

we are happy to have your knowledge and expertise in all of this and you know, weird fetishes is what this show's all about. Hell yeah. Yeah, Steve Saneck. Sure, I wouldn't recommend this. I think it's actually one of the more, and again, I really did want to and tried to like this film.

It's one of the movies I was really looking forward to this year. I was like, oh, cool. I like that first one. And again, I think that first one still holds up. I hold out hope that there is another good Gal Gadot Wonder Woman movie. ever going to happen possibly this is one of the more bafflingly bad sequel decisions that i've ever seen it just takes everything that you liked about the first movie just totally gone uh here's open for number three but yeah not not for me totally uh chris cabin oh my god no it's so you got you don't

understand it's so bad it's confusing on all levels and like i under okay look i don't bring politics too much into this, but I got to say, and we didn't hit on it, the fact that, like, Galgadoo is in the IDF, and they have Egypt have a partition up. Yeah. Fucking separate. Like,

that is so fucked up. I can't even talk about it. Like, I would go on for three hours about that alone. Ah, it's killing me, because I just, I read something today and I wanted to recommend it. It's the Slate article. Is it? Rosanna, Hibati, I think

is her name. I may have sharing her work. She may have mentioned me in her piece. Women coming here for each other. I read it today and it's great and it talks about you know,

Islamophobia in this movie. It was such a better way than I could ever articulate it. It's kind of why I was dodging it in the conversation. But her piece is fucking so spot on with all of it. You should definitely read it. Yeah. And also for

no, no, please. Also for this movie, to be about forgiveness after what just happened with HBO Max and Warner Brothers. Maybe fuck you. Maybe you're talking maybe that. Yeah, fuck this movie. Fuck this movie. Totally. I hate this movie.

Yeah, I mean, that's a good point you bring up, Chris, just about the whole Warner Brothers and the end of theatrical distribution on the line here is something we didn't really wait into, but that's fine. This is long enough so my parting shot here is it's okay

to like a movie, and if you like this movie that is totally fine, but to me personally, it's a real number two. I will say, I mean, you know, because Steve, I think you were right to bring up at the start of this, that we have seen a lot of like oh man, jumping on the bandwagon.

That's not what we're doing. And so much though, and this is how I can prove that. The discussion about whether or not to include this as the WLM best of 2020 episode on the Patreon for this month, was going on, like, right up, you know, until we saw it.

Because we were like, we had such high hopes for this movie that we were like, no, it would be great to be able to talk about a great, big movie like this. And the fact that it was such a disappointment, not on a quality level, like the quality of the movie is bad, but the disappointment and the drop in expectation also fueled this. Like, it's not just a knee jerk like everyone's piling on. I'm bummed that this movie fucking sucks and I watched it twice now so I can double confirm that it totally suck and frankly the fact that like it's the same

creative team as far as I can see now that have been greenlit for the third part like that's terrifying maybe tiny chickens won't have time to do it because she's doing Star Wars stuff now I'm terrified of that I'm terrified of her rogue squadron now at first I was kind

of excited I was like the Wonder Woman one was decent enough maybe she can bring that to Star Wars and now I'm like no please don't yeah I mean it's just going to be a lot of like holding our breath for these properties but then you know also like you know like angelica said like let's just go and read the books instead too good idea yeah I think sometimes it's just like maybe it's okay to not get it from every medium maybe for a while I only have this one medium where these stories work and that's totally okay for me can you recommend angelica that the one that you were talking about that was really good again with the cheetah origin okay so that one i was

recommending was specifically gregg rucka's rebirth run that began in 2016 um which has alternating art first by nicholas scott and leum sharp and then by bilkus eveli um comes in to replace uh nicholas scott um the art is very important to the story um it's amazing i I actually just wrote a tiny letter recommending 10 different Wonder Woman stories to read in the comic. So if you want to follow me on Twitter at Angelica Baskin, you can find that. And I often rant about Wonder Woman, even when it's not Wonder Woman movie time. She's kind of like also Keanu Reeves to me. And nobody else will notice this but the people here.

but Keanu Reeves poster in my bedroom John Witt, Chapter 2. Excellent. Well, this is great because you already got the plug stuff out of the way, so I don't have to ask that. So we can just say thanks for coming and hanging out on our first episode of 2021. It's always great having you on, my friend.

It's great seeing you. We get the advantage of we're doing this like on a video stream here so we can see everybody, which is cool. But thanks a lot for hopping on. Oh, it's cool. Come on. I don't know.

I'm just like looking at my hair looking at how like janking my setup looks and I'm like oh my God I can't believe I talked for over three hours And on that note I think we should wrap it up Did I cut you up there? Do you have something else? No, not a damn thing

Let's roll the fuck out And on that note we are going to sign off This first episode of what will be many In this hopefully better year of 2021 This was Wonder Woman 1984 Directed by Patty Jenkins Steve Sadek, do we know what is on the docket for next week's

worst of 2020 episode? Yeah, it would be the movie that was going to be this week, but this movie sucked so bad, it knocked it out of its slot. It is Doolittle. Ooh, R.D.J. in Doolittle. Yes. See, you only have to do this one week. We just keep going, Angelica.

I'll pray for y'all. That's my last message for everybody listening. I hope you have a beautiful. beautiful 2021. Knock on wood, dear God. I don't know what happens then, but we will be looking forward to the next time

you join us on the program, of course. But until next week, where we get wild and crazy with Doolittle. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddack. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Angelica J. Bastion.

Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.