We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 528 - Bad Boys for Life

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

On this week's episode, the gang wraps up Worst of 2020 month with a chat about the totally unnecessary sequel, Bad Boys for Life! Why can't poor Marcus just retire already? Is Mike Lowery becoming an even more deranged serial killer? And wow, you never thought you'd miss Michael Bay so much, huh? PLUS: Be sure to catch the hit new David Lynch-hosted day-time talk show, David! Bad Boys for Life stars Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Vanessa Hudgens, Joe Pantoliano, Paola Nuñez, Kate del Castillo, Jacob Scipio, Alexander Ludwig, Charles Melton, Nicky Jam, Theresa Randle, and DJ Khaled; directed by Adil & Bilall. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program. It took 17 years and this is all we got. It's Bad Boys for Life. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Bad Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Well, hello, everyone, welcome to we hate movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. this is the final week of our worst of the previous year month. That's right, the worst of 2020, or I guess some of. We're talking bad boys for

life directed by Adele and Ballal and you know you're in for a great movie when the director or directors are just using a single name. Doesn't that always guarantee incredible cinema? Yeah, what were the guys that directed Cranked real bit Taylor? What was her name?

Yeah, it's Joseph Taylor. It's like Tom and John or something. It's like a fucking morning show. Neville Dean and Taylor. Neville Dean, it was not. Hello, I'm Neville Dean. I think it is. Oh, is that right?

I thought you were making a joke, Chris. No, I don't even know. I mean, that sounds right to me. I think you might be right. Who's the guy who did the cell? He's the one who's the biggest offender. Yes. Oh, man.

That dude's name is, uh... Tarcum? Yes, I think you're right. Tarcum. My God. yep have you ever have you guys ever gone back to the cell I did like last year

or just because I was like I want to watch like kind of a dumb 90s movie and that was it it's very torture porny it is and it's not very good it thinks it's smart too and it's not see and that's why I think it's really important for people to sometimes

like go back and reevaluate movies kind of like we do on this show because the cell that's now a 21 year old movie that came out in 2000 and let me tell you something I had that movie on DVD you ask fucking like end of

like my final year of high school Andrew like hey Andrew what do you think about the cell oh my god let me tell you about this cutting edge movie called the cell the future cinema don't you know oh yeah I fucking saw it in the theater I mean the whole thing

um this movie I would say is less torture porny than the cell but just as unnecessary to exist in the world. Well, I felt like I was living in a cell, a jail cell, watching this movie. I really did not like, no, it's okay to like a movie, but for me, honestly, for some reason, this just did not hit any grooves in my, you know, smooth brain. So I think every movie we've done this month has been a better, including Wonder Woman, is better than this.

That's my personal hot take. Ooh, I like it, dude. I like that hot take. fresh out of the oven. Probably the most cynical of the movies that we've seen we've done. Even like do little I think is like not trying to do something but there's like ambition

there. This is just like I don't know. You're like Fass and Furious, huh? Here's this. That's the biggest problem. It's like here's your slop. It's very much here's your slop. Like Wonder Woman's trying to do a lot. Venice the Island, God knows what, but it's like fun sort of and it's worth watching once. This is just like

here's your slot. It's very weird to see a backdoor pilot in a mega budget big blockbuster franchise a franchise movie you should here's the thing whenever a like spin-off comes along or something like that the reaction always has to be holy shit spun off from the other thing oh got it not like when you're watching the first thing being like oh they're desperately trying to make this a spin-off thing i like you shouldn't be able to detect shit like this I will say, I kind of think I think Will Smith might

should maybe look to TV soon. I think he's kind of zapped. I think the whole thing with the red table thing and all that. What happened there? He was like humiliated or something. What is the red tape? What is he? The Black Lodge?

What happened? It's like a talk show. It's weirdly like that Jada Pickett Smith runs this face. I think it's a Facebook talk show. Oh yes. It is. It's a Facebook TV talk shows. It's hosted by David Lynch. Is that how that works? Hello there. Hi, Jada. Well, we're going to look at the news today. It looks like the weather is a little cloudy. Oh, and your husband Will Smith is here. You're going to talk about your infidelities, are you? Do you have something

to reveal to your husband, Jada? Right backstage, he can't hear us, but Will Smith is here, and he doesn't know why. Hey, Jada, why don't you humiliated? Why don't you humiliating? him in public. Let's go. I would love it if you had like a Mori Povich type of talk show. It's just fucking David Lynch giving people paternity tests. Okay, Eraserhead, you are not the

father. It's actually the devil. Oh, here he is. Here's Willem Defoe from Wilde at heart. We'd love to see him, don't we folks? I like this idea. So what happens

though like she was like hey will smith i've been like fucking some dude and i'm telling you in front of the world or something the vagaries of their relationship has oh it has rightly just been their business for a long time but like uh now for some reason she decided it was like yeah i had i've been dating or seeing this guy and like you've seen the pictures he looked like his soul had been taken out of his body yeah it's the crying will smith thing which is you know not so much fun when your life is being ruined yeah like these movies the recent movies he's been making he has that feeling of the guy without the soul

like that's been like going on for 10 years now yes for sure yeah I guess the red table really was the hilt of it all but like I've been this is included in that where I just feel like he's not here the hilt yes but first you got to work on that tang blacksmiths well you know what's funny is

what he actually seemed to really come alive in that I watched last year funny enough cabin you're saying he should think about TV was that fresh prince reunion absolutely he's kind of great on that and there's i think a really um sincere segment where he like hashes it out with the original aunt viv and like they kind of have like a whole moment and everything and you can just see him like kind of reflecting back and they kind of you know they tried their

best to sort of recreate the the living room set and all that stuff and you could just see he's like legitimately having fun this movie is like you kind of feel like someone's got a fucking gun to his head the whole time like you're gonna make this god damn bad i'll see i will i will i will fight you there just at least a little bit just because he clearly wants to do it because he cuts martin lawrence's tendons in this film like because like he's it's the first time he's been first building this he's a producer uh martin lawrence is not and like martin lawrence is just either i don't even know if like he didn't even want her to do it or whatever but like it's the fucking mike lowry show never before has it just like and that was kind of the fun part

of the first one, right? It's the two of them. And it's the dichotomy of like, he's the sexy whatever playboy guy and this guy's got a family, but they're both like bad cops like fucking around and all this stuff. And now it's just like Mike Laugh, like if you really actually like did screen time, like I feel like it would be the Will, the Mike Lowry and Rita show featuring, what's his face? Martin Lawrence. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Marcus. No, I think you're totally right, Stephen. What makes it even worse, you just mentioned Rita, you know, and we'll get into But like in this movie, the backdoor pilot thing that we're talking about is this whole team

of young people that goes by ammo. And so, and that, on top of the personal connection that Mike Lowry has to the villains of this movie, like you're right. It is definitely the Mike Lowry show. And I just wonder then if it's like he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it until it's like, all right, dude,

how about this movie is all about your character? And then it's like, yeah, fine. I also just think he's a really good actor so he can shine it on very well like he can put on a good face about all this but like I even when he was going big in this I just felt like he wasn't like he was completely

disconnected from the material from his relationship with like say what you will about that second bad boys their chemistry is still palpable in it and like if you like that enough it gave you ample amounts of that this it feels like it's completely disjointed and yeah it almost feels

like a, you know, a latter day, like, golden girls thing where nobody wants to be on the same set or something. You know what I mean? Like, uh, yeah, the serious finale when Dorothy is in a fucking car and the rest of the golden girls are not. I feel like even in the second movie, they were playing up that, you know, the family guy angle. And it's, this is just like, you're an old bastard, you piece of shit. Well, they, they go from being like, okay, it's like, yeah, yeah, the two, you know, masculine stereotypes to being from an old man who wants to stay at home and a psychopath who wants to kill everybody. And then, I mean, spoiler alert, we find out he has a son in this.

And it's like, Gemini, man, you heard about that. You didn't see it because you're a normal person. How about some Gemini son, this fucking kid? Dude, yeah, wouldn't we have to introduce, like, the next generation of like Mike Lowry progeny or what you're just like, I don't know, man, maybe this has run its course. I mean, doesn't it say something that his son is also like a, a killer of thousands? It's an absolute fucking maniac. It's incredible that the second Will Smith lays eyes on him.

He's like, oh, this guy is fucking crazy just like I am. He must be my son. You know, that is mental disorders do run of the family. So I think that is him. This family guy angle, not the now not the cartoon show children. don't get too excited. Is it a Mike Lowry? Here's a racist joke I'm going to tell.

Or is it the porn based on the on the cartoon? Oh, yeah, that's a good question. Really, it's hard to tell the difference these days. Chris Griffin and Lois, get it on. Ah, geez, I'm getting cucked by my own son. Better tell a racist joke on the couch. This movie and Fast and Furious, I think, is all like kind of informed from lethal weapon with the family dynamic.

in that franchise yes and to the point where it's like we got the reverse mertog which to ask your girlfriend to do that oh baby you think we could finally try the reverse merta tonight yeah I think that's what quagmire did to Meg in that porno we come to find Martin Lawrence is like how damn I was two days into retirement instead of two days away from yes it's just it's tired This movie is tired. Well, the weird thing is it takes this movie 30 minutes to get going. Like, the first 30 minutes is all beginning.

You know what I mean? It's insane that this movie, because I'm thinking back, you guys don't have to help me out with the first one. But the second movie starts with like the undercover shit where they bust up that clan rally and everything. Does the first movie also start with an action sequence? They're getting carjacked. That's right. Yes, that's right. I mean, and this one is like, it's a fucking fake out thing where it's like,

Will Smith is driving the two of them in this fucking sexy ass Porsche. We're doing some crazy driving through Miami and you're like, yes, here we go. High octane bad boy shit. And then like there's cops with them so you're like, yeah, we're going to do something. And it's this whole fake out of getting to a hospital because Martin Lawrence's daughter is having a baby. And like at that moment, you just like as an audience member, you're like, oh, now this franchise has reached this stage of shit. It's the same thing when we were having babies in lethal weapon for. We got little babies walking around and shit.

And not only that, it's like, oh, yeah, we're endangering hundreds of people. First of all, you're not the fucking father. Your fucking kid can FaceTime you with the fucking baby. You can get there at seven with pizzas. You know what I mean? Like maybe you do second shift and be like, oh, hey, I got some food for everybody who wants some. I don't know. This movie's very hung up on masculinity stuff.

so I think it's very much he needs to be there. And they're like just yamming at each other of course and like don't vomit in my car yet again. There is, I did like Will Smith's line here where like is like yeah, with all the crazy driving, Martin Lawrence is getting motion sick

and he goes, uh, that's hand stitched leather. You better swallow it. It's like puking in his mouth. I think he even says you should drink it. Yeah. It's my god it was the best line of the movie. And you know, at the start of this, I was kind of jazz does like I'm sure there'll be stuff to talk about but this seems kind of fun and it just

wore on me and war on me and I love the the husband or not the guy who will be the husband they're not married yet the father this dude I mean apparently he was an only he's only in bad boys two as this character at bad boys three is this character he's got one line and he destroys it in the world it's like hey thanks a lot more lawyers it's good to see you well so Steve says Steve you I mean yes but so to clarify those Steve you have not seen bad boys to you I have not no okay so that is a funny thing only because in that movie so fucking flashback all the way to 2003 that in that movie Will Smith is like at the house when this kid comes to pick the daughter up for a date yeah it winds up being one of the funnier scenes in the movie because Will

Smith is like totally fucking with this kid and like freaking him out and like I think the gag here is like 17 years on this guy is still traumatized by the experience of these two fucking maniacs but he needs to be like threatening him with rape in that scene or some

weird shit no he goes he says something about like you know there ain't gonna be no fucking on this date tonight or something like that we should quickly mention that previous episode me Chris and Andrew did cover bad boys to a million years ago and more recently we covered bad boys one on the patreon we did we did just so people know if they

want to listen to the trilogy you know now the trilogy will be complete but no but i mean i i get that he's nervous but it's like the microphone fell they had a lob bike and it fell in the toilet and then they made that guy do his line anyway i i've never seen something quite so incompetent that's just uh it's an experimental film we're going to have you do your uh your lines from underwater This guy does not seem like a fine actor. I don't know why. I mean, like, for this movie, I get it. Like, sure, bring this guy back, whatever.

But, like, how he got the job in the first place, I don't know. Like, I don't know if this dude was, like, mowing Michael Bayes lawn or something. And he was like, hey, man, do you want to be in this movie? I will say, I remembered him. Like, I, like, immediately was like, he's memorable. Like, he has something to him. Like, I was like, oh, yeah, I remember him. It's just what he has is.

incredibly weird. So they wind up now it's a party from it's a Heineken party. Sorry, it's a party where you can only drink Heineken. I've been to a couple of these. You've got some some Heinekeners. And, you know, Fast and the Furious, they got the exclusive on Corona. Right. I'm very used to Heineken parties.

Whenever I hang out with James Bond. Oh, man. Don't, don't, don't get me started about the James Bond. You know what? I don't want a martini right now. I want a shitty beer. Thank you so much. I want one of the worst beers to ever be created. I don't mind Heineken in your, if you're in a bad bar scenario and it's like Bud, uh, Coors Light or Heineken, I might get a Heineken depending on my mood. But here's the thing, Steve. I totally

see where you're going. But in that situation, my friend, guaranteed trusty fourth place is always Amstel Light. Uh, yes, uh, I'll have either a perfect martini chicken, not stir or a carbonated piss. Do they still make Amstel light? I feel like I haven't seen that since the war. Well, because we haven't been able to go to any fucking Grampy Werewolf bars in over a year. I'm sure that the number four beer in America I'm still like still working.

But see, that's the thing is Hineken. Like, all beer is beer and beer is good. I will drink anything at least. Sure. Sure. Yeah, I already had my once Heineken. It was in high school. It's the fucking end of it. But they're having this huge party and here comes Joey Pants. He's got his wig back from Planet

Hollywood for this character. I got Stallone on the phone right now. He's going to open up the Myrtle Beach location and get it for me. Hang on a second. Listen, they lost it, okay? I don't know where it is. Can't be in this bad boys movie.

I can't find my fucking wig. I lost. I had Tom Cruise's tiny whitties here. I was going to give it to him for the next location. Yeah, I kept them. So what? Yeah, they smell great. Whatever.

Never washed them. But I smelled them. Every day. It's just in his suit pocket and he just sniffs it every so often. Oh, yeah, dude. Get a little cruise whiff. He used it as a pocket square kind of a thing. You think it's a pocket square.

It's actually Tom Cruise's underwear. Joey, are those BVDs in your front pocket? Most famous skid marks in town, baby. Oh, my God. A cotton pocket square. That's interesting. Oh, shit. I got to go see 10 in it, but it went Tom Cruise's underwear as a mask.

hey look i'm spider-man i mean you've got to see my underwear on the big screen we're going back to the movies folks yeah that's one ticket for me and one ticket for tom cruz's underwear yeah the cruise cruzona virus is taking store we enjoy making fun of joey pants but i have to say when he showed up here i was kind of like all right i was relieved too i was like okay so it's a bad boys movie it's not just an in name only situation yes yes that's exactly the problem here is that they jumped the shark that lethal weapon had the smarts to do the transition to grampi movie in the

fourth one you're going third one this is a little you have to do a little bit more work on it can we talk about the title real quick all right so the third movie it's called bad boys for life well you're not no i know it's the third movie but it's called bad boys for life well you don't understand we have we have the next one all said it's going to be a bad boys four ever yes it's just i mean i think it's i think it's dumb and confusing to name your third movie with the with the word four yeah no you're totally right because it's a totally missed opportunity for like the ad campaign and all of that shit like this could be like you know three bad boys company kind of a thing Dwight Dwight i really don't think bad boys three life

is going to work. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. But the thing is like the second one, it's just a big fat two. Yeah. Put it three on your movie. Stop acting like you're better than a three. Bad Boys 3. I'm in, dude.

It's fine. It's bad boys for life. My eyebrows up. Like, what are we doing here? Or if here's the thing, you can, you could still play with this title if there was like one

younger person who joined them, right? And so, and I don't want it to be this, but like, let's say Kevin Hart was in this movie, right? So then it could be called three bad boys. Right, yeah. Or they open a private investigator firm and it's bad boys incorporated.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. Bad boys, bad boyer. Yeah. I like the boyer. Yeah, I think that's it. A Miller Boyette production. So yeah, whatever. They're like, so Martin Lawrence is like, hey man, you know, now that I got my, uh, the drinking Heineken, it's, you know, it's a party for his, for having, uh, a grandson, which everybody shows up to you, by the way. I don't know. Like, that's like, what did he, oh, is a great,

okay, that's cool. I'll, I'll send, I'll call him like a, a baby Thoris gift certificate for 25 bucks. Well, you know what I think that might be those, Steve? It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's a what, Marcus became a grandfather happy hour, huh? I don't know. Oh, what? Oh, Mike Lowry's picking up the tab? Yeah, okay, I'll go. And I'm like, don't go. Mike Lowry might track me down or wave a gun in my face. Okay, I guess I'll go. And I think, you know, I'm just, you know,

now that I have, I just want to be a granddad right now. I think I just want to retire. And like, Mike Lauer's like, absolutely not. We said bad boys for life. And I'm like, I don't know, dude, I was drunk and 29. Leave me alone. The only way you get out of the bad boys is in a pine box.

That's essentially like what we're doing here. And it's fucking crazy. It's insane. Like, how long are you going to do this shit? Like, and like, look, I hold, I'm not throwing any stones at all, but like, Martin Lawrence did not get, either didn't get in shape of this movie or got better shape that he was, et cetera, et cetera.

But he's not, he's not Martin Lawrence anymore. And that's fine because he's an older man. And it's just like, Mike, how long do you think I'm going to last on the streets? Not very long. How much longer can I be fucking fighting people and falling out windows and getting the shit kicked out of me?

like I'm about to have a heart attack in a hammock. So what do you think I'm doing running around the fucking streets? Doesn't make any sense. That is like, I'm going to challenge you to a foot race and whoever wins. If you, if I win, I get to retire. And if I lose, I guess I have to be a bad boy for life. Because we said at that time at that bachelor party, and I guess you remembered it better than I did, man. I was, I at the bachelor party was

concentrating on the strip club we were in, but you were busy plotting plans for us to work till we die on our feet apparently. I would want to be on Marcus's side, but he always folds. Exactly. Every time, like, if this had actually gone, if Mike hadn't gotten shot in the back, like, he would have had to call, Teresa, I'm leaving you and the kids, I'm sorry, I have to be a bad boy for life. I'm sorry, that's just my life now. I can't be coming home and

being your husband and a good father anymore. I have to be a bad boy. And it's one of these things too. It's very annoying in this movie and it's like, I'm sorry Mike Lowry. I'm sorry that you don't have anyone else in your life, but your job. Don't drag, because Marcus is like, listen, man, family is all

that matters. You know, it's time to make changes. I'm a fucking grandfather. I can't be doing this forever. And Will Smith's like, but if you retire then I have no one to fucking be a serial killer with. It's so exhausting, because we're just talking about retirement the whole thing like just start the movie he's already retired yes exactly and you know and then bring them back into the fold when joey pants dies

an hour an hour in i feel like you could cut the first hour of this movie off well absolutely could well off in mexico uh eric the movie is starting uh the villain is breaking out his we're just going to spoil it now his witch mother right uh from the pen wait Chris, which mother is this? I'm confused that he would have more than one mother. Oh, boy, you know what? I'm going to go to the bathroom while you two figure this out. It's actually the who mother.

But she takes the witch mother as you made. That's right. Today on David, your mother is a witch. It's David with a big exclamation point. All right, folks, gee Willekers, it's sweepst week. Here are the horny 16-year-olds that shouldn't be quite so horny on 16. Coming up next,

there's a young woman who didn't know she was pregnant until it fell out. After that, an FBI agent swears a white-haired man has taken his soul. Today on David. Oh, baby, looked at you.

Do dragons soar in the sky and we just don't see them? Find out today. On David. Next Friday on David, a little person dances next to a weird tree that kind of has a jack skeleton face i love that it's just called david by the way i think it's perfect and it's definitely got a uh like a sort of like smooth jazz like saxophone theme song opening like a da da da da da it's david

Yeah, everybody else has like little segments where they learn how to cook the perfect omelet. He's like, today we're going to learn how to play Take Five by Dave Bruback perfectly. Look under your seats, everyone, it's dirt and bugs to let you know how weird American society is under the surface. Everyone gets dirt and bugs today on David. You get dirt and bugs. bugs. You get dirt and bugs. You get dirt and bugs. Hi there and playing me in is the Kyle McLaughlin players. This is all exquisite. Yes, but we are in a Mexican jail. Isabel Aretis is this character. We're in a laundry room here and she's like, you know, she stops working and a guard

comes over like, hey, get back to work. And she turns around. And in this moment, and in this moment, I'm pretty certain that she we're to believe she like hypnotizes this prison guard with her words. Is that what happens? It took me so long to realize what that was. It took me until the end until right now because I was like I remember watching it being

really confused like is she crying? Is this person upset because she's crying? But I think you're right because at the end she is revealed to be an honest to goodness witch. It's possible she's hypnotized them. I mean because like the prison guard is

like staring at her in this trance and then this woman just fucking ganks the shit out of her. Yeah, he looks like the prison guard from X-Men who's getting the medal pulled out of him. Yes. So like it's a similar. I feel like it's yeah, like

they're just like, yeah, yeah, she's a witch. Get over it. And she pulls a Hannibal Lecter here in Silence of the lambs where like she pretends to be the security guard, the guard and the guard herself is in the wash in the dryer or whatever like full of blood and like she just you know that's how she breaks out it's pretty badass but like i don't need this hypnotism shit or whatever that was supposed to be

like you can't introduce that kind of stuff into this world that hasn't existed before and they never actually own up to it which is actually good but it's also like yeah it's kind of there it's definitely kind of there honestly it kind of makes it worse that they don't go more into it in a way. Well, I think it's also a finger thing means the money. I think if you had like a cool break-in scene with the sun, like doing a whole like maneuver to get her out, like the mission beginning of ghost protocol or something. Oh man. We just rewatch that recently. That opening sequence fucking rules. Something like that. But like no, it's much easier if she just is a witch, it could say, yeah, let me out. And I hate the whole dynamic with her and the son. And he's just too

dumb to question anything oh mommy says kill these people okay this is also the relationship they have is a thing you sometimes see in like action crime movies kind of thing where it's like a crime boss mother and then the son and the whole movie you're like are they going to start making out exactly i thought they were going to be fucking for sure yes i definitely thought and then i was like no they want this to appeal to too wide of an audience for that unless she was a stepmother it's mike exception, right? Like once you fuck Mike Lowry and then you have his baby and then you fuck that kid

and then have a kid from that kid, like this inbred Will Smithing. What do you think of that? That's freaking me out, man. It's like a Russian doll of stupidity. Exactly. There is a phenomenon which I've seen in a British documentary when

I don't think it's fathers and daughters, but brothers and sisters when they meet each other later in life when they didn't know they're a brother and sister. They fuck or they want to fuck. Yeah. Interesting. And this happens to a lot of British people. That's what I understood. They had to make a fucking documentary about it. It must be a pandemic over there with this stuff.

Ah, yes. We didn't know. We had no ideas yet that we were related. Oh, dude, that's what you call it, Kevin. That's the show is just, we didn't know. Oh, I didn't know nothing. I was dipping my fish and chips where I shouldn't have been. Coming up next week on We Didn't Know, another couple that didn't know. another couple that didn't know I wanted to be like a quick

cut show like Benny Hill where like they would ask all like the nannies in Brittenberg if they like like pies and it's just like no no I didn't do it we didn't know I kind of love it we didn't know

we got two great TV shows right off the bat this is pretty great see something good can come out of bad boys for life so she's like you got to kill this guy you got to find the money that your father left you and these coordinates it's a lot of stuff yeah we got so there's like a bunch of money you know in the in the bottom of the bay somewhere here's where you can go get it use this money to finance an operation to take out a selected crew of people here and this is kind of like a you know that's the other bummer about this right

is you have seen this revenge plot before it's like criminal gets out of jail wants revenge on the people that put him in jail and then we are systematically killing off everybody that was responsible for it. Not only that, it's so cut and dry. Like, it's not like, okay, so we're going to also like make this D.A. We're going to expose this guy as corrupt and or do something, another way to screw him over even after death. But no, it's just like we're going to shoot random people and have like a montage of it. And that's supposed to be excited. A sexy trap music, a montage of killing all these people. And like, it's not even very good kills. I'm going to be honest with but it's not good and because it's like miami well of course of course like an assistant ds partying at the greatest mansion pool party of course that this random dude is on a cool boat well and i guess part of that is like you know if we knew more about these characters you could learn that it's a thing where like they've grown fat off of putting all these people away and all these high profile cases and shit but like yeah i thought they're gonna be like they're hypocrites they were corrupts they were corrupts they were corrupts they were corrupts they were corrupts they were corrupts

and we're going to prove it once they die because look at how they're living with these cool boats and awesome parties. I would be intuitive if that was the movie actually. Like he's hunting these people down and Mike Lowry knows he's next that it's like figuring out what the connection is and all that stuff

and like that's a movie, right? That's got the structure to a movie. But they shoot him first so he's in a coma during all the actual potentially interesting moments. Well, he gets gunned down to the street and it's pretty funny. It's really wonderful.

and somebody catched it and somebody blessed them caught it on video no he's it's the murderer

got it okay videotating this crime spree was our best idea well it's like those assholes

that are like I'm going to drive through New York city in 13 seconds and puts it on the internet

oh yeah dude I've watched a couple of those videos it's startling but he's

gun down and then like Martin Lawrence has to be like is praying to God he's like look you know

I've I've killed a lot of people and I don't feel really good about it. I know, so did Mike Lowry, but if you spare my friend's life, I will stop killing. I will stop doing violence.

I will stop killing. I can't speak for him. I'm going to continue to enable him to slaughter thousands, of course, but I will stop killing people. I love that line where Mike Lowry has, where he says all these souls will be my servants in hell. It's a good one. Listen, God, if he spare his life,

I will make sure he only kills criminals in the line of duty. and he will stop killing prostitutes on the side. I promise you. I'll talk to him. You were praying to the wrong person. Whoops. I can help my son, Mike. My son.

There is a funny thing. So, yeah, they do the foot race. And, like, while the foot race is happening is when this dude rose up and just fucking puts, like, three in Will Smith's chest. The reaction shot, and again, I really do like Martin Lawrence. This movie does him no favors. this movie does not photograph him kindly. This slow motion of his fucking 55-year-old face going,

Mike, is a massive L-O-L for this movie in a sea of LOLs. Not great. Oh, my God. It's those slow-motion things, man, you got to not do that anymore. It is laughable. You can't do it. And then this woman Rita, who we find out used to date Mike and like what should be called Martin Lord's like hey you should keep dating her right he's like no

I only loved one person in my life I'm a maniac she's like at his side basically as well here I've only loved one woman in my life she happened to be a witch I really wish we could have seen more of this Rita character developed in some way if you know cut off some of that first hour and show them on dates that maybe aren't going perfectly and he starts to doubt or some kind of human experience I absolutely when he said I only loved one person I was like, oh shit, is Tileone showing back up? I was kind of doubt for Taya to show back up. That would have been something, man.

Madam Secretary showing up herself. Yeah, I mean, she's great. It would have been fucking awesome if she was brought back to this movie. The woman who plays Rita is an actress named Paola Nunez, who has been in a bunch of stuff, nothing of which I've really seen. She's on that purged TV show. I haven't seen her in anything, but I think she's fine,

but she doesn't get, she doesn't have anything to do is the problem. she is clearly the connective tissue when ammo fucking the tv series gets pitched she will be the anchor is that going to be a tv show or is that going to be like bad boys colon ammo oh dude if we were doing direct to streaming knockoff sequels now that's i i would i would sincerely hope that it's television because that that other route that's pathetic that sounds like because like vanessa hudgett is like i guess she does like uh christmas movies on netflix for the most part right yeah A Christmas Prince, man. Oh, man.

I haven't watched any of that shit. It's a series. Oh, boy. No, not Christmas Prince. Oh, is a Christmas Switch? She's in Christmas Switch. Got it. I get them mixed up.

Because I haven't seen any of that shit, but I have seen every single Christmas Prince movie. All this just don't worry about it. Boy, all this just makes me cherish life. Yeah, I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I was legitimately disappointed that this past holiday season there was not a Christmas Prince for. And if that's another fucking COVID casualty, fuck this virus.

Well, I will say that you keep talking about what the spinoff is going to be. I think it's all just going to be in Bad Boys 4, which is Greenlit, because this movie is the third highest grossing movie of 2020. Hey, baby. Two slots above Tenet. Here comes Bad Boys

for Life. It would have to be, right? I mean, but this coming out in, what, January? Yes. It had probably the most time in theaters. Yeah. Or sure. I know it was successful. I mean, yeah, it was successful. I guess in that case, the strategy was there's nothing getting released let's put bad boys out i mean i was just so surprised

that this was not slated for like a better like at least march box office real estate yeah like you're not you're not getting july for bad boys three but maybe march i think the idea is and it's weird like this phenomenon that keeps happening where like you know back when we because we're grandpies folks at home sure we were children like in the 90s and shit like the summer is when all these big blockbusters came out but you know the marvel and stuff no one wants to compete so stuff gets further further back like i think Deadpool being such a success i know that's another comic book property but that being such a success in february i think made everyone test the waters of where they could put blockbusters oh yeah no i think that yeah those walls are sort of coming down

more and more but it's it's just it's funny i think you're right it's also a product of our age because the second i saw that release date i was like oh that's not good news right because it used to be the movie Graveyard. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, so he is, he's gunned down. And the funny thing was, I had the note, like, what if, like, Mike Lowry was just murdered? And that was, like, the end of Will Smith in this movie. It would be a big bit of, like, gotcha filmmaking. You know what? What happened then? Then Martin Lawrence would, like, take that grandson and was like, I'm going to raise you to be the baddest boy ever. Well, dude, that's a thing that happens at that Heineken party.

Because Joey Pants gives this big speech about like, and here's to Marcus's grandson, who's little Marcus Jr., also being on the Miami PD. And I'm like, why are we plotting this infant's future right now? Yeah, it would have made more sense if Mike was dead, I guess. The devil needs a lot more souls, and I don't think these bad boys are going to cover it. So you little baby Marcus are going to be part of it. another reaper for the force um but so um this is and then at some point in mike lawy's coma while this really boring uh murder spree is going on this dude just uploads uploads the upload the hot mixtape of him murdering mike lowry on the internet by the way

there was also a line there was like yeah we're mike's been shot we're we're monitoring four chan yes oh come on fucking internet words that you grampies in the audience will understand. Yeah. But way before that happens, though, there is a thing that I don't think I've ever seen in any other movie. And that is, like, so we have that,

it's the montage of all the other people involved in this court case getting murdered. And then, uh, the last one is like this judge that gets assassinated. It is very hilarious. It looks like a Hey Oswald situation. Kind of like this fucking fat old judge just gets it.

But then this, This movie has what I'm calling a funeral fake out. Yeah. I've never seen a funeral fake out in a movie before where like you have this pastor or preacher and he's like, you know, very like somber sounding and you're like, oh, son of a bitch. And it's like Martin Lawrence, Teresa's back in this movie, of course. And they're all like crying and everything. And you're like, oh shit. And then it fucking pulls out and it's just the daughter marrying the doofist guy.

and I was like funeral fake out and even worse than a funeral fake out is a Michael Bay cameo ladies and gentlemen dude he's like the wedding MC come on I can't believe this I really I could not believe this and also is Mike Lowry pretending that he needs this wheelchair by the way

yes yes he's a fake out he's gotta make a show it can't be about his like his his best friend's daughters day of fucking, it has to be about Mike Lowry learning to walk finally. You're right, you're right. It's just like when Charlie on, it's always sunny in Philadelphia

went to strip clubs in a wheelchair for the special treatment. I don't remember that for that's hilarious. Yeah, but so it like in that whole wedding thing is another big blowout about like Martin Lawrence, because Martin Lawrence has retired while Will Smith was in that coma, I guess is the idea. And this

is how he finds out about it and everything. And this is, we have the worst thing ever is the don't worry, Mike Lowry, ammo is on the case. Like, oh, oh, ammo. Let's get into ammo because it's, it's Rita, who we've already talked about as the leader.

Vanessa Hudgens is her character trait, I guess, is she's a fan of the bad boys. Yes. The closest thing I can get. Yeah. She has no other character whatsoever. She doesn't have a sexual life. She doesn't have, like, you know, a boyfriend, a girlfriend or even like just an interest. He's not into, you know, like,

fucking football. She just likes the bad boys. Is there, I'm sorry, is there any world where it's even kind of acceptable to be this into being a fan of a cop? Like if you are a cop. It's called the real world. Yes, okay. But yeah, they don't do anything. It's just like at least those dead-eyed people on NCIS or something. Like I'm sure they like punch her things on the computer and say, we got it or something.

She just sits, she stands around. She does. She does help out Will Smith in. one shootout scene. Then there's Rafe who I guess Riverdale fans will know. I won't know because I can't, that's like you know, I've never actually done Coke. I talk

make a lot of jokes about it because I'm like, I've got an addictive personality and that's not a great idea. That's me with Riverdale. It's like, you know what? If I touch it, it's just, I don't know it might be six months later I have lost my wife. I don't know how it's going to happen. You're just known as the Riverdale guy. Well, yeah, because that addiction also leads to

rewatching Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Exactly. And other things like that. We never bothered to finish that underwhelming shit. Yeah, we did the first three episodes. But yeah, this dude plays Reggie on Riverdale. Charles Melton is the actor's name. And then there's this

So his only trait though is that he's the shit talker. Yes. And then there's Dorn who's this really big musselia who's on Vikings by the way white guy who everyone is trying to kind of get going and I'm like, you know what dude, the whole point of bad boys

is I don't get to watch white guys kick ass. That's the whole fucking point of bad boys. Yes, I get to see black guys participate in copaganda. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah, this is Alexander Ludwig, who yes, is Bjorn Lothbrock on

Vikings. I mean, I wish him well. He was apparently in a Hunger Games movie, I don't know. I wish him well, but that guy is a charisma hole. Oh, boy, is he ever. Well, that's why they sit him at a fucking computer for most of this movie. I didn't know. But he's, he's the only one that gets any kind of a profile at all because you at least find out like

you know because Will Smith later in the movie I mean it means nothing because who could care about any of these characters but like he's like so why is this big dude the computer guy and they're like oh he used you know he was a bouncer on the side and he fucking got into it with some guy and murdered him

you know and so now he just he doesn't want to go near violence anymore and like that's at least something it is at least something but none of these characters are active in any way where it matters at all because it's a bad boys movie and I guess like the bad boys themselves couldn't make up enough of a legitimate runtime for this movie so we just had to give these other idiots things you had to have also like a CSI and cIS scene in this lab with the screens and

shit yep we love screens we're trying to give this guy like some type of like emotion and background and whatever but then like him talking about like needing to go to therapy because he's a big hulking guy is still a joke. I'm sorry. It's a huge joke. It's like L.O.L. Self help. Because even at the end, like Mike and Marcus, who need therapy more than anything in the world? I'm just like, well, I'm

not going to therapy. Hardy, Har-har. Because we're guys. I mean, this all just stinks of somebody going to Twitter and typing in, what are the kids talking about? It's like going to therapy. Miss me jokes. Oh, you miss me with that, my friend. You miss me with that.

Oh, you miss me with that. really a stinker line around here is like Will Smith being mad at Martin Lawrence for retiring and he wants to like work the case and catch the guy that did it and he says that fool put holes in me to which Marcus responds and you're filling them with hate Mike yeah this movie asks way more than the other two movies this movie asked way too much of Martin Lawrence as an actor he should just be funny you know what I mean funny and and action funny you know what I mean like that That's what that first movie is. And we just have all these, like, really, you know, emotional, like, heartstring tugging, quote, unquote, scenes between the two of them. And you're like, nah, man. Yeah, it just doesn't, doesn't work. Spread out some of that heart to the rest of the fucking cast. And let's have a balanced group of people here.

I'm sure that's what the next one will be. But the ideal Martin Lawrence going forward, ideal Martin Lawrence, the beach bum level. Yep. that's what we're looking for here folks we're looking for two very good scenes he's zany it's memorable like yeah exactly

very easy I love that fucking movie I love it's so good another I will say another dead nail of a line is I think Joe Panzlan is listen Mike I can't have you investigate your own case because it's like

so many laws against that and he's like yeah it's gonna be ammo it'll be fine ammo, those high school musical boy band guys and it's like, I know that Vanessa Hudges is high school musical. Thank you for destroying your own movie.

In the service of whatever loser definitely, I can confirm, posted that to the IMDB trivia. Exactly. Like this one's for the IMDB trivia heads in the house. Watching this movie, I was like, I wish one of those stray bullets would come out of the TV

and hit me. So, yeah, after the wedding, aka Uncle Mike's Big Day. Does he ghost that reception, by the way? No, isn't he just, aren't they just yelling at each other? Because he finds out that Marcus is retired. No, he does, but the reception is still going on. And after the end of the argument,

Will Smith, like, leaves the scene. And then we just cut, so the whole thing's over with. But I was like, I wonder if Mike Lowry, the selfish maniac that he is, just left that wedding reception without saying anything. Probably, I mean, he made that wedding about him. he's like look I learned to walk again no one's going to remember you bride

knowing Mike Lowry I'm feeling like he's going to go he's going to find he's going to find himself he's going to buy himself some kittens and he's going to drown them just to feel something finally yeah traveling sack Rita asks him to quit we go to Mike Lowry's fucking sick ass penthouse that he's got here

where he's like he's on a really awesome treadmill that's out on like an open air balcony and I'm like well that thing's getting destroyed guys I paused this multiple times around here maybe it was another scene on this righteous balcony because he's a rich character right I guess the first movie was established he inherited money yes he's got an outdoor dining room table with and this is I'm not checking the angles I'm pausing I'm starting I'm pausing it back and to the left 12 fucking chairs on your outdoor dining room table. What's the indoor one?

70 chairs? I thought that this table, dude, where they're standing, it is Mike Lowry's apartment, but it's a different scene than this, but I thought that it was like they were having this scene at some sort of community space

for the building and like neighbors could walk by or something, and then they pull out, you know, do a wider shot of the building and you can see the treadmill and everything and I was like, oh no, that's just his apartment. And what is with this table?

He lives alone. He's got one friend. He needs. No, no, no, no. He needs that table. How else is he going to plan the siege on the Iron Island? Yes, yes. Pike will be his.

Some sort of Game of Thrones shit. Yes. Yeah, right. I was thinking more along the lines of like, look, you go on a kill spree, you kill a lot of beautiful women. You bring them to your house and you surround them on a big table and you say, look at me! While you're naked, which is what, you know, clearly, Mike Lowry would do. A British documentary about that? No, I'm going to make it, though.

I am Mike Lowry. Do you see? Exactly. Bad boys for life, do you see? By the way, that is the most incredible thing. During the speech he gives out that wedding, he's like, you know, there's this mantra that me and your father always lived by, and we think that you two should, you two should always remember this in your darkest day.

We ride together, we died together, bad boys for life. Say that to your wife. Go ahead. Yeah, that's a smart thing to do. Wait, you're missing the best part of that though, dude. He says, we ride together, we die together. And then the entire wedding reception says bad boys for life. Every last guest and catering professional says bad boys for life.

Could not believe it. It's their wedding ceremony at that point. Exactly. Oh, my God. So Mike Lowry, you know, refuses to listen to Joey Pants and refuses to listen to Ritas, please. And he's like, no, I'm going to go investigate the shit on the sly, whatever. And he goes and meets up with, you know, some sort of old informant, Manny, played by DJ Khalid. Boo.

Dude, this sucks. This sucks. I don't know a lot about that guy, but I'm pretty sure he sucks. The only thing I know for sure is that he refused. refuses to do kondolingus. Yes, that's, I think, all I know also. I did not know this, and this will have to be explored, but I only knew him from television commercials, but please go on.

He very publicly said that he refuses to give head to his wife. And I think it's a thing, it's the same thing with those fucking old bastards on the Sopranos when they find out the junior goes downtown. No, no, you have to, you should go find the clip of it because he does go into detail. He's like, I just don't do that. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm the king. and she does it for me, but I don't do that. That should be, if that's your thing, that's your secret shame.

Like, you don't have to tell everybody everything. It's allowed, you're allowed to have secret shame. I cannot believe in the year of our Lord 2020, we have to normalize eating pussy. Exactly. It's crazy. It's fucking crazy. I could not, and the funny thing is, you see him in this movie, and I was like, that guy doesn't fucking go downtown because it's all I know about DJ.

that is nuts dude i mean he's got dj in his name is he a musician he is a musician he makes beats for uh many pop artists his records suck uh chris uh you seem very familiar are are his songs about his fucking tongue celibacy uh they are not uh i don't although he did have a song called lock down my jaw um no he did not so maybe no he did i think that was eric Clapton and van Morrison. You know the interesting bit of IMDB trivia about DJ Collin, doesn't he pussy? Loves eating ass.

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's something at least. Yeah. I'm just making it. No, I know. But that would at least, you know, give me something to work with. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Well, the good thing is in this movie, you get to see him get his fucking hand smashed with Meat Malik because Will Smith is beating the ever-loving shit

out of this guy while he is handcuffed to a table. They've tried to put him in other cameo roles in movies this is all I will accept is him being tortured or beaten up that's it I want horror movies you could put him in horror movies if he dies but that's it there's other movies

has he been I don't have his profile I think he might be in Pop Star oh well that's different but like that's what he does his little cameo roles like that and like he's right and like a shitty action movie or something somewhere else oh let me check I'm pulling oh that's soundtrack listing so that's not

going to help me let me see actor. Yeah, he is in pop star. Did a voice in the spies in disguise. Not much on this. Oh, pitch perfect three, of course, as himself again. Something called the after party, which was on Netflix. No clue what that is.

He probably struggles to play himself as well. Probably. I'm DJ Carl. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. DJ. I know. like I don't know what to do

I gave you the script you just keep on talking about how you won't eat pussy well you can just say the line we gave you and just stop talking about how you refused to eat pussy I can't

where is cancel culture when you need it I feel like that's enough pull the plug on this guy I've had enough of this guy Will Smith is there because Manny used to you know

working like you know running guns and whatever and so what Will Smith is doing is trying to, so Joey Pan says told him like what kind of round, you know, they pulled out of him, you know, from the shooting. And so Will Smith

is trying to track down who sold this dude, this very special ammunition. And he beats the shit out. There's this one part which is actually really disturbing where like, you know, DJ Callad's like praying for his life essentially to the god, Mike Lowry.

And like he grabs his arms, like, please stop. And like, he gets, what I thought what I thought was blood, but he gets pig fat on him. And he's like, did you get pig fat on my suit? I'm like, oh, shit, he's going to cut his head off. Holy shit, he's going to cut his head off and fuck it right here in this butcher. We've been making fun of him incessantly for the last 10 minutes. But I will say, DJ Collin gave me a laugh here with the terrified look that he gives

Will Smith when he realizes that he fucked up his suit. Yeah. It's kind of funny. I mean, he's good when he tells him that the rounds are inverted. those are twice as deadly my friend you don't want to see that Mike you don't want to see that DJ Collins just using a Russian accent for no reason so whatever he takes that information to ammo they do a sting on this arms dealer and she's and Rita is like listen we're just

we're not going to kill anybody today everybody let's really let's really try not to and like uh-huh uh-huh okay okay class do your best not to murder anyone today. But no, that's not enough for my big dick, Mike Lowry. Because he's, and by the Martin Lawrence has just got his feet up somewhere reading a magazine. Great. Great. What I want in my bad boys movie.

Yep. Literally half of the reason I tuned into this movie is just sitting at home in a recliner. Yeah, isn't he almost like electrocuting himself? Well, because that's the joke is, uh, he says something about I think Will Smith is like you can't retire. Teresa's going to be

pissed off that you're around the house all day. breaking things. And he tries to fix a ceiling fan and it goes crazy and flies off like some sort of saw contraption and breaks his television. It's like I get it. It's TV. You don't have to press it this hard, man.

But yeah, so oh, big dumbass thing about this operation that they're running here is the one guy, the dude from Riverdale is like the drone guy and so they send this like little flying drone into the warehouse and I mean it is the most obvious giveaway shit

you could be doing. They park this van right outside of the hideout right and the little drone flies out the roof of it so okay if any if anyone you know from the gang was outside monitoring shit oh hey this tiny little drone flew out of the van those must be cops. It's three and a half feet wide like it's not that small

dude and it goes into this garage where they're doing this shit and I'm like can no one hear this it's got like three little propellers on it is buzzing it's six feet away from them come on they're acting like this thing's like a little spot

all the good could I want hold on wait everybody shut up is that your cell phone is someone getting a call is your phone on vibrate what is that I specifically said airplane mode during this gun deal. But he realized

that there's no money in the briefcase so that that means it's going to go south. So him and Vanessa Hudgens, now playing the role of Martin Lawrence, here comes Vanessa Hudgens. You know what? Not much shorter than Martin Lawrence. Not much.

They get into it and it's a fun action is kind of bad in this movie. I mean, obviously you're talking about Michael Bay who can obviously very much direct an action scene, like there's like high octane like crazy intense action and this is not that well yeah and this this is the problem right you go into a bad boys movie expecting michael bay caliber action right say what you will about michael bay i don't care for most of his movies but the guy can direct

action and these two guys these belgian filmmakers that they have do this are clearly raised unlike well we've already said like stylistically and storywise it feels like fast and the furious but this some of the action here feels like we are directing Liam Neeson movies yeah yeah the lighting looks bay-esque and I think the lighting throughout looks pretty good looks kind of in the world of bad boys too and I think the chase sequence at the start of the movie that turned out just to go to the hospital I think that was the best action sequence of the movie it kind of is yeah you're right absolutely like I don't I don't hate the sequence though I thought it was it's got some cool moves including, I mean, the

ammo seller is standing there and then like Will Smith shoots a dude whose gun then goes flying, causing an explosion and then this, the arms dealer gets impaled on the forklift. That's not too shabby. Where is this pink

mist coming from? Is it the Joker's howied out? Like I was very confused by this part. Because this is all of their like tactical non-lethal shit from ammo. So it's like smoke screen. so they can like sneak around and things.

Somebody opened a three quarter pink fanta and also there is another moment where they're in the shootout and this dude is

because it's like an auto body shop where the deal is going down and there's a dude standing under a car that's on a jack and the jack gets shot and the car falls on the guy

that was kind of cool. Did you say Autobot shop? I got him for you, Mike Lowry. I crushed him to death. I ordinarily don't do murder, but when you're with Mike Lowry, it's hard not to.

You just get caught up in it. We got the kid version with Bumblebee. Get the R-rated Transformer with the serial killer one that's working with Mike Lowry. Hey, you know what? R-rated Transformers movie would probably be awesome. It would be fun. Just going to put that out there.

Vivian, I'm a serial killer now. We've had every other iteration. We might as well. Let's have full NC-17. I want to see those fucking headlights. Hey, now there's crash, dude. Come with me, Mike Lowry. I'm going to eat this hospital.

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. But yeah, so of course, Joey Pants is fucking furious. You know, he's like, I told you that you were, you know, just supposed to be, like, you know, monitoring stuff with ammo not to get involved. with anything. And, you know, Will Smith is kind of trying to play it as like, well, they were going to shoot first, Captain. We had to do something about this. So at what point does Joy Pants take him to his daughter's basketball game? Is that soon? I think that's about right here, right? It's kind of around here. Yeah, because the only thing else that really happens, we have a not great scene where Martin Lawrence gets a call from an old informant who's like, you know,

you got to get Mike Lowry down here, blah, blah, blah. There's a whole, hilarious thing where like Mike is embarrassed to be riding in Martin Lawrence's like family van or whatever it is. And the snitches thing is like oh the guy that shot Mike Lowry is also after me the exact same guy I swear

yes. Oh right. Yeah yeah yeah. And it is it's kind of funny because like Will Smith is busting his ass the whole time like we need to get there he said you know Remy I think is the guy's name he's like Remy said it was an emergency he's not going to wait around forever. They dropped the grandson off with with

Teresa, it's a whole thing. But the gag I do like is they get out of the car and he's been coveching about them running late. And as soon as they park, this dude, Remy just falls dead on the car. You can't go wrong with the good body on a car gag. Yeah. Yeah. I think it always works.

You get your, and I'm not sure it's in the second one, you do get your bad boys standing up kind of crane swing shot there. They haven't in the second one. Don't worry. I was calling it the, it's the bad boys. The shit just hit the fan shot. Exactly. I do like as an end to that joke, they have to drive back

in Martin Lawrence's car and it's it's pretty funny. It's not bad. Like that whole part there felt like we had some of the older bad boys chemistry. But this is what you're talking about, Steve. So like Mike Lowry goes to a basketball game with the captain. It's like a high school or community basketball games. His daughter is playing. And the joke is because that's in the first one is that Joe Panela is terrible at basketball. She's also terrible.

at basketball. It's kind of, again, I was like, oh, it's kind of like the bad boys I love, kind of a thing. Yeah, and he, you know, because I don't remember if he's like this in the first movie with the Eastern philosophy, but he definitely is in the second movie because that's all, he's doing the bullshit

woo-sah, like the whole time. Yeah. So in this, in this, he's like trying to tell Will Smith this story about like a, it's like Buddhist horse story or something. And all I could do was chuckle because to me, hearing Joe Panteliano, talking about horses after the

Sopranos, like it just makes me think of his run on the Sopranos and how that all comes to an end, which is magnificent. I'm a maid guy. Yes, exactly. I think my favorite line, what he's about to get killed by Tony, sorry, spoiler alert, is just like, you're upset about me eating the horse,

you eat sausage by the fucking truckload. Wow, he's laughing in the end now, isn't he? That's true. is that where is that where um james gandelfini am i remembering this right he he like joey pants is in his face and he goes uh you're crowding me probably is that what he said he has some line to him right before he murders him in that episode which is great anyway um so yeah like like joey pants this whole scene is just him desperately trying to be like look mike you got to get control of your life man it's like an out of control horse that's running your life you know and you you don't

know where your life is going like where are you going like is what he says what are you doing look mike you got to stop killing 20 people a day it's just too many i can't cover it up anymore you've got to get it down to five buddy they're calling you the south beach slayer mike it's not great i'm not saying a big a full-on uh cold turkey will get you we'll get you a murder nicotine patch they have those no no no i yeah we've been trying the dexter idea going out of the harbor and putting them in the bag and throw them in the ocean. The ocean is full up, Mike. You killed too many

people. The ocean's filled up with the soul's taken by Mike Lowry. You notice how the harbor's red now? It's keeping them warm for the devil. You know, so that it's like this whole, the team loses the basketball game. Why don't you come over for dinner?

Oh, are you going to cook again, Captain? Bob, blah, blah, blah, blah. Joey pants assassinated in this movie right just shot right through the throat this should have happened within the first 20 minutes this was like an hour and 30 seconds into the movie because it should be the catalyst for this film exactly and this we can't find a catalyst it's like is the catalyst that he's got a kid no is it the catalyst that might get shot not really is the catalyst like the wedding no still not there yet like this is the finally the

catalyst and it's like oh my god you get to a dramatic well you do you do because we're setting up that he's not all of a bad guy uh the murdering son whatever his name is is trying to shoot mike lowry but um these guys like you got the shot is it no innocence so like maybe that's sort of something not really but like well that put that in your back oh no innocence i thought he said no witness no no he said i think he does say no innocence okay that makes much more sense actually it's it's we're starting to pave the ground that this guy is redeemable even though he murdered a judge

he murdered Joey Pants he's been in all these movies like he's a carrot he's like you can't do that I think yes the fact at the the end of the movie it's like you know what you're all right it's like well you killed one of my best friends in the world Joey pants but you know what

you're all right I think the thing with why they make like the judge and the DA and the forensics guy all kind of look like pigs is because they want to make it easier to forgive him at the end. I think you're totally right, dude. If these guys all look like rich fuck pigs or whatever and then like they get murdered,

it doesn't matter. I don't know, man. If I had a fucking, you know, if somebody who I fathered, you know, in 10 years murders one of you guys, I'm still not going to like that dude. I'm like, you know, that kid sucks. But it sets up the Showtime anti-hero series, son of a witch, starring whoever this is. It's a real whoever this is.

The name of the character is Armando, and he's played by Jacob Scipio. Any other notable acting appearances? The Outpost. Is that there's some photo with... Coming up after the ball game, it's The Outpost. By the way, co-starring Scott Eastwood

and Orlando Bloom. Oh, wow. Let me see. There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a photo of him with, uh, American Mike, uh, let's see. Oh, Gerard Butler himself. Yeah. Hunter Killer he was in. Oh, boy. Which one's that? That's the submarine one. I thought it was the submarine one. Yeah. Okay. Did you see that? Oh, yeah. It's real stupid. And not fun like American Mike. Yeah. Right. Just like boring stupid. Yeah. Like, it's just him and Gary Oldman like John at each other like over the phones because like Gary Oldman is. like, I am not going to be in the same room as that man. That's all he's really done. He's just had like TV. He was on a few episodes. It looks like he was on like a couple episodes of Bob the Builder in the UK as a voice actor. It looks like a Lego type of TV show or special or playmation. I don't know. I bet there's a documentary about people wanting to fuck it, though. Only airs on UK television somewhere. there is a weird terrible bit of editing here where I believe it's Will Smith and he's talking to

maybe is it Rita he just goes you said if I went out there I was going to get somebody killed and then the scene it feels like there's going to be more dialogue there or maybe he's talking to Martin Lawrence I don't remember but he says that and then it just cuts

and it's just Martin Lawrence sitting in a chair like being sad about the captain and I'm like that's a really obvious we had way more dialogue there and nobody thought that whatever the scene was mattered I guess I mean the movie is surprisingly just a tad over two hours like what I expected this to be like a 220 yeah they're going back because bad boys too I think is like two hours and 20 at least oof but yeah this is how we get the one last time ride or die bad boys for life and it's like you have to start this movie with with Martin Lawrence is retired.

Will Smith is pissed off about it. Maybe he's got a new partner and it's not working out. Joey Pants assassinated. Boom, bang, Bing. We got a movie going. Let's do it one more time.

We don't need to watch him retire. Like, if it's just like, oh man, you've missed a lot in the last 17 years or Harvard long. Exactly. It's been almost 20 years. It's totally conceivable that a cop retired.

You guys keep talking about this ammo TV show, maybe a spinoff or whatever, but this feels like a fucking, this is like, A few episodes of a TV show already. This is a TV show. Well, I mean, also, let us not forget that they just canceled the other bad boy spin-off show, L.A.'s finest, which is Bad Boys 2. It's Gabriel Union's character from that, had her own TV show for two seasons.

No. Wait, what? Absolutely. This is a real thing. Are you kidding me? I'm not. Look at L.A.'s fine. It's her and Jessica Alba.

Oh, that's because they mentioned Gabriel Union's character in this movie for literally one. just to be like yeah yeah yeah we couldn't afford gabriel union i'm sorry yeah and it's just like will smith broke up with her at some point wow i didn't know that i mean i feel like i've heard tell of that movie or the television show um yes sydney burnett wow i had no idea wow i'm having my mind totally exploding right now criss coming up after the game who gives a shit it's la's finest after that a new episode episode of David. He's talking to Jack Nance,

someone from beyond the grave, tune in. This week on David, we're doing some necromancy, and my old pal Jack Nance is stopping by. He was murdered in the parking lot of a donut restaurant. We're going to ask him what went down. Also,

because the network has been forcing me, is my daughter too sexy? We're splitting the show in half. Half David Lynch horse shit. Half of that other stuff you seem to like. That's right. We're going to be doing paternity tests. Oh, gee, Willickers.

And then we're going to film a radiator. Coming up next on David, it's a bunch of people in bunny suits being very, very sad. Musical guest, the lady in the radiator. Love it. In heaven. Everything is. It's fine. Oh, man.

That's a little earworm, dude. That'll get in your head. I love it. Careful. Next up, we have Justin Thoreau looking sexy for 20 minutes. Get a peek. So, yeah, so we're working with ammo. We find out that Armando's number two is this dude Zuelo, who we meet for two seconds

at the beginning of the movie when Armando takes over the gangs. and it turns out Mark is used to coach him in basketball there's a whole thing so this this is where we use a lot of like the here's ammo to the rescue because like big hunky Viking hacker guy finds out

like okay it's Zuelo's birthday you know so that let's see and then the other guy from Riverdale is like well a guy like that there's only three clubs he's going to in Miami this that and the other thing and then like the Viking hacks all

the guest list shit on these clubs computer systems they find out the reservation to be fair they find this again only these three clubs okay it's it's zillions okay let's look at the the reservation list tomorrow

ooh Rodriguez that's him got to be it welcome to fucking Miami by the way the one Rodriguez that lives there like it's a bit much they go by a last name it's not like Zuelo is making a reservation

And he's like, oh, Zuelo's real name is something Rodriguez, da-t-da-da-da. All right, let me just cack and did da-da-da-da. Oh, my God, somebody named Rodriguez is having a party in Miami. It's got to be our guy. But I will give this movie credit. Look, I do love the Miami-ness of this film.

Not that I've been to Miami, but like it feels, Miami feels like a character in this movie. I will give it credit. Like, the music feels right. Like, it's super diverse. Like, you know what I mean? Like, everybody's speaking Spanish. It's good in that regard.

But this was always... funny to be the Rodriguez bit. All three of these movies are good by the city to varying degrees, but I think you're right. It's nice to see a city on film in a movie

that feels as much of a character when it's not New York or Los Angeles or D.C. It will be interesting to see in Bad Boys 4 when they have to solve only underwater crimes. That'll be a little strange. You know what? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Like the city of Atlantis or something, kind of like that.

Something to that effect. But the... You know what? Oh, maybe they could partner with a dolphin. It did Florida very right. Everyone was talking with bubbles coming out of their mouth. They were all drowning the entire time. Yes, now with becoming a Miami police officer,

you also have to have a thorough scuba diving experience. Oh, and it's the new police captain, Sally Hawkins from shape of water. For some reason, everyone's still denying global warming is a thing or climate change or any of that. Sure. There's some terrible shit here before we leave Resilions. There's a thing where they're like, all right, we're going to suit up and blah, blah, blah. And there's a thing where Will Smith is not having it about rubber bullets. Okay.

But then the other thing. man oh man we have the whole ammo team singing bad boys dude my ass clenched right up closed for business once again thank you very much i really think like in the first movie maybe they do absolutely sing it once and it's kind of a gag they don't really call themselves the bad boys either they're just like those guys that they're singing that song because it was a popular song when the movie came out in know like it's fucking 30 years later man there's a lot of there's a lot of references to it in this film like when they're getting to the the hospital at the start it starts to play martin lawrence opens the card door it hits a fire hydrant the song immediately stops

later on they're like what about the good guys like martin law is like why don't why not just the good guys and and will smith's like man dude what yeah whatever and Will Smith is like, well, it's not catchy. No, no, no, no, there's no popular song called Goodman. There's no popular song called Bad Boys either. If you're listening to the, by the way, if you're listening to the fucking cop's TV show theme in 2020, go fuck yourself. Thank you very much. But so we go to club zillions.

Everybody's under, or undercover, you know, they, and it's again, here come the youngans to save the day because Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. can't get in you pass the velvet rope and then like Riverdale guy is like friendly with the the two women working the door and it's kind of a funny he's like oh this is my friend Mike he's feeling sad he just got divorced but so then we go in you know and then this sequence like I wish there was a little more of an action sequence in this club

because again it's another place that like we've got a bunch of bright cool colors, you know, it's packed with people, could have done some fun shit here. You know, they do like a fake. We're all gonna sing Zuelo, happy birthday. So they all pose as like people working for the club and,

you know, the dude gets away because they, they don't like arrest him right. Like, you know, Martin says like, happy birthday dickhead. And he's like, oh, it's that guy and fucking flees the scene immediately. They say you're under arrest, but they don't actually grab him. Like, he's a fucking big dude. And he's obviously going to

resist arrest like grab the dude yeah um so then this this sets off i think honestly this is a decent action piece this is this is the only decent action i think in the movie this weird motorcycle chase thing yeah yeah because walo gets away on a motorcycle and they they they do the the bullshit we need this car police business kind of thing you're like all right um but so yeah a lot of cool like stunt stuff here they shoot will smith shoots this guy in the head with the rubber bullet and he gets this like crazy blood blister bruise and there is this

disgusting moment of Martin Lawrence like cannot resist the urge to touch it and isn't this a thing from the second movie too Chris because they're talking about how they want to fuck corpses in the in the second one he's touching a dead boob yes that's it he's touching a dead

boob I'm sorry but once you touch dead tits in your movie let you're not you're done make a movie yeah exactly unless you're Michael Rooker and the movie is called Henry a portrait of a serial which thank you I would like sequels

there is a sequel really with Michael Rooker not with Michael Rooker but it's it's with somebody else I forget it's I think it's Steve Railsback is in the sequel I think that's right yeah from Newkey a recipe for success

yeah by the way it sucks that I know that I'll try to check it out but I'm disappointed it's not Rooker because he was fantastic in that movie oh yeah yeah um there's a bullshit exchange here where you know again we're in the car

chasing after this guy and martin lawrence is like hey man you might want to pull over when you were in a coma like i made a promise to god that if you let you live i wouldn't do any more violence and will smith just has this line man violence is what we do and i am like you are making this movie in 2020 to serve and to violence

yeah it's it's so awful and irresponsible. And don't tell me I'm supposed to like judging Will Smith. It's Will Smith. I'm supposed to like Will Smith. Yeah, no, absolutely. It's not a oh, well, I don't know who you're supposed to like in this one. Like, you know what I'm not? Yeah. Well, you know, maybe it would have been better at

the original location at the Antwerp Police Department in Belgium. That was a long walk, but I appreciate it, Eric. You know what? It's a long trip across the pond, Chris. there is funny enough speaking of David Lynch though there is a thing where they're looking at this dude's huge blood blister on his head and I think it's Will Smith just because that's some elephant man shit right there I got a good chuckle out of it but you know so the whole fight continues because they get surrounded by some gang members because they don't take this dude away fast enough this waylo guy so then all these gang dudes come to get him

then oh here's ammo to the rescue thank God coming up on David, elephant man, shit. We're going to have an... Anthony Hopkins is going to be here tonight unveiling new freaks. Anthony Hopkins is here to play with his cat and the piano musings. Yes, I know when I'm making movies nowadays,

they're kind of terrible and no one sees them, so my appearance on David, I guess, is fine. And also, I'm sleeping with my stepfather. Sorry, folks. The network is really twisting my arm on that one. first ABC fucked me over by forcing me to reveal who killed Laura Palmer. Now I'm dealing with this

garbage. Ah, God. I guess next is my son is my pet. Is that wrong? Here's a question. I'd watch David. I would watch David every afternoon. Of course. Appointment television. My question, who is a Steve Wilcoe or whatever that guy's name is who's this big beefy dude breaking up the fights great great question who would that

be in the david lynch of it oh you know it could be the dude is he still alive the guy who plays uh leo what's his face on twin peter johnson i don't know if he's still around or not he might be because that guy has a ponytail that could bounce you right off the talk show's sense because ever mcgill passed correct ever mcgill did go yeah huh wait did he yeah i did he yeah i think he did Oh no, I didn't know that I was not aware either Let me check this out No, it says he's still alive

So that it's Everett Cabin, don't fucking do that to me, Cabin I can't believe that This might be one of those Mandela effects Yeah, where you think he died Alright, so it's Eric McGill Yeah, so it's Everett McGill

Yeah, okay, it's Everett Sorry Leo Johnson Leo Johnson played by Eric Derey is still alive Oh, I thought I thought Eric Derey died also Okay, well, yeah, I don't know At least according to IMDB, I might be, I might be like faked out right now. I guess, no, I guess Chris and I just wish more cast members from Twin Peaks were dead.

I just forgot his love interest in Twin Peaks. She died. Yes. She passed what I was thinking. Gotcha. So whatever, it's a big thing. It ends on a helicopter. There's a lot. There's a fun part with a motorcycle and a side car and there's, there's like, we're trying to at least like do a little bit of bad boy stuff. like wow it's like an angry white guy's basement in here there's a lot of guns here i'm like you're killing people on the regular bad boys that's what sucks is because that line is great except for the fact that it has preceded seconds before by that violence is what we exactly like and that's what i mean by like this movie does not know what its opinion on modern law enforcement

is and uh yeah no this is whatever like um it kind of ends on a helicopter situation where it's like the end of the original of Batman 1989 two people on a on a helicopter rope which is kind of stuff the helicopter ladder rather well this is a great thing

and this is also it's a weird this is a helicopter centric action sequence on a bridge like I really was getting some like Mission Impossible three vibes here

but yeah so it's this guy Armando and he's got a fucking rocket launcher and yada yada Zuelo like grabs onto the ladder and he's like take him to safety. And then Will Smith

grabs onto the ladder at the last moment and they're flying over the water. And it's kind of hilarious because like he's trying to get a shot off on Will Smith is Armando. And this dude Zuelo is just in the way and you can they're like nonverbal like look I'm trying to shoot around. Would you get

out? Come on. Will you just move? And then finally Armando just giving up and you can see him do his shoulder shrug like eh, fuck it. And just shoots this dude in the head pretty great. It's nice. But then as when they they find Zela, it's

I love it. I love it. Steve, it took me way too long to figure out what you were doing. It's a deep cut for no one. No, it's a good cut. Yeah. Thank you. But Mike Lowry also is about to like drop

off this ladder and Armando utters the phrase, Asta El Fuego, which is something that Will Smith utters earlier in the movie and you just Will Smith kind of is like wait what and then falls off this ladder

into the water which this this was a bad impact shot on the water right here did you notice this they definitely did not drop the stunt person from high enough because you see the body fall into the water and Will Smith falls from it's supposed to be very high up

and the guy like barely gets under the water like he would drop through the water. This movie's shit. Some sloppy shit right here, dude. Some sloppy shit. I don't like sloppy stunt work. But that, yeah, it's like, oh, it's made up Spanish.

I used to say to this witch I used to date, no big deal. Maybe I got a kid, okay. You know, I told you about that one woman I loved? Well, it turned out she was a witch. This is the whole speech that he gives basically, like, ammo is being shut down because this whole thing is of blood. bath and that's not what the Miami PD wants and while they're doing that he has a big Wilson and a passion to be Martin Lawrence and it's just weird like the beginnings of

Mike Lowry and I'm like the beginnings of who could give a shit it's like she taught me everything I know how to dress how to shoot how to do I'm like I don't give a fuck you're a cop I never questioned that dude he he goes she made Mike Lowry and it's it is kind of a funny responsive Martin Lauren's going like, oh, so that's why you always dress like a drug dealer? She was kind of funny. She turned, she told me how to cast spells, make poisons, talk to birds. Because you guys, they call her the brouha, the witch. And it's like, which is she's an actual witch. And that's Martin Lawrence does and the movie does drag that joke right into the ground. It's kind of funny. Oh my God, do they ever. Two or three times he says it. But he really goes too far with it. The movie really goes to far with it. The movie really goes to

I'm not going to blame him on it. No. And so the whole horseshit thing is like when he was plucked out of the academy by Joey Pants, you know, because nobody knew him yet on the street or whatever, they put him undercover to try to get to this drug dealer, which is this woman's husband who's now dead. Oh my God, it's like DeCaprio and the departed. It kind of is. Yeah, you're totally right, dude, except hilariously Will Smith's undercover name was Ricky Rollins.

I want that movie. And also, you know, let's. Let's put aside some money for a little bit of a de-aging budget here. Not a ton because it's Will Smith. How about a flashback scene? A little something. Or maybe like a golden shot. Like you'll just see him from behind kind of a thing and he's doing stuff.

A golden shower? Golden shower. Yeah. He gets peed on by this lady. That's how you stay youthful, dude. He get peed on. Yeah. Is DJ Khalid into that or no?

Yeah, that's a thing. He will not go downtown on a lady. but he will get pissed on. If he is the the faucet, if he is the golden showerer, he's into it. The faucet!

The faucet! God, damn. No, I want to explore this more because I can't, like, if this guy is saying my sex life is

completely boring, or is there other avenues, you know, like, I don't know. Sure. Right. Yeah,

I don't, I don't need pussy, but I will pee on people. Yeah. But I will not be peed on. the king doesn't do that right yeah he's the faucet like you said so and then and then just like bad boys too I can't believe I can't believe it the movie is pretty much like over with right here if you ended it with like they all got shut down it was a big disgrace like I'd kind of be fine with it but then the movie whereas in bad boys too where it's like okay we got to start the third act. Let's just go to Cuba. This movie's like, okay, let's start the

third act. Let's go to Mexico. The best thing about that first Bad Boys movie is that they are in the city of Miami the whole time. It's so, and the fact that you just do the same exact structural maneuvering again in this script is in fury. Well, to be

fair, they only invade incredibly evil places, such as Cuba and Mexico City. That's the, you know, I will say, props to this movie, Credit where credit is due for not doing the traffic. Let's put the yellow filter on because we're in Mexico. That's true. I did

appreciate that we could get some beautiful color in the country of Mexico. Oh man, but the whole, the flight scene, I do not need airplane comedy in this movie. It's a lot. And it's, I'm looking at my watch already and it's just so much like, it's too

much. So you had sex with a witch. Was she on a broom the whole time? What was the witch doing? Did she eat and I of Newt, you know, which jokes? Martin Lawrence is going to like a fucking blue index card. Like, one of these is going to work. Hold on. Just say there. One of these is going to work. I guarantee you're going to laugh.

What did she do? She, Anya Taylor, Joyce's little, do you know, sister? Or what? Martin Lawrence is just chucking the blue cards all across the airplane cabin. One of these has to work. But also around there, though, is the insane thing where he's like,

uh, so hey, Mike Lowry what are you gonna do like once you find your son he's like I'm gonna kill him yeah I'm gonna murder that guy you better believe I've marked my own son for death oh Marcus come Marcus you're gonna have to stop from me here I just got myself hard thinking about killing my son oh okay you're gonna have to leave man ooh you know hey Marcus you know how I love to end bloodlines it's like one of my things you know the idea to end to my own bloodline Marcus ooh I'm getting

goosebumps feel it feel it Marcus it actually feels like the liquid in my balls is boiling. That's how hot this is. It's, Marcus, it's almost, think of it this way. It's almost like murdering my entire family. I made my family disappear. So we

get to Mexico and they meet up, this was a confusing thing and I guess I don't know if it's a reference to part two, part one, or just nothing. Do you catch where, so there's a guy that they meet, hooks them up, with a lady who you know they have like you know access to guns this that and the other thing

the guy throws out this line like he's on his way out he shakes hands with will smith and he goes this makes us even for miami oh yeah i don't know what that means are you talking is i forget is the tall uh tech guy in this one no i don't think so because the guy who was in the first one and the second one i'm surprised they didn't get back to him that's who i thought you were talking Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what that line was supposed to. Even rewounded. I was like, was I not paying attention to the start of the scene or something? He just goes, this makes us even for Miami and then leaves the movie. Doesn't matter. But of course, uh-oh, just like the second movie where they get to Cuba and it's like, how are we going to do this alone? And then the team shows up. We're in Mexico. How are we going to do this alone? Oh, thanks goodness. Ammo secretly followed us here. Surprise, surprise. Ammo is a paramilitary organization. Exactly. Yep. Yep. Exactly. And there is some crazy line where, you know, Will Smith says to Rita, like, how did you, you know, get access to all of this equipment and the weaponry and everything? And she's like, oh, something, something safe house, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you work for the Miami Police Department. What safe house in Mexico are we talking about? She says, oh, something, something, the Mexico Justice Department gave us these guns, but if we get killed, they don't know anything, but if we do the job, the Justice Department? And or the police or something. Basically, the Mexican police wants this to happen, but they don't want to go.

They're disavowing. So it's like sort of vaguely sanctioned. Now, and now, by the way, it's an IMF mission. Exactly. We're going to be disavowed if we get killed. I would like some face masks. That could really amp the comedy. because it's bad boys where's the fucking comedy and it's not witch jokes well that's the thing no definitely eventually they should bad boys should go to fbi i they should be like it's it should be called it should be bad boys go to the fbi i'm like a harold and kumar thing

i agree absolutely and like the fbi i can see oh well you guys are quite accomplished killers you know turn by the way the other side of that i would watch a tight 87 minute movie about Will Smith and Martin Lawrence trying to find cheeseburgers. Absolutely. I would watch a tight 86 movie called Bad Boys. Any of them. Yeah, it would be nice if I would watch a movie of them having fun rather than

justifying like slaughter by these cops. Yes, and again like we just mentioned it, but the crossing of international border, what are we fucking doing? What are we fucking doing? It's Team America World Police motherfucker. It's just the worst. And so we have to go

to the outskirts of town, there's an abandoned hotel where Mike is going to go meet up with Isabel, I think her name is, our brouha here, and, you know, ammo is going to like stand by and wait for the signal and everything. I feel like we need more with her as well. Like, let's explore this a little more than we do. Yeah, because, I mean, Will Smith has some line about like, all right, I'll get in there, I'll keep her talking, blah, blah, blah. and he kind of doesn't

like it almost immediately turns into a Mexican standoff here. How would they have like zero chemistry together despite you know I know he wasn't around for the kid but like you'd think there would be some history. Well he's like oh it's the only woman I ever loved and it's like well hello Rita and then she goes

now watch my son grow and she throws the thing and the guy turns into a huge thing that's a Power Rangers joke later. Oh there's Rita from the Power Rangers. Reader Repulsa my friend I thought because there's a character in this called Rita, so I got confused. I mean, if she summoned a ghost to attack Marcus or Mike, I'd believe it. I mean, I'd go with it at this point.

Why not? Well, what's funny is after this like tidal wave of Martin Lawrence witch jokes that are all terrible, the movie decides that for this final sequence here, this whole set piece at the end, they are going to photograph this woman as if she is indeed a witch. there is a scene or a shot in this scene where it cuts to her and like her her head jerks towards the direction of the characters and as soon as it does lightning strikes and thunder rumbles get right out of here get right out of here it's the afternoon when they show up and then all of a sudden it really is that you show you see one Lawrence and the team walking through the you know golden hour and then all of a sudden it's midnight and it's a thunderstorm and I'm like that sucks shit I'm I guess Will Smith does keep her talking. I will say I was with it until she turns Martin Lawrence into a mouse. That I thought was a little.

I was like, we're at the end of the movie here. We don't have time for mice. Come on. You know, it should have been a thing where she was doing some like Scooby-Doo villain shit and like making people think that she had witch powers. And then the bad boys pull back the curtain and really reveal what's going on. Sure. It would be, it would be some.

thing. Yeah. Because the ending gets so muddy with all of the very bad action. Yeah. This sequence is not great. And, you know, a bunch of dudes come in here and, you know, they pull guns on the bad boys and everything. It's a big standoff.

And then, uh, uh, uh, here comes ammo. And including this guy is controlling this drone that now has a machine gun on it. Uh-huh. Why is the drone? a character this drone's got more to do than some of the ammo members i would have loved it if like it just like duct taped the gun on there like not like any smoothness or anything like that just it just falls off like shit i should ramshackle shit no i seriously think the drone has more to do than the viking guy i really definitely does there is a part in here like i don't understand some of

the filmmaking choices here i've mentioned some of the bad editing there's a moment here where I think it's Rita has a gun and there's like dudes on like a second level and she's on the ground floor and she tilts her gun up towards these guys and when she does it do you guys remember the shot the camera turns on its side

and she starts walking to shoot these dudes and for like a split second the camera starts following her and it looks like it's about to be a really cool like filled with kinetic energy sort of tracking shot but they just cut away from it like it's a very like obvious

intentional camera move and I was like cool what a cool shot they're going to set up here and then they just give up on it and cut away from me well that shot's five seconds we're up

can't have it long for five seconds I know man cannot happen this editing it is just atrocious it's just atrocious so they took you know these the the Bruhan

the boy here are trying to get away in a helicopter and Martin Lawrence Will Smith are like all right you got to shoot at the rotor blah blah blah

Martin Lawrence accidentally shoots the pilot, and it's a big, like, glass dome that they're under. The helicopter falls through. It's a whole thing, which isn't even that great. Yes, yeah, bad CGI, absolutely. There's actually also, I didn't mention earlier, but even at the start of the movie, I think 10 minutes and 30 seconds in, I paused it

at where Amando, like, shoots the initial guys to start off the plot of the film. CGI blood, it is in this. It's everywhere, yeah. It's the same thing with Joey Pants, too. And Will Smith, it's all CG. Nobody even got dirty making this movie. Come on, can you just put blood on your fucking main character?

Is it possible? Somebody outlawed Squibs. I don't know who did it. I got to find the person who did this. They outlawed it. I'd like to add another part to that anti-coronavirus bill. Or I should say pro-coronavirus bill. I would like to also stop Squibbs.

I bet you it was him. I'll find a squibbs. I bet you it was him, that piece of shit. Like, absolutely. I've been talking to the vice president a lot about how he wants to bad squibs. I think it'll be a very good idea to take squirms away from leftist elite Hollywood. Another thing is that if you stream a movie and not on Netflix or Amazon, you go to jail for readily your life. Yes, that was in that bill?

Yes, yes, yes, streaming the COVID-19 relief bill that Mitch McConnell's Senate passed includes a thing where, If you stream a movie on the internet, you could go to jail. You'll lose the right to vote. It's a felony. I just thought everybody, everyone who is streaming Black Mirror illegally, they're not voting for us anyway. Absolutely. That's what it is.

That's what it is. Because, you know, Q&O's not a movie yet. Yeah, the people who are voting for you are doing bootleg streams. of Ray Donovan. Yeah, there's a small amendment if you take Ray Donovan, it's okay. I'm just disgusted when I looked at all the statistics about how many people were bootlegging blue bloods. Oh, Martin Lawrence's getting fucking sliced up by this lady's pretty funny.

Yeah, well, it's so like they, the helicopter crashes, but they're okay. the two of them only and now like all of the ammo such as they are disappear from the movie hey mike look the bullets bounce off of me yeah i don't know where they go yeah i don't i guess they run away because the helicopter fell and it's but i guess the bad boys are the only ones brave enough to stay behind then rita comes back eventually it was she like martin lawrence like it looks like you knocked her out, but then uh-oh, um, and meanwhile Will Smith is fighting his own son

and like, choking him out, man. He can't he can't do it though, you know, his heart grew, when he was choking his son to death, his heart grew two sizes. But then Marcus screams out, you must throw your son into Mordor. It does kind of look a little bit like the fucking volcano here, man.

Weird. Oh, and then also when Martin Lawrence punches this woman in the face, he goes, let that be a lesson to witch ass but this was I just I found it in my notes this was what I was talking about like she's out cold they do a quick like they cut to her in close up

lightning and thunder happens and her eyes open is what it is and it's like you thought you defeated me oh wait am I watching bright right now better movie dude better kind of

100% so yeah big big whole standoff here isabel accidentally shoots this son uh when she's going for will smith she shoots armando in in the shoulder um and is it an accident or is it like this kid has gone bad i think it's a little bit of both and then she can't believe what she did is kind of the idea oh then you have to fucking finish it yeah um but this i you know it sucks because of the cg i but this woman falling off of this platform and getting like kind of impaled on the

flaming helicopter wreckage is not too bad. I was kind of expecting her to turn into a bunch of ravens. Yeah. I thought she'd become a dragon or so. That would be pretty great. And it's also because she's about to shoot Will Smith, I think is the idea. She's about to shoot Will Smith and

then Rita comes back and really, really overkills it with this lady. I think she puts like eight in her chest she's so jealous that she's not the mother of armando it's a not it's that's my man kind of a kill which is really stupid yeah i would like her to have a character other than that's my man even though he doesn't know it yet that's my man that's what she does this entire movie let's give her something to do or they give her another thing to do it's it's that's my man and then in the next scene the next sequence the last fucking bit of this she's like that's my

man and he's going to impregnate me. Oh, boy. Yep. Yep. Because that's the end of the adventure and we're back at, you know, Martin Lawrence his like waterfront house which I mean, like Will Smith is the rich one in this movie

but like, good lord. This house. On the water, it's insane. I think Mike Lowry was being very kind. It's like, let's go in a car wash together and like you know, made him a little extra money. Otherwise he's on the take. I don't. Yes. potentially for sure or you know we've been so damaged being millennial and under they just

fucking pulled up the ladder and said he fucking shit that's true martin lawrence you know with just like you got eight hundred dollars in his first check you put four hundred dollars down in a house and the rest he just used for food that week houses used to be like under a thousand dollars sure you get you get back of the day dude you get a house in a vending machine exactly they just had the keys to a house in a vending machine just had water like the little little sponge dinosaurs. Yeah, Danny Glover in that fuck in those lethal weapon movies, he had a house

and a boat on a car. That's right. Yes. I mean, this this was the way the world used to be there. You know, we haven't risen the minimum wage in like what, 30 years. Anyway, something like that. Is, um, is,

uh, is Murtaugh's boat comically sunk in any of those movies? I think in the third one, when Joe Pesci is trying to kill the shark or is that the fourth one? Oh, I couldn't tell you. There's a shark on the boat and they're trying to kill the

shark and they sink the boat while trying to kill the shark. Okay, I think that's part three. Whatever Leo wants, Leo gets. That's true. It was dumbass blonde hair in that movie. So, yeah, so we're having this is the most

Fast and the Furious of the whole film because it's a, the family has gathered for some sort of, it's not quite like a cookout like nobody's got like barbecue chicken on the grill or something like that but it is like there's a little bit of a spread we're all toasting to the grand mexican adventure we just stop it dad the big dude from the viking show is just like duh could you believe it that i need therapy maybe we could do a group session sometime isn't that something like my god i had no no clue that viking show just accepted

any white piece of paper that walked in the room. I was going to say the jealousy is starting to seep in here, Eric, a little bit. Just a little bit. I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying it's seeping in. But, but Chris, this guy fucking sucks in this movie. I agree. Yeah.

The funny thing I'd be upset if there was a TV show about swarthy, creepy weirdos, and I wasn't invited. Maybe you'll find a British documentary soon that I'll call you out. The weird thing about that line, though, but with the theory, is he's saying like hey guys so I'm in therapy for my problems and it's really helping and my therapist thinks it would be helpful to me yes if we did a group session and they're like yeah sure definitely not fuck that guy like wow way to stand by your partner I couldn't even tell like are they doing this like oh no look it's 2020 the world has changed therapy is fine that's cool man are they trying to do a wishy-washy bullshit message like that or is just a straight-up joke you know It's a straight-up joke because they say yes, most definitely. And the second he turns around, they all do a like, we're going to look to the side and be like, what's with that guy? Yeah, it's a Herman's head joke.

Crazy. What did you say, Steve? It's a Herman's head joke. It's like a 90s therapy. Uh-oh. So, and I mean, they don't say because I think some lawyer from Paramount was like, all right, I'm watching the scene. If somebody says family is everything, I will see. sue. Okay, then I would say it. Yep. Yeah. Family. Oh, God. Family is all. Can we, can we sue for that?

Family is all. I do think family is mentioned a few times. It is. It's just, it's reprehensible. But Rita has been promoted to the new captain, so she's taking up the Joey Pants mantle here for the MOTV show. And again, though, like this is another, Martin Lawrence is like, all right. like I listen I'm in it Will Smith is like listen man you help me out if you want to retire yada yada and he's like

nope I'm back in it don't worry about it Mike Lowry to the end I'm with it and I'm like let this poor man ease into retirement it is just insane and like by the time they get this next one out if the two of them are even in it and it's not just the ammo show I have no idea

I didn't even know a fourth movie was greenlit like Martin Lawrence is going to be 60 years old probably like come on he's only three years older than will smith but he had a different kind of path there but even but even still and i totally agree with you he should just be retired and just stop it already well you know if we're doing indiana jones at 95 years old we're doing bad boys all the way up too and i don't want that either no i don't let that poor man fucking retire yeah it's so dumb um but yeah so then yeah this is what chris you were talking about like

Martin Lawrence and Teresa Will Smith gets him a gift certificate to go to a spa because of events previously in the film to say sorry

and you know it's like uh-oh Will Smith's babysitting the kids he's like yeah me and the ammo team

got it and Rita's like wow you look really good holding that baby ooh shit my loins the other thing

is there is Marcus and his wife going to the spa means they're also going to fuck. Yes, because they had some time away because that's a whole thing about like, you know, Will Smith's making

fun of them like, oh, you've been married for 26 happy years, huh? When was the last time? You had six. And also and also as if it's 1995 all over again, Viagra jokes, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, hell yeah. Gotta get them in there. That's still

fucking funny after 25 years. You've been married for 20 years. Do you even still kill people and dismember them and get rid of the evidence at night? no but i am still going to the morgue and touching dead tits like the last you changed man wait you're touching dead tits but you're not killing them first weird that's stolen valor dude that's sick that's sick i tell you um and that's the end of the

movie with two dumb ass like back to back almost like not i'm not even going to say like midroll it's like the movie ends the credits start stop immediately for this stinger scene of will smith visiting armando in jail and it's like clearly armando is like warmed to him a little bit will smith is holding a file and you know armando's like i'm doing all right in here you know doing my time it's going to be a long time and then will smith is like say what if it wasn't as much time are you interested ass sequel setup of some kind there and then we're putting it

I thought it was the start of a gag reel right here it's just and I want to make sure did you guys all have this with the Martin Lawrence bit yes would you fuck a witch without a condom and then this poor guy is like I would not and he goes he would not Mike that is the

last exchange of dialogue in this movie I did not even notice you know what I watched the the in jail sequence and I was like all right turn that TV off yes yeah we cut back to the airplane for no reason it's just it's like one joke that was just so damn good we need it's one more witch joke which you needed and you know just put it in with the rest of them exactly if you love it so much it's like two seconds the movie's already two hours and four minutes just dump it in the back with the rest of the airplane humor i hate the armando stinger like just fucking end the movie like if you're gonna redeem him redeem him the next movie which you will which also is a very fast and furious thing like oh you can kill her best friends but oops now you're you're popular enough now you're part of the team that's a fucking dipshit shaw hubs and shaw thing or whatever yeah so like like that's

fine just do that in the next movie you know what i mean like do that work that seemed to be the first scene in your next movie at the very least at the end of this movie like the bad guy's been taking care of got it i would have preferred him as like the hannibal lector get he's the villain now like they spent an hour fucking around and doing jack shit in the start of this movie do that at the start of your next movie and set up Armando the greatest guy that ever lived and here's the thing about this setup

right like this kind of a just little button on the end of your movie kind of scene works for like is it the end of the first X-Men movie where he's in the plastic prison you should have killed me when you had the chance

Charles that whole thing well yeah well he doesn't do that but it's them playing chess at the beginning at the end of the X-Men movie whatever it is but that scene, right? And that works because it's two huge stars and there's like something. This is Will Smith and just some other dude that I don't care about. You know what I mean?

Like it doesn't have the same weight to it. No one was like, oh, awesome. They're going to work together in another movie or what, you know, whatever that is. Wait a second. Wait a second. Armando? Armando's coming back. Holy shit.

Sign me up. Oh man. Armando just joined ammo. folks, holy fuck. Oh, man. Twist. Better jerk off into my mouth because Armando fucking joined ammo. Holy shit. I enjoyed bad boys

for life. Oh, fuck. And that is the end of this movie. Would anyone recommend it? No. Yeah, I just, I mean, what I liked about the first movie, which I've not seen the second movie. I mean, I grew up on bad boys.

Like, that was a movie that I, as a kid, I love. Fat kid in basketball shorts, I think I say that in our episode on Patreon. But, like, I just, I grew up on that movie. I watched it a billion times. And I loved A, the interplay, B, the jokes, and see the action. And none of that's here. It's just where it's the Will Smith show.

And Will Smith doesn't even care that much. So it's a big no for me. Steve, can I ask you what the hell you were doing in July of 2003 that you didn't see the second movie? If you were such a big bad boys one day? I don't know. I just, I smelled it coming a mile away. I was like, nah. Got it.

Eric, I think I know which way the wind's blowing with you, buddy. Yeah, no, it's a no for me. But by the way, I mean, again, I'm reiterating, dude, it's totally cool to like this movie, man. I think it's awesome. No, but in all seriousness, it's totally fine to like it.

I don't. I think it's boring and tedious. I even think, you know, the action scenes just started to gleam over as being repetitive. I just think the magic is gone. So it's a note for me. Chris Cab. the bad boys for life stands are still going to come for you, Eric, so just

prepare the onslaughting hordes. The quiver is in the bow or whatever archery. Indeed. No, don't see this. This is terrible. We did miss one, happy Anderson from Mind Hunter is in this for one thing. Oh, right, the coked out of Ken. And he says something about like fast food, fuck your face or something like that. And that, that line just stuck with me. Oh, I will fast

food fist. That's, yes, there we go. That's just, that's poetry, really. The other thing I have to say is this team is next going to do the new Beverly Hills cop. So say goodbye to that. Welcome to Garbageville. They got a, they got a,

what are we doing there? Axel Foley Jr. Or is it a reboot? I think it's him. I think it's Eddie Murphy. Oh, it's Eddie? I think he's back. Because for a while, wasn't it supposed to be like his kid and it was going to be like Lamorne Morris or something? They've been trying. to get this fucking fourth Beverly Hills

Cot movie made for so long at this point every there were aliens at one point like there was vampires I'm sure like at every point they had some different version

of how this would work and they just until thou I think I think the the also that franchise as well as this franchise can be really heightened especially in the comedy realm

by people born in the late 1980s that don't that didn't speak English until recently I think it's going to be great. Well, I will say, since it's these guys doing it, I will call it right now. Judge Reinhold's getting one in the neck. Oh, I've into that.

Dude, oh, you just sold the ticket. You sold one ticket and I take back everything I said. You know what, though? It'll be a CGI square. Yeah. I'll have a problem with it. Yeah, I guess, you know, if you're a huge fan of the Bad Boys franchise and you haven't watched it yet, I mean, yeah, watch it because you might like it, right?

it's literally 50-50 I will say the first time I watched this movie it was kind of like right when it hit VOD because I think this was another one of those movies where it was like yes it came out in January but like uh-oh

the pandemic let's rush and get it on PVD a little faster and we watched it because like Chelsea grew up in Miami so you know we wanted to check out like what they were doing with filming the city and everything and I thought it was like okay like I didn't hate it. I don't hate it now, but watching

it a second time, I was like, this just is not a bad boys movie. I just I had way more problems with it this time, but really, this whole notion of like, we're dragging up, you know, it's a sequel from shit you haven't seen in almost 20 years and we have to

assign a little squad of newbies to them. I don't like this. Like, if you're doing that, you need to have some people that can carry a movie on their own. Like, When you're casting for that, it's like, all right, it's going to be this, like, bullshit, you know, young blood squad thing. Let's cast people.

And if you look at just that cast, could that make an interesting movie? And that's not the case with these people. They're all just not great. I know Vanessa Hudgens is huge and everything, but, like, not great. I mean, she's good, but, like, all you have her doing is be like, oh, my guy, it's Mike Lowry and Marcus Bernier. It's, yeah, the fan girl part of it. of it is dumb. So I would not recommend it to people like just

looking at the franchise for the first time or something like that. Because it's a shell of what it was. And man, if you are making bad boys too look awesome, that's a problem. Oh man, but that is Bad Boys for Life directed by Adiel

and Balal. I guess we'll see them with Beverly Hills Cop. Maybe. I don't know. Hopefully not. If you want more we hate movies, though, of course. Check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. we got a lot of exclusive content on there this month including a we love movies episode all about birds of prey

we got what star wars holiday special Lego edition for animation damnation we got our good friend Mr. Bones on the Gleap Glouclery oh right snap Wexley's droid that he put real bones on for some reason that's right and we're back to the regular schedule on the Nexus which is our Star Trek

recap podcast. We talk about an episode of the original series and the next generation. Back to back every episode, there's been a lot of them over 50 now. Crazy shit. You know, if you haven't signed up to that eighth level, there's also commentary tracks. There's diehard Mentary came out recently. Commandamentary, the Twilight series. There's a lot to explore on that Patreon page. That's right. So if you are just finding us here now, because you're

a fan of bad boys. Sorry. Thanks for tuning in, but check out that other stuff too, right? Now, as always here on We Hate Movies, next Tuesday, there will be a brand spanking new episode ready for you all to download. And Steve Sadek, we're not in

worst of 2020 month anymore. So what is going on for the first episode of February 2021? Much like the Catholic Church, we go to regular time, or ordinary time, they call it. Ordinary time, which is February and we're kicking it off. Miyagi, please show yourself. It's Karate Kid

part two. Oh shit. And you know, I'm confident not counting the remake, this covers the original franchise. We'll have done episodes on all four Mr. Miyagi. That's correct. Yeah. Movies. Yeah. And you know, Cobra Kai came out recently, season three. So, I mean, are you Kai Heads? That's right. You tune in next week. Is that what fans of Cobra Kai are called Kai Heads? That's what I just said. I hope so. Well, you know what, dude, I think we should get it started on the internet if that's not the case. But until next week, when we settle a blood feud with Karate Kid Part 2, I'm Andrew Juppin. Stephen Seda. Eric Sisker.

Chris Gavin. Take it easy. That was a headgum podcast.